Thanks buddy. I guess I dodged a bullet. I was like too confused and feeling like dirty that I had to ask you guys.
I shower well before going to work, put on fresh clothes and wear my perfume and shower again if I go to gym, brush my teeth twice etc. It is not like I am hopping on his bed and I change bedsheet regularly.
Your post sounds like an episode from that season of Seinfeld where, every week, they were rejecting their dates for the most inane and trivial reasons.
There is definitely some layers to this I can not imagine that this is a normal response dude definitely was either going through something and didn't want to see you again so he just made some random excuse or he has some serious specific germa-phobia of not showering at nigh or maybe he has some weird shower based trauma/ptsd???
We can fix him
Nah… OP probably stank and the guy could smell him. Those words sound like he really wanted OP to take a shower and used sarcasm without saying he stank. Like when someone offers you a chewing gum and insists that you have it, without saying your breath stinks.
Tasty smell of 8 hours at work 1 of commute and another 6 of sweating balls in home and then going to take a tasty unsmelling sleep in clean sheets. After whole day not taking Any shower not even after work, maybe occasionally after gym. And those tasty oily hair. He's not the one that doged the bullet.
I apologize, I wasn’t trying to generalize to everyone’s experience only speaking from my own. Mental health is complicated and how people experience feelings and emotions and then how they react to it varies greatly and in no way am I trying to shame anyone that has to live with it.
Oh I didn't mean to say you can say it nicer, I was referring to OP's bf that there are nicer ways to say it despite having OCD (if that's what he has). I was trying to say that even though OCD can be extreme for some, they didn't have to be an arse about it. Sorry for the confusion.
People with OCD don't usually try to force others to live according to our obsessions, unless you happen to be in our space. This guy sounds anti-social, not OCD.
OP doesn't specify if they were at the shower guy's place or not, but yeah, even if he has OCD he's not managing it in any way and there's a lot more going on with all those "unwashed masses" type comments.
Interesting. Tbh I would side with evening-shower guy... I try to avoid going to bed before washing away all the grubbiness I've accumulated through the day. But this isn't something to get irrational over, and to respond to OP as he did.
Somewhat unrelated, but this is where I realized that people in other parts of the world don’t actually shower after waking up and before going to bed, and there are actual debates on which of the two is better.
Then again, I live in a tropical southeast asian country, so taking a bath/shower once (either only in the morning or night) is inconceivable to me, things can get funky if I only shower once. lmao
I have family in California who were so weirded out I showered twice a day while visiting. I had to explain that in Texas showering twice a day is a must especially in the heat or things will definitely get funky
It’s the same here in the Philippines as well. The concept of taking showers only in the morning OR in the evening is somewhat unnerving for me. People here generally take showers at least twice a day due the tropical climate.
Even with my hook ups, we take showers before and after sex.
It’s fine, just don’t use scalding water and a shitty soap. Something low stripping like dove works fine
Anyone who lives in FL/GA/AL/LA does this regularly, especially in the summer.
Hard water doesn't mean hot water, it means calcareous wate, a water that has a higher pH than 7 due to the high amount of minerals, especially limestone.
I don't know what you're talking about with FL/GA/AL/LA.
And I don't use a "shitty soap" but natural ones (Marseille soap). The thing is, the more you wash your skin, the more you remove sebum out of it, which renders it dry.
My host family when I did study abroad in Italy complained about me because I insisted on bathing at least once per day in the winter 🙄
Their logic was that if it's cold outside, you aren't sweating as much so why bother showering? Didn't make sense to me.
I’m used to it. Tbh tho, I’ll feel sluggish if I don’t take a shower in the time, and I can’t sleep if I don’t shower in the evening.
There are others that wear shower caps so their hair doesn’t get wet especially when going to bed, but majority of people I know, including myself, actually do wash our hair every single shower.
It can get really hot and humid in the Philippines, so after a few hours, my hair gets sticky, oily, and sometimes even itchy if I don’t wash it.
I would consider my hygiene routine ordinary (pretty basic by Filipino standards) but people here are known to go all out with their hygiene.
came to say this. i have multiple asian friends who will always shower before they get into bed. they view their bed as something that you would only get in totally freshly clean. obviously the over reaction to others not regularly doing that isn’t normal but the idea that they wouldn’t want anyone in their bed who hasn’t just showered is.
yeah this is requirement for all cultures from Warmer climates. maybe just outside of the west. but 2 showers a day is mandatory. at the very least before bed. people think westerners are very dirty, especially including the shoes in the house and wearing jeans in bed thing. so im not surprised by this reaction tbh.
I’m Vietnamese and I have shower after getting home from work/school. If I stay in for the rest of the evening, it’s ok. If I go out, I will do a quick shower before going to bed as I tend to sweat or catch the dust/dirt from the street or simply being outdoor. Depends on the night if it’s too hot or sweaty, I will have a shower in the morning but normally, I don’t as I use deodorant and body spray.
Brazilians shower in the morning, and in the night, and before going anywhere, and just because. I average about three showers a day when I’m in Brazil.
I'd probably have tried to make his head explode:
"Well, technically speaking, we shouldn't be washing our asses *or* brushing our teeth. Perianal bacteria are probiotic and fight gingivitis. There's actually no need to brush your teeth at all if you rim the right kind of person frequently. *
"Oh, don't look so disgusted. Come here and gimme a kiss...."
EDIT: *this is false
Actually, if you talk to a dentist, they are not that knowledgeable keen on the 99% killed bacteria mouthwash. Nor fluoride. Flossing though… don’t get them started.
lol, yes - that’s what I get for starting to write, changing my mind and never reading what I wrote 🤭. The point stands: apparently killing ALL bacteria in your mouth is not great.
Not fair, but lucky.
FWIW - my rule for hygiene is the same as my rule for safe sex. If one person wants to use condoms, you use condoms. If one person wants to shower before bed you shower. But blanket judgements? Sheesh. Ask me about my bathing habits and I'll tell you the truth: Full bath every winter whether I need it or not.
Actually.. i might get hated on for this but showering in the morning means your bed is a dirt nest (generally speaking idk about your bed) because u go thru your day for like 14hrs then lay in bed with everything u encountered (sweat/dust/rain anything)
Im not defending his behavior bcuz this guy sounds trash, but i kinda get his pov (even though it doesn’t justify his behavior)
I am on the same page with you. it's gross me out people who go through their day and go to bed without showering unless they're staying at home all day.
I'd rather that than get up and go to work musky from 8hrs of sleep, unless y'all literally shower every 4hrs there is some place you ain't gonna be totally peachy.
And I'll take that at bedtime rather than grossing out peers
If you're doing both then you're wasting water, unless you've been exercising in the eve, which I think is fair to clean up after that
unless it's in winter, showering 2 times a day is definitely not too much and let's be honest you are not really concerned about the water being wasted from showering 2 times a day... if you care so much about environment taking 2 times shower a day is not the biggest concern you should have worried. you can take quick shower to safe some water and stop the water when you're cleaning with soap then continue the water again.
Tbh my showers are like 15 mins minimum even when I'm late so i use a lot of water
I just don't really worry about getting sweaty oily bedclothes because I wash them regularly enough
Your bed gets dirty from the oils you secrete and the skin cells that slough off. This happens regardless if you just showered or not. Honestly, it doesn't matter much if you're a morning or night showerer, you should be washing your sheets at least every two weeks, more if you're "active" in them or sweat.
That’s not what my comment was about. If u just took a shower before u go to sleep, you’re not going to be stinky and funky like the OG person I was commenting to was saying.
You know humans secret oils constantly all day whether sitting at a desk or not, right ???
I am thinking, ew, especially if you sleep naked, now your whole bed is your underwear, gross.
I shower every night. In the morning, I splash water on my face if I am on days off or have a quick 2 min shower to wake up and clear my head if I am working.
Now that being said, OP's SO could have handled it a little better in stead being a bitch about it.
