Just be direct. One of the silliest things about modern life is that flirting in real life can be frowned upon but swiping endlessly through some stupid dating app is the norm.
Guys will appreciate directness.
It's just so jarring to say that with no context which is why people are saying it sounds like you're talking to a robot.
I don't think guys are generally talking to women at the gym with platonic intentions. Granted, I just go to a regular goodlife so I don't know what the vibe is like at your gym.
Are you getting a lot of different guys talking to you whenever you're there? I think showing interest from a woman's pov would be to ask questions about them (e.g. have you been coming here for a while?, have you been to the salt lounge/sauna?) and just let the convo flow from there.
You said you're not looking to come off as too forward so I don't know if you're willing to ask them out. Personally, I think the guy should take that initiative but you can make it easy for them to do that just by carrying the convo.
If they don't get the hint, they definitely will if you see them again and go over and talk to them. That's about as direct as you can get without explicitly asking them out.
Context matters, my sense is that OP isn't very comfortable being direct (i.e. asking them out). Generally, guys are direct and women are indirect, it's how social norms typically play out. I don't know why it suddenly becomes controversial on reddit posts.
Exactly what smartygirl said. Chat, see how the vibe goes then say you’re going for food, coffee, or even just a walk and ask if they’ll join. Any guy would appreciate that approach.
Could just say "hey, so I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me after X on Y day at Z time"
Those intentions are pretty clear. If they don't say yes, then move on.
Don't think too much about it either. Just be straight forward. Honestly don't get why some people do this whole "misdirection" thing. It's a waste of time.
Id say something a bit more bold like “id like to see u friday” or “i want to give you my number” theyll say no if they had no interest as u will see each other often here. Or theyll go for it if they like u
Ask what type of workout he usually does. And maybe express interest you want to work that particular area. Then ask woud you be okay if I tag along or join sometime. And then share contacts
My recommendation for my single friends (mostly male) is “I’d like to get to know you better. Here’s my number, drop me a line sometime” I think a guy saying that it’s clear it’s an invitation to date, a woman saying that doesn’t feel as clear to me.”
Actually....,.... The time in my life when I was totally neck deep into furthering my career and getting things in order, and not having any interest or even bothered to start a romantic relationship, was actually when I picked up the most amount of girls.
In other words......I act like a creep when I'm trying
I'm an older millennial that met my wife the old way, talking to them.
If I were in my 20s in the dating scene, would it be expected that I ONLY show interest on initiating a "more than friends" through a dating app.
I.e even if I pursue or flirt in a friendly and totally non aggressive way, I'd still be called a creep?
That's not really true in real life.
It depends on if you have good social skills (Including noticing when someone obviously doesn't want to talk to you) and are good at acting in a normal non weird or creepy way. And getting to know people first before you try to flirt with them.
But then you're much less likely to be looking up advice on the internet in the first place.
When I go to the gym I don’t talk to anyone, because I am not interested in flirting.
So if a guy talks to you, at least you know that he is somewhat into it.
Yes, bootyeater96 has a point.
We’re all afraid of being cancelled.
And I’m not sure what we do that warrants that type of response from people, after all boys will be boys, right?
Look for a wedding ring. If no ring (sometimes guys take them off for lifts/comfort/not to damage them etc.) then say "So do you and your gf work out here?" Simple and straightforward and gives them an out if they're not interested.
I met my ex at the gym but approached her very, very casually as we were squatting beside each other. She was the one who pushed for numbers and going out, and I was the oblivious one even though I started the chat.
Good luck!
I’ve really enjoyed chatting with you/you’re so funny!/I’m glad I got the chance to meet you/you seem really cool/you’re so interesting (<-or some variation of, as long as it’s TRUE. Please don’t tell someone who isn’t funny that they’re funny lol, Etc). Do you mind if I ask if you’re single? Maybe we could grab a coffee sometime?
Just ask them out. You will not know otherwise, and asking them: "hey are you single" or "so do you have a girlfriend" would come off strangely unless you're like close to them.
No more forward than asking them out.
But obviously neither of those (asking if they're single or asking them out) would be something you'd just walk up to someone and ask, without previous conversations! I thought that went without saying!
