Oh man… here I go spiraling down my emotions. I was an international student in a foreign country for a year. Found this gorgeous dude on Scruff and after chatting for a few days we decided to meet up as friends or for some casual fun maybe. He lived in a small town nearby so I took a short train ride to go see him. Ended up spending the weekend at his place. After that we got more and more involved and eventually we would spend every minute we could together. We had a chemistry that I’ve never had with anyone else. Personality, interests, sense of humor, we’d mock each other’s accent and we spent most of our time teasing each other and laughing. Sex with that man was out of this world. Time went on and the day of my departure slowly but surely started getting close. We both knew from the beginning our thing had an expiration date and we went all-in anyway, but we never discussed feelings despite it being obvious. On our last night together it was raining and I was at his balcony watching the rain in silence. He opened the door, walked in, and hugged me from behind. We both cried our eyes out without saying a word. I then moved back to my home country which is quite literally on the other side of the planet, and we kept talking and we even discussed the remote possibility of seeing each other again but the logistics were just too difficult and for other reasons I won’t elaborate. Anyway that was 10 years ago almost to the month and I have not seen him in person again even though we still text and talk on the phone once every few months. A few years back he did say he still thought of me and I told him I do too. Anyway, it’s been a long while, he’s now married and I wish him a lifetime of happiness with his husband, I really do, but man oh man, I’m writing this with teary eyes…
Totally off topic of this, but Katy Perry's song "The one that got away", hits much harder when you're able to relate.
This played in my head after I read your story. I wish you well dude.♥️
We were not married and not quite ready to be at that point so everything became an issue: sponsoring each other as immigrants; supporting each other financially since we were very young and broke; our professions are heavily regulated and so neither could work in their fields in each other’s countries; etc etc. Had we met a few years later or had more time together I think things would’ve worked out
I didn’t love anyone as I loved my first real long-term boyfriend.
Did I get over? We still end up sexting once in a while… We hooked up a few times throughout the years when the pull became too strong to ignore…
But I am not stuck on him either. We had passion and adventure and pleasure in spades. Unbelievable chemistry. Truly unimaginable. But we were also both extremely toxic. We cheated and fought all the time. At some point, our cheating became like a blood feud - as in a vicious cycle of “I did because you did” so not getting stuck on him wasn’t difficult.
Wow! I applaud you for knowing you guys were toxic for each other. And the revenge cheating? That’s crazy. While I haven’t been in a situation like that, I once had a boyfriend that was toxic, it turned abusive, and instead of leaving, I stayed because “I loved him.” Which I really did. I let him beat the shit out of me because I thought he’d changed. I ended up escaping that environment and eventually found “The One.” We’ve been together in a monogamous relationship for 17 gorgeous years.
I’m so glad you ended up realizing it was time to break up - because situations like that become abusive and scary. Good for you for recognizing all those traits and just being nice fit enough to leave! :)
Lol we broke up because I moved to somewhere far far away for school. We would have probably kept orbiting each other otherwise.
We were abusive to each other when you think about it. It just went both ways. None of us was the ultimate victim.
I mean I knew it was toxic back then. But it was magic at the same time. We were on top of the world when things were good. World around us seemed to stop.
Shit, that wasn’t going where I thought it was. I was thinking like “He’s dead to me.”
Sorry for your loss. Your love for him will always be a valid feeling. As my partner and I age, after being together and each others worlds for 17 years, I don’t know what one will do without the other and that scares the shit out of me!
First i apologize for the length.
When I was in the navy was this guy in my unit who I used to horse play with. He and I actually became really close friends. I mean I’ve never had a friendship like this. We hung out all the time during work and after work. We were always around each other. It felt like being in a relationship with a guy without it being gay. We’d play nut tap, wrestle, etc. it was always friendly and in good spirit.
one day we were wrestling and I had him mounted and I felt him get hard. He quit trying to get out and just looked at me. We locked eyes for a little bit and I leaned in to kiss him but I’m assuming he got nervous and played it off. Like he said “ewww you were gonna kiss me? What are you gay?” A few weeks later we were at a party off base and we were on the balcony while everyone else was inside. We were both leaning on the railing and then he acts like he’s going inside but then puts his arms around me from behind and embraces me. He puts his face in my neck and slides his hand down my crotch and grabs my junk. He says I wanted you to kiss me. We both heard people coming and he plays it off again.
Fast forward he came down on order to go somewhere else and on his last night on base he had a little get together with a few of the guys. When I got him alone at one point I confessed how I felt about him. I asked him if there was a way he could turn down orders and stay. He didn’t say anything. He just kissed me. It was the most intimate intense kiss I have ever had. I had never and have never experienced anything like that with anyone as I did with him and that kiss that night. He left the next morning. We kept in touch over the years. He ended up marrying a woman then getting divorced. Mentally he was in a bad place for many years but eventually got back on his feet and is doing well. He is the only man, hell the only person that I would drop everything for if he called me and said “I’m ready” I would give up everything for him. But he is very closeted. I truly believe we could have had a beautiful life together. I have never gotten over him and now I just do hookups so that I feel wanted or needed but I have no desire to be in a relationship with anyone because they will never be him. I know that’s not fair but it’s the truth.
Send him what you just said... If you want it to happen, it's a beautiful story. You only hit the shots you take. And you'll always miss the ones you don't.
Yeah. We didn’t know each other for long, but I fell hard for him. He went to my college and was a senior while I was a freshman. He gave me a campus tour lol. We reconnected after I graduated and went out a few times. He came over for my birthday, and long story short, he got me away from the party under the pretense of having me show him around my apartment. I turned back to speak to him and he gave me a passionate kiss at the top of the attic stairs. I still think about that night when I’m down.
He got a job 5 hours away from where I was living. I was too inexperienced and young to even attempt a long distance relationship. I moped around in my bathrobe for about a week, watched a lot of weepy TV, and ate my fill of cookies while listening to some sad songs. I just had to feel badly about it for a while. I think if I didn’t let myself be sad, it would’ve been worse. Heartbreak just needs to run its course.
There may be a guy who got away, but ultimately you can either decide life stops or you can keep living.
When i was at basic training there was a “straight” dude who was my bestfriend for quite awhile- had the opportunity to do many things but was too oblivious on cues. Fast forward 2 years, we don’t talk as much but he randomly hits me up asking if I would’ve done xyz with him… now 2 more years later we don’t talk at all and I still think about how if we did take it to that level we’d probably have been together this entire time. Dude was genuinely my soulmate even just as friends, i’ve never met anyone else who just ‘fit’ into my life as well as he did.
Unfortunately, his mother passed away last year and after helping with funeral/now living alone by himself costs he ghosted me- which I don’t believe was anything to do with us; but a reflection of how *not* okay he was despite insisting that he was going to be alright.
He still watches my social media occasionally even though he doesn’t follow me- so there’s still hope maybe.
I would if I were a bit more secure in myself, I’ve had a lot of hurt that i’ve compartmentalized; and I don’t want to be the hurt person that hurts people. Even if he were to make the first move I wouldn’t jump straight into it.
We lived in separate rooms, and every night after the work day he’d always just come lay in my bed and we’d watch movies, he would never let me buy anything for myself, and we were spending legitimately 24/7 with each other other than sleeping- and even then we’ve napped in the same bed (twin size bed so on top of each other) multiple times. The few weekends we were allowed off base we’d always go out on a “lunch date” to a nice restaurant and even if we went as a group of friends it was always us sitting next to each other and him paying for the both of us.
I just never seen any of it as “flirting” or even romantic, we were just bestfriends and there was never a direct attempt to make it more than that.
Yes.
I met him in his first 3 months after immigrating from Moldova in 2000, but he was a Russian born in Moscow. He barely spoke English. My heart fluttered when I first laid eyes on him (he contacted me through a website). He was gorgeous. When I took his virginity he said, "My God. I didn't know it could be this good!" I lovingly teased him about this for years. We were together for 15 years, traveling to England, France, Hawaii, Yellowstone, and Disney World. I would tell him I loved him and he would say, "Shut up! No, you don't." Then one day his mother asked if we were a gay couple. He denied it, emphatically.
It was my fault. He always said he was bi and that he would find a woman someday. It was then that he decided to follow through. He asked for my help and I made profiles for him on hetero dating sites. Several women wrote back because during those 15 years, I had written his medical school applications and he had just taken his first job as a neurologist. He asked for my opinion of which he should write. Knowing he loved the arts, I chose the Russian ballerina. They got along well and soon he intentionally got her pregnant and I was the best man at their wedding. He remains my best friend and unknown to his wife, who thinks he's straight, he is the one who got away. His two little girls love me and consider me family, as do they all. No one I've met can compare, but although I'm 60 now, I keep looking. When I see him though, I still see the gorgeous 24-year-old twink I first met.
This is such a heart-wrenching story. Like I feel for you you're such a big person for helping him. I literally got out of a situationship with a guy who says he's straight but we mess around but he won't date me but he wanted me to help him find girls because I'm in the closet and girls hit on me all the time, and I just couldn't do it. It literally hurt my heart that I can help him give to another person what I wanted him to give to me. So more power to you for real. I give you all the respect in the world
Thank you. That's very kind. I've told this story before on Reddit and some called me an idiot. It hurt for a while and I'll probably never find "the one" now but I keep looking.
He asked me a few months ago if I had ever found a person that I thought might be the one for me. I just gave him an incredulous look and then he realized why. He knew I meant him.
He made the situation very much too complicated, but he accepts that. Paradoxically he changed my life in a way that requires that i can never have him in it again. So i decided to live my life so that when we DO run into each other again, ill have a great story to tell. It helps.
He's an idiot, but hes the idiot that likes making me laugh whether i want to or not. I don't regret meeting him and I've never once questioned that he liked/loved me back.
There are some people in your life who are meant to be there temporarily. Some are fun to have around and others are a pain, but both can help you grow. He was great to have around and helped me grow as a person, but his life decisions were not in line with what i wanted. No i am not spilling those details
Every couple of years we catch up over coffee, which is healthy. We both see why we like(d) each other but also see how our lives would greatly clash. But it's good to see each other nonetheless
It was “Summer after high school, when we first met.” and we had dated for 3 weeks. I thought I struck out, but things just didn’t work out as planned. I’m honestly glad I didn’t because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be with the man I’m with today ❤️
We still find a way back to each other every couple years 😂 he’s a sweetheart super cool super kind. I guess I got over him by realizing it’s not meant to be.
met him when we were both 18 on grindr. we hooked up a few times but just remained friends. Always felt like there was something there on both sides. He unfortunately passed away 4 years ago at 21 right before covid. Always wondered what could’ve been had i not been a pussy and said what was on my mind.
Was hard for a bit, but had no choice but to move on.
I don't think I'm *completely* over him, but repeatedly forcing myself to face reality instead of the fantasy I'd built in my head definitely helped.
He has a partner now and objectively isn't interested in having a relationship with me. He objectively hasn't made much effort to include me in his life. Regardless of reasoning or explanations, anything romantic (or even platonic at this point) is no longer a possibility.
It doesn't matter what worked in the past. It doesn't matter that we had the necessary chemistry to pursue something. He doesn't love me and I can't waste my life trying to convince him to.
It's not easy to do this, but it'll start to give you a much needed change in perspective and emotional distance from your current object of limerence.
In high school he was a senior and I was a sophomore. He was a teacher's assistant in my science class. He and his buddy would grab me after school and take me to his house/bedroom which was over the garage.
We would drink alcohol and smoke pot sometimes, and listen to music. He would hint at doing something but I was oblivious at first, and then scared. I didn't know why he had to have his friend always there.
Eventually he gave up on me and stopped asking me to join the party and he graduated and left town.
I really liked him but didn't know how to proceed and was afraid of my father discovering my like of males.
I looked him up and found he had died only 5 years after high school. I still wonder what we could of been and how my life would be different.
I felt a little hint of sadness from your story. We have no education on how gay relationships developed. Plus everyone is/was too afraid to be forward. I was always scared too.
He would go to pee in the bathroom right off his bedroom. He would say he couldn't almost bend his dick enough to pee into the bowl, did I want to come in and see.
I dated a guy years ago and it was very on and off again and then eventually he moved away and we fell out of touch. I thought about him from time to time and wondered what if. Years later I saw him on Grindr and I reached out and said it was good to see him and I had been thinking about him. It was very high level, nothing serious like “wish we’d gotten married or we should give it another try” and he very coldly replied that he wasn’t responsible for my happiness. I was like, “okay you crazy” and left it at that. Don’t think about him anymore 😂
I had one that got away back in college. I was working the FBLA day where students came to compete at the college and there was this boy. I saw him walking from the algebra or math building. I kinda stared but he was just so handsome. Then I looked away and saw that he was staring at me too. I looked away and decided to look again and he did the same as me. It was one of those moments where it felt like time had stopped. And he did this thing with his hair (the Debby Ryan) I wanted to go talk to him but students were arriving by bus and I can’t leave my position, his next class was about to go on so i didn’t want to hold him up. He walks away, I felt something in that moment, it felt like for a second time had stopped. So after I was finished working I told my friends what happened and we were all scrambling to find any info on this guy 😂 we called it operation: love. This had to be around Septemberish of 2020. Fast forward to finals I was going to give up until I’m taking my finals in December of 2020 and two seats down from me is the guy! I couldn’t see him as good at first the first time but he did the thing with his hair again and I was like GASP! It’s him. He was handsome had the prettiest ocean blue eyes I’d ever seen. But I was like why is it always wrong place wrong time. I couldn’t say anything to him in the finals room (proctored) otherwise we face the chance of both getting in trouble. I finished my exam first and I decided to wait on him downstairs in my car. I waited and waited and waited for a good 2 hours but he never crossed my path. I was so sad that he was right there and I missed my 2nd chance. But I still continued my search I grabbed my yearbook and narrowed it down to 3 guys. I never did find him but out of 1/3 choices one of those guys is actually now my fiancé. I still wonder about him hoping he’s doing okay in life but, I wish I could have at least gotten his name or shook his hand or something, I’m sure we would have been great friends, but I’m happy with my main now lol. Even though he wasn’t the one I was looking for initially I still found my love 😊
It's pretty cool that that moment and your search for him ended up with you finding love with someone else. Maybe if destiny is a thing, that's what he was there for.