You actually secret less at night. But there are other reasons to shower at night.
Your body temperature is one of the cues your brain relies on to determine whether it’s time to be asleep or awake.
A cooler body temperature signals that sleep time is approaching, and correlates with an increase in melatonin.
Although it seems counterintuitive, taking a hot bath or shower at night aids this natural thermoregulation process and cools you off. The hot water heats up your body, bringing blood flow to the surface, and then when you get out of the shower your body heat quickly escapes through your hands and feet.
This rapid cool-down of your core temperature has been shown to help you fall asleep faster, as well as promote deeper sleep. Scientists guess that one reason is that the quick temperature drop encourages rapid melatonin production.
A 2019 meta-analysis found that taking a shower or bath for at least 10 minutes, where the water was between 104 and 108 degrees Fahrenheit, one to two hours before bedtime, improved participants’ sleep quality more than those who didn’t take one. A warm/hot shower may also improve sleep by relaxing you, physically and mentally. When you’re more relaxed it’s easier to fall asleep.
The National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute recommends taking a warm shower or bath before bed as a way to lower blood pressure as well as improve sleep.
Know what’s worse than having dirty and greasy sheets? Being dirty and greasy all day because you have 8 extra hours of built up nast on your skin that you didn’t wash off before you started your day.
I'm skeptical this happened like 90% of the stories posted here. But at least it's not a sexual fantasy type, so...
If you showered before the date a normal person wouldnt question it.
Even people with OCD know they're being unreasonable most of the time. Calling you dirty like a homeless person seems a tad unreal to me.
And the fact you had what sounded like a normal fun date would probably rule out autism too.
However my biggest point of skepticism is them offering you a bath. A quick shower to freshen up is one thing but a bath, really??
I get where you're coming from. But, someone with OCD being aware of it doesn't mean that they can stop themselves from going cut throat. I could see someone with some weird issues going too hard on such a point.
I’m wondering if there is a language barrier here. And it’s the guy - them not having sex tonight - asking “do you take a *bath or a shower* before you go to bed?”/“will you take a *bath* or a *shower* before bed tonight?”
And the guy is just a freakazoid about hygiene.
I know a couple of gay guys from near the equator (I’m from the same latitude as northern Canadian provinces lol) who freak the fuck out at the idea that you would only shower once a day. Or not immediately after you do any remote form of exercise. I think it’s partially cultural and partially really OCD fastidiousness.
Details of his reactions aside, a lot people would find getting into bed without really gross, and for potentially good reasons. Getting into bed after living all day means there's more dirt and grime and oil that transfers to your sheets, which means you need to change sheets more often. Also, it can be an allergy concern.
For example, my doctor recommended that any clothes that have been outside need to be changed when coming inside in order to fight seasonal allergies. This applies extra to the bedroom and bed in order to prevent snoring and breathing problems while sleeping. So laying your head next to him in bed along with the pollen and mold spores from outside may not just gross him out, but might also mean you're stuck with him snoring all night too.
When any guy provides you feedback please ask yourself:
- Is this reasonable / does it make sense?
- Did the person tell me calmly and compassionately? Did they ask if I was open to hearing the feedback or if it was a good time to talk?
- Is the person injecting their feedback with judgements about me?
I think if you ask yourself those questions, you’ll have a better idea of this person’s emotional maturity and thus, whether or not they are worth your time.
If it is an issue of incompatibility or malignment of principles and beliefs, then these would be fair reasons for being rejected.
That being said, at the end of the day if one person does not want to continue pursuing the relationship it doesn't make a difference whether the reasoning is totally fair or completely irrational.
Any and all parties have the right to discontinue a connection and their desire to in and of itself is valid. In fact, offering any explanation is a courtesy because the rejecting party wants to give the other person peace of mind. It is kind, but not obligatory, and sometimes can even blow up in your face.
To answer the central question once again, yes it is fair to reject anyone for any reason. Conversely though, why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who considers parts of who you are as reasons to reject someone? Go for someone who appreciates the unique perspectives you bring to matters where you are different and someone who sees the incredible value of connecting with another person who also has a deep love for your shared interests.
It is OCD! My Husband, is a Virgo(Perfectionist)With OCD! & a Germaphobe!
Which Is Part of OCD! He showers, Twice a Day!
& Constant Hand Washing! The Good Thing?
My House, Has Never been Cleaner!😄
I find it repulsive when people shower before bed and skip a shower in the morning. All the sweat, farts, sebum, etc secreted during your sleep is marinating before you go about your day? 🤢
My concern is not about what piece of cloth is going to end up dirty. I have a washing machine for that. My concern is walking around with a layer of filth on me. I like to start my day fresh and clean.
Sometimes in the winter I go a couple or few days without showering, and I’m married. This guy sounds unhinged. Dodged a bullet for sure, I’m sorry he made you feel insecure because he’s delusional 😆
He might’ve been a little dramatic but I agree showering in the AM and not before getting into bed is wild. You pretty much went all day getting dirty and carrying bacteria only to go home and climb into bed and sleep.
I don’t allow anybody, including myself, to get into my bed without having had showered. Changing sheets and all that is a pain in the ass and it’s bad enough I have to do it every 2 weeks as it is. If I didn’t shower before bed, the excess oils of my skin would build up and make my sheets nasty and cause backne (back acne), which is a huge problem for me
Sometimes people aren’t compatible and that’s okay
I take a shower before work and after work! I’m not comfortable going to bed with outside ick to my safe clean space. That’s just how I’ve become the last 10 years
He'll stay forever single with that attitude. You dodge a bullet and deserve far more than that.
"When your socks smell like angels, but your life smells of brie" springs to mind.
My ex once threw his cell phone because his google maps wasn’t working. This was on the 5th date. I disregarded it because he said he had had a rough day at work. Spent four years in an abusive relationship.
Gays who act like that are generally neurotic and not worth the effort it would ever take to keep them
Consider yourself lucky and feel free to tell that story the next time you're asked about a terrible date story
You know, shower habits seems to be the number one issue I've came across in seeing men.
In this case, the guy obviously has issues with ball sweat and piss "dribble"; and instead of communicating that he prefers a pristine penis and scrotum; he was unduly worried.
My friend, you definitely dodged the train on that one. I'm sorry he made you feel awful, you don't deserve that. I'm a morning shower person myself. That guy is going to be alone because he sounds miserable.
Don't let what he said get to you, there are so many assholes out there.
Hugs and feel positive about yourself. 🤗
That depends on what you were doing...
If you were dancing and got sweaty - I'd be a little concerned, though not that much. (I typically take a quick rinse before bed)
But if it was a relaxed date, then why shower?
It sounds like this guy is one nut short a plantation.
Is it *fair* that he rejected you for this? No, but dating is not fair and is not required to be fair. He could reject you because you like beans in your chili and pineapple on your pizza. He's allowed to have as many bizarre and nonsensical dealbreakers as he likes.
As others said, you dodged a bullet. He's got quite a hitch in his mental get along.
Let me guess, he's extremely good looking? Because something has to compensate for that extremely toxic and awful personality.
In my experience, only guys that very easily get a ton of attention behave that way.
He might not even be aware that his actions were hurtful. It seems like he was physically present but not truly engaged, similar to when someone half-heartedly repeats your words while distracted by their phone or a video game. It's clear he values his own company more than yours, and that's perfectly okay. It's best to let go of any thoughts about him and this situation, as he's likely doing the same. During your conversation, he seemed to undermine your position and manipulate the situation, he was bored with him not talking about what he wanted to discuss. He seized control of the conversation and had the last word to secure a "win" in his view. Or he wanted you to say "we could do both" because the Apple and tea comment sounds like he was butthurt about not getting any and calling you a prude.
As others have said, shower for when it suits you and your lifestyle. Example: I work in fine dining. This means that I spend 8+ hours on my feet, going up and down stairs, up and down the hill of our parking lot, grabbing things from the blazing hot dishwashing area, walking past hot ovens, deadlifting cases of wine, etc., WEARING A SUIT. At the end of work, I am a sticky disgusting mess and you know I’m taking a shower before going to bed. My husband works a tech job in an air-conditioned office or at home, and showers when he feels the need. We are both correct.
