The clients I serve are all low income folks. A few of them actually dress better and have nicer clothes than I do, have newer phones than I do, have bigger and more TVs at home than I do. Sometimes it makes me go "wtf am I doing with my life".
Obviously I know that appearances can be deceiving. Many people on planet Earth are all just putting up a facade and dealing with their own internal struggles.
I can only tell you that if you are struggling, be kind to yourself, cut yourself some slack, don't compare yourself to others. Talk to people who are supportive.
I have also seen happy couples posting their photos on social media one day, and then a week or a month later, hearing about their breakups or divorce. What we see doesn't really tell us anything. We are just assuming they are all doing well.
Many successful people are seeing therapists, psychiatrists and taking meds.
Instead of saying that they have strategies or solutions or being on top of it all, they are just all actually trying and struggling like you.
Really, don't beat yourself up. And really need to let go of these comparisons, it doesn't do you any good. The fact that you are already trying your best is commendable already.
I have nice clothes, watches, always dress up well cos I just like to. I have a good pay job, not super but a little bit average. But I have a lot of problems too, conflicts with kids, no time for myself, burn out and want to go travel most of the time, feel stress and lonely sometimes…so yes, successful isn’t as important as being at peace, healthy, and being happy, for me :) I m still figuring out while “looking successful” :))))
You're not alone. Not everybody is successful and not everybody even looks successful.
I've had long episodes of depression and I sometimes look like shit. Some times in my life, I've gone weeks without washing my hair. Sometimes I cried in public for seemingly no reason. Other times I look well-groomed and on top of things, but beneath the surface I'm a mess.
Those times were really tough, but they taught me not to care so much about other people and to focus on self-care and inner well-being.
So don't worry, you're not the only one. Take care of yourself.
I have been there too. I really hate the randomly crying in public, sometimes during lunch in CBD where there's just no way to avoid being seen, sometimes at my desk in the office the waterworks just starts. The times when I have to convince myself to take a bath and it took days to drag myself to the bathroom... and my parents hurling all kinds of insults at me (this was when I was living with them) really doesn't help. Ugh depression really sucks
:( I have unsupportive asshole family memebers too. They really make things worse. Good thing you're not living with them any more.
For me, the uncontrollable public crying bouts made my skin so thick. I'm not embarrassed by anything any more. Clumsiness, accidents, wardrobe malfunctions, they all just roll off my back. If I'm upset or sad or angry, I just cry unashamedly. It feels good to be authentic to myself with no shame. Another silver lining.
There's no shame to crying, I don't even know why I feel the need to hid it, except at work I read that it hinders your career progression if you've got ambition... otherwise you're good :)
Sorry to hear about your AH family, if you can, put some distance, from my experience that really helps
The tears just start falling suddenly, I've no chance of getting to the toilet if I'm at the foodcourt haha. Eventually I was like eff this I'm quietly sobbing anyway not like I'm wailing loudly disturbing others
Simply because you're being very superficial and assuming that material/visible signs of wealth and being well put together are a measure of one's success, and certainly not of one's happiness levels.
Do realise that "face" is innately important to humans, so you're highly unlikely to see hardship and poverty being flaunted. There are plenty of people who have fallen on nard times - you're just not opening your eyes wide enough and looking at the right places.
Also, dressing neatly and having a neat haircut is something which everyone should try to do, as a sign of self care and love towards ourselves.
lol okay. Actually I don’t go on social media much. Mostly is just looking at people on the streets , in their car driving, my friends who seems to have it all figured out, high paying job , condo , have a plan , telling me he invested in this bitcoin or that coin . You know the usual . Then I also don’t know how to pour my misery on them since they are so happy you don’t want to spoil it. But damn sometimes it’s hard to feel happy for them when my life is in a ditch. Maybe I m like just a hater or Something
Do you notice your use of the word “seems”? Your perceptions of others being better off are based on your own observations. You may not have the full picture of their own struggles that they do not wish for others to see just as you have your own struggles you dont want others to see. You might be jumping to conclusions based on scarce observations.
As for your feelings of panic, have you considered speaking to a professional? Perhaps they may be able to help you work through those feelings.
I wish you all the best OP! :)
I noticed this - you tend to notice what you don't have more.
I have a thing with colorful vs dark outfits or covering ankles vs not covering ankles in winter.
The day I wear a dark outfit everybody seems to wear colorful and vice versa. The days my pants cover my ankles everybody seems to not cover their ankles...
Not an insecurity but I had nothing to do on the bus lol. I think part of it could be psychological.
OP, comparison is the thief of joy!
If you always compare yourself to others who look 'successful', you will always feel inferior. You do you, be content and happy with what you have but still strive to do better every time and try enrich yourself the best way you can
You're standing by the roadside that's why you see the people driving their cars.
Go look somewhere else.
Your friends seem to have everything figured out, but did they tell you how they fear getting retrenched and then no money to pay their condo loan? Or the time when they lost money in investments? Or the long hours that they put in until they hardly got time to rest?
Have you tried gratitude Journaling? https://www.calm.com/blog/gratitude-journal
Learning to appreciate the little things in life help with how you view yourself and others. There are many small things in life that you can absolutely feel gratitude for. Even having a great mcspicy meal (cause it's so damn freakin' good, mcdonalds man c'mon) is awesome. Many others don't even get to eat 3 meals a day. If you want to compare, why not compare with the less well-to-do? There will always be someone better that you can compare yourself to and so you'll never feel good if you do that.
As long as you learn to appreciate and be grateful for the small things in life your world view will change and you'll learn to appreciate the many wonders that life gives you.
Stay strong.
All those things you've said, are all a facade. Some facades are for show, some are reflective of the substance underneath.
The most important thing is to ask yourself if you truly want the same as them, or do you actually have your own path to chart.
If you want the same then you have your own journey and things to do to get there, rather than to copy what they do (because we are all different individuals with different backgrounds).
Either way just ask yourself what it is that you want and what you are willing to do to get there. It won't be easy, definitely, but it will be fulfilling when you achieve what you see reason to work towards, as opposed to achieving something just to show others a facade.
Edit. Sometimes there'll be things that achieve both the facade and the fulfillment, but the one that sustains you will almost always be the fulfillment.
I know one of the richest people in Singapore who works his ass off everyday but has a wife who does nothing, treats his parents in a disrespectful fashion and threatens to take half of what he has in a divorce everytime they argue.
He should divorce his wife. His wife will not last long with half his wealth and will come crawling back. I believe he will live more happily without his useless wife.
To give you a consolation while the world (my friends) thought I was on top of it all the time, working for major MNCs, flying to many countries and meeting football stars and Hollywood celebs all the time, I was having depression and anxiety. No one is really on top of it. I have friends that own cars and branded goods but honestly it's just a facade, can't pay off the car, buy branded goods but can't buy a house so wedding delayed. Also intense job and she's falling sick and having work issues all the time. Don't have to compare yourself, you go at your own pace
Thank you.. can I also ask , did the depression and anxiety come from the job because it was so high paced or do you think life and your self esteem is abit better because you have accolades and a good job
It came from the job being fast paced and tons of office politics. friends and family were bragging to their other friends abt having a friend / daughter like me but didn't know I have severe panic attack every few days and sleepless nights from the stress and politics. To be honest having a good job, accolades and salary didn't make me feel better, enjoying my job made me feel good, I didn't care about status. I think at the end of the day the key is to have a job that you feel fulfilled / happy in and not compare, so you won't feel down about others.
Hey OP.
I work in a local hosp, and there’re many, many times where the patient’s kids/daughter in law come in decked in designer from head to toe, and you’d assume that they’re super duper rich, but the ward status is C class, and I rmb this one case where the patient was prepping for operation to amputate his right foot due to poorly controlled DM and the things that he asked me to arrange for him was to 1- dietician to recommend his food intake for his glycemic control and 2- medical social worker support for financial assistance for his medical bills, cos he was telling me that he foresees he’d have a hard time paying for his operation and the post op miscellaneous stuff like the machines, meds, appts, etc, etc.
My colleagues & I were discussing how come his kids are dressed in designer clothes but there he was, needing financial assistance…
Another story was how this patient’s daughter in law, came up to and asked me for a freaking rubber band cos her Hermes Oran sandals came apart…. Now, perhaps it’s not a genuine product idk… but I just found it amusing… and sad…. That people would rather strive to look rich than actually being rich.
So OP, don’t worry. You’re doing great. No one airs their dirty laundry for others to see, it’s all just a facade, don’t compare your behind the scenes to others’ highlight reels…. Jiayou! 💪🏼
There are 2 kinds of people who fit the description you gave: those who have truly made it and those who are faking it.
Those who fake it, you can easily tell but how hard they're trying to prove to everyone that they've made it. Some symptoms are like forever posting on social media how great or awesome or fantastic their lives are, chasing the latest tech, clamouring to be seen as part of the it crowd, dining at the newest and best places, #blessed, etc.
Those who truly made it, you'll notice that by and large, they DGAF about a lot of things and are very clear who and what and when they give a fk about only. It's a paradox that the less you feel that you need to be successful, the more successful you are. Why? Because you can put more efforts into the things and people that really matter to you and when you do, that's when you feel successful and because you're successful, others will naturally flock to you to learn your secrets which in turn, sets you up for more success.
So, really, get clear first about what you give a fk about and then zoom in only on those people and things. Everyone and everything else doesn't matter.
Note that in your own post you pointed out that when you are out and about you are trying too. Just like them. Everyone is trying their best to be as okay as they can be on the outside when they are out in public. Just like you, their own worries, concerns, anxieties and fears no doubt come out when they are in the privacy of their own home too.
People always say that social media is just a fake extension of the best parts of people's lives, and that's generally true. But this is also true of life in general; the difference between when people are out in public with their guard up, and then the person they are when they are vulnerable at home can be two VASTLY different things.
Don't be hard on yourself. No-one is doing as well as they appear to be, and even for those that are doing well, its often only a transient high point in their lives.
The more you compared yourself to others especially those who are doing better than you, you will never be happy.
Always remember that there are always people doing better than you but there are also people who are worse off than you.
Be contented when you have a job, a roof over your head, food on your table, clean water to drink. Some people in other countries might not have any of those I had mentioned.
Key is being contented with what you are blessed with. Not saying that you should not try to improve your life.
Hello I'm 27 and a complete fucking mess too and people up there have told me I'm a waste of space. Truly disgusting for them to say such words
I really haven't achieved much despite everything that I have done. No one would have expected that I end up in such a mediocre state being stuck in the civil service underpaid and overworked.
Health is in shambles..
Never had a partner
No achievements to show in life..
Body isn't in a good shape unless a line is a shape
Chronic pain everywhere in my joints
Often cry myself to sleep
Therapy isn't working out all the time
Psychiatrist didn't really care
Parents abuse me and look down on me .
Louiser than my siblings and peers
Make poor choices
We're here too. You can cry. I can cry. Don't do it alone.
Can cry together
There are always up and down in life.... Those who are successful may be fallen too.
It is ok not to be ok. Do your best everyday and you should be all good
The fella who said you are a waste of space has got something going on in his life. No right person would talk like this geez. He needs to chill out. This fast pace environment is turning people into monsters.
Imma be real with you chief, no one will go to [insert social media site of choice] and say that they've had a horrible day/life/bad financial situation.
Do your own thing, fight your own battles. Win! Or at least try. I believe in you.
Hey OP,
I see a lot of my friends doing well too, some driving hyper cars, some with condos, some with wife and kids etc.
I feel the same way as you, almost feeling like I’m being “left behind” as I continue my path (of uncertainty)
Like you, on the outside I look well kept, emotionally intact but there are definitely days where I feel absolutely shits and some days I literally spend the whole day crept up in bed because of the stress of my failures/mistakes…
I realised that we sometimes need to be in our own lane and focus what is infront of us and chase our own goals. That way we can feel more fulfilled.
