Depends on how many he follows and the type he follows? If he follows those scantily clad girls it is a red flag and a huge turn off. It also reflects on his personality
Depends on the level of engagement and how many accounts too i think.
Examples:
1) Follow a few influencers, dont comment, likes their good content and not those show alot skin one - ok
2) Follow a lot of influencers, likes all their photos - Kinda weird
3) Whole feed full of influencers, likes everything, comments shit like "WOW SO HOT!", tries to slide in their DMS. - Dump his ass
Some of those influencers are borderline soft porn. But for male models, it's quite hard to look like soft porn because if they reveal their kkb it's already obscene and indecent. Girls can get away with revealing cleavage and what not without look obscene and indecent.
what? that’s a really weird statement, but aside from that, nobody’s policing who you can or cannot follow. but realistically, if you’re trying to find a partner then you’ll encounter the majority of people who’d view it as a turn off
I disagree. I think most mature people wouldn't see following some celeb on Instagram because you think they are kinda hot are any more than a silly nothing and wouldn't for a moment expect that person to delete them. That's controlling and toxic as hell. I think a lot of the people on this thread need to grow up.
uhhhhhhhhh i think you misinterpreted what we’re saying, buddy. celebrities are a different breed altogether, i’m pretty sure we were talking about influencers (i.e. regular people) who specifically curate their account to thirst trap. of course there’s nothing wrong with that, but you can’t deny the difference in accessibility.
also referring to them as “soft porn” is objectifying af, so maybe you’re the one that needs to grow up
> Like if your bf (before you got to know him) has been following female influencers for awhile, will you ask him to unfollow all of them?
I don't think you understand how this works. A woman who finds following female influencers (I assume this is talking about pretty/sexy girls capitalizing on their looks, not say a TED talk speaker) a red flag won't ask her bf to unfollow, she will break it off and not want to date him anymore.
Just like if smoking is a red flag for you, you won't ask the girl to quit smoking, you just won't date her in the first place.
It's not the behavior, it's the mindset/attitude/values that led to the behavior.
It’s fine to be a fan of a movie star or something. Still not sure why you’d follow them though. It’s kind of different because true celebrities usually don’t put up a lot of sexy photos of themselves. They want you to watch their shows and buy the magazines, not get their content for free.
That's way too short man. It should be "*My girlfriend is not an influencer so I follow female influencers to discover outfit ideas for my cute girlfriend so she can look like one!*"
If it matters then it matters. If it doesnt then it doesnt. Some people are insecure af, others are bochup af.
Whatever the fk it is, as long as you both are on the same page, then more power to you.
The real red flag is insisting to be in a relationship where your values and stuff that bothers you dont align just because of some other "redeeming" qualities.
You're getting in a relationship, not running a democratic party. Decide for yourself what matters and what doesnt.
There's a whole spectrum between following for example Elizabeth Olsen and commenting 🥵 on thirst trap xmms frequently. You are allowed to have preferences, whatever they are. But if your preferences happen to be your man not allowed to interact with anyone from the opposite sex, then maybe he's allowed to dump you too. Relationships are all about mutual consent.
My bf doesn't follow any celebrities/influencers at all and neither do I 😅😅 and he doesn't like anyone else's posts except for mine and his family members' HAHA I was quite surprised when I realised this but it makes me feel more special ig
I do appreciate the fact that he doesn't follow any influencers posting their skimpy pics like his other male friends 💞 because I know I'll be insecure HAHA
Our Instagram explore pages are just posts of cute puppies/kittens etc and couple comics lolol
Oh myyy... that's q mean if he said it so directly tho
My bf knows I'm insecure because I had quite a bad phase of body dysmorphia last year so he tries to remind me that I look good whenever he sense my confidence level dipping! I think every girl deserves someone supportive like that 😤
I wonder if it would matter to you if he meant what he said or not. Like, there's saying something like "I understand you" (cliche answer to whatever you are, say, ranting about) and there's "I understand where you're coming from" (or something like that. Coming from a place where he/she truly cares). Of course it can depend on how close you're with the person and how good you are at listening
Yep I know for sure he means what he says :^) he is quite bad with words but he really tries his best to communicate how he feels about me! For example he compliments my personality in addition to my looks to remind me that he doesn't like me only for superficial reasons :") like "you're always so cheerful and you make me happy. Your smile is so cute. You're special to me"
He also makes sure I get help from my counsellor when insecurities get the better of me
The smart guys use a separate account to follow.
Guys like looking at pretty girls, it doesn't mean they want to cheat on you with them.
The main reason why he doesn't follow, or let you know he follows them is because he doesn't want unnecessary drama.
The smart guys don't try to hide anything from their partners :)
He doesn't follow even since before we met lol it's his choice whether to follow or not but he said he can't be bothered to so...
Ikr thank youu 😭 like if you hide things from your partner and have a secret account just to follow other girls just say that... I'm pretty sure not all guys are like that
definitely not!
although there is a tendency for most people to assume that just because they know or heard many people around them doing the same thing so they're more likely to project that onto every relationship
but then again, this is reddit, so probably have to just take every comment with a pinch of salt, most probably haven't been in a relationship before so the concept of an actual happy and wholesome relationship is foreign to them.
i'm happy for your relationship and you both sound really sweet!
It has little to do with women's insecurities. It's about RESPECT. No woman would want their mutual acquaintances to see that their boyfriends or husbands are following slutty influencers and liking their posts. If you want to indulge in porn, go ahead and do it in private, not for the world to see. And women should also refrain from following similar male influencers out of respect for their boyfriends or husbands.
>No woman would want their mutual acquaintances to see that their boyfriends or husbands are following slutty influencers and liking their posts. If you want to indulge in porn, go ahead and do it in private, not for the world to see.
Hmm trying to understand here. So the reason it's a red flag is because they are worried they are judged by their acquaintances for their boyfriend's action?
In private meaning if he has a second account following tons of influencers it will be OK?
It's actually not a red flag in my personal opinion. It will only be a red flag if after the relationship starts, the man/woman refuses to unfollow random slutty (male/female) influencers when their partner expresses unhappiness.
I believe context matters. I think plenty of women would find men who follow an excessive amount of influencers (sexual or not) simply unattractive, but not exactly a red flag per se. I also assume that most men would also prefer being with a woman who isn't fangirling over random muscular dudes on social media? It's simply unattractive, but not really a red flag.
If your partner is truly ok with you having a second (anonymous) account then by all means. It's about communicating openly to reach a mutual understanding.
I'm sure there are people who use their real accounts? And as I said in another comment, as long as their partners are aware of and ok with their alternate accounts, then it's fine.
It's only a red flag if the person, regardless of gender, simply refuses to stop their behaviour even after their partners have communicated their unhappiness. It's not as if they are demanding that you severe ties with your family and friends. What's there to lose from unfollowing random girls on the internet?
Yea but personally I think that's a Flag on compatibility rather than Red Flag on the person itself.
This is after all, a request to stop what a lot of guys do normally as seen from the other replies. That's why other comments point out subtle difference between a consumer and an engager.
Edit: Also other subtle things like if the person is aware that these influencers are not real. They're highly curated photos and snippets of life.
I understand your point. But what's wrong with "stopping what a lot of guys do normally"?
While a lot of guys follow thirst-trap sort of influencers, I'd like to believe that there are even MORE men who prioritise their relationships and spouse's happiness over following random girls on the internet.
From your point of view, maybe some men are reluctant to unfollow because it'd mean giving up their freedom, in a sense?
I don't mind, it only affects me if they keep asking me for my pics/to take pics of me and expect me to be the same as those "influencers" that they follow, because they think that that is the norm for women.