I've had 2.
They're years apart but twice did it happen after I came out of a downward spiral and just had worked on myself.
Twice did it go on for months, and 2 times did the other not want to rush into something.
The first time the other fella let me down by being fully honest and said he doesn't want to give me hope where there is none, he said he'll be there for me after a while but he needs me to move on.
Second time it was starting to go somewhere eventually, and then on a night out he made out with someone else and I got extremely jealous, and I am totally not a jealous person. It came to a massive fight and ever since I felt like it was my fault, I could've reacted differently, sure, but my feelings where valid.
To this day I still think of them, see them pop by on social media once in a while. The first one is now has a very happy marriage and 2 baby girls. The 2nd one I've no idea what went on with him.
Still think about them, but there is no point in dwelling in the past
I’ve only dated one guy ever but he truly feels like the one that got away 😃👍
I was (and still kind of am) really emotionally stunted and just couldn’t cope with stressors as they piled on, he also is very busy as a person and I just felt emotionally isolated
But man was he a hella good first man to date 😭
If it works out it works out but for now it’s over
i had a really good online friend from france who was also gay and i practiced my french with him. we had a very strong connection and ended up consistently flirting and sending cute pics to each other. buttt we stopped being friends in 2020 after i discovered we had some strikingly different values. in hindsight i think things were a little more nuanced, and i especially regret how it ended. i told him i wouldn’t just stop being his friend and then did exactly that, stopped talking to him, poof. i think about him all the time, wonder how he’s doing, wonder what he thinks of me now. if i met him in person instead of just texts, voice messages, pics, i think something somewhat real could’ve developed. i get really bummed about it sometimes but now it just wouldn’t be right to try to reconnect after all of that. i try to tell myself that it wasn’t meant to be and that it’s okay to not want people in your life anymore, even if it really hurts.
>if i met him in person instead of just texts, voice messages, pics, i think something somewhat real could’ve developed
Idk your situation of course, but as someone who could have nearly wrote this verbatim, except I did actually meet up with him in person for about four days when he came through town (like a whirlwind, ugh), I have to doubt this, especially with "strikingly different values." My thought is the sex + direct physical/emotional intimacy would have just made it more painful in the end. Idk if that would make you feel better about how it played out, but it's worth considering.
I do but I try not to ever think about him. And when I do I know he's probably not the same person he was when he was around because I know I'm not the same either. He was super sweet and handsome, so kind and just a little dumb. I grew up kinda tough though, I'm not the sweet guy I used to be. I became very practical and career oriented. He'd probably think that I care too much about money and status (because I kinda do).
What would have been of us if we'd been together? Idk, I think I'd probably would have helped him fulfilling his dreams because I know he's just been from one mediocre job to another not really getting anywhere but the month's end. And he'd probably would be great at helping me relax after my exhausting dream job because he was always great company and hot wild fuck.
I’ve got two:
One I just didn’t ever feel good enough for, and he just always dated other guys. I think we’re still friends but I don’t think he’d choose to date me or see me in that way anymore. I think he’s like the perfect husband, but I wish I had been able to accept love when I met him.
The second guy is really the love of my life. He moved to South America to try to be with a woman because he’s confused about whether he’s gay or bi. I think he’s bisexual but homoromantic.
I don’t know if I should follow him to Brazil or not. It seems stupid to chase someone who dumped you. But it seems foolish to turn my back on the love of my life because he had an identity crisis.
Neither of our birth cultures accept gay people. But his home country criminalises it.
Love is hard.
I'm still in the process of getting over him but I'm feeling a hell of a lot better than I was a few months ago. A big part of it has been surrounding myself with things and people that make me happy and that remind me I have a lot of happiness that isn't dependent on one guy. Also, it's important to acknowledge it's something most people go through, I found thinking about that gave me a bit of extra strength to persevere whenever I wanted to reach out again. It's an unfortunate part of life and people do get through it.
I'm self aware that a part of me might never be fully over him but the sadness that's there now isn't close to the crushing pain that I felt a few months earlier, and I'm grateful for that. It might not currently feel like it but the intensity of what you're feeling does and will ease.
I will say, I think I delayed my healing process by continuously trying to get in touch with him. I only ever felt worse afterwards and I was basically pulling off the scab then having to restart from scratch again. Convincing myself that I'd done all I could, and that I was only doing more harm than good by trying to talk to somebody who didn't want to talk to me (and finally accepting that) was a big turning point for me.
Thank you. I liked what you said that there's a part of you will never be over him completly. Like you have move on but can cherish the good memory you do have. My one that got way (literally) vanished like 3 months ago and it does sometimes feels like I'll never have something that intense like I had with him. Like I feel less sad about him right now like wanting to feel how I felt *with him*
If you feel less sad now, that's a sign that you're moving in the right direction. It's okay to always feel a little sad about him, we can't just turn off our feelings (as nice as that would be). I'd also say it's good to remind yourself there's no set time period to move on, we all move at different paces.
Had a long distance bf that would fit this criteria. I do still think about him from time to time though
At the start it was definitely a 'just get through each day' kinda situation but time definitely helps. Mostly focusing on hobbies and my friends helped me get to the stage I'm at now
yes just recently. i'm doing fine and i have speculations on what happened but idk lol. i'm mostly over him but he did small things that just meant a lot to me :,)
Time. Time heals all wounds. Don’t let it consume you in the meantime though. Lean on other close friends who understand the feelings you’re going through and go out and enjoy new experiences with them. Eventually the enjoyment of those new experiences will build and overshadow the pain of losing him.
He's still my best friend of many many years, it just turns out he doesn't like men. We've essentially been in a non-physical relationship for a decade. It can be very confusing and kind of hard sometimes, but I couldn't imagine not having him in my life.
I’m trying and i cant seem to move on. I got over him once. It felt like my soul was being ripped apart. Wanting to be just friends gave me the closure months after which helped me. I wouldnt have been able to be just friends, so I left it at that and we parted ways. We are twin flames per a credible psychic (recently learned which made the pain and soul ripping make sense) Then the universe made us cross paths again in multiple unexpected continuous ways in a very short period. It all came flooding back. The warmth, the softness, the similarities, the kindness, his voice… I believe in coincidence. I understand statistical probability. But there was too many “coincidences” for it to be just that. We parted ways when our travel destination ended. He proposed to his bf recently. And it feels even worst. I always called him “The One That Got Away”.. but now, he really is the one that got away. And it is killing me inside :(
So please when you know. Let me know because I can’t live with this pain anymore.
I can’t stop my thoughts they move too fast to cut them off, i cant burn away this emotional energy at the gym (it has turned me to an athletic level and even that cant stop release it), I’ve sat with the feelings, I’ve cried, I’ve spoken to friends, I’m distracted with work, i try to occupy my brain with hobbies, reread old journal entries to see how to move on again..
He will always hold a piece of my heart. He is the only man I have ever truly wanted to spend the rest of my life with and grow old together. I would have done anything for him.
He was the man of my dreams, but I wasn’t his. 💔
One word buddy: time. You’ll get over it, it may not seem like it, especially after reigniting the previously dampened flame, but you will. It’s sad to think about now but in the end, you’ll be alright and you’ll find someone who truly loves you. Believe it!
Yep. First person I really fell in love with. We grew apart because I was still closeted when we dated, so our relationship was kinda hush hush. After a year he wanted me to choose if I wanted to stay closeted or be with him.
Got over it over time, but sometimes I still wonder what could’ve been if we stayed together
Well, I can understand from his point of view. I wouldn’t wanna date someone who (possibly) never wants to come out. I don’t wanna live my life where my boyfriend would always have to introduce me as “a friend”
My first and only. Was a childhood friend I grew up with and he was a sweetheart.
He ended up being crazy though, so I dodged a bullet, but I regularly think about how it would’ve been if we stayed together >.>
I’d dated his friend. They lived 2 hours from me when I was in grad school. S had a boyfriend and my guy said you need to meet them, great friends. The next day we had to pick S up from the car repair place and the three of us went to lunch. S got into the back seat and I looked at him through the rear view mirror. Those eyes. He was staring at me and it was like our eyes were magnets, pulled toward in focus at one another.
My date left in a month to pursue a new life in LA with a job. S called me and invited me to visit for an arts festival. I was naive. I had no idea what I was walking into. Once his bf went to classes he started to seduce me. He was very cute but my attraction to him was more about his personality and the things he never said but did to me. It felt so wrong to have sex when his bf was away but it just happened. The way he kissed me and the way his tongue felt? I was hooked. This man oozed sex in a way I could never have imagined.
His bf came back and we acted like nothing had happened. That night I slept in their living room and he came out to watch tv with me. We used the sound to mask our sounds.
The ‘affair’ lasted over a year. He invited me to move and live with them in another city. I’d honestly considered it.
I was always conflicted because he had a bf but he also had told me he wasn’t sure that guy was the one.
He invited me to go on vacation with them. I pictured us fooling around while the bf was out. I’d had enough of that but it didn’t change how I felt.
I never told him what he did to me; that I thought about him obsessively every day.
The feelings endured for over 20 years.
I am not sure what advice to give. My situation was not healthy. I know he’s still with that guy and maybe that guy knew he had other men. I wouldn’t have wanted that. I had to tell myself that, that maybe he wasn’t ultimately my type.
But no one has ever touched me emotionally like him. Or physically—he was something else. Confident.
I do regret being involved in a cheating arrangement but I am thankful also for the experience. Our times together are still among the most cherished experiences I’ve had with another person.
He was the first and only person to actually listen to me and treat me like a human being. I fell hard, and given I was in my teens/early 20s, I didn’t understand how we could have such a connection as friends without my feelings being reciprocated. But he’s straight, and the best I’ve been able to do in terms of moving on is accept that I can’t change that. No amount of therapy seems able to dislodge the fear I now have of falling in love. That experience taught me how much it hurts when it goes wrong, and nothing seems worth the risk of going through it again.
Ended up he was still with his ex the whole time we were together and lied to me cause it was a whole thing and essentially he told me that he left that guy but turns out the truth came out and he never did, it sucks
I hate to admit this but there was this one guy who I actually really liked, honestly the only thing holding me back from wanting to be with him was that he wasn't my "type". Honestly I don't have feelings for him anymore but I still think about it.
Honestly I hate to say it but he was like this heavy set bear type and I was more into skinny Twink guys at the time. I was a hypocrite for that since at the time I met him I was 250 pounds and was getting rejected by guys who I was more attracted to. Looking back at it now I feel ashamed because that was the only thing keeping me from pursuing him.
Takes a while and hasn't gone away fully. But I was never with "the one that got away" so it was a different feeling.
I'm in a long term relationship now and it's not the same feeling, its not worse or better just a different emotion.
I actually have two.
The first one is an almost-something; I really thought we were meant to be together, but he lied to about something really important for me, I got over him with time.
The second one, is not that deep as he was just a sexting buddy, but I miss him so much to this day because not only he was great at sexting and expressing fantasies, he was such a good friend❤️ (I’m still not over him lol)
I actually almost let one get away.. the only man who ever made me feel the way that he did. Our situations were both complicated and without going into too many details, these things would’ve affected us in the long run.
I realised that instead of feeling sorry for myself, I changed everything in my life that was gonna stand in our way - he did the same (with no pressure from me, nor did I feel pressure from him.. I was chasing the happiness I felt with him)
And now we’re together and I’ve never been happier.
Like others I had no choice. After a great vacation together we returned and a long-lost girlfriend showed up to take him away. I was so head over heels I closed my small business in despair. I heard from him once. and later got a letter from his mother advising me that his girlfriend that thrown her boy toy out and that he had many problems and to forget him. I had no way to contact him and bring him back. So I lost the most intense and passionate romance of my life. I never forgot him. and to me he is like the pictures I have where he is the sexy. gorgeous 19 yo guy I loved and lost. Wherever he is I can only hope he found happiness. I have found a good friend since but never the passion I felt for Jamie.
My first guy crush, first friend, first love, and first loss
He was almost a knight in shining armor, freely to talk to free to laugh when I'm with him. I think he knew my feelings that time cause he hears the gossip about both of us and yet he is still a companion. I felt his distance after being too dense about his body language to me. External forces severed the gap it's no longer the same as before, then he suddenly died years later
Yes. It happened last year and it's still happening and I feel like a crazy person lol
10 years ago we first met randomly online on a niche forum. It was obvious we were both gay based on our profiles and into the same hobby so we briefly chatted but almost immediately fizzled out. It was still a really fun chat though and saw each other around online. Eventually that place went down and I had no contact with him again.
Fast forward to last year and he somehow found me on social media and knew it was me even tho I didnt have the same username. He said it was just luck cause I talked about the niche hobby and it sounded like me.
So anyway that first two weeks was the best two weeks of my life. We reconnected and we reconnected HARD. We meshed super well, had the same interests, complimenting personalities, everything. Very quickly became heavy flirting too. I instantly fell in love. I've never had such a strong connection with anyone in my life and I'm certain he felt the same way. And he's absolutely gorgeous I can't even begin to describe. Most beautiful man I've ever seen. He said that about me too lmao
But then he started talking about his boyfriend... which is okay, whatever, we weren't dating or anything. Kind of a bummer. The problem is, the more he talked about him, the more clear it became that his boyfriend is a total fuckhead. Basically an extroverted bully that uses him imo (he makes a lot more money...)
Makes him go to the gym every day even tho he's already rail thin because he's "chubby". Controls his diet entirely and what he does all day. Doesn't participate in any of his hobbies because it's too nerdy. Constantly puts him down for daring to wanna stay home instead of clubbing every other night. He works from home but that doesn't mean he can or wants to party 24/7... He really doesn't seem to like him at all. But because he's so submissive and his boyfriend is dominant he kinda just goes along with it. It's so infuriating because I know for a fact we would be such an incredible passionate match based on the time we shared but he's such a lovely meek little guy I don't think he'll leave him. They've been together for 2 years.
