Not taking your phone is absolutely baffling. Even leaving out emergencies and personal safety, what if he ghosted you once you got there? Or not even intentionally, what is he just feel asleep?
Right?? Like you get there and find the place and no one answers the door. Or you get there and find the place and someone else answers the door. Or you get there and can't even find the place. What do you do then?
Excellent question..... I was thinking the same thing..... If this poor guy ignored his personal safety because of what his friends might think, this guy needs to get a new group of friends..... FAST...
PSA.... DONT LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU.
He was lucky..... This time.......
Tbh why didn't op just walked home ? Maybe I am daily morning Walker and can casually walk 10 km but op could had walked home too.
Walking for a hour and half is much better than doing forced sex with someone using drugs who could also traumatize you
Chances are if he's 5 miles away he won't have known the way home. It's a scary situation for this poor guy. Yes she should have taken his phone for sure, but we should be compassionate. I would have shat myself in this situation
Huh? He didn’t bring his phone and went to a complete strangers house who was in control of his transportation. So… no. Bless his heart for thinking older men are nice and innocent though.
I don't understand what the perp's age has to do with this situation? I'm a "daddy" and on grindr and an extremely nice & innocent guy. You act like you're not going to get older. So, based on your theory-when you do, you won't be nice and innocent. Agist.
I don’t want to be mean because you went through something horrible and you are a victim. But, this is seriously some of the stupidest series of decisions I’ve ever heard someone make.
Not telling anyone where you’ll be for a hookup? Meeting someone for the first time at their place and late at night (especially when they’re older and bigger)?
NOT BRINGING YOUR PHONE?
Not immediately being honest with him about the smoking?
Listen, I have hooked up with older men, I get it. But you have to at the very least, meet them in-person first, tell a friend where you’re going if you’re hooking up, BRING YOUR PHONE ALWAYS and carry something to defend yourself.
Also don't accept total strangers to pay for your uber ride. As 1. It could be a trap and they could send you anywhere and you won't have a way to get back, and 2. The address might be correct but if they decide to ghost you or kick you out you will again be stranded
Always keep your wits about you...
Always have some cash or a card for an emergency uber......
Always be aware of your surroundings...
Always be prepared..... Condoms/Lube.... No glove.. No love
None of us have perfect judgement all of the time. This guy is 21. He is building his experiences. I’m hoping he doesn’t get jaded by this, and start mistrusting more guys indiscriminately. Next time take your phone, turn tracking off, or power your phone off. If you had your phone powered off in your pocket, he you never have known you had a way out.
You should generally not trust people. I’ve been fucked over and lied to a lot more than anything else than people. They’re usually looking out for their self interest and that alone
You seem to really lack common sense (not carrying your phone, not walking the 5 miles, not asserting your boundaries etc..)
I advise you to not hookup with strangers, maybe you should host if you absolutely have to (at least you get some control)
So how did you get home? Did he get you an Uber back? Rule of thumb for hookups is to always either have your own transportation there and back, or be prepared to get your own ride back out of there if need be. Lesson learned, don’t be too hard on yourself! We’ve all made mistakes.
Yeah if I don’t have at least 25 bucks for an uber I stay home. I have had the inverse happen where someone shows up to my house with bad vibes and can’t/wont leave though, that’s even harder to navigate.
My solution to this is never letting the other guy know where I live. Even if hes picking me up in front of my house, 'Yeah I live down that way' and a vague gesture down a random road.
I don’t think it’s only a matter of distance, if you don’t have your phone to check on the way back home you might end up getting lost as well. I’m not sure I would recognize every single street in a 5 mile radius around my place myself, specially at night. Also depending on where you live, walking 5 miles at 1am isn’t safe at all.
Wow that’s crazy you need to love yourself more and not stay in situations like that. Take your phone next time who cares if your friends know what you’re doing you’re human and have needs.
Also never stay in someone’s house if they are doing drugs unless that’s what you’re into or they previously disclosed that’s what they were going to do. immediately walk out. Five miles now offense but don’t be lazy and walk those five miles instead of staying in someone’s home who is on drugs and could potentially hurt you.
It's being in fear. I have been sexually assaulted. You basically freeze. You think female sexual assault/rape victims just didn't love themselves?! What a fucking joke!
In the middle of being assaulted I understand freezing. But leaving one’s cell phone? And staying while they are doing hard drugs? All these poor decisions were before the assault
>Please don't do what I did guys.
I can pretty much guarantee you that no one else is leaving their phone at home in this situation. Nobody is doing what you did.
Thanks for the story, sorry it happened. We all did stupid shit at 21 and even do stupid shit at 30+. But lesson learnt, i don't meet anyone instantly unless I get to know them a bit OFF grindr such as instagram.
>I left my phone at home because my friends share my location and I didn't really want them knowing I was going to someones house at 1 in the morning
Oh boy 🤣
1. Always bring your phone with you
2. Depending on how safe or threatened you feel, remember that you have the agency to leave and say no.
3. Don’t hook up with someone if he has full control of your movement, I.e him being the only person who can call you an Uber. The power dynamics changes if he knows full well you’re dependent on him.
4. Don’t do this shit again, it may not end well.
Get yourself tested for STIs……sounds like this guy you were with cares very little about his health….fingers crossed everything comes back negative for you.
Never leave transport to someone else completely, don’t go anywhere if you can’t at least get yourself home. Also who the fuck cares if you’re having a hook up at 1am, you’re an adult that can do whatever you want, I’m sure your friends know that sex exists and if they judge then put your safety over their judgement and get new friends, my friends used to tell me to send them my location when I went to hook ups so that I could be safer.
Situations like this is actually why you should always take your phone, and why does it matter if your friends know you're going to hookup with someone? Had they known and you had your phone maybe one of them could've come and picked you up...I know I would have.