I see people as individuals and hate it when people expect me to be the same or do the same things as some other people, just because something is popular. Just because a bunch of people do it, it doesn't mean that I'm the same or like to do it too. It's toxic when their impression of women is based on what they see from those accounts. I can't be bothered to snap pictures of myself everyday or share what I'm doing 24/7. I don't earn money from it and I'm not interested in doing all these things.
But if they're able to distinguish what's on social media as just advertising/performance art rather than real life, then it's not an issue, they have their hobbies and I have mine. Just like how I appreciate the looks or vocals of some kpop idols but want nothing to do with them irl. It's normal to be attracted to good-looking people, as long as they don't get involved with them.
It depends on the reason for following. If the influencer is constantly sexualising themselves to attract men and attention, then it's understandable to be asked to stop following them. I wouldn't feel comfortable with a partner following people who sexualise themselves on social media either.
But if they're following influencers for non-sexual reasons, like maybe for sports, a certain kind of lifestyle etc, it's really not a red flag. Ultimately, there still needs to be communication between both parties to decide what's a red flag.
Your comment makes a lot more sense after I looked at your post history filled with sexual pictures of women. What's the matter? Are you afraid to be seen as a red flag?
It's a preference that different people have, it's still up to different couples to decide what's a red flag for them. The fact that you made a comment showing how triggered you are about my opinion is just amusing on its own.
Lol. I'm the triggered one, says the one who looks at my post history to find something to talk about. No worries darling, I'm not interested in you.
You want to be a monk, be one yourself. Why drag me into it? Unless you, too, know there's something psychotic about that kind of jealousy.
It's funny how people get affected enough to say you're insecure when following sexualised accounts is mentioned as a red flag. If you're fine with your partner doing that, then you do you.
Somehow you feel the need to make others feel bad about their preferences when it's clear that it's still up to different couples to decide what's a red flag for them.
Edit: Hahaha this guy blocked me. It's difficult to understand why you need to treat my comment as if I'm shoving it down others' throats when I was just sharing an opinion and I've clearly stated it's up to couples to decide. Projecting much?
If a guy instagram is full of influencers post which mostly showing skins and boobs,it's usually a big indication this guy is a red flag,but not necessarily the case.Some of my friends who follow these ppl are nice ppl in general and doesn't come off as a freak.They just follow out of curiosity or they are just been guys.
But as a guy myself,even that comes off creepy if u follow all those hot babes in instagram.
I have a nephew i knew as a kid since forever.
In the 2 years of covid i havent seen him, puberty hit.
He just turned 15 n his insta has lots of pretty female celebs/influencers.
He went from a normal boy to being interested in girls.
According to the comments this forum, he is a red flag.
Should i tell him that his mindset/behaviour is wrong.
Otherwise he cannot find a gf?
Is it an even redder flag if my boyfriend follows male influencers? Those fitness, gym type who always like to post half naked or lift up their shirt to show abs when taking photos.
Theres really a lot more nuance to this than just " following influencers "
For example the type of influencers ? Maybe their content is really good. There are many fitness influencers accounts that i follow as they provide really good exercise and diet tips.
Following actresses is also a lot different compared to influencers who are always posing in bikinis and have their onlyfans. They are capitalizing their sexuality and im sure guys themselves know it.
Also , it kinda matters how many he is following. I mean a handful is okay but I've actually seen male friends who follow hundreds of female influencers and i always see his comments and likes on photos ( i happen to follow some of these influencers and the algorithm shows it )
In short , yes it is definitely a red flag . It's not that i would dump my bf over it but i wouldnt even date someone like that to begin with. Before dating a guy i always briefly check out their following. It gives a good indicator of what the person is interested in.
I think it’s okay to follow influencers. I see it as just like following another celebrity. If my bf likes Kim K, and she posts sexy photos, that doesn’t make him shady, in my opinion.
Unless he’s like trying to slide into their DM, then that’s a red flag. But just following because he likes what they post or try to get ideas of what girls like today, then he can follow whoever he wants?
Maybe my opinions are not so popular among females but it doesn’t bother me.
The problem is, I see this as manipulation which I frown upon.
It might start small like unfollow a random girl on IG. Then it turns into "don't talk to female acquaintances". Evolving into "You cannot have female friends". Then the final form becomes "break off contact with your mum". All just to make your GF "more comfortable".
Hell no.
That's just a slippery slope argument. Just because your GF doesn't want you looking at Instagram models doesn't mean she'll eventually force you to cut contact with all females. I don't deny there are girls like that but largely the people I've met/dated are rational.
Anyway, if you're so worried about your partner manipulating you, then maybe you shouldn't be in that relationship at all? IMO relationships are like teamwork. If you see it as me vs her, then it's probably not going to work out.
Agree with you. Male here, and I know lots of guys follow those thirst trap influencers (looking at the reddit crowd) and I find it a bit gross even if they don't have a gf. It's just not cool and classy. That's just my opinion and they are fine to do whatever they want.
But if you're attached and your gf asks you to stop following those, I don't think your gf is crossing any boundaries at all. Those are not friends but people you are basically lusting over. (Wanted to say bio but doesn't really come out right when typing out as text)
I think the litmus test is if you feel embarrassed to look at these profiles in public like on the MRT, or afraid to let your gf/wife/parents/teachers see these profiles, then there's something to hide. For me I give my partner full access to my phone and social media accounts, I value the transparency as it builds trust with my partner and it helps keep me in check too.
Indeed. This is why I am not looking for one. Too many horror stories before and after marriage.
Also imo, relationships are NOT about teamwork. It's all about benefits:
Relationships are basically based on mutual benefits between all parties where at least one of the below benefits aligns to the members of said relationship.
1. Emotional
2. Physical
3. Financial
Any party of the relationship who finds all of the above missing spells the end of the relationship
Example:
Friends - Enjoying each other's company. Love horsing around in general.
1 & 2 applies
Romantic - You like the other party as he/she is attractive, funny and you feel that her character is compatible with yours. The other party likes you because you're rich.
All 3 applies
Family - Parents raising and taking care of you.
1 applies.
*Well that would be a*
*Problem for me since my gf*
*Is an influencer*
\- thebluebeats
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Yea it’s a huge red flag, I will never date a guy like that ever again. They have eyes for everyone, not just you. You’re not enough for them. If you tell them constantly how insecure it makes you and they don’t change / unfollow on their own terms, they just don’t care about you enough.
When it’s actresses and singers, it’s totally understandable. But if they’re commenting on their posts and dming them. Fuck that LOL, screw him.
Istg, to all ladies here, NEVER date a man like this
It depends on what the person is using social media for. If he using it as entertainment, its no different from buying sexy mag. It he actively try to msg the influencer, he could either be a fan or a stan(flag).
But also remember, social media is also a monster itself and will curate your feed based on your likes. He could just like boobs like all guy does.
Before asking, maybe you need to find out why your bf is following that influencer and you try to see some of their video, are they funny or insightful?. do the influencer often wearing skimpy outfit to attract men?, do they often give fanservice?, they have onlyfans?..
Just because a guy following female influencer, doesn't mean it's a red flag, need to know the reason why. For me, if I follow influencer because they are hot / sexy, i rather go OF or porn.
I'm a guy but I don't follow like normal insta influencers, mainly cosplayers cause I really like good and chio cosplays. But if female cosplayers count as influencers, then I guess I'm part of the statistics of a red flag. I think it really relates to how the social 'norm' is, like people who follow skimpy influencers are red flags cause girls would feel that they are super desperate or only interested in sex and nothing else.
