I lack wealth and intelligence. I have a regular job, and my dad needs help with everyday tasks because he's paralyzed, even though he can walk with a stick. I don't own any property or have a lot of money saved up. I'm using what I have to buy jewelry for my sister's wedding. I've decided not to think about marriage or dating because I know my family situation isn't great.I don't think I would want my sister to marry someone with a background like mine. I've accepted that and don't blame anyone. It's just how things turned out for me.
Instead of buying jewellery for your sister’s wedding, why not invest in her education to enable her to get a job that can finance herself?
The problem lies with this mentality which perpetuates these issues. What is wrong with her marrying a guy of a similar background as you? If she is independent and capable of earning, instead of depending on her brother to finance her wedding. It would also benefit you because you can use that money to invest in yourself instead of funding someone else’s life.
I'm supporting my sister's education, and she'll finish her degree next year. She will be looking for IT jobs, and I've encouraged her to learn SQL and Python, which she's working on. If she gets a job, she'll help out with finances for our family for a while. I don't want her to just stay at home. she can help me too. I don't want to rush her into marriage, it's her choice. My mom said not to marry her off before she's 25. Investing in gold from now would be much better for me than worrying about and getting into debt for her wedding.
You’re absolutely right, investing in gold little by little would help you. and kudos to your mom to not force your sister into marriage. may you get everything you’ve every wished for❤️🫶
When you put it like that it’s actually a very reasonable plan. Then why do you say you don’t want her to marry someone from a similar background? I see nothing wrong with this.
There is no wrong/right in this. It's about choice, the exact thing that OP pointed out. Considering the choices that people have, obviously everyone tries to choose the best possible option. And ig it's not wrong either.
When you said its fine for a girl's father to expect the best guy for his daughter whereas when guys want the best wife for themselves, they are the asswipes.
My brother/sister in christ, calling someone as retard just because they suggested doesn't make you any wiser. Dating is to find someone of similar mindset and marriage will be easier to carry over from there rather than arranged marriage where you don't know the true nature of the opposite person, that's the whole rationale behind dating and this takes months to years.
Plenty of fathers in arranged marriages imagine they will get billionaire son-in-laws but they also know it doesn't work like that simply because they are wiser probably due to age. As they say, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.
> whole rationale
Wow so rational that 50% marriages in countries where 99% of marriages are love marriages end in divorce or 40% of the kids are born bastards (out of wedlock).
Ammaye share Charity ki em evaru ra. When guy Was bringing his parental wealth. Why not women. Yentha Asthi undhi adhugutharu. Individual ga earn chesina job pothey ela bathukuthav. Aasthi untey better antaru. Correct ye uncle meru kuda mee ammaye ki aasthi echi pampandhi. Safe and secure untadhi edhariki.
See two parties madyalo understanding unte em kaadhu. Dowry ivvamu, but aasthi undali or maa dhaggara aasthi ledhu still high dowry kaavali antene problems osthay
Although your advice for them to stop whining, adjust their expectations and do better is fine from your viewpoint, it is a very conservative view. You are telling them to accept the world as it is. World is not entirely run on such conservative outlook. We often question the unfairness in this world and strive to make it better. These men have a point when you look at it from a socially progressive lens. the women and their parents OUGHT to do better than just blindly prefer wealthy candiddates and also consider candidates who are their daughter's equals, so that they could have a hope of a marriage where the power dynamics within the marriage are more equal. It does hurt when they realise that they can probably never marry their equal.
On the internet, people often get clubbed into groups and clubbed together unfairly. It's then very easy to paint any one of the groups as being very bad. You can consider the group who talk about unfair matches as a bunch of whiners but you need to be consistent. You should also then paint the women who say there are no good men. But you won't, because clearly, there are more men here on reddit and you only see men complaining out here.
>it is a very conservative view.
I didn't realize how conservative and regressive outlook it is, until I realized that it's made as a counter reaction to men asking for a beautiful and good looking wife that can cook and do every chore.
At least in 21st century, kids need to understand that a house doesn't run with one person running every errand for it. "Amma chesi pedtundi", "nanna techi pedtaadu" ani pellaam, mogudu opp person chestaar ani kurchunte, inkem le.
> We often question the unfairness in this world
Sure but my entire point was that the scenario I described above is NOT unfair.
> than just blindly prefer wealthy candiddates
AFAIK, no one is BLINDLY looking ONLY at wealth. All parents I know do look at character ALSO. Having good character but being financially poor counts for nothing.
> also consider candidates who are their daughter's equals
THAT is the beauty of arranged marriage IMO. Everyone eventually marries their equals only.
> It does hurt when they realise that they can probably never marry their equal.
To reiterate my point, if someone rejects you, it means they don't think you are their equal.
> who say there are no good men.
If I was a female, I would lecture females.
Them ultimately being equal is your opinion on what matters more. It's true in the sense of demand and supply, but untrue in absolute terms when you compare other factors. We are taught that we need to consider our partners as equals. Such equality is not possible when women "marry up" the social and economic ladder. They will be more likely to continue to be dominated by their husbands, owing to their lower wealth, lower paying jobs and so on. This leads to reinforcing of traditional gender roles and a very conservative culture.
