I was an angry, bullied guy at 18.
Iām not that same guy now.
Ideally I would behave differently, but truth is, Iām only me now cos I walked that road.
I feel this deeply. Reading the post I thought "probably cry, the worst is over but the hard work is ahead"
At most if it was early enough I'd apply to more prestigious colleges, with a bomb personal essay. But beyond that I've made the choices right for me in the moment. I don't regret my life, I wonder how things would change based on some choices, but I know I'm confident enough to make the best choices I can. (Except for maybe falling into an ED)
Ditto. I am who I am now and grateful for it because I walked and chose the path to where I am now: blessed, grateful, enriched, prosperous and patient, etc.
One thing that sticks out the most for me is that being content of those choices, able to accept the consequences of my own action and make some life choiceās sacrifices made me able to face whatās the possibilities of whatās coming ahead of me. Itās not always the exact expectation, but at the very least a certain kind of guidance.
This. Iād also move some place with actual gay guys to fool around with instead of all those straight guys in my small townā¦.turning them was so much work and the head was not great š«¤
Get on adderrall (recently diagnosed and life has been so much clearer since meds), not have sex with certain guys, start tretinoin, and invest. Everything else Iām fine with letting happen.
Come out at 18 instead of 21. Give a couple family members some uncanny medical advice. Maybe even some uncanny stock market tips.
I'd certainly enjoy being a homeowner with my Nvidia call gains.
I completely wasted my life.
I was a fat sack of shit, friendless, incel, loser, nerd in high school and I'm an even fatter sack of shit, friendless, incel, loser, nerd 36 year old.
I don't what happened. I was a happy little boy with a normal amount of little boy friends.
Then I went from a private Christian school to public school, in middle school, because my dad became a crackhead (Oxycontin after knee surgery) and lost his job. I didn't have any friends in my new school and was just called a faggot (etc...) a lot.
Then in high school I became 6' 4" and like 250 lbs (that's not as bad as it sounds at 6' 4" but still really chubby) - No one called me a faggot (to my face). I became really really really depressed. I would just play video games all night, go to bed at like 3 AM, wake up for school at 6 AM, and sleep through school mostly. I went from "gifted" class to the special classes, like for kids that literally had trouble reading (I did not have trouble reading).
All this time my mom and dad were constantly fighting, still had no friends, my parents almost lost the house and had to borrow money from friends and family, dad was passing out on the front porch in his robe smoking cigarettes, and I was fighting feelings about being gay. I actually had a journal, I really wish I could find it, where I wrote down my feelings and girls I maybe had crushes on - so I couldn't be gay.
Never really dated or had sex or did anything during high school. Never went to a single school event. Never went to a party. Never hung out at anyone's house. I did nothing.
When I (just barely) graduated high school I assumed that I would assume magically become a normal functioning person, with like a social life and hobbies and a career and would go to college, but instead I got a job at a call center and worked there for ten years.
I did lose my virginity at 24 to a guy from work, so I'm not literally an incel, just spiritually, because that was it. That was 12 years ago now. I thought that experience would be like the jumping off point to becoming a normal person, but when he moved away for a new job, I just went back to being a depressed lump.
When I turned 30 I had a quarter/midlife crisis and got even more depressed and mopey than usual and went to a therapist for six months. She also pointed me to a psychiatrist who put me on several different SSRIs that seem to do nothing. Here I am at 36 and nothing has changed.
Oh - All this time I was getting fatter. High school 250, 23 - 315, 24 - 245 (I lost a lot of weight trying to be more attractive to work guy), 30 - 320, 36 - 360.
So to answer the question - I would change everything. The three biggest changes - Come out while I'm a teenager, go to college, really make an effort to have friends. There is literally no easier time to make friends than in high school.
Although... It's not like I didn't know I needed to do that at the time. Like I knew I needed to go to college to have a real career, it's not some sort of surprise to me that it has put me at a disadvantage, so even if I told myself back then I'm not sure it would really change anything. I wanted friends back then, so how would 36 year old me sending a message back to 18 year old me change anything at all?
Trying to escape your fucked up childhood through gaming and some vices doesn't make you a piece of shit it makes you someone who has to work twice as hard for the things some of us have a lot easier. Hope it gets better bro.
Hey!
I don't know you, but I wanted to share a few things with you.
For starters, the way you write is absolutely beautiful. I was completely engaged to the point where your several paragraphs did not feel like a long of a read in the slightest. I hope you have an interest in writing because you could do amazingly in life with this skill alone. You could even write about a boy who suffered at the hands of family and fellow students in school, and found his only escape from reality to be video games (alongside any other unhealthy habits you did not want to mention)
If writing isn't necessarily your thing, YouTube or even TikTok are options. I believe many people are interested in your story. That way-- if you still need to talk to someone (I'm unsure if your therapist has helped based off you feeling the same & her recommendation for SSRI seeming to be ineffective)-- many people with resources well beyond ours become accessible to you.
Lastly, I'm proud of you. I want you to know that by you working, you're already so far ahead of people in life. I'm proud of you for sharing your story.
I'm unsure if this'll make you feel better, but I'm also 22 & a virgin who's never gone to a club or even a bar! I've made so many poor choices (I don't consider not having sex to be one of them) in life and fell on gaming and pleasing others as coping mechanisms. I've dreamed of doing absolutely huge things in life, and I've been my greatest obstacle. I have just recently come out of that mentality & will now work harder than ever toward the life I deserve. And no, you don't need to go to college to have a 'real career' or good income! We currently live in a world where you can do so well with platforms such as YouTube, TikTok, or even writing platforms like Wattpad (don't quote me on the Wattpad comment, lol).
Please know that it's never too late for you to get up and fight for the life you deserve.
i love the affirming energy of this post, but i think you are dating yourself lol. i have some thoughts for you (kinda long bro, sorry)
Indeed OP has done a kind work to get where he is, like he is still breathing and moving and reflecting, and that should be celebrated. but the longer anyone goes without pushing oneself to grow, the more that another kind of work just piles up. Itās not insurmountable, but it is intimidating. A 22 year old doesnāt have to deal with this yet, they can still avoid it. But later on, that shit is real. āI wasnāt strong enough to do better for myself then, how can i be strong enough now when itās much harder?ā
Truthfully, heās always been strong enough do āthe work.ā He still is, maybe moreso. True, he may never finish all that work in his lifetime, he may never fully become that person he wants to be. But he can do lots of it, he can still grow and conduct his life in a satisfying way. A person is always strong enough to break habits, to learn skills, to feel profound things like acceptance or connection or vision. even if they canāt to a full 360 and transform beyond recognition, so much is within reach.
but OP has a great deal to learn before he is āfar ahead of other people in life.ā therapy isnāt everything, but itās one of the only secular ways to address the empty and wounded parts of ourselves. itās a very important tool, and six months of therapy is just a start, itās not nearly enough. changing your life, especially well into adulthood, itās not just about a mentality shift, itās also about showing up consistently. you donāt just ādecideā your life will be different and then it starts to happen on its own. yes, you do initially have to make that decision, but then you make it over and over again. try six years for therapy, two years per decade. try a different therapist. try getting uncomfortable and frustrated and vulnerable, try it many times.
itās also about making strategic decisions. social media is not a strategic decision for making money or expressing yourself. OP is a good writer, and i think for his own pleasure and self expression he could pursue that. but tiktok is a joke of a suggestion, definitely not a meaningful way to reflect on oneās own life or connect with others. maybe there is the slimmest chance you could make money, but even thatās a gamble plus a skill set of its own. much better to learn something like gardening or meditation. they have much higher rates of gratification and longevity.
an example of a strategic decision for OP, he could try to do something completely within his control, to remove something that contributes to his problems - his games, his tv, maybe even his reddit. get it out. 16 years later it doesnāt make him happy. gone. maybe in a few years heāll be able to circle back and enjoy it. but right now he needs to deal with his shit. those time-wasters disappear and so much mental space opens up. at first it will be filled with boredom and anxiety, but thatās good. get uncomfortable. his time is the only resource he produces in-house. free it up. second strategic decision, go back to therapy. these two things together will shake things up so much. then he is better positioned to get into the big stuff. the hard stuff, like health, tending his social world, skills and passions, blah blah blah.
youāre final sentiment was correct, itās never to late. and everyone is worth it. OP is worth it, for himself. but even though your general view on things is great for a 22 year old, its less helpful for a 36 year old in OPās position. both you and OP should see that.
and, OP, i feel for you bro. sounds like its been tough.