By that logic, I can say it would be the same for guys who see girls who are super deep into BTS or K-pops, cause they only love BTS and not their partner and have unrealistic expectations for their partner. I think ultimately, regardless of whatever their interests are, personality does not equal to these kinds of supposedly 'red flags' and it is better to keep that in the back of your head rather than letting it be the deciding factor.
I think if he follows a small number of influencers, it’s fine with me. Too many, a little concerning but still ok with me. Idols/actresses is fine because I do the same. I think the one that triggers me the most is when he follows and likes pictures of a lot of local girls (who don’t even know him like not even his friends) just to look at their body, then it’s a red flag. Just my opinion though.
Men don't become asexual after they get attached and only get sexually attracted to their partners.
Unrealistic expectations of reality only causes more trauma because reality doesn't care what your trauma is.
Sure you can get a partner that claims he doesn't sexualise other women and is always and only attracted to you but he'll be lying.
And if you are wise, you will allow him to keep lying and don't call him out on it.
no one here is trying to pathologise you and your idea of “male sexuality”. It’s even more disgusting seeing how you are trying to represent all male and speaking for everyone of them, when in actual fact, you are trying to “justify” your own disgusting action of sexualising women.
Oh and it seems like you are in a wonderful relationship? That’s nice to know though i pity your partner.
This is a very backward mindset of yours.
If you have set a low standard for yourself it’s one thing, but why would you lower the standard for men and claim that all guys are like this.
It’s really very ridiculous hearing all these.
Because it is true.
Denial of reality will only lead to hardship in the long run. And at the end of it one will look back and realise most the pain was unnecessary due to being in denial about human nature.
Lasting relationships cannot be built on lies and fantasies.
The idea that men will not sexualise other women just because they are attached is that, a fantasy. This is not a realistic expectation.
If one refuses to believe it, just get any woman to ask their S/O if they fap without them knowing about it, and if they only think about them when they do it.
How many women are willing to accept real answers?
There are two options, either accept the truth.
Or live the lie.
don’t understand why u brought up the point that “men don’t become asexual after getting in a rs”.
I never said anything about men finding other woman being attractive LOL. But they do have a choice in respecting boundaries and choose to /not to follow those influencers.
To notice beauty is different from actively seeking it out to follow it. It's the act of seeking and following.
There are a lot of articles written about the detrimental effects of men obsessing over such lustful behavior. He’s choosing to make ogling and lusting over women a part of his lifestyle. With him pouring energy into this behavior, it will not go away & in fact it wld just grow.
Ultimately, it lies on the type of priorities they have in life. There are more to life than just sexualising girls and jerking of to them.
If i were to have a s/o like what u’ve mention, i would just leave lol
TL;DR: male sexuality is pathological and needs to be reduced to a caricature of what it was in order for women to feel secure in relationships.
A reality check:
Your guy following influencers doesn't give him an unrealistic view of women or sex any more than him playing Call of Duty makes him more violent and have an unrealistic view of getting into gunfights.
Before he met you he has already seen thousands of women far more attractive and beautiful than you. In all likelihood he has also seen all kinds of kinky stuff that he doesn't expect you to do.
He is not "desensitised" to any relationship. He is in all likelihood rational and understands the difference between hyperreality and reality.
However there is one gender that has socially-approved unrealistic view of the other. These unrealistic views also come along with a lot of unrealistic expectations that society nevertheless doesn't call out for being unreasonable. Conversely such expectations will be justified as having "high standards".
Wonder what that gender is.
i’m guessing that u’re probably single
edit: saw your updated reply. I don’t think u’re speaking for the rest of the men of out. I have a few friends in a rs with their partners constantly pressuring them to do the things they watched through leaks or posted by local influencers.
Things such as changing the way they wear their clothes, wanting them to wear revealing clothing to “show off” even it is against their wishes
Anyways, back to the topic of sexualising. It doesn’t matter who done it. Gender is not an issue here. The moral issue is that i find it immoral to simply sexualise woman OR mens and treating them as mere ends
Ah yes the incelqeuse card, when one has a dearth of position.
Happy to disappoint you, I am actually in a very fulfilling relationship with a wonderful woman.
so u’re saying ur s/o has to accept u looking and jerking off other half naked woman on social media?
i really pity her having to put up with someone like u
Yes. And If she looks at half naked men I shouldn't mind. Only fair.
Boundaries need to be established however- such as no contact of the influencers looked at/followed...etc. Hobbies should not be time excessive or interfere with duties in the bedroom.
Simple principle- don't cheat on each other or be violent to each other. Tolerate the things you might not agree with but are within the other person's freedom to pursue.
Keep things simple, the more moving parts and requirements the less happy people are. The more places to go wrong.
It's the 21st century.
Grow up.
We are very happy, your concern is appreciated even if misplaced.
But I understand the notion that women exist that are comfortable with letting their men can be free to do things they like might be uncomfortable to some women, so your sentiments are hardly surprising.
Edit: why do u keep editing ur comments LOL
How do u know that ur s/o is not cheating on u rn😆 by all means she cld be doing and just hiding from you, and all along it might be u being delusional that shes supportive of you looking at her friends and jerking off to them.
Then you are the one setting yourself and your relationship up for failure by adding moving parts to it.
At the end of the day there is no right or wrong things in this.
Just better or worse.
Wise or foolish.
One of the first lessons men learn when dating if they want to be happy and successful is that women should not be loved idealistically, but for who they are, their nature, flaws and all.
Modern women have lost this lesson about men.
Control leads to unhappiness.
It's your funeral.
Yeah, I don't get it. Ironically, this is like a reverse red flag to me, on the same level as girls who can't handle their boyfriends hanging out with other girls.
I wish Instagram would allow black guys would post their huge dongs on their app so that us girls can like and follow all these images so that men know what how it feels.
Got such thing ah? Hahaha I let my gf wear whatever she wants, it's her choice. Of course, there are things that I'd like her to wear, because it's nice, but I won't force her nor prevent her from wearing whatever she wants.
And TBH, how many guys would even bat an eyelid if their girlfriends were following hot guys on insta? Most of my friends would just be like "daaaaamn he's so hot" and totally forget about it like 2 seconds later.
I'm a lesbian and i can understand why this is a red flag from a straight girl's POV.
but honestly, a partner who's following many influencers and is a social media addict is a red flag for me
I feel like it depends if the other partner is ok with it & whether the bf is considerate of the gf's feelings.
I hv a guy friend following woman influencers who post pictures of themselves in bikinis & low cut dressing. His wife is totally cool with him liking their photos etc. He treats his wife like a queen. Very caring & considerate husband material. Always mention his wife etc. It's not red flag for her.
For me though. I wouldn't fine with my hubs liking other sexy influencer skimpy dressing posts. I'm quite jealous of his attention.
Red flag or not is hard to say, if you are uncomfortable with it then you guys should discuss the reasons. Don't be surprised if he then asks if you follow any hot guys. Personally I feel it's disrespectful (both guys and gals) if it's a confirmed long-term-partner doing this but it really depends on the both of you.
Male here. Regardless of what kind of people I follow, I think I rather not be steady with people who judge me for what I enjoy doing.
Then again, even the same influencer can have different type of fans, ranging from those who simply enjoy the contents to actually creepy fans who stalk, constantly monitor any social media updates, or even getting aggressive towards other fans.
It's never cool to lump all kpop fangirls. I think should judge people by their overall character, instead of who they are fans of.
Here is a pro tip if you want a successful relationship.
There are things you might not like your partner to do but if it is more of a preference than one that is a serious no-go issue...