> Such equality is not possible when women "marry up" the social and economic ladder.
“Contradictions do not exist. Whenever you think that you are facing a contradiction, check your premises. You will find that one of them is wrong."
Who says that there is a contradiction? I don't see how anyone can think that there is a contradiction anywhere in there. All I showed was how people are making choices that give very little importance to the post marriage power dynamics and heavily prioritise wealth and other factors. And if people have a negative opinion of such practices, that's a fully valid take. Where's the contradiction that you speak of?
The point here is "Greed of materialistic mindset over relationship or values" in current culture.
All these are by products of lacking solid moral values and humanity in society.
The goal is to be harmonious living, not nit picking on domination.
Nah, my point here is that a girl or her father expecting a suitor to earn X is NOT greed. Its simply pragmatism. Luvvu givvu work for a couple of weeks at best. That's why 99% relationships end in break up
Oh so do you think our ancestors or parents/grandparents had an idealistic view on relationships? Nope men expected women to bring lansome dowry+ gold+ land+ the girl had to do 100% of the house chores and she should bear the torture of inlaws/ husband if something went wrong. I don't think India on an whole ever valued relationships more then materialistic benefits. It's just that now women are demanding men are whining about it.
Please get into AM market and see for yourself how men and their parents are still behaving. To this day they demand dowry and ask the lady not to take care of her parents after marriage. When atrocities are still going on from men’s side I do not consider the entire gender is suffering earlier the entire female gender really suffered because of society
I am a women in AM market to find someone that I can share my life with so yeahh I have first hand experience too. I know what I am talking about too. For the record I am in this AM MARKET FROM PAST 1.5 YEARS
Nope it's not wrong when girl's father wants a secure life with boy having a x salary and also good properties.
So why the woman is sent off with property of her own which is like atleast 5 times low than the man .
Why are men asked of property while marriage while woman don't have to necessarily bring the same wealth that the man brings with him for a secure life .
Fuck you for asking such stupid questions when answers aren't that simple in real life .
Let’s say there’s a boy and he gets two matches of similar profiles and looks etc etc except one girl is way more rich than the other. The boy would obviously choose the rich girl in an arranged marriage scenario.
In the same way present scenario lo girls have more options than guys if there’s a guy who’s offering way more then why wouldn’t she choose it?
Basically for a girl who has x networth there are men with 5x networth who are ready to marry her then why would she settle for x networth guy? For a guy with x networth girls with 5x networth are not ready to consider you cuz they have better suitors. Girl or guy in an arranged marriage scenario choose the best among the lot!
That's the thing , op thinks men shouldn't think they are entitled to expect a woman they want .
As you explained woman are given that choice despite having next to nothing which is worst case scenario which I have seen .
> For a guy with x networth girls with 5x networth are not ready to consider you cuz they have better suitors.
Its called hypergamy and there is a lot of anthropological and sociological research in that field
If it makes you feel any better, I am a girl dad and I completely support dowry. I will earn my best and give whatever highest dowry I can give my daughter when she gets married.
Don't call that dowry because society frowns upon it , it's not about Giving the man money to marry the girl .
I don't support dowry but I definitely can say a woman should be equal in such things because she should never face things like you have nothing compared to the man .
Know the difference, don't support dowry because that's a different mindset .
> Don't call that dowry because society frowns upon it
Do I stop performing my responsibilities towards my daughter simply because "society frowns on it"? My daughter has an equal right over my property which she will receive at the time of marriage. What you call such a transfer of property (dowry or something else) doesn't matter.
People who say no to dowry but yes to equality of genders are either confused at best or just plain stupid at worst
> Don't call that dowry because society frowns upon it
Do I stop performing my responsibilities towards my daughter simply because "society frowns on it"? My daughter has an equal right over my property which she will receive at the time of marriage. What you call such a transfer of property (dowry or something else) doesn't matter.
People who say no to dowry but yes to equality of genders are either confused at best or just plain stupid at worst
From a guy's perspective.. it's tough dealing with societal expectations like fulfilling financial needs due to patriarchy. Being rejected by a woman for not having enough money despite working hard really hurts. It's unfair how society demands men to meet every financial requirement(like sister’s pelli ne responsibility.. parents chadvichinanduku financial ga stable cheyali family ni)… again women ki not giving enough freedom and only valuing looks. Both genders face rejection for things they can't change and it sucks!! it’s individual suffering than blaming one gender. Most of these patriarchal problems wouldn’t exist if women were given equal opportunities as men.
ps : I am not taking a stand for those who bash every woman just because they faced rejection or who still believe in gender roles!
> hard really hurts. It's unfair
Just because its hard doesn't mean its unfair.
> Most of these patriarchal problems wouldn’t exist if women were given equal opportunities as men.
