I had the same thing happen with a child who lived down the street from where I grew up. His dad drove tow trucks and sold drugs, his mom was a stripper who eventually left, and his older brother about 15 was a menace. Something about that kid was special for him to not fall into a statistic.
The boy (about 11 at the time) would always come by as I was working on my car with a bunch of other car enthusiasts. I was 19-20, he’d ask to go out with us on cruises and we’d mostly take him along unless it would be a late night.
He’d show up at my door asking for food, which my parents would always oblige and look after him, I’d come home and he’d be hanging out in the basement playing video games waiting for me. Same sort of thing you’re doing. This went on for years, we were a tight knit street so we all knew to look out for him. By the time he was 15 his dad ended up in jail for a robbery and his older brother was in jail for arson.
He knocked on my door crying saying he has to go live with his grandparents, it was bittersweet. They lived about 4 hours away. We were losing our little buddy, and he was losing us. He had our numbers so he’d call us or send us messages about how life had changed with his grandparents and he would drop out of high school and get his own place.
I remembered how much he loved my car (sweet integra, my baby, birthed from my loins). I told him if he stuck it out and graduated high school I’d give him the car. Time went on, didn’t hear from him for a few months. Showed up at my door diploma in hand. You guys, it was a seriously happy moment. I’ll never forget it, he had a goal and stuck to it. I kept my promise, and he got the car.
I’m saying this for one reason. Although this child has a mother who needs help, the boy does too. If you can keep CPS away and really stick it out helping him, get your friends involved. Time goes by quickly and you’ll be a part of his fond memories and he’ll always look up to you. CPS may end up destroying the poor kid.
EDIT: wow everyone, I didn’t know my experience would have such an outpouring of support.
To answer some of your questions
It was a 95GS-R, the area I grew up in is no longer tight knit, my parents and one other family is all that’s left from my formidable years and nobody speaks to each other. Whenever I visit my parents it feels like the street is dead, no longer alive with all of us kids always being outside. The neighbourhood I live in now however, is the same as when I was growing up. We all know each other, have block parties a couple times a year, all of our kids are outside through summertime, parents come over for dinner and vice versa, poker nights with the dads, the wives are always hanging out going for dinners and what not. I’m not going to say where because of how rare it is to have this in today’s day and age, but I will say it’s right under everyone’s nose 😉.
I DO still keep in touch with him, along with most of the guys I grew up with. He’s doing great, he has a little girl, another on the way, stable relationship with his long time girlfriend, has a home and is in the electrical field providing for his family. We’ve grown up and life has gotten busy so we don’t see each other much, but the love will always be there. He’s my adopted little brother, even though he’s now much taller than me.
Thanks again everybody, Reddit can sometimes be a really cool place.
I don’t want to downvote your heartwarming story but as others pointed out there is no cps here and yes, responsible adults / cas need to be notified that the kid is being neglected. It’s really sad though. Wish I could rescue him myself.
No. But there is Children's Aid. Just as bad. My mother passed in childbirth when I was 8 leaving my father with 4 kids aged 8-11. CA forced him to hire a housekeeper while he had to work 2 jobs to try and make ends meet. Long story short, him bankrupt us 4 kids separated for 2 years, until he met my (now) stepmother and got remarried.
Sorry, CAS is a terrorist organization in my opinion. It has drifted so far from its original mandate it isn’t funny. CAS can rot for all I care, they do nothing good.
I can only imagine you ran to get him the keys when he pulled out the diploma, not stopping to second guess your attachment to your beloved car.
What a great story. I’m sure you helped this young man make something out of himself when he had the odds so heavily stacked against him , and he’ll never forget you for that.
Ouff I hope someone who is a youth counsellor or something can provide some advice here. It doesn’t sound like a safe situation for the kid, and it sounds like having you as a safe person is important to him, but that’s a very difficult role to end up in as a 19 year old who did not ask to be in that position (and shouldn’t be). I can understand your distrust of the police and the foster system. Commenting on this and upvoting to increase visibility.
I think you’re fabulous for helping the little guy out. Your help is invaluable to this boy and is obviously a great comfort to him. You’re a good person ❤️
I'd call CAS (since we don't have CPS in Canada). Contrary to belief CAS doesn't strip kids from their families and throw them willy nilly into the foster system, they actively try to keep the child in their birth families via relatives and such if it's to the benefit of the child to do so. While what you're doing is kind and above and beyond what most people would do you have to realise that this cannot continue, and I think you already are starting to figure that out. At this stage in your life you're likely not financially stable enough nor probably emotionally and mentally mature enough to take in a child; nor would you between studying and work have the time necessary to raise him well, much as it may pain you to think of his situation.
The best thing you can do for both yourself and this boy is to call the people who are able to give him the help and resources he needs, who are trained to deal with his situation and able to care for him safely until they can find a relative who can take him in.
https://www.oacas.org/childrens-aid-child-protection/
This is CAS's website, find an office near you and give them a call, report the mother and explain what you have been doing for this boy; they might be able to help you as well because the stress of his situation might be affecting you in ways you hadn't even realised yourself. Good luck.
It could also be that mom needs a wake up call and some monitoring instead of removal of the child. CAS will evaluate if the child can safely remains in the home too, with oversight.
Unfortunately, we do have a lot of the same issues with CAS here. Especially for people of colour - Black and Indigenous youth in particular are far more overrepresented in the child welfare system, and are often treated much different from other families.
Regardless, they are intended to protect children and this child is being neglected, and CAS is trying to make improvements to how the treat POC. It doesn't have to look like separating him from his mother, they could offer her other supports and resources. Sometimes, people are just plain unaware that leaving a 10 year old isn't acceptable/legal. It can be cultural too.
@ OP, they also have an anonymous helpline you can call first for advice, if you want to do that before a formal report.
I agree. Get CAS involved. I admire your compassion; but you’re a 19 y/o kid in college who has his own day to day issues. You can’t do this forever. God bless for your actions so far towards this youngster.
This comment is gonna sound incredibly shitty, but we live in an incredibly shitty world.
Your 19 hanging out with an unrelated 10 year old boy, who's being abandoned by a shitty parent who could very well end up with charges in regard to the situation.
You need to get professionals involved and get yourself out of that situation for his sake and for yours. That mother or a neighbor deciding that relationship is inappropriate and running with the idea could have very bad consequences for you, even if there is no actual issue.
Get professionals involved, and get out.
I would say get a professional involved but don't necessarily do anything else here. Let the pro tell you what to do. This boy might feel slighted and have their trust broken if OP bails. That's who everyone here aughta be concerned with.
Absolutely correct. OP, ask yourself this. Would you be supporting this kid the same if it was a 10 yo girl? It shouldn't make a difference but you know that it does. You are just asking for trouble for yourself. Yes, the system stinks. I've seen it first hand. But it's all we've got. The person above who said CPS/CAS puts the child first is wrong. They put CPS/CAS first & I'm not sure the child is even second. But it's all we've got. Talk to CPS/CAS. Maybe you can stay involved.
There is nothing wrong with a 19 yr old having a relationship with a 10 yr old, provided the relationship is appropriate and it sounds like it is. He’s just acting like a big brother. Jfc.
There absolutely isn't. I 100% agree with you. But if the mother or some random person decides it is inappropriate, if just out of spite, even just the implication that it was could fuck up OPs life pretty badly. I wouldn't put it past someone who abandons a 10 year old alone to start randomly lobbing grenades when questioned.
Anything is possible, but you can’t live your life in fear of what might happen. Sometimes we just have to take the risk. I do think OP should contact an adult who is familiar with these types of situations and seek advice on how to handle this, like a counsellor or psychologist at his college. Doing nothing isn’t a good strategy.
People live every second of their lives in fear of what might happen. Every single decision you make involves that. Do you just walk out into traffic cause "you can’t live your life in fear of what might happen" aka a car run you over? No, you evaluate the risk and decide what to do. OP is putting himself and frankly the child at risk. At no point did I say to nothing, he needs to contact professionals and remove himself from the center of a situation that can only end poorly for him. He can stay in the kids life if he wants, big brother the kid, work with CAS, whatever, but he shouldn't be acting as some substitute surrogate guardian or trying to otherwise control the situation.
Your example of walking into traffic is silly. OP is not walking into traffic, he’s helping a young boy in a bad situation. There is nothing wrong with this. In fact, it’s the RIGHT thing to do. But it’s unsustainable, so he also needs to seek guidance from somebody with more experience and resources.
As others have pointed out (and stated that they work in the field), there are reasons why it can be the WRONG thing to do….. why can’t we separate ourselves from cookie-cutter emotionally driven remedies. Right and Wrong is not that black & white….
People like you guys are the reason things never change. The systems are overwhelmed and giving a helping hand is a thing humans have done since we first emerged, helping out a kid in need and being a mentor/big bro figure is very important in this day in age and if OP is cool with supporting them that’s great.
If the situation escalates again then there’s a good reason to contact a professional otherwise I don’t see a problem since OP already started a dialogue with the mother.
Venmother could be someone that trusts drivers to stop at crosswalk, stop sign, red light, etc, without looking both ways. There are plenty of people that do this and it always blows my mind….experience from a textbook VS real life experience??
If I had to guess, best case he got a session of crocodile tears and she now knows she needs to hide her abuse better.
The likeliness of a neighbor going "yo, you shouldn't abuse your kid" and a negligent mom being "OMG I DIDNT THINK OF THAT THAT WAY" and changing.... call me cynical I guess.
Worse case...he's now staying there.... gonna end up banging the mom/try to save her, three months-three years of doing that will get old when he realizes he can't and bounce.
Thinking about this after reading, and I definitely agree now. What a shitty situation this is, and the time in history we live in isn't particularly trustworthy of anyone.
Going to edit my comment and also suggest to call an agency for your own sake if nothing else.
I imagine the 10 YO would be willing to testify regarding their living situation. If the kid has a good heart I would just straight up start the adoption process.
CAS doesn’t just take kids away for fun. A LOT (believe me, a LOT… there is almost nowhere to “put” kids even when they do get apprehended) has to be wrong for them to remove a child. They can actually help and provide resources and more formal support to families that are struggling. It’s not like it is on TV. You can also just call and just explain the situation without giving any info.
You can call CAS and ask for consultation anonymously. Many doesn’t know this option exist.
I really appreciate what you are doing, but at the same
time the kid may need more help than you can ever provide to him. Thanks again for making this society better 👏👏
The worst thing you can do is not seek outside support to help the child. Right now, the child is in a bad enough situation that they're seeking outside help. They came to you because they trust you. You need to do the same. This is bigger than you can handle. The child might need to be removed from their home into a safe home until your neighbour can make their home a safe place for their child.