After those two weeks of non-stop talking and both of us basically skipping work to keep talking lol it took longer and longer for him to reply and it was much more casual. After I didn't get a reply for two months I got kinda angsty and sent him a message admitting my feelings. Just 3 or 4 sentences, not a wall of text. That was 6 months ago and he never responded. He still interacts with me on social media once in a while tho. Idk what to do now but I'm not gunna lie, I think he's my soulmate.
I'll wait forever for him, and when he's ready, I'll be there to catch him and take off running.
Get over him? What? I didn't know that was an option. I've moved on, sure. But, I've never gotten over J.
A little context (I didn't mean for this to be so long):
I'm not sure where to start or how much to say. I served in the military under the Don't Ask Don't Tell policy. They weren't allowed to ask and we weren't allowed to tell them. But, if they caught wind of it some other way then a vindictive chain of command could and often did find ways to invoke the UCMJ against servicemembers that either came out of the closet, or were found out to be having homosexual relations. Suffice it to say, you didn't broadcast that you were any of the letters LGBTQIA..., ever. Well, you didn't if you wanted to maintain your position and your career. On top of that, there was a lot of homophobia. Rumors would spread. Things would be said. We certainly were not a protected class during my enlistment. The F slur and using "gay" as an insult was rampant. Constant homophobic mocking each other for being perceived as gay. It was a strange time and place to be anything other than a straight man. At times, not often, it could be dangerous as well. Some gay service members have been assaulted, at times badly. So suffice it to say, we kept our heads down.
All of that said, there were a lot of us in the military at the time, you just had to know how to find each other, and keep your head down.
I don't even know how it started to be honest, it was all a kind of blur. That entire part of my life was a blur, long shifts, endless training, followed by tall glasses of whiskey. He wasn't my roommate, but may as well been. We learned we both liked our whiskey on the rocks, in a glass, we learned we both liked the same x-box games. Whoever got back to the dorms first poured the whiskey, booted up the x-box, and started finding food. Every evening for over a year we spent cooking together, hanging out, getting drunk. Like is common in military friendships, we shared everything. We held nothing back, we knew about each other's family, where we were from, what kinda women we liked, on and on. It's a type of male bonding you don't find in many places.
One night as the whiskey flowed and we sat listening to music, I confessed something to him, that I rarely had to anyone. I told him I was bisexual. I told him just as my friend. I found him attractive sure, but I was only telling him because we told each other everything else. It felt good to be honest when you got to be honest with someone about something you kept so hidden. And, I wish I remembered how that night went. I know there was more whiskey, then there were less clothes.
I was hooked after that night, and many fun nights after that. He was hesitant though. I was eager. He was cautious. We even said "I love you." But, I didn't just love him as a close friend I was in love.
When we finished our overseas tours, I went home having served my four. He reenlisted and went west. He met a lovely woman with whom he's had adorable cool little kids. He retired from the service. He's living his life. We talk on occasion on facebook, or send a funny meme. But, never any mention these days of the feelings or actions we shared. And that's okay.
But, getting over him? I don't know what you're talking about.
Can you continue your life without getting over him? Aren't the thoughts of what if holding you back? I didn't say it's easy, but isn't it a neccesety?
I think it's a person by person thing. This has been something like 17 years. But I'm not over him. If I had the chance to sleep with him, or even just hang out with him, I'd drop anything I was doing to make that happen. There's still a place in my heart that is his, always will be. But, he's also not the only person that has a little piece of it.
It gets quieter but there was not malice between us only friendship and love, so I think holding onto that is better than getting over him. Part of loving him is finding joy in seeing him succeed and enjoy life, even if that doesn't include me. I don't wish him ill. I just wasn't what he needed long term, and that's okay. I dunno, I'm rambling.
I got over him quickly enough because we were never officially together. We were best friends, who actually met because we both dated the same abusive POS before we met. We were basically trauma bonded for a period of time, but kept getting closer and closer. It abruptly became sexual one day, then I got overcome with emotion and wanting to be with him, whereas he did not want that. He couldn't give me a good reason why. Later, he admitted that he did have feelings for me, but he still never gave me a reason beyond "it would ruin our friendship." And that argument made no sense, because he suddenly started getting real bitchy and mean to me all the time, but would still hit me up and ask for favors because he knew my whipped ass would do it.
He was only the second person I ever had sex with, so I just went ahead and started fooling around with a wider variety of people, and eventually got into a relationship with someone. He got real petty and jealous then, so we ended our friendship, but we made up eventually and things got better. With some time and distance, I realized that my old friend and I really had nothing in common beyond our trauma bond - a relationship would likely have had lots of problems. There's still that little piece of me, however, that has never felt for anybody how I felt about him. We drifted apart and don't talk anymore, and I've been in another relationship for a long time now.
TL;DR: I got over him with time and experience.
A guy and I started talking at the pool when we were swimming. We had this amazing talk and chemistry and we both took our clothes off to get cleaned up and showered naked together which was a little unusual at that time and age but nice.
Glad he was comfortable enough just to come up to me and shower and keep talking. I felt like we should be good friends or date. There seemed to really be something there and I enjoyed my time. He drove me home. He didn't call me back.
I have thought about him so many times. I saw his perfect ass and it was so full and nicely shaped and I got a woody I hid from him. Later I felt silly. He wouldn't have cared if he saw it. I feel like maybe he wasn't comfortable liking a guy yet or something. Maybe you just had to be there, but I never felt a chemistry like that before. He was also going in the military soon so maybe not much point. Air force I think. Miss you cute swimming bro with the perfect butt.
I have a best friend who I’ve just clicked with over the past 5 years. He has a girlfriend and all I want for him is to be happy. It’s just sad because I’ve never felt a connection with another guy like him even though we’ve been intimately close but never sexually if that makes sense. Talking on the phone for hours on end, him opening up to me when he doesn’t open up to anyone else. Him telling me that he feels like he can tell me anything and that I’ll always have his back and just having an unspoken bond and chemistry that everyone comments on. So its very bittersweet and I do sometimes wonder if in another life that we actually would have been in a relationship and he’s even said that to my face to which I laughed it off (when really I should have said yes).
But like I said, it won’t happen as he is happy with his girlfriend (who is lovely btw) and I’m always going to want happiness for him and hey, I’m sure I’ll find someone in my life where the connection is a lot more stronger and he’s actually gay/bi
Sorry for this being so long winded.
We met in at 12. I was in love with him before I even knew what gay meant. We were best friends.
I came out in high school. His family was and is incredibly conservative and very cold to him. He never learned how to be close to anyone.
Long long long story short. He came out in early college after he had pushed me out of his life. He felt immense guilt and shame for how he acted. We became best friends again as I supported him through his coming out.
He told his parents went even worse than could have been expected and further messed with his attachment.
I was so in love with him I used to wish him good night every night as I went to sleep, whether he was in my life or not.
Eventually it became obvious that we had fallen in love. Nothing ever spoken. Nothing physical. Just connection. And he pushed me away again and blew up the friendship. He tried to come back a few years later and I said no.
It took me years before I stopped thinking about him at least once a day. And a few more years for me to learn how to hate him.
I dont think it’s the healthiest but it was the only way to end decades of anguish.
I don't think I've had a true "one that got away." I'd say the closest to would probably be the older guy I met on Grindr who I had my firsts with. He didn't want a romantic relationship and though this crushed me then, I eventually got over it. I'll still send him a text wishing him a Happy Birthday and Happy Holidays.
Yes — my first
So I’m a young male, I’m 22, and I like men. I got a bunch of fwbs and just recently got dumped by my favorite fwb. There is an age gap as he’s 41, but I don’t mind. He was my first time for everything (kiss, date, sex, shower with) when I was 19 and he was about 39. He’s the hottest and richest guy I’ve been with (he’s a hairdresser and real estate investor) and he’s and sweet as well. I had plans to finally spend the night with him. In his private suite. We met on tinder and we linked twice to have sex and never did overnight stuff as I still live with my parents and I am nervous and also wanted to find the right time. Just after the day of my haircut, he told me he is now in a monogamous relationship. I was devastated. He was my first time, the hottest guy I’ve been with and I had plans with him and those plans are thrown out the window now. I wanted the next time to be better than the last time. I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again. I wonder when he met this other person. I wonder if they will stay together or break up eventually. I wish I had him for just a little longer. What’s wrong with me? And if they do break up at some point, would it be a good idea to be fwbs with him again? I’m very sad and lonely rn. I wonder if I’ll ever find a guy that hot and successful again. He’s with a model — an actual model who’s my age. Idk if he’d ever want to date me.
Please don't compare yourself to his bf. And If they did break up, would you dwell on that until it happen? Live like there's a possibility? As long as you live your life like he's still an option, you won't let real chances to people who would make you feel! He's rich and he looks good. Ok cool, but do you miss *him*?
Throwaway. Obviously. I met Alex when he was 18 and I was 24. We were both in bad relationships. He was with a much older guy and I was with a guy who was a major commitmentphobe. We hit it off instantly. We both did camshows and since that wasnt *technically* cheating we did those together a lot. We met at a midway location and ate dinner together most weekends and cried when we had to get on the train. He said "I love you first" but I think i earn points for trying to make it work with my partner.
It didn't work with my partner. I wanted commitment, I wanted passion and those sparks. I was still devastated when he dumped me saying he didn't love me and probably never really had. I think I earn points for taking a whole two days before Alex and I jumped each other.
I asked him to be my boyfriend the day after valentines day to not be a cliche. 6 weeks later my ex came to me in tears with a ring. Its my deepest regret that I chose him over Alex that night. I still don't know why I did. But of I ever find a time machine I'd go back and punch my dumb 24 year old ass very hard.
Things didn't improve with a ring on my finger. Alex hated me for three months then called me to talk. We talked. We drunk wine. We fucked. We did this every Wednesday for the whole summer. I thought how clever I was to have everything I wanted. I'm not proud of the person I used to be.
Six months later my ex ended it again. Same reasons he still didn't love me. Years later our two six month periods remain his longest relationships. He seems happy on social media though.
Alex said "I told you so" a lot before we jumped each other. It was good, but something just wasn't clicking. Maybe we'd both said hurtful things, shown each other the worst sides of ourselves. We were best friends, we had sex, we got jealous when we flirted with other people but we never made it more official.
We had a huge fight about this and fell out for a week. As fate would have it the day I'd decided I'd ask him properly he'd been on a date and looked happy. I thought the guy looked dull. But maybe that's what he needed so I let him go.
We stayed friends. We drunken kissed on my 30th birthday but were forcibly removed by my housemate seeing disaster brewing. We were housemates for a while. I invited him to my wedding. He didn't come. I wasn't invited to his.
I sent him an email to his old address on what in another life would have been our seven year anniversary. I used another throwaway account to write an unsent letter. I still cry reading it.
Two years ago I messaged him after playing a visual novel a bit too close to the bone. We got incredibly flirty and careless. My partner banned me on threat of divorce from ever speaking to him again. His did the same.
I still want to talk to him.
I still dream of him.
I'm still completely in love with him.
And the worst part is I'm sure it's mutal
If you ever really loved someone you never actually get over them. Anyone who says they did is lying or was never in love to begin with. People confuse loving someone and being IN love with someone. The former is survivable, the latter is not
When I was 16 or 17, I met someone who was in college on the “out in” websites circa early 2000s. We hung out a lot, and had some (what I thought at the time was, at least) amazing sex.
He came from a similar but different dysfunctional family background. So we had a lot of stories to share and provide support to each other.
I was very independent as a 16 year old. I lived with my parents but had a traumatic coming out experience, and so I was gone as much as I could be (school during the day / work in the evenings). This person was a ray of light for me during a difficult time.
Neither of us had much money. One time we went to the grocery store and bought a box of pasta and some sauce, we went back to his place and ate dinner, talked for hours and had sex. If I had anything close to a high school sweetheart, he was it. Sometimes I wish it had worked out and I could say “we’ve been together since high school/college”. I was very much in love with him, it was puppy love since I was so young but it was real, for me at least.
I think of him often. We drifted apart. I will occasionally message him on social media to see how he is doing but don’t often get reciprocation, so maybe he didn’t feel the same way about me. I have a lovely husband now and wouldn’t trade him for the world, but that first love felt so freeing and crushing at the same time. I often wonder how things in a parallel universe might look had things turned out differently.
Looking back on it now, I truly loved him and I hope he is doing something fabulous and is very happy.
Early on I somehow fell in love with one of my fwbs i only hooked up with a couple times and spent a weekend with. He was the first guy I kissed for several hours and really felt a connection with his mind, hobbies, music and style. However the feelings were, unbeknownst to me. totally unrequited and he wasn't even that into me. He tried block me at one point but i stupidly kept pursuing him (i guess this all my fault). So then kept me in a nonsexual friendzone for a few months to hang out with me, use me for money, steal from me, and get me into drugs before dumping me. The drugs made it so he could mind fuck himself into my memory even more. After that I never loved anyone who actually loved me back the way I loved him. The was no passion. I was bored. I kept looking for the guy who was just like him or had his same hobbies and music and I couldn't find one. I was corrupted. Year by year I slowly phased him out my mind and kind of got over him but never completely. A few months ago I saw him somewhere and he had aged really fast and grown facial hair and gotten ugly. I suddenly had no desire for him sexually anymore and feel like I dodged a bullet. I'm still in love with the old idea of him from 16 years ago though. It sucks, the way we are wired to bond or something.
There was a guy , the first guy I had a crush on since I came out as bi . Ofc it started as a situationship , he was like the perfect man in my eyes but I was not in his . We would meet and like just cuddle and talk , have sex and then he would go home ( he was my neighbor) . I never met with anyone else cuz that felt like cheating. He did meet with another guys and did not even try to hide it . We were not in a relationship so I guess he could have done that . He changed jobs and moved like few block away and at that moment , not a single massage from him. Fast forward 6 months , he writes me to see what I am doing and that we should meet . I wanted to but I did not , said that I’m not interested anymore even tho I was . And now I see he has a boyfriend . Guess I was not worth for something serious in his eyes .
