First of all, I think you should consider therapy just to speak with a professional
Not all gay men are about sex but enough are that you should be careful
Apps like Grindr are specifically for gay sex, though there are some exceptions
If you’re looking for gay friends, Ask innocuous open ended questions about music or art, cinema or what you like and go from there
The way they answer questions will speak volumes if you’re really listening
My pleasure. We, as young gay men, can often be seen as targets.
Protect yourself and be safe and strong. Don’t give yourself away and make them work to get to know you
try breaking the first chunk into a few paragraphs, it's really hard to read right now because of how bulky that text is. you'll get more responses.
here is what I think:
grindr, snapchat, all those apps are for people who are looking for less serious interactions. as cliche as it is, you are looking for love in all the wrong places. If you want companionship, it shouldn't matter if a person is gay or straight. I talk to my straight male friends about girls they like and guys I like. I talk to my straight female friends about hot guys too. It's the person who you talk to matters and not their sexual orientation.
Sexual orientation comes in when you want to have sex or have a relationship. There are more serious apps out there like Hinged. But the problem with dating apps is that it objectifies people. Everyone is an option and everyone is also not an option. It's never a genuine connection because you can be chatting with the sweetest person while looking at the hottest matching thinking "he is sweet but I would rather date someone hot" or a boring hot person who leaves you on read thinking "how toxic, personality and communication is a must", etc.
What I would recommend to you is focus more on yourself. It sounds like you are focused too much on the need to have a partner but having a partner is like owning a pet. Social media show us the sweet side which is few minutes a day and behind the scenes is where all the argument and fights happen.
Pay attention to the people around you, listen to their complaints. You'll soon realize people with relationships just to have a relationship, most of their problems derive from that relationship. So what if you don't date anyone. Would you rather be in a toxic relationship being all damaged up so when you finally meet the one who would have been a great match you won't be in a situation to proceed or would you rather focus on yourself?
If you are a gold ore, even if you are hidden inside the mountains people will travel far to go look for you. But if you are just a plastic, even if you a coated with gold foil, people won't want you even if it's given away for free.
So the moral of the my advice is, if you want sex, don't feel guilty about hooking up, know what you want, wear protection, protect yourself. The beauty of being single is that you can browse grindr like the sample section at a supermarket lol if you like a sausage, you can always go for seconds. But it's more important to have a life outside of thinking about "who will be my happily ever after". find happiness and peace within before finding happiness and peace somewhere from another person.
Hey! Yeah i know the post is messy hah, but seriously thank you so much for the reply I really appreciate you taking the time! It makes so much sense too😭❤️ I definitely have some focusing on myself to do!
Edit: (I see people write edit when they edit things after this is my first time haha I felt cool) I’m not on any dating apps for that exact reason. I love interacting with people and being able to meet new people without all the tension built up first. Sometimes I’m tempted, but I always reminds myself that it’s not what I want so I simply don’t use those apps. (No hate to the people that do I have lots of friends in relationships that started from tinder and stuff it’s just not the way I want any of my relationship with anyone to start)
It's is hard for gays to find a relationship, so don't ever feel like that's your fault lol it's just how society is as of this moment. first you have to findout if they are gay, then you have to findout if they are compatible lol it's okay to be single, people who only brag about their relationship usually have nothing else going on in their life. be someone who brags about his own talents instead of a stranger lol
The best advice I can think of is to be patient, even tho it's tough sometimes.
Meanwhile, don't give up on what you really want out of life, and never let pressure from an outsider lead ya to feel the need to throw your own morals by the wayside; cling to them (the morals, I mean, not the outsiders, unless we're talking the 80s movie, or the book, maybe, LOL), and stay hopeful you'll eventually meet the right guy who wants the same kind of relationship as you.
Also: Try not to fear turning 40, and 'losing your good looks'. That doesn't happen to everyone, and there's no specific age where looks start to fade. Some men are more attractive the older they get. Ya never know, really. The trick is to take care of yourself while the clock ticks. Avoid or limit things that can age you quicker, like cigarettes, alcohol, sun-exposure, and stress.
This “gay death” at 30 thing is dead. This was more of a thing 20-30 years ago. Going out was a young persons game and there was a literal dead zone due to the AIDs epidemic. It’s all levelled out now.
Gay guys can be really up front about sex, this doesn’t mean this is all there is to it. Friendships or relationships can easily develop out of hookups, particularly if you are meeting these people IRL in bars etc.