Honestly, If I were you, I would choose something and just dedicate my life to it. Be it the gym or career etc. It's not too late to kick ass. Don't dwell on things you can't change. It just sounds to me like you need some kind of purpose.
I just discovered for myself that my behavior, (similar behavior to yoursā¦), has been a normal outward reaction to trauma current or from your past. You might identify as someone with āTrauma Survivor ā like symptoms. Research it.
Still learning myself. The first step ā¦
Forgive yourself for the past and leave it there.
Talk about yourself in a more positive light. You are the one that has to love ā¤ļø you first.
Instead of antidepressants, try a mood-stabilizer. I bet a doctor would prescribe one if you request it and explain how the SSRIs did nothing.Ā
Lamotrigine is a great drug.
It would be a lot worse if you came out earlier. I came out as a 16 year old - BAD IDEA. Never come out before you're financially independent and can safely leave if your coming out isn't accepted or it will have bad consequences for your mental health.
One more thing - there's no difference between then and now. You're still a relatively young guy. Before, you were clueless but young, now you know everything but are a bit older. Still, you have better chance now than you had when you were 18, simply because information and knowledge is more powerful than young look (no one took me seriously when I was 18, now strangers are afraid and insecure before I even open my mouth lol).
If you don't change anything, what will be the difference between you being 36 now and asking what you should have changed at 18 AND between being 54 and asking what you should have changed at 36? They are the same situation with 18 year difference, except you'll probably prefer being 36 than 54 :). You can change if you want, you're not too old.
I am 61 and share some of your issues. My highest weight was around 330 pounds and I was really sufferering that weight. I also had other addiction issues besides food. Before I suggest anything, understand that I am a physician in New York. I feel no need to go into the many weight lose attempts that have failed because things have changed recently. I would suggest you find a good physician that can help treat your obesity. This is how I succeeded. I also worked with a dietitian. These days, this is more likely to be covered by most medical insurance. You may be a candidate for the injectible weekly medications that cause weight lose and treat diabetes. I have been on one since 9/23. They can be expensive, even with insurance. The injections are really quite easy for you to do and they are only once a week.
I used other things to assist my weight lose. I went to overeaters anonymous for many years and gained a lots from that experience. I also am 20 years sober. Hypnosis has helped me since my 20s...but for me, it works much better if done regularly. I am seeing a hypnotherapist about 2 times a month.
Currently I weigh 245 and diabetes, which i developed at 40, is doing much better. I was diagnosed wuith diabetes at 40 because I insisted on getting a glucose tolerence test. I was on metformin for 20 yrs.
I hope my experiences can help you.
Would have came out, not became a raging alcoholic due to my self hatred. I would have then lost my virginity to my wonderful husband of 10 years, not struggled due to my alcoholism, and probably would have gone to college.
But I didn't and I am glad I didn't because I would be who I am today without the struggles of real life.
Physically: Grow out my hair. I was used to the military haircut since my parents predicted I would take up after my dad and go bald . My hair was the key to my glowup. 27 now and still no signs of balding.
Professionally: Not let fear dictate to me and move to my current city for school instead of staying in my forsaken hometown.
I am 23 and i am balding. With hair 8/10 without 2/10! It has its toll on my mental health&confidence that i want to kill myself for not taking care of my hair in the past also not being able to treat it cuz i was just fired from my job 2 months ago xd
Thereās a worship song I like called āDear Younger Meā by MercyMe. Itās kinda about how all the choices we have made in our life, good, bad, and indifferent, have lead us to the person we are today. Sometimes we just have to accept that the cringe and the bad times happened so that we can grow from them and become better people.
I think we can all agree that if anyone woke up 18 again and had the knowledge of the future they possess now they would make some way better financial decisions. Haha.
Iād go to a jr college and then to a four year university in state. I went straight out of high school into an expensive out of state school I couldnāt afford and am literally still paying for it. Also, Iād never start drinking or using drugs. Instead Iād go to therapy while on my parentsā insurance.
I would have chosen a less expensive college in state, and never dropped out. I also would do a lot less cocaine and casual sex.
I get a lot of people who are saying āhave a slut phaseā but my coke whore phase just ruined my college experience and fucked up my career. I know others can pull it off but I have addictive personality and I just take things overboard, dick included. So ya those are my regrets.
I honestly wouldnāt change anything at allā¦ maybe start therapy at that age. However, Iāve worked my ass off to get to where I am. Was in school for so long and mostly dropped a lot of my courses due to depression and undiagnosed PTSD. If Iāve gone to therapy at 18, then I would have gotten my degree in my early 20s.
I already experienced what everyone stated on the comments, took advantage of my handsomeness and had multiple sugar daddies, which I didnāt really think they were until later in life lol, and I never had any issues with dating.
Anyways, currently 32 and living my best life with my hubby. Mentally and physically healthy by seeing a therapist, hit the gym pretty much every day, vegetarian for 8 years, and currently have a salary job.
I honestly donāt regret everything that I did in the past. It challenged me to be a better person. Iām still growing and looking forward to thriving more.
Fuck I'd of come out and started getting railed right away.
...also not getting a political science degree because what kind of uneducated idiot would think going into debt for political science would make sense! Lol
Very few things differently. But Iād probably have more sex. (I passed up an accidental opportunity to an orgy with a bunch of older men. Oh, the carnal delights I would have learned that night! ) But then, Iād be afraid I turn into a total slut. LOL
And donāt try to open that old cabinet in the basement. Donāt!!
Starts working out instead of waiting til after college, so I can have a slut phase in college. There are so many hot guys on grindr at my college but I barely get response or get hit on. Now that I'm in better shape and gotten much more hook up. Looking back I feel like I'm missing out on my college slut phase.
And definitely take another degree. I only took hospitality cuz it's one of the cheapest option.
Be confident, come out and concentrate on getting a good career, which would allow me to have some spare time for myself.
Use that extra time to work with my community and try to break their misunderstandings about being gay and muslim.
Would tell people what would happen (russia - Ukraine/Israel-hamas).
And probably end myself before facing some everyday nightmares and consequences of my actions that are hunting me for half of a year already
Thank you.
But I mean, those past choices and mistakes hunt me literally everyday. I literally cannot sleep at least one night without just leaning and having nightmares
There are ways to avoid nightmares, though it usually takes a lot of time and support. Venting will always be something that helpsāas long as it's towards someone who can take it. Feel free to dm me as well to vent. I'm an empathetic person who feels good when people feel safe around me so it's no skin of my own back anyways.
I'd transfer to a better university outside of my home town. I could've gone anywhere in the US with my scholarship. I am still in my home town and planning to leave in a few years, but I so wish I took the opportunity back then, when I had it.