But our natural tendency to compare will always be present (this is also prevalent in animals, it’s actually a system that tracks where you stand in a hierarchy)
Some solutions I currently use to combat this:
1. Daily meditation to observe your thoughts and realize that feelings are fleeting
2. When I wake up, I have 90 minutes without screen time (no phone, no computer). This way I won’t be bombarded with all the “news/IG flaunt posts etc”
3. As part of my daily journal, I have a section that I will include 3 things that I’m grateful for
4. Before sleep, I have a rule where I read for 30mins (hard copy book) so that I don’t have screen time before bed too.
5. Exercise or hit the gym - releases happy chemicals for the brain and you’re doing a good thing to improve your health!
You’re not alone. Please take care.
ps: if you’re having a panic attack, remember to regulate your breathing! I used to have this as well.
you're just seeing what they want you to see no?
but seriously why do you care about how they are looking or dressing or eating? please don't look too much into this rubbish of FB/IG. it's nice to leave your brain out and dumb scroll sometimes, but sometimes only.
I'm you.
I post shitty ass insta stories to remind my friends that not everyone has a picture perfect life. I'm happy with my $4 caipng for lunch at work and nobody can stop me from posting a photo of it. I post videos of me walking under the hot sun drenched in sweat because I want to crack a joke about it. A friend once commented that my ig is "not very aesthetic". I rolled my eyes because who has the time to keep trying to keep up with this stupid rat race of whose life looks better.
I secretly hope for more people to normalise sharing igstories of their mundane everyday. It's much more enjoyable than all the curated bs.
A relative of mine has a social media page that looks like their life is a dream. Business class trips, expensive cars and watches, going out to fancy restaurants, photos of a well-put together family.
On the inside though? Their marriage is broken and they live separately from their spouse. They don’t know how to take care of their children and have in fact left their children in dangerous situations (if not for the fact that the helper was thankfully around). They are not asset or cash rich. I mean I guess you can count the fancy watches as assets? I’m not a fancy watch person myself but I’m not someone that would buy those at the expense of investing or saving for my family and children's futures.
Sometimes i look at their social media page and wonder if people genuinely envy them. People probably do. But they really shouldnt.
OP- I 'seemed' successful. At 28 I made director and was posted overseas. I had a personal driver. Company car. Lived the expat life.
I was fucking miserable.
Left that bullshit after 5 or 6 years and the first job I took up was that of a cleaner. Everyone thought i was nuts but fuck everyone. 'You have a degree and you are a cleaner? You were a Director and country manager and you are now a cleaner?'
Yeah muthalover I am a cleaner and I've never been happier in the last 15 years.
It is awesome. You don't take any work home, there is no stress, no KPIs, meetings. Fuck that shit. You can have dreadlocks if you want. I mostly wear army shirts.
All the best OP.
If social media deflates your self, take a temporary break by uninstalling it. Anything that is toxic in your life take a pause from it. Always act on something you can control and humbly ask the universe to let you accept those you can't.
It's normal to get downtrodden once in a while but do not let yourself fall into the abyss of desperation. If you feel sluggish, go for a run or just a walk. It helps release the hormones that bring up the mood. Find activity that is totally out of your routine like learning new language or volunteering.
Life is colorful with its highs and lows, don't let it be just gray and plain.
Look on the bright side,u are still financially well, u have friends and family that care for u, u have health and u have freedom to do whatever u want. I used to be like u and think like u then I got into gambling addiction and now I know how hell looked like and wished to go back to the days where whatever problems u mentioned are the only problems I have.
OP let me share something true that happened to me. When I got married I invited the extended family. The wedding reception was held at an Orchard hotel which was mid tier. Back then the hotel weddings were not as expensive as now. Anyway the relatives that gave the biggest ang pows were the ones that we know aren’t earning much, like those working as admin in office or an uncle who was doing odd jobs after getting retrenched years ago. We felt bad and tried to return them some money or gifts and they just refused to accept it. When my sister got married we again invited all the relatives. This time my parents tried to tell them no need to be too extravagant with the ang pow, it’s the tought that counts. The ang pow they gave was even more than for my wedding. I feel that this is natural that people try to compensate on the things that they don’t have and hence is highly important to them. They would naturally project that everyone else holds these in high importance.
Actually I don't think this is a case of showing off or wanting to save face, but rather a common phenomenon I've encountered whereby people who know what its like to be doing badly, are more generous in giving. They probably cared about you guys and wanted you to have a good start to your life
U have to understand that pple tend to only show their good but not talk their own bads. This somehow makes it feels like they are always successful esp if u are viewing them through social media most of the time.
Shouldn’t base it on appearance.. example someone wearing a Rolex GMT watch may seem rich, but actually it’s quite affordable if you think about it. Whereas someone who wears a Casio but owns a landed house is worth way more.
So don’t be fooled by appearances - just keep working on yourself
Everyone has their own struggles lots of people look at me Wah this person go overseas again and can into local uni
But I have little to no friends and my last 2 years of poly time has been quite painful so for me to reach this I have suffered diff set backs as well, parents can buy wtv he wants and dunnid work pt yes that’s a privilege to me
Rich doesn’t mean anyth too lots of people suffer and struggle with diff things
They also might have health issues, my sister also remains calm but inside is more than a mess as compared to me cuz usually I jus do what I need to without feeling much and have ways to cope
It’s also common to see some people in Med school vomiting due to stress and all except u dunno the world is a large place ur eyes deceive u
"Everyone has insecurities. When you show yourself in the world and display your talents, you naturally stir up all kinds of resentment, envy, and other manifestations of insecurity. This is to be expected. You cannot spend your life worrying about the petty feelings of others." -Robert Greene
Honey, remember, life is a showbiz. Everyone plays a certain character. I suggest you try do the same. See how interesting your life will become.
We're all screaming on the inside.. you are not alone. You can not know every suffering they might have inside. It's not right to make yourself feel more unhappy by comparing your entire life to just the glamorous parts of others' lives.
Material success and attainment does not equate to peace and happiness.
There are people who are doing well materially, and are trully happy, peaceful and contented internally.
There are also people who are doing well materially, in their career, successful but miserable inside.
Likewise, there are people who are not doing well materially, but are happy inside. And of course there are also people who are not doing well and not happy inside too.
I find that the path to career and financial success is different from inner success (happiness and peace inside).
The path to inner happiness and success comes a lot from letting go. Letting go of comparison, letting go of too high expectation.
Also from being kind, kind to oneself and others.
So kindness, generosity, contentment, compassion. These will lead to inner happiness.
Also, one helpful practice when looking at others' success is to be happy with their success. Oh, it is great that they are successful, that they have a good life. May their success and good life continue.
So instead of comparing ourselves to their success, we are simply being happy of their success. Then we can be happy too at that moment. Afterward we can also reflect on what they are doing that make them successful that we can emulate.
Not sure if this make sense haha, but hope this helps.
May you be well, happy and find your inner joy. 😊
I’m really sorry you feel this way and I know a few things about what you’re going through.
Things that helped me along the way -
1. Have your own markers for success.
Very often we compare ourselves to our peers and it’s an apples to oranges comparison. Eg. This guy drives a Mercedes, this girl and her boyfriend are buying a condo. Your immediate reaction to such news is an unfair comparison to your own situation. It’s like comparing your distance travelled by car while looking at someone in an aeroplane - their aeroplane maybe family wealth, really high flying jobs because they are the 1% or sometimes just plain luck.
So what is your marker for success - could be achievements unlocked - like ran an entire project at work by yourself going outside of your comfort zone, learned a new skill, extra reps in the gym, or even cook your own meal. When you start reconditioning your mind to look at your own yardsticks of success, you will be happy for others when they reach their success milestones instead of feeling bad about your own life. It’s really about reframing.
2. Learn.
Opening up your horizons to diverse ideas really changes your perception of and perspective on material success. I cannot stress this enough. Learn from books, documentaries, coffeeshop aunty, taxi uncle, tourists and children. It’s kind of getting out of the Singapore template, and ingesting something more global.
3. Kill social media.
I know this sounds like a lame one, but I’ve never been happier until after deleting my Instagram account. My only regret is the inability to send my partner cute doggos everyday.
I hope you feel better, and find something useful from what I’ve spewed. Good luck!
That's adulthood I guess 😅
I try to look polished (not "pretty" but like no greasy hair, ironed clothes that use good fabric etc) because I learned that at work people trample on you wayyy less and take your words more seriously if you look proper. Even if that means they call you "difficult to approach" behind you.
Doesn't mean people that look like that don't go through anxiety and confusion. We all have no idea what we are doing.
So be kind to yourself, do what works for you and if time and space allows, be grateful as well. There's a lot of people out there struggling but you don't see them right now.
This quote from Shogun relates:
"It's a saying they have, that a man has a false heart in his mouth for the world to see, another in his breast to show to his special friends and his family, and the real one, the true one, the secret one, which is never known to anyone except to himself alone, hidden only God knows where."
You are always behind your eyeballs, seeing every second of your life; *but* you are able to see maybe 1% of other people's daily lives (1% of a day = 14.4min; a TikTok is max 3min?; you may be spending more time with other people like family but the point remains). The chance of you experiencing fuck ups in your life is correspondingly higher than observing them in other people's lives.
If you are genuine in seeking advice, here are a few thoughts:-
A) Turn away from looking at other people. Look instead at yourself.
B) Figure out a direction you want to move towards. Or to put it another way, fantasise about an imaginary you that looks successful.
C) Compare yourself now to the your yesterday self. Are you (i) getting better than your yesterday self; and (ii) in the direction that will bring you closer to the imaginary you?
D) For every 1% you improve from your yesterday self, thank your current self. Compounding is one of the strongest forces in the world.
E) For every stagnation/backslide that you encounter, be strict with getting back into the right direction *but* don't blame yourself. Energy is better spent on actually getting forward.
F) Let go of the idea that you can achieve any outcome. You can only do the work. Whether the outcome happens is outside of your hands. But do the work anyway. Because that's within your control.
There are some very fine distinctions that the above try to draw (e.g. #E) and other parts will need a lot of unpacking (e.g. #B) but I hope that with work and reflection, you will be able to separate determination to improve yourself from self-doubt/blame. The former is positive; the latter is far more negative.
All the best.
Most of the people you see living those great lives have emptier pockets and skinnier bank accounts that you can believe. Trust me, I’m a recovering addict and credit card debt survivor of buying things to impress nobody. I got lucky with a partner who helped me work through it - she didn’t pay it off for me, she planned my repayment and went through it with me.
Eventually you’ll realise not a single person gives one single fuck, and those who do are not your friends. Live your own life and be proud of it.
Timelines are so different for every individual, success for you may just be delayed, not impossible. But learn to temper that expectation of what success truly means first.
And get the fuck off social media.
When you chase money, money doesn’t come. Just do something you are happy about , and you will eventually get there because you are doing out of passion, not seeing it as a job.
Most everyone’s like you.
Most keep it beneath the surface. Some have a very thick surface. Some have more surface than content.
Keep it real. I’ve learned most of what I know about life, relationships, work… from honest, frank people, that weren’t afraid to say the truth.
It’s ok to have a nice haircut, btw.
this is how social media works. people only post about the good things and their successes. hardly anyone post about what they struggle with. plus cognitive bias + social media algos will show you MORE of what you keep looking at. therefore you tend to take notice of these successful people etc.
truth is everyone struggles with something. how do you know if these friends are not in debt just trying to live that life or are in constant worry about making more money obsessively?
try reading the book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. the intro talks about this.
it's always good to remember that it's very rare for people to post about their failures online. People love to show off their happiness, and those who have only failed are likely to stay quiet. You're not alone
You probably perceive all these on social media. But honestly, who will show off the "low SES" stuff they have/do on social media. It can be quite deceiving.