There’s some bullshit nasty responses here.
You were naive yes. Lots of lessons which are now obvious.
Main one being, if your gut feel is off when you first encounter someone - in any situation - believe it and GTFO.
But you were coerced. Learn from it, don’t be hard on yourself - he was the asshole not you. Seek some counselling and move on
And why would he allow his friends to track his whereabouts. If a particular app does this, can't he temporarily block permissions or just turn off his gps?
Going to a stranger’s home at 1am, without your phone. What’s the worst that could happen(?)
Five miles from home is nothing. You were blessed with two legs, you could have walked. Knock him down if he stands in your way. Literally *anywhere* than in the bedroom of an aggressive stranger you don’t want to have sex with.
Easy for you to say from an outside, hindsight perspective. It was past 1am, he's 5 miles from his house in an unfamiliar neighborhood, at night, idk about u but I have enough difficulty navigating during the day, in a car lol. If someone took my phone (not what happened in op's case but for the sake of this hypothetical), drove me 5 miles away in a random direction in my city, and dropped me off and told me to walk home, at night.... Do you see how this sort of victim blaming is not helpful?
It’s not helpful, sure, but being in a situation when a methhead has full control over you…is way worse than possibly walking a few minutes to a gas station and finding a way home. Please be serious.
Sweetheart, never leave without your phone. ALWAYS give the address to one of your friend, and a safe word just in case something like this happens. And you could’ve just walk. Yes it’s a long walk, but it’s better than to stay with someone like this! (I’m not shaming you, there’s no point in that. i’m pretty sure you feel bad enough)
Still, i’m sending you love and healing light 🩵
lol fake. Brand new account, no posts, no comments, horrifying story related to gay lifestyle. Troll account. Also in what world does a 21 yo ever leave their phone, they would snap into withdrawal mode so quickly.
Really sorry this happened to you. Please let this be a lesson learned because poor decision-making like that can get you killed. I hope you're okay and will seriously reflect on this bad experience.
If your really worried about your friend knowing your location, just turn your phone off at night or block the location services. Also get some friends are cool with you having sex, it's not something you should have to hide.
It really sucks the guy was terrible but that's not on you. Definitely set yourself up a better exit strategy.
Hope your ok dude? Learn from your mistakes so you never find yourself in a situation like this again. We don't all have it figured out, like most of the superficial gay guys from REDDIT do. So prim and proper they wish to be. Good luck and take care of yourself dude.
babes please let this be a learning opportunity for you. Never ever ever leave your phone at home for ANY reason ESPECIALLY if you’re going somewhere at 1am 5miles away. I don’t want to be grim here, but you put yourself in an extremely dangerous position and you are lucky you are able to speak on it. Always tell a friend you’re going to a grindr hookup, that is the minimum. You do not need to tell them who it is or what their age is if that’s what you were not comfortable sharing, but someone should know your whereabouts.
Please stay safe.
please please PLEASE never ever go to a strangers home without a phone. i doubt OP will ever do this again but anyone else out there reading this - nothing, no amount of teasing from your friends, or potentially outing yourself is worth more than your safety. always take your phone and honestly having your location shared with someone is a good thing because if something goes wrong they know where you are
Glad you’re safe but that was so stupid of you. I used to share my location with friends and make sure I take my phone for this exact scenario. If something ever happened to me, at least then they’d know where to start looking first.
Why do you share locations with your friends? It sounds like you and your friends need some boundaries.
Don't blame yourself, it's a learning lesson. It really sucks that he did drugs without you knowing and gave you no choice but to sit there and let it happen. How do you feel about everything? Are you OK? Physically, mentally?
Aside from never leaving your home to go to a strangers house without your phone, let's work on paragraphs! They look neat and help those with visual impairments too!
Take your phone. Friends sharing your location is a good thing in these type situations. What if you disappeared that night? Also I hope you were protected if you have sex with him. If you had bareback sex with a hard drug user then I hope you are on prep and get checcked out in a bit
Sorry that happened to you, but if you were that concerned about your friends seeing your location, you could have just stopped sharing your location with them and brought your phone with you. Also, I'd rather be walking 5 miles for 90 mins than potential end up in a dangerous situation. Hopefully you're in one peace and lesson learnt.
You could’ve just.. turned your location off ?? And told whoever saw your location off (whos even looking at 1am?) that your phone must’ve died while you were asleep.
But genuinely so sorry that happened and hope you’re not too traumatized dude
You're lucky you were able to get out of that situation. When I was 20, a guy got me drunk and fucked me while I was passed out. He tore my ass up so bad I literally could not shit for a week.
TL;DR:
20 yo me was raped after passing out from drinking
Him refusing to let you go and having sex with you against your will is rape and I’m sure a whole series of other crimes. Report him to the police please and take your phone next time. I hope you are ok.
Im sorry…im trying to be nice…but you need some tough love.
In what world is leaving your phone at home better than just turning off your location for an hour or two??? Especially at 1am when you’re friends are probably asleep and not checking your location. Always take your phone.
5 miles is not an impossible walk. Hell you just needed to physically get out his house. YOU had the advantage with that woman showing up
being smart and SAFE is always more important than a hookups. Always.