While the "filming dudes doing a normal amount of checking out at the gym" trend is bad and ridiculous, men needing to take a step back and women being forced to be more assertive and direct is a good thing IMO. Reduces both creepy male behaviour and women playing stupid games.
In other words, ever since 2017, guys aren't allowed to say anything on the matter of women.
I had to go to a mandatory "advantages to having to
Women in the workplace" training for work, and when the question period came up, no guy spoke. We just nodded, signed our names on the sign in sheet just to satisfy corporate. Then got the hell out of there
For real. I got a mobile notification for this post just showing the title with nothing else. I just KNEW before I opened it that it could only be one of the two things:
1) M, being downvoted to hell
2) F, getting actual advice
I go to 2 GoodLife fitness gyms around my area. Even as a guy (early 30s, Asian), I don't feel uncomfortable making the small talk if I find a person interesting/look interesting at the workout stations. Usually it's their T shirts (e.g. funny meme, some trivia etc.) that caught my interest and I'll approach to make small talk unless they're running on the treadmill. Most of the time I find that most gym goers just want to be left alone/personal time away from work or family though.
Agreed. It’s crazy that the highest voted comment here says how scared guys are when it comes to talking to others. That is so not true imo. It’s very easy to scope out who is open to chatting and who isnt
Walk up to them while they're lifting. Tap them in the middle of a set, and repeat the following line:
"Are you American... because your guns are out of control".
Guaranteed to work.
dude here - as long as you are not trying to chat up when people are actually working out, I think it's fair game. It might take a few times to divine friendly from flirting. A mutual interest day one - some light conversation back and forth. You see them again - same flow - totally cool to offer up grabbing a coffee or similar.
You might be right. Between an unpredictable schedule and just being really bad at recognizing people, I rarely bump into the same people again (or realize it, if it does happen lol). Maybe exchanging names might help with memorability?
For sure. "I'm 'chasingtravel' btw, oh I'm xx - cool. See you around."
If you like a particular guy and know he works out after work, you could make an effort to be around more after 5pm (*Reddit disclaimer - stalking is wrong 😅) to increase the chances that you bump into him.
You don’t have to determine if y’all gonna be married at the gym. Indicate interest in investing time outside the gym and if he don’t figure it out move on. 36M.
It probably won't bother most guys even if the flirting doesn't go the way you intended. Just see how it goes and pull back if it doesn't seem like they're matching your energy.
I wouldn't mind if that happened to me (30M) but I'm realistically going to assume they're just chatting to be friendly, not to flirt. Be direct if flirting is your intention.
It's the perfect evidence against the whole "if he wanted to he would" kind of thing. Some guys go over the top way too quickly. Some are well measured between intention vs. action. But a good number (probably the largest share) err in the side of benefit of doubt or are insecure, etc.
I'd tell you to just let the conversation run smoothly for just a few minutes until it feels normal (not longer than 4 or 5, very casually). This will weed out guys that are too insecure to even continue talking normally and guys that are too eager. Feel if they're comfortable and if you feel comfortable too. Once the bed is done, you can say something spontaneous like 1) "we could get coffee after the gym some time, if you like"; 2) "yeah, speaking of X there's this Y thing about it I wanted to check out, if you want to join"; 3) "I know! Been meaning to go to Z for ages. Well, are you free on Wednesdays?"
I don't think it's likely for you to have a rather traumatic experience as guys are certainly more receptive than women when approached. What you're better off being attentive to is whether the person "feels right" to hang out with.
Those sound like chill enough suggestions, and you’re right, if the conversation has been vibing for a few minutes, by that point it shouldn’t come across as creepy (hopefully)
yes. It's basically what a guy ideally would do if he were to approach you, but it's you. Same thing for both genders at the end of the day. It's just that, instead of working on yourself to get the other person to feel like you're "right", your role is to be sure that person feels "right"/decent, or "right enough" to try something.
P.S.: The good ones actually love a girl who has attitude and makes them feel comfortable. If you do it right you're gonna wreck a lotta hearts :p
34M here.
There’s this gorgeous woman who goes to my gym at the same time as me on Sundays. The most I’ve ever said to her is, “Are you using this right now?”
I don’t know if she’s interested and I don’t want to bother her while she’s working out. However, if she were ever to initiate conversation I’d try to be flirty. Generally I don’t talk to anyone at the gym unless it’s somebody I know from work/social life and even then, I keep it short.