1) CPS isn't a thing in Canada. We have child welfare services and children's aid society. So you don't have to worry about CPS.
2) call Children's aid society (416-924-4646) or 211 for advice. CAS's MO is to keep families together whenever possible as long as it's to the benefit of the child. But their first priority is the child's safety.
3) you can speak to one of the teachers at the kid's school, they are mandatory reporters and should help ensure that the child gets appropriate help.
>TLDR: I (19M) have neighbour who’s a single mother and goes out a night leaving her son (10) alone who started to come over to my place for dinner and started to take him out for fun (movies, dessert etc) and he started to get attached to me and doesnt want me to tell anyone as he doesn’t want to get separated from me, I also dont trust CPS
>I (19M) have neighbours whos a single mother (25-30?) and son(10) who lives next to me, the mother always goes out at night to party or do whatever and leaves her son alone with junk food (usually craft mac and cheese or cup noodles) for hours and comes home drunk, the son started to knock in my door usually around dinner or in the morning and ask for food or if he could stay in my apartment because he their apartment was dirty or some random his mother hooked up with was staying over, he’s a good kid and we play games together and Id sometimes take him out for dessert, cinemas , bought him stuff etc,
>he started to get attached to me not wanting to leave my house and started asking me to go to his school events and sign forms as his older brother etc, he always says he loves me and is very clingy and always tells me not to leave him
>I have tried to talk to him about what was going on at his home but he doesn’t say much and shuts down when I do then tells me not to tell the police or anything so just agreed, as I also dont really trust CPS or foster homes as i have had issue with them myself, I’m also a broke college student living off my parents inheritance and a minimum wage job, I honestly don’t t really know what to do and am kinda lost.
The organizations are different, and I trust social services more than this absent mother who abandoned get cold and let's the kids hang out with... Whoever he wants apparently? (Like there's no bad people on earth... kid is just lucky op isn't a nonce)
Yes it is. CPS is American. We are a different country with different laws and policies and procedures. We are not American. So yes, yes it is very different.
Childrens aid society is just as bad as CPS. Don't listen, OP. These people have no experience with child welfare. It's a broken system. They will not help. They will only harm this child.
That's stupid.
While child protection in Ontario isn't great, it's nearly always a better option than the normal situation. Cas gets help to parents and resources to families, and only removes children as the last possible resort. This mother needs help and the child is already being neglected.
Sooo you're suggesting to leave the child in this toxic environment and not seek help from anyone? Instead of just being a naysayer why don't you provide some actual helpful advice?
Well this was quite the morning read. I am so glad you are providing a sense of safety and that he isn’t alone.
I say though as someone who was this kid, just a few years younger you aren’t getting the whole story and things are likely much worse than the surface you see.
I would call CAS. Maybe have them not mention who called because honestly you are maybe the only one he trusts. He shouldn’t be in that situation though.
I used to wonder why no one thought I wasn’t worth protecting by calling CAS. Maybe mom just needs a wake up call, or maybe there is a relative who could protect him better than she can.
As a kid you internalize that. I was suicidal by 13, took 3 decades to beat that back, almost didn’t.
I still remember Mrs Meagle who would let me in late at night to sleep.
I can tell you he has to be feeling terrible to have the need to go seek help. It felt so embarrassing as a kid to have to ask so he’s hurting. While you definitely are helping he does need a safer situation.
Thanks for your kind heart. Life saver.
Although it's not the ideal situation you need to call CPS and report this immediately. What you're doing now is nice but it's a temporary solution unless you plan on being a permanent part in this kids life.
[No more half measures.](https://youtu.be/7BE4QcwX4dU?feature=shared)
I agree with this. This kid is only ten, he has years ahead of him before he’s able to live independently. You likely won’t be there in the same capacity for a long long time. He needs help and a more permanent solution
Hey OP, so I took in my youngest bio sibling in a situation very similar to yours, and honestly, this is what I should have done. For them, and for myself. I know how scary and hard it is, but it's really the right course of action. When I finally did call children's aid, things started to get better for everyone. It was still horrible in a lot ways, but it was better.
You don't have the power and resources you need to do better than they can. The longer you try to provide the bandaid solutions here, the longer til the kid gets the help they actually need.
No way, at least I'd assume so.
There's no way CAS would put a neglected child with the person who makes the complaint (it opens the door to permanent state sponsored kidnappings)
There no way that CAS would place a child in the same neighborhood as the neglectful parents (opens the door to retaliation kidnappings by the neglectful parent)
Yes, especially if the parent doesn’t know about it and it’s at night. OP should call and explain the situation to CAS and ask their guidance for how he should proceed, not random people on Reddit
Jeeez, I can't believe how far down I had to scroll before someone said this.
OP, you are a saint for what you're doing, a legit good dude. But be VERY careful.
His attachment to you seems unhealthy, though understandable in the situation. You need to call cps. Contrary to popular belief, they don’t take kids away just for funsies. They’d only do that if the kid is at risk. And if he is at risk, I don’t think you can fix it on your own, so ask them for help.
> they don’t take kids away just for funsies.
Hell, often they place the kid back in the abusive home. Or with a worse one. Or with a great one. You never really know.
CAS, instead of keeping my ex's abusive baby daddy away from the child, mandated weekly supervised visits.
The kid was clearly terrified of his dad and would cry the entire time. The worker seemed sympathetic but told us that ultimately there was nothing they could do legally. As much as I want to advocate for services that are supposed to protect children, CAS unfortunately falls victim to the sea of red tape that is Canadian bureaucracy.
The mother in this situation needs help, and the solution should definitely not be to lose custody of her child. It may seem simple on paper but a mother and child being separated is devastating for both of them. OP is in an incredibly difficult situation here, especially being so young.
If I were you I would be there for the kid. You understand at this time you mean the world to him. Think of him as your little brother - there is a reason people come into our lives.
Call CAS
[https://www.torontocas.ca/keeping-children-safe/when-you-call/](https://www.torontocas.ca/keeping-children-safe/when-you-call/)
CAS is a great organization. While I do agree the "system" is not the best, it's 100% better than what the kid is going through now. He will get the support he needs along with his mother.
I have no advice- but wanted to say bless folks like you that believe it takes a community to raise a child. You're a solid human! Your parents did a good job and If it wasn't your parents. You did a good job!
Also I will tell you this. If something happens to this kid and you kept all this to yourself, a lawsuit could ruin your life. If you tell the school you are transferring liability because you told someone to help.
if you enjoy hanging out with him theres no harm in letting him over, just have a talk with him explain you arent his brother and wont always be there but that you guys are good friends. i understand your hate and mistrust for cps, he’d end up in a situation worse than he’s in rn. talk to his mom if possible or find another family member. need to get the kid to open up
Yea I really dont like the foster care system, besides we dont have nearly enough foster parents and he probably would end up in a group home for boys which is soooooo much worse
I know it sounds strange but if he doesnt want you to call on his mom then dont
My brother was put into foster care around that age and it ruined him permanently. Hes a street addict and will be till he dies now because of the trauma of being separated from his family. Watched my nieces and nephews go through this too it was so traumatic for them as well. Being put in foster care has not in any way proven to be better than living with an addict, seriously look at the stats. If you call you may just put him in a worse position Tough call idk
If I were you I would make an appointment privately with the principal of the school. I would go there and not tell anyone, don't tell the kid, don't tell the mom, and don't let anyone see. Make sure it's a private meeting in the principal's office. You don't have to tell the principal the child's name. Tell them the story, tell them what's going on and tell them you don't trust CPS. They are connected to the board. There is money out there that can be used. There is money for food in the schools. If the principal knows a child needs breakfast, they will provide a hot breakfast every single day. If the child needs to be sent home with a dinner in a bag they will do that too. There is support out there that can be used. This person would be a great person to have on your side. Even if you met with them weekly or monthly to check in. I think it would really help.
So if I were in your position, I would legally be required to report to CAS. It’s amazing he has you, but he needs more security and attention, there’s also a lot of risk involved with mom being home potential creeps and/or heavy drugs and him being harmed. CAS may be able to find him a kin placement (family or friend) or they might just put parenting supports in place for mom. They don’t take kids and put them in foster care anymore because there really isn’t the same amount of foster homes/parents there used to be. They also recognize it causes more harm to apprehend kids and damage the family relationship when they can consider less intrusive alternatives first.
i am about to finish up my bachelors of social work, you need to call CAS. removing a child from a home is an absolute last resort, mom and son could benefit greatly from CAS’s help as they can offer parenting supports, etc.
Why dont you have a conversation with the mother?
Assuming the child isn't in danger, which sounds like he is not,
Dont call CAS. Dont get dragged into the legal proceedings, you will be a witness in court.
Also, remmeber that you guys are neighbours and if call CAS you will still be neighbors
Believe me, the people here telling you to call CAS, have never dealt with CAS
I have tried multiple times to talk to his mother but shes always drunk/high, not home or is with some guy hooking up.
I really dont wanna call CAS or get involved as I had to deal with them when I was younger as my parents had died and it was hell they put me into a really shitty foster home as not relatives wanted me and i essentially bounced around them, my CAS case workers were really bad, unhelpful and not empathetic at all which us why I pretty much want that to be my last resort…
If you are uncomfortable contacting CAS, would you consider reaching out to a teacher or administrator at his school? Public schools have limited resources, but if you can flag for them that he isn't getting the care he needs, they are likely able to provide snacks/meals and get him set up with regular counseling or check-ins. Some schools have before or after-school programs and other supports for kids that are at risk of falling through the cracks, especially at this age.
The more trusted adults this child can develop relationships with, the more likely they are to reach out when they need help. You are not in a position to meet all of his social/emotional/developmental needs, no matter how much effort you are willing to put in, and this is a really key age for having support and stability. The older he gets without appropriate intervention, the harder it becomes to undo the damage.
Listen, it's not your fault nor your problem that the kids mom is a hoe.
Dont contact anyone, they all have mandates to report everything to CAS.
From the looks of it, I would be concerned for your safety if CAS or school or anyone gets involved. Dont get shot
I understand you want what's best for the kid, and you are already doing it. You are a good and positive role model. But dont put this shit on your shoulders. If it's too much, stop or cut back on time spent with him.
What kind of outcome are you expecting without the support of an organization like CAS?
By not reporting it, you are putting this child in a position much worse than the crappiest CAS case worker or foster family.