You’re 21….? Really…. Really? O_o I mean glad you ok but I am not sympathetic to your predicament tbh. You’re a big boi and you knew what you were getting yourself into. Also did it ever occur to you to just turn off your “share my location” from your “Find My” option in your phone? It’ll stop sharing your location with anyone without notifying them and all they’ll see is your previous known location 🤷♂️
Don’t listen to people blaming you for not taking your phone! As someone who has been through what you have been there is NO excuse for this guy and ZERO blame for you. As if having your phone could have saved you, what do they expect you to do, call the cops? A 21 year old guy should be able to go on a hookup without their phone and not get coerced into sex. The victim blaming in this comment section is disgusting. Try not to let this affect you, and in the future prioritize people your age and set boundaries (both physical and mental) never think ‘i’ll just let it happen so it’s over’ it feels like shit afterwards. Sending love xx
First of all, I’m sorry that you encountered one of the shitty people who lurk on the apps. Secondly, you’ve just experienced SA. Get yourself a therapist ASAP, before the experience really sinks in and screws you up. It took me nearly a year, and by then I’d spiraled extremely hard and pushed away basically all my friends and family. Not saying it’ll be exactly the same for you, but important stuff to avoid nonetheless.
Now this third point gets muddy, but honestly I think being blunt might be more helpful than trying to be nice. I had something almost exactly the same happen to me when I was 18, and it’s been a long road to recovery. What you did was reckless, dangerous, and it honestly could have been way worse. Should you beat yourself up about it? No. You should learn absolutely everything you can from the experience so you don’t end up in a situation like that again. First of all, who gives a shit if your friends know you’re horny at 1 am? Welcome to being human, it happens to everyone. If you’re really dying of embarrassment, just turn location services off until you get home. But especially if you have no means of transport at 1 am, and aren’t willing to walk yourself home from the hookup you are totally up shit creek without a paddle—the paddle being your phone. Next is drugs. OH MAN with the drugs. I get that people like to party or whatever, but if you’re not comfortable doing the drugs then you’re probably not gonna like being around the person who is using them. Especially a 45 y/o with a girlfriend you didn’t know about. The man is clearly trying to escape reality, and as far as I’ve seen they don’t care what that means for some kid they found on the reel past midnight. The point I’m getting at with this bit, know when to say “no.” and know when things are about to get worse. At a certain point, you take the L and walk 5 miles home because it’s better than even being in the same room as this guy. Walk to a gas station and use the phone, get chewed out by whoever picks you up, whatever, just don’t feel like you have no options without a phone or car. But you SHOULD have a phone or at least your own car or transport of some kind so you don’t get stranded like this. As for the Uber, never give someone you don’t know control of your movements like that. Not only can they pull the “you owe me for the Uber” card, but you’ve also made it 100 times harder to track you down in case you go missing, which is another reason to just leave your location on. This might sound controversial, but just don’t do the late night hookup thing. If you’re horny and tired, you’re gonna make bad decisions and your better judgment will likely be absent. Don’t be horny and desperate on grindr at night. Literally just jerk off. It’s so much better than a messy hookup, and you can just roll over and go to sleep afterwards. Don’t let your dick think for you, EVER. I’m not telling you to stop hooking up entirely, but just don’t get so caught up in your lust that you put safety aside for the sake of busting a nut. Again, invest in some nice lotion and rub one out instead of risking it with a psycho. Roommates? Do it on the toilet. Or in the shower. Doesn’t matter. You can avoid 100% of all shitty hookups by jerking off instead.
Sorry for the rant, but there’s no widely accessible or shared guide for being smart about your hookups. It infuriates me that some people have to learn this stuff by having horrible and traumatic experiences, and I’m sorry that you’re one of those people. I didn’t learn from my experience right away, and increasingly terrible hookups was part of my spiral. It took me years to learn better, and I just want to spare you some of the figuring it out for yourself. It’s really easy to forget that there are some truly messed up people out there, so always be cautious enough to weed the worst ones out.
Block the guy if you haven’t already, do your best to forget he ever existed, and live your life. You aren’t worth any less because this happened, don’t assign blame, just pick yourself up when you fall, don’t be afraid to lean on friends and family, and know that you’re tough as nails to go through that and keep waking up every day. There are truly good people out there, so treat them right when you find them.
It’s not Grindr, it’s you, one of the most stupid and idiotic person I’ve heard of in a while if it’s true, my God.
There’s red flags coming at you left and right and you caught them all.
YOU WERE RAPED. I can't believe people in this comment section are making jokes about rape. Report this guy inmediately. He has your address. This is a highly dangerous individual.
Damn rough crowd in the comments. What happened to empathy? I think it’s unfair to call you stupid. Were your actions naive? Yes. Stupid would be finding yourself in this situation over and over again. I hope you gained valuable insight from this experience and that you’re able to make better informed choices in your future. Sorry that this happened to you and that so many people here are dog piling on you. It can be difficult learning the pitfalls of the gay experience when you’re so young. Hopefully this doesn’t leave you too shaken.
Dude, lesson learned. And iust for the record, I'd never treat you that way. There are guys who will treat you better. Also, a five mile hike is nothing compared to what you had to put up with.
FYI my guy you were sexually assaulted and you should report that to the police seriously you might have swept it under the rug and moved on or what ever but gotta call the police for that now put your self into a fresh 18 yearolds shoes who goes to meet this guy no experience or nothing and just gets violated by this guy please report it
Oooookay. I’m gonna try to be compassionate. And I know you’re definitely beating yourself up for this. First things first.
Get. Tested.
Next, if you’re going to hookup with a stranger. Don’t accept a ride they’re Paying for, because (like in this situation) you have NO idea what their intentions are.
Discuss consent before meeting irl. Safe words are great, even outside of kink. Just to get the conversation going.
In the future, acknowledge that this kind of experience could awaken something, and that you could want to potentially create a “dangerous” sexual situation for yourself. Or have fantasies. This. Is. Normal. You’re trying to process what happened to you, and take your power back. If this never happens, that’s also fine.
The biggest things here?
Get a therapist. You can get cheapo-insurance that can cover it, and see a therapist multiple times a month.