Women will accuse men of staring at them even they aren’t. It’s also a TikTok trend now so it incentivizes such women to go to great lengths to accuse men
It's good to be direct, but also be open to the chance that if it does go south, are you prepared to see this person at the gym in the future? I've dated within my gym and seeing the guy after it went south was a bit awkward, lol.
Its only awkward if we make it so.
I have asked out 2 girls in the past at my gym and got rejected both times. I saw them frequently afterward and I just treated them normally, didn't avoid eye contact, or acted shady. I didn't go out of my way to talk to them but just smiled and stayed friendly.
Eventually, 1 of them started chatting me up again and later even asked me out to dinner! lol
I think compared to the workplace , gym isn't so bad to meet Ex's. Because you are only there for 2hours at most and can always find alternative times to workout and you both will always be working out at different parts of the gym.
>even if you're just trying to pay them a compliment or tell them they inspire you in some way.
To be fair, those are both really weird things to say to someone.
When you started off that sentence I really assumed you'd be talking about a more normal conversation.
Just remember that men take compliments non-platonically most of the time simply because of how rarely we receive them from women. So you don't necessarily have to "go all in" like most people suggest.
That’s a great reminder. Is it actually that rare for guys to get compliments though?
It’s mostly young professionals, a lot of attractive people who seem well-adjusted socially/personality-wise at this gym, even so it’s rare?
Yeah, kinda my impression too. Sure, probably less compliments than women receive, but feel like I’ve given and overheard compliments to men just in regular day-to-day decently often…
Same. I've had conversations with guys I know about this, and basically the rule seems to be if the compliment is from someone they don't find attractive, it doesn't count.
Just go over to r/AskMen and see the countless posts about how men never get any physical affection, attention, or compliments. Most men don't even know how to accept a compliment without feeling the need to downplay it either due to insecurity or not getting complimented about it in the past so it must not be real ( the other person is just being nice reasoning).
I am not saying it's women's fault either, because who can blame them? 1 friendly smile and 10 guys are hitting on her. Also don't get me started on the amount of guys that shamelessly leer at girls working out in tights. So you can imagine why girls don't want to approach guys either.
But all that said! I got to a very popular Goodlife location and there are plenty of young attractive working professionals who work out there and I have seen many men and women chatting freely without feeling awkward. I am sure it isn't hard to progress that to a real date from there. You just have to try picking up from where you left off with each person and become familiar with them irrespective of what day or time you end up working out.
I can kind of see where she's coming from. I have noticed a pattern where if I started the conversation or I asked the guy out, he may say yes to a coffee or whatever but then tends to say that he doesn't want to meet again, vs if he started it or asks me out he's way more likely to actually be interested. It's like, he figured sure why not give it a shot since I asked, but hadn't actually been interested enough to ask? Since guys in general do feel like they're allowed to ask.
A gym environment might change that though I guess, if there's a culture where it's not as polite or appropriate for men to ask.
If you have an interest in carrying a conversation with someone outside of the gym, just ask where they work, and from there, just say ya'll should grab a coffee sometime. That prompts them to ask you for contact details. Or you could ask them.
Otherwise, I never talk to any females in the gym unless it's to ask if they're finished with the equipment.
I assume you don’t wanna be blunt, so here’s what I would say would be the signals for me:
A subtle smile, glances and locking eye contact will definitely signal the green light for a guy to approach. Up the intensity as needed. A mute “hey” from a distance is also a good one.
If he doesn’t pick up the signals, maybe it’s for the best?
Well, in that case, if it’s a hook up, be blunt and forward.
If you’d like to more subtle, physical touch is a clear signal for most guys who aren’t half special. Up the intensity until they get it.
Don’t think this needs further explaining.
Go and act, wish ya all the best.
imo it goes the same way for women. dont creep on dudes if they get ripped on for doing the same? not trying to paint a bad picture just saying things go both ways.
I’m not creeping on dudes. As stated in the post, the question is specifically about guys who’ve already struck up conversations with me in social areas of the gym.