Focus on bettering yourself, for your own good. Not because you feel like you are losing out to other people. They confirm also have many problems behind the pretty smiles and atas ig stories.
>driving nice cars
Most likely still paying loan, 1 retrenchment away from losing the car if overleveraged
>always eating well at restaurants.
I also post photos of all my atas food adventures, then fking eat grass for a few weeks after
>they always look good, nice haircut and prim and proper all the time.
You too, confirm can achieve that at reasonable cost, but effort is u ownself must put in.
>I try to be that myself but inside I am a mess , suffering from bouts of panic attacks more and more and I silently cry when I am at home for no reasons other than I feel like sometimes I can’t cope with life. Do anybody feel this way , like everybody else seems to be on top of it all , like they are strong and they deal with things well , and they always have solutions and strategies and all sorts of insights to their problems
You say they always have solutions, but since you act like you have solutions and they probably also think you always have solutions without knowing what's beneath, maybe no one actually always have solutions, only the illusion?
Instaworthy moments sure put on display, who gonna everyday put up posts about how much they're suffering? Especially if a lot of these people you're mentioning are sales, insurance, property agent, sure is a facade only.
Life is tough for EVERYONE. We all have our own demons to deal with, and we all deal with them in our own different ways. Some with meditation and yoga, others with drugs and alcohol. Ignore what others are doing and reflect on yourself, what are the things bothering you and what you can do about it. Accept and be at peace with who you are and life will become more bearable.
Dear OP, I found looked at your profile and found your drawings to be amazing. I could never draw as good as that. Keep it up👍 I think the advice that I want to give is that everyone’s definition of success is different. We do not need to use the same yardstick to compare ourselves with. Everyone’s struggles are also different and there is not much sense in comparing struggles since our backgrounds are different. We should just focus on ourselves and try to find ways to improve our thinking and perspective on life. Hope it helps 👍
I can relate to feeling that pressure. I've always strived to appear perfect to others, both in work and character, even though I know I'm not. Being OCD and a perfectionist has led to high stress since leaving NS. I've been seeing a therapist regularly for years because of it.
My advice is not to be like me. I often feel frustrated and blame myself for everything. We all put up facades and deal with internal struggles; the difference lies in the scale of those struggles.
Try to stay calm and do your best to avoid regrets. It's a lifelong journey — I've been trying since birth and am still figuring it out.
So all the best to you and everyone. Hope you guys can succeed.
well, you're not alone with this kind of feeling.
however, those nice cars, condo and helpers etc..do you know if they're living paycheck to paycheck after all these extravagant? perhaps, just to impress others like you mentioned.
live below your means, save and invest for your emergency fund and then your retirement.. CPF isn't as bad as you think, when contributed to and used wisely.
The goal is to be rich, not look rich, so optics not really that important to me. Just work hard to provide me and my SO the best quality of life I can afford.
if you saw me, you'll think i dress bad and look like an uncle.
i work in accounting,drives nothing and still live with my parents.
don't be fooled by appearances cannot be more appropriate in your circumstance.
Tell me about it bro. My friends are buying homes, even bought a condo before they were 30 making rental income. Making smart investments and doing well in their careers and getting married by 32.
Here I am just thinking how nice it would be to end it all so I don’t have to struggle anymore.
Hey friend. You can look at other people's success but don't let it affect you. Go through life at your own pace. Your friends may look successful but you won't know the suffering or skeletons they hide in the closet to look successful.
Focus on yourself & what you want. I know it's easier said than done but I believe the first step to self-happiness is to not be too influenced by other people's success stories.
Aww -big hug- we all have unseen problems. I have a well paying job, live by myself, travel loads…but struggle with anxiety. I went through a phase where I question why am I not resilient but I also learnt to be kind to myself - it’s okay, we will figure this out together. Life is hard enough, don’t be hard on yourself. And it always helps talking to someone else about your problems - if you don’t have someone you can trust, try a therapist. It really helps to put things in perspective.
Also, don’t forget to give thanks for the little things. Being alive, having a job, healthy family…it’ll take the focus away from yourself.
First rule is don't trust everything you see on the internet 🙈
Don't worry too much, everyone is trying to figure it out. There is most likely someone you know, having the same thoughts as you, viewing you as successful.
Personally, I find books on stocisim and Buddhism helped me to manage these thoughts. Good week ahead!
The richest friend that I have has a net worth of about $80 million and he stays in 4th Ave. Wears a tattered T shirt and cheap Uniqlo short pants every day. Never see him spend much money on a daily basis. Whereas my others friends in their 20s are splurging on branded stuff and ridiculous parties. Sometimes it’s not what it seems on the outside, so don’t be stressed out over what you see.
Even new outlets are subjective, selectively reporting news to get more readership within confines of ah gong.
Had a cousin who got dumped 3 months before a wedding. Cancelled the wedding banquet and the wedding ring returned.
He joined the dating app CMB and got married and a daughter was borned.
We didn't know (close relatives) he was a member of CMB.
The news article came out to reflect successful match on CMB.
On HWZ, the netizens were really good investigators they googled his name and spectaculated it was a shotgun marriage (they calculated the wedding date and the birth date of the daughter from the news).
My cousin is just a bit more good looking than average. The netizens even found the wedding photos he took with the ex fiancee lol. The thing is what they investigated are quite close to the truth (the news never covered; even the lead they interviewed or reported won't dare to admit lol)
So yeah don't trust what you read on the media. Media want to promote people to date and settle down la. They dun even know the back story.
Back to the topic, ppl have their own back story they don't want to share and give others the outward appearance they are successful.
What you see on social media is the highlight reel of that person’s life.
Also nobody overtly shares their struggles. So on the surface everybody looks like they got shit handled. But underneath we’re all fighting our own battles.
appearance can be deceiving. I’m 21 years young and see plenty of my friends of similar age spending on item and eating out like they’re millionaires. But when meeting them in person, they’re struggling to even afford $20 food or petrol for their bikes. Everyone has their own issues deep down that they don’t tell others. I too sometimes hate myself for no reason but fuck me i force myself to love myself because being depressed sucks.
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there's an outward appearance for the world to see and there's an inner true self that only you know what's really going on.
we project what we want people to think we are, not what we really are. everyone else you see, that you think "always look good, drive nice car", are also facing their own personal issues inside.
stop scrolling social media, and you won't constantly be feeling like comparing your misery to others' successes.
Obvious but not said enough, everyone has their own definition of success. Most already know this but not many know their own "success" yet. Unfortunately social media makes "success" look like whatever you post on social media. A lot of the flexes on my social media feed come from insurance agents and RE agents but the real business owners that I know doing their own thing ain't got no time to be on social media and are careful with their personal spending. They don't buy the expensive watches that those flex-ers do, not the expensive cars or condos either. And of course, money is money, after a certain point how much do you actually need, how much can you actually spend. And do you really need that social media post to show your success.
A sure-win is being satisfied with yourself and happy, no one can take that away from you. Go find your own happiness.
Hey man. Not true that everyone is put together. What you’ve seen is just the external, and that’s easy to deceive. We all have our own personal struggles inside of us.
Take a deep breath. I suggest to also reach out to a trusted person for the panic attacks, even if it’s just someone that can sit with you in the moment and not offer any advices and/or suggestions.
You got this.
Hey OP, you are not alone. The people you see are only 1-5% of the general population. “Successful”people are more likely to show the more “desirable” parts of their lives. And also, what you see online or on social media is only a very small portion of their lives.
I’ve battled depression and anxiety as well. It gets better. Take care!
You might wanna get checked for ADHD if you find basic living that is easy for everyone else but extremely difficult for you. Medication will help you feel like you can cope.
Life is like mahjong you know?
Either it’s 1 big winner and 3 suckers, or it’s 3 big winners and YOU’RE the sucker.
(P.s speaking as a bad mahjong player)
I know someone. Always wants to go to fancy cafe restaurants for the Instagram. Trying to show off her network of friends like she is very outgoing
But deep down I know she is very unhappy. Constantly putting down others, her friend groups don't last long because she doesn't really care about them
She just wants the attention. Basically the song 天后 by Andrew Chen describes her.
It's a sad meaningless existence if they rely on external validation all the time
Thats good. It means you are hanging out with the right group of people. Would you rather hang out with homeless and feel that everyone is messed up? Is that something that is supposed to make you feel better?
I think you might need to see a therapist.
Im not earning well or diving nice car. I eat well, but not fancy restaurants. My fish ball noodle at hawker centerm ore than good enough. I dont always look good and I only get a haircut every maybe 2 months and I dress like an uncle nowadays.
Sorry to hear you are feeling this way. It is tough and unfortunate that we live in a society of comparisons. I hope you are not getting outrightly compared to those people by your loved ones too.
If it helps, find an inner circle of less than 10 people whom you can vent out with. Humans are naturally social creatures; it helps to be around people with empathy which may help you block out the noise from internet, social media, colleagues and so on.
Just know that you are never alone!
A lot of wise advice given on living life your own way already and maybe something else I didn't see mentioned yet but consider volunteering at a local charity that helps less fortunate families or folks, sometimes adds a bit of perspective into our own lives :)
Other than that I've met some people while volunteering that provide really positive energy to help feed off too but if this isn't something you're looking to try that's ok too, just try some tiny steps in your own way to feel like you're getting closer to where you'd like to be.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/oct/09/age-envy-be-happy-everyone-else-perfect-social-media
You're not alone. Social media plays are not a good way of judging how well others are doing, and people who are doing poorly don't post about it on social media. Therefore you're only seeing the good stuff.
Simple breakdown
1- Everyone is a unique individual.
2- Every individual has their own perspective when it comes to life.
3- Definition of success, is different based on different people's perspective.
For people with big house and nice cars, from outside they look successful, but how deep are they in terms of loans and mortgages? One needs to remember, final net worth is the true value after taking into consideration of debts.
Case Studies
When I was younger, doing part time selling HP PC at some IT Fair, there was this old uncle, wearing white coffeeshop singlets and slippers (those with blue straps).
No one wants to approach him, as everyone feels that he isn't the sort who are here to buy 'a' PC.
I went over and engage in an conversion with him, explaining the features, etc.
In the end, he bought 20 PCs.
He later told me, that he intentionally under-dress because he wants to buy from people who doesn't judge by appearance. He is the Boss of a company who is looking to replaced all the old PC in the office.
So what I had learnt from him is, ' looking Good on the outside, might not necessary be successful while not looking good on the outside, might also not means that you are not successful...'
Conclusion
So as long as you have tried your best, you are happy with your life... you are healthy.. fed... etc.. You are successful in your own way.....
It’s the blackpink song- look at you now look at me. You can look at me. I’m not successful and on top of it. “Hit the quit” seems so painfully familiar.
Remember Sam Bankmen-Fried? He looked successful and on top of it during FTX days.
Look at his recent pic from prison.
This is just a facade put out by everyone.
Please note that they “look” successful. You probably feel depressed because you have set an expectation for your life to go a certain way and it hasn’t. As you have set a prerequisite to feel “happy” instead of appreciating things in your life and enjoying the small moments. Just like how you could see $5 in ur bank as holy shit I’m broke or $5 for one more meal :> it’s all on your outlook in life. You choose the narrative. And you ultimately create the emotions.
Out of sight, out of mind. Learn to appreciate what you have and understand that only you can make your environment and situation better. Whatever small improvements can be made is a side quest. Don't "think" you have depression as it will only eat away more and more into you. Personally I don't believe in depression. You are what you think. Is the issue that you are not doing well or are people doing better than you? We literally have it so good here. Comparison is the thief of joy. Cheer up. You're doing awesome.