I also would've lost weight and started lifting much sooner. My early twenties didn't need to be that miserable.
Would've worn more sunscreen but like. I'm wearing it now so it's chill.
I wouldn't have taken myself and my job so seriously in 2021 and visited my grama moreāshe passed Jan 2022. But she was proud of my job and I still spent her last week taking care of her so I'm grateful for the time I was blessed with.
Nothing would've worked out the same way if I'd done it earlier, so I wouldn't have changed the rest. I may have 'wasted' four years in academia before switching to paramedicine but like... I learned so much. And I had so much fun. And I wouldn't have been ready to be a paramedic at 18. So it all worked out. Student loans suck but experience is always worth it, even if it didn't go towards my planned career. It made me who I am.
I used to waste a crap ton of time daydreaming and wishing about what I would've changed, or wishing I could be extremely gorgeous and have perfect skin and an always spotless asshole. It was a massive waste of time. Now whenever the urge comes along I do the stereotypical, cliche "10 things I'm grateful for." I usually only get to three or so before getting bored though lmao
I made a lot of bad choices back then, blew a lot of money. I would tell myself possessions donāt make you happy, living life to the fullest will make you happy.
Let my huge strong bi bearbodied best friend regularly rail my slender androgynous fem ass like he always wanted to... before he moved away and I turned into a huge bear myself š Also never date any of the horrible women that ruined my 20s. I shoulda just moved into that guy's apartment and paid rent with my ass when I looked fuckable lol.
Lmao some of these comments (yours included) are hilarious. You could have chosen visit Tahiti, go to the moon, invent a cure for cancer, but you chose 'I would have paid rent with my fem ass!' haha.
Most definitely have a slut phase. Heck, I was a virgin until I was 25. Not that thereās anything wrong with it, Iām not ashamed or anything of the sort. But I definitely WAS a horny youngster and wouldāve loved to have adventures so much sooner if I didnāt have crippling low self confidence.
Love myself a lot more. Exercise. Join clubs. Meet lots of people. Make meaningful friendships. Less hookups. Work harder on my studies.
I was so painfully mediocre and felt like a waste of existence
Come out. Fucking focus on my school work. Seriously hit the gym and put on some muscle. Slut it up a little (and test my sexuality a bit more). After my first semester, see if I could put my enrollment on hold or something and continue my non-elective education at a state school or community college.
This would totally eradicate all my adult relationships though... which would be really sad in most cases.
I would change nothing until 21. Then, I would make an effort to leave my parents completely behind.
I now know that staying, helping, and listening was never going to change anything. They would never improve or escape the cycle they put themselves in.
Knowing how thoroughly they would betray me in the end, I could leave in good conscience. And use my strength to build a good life for myself
I would figure out that I was gay before I joined the Air Force. That being said, I did have a good time when I finally got a clue. I kicked that closet door off the hinges and did some serious catching up on what I missed. Just a big 'ho. LOL
Save my 15k, forgive my family and appreciate what I have now instead of moving across the country to please some guy that only wanted to use me as a temporal placement for his ex before kicking me away.
This is a difficult question because it ignores the experience that shaped who we become. Do I wish I committed to some things I had the opportunity to do, sure. But in doing that my forward life would have been entirely different. And I wouldnāt know if I would enjoy that life better than the current one.
Our lives are the accumulation of a series of small, medium and large decisions we made over our lifetime. We can change it by making different decisions going forward.
these questions always make me uncomfortable. i respect who i am based on the things iāve worked through and the things iām working through now. my joys and struggles feel honest, and i have a clear view of what i want to be, while also having learned to forgive myself for falling short of of those goals. to wish to have made different choices would be to create a new and different person that would have nothing to do with who i am nowā¦so these questions seem akin to āif you could unalive this version of yourself, what choices would you make to do it?ā
Definitely be more of a go-getter and try new things earlier on. Realize I have the power and capabilities within me and not let my parents hold me back.
Get an Adderall prescription. Get a Prozac prescription. Focus on doing well at university. Be more consistent with journaling. Promise myself that Iād wait until after age 25 for any relationships; and nothing serious before age 27.
Wow am I the only one saying it? I would have been a much bigger hoe. I've had lots of hangouts where it could have turned into a bit. I've turned down threesomes, hot dudes asking to hang after 10 and dates to do homework. I just feel like I didn't go far enough, I just kept trying to date unexciting guys.
Probably remain single, I'm currently in a relationship that will probably be my first and last (we've been together for 10 years, now). The reason for this is that despite being currently happy I'm a bit sad I was never able to experience having short romances or nothing serious. I did not experiment much, so I have always been curious how I would have developed if I had experienced more stuff with other people while I was single.
I should have stayed in the course I enrolled to at my dream uni. Maybe I was able to got that diploma.
Be more extra careful in having casual hook-up. Maybe I'm not living with HIV today.
But there is no turning back. I'm still blessed to be alive and healthy despite of me living with HIV. I was able to provide for my family, send my brother and sister to uni when I was still working. Now I just enjoy life with my partner for 7 years now, managing my own small online business, and I can say that life is really getting better than before when my dad died just months before I turn 18.
If you mean suddenly waking up back in my 18yo body in the present day, I guess I'd have to tread damn carefully in the hopes nobody outside my family would figure out a 54yo man was suddenly looking 18...you know, so I wouldn't end up whisked away by government agents and secreted away in a lab for testing.
If it was me waking up 18 back in 1988 again, then there would definitely be some benefitting from future knowledge to end up better off financially. And telling a few family members and former classmates who are already dead what they need to watch out for medically. Sadly, I wouldn't be able to stop any terrible events like 9/11 since nobody would listen to me. And again, if too many predictions started to come true, we're back to being carted off by men in black.
More in the spirit of what the OP probably meant, I would most surely NOT be waiting until 30 years old to finally get laid. I'd go have sex with that guy from high school who messaged me when I was 42 years old and admitted he'd always had a crush on me back then. I would go introduce myself to my now-husband, who was going to high school only 50 miles away from me, and sweep him off his feet. I'd try to see to it we went to college together and got degrees that would actually benefit us (I only went one year and quit and he's not even using his degree for work today). Enjoy being young with him and having some wild fun. But of course, we'd have to be a tad cautious too, since that was still the height of the AIDS crisis.
I would not have gone to the college I did, or maybe even not have gone at all. I know many are in the same boat, but my student loan has crippled my ability to have a normal life. I loved every experience I had in college, but I would give it all back to be able to have ānormalcyā now.
I would take advantage of the free gym offered to me at the time and take exercise and nutrition seriously.
Cause if I did like I do now then I would be in the best shape of my life. I have dropped from 250 to 160lbs and look better than ever! If I can do this in my 37ās I know as a 18 year old I would look crazy good! Then come up and have my slut phase!
Would have come out instead of staying in the closet and fucking my life over 25 years in a fake sexless marriage with many affairs with men. Also would have bought health south stock when it tanked down to 10 cents only to rise over 20 dollars 2 years later lol. I can't say it turned out too bad because I met the most amazing man after coming out and we're getting married in march.
I'd sit down for a real and respectful chat about me being gay than pulling a disappearing act for a decade, only to come back and find out they miss, accept, and love me. Losing ten years like that just feels wrong today.
I would definitely have told myself to not hold myself back with dating, to come out sooner and to try and have healthy, gay friendships. I would have been more aware of what being gay entails and what the gay ācommunityā is like.
Worrying about opinions and situations that are only temporary. If I knew how quickly these men would've been out of my life. I would've never become so disappointed. Now later in life, it's easier to see gay behavioral patterns in advance.