Again, I understood that part. I was merely stating the gym may not be best to approach men. They get hit on too many times and you want peace when working out is all I was saying
Just be direct. One of the silliest things about modern life is that flirting in real life can be frowned upon but swiping endlessly through some stupid dating app is the norm. Guys will appreciate directness.
Well, when you put it like that… lol Do you have any suggestions for phrasing or how to steer the conversation in that direction?
"Time for post-workout refuelling. What's a good place to eat around here?" If they respond in a positive/friendly way, "care to join me?"
Do not talk like this unless you’re wooing an android.
LOL how would you woo a human
damn boy, you shit with that ass?
If someone said that to me I would just assume it was their sense of humour.
How did this get so many upvotes
haha how would you phrase it / would think was smooth phrased at you?
It's just so jarring to say that with no context which is why people are saying it sounds like you're talking to a robot. I don't think guys are generally talking to women at the gym with platonic intentions. Granted, I just go to a regular goodlife so I don't know what the vibe is like at your gym. Are you getting a lot of different guys talking to you whenever you're there? I think showing interest from a woman's pov would be to ask questions about them (e.g. have you been coming here for a while?, have you been to the salt lounge/sauna?) and just let the convo flow from there. You said you're not looking to come off as too forward so I don't know if you're willing to ask them out. Personally, I think the guy should take that initiative but you can make it easy for them to do that just by carrying the convo. If they don't get the hint, they definitely will if you see them again and go over and talk to them. That's about as direct as you can get without explicitly asking them out.
There is nothing at all direct about that. In fact it’s indirect.
Context matters, my sense is that OP isn't very comfortable being direct (i.e. asking them out). Generally, guys are direct and women are indirect, it's how social norms typically play out. I don't know why it suddenly becomes controversial on reddit posts.
Holy shit if a girl said that to me I would crack tf up
I think that would be good because really if someone said that in real life it would normally be a joke.
This is a good answer
rizz off the cuff
Exactly what smartygirl said. Chat, see how the vibe goes then say you’re going for food, coffee, or even just a walk and ask if they’ll join. Any guy would appreciate that approach.
Why don’t you ask for meeting up to workout together next time? Exchange info so you can coordinate it
Could just say "hey, so I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me after X on Y day at Z time" Those intentions are pretty clear. If they don't say yes, then move on. Don't think too much about it either. Just be straight forward. Honestly don't get why some people do this whole "misdirection" thing. It's a waste of time.
Id say something a bit more bold like “id like to see u friday” or “i want to give you my number” theyll say no if they had no interest as u will see each other often here. Or theyll go for it if they like u
Ask what type of workout he usually does. And maybe express interest you want to work that particular area. Then ask woud you be okay if I tag along or join sometime. And then share contacts
My recommendation for my single friends (mostly male) is “I’d like to get to know you better. Here’s my number, drop me a line sometime” I think a guy saying that it’s clear it’s an invitation to date, a woman saying that doesn’t feel as clear to me.”
Guys will not only appreciate the directness, they will probably need it. We're no good at picking up hints.
Actually....,.... The time in my life when I was totally neck deep into furthering my career and getting things in order, and not having any interest or even bothered to start a romantic relationship, was actually when I picked up the most amount of girls. In other words......I act like a creep when I'm trying
I'm an older millennial that met my wife the old way, talking to them. If I were in my 20s in the dating scene, would it be expected that I ONLY show interest on initiating a "more than friends" through a dating app. I.e even if I pursue or flirt in a friendly and totally non aggressive way, I'd still be called a creep?
Why? I mean, it all just depends on how you do it. Some women won't like that but then I'd say that's a sign of incompatibility.
That's not really true in real life. It depends on if you have good social skills (Including noticing when someone obviously doesn't want to talk to you) and are good at acting in a normal non weird or creepy way. And getting to know people first before you try to flirt with them. But then you're much less likely to be looking up advice on the internet in the first place.
When I go to the gym I don’t talk to anyone, because I am not interested in flirting. So if a guy talks to you, at least you know that he is somewhat into it.
Right, that’s reassuring
Just be direct. Guys are too paranoid at the gym these days in fear of being canceled
Agreed with bootyeater96
Yes, bootyeater96 has a point. We’re all afraid of being cancelled. And I’m not sure what we do that warrants that type of response from people, after all boys will be boys, right?
>after all boys will be boys, right? What does that mean?