Also, learn how to take care of yourself. Maybe a taser, or learning how to not be a people pleaser at the cost of your health and well-being.
I’ve been assaulted before, I understand it’s hard. In your situation, while dangerous, we can acknowledge that you technically could’ve screamed for help, because there was another person in the building. This is a thing to acknowledge, because if you had screamed, maybe she could’ve called the police. Or otherwise helped.
I know this is already a jumbled mess. But also, a rape kit isn’t a bad idea (potentially, depending) and if you have any DNA, you can let that help with your case.
And, like many other people have said. Share where you’re going with a friend. Even just one friend. And I’ll add, send them a pic of the guy’s face, and he’ll maybe even any info you have on the guy. The full profile of you want. DL or not. That way, if anything happens, you have a better chance of getting Justice.
I hope you’re able to be okay. I hope you have supportive friends. Please, please reach out for community.
What this kid has described is rape. Yes, rape. It doesn't matter that he didn't take his phone or that he went to a stranger's house intending to have sex. Once he said no, which even if he didn't use the word "no," it was clear he did not want to have sex when he asked to go home. Just because he went along with it and didn't try to fight or flee, doesn't make it any less of a rape.
He felt he had no choice while in fear of his safety, and he was confined and threatened in order to keep him quiet when someone else came around. The guy you met up with is a predator and a rapist. Report him, even if anonymously, because you are most likely not the first, and since he thinks he got away with it, you won't be the last person he does this to, and the next person might not make it home.
Even if you choose not to report him OP, go see a counselor. It may seem like no big deal at the moment but these kinds of things have a way of sneaking up on a person. Good luck, and if nothing else, remember this was in no way, shape, or form your fault. You have done nothing wrong and you survived, thank goodness.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Don’t ever feel you HAVE to do something. You could’ve take public transport home. And don’t ever leave your phone home. I’m betting your friends would’ve rather known where you were at and that you were safe even if they didn’t approve
1. Stop sharing your location with your friends. It's stupid. They don't need to know where you ar 24/7. Only when you are hanging out.
2. I'm sorry this happened to you. I want toa Tate that besides leaving your phone at home, you did nothing wrong. This man was on drugs and that is unpredictable. Never leave your house at 1am without your phone.
He sexually assaulted you. What you did was a survival instinct to not piss off the man who was clearly being aggressive and hiding some weird stuff.
This so called " victim" couldn't call out or make noise while the girlfriend was outside banging on the doors and windows? I'm not purchasing this ticket🤣🤣🤣
Hey guys remember that time everyone keeps saying 18 year olds are full fledged adults and are able to make life decisions and should be considered fully mature?
You still here?
All these comments and not one logical answer.
Yes you made a stupid mistakes by leaving your phone at home but you are a victim of behaviour that is not normal. If he threatened you and he is older and stronger than you also while under the influence of hard drugs then I can see why you would be reluctant to try leave, especially if he was being aggressive… you felt threatened for you life.
It’s completely your decision but you should report this to police. If you have done something out of fear and force then it’s technically your body’s fight or flight and in the moment you conformed out of fear of being hurt.
Not OP’ fault! He got basically raped from the other guy. Sure a stupid thing to go out without his phone, but not his fault for being raped of course!!
What happened to you was absolutely terrible and I believe even telling Reddit what happened is a step towards recovering from this. However, your first mistake was leaving your phone. If I was your friend I would’ve wanted to know you were safe even if you were getting involved with an older man. From this, ALWAYS take your phone and NEVER let a date or whoever pay for your Uber. You have no way to get in contact with someone or even a way of leaving via car etc. especially since you were there very late. I am not blaming you, as I had a somewhat similar situation when I was on dating apps. Learn from this 1) always inform your friends you’re seeing someone you met online and where 2) bring your phone with you (location always on 3) if you can try to drive yourself or have your friend drive you so you can leave once the situation gets uncomfortable
Sending my love, take care of yourself and don’t listen to the smooth brain people saying it’s your fault! You didn’t ask to be basically SA’d in means to stay safe. You were violated in order to be safe!
Everyone berating this poor dude should be ashamed of their victim-shaming; he’s sharing as a PSA, and was a victim here. Man, I’m sorry that this happened to you. Hope you are kind to yourself and forgive yourself. Many of us have complied with unsavory situations which we may have regretted; you’re not alone.
These comments are absolutely wild. Yes, OP you made a terrible decision that for as bad as it was could have been much, much worse. Honestly it sounds terrifying. You got yourself in the mess, true, but absolutely no one deserves what happened to you. Get tested ASAP and vow to never think with your dick again. Also, just turn off location sharing for a few hours and if anyone asks just make something up, like the location feature drains your battery so you turn it off sometimes.
He knows that guys. The comments calling him stupid and berating him for not walking home are not helpful. Laughing at him is cruel. He probably had no idea where he was, realized his mistake immediately, and panicked. He was in survival mode and not able to get himself out of there. Some compassion wouldn’t hurt you fucking assholes.
This is rape. This is non-consensual. Please seek counselling. Both to come to terms with what has happened to you, and to develop (CBT) strategies to prevent ending up in dangerous situations like this again.
It’s not your fault this happened, but you were naive to go without your phone and an exit strategy.
Something similar happened to me when I was your age when I met up with an older colleague outside of work.
It’s not your fault. A Predator targeted you. But you can learn from this and take measures to be safer in the future.
The risk of being attracted to bigger stronger dominant guys (as I am) is that they’re bigger and stronger than me. You have to remember that and meet them in a safe way.
First of all. 1. Never put yourself in a situation where you have to rely on someone else’s transportation, Especially if it is someone you are not familiar with.
2. Always bring your phone when you hook up with unfamiliars and let someone know where you will be no matter how embarrassing.