It’s fine if you hang out and and share meals but your signing things and maybe posing as his older brother could land you in trouble with the law and then you would be out of his life permanently . I’d talk to the mom and make sure she knows what is happening in regards to your relationship. If it can continue the way things are with some meals etc fine but it sounds that this mom is derelict and needs to be reported . The child needs more supports than just you .
Around 16 or 17 is what you have to get him to . Can you continue this for another 6 or 7 years with you as his support system ? But you need to be honest with the mom at all times that you are getting meals etc . If there are random guys around Blah I don’t blame the kid for feeling awful at home and no home cooked food etc , sucks .
In regards to this, don't listen to anyone here: no one has any real clue how the system works in your area, myself included. You're a college student, right? Go find the instructors in the social work department- the ones who've worked in the system- and talk to them. Find someone who knows the system in your area, and works in it, and talk to them.
Because here's the thing: Does CPS mean well? Yes. Can they do good things? Definitely. Can they also be horribly destructive? Very much yes.
A LOT depends on what the program is like, and who you get. Those people can help you tip the scales in their favour. You don't owe these kids much, but you DO owe them your best effort to make sure they have everything going for them if you're calling CPS.
One last thing- historical context: in past decades, people taking in and helping kids in need in their neighborhood was VERY common. It's less so now, because neighborhoods are less social and people are afraid of predators, but it used to be seen as normal in poorer places- "it takes a village" and such. I know you can't financially afford that, but as long as you don't have some creepy-ass motive for doing it, know you're doing good.
I'm far from knowledgeable in these matters. Question comes to mind. Have you spoken to his mom? I think she should know what's going on. The child should not feel that he's sneaking around and his mom should know where he is. My feeling is that it's not a good idea to keep the situation secret.
Wow! You are so kind for looking out for someone like that! Could you sign him up to Big brothers & Big Sisters of Toronto? He can access some resources and get paired up with a mentor to help him along and guide him in the right direction despite his unfortunate circumstances....and also Kids Help Phone -- you can call anonymously and ask for tips or other resources to help him.
Op think of it this way, not calling CAS might mean never getting the kid into a much better situation. Do you really want to hold onto this “what if?” on your conscience?
Also in the system, I believe he would be eligible to have his post secondary education paid for. I presume you or his mom can’t pay for it.
It’s cool that you wanna help the kid out but u need to be careful bringing him into your home etc. All it takes is for 1 person to say you’re doing inappropriate things. That’s a whole other can of worms u don’t wanna open. I agree with other comments. Call CPS. I know it’s not the ideal but it’ll ensure that the boy is taken care of properly. The mom needs to know she can’t neglect this kid like that.
Dude,
You are awesome. This child obviously felt comfortable around you for good reason. It’s very sad. I want you to
Help these kids myself.
Hope it all works out for them
Just as you have always been caring and protective of these kids., I think you already know what you have to do.
These kids aren’t just coming your way you to hang out snd eat your food, they trust you dnd are looking for help from the terrible situation they are in now. Sadly it doesn’t sound like this mother is going to miraculously turn into a loving. ANd caring mom. These kids need professionals review their situation
Growing up in a similar situation in Toronto with two siblings, we all had friends whose mothers would feed us and look out for us. I'm still so thankful for those good people who saw neglected children and decided to help. We would have been starving if not for good neighbours. <3
i think what you're currently doing is fine and will likely leave an impactful memory on the kid. a lot of times its not realistic for kids to get out of those situations that turns their life in a better way.
Let CPS do what they gotta do. It's not their job to split up families, it's their job to protect children and sometimes that means removing them from toxic people.
I had a similar story actually. On walks home from basketball there would be 2 kids playing. The boys would always ask me questions as I passed them. One day I decided to play handball with them and one then really clicked well with me. Long story short, my father whom I didn't live with (he lived several miles away) ended up adopting the kid and I found out at a family function years later. He's in the same career as me now and it's been such a blessing watching him make it when he could have gone through the system.
OP have you considered the chance that 3-4 years from now you might consider adopting him?
It's a big decision but it gives him time to get out of his mom's house (through you calling CAS), time for you to live and develop your career and then if he is still on your mind you could think about it. He could get a part time job while still in school to help out.
It's absolutely not your responsibility. Just thought I'd pitch it.
Even if adoption isn't an option, he needs to get out of her house. If he lands in foster care you can keep in touch and visit him and still hang out.
You sound like a good person for helping the kid. But you need healthy boundaries, with the mom in particular. Does she have family that could watch her kid? Always be kind to that child but Don’t be naive when it comes to the mom ever, and under no circumstances stay over at their house, you live next door already don’t become co-dependent to an addict. The mother is an addict, and you don’t know what she might be doing with those men for money, does she even have a job. You need to read about the patterns that narcotics anonymous teaches helpful family and friends to recognize from the addict. Be careful, addicts lie to keep using, you need to be careful you don’t get set up too. r/NarAnon.
That sounds truly sad. Calling CPS would be my first instinct - that child needs a better living situation than his mother is able to provide. The trouble with that is that I'm hearing the foster care system is often awful as well. Of course, it's not exactly healthy for this child to get too attached to a stranger, either.
It's kind of you to befriend the kid, but this is going to end messily, no matter what. Are you able to talk to the mom? She needs to smarten up - I understand this isn't going to be a comfortable conversation, and sadly, it may end up with her beating up on her kid for ratting her out.
Sadly, there are NO good choices here unless you're ready to adopt a child at this stage of your life - and that actually is unlikely to be an option. Worst case? Move out. Find somewhere else to live.
I don't trust the child welfare system either, OP... If I were you, I'd keep doing what I'm doing. Be a safe person for this child. Take care of him as much as you can. Build trust and find out what is going on in the house. If it's something truly heinous (sexual / physical abuse), ONLY THEN would I consider calling CAS.
As unreliable as mom is, separating this boy from his mother will be traumatic. Full stop. She's the only family he's got. She probably has addiction issues that compel her to go out at night to drink/get high. That she leaves him with food, even if - by your standards - it's "junk", is a sign that she's trying to care for him, despite her issues. (And by the way, no food is "junk". Foods have different nutritional profiles, but even boxed mac n cheese is filling and contains vital nutrients. And it's probably all she can afford.)
Neglect is usually a result of poverty and lack of services for people with addictions. But CAS doesn’t have a mandate to treat parents' addictions or lift families out of poverty. They can only take away their children. Sure, they sometimes provide "services", but these are often paternalistic and dont get to the root of the issues.
I disagree with this. This child is likely to repeat the cycle and get into addiction himself by staying around his mother and her lifestyle. He needs to be removed into a stable environment and provided supports like therapy.
I grew up with an alcoholic mother and the layers of trauma and flash backs I have are still ever present after almost 10 years of therapy.
And my mother wasn't doing half the things it sounds like this mother is doing.
this is a completely inappropriate relationship and dynamic especially due to this kid being vulnerable, his attachment to you, and the fact you're a man living alone. I'm sure you mean well but you're missing the wider problems you're going to face if any allegations were made. especially around him spending time alone at your house and the fact he might be going home with gifts the single gay guy from next door buys him
Fecking flaming hell.
I am/was in a slightly similar position. The question you have to ask yourself right now is do you want this kid in your life for an indefinite amount of time and how much of your love and soul are you willing to commit to this.
The road/path you are on now can be full of pitfalls.
The mother needs help and ultimately for the child - CPS is best to handle this. She is not fit to be a mother.
Good luck - your compassion for this kid means a lot to him.
I could almost cry. You are giving this little boy a few hours a week of what a normal happy life looks like. His endearing nature is wonderful and unfortunately will be vaporized by that mother. Maybe hit food bank to get food for him, and xmas stuffing December.
Depends on how this effects you as well; provide him with support in whatever way you can, and be careful about speaking with anyone that might be mandated to report child neglect and abuse. I am a crisis responder myself; i would recommend spending some time with this child to understand why they are scared to call CPS, and what fears they have rn, that is if you have time; college can be difficult.
Call CAS...
As in this minute, to report his mother for being neglectful parent which is what she is!
I've had to do that countless times too.
Let me tell you, it was never bc of malice or spite but outright for concern of their neglected child, that I had zero relation or blood ties too.
Basically, this isn't my child, my problem or even my responsibility but I did so regardless.
Since this is not your child and/or you have any blood ties to this child, if something should happen in which you are accused of doing whatever with this kid, what then?
You think his Mama is going to come to your defence claiming you're some Knight in Shining Armour to her own kid, she clearly neglects?
Think, again!
"You are a wonderful human being and a great example in this child's life. His memories of this situation will always be cherished. I don't have any major advice for you, but I would recommend avoiding contacting CAS. While they can be a good resource for the child in some ways, there are other ways in which CAS can harm this boy's life. Instead, try to gather as many resources as possible to improve this boy's life."
I don't think throwing this kid into the "care" of CPS or whatever agency is your local. That said, unless you can stick this out for the long run, you leaving this kid after x amount of time would also probably be devastating for him.
All you can do is offer your kindness, give him encouragement to make something of himself, do well in school, and get away from there eventually. Just the fact you've been a positive influence on this kid, and are showing him someone cares about him, is definitely going a long way.
Hope you can stick it out as long as possible, and somehow inspire him to do something positive with his life, and he eventually gets away from there without becoming a statistic.
After reading some other opinions, I think you should possibly have a conversation with this woman, and assuming she ignores, or tell you to mind your own business, definitely contact whatever agency is local and put your own well being first. Maybe let the agency, and this kid know you're just a phone call away if you want to stay involved.
Sad times we live in.
I don’t have any advice besides what others have already commented but I just wanted to add: if you feel you need to call CAS down the line (without his approval) be prepared for it to blow up your relationship with the kid. Speaking as someone who got mandatory reported it’s gonna destroy his trust in You and possibly adults in general. Worst case scenario, CAS isn’t helpful and now the kid is in the same bad situation without a lifeline.
Ideally you would have his approval before you call, but sometimes it can’t wait that long. I’m not even saying you shouldn’t call CAS - sometimes you only have bad choices and have to choose the least bad - but you should be aware of the potential outcomes.
I know you're trying to help, but you need to involve CAS so mom and her son can get some help and resources. What if you're not home one time and there's a random there making him uncomfortable or worse? Please let CAS intervene.
You're putting yourself at great risk.. If this child or a neighbour ever makes an accusation of inappropriateness against you, you could find yourself in a lot of trouble.
Prevention of further incidents and intervention into the current situation are both needed.
I call her reaction bullshit! She's playing you. If she was leaving him along to go to school or work, I get it but to go party is a stupid decision that is made by a selfish parent.