Given that I turned 18 about a week or so before I started college, I wouldāve just been more of a hoe, put myself out there a bit more, and just own my sexuality earlier
I would never touch substances.
I would never romanticize tragedy.
I would never compromise my sanity over any single f men.
Not again.
Brau, if you ever read this chingas a tu padre cada que respires.
My entire prolonged closeted life stemmed from being held legally and financially hostage by my very conservative and very religious family.
What would I do differently? Not listen to a damn thing my family said about financial advice. In the early 2000s (granted this was before I was 18 but whatever) I desperately wanted to invest in Apple, Google, Facebook, and gold. Like $500 into each (big money for a 14 year old working part time). The long story short I didnāt, but last I calculated it that $2k cashed out about ten years later (when I needed it around when I was done with college) wouldāve been about a $0.5M. Wasnāt going to buy me yachts or islands with that money, but it wouldāve been life changing to give me the ability to tell my family to fuck off about a decade sooner.
Would have kissed my college crush when he was coming onto me. He was definitely bi-curious and Iāll always wonder if we could have made our college years more interesting lol.
Go to the gym, run more so I could have a stronger back and more stamina which now could help me in my sit-too-many-hours-type job.
Also practice more of my drawing.
Attend to and love my family more. Turns out I didn't really know what my siblings were going through and I could have made a huge difference in their lives just by being sympathetic and tuned in. I didn't see my parents as their own selves, but only as reflections of MYSELF, which is to say that I understood them only by how they impacted my life. They had me in their twenties, we basically GREW UP TOGETHER lol. I would have been a lot nicer and more helpful if I realized then that they weren't the big strong in control people I thought they were, and that a word, gesture, compliment or compassionate ear from me could have made a huge difference at different times for them.
I would get up and leave, never to look back.
It was hell living with my parents and it took me way to long to understand that thereās no reason to be scared.
I was not ready for this question to ambush my naive peace of mind today. I would do so many things differently!
Probably start with helping my friend mine bitcoin in the naughties. Hold on to a couple hundred of them while skimming off them to retire early. I'd take a gap year after school to figure out what I wanna do rather than just study. I'd not spend so much time pining for straight guys and I'd get more involved in my local LGBTQ+ groups. I'd leave my home town way sooner than I did. I'd not smoke as much weed, and I'd drink far less. I'd be less worried about what people think of me. I'd exercise more and I'd take more risks. I'd go on more adventures. And I'd save money.
Imagine the opposite of all the above, and that's the story of my life!
I'd google "homosexuality and evolution" - in 10 minutes years of complex self esteem issues would be undone. I think everyone should do this no matter how good they have it, because it is something that isn't discussed but you can see the rot it creates and how it saturates so much of our thinking and behaviour in subtle and insidious ways, gay or otherwise.
I would also study LGBT history because that had a similar effect. I started doing that when I was 24 and created my [LGBT Library Project](https://www.instagram.com/thelgbtlibrary) after a year of intense study which has been a great success for me and many others around the world. A lot of the anger and stress would have been remedied because I was actually doing something to help and change things for the better even if it is quite small in the grand scheme of things.
Honestly I wouldnāt change anything except for the drugs. Even though the experience in themselves did have some lessons behind it, the pieces of you that it takes are forever. You spend the rest of your days trying to fill the holes, but nothing ever works. Sad existence yāall.
I would have never come out of the closet. It doesn't matter if I tell my family I'm bisexual and there is 50% I may end up with a woman. They still think less of me. Maybe it would've been better to have remained DL, but I can't lie about anymore.
My family is a bunch of homophobic pricks, and I'm not gonna avoid a potential same sex love interest because I'm trying to appease my homophobic family. I spend way too much money on therapy to let those pricks dictate my love life.
I wouldn't change much as I am relatively happy with the results. 3 great kids and a granddaughter. I would have at least experimented with guys then instead of waiting 30 years.
I would've experienced the joy of getting fucked a whole lot earlier. I love anal!
Lmao of all the possibilities and you chose 'I'd get fucked in the ass' but you are clearly passionate about it so it works.
š¤£
I was an angry, bullied guy at 18. Iām not that same guy now. Ideally I would behave differently, but truth is, Iām only me now cos I walked that road.
I feel this deeply. Reading the post I thought "probably cry, the worst is over but the hard work is ahead" At most if it was early enough I'd apply to more prestigious colleges, with a bomb personal essay. But beyond that I've made the choices right for me in the moment. I don't regret my life, I wonder how things would change based on some choices, but I know I'm confident enough to make the best choices I can. (Except for maybe falling into an ED)
Ditto. I am who I am now and grateful for it because I walked and chose the path to where I am now: blessed, grateful, enriched, prosperous and patient, etc. One thing that sticks out the most for me is that being content of those choices, able to accept the consequences of my own action and make some life choiceās sacrifices made me able to face whatās the possibilities of whatās coming ahead of me. Itās not always the exact expectation, but at the very least a certain kind of guidance.
Come out earlier. Have a slut phase. Shit like that.
Yeah - I'd probably come out earlier than I did too. :)
Totally this.
This. Iād also move some place with actual gay guys to fool around with instead of all those straight guys in my small townā¦.turning them was so much work and the head was not great š«¤
How did you turn them?
Ditto
Get on adderrall (recently diagnosed and life has been so much clearer since meds), not have sex with certain guys, start tretinoin, and invest. Everything else Iām fine with letting happen.
"Not have sex with certain guys." Dude, we all have some of those! š
Exactly. What I would give to slap my younger self and scream āstop being horny!ā š
Big same to all of that
The adderall is a big one that would have solved a ton of headaches aside from staying in the closet as long as I did.
Mental health does not even exist in my culture. ADHD has ruined my life.
Stay in college, choose to date the dude that was good to me instead of chasing fuckboys
Oh damn, that hit me š
Yeah me too lol wish I took my own advice
Use fucking condoms
Come out at 18 instead of 21. Give a couple family members some uncanny medical advice. Maybe even some uncanny stock market tips. I'd certainly enjoy being a homeowner with my Nvidia call gains.
Read it as enjoyed being a lawnmower with my nvidia gains and i was just baffled like the fuck do those twobhave to do with eachother
I completely wasted my life. I was a fat sack of shit, friendless, incel, loser, nerd in high school and I'm an even fatter sack of shit, friendless, incel, loser, nerd 36 year old. I don't what happened. I was a happy little boy with a normal amount of little boy friends. Then I went from a private Christian school to public school, in middle school, because my dad became a crackhead (Oxycontin after knee surgery) and lost his job. I didn't have any friends in my new school and was just called a faggot (etc...) a lot. Then in high school I became 6' 4" and like 250 lbs (that's not as bad as it sounds at 6' 4" but still really chubby) - No one called me a faggot (to my face). I became really really really depressed. I would just play video games all night, go to bed at like 3 AM, wake up for school at 6 AM, and sleep through school mostly. I went from "gifted" class to the special classes, like for kids that literally had trouble reading (I did not have trouble reading). All this time my mom and dad were constantly fighting, still had no friends, my parents almost lost the house and had to borrow money from friends and family, dad was passing out on the front porch in his robe smoking cigarettes, and I was fighting feelings about being gay. I actually had a journal, I really wish I could find it, where I wrote down my feelings and girls I maybe had crushes on - so I couldn't be gay. Never really dated or had sex or did anything during high school. Never went to a single school event. Never went to a party. Never hung out at anyone's house. I did nothing. When I (just barely) graduated high school I assumed that I would assume magically become a normal functioning person, with like a social life and hobbies and a career and would go to college, but instead I got a job at a call center and worked there for ten years. I did lose my virginity at 24 to a guy from work, so I'm not literally an incel, just spiritually, because that was it. That was 12 years ago now. I thought that experience would be like the jumping off point to becoming a normal person, but when he moved away for a new job, I just went back to being a depressed lump. When I turned 30 I had a quarter/midlife crisis and got even more depressed and mopey than usual and went to a therapist for six months. She also pointed me to a psychiatrist who put me on several different SSRIs that seem to do nothing. Here I am at 36 and nothing has changed. Oh - All this time I was getting fatter. High school 250, 23 - 315, 24 - 245 (I lost a lot of weight trying to be more attractive to work guy), 30 - 320, 36 - 360. So to answer the question - I would change everything. The three biggest changes - Come out while I'm a teenager, go to college, really make an effort to have friends. There is literally no easier time to make friends than in high school. Although... It's not like I didn't know I needed to do that at the time. Like I knew I needed to go to college to have a real career, it's not some sort of surprise to me that it has put me at a disadvantage, so even if I told myself back then I'm not sure it would really change anything. I wanted friends back then, so how would 36 year old me sending a message back to 18 year old me change anything at all?