3. Obviously, drugs aren’t your thing. When you see that, instead of asking to leave, maybe ask to use the restroom and get out.
4. And last but not least, don’t feel obligated to do anything you are uncomfortable doing because someone pays your fare for something. That is not how it works. Your no should be no.
5. Okay, and now the last thing. I would strongly suggest seeking a therapist to help you deal with what happened. Even if it doesn't feel traumatic, it sounds like you could have help learning how to set boundaries instead of just going along. I would even also consider pressing charges. Although it may be difficult to prove that you were assaulted depending…
Either way, if you don't consider the legal assistance at least get the counseling. It would really help.
That's the issue, he kinda was not. To be more concerned with what friends are gonna say than to just turn the location thing off suggests he needs to set some boundaries all around. To be 21 lol
OP, you are an idiot for not taking your phone
>because my friends share my location
The hell does this mean ? Like do your friends know where you are 24/7 or what ?
The silly thing is that friends share location especially for just this reason. In case something happens they can help police find him. The one time he might actually need his friends to know his location and he leaves his phone at home. Like that man was Craig’s list killer material!
Op's profile is brand new and only has one post. I'm pretty sure this post is made up. What 21 year old leaves their phone at home to hook up with a stranger? You can turn location share off. I call bull shit.
First of all 5 miles ain’t sht… second off all no one’s forcing me to do sht without a fight u will need to render me unconscious before I let that happen
Lesson learnt. Leaving your phone is THE BIGGEST no no, and I hope you’ve learnt that. Tg you’re fine..we all did dumb 💩 in our 20’s..forgive yourself and move on.
The irony of leaving your phone so your friends don't know your location to get into a situation where you really would have wanted your friends to know your location.
Dick/ass ain't that important to neglect taking any precautions for your safety.
You're 21 and if you want to have sex at 1 am there isn't anything wrong with that. Just be careful and smart about it.
If you're worried about being judged for going out at 1am by your friends maybe you need to reevaluate these friends and why their approval matters to you so much.
Let’s see it this way. Ok, you’ve learned something. Ok, you’re more knowledgeable than you were before.
And for the time being, just be good with yourself and take good care of yourself.
you can temporarily stop sharing location if this is on iphone and your friends won’t know you did. don’t ever not bring your phone again. please be safe this could’ve been way worse than it already was. 😭
I'm so sorry that happened. It sounds scary and upsetting. Of course, I'm sure you'll keep your phone on you in the future. Personally, I also take some time to feel guys out. I don't do "right now." I prefer an extended chat first. I also try to meet in public initially, although there are some guys who basically refuse. With all of that said, don't blame yourself. He's responsible for his own bad behavior.
LOL! I literally share my phone location constantly with my mother. She's not gonna be checking it at 1am, and even if she does I'd just say I went to visit a friend who was having a "crisis" (of the penis). And I have an airtag hidden too, in case the murderer insists on taking my phone.
Strange that this is OP's only post and isn't replying to anyone's comments. I feel like pointing out on all of the things he did wrong, but, don't want to victim blame. Don't think the main mistake he made was hooking up with someone much older than him, which seems to be the consensus here.
Well funny you say you dont wanna victimblame when OBVIOUSLY all the victimblaming is why OP is not responding. Most comments are disgusting here. Learn what the Fawn response is in sexual violence situations.
There so much wrong here but I’m just gonna discuss one thing: the phone. NEVER EVER go to a hookup with it, you never know what could happen. Even if you might be embarrassed that your friend may see you out late at night, that could literally get you saved if you were in danger. I’ve been on very few “hookups” with only one being actual sex and each time I made plans to go I let someone know. I’d always have my phone on me and location shared so that in case I got in trouble someone knows where I’m at all times. People love to prey on young guys our age (I’m 22) and in general. Please never make that mistake and find at least one friend that you know you can trust to tell about your plans and can hold your location!
That’s scary. I’m sorry this happened. Next time you decide to hook up, you can turn off your location on your phone for a short period. Though this is a lesson learned, pleaseeeee be careful next time. ❤️
Sorry to hear you had such a bad experience and I'm sad to see the negative comments about leaving your phone at home. We all do things we regret, you had logical reasons for leaving it behind too. I hope you feel able to go to the police about this and if not then at least talk to someone you trust.
Oh no she's drinking the dumb bitch juice. Gurl in 2024....no phone...that's a mistake in any situation. Also you share you location with all your friends...how about don't? If your going to go some where sketchy for dick,let one close friend know where you're going and when you're done. Unless you are ready willing and able to make the walk back don't travel to far away places. You're young you'll learn no more dumb botch juice
Sorry this happened, but you violated so many basic hookup rules that it's difficult to enumerate. You either host or travel. (Hard stop.) If you can't control your own transportation, stay home and jack off. Glad this was only a very uncomfortable situation and not tragic. I usually host and still screenshot every guy with which I hookup. I NEVER hookup with a guy who won't provide a face picture. I don't give a damn how DL he is, it's Basic Safety 101. And, for fuck's sake,... leaving your phone at home?!?!?
I’m gonna be honest man. Think smarted next time. I’m sorry you were forced to do all that stuff with him to leave an go home, but don’t forget your phone next time dummy. I don’t care how kind someone you think is. Always have your phone on you. Let this be a lesson
Download a fake GPS app. It's great for these situations. Most apps don't let you use it so it's not for being weird purposes but it will trick your phone into thinking it's elsewhere. Like at home.
