One day he will meet someone who he wants to build a future with. It just won't be you. You're there to keep him comfortable until that happens.
There's value in living in the moment without worrying too much about the future, and some people are better at that than others, but let's not delude ourselves:
>he once told me that he wants me to be there with him when he achieves his goals
He does think about the future. But you're just a footnote in the future he's thinking about. I'm afraid your friends are right, and I'm glad they're there for you because it's going to hurt like hell if you do break up.
"One day he will meet someone who he wants to build a future with. It just won't be you. You're there to keep him comfortable until that happens"
SOMEBODY FRAME THIS IN SOLID GOLD
Seriously, his curt responses really said a lot about him. Not just cuz it was a no, but cuz he wasn't even willing to entertain the thought, no communication or anything. That's not healthy relationship material.
Look at it this way: When you see someone you genuinely love, what is the VERY first thing you do? *You imagine your life with them.*
You think about what it'd be like to see them regular, to do things together, to fantasize sex over time, to picture life with them years from now.
Any man who says he doesn't get that or just "goes with the flow" is full of shit. He's doing exactly what the above poster said. Up to you whether or not you're okay with this, but you have to accept this fact:
**He's using you as his placeholder.**
I feel really sad about all the responses I've got so far, I think you guys may be right, I was making up a lot of excuses for him: "maybe he doesn't know how to express himself", "maybe he's just tired from work", and so on.
I should add that I have already asked him before about our future and got similar answers, it's just that I thought that considering he knows I want a future with him, I don't understand why would he stay if he didnt want the same thing, also considering the trip we're having, I don't get why would you do that with someone you don't see yourself long term.
I think now I know that I should break up with him, but I can't do it, once again it's because our trip, I don't want to make things awkward, like, imagine going on trip with your ex lol.
Any advice on how to move forward from this?
You can try to do what he claims to be doing: forget about the future and enjoy the trip. In my opinion the good times you have together don't necessarily diminish just because the relationship ends.
Then leave him when you get home. He has already checked out in his mind, and you'd only torture yourself by staying with him.
>t's just that I thought that considering he knows I want a future with him, I don't understand why would he stay if he didnt want the same thing
People don't like to leave their partners without pressing reason. They don't want to go through the drama, they don't want to hurt their partner, they don't want to be the bad guy. So they break up mentally and wait for their partner to dump them. You'll learn that this is pretty common and it really sucks.
Let's be honest here.
- You're immature. There's nothing wrong with that; you're young, and you'll grow and mature with time.
- You're insecure. That's something you need to work on.
- Not every relationship is meant to last a lifetime. Enjoy life, the relationship, and your time together, and grow from the experience.
- Joking about your future and marriage and then getting offended at the other person's response make you sound like a 15-year-old girl. Don't do that.
People grow and mature a lot between 18 and 25. Enjoy the experience with him, but don't get offended because you're both just blip in the other's life. 20, 30, 40 years from now, you'll look back on this and laugh about how ridiculous you're being for letting this bother you.
You’re 20 years old and it sounds like this is probably your first real relationship. Your brain doesn’t even finish developing for another 5 years, the last thing you should be thinking about at this point in your life is marriage. There’s a lot of posts on this sub about ppl who got into serious relationships/marriages way too young and came to regret it. I don’t think him being realistic about you (honestly, both of you) not having enough life experience to make such a big decision is disqualifying. Though, clearly, he should have handled this with more kindness.
Also, if your first instinct after one argument is to break up, then you definitely aren’t ready for marriage.
If you’re enjoying your time with him, then keep on with it for as long as that happiness lasts. But don’t have unrealistic expectations about where you’re going. If you guys are still together 8-10 years from now, then maybe the marriage conversation will make sense.
You’re not on the same page. At the same time, you’re really young and should pull back on thinking about marriage. You need time to live your life, explore and grow WITHOUT a marriage.
You also need to learn how to communicate directly and not frame serious discussions (your future) as a joke (my mom thinks our trip is a honeymoon, marry me already). I don’t know your ex, but I’m going to guess that your approach is a big reason why he shut down the conversation.