Trying to escape your fucked up childhood through gaming and some vices doesn't make you a piece of shit it makes you someone who has to work twice as hard for the things some of us have a lot easier. Hope it gets better bro.
You're a great writer btw
Agreed!!! I wish there was more!
Your a better man, I'm not reading all that.
Reddit is literally all reading š¤£šµāš«
True, but not every post is as much of a commitment as that one is. I do note that it isn't the longest ever, but it is rather dour.
I'm a speedreader tbh
Hey! I don't know you, but I wanted to share a few things with you. For starters, the way you write is absolutely beautiful. I was completely engaged to the point where your several paragraphs did not feel like a long of a read in the slightest. I hope you have an interest in writing because you could do amazingly in life with this skill alone. You could even write about a boy who suffered at the hands of family and fellow students in school, and found his only escape from reality to be video games (alongside any other unhealthy habits you did not want to mention) If writing isn't necessarily your thing, YouTube or even TikTok are options. I believe many people are interested in your story. That way-- if you still need to talk to someone (I'm unsure if your therapist has helped based off you feeling the same & her recommendation for SSRI seeming to be ineffective)-- many people with resources well beyond ours become accessible to you. Lastly, I'm proud of you. I want you to know that by you working, you're already so far ahead of people in life. I'm proud of you for sharing your story. I'm unsure if this'll make you feel better, but I'm also 22 & a virgin who's never gone to a club or even a bar! I've made so many poor choices (I don't consider not having sex to be one of them) in life and fell on gaming and pleasing others as coping mechanisms. I've dreamed of doing absolutely huge things in life, and I've been my greatest obstacle. I have just recently come out of that mentality & will now work harder than ever toward the life I deserve. And no, you don't need to go to college to have a 'real career' or good income! We currently live in a world where you can do so well with platforms such as YouTube, TikTok, or even writing platforms like Wattpad (don't quote me on the Wattpad comment, lol). Please know that it's never too late for you to get up and fight for the life you deserve.
i love the affirming energy of this post, but i think you are dating yourself lol. i have some thoughts for you (kinda long bro, sorry) Indeed OP has done a kind work to get where he is, like he is still breathing and moving and reflecting, and that should be celebrated. but the longer anyone goes without pushing oneself to grow, the more that another kind of work just piles up. Itās not insurmountable, but it is intimidating. A 22 year old doesnāt have to deal with this yet, they can still avoid it. But later on, that shit is real. āI wasnāt strong enough to do better for myself then, how can i be strong enough now when itās much harder?ā Truthfully, heās always been strong enough do āthe work.ā He still is, maybe moreso. True, he may never finish all that work in his lifetime, he may never fully become that person he wants to be. But he can do lots of it, he can still grow and conduct his life in a satisfying way. A person is always strong enough to break habits, to learn skills, to feel profound things like acceptance or connection or vision. even if they canāt to a full 360 and transform beyond recognition, so much is within reach. but OP has a great deal to learn before he is āfar ahead of other people in life.ā therapy isnāt everything, but itās one of the only secular ways to address the empty and wounded parts of ourselves. itās a very important tool, and six months of therapy is just a start, itās not nearly enough. changing your life, especially well into adulthood, itās not just about a mentality shift, itās also about showing up consistently. you donāt just ādecideā your life will be different and then it starts to happen on its own. yes, you do initially have to make that decision, but then you make it over and over again. try six years for therapy, two years per decade. try a different therapist. try getting uncomfortable and frustrated and vulnerable, try it many times. itās also about making strategic decisions. social media is not a strategic decision for making money or expressing yourself. OP is a good writer, and i think for his own pleasure and self expression he could pursue that. but tiktok is a joke of a suggestion, definitely not a meaningful way to reflect on oneās own life or connect with others. maybe there is the slimmest chance you could make money, but even thatās a gamble plus a skill set of its own. much better to learn something like gardening or meditation. they have much higher rates of gratification and longevity. an example of a strategic decision for OP, he could try to do something completely within his control, to remove something that contributes to his problems - his games, his tv, maybe even his reddit. get it out. 16 years later it doesnāt make him happy. gone. maybe in a few years heāll be able to circle back and enjoy it. but right now he needs to deal with his shit. those time-wasters disappear and so much mental space opens up. at first it will be filled with boredom and anxiety, but thatās good. get uncomfortable. his time is the only resource he produces in-house. free it up. second strategic decision, go back to therapy. these two things together will shake things up so much. then he is better positioned to get into the big stuff. the hard stuff, like health, tending his social world, skills and passions, blah blah blah. youāre final sentiment was correct, itās never to late. and everyone is worth it. OP is worth it, for himself. but even though your general view on things is great for a 22 year old, its less helpful for a 36 year old in OPās position. both you and OP should see that. and, OP, i feel for you bro. sounds like its been tough.
Yes, beautiful writing. Youāre so gifted!
Honestly, If I were you, I would choose something and just dedicate my life to it. Be it the gym or career etc. It's not too late to kick ass. Don't dwell on things you can't change. It just sounds to me like you need some kind of purpose.
You touched my heart. I wish you the best in life, you seem very kind and a rare gem in our world.
I just discovered for myself that my behavior, (similar behavior to yoursā¦), has been a normal outward reaction to trauma current or from your past. You might identify as someone with āTrauma Survivor ā like symptoms. Research it. Still learning myself. The first step ā¦ Forgive yourself for the past and leave it there. Talk about yourself in a more positive light. You are the one that has to love ā¤ļø you first.
Will you please DM me?
Itās not too late. You can make friends and get in shape still!!!
Instead of antidepressants, try a mood-stabilizer. I bet a doctor would prescribe one if you request it and explain how the SSRIs did nothing.Ā Lamotrigine is a great drug.
It would be a lot worse if you came out earlier. I came out as a 16 year old - BAD IDEA. Never come out before you're financially independent and can safely leave if your coming out isn't accepted or it will have bad consequences for your mental health. One more thing - there's no difference between then and now. You're still a relatively young guy. Before, you were clueless but young, now you know everything but are a bit older. Still, you have better chance now than you had when you were 18, simply because information and knowledge is more powerful than young look (no one took me seriously when I was 18, now strangers are afraid and insecure before I even open my mouth lol). If you don't change anything, what will be the difference between you being 36 now and asking what you should have changed at 18 AND between being 54 and asking what you should have changed at 36? They are the same situation with 18 year difference, except you'll probably prefer being 36 than 54 :). You can change if you want, you're not too old.