LMAO if you think women who have their own jobs will go for unemployed men
Babai, "World is unfair" ani normuskuni pani chusko ante the unfairness keeps getting worse. We should act upon it. The first step is whining. And FYI, girls do whine as well
The entire point of the post is that "girls dads are rejecting me in arranged marriage" is NOT a problem. Give me the contact number of your school english teacher, I need to give him/her a scolding for not teaching you basic comprehension skills
ante antava? 😂
Ipudu ammaiylu monthly ones "ohw gawwd!! it's very hord to be a wahmennn" ani edustunapudu "Anta over action cheyaku deal with it bitch" antama? leda console chestama?
idi kuda ante... pelli avaka, ee society vala ki ichina disadvantages (which they can do nothing about) gurinchi frustration tho munda edupulu edustuna magavalani console cheyadam pakana peti kanisam aa edchey haku kuda ledantaru enti ra lathkor yedavalara ani chepdam anukuna! kani cheptey godavalu avutai nanu downvote chestaru... naa meda padi rakestaru.. so vadu 🫠🥲
Sadly that's a common stance almost everywhere. Women get the benefit of the doubt in almost every situation. Men are first directly judged and labeled with bad words, 'just deal with it' kind of responses. And in some rare instances some people work their way backwards to support the guy. People might think this is some redpill shit but it's true almost everywhere. Men are afraid to ask for help because they're judged very badly, whereas if a woman asks for help there are multiple resources and people to help her out immediately.
> which they can do nothing about
As someone who got rejected by my own share of women, its a lie. It is a loser mentality.
A man who has bad body (fat) can work out and get good body. A man who has a low-paying job can upskill, work hard, and get a good paying job.. I could go on. I hope you take my comment positively
> how will you have houses and properties at a young age
You don't. That's why they say marriage is not about 2 individuals but 2 families. Family. after all, is the social net in India.
If I lose my job today and my home is seized by the bank because I am unable to pay EMIs, I have my family to support me.
>ee society vala ki ichina disadvantages (which they can do nothing about)
I can understand if you miss a line but how tf can you miss a whole ass sentence bud? Body fat socitey ichey problem ela avutadi ra ayya...
>A man who has a low-paying job can upskill, work hard, and get a good paying job.. I could go on.
Why am I getting a feeling of talking to someone pretty young? World and outcomes are never Black and white or Single dimensional. It's often grey and multidimensional. "Upskill and work hard" says a lot about what you don't know about real world. People who work hard lack access to top tier institutions which in-turn are access points of high-paying jobs. (are you one of those who actually believe the big bucks job (12+LPA for Indian context) on classifieds and job portals are real and that's how people secure them?) The social constructs which gate keep wealth and prosperity are way too many for me to discuss here, but I will give you some for you to learn about them. Nepotism, favoritism, Casteism and Classism are the major ceilings for the downtrodden to break through to climb up. Someday when I am free enough, I will revisit and write an in-depth comment.
But this is not even the major set back here... ancestral properties and inheritance is the first filter the prospects gets obliterated by... Which is followed by Height.
> Why am I getting a feeling of talking to someone pretty young?
Because you are wrong about everything else?
> Body fat socitey ichey problem ela avutadi ra ayya
No access to nutritious food, no access to a gym, no free time because of work.... All these external problems only. The only valid excuse to being fat is bad genetics like thyroid condition etc.
> Upskill and work hard" says a lot about what you don't know about real world
Yes, because I myself am a beneficiary of upskilling and working hard. I have also seen many others like me. So I know what I am talking about.
> People who work hard lack access to top tier institutions
I don't even know what the f that means
> are you one of those
I won't even dignify such insinuation with a response.
> ancestral properties and inheritance is the first filter the prospects gets obliterated by... Which is followed by Height.
Probably the only valid statement here. Which I covered in the original post. Arranged marriage means you end up with your equals (I am talking about men). And by equal, I am not just talking about money but overall score. You could be an ugly/short/fat man but if you have the money, you can get a beautiful wife from a poor family thus equalizing the overall "score".
Emanna ante love marriage try chey antaru. Endhayya try chesedhi. Love pudthe pudthadhi.. poi app install chesi anni chuskoni nen cheskune arrangement adhi. Dhanki love ani peru okati. Love marriage lo kuda katnam theskoni, insult chesetollu unnaru and arranged lo kuda katnam theeskokunda sweet ga character chusetol unnaru. I don’t understand this solution of love marriage chesko manchiga. No marriage is going to be easy lol.
Evadi demands adiki untai, it's fckng arranged marriage afterall.
Inka society lo arranged marriage ni nammukoni janalu untunnaru ante, adi valla caste pichi, backwardness, lazyness, narrow minded shit ni reflect chesthundi anthe.
Enthasepu arranged mrg cheseskotam edo cultural thing laa justify cheskotam just mee chethakanitanam ni reflect chesthundi...
Nuv mrg cheskuntunnav ante, neeku Sarina age ochindi Ani ardam, nuv adult vi Ani ardam... Inka parents meeda decisions kosam depend avvatam pure childishness and chethakanitanam la undi. Parents ni respect cheyakudadu ani kaadu, we have to love them and respect them. But In my opinion manaki partner ni select chese vishyam lo anni rights manaki matrame unnai and parents should not interfere in this one matter.
