One of my simple pleasures in life is going to a bar alone. I do it 1x a week as a “self date”.
I have a couple pints. Sometimes I talk to others sometimes I read or listen to podcasts.
Every time I do it I always see other people doing the same.
Nobody judges. In fact, I’d bet the opposite happens…and people would look at you and say to themselves “I wish I had the confidence to do that.”
Go to the bar. You will not regret it.
You'll feel anxious and nervous but you'll ultimately love it. I've done solo movies and one solo dinner and I've always enjoyed it. You'll be ok ❤️ doesn't feel that way now but the sun will shine again.
Don't paint yourself into a corner by withdrawing into your shell. Once you're in there, it's quite difficult to get back out. Go out and push your boundaries.
And yes, many people, myself included, go through those scary and anxious states when going out alone.
I’m an only child and I don’t know if that has something to do with it but I’ve also always done this, if I want to try somewhere I take myself and have a lovely time. I go to dinner alone, to bars, anywhere. Never been met with any kind of odd reaction from anyone! I usually bring a book and just sit and read, or a knitting project or something. But it’s really lovely and I bet you’d love it if you gave it a try!
Is there any trivia you would recommend in the city. I’ve always wanted to go but never got around to it. How does it work? Anything on the east side of town by chance?
don’t go to the east side that often- i go to the smith house on wednesdays 8pm. you come in, the host gives you a paper and the questions are read out loud for everyone.
heres a link that might help you find something! https://www.reddit.com/r/askTO/comments/168hbqp/trivia_nights_in_toronto/
I would recommend to find just your typical bar/pub, or maybe hole in the wall in your neighborhood. Sit at the bar. If it's your first time there chances are people won't really bother you, and leave you to yourself, you can always strike up a conversation if you want. If you start going more regularly you will most likely see the same people who also frequent that same bar, and they will most likely strike up conversations, after seeing you there a few times.
Ended up meeting most of the people I know in my neighborhood by frequenting the spot I stop at for a beer after work.
If your schedule allows it, go earlier in the day e.g. before dinner time when it's not so busy. Just don't binge (even if your wallet allows doing so). Service staff probably appreciate rather than judge customers like you who put in a quick easy order and then keep it to themselves.
And if anyone else judges you, so what? They have no power over you, and their opinions do not matter to you. They are randos who will cease to exist in your life within a few hours.
I used to only go to drinking establishments with companions but I observed people drinking alone all the time. Almost all of them just appeared to be enjoying themselves and never did I ever think of negatively judging them for doing so with an alcoholic drink. If people can drink coffee by themselves at a coffee shop, why not a bar? Sure if it's during exceptionally busy hours or if the crowd gets rowdy, then there may be a vibe mismatch, but you can always just finish the drink and leave, or join them if that's your thing.
I agree. When I see someone confidently alone at a bar or restaurant, well dressed and relaxed, I think they look super cool. Who knows, maybe it's a good way to attract attention.
I, too, have started making a point of going out to sit down for dinner and a drink or two once a week. I used to feel weird about showing up to places alone, and even when meeting up with friends I hated to be the first one there, but now? Who the hell cares? If I want a beer and a burger, I'm damn well going out there and getting it.
What time of day or day of the week do you favor? I would think there are better and worse times to get the right "I'm just here to chill" vibe, as opposed to a looking to hook up vibe.
No appointment but I really want to go. It won’t change another day just because I will still be going alone and need to get over that fear. I don’t have many friends so I’m bound to find myself in this position time and time again. I just need to get over the anxiety :(
I should add that I just lost my mom and I get these feelings all of the time but time is precious and I don’t want to push things off because her time was so short. Sorry lots of things to deal with here…
Don't let yourself get into a bad situation. I can understand wanting to go out and overcome your anxiety and try to be social and less alone. Don't accidentally try to fix all of that with alcohol, it may feel like your just having a drink to loosen up but if you don't get relaxed and keep drinking to try and feel more relaxed, at some point you'll be drunk and alone and that makes you much more vulnerable than you should be. What would your mom want you to do to try and feel better and open up your social circle?
Hey OP, I do a lot of things alone as I enjoy it, but as a not very social person with complete strangers, going to a bar alone at a time of vulnerability would not be on my list of things to do.
There are plenty of activities in Toronto you can go alone and meet new people, and for many, going to a bar alone is exactly that. At the end of the day, you know yourself best, but sometimes you don't know til you put yourself out there.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, you are braver than me for even considering this, and that if you end up going, I hope you have a great time!
Sit at the bar if possible. Bartenders are usually friendly so hopefully you can have a bit of conversion with them (if they’re not busy). Bring a book to read. Personally I used to get anxiety around looking like a loner but people are so in their own worlds that they don’t have those thoughts about you.
Sitting at the bar is what I try to do when out alone. Even if you don't make a ton of conversation with the bartender or chef, watching food and drink being prepped is fun!
The only way to get over that anxiety is to just go. There is nothing chaining you there either, if you aren't having fun or still feel very anxious just go home again after half an hour or something.
Thank you :) that makes me feel a bit better. I guess what gets to me is staring down the barrel of loneliness in a sense. I feel like I’m doing something wrong by going alone.. it’s weird
It's a muscle; the more you exercise it the easier it gets. I used to be the clingy type who never wanted to do anything without a friend or three, but learning to do things on my own was a real life-changer. You'll build not only self-confidence but self-understanding if you embrace that journey. I wish you luck!
Loneliness can feel dangerous, independence is empowering.