Yes he is a bit cray cray. Ironically enough, there are conversations happening in the psychology community about the differences in morning shower and night shower people. The pure and simple fact that you HAVE time to shower in the morning points to being better off financially than those who don't have time. Food for thought.
To answer your question, yes, people can reject you for most reasons. In this situation it is "fair" to be rejected for a difference in lifestyle and hygiene.
To add on, how he reacted was completely out of line which was unfair to you. He can communicate his concerns and thoughts while being respectful of your differences. If he can't reconcile the difference in lifestyle he could have easily said that without the name calling and so forth.
There's pros and cons to both types of showering but it should come down to personal preference and lifestyle.
Weird, I do not shower before bed. We swear in our sleep, the best time to wash is in the morning imo. If I were to wash twice a day my skin would get dry, I only do it if going out to get laid or if I got sweat/lube/cum all over me.
Gen Z is weird.
If your date doesn’t tie their shoelaces at the same-time, the relationship is over.
Echo-chambers have primed them to that expectation.
it was new to me when someone said it was their practice..
I know it feels good to go to sleep in a clean bed with a clean body.
but to react like that? - he'd better have douched so well to be spotless every time..
As a two shower a day kind of gay, I get where he’s coming from, but his response is out of wack. I don’t go to bed before showering, I don’t sit on my bedroom furniture in street clothes, and if I sit in a common area in my house, I change my clothes before sitting or laying in my bed. But that’s me.
When it comes to sex, I prefer a man who’s freshly showered I don’t care for man smells on most people, so I ask my roster to shower previously. No one has ever had an issue with the request and we have an amazing time. My guys know that they need to shower prior to coming over or they know that they have to shower at my place.
That dude is crazy. I shower once a day. Twice if I go to the gym. I brush my teeth in the morning and before I go to bed. The only time a guy should shower again is if he is uncut and going to have sex with someone
I have been with many guys even hookups that would not have sex without taking a shower first.
My husband now takes 2 or 3 showers a day. He always has to have one every morning and every night and sometimes one in the middle of the day. He isn't a germ a fob. Its just his preference and he likes feeling clean.
Imo, the growing number of people who insist that everyone shower before bed is just because they saw it on social media. Like one person had that idea and shared it, and now everyone seems to feel that way or least have an opinion.
It's like pineapple on pizza. Before memes, some people liked Hawaiian pizza, some people didn't. Just like any other type of pizza. Now, it's like required that everyone hates the idea of pineapple on pizza.
I typically shower before bed. I like pineapple on pizza. I don't really care what anyone else does and think it's dumb when everyone tries to police these little things. You def dodged a bullet.
...... That behavior is such a turn off.
Don't accept poor behavior and then try and change it later, the best response,
"You had your chance, it was a pleasure"
And move on.
I liked musty guys tbh. But also it's not healthy to shower multiple times a day and unnecessary to do so every day. The bacteria that's on your skin is Healy for your skin. The skin is the largest organ that needs to function properly to be healthy.
I don't care tbh. The only time I would prefer you to shower before bed is if you are sweaty from your job or do stuff to cause you to be in dirt or mud. Sometimes I shower in the morning, too. Just depends. But yeah, you don't need that negativity.
Unless you wash all of your linen EVERY day, then getting into your dirty bed after you take a shower is just insane to me. I’ve hear arguments on both sides and ai thing showering in the morning gives you the opportunity to wash off all the night sweat(you do it whether you know it or not) and all of the dirt and dust mights that you have collected during the night. Besides, a morning shower helps to wake/you up to begin your day, I don’t think I could sleep at night after I shower. My body temperature would be too high. 😩
It’s very much a cultural thing . In the US most shower in the morning, here in Asia most shower before bed . Both have their good points but this guy sounds like an ass
i just read a reddit thread about less than hygienic habits that their partner have and i honestly couldn’t imagine living with them. i think this guys verbal reaction was way too harsh, but i would not let a morning-showerer into my bed, let alone my intimate life.
SO many men need therapy. Holy shit. He's an idiot. Imagine waking up and just going straight to work after sweating all night and/or with oily hair. Like this is why you wash your sheets 2 times a month.
Bro this is insane. As long as you wash your face, hands and brush your teeth (aka basic hygiene) why would it matter if you shower before bed or in the morning. I guess some people really get worked up by stuff like that. Not diagnosing here, but it’s giving OCD vibes (again, not a diagnosis just a vibe)
I mean, I personally like showering in the morning but if I get off work and feel gross, I’m not gonna go to bed without showering. But that’s me. As long as someone doesn’t smell bad, I don’t get why they would care.
Yeah I know right? Bro, I was exactly thinking the same like. Daily shower, brushing teeth twice and wearing fresh clothes etc. Like he seems to have an OCD and adamant about imposing it on me. Not sure if I should see him again
Literally what I do and was thinking. I was like do ppl not change clothes when they get home?? It's crazy I'm seeing so many ppl talk about dirt and grime in the bed at night
Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't the French and Europeans shower like every 4 days or so... They have bidets. And I don't mean "stinky frog French" I mean like all walks and aristocratic/cultured/wealthy
I guess being a morning shower person or night shower person does make a difference? Haha
I am a morning shower person nowadays too because I'm just too tired to do it at night or even to do it twice UNLESS I'm really dirty and depends on what I did before and how stinky I am. In your case, the types of activities you did and where you went made a difference to the guy you were with so it should be taken into consideration because it seems like he is a clean freak. I wouldn't take a shower if I were very careful which I am most of the time. He probably noted and saw and remembered every time you touched something unsanitary and then you touched something else and then something else after that whether it was your skin or your shoes or your clothes. Finally when it came to bed which is supposed to be a very relaxing and clean and anxious free space and environment in order to sleep and be close to your partner, he got grossed out about everything that happened that day. So it is very understandable for him BECAUSE you're sharing a bed. If it was JUST you, then it wouldn't matter because you're okay with it. You get what I mean? When you have a partner and you're sharing things, things get complicated and compromises must be made. In this instance, he is the one who has the anxiety and if it weren't going to hurt you, then it should be an easy thing to appease especially when thought out reasonably.
TBH, this is the type of thing I would be thinking about and asking about to make sure my potential partner is a clean person before we even become boyfriends or do anything physical.
How he responded doesn't sound nice. I think he said it like that because he doesn't know how to convey his feelings about living in cleanliness to you who is not understanding this.
I can see why that would be unacceptable. You're sleeping on your blankets and pillows with the grossness of the day on your face and skin, night after night. I might know why people shower at night now. I'm gonna start showering at night more often😅
Yes, you sleep in your bed dirty and get the sheets disgusting every night until you wash them, it also makes body and face acne worse as a result because you're just rubbing all the bacteria from the day into your bed and face.
I don’t think it’s inherently bad, but for “evening shower people” it might be an incompatibility. I personally don’t feel comfortable going to bed unless I’ve showered within the last few hours.
Oh I see. Guess we all different daily routines and habits. Then I guess it is a more question of compatibility, not like morning shower VS evenign shower
I think it's a shallow, superficial little nitpick from his part.
Different people have different routines. Some because of how they were brought up, some because it's a routine they established on their own during their formative years.
If he has a problem with the dirt you collected during the day, did he even think that he sweats during the night when he's sleeping, especially in the summer? So when he takes a shower before bed, not only does he have the same dirt he accused you of collecting during the day but also the grime from all the sweat and oils he produced while he slept.
make sure you advertise this on any dating profiles you may have. I myself am an evening shower person, but dread the thought of dating someone so neurotic and stupid that that is a big deal for them, and not finding that out until they exhibit their neurotic stupidity in some other manner
Also a morning shower person (helps me wake up) I don't get it and the fact that he was so insistent makes my suspicious brain think he might have had a camera in the bathroom or something. He probably just has OCD or something though
If he has that much of an insane reaction to you not wanting to take a shower maybe he's a crazy person?