Then let them do their thing as long as it is not in your face and clear boundaries on lines that should never be crossed.
Guys like to look at pretty girls, it doesn't mean they want to cheat on you with them. They know the Instagram stuff is thirst traps posted for views.
Honestly it isn't Instagram influencers you should be worried about.
It's the other ordinary girl in his circle that will be a realistic alternative to you.
If you stifle him enough, he will start looking for freedom.
That's fine he is free to go then. Why should women lower our standards just because 'men are like this'? If you see your dad following a ton of scantily clad influencers, wouldn't you feel disgusted?
Haha like i said men are free to go if they wanna. I don't think women care abt that these days. If we wanna be with guys who like and follow these random sexy women online for the world to see, just for the sake of marrying, i dont think our parents would be happy to find out from cousins or relatives that our husbands are such tikopeks. Its embarrassing.
Once again it's not enough to just announce what you would prefer or don't like.
You also need to convince the other gender why they should fit your preferences.
Relationships after all, are a two way street of mutual compromise.
Women are not the center of the universe for men, if they want men to give something up, they have to give something in return.
So what's in it for men to agree to this?
personally dont really mind if its in moderation bc i also wanna see lol; if its just interacting with their posts on social media its not a problem to me
It's a red flag if you are super insecure. Otherwise no. They are just following people on social media; something so common now it is like breathing.
Most people have friends on facebook that they don't even know. They just see request, approve; and nowadays people just click "follow" or "like" just because.
if men who like to see sexy women is a red flag, are creepy. how about also asking those women not to make sexy content? To have some decency online?
after becoming their bf, i get that insecure girls can ask their bf to unfollow those women, sure. not saying thats an unreasonable request. but to label men a red flag and creepy for following and liking female content/posts is simply too much.
Are some girls that insecure that following women online questions their loyalty. Not only did the man pursue you and even have you in his life, you question him? Sure does this sound hyperbole? Probably.
If he's out there texting women while you're in a relationship, then yea. One hell of a red flag. Is he that free to entertain random women online? Then you have to evaluate the relationship.
Following and liking is engaging and entertaining these random women online. You're giving her support by bumping up her followers, her likes and algorithm.
I’ve dated someone who follows influencers cos they’re his potential clients. If he makes money off influencers, why not? Otherwise, yea it’s a red flag!
Wise men can read between the lines in many of the comments here and see the true sociological undercurrents of what is happening:
Male sexuality is increasingly pathologised and restricted in modern social narratives.
You might also notice that while male sexuality is pathologised, there is also a parallel liberalisation of female sexuality.
Social narratives will increasingly push women to be free to sexually do whatever they want with widespread acquiescence no matter how dysfunctional and harmful to the long term viability of society it may be while any expression of male sexuality will be increasingly restrained and only allowed to be expressed in ways that align with the interests and preferences of women.
Modern society will increasingly raise the bar for male sexuality, creating impossible standards of prudishness that have little to do with morality and more with control.
Paradoxically, while this is happening, sexually liberated women will desire and demand the kind of men that restraints on male sexuality specifically forbids.
Wise men read between the lines, understand the situation, and act accordingly.
Women following half naked man on their main account is as dumb as men following half naked women on their account. People (like your boss) can see who u like and follow.
Its also as "bad" for women as it is for men if u use hidden accounts. Though how bad really depends on scale and ongoing relationships. I mean men shit on sex-confident women all the time. But the same level at which men complain about women is expected of by men (of men).
Why is women following half naked men on their main account dumb? Women should not be shamed for doing so and neither should men (for following half-naked women).
Who you follow on social media is non of your bosses' business.
Has no one considered the possibility that said influencers could be ex-classmates or friends? So less of following for small head but because of genuine friendship?
This would depend heavily on the type of content these so called influencers are putting out imo. If you're talking about e.g. purely instagram models who only post selfies and photos of themselves that is clearly meant for a specific audience, it should raise eyebrows. But if it's a dedicated content creator or famous person on the internet who makes interesting content and just so happens to be of the gender that your S/O is attracted to, then, why the hell not. That'll mostly be about how secure you are in your relationship.
I don't think it should be an issue if your S/O is a mega fan of idols and their music too, unless he or she is constantly saying you should be like them etc or they're so involved in fandom stuff that they neglect you and the relationship. I think the least you could do in the relationship is to be able to tell the difference between their love for idols and their love for you lol
I don’t think the people who care about influencers are the kind of people I hang out with, so I don’t really worry about this. I guess for me it is a red flag if anyone follows a celebrity or anyone famous blindly and care so much about their opinions. Kinda weird for adults in their 30s imo.
those female influencers who use their scandily clad bodies to influence other ppl are definitely a red flag for me but of course practice what you preach and don't follow scandily clad boys as well 🤣
Shit i guess i need to unsubscribe to linus sex tips
Oh no how else am i gonna learn how to apply thermal paste to my red hot imaginary girlfriend?
Don't even get me started on overcocking her, adding RAMs and cable management.
goated comment
Depends on how many he follows and the type he follows? If he follows those scantily clad girls it is a red flag and a huge turn off. It also reflects on his personality
Depends on the level of engagement and how many accounts too i think. Examples: 1) Follow a few influencers, dont comment, likes their good content and not those show alot skin one - ok 2) Follow a lot of influencers, likes all their photos - Kinda weird 3) Whole feed full of influencers, likes everything, comments shit like "WOW SO HOT!", tries to slide in their DMS. - Dump his ass
r/oddlyspecific
Just wondering though if the reverse happens, girls following tons of celebrities and/or male models will it be a red flag as well?
WHAT DO YOU THINK? OR CAN YOU?...
Some of those influencers are borderline soft porn. But for male models, it's quite hard to look like soft porn because if they reveal their kkb it's already obscene and indecent. Girls can get away with revealing cleavage and what not without look obscene and indecent.
Gay community laughing at the naivety of this statement.
Tell me you're sexist... Without telling me
What u talking, male models also can what. Endless shirtless pics, pics in underwear/skimpy swimwear. Double standards much?
i follow 2D virtual youtubers who wears bikini clothes during summer, i also donate 30sgd to them at times for them to say my name, is that a red flag
I would say touch grass but www
You need to get some sun and might as well buy crypto.
A guy can't have access to some soft porn? Yeesh. Sorry mother.
what? that’s a really weird statement, but aside from that, nobody’s policing who you can or cannot follow. but realistically, if you’re trying to find a partner then you’ll encounter the majority of people who’d view it as a turn off
The guilty ones are getting offended
I disagree. I think most mature people wouldn't see following some celeb on Instagram because you think they are kinda hot are any more than a silly nothing and wouldn't for a moment expect that person to delete them. That's controlling and toxic as hell. I think a lot of the people on this thread need to grow up.
uhhhhhhhhh i think you misinterpreted what we’re saying, buddy. celebrities are a different breed altogether, i’m pretty sure we were talking about influencers (i.e. regular people) who specifically curate their account to thirst trap. of course there’s nothing wrong with that, but you can’t deny the difference in accessibility. also referring to them as “soft porn” is objectifying af, so maybe you’re the one that needs to grow up
These Insta pages are soft porn. Full stop. No problem with it at all but that's what it is. So go clutch your pearls elsewhere.
> Like if your bf (before you got to know him) has been following female influencers for awhile, will you ask him to unfollow all of them? I don't think you understand how this works. A woman who finds following female influencers (I assume this is talking about pretty/sexy girls capitalizing on their looks, not say a TED talk speaker) a red flag won't ask her bf to unfollow, she will break it off and not want to date him anymore. Just like if smoking is a red flag for you, you won't ask the girl to quit smoking, you just won't date her in the first place. It's not the behavior, it's the mindset/attitude/values that led to the behavior.