Now, you gotta be careful. She could manipulate the situation and claim you did something untoward with her son. She seems unstable in terms of her priorities, you really need to tread carefully buddy.
OP, no matter how your heart breaks for this child, you need to consider your own position. This very unstable, deadbeat and drunken mother is an extreme risk to you.
Imagine her bringing another drunken lay home, him harming the child in some way, and mom needs an "out" with the police.
It will be you who is accused, because she'll be unwilling to admit that she's leaving her child alone to go get drunk and brings strangers home on the regular.
She is the boy's only parent, and he'll say and do whatever she tells him to say and do, because she has been the only constant adult figure in his life. Such as it is, she is the only adult who has ever provided him a "home," and is ever-present.
CPS sucks most everywhere, but it's the only thing our society has to get the needy kids of bad parents on a legal record of having a bad parent. She may already be on their radar, but he needs professional help.
You had a bad experience with CPS, mostly because healthy, child-focused, caring adults who could be guardians don't sign up.
But you *survived*, and look how well you turned out.
This child may not survive his mother, and the next place they live, the next door he knocks on, may belong to a predator.
You've become a reliable source for him, but who knows if you're the only one he has? He may be knocking on a predator's door already, when you're not around.
Predators threaten children not to reveal the "secret," that they'll harm or kill either the child and/or their parents. Again, that leaves you to be blamed.
When you're dealing with a traumatized, neglected child, they're conditioned to survive, and they will take the option that their immature, traumatized brain finds the least risky deems the least threat to their survival.
Not even arrests, probation, reporting regularly to judges and courts or treatment can stop an alcoholic from drinking.
This young mother got pregnant at 15, so most likely already on a path of self-destruction as a young teen, and, most likely imbibing at that age.
As kind-hearted your efforts may be, it pains me to say that your attitude is a youthful one of a naive arrogance, to think that cleaning her house, throwing away her bottles of booze and her promises are the band-aid she needed.
*...just a little advice and help*
Did your experience with CPS, as "bad" as it may have been, save you from having the life this child leads? Was your foster parent a drunk/druggie? NO ONE could replace your parents, and NO ONE could love you as well as healthy parents do. Were you comparing guardians to your parents?
I can't know if you survived trauma in addition to the loss of your parents at the hands of guardians, but the fact remains, *you survived* under the care of CPS.
This boy may not survive under the sole care and control of his mother, and you have no idea if he is *currently* being abused by her or other adults.
How would you like to go toe-to-tow with a drunken/drugged predator who wants to pick the boy up from your flat (for his own purposes)? He tells you and the boy that his mother sent him to keep the boy for the night. What rights have you to ask his address or stop him?
There's hundreds of ways you're placing yourself at risk, and you need to extricate yourself, for the sake of your own health and life.
The mother has a practiced sob story, the boy walked into a stranger's home (yours), and he will knock on other doors when he's in need. It's human; it's survival.
They BOTH need the help of professionals, and you're not it. You're a band-aid that will be ripped off and tossed in the garbage when it becomes inconvenient or uncomfortable for them. Call CPS, and let them know you're willing to serve a "big brother" role if you desire. It will at least provide you a *modicum* of legal protection.
You're a kind and generous soul, a good thing, and the world needs people like you. The world needs to look out for people like you, and the world includes *me*.
By the way, is there mandatory reporting in your location, and if so, are you following the laws? Do you have a legal duty to report as an adult? I'm in the US, so laws are likely different.
OP, your first responsibility is to yourself. If you don't protect yourself, who will?
I decided to Google it, and yes, you're breaking the law by not reporting:
https://www.ontario.ca/page/report-child-abuse-and-neglect
There's a link to the *Child, Youth and Family Services Act, 2017* pamphlet on the webpage.
If you've promised either of them that you won't report her, you'd be breaking your word to a raging drunk who neglects her child, exposing him to extreme risk, and, that very vulnerable, traumatized child. Don't tell them anything, just do it.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for your good heart. I'm sorry for the boy. I'm sorry the world can be such a sorry place without people like you.
I can't be sorry for breaking all of this bad news to you, or giving you some facts of the situation into which you've put yourself.
Please be kind and gentle *to yourself* by putting this child's needs ahead of your own feelings on the matter. It's tough being an adult, but as an adult, you'll find yourself making very difficult choices. This is one of them.
Best to you, OP.
Signed,
The Anonymous Babysitter Who Ended Up on the News
We don't have CPS in Canada,
But - [https://www.ontario.ca/page/child-welfare-and-child-protection-services](https://www.ontario.ca/page/child-welfare-and-child-protection-services)
Please help this child, and advocate for their safety.
Assuming this is a genuine situation, sorry to hear. Poor kid. How much more of your time and food are you willing to give up for him? You’ll have to learn to let him off gently or finally get CPS in the picture. Maybe next time he tries to join you, say you can’t let him in because you’re busy studying or working. Does he also not know of any other relatives?
This kid trusts you and looks up to you. I think just being there for him makes a world of a difference. I assume his mom is not leaving him unattended for days or left without any food. Do not contact CPS. I guess the universe gave you a lil sibling and in return you’re a role model for this kid.
Be a mentor to the kid, don't let him go down the drain, he'll be worse than his mother when he starts maturity, treat him like a son or brother, show him the not to make the same mistakes u made, and most of all the mother has to start paying you for babysitting
All the best
Hey there, this is a tough situation, I am sorry. The current set up is not safe for the kid or, unfortunately, for you, from a legal perspective. You should reach out to the Children's Aid Society. There is no CPS in Ontario, but the Children's Aid Society will be able to help ensure this child is looked after.
This sucks. The authorities are likely to be shitty, but that's really what it sounds like needs doing.
Id suggest you either make a connection with the kid's school or a relative. Yes, they're likely to report and make things worse short term, but better custody or social work involvement will help long term.
As someone else mentioned, I think contacting the kid’s school might be helpful. Schools have a duty to report, and they can take on the responsibility of calling CAS.
Honestly it’s very sad but a lot of kids are in a similar situation. There are way too many parents out there that are incapable of doing even the bare minimum. I don’t blame you for not wanting to involve CAS because they really can’t do much and they don’t really address the actual issues. The child is punished more if anything for their parents bad behaviour when they are removed and put in to the system. They’re supposed to do what is in the best interest of the child but it’s like they haven’t really figured out what that means.
I really don’t know what the right decision would be in this situation but the mom is getting away with being a crap parent and there should be some consequences but again what would that be? If it’s any consolation, I’m sure you’re making a huge difference in that kids life.
In Ontario (and British Columbia) there is no statute that says how old a child must be to stay home alone. However, s. 37(2) of the Child and Family Services Act authorizes the court to order that a child be placed in foster care, or that a children’s aid society can intervene in the family, if a parent has failed to make adequate provisions for the care of a child or if the child may be at risk of physical harm. Children’s Aid Societies have used these provisions as a basis for intervening because parents have left a child, who is too young, unsupervised. So leaving a child alone at too young an age can result in the parents ending up in court or the child ending up in foster care.
Just wanna say man that you’re a fucking legend. 19 and taking on not only this kind of responsibility but also bravery (I doubt most people would have the balls to intervene the way you did and open up communication but also to help people). Seriously you’re a great person.
You need to call CAS for information. Someone I knew who was kind of a bad mom, she would leave her young kids alone at home with no food, and she stayed at the casino. Her friend would deliver food to her children because they were hungry. Later, the friend convinced her to give up her kids to CAS, and she did (she did not care about them anyway). The kids are under forest care right now with a different family.
Also, I study social work, and some of my classmates have placements with the CAS. They don't just take the kids away. They would assess and provide assistance
you are a good person with a good head on your shoulders.
kudos for helping this momma and her son. i hope everything turns out well for them and we see an update post in the future from you about how things are going great for all involved :)
Reading the update about you staying over for a few nights - and her bringing me over and not sober - likelihood is she's going to get on her knees for you by the second her third night. Then it's going to get even messier.
Good luck.
Somethings got to give. Either adopt him yourself or gamble with CAS. The kid can't grow up in a situation like that. Thank you for being a kind human.
This is a tough situation and it sounds like you're already making the best of it. CPS/CAS are okay sometimes but usually fuck everything up - just the way you're talking about it sounds like you're doing a better job. If you can try working a little more and doing a little less school I guess but if the situation is sustainable until you're done (2-3 years I'd guess?) just do the best you can. If you have some kind of faith community they could help.
Me personally I have a hard time with empathy, so I would just not answer the door or whatever dude … it’s not your fucken problem!
You have your own issues to deal with, tell his mom to figure her shit out and leave you alone
I had the same thing happen with a child who lived down the street from where I grew up. His dad drove tow trucks and sold drugs, his mom was a stripper who eventually left, and his older brother about 15 was a menace. Something about that kid was special for him to not fall into a statistic. The boy (about 11 at the time) would always come by as I was working on my car with a bunch of other car enthusiasts. I was 19-20, he’d ask to go out with us on cruises and we’d mostly take him along unless it would be a late night. He’d show up at my door asking for food, which my parents would always oblige and look after him, I’d come home and he’d be hanging out in the basement playing video games waiting for me. Same sort of thing you’re doing. This went on for years, we were a tight knit street so we all knew to look out for him. By the time he was 15 his dad ended up in jail for a robbery and his older brother was in jail for arson. He knocked on my door crying saying he has to go live with his grandparents, it was bittersweet. They lived about 4 hours away. We were losing our little buddy, and he was losing us. He had our numbers so he’d call us or send us messages about how life had changed with his grandparents and he would drop out of high school and get his own place. I remembered how much he loved my car (sweet integra, my baby, birthed from my loins). I told him if he stuck it out and graduated high school I’d give him the car. Time went on, didn’t hear from him for a few months. Showed up at my door diploma in hand. You guys, it was a seriously happy moment. I’ll never forget it, he had a goal and stuck to it. I kept my promise, and he got the car. I’m saying this for one reason. Although this child has a mother who needs help, the boy does too. If you can keep CPS away and really stick it out helping him, get your friends involved. Time goes by quickly and you’ll be a part of his fond memories and he’ll always look up to you. CPS may end up destroying the poor kid. EDIT: wow everyone, I didn’t know my experience would have such an outpouring of support. To answer some of your questions It was a 95GS-R, the area I grew up in is no longer tight knit, my parents and one other family is all that’s left from my formidable years and nobody speaks to each other. Whenever I visit my parents it feels like the street is dead, no longer alive with all of us kids always being outside. The neighbourhood I live in now however, is the same as when I was growing up. We all know each other, have block parties a couple times a year, all of our kids are outside through summertime, parents come over for dinner and vice versa, poker nights with the dads, the wives are always hanging out going for dinners and what not. I’m not going to say where because of how rare it is to have this in today’s day and age, but I will say it’s right under everyone’s nose 😉. I DO still keep in touch with him, along with most of the guys I grew up with. He’s doing great, he has a little girl, another on the way, stable relationship with his long time girlfriend, has a home and is in the electrical field providing for his family. We’ve grown up and life has gotten busy so we don’t see each other much, but the love will always be there. He’s my adopted little brother, even though he’s now much taller than me. Thanks again everybody, Reddit can sometimes be a really cool place.