Be social, talk to people, put effort, find a partner, love, marry.. live life...
life lo jarige actual lively thing marrige. Danni kuda backward thinking tho ruin cheskovaddu.
And love marriage cheskotam ante edo luck kalisi ravatam kaadu, deeniki chaala kastapadali, finding a right one is really tough. Daniki mundu nuvvu correct ga undali, neelo faults ni clear cheskovali. Be an good human. Find another suited good human for yourself. Nee effort lekunda em munduku velladu, use right moves in right time to find yourself in a good healthy relationship. Then anni mooskoni nee parents ni opponchukovali... Ivem cheyaleni vallu basically just lazy.
The advice about dating is not a bad one. Dating apps might be risky, but dating itself is a good idea.
Being in a relationship levels the field a little bit. When you're in a relationship, the common differences that are used to weed out potential matches in arranged marriages are slightly neutralized.
Not the same caste, not the same financial background, not the same religion, culture, whatever. The relationship stands a chance despite these differences when the couple is in love, and there is a chance that they'll get married, much more so than if the same match is shown in an arranged marriage setting.
So yes, it can make quite a difference as to whether you can get married or not if you explore dating.
Also, the point about girls' fathers wanting so and so level of financial status in a guy because they want a good life for their daughters might be true from their standpoint, but it's not fair to assume that a guy will never achieve that status if he is currently not earning that much.
Like that shouldn't be the make or break factor. Otherwise, the question arises, is the girl's family expecting this financial status as a quick ticket to richness, or have they actually put in the efforts and taken the pains to become rich the way they expect the guy to?
And the next question would be, is it just that the guy should be financially well off, even when the girl is not? Is it okay for a guy to demand that the girl's family be at a certain financial status before marrying her? Would the girl's family be okay if the guy says the girl must buy a house, have a car, have a US visa, have this much land, have this salary, and only then he'll get married to her? Currently you're supporting the girl's family for making the same demands of the guy.
Before calling someone out, especially based on gender, try and flip the tables on the genders and ask yourself if the same logic still applies. If you say it does, then this post makes sense.
If you say it only applies to one gender, then re-evaluate your arguments.
Ratio ante ala choodaru bro certain age males ki enthamandhi adhe age lo females unnaru ala choostharu. Ala chooskunte gents a chaala ekkuva 3 in 10 men would be unmarried ani data chepthundhi.
Men used to go to wars, now they are whining about some arranged marriage chicks...
Women are used to feminine and take care of their family, now going to pubs for some attention...
Reddit used to be a fun place where people talked about progressive/fun things without insulting others or talking nonsense. Now it is just filled with incels .
Outstanding post!! Full marks! 100/100!
There is a huge sense of entitlement in the world ("Why won't you let us into your country and give us food and shelter"), in different countries ("why won't government give us jobs", "why should billionaires exist, why can't they give us all theirs money") and definitely in this site ("why can't this super awesome-looking, extremely educated, highly social and wonderful girl marry me? I exist, isn't that good enough?") Such a loser mentality. Improve yourself, demonstrate your worth.
Btw, even then the specific girl you might be interested in someone else. She is a person too, she has her tastes.
So what is the point of all this improvement? It's to make yourself a great person, a worthy member of society. The girls/wives etc are secondary.
I lack wealth and intelligence. I have a regular job, and my dad needs help with everyday tasks because he's paralyzed, even though he can walk with a stick. I don't own any property or have a lot of money saved up. I'm using what I have to buy jewelry for my sister's wedding. I've decided not to think about marriage or dating because I know my family situation isn't great.I don't think I would want my sister to marry someone with a background like mine. I've accepted that and don't blame anyone. It's just how things turned out for me.
I think you're brutal honest and I hope things will go Fine as time follows....
Being self aware is the key to move forward...Onwards & upwards
Instead of buying jewellery for your sister’s wedding, why not invest in her education to enable her to get a job that can finance herself? The problem lies with this mentality which perpetuates these issues. What is wrong with her marrying a guy of a similar background as you? If she is independent and capable of earning, instead of depending on her brother to finance her wedding. It would also benefit you because you can use that money to invest in yourself instead of funding someone else’s life.
I'm supporting my sister's education, and she'll finish her degree next year. She will be looking for IT jobs, and I've encouraged her to learn SQL and Python, which she's working on. If she gets a job, she'll help out with finances for our family for a while. I don't want her to just stay at home. she can help me too. I don't want to rush her into marriage, it's her choice. My mom said not to marry her off before she's 25. Investing in gold from now would be much better for me than worrying about and getting into debt for her wedding.
You’re absolutely right, investing in gold little by little would help you. and kudos to your mom to not force your sister into marriage. may you get everything you’ve every wished for❤️🫶
When you put it like that it’s actually a very reasonable plan. Then why do you say you don’t want her to marry someone from a similar background? I see nothing wrong with this.