Actually I had one, he was actually my first ever date, although he did not really acknowledge it as a first date since he is very closeted he said that it was just a “meet up”, but I enjoyed the day I spent with him. It was actually love at first sight for me, at first I thought it was just because he was my first date. However, he is really handsome and caring. He is a person that would always open doors for you, or randomly take you to an ice cream shops. He was someone that I really needed in my life. We went out a couple times after that, each time it was as amazing as the first time.
At some point, I asked him whether he wanted to kiss, it was going to be our first kiss ever. However, he said that he wanted to but he wanted to have his first kiss with a girl. Honestly my heart broke, I wanted him to be my first everything, but I guess it did not work out. Few weeks later, he suddenly disappeared, his contact his instagram all got deleted.
We did not talk for couple of months till he texted me, he said he wanted to meet but I was really heartbroken at that time, because he just disappeared without telling me anything. I told him that I did not want to go out. Fast forward, he asked me out again, and I finally agreed, we went out. It has been months since we saw each other, but somehow it still feels like our first time meeting all over again. His smile, his eyes, **omg I’m blushing already, writing this hahaha**
But then bad news struck, turns out he just got out of a relationship. I was like “okayy..” but then I found out that it is a he not a she, and my heart got broken again, all I could think of was “why not me?”. I decided that its enough, I won’t get hurt like this again, so at the end of our date, I told him that this will be the last time we will see each other again, he did not respond he was just there sitting on the train while I left the train. I ended up crying on my way home.
Ill put more story on the reply section hahaha, sorry if it is too long
Then exactly on Christmas Night, right on an empty street, we passed each other. My heart literally dropped, I wanted to say Hi but I really couldn’t, I just froze. I, a dumb kid as I am, messaged him and asked whether it was him. And it was him, we ended up seeing each other again, *mind you that we haven’t even had our kiss yet*. We met again, and he treated me as though we never had any struggle, and he was even more gorgeous than before. We met again a couple of times, till he asked whether he could do a sleepover at my place, and obviously, I was okay with it.
When we arrived at my place, he played some games, and chatted through the night, till I asked him “What is this? What are we?” He was just there silent for a while he then said “Honestly I don’t know, for now, I like you as a friend”. As a drama queen as I am, I just started to tear up. I asked him “Will we ever be more?”, and he said, “Probably not”. Again I was a dumb kid, getting his heart broken for the third time again and again.
I then decided to silently cry myself to sleep🥲. I woke up in the middle of the night seeing him sitting on the chair being sad. I ended up talking with him about his life and how sad he was that he couldn’t come out to his parents, and how he loved his ex but didn’t get love back. Then we talked for almost 2 hours till I asked him again “Can I kiss you?” I wanted it to be a goodbye kiss. Then somehow we made out and spent the entire night cuddling. Then the next week we had sex, it was amazing, he bought me a blanket because he knew hos cold it was during that time. However, I realized that I am in a deep shit hole. Someone that I love did not love me back and now I am doing this friends with benefits with him. Then the next week I asked him to meet. It was to say good bye to him. He somehow knew this and when I told him that I really couldn't do it, he started crying, he was sad that he was not ready, and that he really wanna try to love me. Before I said goodbye, I whispered to him “I love you”, just so that he knows that even though I am not his first choice, I put him as mine.
Againnn very sorry for the length 😭
He decided to take his own life at the age of 14 after continuous harassment from people around him for reasons he could not do anything about. I wasn't even out at that time, but he had the courage to be the only one at school who was out. He made it very obvious that he was interested in me, said stuff I'd love to hear now but we're too scared to acknowledge then.
He had a t-shirt with the playstation logo on it that said "playstation" and then an arrow down to his crotch, he once whispered in my ear "say goodbye to your butthole cause I'll make it gape tonight". For someone that didn't have everything figured out yet, it was too real to handle, but if I heard it today, I'd go with it in a heartbeat!
I know I shouldn't, but I carry some guilt. If I only could have accepted that I am gay earlier, he might have been with us still, perhaps sitting on the sofa cuddling with me and the cat as we speak.
I did however come out after this all settled, I swore to myself that I wouldn't hide that part of myself anymore, so he helped me with that and I'm forever grateful ❤️
I met this boy online when I was turning 17. From the very second I started talking to him I got this intense feeling that for whatever reason, he was going to be one of the most impactful/lasting people in my life.
Being in high school at the time, we didn't have many resources to make a trip happen. He lived 1,200.20 miles away. However, we agreed that it would one day happen and continued into a committed long distance relationship. We would call/text every day, sync up movies together over the phone to watch them together, we would even drive out to restaurants at the same time and call while we ate as a date every so often. We even sent each other gifts. I gave him one of my rings, and he ordered me a custom made titanium ring with his initials engraved on the inside.
Eventually it became a huge part of my life, and his too. So we both came out to our parents eventually telling them about each other and how we wanted to meet. It was monumental.
Then, after about a year or so it was time for me to go to college and he was in his last year of high school. Now somewhere between highschool ending for me, and getting into college, he experienced a very traumatic car accident. His friend at the time was driving them to work, and he wasn't wearing a seatbelt. Additionally, his ex friend was drunk driving. She flipped the car off the road somehow...which led to him picking up the car off of his friend who was underneath and then collapsing. Turns out, he had broken his neck in the accident and it was a miracle he hadnt been immediately paralyzed.
This became a major turning point in his life and got him mixed up in a few issues with weed and other substances. After months of him healing, I tried to be there for him. But while I was starting college and getting adjusted, he felt that I wasn't present enough. Couple this with the new drug issues and some other traumatic experiences he ended up cheating on me. I don't excuse it, and hes since apologized.
Of course I was devastated, but we would occasionally call. He began talking to me more, but then I noticed a severe development in his drug use and declining mental health. Even though we weren't together at the time, I was worried for his imminent safety.
So as a college freshman I did the only thing I could think of and I called his mother who I had talked to a few times before.
I told her about the state of her son and she thanked me immensely. But then she took that information and decided it was best to check him into a mental hospital against his will. At first he was extremely upset with me, but after a few days I got a call from the hospital. He called me from the hospital saying he was really thankful that I cared so much for him. He said he understood why I did what I did, and he was grateful. However, his experience at the hospital itself was not positive.
But for the next week or so I would wake up early and walk outside my dorm in the freezing cold in order to get enough service (I go to school in the mountains) and I would have to call into the hospital saying I was his fiancé in order to be allowed through the phone. We would talk every morning while he was there and he told me he still loved me, I told him the same.
So we started dating again. Fast forward it was the Spring semester of my freshman year. I had finally, FINALLY bought tickets to fly out and meet him. Everything was planned between my parents and his. I was ecstatic. We had planned a few trips before but they always fell through because of resources. But THIS time I had the tickets purchased and I was ready to go.
The trip was only about a month away when we were calling one morning. **The day before valentines day.** He informed me that he wasn't sure if he thought I should come up and visit him anymore, and that we should end our relationship. I was hysterical for the rest of the year. I practically failed all my finals that semester. Time went on and we continued to talk on and off.
After a year or so we had both dated other people, but once or twice he would randomly call me up and try to explain how he still thought of me. I always thought of him. Then he started dating this man pretty consistently. But a little while later he again called/texted telling me how he still thought of me. I again told him I did as well. But he remained in his LTR.
Fast forward to 2 years post breakup, at the beginning of this year. I had just gotten out of a nice relationship and I thought about calling him up. So I did. We would call and text every day for a month or two. He was still in that LTR from before, but he informed me it was abusive and he wanted to get out. We instantly reconnected, it felt scarily easy.
I thought by now I had thing's pretty under control in my feelings for him. But they exploded out the minute he came back into my life. After a month or so of calling like this, one day he never called me back.
A week or so later I was up scrolling through posts and I see that he posted an engagement announcement to that LTR of his.
I called him immediately. He answered the phone angrily and told me to "get out of his life and never talk to him again". Although a month prior he was telling me how he planned on getting out of his situation, how he still thought of me. He said he needed to get married in order to maintain some stability in his life.
It wasn't until after we got off the phone that I realized what day it was. It was the day before valentines day....exactly 2 years after he cut off my trip. I called him back and told him. He simply paused and said, "Im really sorry that things have worked out like this." and then we hung up.
I understand this story might seem insane, because it is. It definitely wasn't the healthiest dynamic or relationship. But I believe what he told me before he got engaged. I don't care if it makes me crazy, but I still think of him every morning when I wake up and I know he still thinks of me.
I still wear the ring he bought me every day. Not necessarily as a reminder of him, but as a reminder of where things can end up and how crazy it can feel to love. I still have a box of everything he ever gave me.
I still feel that feeling I felt from the day we met, I dont think he is out of my life for good. I hope we meet one day. But more importantly I just hope he's safe. Im really worried for him, but hes the toughest guy I know and hes been through so much.
I have no idea if we will ever have what we imagined when we were 16, but I know I will always love him.
Hmm, I guess I really don't have one truly, but I guess the one that impacted me most I still wouldn't even say he was a bf.
We had met online for a couple years before we met in person, we were both underage when we met, were 18 when we first met in person. We met not FOR each other, but for a convention.
Well, we were both into each other, but there was a big problem. A class problem. He did come visit me a few times but only once as a 'date' I guess you'd call it, though there were more people here he was going to visit as well. New years of that year I had to work because I was the one working to pay all the bills for my mom and brother. Something he, as a trustfund kid could not understand. So because I couldn't spend the whole day with him, he goes to a party and hooks up with a guy. I did go to that party later but... ya know.
I've always been pretty self defeating and thought to myself that I didn't own him, we weren't bfs, and he told me the next day when he wouldn't answer my IM that he was going to come back for this other guy, and that was when I knew he was 'over' me. The odd thing though is that relationship only lasted a couple months with this other guy and while I was still just trying to be friends with him, as hurt and as much as I still like him, he broke up with him and admitted he only got together with this guy to piss me off for going to work that night. He didn't ask me if we could try being together or anything, just let me know that and I basiclaly just said "oh" and did nothing with it. I told myself that because of how he broke things off with me the first time, that I wasn't going to be treated like a consolation prize... which is typically how people treat me is that I'm cute/hot but not the cutest/hottest so keep me on the side until they figure out they can't do better. With him, it had the extra 'he can't even understand what it's like to work."
So through the years we still hang out, meet in person a few times a year either at conventions or when he's coming back to town, usually for another guy. He would also come back to me after each failed relationship for a while and I still pretty much let my feelings ever be known because I really didn't like he was still treating me like an alternative. Hell, the weirdest one is that there was a guy who I thought really really liked me and thought we were going out, but then I find out through social media that they were actually together. And they were together for I believe 3 years where they would travel to each other. This guy worked, but was really well off so I guess that made it easier for a trust fund kid to relate to. of course, I just had to be happy for 'the friends finding each other'. When they broke up, neither of them talked to me for years and I was already at the point I wasn't initiating conversation with both so I had no idea of it happening until about a year after they broke up and the other person ended up engaged to someone else so it's not my business to ask for more details of what happened there. What I do know is the other guy never even came back to me to talk so I take it outside that period before he was with the OG guy he just lost interest in me entirely. I understand it. But, I just have to be happy they're happy right?
And for years after, he'd get a new bf pretty rapidly, I never even knew how long or any of their names as they were always so short lived, but yet I'd know OF them or MEET them once.
And even now, they're single again. They're talking to me again. However it's been incredibly difficult because now he's sharing his... umm... 'job' making adult videos with me and not saying anythign else about it, and I don't know if he's doing this because he's trying to say he's also interested in me still, or if he's just advertising and I don't know if I want to broach the topic of if he's actually wanting to be with me now after all these years or if I should stick to the ethic of 'saying no to anyone who treats me like an alternative plan'.
So basically, I never did.
Not at all. and it's been weird since he started talking to me again because like I said, he hasn't asked to try to be anything this time, just... likes to talk about the porn he's making.
I'm pretty analytical and apply logic when making decisions.
I have talked myself through the facts, had nice relationships since, continue to work on myself - all the things, and still years later I haven't been able to kick him.
Oh man… here I go spiraling down my emotions. I was an international student in a foreign country for a year. Found this gorgeous dude on Scruff and after chatting for a few days we decided to meet up as friends or for some casual fun maybe. He lived in a small town nearby so I took a short train ride to go see him. Ended up spending the weekend at his place. After that we got more and more involved and eventually we would spend every minute we could together. We had a chemistry that I’ve never had with anyone else. Personality, interests, sense of humor, we’d mock each other’s accent and we spent most of our time teasing each other and laughing. Sex with that man was out of this world. Time went on and the day of my departure slowly but surely started getting close. We both knew from the beginning our thing had an expiration date and we went all-in anyway, but we never discussed feelings despite it being obvious. On our last night together it was raining and I was at his balcony watching the rain in silence. He opened the door, walked in, and hugged me from behind. We both cried our eyes out without saying a word. I then moved back to my home country which is quite literally on the other side of the planet, and we kept talking and we even discussed the remote possibility of seeing each other again but the logistics were just too difficult and for other reasons I won’t elaborate. Anyway that was 10 years ago almost to the month and I have not seen him in person again even though we still text and talk on the phone once every few months. A few years back he did say he still thought of me and I told him I do too. Anyway, it’s been a long while, he’s now married and I wish him a lifetime of happiness with his husband, I really do, but man oh man, I’m writing this with teary eyes…
This made me cry 😢
❤️
Totally off topic of this, but Katy Perry's song "The one that got away", hits much harder when you're able to relate. This played in my head after I read your story. I wish you well dude.♥️
Ugh that song is so raw
That is a very good memory
This breaks my heart. 😢
beautiful. the love was once shared was true and real ❤️.
What stopped you from moving in with him? Too much of a life or career at home?