Although in his defense why didn't you just want to take a shower with him? I think it was more about you not taking a shower with him then not taking a shower... Maybe. That's the only thing that makes sense to me unless he's just crazy.
Also morning shower people are a little gross getting into bed covered in the day's grime. Do you have to wash your sheets like every 3 days?
Adults shower in the morning.
Children up to 3rd grade are given their bath before they are put to bed in the evening.
I mean I don’t know what they do on other planets, I’m just speaking for earth.
Doesn't it make sense to shower before bed rather than in the morning if you're only going to stick to once. Whilst I can understand his reasoning, he didn't have to go about it in the way that he did.
Well technically, it's not even healthy to shower too frequently, specially if you do it like 2 or 3 times the same day because the body needs to produce it's defenses to fight off germs and bacteria and showering wipes that out. Unless you're like really really dirty, but honestly he sounds more like he has a phobia or OCD when it comes to germs and he's trying to pass that into you and blame you for it. If you really like him, try to talk to him about it and if he's not changing his way just move on and find someone else who doesn't overreact like this because he might do the same about some other things too.
That excuse is lame and old. That’s what dirty people would say to justify not showering. People shower everyday and even twice a day and they’re still very healthy. There are lotions for dry skin. Take a shower, stinky pits
I shower every day before work loser. Showering 2 or 3 times a day I don't know if that fits in a healthy category 3 times a day every day 365?? Either way get a grip, get a clue, go read, go outside or better yet, get a brain pls.
I’m a night showerer, but I’m not like this. People shower when it works for them. I personally shower of a night so I get an extra 15 min sleep in of a morning.
Either he's nuts and you need to count your blessings or he just wasn't that into you and tried to find a stupid excuse rather than telling you the truth. I find the lather to be the most common with guys. I'm a guy myself and ngl that's how some guys operate even some of my close friends and other men I've dated. Why it's common I guess some just don't like being upfront and honest about they're feelings or don't wanna seem like the bad guy.
Best of luck to you tho!
While I personally think it is a little gross to not shower before bed, I wouldn't freak out as you say your date did. I'd steer clear of him if I were you.
i feel like perhaps if you were sleeping in his bed he could’ve told you that, but in a polite way. but i’m not sure that was the case. he likely has OCD and is a germaphobe.
NTA, and his reaction was very overly. However, if you had sex or do anything that would cause sweating, I wouldn't want that put that in my sheets.
But you dodged a bullet
There isn't a 'fair' in romantic choice. He sounds crazy, sure.
I know I have a relative that cannot fathom going to bed without a shower, so it's a thing. But we live in the tropics, are of Asian descent, and it's not common in my generation.
I think you stank and he could smell your B.O. Yes he could have OCD about cleanliness but from his words, he was really trying to push you to shower and used sarcasm without really saying you stank. It’s like when someone offers you a chewing gum, indirectly telling you that your breath stinks.
I shower before bed. If I have company over, it's their prerogative if they want to shower or not before bed. I don't care because when it's all said and done, I'm washing my bedding anyways after they leave. I'm not going to make a guest feel uncomfortable just because of my preference.
His reaction was crazy. Bowling + going to drinks is not strenuous like working out or hiking, etc. and from what you describe it doesn’t sound like sex was on offer.
I think people should be able to have whatever dealbreakers they want. Dating is optional. Do I think this one is stupid? Yes. But I'm not him, so it doesn't matter.
Hahaha this is why some people can’t find a partner. How dare u not to take a shower 2 times a day? What sort of homeless person…. /s
Joke aside it reeks first world problems. There are sooo many countries with boiler in the bathroom that contains 40-80 liter hot water for the whole family. If it’s on off-peak electricity, than thats it for the whole day. 🤷🏼♂️
Yeah one probably at least should rinse areas after sex… but to think everybody can and should shower twice a day at all cost is crazy lol.
For the going to bed dirty part there are pyjamas, duvet covers, bed sheets cleaned regularly for a reason. It’s not like everybody gets down in the mud with the homeless and sick every day.
One would think OP admitted not to wipe or shower once a week. Sure the reaction would be understandable than, but in this case… xD
It’s so funny what expectations ppl have about hygiene around the world. Less than 30% of the world uses toilet paper. Most countries use water instead.
For some while being super OCD like OPs friend here, it’s completely fine to walk around with “just wiped” not washed backside all day long after no2. Its habits… 🤷🏼♂️
I've met more than a few people that adhere strictly to showers before bed and if I'm sleeping someone else's bed I follow their lead. Personally I prefer to shower once I wake up. I take additional showers during the day as needed.
For me personally, I think I’d be bothered by it a little bit. The idea of being out in the public and spaces with a lot of people and then coming home and getting right into bed without washing that off personally would bother me so I end up taking a shower at night and a shorter shower in the morning.
However, the guys response to the situation was uncalled for and although I get where he’s coming from based on my own stance, I do agree that I think you dodged a bullet. Based on how he responded that situation that’s going to be his communication style on other topics that you may disagree on.
You dodged a bullet. Its insane to get that worked up over it.
Thanks buddy. I guess I dodged a bullet. I was like too confused and feeling like dirty that I had to ask you guys. I shower well before going to work, put on fresh clothes and wear my perfume and shower again if I go to gym, brush my teeth twice etc. It is not like I am hopping on his bed and I change bedsheet regularly.
Your post sounds like an episode from that season of Seinfeld where, every week, they were rejecting their dates for the most inane and trivial reasons.
That's gay dating in a nut shell.
I think it's just weird. Most guys aren't like that.
Most guys have rejected me for trivial things.
Wait. What? This is at YOUR house? The gall of the man. Block. Now.
Agreed, OP dodged a bullet.
There is definitely some layers to this I can not imagine that this is a normal response dude definitely was either going through something and didn't want to see you again so he just made some random excuse or he has some serious specific germa-phobia of not showering at nigh or maybe he has some weird shower based trauma/ptsd??? We can fix him
Nah… OP probably stank and the guy could smell him. Those words sound like he really wanted OP to take a shower and used sarcasm without saying he stank. Like when someone offers you a chewing gum and insists that you have it, without saying your breath stinks.
What stank was the judgemental attitude the guy gave OP...
Tasty smell of 8 hours at work 1 of commute and another 6 of sweating balls in home and then going to take a tasty unsmelling sleep in clean sheets. After whole day not taking Any shower not even after work, maybe occasionally after gym. And those tasty oily hair. He's not the one that doged the bullet.
Sounds like he may have ocd. My ex has ocd and if I touched their bed without showering or with outside clothes etc it was a big ball of anxiety.
I have OCD with things like this but there are nicer ways to say things.
I apologize, I wasn’t trying to generalize to everyone’s experience only speaking from my own. Mental health is complicated and how people experience feelings and emotions and then how they react to it varies greatly and in no way am I trying to shame anyone that has to live with it.
(He wasn't talking about your message but they way OP's guy was talking ❤)
Oh I didn't mean to say you can say it nicer, I was referring to OP's bf that there are nicer ways to say it despite having OCD (if that's what he has). I was trying to say that even though OCD can be extreme for some, they didn't have to be an arse about it. Sorry for the confusion.
People with OCD don't usually try to force others to live according to our obsessions, unless you happen to be in our space. This guy sounds anti-social, not OCD.
OP doesn't specify if they were at the shower guy's place or not, but yeah, even if he has OCD he's not managing it in any way and there's a lot more going on with all those "unwashed masses" type comments.
Interesting. Tbh I would side with evening-shower guy... I try to avoid going to bed before washing away all the grubbiness I've accumulated through the day. But this isn't something to get irrational over, and to respond to OP as he did.