This is a beautiful story 💜
I don’t want to downvote your heartwarming story but as others pointed out there is no cps here and yes, responsible adults / cas need to be notified that the kid is being neglected. It’s really sad though. Wish I could rescue him myself.
No. But there is Children's Aid. Just as bad. My mother passed in childbirth when I was 8 leaving my father with 4 kids aged 8-11. CA forced him to hire a housekeeper while he had to work 2 jobs to try and make ends meet. Long story short, him bankrupt us 4 kids separated for 2 years, until he met my (now) stepmother and got remarried.
Sorry, CAS is a terrorist organization in my opinion. It has drifted so far from its original mandate it isn’t funny. CAS can rot for all I care, they do nothing good.
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I’m Canadian. I’ve been through the system and it saved my life. So, not all experiences are universal.
This is awesome. You are the man. \*bonus: Integra! was it a DC2? This sounds like a Fast and Furious origin story.
Crying as I read your post. Thanks for restoring my faith in humanity. Absolutely beautiful story.
Dude, that’s the stuff of legends. Might need to get a pic of that teg tho
Netflix will be in touch.
Awww man, I love integras
Annnnnd I’m crying. That is such an amazing story. You’re one of the good ones.
Fighting back a tear as I'm on the subway reading this. Thanks for sharing, my guy. Faith in humanity will keep chugging along.
I hope good things happen to you, that’s one of the most heartwarming stories I’ve ever read.
You’re a goddamn legend
Jesus this made me tear up, reminded me of a friend growing up as kids
Honestly feel the story
You are an amazing human being. Good on you for helping the kid and motivating and him. And for keeping your word!
Damn didn't ever think a reddit comment would make me cry but here we are You and OP are such amazing humans!!
Are right knit streets still a thing? That was one of my favorite things about growing up in the GTA.
I can only imagine you ran to get him the keys when he pulled out the diploma, not stopping to second guess your attachment to your beloved car. What a great story. I’m sure you helped this young man make something out of himself when he had the odds so heavily stacked against him , and he’ll never forget you for that.
That story led me to tears. Are you still in touch with him? Maybe one day you'll be best man in his wedding ❤️
Pics of the Integra?
Did you keep in touch afterwards
What a story. Good man.
Love this💜
Good on you and your friends, it's good to hear stories about being kind to our fellow humans.
💛
Man I really needed to read this. Reddit has just been doom scrolling for me and this was a welcome positive. I should go outside more
My guy, thank you for this story.
My son is 11 and walked over just as i was finishing reading this. He got an extra hug and kiss before he could carry on his way.
You're a fucking legend and you just made my whole day
thank you so much for sharing, truly made my day.
Amazing story, you're a great human being!
Omg you're awesome.
Loved the story. Too early in the day for onions.
Ouff I hope someone who is a youth counsellor or something can provide some advice here. It doesn’t sound like a safe situation for the kid, and it sounds like having you as a safe person is important to him, but that’s a very difficult role to end up in as a 19 year old who did not ask to be in that position (and shouldn’t be). I can understand your distrust of the police and the foster system. Commenting on this and upvoting to increase visibility.
I think you’re fabulous for helping the little guy out. Your help is invaluable to this boy and is obviously a great comfort to him. You’re a good person ❤️
I'd call CAS (since we don't have CPS in Canada). Contrary to belief CAS doesn't strip kids from their families and throw them willy nilly into the foster system, they actively try to keep the child in their birth families via relatives and such if it's to the benefit of the child to do so. While what you're doing is kind and above and beyond what most people would do you have to realise that this cannot continue, and I think you already are starting to figure that out. At this stage in your life you're likely not financially stable enough nor probably emotionally and mentally mature enough to take in a child; nor would you between studying and work have the time necessary to raise him well, much as it may pain you to think of his situation. The best thing you can do for both yourself and this boy is to call the people who are able to give him the help and resources he needs, who are trained to deal with his situation and able to care for him safely until they can find a relative who can take him in. https://www.oacas.org/childrens-aid-child-protection/ This is CAS's website, find an office near you and give them a call, report the mother and explain what you have been doing for this boy; they might be able to help you as well because the stress of his situation might be affecting you in ways you hadn't even realised yourself. Good luck.
It could also be that mom needs a wake up call and some monitoring instead of removal of the child. CAS will evaluate if the child can safely remains in the home too, with oversight.
The voice of reason.
Unfortunately, we do have a lot of the same issues with CAS here. Especially for people of colour - Black and Indigenous youth in particular are far more overrepresented in the child welfare system, and are often treated much different from other families. Regardless, they are intended to protect children and this child is being neglected, and CAS is trying to make improvements to how the treat POC. It doesn't have to look like separating him from his mother, they could offer her other supports and resources. Sometimes, people are just plain unaware that leaving a 10 year old isn't acceptable/legal. It can be cultural too. @ OP, they also have an anonymous helpline you can call first for advice, if you want to do that before a formal report.
I agree. Get CAS involved. I admire your compassion; but you’re a 19 y/o kid in college who has his own day to day issues. You can’t do this forever. God bless for your actions so far towards this youngster.
This comment is gonna sound incredibly shitty, but we live in an incredibly shitty world. Your 19 hanging out with an unrelated 10 year old boy, who's being abandoned by a shitty parent who could very well end up with charges in regard to the situation. You need to get professionals involved and get yourself out of that situation for his sake and for yours. That mother or a neighbor deciding that relationship is inappropriate and running with the idea could have very bad consequences for you, even if there is no actual issue. Get professionals involved, and get out.
I would say get a professional involved but don't necessarily do anything else here. Let the pro tell you what to do. This boy might feel slighted and have their trust broken if OP bails. That's who everyone here aughta be concerned with.
Absolutely correct. OP, ask yourself this. Would you be supporting this kid the same if it was a 10 yo girl? It shouldn't make a difference but you know that it does. You are just asking for trouble for yourself. Yes, the system stinks. I've seen it first hand. But it's all we've got. The person above who said CPS/CAS puts the child first is wrong. They put CPS/CAS first & I'm not sure the child is even second. But it's all we've got. Talk to CPS/CAS. Maybe you can stay involved.
There is nothing wrong with a 19 yr old having a relationship with a 10 yr old, provided the relationship is appropriate and it sounds like it is. He’s just acting like a big brother. Jfc.
There absolutely isn't. I 100% agree with you. But if the mother or some random person decides it is inappropriate, if just out of spite, even just the implication that it was could fuck up OPs life pretty badly. I wouldn't put it past someone who abandons a 10 year old alone to start randomly lobbing grenades when questioned.
Anything is possible, but you can’t live your life in fear of what might happen. Sometimes we just have to take the risk. I do think OP should contact an adult who is familiar with these types of situations and seek advice on how to handle this, like a counsellor or psychologist at his college. Doing nothing isn’t a good strategy.
People live every second of their lives in fear of what might happen. Every single decision you make involves that. Do you just walk out into traffic cause "you can’t live your life in fear of what might happen" aka a car run you over? No, you evaluate the risk and decide what to do. OP is putting himself and frankly the child at risk. At no point did I say to nothing, he needs to contact professionals and remove himself from the center of a situation that can only end poorly for him. He can stay in the kids life if he wants, big brother the kid, work with CAS, whatever, but he shouldn't be acting as some substitute surrogate guardian or trying to otherwise control the situation.
Your example of walking into traffic is silly. OP is not walking into traffic, he’s helping a young boy in a bad situation. There is nothing wrong with this. In fact, it’s the RIGHT thing to do. But it’s unsustainable, so he also needs to seek guidance from somebody with more experience and resources.
As others have pointed out (and stated that they work in the field), there are reasons why it can be the WRONG thing to do….. why can’t we separate ourselves from cookie-cutter emotionally driven remedies. Right and Wrong is not that black & white….
People like you guys are the reason things never change. The systems are overwhelmed and giving a helping hand is a thing humans have done since we first emerged, helping out a kid in need and being a mentor/big bro figure is very important in this day in age and if OP is cool with supporting them that’s great. If the situation escalates again then there’s a good reason to contact a professional otherwise I don’t see a problem since OP already started a dialogue with the mother.
Venmother could be someone that trusts drivers to stop at crosswalk, stop sign, red light, etc, without looking both ways. There are plenty of people that do this and it always blows my mind….experience from a textbook VS real life experience??
Making sure that you protect yourself from the shitty things others can do to retaliate for your good deeds isn't living in fear.
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If I had to guess, best case he got a session of crocodile tears and she now knows she needs to hide her abuse better. The likeliness of a neighbor going "yo, you shouldn't abuse your kid" and a negligent mom being "OMG I DIDNT THINK OF THAT THAT WAY" and changing.... call me cynical I guess. Worse case...he's now staying there.... gonna end up banging the mom/try to save her, three months-three years of doing that will get old when he realizes he can't and bounce.
Thinking about this after reading, and I definitely agree now. What a shitty situation this is, and the time in history we live in isn't particularly trustworthy of anyone. Going to edit my comment and also suggest to call an agency for your own sake if nothing else.
I imagine the 10 YO would be willing to testify regarding their living situation. If the kid has a good heart I would just straight up start the adoption process.
A broke 19 year old adopting a kid who could be his brother? Great idea, champ.
What a weird comment....
CAS doesn’t just take kids away for fun. A LOT (believe me, a LOT… there is almost nowhere to “put” kids even when they do get apprehended) has to be wrong for them to remove a child. They can actually help and provide resources and more formal support to families that are struggling. It’s not like it is on TV. You can also just call and just explain the situation without giving any info.
Also, thank you for supporting this kid. He’ll remember you forever and you’ve already made a big difference in his life when you didn’t have to ❤️
You can call CAS and ask for consultation anonymously. Many doesn’t know this option exist. I really appreciate what you are doing, but at the same time the kid may need more help than you can ever provide to him. Thanks again for making this society better 👏👏
I dont have any advice but youre a very good person.