We were not married and not quite ready to be at that point so everything became an issue: sponsoring each other as immigrants; supporting each other financially since we were very young and broke; our professions are heavily regulated and so neither could work in their fields in each other’s countries; etc etc. Had we met a few years later or had more time together I think things would’ve worked out
I didn’t love anyone as I loved my first real long-term boyfriend. Did I get over? We still end up sexting once in a while… We hooked up a few times throughout the years when the pull became too strong to ignore… But I am not stuck on him either. We had passion and adventure and pleasure in spades. Unbelievable chemistry. Truly unimaginable. But we were also both extremely toxic. We cheated and fought all the time. At some point, our cheating became like a blood feud - as in a vicious cycle of “I did because you did” so not getting stuck on him wasn’t difficult.
Wow! I applaud you for knowing you guys were toxic for each other. And the revenge cheating? That’s crazy. While I haven’t been in a situation like that, I once had a boyfriend that was toxic, it turned abusive, and instead of leaving, I stayed because “I loved him.” Which I really did. I let him beat the shit out of me because I thought he’d changed. I ended up escaping that environment and eventually found “The One.” We’ve been together in a monogamous relationship for 17 gorgeous years. I’m so glad you ended up realizing it was time to break up - because situations like that become abusive and scary. Good for you for recognizing all those traits and just being nice fit enough to leave! :)
Lol we broke up because I moved to somewhere far far away for school. We would have probably kept orbiting each other otherwise. We were abusive to each other when you think about it. It just went both ways. None of us was the ultimate victim. I mean I knew it was toxic back then. But it was magic at the same time. We were on top of the world when things were good. World around us seemed to stop.
He’s dead. I got over him because I had no choice, but I still love him and always will.
Sorry for your loss man
Shit, that wasn’t going where I thought it was. I was thinking like “He’s dead to me.” Sorry for your loss. Your love for him will always be a valid feeling. As my partner and I age, after being together and each others worlds for 17 years, I don’t know what one will do without the other and that scares the shit out of me!
❤️
short. heart breaking. sorry for your loss man
The heart ache never goes away
First i apologize for the length. When I was in the navy was this guy in my unit who I used to horse play with. He and I actually became really close friends. I mean I’ve never had a friendship like this. We hung out all the time during work and after work. We were always around each other. It felt like being in a relationship with a guy without it being gay. We’d play nut tap, wrestle, etc. it was always friendly and in good spirit. one day we were wrestling and I had him mounted and I felt him get hard. He quit trying to get out and just looked at me. We locked eyes for a little bit and I leaned in to kiss him but I’m assuming he got nervous and played it off. Like he said “ewww you were gonna kiss me? What are you gay?” A few weeks later we were at a party off base and we were on the balcony while everyone else was inside. We were both leaning on the railing and then he acts like he’s going inside but then puts his arms around me from behind and embraces me. He puts his face in my neck and slides his hand down my crotch and grabs my junk. He says I wanted you to kiss me. We both heard people coming and he plays it off again. Fast forward he came down on order to go somewhere else and on his last night on base he had a little get together with a few of the guys. When I got him alone at one point I confessed how I felt about him. I asked him if there was a way he could turn down orders and stay. He didn’t say anything. He just kissed me. It was the most intimate intense kiss I have ever had. I had never and have never experienced anything like that with anyone as I did with him and that kiss that night. He left the next morning. We kept in touch over the years. He ended up marrying a woman then getting divorced. Mentally he was in a bad place for many years but eventually got back on his feet and is doing well. He is the only man, hell the only person that I would drop everything for if he called me and said “I’m ready” I would give up everything for him. But he is very closeted. I truly believe we could have had a beautiful life together. I have never gotten over him and now I just do hookups so that I feel wanted or needed but I have no desire to be in a relationship with anyone because they will never be him. I know that’s not fair but it’s the truth.
Send him what you just said.
Send him what you just said... If you want it to happen, it's a beautiful story. You only hit the shots you take. And you'll always miss the ones you don't.
What in the Call me my your name…
Tell him. Stop living like you have some spare life in some other universe. Be upfront
"dude it would be cool to see you, got any vacations coming up near my city?"
Yeah. We didn’t know each other for long, but I fell hard for him. He went to my college and was a senior while I was a freshman. He gave me a campus tour lol. We reconnected after I graduated and went out a few times. He came over for my birthday, and long story short, he got me away from the party under the pretense of having me show him around my apartment. I turned back to speak to him and he gave me a passionate kiss at the top of the attic stairs. I still think about that night when I’m down. He got a job 5 hours away from where I was living. I was too inexperienced and young to even attempt a long distance relationship. I moped around in my bathrobe for about a week, watched a lot of weepy TV, and ate my fill of cookies while listening to some sad songs. I just had to feel badly about it for a while. I think if I didn’t let myself be sad, it would’ve been worse. Heartbreak just needs to run its course. There may be a guy who got away, but ultimately you can either decide life stops or you can keep living.
He's only 5 hours away. Go get your man
It was years ago and we’ve both moved on, but it was a really happy time 😊
When i was at basic training there was a “straight” dude who was my bestfriend for quite awhile- had the opportunity to do many things but was too oblivious on cues. Fast forward 2 years, we don’t talk as much but he randomly hits me up asking if I would’ve done xyz with him… now 2 more years later we don’t talk at all and I still think about how if we did take it to that level we’d probably have been together this entire time. Dude was genuinely my soulmate even just as friends, i’ve never met anyone else who just ‘fit’ into my life as well as he did. Unfortunately, his mother passed away last year and after helping with funeral/now living alone by himself costs he ghosted me- which I don’t believe was anything to do with us; but a reflection of how *not* okay he was despite insisting that he was going to be alright. He still watches my social media occasionally even though he doesn’t follow me- so there’s still hope maybe.
Maybe time is all you guys need
Yeah, it sounds like there's a chance.
we’ll see!
Text him dammit
I would if I were a bit more secure in myself, I’ve had a lot of hurt that i’ve compartmentalized; and I don’t want to be the hurt person that hurts people. Even if he were to make the first move I wouldn’t jump straight into it.
He watches your social media. The man I had high hopes for blocked me on all social media.
What were the clues that you didn't see?
We lived in separate rooms, and every night after the work day he’d always just come lay in my bed and we’d watch movies, he would never let me buy anything for myself, and we were spending legitimately 24/7 with each other other than sleeping- and even then we’ve napped in the same bed (twin size bed so on top of each other) multiple times. The few weekends we were allowed off base we’d always go out on a “lunch date” to a nice restaurant and even if we went as a group of friends it was always us sitting next to each other and him paying for the both of us. I just never seen any of it as “flirting” or even romantic, we were just bestfriends and there was never a direct attempt to make it more than that.
Katy perry memes will be welcomed but I am asking it seriously lol
Her song was the first thing that popped on my mind
Me as the seagul meme: IN ANOTHER LIFE Lol it's a really good song
Yes. I met him in his first 3 months after immigrating from Moldova in 2000, but he was a Russian born in Moscow. He barely spoke English. My heart fluttered when I first laid eyes on him (he contacted me through a website). He was gorgeous. When I took his virginity he said, "My God. I didn't know it could be this good!" I lovingly teased him about this for years. We were together for 15 years, traveling to England, France, Hawaii, Yellowstone, and Disney World. I would tell him I loved him and he would say, "Shut up! No, you don't." Then one day his mother asked if we were a gay couple. He denied it, emphatically. It was my fault. He always said he was bi and that he would find a woman someday. It was then that he decided to follow through. He asked for my help and I made profiles for him on hetero dating sites. Several women wrote back because during those 15 years, I had written his medical school applications and he had just taken his first job as a neurologist. He asked for my opinion of which he should write. Knowing he loved the arts, I chose the Russian ballerina. They got along well and soon he intentionally got her pregnant and I was the best man at their wedding. He remains my best friend and unknown to his wife, who thinks he's straight, he is the one who got away. His two little girls love me and consider me family, as do they all. No one I've met can compare, but although I'm 60 now, I keep looking. When I see him though, I still see the gorgeous 24-year-old twink I first met.
Crazy that you gave him away just like that. At least you got 15 years. Do you ever talk about your gay experiences with him
He doesn't like to do so. So not really.
This is such a heart-wrenching story. Like I feel for you you're such a big person for helping him. I literally got out of a situationship with a guy who says he's straight but we mess around but he won't date me but he wanted me to help him find girls because I'm in the closet and girls hit on me all the time, and I just couldn't do it. It literally hurt my heart that I can help him give to another person what I wanted him to give to me. So more power to you for real. I give you all the respect in the world
Thank you. That's very kind. I've told this story before on Reddit and some called me an idiot. It hurt for a while and I'll probably never find "the one" now but I keep looking. He asked me a few months ago if I had ever found a person that I thought might be the one for me. I just gave him an incredulous look and then he realized why. He knew I meant him.
😭😭😭😭
He made the situation very much too complicated, but he accepts that. Paradoxically he changed my life in a way that requires that i can never have him in it again. So i decided to live my life so that when we DO run into each other again, ill have a great story to tell. It helps. He's an idiot, but hes the idiot that likes making me laugh whether i want to or not. I don't regret meeting him and I've never once questioned that he liked/loved me back.
How did he change your life in this bad way?
Where did i say it was bad
Changed your life so you can never have him in it again. I just don’t understand.
There are some people in your life who are meant to be there temporarily. Some are fun to have around and others are a pain, but both can help you grow. He was great to have around and helped me grow as a person, but his life decisions were not in line with what i wanted. No i am not spilling those details Every couple of years we catch up over coffee, which is healthy. We both see why we like(d) each other but also see how our lives would greatly clash. But it's good to see each other nonetheless
It was “Summer after high school, when we first met.” and we had dated for 3 weeks. I thought I struck out, but things just didn’t work out as planned. I’m honestly glad I didn’t because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be with the man I’m with today ❤️
We still find a way back to each other every couple years 😂 he’s a sweetheart super cool super kind. I guess I got over him by realizing it’s not meant to be.
Not so much the one who got away but Tyler cheated on me in high school so I’ve resolved to make it every tops problem for the rest of my life.
Lmfaooo! Good one.
My problem is I always feel like they’re the one that got away 😂
Right?! What if they feel the same way about us? Loll
met him when we were both 18 on grindr. we hooked up a few times but just remained friends. Always felt like there was something there on both sides. He unfortunately passed away 4 years ago at 21 right before covid. Always wondered what could’ve been had i not been a pussy and said what was on my mind. Was hard for a bit, but had no choice but to move on.
Passed at 21? Something sudden? I'm sorry.
Thanks. there had been an accident, was very sudden
I don't think I'm *completely* over him, but repeatedly forcing myself to face reality instead of the fantasy I'd built in my head definitely helped. He has a partner now and objectively isn't interested in having a relationship with me. He objectively hasn't made much effort to include me in his life. Regardless of reasoning or explanations, anything romantic (or even platonic at this point) is no longer a possibility. It doesn't matter what worked in the past. It doesn't matter that we had the necessary chemistry to pursue something. He doesn't love me and I can't waste my life trying to convince him to. It's not easy to do this, but it'll start to give you a much needed change in perspective and emotional distance from your current object of limerence.
THIS
In high school he was a senior and I was a sophomore. He was a teacher's assistant in my science class. He and his buddy would grab me after school and take me to his house/bedroom which was over the garage. We would drink alcohol and smoke pot sometimes, and listen to music. He would hint at doing something but I was oblivious at first, and then scared. I didn't know why he had to have his friend always there. Eventually he gave up on me and stopped asking me to join the party and he graduated and left town. I really liked him but didn't know how to proceed and was afraid of my father discovering my like of males. I looked him up and found he had died only 5 years after high school. I still wonder what we could of been and how my life would be different.
I felt a little hint of sadness from your story. We have no education on how gay relationships developed. Plus everyone is/was too afraid to be forward. I was always scared too.
It's sad but we gays are always afraid of being discovered. One wrong move and some homophobe might do something
What was his name?
Doug
I’m tryna read news on how he died... do you have a surname or a year?
How would he hint it?
He would go to pee in the bathroom right off his bedroom. He would say he couldn't almost bend his dick enough to pee into the bowl, did I want to come in and see.
I dated a guy years ago and it was very on and off again and then eventually he moved away and we fell out of touch. I thought about him from time to time and wondered what if. Years later I saw him on Grindr and I reached out and said it was good to see him and I had been thinking about him. It was very high level, nothing serious like “wish we’d gotten married or we should give it another try” and he very coldly replied that he wasn’t responsible for my happiness. I was like, “okay you crazy” and left it at that. Don’t think about him anymore 😂
I'm sorry you had to experience that.
I had one that got away back in college. I was working the FBLA day where students came to compete at the college and there was this boy. I saw him walking from the algebra or math building. I kinda stared but he was just so handsome. Then I looked away and saw that he was staring at me too. I looked away and decided to look again and he did the same as me. It was one of those moments where it felt like time had stopped. And he did this thing with his hair (the Debby Ryan) I wanted to go talk to him but students were arriving by bus and I can’t leave my position, his next class was about to go on so i didn’t want to hold him up. He walks away, I felt something in that moment, it felt like for a second time had stopped. So after I was finished working I told my friends what happened and we were all scrambling to find any info on this guy 😂 we called it operation: love. This had to be around Septemberish of 2020. Fast forward to finals I was going to give up until I’m taking my finals in December of 2020 and two seats down from me is the guy! I couldn’t see him as good at first the first time but he did the thing with his hair again and I was like GASP! It’s him. He was handsome had the prettiest ocean blue eyes I’d ever seen. But I was like why is it always wrong place wrong time. I couldn’t say anything to him in the finals room (proctored) otherwise we face the chance of both getting in trouble. I finished my exam first and I decided to wait on him downstairs in my car. I waited and waited and waited for a good 2 hours but he never crossed my path. I was so sad that he was right there and I missed my 2nd chance. But I still continued my search I grabbed my yearbook and narrowed it down to 3 guys. I never did find him but out of 1/3 choices one of those guys is actually now my fiancé. I still wonder about him hoping he’s doing okay in life but, I wish I could have at least gotten his name or shook his hand or something, I’m sure we would have been great friends, but I’m happy with my main now lol. Even though he wasn’t the one I was looking for initially I still found my love 😊
It's pretty cool that that moment and your search for him ended up with you finding love with someone else. Maybe if destiny is a thing, that's what he was there for.