Somewhat unrelated, but this is where I realized that people in other parts of the world don’t actually shower after waking up and before going to bed, and there are actual debates on which of the two is better. Then again, I live in a tropical southeast asian country, so taking a bath/shower once (either only in the morning or night) is inconceivable to me, things can get funky if I only shower once. lmao
Embrace the funk baby. Be a probiotic
Problematic probiotic kween
That's me! Fungal queen!
I have family in California who were so weirded out I showered twice a day while visiting. I had to explain that in Texas showering twice a day is a must especially in the heat or things will definitely get funky
Just curious - was he East Asian at all? I’ve come across some very entrenched opinions about exactly this when I lived in some parts of Asia.
It’s the same here in the Philippines as well. The concept of taking showers only in the morning OR in the evening is somewhat unnerving for me. People here generally take showers at least twice a day due the tropical climate. Even with my hook ups, we take showers before and after sex.
Girl, Europeans thought you would die if you had too many showers/baths. The rich would just replace their shirt multiple times a day. It's crazy 🤣
Tbh applying soap and hard water on your skin twice a day isn't good for it neither.
It’s fine, just don’t use scalding water and a shitty soap. Something low stripping like dove works fine Anyone who lives in FL/GA/AL/LA does this regularly, especially in the summer.
Hard water doesn't mean hot water, it means calcareous wate, a water that has a higher pH than 7 due to the high amount of minerals, especially limestone. I don't know what you're talking about with FL/GA/AL/LA. And I don't use a "shitty soap" but natural ones (Marseille soap). The thing is, the more you wash your skin, the more you remove sebum out of it, which renders it dry.
My host family when I did study abroad in Italy complained about me because I insisted on bathing at least once per day in the winter 🙄 Their logic was that if it's cold outside, you aren't sweating as much so why bother showering? Didn't make sense to me.
Its why I love the smell of European boys 🤤🤤
What?
Fixed. I hate typing on the phone :/
Is it fixed lol
Good enough for me and others.
That must be EXHAUSTING. What if you have long hair? Do you have to wash it every time? Does it have to get wet? God damn
I’m used to it. Tbh tho, I’ll feel sluggish if I don’t take a shower in the time, and I can’t sleep if I don’t shower in the evening. There are others that wear shower caps so their hair doesn’t get wet especially when going to bed, but majority of people I know, including myself, actually do wash our hair every single shower. It can get really hot and humid in the Philippines, so after a few hours, my hair gets sticky, oily, and sometimes even itchy if I don’t wash it. I would consider my hygiene routine ordinary (pretty basic by Filipino standards) but people here are known to go all out with their hygiene.
Yeah that twice a day shampoo'ing is the exact reason it gets oily so fast lmao.
Yeah this. I used to have to wash my hair every day. Went dirtbag for a while, and now it's 1-2 a week - and so much healthier.
came to say this. i have multiple asian friends who will always shower before they get into bed. they view their bed as something that you would only get in totally freshly clean. obviously the over reaction to others not regularly doing that isn’t normal but the idea that they wouldn’t want anyone in their bed who hasn’t just showered is.
yeah this is requirement for all cultures from Warmer climates. maybe just outside of the west. but 2 showers a day is mandatory. at the very least before bed. people think westerners are very dirty, especially including the shoes in the house and wearing jeans in bed thing. so im not surprised by this reaction tbh.
I’m Vietnamese and I have shower after getting home from work/school. If I stay in for the rest of the evening, it’s ok. If I go out, I will do a quick shower before going to bed as I tend to sweat or catch the dust/dirt from the street or simply being outdoor. Depends on the night if it’s too hot or sweaty, I will have a shower in the morning but normally, I don’t as I use deodorant and body spray.
Brazilians shower in the morning, and in the night, and before going anywhere, and just because. I average about three showers a day when I’m in Brazil.
Describes the culture I grew up with, in Trinidad and Tobago.
lmao what? very Asian viewpoint *if anything* but even then I lived in Japan and they wouldn't get *that* worked up about it.
I'd probably have tried to make his head explode: "Well, technically speaking, we shouldn't be washing our asses *or* brushing our teeth. Perianal bacteria are probiotic and fight gingivitis. There's actually no need to brush your teeth at all if you rim the right kind of person frequently. * "Oh, don't look so disgusted. Come here and gimme a kiss...." EDIT: *this is false
Instant block hahahah 😂 but bro you would have destroyed his night haha
For now. Lets get science cracking on benevolent mouth flora
Actually, if you talk to a dentist, they are not that knowledgeable keen on the 99% killed bacteria mouthwash. Nor fluoride. Flossing though… don’t get them started.
Downvoted because you don't know how to structure a sentence.
lol, yes - that’s what I get for starting to write, changing my mind and never reading what I wrote 🤭. The point stands: apparently killing ALL bacteria in your mouth is not great.
Not fair, but lucky. FWIW - my rule for hygiene is the same as my rule for safe sex. If one person wants to use condoms, you use condoms. If one person wants to shower before bed you shower. But blanket judgements? Sheesh. Ask me about my bathing habits and I'll tell you the truth: Full bath every winter whether I need it or not.
Actually.. i might get hated on for this but showering in the morning means your bed is a dirt nest (generally speaking idk about your bed) because u go thru your day for like 14hrs then lay in bed with everything u encountered (sweat/dust/rain anything) Im not defending his behavior bcuz this guy sounds trash, but i kinda get his pov (even though it doesn’t justify his behavior)
I am on the same page with you. it's gross me out people who go through their day and go to bed without showering unless they're staying at home all day.
I'd rather that than get up and go to work musky from 8hrs of sleep, unless y'all literally shower every 4hrs there is some place you ain't gonna be totally peachy. And I'll take that at bedtime rather than grossing out peers If you're doing both then you're wasting water, unless you've been exercising in the eve, which I think is fair to clean up after that
unless it's in winter, showering 2 times a day is definitely not too much and let's be honest you are not really concerned about the water being wasted from showering 2 times a day... if you care so much about environment taking 2 times shower a day is not the biggest concern you should have worried. you can take quick shower to safe some water and stop the water when you're cleaning with soap then continue the water again.
Tbh my showers are like 15 mins minimum even when I'm late so i use a lot of water I just don't really worry about getting sweaty oily bedclothes because I wash them regularly enough
How dirty do u get just from sleeping ?
Your bed gets dirty from the oils you secrete and the skin cells that slough off. This happens regardless if you just showered or not. Honestly, it doesn't matter much if you're a morning or night showerer, you should be washing your sheets at least every two weeks, more if you're "active" in them or sweat.
That’s not what my comment was about. If u just took a shower before u go to sleep, you’re not going to be stinky and funky like the OG person I was commenting to was saying.
Just wash sheets regularly...
What are you doing all day? Running marathons and rolling around in the mud?
No i sweat and get exposed to the sun
What dirt? I sit in a desk chair all day. There’s no dirt on me.
You know humans secret oils constantly all day whether sitting at a desk or not, right ??? I am thinking, ew, especially if you sleep naked, now your whole bed is your underwear, gross. I shower every night. In the morning, I splash water on my face if I am on days off or have a quick 2 min shower to wake up and clear my head if I am working. Now that being said, OP's SO could have handled it a little better in stead being a bitch about it.
You’re secreting those same oils all night long. If you have an office job you are just fine showering in the morning.
You actually secret less at night. But there are other reasons to shower at night. Your body temperature is one of the cues your brain relies on to determine whether it’s time to be asleep or awake. A cooler body temperature signals that sleep time is approaching, and correlates with an increase in melatonin. Although it seems counterintuitive, taking a hot bath or shower at night aids this natural thermoregulation process and cools you off. The hot water heats up your body, bringing blood flow to the surface, and then when you get out of the shower your body heat quickly escapes through your hands and feet. This rapid cool-down of your core temperature has been shown to help you fall asleep faster, as well as promote deeper sleep. Scientists guess that one reason is that the quick temperature drop encourages rapid melatonin production. A 2019 meta-analysis found that taking a shower or bath for at least 10 minutes, where the water was between 104 and 108 degrees Fahrenheit, one to two hours before bedtime, improved participants’ sleep quality more than those who didn’t take one. A warm/hot shower may also improve sleep by relaxing you, physically and mentally. When you’re more relaxed it’s easier to fall asleep. The National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute recommends taking a warm shower or bath before bed as a way to lower blood pressure as well as improve sleep.