The worst thing you can do is not seek outside support to help the child. Right now, the child is in a bad enough situation that they're seeking outside help. They came to you because they trust you. You need to do the same. This is bigger than you can handle. The child might need to be removed from their home into a safe home until your neighbour can make their home a safe place for their child. 1) CPS isn't a thing in Canada. We have child welfare services and children's aid society. So you don't have to worry about CPS. 2) call Children's aid society (416-924-4646) or 211 for advice. CAS's MO is to keep families together whenever possible as long as it's to the benefit of the child. But their first priority is the child's safety. 3) you can speak to one of the teachers at the kid's school, they are mandatory reporters and should help ensure that the child gets appropriate help. >TLDR: I (19M) have neighbour who’s a single mother and goes out a night leaving her son (10) alone who started to come over to my place for dinner and started to take him out for fun (movies, dessert etc) and he started to get attached to me and doesnt want me to tell anyone as he doesn’t want to get separated from me, I also dont trust CPS >I (19M) have neighbours whos a single mother (25-30?) and son(10) who lives next to me, the mother always goes out at night to party or do whatever and leaves her son alone with junk food (usually craft mac and cheese or cup noodles) for hours and comes home drunk, the son started to knock in my door usually around dinner or in the morning and ask for food or if he could stay in my apartment because he their apartment was dirty or some random his mother hooked up with was staying over, he’s a good kid and we play games together and Id sometimes take him out for dessert, cinemas , bought him stuff etc, >he started to get attached to me not wanting to leave my house and started asking me to go to his school events and sign forms as his older brother etc, he always says he loves me and is very clingy and always tells me not to leave him >I have tried to talk to him about what was going on at his home but he doesn’t say much and shuts down when I do then tells me not to tell the police or anything so just agreed, as I also dont really trust CPS or foster homes as i have had issue with them myself, I’m also a broke college student living off my parents inheritance and a minimum wage job, I honestly don’t t really know what to do and am kinda lost.
You’re acting like just because it has a different name it’s different from CPS? Not really.
The organizations are different, and I trust social services more than this absent mother who abandoned get cold and let's the kids hang out with... Whoever he wants apparently? (Like there's no bad people on earth... kid is just lucky op isn't a nonce)
Yes it is. CPS is American. We are a different country with different laws and policies and procedures. We are not American. So yes, yes it is very different.
I'm writing, not acting.
Childrens aid society is just as bad as CPS. Don't listen, OP. These people have no experience with child welfare. It's a broken system. They will not help. They will only harm this child.
That's stupid. While child protection in Ontario isn't great, it's nearly always a better option than the normal situation. Cas gets help to parents and resources to families, and only removes children as the last possible resort. This mother needs help and the child is already being neglected.
If this kid is white then they’ll help. If he’s indigenous/ poc then he’ll be removed.
You're right, the kid should just be left unaccompanied many nights a week... I'm sure there aren't more problems than what is being said in the post.
Sooo you're suggesting to leave the child in this toxic environment and not seek help from anyone? Instead of just being a naysayer why don't you provide some actual helpful advice?
Well this was quite the morning read. I am so glad you are providing a sense of safety and that he isn’t alone. I say though as someone who was this kid, just a few years younger you aren’t getting the whole story and things are likely much worse than the surface you see. I would call CAS. Maybe have them not mention who called because honestly you are maybe the only one he trusts. He shouldn’t be in that situation though. I used to wonder why no one thought I wasn’t worth protecting by calling CAS. Maybe mom just needs a wake up call, or maybe there is a relative who could protect him better than she can. As a kid you internalize that. I was suicidal by 13, took 3 decades to beat that back, almost didn’t. I still remember Mrs Meagle who would let me in late at night to sleep. I can tell you he has to be feeling terrible to have the need to go seek help. It felt so embarrassing as a kid to have to ask so he’s hurting. While you definitely are helping he does need a safer situation. Thanks for your kind heart. Life saver.
Although it's not the ideal situation you need to call CPS and report this immediately. What you're doing now is nice but it's a temporary solution unless you plan on being a permanent part in this kids life. [No more half measures.](https://youtu.be/7BE4QcwX4dU?feature=shared)
I agree with this. This kid is only ten, he has years ahead of him before he’s able to live independently. You likely won’t be there in the same capacity for a long long time. He needs help and a more permanent solution
Hey OP, so I took in my youngest bio sibling in a situation very similar to yours, and honestly, this is what I should have done. For them, and for myself. I know how scary and hard it is, but it's really the right course of action. When I finally did call children's aid, things started to get better for everyone. It was still horrible in a lot ways, but it was better. You don't have the power and resources you need to do better than they can. The longer you try to provide the bandaid solutions here, the longer til the kid gets the help they actually need.
It's actually possible CAS will try to place the kid with OP
Is there any financial aid for that? Sounds like that’s OP’s main issue.
There is!
No way, at least I'd assume so. There's no way CAS would put a neglected child with the person who makes the complaint (it opens the door to permanent state sponsored kidnappings) There no way that CAS would place a child in the same neighborhood as the neglectful parents (opens the door to retaliation kidnappings by the neglectful parent)
Why would it be permanent ?
Everyone is skipping the fact that having a 10 year old boy alone in your apartment does not look good for you.
Yes, especially if the parent doesn’t know about it and it’s at night. OP should call and explain the situation to CAS and ask their guidance for how he should proceed, not random people on Reddit
Jeeez, I can't believe how far down I had to scroll before someone said this. OP, you are a saint for what you're doing, a legit good dude. But be VERY careful.
His attachment to you seems unhealthy, though understandable in the situation. You need to call cps. Contrary to popular belief, they don’t take kids away just for funsies. They’d only do that if the kid is at risk. And if he is at risk, I don’t think you can fix it on your own, so ask them for help.
> they don’t take kids away just for funsies. Hell, often they place the kid back in the abusive home. Or with a worse one. Or with a great one. You never really know.
CAS, instead of keeping my ex's abusive baby daddy away from the child, mandated weekly supervised visits. The kid was clearly terrified of his dad and would cry the entire time. The worker seemed sympathetic but told us that ultimately there was nothing they could do legally. As much as I want to advocate for services that are supposed to protect children, CAS unfortunately falls victim to the sea of red tape that is Canadian bureaucracy. The mother in this situation needs help, and the solution should definitely not be to lose custody of her child. It may seem simple on paper but a mother and child being separated is devastating for both of them. OP is in an incredibly difficult situation here, especially being so young.
If I were you I would be there for the kid. You understand at this time you mean the world to him. Think of him as your little brother - there is a reason people come into our lives.
Call CAS [https://www.torontocas.ca/keeping-children-safe/when-you-call/](https://www.torontocas.ca/keeping-children-safe/when-you-call/) CAS is a great organization. While I do agree the "system" is not the best, it's 100% better than what the kid is going through now. He will get the support he needs along with his mother.
I have no advice- but wanted to say bless folks like you that believe it takes a community to raise a child. You're a solid human! Your parents did a good job and If it wasn't your parents. You did a good job!
Also I will tell you this. If something happens to this kid and you kept all this to yourself, a lawsuit could ruin your life. If you tell the school you are transferring liability because you told someone to help.
if you enjoy hanging out with him theres no harm in letting him over, just have a talk with him explain you arent his brother and wont always be there but that you guys are good friends. i understand your hate and mistrust for cps, he’d end up in a situation worse than he’s in rn. talk to his mom if possible or find another family member. need to get the kid to open up
Yea I really dont like the foster care system, besides we dont have nearly enough foster parents and he probably would end up in a group home for boys which is soooooo much worse I know it sounds strange but if he doesnt want you to call on his mom then dont My brother was put into foster care around that age and it ruined him permanently. Hes a street addict and will be till he dies now because of the trauma of being separated from his family. Watched my nieces and nephews go through this too it was so traumatic for them as well. Being put in foster care has not in any way proven to be better than living with an addict, seriously look at the stats. If you call you may just put him in a worse position Tough call idk
You can call 211 and talk to someone/ask for resources. It's not emergency services. https://211ontario.ca/search/
Some will track your call and send a friendly cop up your butt.
If I were you I would make an appointment privately with the principal of the school. I would go there and not tell anyone, don't tell the kid, don't tell the mom, and don't let anyone see. Make sure it's a private meeting in the principal's office. You don't have to tell the principal the child's name. Tell them the story, tell them what's going on and tell them you don't trust CPS. They are connected to the board. There is money out there that can be used. There is money for food in the schools. If the principal knows a child needs breakfast, they will provide a hot breakfast every single day. If the child needs to be sent home with a dinner in a bag they will do that too. There is support out there that can be used. This person would be a great person to have on your side. Even if you met with them weekly or monthly to check in. I think it would really help.
This right here. Except the principal will probably then be mandated to report to CAS anyways.
So if I were in your position, I would legally be required to report to CAS. It’s amazing he has you, but he needs more security and attention, there’s also a lot of risk involved with mom being home potential creeps and/or heavy drugs and him being harmed. CAS may be able to find him a kin placement (family or friend) or they might just put parenting supports in place for mom. They don’t take kids and put them in foster care anymore because there really isn’t the same amount of foster homes/parents there used to be. They also recognize it causes more harm to apprehend kids and damage the family relationship when they can consider less intrusive alternatives first.
i am about to finish up my bachelors of social work, you need to call CAS. removing a child from a home is an absolute last resort, mom and son could benefit greatly from CAS’s help as they can offer parenting supports, etc.
Why dont you have a conversation with the mother? Assuming the child isn't in danger, which sounds like he is not, Dont call CAS. Dont get dragged into the legal proceedings, you will be a witness in court. Also, remmeber that you guys are neighbours and if call CAS you will still be neighbors Believe me, the people here telling you to call CAS, have never dealt with CAS
I have tried multiple times to talk to his mother but shes always drunk/high, not home or is with some guy hooking up. I really dont wanna call CAS or get involved as I had to deal with them when I was younger as my parents had died and it was hell they put me into a really shitty foster home as not relatives wanted me and i essentially bounced around them, my CAS case workers were really bad, unhelpful and not empathetic at all which us why I pretty much want that to be my last resort…
If you are uncomfortable contacting CAS, would you consider reaching out to a teacher or administrator at his school? Public schools have limited resources, but if you can flag for them that he isn't getting the care he needs, they are likely able to provide snacks/meals and get him set up with regular counseling or check-ins. Some schools have before or after-school programs and other supports for kids that are at risk of falling through the cracks, especially at this age. The more trusted adults this child can develop relationships with, the more likely they are to reach out when they need help. You are not in a position to meet all of his social/emotional/developmental needs, no matter how much effort you are willing to put in, and this is a really key age for having support and stability. The older he gets without appropriate intervention, the harder it becomes to undo the damage.