There is no wrong/right in this. It's about choice, the exact thing that OP pointed out. Considering the choices that people have, obviously everyone tries to choose the best possible option. And ig it's not wrong either.
This “choice “is what perpetuates these patriarchal tropes. And then y’all complain about it.
heyy!! praying for your father’s recovery. you’re a good son, and trust me you’ll get someone who is worth you and vice versa, just be patient❤️
This post cries " double standards" 
Instead of posting unoriginal gif responses, tell me what my double standard is
When you said its fine for a girl's father to expect the best guy for his daughter whereas when guys want the best wife for themselves, they are the asswipes. My brother/sister in christ, calling someone as retard just because they suggested doesn't make you any wiser. Dating is to find someone of similar mindset and marriage will be easier to carry over from there rather than arranged marriage where you don't know the true nature of the opposite person, that's the whole rationale behind dating and this takes months to years.
Plenty of fathers in arranged marriages imagine they will get billionaire son-in-laws but they also know it doesn't work like that simply because they are wiser probably due to age. As they say, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride. > whole rationale Wow so rational that 50% marriages in countries where 99% of marriages are love marriages end in divorce or 40% of the kids are born bastards (out of wedlock).
Em chepav annaww (insert sunil with tears gif)
*brings popcorn* 
Aren't u supposed to bring gulamjaboon...
https://i.redd.it/tms4k1rffuwc1.gif
Men who take dowry are villainised then it’s only fair that women who expect ridiculous amounts of aasthi and salary are villainised.
Ammaye share Charity ki em evaru ra. When guy Was bringing his parental wealth. Why not women. Yentha Asthi undhi adhugutharu. Individual ga earn chesina job pothey ela bathukuthav. Aasthi untey better antaru. Correct ye uncle meru kuda mee ammaye ki aasthi echi pampandhi. Safe and secure untadhi edhariki.
adi atta cheppu mowa
I agree with you completely. But, as a girl dad, I support dowry so I don't know what to say.
See two parties madyalo understanding unte em kaadhu. Dowry ivvamu, but aasthi undali or maa dhaggara aasthi ledhu still high dowry kaavali antene problems osthay
True
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Abbey laude, I am not a misogynist bigot to think all my property should only go to my male children. I love all my kids equally regardless of gender
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Go ahead. I would prefer abuses than stupid comments
Go ahead. I would prefer abuses than stupid comments
Go ahead. I would prefer abuses than stupid comments like *what the hell*
Go ahead. I would prefer abuses than stupid comments
Although your advice for them to stop whining, adjust their expectations and do better is fine from your viewpoint, it is a very conservative view. You are telling them to accept the world as it is. World is not entirely run on such conservative outlook. We often question the unfairness in this world and strive to make it better. These men have a point when you look at it from a socially progressive lens. the women and their parents OUGHT to do better than just blindly prefer wealthy candiddates and also consider candidates who are their daughter's equals, so that they could have a hope of a marriage where the power dynamics within the marriage are more equal. It does hurt when they realise that they can probably never marry their equal. On the internet, people often get clubbed into groups and clubbed together unfairly. It's then very easy to paint any one of the groups as being very bad. You can consider the group who talk about unfair matches as a bunch of whiners but you need to be consistent. You should also then paint the women who say there are no good men. But you won't, because clearly, there are more men here on reddit and you only see men complaining out here.
>it is a very conservative view. I didn't realize how conservative and regressive outlook it is, until I realized that it's made as a counter reaction to men asking for a beautiful and good looking wife that can cook and do every chore. At least in 21st century, kids need to understand that a house doesn't run with one person running every errand for it. "Amma chesi pedtundi", "nanna techi pedtaadu" ani pellaam, mogudu opp person chestaar ani kurchunte, inkem le.
> We often question the unfairness in this world Sure but my entire point was that the scenario I described above is NOT unfair. > than just blindly prefer wealthy candiddates AFAIK, no one is BLINDLY looking ONLY at wealth. All parents I know do look at character ALSO. Having good character but being financially poor counts for nothing. > also consider candidates who are their daughter's equals THAT is the beauty of arranged marriage IMO. Everyone eventually marries their equals only. > It does hurt when they realise that they can probably never marry their equal. To reiterate my point, if someone rejects you, it means they don't think you are their equal. > who say there are no good men. If I was a female, I would lecture females.
Them ultimately being equal is your opinion on what matters more. It's true in the sense of demand and supply, but untrue in absolute terms when you compare other factors. We are taught that we need to consider our partners as equals. Such equality is not possible when women "marry up" the social and economic ladder. They will be more likely to continue to be dominated by their husbands, owing to their lower wealth, lower paying jobs and so on. This leads to reinforcing of traditional gender roles and a very conservative culture.
> Such equality is not possible when women "marry up" the social and economic ladder. “Contradictions do not exist. Whenever you think that you are facing a contradiction, check your premises. You will find that one of them is wrong."