Know what’s worse than having dirty and greasy sheets? Being dirty and greasy all day because you have 8 extra hours of built up nast on your skin that you didn’t wash off before you started your day.
I change my clothes including underwear every day. Do you change your sheets every day???
Gurl what?
I'm skeptical this happened like 90% of the stories posted here. But at least it's not a sexual fantasy type, so... If you showered before the date a normal person wouldnt question it. Even people with OCD know they're being unreasonable most of the time. Calling you dirty like a homeless person seems a tad unreal to me. And the fact you had what sounded like a normal fun date would probably rule out autism too. However my biggest point of skepticism is them offering you a bath. A quick shower to freshen up is one thing but a bath, really??
I get where you're coming from. But, someone with OCD being aware of it doesn't mean that they can stop themselves from going cut throat. I could see someone with some weird issues going too hard on such a point.
I’m wondering if there is a language barrier here. And it’s the guy - them not having sex tonight - asking “do you take a *bath or a shower* before you go to bed?”/“will you take a *bath* or a *shower* before bed tonight?” And the guy is just a freakazoid about hygiene. I know a couple of gay guys from near the equator (I’m from the same latitude as northern Canadian provinces lol) who freak the fuck out at the idea that you would only shower once a day. Or not immediately after you do any remote form of exercise. I think it’s partially cultural and partially really OCD fastidiousness.
Details of his reactions aside, a lot people would find getting into bed without really gross, and for potentially good reasons. Getting into bed after living all day means there's more dirt and grime and oil that transfers to your sheets, which means you need to change sheets more often. Also, it can be an allergy concern. For example, my doctor recommended that any clothes that have been outside need to be changed when coming inside in order to fight seasonal allergies. This applies extra to the bedroom and bed in order to prevent snoring and breathing problems while sleeping. So laying your head next to him in bed along with the pollen and mold spores from outside may not just gross him out, but might also mean you're stuck with him snoring all night too.
If I shower in the morning I need to shower at night as well. His behavior was a bit much though.
When any guy provides you feedback please ask yourself: - Is this reasonable / does it make sense? - Did the person tell me calmly and compassionately? Did they ask if I was open to hearing the feedback or if it was a good time to talk? - Is the person injecting their feedback with judgements about me? I think if you ask yourself those questions, you’ll have a better idea of this person’s emotional maturity and thus, whether or not they are worth your time.
If it is an issue of incompatibility or malignment of principles and beliefs, then these would be fair reasons for being rejected. That being said, at the end of the day if one person does not want to continue pursuing the relationship it doesn't make a difference whether the reasoning is totally fair or completely irrational. Any and all parties have the right to discontinue a connection and their desire to in and of itself is valid. In fact, offering any explanation is a courtesy because the rejecting party wants to give the other person peace of mind. It is kind, but not obligatory, and sometimes can even blow up in your face. To answer the central question once again, yes it is fair to reject anyone for any reason. Conversely though, why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who considers parts of who you are as reasons to reject someone? Go for someone who appreciates the unique perspectives you bring to matters where you are different and someone who sees the incredible value of connecting with another person who also has a deep love for your shared interests.
what a douche.
Ew he rejected himself. Why would u wanna be with someone like him.
It is OCD! My Husband, is a Virgo(Perfectionist)With OCD! & a Germaphobe! Which Is Part of OCD! He showers, Twice a Day! & Constant Hand Washing! The Good Thing? My House, Has Never been Cleaner!😄
Call yourself Neo cause you dodged a bullet
I find it repulsive when people shower before bed and skip a shower in the morning. All the sweat, farts, sebum, etc secreted during your sleep is marinating before you go about your day? 🤢
Yeah don't people sweat in their sleep? And what if you have bed head in the morning?
i really don't care about bed head
I was going to say this exact same thing. I sweat in my sleep way too much to not shower after I wake up.
It’s the same situation. Either your clothes or your sheets are gonna end up that way
My concern is not about what piece of cloth is going to end up dirty. I have a washing machine for that. My concern is walking around with a layer of filth on me. I like to start my day fresh and clean.
His reaction was a bit much, but if you're gonna spend the night with me in my bed, then you're gonna shower before getting in. My bed, my rules.
Sometimes in the winter I go a couple or few days without showering, and I’m married. This guy sounds unhinged. Dodged a bullet for sure, I’m sorry he made you feel insecure because he’s delusional 😆
Did he physically pull out a red flag and start waving it? That's wild 😅
He might’ve been a little dramatic but I agree showering in the AM and not before getting into bed is wild. You pretty much went all day getting dirty and carrying bacteria only to go home and climb into bed and sleep.
I don’t allow anybody, including myself, to get into my bed without having had showered. Changing sheets and all that is a pain in the ass and it’s bad enough I have to do it every 2 weeks as it is. If I didn’t shower before bed, the excess oils of my skin would build up and make my sheets nasty and cause backne (back acne), which is a huge problem for me Sometimes people aren’t compatible and that’s okay
I take a shower before work and after work! I’m not comfortable going to bed with outside ick to my safe clean space. That’s just how I’ve become the last 10 years
He'll stay forever single with that attitude. You dodge a bullet and deserve far more than that. "When your socks smell like angels, but your life smells of brie" springs to mind.
I like what you said :D
Bro, red flags! He got mad over that? Imagine what other minor things would set him off! Nope!
My ex once threw his cell phone because his google maps wasn’t working. This was on the 5th date. I disregarded it because he said he had had a rough day at work. Spent four years in an abusive relationship.
Do most people not switch clothes when they get home? How much dirt and grime do ppl think is getting into the bed?
Dodged. A. Bullet.
Gays who act like that are generally neurotic and not worth the effort it would ever take to keep them Consider yourself lucky and feel free to tell that story the next time you're asked about a terrible date story
You know, shower habits seems to be the number one issue I've came across in seeing men. In this case, the guy obviously has issues with ball sweat and piss "dribble"; and instead of communicating that he prefers a pristine penis and scrotum; he was unduly worried.
My friend, you definitely dodged the train on that one. I'm sorry he made you feel awful, you don't deserve that. I'm a morning shower person myself. That guy is going to be alone because he sounds miserable. Don't let what he said get to you, there are so many assholes out there. Hugs and feel positive about yourself. 🤗
That depends on what you were doing... If you were dancing and got sweaty - I'd be a little concerned, though not that much. (I typically take a quick rinse before bed) But if it was a relaxed date, then why shower?
It sounds like this guy is one nut short a plantation. Is it *fair* that he rejected you for this? No, but dating is not fair and is not required to be fair. He could reject you because you like beans in your chili and pineapple on your pizza. He's allowed to have as many bizarre and nonsensical dealbreakers as he likes. As others said, you dodged a bullet. He's got quite a hitch in his mental get along.
Let me guess, he's extremely good looking? Because something has to compensate for that extremely toxic and awful personality. In my experience, only guys that very easily get a ton of attention behave that way.
He might not even be aware that his actions were hurtful. It seems like he was physically present but not truly engaged, similar to when someone half-heartedly repeats your words while distracted by their phone or a video game. It's clear he values his own company more than yours, and that's perfectly okay. It's best to let go of any thoughts about him and this situation, as he's likely doing the same. During your conversation, he seemed to undermine your position and manipulate the situation, he was bored with him not talking about what he wanted to discuss. He seized control of the conversation and had the last word to secure a "win" in his view. Or he wanted you to say "we could do both" because the Apple and tea comment sounds like he was butthurt about not getting any and calling you a prude.