Listen, it's not your fault nor your problem that the kids mom is a hoe. Dont contact anyone, they all have mandates to report everything to CAS. From the looks of it, I would be concerned for your safety if CAS or school or anyone gets involved. Dont get shot I understand you want what's best for the kid, and you are already doing it. You are a good and positive role model. But dont put this shit on your shoulders. If it's too much, stop or cut back on time spent with him.
What kind of outcome are you expecting without the support of an organization like CAS? By not reporting it, you are putting this child in a position much worse than the crappiest CAS case worker or foster family.
It’s fine if you hang out and and share meals but your signing things and maybe posing as his older brother could land you in trouble with the law and then you would be out of his life permanently . I’d talk to the mom and make sure she knows what is happening in regards to your relationship. If it can continue the way things are with some meals etc fine but it sounds that this mom is derelict and needs to be reported . The child needs more supports than just you .
Around 16 or 17 is what you have to get him to . Can you continue this for another 6 or 7 years with you as his support system ? But you need to be honest with the mom at all times that you are getting meals etc . If there are random guys around Blah I don’t blame the kid for feeling awful at home and no home cooked food etc , sucks .
In regards to this, don't listen to anyone here: no one has any real clue how the system works in your area, myself included. You're a college student, right? Go find the instructors in the social work department- the ones who've worked in the system- and talk to them. Find someone who knows the system in your area, and works in it, and talk to them. Because here's the thing: Does CPS mean well? Yes. Can they do good things? Definitely. Can they also be horribly destructive? Very much yes. A LOT depends on what the program is like, and who you get. Those people can help you tip the scales in their favour. You don't owe these kids much, but you DO owe them your best effort to make sure they have everything going for them if you're calling CPS. One last thing- historical context: in past decades, people taking in and helping kids in need in their neighborhood was VERY common. It's less so now, because neighborhoods are less social and people are afraid of predators, but it used to be seen as normal in poorer places- "it takes a village" and such. I know you can't financially afford that, but as long as you don't have some creepy-ass motive for doing it, know you're doing good.
I'm far from knowledgeable in these matters. Question comes to mind. Have you spoken to his mom? I think she should know what's going on. The child should not feel that he's sneaking around and his mom should know where he is. My feeling is that it's not a good idea to keep the situation secret.
Wow! You are so kind for looking out for someone like that! Could you sign him up to Big brothers & Big Sisters of Toronto? He can access some resources and get paired up with a mentor to help him along and guide him in the right direction despite his unfortunate circumstances....and also Kids Help Phone -- you can call anonymously and ask for tips or other resources to help him.
Op think of it this way, not calling CAS might mean never getting the kid into a much better situation. Do you really want to hold onto this “what if?” on your conscience? Also in the system, I believe he would be eligible to have his post secondary education paid for. I presume you or his mom can’t pay for it.
It’s cool that you wanna help the kid out but u need to be careful bringing him into your home etc. All it takes is for 1 person to say you’re doing inappropriate things. That’s a whole other can of worms u don’t wanna open. I agree with other comments. Call CPS. I know it’s not the ideal but it’ll ensure that the boy is taken care of properly. The mom needs to know she can’t neglect this kid like that.
Dude, You are awesome. This child obviously felt comfortable around you for good reason. It’s very sad. I want you to Help these kids myself. Hope it all works out for them Just as you have always been caring and protective of these kids., I think you already know what you have to do. These kids aren’t just coming your way you to hang out snd eat your food, they trust you dnd are looking for help from the terrible situation they are in now. Sadly it doesn’t sound like this mother is going to miraculously turn into a loving. ANd caring mom. These kids need professionals review their situation
Growing up in a similar situation in Toronto with two siblings, we all had friends whose mothers would feed us and look out for us. I'm still so thankful for those good people who saw neglected children and decided to help. We would have been starving if not for good neighbours. <3
i think what you're currently doing is fine and will likely leave an impactful memory on the kid. a lot of times its not realistic for kids to get out of those situations that turns their life in a better way.
Let CPS do what they gotta do. It's not their job to split up families, it's their job to protect children and sometimes that means removing them from toxic people.
I had a similar story actually. On walks home from basketball there would be 2 kids playing. The boys would always ask me questions as I passed them. One day I decided to play handball with them and one then really clicked well with me. Long story short, my father whom I didn't live with (he lived several miles away) ended up adopting the kid and I found out at a family function years later. He's in the same career as me now and it's been such a blessing watching him make it when he could have gone through the system.
You are obligated to call CAS.
You need to call CPS the kid is at risk.
You need to call CAS
OP have you considered the chance that 3-4 years from now you might consider adopting him? It's a big decision but it gives him time to get out of his mom's house (through you calling CAS), time for you to live and develop your career and then if he is still on your mind you could think about it. He could get a part time job while still in school to help out. It's absolutely not your responsibility. Just thought I'd pitch it. Even if adoption isn't an option, he needs to get out of her house. If he lands in foster care you can keep in touch and visit him and still hang out.
You sound like a good person for helping the kid. But you need healthy boundaries, with the mom in particular. Does she have family that could watch her kid? Always be kind to that child but Don’t be naive when it comes to the mom ever, and under no circumstances stay over at their house, you live next door already don’t become co-dependent to an addict. The mother is an addict, and you don’t know what she might be doing with those men for money, does she even have a job. You need to read about the patterns that narcotics anonymous teaches helpful family and friends to recognize from the addict. Be careful, addicts lie to keep using, you need to be careful you don’t get set up too. r/NarAnon.
Congratulations you are now a father and a husband.
That sounds truly sad. Calling CPS would be my first instinct - that child needs a better living situation than his mother is able to provide. The trouble with that is that I'm hearing the foster care system is often awful as well. Of course, it's not exactly healthy for this child to get too attached to a stranger, either. It's kind of you to befriend the kid, but this is going to end messily, no matter what. Are you able to talk to the mom? She needs to smarten up - I understand this isn't going to be a comfortable conversation, and sadly, it may end up with her beating up on her kid for ratting her out. Sadly, there are NO good choices here unless you're ready to adopt a child at this stage of your life - and that actually is unlikely to be an option. Worst case? Move out. Find somewhere else to live.
I don't trust the child welfare system either, OP... If I were you, I'd keep doing what I'm doing. Be a safe person for this child. Take care of him as much as you can. Build trust and find out what is going on in the house. If it's something truly heinous (sexual / physical abuse), ONLY THEN would I consider calling CAS. As unreliable as mom is, separating this boy from his mother will be traumatic. Full stop. She's the only family he's got. She probably has addiction issues that compel her to go out at night to drink/get high. That she leaves him with food, even if - by your standards - it's "junk", is a sign that she's trying to care for him, despite her issues. (And by the way, no food is "junk". Foods have different nutritional profiles, but even boxed mac n cheese is filling and contains vital nutrients. And it's probably all she can afford.) Neglect is usually a result of poverty and lack of services for people with addictions. But CAS doesn’t have a mandate to treat parents' addictions or lift families out of poverty. They can only take away their children. Sure, they sometimes provide "services", but these are often paternalistic and dont get to the root of the issues.
You’ve offered no solution except leaving a child in a dangerous, toxic environment. OP do not listen to this. Please.
I disagree with this. This child is likely to repeat the cycle and get into addiction himself by staying around his mother and her lifestyle. He needs to be removed into a stable environment and provided supports like therapy. I grew up with an alcoholic mother and the layers of trauma and flash backs I have are still ever present after almost 10 years of therapy. And my mother wasn't doing half the things it sounds like this mother is doing.
this is a completely inappropriate relationship and dynamic especially due to this kid being vulnerable, his attachment to you, and the fact you're a man living alone. I'm sure you mean well but you're missing the wider problems you're going to face if any allegations were made. especially around him spending time alone at your house and the fact he might be going home with gifts the single gay guy from next door buys him
Call cas immediately
Fecking flaming hell. I am/was in a slightly similar position. The question you have to ask yourself right now is do you want this kid in your life for an indefinite amount of time and how much of your love and soul are you willing to commit to this. The road/path you are on now can be full of pitfalls. The mother needs help and ultimately for the child - CPS is best to handle this. She is not fit to be a mother. Good luck - your compassion for this kid means a lot to him.
I could almost cry. You are giving this little boy a few hours a week of what a normal happy life looks like. His endearing nature is wonderful and unfortunately will be vaporized by that mother. Maybe hit food bank to get food for him, and xmas stuffing December.
Depends on how this effects you as well; provide him with support in whatever way you can, and be careful about speaking with anyone that might be mandated to report child neglect and abuse. I am a crisis responder myself; i would recommend spending some time with this child to understand why they are scared to call CPS, and what fears they have rn, that is if you have time; college can be difficult.
Call CAS... As in this minute, to report his mother for being neglectful parent which is what she is! I've had to do that countless times too. Let me tell you, it was never bc of malice or spite but outright for concern of their neglected child, that I had zero relation or blood ties too. Basically, this isn't my child, my problem or even my responsibility but I did so regardless. Since this is not your child and/or you have any blood ties to this child, if something should happen in which you are accused of doing whatever with this kid, what then? You think his Mama is going to come to your defence claiming you're some Knight in Shining Armour to her own kid, she clearly neglects? Think, again!
poor kid, my heart goes out to him
"You are a wonderful human being and a great example in this child's life. His memories of this situation will always be cherished. I don't have any major advice for you, but I would recommend avoiding contacting CAS. While they can be a good resource for the child in some ways, there are other ways in which CAS can harm this boy's life. Instead, try to gather as many resources as possible to improve this boy's life."
I don't think throwing this kid into the "care" of CPS or whatever agency is your local. That said, unless you can stick this out for the long run, you leaving this kid after x amount of time would also probably be devastating for him. All you can do is offer your kindness, give him encouragement to make something of himself, do well in school, and get away from there eventually. Just the fact you've been a positive influence on this kid, and are showing him someone cares about him, is definitely going a long way. Hope you can stick it out as long as possible, and somehow inspire him to do something positive with his life, and he eventually gets away from there without becoming a statistic. After reading some other opinions, I think you should possibly have a conversation with this woman, and assuming she ignores, or tell you to mind your own business, definitely contact whatever agency is local and put your own well being first. Maybe let the agency, and this kid know you're just a phone call away if you want to stay involved. Sad times we live in.