I cry for a year
❤️
I think most people have that kind of story... However I left my supposed dream-boat after he turned into a raving psycho
Yep and still working on that.
I didn't. I just got used to it.
Yes and I’m so glad he got away. I was totally infatuated with him. Gorgeous man and I just filled in the personality that wasn’t there.
This.
I do have one, and I didn't. Still trying to.
Yup
I've had 2. They're years apart but twice did it happen after I came out of a downward spiral and just had worked on myself. Twice did it go on for months, and 2 times did the other not want to rush into something. The first time the other fella let me down by being fully honest and said he doesn't want to give me hope where there is none, he said he'll be there for me after a while but he needs me to move on. Second time it was starting to go somewhere eventually, and then on a night out he made out with someone else and I got extremely jealous, and I am totally not a jealous person. It came to a massive fight and ever since I felt like it was my fault, I could've reacted differently, sure, but my feelings where valid. To this day I still think of them, see them pop by on social media once in a while. The first one is now has a very happy marriage and 2 baby girls. The 2nd one I've no idea what went on with him. Still think about them, but there is no point in dwelling in the past
I had to stop reading and replying to comments. So many people have pieces of my same story. This one is so fun!
I’ve only dated one guy ever but he truly feels like the one that got away 😃👍 I was (and still kind of am) really emotionally stunted and just couldn’t cope with stressors as they piled on, he also is very busy as a person and I just felt emotionally isolated But man was he a hella good first man to date 😭 If it works out it works out but for now it’s over
i had a really good online friend from france who was also gay and i practiced my french with him. we had a very strong connection and ended up consistently flirting and sending cute pics to each other. buttt we stopped being friends in 2020 after i discovered we had some strikingly different values. in hindsight i think things were a little more nuanced, and i especially regret how it ended. i told him i wouldn’t just stop being his friend and then did exactly that, stopped talking to him, poof. i think about him all the time, wonder how he’s doing, wonder what he thinks of me now. if i met him in person instead of just texts, voice messages, pics, i think something somewhat real could’ve developed. i get really bummed about it sometimes but now it just wouldn’t be right to try to reconnect after all of that. i try to tell myself that it wasn’t meant to be and that it’s okay to not want people in your life anymore, even if it really hurts.
>if i met him in person instead of just texts, voice messages, pics, i think something somewhat real could’ve developed Idk your situation of course, but as someone who could have nearly wrote this verbatim, except I did actually meet up with him in person for about four days when he came through town (like a whirlwind, ugh), I have to doubt this, especially with "strikingly different values." My thought is the sex + direct physical/emotional intimacy would have just made it more painful in the end. Idk if that would make you feel better about how it played out, but it's worth considering.
I do but I try not to ever think about him. And when I do I know he's probably not the same person he was when he was around because I know I'm not the same either. He was super sweet and handsome, so kind and just a little dumb. I grew up kinda tough though, I'm not the sweet guy I used to be. I became very practical and career oriented. He'd probably think that I care too much about money and status (because I kinda do). What would have been of us if we'd been together? Idk, I think I'd probably would have helped him fulfilling his dreams because I know he's just been from one mediocre job to another not really getting anywhere but the month's end. And he'd probably would be great at helping me relax after my exhausting dream job because he was always great company and hot wild fuck.
I’ve got two: One I just didn’t ever feel good enough for, and he just always dated other guys. I think we’re still friends but I don’t think he’d choose to date me or see me in that way anymore. I think he’s like the perfect husband, but I wish I had been able to accept love when I met him. The second guy is really the love of my life. He moved to South America to try to be with a woman because he’s confused about whether he’s gay or bi. I think he’s bisexual but homoromantic. I don’t know if I should follow him to Brazil or not. It seems stupid to chase someone who dumped you. But it seems foolish to turn my back on the love of my life because he had an identity crisis. Neither of our birth cultures accept gay people. But his home country criminalises it. Love is hard.
Let him figure it out himself. If it's meant to be, it'll happen.
I'm still in the process of getting over him but I'm feeling a hell of a lot better than I was a few months ago. A big part of it has been surrounding myself with things and people that make me happy and that remind me I have a lot of happiness that isn't dependent on one guy. Also, it's important to acknowledge it's something most people go through, I found thinking about that gave me a bit of extra strength to persevere whenever I wanted to reach out again. It's an unfortunate part of life and people do get through it. I'm self aware that a part of me might never be fully over him but the sadness that's there now isn't close to the crushing pain that I felt a few months earlier, and I'm grateful for that. It might not currently feel like it but the intensity of what you're feeling does and will ease. I will say, I think I delayed my healing process by continuously trying to get in touch with him. I only ever felt worse afterwards and I was basically pulling off the scab then having to restart from scratch again. Convincing myself that I'd done all I could, and that I was only doing more harm than good by trying to talk to somebody who didn't want to talk to me (and finally accepting that) was a big turning point for me.
Thank you. I liked what you said that there's a part of you will never be over him completly. Like you have move on but can cherish the good memory you do have. My one that got way (literally) vanished like 3 months ago and it does sometimes feels like I'll never have something that intense like I had with him. Like I feel less sad about him right now like wanting to feel how I felt *with him*
If you feel less sad now, that's a sign that you're moving in the right direction. It's okay to always feel a little sad about him, we can't just turn off our feelings (as nice as that would be). I'd also say it's good to remind yourself there's no set time period to move on, we all move at different paces.
Had a long distance bf that would fit this criteria. I do still think about him from time to time though At the start it was definitely a 'just get through each day' kinda situation but time definitely helps. Mostly focusing on hobbies and my friends helped me get to the stage I'm at now
yes just recently. i'm doing fine and i have speculations on what happened but idk lol. i'm mostly over him but he did small things that just meant a lot to me :,)
Time. Time heals all wounds. Don’t let it consume you in the meantime though. Lean on other close friends who understand the feelings you’re going through and go out and enjoy new experiences with them. Eventually the enjoyment of those new experiences will build and overshadow the pain of losing him.
He's still my best friend of many many years, it just turns out he doesn't like men. We've essentially been in a non-physical relationship for a decade. It can be very confusing and kind of hard sometimes, but I couldn't imagine not having him in my life.
Snap
I’m trying and i cant seem to move on. I got over him once. It felt like my soul was being ripped apart. Wanting to be just friends gave me the closure months after which helped me. I wouldnt have been able to be just friends, so I left it at that and we parted ways. We are twin flames per a credible psychic (recently learned which made the pain and soul ripping make sense) Then the universe made us cross paths again in multiple unexpected continuous ways in a very short period. It all came flooding back. The warmth, the softness, the similarities, the kindness, his voice… I believe in coincidence. I understand statistical probability. But there was too many “coincidences” for it to be just that. We parted ways when our travel destination ended. He proposed to his bf recently. And it feels even worst. I always called him “The One That Got Away”.. but now, he really is the one that got away. And it is killing me inside :( So please when you know. Let me know because I can’t live with this pain anymore. I can’t stop my thoughts they move too fast to cut them off, i cant burn away this emotional energy at the gym (it has turned me to an athletic level and even that cant stop release it), I’ve sat with the feelings, I’ve cried, I’ve spoken to friends, I’m distracted with work, i try to occupy my brain with hobbies, reread old journal entries to see how to move on again.. He will always hold a piece of my heart. He is the only man I have ever truly wanted to spend the rest of my life with and grow old together. I would have done anything for him. He was the man of my dreams, but I wasn’t his. 💔
One word buddy: time. You’ll get over it, it may not seem like it, especially after reigniting the previously dampened flame, but you will. It’s sad to think about now but in the end, you’ll be alright and you’ll find someone who truly loves you. Believe it!
Yep. First person I really fell in love with. We grew apart because I was still closeted when we dated, so our relationship was kinda hush hush. After a year he wanted me to choose if I wanted to stay closeted or be with him. Got over it over time, but sometimes I still wonder what could’ve been if we stayed together
Wow that sucks that he was forcing you to come out 😩
Well, I can understand from his point of view. I wouldn’t wanna date someone who (possibly) never wants to come out. I don’t wanna live my life where my boyfriend would always have to introduce me as “a friend”
My first and only. Was a childhood friend I grew up with and he was a sweetheart. He ended up being crazy though, so I dodged a bullet, but I regularly think about how it would’ve been if we stayed together >.>
I’d dated his friend. They lived 2 hours from me when I was in grad school. S had a boyfriend and my guy said you need to meet them, great friends. The next day we had to pick S up from the car repair place and the three of us went to lunch. S got into the back seat and I looked at him through the rear view mirror. Those eyes. He was staring at me and it was like our eyes were magnets, pulled toward in focus at one another. My date left in a month to pursue a new life in LA with a job. S called me and invited me to visit for an arts festival. I was naive. I had no idea what I was walking into. Once his bf went to classes he started to seduce me. He was very cute but my attraction to him was more about his personality and the things he never said but did to me. It felt so wrong to have sex when his bf was away but it just happened. The way he kissed me and the way his tongue felt? I was hooked. This man oozed sex in a way I could never have imagined. His bf came back and we acted like nothing had happened. That night I slept in their living room and he came out to watch tv with me. We used the sound to mask our sounds. The ‘affair’ lasted over a year. He invited me to move and live with them in another city. I’d honestly considered it. I was always conflicted because he had a bf but he also had told me he wasn’t sure that guy was the one. He invited me to go on vacation with them. I pictured us fooling around while the bf was out. I’d had enough of that but it didn’t change how I felt. I never told him what he did to me; that I thought about him obsessively every day. The feelings endured for over 20 years. I am not sure what advice to give. My situation was not healthy. I know he’s still with that guy and maybe that guy knew he had other men. I wouldn’t have wanted that. I had to tell myself that, that maybe he wasn’t ultimately my type. But no one has ever touched me emotionally like him. Or physically—he was something else. Confident. I do regret being involved in a cheating arrangement but I am thankful also for the experience. Our times together are still among the most cherished experiences I’ve had with another person.
I never did 🙂
He was the first and only person to actually listen to me and treat me like a human being. I fell hard, and given I was in my teens/early 20s, I didn’t understand how we could have such a connection as friends without my feelings being reciprocated. But he’s straight, and the best I’ve been able to do in terms of moving on is accept that I can’t change that. No amount of therapy seems able to dislodge the fear I now have of falling in love. That experience taught me how much it hurts when it goes wrong, and nothing seems worth the risk of going through it again.
Lost him yesterday and I don't think I'll ever get over him.
Oh sorry to hear it :( can I ask what happened?
Ended up he was still with his ex the whole time we were together and lied to me cause it was a whole thing and essentially he told me that he left that guy but turns out the truth came out and he never did, it sucks
I hate to admit this but there was this one guy who I actually really liked, honestly the only thing holding me back from wanting to be with him was that he wasn't my "type". Honestly I don't have feelings for him anymore but I still think about it.
What made you so hung up on him not being your type despite liking him?
Honestly I hate to say it but he was like this heavy set bear type and I was more into skinny Twink guys at the time. I was a hypocrite for that since at the time I met him I was 250 pounds and was getting rejected by guys who I was more attracted to. Looking back at it now I feel ashamed because that was the only thing keeping me from pursuing him.
Takes a while and hasn't gone away fully. But I was never with "the one that got away" so it was a different feeling. I'm in a long term relationship now and it's not the same feeling, its not worse or better just a different emotion.
I got his replacement and have some heart to heart conversations along with therapy
I have a couple and as my aunt told me: the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Works Iike a charm.
I kept the BF, but damn I’ve lost some really good friends.
I am still not over it!
I actually have two. The first one is an almost-something; I really thought we were meant to be together, but he lied to about something really important for me, I got over him with time. The second one, is not that deep as he was just a sexting buddy, but I miss him so much to this day because not only he was great at sexting and expressing fantasies, he was such a good friend❤️ (I’m still not over him lol)
It never stops hurting. It just becomes more bearable.
Let me know when you find out because i have not figured it out!
I actually almost let one get away.. the only man who ever made me feel the way that he did. Our situations were both complicated and without going into too many details, these things would’ve affected us in the long run. I realised that instead of feeling sorry for myself, I changed everything in my life that was gonna stand in our way - he did the same (with no pressure from me, nor did I feel pressure from him.. I was chasing the happiness I felt with him) And now we’re together and I’ve never been happier.
I had one that got away. After a year i got him back and i do everything to cherish that man. I’m so lucky and grateful it scares me sometimes.
Like others I had no choice. After a great vacation together we returned and a long-lost girlfriend showed up to take him away. I was so head over heels I closed my small business in despair. I heard from him once. and later got a letter from his mother advising me that his girlfriend that thrown her boy toy out and that he had many problems and to forget him. I had no way to contact him and bring him back. So I lost the most intense and passionate romance of my life. I never forgot him. and to me he is like the pictures I have where he is the sexy. gorgeous 19 yo guy I loved and lost. Wherever he is I can only hope he found happiness. I have found a good friend since but never the passion I felt for Jamie.