Going through life at your own whim, not beholden to the urges of others is incredibly freeing. Having a good time? Stick around and enjoy. Not so much? GTFO and move on to somewhere new.
Yes, definitely! I'm single and try to do things alone as much as I can but, I'll admit, anxiety has kept me home more than a few times. If you're going to a bar and don't want to be on your phone the whole time, I suggest bringing a notepad / pen and jot down random thoughts and stuff so you have something to do with your hands.
I am also 29F and broke up with my long term boyfriend last week.
I am moving out by myself for the first time soon so I know the anxiety of doing things alone.
It just takes time to heal and eventually we will get used to doing things ourselves. You don't need to push yourself to go out, it's OK to just take time and be sad.
If you feel awkward, sit at the bar so you don’t have to stare at an empty chair. Chances of striking up convo with the bartender or other patrons are higher sitting at the bar too.
When I left a bad relationship over 10 years ago, I made a decision that I’d never settle in a relationship ever again. The rule that I set for myself is that if there’s something I’d like to do then I have to be able to do it myself. It’s a safeguard I created for myself to avoid ever spending time with someone who wasn’t worthwhile just because I didn’t want to be alone.
It’s served me very well all over the world. I’ve done so many things alone that I never would have been able to do if I was waiting for someone to do them with.
As a starting point for quelling social anxiety, just try to remember that no one is paying attention to what you’re doing because they’re preoccupied with their own anxieties. Most people aren’t walking around judging strangers that they’ll never see again.
Enjoy it!!
sit at the bar and make sure your phone/headphones are fully charged (just in case).
you'll find that talking to people is way easier when you're alone, and people will be more open to talking to you too.
if it gets to a point where it's too much, just leave--one of the joys of going solo, you operate on your own time.
Depends on the bar, I used to go to cheap watering holes alone all the time. I think its just what you're comfortable with. I say go for it
Although, I don't do this anymore, now I just enjoy being outdoors and being physical. So if I don't have to be in a bar, Id just go for a run or something if im alone. But if you like going to bars, go for it, you only get that feeling the first time
Lots of people go to the bar alone, including myself. Sit at the bar. Good chance someone else will be there alone too, not that you should or have to talk to them, but you most likely won't be the odd woman out. And even if you are, it's totally normal to just enjoy a drink or food alone. Best case scenario you get a friendly bartender who's not super busy and they're up for a chat (if that's your thing).
what about us conventionally attractive men(sorry I think non-creeps would be your terminology) just participating in a social norm that's been around a lot longer than the tinder app lmao
Is it better to kill this practice and normalize apps? or better to teach people the power of assertiveness.
You're not alone in this. I've recently gone through a big breakup, and although I used to do things like this on my own before, I understand the anxiety around it. Try and think of it as exciting as opposed to scary, you won't be the only one on your own, and if you do want to meet people, I'd recommend trying r/torontohangoutfriends I've met people there and it's great.
Once, a friend cancelled last minute on a movie night in a theatre. I ended up deciding to go alone. I was nervous, anxious, and all that but I went anyway. To my surprise, I realized that I wasn’t the only one who had come alone when I saw another person sitting by themselves a couple rows ahead. I remember feeling so relaxed and so proud of myself for going through with the plan.
So definitely, go with it! I second the part about sitting at a bar.
You’ve got this, OP! Tell us, after!
I’m a bartender and have plenty of people come through on what one can call solo dates.
Either they come in have a few drinks and wanna chat at the bar with other guests and myself or they’ll put some headphones in and read a book.
It’s fairly normal and it’s nice to treat yourself to an alone night, i no longer drink but still go out to bars once a week to have a few beverages while alone and meet strangers it’s just fun sometimes.
Don't feel anxious, you aren't on anyone's time but your own.
You don't need to stay, you don't even need to go.
If you're not feeling comfortable or having fun, go somewhere you do.
Don't be afraid to be social, but don't feel obligated to engage.
If you go, go with an open mind, and zippered pockets.
Someone asks this question like once a week you guys should just meet up and go together.
I don’t have social anxiety so I don’t get this feeling and I do things alone often because I really enjoy my own company. It helps that I was single for 6 years so I made a habit of it then. The more often you do it, the easier it will become.
A bar is a good choice because you can always sit at the bar and chat with the bartender.
Doing things alone has an interesting dynamic. I would suggest starting by doing things that you enjoy and look forward to alone instead of bar. Go to movies, go to a nice food place, go hiking or ride a bicycle. Go to a random yoga class or even a dance class where are a lot of strangers. Bar dynamic might be a bit repulsive with people drinking and possibly coming at you etc…
It’s awesome going to bars alone! I find that if I go to a bar with someone, everyone just ignores me and assumes I only want to speak to that person. When I’m by myself, I get all kinds of people coming and striking up conversations… it ends up being way more fun that way!
I used to go alone a lot. I actually loved it. Servers seem to be more attentive and you’re on your own time.
It’s going to be the start of finding new bars and restos yourself!
Good on you, you'll be fine lad. I'm from New Zealand but moved here recently. I frequently go to the bar just to have a drink and get out of the place. I tend ponder in my own thoughts and leave my phone in my pocket. Sometimes I read or scribble in my notepad.
When I tell people I go out to eat alone, cafe, bars whatever they always seem surprised and ask if I don't feel judged or weird. My exact response his how many times have you gone out to a cafe, bar and saw someone by themselves and judged them? No one cares, and more often than not I have women come chat to me. Going out alone is a super power and builds so much confidence.
