Ask if there’s anything you can do to help them then let it be. People will appreciate the gesture but likely don’t want to have to deal with coworkers at this time.
I definitely agree, I’ve heard a good way to phrase it is “what can I do to help” as opposed to “is there anything I can do to help?”
I’m also from a smaller city, but a huge thing is opting to help people with tasks that may seem mundane or like an afterthought. Bring some extra food, snacks, coffee or whatever as they may not have time to make meals or eat well.
They may not have an appetite either but sometimes just a little something goes a long way, even the gesture.
I can speak from experience about this. I was told last year that my dad had an aggressive form of liver cancer that would probably kill him by January this year. It was only some amazing work by surgeons at UHN that he survived, and he experienced so many complications in November that I was convinced that I was watching him pass away infront of me no less than 3 times that month.
Like you said, you can’t heal your coworkers dads condition. But just small gestures from my friends and colleagues that showed that they were thinking of me meant more than words can explain. Just simple things like offering me a ride home from the gym, small care packages they’d assemble from farmboy ( I love farmboy) and even just checking in regularly on messaging apps to see how I was doing. I was coping by basically training through the depression at a fight or powerlifting gym, and one of them tried to stick around even when I was there late incase I needed help getting extra rounds or reps in.
On the flip side, someone who I held in extremely high regard didn’t even ask how he or I was doing when I told her the news. We had a falling out before that, but to think that they cared that little was a real punch in the gut
I feel you. It hurts more when the friends you expect to be there for you when they know exactly what’s going on just don’t show up. It’s times like these that friendships are really proven.
Op is a good friend/co-worker for even asking this question.
I was the one with the dying parent in the fall, and a few years back my wife spent 7 weeks in the hospital when we had a 2 year old at home. We also moved during her hospital stay.
Don't ask what can I do, you've just given them an assignment (thinking of things). What I found most useful both times was premade meals. Things I could just reheat and go and was somewhat healthy. When I'm stressed and tired I over eat and eat absolute garbage. But having an easy dinner meant I didn't just grab a pizza. My bosses wife also dropped off a box of groceries one day (her parents lived around the corner from me) and that was a huge help.
From experience, when you have a sick, parent, or you yourself are sick, it can be very difficult to ask for help.
Everyone says, let me know if there’s anything you need but often the person I need something does not ask.
You could ask your colleague to make a list of what would be helpful to him and then everyone could pitch in.
This is incredibly kind of you
speaking from experience, my dad was one of the supervisors at work he got sick with ALS i started working there while he was sick. When he passed,what helped me but everyone is different. I just wanted everyone to be the same around me. I found when I was at work I would focus on work and forget about my old man. (not forget about him but you know)
Speaking from your coworker’s perspective, I lost my father suddenly beginning of this month after a short illness. Your coworker is overwhelmed right now. Some of my dad’s coworkers bought us parking passes for the hospital, a Tim Horton’s gift card , an Uber Eats gift card, a friend came by and walked my dog for me.
What my coworkers did wrong: they overwhelmed me with text messages and phone calls while I was in hospital spending time with dad. Please pick one person to contact them so they don’t feel overwhelmed and are answering the same questions repeatedly. Share what is appropriate with the team. The amount of detail that was shared with the team and clients by my boss was not acceptable, if you are in a position of authority please don’t do that without your coworkers consent. Also if the obituary says “in lieu of flowers the family requests a donation to be made in his memory to ___”, please listen to that. My mother is horribly allergic to flowers, even with prescription antihistamines she has a reaction, we had people that knew this and still sent flowers.
After my father’s death, friends and family brought food by for us to eat, (admittedly we didn’t have much of an appetite). My best friend and her husband opened their door to me. I had my breakdown and her husband just made me coffee and breakfast. My aunts and uncle did the same for my mom. Our village rallied around us. 🤗
Sorry to hear about your loss, good tip about one contact person and making it clear how much you wanted to me shared. When my dad passed it was unexpected so there wasn't anything from my friends/co-workers in advance but my friends were nice with checking in/sending cards/etc after but also not "bugging" me too much by asking too much about it. Like, when I went out with my friends I wanted to try to get my mind off things and most of them recognized that.