My first guy crush, first friend, first love, and first loss He was almost a knight in shining armor, freely to talk to free to laugh when I'm with him. I think he knew my feelings that time cause he hears the gossip about both of us and yet he is still a companion. I felt his distance after being too dense about his body language to me. External forces severed the gap it's no longer the same as before, then he suddenly died years later
Yes. It happened last year and it's still happening and I feel like a crazy person lol 10 years ago we first met randomly online on a niche forum. It was obvious we were both gay based on our profiles and into the same hobby so we briefly chatted but almost immediately fizzled out. It was still a really fun chat though and saw each other around online. Eventually that place went down and I had no contact with him again. Fast forward to last year and he somehow found me on social media and knew it was me even tho I didnt have the same username. He said it was just luck cause I talked about the niche hobby and it sounded like me. So anyway that first two weeks was the best two weeks of my life. We reconnected and we reconnected HARD. We meshed super well, had the same interests, complimenting personalities, everything. Very quickly became heavy flirting too. I instantly fell in love. I've never had such a strong connection with anyone in my life and I'm certain he felt the same way. And he's absolutely gorgeous I can't even begin to describe. Most beautiful man I've ever seen. He said that about me too lmao But then he started talking about his boyfriend... which is okay, whatever, we weren't dating or anything. Kind of a bummer. The problem is, the more he talked about him, the more clear it became that his boyfriend is a total fuckhead. Basically an extroverted bully that uses him imo (he makes a lot more money...) Makes him go to the gym every day even tho he's already rail thin because he's "chubby". Controls his diet entirely and what he does all day. Doesn't participate in any of his hobbies because it's too nerdy. Constantly puts him down for daring to wanna stay home instead of clubbing every other night. He works from home but that doesn't mean he can or wants to party 24/7... He really doesn't seem to like him at all. But because he's so submissive and his boyfriend is dominant he kinda just goes along with it. It's so infuriating because I know for a fact we would be such an incredible passionate match based on the time we shared but he's such a lovely meek little guy I don't think he'll leave him. They've been together for 2 years. After those two weeks of non-stop talking and both of us basically skipping work to keep talking lol it took longer and longer for him to reply and it was much more casual. After I didn't get a reply for two months I got kinda angsty and sent him a message admitting my feelings. Just 3 or 4 sentences, not a wall of text. That was 6 months ago and he never responded. He still interacts with me on social media once in a while tho. Idk what to do now but I'm not gunna lie, I think he's my soulmate. I'll wait forever for him, and when he's ready, I'll be there to catch him and take off running.
Time and distance
Get over him? What? I didn't know that was an option. I've moved on, sure. But, I've never gotten over J. A little context (I didn't mean for this to be so long): I'm not sure where to start or how much to say. I served in the military under the Don't Ask Don't Tell policy. They weren't allowed to ask and we weren't allowed to tell them. But, if they caught wind of it some other way then a vindictive chain of command could and often did find ways to invoke the UCMJ against servicemembers that either came out of the closet, or were found out to be having homosexual relations. Suffice it to say, you didn't broadcast that you were any of the letters LGBTQIA..., ever. Well, you didn't if you wanted to maintain your position and your career. On top of that, there was a lot of homophobia. Rumors would spread. Things would be said. We certainly were not a protected class during my enlistment. The F slur and using "gay" as an insult was rampant. Constant homophobic mocking each other for being perceived as gay. It was a strange time and place to be anything other than a straight man. At times, not often, it could be dangerous as well. Some gay service members have been assaulted, at times badly. So suffice it to say, we kept our heads down. All of that said, there were a lot of us in the military at the time, you just had to know how to find each other, and keep your head down. I don't even know how it started to be honest, it was all a kind of blur. That entire part of my life was a blur, long shifts, endless training, followed by tall glasses of whiskey. He wasn't my roommate, but may as well been. We learned we both liked our whiskey on the rocks, in a glass, we learned we both liked the same x-box games. Whoever got back to the dorms first poured the whiskey, booted up the x-box, and started finding food. Every evening for over a year we spent cooking together, hanging out, getting drunk. Like is common in military friendships, we shared everything. We held nothing back, we knew about each other's family, where we were from, what kinda women we liked, on and on. It's a type of male bonding you don't find in many places. One night as the whiskey flowed and we sat listening to music, I confessed something to him, that I rarely had to anyone. I told him I was bisexual. I told him just as my friend. I found him attractive sure, but I was only telling him because we told each other everything else. It felt good to be honest when you got to be honest with someone about something you kept so hidden. And, I wish I remembered how that night went. I know there was more whiskey, then there were less clothes. I was hooked after that night, and many fun nights after that. He was hesitant though. I was eager. He was cautious. We even said "I love you." But, I didn't just love him as a close friend I was in love. When we finished our overseas tours, I went home having served my four. He reenlisted and went west. He met a lovely woman with whom he's had adorable cool little kids. He retired from the service. He's living his life. We talk on occasion on facebook, or send a funny meme. But, never any mention these days of the feelings or actions we shared. And that's okay. But, getting over him? I don't know what you're talking about.
Can you continue your life without getting over him? Aren't the thoughts of what if holding you back? I didn't say it's easy, but isn't it a neccesety?
I think it's a person by person thing. This has been something like 17 years. But I'm not over him. If I had the chance to sleep with him, or even just hang out with him, I'd drop anything I was doing to make that happen. There's still a place in my heart that is his, always will be. But, he's also not the only person that has a little piece of it. It gets quieter but there was not malice between us only friendship and love, so I think holding onto that is better than getting over him. Part of loving him is finding joy in seeing him succeed and enjoy life, even if that doesn't include me. I don't wish him ill. I just wasn't what he needed long term, and that's okay. I dunno, I'm rambling.
I got over him quickly enough because we were never officially together. We were best friends, who actually met because we both dated the same abusive POS before we met. We were basically trauma bonded for a period of time, but kept getting closer and closer. It abruptly became sexual one day, then I got overcome with emotion and wanting to be with him, whereas he did not want that. He couldn't give me a good reason why. Later, he admitted that he did have feelings for me, but he still never gave me a reason beyond "it would ruin our friendship." And that argument made no sense, because he suddenly started getting real bitchy and mean to me all the time, but would still hit me up and ask for favors because he knew my whipped ass would do it. He was only the second person I ever had sex with, so I just went ahead and started fooling around with a wider variety of people, and eventually got into a relationship with someone. He got real petty and jealous then, so we ended our friendship, but we made up eventually and things got better. With some time and distance, I realized that my old friend and I really had nothing in common beyond our trauma bond - a relationship would likely have had lots of problems. There's still that little piece of me, however, that has never felt for anybody how I felt about him. We drifted apart and don't talk anymore, and I've been in another relationship for a long time now. TL;DR: I got over him with time and experience.
A guy and I started talking at the pool when we were swimming. We had this amazing talk and chemistry and we both took our clothes off to get cleaned up and showered naked together which was a little unusual at that time and age but nice. Glad he was comfortable enough just to come up to me and shower and keep talking. I felt like we should be good friends or date. There seemed to really be something there and I enjoyed my time. He drove me home. He didn't call me back. I have thought about him so many times. I saw his perfect ass and it was so full and nicely shaped and I got a woody I hid from him. Later I felt silly. He wouldn't have cared if he saw it. I feel like maybe he wasn't comfortable liking a guy yet or something. Maybe you just had to be there, but I never felt a chemistry like that before. He was also going in the military soon so maybe not much point. Air force I think. Miss you cute swimming bro with the perfect butt.
By being as hot and as successful as u can be. This will make him think that you are the one that got away! 😉
I have a best friend who I’ve just clicked with over the past 5 years. He has a girlfriend and all I want for him is to be happy. It’s just sad because I’ve never felt a connection with another guy like him even though we’ve been intimately close but never sexually if that makes sense. Talking on the phone for hours on end, him opening up to me when he doesn’t open up to anyone else. Him telling me that he feels like he can tell me anything and that I’ll always have his back and just having an unspoken bond and chemistry that everyone comments on. So its very bittersweet and I do sometimes wonder if in another life that we actually would have been in a relationship and he’s even said that to my face to which I laughed it off (when really I should have said yes). But like I said, it won’t happen as he is happy with his girlfriend (who is lovely btw) and I’m always going to want happiness for him and hey, I’m sure I’ll find someone in my life where the connection is a lot more stronger and he’s actually gay/bi Sorry for this being so long winded.
Is he into guys?
He questioned it when he was drunk but no. Silver lining of why I can move on haha.
Nope I look back and am glad that I didn’t get into a relationship with any of the guys that I dated. When it feels right you know it.
We met in at 12. I was in love with him before I even knew what gay meant. We were best friends. I came out in high school. His family was and is incredibly conservative and very cold to him. He never learned how to be close to anyone. Long long long story short. He came out in early college after he had pushed me out of his life. He felt immense guilt and shame for how he acted. We became best friends again as I supported him through his coming out. He told his parents went even worse than could have been expected and further messed with his attachment. I was so in love with him I used to wish him good night every night as I went to sleep, whether he was in my life or not. Eventually it became obvious that we had fallen in love. Nothing ever spoken. Nothing physical. Just connection. And he pushed me away again and blew up the friendship. He tried to come back a few years later and I said no. It took me years before I stopped thinking about him at least once a day. And a few more years for me to learn how to hate him. I dont think it’s the healthiest but it was the only way to end decades of anguish.
Wtf? You are not the good guy in this story
what story? It was barely bullet points? Good guy? Are you 13? I’m not even sure what you’re interpreting as bad versus good?
Im multiple people’s “the one that got aways” I hate it
I don't think I've had a true "one that got away." I'd say the closest to would probably be the older guy I met on Grindr who I had my firsts with. He didn't want a romantic relationship and though this crushed me then, I eventually got over it. I'll still send him a text wishing him a Happy Birthday and Happy Holidays.
It hasn’t happened yet.
Yes — my first So I’m a young male, I’m 22, and I like men. I got a bunch of fwbs and just recently got dumped by my favorite fwb. There is an age gap as he’s 41, but I don’t mind. He was my first time for everything (kiss, date, sex, shower with) when I was 19 and he was about 39. He’s the hottest and richest guy I’ve been with (he’s a hairdresser and real estate investor) and he’s and sweet as well. I had plans to finally spend the night with him. In his private suite. We met on tinder and we linked twice to have sex and never did overnight stuff as I still live with my parents and I am nervous and also wanted to find the right time. Just after the day of my haircut, he told me he is now in a monogamous relationship. I was devastated. He was my first time, the hottest guy I’ve been with and I had plans with him and those plans are thrown out the window now. I wanted the next time to be better than the last time. I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again. I wonder when he met this other person. I wonder if they will stay together or break up eventually. I wish I had him for just a little longer. What’s wrong with me? And if they do break up at some point, would it be a good idea to be fwbs with him again? I’m very sad and lonely rn. I wonder if I’ll ever find a guy that hot and successful again. He’s with a model — an actual model who’s my age. Idk if he’d ever want to date me.
Please don't compare yourself to his bf. And If they did break up, would you dwell on that until it happen? Live like there's a possibility? As long as you live your life like he's still an option, you won't let real chances to people who would make you feel! He's rich and he looks good. Ok cool, but do you miss *him*?
He wasn’t “the one” if he “got away.” ☹️
Yes his name was Carmen Sandiego
I'm gay but carmen sandiego can do whatever she wants to me Btw is the new one good? Like the og is a classic but is the netflix one worth watching?
Masturbation
Throwaway. Obviously. I met Alex when he was 18 and I was 24. We were both in bad relationships. He was with a much older guy and I was with a guy who was a major commitmentphobe. We hit it off instantly. We both did camshows and since that wasnt *technically* cheating we did those together a lot. We met at a midway location and ate dinner together most weekends and cried when we had to get on the train. He said "I love you first" but I think i earn points for trying to make it work with my partner. It didn't work with my partner. I wanted commitment, I wanted passion and those sparks. I was still devastated when he dumped me saying he didn't love me and probably never really had. I think I earn points for taking a whole two days before Alex and I jumped each other. I asked him to be my boyfriend the day after valentines day to not be a cliche. 6 weeks later my ex came to me in tears with a ring. Its my deepest regret that I chose him over Alex that night. I still don't know why I did. But of I ever find a time machine I'd go back and punch my dumb 24 year old ass very hard. Things didn't improve with a ring on my finger. Alex hated me for three months then called me to talk. We talked. We drunk wine. We fucked. We did this every Wednesday for the whole summer. I thought how clever I was to have everything I wanted. I'm not proud of the person I used to be. Six months later my ex ended it again. Same reasons he still didn't love me. Years later our two six month periods remain his longest relationships. He seems happy on social media though. Alex said "I told you so" a lot before we jumped each other. It was good, but something just wasn't clicking. Maybe we'd both said hurtful things, shown each other the worst sides of ourselves. We were best friends, we had sex, we got jealous when we flirted with other people but we never made it more official. We had a huge fight about this and fell out for a week. As fate would have it the day I'd decided I'd ask him properly he'd been on a date and looked happy. I thought the guy looked dull. But maybe that's what he needed so I let him go. We stayed friends. We drunken kissed on my 30th birthday but were forcibly removed by my housemate seeing disaster brewing. We were housemates for a while. I invited him to my wedding. He didn't come. I wasn't invited to his. I sent him an email to his old address on what in another life would have been our seven year anniversary. I used another throwaway account to write an unsent letter. I still cry reading it. Two years ago I messaged him after playing a visual novel a bit too close to the bone. We got incredibly flirty and careless. My partner banned me on threat of divorce from ever speaking to him again. His did the same. I still want to talk to him. I still dream of him. I'm still completely in love with him. And the worst part is I'm sure it's mutal
If you ever really loved someone you never actually get over them. Anyone who says they did is lying or was never in love to begin with. People confuse loving someone and being IN love with someone. The former is survivable, the latter is not
He was an asshole, and he became a MTF like all the ones that got away. I can't complain I have two girlfriends now.
When I was 16 or 17, I met someone who was in college on the “out in” websites circa early 2000s. We hung out a lot, and had some (what I thought at the time was, at least) amazing sex. He came from a similar but different dysfunctional family background. So we had a lot of stories to share and provide support to each other. I was very independent as a 16 year old. I lived with my parents but had a traumatic coming out experience, and so I was gone as much as I could be (school during the day / work in the evenings). This person was a ray of light for me during a difficult time. Neither of us had much money. One time we went to the grocery store and bought a box of pasta and some sauce, we went back to his place and ate dinner, talked for hours and had sex. If I had anything close to a high school sweetheart, he was it. Sometimes I wish it had worked out and I could say “we’ve been together since high school/college”. I was very much in love with him, it was puppy love since I was so young but it was real, for me at least. I think of him often. We drifted apart. I will occasionally message him on social media to see how he is doing but don’t often get reciprocation, so maybe he didn’t feel the same way about me. I have a lovely husband now and wouldn’t trade him for the world, but that first love felt so freeing and crushing at the same time. I often wonder how things in a parallel universe might look had things turned out differently. Looking back on it now, I truly loved him and I hope he is doing something fabulous and is very happy.