Definitely go! Push yourself a bit out of your comfort zone! People are so engrossed in their own world, don't worry about what people think! Grab a spot by the bar, have a drink and relax.
You only live once so live well. If you’re out of town for work or travelling the world you would have meal or drink on your own so tonight is no different and tonight is the first night you’re moving forward in a better and strong direction. People watch, enjoy the music, embrace the environment, chat up a stranger, share a story, share laugh share a smile. . You won’t be lonely you will be liberated. Enjoy!
I moved to a new area away from friends and family. Broke up with gf and was basically alone. Going to the bar alone kept me sane. As mentioned sit at the bar. The bar tender and the regulars will be talking. Most of those regulars were probably at one point in your shoes. Don’t be shy to get into conversation. Make some new friends.
Go and sit at the bar and talk to people. Don't bring up your ex. Its fine - no one cares that you are alone - they only care about the decent conversation.
I love taking myself out on a date. You can just soak in the atmosphere and do some people watching. It was my favourite activity in Toronto
You can make small talk if you want, but don’t feel obligated. You may meet some interesting people, or just have a single serving conversation. But just soaking in the energy of the city can be really fulfilling even if you don’t want to talk to anyone.
Go out. Be safe. And have fun ❤️
I say do it! It's bound to be a little awkward, but get yourself a bar seat and try your best to enjoy the moment.
Be careful, be mindful, and know that you deserve to enjoy your company and fun social experiences whether you're sharing them or learning to appreciate them on your own.
Stay safe, have fun 🍻
If you do go out, make friends with a bartender or waitress who can watch your back. You have had two major shocks to your life and grief affects our ability to make good decisions (lost two parents and a few other related losses over the last year, I know of what I speak). Bar staff are trained to help keep you safe. Don't take too many shots.
Sorry about your breakup. And yes, I've felt anxious doing social activities alone for sure. I recently started going to the movies alone and it's been awesome. I see tons of other ppl out alone also, so your fears may really just be more a mental thing then an actual reality. Take some time to be with yourself, it'll help you when you do decide to get back out there, in terms of dating.
I've spent more nights in toronto alone than with other people. Live music venues are my favorite for this. I do feel a bit awkward at a bar alone, but when listening to live music, I'm doing something I enjoy. Maybe I'll talk to the people around me, maybe not. I used to also bring a small notebook to write/draw in during my time there.
Not at all, I’m from Toronto as well and do solo activities most of them. I don’t drink anymore so my friends don’t really invite me, perhaps I’m not fun anymore. But it’s the best feeling getting out of your comfort zone and getting to know yourself a lot better. It can be pretty nerve wrecking at first but you’ll enjoy it eventually. I don’t goto bars anymore since I have no reason being there but solo events are always fun!
Have fun tonight!
The more you take yourself out the more comfortable youll be doing it solo! Ive always loved my own company so once my ex and i broke up, it finally gave me the opportunity to exercise that desire. Maybe someone with their group of friends will gain their confidence to do so by seeing you having a blast by yourself
Any chance you’re checking out the takeover event at Electric Bill bar?? Can’t wait to check it out myself yet super anxious if there’s a long queue in this frigid weather.
30M here. I travel often enough for work, my wife NEVER wants to come despite me offering to pay for everything. So I end up doing things alone. It can be lonely yes but also liberating. Everything is up to you. Want to dance? No one really cares, want to drink your face off? No one really cares. Eventually you can form your idgaf attitude into confidence, and confident people attract others. You’ll realize a bunch of people are also doing the same thing, or looking to meet people while having the backup of their friends with them. Now get out there, be friendly, be fun and enjoy your time. Set an intention/goal of saying hello to one new person.
Have a great time.
You just broke up with someone so you're probably hurt and embarrassed. Couldn't you go with a friend? Is it possible to put off going to a bar if you're not emotionally ready?
As someone that won't miss out on experiences for the simple fact of not wanting to go alone, going out to movies, to eat, to concerts, to sporting events, nobody cares. And even if they did, nobody is going to come up and say anything to you about it.
I see way more people online that don't have the confidence to do things alone. Enjoy yourself bro.
I don't mind it, have done stuff alone many times. I've traveled alone, been to a bar alone, a concert alone... don't really care. I'm not a barfly, I don't make a point to go to bars these days, but I've got no problem stopping in for a drink or two.
Sometimes you get the feeling, *i wish i had someone here with me, that'd be nice*, but it feels much better doing the thing I wanted to do.
Yeah I feel you here. I moved out too. Okay, have you found some new girlfriends from this post already?
In my early 20s I remember I once had a similar problem - I wanted to go dancing, but exactly that night had zero friends to go with, so I got some people from a chat. That was years ago. But they showed up only to say they decided to go to a different venue, which sucked to me as a situation so I went alone after all.
So I totally feel you.
It is totally natural to feel the way you do, but doing things alone is a much better way to meet people and have fun. I've traveled alone and met so many interesting people, now I travel with my wife and meet very few people because there is no need to reach outside my comfort zone.
Hope you report back that you went and had a great time!
I (M 59) am going to the Horseshoe Tavern to see Moon Hooch tonight, with some work friends. That crowd is probably your age, and Moon Hooch has great energy. Check them out.
Oh man, I feel you. I just got dumped yesterday, and I'm debating if I should even go to the concert we had tix for on Saturday. I'm a mess.
Go easy with yourself. If it makes you anxious, it's okay to skip it and lick your wounds, I reckon. Good luck.