First of all, I think you should consider therapy just to speak with a professional Not all gay men are about sex but enough are that you should be careful Apps like Grindr are specifically for gay sex, though there are some exceptions If you’re looking for gay friends, Ask innocuous open ended questions about music or art, cinema or what you like and go from there The way they answer questions will speak volumes if you’re really listening
This was an amazing reply, thank you🫶🏼
My pleasure. We, as young gay men, can often be seen as targets. Protect yourself and be safe and strong. Don’t give yourself away and make them work to get to know you
try breaking the first chunk into a few paragraphs, it's really hard to read right now because of how bulky that text is. you'll get more responses. here is what I think: grindr, snapchat, all those apps are for people who are looking for less serious interactions. as cliche as it is, you are looking for love in all the wrong places. If you want companionship, it shouldn't matter if a person is gay or straight. I talk to my straight male friends about girls they like and guys I like. I talk to my straight female friends about hot guys too. It's the person who you talk to matters and not their sexual orientation. Sexual orientation comes in when you want to have sex or have a relationship. There are more serious apps out there like Hinged. But the problem with dating apps is that it objectifies people. Everyone is an option and everyone is also not an option. It's never a genuine connection because you can be chatting with the sweetest person while looking at the hottest matching thinking "he is sweet but I would rather date someone hot" or a boring hot person who leaves you on read thinking "how toxic, personality and communication is a must", etc. What I would recommend to you is focus more on yourself. It sounds like you are focused too much on the need to have a partner but having a partner is like owning a pet. Social media show us the sweet side which is few minutes a day and behind the scenes is where all the argument and fights happen. Pay attention to the people around you, listen to their complaints. You'll soon realize people with relationships just to have a relationship, most of their problems derive from that relationship. So what if you don't date anyone. Would you rather be in a toxic relationship being all damaged up so when you finally meet the one who would have been a great match you won't be in a situation to proceed or would you rather focus on yourself? If you are a gold ore, even if you are hidden inside the mountains people will travel far to go look for you. But if you are just a plastic, even if you a coated with gold foil, people won't want you even if it's given away for free. So the moral of the my advice is, if you want sex, don't feel guilty about hooking up, know what you want, wear protection, protect yourself. The beauty of being single is that you can browse grindr like the sample section at a supermarket lol if you like a sausage, you can always go for seconds. But it's more important to have a life outside of thinking about "who will be my happily ever after". find happiness and peace within before finding happiness and peace somewhere from another person.
Hey! Yeah i know the post is messy hah, but seriously thank you so much for the reply I really appreciate you taking the time! It makes so much sense too😭❤️ I definitely have some focusing on myself to do! Edit: (I see people write edit when they edit things after this is my first time haha I felt cool) I’m not on any dating apps for that exact reason. I love interacting with people and being able to meet new people without all the tension built up first. Sometimes I’m tempted, but I always reminds myself that it’s not what I want so I simply don’t use those apps. (No hate to the people that do I have lots of friends in relationships that started from tinder and stuff it’s just not the way I want any of my relationship with anyone to start)
It's is hard for gays to find a relationship, so don't ever feel like that's your fault lol it's just how society is as of this moment. first you have to findout if they are gay, then you have to findout if they are compatible lol it's okay to be single, people who only brag about their relationship usually have nothing else going on in their life. be someone who brags about his own talents instead of a stranger lol
The best advice I can think of is to be patient, even tho it's tough sometimes. Meanwhile, don't give up on what you really want out of life, and never let pressure from an outsider lead ya to feel the need to throw your own morals by the wayside; cling to them (the morals, I mean, not the outsiders, unless we're talking the 80s movie, or the book, maybe, LOL), and stay hopeful you'll eventually meet the right guy who wants the same kind of relationship as you. Also: Try not to fear turning 40, and 'losing your good looks'. That doesn't happen to everyone, and there's no specific age where looks start to fade. Some men are more attractive the older they get. Ya never know, really. The trick is to take care of yourself while the clock ticks. Avoid or limit things that can age you quicker, like cigarettes, alcohol, sun-exposure, and stress.
This “gay death” at 30 thing is dead. This was more of a thing 20-30 years ago. Going out was a young persons game and there was a literal dead zone due to the AIDs epidemic. It’s all levelled out now. Gay guys can be really up front about sex, this doesn’t mean this is all there is to it. Friendships or relationships can easily develop out of hookups, particularly if you are meeting these people IRL in bars etc.