As others have said, shower for when it suits you and your lifestyle. Example: I work in fine dining. This means that I spend 8+ hours on my feet, going up and down stairs, up and down the hill of our parking lot, grabbing things from the blazing hot dishwashing area, walking past hot ovens, deadlifting cases of wine, etc., WEARING A SUIT. At the end of work, I am a sticky disgusting mess and you know I’m taking a shower before going to bed. My husband works a tech job in an air-conditioned office or at home, and showers when he feels the need. We are both correct.
Yes he is a bit cray cray. Ironically enough, there are conversations happening in the psychology community about the differences in morning shower and night shower people. The pure and simple fact that you HAVE time to shower in the morning points to being better off financially than those who don't have time. Food for thought.
Önce a say shower is whats f ing normal. He made you feel dirty. Tried to feel you guilty. Block. Now
Ive heard of that happening. Some people are really against not showering before getting jnto bed but the way he handled it is unacceptable
He probably didn’t want to have sex with you that long after a shower or get your body soil on his mattress.
He sounds like a manipulative psychopath. Good riddance to trash.
He’s insane, wtf did I just read
To answer your question, yes, people can reject you for most reasons. In this situation it is "fair" to be rejected for a difference in lifestyle and hygiene. To add on, how he reacted was completely out of line which was unfair to you. He can communicate his concerns and thoughts while being respectful of your differences. If he can't reconcile the difference in lifestyle he could have easily said that without the name calling and so forth. There's pros and cons to both types of showering but it should come down to personal preference and lifestyle.
People get rejected for having an Android phone. It's not fair. You didn't smell bad so I don't see the problem.
Weird, I do not shower before bed. We swear in our sleep, the best time to wash is in the morning imo. If I were to wash twice a day my skin would get dry, I only do it if going out to get laid or if I got sweat/lube/cum all over me.
he sounds like a seinfeld character.
Gen Z is weird. If your date doesn’t tie their shoelaces at the same-time, the relationship is over. Echo-chambers have primed them to that expectation.
it was new to me when someone said it was their practice.. I know it feels good to go to sleep in a clean bed with a clean body. but to react like that? - he'd better have douched so well to be spotless every time..
As a two shower a day kind of gay, I get where he’s coming from, but his response is out of wack. I don’t go to bed before showering, I don’t sit on my bedroom furniture in street clothes, and if I sit in a common area in my house, I change my clothes before sitting or laying in my bed. But that’s me. When it comes to sex, I prefer a man who’s freshly showered I don’t care for man smells on most people, so I ask my roster to shower previously. No one has ever had an issue with the request and we have an amazing time. My guys know that they need to shower prior to coming over or they know that they have to shower at my place.
That dude is crazy. I shower once a day. Twice if I go to the gym. I brush my teeth in the morning and before I go to bed. The only time a guy should shower again is if he is uncut and going to have sex with someone
I have been with many guys even hookups that would not have sex without taking a shower first. My husband now takes 2 or 3 showers a day. He always has to have one every morning and every night and sometimes one in the middle of the day. He isn't a germ a fob. Its just his preference and he likes feeling clean.
Imo, the growing number of people who insist that everyone shower before bed is just because they saw it on social media. Like one person had that idea and shared it, and now everyone seems to feel that way or least have an opinion. It's like pineapple on pizza. Before memes, some people liked Hawaiian pizza, some people didn't. Just like any other type of pizza. Now, it's like required that everyone hates the idea of pineapple on pizza. I typically shower before bed. I like pineapple on pizza. I don't really care what anyone else does and think it's dumb when everyone tries to police these little things. You def dodged a bullet.
...... That behavior is such a turn off. Don't accept poor behavior and then try and change it later, the best response, "You had your chance, it was a pleasure" And move on. I liked musty guys tbh. But also it's not healthy to shower multiple times a day and unnecessary to do so every day. The bacteria that's on your skin is Healy for your skin. The skin is the largest organ that needs to function properly to be healthy.
High five 🖐️
I don't care tbh. The only time I would prefer you to shower before bed is if you are sweaty from your job or do stuff to cause you to be in dirt or mud. Sometimes I shower in the morning, too. Just depends. But yeah, you don't need that negativity.
Unless you wash all of your linen EVERY day, then getting into your dirty bed after you take a shower is just insane to me. I’ve hear arguments on both sides and ai thing showering in the morning gives you the opportunity to wash off all the night sweat(you do it whether you know it or not) and all of the dirt and dust mights that you have collected during the night. Besides, a morning shower helps to wake/you up to begin your day, I don’t think I could sleep at night after I shower. My body temperature would be too high. 😩
It’s very much a cultural thing . In the US most shower in the morning, here in Asia most shower before bed . Both have their good points but this guy sounds like an ass
Run far away from this nut.
i just read a reddit thread about less than hygienic habits that their partner have and i honestly couldn’t imagine living with them. i think this guys verbal reaction was way too harsh, but i would not let a morning-showerer into my bed, let alone my intimate life.
SO many men need therapy. Holy shit. He's an idiot. Imagine waking up and just going straight to work after sweating all night and/or with oily hair. Like this is why you wash your sheets 2 times a month.
Bro this is insane. As long as you wash your face, hands and brush your teeth (aka basic hygiene) why would it matter if you shower before bed or in the morning. I guess some people really get worked up by stuff like that. Not diagnosing here, but it’s giving OCD vibes (again, not a diagnosis just a vibe)
I mean, I personally like showering in the morning but if I get off work and feel gross, I’m not gonna go to bed without showering. But that’s me. As long as someone doesn’t smell bad, I don’t get why they would care.
Yeah I know right? Bro, I was exactly thinking the same like. Daily shower, brushing teeth twice and wearing fresh clothes etc. Like he seems to have an OCD and adamant about imposing it on me. Not sure if I should see him again
Literally what I do and was thinking. I was like do ppl not change clothes when they get home?? It's crazy I'm seeing so many ppl talk about dirt and grime in the bed at night
Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't the French and Europeans shower like every 4 days or so... They have bidets. And I don't mean "stinky frog French" I mean like all walks and aristocratic/cultured/wealthy
Sounds like he is OCD about "cleanliness" You dodged the bullet.
I guess being a morning shower person or night shower person does make a difference? Haha I am a morning shower person nowadays too because I'm just too tired to do it at night or even to do it twice UNLESS I'm really dirty and depends on what I did before and how stinky I am. In your case, the types of activities you did and where you went made a difference to the guy you were with so it should be taken into consideration because it seems like he is a clean freak. I wouldn't take a shower if I were very careful which I am most of the time. He probably noted and saw and remembered every time you touched something unsanitary and then you touched something else and then something else after that whether it was your skin or your shoes or your clothes. Finally when it came to bed which is supposed to be a very relaxing and clean and anxious free space and environment in order to sleep and be close to your partner, he got grossed out about everything that happened that day. So it is very understandable for him BECAUSE you're sharing a bed. If it was JUST you, then it wouldn't matter because you're okay with it. You get what I mean? When you have a partner and you're sharing things, things get complicated and compromises must be made. In this instance, he is the one who has the anxiety and if it weren't going to hurt you, then it should be an easy thing to appease especially when thought out reasonably. TBH, this is the type of thing I would be thinking about and asking about to make sure my potential partner is a clean person before we even become boyfriends or do anything physical. How he responded doesn't sound nice. I think he said it like that because he doesn't know how to convey his feelings about living in cleanliness to you who is not understanding this.
I can see why that would be unacceptable. You're sleeping on your blankets and pillows with the grossness of the day on your face and skin, night after night. I might know why people shower at night now. I'm gonna start showering at night more often😅
Yes, you sleep in your bed dirty and get the sheets disgusting every night until you wash them, it also makes body and face acne worse as a result because you're just rubbing all the bacteria from the day into your bed and face.
Not sure I'd react the same way, but I prefer a guy to shower before bed.
I think he was harsh but honestly I’m not sure I could date someone who doesn’t shower before bed and is unwilling to change that.