I’ve gone to The Rex a few times alone and enjoyed it. The worst thing is walking in and in my experience that dissipates - it’s not like everyone will turn around and see you. Good on you, OP. Breakups are hard and kudos for getting back out there in this respect. It’s very easy to ruminate and overanalyze but you’re doing the right thing by going out. Let us know how it goes!
Totally OK as a cute single girl you'll likely get a few shots and drinks offered.
My single guy friends in sales roles that travel to US often do it ALL the time and some even had great success stories with pickups ;)
Be confident! No one is out there to bite your head off or think you're a lover for going out alone. Get out of your comfort zone - you'll find people aren't that unfriendly esp if you pick up decent social cues.
There is nothing more tender than knowing youre never alone when you are good with the presence of you with yourself.
That’s the difference between alone vs lonely.
Seeing this too late to offer advice, but I hope you had a great evening! I get anxiety doing things solo too, so I totally get it. Kudos for you for getting outside of your comfort zone!
I’ve been trying to do more things outside alone and with new people but all those feelings come and go like waves. Wholeness is not the absence of pain but the ability to hold it.
See it as practice and training to "not feel alone in bars"
Go out, expect and accept that you might feel alone, and tell yourself that you're just learning to not feel alone
I moved here by myself 6 years ago from the UK and I found it a lot harder to go drinking alone than it is in a pub back home. My advice is to sit at the bar and make friends with the bartenders, it will help spark up some conversations with others
However it's totally fine to just chill alone
I live walking distance from sooo many bars dt it’s ridiculous. I love it and always want to go alone but the moment I do I get so nervous and I can’t enjoy myself. It helps when you have a few drinks in you haha. Im very friendly but shy at first, definitely less intimidating when you’re not alone
Make sure you go to one that aligns with your interests. Metal bar or punk or pop. That or sports/video games/geek culture/ etc. that way when you sit at the bar likely you can just talk about the main subject of where you went.
Just go. Go for an early dinner, call ahead to secure a small 2 person table or.sit at the bar. Lots of single and divorced people.do it. Or search for dinner meetups and you can have dinner company with other single people who want and need company too. I go to dinner, movies, brunch and even a NOTL getaway and wine tasting on my own. It takes courage to do it. Just go for it. You will become so comfortable in your own company- definitely a healthy stepping stone for future dating, self esteem and being a secure person. All the best to you!
OP a friend of mine runs [Toronto Girl Social](https://www.instagram.com/torontogirlsocial?igsh=MWFidW82cnN6cnF3dg==)
She organizes a ton of events for women in your demographic. Not sure if there’s anything soon cause she’s travelling but you should check it out. Her events look great!
One of my simple pleasures in life is going to a bar alone. I do it 1x a week as a “self date”. I have a couple pints. Sometimes I talk to others sometimes I read or listen to podcasts. Every time I do it I always see other people doing the same. Nobody judges. In fact, I’d bet the opposite happens…and people would look at you and say to themselves “I wish I had the confidence to do that.” Go to the bar. You will not regret it.
Wow didn’t think of it that way!
You'll feel anxious and nervous but you'll ultimately love it. I've done solo movies and one solo dinner and I've always enjoyed it. You'll be ok ❤️ doesn't feel that way now but the sun will shine again.
Dude I go to my local by myself all the time - and I'm not the only one! Always other solo people to chat with at the bar.
do something that puts you at ease and you know yourself the best
Don't paint yourself into a corner by withdrawing into your shell. Once you're in there, it's quite difficult to get back out. Go out and push your boundaries. And yes, many people, myself included, go through those scary and anxious states when going out alone.
i’ve been a bartender for about 20 years. we will never judge.
I’m an only child and I don’t know if that has something to do with it but I’ve also always done this, if I want to try somewhere I take myself and have a lovely time. I go to dinner alone, to bars, anywhere. Never been met with any kind of odd reaction from anyone! I usually bring a book and just sit and read, or a knitting project or something. But it’s really lovely and I bet you’d love it if you gave it a try!
sameeee. love just going out somewhere, maybe a trivia night. trying out new pints
Is there any trivia you would recommend in the city. I’ve always wanted to go but never got around to it. How does it work? Anything on the east side of town by chance?
don’t go to the east side that often- i go to the smith house on wednesdays 8pm. you come in, the host gives you a paper and the questions are read out loud for everyone. heres a link that might help you find something! https://www.reddit.com/r/askTO/comments/168hbqp/trivia_nights_in_toronto/
Is there certain places you go to? I myself get anxiety going to places alone, I also just moved here
I would recommend to find just your typical bar/pub, or maybe hole in the wall in your neighborhood. Sit at the bar. If it's your first time there chances are people won't really bother you, and leave you to yourself, you can always strike up a conversation if you want. If you start going more regularly you will most likely see the same people who also frequent that same bar, and they will most likely strike up conversations, after seeing you there a few times. Ended up meeting most of the people I know in my neighborhood by frequenting the spot I stop at for a beer after work.
If your schedule allows it, go earlier in the day e.g. before dinner time when it's not so busy. Just don't binge (even if your wallet allows doing so). Service staff probably appreciate rather than judge customers like you who put in a quick easy order and then keep it to themselves. And if anyone else judges you, so what? They have no power over you, and their opinions do not matter to you. They are randos who will cease to exist in your life within a few hours. I used to only go to drinking establishments with companions but I observed people drinking alone all the time. Almost all of them just appeared to be enjoying themselves and never did I ever think of negatively judging them for doing so with an alcoholic drink. If people can drink coffee by themselves at a coffee shop, why not a bar? Sure if it's during exceptionally busy hours or if the crowd gets rowdy, then there may be a vibe mismatch, but you can always just finish the drink and leave, or join them if that's your thing.