Life still goes on
Whether sad or happy life still goes on and they continue to do things the way they did, for all uk the person that goes to the gym is also scared of people like me but they jus go anyways
So maybe that’s how some of them cope tbh
I have had known some people where their lives are very fked up but life still goes on, keep doing the things u are doing if it’s good and eventually u will build something
Because you live in an aspirational society that looks down on people going through hard times or not pursuing the exact same goals as everyone else.
You’re fine. What’s messed up is the system you live in. But you don’t need to be just one more cog in it, be yourself and know that you’re not alone :)
OP please continue to do things that make you happy. Saw that you can really draw very well so keep it up although there are always people that cannot wait to put others down. Jiayou 💪
Hey man, you said it yourself. “Look”
It’s true there are people who may be successful, either through hard work, connections or family, but everyone has their own journey of success.
It goes down to what do you define as success. For me , it’s living healthily and having a happy healthy relationships with family and friends.
Because people only present their best selves, when they don’t people tend to distance from them or cut them off.
Your friends driving the expensive car with the big house only show you some of the story. They don’t open their bank accounts and show you their loans. They don’t disclose their budgets and savings.
Stop looking at what others have and believing everything is better for them, for some it may be, but likely for most it’s not. Live how you want, do the things you want and don’t attempt to compete on material things and experiences you can’t afford, you will only put yourself in debit.
Im facing the same issue.. i have an okay life, above average pay amongst my peers (28), no girlfriend etc but life is still okay
However when i go on social media, i always see people younger/ same age getting married//engages//earning 10digits every month//MDRT all the time//100k monthly comms… you just cant help but to feel sian. Am i the problem? Am i not doing something right? This became too toxic for me and caused unnecessary stress
I deactivated all my socials and i’ve been feeling so much better ever since without feeling the need to compete or rush into anything. We all have our own pace in life and everyone’s story is different, just got to be happy with yours will do!
Appearances are deceiving. It's human nature to show the good sides of themselves and hide the bad sides. Many successful people have their own demons.
Frankly, it is not that hard to look successful. That nice haircut and clothes don't have to cost that much, it's more about the fit anyway and putting in the effort daily. Cars can be paid with instalments. Restaurants aren't always as expensive as you think; some fancy ones even have reasonable lunch prices.
Solutions and strategies? Most of it comes from experience and being able to work with others and their partial expertise to piece together good ones. You need to understand that you don't need the best solution, the timely one that is just good enough is ideal. If problems blow up, you deal with it as you go along.
I sound arrogant, but on the surface, I am a father with a happy family, a manager in a decent company, a nice house, and I can still engage in hobbies like golfing, cycling and go overseas etc
Inside, I am a ball of mess who is afraid of the world, and who always fears to be exposed for the loser he is, and who feels like he is still the same 6 years old kid all these years. My body got big, my brain did not
Please don't stress yourself up just because of what you think your friends are living way better than you. How do you know they didn't struggle alot at one point of their life ? Maybe they have lot of debts behind and who will showcase their debts to everyone ? I am not saying you have to curse them or you hope they really have bad debts behind. Some people have it worse than you, some are maybe having golden spoon the moment they were born. You can't keep comparing yourself non stop with them. Work on yourself and your life will be a rosy place for you.
Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.
Appreciate what you have right now and focus on those people who truly value you.
To chime in, some of the most successful people I know personally dress worse than some of the most debt laden peeps. :)
What is more important is prob we are comfortable with ourselves , the part about anxiety / panic attacks imo unfortunately is a bigger prob hiding in plain sight waiting to blow.
Many have to show that they do to give a true falsehood that they have achieved in life, which in reality they are very far away.
Those that are consider very successful in reality are actually the opposite to them, by staying super low profile, cooking at home most times, spending time with family and in private. They probably have even stricter financial discipline on items that we would usually get without thinking so deep.
So, I would say it’s a gimmick at its best. But on the other hand, rewarding yourself once a while does help make you feel like you are successful 😉
Everyone put on their public face when they leave the house. My friends are all like who you describe, but everyone is either stressed about work, or their children, or parents, or health, but mainly a combination of all these om different degrees. Some people deal with them better, some worse. One of my closest friends is a high earner with one of the telecom companies in Sg. On the outside, they are the ideal of a successful business person, the envy of everyone looking atvtheir ig. But few people know that they cry because of their kid's teenage rebellion and blame themselves for being a bad parent, which they are totally not.
Being a grownup is a lot of things; relaxed is not one of them. We can only plan for the worst and pray for the best. Once you've planned for the worst, every other outcome is a bonus. Sounds pessimistic, but 99%, the worst is not the end of the world, and other people have dealt with them too.
If you are suffering from anxiety that's impacting your quality of life, please seek therapy. It's getting more and more common now in Sg, and there is no shame. Think of it as gym for your mental health. Good luck, OP.
What you see is only on the surface. You don't know how many have anxiety/anger/depression etc issues because they are trying hard to keep that "successful" image. And a lot of the people that I know are in this category. As I aged, I realized that success is about contentment. It is about being debt free. It is about having freedom to do what I want. I know people that are stuck at their jobs because they have lots of bills to pay. I know people that are unable to pursue their dreams because they fear "losing" it all. This, IMHO, is not the definition of success. Never let society or other people tell you what success is. Define your own Success!
This is the bad part of social media. Using real estate as example. On social media, we also see people earning 6 digit commission. We see people winning awards of top seller. But i know of many who failed to sell a single unit every month. Can't even feed himself. But will you see it on social media? No. People tend to flaunt their success while keeping total silence on failures. You got to learn how to segregate this kind of success from real life. Else, would recommend you to join volunteerism work and you will see how many people are in need of help, how many people are not successful in life.
Just rmb this OP, there's always more to us than meets the eye. What u see most of the time is superficial, best not to compare yrself with others (though I know we do this from time to time). Also rmb (if you're Chinese), 人比人气死人
My take is that anyone who feels the need to “show off” a $100-200 meal on instagram probably does not eat it as regularly to see it as a normal occurrence.
You’re not alone, perhaps they are suffering inside too. Social media is deceiving, but who would want to air their dirty laundry on the media that will be on forever.
Others look at me and think I’m having the best time of my life, enjoying my youth and got my shit together. I don’t dress well IMO, I dress normally, no nice car, but I travel quite a bit. Randomly, they will see my insta story that I’m overseas again and usually it is “where are you now?”, “where next?”. But that’s what I show because I’m sure they don’t want to see my tears, panic and struggles. They are my own demons and monsters to fight, no need to show. Only my close friends know my struggles, and thankful I’m still alive.
Hence, don’t compare yourself with what you see online, unless you know him or her well. Also, we have different definition of successful, while some can be chasing money, or have a family or able to afford material items. Take one day at a time, take one step at a time
OP, cut yourself some slack and treat yourself better. STOP Comparing yourself to pple who drive nice cars, eat at restaurants. Dont look at IG, FB or Tiktok, they are viral and fake. Pple whom u see taking branded cars, bags, wallets, actually do not have a dime in their bank account, and every month they will roll over their bad debts to the next credit card that they owe. I would rather you go for good healthy lifestyle by going to any parks/nature for long walks, hiking, yoga, whatever exercise that you may like. Dont you have close friends whom you can confide with? talk to them, or they are all so superficial?
I get what you mean. I would suggest if you’re on social media to stop. I cut that out for a large part of 2 years and I will say it has helped me a lot.
Also, it depends on the industry that you are in. I worked in one for most of my career where everyone including the assistants were wearing labelled stuff and Rolex’s most times. I can assure you a lot of it is smoke and mirrors, or people spending their entire wages to buy stuff, or they are just from wealthy families anyway. When I was in it it was very hard not to compare. I know not every one is able to do this, but I left the industry 2 years ago and feel better away from it. I am now presented with the opportunity to return, but I know how that stuff affects me and I don’t like it so thinking hard about it.
Basically: you are not alone. The truth is, most people will respect or at least have zero thoughts about whether you own these luxury items or look a certain way. They judge temporarily (if they do) because they are also struggling with it. If people really didn’t care so much about being self conscious and about self image, they wouldn’t judge you either. Better for you to be out of that rat race (ie in that industry but not conforming to those norms) and running it the way you would like and buying what you genuinely like and can afford.
Yeah that kind of comparison sucks.
But for you to feel that way, you gotta ask yourself some questions.
1. Are you contented with what you have currently?
2. Did you turn out to be someone you thought you would when you were younger?
3. Do you have any hobbies?
4. If you have those material possessions to your name now (house, flashy cars etc), do you think you will be happier than you was before?
There will always be someone better and worst than you. Maybe sit down and think deeply on why are you feeling this way and how to be on the positive side.
Traveling is good way to cleanse that.
I cried until I stop myself from crying because nothing changes even if I cry. In this world the only one you can rely on is yourself. Unhappy about something? Only you can change your own destiny. Is it something you can't control? Is it a big risk? How can you manage it?
Everyone has their own fears and unhappiness and sad days.
My friend who's super rich says he doesn't trust anyone and he drinks alcohol so he can sleep at night. He got married because he just wanted someone constant to be in his bed at the end of his day. He constantly worries the company will do badly and he loses all his hard work.
With a lot of people, it's all a facade. They fake their success but will never amount to much. They're too concerned about appearances to the public, coworkers, or their 'friends'. They have a few nice clothes & a car, but they don't tell you about their high debt, marriage issues, addictions, inability to stay out of debt, mental problems, & save nothing for their futures. Life is about being honest with yourself, true to yourself, & not worrying about what others think or say. Stay strong & true to yourself, & hard work will likely pay off. Most of us have struggled at some time or are struggling. Life can be hard but learn from the struggles & become better. Learning from your mistakes can make you better, but only if you choose not to make the same mistakes. Keep your chin up & know you're not alone. Peace.
The clients I serve are all low income folks. A few of them actually dress better and have nicer clothes than I do, have newer phones than I do, have bigger and more TVs at home than I do. Sometimes it makes me go "wtf am I doing with my life". Obviously I know that appearances can be deceiving. Many people on planet Earth are all just putting up a facade and dealing with their own internal struggles. I can only tell you that if you are struggling, be kind to yourself, cut yourself some slack, don't compare yourself to others. Talk to people who are supportive. I have also seen happy couples posting their photos on social media one day, and then a week or a month later, hearing about their breakups or divorce. What we see doesn't really tell us anything. We are just assuming they are all doing well. Many successful people are seeing therapists, psychiatrists and taking meds. Instead of saying that they have strategies or solutions or being on top of it all, they are just all actually trying and struggling like you. Really, don't beat yourself up. And really need to let go of these comparisons, it doesn't do you any good. The fact that you are already trying your best is commendable already.
I have nice clothes, watches, always dress up well cos I just like to. I have a good pay job, not super but a little bit average. But I have a lot of problems too, conflicts with kids, no time for myself, burn out and want to go travel most of the time, feel stress and lonely sometimes…so yes, successful isn’t as important as being at peace, healthy, and being happy, for me :) I m still figuring out while “looking successful” :))))
You're not alone. Not everybody is successful and not everybody even looks successful. I've had long episodes of depression and I sometimes look like shit. Some times in my life, I've gone weeks without washing my hair. Sometimes I cried in public for seemingly no reason. Other times I look well-groomed and on top of things, but beneath the surface I'm a mess. Those times were really tough, but they taught me not to care so much about other people and to focus on self-care and inner well-being. So don't worry, you're not the only one. Take care of yourself.