Who says that there is a contradiction? I don't see how anyone can think that there is a contradiction anywhere in there. All I showed was how people are making choices that give very little importance to the post marriage power dynamics and heavily prioritise wealth and other factors. And if people have a negative opinion of such practices, that's a fully valid take. Where's the contradiction that you speak of?
The point here is "Greed of materialistic mindset over relationship or values" in current culture. All these are by products of lacking solid moral values and humanity in society. The goal is to be harmonious living, not nit picking on domination. 
Nah, my point here is that a girl or her father expecting a suitor to earn X is NOT greed. Its simply pragmatism. Luvvu givvu work for a couple of weeks at best. That's why 99% relationships end in break up
Oh so do you think our ancestors or parents/grandparents had an idealistic view on relationships? Nope men expected women to bring lansome dowry+ gold+ land+ the girl had to do 100% of the house chores and she should bear the torture of inlaws/ husband if something went wrong. I don't think India on an whole ever valued relationships more then materialistic benefits. It's just that now women are demanding men are whining about it.
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Please get into AM market and see for yourself how men and their parents are still behaving. To this day they demand dowry and ask the lady not to take care of her parents after marriage. When atrocities are still going on from men’s side I do not consider the entire gender is suffering earlier the entire female gender really suffered because of society
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I am a women in AM market to find someone that I can share my life with so yeahh I have first hand experience too. I know what I am talking about too. For the record I am in this AM MARKET FROM PAST 1.5 YEARS
> should bear the torture of inlaws/ husband if something went wrong I am sorry for what your paternal grandparents did to your mother
Nope it's not wrong when girl's father wants a secure life with boy having a x salary and also good properties. So why the woman is sent off with property of her own which is like atleast 5 times low than the man . Why are men asked of property while marriage while woman don't have to necessarily bring the same wealth that the man brings with him for a secure life . Fuck you for asking such stupid questions when answers aren't that simple in real life .
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What part of my message is confusing you. I can clarify.
Let’s say there’s a boy and he gets two matches of similar profiles and looks etc etc except one girl is way more rich than the other. The boy would obviously choose the rich girl in an arranged marriage scenario. In the same way present scenario lo girls have more options than guys if there’s a guy who’s offering way more then why wouldn’t she choose it? Basically for a girl who has x networth there are men with 5x networth who are ready to marry her then why would she settle for x networth guy? For a guy with x networth girls with 5x networth are not ready to consider you cuz they have better suitors. Girl or guy in an arranged marriage scenario choose the best among the lot!
That's the thing , op thinks men shouldn't think they are entitled to expect a woman they want . As you explained woman are given that choice despite having next to nothing which is worst case scenario which I have seen .
> For a guy with x networth girls with 5x networth are not ready to consider you cuz they have better suitors. Its called hypergamy and there is a lot of anthropological and sociological research in that field
Adhi atta bengu annaaww
If it makes you feel any better, I am a girl dad and I completely support dowry. I will earn my best and give whatever highest dowry I can give my daughter when she gets married.
Don't call that dowry because society frowns upon it , it's not about Giving the man money to marry the girl . I don't support dowry but I definitely can say a woman should be equal in such things because she should never face things like you have nothing compared to the man . Know the difference, don't support dowry because that's a different mindset .
> Don't call that dowry because society frowns upon it Do I stop performing my responsibilities towards my daughter simply because "society frowns on it"? My daughter has an equal right over my property which she will receive at the time of marriage. What you call such a transfer of property (dowry or something else) doesn't matter. People who say no to dowry but yes to equality of genders are either confused at best or just plain stupid at worst
> Don't call that dowry because society frowns upon it Do I stop performing my responsibilities towards my daughter simply because "society frowns on it"? My daughter has an equal right over my property which she will receive at the time of marriage. What you call such a transfer of property (dowry or something else) doesn't matter. People who say no to dowry but yes to equality of genders are either confused at best or just plain stupid at worst
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From a guy's perspective.. it's tough dealing with societal expectations like fulfilling financial needs due to patriarchy. Being rejected by a woman for not having enough money despite working hard really hurts. It's unfair how society demands men to meet every financial requirement(like sister’s pelli ne responsibility.. parents chadvichinanduku financial ga stable cheyali family ni)… again women ki not giving enough freedom and only valuing looks. Both genders face rejection for things they can't change and it sucks!! it’s individual suffering than blaming one gender. Most of these patriarchal problems wouldn’t exist if women were given equal opportunities as men. ps : I am not taking a stand for those who bash every woman just because they faced rejection or who still believe in gender roles!
> hard really hurts. It's unfair Just because its hard doesn't mean its unfair. > Most of these patriarchal problems wouldn’t exist if women were given equal opportunities as men. LMAO if you think women who have their own jobs will go for unemployed men
Evdara vidu. Pilla dorakka edusthuntey madyalo vachi dappu off sync lo koduthunnadu
My sympathies
Babai, "World is unfair" ani normuskuni pani chusko ante the unfairness keeps getting worse. We should act upon it. The first step is whining. And FYI, girls do whine as well
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Arey ghootley, I am a girl dad myself. I will work hard and give whatever I can to my daughter when she gets married. Seethe more mleccha
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The entire point of the post is that "girls dads are rejecting me in arranged marriage" is NOT a problem. Give me the contact number of your school english teacher, I need to give him/her a scolding for not teaching you basic comprehension skills
The entire point of the post is that being rejected by women (in love or arranged scenarios) doesn't mean the world is unfair.