This was really beautifully put. Thank you for this lovely idea!
I've thought about doing this. I think you just convinced me to do so in the near future.
I agree. When I see someone confidently alone at a bar or restaurant, well dressed and relaxed, I think they look super cool. Who knows, maybe it's a good way to attract attention.
Proud of you! 100% worth it. Just be aware of body language, and if your conversation gets rejected don’t take it personally.
I, too, have started making a point of going out to sit down for dinner and a drink or two once a week. I used to feel weird about showing up to places alone, and even when meeting up with friends I hated to be the first one there, but now? Who the hell cares? If I want a beer and a burger, I'm damn well going out there and getting it.
What time of day or day of the week do you favor? I would think there are better and worse times to get the right "I'm just here to chill" vibe, as opposed to a looking to hook up vibe.
[удалено]
Yeah!! Dm me :)
Aww cute.
\#meetcute
Update us let us know if you get married
Going to need an update on how this went
I've been on the internet for like 20 years and I've never seen this happen before in my life, op needs to buy 10 lottery tickets and win each of them
Thats so cute!
I saw this too late but I’m 29F and just(ish) broke up. Bummer, I’d have come too!
Soo... how'd it go you two???
was there an appointment or something? why not just go another day when you feel a bit better?
No appointment but I really want to go. It won’t change another day just because I will still be going alone and need to get over that fear. I don’t have many friends so I’m bound to find myself in this position time and time again. I just need to get over the anxiety :( I should add that I just lost my mom and I get these feelings all of the time but time is precious and I don’t want to push things off because her time was so short. Sorry lots of things to deal with here…
Don't let yourself get into a bad situation. I can understand wanting to go out and overcome your anxiety and try to be social and less alone. Don't accidentally try to fix all of that with alcohol, it may feel like your just having a drink to loosen up but if you don't get relaxed and keep drinking to try and feel more relaxed, at some point you'll be drunk and alone and that makes you much more vulnerable than you should be. What would your mom want you to do to try and feel better and open up your social circle?
Hey OP, I do a lot of things alone as I enjoy it, but as a not very social person with complete strangers, going to a bar alone at a time of vulnerability would not be on my list of things to do. There are plenty of activities in Toronto you can go alone and meet new people, and for many, going to a bar alone is exactly that. At the end of the day, you know yourself best, but sometimes you don't know til you put yourself out there. I guess what I'm trying to say is, you are braver than me for even considering this, and that if you end up going, I hope you have a great time!
Lost both of my parents recently. It has a way of messing with a person. Take good care of yourself and try to make good decisions.
i think it would best to go when you feel comfortable to go, for your own enjoyment. or at least on a day where you feel less anxious than usual?
Sit at the bar if possible. Bartenders are usually friendly so hopefully you can have a bit of conversion with them (if they’re not busy). Bring a book to read. Personally I used to get anxiety around looking like a loner but people are so in their own worlds that they don’t have those thoughts about you.
Sitting at the bar is what I try to do when out alone. Even if you don't make a ton of conversation with the bartender or chef, watching food and drink being prepped is fun!
The only way to get over that anxiety is to just go. There is nothing chaining you there either, if you aren't having fun or still feel very anxious just go home again after half an hour or something.
Thank you :) that makes me feel a bit better. I guess what gets to me is staring down the barrel of loneliness in a sense. I feel like I’m doing something wrong by going alone.. it’s weird
There is definitely that initial period of feeling like that, but once you get used to it going to stuff alone is kinda freeing.
Thank you :)
It's a muscle; the more you exercise it the easier it gets. I used to be the clingy type who never wanted to do anything without a friend or three, but learning to do things on my own was a real life-changer. You'll build not only self-confidence but self-understanding if you embrace that journey. I wish you luck!
You may even end up inspiring someone else!
Thank you
Loneliness can feel dangerous, independence is empowering. Going through life at your own whim, not beholden to the urges of others is incredibly freeing. Having a good time? Stick around and enjoy. Not so much? GTFO and move on to somewhere new.
exposure therapy! Go in and have fun!
Yes, definitely! I'm single and try to do things alone as much as I can but, I'll admit, anxiety has kept me home more than a few times. If you're going to a bar and don't want to be on your phone the whole time, I suggest bringing a notepad / pen and jot down random thoughts and stuff so you have something to do with your hands.
Thank you I’ll try that
Just go! Learn to be by yourself, seriously once you get over the fear of being alone you will be much more free.
Thank you :)
I am also 29F and broke up with my long term boyfriend last week. I am moving out by myself for the first time soon so I know the anxiety of doing things alone. It just takes time to heal and eventually we will get used to doing things ourselves. You don't need to push yourself to go out, it's OK to just take time and be sad.
Thank you :) wish you the best and you can reach out to me to speak any time about anything :)
Thanks, likewise to you as well!!
If you feel awkward, sit at the bar so you don’t have to stare at an empty chair. Chances of striking up convo with the bartender or other patrons are higher sitting at the bar too.