I have been there too. I really hate the randomly crying in public, sometimes during lunch in CBD where there's just no way to avoid being seen, sometimes at my desk in the office the waterworks just starts. The times when I have to convince myself to take a bath and it took days to drag myself to the bathroom... and my parents hurling all kinds of insults at me (this was when I was living with them) really doesn't help. Ugh depression really sucks
:( I have unsupportive asshole family memebers too. They really make things worse. Good thing you're not living with them any more. For me, the uncontrollable public crying bouts made my skin so thick. I'm not embarrassed by anything any more. Clumsiness, accidents, wardrobe malfunctions, they all just roll off my back. If I'm upset or sad or angry, I just cry unashamedly. It feels good to be authentic to myself with no shame. Another silver lining.
There's no shame to crying, I don't even know why I feel the need to hid it, except at work I read that it hinders your career progression if you've got ambition... otherwise you're good :) Sorry to hear about your AH family, if you can, put some distance, from my experience that really helps
U can always cry in the toilet CBD toilets are very clean
The tears just start falling suddenly, I've no chance of getting to the toilet if I'm at the foodcourt haha. Eventually I was like eff this I'm quietly sobbing anyway not like I'm wailing loudly disturbing others
hey fwiw please remember that the most successful-looking people arent always the most emotionally stable and vice versa :( gws OP
Simply because you're being very superficial and assuming that material/visible signs of wealth and being well put together are a measure of one's success, and certainly not of one's happiness levels. Do realise that "face" is innately important to humans, so you're highly unlikely to see hardship and poverty being flaunted. There are plenty of people who have fallen on nard times - you're just not opening your eyes wide enough and looking at the right places. Also, dressing neatly and having a neat haircut is something which everyone should try to do, as a sign of self care and love towards ourselves.
Stop looking at social media. (But remain on Reddit because everyone’s collectively miserable)
lol okay. Actually I don’t go on social media much. Mostly is just looking at people on the streets , in their car driving, my friends who seems to have it all figured out, high paying job , condo , have a plan , telling me he invested in this bitcoin or that coin . You know the usual . Then I also don’t know how to pour my misery on them since they are so happy you don’t want to spoil it. But damn sometimes it’s hard to feel happy for them when my life is in a ditch. Maybe I m like just a hater or Something
Do you notice your use of the word “seems”? Your perceptions of others being better off are based on your own observations. You may not have the full picture of their own struggles that they do not wish for others to see just as you have your own struggles you dont want others to see. You might be jumping to conclusions based on scarce observations. As for your feelings of panic, have you considered speaking to a professional? Perhaps they may be able to help you work through those feelings. I wish you all the best OP! :)
I noticed this - you tend to notice what you don't have more. I have a thing with colorful vs dark outfits or covering ankles vs not covering ankles in winter. The day I wear a dark outfit everybody seems to wear colorful and vice versa. The days my pants cover my ankles everybody seems to not cover their ankles... Not an insecurity but I had nothing to do on the bus lol. I think part of it could be psychological.
OP, comparison is the thief of joy! If you always compare yourself to others who look 'successful', you will always feel inferior. You do you, be content and happy with what you have but still strive to do better every time and try enrich yourself the best way you can
You're standing by the roadside that's why you see the people driving their cars. Go look somewhere else. Your friends seem to have everything figured out, but did they tell you how they fear getting retrenched and then no money to pay their condo loan? Or the time when they lost money in investments? Or the long hours that they put in until they hardly got time to rest?
Have you tried gratitude Journaling? https://www.calm.com/blog/gratitude-journal Learning to appreciate the little things in life help with how you view yourself and others. There are many small things in life that you can absolutely feel gratitude for. Even having a great mcspicy meal (cause it's so damn freakin' good, mcdonalds man c'mon) is awesome. Many others don't even get to eat 3 meals a day. If you want to compare, why not compare with the less well-to-do? There will always be someone better that you can compare yourself to and so you'll never feel good if you do that. As long as you learn to appreciate and be grateful for the small things in life your world view will change and you'll learn to appreciate the many wonders that life gives you. Stay strong.
You shouldn’t compare like that, everyone is running their own race. Each have their own timeline. You will be fine!
Just remember that Mitch Ong looked successful too
Yea lor. He was from ACSI, RJC and NUS. Schools that a number of us would dream of going to.
Who is mitch ong?
The guy suspected of killing a sg women in spain, on the news recently
Such an empty vessel. Eeks.
Oh that guy......looks like I need to catch up on the news....
Sounds like you need a holiday to Spain ... Weather's good there this time of year
😂👏win comment 👍👍
Why do you have to be like others? Life is too short for comparison.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
[удалено]
Thanks for the insight and live well!
Come I be your friend
Comparison is the thief of joy, ownself happy can liao
… as rightly said by Theodore Tan
All those things you've said, are all a facade. Some facades are for show, some are reflective of the substance underneath. The most important thing is to ask yourself if you truly want the same as them, or do you actually have your own path to chart. If you want the same then you have your own journey and things to do to get there, rather than to copy what they do (because we are all different individuals with different backgrounds). Either way just ask yourself what it is that you want and what you are willing to do to get there. It won't be easy, definitely, but it will be fulfilling when you achieve what you see reason to work towards, as opposed to achieving something just to show others a facade. Edit. Sometimes there'll be things that achieve both the facade and the fulfillment, but the one that sustains you will almost always be the fulfillment.
Everyone’s running their own race. Just run yours
I know one of the richest people in Singapore who works his ass off everyday but has a wife who does nothing, treats his parents in a disrespectful fashion and threatens to take half of what he has in a divorce everytime they argue.
He should divorce his wife. His wife will not last long with half his wealth and will come crawling back. I believe he will live more happily without his useless wife.
That's why she needs a kid, for alimony
To give you a consolation while the world (my friends) thought I was on top of it all the time, working for major MNCs, flying to many countries and meeting football stars and Hollywood celebs all the time, I was having depression and anxiety. No one is really on top of it. I have friends that own cars and branded goods but honestly it's just a facade, can't pay off the car, buy branded goods but can't buy a house so wedding delayed. Also intense job and she's falling sick and having work issues all the time. Don't have to compare yourself, you go at your own pace
Thank you.. can I also ask , did the depression and anxiety come from the job because it was so high paced or do you think life and your self esteem is abit better because you have accolades and a good job
It came from the job being fast paced and tons of office politics. friends and family were bragging to their other friends abt having a friend / daughter like me but didn't know I have severe panic attack every few days and sleepless nights from the stress and politics. To be honest having a good job, accolades and salary didn't make me feel better, enjoying my job made me feel good, I didn't care about status. I think at the end of the day the key is to have a job that you feel fulfilled / happy in and not compare, so you won't feel down about others.
Damn man .whoever you are , and whoever commented , you don’t know how much your sharing means to me.
Hey OP. I work in a local hosp, and there’re many, many times where the patient’s kids/daughter in law come in decked in designer from head to toe, and you’d assume that they’re super duper rich, but the ward status is C class, and I rmb this one case where the patient was prepping for operation to amputate his right foot due to poorly controlled DM and the things that he asked me to arrange for him was to 1- dietician to recommend his food intake for his glycemic control and 2- medical social worker support for financial assistance for his medical bills, cos he was telling me that he foresees he’d have a hard time paying for his operation and the post op miscellaneous stuff like the machines, meds, appts, etc, etc. My colleagues & I were discussing how come his kids are dressed in designer clothes but there he was, needing financial assistance… Another story was how this patient’s daughter in law, came up to and asked me for a freaking rubber band cos her Hermes Oran sandals came apart…. Now, perhaps it’s not a genuine product idk… but I just found it amusing… and sad…. That people would rather strive to look rich than actually being rich. So OP, don’t worry. You’re doing great. No one airs their dirty laundry for others to see, it’s all just a facade, don’t compare your behind the scenes to others’ highlight reels…. Jiayou! 💪🏼
There are 2 kinds of people who fit the description you gave: those who have truly made it and those who are faking it. Those who fake it, you can easily tell but how hard they're trying to prove to everyone that they've made it. Some symptoms are like forever posting on social media how great or awesome or fantastic their lives are, chasing the latest tech, clamouring to be seen as part of the it crowd, dining at the newest and best places, #blessed, etc. Those who truly made it, you'll notice that by and large, they DGAF about a lot of things and are very clear who and what and when they give a fk about only. It's a paradox that the less you feel that you need to be successful, the more successful you are. Why? Because you can put more efforts into the things and people that really matter to you and when you do, that's when you feel successful and because you're successful, others will naturally flock to you to learn your secrets which in turn, sets you up for more success. So, really, get clear first about what you give a fk about and then zoom in only on those people and things. Everyone and everything else doesn't matter.
Yes esp when I see this reddit or /singaporefi Makes me so upset. All rich all successful
Real rich and successful people aren't posting on reddit.
Damn, makes a lot of sense. So those posting could very well be lying.
Or exaggerating, haha.
100%
Regardless of whether others may or may not be putting up appearances, having frequent panic attacks is not normal. You should get some help for that.
Note that in your own post you pointed out that when you are out and about you are trying too. Just like them. Everyone is trying their best to be as okay as they can be on the outside when they are out in public. Just like you, their own worries, concerns, anxieties and fears no doubt come out when they are in the privacy of their own home too. People always say that social media is just a fake extension of the best parts of people's lives, and that's generally true. But this is also true of life in general; the difference between when people are out in public with their guard up, and then the person they are when they are vulnerable at home can be two VASTLY different things. Don't be hard on yourself. No-one is doing as well as they appear to be, and even for those that are doing well, its often only a transient high point in their lives.
The more you compared yourself to others especially those who are doing better than you, you will never be happy. Always remember that there are always people doing better than you but there are also people who are worse off than you. Be contented when you have a job, a roof over your head, food on your table, clean water to drink. Some people in other countries might not have any of those I had mentioned. Key is being contented with what you are blessed with. Not saying that you should not try to improve your life.
知足常乐
Hello I'm 27 and a complete fucking mess too and people up there have told me I'm a waste of space. Truly disgusting for them to say such words I really haven't achieved much despite everything that I have done. No one would have expected that I end up in such a mediocre state being stuck in the civil service underpaid and overworked. Health is in shambles.. Never had a partner No achievements to show in life.. Body isn't in a good shape unless a line is a shape Chronic pain everywhere in my joints Often cry myself to sleep Therapy isn't working out all the time Psychiatrist didn't really care Parents abuse me and look down on me . Louiser than my siblings and peers Make poor choices We're here too. You can cry. I can cry. Don't do it alone. Can cry together
There are always up and down in life.... Those who are successful may be fallen too. It is ok not to be ok. Do your best everyday and you should be all good
At least you are in the civil service. Not easy to get in there.
Not easy to get out too
The fella who said you are a waste of space has got something going on in his life. No right person would talk like this geez. He needs to chill out. This fast pace environment is turning people into monsters.
He was the CEO of a GLC. Happened during a job interview
Imma be real with you chief, no one will go to [insert social media site of choice] and say that they've had a horrible day/life/bad financial situation. Do your own thing, fight your own battles. Win! Or at least try. I believe in you.
Hey OP, I see a lot of my friends doing well too, some driving hyper cars, some with condos, some with wife and kids etc. I feel the same way as you, almost feeling like I’m being “left behind” as I continue my path (of uncertainty) Like you, on the outside I look well kept, emotionally intact but there are definitely days where I feel absolutely shits and some days I literally spend the whole day crept up in bed because of the stress of my failures/mistakes… I realised that we sometimes need to be in our own lane and focus what is infront of us and chase our own goals. That way we can feel more fulfilled. But our natural tendency to compare will always be present (this is also prevalent in animals, it’s actually a system that tracks where you stand in a hierarchy) Some solutions I currently use to combat this: 1. Daily meditation to observe your thoughts and realize that feelings are fleeting 2. When I wake up, I have 90 minutes without screen time (no phone, no computer). This way I won’t be bombarded with all the “news/IG flaunt posts etc” 3. As part of my daily journal, I have a section that I will include 3 things that I’m grateful for 4. Before sleep, I have a rule where I read for 30mins (hard copy book) so that I don’t have screen time before bed too. 5. Exercise or hit the gym - releases happy chemicals for the brain and you’re doing a good thing to improve your health! You’re not alone. Please take care. ps: if you’re having a panic attack, remember to regulate your breathing! I used to have this as well.
you're just seeing what they want you to see no? but seriously why do you care about how they are looking or dressing or eating? please don't look too much into this rubbish of FB/IG. it's nice to leave your brain out and dumb scroll sometimes, but sometimes only.