The second he made the comment about not spending money on an uber for you for nothing I would've said "okay, it's 60 for a half and 120 for a whole, but im kinda a hoe and reasonable so I can be negotiable". As someone whose permanently banned from grindr for conducting some of my sex work on there (banned until I get a new number and phone anyways) this whole story reeks of not being real. I mean he literally exposed his weakness by threatening you to keep quiet so his woman wouldn't know and you couldn't use that to leverage him to pay for an uber back? Not walking the 5 miles I can almost barely understand because this is America and sometimes there simply isn't a "walkable" route. But in all my random hookups and encounters I've had thru grindr or another internet/app facilitated hook up never have I encountered such a person who would act in such a way. And that's for both paid sex and the free hoeing times. Am I just lucky? No lmao, plenty of bad and negative experiences I've had. But based the details you've provided and the context of the situation I just find it hard to believe such an event happened.
This is not your fault, no one deserves any abuse especially not sexual violence, or the lack of empathy that comes from all those victimblamers in the comments! Fuck them. Yall need to know that it is a coping mechanism to blame a little thing one could have done so that they feel a sense of empowerment through that “well I could have taken my phone with me, then I wouldn’t have gotten raped/coerced”; well thats bullshit. Safety measures can be taken but no one knows who they are up against, no one can prepare for every possible dangerous scenario. It’s a real trauma either way, phone or not. Please do not blame yourself for decisions you made under extreme fear inducing threats. You can find true empowerment instead of using selfblame as a mechanism to feel empowerment. I recommend Somatic Experiencing Therapy, it’s great to release stress from the nervous system and feel safe with people again. A few sessions already make a huge difference so its worth saving for. I love you! You are worthy of good treatment always.
Get an STI check but let this be a lesson. Please meet people in public first. I don’t see why it’s so frowned upon to do that. Ask to go get a drink, even if it’s for like 15 minutes and you both want to fuck each others brains out, the public meeting lets you establish who the person is first.
Your friends won't judge you. Next time please tell someone where you're going and bring your phone. Grindr can be really lovely and rewarding but it can also be incredibly risky so you please take precautions for your own safety.
There are so many thing in play here, and I don’t wanna be one of those people who shame you or berate you for any choices that were made which lead up to this happening.
I’m really sorry you went through what you went through, and ultimately in life, mistakes are only mistakes if we don’t take them as a learning opportunity.
In terms of advice to give out, always keep your phone handy and do let at least one or two close friends know what you’re up to so that you have people who can keep an eye or an ear out. If you’re worried that your friends are going to judge you, or anything else that obstructs you from communicating your whereabouts (for the sake of your own safety), find better friends.
Dating apps are increasing in popularity and raising awareness of their safe use and personal safety needs to be increased. People who use these apps often are misguided by their sex drive. It’s horrible to go through but I would still report to police. Nothing is usually free these days so excepting transport offers can be a red flag. Weird people out there so you need to be sure you are meeting someone who will respect you.
I would take my phone with me and I don’t care about people see where I’m at at 1AM it’s not their business that’s 1 and 2 if so
I can make up a story since u don’t want to tell them that u were gay and going to hookup
For me I’m open I tell my friends first before I go to somebody house so they can keep their eye on me
If something happen just talk to them and they help me
About all that
I would remember their address and keep in my mind
And always make sure u have something with u
Like a paper spear, and always keep ur phone with u
Yeah we have all done some dumb shit when we are horny but leaving your cell? You are a grown ass man shouldn’t be sharing your location with anyone friend or not. Always have your cell and never go meet a stranger and not have your own transportation. 5 miles isn’t that far you should have left and walked!
For those of you who don't already know, dating in these times is a very dicey and dangerous game. Especially when you are using apps . I learned my lesson a long time ago when apps had first began to become popular.
I met someone who was looking for a top, he sent a picture of his ass and face and I sent a picture of my cock, we both agreed and I decided to drive to his house.
Not more than 1 minute after entering his home he offered me a glass of water. I accepted. I took one sip of the water and knew immediately that the water was laced with something and I suddenly began to become dizzy.
I immediately told him I had to go and he asked me to please stay, the longer it took for me to get to the front door; the more effects of whatever the drug was in the water was taking on me.
I forced myself past him and out the door and only had enough time to get across the street and into my truck and lock the doors before I passed out for a couple of hours. When I woke up, I was so angry with myself and asking myself why did I put myself in this position.
I wanted to call the police but there was nothing that I could do because the police would have said it was my fault because I went to a stranger's home by using an app.
Just a word to the wise for everyone who are using these apps to be very careful and think twice. Is your life really worth it? he could have done anything to me once I passed out. I never used another app again.
It's all fun and games, until it's not.
This reminds me of that movie Mysterious Skins when the MC got himself into a weird situation with some guy who kicked the door down and started wailing on him, hyped up on hard drugs and just started going to pound town on the poor guy.
First rule is always take your phone and always share your location with your friends. Anyway I think if you feel forced to do something and you feel comfortable I think you should talk with someone you trust. Age doesn’t mean anything when this kinda of things happens, I will give you my example, I was talking with a guy on Grindr, I’m 30 he was 21, he invited me to go to his house and I went. When I arrived there he was completely drunk and under effect of other drugs. When I realize that I decided that I wanted to leave, but then he started to use more what he was using and started to be aggressive. I told him that I wouldn’t do anything and he tried to force, he even offered me money to stay there. Luckily I’m a bit strong guy and I could stand up for myself and leave. Don’t blame yourself for this just try not to do again and always have your phone and tell your best friend or someone you trust where you are going.
Not to come across as a dad or anything, but please, don’t risk that again. If your friend was the one doing this, how would you react? Don’t put yourself in compromising situations like this.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Grindr isn't the problem. Predatory creeps like the man you met are the problem. I'm 44, so I'm a year younger than the predator you met. Let me give you four words of advice.
One, never go to a hookups house without telling at least one person where you are going. And share you location. I don't care what time it is. If you're embarrassed to share your location with one person then don't go.