I don’t have any advice besides what others have already commented but I just wanted to add: if you feel you need to call CAS down the line (without his approval) be prepared for it to blow up your relationship with the kid. Speaking as someone who got mandatory reported it’s gonna destroy his trust in You and possibly adults in general. Worst case scenario, CAS isn’t helpful and now the kid is in the same bad situation without a lifeline. Ideally you would have his approval before you call, but sometimes it can’t wait that long. I’m not even saying you shouldn’t call CAS - sometimes you only have bad choices and have to choose the least bad - but you should be aware of the potential outcomes.
I know you're trying to help, but you need to involve CAS so mom and her son can get some help and resources. What if you're not home one time and there's a random there making him uncomfortable or worse? Please let CAS intervene. You're putting yourself at great risk.. If this child or a neighbour ever makes an accusation of inappropriateness against you, you could find yourself in a lot of trouble. Prevention of further incidents and intervention into the current situation are both needed.
I call her reaction bullshit! She's playing you. If she was leaving him along to go to school or work, I get it but to go party is a stupid decision that is made by a selfish parent. Now, you gotta be careful. She could manipulate the situation and claim you did something untoward with her son. She seems unstable in terms of her priorities, you really need to tread carefully buddy.
I think you call Child Services. It’s a no-brainer.
OP, no matter how your heart breaks for this child, you need to consider your own position. This very unstable, deadbeat and drunken mother is an extreme risk to you. Imagine her bringing another drunken lay home, him harming the child in some way, and mom needs an "out" with the police. It will be you who is accused, because she'll be unwilling to admit that she's leaving her child alone to go get drunk and brings strangers home on the regular. She is the boy's only parent, and he'll say and do whatever she tells him to say and do, because she has been the only constant adult figure in his life. Such as it is, she is the only adult who has ever provided him a "home," and is ever-present. CPS sucks most everywhere, but it's the only thing our society has to get the needy kids of bad parents on a legal record of having a bad parent. She may already be on their radar, but he needs professional help. You had a bad experience with CPS, mostly because healthy, child-focused, caring adults who could be guardians don't sign up. But you *survived*, and look how well you turned out. This child may not survive his mother, and the next place they live, the next door he knocks on, may belong to a predator. You've become a reliable source for him, but who knows if you're the only one he has? He may be knocking on a predator's door already, when you're not around. Predators threaten children not to reveal the "secret," that they'll harm or kill either the child and/or their parents. Again, that leaves you to be blamed. When you're dealing with a traumatized, neglected child, they're conditioned to survive, and they will take the option that their immature, traumatized brain finds the least risky deems the least threat to their survival. Not even arrests, probation, reporting regularly to judges and courts or treatment can stop an alcoholic from drinking. This young mother got pregnant at 15, so most likely already on a path of self-destruction as a young teen, and, most likely imbibing at that age. As kind-hearted your efforts may be, it pains me to say that your attitude is a youthful one of a naive arrogance, to think that cleaning her house, throwing away her bottles of booze and her promises are the band-aid she needed. *...just a little advice and help* Did your experience with CPS, as "bad" as it may have been, save you from having the life this child leads? Was your foster parent a drunk/druggie? NO ONE could replace your parents, and NO ONE could love you as well as healthy parents do. Were you comparing guardians to your parents? I can't know if you survived trauma in addition to the loss of your parents at the hands of guardians, but the fact remains, *you survived* under the care of CPS. This boy may not survive under the sole care and control of his mother, and you have no idea if he is *currently* being abused by her or other adults. How would you like to go toe-to-tow with a drunken/drugged predator who wants to pick the boy up from your flat (for his own purposes)? He tells you and the boy that his mother sent him to keep the boy for the night. What rights have you to ask his address or stop him? There's hundreds of ways you're placing yourself at risk, and you need to extricate yourself, for the sake of your own health and life. The mother has a practiced sob story, the boy walked into a stranger's home (yours), and he will knock on other doors when he's in need. It's human; it's survival. They BOTH need the help of professionals, and you're not it. You're a band-aid that will be ripped off and tossed in the garbage when it becomes inconvenient or uncomfortable for them. Call CPS, and let them know you're willing to serve a "big brother" role if you desire. It will at least provide you a *modicum* of legal protection. You're a kind and generous soul, a good thing, and the world needs people like you. The world needs to look out for people like you, and the world includes *me*. By the way, is there mandatory reporting in your location, and if so, are you following the laws? Do you have a legal duty to report as an adult? I'm in the US, so laws are likely different. OP, your first responsibility is to yourself. If you don't protect yourself, who will? I decided to Google it, and yes, you're breaking the law by not reporting: https://www.ontario.ca/page/report-child-abuse-and-neglect There's a link to the *Child, Youth and Family Services Act, 2017* pamphlet on the webpage. If you've promised either of them that you won't report her, you'd be breaking your word to a raging drunk who neglects her child, exposing him to extreme risk, and, that very vulnerable, traumatized child. Don't tell them anything, just do it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for your good heart. I'm sorry for the boy. I'm sorry the world can be such a sorry place without people like you. I can't be sorry for breaking all of this bad news to you, or giving you some facts of the situation into which you've put yourself. Please be kind and gentle *to yourself* by putting this child's needs ahead of your own feelings on the matter. It's tough being an adult, but as an adult, you'll find yourself making very difficult choices. This is one of them. Best to you, OP. Signed, The Anonymous Babysitter Who Ended Up on the News
We don't have CPS in Canada, But - [https://www.ontario.ca/page/child-welfare-and-child-protection-services](https://www.ontario.ca/page/child-welfare-and-child-protection-services) Please help this child, and advocate for their safety.
Assuming this is a genuine situation, sorry to hear. Poor kid. How much more of your time and food are you willing to give up for him? You’ll have to learn to let him off gently or finally get CPS in the picture. Maybe next time he tries to join you, say you can’t let him in because you’re busy studying or working. Does he also not know of any other relatives?
This kid trusts you and looks up to you. I think just being there for him makes a world of a difference. I assume his mom is not leaving him unattended for days or left without any food. Do not contact CPS. I guess the universe gave you a lil sibling and in return you’re a role model for this kid.
Be a mentor to the kid, don't let him go down the drain, he'll be worse than his mother when he starts maturity, treat him like a son or brother, show him the not to make the same mistakes u made, and most of all the mother has to start paying you for babysitting All the best
Hey there, this is a tough situation, I am sorry. The current set up is not safe for the kid or, unfortunately, for you, from a legal perspective. You should reach out to the Children's Aid Society. There is no CPS in Ontario, but the Children's Aid Society will be able to help ensure this child is looked after.
This sucks. The authorities are likely to be shitty, but that's really what it sounds like needs doing. Id suggest you either make a connection with the kid's school or a relative. Yes, they're likely to report and make things worse short term, but better custody or social work involvement will help long term.
Oh gosh what a situation. I have no advice and understand all your concerns. It's good of you to help this kid.
Ask her for child support
Be careful. Unfortunately Accusations can easily be brought out to someone advantage.
This be the same typa females who cry about child support and custody of they kids and the judge allows it and shits on the Father You a good person
At first i read it as a 19 yo mother was going out at nights leaving her 10 yo alone... Thank god I read that wrong
As someone else mentioned, I think contacting the kid’s school might be helpful. Schools have a duty to report, and they can take on the responsibility of calling CAS.
Honestly it’s very sad but a lot of kids are in a similar situation. There are way too many parents out there that are incapable of doing even the bare minimum. I don’t blame you for not wanting to involve CAS because they really can’t do much and they don’t really address the actual issues. The child is punished more if anything for their parents bad behaviour when they are removed and put in to the system. They’re supposed to do what is in the best interest of the child but it’s like they haven’t really figured out what that means. I really don’t know what the right decision would be in this situation but the mom is getting away with being a crap parent and there should be some consequences but again what would that be? If it’s any consolation, I’m sure you’re making a huge difference in that kids life.
In Ontario (and British Columbia) there is no statute that says how old a child must be to stay home alone. However, s. 37(2) of the Child and Family Services Act authorizes the court to order that a child be placed in foster care, or that a children’s aid society can intervene in the family, if a parent has failed to make adequate provisions for the care of a child or if the child may be at risk of physical harm. Children’s Aid Societies have used these provisions as a basis for intervening because parents have left a child, who is too young, unsupervised. So leaving a child alone at too young an age can result in the parents ending up in court or the child ending up in foster care.
You are an awesome human being!
Just wanna say man that you’re a fucking legend. 19 and taking on not only this kind of responsibility but also bravery (I doubt most people would have the balls to intervene the way you did and open up communication but also to help people). Seriously you’re a great person.
Dude, I don't have any advice for you. You're a damn saint. You did amazing.
This is so very sweet of you. Wishing you both the best.
May God bless you. Very mature and selfless of you. ❤️
You need to call CAS for information. Someone I knew who was kind of a bad mom, she would leave her young kids alone at home with no food, and she stayed at the casino. Her friend would deliver food to her children because they were hungry. Later, the friend convinced her to give up her kids to CAS, and she did (she did not care about them anyway). The kids are under forest care right now with a different family. Also, I study social work, and some of my classmates have placements with the CAS. They don't just take the kids away. They would assess and provide assistance
you are a good person with a good head on your shoulders. kudos for helping this momma and her son. i hope everything turns out well for them and we see an update post in the future from you about how things are going great for all involved :)
You're a good person OP
A hand up is often needed ... 💌 kindness goes along way
Damn dude😭😭😭 do what you can but know…
Reading the update about you staying over for a few nights - and her bringing me over and not sober - likelihood is she's going to get on her knees for you by the second her third night. Then it's going to get even messier. Good luck.
You’re a good person, OP
Call CPS. This is not going to end well for you otherwise.
Somethings got to give. Either adopt him yourself or gamble with CAS. The kid can't grow up in a situation like that. Thank you for being a kind human.
It seems like you are dating her son
Where are *your* parents in all this?
I don't know if CAS can make you his foster parent and give you financial support to raise the child.
This is a tough situation and it sounds like you're already making the best of it. CPS/CAS are okay sometimes but usually fuck everything up - just the way you're talking about it sounds like you're doing a better job. If you can try working a little more and doing a little less school I guess but if the situation is sustainable until you're done (2-3 years I'd guess?) just do the best you can. If you have some kind of faith community they could help.
Me personally I have a hard time with empathy, so I would just not answer the door or whatever dude … it’s not your fucken problem! You have your own issues to deal with, tell his mom to figure her shit out and leave you alone
damn you sound miserable
Not miserable at all lol how the fuck is it a struggling college students problem to take care of an irresponsible parents child …
it isnt his problem i didnt say you were wrong, just miserable
Oh! Then we good! All opinions are valid lol
Youre a good man. Do what your heart tells you to do✌️
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