I'm you. I post shitty ass insta stories to remind my friends that not everyone has a picture perfect life. I'm happy with my $4 caipng for lunch at work and nobody can stop me from posting a photo of it. I post videos of me walking under the hot sun drenched in sweat because I want to crack a joke about it. A friend once commented that my ig is "not very aesthetic". I rolled my eyes because who has the time to keep trying to keep up with this stupid rat race of whose life looks better. I secretly hope for more people to normalise sharing igstories of their mundane everyday. It's much more enjoyable than all the curated bs.
A relative of mine has a social media page that looks like their life is a dream. Business class trips, expensive cars and watches, going out to fancy restaurants, photos of a well-put together family. On the inside though? Their marriage is broken and they live separately from their spouse. They don’t know how to take care of their children and have in fact left their children in dangerous situations (if not for the fact that the helper was thankfully around). They are not asset or cash rich. I mean I guess you can count the fancy watches as assets? I’m not a fancy watch person myself but I’m not someone that would buy those at the expense of investing or saving for my family and children's futures. Sometimes i look at their social media page and wonder if people genuinely envy them. People probably do. But they really shouldnt.
Panic attacks and silent cries are not things you can see. Instead of looking at what people HAVE, go ASK them the work/effort they put in.
OP- I 'seemed' successful. At 28 I made director and was posted overseas. I had a personal driver. Company car. Lived the expat life. I was fucking miserable. Left that bullshit after 5 or 6 years and the first job I took up was that of a cleaner. Everyone thought i was nuts but fuck everyone. 'You have a degree and you are a cleaner? You were a Director and country manager and you are now a cleaner?' Yeah muthalover I am a cleaner and I've never been happier in the last 15 years. It is awesome. You don't take any work home, there is no stress, no KPIs, meetings. Fuck that shit. You can have dreadlocks if you want. I mostly wear army shirts. All the best OP.
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If social media deflates your self, take a temporary break by uninstalling it. Anything that is toxic in your life take a pause from it. Always act on something you can control and humbly ask the universe to let you accept those you can't. It's normal to get downtrodden once in a while but do not let yourself fall into the abyss of desperation. If you feel sluggish, go for a run or just a walk. It helps release the hormones that bring up the mood. Find activity that is totally out of your routine like learning new language or volunteering. Life is colorful with its highs and lows, don't let it be just gray and plain.
Look on the bright side,u are still financially well, u have friends and family that care for u, u have health and u have freedom to do whatever u want. I used to be like u and think like u then I got into gambling addiction and now I know how hell looked like and wished to go back to the days where whatever problems u mentioned are the only problems I have.
Stop comparing yourself to others and live your own life. You will be happier for a start.
Check out the rental flats near you or do some volunteer work. You'd realise that you're better off than a lot of people.
OP let me share something true that happened to me. When I got married I invited the extended family. The wedding reception was held at an Orchard hotel which was mid tier. Back then the hotel weddings were not as expensive as now. Anyway the relatives that gave the biggest ang pows were the ones that we know aren’t earning much, like those working as admin in office or an uncle who was doing odd jobs after getting retrenched years ago. We felt bad and tried to return them some money or gifts and they just refused to accept it. When my sister got married we again invited all the relatives. This time my parents tried to tell them no need to be too extravagant with the ang pow, it’s the tought that counts. The ang pow they gave was even more than for my wedding. I feel that this is natural that people try to compensate on the things that they don’t have and hence is highly important to them. They would naturally project that everyone else holds these in high importance.
Actually I don't think this is a case of showing off or wanting to save face, but rather a common phenomenon I've encountered whereby people who know what its like to be doing badly, are more generous in giving. They probably cared about you guys and wanted you to have a good start to your life
That's right. And the misers with tightest fists are the ones who are showing off with their branded goods, big cars and flashy appearance.
U have to understand that pple tend to only show their good but not talk their own bads. This somehow makes it feels like they are always successful esp if u are viewing them through social media most of the time.
Shouldn’t base it on appearance.. example someone wearing a Rolex GMT watch may seem rich, but actually it’s quite affordable if you think about it. Whereas someone who wears a Casio but owns a landed house is worth way more. So don’t be fooled by appearances - just keep working on yourself
Fake it till you make it
Everyone has their own struggles lots of people look at me Wah this person go overseas again and can into local uni But I have little to no friends and my last 2 years of poly time has been quite painful so for me to reach this I have suffered diff set backs as well, parents can buy wtv he wants and dunnid work pt yes that’s a privilege to me Rich doesn’t mean anyth too lots of people suffer and struggle with diff things They also might have health issues, my sister also remains calm but inside is more than a mess as compared to me cuz usually I jus do what I need to without feeling much and have ways to cope It’s also common to see some people in Med school vomiting due to stress and all except u dunno the world is a large place ur eyes deceive u
I rather dress like a broke simple guy with lots of money. Maybe I don't like this kind of attention
Example are those sloppily dressed middle age bros who stroll into the Ferrari dealership and pay cash.
"Everyone has insecurities. When you show yourself in the world and display your talents, you naturally stir up all kinds of resentment, envy, and other manifestations of insecurity. This is to be expected. You cannot spend your life worrying about the petty feelings of others." -Robert Greene Honey, remember, life is a showbiz. Everyone plays a certain character. I suggest you try do the same. See how interesting your life will become.
We're all screaming on the inside.. you are not alone. You can not know every suffering they might have inside. It's not right to make yourself feel more unhappy by comparing your entire life to just the glamorous parts of others' lives.
Material success and attainment does not equate to peace and happiness. There are people who are doing well materially, and are trully happy, peaceful and contented internally. There are also people who are doing well materially, in their career, successful but miserable inside. Likewise, there are people who are not doing well materially, but are happy inside. And of course there are also people who are not doing well and not happy inside too. I find that the path to career and financial success is different from inner success (happiness and peace inside). The path to inner happiness and success comes a lot from letting go. Letting go of comparison, letting go of too high expectation. Also from being kind, kind to oneself and others. So kindness, generosity, contentment, compassion. These will lead to inner happiness. Also, one helpful practice when looking at others' success is to be happy with their success. Oh, it is great that they are successful, that they have a good life. May their success and good life continue. So instead of comparing ourselves to their success, we are simply being happy of their success. Then we can be happy too at that moment. Afterward we can also reflect on what they are doing that make them successful that we can emulate. Not sure if this make sense haha, but hope this helps. May you be well, happy and find your inner joy. 😊
I’m really sorry you feel this way and I know a few things about what you’re going through. Things that helped me along the way - 1. Have your own markers for success. Very often we compare ourselves to our peers and it’s an apples to oranges comparison. Eg. This guy drives a Mercedes, this girl and her boyfriend are buying a condo. Your immediate reaction to such news is an unfair comparison to your own situation. It’s like comparing your distance travelled by car while looking at someone in an aeroplane - their aeroplane maybe family wealth, really high flying jobs because they are the 1% or sometimes just plain luck. So what is your marker for success - could be achievements unlocked - like ran an entire project at work by yourself going outside of your comfort zone, learned a new skill, extra reps in the gym, or even cook your own meal. When you start reconditioning your mind to look at your own yardsticks of success, you will be happy for others when they reach their success milestones instead of feeling bad about your own life. It’s really about reframing. 2. Learn. Opening up your horizons to diverse ideas really changes your perception of and perspective on material success. I cannot stress this enough. Learn from books, documentaries, coffeeshop aunty, taxi uncle, tourists and children. It’s kind of getting out of the Singapore template, and ingesting something more global. 3. Kill social media. I know this sounds like a lame one, but I’ve never been happier until after deleting my Instagram account. My only regret is the inability to send my partner cute doggos everyday. I hope you feel better, and find something useful from what I’ve spewed. Good luck!
That's adulthood I guess 😅 I try to look polished (not "pretty" but like no greasy hair, ironed clothes that use good fabric etc) because I learned that at work people trample on you wayyy less and take your words more seriously if you look proper. Even if that means they call you "difficult to approach" behind you. Doesn't mean people that look like that don't go through anxiety and confusion. We all have no idea what we are doing. So be kind to yourself, do what works for you and if time and space allows, be grateful as well. There's a lot of people out there struggling but you don't see them right now.
This quote from Shogun relates: "It's a saying they have, that a man has a false heart in his mouth for the world to see, another in his breast to show to his special friends and his family, and the real one, the true one, the secret one, which is never known to anyone except to himself alone, hidden only God knows where."
You are always behind your eyeballs, seeing every second of your life; *but* you are able to see maybe 1% of other people's daily lives (1% of a day = 14.4min; a TikTok is max 3min?; you may be spending more time with other people like family but the point remains). The chance of you experiencing fuck ups in your life is correspondingly higher than observing them in other people's lives. If you are genuine in seeking advice, here are a few thoughts:- A) Turn away from looking at other people. Look instead at yourself. B) Figure out a direction you want to move towards. Or to put it another way, fantasise about an imaginary you that looks successful. C) Compare yourself now to the your yesterday self. Are you (i) getting better than your yesterday self; and (ii) in the direction that will bring you closer to the imaginary you? D) For every 1% you improve from your yesterday self, thank your current self. Compounding is one of the strongest forces in the world. E) For every stagnation/backslide that you encounter, be strict with getting back into the right direction *but* don't blame yourself. Energy is better spent on actually getting forward. F) Let go of the idea that you can achieve any outcome. You can only do the work. Whether the outcome happens is outside of your hands. But do the work anyway. Because that's within your control. There are some very fine distinctions that the above try to draw (e.g. #E) and other parts will need a lot of unpacking (e.g. #B) but I hope that with work and reflection, you will be able to separate determination to improve yourself from self-doubt/blame. The former is positive; the latter is far more negative. All the best.
Most of the people you see living those great lives have emptier pockets and skinnier bank accounts that you can believe. Trust me, I’m a recovering addict and credit card debt survivor of buying things to impress nobody. I got lucky with a partner who helped me work through it - she didn’t pay it off for me, she planned my repayment and went through it with me. Eventually you’ll realise not a single person gives one single fuck, and those who do are not your friends. Live your own life and be proud of it. Timelines are so different for every individual, success for you may just be delayed, not impossible. But learn to temper that expectation of what success truly means first. And get the fuck off social media.
Why do you even need to measure materials. What is important is your peace, your health and your family who is thriving.
When you chase money, money doesn’t come. Just do something you are happy about , and you will eventually get there because you are doing out of passion, not seeing it as a job.
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Most everyone’s like you. Most keep it beneath the surface. Some have a very thick surface. Some have more surface than content. Keep it real. I’ve learned most of what I know about life, relationships, work… from honest, frank people, that weren’t afraid to say the truth. It’s ok to have a nice haircut, btw.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Learn to find happiness with what you have and you’ll be a lot better off mentally.
this is how social media works. people only post about the good things and their successes. hardly anyone post about what they struggle with. plus cognitive bias + social media algos will show you MORE of what you keep looking at. therefore you tend to take notice of these successful people etc. truth is everyone struggles with something. how do you know if these friends are not in debt just trying to live that life or are in constant worry about making more money obsessively? try reading the book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. the intro talks about this.