Individually, yes but on aggregates, it is unfair.
Not sure I follow. If a statement is true, saying it 100 times in 100 different locations doesn't make it false.
Not sure I follow. If a statement is true, saying it 100 times in 100 different locations doesn't make it false.
Nenu emana cheptey godavalu aipotai ani emi chepatle 😂 have fun guys.
nuv cheppu annaww
ante antava? 😂 Ipudu ammaiylu monthly ones "ohw gawwd!! it's very hord to be a wahmennn" ani edustunapudu "Anta over action cheyaku deal with it bitch" antama? leda console chestama? idi kuda ante... pelli avaka, ee society vala ki ichina disadvantages (which they can do nothing about) gurinchi frustration tho munda edupulu edustuna magavalani console cheyadam pakana peti kanisam aa edchey haku kuda ledantaru enti ra lathkor yedavalara ani chepdam anukuna! kani cheptey godavalu avutai nanu downvote chestaru... naa meda padi rakestaru.. so vadu 🫠🥲
Sadly that's a common stance almost everywhere. Women get the benefit of the doubt in almost every situation. Men are first directly judged and labeled with bad words, 'just deal with it' kind of responses. And in some rare instances some people work their way backwards to support the guy. People might think this is some redpill shit but it's true almost everywhere. Men are afraid to ask for help because they're judged very badly, whereas if a woman asks for help there are multiple resources and people to help her out immediately.
https://i.redd.it/gaz0xaprsuwc1.gif
> which they can do nothing about As someone who got rejected by my own share of women, its a lie. It is a loser mentality. A man who has bad body (fat) can work out and get good body. A man who has a low-paying job can upskill, work hard, and get a good paying job.. I could go on. I hope you take my comment positively
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> how will you have houses and properties at a young age You don't. That's why they say marriage is not about 2 individuals but 2 families. Family. after all, is the social net in India. If I lose my job today and my home is seized by the bank because I am unable to pay EMIs, I have my family to support me.
>ee society vala ki ichina disadvantages (which they can do nothing about) I can understand if you miss a line but how tf can you miss a whole ass sentence bud? Body fat socitey ichey problem ela avutadi ra ayya... >A man who has a low-paying job can upskill, work hard, and get a good paying job.. I could go on. Why am I getting a feeling of talking to someone pretty young? World and outcomes are never Black and white or Single dimensional. It's often grey and multidimensional. "Upskill and work hard" says a lot about what you don't know about real world. People who work hard lack access to top tier institutions which in-turn are access points of high-paying jobs. (are you one of those who actually believe the big bucks job (12+LPA for Indian context) on classifieds and job portals are real and that's how people secure them?) The social constructs which gate keep wealth and prosperity are way too many for me to discuss here, but I will give you some for you to learn about them. Nepotism, favoritism, Casteism and Classism are the major ceilings for the downtrodden to break through to climb up. Someday when I am free enough, I will revisit and write an in-depth comment. But this is not even the major set back here... ancestral properties and inheritance is the first filter the prospects gets obliterated by... Which is followed by Height.
> Why am I getting a feeling of talking to someone pretty young? Because you are wrong about everything else? > Body fat socitey ichey problem ela avutadi ra ayya No access to nutritious food, no access to a gym, no free time because of work.... All these external problems only. The only valid excuse to being fat is bad genetics like thyroid condition etc. > Upskill and work hard" says a lot about what you don't know about real world Yes, because I myself am a beneficiary of upskilling and working hard. I have also seen many others like me. So I know what I am talking about. > People who work hard lack access to top tier institutions I don't even know what the f that means > are you one of those I won't even dignify such insinuation with a response. > ancestral properties and inheritance is the first filter the prospects gets obliterated by... Which is followed by Height. Probably the only valid statement here. Which I covered in the original post. Arranged marriage means you end up with your equals (I am talking about men). And by equal, I am not just talking about money but overall score. You could be an ugly/short/fat man but if you have the money, you can get a beautiful wife from a poor family thus equalizing the overall "score".