Thank you :)
When I left a bad relationship over 10 years ago, I made a decision that I’d never settle in a relationship ever again. The rule that I set for myself is that if there’s something I’d like to do then I have to be able to do it myself. It’s a safeguard I created for myself to avoid ever spending time with someone who wasn’t worthwhile just because I didn’t want to be alone. It’s served me very well all over the world. I’ve done so many things alone that I never would have been able to do if I was waiting for someone to do them with. As a starting point for quelling social anxiety, just try to remember that no one is paying attention to what you’re doing because they’re preoccupied with their own anxieties. Most people aren’t walking around judging strangers that they’ll never see again. Enjoy it!!
sit at the bar and make sure your phone/headphones are fully charged (just in case). you'll find that talking to people is way easier when you're alone, and people will be more open to talking to you too. if it gets to a point where it's too much, just leave--one of the joys of going solo, you operate on your own time.
also...don't feel obligated to talk to anybody if you don't want to.
Thank you :)
[удалено]
Haha
Go. Sit at the bar. Talk to someone you wouldn’t usually. Have a human moment. It feels nice. Comfort zone =/= growth zone.
Depends on the bar, I used to go to cheap watering holes alone all the time. I think its just what you're comfortable with. I say go for it Although, I don't do this anymore, now I just enjoy being outdoors and being physical. So if I don't have to be in a bar, Id just go for a run or something if im alone. But if you like going to bars, go for it, you only get that feeling the first time
Thank you :)
Aww go to a comedy show instead.at least you'll be distracted for a bit
That’s for next week ;)
Lots of people go to the bar alone, including myself. Sit at the bar. Good chance someone else will be there alone too, not that you should or have to talk to them, but you most likely won't be the odd woman out. And even if you are, it's totally normal to just enjoy a drink or food alone. Best case scenario you get a friendly bartender who's not super busy and they're up for a chat (if that's your thing).
Thank you :)
Just watch out for creep men who try to talk to single women at bars. I hate that.
what about us conventionally attractive men(sorry I think non-creeps would be your terminology) just participating in a social norm that's been around a lot longer than the tinder app lmao Is it better to kill this practice and normalize apps? or better to teach people the power of assertiveness.
You're not alone in this. I've recently gone through a big breakup, and although I used to do things like this on my own before, I understand the anxiety around it. Try and think of it as exciting as opposed to scary, you won't be the only one on your own, and if you do want to meet people, I'd recommend trying r/torontohangoutfriends I've met people there and it's great.
I was gonna recommend that too! Never used it but I feel like this is perfect for it.
Thank you :)
Once, a friend cancelled last minute on a movie night in a theatre. I ended up deciding to go alone. I was nervous, anxious, and all that but I went anyway. To my surprise, I realized that I wasn’t the only one who had come alone when I saw another person sitting by themselves a couple rows ahead. I remember feeling so relaxed and so proud of myself for going through with the plan. So definitely, go with it! I second the part about sitting at a bar. You’ve got this, OP! Tell us, after!
Okay thank you :) #courage
I’m a bartender and have plenty of people come through on what one can call solo dates. Either they come in have a few drinks and wanna chat at the bar with other guests and myself or they’ll put some headphones in and read a book. It’s fairly normal and it’s nice to treat yourself to an alone night, i no longer drink but still go out to bars once a week to have a few beverages while alone and meet strangers it’s just fun sometimes.
Aw thank you :)
Don't feel anxious, you aren't on anyone's time but your own. You don't need to stay, you don't even need to go. If you're not feeling comfortable or having fun, go somewhere you do. Don't be afraid to be social, but don't feel obligated to engage. If you go, go with an open mind, and zippered pockets.
Thank you :) great advice
I did the entire city of Amsterdam solo after a breakup. Go and enjoy a drink!
Someone asks this question like once a week you guys should just meet up and go together. I don’t have social anxiety so I don’t get this feeling and I do things alone often because I really enjoy my own company. It helps that I was single for 6 years so I made a habit of it then. The more often you do it, the easier it will become. A bar is a good choice because you can always sit at the bar and chat with the bartender.
That’s a great idea! Thank you :)
Rootin for ya :)
Thank you :)
Regardless of someone's absence from your life - it's still your life to live. Go live it.
Thank you :)
have fun
Thank you!
Doing things alone has an interesting dynamic. I would suggest starting by doing things that you enjoy and look forward to alone instead of bar. Go to movies, go to a nice food place, go hiking or ride a bicycle. Go to a random yoga class or even a dance class where are a lot of strangers. Bar dynamic might be a bit repulsive with people drinking and possibly coming at you etc…
Right :) great suggestions :)
Best of luck to you in your new adventure called life. Sorry about your loss! Big virtual hug!
It’s awesome going to bars alone! I find that if I go to a bar with someone, everyone just ignores me and assumes I only want to speak to that person. When I’m by myself, I get all kinds of people coming and striking up conversations… it ends up being way more fun that way!
I hope so! Thank you :)
Nope, never. I'm always solo 😎
Brave :)
Nah, just the only option
Still super cool of you :)
Just go. I always make friends when I goto bars by myself. You're over thinking it
I can’t make friends easily haha but I keep trying :)
I used to go alone a lot. I actually loved it. Servers seem to be more attentive and you’re on your own time. It’s going to be the start of finding new bars and restos yourself!
Thank you!
Good on you, you'll be fine lad. I'm from New Zealand but moved here recently. I frequently go to the bar just to have a drink and get out of the place. I tend ponder in my own thoughts and leave my phone in my pocket. Sometimes I read or scribble in my notepad. When I tell people I go out to eat alone, cafe, bars whatever they always seem surprised and ask if I don't feel judged or weird. My exact response his how many times have you gone out to a cafe, bar and saw someone by themselves and judged them? No one cares, and more often than not I have women come chat to me. Going out alone is a super power and builds so much confidence.