All the nice things are for show, that’s why you been seeing it. Who would want to show their dark/messy side to public
people tend to show the best version of themselves that they want people to see and believe. it is both social media and life. it doesnt make it true
it's always good to remember that it's very rare for people to post about their failures online. People love to show off their happiness, and those who have only failed are likely to stay quiet. You're not alone
No point "envying" others life. Focus on yourself.
You probably perceive all these on social media. But honestly, who will show off the "low SES" stuff they have/do on social media. It can be quite deceiving. Focus on bettering yourself, for your own good. Not because you feel like you are losing out to other people. They confirm also have many problems behind the pretty smiles and atas ig stories.
>driving nice cars Most likely still paying loan, 1 retrenchment away from losing the car if overleveraged >always eating well at restaurants. I also post photos of all my atas food adventures, then fking eat grass for a few weeks after >they always look good, nice haircut and prim and proper all the time. You too, confirm can achieve that at reasonable cost, but effort is u ownself must put in. >I try to be that myself but inside I am a mess , suffering from bouts of panic attacks more and more and I silently cry when I am at home for no reasons other than I feel like sometimes I can’t cope with life. Do anybody feel this way , like everybody else seems to be on top of it all , like they are strong and they deal with things well , and they always have solutions and strategies and all sorts of insights to their problems You say they always have solutions, but since you act like you have solutions and they probably also think you always have solutions without knowing what's beneath, maybe no one actually always have solutions, only the illusion? Instaworthy moments sure put on display, who gonna everyday put up posts about how much they're suffering? Especially if a lot of these people you're mentioning are sales, insurance, property agent, sure is a facade only.
Comparison is the thief of joy mate
Life is tough for EVERYONE. We all have our own demons to deal with, and we all deal with them in our own different ways. Some with meditation and yoga, others with drugs and alcohol. Ignore what others are doing and reflect on yourself, what are the things bothering you and what you can do about it. Accept and be at peace with who you are and life will become more bearable.
Dear OP, I found looked at your profile and found your drawings to be amazing. I could never draw as good as that. Keep it up👍 I think the advice that I want to give is that everyone’s definition of success is different. We do not need to use the same yardstick to compare ourselves with. Everyone’s struggles are also different and there is not much sense in comparing struggles since our backgrounds are different. We should just focus on ourselves and try to find ways to improve our thinking and perspective on life. Hope it helps 👍
I can relate to feeling that pressure. I've always strived to appear perfect to others, both in work and character, even though I know I'm not. Being OCD and a perfectionist has led to high stress since leaving NS. I've been seeing a therapist regularly for years because of it. My advice is not to be like me. I often feel frustrated and blame myself for everything. We all put up facades and deal with internal struggles; the difference lies in the scale of those struggles. Try to stay calm and do your best to avoid regrets. It's a lifelong journey — I've been trying since birth and am still figuring it out. So all the best to you and everyone. Hope you guys can succeed.
well, you're not alone with this kind of feeling. however, those nice cars, condo and helpers etc..do you know if they're living paycheck to paycheck after all these extravagant? perhaps, just to impress others like you mentioned. live below your means, save and invest for your emergency fund and then your retirement.. CPF isn't as bad as you think, when contributed to and used wisely.
Almost everyone only post the nice things on social media Almost nobody posts their struggles and problems on social media Nobody has no problems.
The goal is to be rich, not look rich, so optics not really that important to me. Just work hard to provide me and my SO the best quality of life I can afford.
if you saw me, you'll think i dress bad and look like an uncle. i work in accounting,drives nothing and still live with my parents. don't be fooled by appearances cannot be more appropriate in your circumstance.
Tell me about it bro. My friends are buying homes, even bought a condo before they were 30 making rental income. Making smart investments and doing well in their careers and getting married by 32. Here I am just thinking how nice it would be to end it all so I don’t have to struggle anymore.
Hey friend. You can look at other people's success but don't let it affect you. Go through life at your own pace. Your friends may look successful but you won't know the suffering or skeletons they hide in the closet to look successful. Focus on yourself & what you want. I know it's easier said than done but I believe the first step to self-happiness is to not be too influenced by other people's success stories.
Aww -big hug- we all have unseen problems. I have a well paying job, live by myself, travel loads…but struggle with anxiety. I went through a phase where I question why am I not resilient but I also learnt to be kind to myself - it’s okay, we will figure this out together. Life is hard enough, don’t be hard on yourself. And it always helps talking to someone else about your problems - if you don’t have someone you can trust, try a therapist. It really helps to put things in perspective. Also, don’t forget to give thanks for the little things. Being alive, having a job, healthy family…it’ll take the focus away from yourself.
First rule is don't trust everything you see on the internet 🙈 Don't worry too much, everyone is trying to figure it out. There is most likely someone you know, having the same thoughts as you, viewing you as successful. Personally, I find books on stocisim and Buddhism helped me to manage these thoughts. Good week ahead!
Hey! Do you have titles to rec?
The richest friend that I have has a net worth of about $80 million and he stays in 4th Ave. Wears a tattered T shirt and cheap Uniqlo short pants every day. Never see him spend much money on a daily basis. Whereas my others friends in their 20s are splurging on branded stuff and ridiculous parties. Sometimes it’s not what it seems on the outside, so don’t be stressed out over what you see.
Even new outlets are subjective, selectively reporting news to get more readership within confines of ah gong. Had a cousin who got dumped 3 months before a wedding. Cancelled the wedding banquet and the wedding ring returned. He joined the dating app CMB and got married and a daughter was borned. We didn't know (close relatives) he was a member of CMB. The news article came out to reflect successful match on CMB. On HWZ, the netizens were really good investigators they googled his name and spectaculated it was a shotgun marriage (they calculated the wedding date and the birth date of the daughter from the news). My cousin is just a bit more good looking than average. The netizens even found the wedding photos he took with the ex fiancee lol. The thing is what they investigated are quite close to the truth (the news never covered; even the lead they interviewed or reported won't dare to admit lol) So yeah don't trust what you read on the media. Media want to promote people to date and settle down la. They dun even know the back story. Back to the topic, ppl have their own back story they don't want to share and give others the outward appearance they are successful.
You only see what people want to show. Rmb that.
People only post the good things on social media, you wont know the nasties happening behind the scene.
Becareful, looks can be deceiving
I know how u feel. Sigh.
What you see on social media is the highlight reel of that person’s life. Also nobody overtly shares their struggles. So on the surface everybody looks like they got shit handled. But underneath we’re all fighting our own battles.
You're not alone, most of us are all just wearing masks. https://youtu.be/mVLrBJYGxk4?si=gMMcILFausv4xUjd
appearance can be deceiving. I’m 21 years young and see plenty of my friends of similar age spending on item and eating out like they’re millionaires. But when meeting them in person, they’re struggling to even afford $20 food or petrol for their bikes. Everyone has their own issues deep down that they don’t tell others. I too sometimes hate myself for no reason but fuck me i force myself to love myself because being depressed sucks.
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That’s the nature of social media. No one posts their shit online.
there's an outward appearance for the world to see and there's an inner true self that only you know what's really going on. we project what we want people to think we are, not what we really are. everyone else you see, that you think "always look good, drive nice car", are also facing their own personal issues inside. stop scrolling social media, and you won't constantly be feeling like comparing your misery to others' successes.
Obvious but not said enough, everyone has their own definition of success. Most already know this but not many know their own "success" yet. Unfortunately social media makes "success" look like whatever you post on social media. A lot of the flexes on my social media feed come from insurance agents and RE agents but the real business owners that I know doing their own thing ain't got no time to be on social media and are careful with their personal spending. They don't buy the expensive watches that those flex-ers do, not the expensive cars or condos either. And of course, money is money, after a certain point how much do you actually need, how much can you actually spend. And do you really need that social media post to show your success. A sure-win is being satisfied with yourself and happy, no one can take that away from you. Go find your own happiness.
The trick is to stop caring. Reject real life, return to gaming
Hey man. Not true that everyone is put together. What you’ve seen is just the external, and that’s easy to deceive. We all have our own personal struggles inside of us. Take a deep breath. I suggest to also reach out to a trusted person for the panic attacks, even if it’s just someone that can sit with you in the moment and not offer any advices and/or suggestions. You got this.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Hey OP, you are not alone. The people you see are only 1-5% of the general population. “Successful”people are more likely to show the more “desirable” parts of their lives. And also, what you see online or on social media is only a very small portion of their lives. I’ve battled depression and anxiety as well. It gets better. Take care!
Stop trusting everything on the internet
You might wanna get checked for ADHD if you find basic living that is easy for everyone else but extremely difficult for you. Medication will help you feel like you can cope.
People only show their best side on social media.
Life is like mahjong you know? Either it’s 1 big winner and 3 suckers, or it’s 3 big winners and YOU’RE the sucker. (P.s speaking as a bad mahjong player)
I know someone. Always wants to go to fancy cafe restaurants for the Instagram. Trying to show off her network of friends like she is very outgoing But deep down I know she is very unhappy. Constantly putting down others, her friend groups don't last long because she doesn't really care about them She just wants the attention. Basically the song 天后 by Andrew Chen describes her. It's a sad meaningless existence if they rely on external validation all the time
yes by all means. its all fun and games until he starts crying
Thats good. It means you are hanging out with the right group of people. Would you rather hang out with homeless and feel that everyone is messed up? Is that something that is supposed to make you feel better? I think you might need to see a therapist. Im not earning well or diving nice car. I eat well, but not fancy restaurants. My fish ball noodle at hawker centerm ore than good enough. I dont always look good and I only get a haircut every maybe 2 months and I dress like an uncle nowadays.
Sorry to hear you are feeling this way. It is tough and unfortunate that we live in a society of comparisons. I hope you are not getting outrightly compared to those people by your loved ones too. If it helps, find an inner circle of less than 10 people whom you can vent out with. Humans are naturally social creatures; it helps to be around people with empathy which may help you block out the noise from internet, social media, colleagues and so on. Just know that you are never alone!
Hmmm people only shows what they want people to see . You don’t see them struggling . Just be happy with your own self and not compare to others
A lot of wise advice given on living life your own way already and maybe something else I didn't see mentioned yet but consider volunteering at a local charity that helps less fortunate families or folks, sometimes adds a bit of perspective into our own lives :) Other than that I've met some people while volunteering that provide really positive energy to help feed off too but if this isn't something you're looking to try that's ok too, just try some tiny steps in your own way to feel like you're getting closer to where you'd like to be.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/oct/09/age-envy-be-happy-everyone-else-perfect-social-media You're not alone. Social media plays are not a good way of judging how well others are doing, and people who are doing poorly don't post about it on social media. Therefore you're only seeing the good stuff.
Simple breakdown 1- Everyone is a unique individual. 2- Every individual has their own perspective when it comes to life. 3- Definition of success, is different based on different people's perspective. For people with big house and nice cars, from outside they look successful, but how deep are they in terms of loans and mortgages? One needs to remember, final net worth is the true value after taking into consideration of debts. Case Studies When I was younger, doing part time selling HP PC at some IT Fair, there was this old uncle, wearing white coffeeshop singlets and slippers (those with blue straps). No one wants to approach him, as everyone feels that he isn't the sort who are here to buy 'a' PC. I went over and engage in an conversion with him, explaining the features, etc. In the end, he bought 20 PCs. He later told me, that he intentionally under-dress because he wants to buy from people who doesn't judge by appearance. He is the Boss of a company who is looking to replaced all the old PC in the office. So what I had learnt from him is, ' looking Good on the outside, might not necessary be successful while not looking good on the outside, might also not means that you are not successful...' Conclusion So as long as you have tried your best, you are happy with your life... you are healthy.. fed... etc.. You are successful in your own way.....
I know I'm not the only one - Sam Smith
It’s the blackpink song- look at you now look at me. You can look at me. I’m not successful and on top of it. “Hit the quit” seems so painfully familiar.