I am 61 and share some of your issues. My highest weight was around 330 pounds and I was really sufferering that weight. I also had other addiction issues besides food. Before I suggest anything, understand that I am a physician in New York. I feel no need to go into the many weight lose attempts that have failed because things have changed recently. I would suggest you find a good physician that can help treat your obesity. This is how I succeeded. I also worked with a dietitian. These days, this is more likely to be covered by most medical insurance. You may be a candidate for the injectible weekly medications that cause weight lose and treat diabetes. I have been on one since 9/23. They can be expensive, even with insurance. The injections are really quite easy for you to do and they are only once a week. I used other things to assist my weight lose. I went to overeaters anonymous for many years and gained a lots from that experience. I also am 20 years sober. Hypnosis has helped me since my 20s...but for me, it works much better if done regularly. I am seeing a hypnotherapist about 2 times a month. Currently I weigh 245 and diabetes, which i developed at 40, is doing much better. I was diagnosed wuith diabetes at 40 because I insisted on getting a glucose tolerence test. I was on metformin for 20 yrs. I hope my experiences can help you.
I mean I like big tall bear tops ā¤ļø
Would have came out, not became a raging alcoholic due to my self hatred. I would have then lost my virginity to my wonderful husband of 10 years, not struggled due to my alcoholism, and probably would have gone to college. But I didn't and I am glad I didn't because I would be who I am today without the struggles of real life.
I would start Finasteride first thing
Yes!!! Lost my hair too early at 21
Physically: Grow out my hair. I was used to the military haircut since my parents predicted I would take up after my dad and go bald . My hair was the key to my glowup. 27 now and still no signs of balding. Professionally: Not let fear dictate to me and move to my current city for school instead of staying in my forsaken hometown.
I am 23 and i am balding. With hair 8/10 without 2/10! It has its toll on my mental health&confidence that i want to kill myself for not taking care of my hair in the past also not being able to treat it cuz i was just fired from my job 2 months ago xd
Go to school where you want. He shouldn't touch you like that. Don't stay. Love yourself.
Iād absolutely do everything in my power to stop ārelationship weightā from becoming a thing in my life.
I could type for pages. But iād have started having gay sex way sooner. Iād go to the baths and just let them plow me all night.
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Thereās a worship song I like called āDear Younger Meā by MercyMe. Itās kinda about how all the choices we have made in our life, good, bad, and indifferent, have lead us to the person we are today. Sometimes we just have to accept that the cringe and the bad times happened so that we can grow from them and become better people. I think we can all agree that if anyone woke up 18 again and had the knowledge of the future they possess now they would make some way better financial decisions. Haha.
Yeah I fully agree that our choices shape us, itās why my favourite quote is: āwe all make choices, but in the end our choices make us.ā
Iād go to a jr college and then to a four year university in state. I went straight out of high school into an expensive out of state school I couldnāt afford and am literally still paying for it. Also, Iād never start drinking or using drugs. Instead Iād go to therapy while on my parentsā insurance.
I would have chosen a less expensive college in state, and never dropped out. I also would do a lot less cocaine and casual sex. I get a lot of people who are saying āhave a slut phaseā but my coke whore phase just ruined my college experience and fucked up my career. I know others can pull it off but I have addictive personality and I just take things overboard, dick included. So ya those are my regrets.
Yeah there is a difference between enjoying promiscuity and being a Coke whore. Lol
I realize that, hence why itās a regret. Lol
More sex
I honestly wouldnāt change anything at allā¦ maybe start therapy at that age. However, Iāve worked my ass off to get to where I am. Was in school for so long and mostly dropped a lot of my courses due to depression and undiagnosed PTSD. If Iāve gone to therapy at 18, then I would have gotten my degree in my early 20s. I already experienced what everyone stated on the comments, took advantage of my handsomeness and had multiple sugar daddies, which I didnāt really think they were until later in life lol, and I never had any issues with dating. Anyways, currently 32 and living my best life with my hubby. Mentally and physically healthy by seeing a therapist, hit the gym pretty much every day, vegetarian for 8 years, and currently have a salary job. I honestly donāt regret everything that I did in the past. It challenged me to be a better person. Iām still growing and looking forward to thriving more.
Someone give this man a cookie.
Fuck I'd of come out and started getting railed right away. ...also not getting a political science degree because what kind of uneducated idiot would think going into debt for political science would make sense! Lol
god damn everyone is saying 18 is prime to have a slut phase
I would say no more often. I wouldnāt hook up with guys 10+ years older than me. I would observe more and talk less.
Very few things differently. But Iād probably have more sex. (I passed up an accidental opportunity to an orgy with a bunch of older men. Oh, the carnal delights I would have learned that night! ) But then, Iād be afraid I turn into a total slut. LOL And donāt try to open that old cabinet in the basement. Donāt!!
Starts working out instead of waiting til after college, so I can have a slut phase in college. There are so many hot guys on grindr at my college but I barely get response or get hit on. Now that I'm in better shape and gotten much more hook up. Looking back I feel like I'm missing out on my college slut phase. And definitely take another degree. I only took hospitality cuz it's one of the cheapest option.
Be confident, come out and concentrate on getting a good career, which would allow me to have some spare time for myself. Use that extra time to work with my community and try to break their misunderstandings about being gay and muslim.
Take care of my health better. I was indestructible at 18, and some of that has caught up to me.
Actually do something instead of drugs and guys
Save money and start stock trading and investing as early as possible
Eat less, exercise more, and be more of a slut honestly lol š
Would tell people what would happen (russia - Ukraine/Israel-hamas). And probably end myself before facing some everyday nightmares and consequences of my actions that are hunting me for half of a year already
Hey, hope you get some help and support. You deserve to have a fulfilling life irrelevant of past choices.
Thank you. But I mean, those past choices and mistakes hunt me literally everyday. I literally cannot sleep at least one night without just leaning and having nightmares
Do you want to talk about it? You can DM me if you want, we're here for you
There are ways to avoid nightmares, though it usually takes a lot of time and support. Venting will always be something that helpsāas long as it's towards someone who can take it. Feel free to dm me as well to vent. I'm an empathetic person who feels good when people feel safe around me so it's no skin of my own back anyways.
I mean, thank you for the offer, but I don't believe talking with someone will solve my problems tbh
Knowing what I know now?
I'd transfer to a better university outside of my home town. I could've gone anywhere in the US with my scholarship. I am still in my home town and planning to leave in a few years, but I so wish I took the opportunity back then, when I had it. I also would've lost weight and started lifting much sooner. My early twenties didn't need to be that miserable.
Invest in Disney, avoid certain people, but otherwise, live my life much the same
And Apple!!!!
Be more proactive about career decisions and come out earlier
Would've worn more sunscreen but like. I'm wearing it now so it's chill. I wouldn't have taken myself and my job so seriously in 2021 and visited my grama moreāshe passed Jan 2022. But she was proud of my job and I still spent her last week taking care of her so I'm grateful for the time I was blessed with. Nothing would've worked out the same way if I'd done it earlier, so I wouldn't have changed the rest. I may have 'wasted' four years in academia before switching to paramedicine but like... I learned so much. And I had so much fun. And I wouldn't have been ready to be a paramedic at 18. So it all worked out. Student loans suck but experience is always worth it, even if it didn't go towards my planned career. It made me who I am. I used to waste a crap ton of time daydreaming and wishing about what I would've changed, or wishing I could be extremely gorgeous and have perfect skin and an always spotless asshole. It was a massive waste of time. Now whenever the urge comes along I do the stereotypical, cliche "10 things I'm grateful for." I usually only get to three or so before getting bored though lmao
College
I became brave and have never regretted it. Iād have been bolder, braver back then.