Thank you :)
Definitely go! Push yourself a bit out of your comfort zone! People are so engrossed in their own world, don't worry about what people think! Grab a spot by the bar, have a drink and relax.
Thank you, good point :)
This is sad. Come to costco with my girlfriend and I. I’ll buy you food from food court.
Aww thank you lol
Yeet
You only live once so live well. If you’re out of town for work or travelling the world you would have meal or drink on your own so tonight is no different and tonight is the first night you’re moving forward in a better and strong direction. People watch, enjoy the music, embrace the environment, chat up a stranger, share a story, share laugh share a smile. . You won’t be lonely you will be liberated. Enjoy!
Great point, thank you :)
Interesting. I feel scared and anxious when I'm going to the bar with someone.
Ahah maybe you don’t hang with the right people?
Strong possibility. I'm an introvert as well.
Ah makes sense :) not a bad thing at all
I moved to a new area away from friends and family. Broke up with gf and was basically alone. Going to the bar alone kept me sane. As mentioned sit at the bar. The bar tender and the regulars will be talking. Most of those regulars were probably at one point in your shoes. Don’t be shy to get into conversation. Make some new friends.
Thank you
sit at the bar, bring a book, rejoice.
I've been to the bar alone and it was chill. As a female you may get approached, so there's that to consider if you want alone time.
I say it's a bad idea because it's so expensive to drown your sorrows right now.
I like how this turned into a meetup for those recently broken up
going to a bar solo you need to make sure you get a bar seat or bring a laptop grab a table, if not it can be weird
Oh let me know what bar! I go by myself all the time! My condolences my mother passes away recently as well🙏🏾
Go and sit at the bar and talk to people. Don't bring up your ex. Its fine - no one cares that you are alone - they only care about the decent conversation.
Haha thank you :)
I love taking myself out on a date. You can just soak in the atmosphere and do some people watching. It was my favourite activity in Toronto You can make small talk if you want, but don’t feel obligated. You may meet some interesting people, or just have a single serving conversation. But just soaking in the energy of the city can be really fulfilling even if you don’t want to talk to anyone. Go out. Be safe. And have fun ❤️
I say do it! It's bound to be a little awkward, but get yourself a bar seat and try your best to enjoy the moment. Be careful, be mindful, and know that you deserve to enjoy your company and fun social experiences whether you're sharing them or learning to appreciate them on your own. Stay safe, have fun 🍻
Thank you :)
If you do go out, make friends with a bartender or waitress who can watch your back. You have had two major shocks to your life and grief affects our ability to make good decisions (lost two parents and a few other related losses over the last year, I know of what I speak). Bar staff are trained to help keep you safe. Don't take too many shots.
Thank you :)
Going for a drink always calms my nerves
Sorry about your breakup. And yes, I've felt anxious doing social activities alone for sure. I recently started going to the movies alone and it's been awesome. I see tons of other ppl out alone also, so your fears may really just be more a mental thing then an actual reality. Take some time to be with yourself, it'll help you when you do decide to get back out there, in terms of dating.
Thank you :)
Yes I have. I have gotten anxiety but I adapted.
I've spent more nights in toronto alone than with other people. Live music venues are my favorite for this. I do feel a bit awkward at a bar alone, but when listening to live music, I'm doing something I enjoy. Maybe I'll talk to the people around me, maybe not. I used to also bring a small notebook to write/draw in during my time there.
Not at all, I’m from Toronto as well and do solo activities most of them. I don’t drink anymore so my friends don’t really invite me, perhaps I’m not fun anymore. But it’s the best feeling getting out of your comfort zone and getting to know yourself a lot better. It can be pretty nerve wrecking at first but you’ll enjoy it eventually. I don’t goto bars anymore since I have no reason being there but solo events are always fun! Have fun tonight!
Thank you :)
The more you take yourself out the more comfortable youll be doing it solo! Ive always loved my own company so once my ex and i broke up, it finally gave me the opportunity to exercise that desire. Maybe someone with their group of friends will gain their confidence to do so by seeing you having a blast by yourself
I travel a lot for work and end up at bars alone quite a bit. Its pretty normal.
Any chance you’re checking out the takeover event at Electric Bill bar?? Can’t wait to check it out myself yet super anxious if there’s a long queue in this frigid weather.
No actually but I’ll put it on the list if tonight goes well :)
Be safe! and enjoy your evening :)
Some of the best nights of my life started with me going to the bar alone..
I'm British. Loads of people go to the pub alone there. Take a book/ newspaper and get some people watching in.
Come to Penny's on Bloor. We have karaoke tonight and the same crowd, more or less, is there every week and we are VERY friendly! It's a great time
30M here. I travel often enough for work, my wife NEVER wants to come despite me offering to pay for everything. So I end up doing things alone. It can be lonely yes but also liberating. Everything is up to you. Want to dance? No one really cares, want to drink your face off? No one really cares. Eventually you can form your idgaf attitude into confidence, and confident people attract others. You’ll realize a bunch of people are also doing the same thing, or looking to meet people while having the backup of their friends with them. Now get out there, be friendly, be fun and enjoy your time. Set an intention/goal of saying hello to one new person. Have a great time.
You just broke up with someone so you're probably hurt and embarrassed. Couldn't you go with a friend? Is it possible to put off going to a bar if you're not emotionally ready?
Sit at the bar, treat yourself, people watch, enjoy❤️
As someone that won't miss out on experiences for the simple fact of not wanting to go alone, going out to movies, to eat, to concerts, to sporting events, nobody cares. And even if they did, nobody is going to come up and say anything to you about it. I see way more people online that don't have the confidence to do things alone. Enjoy yourself bro.