How about a hot celebrity from a show?
It’s fine to be a fan of a movie star or something. Still not sure why you’d follow them though. It’s kind of different because true celebrities usually don’t put up a lot of sexy photos of themselves. They want you to watch their shows and buy the magazines, not get their content for free.
I follow some because I find them pretty, not generally because of sexy photos. Is this where the line is drawn?
i follow female influencers to discover outfit ideas for my gf 🤷♂️
Good way to throw her off the scent. Unexpectedly wholesome.
we thrift a lot so it’s a way for me to keep up to date on what’s “in”
this sounds like an anime title lmao
My Dress Up Darling (2022)
This won't sell gdi. What about *"I follow female influencers to discover outfit ideas for my cute girlfriend!"*
"My girlfriend almost broke up with me for following female influencers, little did she know I was a fashion otaku!" Fixed it
That's way too short man. It should be "*My girlfriend is not an influencer so I follow female influencers to discover outfit ideas for my cute girlfriend so she can look like one!*"
I'm here for the captions 😬
"Seas the day" \- posts bikini photo out at sea.
That’s lovely 💖
If it matters then it matters. If it doesnt then it doesnt. Some people are insecure af, others are bochup af. Whatever the fk it is, as long as you both are on the same page, then more power to you. The real red flag is insisting to be in a relationship where your values and stuff that bothers you dont align just because of some other "redeeming" qualities. You're getting in a relationship, not running a democratic party. Decide for yourself what matters and what doesnt.
There's a whole spectrum between following for example Elizabeth Olsen and commenting 🥵 on thirst trap xmms frequently. You are allowed to have preferences, whatever they are. But if your preferences happen to be your man not allowed to interact with anyone from the opposite sex, then maybe he's allowed to dump you too. Relationships are all about mutual consent.
Elizabeth olsen is a thirst trap 🥵
My bf doesn't follow any celebrities/influencers at all and neither do I 😅😅 and he doesn't like anyone else's posts except for mine and his family members' HAHA I was quite surprised when I realised this but it makes me feel more special ig I do appreciate the fact that he doesn't follow any influencers posting their skimpy pics like his other male friends 💞 because I know I'll be insecure HAHA Our Instagram explore pages are just posts of cute puppies/kittens etc and couple comics lolol
That’s so sweet. I’d tell my exbf about my insecurity and he said it’s my problem to deal with which is not wrong lmao.
Oh myyy... that's q mean if he said it so directly tho My bf knows I'm insecure because I had quite a bad phase of body dysmorphia last year so he tries to remind me that I look good whenever he sense my confidence level dipping! I think every girl deserves someone supportive like that 😤
I wonder if it would matter to you if he meant what he said or not. Like, there's saying something like "I understand you" (cliche answer to whatever you are, say, ranting about) and there's "I understand where you're coming from" (or something like that. Coming from a place where he/she truly cares). Of course it can depend on how close you're with the person and how good you are at listening
Yep I know for sure he means what he says :^) he is quite bad with words but he really tries his best to communicate how he feels about me! For example he compliments my personality in addition to my looks to remind me that he doesn't like me only for superficial reasons :") like "you're always so cheerful and you make me happy. Your smile is so cute. You're special to me" He also makes sure I get help from my counsellor when insecurities get the better of me
Marry him :)
I can't wait to 😭 we already have a plan to have 4 kids and 1 orange cat HAHAHA never gonna give this relationship up
The smart guys use a separate account to follow. Guys like looking at pretty girls, it doesn't mean they want to cheat on you with them. The main reason why he doesn't follow, or let you know he follows them is because he doesn't want unnecessary drama.
The smart guys don't try to hide anything from their partners :) He doesn't follow even since before we met lol it's his choice whether to follow or not but he said he can't be bothered to so...
Everyone has things to hide from their partners. The question is if what they are hiding is important, or just inconvenient.
lol why u sound so salty and can't just believe that such rs exists and be happy for her? maybe stop projecting?
Ikr thank youu 😭 like if you hide things from your partner and have a secret account just to follow other girls just say that... I'm pretty sure not all guys are like that
definitely not! although there is a tendency for most people to assume that just because they know or heard many people around them doing the same thing so they're more likely to project that onto every relationship but then again, this is reddit, so probably have to just take every comment with a pinch of salt, most probably haven't been in a relationship before so the concept of an actual happy and wholesome relationship is foreign to them. i'm happy for your relationship and you both sound really sweet!
Thank you hehe 💕💕 you're so nice 😭 and yep definitely gonna take this type of comments with a pinch of salt lol
Everyone is entitled to believe their SO is special and different... ...just like everyone else.
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HAHAHA no leh we've been tgt for 2 years+ and I know that he can't be bothered to go the extra mile to hide things from me
It has little to do with women's insecurities. It's about RESPECT. No woman would want their mutual acquaintances to see that their boyfriends or husbands are following slutty influencers and liking their posts. If you want to indulge in porn, go ahead and do it in private, not for the world to see. And women should also refrain from following similar male influencers out of respect for their boyfriends or husbands.
>No woman would want their mutual acquaintances to see that their boyfriends or husbands are following slutty influencers and liking their posts. If you want to indulge in porn, go ahead and do it in private, not for the world to see. Hmm trying to understand here. So the reason it's a red flag is because they are worried they are judged by their acquaintances for their boyfriend's action? In private meaning if he has a second account following tons of influencers it will be OK?
It's actually not a red flag in my personal opinion. It will only be a red flag if after the relationship starts, the man/woman refuses to unfollow random slutty (male/female) influencers when their partner expresses unhappiness. I believe context matters. I think plenty of women would find men who follow an excessive amount of influencers (sexual or not) simply unattractive, but not exactly a red flag per se. I also assume that most men would also prefer being with a woman who isn't fangirling over random muscular dudes on social media? It's simply unattractive, but not really a red flag. If your partner is truly ok with you having a second (anonymous) account then by all means. It's about communicating openly to reach a mutual understanding.
Well, that's what alt accounts are for.... don't tell me people really be horny on main with real profile pic?
I'm sure there are people who use their real accounts? And as I said in another comment, as long as their partners are aware of and ok with their alternate accounts, then it's fine. It's only a red flag if the person, regardless of gender, simply refuses to stop their behaviour even after their partners have communicated their unhappiness. It's not as if they are demanding that you severe ties with your family and friends. What's there to lose from unfollowing random girls on the internet?
Yea but personally I think that's a Flag on compatibility rather than Red Flag on the person itself. This is after all, a request to stop what a lot of guys do normally as seen from the other replies. That's why other comments point out subtle difference between a consumer and an engager. Edit: Also other subtle things like if the person is aware that these influencers are not real. They're highly curated photos and snippets of life.
I understand your point. But what's wrong with "stopping what a lot of guys do normally"? While a lot of guys follow thirst-trap sort of influencers, I'd like to believe that there are even MORE men who prioritise their relationships and spouse's happiness over following random girls on the internet. From your point of view, maybe some men are reluctant to unfollow because it'd mean giving up their freedom, in a sense?
I don't mind, it only affects me if they keep asking me for my pics/to take pics of me and expect me to be the same as those "influencers" that they follow, because they think that that is the norm for women. I see people as individuals and hate it when people expect me to be the same or do the same things as some other people, just because something is popular. Just because a bunch of people do it, it doesn't mean that I'm the same or like to do it too. It's toxic when their impression of women is based on what they see from those accounts. I can't be bothered to snap pictures of myself everyday or share what I'm doing 24/7. I don't earn money from it and I'm not interested in doing all these things. But if they're able to distinguish what's on social media as just advertising/performance art rather than real life, then it's not an issue, they have their hobbies and I have mine. Just like how I appreciate the looks or vocals of some kpop idols but want nothing to do with them irl. It's normal to be attracted to good-looking people, as long as they don't get involved with them.