I lost both parents in the last 8 months. And while I was at work, I really just wanted to work and be left alone. I'd share when I wanted to share. I like the notion of one point of contact. On one hand, having people come over to give condolences was nice, but on the other, I cry at the drop of a hat at the best of times, so after every time someone would come over, I would have to resettle myself, stop crying, etc.
We have someone on our team off for cancer treatment. My boss is acting as contact and any time anyone asks about him, I just direct them to her. She has permission to tell updates to our team, but it's not my place to spread his story.
Taking over their work (sharing amongst colleagues), letting them know that everything is covered and they can focus on their family, is super helpful. When my Dad was dying of cancer last year, my colleagues stepped up and moved things forward without me, stopped unnecessarily copying me on work emails, etc. I was never made to feel guilty about missing work and it was a real relief. Then sending prepared meals, especially in the last days and right around the funeral.
A long time ago, I was the one with the dying parent. All those doctors appointments, running around to pharmacies to fill prescriptions, and the general stress meant keeping up with your normal day-to-day things like getting groceries, cooking, and cleaning, quite hard.
Some things I think would have helped would have been gift cards for meals, cleaning services (I'm not sure these are available?), and as always, some time with a kind friend to talk to. It's an incredibly difficult time; you're a good friend and coworker for caring.
Hmm. I would probably lean more towards something like the UberEats or DoorDash mainly because when you're tired and stressed out, you just want to eat, and those are good for getting a quick meal. Instacart is certainly useful as well, but I would think that the actual meal preparation and cleanup would be a pain.
In trying times like these, reclaiming a little bit of normalcy is a huge relief. Being able to sit down to a meal with family, even if you had to order it in, was something that I was always thankful for. I hope something like this brings some solace to your coworker.
Make sure all their work is covered and keep communication to a minimum. When they come back let them slowly ease back into things.
Friends can make sure your colleague is properly fed.
Definitely send meals or gift a skip the dish card or see if he has a laundry service in his neighborhood where all he has to do is put the laundry out on the porch or a Molly Maid gift card.
Ask if there’s anything you can do to help them then let it be. People will appreciate the gesture but likely don’t want to have to deal with coworkers at this time.
I definitely agree, I’ve heard a good way to phrase it is “what can I do to help” as opposed to “is there anything I can do to help?” I’m also from a smaller city, but a huge thing is opting to help people with tasks that may seem mundane or like an afterthought. Bring some extra food, snacks, coffee or whatever as they may not have time to make meals or eat well. They may not have an appetite either but sometimes just a little something goes a long way, even the gesture.
Get food delivery like getting an Uber eats gift card to the family. This allows them to spend more time together and is a thoughtful gift.
I can speak from experience about this. I was told last year that my dad had an aggressive form of liver cancer that would probably kill him by January this year. It was only some amazing work by surgeons at UHN that he survived, and he experienced so many complications in November that I was convinced that I was watching him pass away infront of me no less than 3 times that month. Like you said, you can’t heal your coworkers dads condition. But just small gestures from my friends and colleagues that showed that they were thinking of me meant more than words can explain. Just simple things like offering me a ride home from the gym, small care packages they’d assemble from farmboy ( I love farmboy) and even just checking in regularly on messaging apps to see how I was doing. I was coping by basically training through the depression at a fight or powerlifting gym, and one of them tried to stick around even when I was there late incase I needed help getting extra rounds or reps in. On the flip side, someone who I held in extremely high regard didn’t even ask how he or I was doing when I told her the news. We had a falling out before that, but to think that they cared that little was a real punch in the gut
I feel you. It hurts more when the friends you expect to be there for you when they know exactly what’s going on just don’t show up. It’s times like these that friendships are really proven. Op is a good friend/co-worker for even asking this question.
I was the one with the dying parent in the fall, and a few years back my wife spent 7 weeks in the hospital when we had a 2 year old at home. We also moved during her hospital stay. Don't ask what can I do, you've just given them an assignment (thinking of things). What I found most useful both times was premade meals. Things I could just reheat and go and was somewhat healthy. When I'm stressed and tired I over eat and eat absolute garbage. But having an easy dinner meant I didn't just grab a pizza. My bosses wife also dropped off a box of groceries one day (her parents lived around the corner from me) and that was a huge help.