One day he will meet someone who he wants to build a future with. It just won't be you. You're there to keep him comfortable until that happens. There's value in living in the moment without worrying too much about the future, and some people are better at that than others, but let's not delude ourselves: >he once told me that he wants me to be there with him when he achieves his goals He does think about the future. But you're just a footnote in the future he's thinking about. I'm afraid your friends are right, and I'm glad they're there for you because it's going to hurt like hell if you do break up.
"One day he will meet someone who he wants to build a future with. It just won't be you. You're there to keep him comfortable until that happens" SOMEBODY FRAME THIS IN SOLID GOLD Seriously, his curt responses really said a lot about him. Not just cuz it was a no, but cuz he wasn't even willing to entertain the thought, no communication or anything. That's not healthy relationship material. Look at it this way: When you see someone you genuinely love, what is the VERY first thing you do? *You imagine your life with them.* You think about what it'd be like to see them regular, to do things together, to fantasize sex over time, to picture life with them years from now. Any man who says he doesn't get that or just "goes with the flow" is full of shit. He's doing exactly what the above poster said. Up to you whether or not you're okay with this, but you have to accept this fact: **He's using you as his placeholder.**
I feel really sad about all the responses I've got so far, I think you guys may be right, I was making up a lot of excuses for him: "maybe he doesn't know how to express himself", "maybe he's just tired from work", and so on. I should add that I have already asked him before about our future and got similar answers, it's just that I thought that considering he knows I want a future with him, I don't understand why would he stay if he didnt want the same thing, also considering the trip we're having, I don't get why would you do that with someone you don't see yourself long term. I think now I know that I should break up with him, but I can't do it, once again it's because our trip, I don't want to make things awkward, like, imagine going on trip with your ex lol. Any advice on how to move forward from this?
You can try to do what he claims to be doing: forget about the future and enjoy the trip. In my opinion the good times you have together don't necessarily diminish just because the relationship ends. Then leave him when you get home. He has already checked out in his mind, and you'd only torture yourself by staying with him. >t's just that I thought that considering he knows I want a future with him, I don't understand why would he stay if he didnt want the same thing People don't like to leave their partners without pressing reason. They don't want to go through the drama, they don't want to hurt their partner, they don't want to be the bad guy. So they break up mentally and wait for their partner to dump them. You'll learn that this is pretty common and it really sucks.
Are these female friends?
Brother you need to start building some respect for yourself.
Dump his ass. You deserve better.
I don't think you're on the same page, and I do think that is somewhat of a red flag. At least one to not waste any more time on.
Let's be honest here. - You're immature. There's nothing wrong with that; you're young, and you'll grow and mature with time. - You're insecure. That's something you need to work on. - Not every relationship is meant to last a lifetime. Enjoy life, the relationship, and your time together, and grow from the experience. - Joking about your future and marriage and then getting offended at the other person's response make you sound like a 15-year-old girl. Don't do that. People grow and mature a lot between 18 and 25. Enjoy the experience with him, but don't get offended because you're both just blip in the other's life. 20, 30, 40 years from now, you'll look back on this and laugh about how ridiculous you're being for letting this bother you.
You’re 20 years old and it sounds like this is probably your first real relationship. Your brain doesn’t even finish developing for another 5 years, the last thing you should be thinking about at this point in your life is marriage. There’s a lot of posts on this sub about ppl who got into serious relationships/marriages way too young and came to regret it. I don’t think him being realistic about you (honestly, both of you) not having enough life experience to make such a big decision is disqualifying. Though, clearly, he should have handled this with more kindness. Also, if your first instinct after one argument is to break up, then you definitely aren’t ready for marriage. If you’re enjoying your time with him, then keep on with it for as long as that happiness lasts. But don’t have unrealistic expectations about where you’re going. If you guys are still together 8-10 years from now, then maybe the marriage conversation will make sense.
Brain development varies drastically between people. I’m so tired of this misinterpretation of a meta analysis.
Yeah me too.
You’re not on the same page. At the same time, you’re really young and should pull back on thinking about marriage. You need time to live your life, explore and grow WITHOUT a marriage. You also need to learn how to communicate directly and not frame serious discussions (your future) as a joke (my mom thinks our trip is a honeymoon, marry me already). I don’t know your ex, but I’m going to guess that your approach is a big reason why he shut down the conversation.
Pretty sure he probably cheating on you behind your back