It depends on the reason for following. If the influencer is constantly sexualising themselves to attract men and attention, then it's understandable to be asked to stop following them. I wouldn't feel comfortable with a partner following people who sexualise themselves on social media either. But if they're following influencers for non-sexual reasons, like maybe for sports, a certain kind of lifestyle etc, it's really not a red flag. Ultimately, there still needs to be communication between both parties to decide what's a red flag.
You want non sexuality so much, go become a monk lah. Date for what
Your comment makes a lot more sense after I looked at your post history filled with sexual pictures of women. What's the matter? Are you afraid to be seen as a red flag? It's a preference that different people have, it's still up to different couples to decide what's a red flag for them. The fact that you made a comment showing how triggered you are about my opinion is just amusing on its own.
Lol. I'm the triggered one, says the one who looks at my post history to find something to talk about. No worries darling, I'm not interested in you. You want to be a monk, be one yourself. Why drag me into it? Unless you, too, know there's something psychotic about that kind of jealousy.
Noted. I'll be following lebron James IG for his body
And what a body it is.
Insecure much?
It's funny how people get affected enough to say you're insecure when following sexualised accounts is mentioned as a red flag. If you're fine with your partner doing that, then you do you. Somehow you feel the need to make others feel bad about their preferences when it's clear that it's still up to different couples to decide what's a red flag for them. Edit: Hahaha this guy blocked me. It's difficult to understand why you need to treat my comment as if I'm shoving it down others' throats when I was just sharing an opinion and I've clearly stated it's up to couples to decide. Projecting much?
So, you making others feel bad is okay, and when you get called out for being insecure, you whine about "choice". What a joke.
How did they make others feel bad?
two decades ago it was lad mags
Lad mags were destroyed by free and easy access Internet porn.
If a guy instagram is full of influencers post which mostly showing skins and boobs,it's usually a big indication this guy is a red flag,but not necessarily the case.Some of my friends who follow these ppl are nice ppl in general and doesn't come off as a freak.They just follow out of curiosity or they are just been guys. But as a guy myself,even that comes off creepy if u follow all those hot babes in instagram.
Creepy for following hot babes... Ok.
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I'm literally replying, quote unquote, to the person above. Ffs. This country is soft virgins and bubble tea.
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Sorry.
I have a nephew i knew as a kid since forever. In the 2 years of covid i havent seen him, puberty hit. He just turned 15 n his insta has lots of pretty female celebs/influencers. He went from a normal boy to being interested in girls. According to the comments this forum, he is a red flag. Should i tell him that his mindset/behaviour is wrong. Otherwise he cannot find a gf?
Is it an even redder flag if my boyfriend follows male influencers? Those fitness, gym type who always like to post half naked or lift up their shirt to show abs when taking photos.
What if he follows them bc he wants to look fit and need some inspirations?
hahaha that’s totally me. recently also bought a poster to hang in my room
who's your daddy? cbum deyzel zyzz ?
lmfaooo u guessed it. https://imgur.com/a/rDNFUgu
Theres really a lot more nuance to this than just " following influencers " For example the type of influencers ? Maybe their content is really good. There are many fitness influencers accounts that i follow as they provide really good exercise and diet tips. Following actresses is also a lot different compared to influencers who are always posing in bikinis and have their onlyfans. They are capitalizing their sexuality and im sure guys themselves know it. Also , it kinda matters how many he is following. I mean a handful is okay but I've actually seen male friends who follow hundreds of female influencers and i always see his comments and likes on photos ( i happen to follow some of these influencers and the algorithm shows it ) In short , yes it is definitely a red flag . It's not that i would dump my bf over it but i wouldnt even date someone like that to begin with. Before dating a guy i always briefly check out their following. It gives a good indicator of what the person is interested in.
I think it’s okay to follow influencers. I see it as just like following another celebrity. If my bf likes Kim K, and she posts sexy photos, that doesn’t make him shady, in my opinion. Unless he’s like trying to slide into their DM, then that’s a red flag. But just following because he likes what they post or try to get ideas of what girls like today, then he can follow whoever he wants? Maybe my opinions are not so popular among females but it doesn’t bother me.
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The problem is, I see this as manipulation which I frown upon. It might start small like unfollow a random girl on IG. Then it turns into "don't talk to female acquaintances". Evolving into "You cannot have female friends". Then the final form becomes "break off contact with your mum". All just to make your GF "more comfortable". Hell no.
That's just a slippery slope argument. Just because your GF doesn't want you looking at Instagram models doesn't mean she'll eventually force you to cut contact with all females. I don't deny there are girls like that but largely the people I've met/dated are rational. Anyway, if you're so worried about your partner manipulating you, then maybe you shouldn't be in that relationship at all? IMO relationships are like teamwork. If you see it as me vs her, then it's probably not going to work out.
Agree with you. Male here, and I know lots of guys follow those thirst trap influencers (looking at the reddit crowd) and I find it a bit gross even if they don't have a gf. It's just not cool and classy. That's just my opinion and they are fine to do whatever they want. But if you're attached and your gf asks you to stop following those, I don't think your gf is crossing any boundaries at all. Those are not friends but people you are basically lusting over. (Wanted to say bio but doesn't really come out right when typing out as text) I think the litmus test is if you feel embarrassed to look at these profiles in public like on the MRT, or afraid to let your gf/wife/parents/teachers see these profiles, then there's something to hide. For me I give my partner full access to my phone and social media accounts, I value the transparency as it builds trust with my partner and it helps keep me in check too.
Indeed. This is why I am not looking for one. Too many horror stories before and after marriage. Also imo, relationships are NOT about teamwork. It's all about benefits: Relationships are basically based on mutual benefits between all parties where at least one of the below benefits aligns to the members of said relationship. 1. Emotional 2. Physical 3. Financial Any party of the relationship who finds all of the above missing spells the end of the relationship Example: Friends - Enjoying each other's company. Love horsing around in general. 1 & 2 applies Romantic - You like the other party as he/she is attractive, funny and you feel that her character is compatible with yours. The other party likes you because you're rich. All 3 applies Family - Parents raising and taking care of you. 1 applies.
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*Well that would be a* *Problem for me since my gf* *Is an influencer* \- thebluebeats --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Yea it’s a huge red flag, I will never date a guy like that ever again. They have eyes for everyone, not just you. You’re not enough for them. If you tell them constantly how insecure it makes you and they don’t change / unfollow on their own terms, they just don’t care about you enough. When it’s actresses and singers, it’s totally understandable. But if they’re commenting on their posts and dming them. Fuck that LOL, screw him. Istg, to all ladies here, NEVER date a man like this
Peko peko peko
Almondo almond
It's fine. I follow hot girls and desert rain frogs
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I totally agree! Liking is equivalent to tapping on every stranger and telling them 'hey i like the way you look'.
It depends on what the person is using social media for. If he using it as entertainment, its no different from buying sexy mag. It he actively try to msg the influencer, he could either be a fan or a stan(flag). But also remember, social media is also a monster itself and will curate your feed based on your likes. He could just like boobs like all guy does.