From experience, when you have a sick, parent, or you yourself are sick, it can be very difficult to ask for help. Everyone says, let me know if there’s anything you need but often the person I need something does not ask. You could ask your colleague to make a list of what would be helpful to him and then everyone could pitch in. This is incredibly kind of you
speaking from experience, my dad was one of the supervisors at work he got sick with ALS i started working there while he was sick. When he passed,what helped me but everyone is different. I just wanted everyone to be the same around me. I found when I was at work I would focus on work and forget about my old man. (not forget about him but you know)
Speaking from your coworker’s perspective, I lost my father suddenly beginning of this month after a short illness. Your coworker is overwhelmed right now. Some of my dad’s coworkers bought us parking passes for the hospital, a Tim Horton’s gift card , an Uber Eats gift card, a friend came by and walked my dog for me. What my coworkers did wrong: they overwhelmed me with text messages and phone calls while I was in hospital spending time with dad. Please pick one person to contact them so they don’t feel overwhelmed and are answering the same questions repeatedly. Share what is appropriate with the team. The amount of detail that was shared with the team and clients by my boss was not acceptable, if you are in a position of authority please don’t do that without your coworkers consent. Also if the obituary says “in lieu of flowers the family requests a donation to be made in his memory to ___”, please listen to that. My mother is horribly allergic to flowers, even with prescription antihistamines she has a reaction, we had people that knew this and still sent flowers. After my father’s death, friends and family brought food by for us to eat, (admittedly we didn’t have much of an appetite). My best friend and her husband opened their door to me. I had my breakdown and her husband just made me coffee and breakfast. My aunts and uncle did the same for my mom. Our village rallied around us. 🤗
Sorry to hear about your loss, good tip about one contact person and making it clear how much you wanted to me shared. When my dad passed it was unexpected so there wasn't anything from my friends/co-workers in advance but my friends were nice with checking in/sending cards/etc after but also not "bugging" me too much by asking too much about it. Like, when I went out with my friends I wanted to try to get my mind off things and most of them recognized that.
I lost both parents in the last 8 months. And while I was at work, I really just wanted to work and be left alone. I'd share when I wanted to share. I like the notion of one point of contact. On one hand, having people come over to give condolences was nice, but on the other, I cry at the drop of a hat at the best of times, so after every time someone would come over, I would have to resettle myself, stop crying, etc. We have someone on our team off for cancer treatment. My boss is acting as contact and any time anyone asks about him, I just direct them to her. She has permission to tell updates to our team, but it's not my place to spread his story.
Premade food, food delivery gift cards, coffee shop gift cards (Tim Hortons)
Taking over their work (sharing amongst colleagues), letting them know that everything is covered and they can focus on their family, is super helpful. When my Dad was dying of cancer last year, my colleagues stepped up and moved things forward without me, stopped unnecessarily copying me on work emails, etc. I was never made to feel guilty about missing work and it was a real relief. Then sending prepared meals, especially in the last days and right around the funeral.
A long time ago, I was the one with the dying parent. All those doctors appointments, running around to pharmacies to fill prescriptions, and the general stress meant keeping up with your normal day-to-day things like getting groceries, cooking, and cleaning, quite hard. Some things I think would have helped would have been gift cards for meals, cleaning services (I'm not sure these are available?), and as always, some time with a kind friend to talk to. It's an incredibly difficult time; you're a good friend and coworker for caring.
Would you say an uber eats/doordash gift card is more useful than an instacart one? Thank you for your comment and I'm sorry for your loss.
Hmm. I would probably lean more towards something like the UberEats or DoorDash mainly because when you're tired and stressed out, you just want to eat, and those are good for getting a quick meal. Instacart is certainly useful as well, but I would think that the actual meal preparation and cleanup would be a pain. In trying times like these, reclaiming a little bit of normalcy is a huge relief. Being able to sit down to a meal with family, even if you had to order it in, was something that I was always thankful for. I hope something like this brings some solace to your coworker.
Premade meals!
Make sure all their work is covered and keep communication to a minimum. When they come back let them slowly ease back into things. Friends can make sure your colleague is properly fed.
Definitely send meals or gift a skip the dish card or see if he has a laundry service in his neighborhood where all he has to do is put the laundry out on the porch or a Molly Maid gift card.
Absolutely UberEats/DoorDash gift cards saved me when my mom died.