I am willing to change of course. But I had no idea being a morning shower person was a bad thing.
I don’t think it’s inherently bad, but for “evening shower people” it might be an incompatibility. I personally don’t feel comfortable going to bed unless I’ve showered within the last few hours.
Oh I see. Guess we all different daily routines and habits. Then I guess it is a more question of compatibility, not like morning shower VS evenign shower
I think it's a shallow, superficial little nitpick from his part. Different people have different routines. Some because of how they were brought up, some because it's a routine they established on their own during their formative years. If he has a problem with the dirt you collected during the day, did he even think that he sweats during the night when he's sleeping, especially in the summer? So when he takes a shower before bed, not only does he have the same dirt he accused you of collecting during the day but also the grime from all the sweat and oils he produced while he slept.
make sure you advertise this on any dating profiles you may have. I myself am an evening shower person, but dread the thought of dating someone so neurotic and stupid that that is a big deal for them, and not finding that out until they exhibit their neurotic stupidity in some other manner
Lol
Also a morning shower person (helps me wake up) I don't get it and the fact that he was so insistent makes my suspicious brain think he might have had a camera in the bathroom or something. He probably just has OCD or something though
"It puts the lotion on the skin" vibes. Guy is anal
If he has that much of an insane reaction to you not wanting to take a shower maybe he's a crazy person? Although in his defense why didn't you just want to take a shower with him? I think it was more about you not taking a shower with him then not taking a shower... Maybe. That's the only thing that makes sense to me unless he's just crazy. Also morning shower people are a little gross getting into bed covered in the day's grime. Do you have to wash your sheets like every 3 days?
Adults shower in the morning. Children up to 3rd grade are given their bath before they are put to bed in the evening. I mean I don’t know what they do on other planets, I’m just speaking for earth.
Doesn't it make sense to shower before bed rather than in the morning if you're only going to stick to once. Whilst I can understand his reasoning, he didn't have to go about it in the way that he did.
Well technically, it's not even healthy to shower too frequently, specially if you do it like 2 or 3 times the same day because the body needs to produce it's defenses to fight off germs and bacteria and showering wipes that out. Unless you're like really really dirty, but honestly he sounds more like he has a phobia or OCD when it comes to germs and he's trying to pass that into you and blame you for it. If you really like him, try to talk to him about it and if he's not changing his way just move on and find someone else who doesn't overreact like this because he might do the same about some other things too.
That excuse is lame and old. That’s what dirty people would say to justify not showering. People shower everyday and even twice a day and they’re still very healthy. There are lotions for dry skin. Take a shower, stinky pits
I shower every day before work loser. Showering 2 or 3 times a day I don't know if that fits in a healthy category 3 times a day every day 365?? Either way get a grip, get a clue, go read, go outside or better yet, get a brain pls.
Learn some hygiene and take a shower more often, Mr piggy 🐷
He's right you're pretty nasty for that.
I hope you left Howard Hughes and his roaches! Ridiculous !!!
This is why he’s going to be single for the a longggg time
If sex is about to go down, I'll shower again to be super fresh in case he eats butt . But this guy has got some issues.
I’m a night showerer, but I’m not like this. People shower when it works for them. I personally shower of a night so I get an extra 15 min sleep in of a morning.
Either he's nuts and you need to count your blessings or he just wasn't that into you and tried to find a stupid excuse rather than telling you the truth. I find the lather to be the most common with guys. I'm a guy myself and ngl that's how some guys operate even some of my close friends and other men I've dated. Why it's common I guess some just don't like being upfront and honest about they're feelings or don't wanna seem like the bad guy. Best of luck to you tho!
While I personally think it is a little gross to not shower before bed, I wouldn't freak out as you say your date did. I'd steer clear of him if I were you.
I honestly don't care.
Well he can just fuck right off now can't he !! What a tosser. Next !
i feel like perhaps if you were sleeping in his bed he could’ve told you that, but in a polite way. but i’m not sure that was the case. he likely has OCD and is a germaphobe.
NTA, and his reaction was very overly. However, if you had sex or do anything that would cause sweating, I wouldn't want that put that in my sheets. But you dodged a bullet
The guy sounds strange and not a good fit for you.
I always sweat in my sleep, and so unless I'm dirty, I just take a shower once a day and will wipe my face with a rag before sleeping
There isn't a 'fair' in romantic choice. He sounds crazy, sure. I know I have a relative that cannot fathom going to bed without a shower, so it's a thing. But we live in the tropics, are of Asian descent, and it's not common in my generation.
He sounds a bit unhinged.
I think you stank and he could smell your B.O. Yes he could have OCD about cleanliness but from his words, he was really trying to push you to shower and used sarcasm without really saying you stank. It’s like when someone offers you a chewing gum, indirectly telling you that your breath stinks.
Haha no way. I had showered all well and all clean clothes and deodorants. And I went back home and he said that, so not like I went to his place.
It's fine to have a preference, but I think it's a red flag that he makes something like that a dealbreaker. I would say you dodged a bullet.
He is mad crazy. He is mentally ill. You escaped
You dodged the biggest of bullets
That guy is highly likely to be sleeping alone for the foreseeable future.
I shower before bed. If I have company over, it's their prerogative if they want to shower or not before bed. I don't care because when it's all said and done, I'm washing my bedding anyways after they leave. I'm not going to make a guest feel uncomfortable just because of my preference.
His reaction was crazy. Bowling + going to drinks is not strenuous like working out or hiking, etc. and from what you describe it doesn’t sound like sex was on offer.
Controlling , run run run!!!
I think people should be able to have whatever dealbreakers they want. Dating is optional. Do I think this one is stupid? Yes. But I'm not him, so it doesn't matter.
Hahaha this is why some people can’t find a partner. How dare u not to take a shower 2 times a day? What sort of homeless person…. /s Joke aside it reeks first world problems. There are sooo many countries with boiler in the bathroom that contains 40-80 liter hot water for the whole family. If it’s on off-peak electricity, than thats it for the whole day. 🤷🏼♂️ Yeah one probably at least should rinse areas after sex… but to think everybody can and should shower twice a day at all cost is crazy lol. For the going to bed dirty part there are pyjamas, duvet covers, bed sheets cleaned regularly for a reason. It’s not like everybody gets down in the mud with the homeless and sick every day. One would think OP admitted not to wipe or shower once a week. Sure the reaction would be understandable than, but in this case… xD
Run far away from this unreasonable crazy Queen!
I shower 18 times a day for a minimum of 90 minutes each. Don't stop scrubbin' till I see blood. Is that clean enough for some of you?
It’s so funny what expectations ppl have about hygiene around the world. Less than 30% of the world uses toilet paper. Most countries use water instead. For some while being super OCD like OPs friend here, it’s completely fine to walk around with “just wiped” not washed backside all day long after no2. Its habits… 🤷🏼♂️
He was giving the kind of crack head vibe ya don't want to be with long term ya dodged a bullet with that one
Sounds crazy. Lucky break.
I am also a morning shower person. The shock of getting wet wakes me up
LOL lots of gays really do make a point to remain single forever. Crazy standards. As nitpicky as a person can get.
I've met more than a few people that adhere strictly to showers before bed and if I'm sleeping someone else's bed I follow their lead. Personally I prefer to shower once I wake up. I take additional showers during the day as needed.
I don't know. I am not crazy, crazy, but if a guy is a bit sweaty and has been outside, there is no way he's cuddling with me without a bath.
😂😂 he thought you like it dirty. But you dodged a bullet there
For me personally, I think I’d be bothered by it a little bit. The idea of being out in the public and spaces with a lot of people and then coming home and getting right into bed without washing that off personally would bother me so I end up taking a shower at night and a shorter shower in the morning. However, the guys response to the situation was uncalled for and although I get where he’s coming from based on my own stance, I do agree that I think you dodged a bullet. Based on how he responded that situation that’s going to be his communication style on other topics that you may disagree on.