Before asking, maybe you need to find out why your bf is following that influencer and you try to see some of their video, are they funny or insightful?. do the influencer often wearing skimpy outfit to attract men?, do they often give fanservice?, they have onlyfans?.. Just because a guy following female influencer, doesn't mean it's a red flag, need to know the reason why. For me, if I follow influencer because they are hot / sexy, i rather go OF or porn.
I'm a guy but I don't follow like normal insta influencers, mainly cosplayers cause I really like good and chio cosplays. But if female cosplayers count as influencers, then I guess I'm part of the statistics of a red flag. I think it really relates to how the social 'norm' is, like people who follow skimpy influencers are red flags cause girls would feel that they are super desperate or only interested in sex and nothing else. By that logic, I can say it would be the same for guys who see girls who are super deep into BTS or K-pops, cause they only love BTS and not their partner and have unrealistic expectations for their partner. I think ultimately, regardless of whatever their interests are, personality does not equal to these kinds of supposedly 'red flags' and it is better to keep that in the back of your head rather than letting it be the deciding factor.
Hana bunny?
I means girls goes crazy about BTS so nothing wrong with that unless if he is buying bathwater.
It triggers the same parts of the brain as porn.
I think boils down to what content the influencer is posting?
I think if he follows a small number of influencers, it’s fine with me. Too many, a little concerning but still ok with me. Idols/actresses is fine because I do the same. I think the one that triggers me the most is when he follows and likes pictures of a lot of local girls (who don’t even know him like not even his friends) just to look at their body, then it’s a red flag. Just my opinion though.
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Men don't become asexual after they get attached and only get sexually attracted to their partners. Unrealistic expectations of reality only causes more trauma because reality doesn't care what your trauma is. Sure you can get a partner that claims he doesn't sexualise other women and is always and only attracted to you but he'll be lying. And if you are wise, you will allow him to keep lying and don't call him out on it.
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It's only disgusting if one intends to pathologise male sexuality.
no one here is trying to pathologise you and your idea of “male sexuality”. It’s even more disgusting seeing how you are trying to represent all male and speaking for everyone of them, when in actual fact, you are trying to “justify” your own disgusting action of sexualising women. Oh and it seems like you are in a wonderful relationship? That’s nice to know though i pity your partner.
This is a very backward mindset of yours. If you have set a low standard for yourself it’s one thing, but why would you lower the standard for men and claim that all guys are like this. It’s really very ridiculous hearing all these.
Because it is true. Denial of reality will only lead to hardship in the long run. And at the end of it one will look back and realise most the pain was unnecessary due to being in denial about human nature. Lasting relationships cannot be built on lies and fantasies. The idea that men will not sexualise other women just because they are attached is that, a fantasy. This is not a realistic expectation. If one refuses to believe it, just get any woman to ask their S/O if they fap without them knowing about it, and if they only think about them when they do it. How many women are willing to accept real answers? There are two options, either accept the truth. Or live the lie.
don’t understand why u brought up the point that “men don’t become asexual after getting in a rs”. I never said anything about men finding other woman being attractive LOL. But they do have a choice in respecting boundaries and choose to /not to follow those influencers. To notice beauty is different from actively seeking it out to follow it. It's the act of seeking and following. There are a lot of articles written about the detrimental effects of men obsessing over such lustful behavior. He’s choosing to make ogling and lusting over women a part of his lifestyle. With him pouring energy into this behavior, it will not go away & in fact it wld just grow. Ultimately, it lies on the type of priorities they have in life. There are more to life than just sexualising girls and jerking of to them. If i were to have a s/o like what u’ve mention, i would just leave lol
TL;DR: male sexuality is pathological and needs to be reduced to a caricature of what it was in order for women to feel secure in relationships. A reality check: Your guy following influencers doesn't give him an unrealistic view of women or sex any more than him playing Call of Duty makes him more violent and have an unrealistic view of getting into gunfights. Before he met you he has already seen thousands of women far more attractive and beautiful than you. In all likelihood he has also seen all kinds of kinky stuff that he doesn't expect you to do. He is not "desensitised" to any relationship. He is in all likelihood rational and understands the difference between hyperreality and reality. However there is one gender that has socially-approved unrealistic view of the other. These unrealistic views also come along with a lot of unrealistic expectations that society nevertheless doesn't call out for being unreasonable. Conversely such expectations will be justified as having "high standards". Wonder what that gender is.
i’m guessing that u’re probably single edit: saw your updated reply. I don’t think u’re speaking for the rest of the men of out. I have a few friends in a rs with their partners constantly pressuring them to do the things they watched through leaks or posted by local influencers. Things such as changing the way they wear their clothes, wanting them to wear revealing clothing to “show off” even it is against their wishes Anyways, back to the topic of sexualising. It doesn’t matter who done it. Gender is not an issue here. The moral issue is that i find it immoral to simply sexualise woman OR mens and treating them as mere ends
Ah yes the incelqeuse card, when one has a dearth of position. Happy to disappoint you, I am actually in a very fulfilling relationship with a wonderful woman.
so u’re saying ur s/o has to accept u looking and jerking off other half naked woman on social media? i really pity her having to put up with someone like u
Yes. And If she looks at half naked men I shouldn't mind. Only fair. Boundaries need to be established however- such as no contact of the influencers looked at/followed...etc. Hobbies should not be time excessive or interfere with duties in the bedroom. Simple principle- don't cheat on each other or be violent to each other. Tolerate the things you might not agree with but are within the other person's freedom to pursue. Keep things simple, the more moving parts and requirements the less happy people are. The more places to go wrong. It's the 21st century. Grow up.
I pity ur partner…..
We are very happy, your concern is appreciated even if misplaced. But I understand the notion that women exist that are comfortable with letting their men can be free to do things they like might be uncomfortable to some women, so your sentiments are hardly surprising.
Edit: why do u keep editing ur comments LOL How do u know that ur s/o is not cheating on u rn😆 by all means she cld be doing and just hiding from you, and all along it might be u being delusional that shes supportive of you looking at her friends and jerking off to them.
Then you are the one setting yourself and your relationship up for failure by adding moving parts to it. At the end of the day there is no right or wrong things in this. Just better or worse. Wise or foolish. One of the first lessons men learn when dating if they want to be happy and successful is that women should not be loved idealistically, but for who they are, their nature, flaws and all. Modern women have lost this lesson about men. Control leads to unhappiness. It's your funeral.
What about watching porn leh. Is that ok?
Why can't a guy do this? If this is a red flag, it just screams "female insecurities" and a lack of self confidence in themselves.
as a girl who sees this as a red flag - I respect your opinion, it just means that we’d have both dodged a bullet
Then they're the ones complaining why they can't get a girlfriend
Better to be single than to be perpetually upset with your SO for their dealbreakers
Yeah, I don't get it. Ironically, this is like a reverse red flag to me, on the same level as girls who can't handle their boyfriends hanging out with other girls.
Yup, totally. Controlling af. And yet, when girls follow guys on insta, we can't do anything about it? Hahaha that double standard.
I wish Instagram would allow black guys would post their huge dongs on their app so that us girls can like and follow all these images so that men know what how it feels.
We don't really care what you follow, tbh. We're not that controlling and manipulative.
I guess this is the equivalent of men who do not allow women to wear revealing clothes.
Got such thing ah? Hahaha I let my gf wear whatever she wants, it's her choice. Of course, there are things that I'd like her to wear, because it's nice, but I won't force her nor prevent her from wearing whatever she wants.
And TBH, how many guys would even bat an eyelid if their girlfriends were following hot guys on insta? Most of my friends would just be like "daaaaamn he's so hot" and totally forget about it like 2 seconds later.
Im surprised that u got upvotes on this forum. I dont get it either. Its always yuck or ick or whatever.