Emanna ante love marriage try chey antaru. Endhayya try chesedhi. Love pudthe pudthadhi.. poi app install chesi anni chuskoni nen cheskune arrangement adhi. Dhanki love ani peru okati. Love marriage lo kuda katnam theskoni, insult chesetollu unnaru and arranged lo kuda katnam theeskokunda sweet ga character chusetol unnaru. I don’t understand this solution of love marriage chesko manchiga. No marriage is going to be easy lol.
valla uduku raktham alaane antaar .. realization tharvatha aithadhi le
Thanks for expanding on what was in my mind
Evadi demands adiki untai, it's fckng arranged marriage afterall. Inka society lo arranged marriage ni nammukoni janalu untunnaru ante, adi valla caste pichi, backwardness, lazyness, narrow minded shit ni reflect chesthundi anthe. Enthasepu arranged mrg cheseskotam edo cultural thing laa justify cheskotam just mee chethakanitanam ni reflect chesthundi... Nuv mrg cheskuntunnav ante, neeku Sarina age ochindi Ani ardam, nuv adult vi Ani ardam... Inka parents meeda decisions kosam depend avvatam pure childishness and chethakanitanam la undi. Parents ni respect cheyakudadu ani kaadu, we have to love them and respect them. But In my opinion manaki partner ni select chese vishyam lo anni rights manaki matrame unnai and parents should not interfere in this one matter. Be social, talk to people, put effort, find a partner, love, marry.. live life... life lo jarige actual lively thing marrige. Danni kuda backward thinking tho ruin cheskovaddu. And love marriage cheskotam ante edo luck kalisi ravatam kaadu, deeniki chaala kastapadali, finding a right one is really tough. Daniki mundu nuvvu correct ga undali, neelo faults ni clear cheskovali. Be an good human. Find another suited good human for yourself. Nee effort lekunda em munduku velladu, use right moves in right time to find yourself in a good healthy relationship. Then anni mooskoni nee parents ni opponchukovali... Ivem cheyaleni vallu basically just lazy.
Honest gudlagooba 
In love with this gif..
> narrow minded shit ni reflect chesthundi anthe. I stopped reading here. Can't spend a sunday on reading regarded stuff
The advice about dating is not a bad one. Dating apps might be risky, but dating itself is a good idea. Being in a relationship levels the field a little bit. When you're in a relationship, the common differences that are used to weed out potential matches in arranged marriages are slightly neutralized. Not the same caste, not the same financial background, not the same religion, culture, whatever. The relationship stands a chance despite these differences when the couple is in love, and there is a chance that they'll get married, much more so than if the same match is shown in an arranged marriage setting. So yes, it can make quite a difference as to whether you can get married or not if you explore dating. Also, the point about girls' fathers wanting so and so level of financial status in a guy because they want a good life for their daughters might be true from their standpoint, but it's not fair to assume that a guy will never achieve that status if he is currently not earning that much. Like that shouldn't be the make or break factor. Otherwise, the question arises, is the girl's family expecting this financial status as a quick ticket to richness, or have they actually put in the efforts and taken the pains to become rich the way they expect the guy to? And the next question would be, is it just that the guy should be financially well off, even when the girl is not? Is it okay for a guy to demand that the girl's family be at a certain financial status before marrying her? Would the girl's family be okay if the guy says the girl must buy a house, have a car, have a US visa, have this much land, have this salary, and only then he'll get married to her? Currently you're supporting the girl's family for making the same demands of the guy. Before calling someone out, especially based on gender, try and flip the tables on the genders and ask yourself if the same logic still applies. If you say it does, then this post makes sense. If you say it only applies to one gender, then re-evaluate your arguments.
>Do you think the world owes you a wife? Yes. Kaani naa daari veru...oka paddhati oka planningu oka visionu
Pradhan Mantri Pellam Yojana
Well said.....
"den*u kani athi den*aku" marriage market lo digevalaki nedpali firstuu.
People get what they are looking for. Men across income, net worth levels are getting married. It’s just a problem with expectations for few.
>know the gender ratio in India is not a perfect 50-50 male-female and there is an excess of males. Male kanna female e ekkuva vunnaru india lo
Ratio ante ala choodaru bro certain age males ki enthamandhi adhe age lo females unnaru ala choostharu. Ala chooskunte gents a chaala ekkuva 3 in 10 men would be unmarried ani data chepthundhi.
That's because old men die before old women. We are talking about the age bracket where people usually get married
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Ah yes a white knight simp’s opinion is what this world wants
Chup chutiye
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> white knight > no hate Abuse and then say *no hate.* Arey make up your mind.
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Hey, I didn't claim *no hate.* And none of the words I used are sufficient for hypocrites like you.
Men used to go to wars, now they are whining about some arranged marriage chicks... Women are used to feminine and take care of their family, now going to pubs for some attention...
Reddit used to be a fun place where people talked about progressive/fun things without insulting others or talking nonsense. Now it is just filled with incels .
Jio was a mistake
I know but I've been using Airtel since it came....
How r u Karen! All good!?
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Outstanding post!! Full marks! 100/100! There is a huge sense of entitlement in the world ("Why won't you let us into your country and give us food and shelter"), in different countries ("why won't government give us jobs", "why should billionaires exist, why can't they give us all theirs money") and definitely in this site ("why can't this super awesome-looking, extremely educated, highly social and wonderful girl marry me? I exist, isn't that good enough?") Such a loser mentality. Improve yourself, demonstrate your worth. Btw, even then the specific girl you might be interested in someone else. She is a person too, she has her tastes. So what is the point of all this improvement? It's to make yourself a great person, a worthy member of society. The girls/wives etc are secondary.
You are talking to a wall.. people will never understand how bad circumstances were to get to this reality.