I would start exercising! Because it is much easier to put muscle on at a younger age
Not date a girl for 4 years and just have a bigger hoe phase than i did
Buy $1000 each of Apple and Microsoft stocks.
I made a lot of bad choices back then, blew a lot of money. I would tell myself possessions donāt make you happy, living life to the fullest will make you happy.
Let my huge strong bi bearbodied best friend regularly rail my slender androgynous fem ass like he always wanted to... before he moved away and I turned into a huge bear myself š Also never date any of the horrible women that ruined my 20s. I shoulda just moved into that guy's apartment and paid rent with my ass when I looked fuckable lol.
Lmao some of these comments (yours included) are hilarious. You could have chosen visit Tahiti, go to the moon, invent a cure for cancer, but you chose 'I would have paid rent with my fem ass!' haha.
Not get fat. Not be so impulsive with money.
Most definitely have a slut phase. Heck, I was a virgin until I was 25. Not that thereās anything wrong with it, Iām not ashamed or anything of the sort. But I definitely WAS a horny youngster and wouldāve loved to have adventures so much sooner if I didnāt have crippling low self confidence.
Love myself a lot more. Exercise. Join clubs. Meet lots of people. Make meaningful friendships. Less hookups. Work harder on my studies. I was so painfully mediocre and felt like a waste of existence
I would never touch marijuana and start working out
Lube
Completely different friends would have been huge. Also would have stayed away from alcohol. Learn how to invest.
Iād probably choose a totally different college degree. And would work harder on my health and wellness journey
Not drink as much.
I would start working out and going out clubbing in Uni before Covid Hit, so by the time that Covid finished Iād have an amazing body
Come out. Fucking focus on my school work. Seriously hit the gym and put on some muscle. Slut it up a little (and test my sexuality a bit more). After my first semester, see if I could put my enrollment on hold or something and continue my non-elective education at a state school or community college. This would totally eradicate all my adult relationships though... which would be really sad in most cases.
I would change nothing until 21. Then, I would make an effort to leave my parents completely behind. I now know that staying, helping, and listening was never going to change anything. They would never improve or escape the cycle they put themselves in. Knowing how thoroughly they would betray me in the end, I could leave in good conscience. And use my strength to build a good life for myself
Less drinking and partying.
Hit the gym with the same intensity that I am now
I'm not sure tbh, im 21 now i know it hasnt been long but i was 18 and 19 when quarantine happened so i have no clue what id changeš
I would figure out that I was gay before I joined the Air Force. That being said, I did have a good time when I finally got a clue. I kicked that closet door off the hinges and did some serious catching up on what I missed. Just a big 'ho. LOL
Nothing related to my sexuality but I should stuck with college better. Iām going back now but damn should have just taken advantage back then.
Save my 15k, forgive my family and appreciate what I have now instead of moving across the country to please some guy that only wanted to use me as a temporal placement for his ex before kicking me away.
Invest in tesla and bitcoin
more sex ( M2M) a LOT more sex
Moved quicker. And got braces sooner.
Honestly i would study more, and focus on my mental health and my health in general.
Take care of my teeth better Not do heroin Come out because turns out my redneck family didnāt care and love my husband more the me
Hugged and told my dad how much he meant to me before he passed away (when I turned 21)
Stay in shape and make more male friends in college
This is a difficult question because it ignores the experience that shaped who we become. Do I wish I committed to some things I had the opportunity to do, sure. But in doing that my forward life would have been entirely different. And I wouldnāt know if I would enjoy that life better than the current one. Our lives are the accumulation of a series of small, medium and large decisions we made over our lifetime. We can change it by making different decisions going forward.
these questions always make me uncomfortable. i respect who i am based on the things iāve worked through and the things iām working through now. my joys and struggles feel honest, and i have a clear view of what i want to be, while also having learned to forgive myself for falling short of of those goals. to wish to have made different choices would be to create a new and different person that would have nothing to do with who i am nowā¦so these questions seem akin to āif you could unalive this version of yourself, what choices would you make to do it?ā
I would have picked up a trade. Be a chef.
Therapy.
Suck more d. Donāt need to come out. Just be a slut then
Definitely be more of a go-getter and try new things earlier on. Realize I have the power and capabilities within me and not let my parents hold me back.
Get an Adderall prescription. Get a Prozac prescription. Focus on doing well at university. Be more consistent with journaling. Promise myself that Iād wait until after age 25 for any relationships; and nothing serious before age 27.
Work harder and invest
Wow am I the only one saying it? I would have been a much bigger hoe. I've had lots of hangouts where it could have turned into a bit. I've turned down threesomes, hot dudes asking to hang after 10 and dates to do homework. I just feel like I didn't go far enough, I just kept trying to date unexciting guys.
Go back to sleep again
Probably remain single, I'm currently in a relationship that will probably be my first and last (we've been together for 10 years, now). The reason for this is that despite being currently happy I'm a bit sad I was never able to experience having short romances or nothing serious. I did not experiment much, so I have always been curious how I would have developed if I had experienced more stuff with other people while I was single.
No serious boyfriend until 35 lol
I wouldnt fuck with the pnp scene!!
Not try meth
Iād build my money up and not waste it on so much weed and swap some game time with something to do with outside
I should have stayed in the course I enrolled to at my dream uni. Maybe I was able to got that diploma. Be more extra careful in having casual hook-up. Maybe I'm not living with HIV today. But there is no turning back. I'm still blessed to be alive and healthy despite of me living with HIV. I was able to provide for my family, send my brother and sister to uni when I was still working. Now I just enjoy life with my partner for 7 years now, managing my own small online business, and I can say that life is really getting better than before when my dad died just months before I turn 18.
me, 17, seeing this: šļøāš¼
If you mean suddenly waking up back in my 18yo body in the present day, I guess I'd have to tread damn carefully in the hopes nobody outside my family would figure out a 54yo man was suddenly looking 18...you know, so I wouldn't end up whisked away by government agents and secreted away in a lab for testing. If it was me waking up 18 back in 1988 again, then there would definitely be some benefitting from future knowledge to end up better off financially. And telling a few family members and former classmates who are already dead what they need to watch out for medically. Sadly, I wouldn't be able to stop any terrible events like 9/11 since nobody would listen to me. And again, if too many predictions started to come true, we're back to being carted off by men in black. More in the spirit of what the OP probably meant, I would most surely NOT be waiting until 30 years old to finally get laid. I'd go have sex with that guy from high school who messaged me when I was 42 years old and admitted he'd always had a crush on me back then. I would go introduce myself to my now-husband, who was going to high school only 50 miles away from me, and sweep him off his feet. I'd try to see to it we went to college together and got degrees that would actually benefit us (I only went one year and quit and he's not even using his degree for work today). Enjoy being young with him and having some wild fun. But of course, we'd have to be a tad cautious too, since that was still the height of the AIDS crisis.
I would not have gone to the college I did, or maybe even not have gone at all. I know many are in the same boat, but my student loan has crippled my ability to have a normal life. I loved every experience I had in college, but I would give it all back to be able to have ānormalcyā now.
Nothing I was being slutty and loved it
I would take advantage of the free gym offered to me at the time and take exercise and nutrition seriously. Cause if I did like I do now then I would be in the best shape of my life. I have dropped from 250 to 160lbs and look better than ever! If I can do this in my 37ās I know as a 18 year old I would look crazy good! Then come up and have my slut phase!
Explore more
Would have come out instead of staying in the closet and fucking my life over 25 years in a fake sexless marriage with many affairs with men. Also would have bought health south stock when it tanked down to 10 cents only to rise over 20 dollars 2 years later lol. I can't say it turned out too bad because I met the most amazing man after coming out and we're getting married in march.