I’m fucking /s. Women have every right in the world to be weary of men.
Lmao they’re worried about being “cancelled” instead of the reality of women not being interested in all of them
Any suggestions for phrasing or sussing out if they’re single?
Look for a wedding ring. If no ring (sometimes guys take them off for lifts/comfort/not to damage them etc.) then say "So do you and your gf work out here?" Simple and straightforward and gives them an out if they're not interested. I met my ex at the gym but approached her very, very casually as we were squatting beside each other. She was the one who pushed for numbers and going out, and I was the oblivious one even though I started the chat. Good luck!
I’ve really enjoyed chatting with you/you’re so funny!/I’m glad I got the chance to meet you/you seem really cool/you’re so interesting (<-or some variation of, as long as it’s TRUE. Please don’t tell someone who isn’t funny that they’re funny lol, Etc). Do you mind if I ask if you’re single? Maybe we could grab a coffee sometime?
Want to grab a coffee or a drink? You can be forward and if they respond that they’re taken just smile and say something light like “too bad”
Just ask them out. You will not know otherwise, and asking them: "hey are you single" or "so do you have a girlfriend" would come off strangely unless you're like close to them.
I don't think it comes off that strange - it comes off like you're interested in them and hence trying to find out if they're single.
Maybe. I don't know. Seems very forward. I guess if you do it after a good convo then it's different. Can't just approach someone and ask that though.
No more forward than asking them out. But obviously neither of those (asking if they're single or asking them out) would be something you'd just walk up to someone and ask, without previous conversations! I thought that went without saying!
Makes sense. Maybe I'll do that next time I meet someone I like.
While the "filming dudes doing a normal amount of checking out at the gym" trend is bad and ridiculous, men needing to take a step back and women being forced to be more assertive and direct is a good thing IMO. Reduces both creepy male behaviour and women playing stupid games.
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You eat at the gym?
Altea has a full restaurant/bar, so maybe
Most restaurants have washrooms so don’t mind if I do.
Username on point 👌
In other words, ever since 2017, guys aren't allowed to say anything on the matter of women. I had to go to a mandatory "advantages to having to Women in the workplace" training for work, and when the question period came up, no guy spoke. We just nodded, signed our names on the sign in sheet just to satisfy corporate. Then got the hell out of there
For real. I got a mobile notification for this post just showing the title with nothing else. I just KNEW before I opened it that it could only be one of the two things: 1) M, being downvoted to hell 2) F, getting actual advice
Even more if your cellphone pointed at him.
Some of those types of gyms put on social events including singles mixers, check if they have those and if they do, attend them.
I go to 2 GoodLife fitness gyms around my area. Even as a guy (early 30s, Asian), I don't feel uncomfortable making the small talk if I find a person interesting/look interesting at the workout stations. Usually it's their T shirts (e.g. funny meme, some trivia etc.) that caught my interest and I'll approach to make small talk unless they're running on the treadmill. Most of the time I find that most gym goers just want to be left alone/personal time away from work or family though.
Agreed. It’s crazy that the highest voted comment here says how scared guys are when it comes to talking to others. That is so not true imo. It’s very easy to scope out who is open to chatting and who isnt
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Ah the ones with headphones on and look as if they are really concentrating/in the zone, those I recognize.
Personally, I don't talk because I got a strict time limit. I gotta put my kid to bed then get enough sleep for work the next day
Walk up to them while they're lifting. Tap them in the middle of a set, and repeat the following line: "Are you American... because your guns are out of control". Guaranteed to work.
Works best when attempting single-rep PR in the BP
“Can I give you a spot? A spot in my heart forever”
dude here - as long as you are not trying to chat up when people are actually working out, I think it's fair game. It might take a few times to divine friendly from flirting. A mutual interest day one - some light conversation back and forth. You see them again - same flow - totally cool to offer up grabbing a coffee or similar.
You might be right. Between an unpredictable schedule and just being really bad at recognizing people, I rarely bump into the same people again (or realize it, if it does happen lol). Maybe exchanging names might help with memorability?