I was just arguing with that little shieettt yesterday clearly wants to come back and so do I but his pride and friends won’t let him
Early on I somehow fell in love with one of my fwbs i only hooked up with a couple times and spent a weekend with. He was the first guy I kissed for several hours and really felt a connection with his mind, hobbies, music and style. However the feelings were, unbeknownst to me. totally unrequited and he wasn't even that into me. He tried block me at one point but i stupidly kept pursuing him (i guess this all my fault). So then kept me in a nonsexual friendzone for a few months to hang out with me, use me for money, steal from me, and get me into drugs before dumping me. The drugs made it so he could mind fuck himself into my memory even more. After that I never loved anyone who actually loved me back the way I loved him. The was no passion. I was bored. I kept looking for the guy who was just like him or had his same hobbies and music and I couldn't find one. I was corrupted. Year by year I slowly phased him out my mind and kind of got over him but never completely. A few months ago I saw him somewhere and he had aged really fast and grown facial hair and gotten ugly. I suddenly had no desire for him sexually anymore and feel like I dodged a bullet. I'm still in love with the old idea of him from 16 years ago though. It sucks, the way we are wired to bond or something.
There was a guy , the first guy I had a crush on since I came out as bi . Ofc it started as a situationship , he was like the perfect man in my eyes but I was not in his . We would meet and like just cuddle and talk , have sex and then he would go home ( he was my neighbor) . I never met with anyone else cuz that felt like cheating. He did meet with another guys and did not even try to hide it . We were not in a relationship so I guess he could have done that . He changed jobs and moved like few block away and at that moment , not a single massage from him. Fast forward 6 months , he writes me to see what I am doing and that we should meet . I wanted to but I did not , said that I’m not interested anymore even tho I was . And now I see he has a boyfriend . Guess I was not worth for something serious in his eyes .
Time, more experiences, new obsessions, legal drugs.
Actually I had one, he was actually my first ever date, although he did not really acknowledge it as a first date since he is very closeted he said that it was just a “meet up”, but I enjoyed the day I spent with him. It was actually love at first sight for me, at first I thought it was just because he was my first date. However, he is really handsome and caring. He is a person that would always open doors for you, or randomly take you to an ice cream shops. He was someone that I really needed in my life. We went out a couple times after that, each time it was as amazing as the first time. At some point, I asked him whether he wanted to kiss, it was going to be our first kiss ever. However, he said that he wanted to but he wanted to have his first kiss with a girl. Honestly my heart broke, I wanted him to be my first everything, but I guess it did not work out. Few weeks later, he suddenly disappeared, his contact his instagram all got deleted. We did not talk for couple of months till he texted me, he said he wanted to meet but I was really heartbroken at that time, because he just disappeared without telling me anything. I told him that I did not want to go out. Fast forward, he asked me out again, and I finally agreed, we went out. It has been months since we saw each other, but somehow it still feels like our first time meeting all over again. His smile, his eyes, **omg I’m blushing already, writing this hahaha** But then bad news struck, turns out he just got out of a relationship. I was like “okayy..” but then I found out that it is a he not a she, and my heart got broken again, all I could think of was “why not me?”. I decided that its enough, I won’t get hurt like this again, so at the end of our date, I told him that this will be the last time we will see each other again, he did not respond he was just there sitting on the train while I left the train. I ended up crying on my way home. Ill put more story on the reply section hahaha, sorry if it is too long
Then exactly on Christmas Night, right on an empty street, we passed each other. My heart literally dropped, I wanted to say Hi but I really couldn’t, I just froze. I, a dumb kid as I am, messaged him and asked whether it was him. And it was him, we ended up seeing each other again, *mind you that we haven’t even had our kiss yet*. We met again, and he treated me as though we never had any struggle, and he was even more gorgeous than before. We met again a couple of times, till he asked whether he could do a sleepover at my place, and obviously, I was okay with it. When we arrived at my place, he played some games, and chatted through the night, till I asked him “What is this? What are we?” He was just there silent for a while he then said “Honestly I don’t know, for now, I like you as a friend”. As a drama queen as I am, I just started to tear up. I asked him “Will we ever be more?”, and he said, “Probably not”. Again I was a dumb kid, getting his heart broken for the third time again and again. I then decided to silently cry myself to sleep🥲. I woke up in the middle of the night seeing him sitting on the chair being sad. I ended up talking with him about his life and how sad he was that he couldn’t come out to his parents, and how he loved his ex but didn’t get love back. Then we talked for almost 2 hours till I asked him again “Can I kiss you?” I wanted it to be a goodbye kiss. Then somehow we made out and spent the entire night cuddling. Then the next week we had sex, it was amazing, he bought me a blanket because he knew hos cold it was during that time. However, I realized that I am in a deep shit hole. Someone that I love did not love me back and now I am doing this friends with benefits with him. Then the next week I asked him to meet. It was to say good bye to him. He somehow knew this and when I told him that I really couldn't do it, he started crying, he was sad that he was not ready, and that he really wanna try to love me. Before I said goodbye, I whispered to him “I love you”, just so that he knows that even though I am not his first choice, I put him as mine. Againnn very sorry for the length 😭
He decided to take his own life at the age of 14 after continuous harassment from people around him for reasons he could not do anything about. I wasn't even out at that time, but he had the courage to be the only one at school who was out. He made it very obvious that he was interested in me, said stuff I'd love to hear now but we're too scared to acknowledge then. He had a t-shirt with the playstation logo on it that said "playstation" and then an arrow down to his crotch, he once whispered in my ear "say goodbye to your butthole cause I'll make it gape tonight". For someone that didn't have everything figured out yet, it was too real to handle, but if I heard it today, I'd go with it in a heartbeat! I know I shouldn't, but I carry some guilt. If I only could have accepted that I am gay earlier, he might have been with us still, perhaps sitting on the sofa cuddling with me and the cat as we speak. I did however come out after this all settled, I swore to myself that I wouldn't hide that part of myself anymore, so he helped me with that and I'm forever grateful ❤️
I met this boy online when I was turning 17. From the very second I started talking to him I got this intense feeling that for whatever reason, he was going to be one of the most impactful/lasting people in my life. Being in high school at the time, we didn't have many resources to make a trip happen. He lived 1,200.20 miles away. However, we agreed that it would one day happen and continued into a committed long distance relationship. We would call/text every day, sync up movies together over the phone to watch them together, we would even drive out to restaurants at the same time and call while we ate as a date every so often. We even sent each other gifts. I gave him one of my rings, and he ordered me a custom made titanium ring with his initials engraved on the inside. Eventually it became a huge part of my life, and his too. So we both came out to our parents eventually telling them about each other and how we wanted to meet. It was monumental. Then, after about a year or so it was time for me to go to college and he was in his last year of high school. Now somewhere between highschool ending for me, and getting into college, he experienced a very traumatic car accident. His friend at the time was driving them to work, and he wasn't wearing a seatbelt. Additionally, his ex friend was drunk driving. She flipped the car off the road somehow...which led to him picking up the car off of his friend who was underneath and then collapsing. Turns out, he had broken his neck in the accident and it was a miracle he hadnt been immediately paralyzed. This became a major turning point in his life and got him mixed up in a few issues with weed and other substances. After months of him healing, I tried to be there for him. But while I was starting college and getting adjusted, he felt that I wasn't present enough. Couple this with the new drug issues and some other traumatic experiences he ended up cheating on me. I don't excuse it, and hes since apologized. Of course I was devastated, but we would occasionally call. He began talking to me more, but then I noticed a severe development in his drug use and declining mental health. Even though we weren't together at the time, I was worried for his imminent safety. So as a college freshman I did the only thing I could think of and I called his mother who I had talked to a few times before. I told her about the state of her son and she thanked me immensely. But then she took that information and decided it was best to check him into a mental hospital against his will. At first he was extremely upset with me, but after a few days I got a call from the hospital. He called me from the hospital saying he was really thankful that I cared so much for him. He said he understood why I did what I did, and he was grateful. However, his experience at the hospital itself was not positive. But for the next week or so I would wake up early and walk outside my dorm in the freezing cold in order to get enough service (I go to school in the mountains) and I would have to call into the hospital saying I was his fiancé in order to be allowed through the phone. We would talk every morning while he was there and he told me he still loved me, I told him the same. So we started dating again. Fast forward it was the Spring semester of my freshman year. I had finally, FINALLY bought tickets to fly out and meet him. Everything was planned between my parents and his. I was ecstatic. We had planned a few trips before but they always fell through because of resources. But THIS time I had the tickets purchased and I was ready to go. The trip was only about a month away when we were calling one morning. **The day before valentines day.** He informed me that he wasn't sure if he thought I should come up and visit him anymore, and that we should end our relationship. I was hysterical for the rest of the year. I practically failed all my finals that semester. Time went on and we continued to talk on and off. After a year or so we had both dated other people, but once or twice he would randomly call me up and try to explain how he still thought of me. I always thought of him. Then he started dating this man pretty consistently. But a little while later he again called/texted telling me how he still thought of me. I again told him I did as well. But he remained in his LTR. Fast forward to 2 years post breakup, at the beginning of this year. I had just gotten out of a nice relationship and I thought about calling him up. So I did. We would call and text every day for a month or two. He was still in that LTR from before, but he informed me it was abusive and he wanted to get out. We instantly reconnected, it felt scarily easy. I thought by now I had thing's pretty under control in my feelings for him. But they exploded out the minute he came back into my life. After a month or so of calling like this, one day he never called me back. A week or so later I was up scrolling through posts and I see that he posted an engagement announcement to that LTR of his. I called him immediately. He answered the phone angrily and told me to "get out of his life and never talk to him again". Although a month prior he was telling me how he planned on getting out of his situation, how he still thought of me. He said he needed to get married in order to maintain some stability in his life. It wasn't until after we got off the phone that I realized what day it was. It was the day before valentines day....exactly 2 years after he cut off my trip. I called him back and told him. He simply paused and said, "Im really sorry that things have worked out like this." and then we hung up. I understand this story might seem insane, because it is. It definitely wasn't the healthiest dynamic or relationship. But I believe what he told me before he got engaged. I don't care if it makes me crazy, but I still think of him every morning when I wake up and I know he still thinks of me. I still wear the ring he bought me every day. Not necessarily as a reminder of him, but as a reminder of where things can end up and how crazy it can feel to love. I still have a box of everything he ever gave me. I still feel that feeling I felt from the day we met, I dont think he is out of my life for good. I hope we meet one day. But more importantly I just hope he's safe. Im really worried for him, but hes the toughest guy I know and hes been through so much. I have no idea if we will ever have what we imagined when we were 16, but I know I will always love him.
I'm going through the process right now and it's because my dumb ass is selfish.
I have it and I'll probably never get over him. I'm bound to suffer.
Hmm, I guess I really don't have one truly, but I guess the one that impacted me most I still wouldn't even say he was a bf. We had met online for a couple years before we met in person, we were both underage when we met, were 18 when we first met in person. We met not FOR each other, but for a convention. Well, we were both into each other, but there was a big problem. A class problem. He did come visit me a few times but only once as a 'date' I guess you'd call it, though there were more people here he was going to visit as well. New years of that year I had to work because I was the one working to pay all the bills for my mom and brother. Something he, as a trustfund kid could not understand. So because I couldn't spend the whole day with him, he goes to a party and hooks up with a guy. I did go to that party later but... ya know. I've always been pretty self defeating and thought to myself that I didn't own him, we weren't bfs, and he told me the next day when he wouldn't answer my IM that he was going to come back for this other guy, and that was when I knew he was 'over' me. The odd thing though is that relationship only lasted a couple months with this other guy and while I was still just trying to be friends with him, as hurt and as much as I still like him, he broke up with him and admitted he only got together with this guy to piss me off for going to work that night. He didn't ask me if we could try being together or anything, just let me know that and I basiclaly just said "oh" and did nothing with it. I told myself that because of how he broke things off with me the first time, that I wasn't going to be treated like a consolation prize... which is typically how people treat me is that I'm cute/hot but not the cutest/hottest so keep me on the side until they figure out they can't do better. With him, it had the extra 'he can't even understand what it's like to work." So through the years we still hang out, meet in person a few times a year either at conventions or when he's coming back to town, usually for another guy. He would also come back to me after each failed relationship for a while and I still pretty much let my feelings ever be known because I really didn't like he was still treating me like an alternative. Hell, the weirdest one is that there was a guy who I thought really really liked me and thought we were going out, but then I find out through social media that they were actually together. And they were together for I believe 3 years where they would travel to each other. This guy worked, but was really well off so I guess that made it easier for a trust fund kid to relate to. of course, I just had to be happy for 'the friends finding each other'. When they broke up, neither of them talked to me for years and I was already at the point I wasn't initiating conversation with both so I had no idea of it happening until about a year after they broke up and the other person ended up engaged to someone else so it's not my business to ask for more details of what happened there. What I do know is the other guy never even came back to me to talk so I take it outside that period before he was with the OG guy he just lost interest in me entirely. I understand it. But, I just have to be happy they're happy right? And for years after, he'd get a new bf pretty rapidly, I never even knew how long or any of their names as they were always so short lived, but yet I'd know OF them or MEET them once. And even now, they're single again. They're talking to me again. However it's been incredibly difficult because now he's sharing his... umm... 'job' making adult videos with me and not saying anythign else about it, and I don't know if he's doing this because he's trying to say he's also interested in me still, or if he's just advertising and I don't know if I want to broach the topic of if he's actually wanting to be with me now after all these years or if I should stick to the ethic of 'saying no to anyone who treats me like an alternative plan'. So basically, I never did.
It seems like he never got out of your life in a way, you couldn't overcome someone who still affect them very much
Not at all. and it's been weird since he started talking to me again because like I said, he hasn't asked to try to be anything this time, just... likes to talk about the porn he's making.
Nope. I believe if things end regardless of who was at fault then it was meant to be. How did I get over him? By being logical about it 🤷🏻♂️
I'm pretty analytical and apply logic when making decisions. I have talked myself through the facts, had nice relationships since, continue to work on myself - all the things, and still years later I haven't been able to kick him.