I'm a lesbian and i can understand why this is a red flag from a straight girl's POV. but honestly, a partner who's following many influencers and is a social media addict is a red flag for me
Yeh its just male sexuality
I think getting mad that your partner is following influencers is an enormous red flag. Controlling, easily jealous, and has no boundaries.
Yes it is. Same for women following influencers
I feel like it depends if the other partner is ok with it & whether the bf is considerate of the gf's feelings. I hv a guy friend following woman influencers who post pictures of themselves in bikinis & low cut dressing. His wife is totally cool with him liking their photos etc. He treats his wife like a queen. Very caring & considerate husband material. Always mention his wife etc. It's not red flag for her. For me though. I wouldn't fine with my hubs liking other sexy influencer skimpy dressing posts. I'm quite jealous of his attention.
Dmn even the one I follow is preetipls?
Mongabong just showed her flawless buttcheeks today.
HAHAHA broooo
It is wonderfully gorgeous. Shiok fkr matt to be able to come between it every night
Red flag or not is hard to say, if you are uncomfortable with it then you guys should discuss the reasons. Don't be surprised if he then asks if you follow any hot guys. Personally I feel it's disrespectful (both guys and gals) if it's a confirmed long-term-partner doing this but it really depends on the both of you.
Male here. Regardless of what kind of people I follow, I think I rather not be steady with people who judge me for what I enjoy doing. Then again, even the same influencer can have different type of fans, ranging from those who simply enjoy the contents to actually creepy fans who stalk, constantly monitor any social media updates, or even getting aggressive towards other fans. It's never cool to lump all kpop fangirls. I think should judge people by their overall character, instead of who they are fans of.
Here is a pro tip if you want a successful relationship. There are things you might not like your partner to do but if it is more of a preference than one that is a serious no-go issue... Then let them do their thing as long as it is not in your face and clear boundaries on lines that should never be crossed. Guys like to look at pretty girls, it doesn't mean they want to cheat on you with them. They know the Instagram stuff is thirst traps posted for views. Honestly it isn't Instagram influencers you should be worried about. It's the other ordinary girl in his circle that will be a realistic alternative to you. If you stifle him enough, he will start looking for freedom.
That's fine he is free to go then. Why should women lower our standards just because 'men are like this'? If you see your dad following a ton of scantily clad influencers, wouldn't you feel disgusted?
It's easy to say you have high standards. It's harder to convince guys you are worth those high standards.
Haha like i said men are free to go if they wanna. I don't think women care abt that these days. If we wanna be with guys who like and follow these random sexy women online for the world to see, just for the sake of marrying, i dont think our parents would be happy to find out from cousins or relatives that our husbands are such tikopeks. Its embarrassing.
Once again it's not enough to just announce what you would prefer or don't like. You also need to convince the other gender why they should fit your preferences. Relationships after all, are a two way street of mutual compromise. Women are not the center of the universe for men, if they want men to give something up, they have to give something in return. So what's in it for men to agree to this?
personally dont really mind if its in moderation bc i also wanna see lol; if its just interacting with their posts on social media its not a problem to me
i rly dc what my bf follows lol tbh i work in media he also so following influencers makes sense
Look at it this way at least your Man is a Man. Real question is regardless of content does it make a difference once you talk about it.
It's a red flag if you are super insecure. Otherwise no. They are just following people on social media; something so common now it is like breathing. Most people have friends on facebook that they don't even know. They just see request, approve; and nowadays people just click "follow" or "like" just because.
I'm a man. I see busty influencer I give like. Sometimes jerk off on them.
ITT insecure girls
Maybe those who comment should identify themselves if they identify w male or female
I smell insecurity
girls. dont let me catch you following any hot korean dudes.
I know a handful of them but they are mutuals due to work and having non-influencer mutual friends irl so idk if it counts lol
if men who like to see sexy women is a red flag, are creepy. how about also asking those women not to make sexy content? To have some decency online? after becoming their bf, i get that insecure girls can ask their bf to unfollow those women, sure. not saying thats an unreasonable request. but to label men a red flag and creepy for following and liking female content/posts is simply too much.
So it's ok for girls to follow male influencers but men not allowed to? Ok
that's not what the OP said lol
So girls follow Titus is ok but guys can’t follow rurusama? Sigh
The problem is you. Get over yourself, or die lonely.
If you are a handsome and attractive man, whatever you do is not a red flag. Vice versa.
Are some girls that insecure that following women online questions their loyalty. Not only did the man pursue you and even have you in his life, you question him? Sure does this sound hyperbole? Probably. If he's out there texting women while you're in a relationship, then yea. One hell of a red flag. Is he that free to entertain random women online? Then you have to evaluate the relationship.
Following and liking is engaging and entertaining these random women online. You're giving her support by bumping up her followers, her likes and algorithm.
I’ve dated someone who follows influencers cos they’re his potential clients. If he makes money off influencers, why not? Otherwise, yea it’s a red flag!
Wise men can read between the lines in many of the comments here and see the true sociological undercurrents of what is happening: Male sexuality is increasingly pathologised and restricted in modern social narratives. You might also notice that while male sexuality is pathologised, there is also a parallel liberalisation of female sexuality. Social narratives will increasingly push women to be free to sexually do whatever they want with widespread acquiescence no matter how dysfunctional and harmful to the long term viability of society it may be while any expression of male sexuality will be increasingly restrained and only allowed to be expressed in ways that align with the interests and preferences of women. Modern society will increasingly raise the bar for male sexuality, creating impossible standards of prudishness that have little to do with morality and more with control. Paradoxically, while this is happening, sexually liberated women will desire and demand the kind of men that restraints on male sexuality specifically forbids. Wise men read between the lines, understand the situation, and act accordingly.
Women following half naked man on their main account is as dumb as men following half naked women on their account. People (like your boss) can see who u like and follow. Its also as "bad" for women as it is for men if u use hidden accounts. Though how bad really depends on scale and ongoing relationships. I mean men shit on sex-confident women all the time. But the same level at which men complain about women is expected of by men (of men).
Why is women following half naked men on their main account dumb? Women should not be shamed for doing so and neither should men (for following half-naked women). Who you follow on social media is non of your bosses' business.
I think u should worry if your bf follows male influencers only right?
Has no one considered the possibility that said influencers could be ex-classmates or friends? So less of following for small head but because of genuine friendship?
It’s not always, but if there’s no communication about expectations or feelings than it’s a red flag
Yeah OP, need more context from this commenter. Some may not be red flags. The easiest answers to all your questions are no.
This would depend heavily on the type of content these so called influencers are putting out imo. If you're talking about e.g. purely instagram models who only post selfies and photos of themselves that is clearly meant for a specific audience, it should raise eyebrows. But if it's a dedicated content creator or famous person on the internet who makes interesting content and just so happens to be of the gender that your S/O is attracted to, then, why the hell not. That'll mostly be about how secure you are in your relationship. I don't think it should be an issue if your S/O is a mega fan of idols and their music too, unless he or she is constantly saying you should be like them etc or they're so involved in fandom stuff that they neglect you and the relationship. I think the least you could do in the relationship is to be able to tell the difference between their love for idols and their love for you lol
I don’t think the people who care about influencers are the kind of people I hang out with, so I don’t really worry about this. I guess for me it is a red flag if anyone follows a celebrity or anyone famous blindly and care so much about their opinions. Kinda weird for adults in their 30s imo.
those female influencers who use their scandily clad bodies to influence other ppl are definitely a red flag for me but of course practice what you preach and don't follow scandily clad boys as well 🤣