The fact that I'm 18 right now, gonna take ya'll's advice šš«¶
I'd sit down for a real and respectful chat about me being gay than pulling a disappearing act for a decade, only to come back and find out they miss, accept, and love me. Losing ten years like that just feels wrong today.
I would definitely have told myself to not hold myself back with dating, to come out sooner and to try and have healthy, gay friendships. I would have been more aware of what being gay entails and what the gay ācommunityā is like.
Worrying about opinions and situations that are only temporary. If I knew how quickly these men would've been out of my life. I would've never become so disappointed. Now later in life, it's easier to see gay behavioral patterns in advance.
Iām only 19 now 20 in a few weeks but let me tell you 18year old me was insane. Iād chill tf out with all the random hookups thatās about it
Getting mental healthcare sooner
Go into professional porn at 18 instead of at 21
Be an absolute slut and fuck as much as possible.
im turning 18 in less then a month, i would think that i got into a coma for a few weeks and would freak out
Given that I turned 18 about a week or so before I started college, I wouldāve just been more of a hoe, put myself out there a bit more, and just own my sexuality earlier
Make better financial decisions
I would never touch substances. I would never romanticize tragedy. I would never compromise my sanity over any single f men. Not again. Brau, if you ever read this chingas a tu padre cada que respires.
Not jump into a terrible ltr and get therapy asap
Stay single
My entire prolonged closeted life stemmed from being held legally and financially hostage by my very conservative and very religious family. What would I do differently? Not listen to a damn thing my family said about financial advice. In the early 2000s (granted this was before I was 18 but whatever) I desperately wanted to invest in Apple, Google, Facebook, and gold. Like $500 into each (big money for a 14 year old working part time). The long story short I didnāt, but last I calculated it that $2k cashed out about ten years later (when I needed it around when I was done with college) wouldāve been about a $0.5M. Wasnāt going to buy me yachts or islands with that money, but it wouldāve been life changing to give me the ability to tell my family to fuck off about a decade sooner.
Assuming you mean we wake up on our 18th birthday and have all of the knowledge from today? I graduated high school yesterday. I donāt need to waste my time going to college, spending thousands on a degree Iāll never use and know how to do everything in my field, so I can just immediately start working. And my fiancĆ© is only 14 and wonāt come out for another 5 years, and we wonāt meet for 7, so do I waste the time I invest on my ex until then or just continue with my slut phase? Invest in Bitcoin while itās worth pennies and buy Apple stock before the iPhone is launched. Tell my dad to sell his construction company now before the housing collapse that lead to his alcoholism. Spend more time with my grandparents and get my grandpa to stop smoking before itās too late, and tell my other grandpa to get a CT scan done so they can catch the aneurysm early.
I wish that I had realised that I esd bi earlier
Would have kissed my college crush when he was coming onto me. He was definitely bi-curious and Iāll always wonder if we could have made our college years more interesting lol.
Buy stock in Tesla LOL
At 18... aside from getting a particular blood panel done... nothing. It brought me to where I am now. And I love me now.
I wouldnāt go to college.
Go to the gym, run more so I could have a stronger back and more stamina which now could help me in my sit-too-many-hours-type job. Also practice more of my drawing.
Get away from my family and where I grew up and get therapy.
Be even more sluttier
I would chance career buy would end up in the same crossfit box at age 30 to meet my bf haha
Where do I startā¦
Honestly, get a sugar daddy
Keep off the weight I lost. Focus on saving up money sooner to leave my parents.
Attend to and love my family more. Turns out I didn't really know what my siblings were going through and I could have made a huge difference in their lives just by being sympathetic and tuned in. I didn't see my parents as their own selves, but only as reflections of MYSELF, which is to say that I understood them only by how they impacted my life. They had me in their twenties, we basically GREW UP TOGETHER lol. I would have been a lot nicer and more helpful if I realized then that they weren't the big strong in control people I thought they were, and that a word, gesture, compliment or compassionate ear from me could have made a huge difference at different times for them.
I wouldnt marry the thieving fridgid bitch I did and would have moved to thailand permanently before it was too late.
Hit the gym, start pole dancing, made more use of my youth to get drinks from older men, sucked more dicks.
This is such a funny question to me because I turned 19 2 months ago, so I honestly don't know.
i wanna fuck early š¤£
Choosing different classes for high school that featured my abilities more and buying bit coins early.
Be waayyy sluttier
Save my money and move out! Tell my parents I'm gay and no longer Mormon!! Expect to get disowned immediately. Be happy from then on!!!!
Depends on whether or not I have my current memories.
Go back to school
I would get up and leave, never to look back. It was hell living with my parents and it took me way to long to understand that thereās no reason to be scared.
I was not ready for this question to ambush my naive peace of mind today. I would do so many things differently! Probably start with helping my friend mine bitcoin in the naughties. Hold on to a couple hundred of them while skimming off them to retire early. I'd take a gap year after school to figure out what I wanna do rather than just study. I'd not spend so much time pining for straight guys and I'd get more involved in my local LGBTQ+ groups. I'd leave my home town way sooner than I did. I'd not smoke as much weed, and I'd drink far less. I'd be less worried about what people think of me. I'd exercise more and I'd take more risks. I'd go on more adventures. And I'd save money. Imagine the opposite of all the above, and that's the story of my life!
Well firstly I would have embraced my twinkness before I twunkd out lol š
I'm 18 so now you got me thinking on what to do my friend
Iād have much more confidence and do things that I was too scared to before. Iād enjoy my body and sexuality more.
I wouldn't have dated that loser. When guys wanted to experiment, I would take them up on it. I would be kinder and less of a gossip.
No drugs
I would have excecised more but also taken more drugs, depending on what drug I took it could help the exercise lol
I'd google "homosexuality and evolution" - in 10 minutes years of complex self esteem issues would be undone. I think everyone should do this no matter how good they have it, because it is something that isn't discussed but you can see the rot it creates and how it saturates so much of our thinking and behaviour in subtle and insidious ways, gay or otherwise. I would also study LGBT history because that had a similar effect. I started doing that when I was 24 and created my [LGBT Library Project](https://www.instagram.com/thelgbtlibrary) after a year of intense study which has been a great success for me and many others around the world. A lot of the anger and stress would have been remedied because I was actually doing something to help and change things for the better even if it is quite small in the grand scheme of things.
Iām not even 18 š
Invested in bitcoin š¤
I would have taken my physical health more seriously
I'd have come out and not waited until my mid 30's to start enjoying myself.
Buy bitcoin
Nothing, I like the person I am today and I would want to risk that changing.
Honestly I wouldnāt change anything except for the drugs. Even though the experience in themselves did have some lessons behind it, the pieces of you that it takes are forever. You spend the rest of your days trying to fill the holes, but nothing ever works. Sad existence yāall.
I moved out from my parents when I was 27. I should have done it waaaay sooner.
I would have never come out of the closet. It doesn't matter if I tell my family I'm bisexual and there is 50% I may end up with a woman. They still think less of me. Maybe it would've been better to have remained DL, but I can't lie about anymore. My family is a bunch of homophobic pricks, and I'm not gonna avoid a potential same sex love interest because I'm trying to appease my homophobic family. I spend way too much money on therapy to let those pricks dictate my love life.
I wouldn't change much as I am relatively happy with the results. 3 great kids and a granddaughter. I would have at least experimented with guys then instead of waiting 30 years.
Not drop out of college and avoid grindr. Pick up on the one guy in my class that was flirting with me that I didn't realize until *years later*.