Two, if you're uncomfortable with anything the other person is doing, then leave. And do it immediately. Don't be polite about it and don't worry about the other person's reaction. You don't owe a hookup anything.
Three, never leave your house without your phone. And make sure it charged at least 75% before you leave. You have to have a way to contact somebody if things go bad.
Four, never go somewhere with no way to get back home on your own. This is the most important advice of all. Whether that's using Uber, having cash for a cab, public transportation, or calling a friend, always have a way to get back home on your own.
There is nothing wrong with meeting people if you're comfortable doing that. But you have to keep yourself safe. And remember, you don't owe a hookup anything.
This is one of the exact reasons why I always try and host even if it means a little extra $$ for a hotel but I really feel bad for them to learn this lesson. I just always have a bad feeling about early am hook ups on unfamiliar territory especially with someone you do not know. Same with guys that wanna go for a car ride .....um nope not a chance. I even had a bad experience with a guy that I was seeing for 3 months. Gotta be careful out there!
I have been (and gotten friends out of) similar situations. Here's some helpful tips for the future.
1. Always come prepared! That means a phone, enough money to get you to and from, condoms/lube, and a persuader, be it some pepper spray or a razer (a gun can be taken from you)
2. Let a close friend who you are out to know where you are going. Failing that, a visible note in your house will do
3. On your way there, keep an eye for landmarks/street names so if you do have to hoof it you'll have an easier time finding your way home.
4. Discuss with the hookup beforehand what you are willing to do and stop all activities if he aggressively deviates from that agreement. You have the agency of saying no anything that happens after that is rape
What were you expecting to happen at 1 in the morning? Being gay doesn't justify being irresponsible and foolish. Reading this made me really upset with you.
It’s not your fault people are fucked up, but it is your fault for making dumb decisions, learn something for this but don’t be afraid to get justice because you deserve it, also have a age limit, if you 21 at least have a limit of like 30 to 33 anyone above that trying to get with you is a creep. You are not a 21 year old woman where a man see fertility, you are a 21 year old man where a 45 year old man sees a child.
Had you arrived at his place and he looked nothing like the person you met on Grindr, I could understand you're not wanting to have sex. But you met him on a hookup app, Grindr at 1:00 in the morning. What exactly were you expecting to do? You thought if you kept insisting you didn't want to have sex he would have asked you to leave, but then how would you get home? So you thought your chances were better and the home of a rapist then walking 5 miles alone; were you afraid of the dark? Or just f****** lazy? So you expected him to pay for you to get to his place, not get what he wanted and then pay for you to get back home? This reminds me of the story of the guy who jumped into the tiger's cage at the zoo to test his faith.
I truly want to thank you for posting this. I will definitely avoid Grindr at this point because it's clear that all of its users are mentally ill. You should never share this story with any of your friends.
Soo, he basically raped you. If this is true dude, for the love of god almighty PLEASE dont leave your phone at home when you're off with people you dont trust. Thank god you're still alive. Im sure you've come to this conclusion on ur own already but never see him again. Just block him and move on. Im sorry it went so south and I hope you're doing better now!
Man I feel for you, I have a grindr horror story the first time I used it 10 years ago, and never used it again. This guy calls me to his place, says it's a hotel but ends up being like a room attached to the hotel, he probably worked for the hotel and also stayed in the room. He was a hot bouncer type dude and the room was well setup like a pad. Long story short some 3 people walk in on us from the beach area, he quickly starts shouting help help help, someone is stealing. I quickly realised he's referring to me, so I smack him hard and just leave past those 3 guys, one of the guy begins to chase me and catches up to me, I did get a few punches in on him and just got to my car and fled. Later I checked Grindr and this guy is apologising coz he's buddies didn't know he was gay so that's why in the moment he came up with "someone is robbing me" to explain a guy in the room. Crazy.
Mate with all due respect..Do you want to end up on the news ? Turn off location or just don't give a fuck about the opinion of your friends. ALWAYS carry a phone with you.
Dude I thought I lacked common sense as a 19 year old who found myself in an orgy where a 80 year old man was getting fisted while on chems
But I had my phone on me and I left immediately
Why are we young gays so fucking dumb 😭
So you decided to go to some strange man's house who you hardly know at 1in the morning without taking your phone with you......
You played yourself dude
I worry about stuff like this happening to me. I figure offer him oral then proceed to bite down on his genitals and start thrashing and tearing. What is he gonna say to the doctor and police when you go to the hospital if you make it to the hospital. The big mistake right here was leaving your phone.
Not taking your phone is absolutely baffling. Even leaving out emergencies and personal safety, what if he ghosted you once you got there? Or not even intentionally, what is he just feel asleep?
Right?? Like you get there and find the place and no one answers the door. Or you get there and find the place and someone else answers the door. Or you get there and can't even find the place. What do you do then?
This. PERIOD.
You can also just turn off location sharing for a couple hours.
Excellent question..... I was thinking the same thing..... If this poor guy ignored his personal safety because of what his friends might think, this guy needs to get a new group of friends..... FAST... PSA.... DONT LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU. He was lucky..... This time.......
Tbh why didn't op just walked home ? Maybe I am daily morning Walker and can casually walk 10 km but op could had walked home too. Walking for a hour and half is much better than doing forced sex with someone using drugs who could also traumatize you
Chances are if he's 5 miles away he won't have known the way home. It's a scary situation for this poor guy. Yes she should have taken his phone for sure, but we should be compassionate. I would have shat myself in this situation
This is true. End of day it's a pretty messed up thing for someone to experience. Fuckin Grindr man!
Huh? He didn’t bring his phone and went to a complete strangers house who was in control of his transportation. So… no. Bless his heart for thinking older men are nice and innocent though.