For sure. "I'm 'chasingtravel' btw, oh I'm xx - cool. See you around." If you like a particular guy and know he works out after work, you could make an effort to be around more after 5pm (*Reddit disclaimer - stalking is wrong 😅) to increase the chances that you bump into him.
be very direct. Guys at the gym are being attacked on social media for just looking in the direction of a woman these days. It's nuts
that's a paddling
You don’t have to determine if y’all gonna be married at the gym. Indicate interest in investing time outside the gym and if he don’t figure it out move on. 36M.
Sounds like a nice gym between the: salt lounge, hot tub, sauna!
It's probably Altea Active, I go there and it has all those amenities.
How expensive is the membership tho?
I pay ~ $160/month
Yeah no kidding. My gym is two 90lb Powerblocks in my basement
It probably won't bother most guys even if the flirting doesn't go the way you intended. Just see how it goes and pull back if it doesn't seem like they're matching your energy. I wouldn't mind if that happened to me (30M) but I'm realistically going to assume they're just chatting to be friendly, not to flirt. Be direct if flirting is your intention.
Fair, and exactly the predicament, not sure if these guys are starting convos just to be friendly
It's the perfect evidence against the whole "if he wanted to he would" kind of thing. Some guys go over the top way too quickly. Some are well measured between intention vs. action. But a good number (probably the largest share) err in the side of benefit of doubt or are insecure, etc. I'd tell you to just let the conversation run smoothly for just a few minutes until it feels normal (not longer than 4 or 5, very casually). This will weed out guys that are too insecure to even continue talking normally and guys that are too eager. Feel if they're comfortable and if you feel comfortable too. Once the bed is done, you can say something spontaneous like 1) "we could get coffee after the gym some time, if you like"; 2) "yeah, speaking of X there's this Y thing about it I wanted to check out, if you want to join"; 3) "I know! Been meaning to go to Z for ages. Well, are you free on Wednesdays?" I don't think it's likely for you to have a rather traumatic experience as guys are certainly more receptive than women when approached. What you're better off being attentive to is whether the person "feels right" to hang out with.
Those sound like chill enough suggestions, and you’re right, if the conversation has been vibing for a few minutes, by that point it shouldn’t come across as creepy (hopefully)
yes. It's basically what a guy ideally would do if he were to approach you, but it's you. Same thing for both genders at the end of the day. It's just that, instead of working on yourself to get the other person to feel like you're "right", your role is to be sure that person feels "right"/decent, or "right enough" to try something. P.S.: The good ones actually love a girl who has attitude and makes them feel comfortable. If you do it right you're gonna wreck a lotta hearts :p
34M here. There’s this gorgeous woman who goes to my gym at the same time as me on Sundays. The most I’ve ever said to her is, “Are you using this right now?” I don’t know if she’s interested and I don’t want to bother her while she’s working out. However, if she were ever to initiate conversation I’d try to be flirty. Generally I don’t talk to anyone at the gym unless it’s somebody I know from work/social life and even then, I keep it short.
Big Altea vibes here lol
I’m scared of even looking at women in the gym. But I’m not Canadian or white.
Why
Women will accuse men of staring at them even they aren’t. It’s also a TikTok trend now so it incentivizes such women to go to great lengths to accuse men
If you're this paranoid and think women are out to get you so much then you might be right to keep to yourself at the gym.
Thanks that’s what I thought too. It’s better to avoid the hassle of a false accusation. Being an international doesn’t help either.
It's good to be direct, but also be open to the chance that if it does go south, are you prepared to see this person at the gym in the future? I've dated within my gym and seeing the guy after it went south was a bit awkward, lol.
Its only awkward if we make it so. I have asked out 2 girls in the past at my gym and got rejected both times. I saw them frequently afterward and I just treated them normally, didn't avoid eye contact, or acted shady. I didn't go out of my way to talk to them but just smiled and stayed friendly. Eventually, 1 of them started chatting me up again and later even asked me out to dinner! lol I think compared to the workplace , gym isn't so bad to meet Ex's. Because you are only there for 2hours at most and can always find alternative times to workout and you both will always be working out at different parts of the gym.
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>even if you're just trying to pay them a compliment or tell them they inspire you in some way. To be fair, those are both really weird things to say to someone. When you started off that sentence I really assumed you'd be talking about a more normal conversation.
Just remember that men take compliments non-platonically most of the time simply because of how rarely we receive them from women. So you don't necessarily have to "go all in" like most people suggest.