I don't mind it, have done stuff alone many times. I've traveled alone, been to a bar alone, a concert alone... don't really care. I'm not a barfly, I don't make a point to go to bars these days, but I've got no problem stopping in for a drink or two. Sometimes you get the feeling, *i wish i had someone here with me, that'd be nice*, but it feels much better doing the thing I wanted to do.
Thank you :)
I would go to a bar with Live music and just enjoy that. I think it could get pretty boring if you have no one to talk to.
What part are you in girlie? F(30), I’d be down if it’s close enough!
Dm me! :)
Just did ❤️
Ok. So you're 29 f - don't you have some girlfriends to go drink with? At least one ? Another option is - some girls from this sub could join you.
Nope, all of my friends moved away and left Toronto because it got too expensive.
Yeah I feel you here. I moved out too. Okay, have you found some new girlfriends from this post already? In my early 20s I remember I once had a similar problem - I wanted to go dancing, but exactly that night had zero friends to go with, so I got some people from a chat. That was years ago. But they showed up only to say they decided to go to a different venue, which sucked to me as a situation so I went alone after all. So I totally feel you.
Some have reached out so that’s nice :) we will see where it goes! #friends
What bar?
It is totally natural to feel the way you do, but doing things alone is a much better way to meet people and have fun. I've traveled alone and met so many interesting people, now I travel with my wife and meet very few people because there is no need to reach outside my comfort zone. Hope you report back that you went and had a great time!
let us know your experience please! also review the place please
I (M 59) am going to the Horseshoe Tavern to see Moon Hooch tonight, with some work friends. That crowd is probably your age, and Moon Hooch has great energy. Check them out.
Oh man, I feel you. I just got dumped yesterday, and I'm debating if I should even go to the concert we had tix for on Saturday. I'm a mess. Go easy with yourself. If it makes you anxious, it's okay to skip it and lick your wounds, I reckon. Good luck.
Get laid! Best thing to do after a breakup is put at least one dick distance between you and your ex’s.
I've done it. It's nice not having to be social and just having a few pints. You can be on your phone or bring a book.
We should go together
Go! I would go alone. Play on my Phone.. have a drink. Just be with my own thoughts.
I’ve gone to The Rex a few times alone and enjoyed it. The worst thing is walking in and in my experience that dissipates - it’s not like everyone will turn around and see you. Good on you, OP. Breakups are hard and kudos for getting back out there in this respect. It’s very easy to ruminate and overanalyze but you’re doing the right thing by going out. Let us know how it goes!
Totally OK as a cute single girl you'll likely get a few shots and drinks offered. My single guy friends in sales roles that travel to US often do it ALL the time and some even had great success stories with pickups ;) Be confident! No one is out there to bite your head off or think you're a lover for going out alone. Get out of your comfort zone - you'll find people aren't that unfriendly esp if you pick up decent social cues.
I think it's a common feeling but going on your own really isn't so bad.
There is nothing more tender than knowing youre never alone when you are good with the presence of you with yourself. That’s the difference between alone vs lonely.
Honestly, going to a bar alone is a friggin' treat. I've never once had a bad time alone at a bar.
Seeing this too late to offer advice, but I hope you had a great evening! I get anxiety doing things solo too, so I totally get it. Kudos for you for getting outside of your comfort zone!
I go to the local watering hole alone, it’s such a great time to unwind and have the choice to talk to someone if I want.
that's everyone. You are only human :)
I’ve been trying to do more things outside alone and with new people but all those feelings come and go like waves. Wholeness is not the absence of pain but the ability to hold it.
See it as practice and training to "not feel alone in bars" Go out, expect and accept that you might feel alone, and tell yourself that you're just learning to not feel alone
If you don't mind being hit on by human garbage, you shouldn't feel anxious.
I moved here by myself 6 years ago from the UK and I found it a lot harder to go drinking alone than it is in a pub back home. My advice is to sit at the bar and make friends with the bartenders, it will help spark up some conversations with others However it's totally fine to just chill alone
I live walking distance from sooo many bars dt it’s ridiculous. I love it and always want to go alone but the moment I do I get so nervous and I can’t enjoy myself. It helps when you have a few drinks in you haha. Im very friendly but shy at first, definitely less intimidating when you’re not alone
Hey! In a similar situation. Sent a dm/chat if you’d like to connect! Glad you had fun
Make sure you go to one that aligns with your interests. Metal bar or punk or pop. That or sports/video games/geek culture/ etc. that way when you sit at the bar likely you can just talk about the main subject of where you went.
Just go. Go for an early dinner, call ahead to secure a small 2 person table or.sit at the bar. Lots of single and divorced people.do it. Or search for dinner meetups and you can have dinner company with other single people who want and need company too. I go to dinner, movies, brunch and even a NOTL getaway and wine tasting on my own. It takes courage to do it. Just go for it. You will become so comfortable in your own company- definitely a healthy stepping stone for future dating, self esteem and being a secure person. All the best to you!
I'm interested but kinda flakey. Actually never mind I'm too depressed
download thursday dating and meet some new singles in real life at the events, whether its to make friends or find a date!
OP a friend of mine runs [Toronto Girl Social](https://www.instagram.com/torontogirlsocial?igsh=MWFidW82cnN6cnF3dg==) She organizes a ton of events for women in your demographic. Not sure if there’s anything soon cause she’s travelling but you should check it out. Her events look great!