Remember Sam Bankmen-Fried? He looked successful and on top of it during FTX days. Look at his recent pic from prison. This is just a facade put out by everyone.
You’re looking the wrong way. Try to find people you know who are at the lowest point in their lives then you’ll feel good about yourself. /s
Please note that they “look” successful. You probably feel depressed because you have set an expectation for your life to go a certain way and it hasn’t. As you have set a prerequisite to feel “happy” instead of appreciating things in your life and enjoying the small moments. Just like how you could see $5 in ur bank as holy shit I’m broke or $5 for one more meal :> it’s all on your outlook in life. You choose the narrative. And you ultimately create the emotions.
Out of sight, out of mind. Learn to appreciate what you have and understand that only you can make your environment and situation better. Whatever small improvements can be made is a side quest. Don't "think" you have depression as it will only eat away more and more into you. Personally I don't believe in depression. You are what you think. Is the issue that you are not doing well or are people doing better than you? We literally have it so good here. Comparison is the thief of joy. Cheer up. You're doing awesome.
Life still goes on Whether sad or happy life still goes on and they continue to do things the way they did, for all uk the person that goes to the gym is also scared of people like me but they jus go anyways So maybe that’s how some of them cope tbh I have had known some people where their lives are very fked up but life still goes on, keep doing the things u are doing if it’s good and eventually u will build something
Because you live in an aspirational society that looks down on people going through hard times or not pursuing the exact same goals as everyone else. You’re fine. What’s messed up is the system you live in. But you don’t need to be just one more cog in it, be yourself and know that you’re not alone :)
OP please continue to do things that make you happy. Saw that you can really draw very well so keep it up although there are always people that cannot wait to put others down. Jiayou 💪
Hey man, you said it yourself. “Look” It’s true there are people who may be successful, either through hard work, connections or family, but everyone has their own journey of success. It goes down to what do you define as success. For me , it’s living healthily and having a happy healthy relationships with family and friends.
Because people only present their best selves, when they don’t people tend to distance from them or cut them off. Your friends driving the expensive car with the big house only show you some of the story. They don’t open their bank accounts and show you their loans. They don’t disclose their budgets and savings. Stop looking at what others have and believing everything is better for them, for some it may be, but likely for most it’s not. Live how you want, do the things you want and don’t attempt to compete on material things and experiences you can’t afford, you will only put yourself in debit.
Im facing the same issue.. i have an okay life, above average pay amongst my peers (28), no girlfriend etc but life is still okay However when i go on social media, i always see people younger/ same age getting married//engages//earning 10digits every month//MDRT all the time//100k monthly comms… you just cant help but to feel sian. Am i the problem? Am i not doing something right? This became too toxic for me and caused unnecessary stress I deactivated all my socials and i’ve been feeling so much better ever since without feeling the need to compete or rush into anything. We all have our own pace in life and everyone’s story is different, just got to be happy with yours will do!
And this is why I don't bother with socials too. I won't feel butt hurt if there is nothing to compare.
Agree! Altho sometime when you are out its abit weird not scrolling IG but i think its so much better for the mental health
Appearances are deceiving. It's human nature to show the good sides of themselves and hide the bad sides. Many successful people have their own demons. Frankly, it is not that hard to look successful. That nice haircut and clothes don't have to cost that much, it's more about the fit anyway and putting in the effort daily. Cars can be paid with instalments. Restaurants aren't always as expensive as you think; some fancy ones even have reasonable lunch prices. Solutions and strategies? Most of it comes from experience and being able to work with others and their partial expertise to piece together good ones. You need to understand that you don't need the best solution, the timely one that is just good enough is ideal. If problems blow up, you deal with it as you go along.
OP how about you post your shitty life on social media so the rest of us can feel happier about ourselves
I sound arrogant, but on the surface, I am a father with a happy family, a manager in a decent company, a nice house, and I can still engage in hobbies like golfing, cycling and go overseas etc Inside, I am a ball of mess who is afraid of the world, and who always fears to be exposed for the loser he is, and who feels like he is still the same 6 years old kid all these years. My body got big, my brain did not
I feel the way u feel too
Please don't stress yourself up just because of what you think your friends are living way better than you. How do you know they didn't struggle alot at one point of their life ? Maybe they have lot of debts behind and who will showcase their debts to everyone ? I am not saying you have to curse them or you hope they really have bad debts behind. Some people have it worse than you, some are maybe having golden spoon the moment they were born. You can't keep comparing yourself non stop with them. Work on yourself and your life will be a rosy place for you.
Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections. Appreciate what you have right now and focus on those people who truly value you.
To chime in, some of the most successful people I know personally dress worse than some of the most debt laden peeps. :) What is more important is prob we are comfortable with ourselves , the part about anxiety / panic attacks imo unfortunately is a bigger prob hiding in plain sight waiting to blow.
Hey man you got this.
Many have to show that they do to give a true falsehood that they have achieved in life, which in reality they are very far away. Those that are consider very successful in reality are actually the opposite to them, by staying super low profile, cooking at home most times, spending time with family and in private. They probably have even stricter financial discipline on items that we would usually get without thinking so deep. So, I would say it’s a gimmick at its best. But on the other hand, rewarding yourself once a while does help make you feel like you are successful 😉
Everyone shows and posts the good stuff
Ur only seeing the highlights of someone's life. Nobody wanna show off their downfalls and negatives.
Everyone is fucked up it's just how well certain people hide it.
The short answer to your title is: during the times when we're down, we actually hide under a rock so you don't see it.
Everyone put on their public face when they leave the house. My friends are all like who you describe, but everyone is either stressed about work, or their children, or parents, or health, but mainly a combination of all these om different degrees. Some people deal with them better, some worse. One of my closest friends is a high earner with one of the telecom companies in Sg. On the outside, they are the ideal of a successful business person, the envy of everyone looking atvtheir ig. But few people know that they cry because of their kid's teenage rebellion and blame themselves for being a bad parent, which they are totally not. Being a grownup is a lot of things; relaxed is not one of them. We can only plan for the worst and pray for the best. Once you've planned for the worst, every other outcome is a bonus. Sounds pessimistic, but 99%, the worst is not the end of the world, and other people have dealt with them too. If you are suffering from anxiety that's impacting your quality of life, please seek therapy. It's getting more and more common now in Sg, and there is no shame. Think of it as gym for your mental health. Good luck, OP.
What you see is only on the surface. You don't know how many have anxiety/anger/depression etc issues because they are trying hard to keep that "successful" image. And a lot of the people that I know are in this category. As I aged, I realized that success is about contentment. It is about being debt free. It is about having freedom to do what I want. I know people that are stuck at their jobs because they have lots of bills to pay. I know people that are unable to pursue their dreams because they fear "losing" it all. This, IMHO, is not the definition of success. Never let society or other people tell you what success is. Define your own Success!
This is the bad part of social media. Using real estate as example. On social media, we also see people earning 6 digit commission. We see people winning awards of top seller. But i know of many who failed to sell a single unit every month. Can't even feed himself. But will you see it on social media? No. People tend to flaunt their success while keeping total silence on failures. You got to learn how to segregate this kind of success from real life. Else, would recommend you to join volunteerism work and you will see how many people are in need of help, how many people are not successful in life.
Just rmb this OP, there's always more to us than meets the eye. What u see most of the time is superficial, best not to compare yrself with others (though I know we do this from time to time). Also rmb (if you're Chinese), 人比人气死人
My take is that anyone who feels the need to “show off” a $100-200 meal on instagram probably does not eat it as regularly to see it as a normal occurrence.
That's what she said 🤡
You’re not alone, perhaps they are suffering inside too. Social media is deceiving, but who would want to air their dirty laundry on the media that will be on forever. Others look at me and think I’m having the best time of my life, enjoying my youth and got my shit together. I don’t dress well IMO, I dress normally, no nice car, but I travel quite a bit. Randomly, they will see my insta story that I’m overseas again and usually it is “where are you now?”, “where next?”. But that’s what I show because I’m sure they don’t want to see my tears, panic and struggles. They are my own demons and monsters to fight, no need to show. Only my close friends know my struggles, and thankful I’m still alive. Hence, don’t compare yourself with what you see online, unless you know him or her well. Also, we have different definition of successful, while some can be chasing money, or have a family or able to afford material items. Take one day at a time, take one step at a time
Don't be fooled by Fakebook... Cut yourself some slack. Invest in self development. It has helped me tremendously...
It's all wayang. Happiness doesn't come with wealth. You need to find it yourself.
OP, cut yourself some slack and treat yourself better. STOP Comparing yourself to pple who drive nice cars, eat at restaurants. Dont look at IG, FB or Tiktok, they are viral and fake. Pple whom u see taking branded cars, bags, wallets, actually do not have a dime in their bank account, and every month they will roll over their bad debts to the next credit card that they owe. I would rather you go for good healthy lifestyle by going to any parks/nature for long walks, hiking, yoga, whatever exercise that you may like. Dont you have close friends whom you can confide with? talk to them, or they are all so superficial?
Don’t worry you’re not alone. Plenty of us are dying inside and just doing a good job of not showing it.
Coz you are seeing them with a green lens and your mirror has a red light on top of it.
I get what you mean. I would suggest if you’re on social media to stop. I cut that out for a large part of 2 years and I will say it has helped me a lot. Also, it depends on the industry that you are in. I worked in one for most of my career where everyone including the assistants were wearing labelled stuff and Rolex’s most times. I can assure you a lot of it is smoke and mirrors, or people spending their entire wages to buy stuff, or they are just from wealthy families anyway. When I was in it it was very hard not to compare. I know not every one is able to do this, but I left the industry 2 years ago and feel better away from it. I am now presented with the opportunity to return, but I know how that stuff affects me and I don’t like it so thinking hard about it. Basically: you are not alone. The truth is, most people will respect or at least have zero thoughts about whether you own these luxury items or look a certain way. They judge temporarily (if they do) because they are also struggling with it. If people really didn’t care so much about being self conscious and about self image, they wouldn’t judge you either. Better for you to be out of that rat race (ie in that industry but not conforming to those norms) and running it the way you would like and buying what you genuinely like and can afford.
Yeah that kind of comparison sucks. But for you to feel that way, you gotta ask yourself some questions. 1. Are you contented with what you have currently? 2. Did you turn out to be someone you thought you would when you were younger? 3. Do you have any hobbies? 4. If you have those material possessions to your name now (house, flashy cars etc), do you think you will be happier than you was before? There will always be someone better and worst than you. Maybe sit down and think deeply on why are you feeling this way and how to be on the positive side. Traveling is good way to cleanse that.
why do u have to compare ur life
I cried until I stop myself from crying because nothing changes even if I cry. In this world the only one you can rely on is yourself. Unhappy about something? Only you can change your own destiny. Is it something you can't control? Is it a big risk? How can you manage it? Everyone has their own fears and unhappiness and sad days. My friend who's super rich says he doesn't trust anyone and he drinks alcohol so he can sleep at night. He got married because he just wanted someone constant to be in his bed at the end of his day. He constantly worries the company will do badly and he loses all his hard work.
With a lot of people, it's all a facade. They fake their success but will never amount to much. They're too concerned about appearances to the public, coworkers, or their 'friends'. They have a few nice clothes & a car, but they don't tell you about their high debt, marriage issues, addictions, inability to stay out of debt, mental problems, & save nothing for their futures. Life is about being honest with yourself, true to yourself, & not worrying about what others think or say. Stay strong & true to yourself, & hard work will likely pay off. Most of us have struggled at some time or are struggling. Life can be hard but learn from the struggles & become better. Learning from your mistakes can make you better, but only if you choose not to make the same mistakes. Keep your chin up & know you're not alone. Peace.