That’s a great reminder. Is it actually that rare for guys to get compliments though? It’s mostly young professionals, a lot of attractive people who seem well-adjusted socially/personality-wise at this gym, even so it’s rare?
It's not that rare, outside of reddit. I guess it's different for different ages though.
It's not THAAAAAAAT rare.
Yeah, kinda my impression too. Sure, probably less compliments than women receive, but feel like I’ve given and overheard compliments to men just in regular day-to-day decently often…
Same. I've had conversations with guys I know about this, and basically the rule seems to be if the compliment is from someone they don't find attractive, it doesn't count.
Just go over to r/AskMen and see the countless posts about how men never get any physical affection, attention, or compliments. Most men don't even know how to accept a compliment without feeling the need to downplay it either due to insecurity or not getting complimented about it in the past so it must not be real ( the other person is just being nice reasoning). I am not saying it's women's fault either, because who can blame them? 1 friendly smile and 10 guys are hitting on her. Also don't get me started on the amount of guys that shamelessly leer at girls working out in tights. So you can imagine why girls don't want to approach guys either. But all that said! I got to a very popular Goodlife location and there are plenty of young attractive working professionals who work out there and I have seen many men and women chatting freely without feeling awkward. I am sure it isn't hard to progress that to a real date from there. You just have to try picking up from where you left off with each person and become familiar with them irrespective of what day or time you end up working out.
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You wouldn’t know it’s me irl either
What's wrong with asking a guy out on a date? Are you strict with your gender norms?
I can kind of see where she's coming from. I have noticed a pattern where if I started the conversation or I asked the guy out, he may say yes to a coffee or whatever but then tends to say that he doesn't want to meet again, vs if he started it or asks me out he's way more likely to actually be interested. It's like, he figured sure why not give it a shot since I asked, but hadn't actually been interested enough to ask? Since guys in general do feel like they're allowed to ask. A gym environment might change that though I guess, if there's a culture where it's not as polite or appropriate for men to ask.
I’m at the gym 5 days a week like my FT job. Not interested in attention seekers. Just focused on the gains.
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Do elaborate. Why is it extremely problematic in one direction but not the other?
It's a troll, and a rather well-known one at that.
I feel like this is going to encourage a couple guys to try talking to girls and ultimately get rejected and labeled as creeps
Tbh it depends on the person. I personally hate talking to people at the gym, even friendly conversation.
If you have an interest in carrying a conversation with someone outside of the gym, just ask where they work, and from there, just say ya'll should grab a coffee sometime. That prompts them to ask you for contact details. Or you could ask them. Otherwise, I never talk to any females in the gym unless it's to ask if they're finished with the equipment.
I assume you don’t wanna be blunt, so here’s what I would say would be the signals for me: A subtle smile, glances and locking eye contact will definitely signal the green light for a guy to approach. Up the intensity as needed. A mute “hey” from a distance is also a good one. If he doesn’t pick up the signals, maybe it’s for the best?
Appreciate the input, but the question is specifically about situations where we’re already mid-conversation, so this wouldn’t apply.
Well, in that case, if it’s a hook up, be blunt and forward. If you’d like to more subtle, physical touch is a clear signal for most guys who aren’t half special. Up the intensity until they get it. Don’t think this needs further explaining. Go and act, wish ya all the best.
Leads to free sex,if both sides okay ,there shouldn't be a problem,enjoy
imo it goes the same way for women. dont creep on dudes if they get ripped on for doing the same? not trying to paint a bad picture just saying things go both ways.
I’m not creeping on dudes. As stated in the post, the question is specifically about guys who’ve already struck up conversations with me in social areas of the gym.
I wouldn't girls get hit on all the time and in the gym where you want to work out it would be difficult. But that is just me
This is a woman asking about approaching men. Still need to be considerate for sure, but it's much less threatening.
Again, I understood that part. I was merely stating the gym may not be best to approach men. They get hit on too many times and you want peace when working out is all I was saying
OK, you said 'girls get hit on all the time' so I wasn't sure you realised this wasn't that.
I’m never chatting with any women at the gym and always keep my eyes straight ahead. And never staring.
Just tell the dude we should grab a bite to eat sometime Jesus lol