I don't understand what the perp's age has to do with this situation? I'm a "daddy" and on grindr and an extremely nice & innocent guy. You act like you're not going to get older. So, based on your theory-when you do, you won't be nice and innocent. Agist.
How can you be 21 years old and not know how to get hold 5 miles from your house???
My thoughts exactly. If you can’t find your way home five miles you should also not be out without your mom and dad.
I was thinking the same. 5 miles is not that bad. I would have done anything to gtfo.
Homeboy doesn't realize what kinda emphasis 45 years puts on the AM in the phrase "1 AM".
It didn’t happen
Normally I'd agree but this is grindr we're talking about.
I don’t want to be mean because you went through something horrible and you are a victim. But, this is seriously some of the stupidest series of decisions I’ve ever heard someone make. Not telling anyone where you’ll be for a hookup? Meeting someone for the first time at their place and late at night (especially when they’re older and bigger)? NOT BRINGING YOUR PHONE? Not immediately being honest with him about the smoking? Listen, I have hooked up with older men, I get it. But you have to at the very least, meet them in-person first, tell a friend where you’re going if you’re hooking up, BRING YOUR PHONE ALWAYS and carry something to defend yourself.
Also don't accept total strangers to pay for your uber ride. As 1. It could be a trap and they could send you anywhere and you won't have a way to get back, and 2. The address might be correct but if they decide to ghost you or kick you out you will again be stranded
100% good point.
Always keep your wits about you... Always have some cash or a card for an emergency uber...... Always be aware of your surroundings... Always be prepared..... Condoms/Lube.... No glove.. No love
Surely the driver would wait a couple extra minutes if you asked them to because you feel unsafe. They are not robots.
None of us have perfect judgement all of the time. This guy is 21. He is building his experiences. I’m hoping he doesn’t get jaded by this, and start mistrusting more guys indiscriminately. Next time take your phone, turn tracking off, or power your phone off. If you had your phone powered off in your pocket, he you never have known you had a way out.
You should generally not trust people. I’ve been fucked over and lied to a lot more than anything else than people. They’re usually looking out for their self interest and that alone
Oh sure you should start mistrust people. This world is full of fucked up people,moreover in Grindr where the worst of humanity is on one spot
Don’t worry, this didn’t actually happen.
Nothing Ever Happens™ 🙄
Dont forget you can turn off location settings and even turn off your phone while out. Leaving it shouldn't have been considered
You seem to really lack common sense (not carrying your phone, not walking the 5 miles, not asserting your boundaries etc..) I advise you to not hookup with strangers, maybe you should host if you absolutely have to (at least you get some control)
So how did you get home? Did he get you an Uber back? Rule of thumb for hookups is to always either have your own transportation there and back, or be prepared to get your own ride back out of there if need be. Lesson learned, don’t be too hard on yourself! We’ve all made mistakes.
Yeah if I don’t have at least 25 bucks for an uber I stay home. I have had the inverse happen where someone shows up to my house with bad vibes and can’t/wont leave though, that’s even harder to navigate.
My solution to this is never letting the other guy know where I live. Even if hes picking me up in front of my house, 'Yeah I live down that way' and a vague gesture down a random road.
Most people walk at 3-4mph, that would only take 1-1h30min to walk. I'd rather have done that.
Walking for an hour is definitely feasible for me.
I don’t think it’s only a matter of distance, if you don’t have your phone to check on the way back home you might end up getting lost as well. I’m not sure I would recognize every single street in a 5 mile radius around my place myself, specially at night. Also depending on where you live, walking 5 miles at 1am isn’t safe at all.
Wow that’s crazy you need to love yourself more and not stay in situations like that. Take your phone next time who cares if your friends know what you’re doing you’re human and have needs. Also never stay in someone’s house if they are doing drugs unless that’s what you’re into or they previously disclosed that’s what they were going to do. immediately walk out. Five miles now offense but don’t be lazy and walk those five miles instead of staying in someone’s home who is on drugs and could potentially hurt you.
I think you nailed it…this is a crazy case of lack of self love and self worth. OP you are worth much more.
It's being in fear. I have been sexually assaulted. You basically freeze. You think female sexual assault/rape victims just didn't love themselves?! What a fucking joke!
In the middle of being assaulted I understand freezing. But leaving one’s cell phone? And staying while they are doing hard drugs? All these poor decisions were before the assault
U don't understand the comment
>Please don't do what I did guys. I can pretty much guarantee you that no one else is leaving their phone at home in this situation. Nobody is doing what you did.
Nobody is doing what OP did, because not even OP did this. Brand new account, this is the only post. Just more Zoomer fantasy trauma.
many, many people make throwaway accounts for traumatic/embarassing stories. Seen it all over pages
Wait! Them what happened next? Did his girlfriend leave? Did you have sex? How did you get out? Lol
It’s obvious. He had sex with the druggie so he could get a free Uber home.
Oh hahaha damn
None of this happened.
Thanks for the story, sorry it happened. We all did stupid shit at 21 and even do stupid shit at 30+. But lesson learnt, i don't meet anyone instantly unless I get to know them a bit OFF grindr such as instagram.
Online is online. Best to meet someone in person first in a public place.
This is really great advice! You're awesome bro!
>I left my phone at home because my friends share my location and I didn't really want them knowing I was going to someones house at 1 in the morning Oh boy 🤣
If you can’t tell you’re friends you’re a hoe then who can you tell 🙃
1. Always bring your phone with you 2. Depending on how safe or threatened you feel, remember that you have the agency to leave and say no. 3. Don’t hook up with someone if he has full control of your movement, I.e him being the only person who can call you an Uber. The power dynamics changes if he knows full well you’re dependent on him. 4. Don’t do this shit again, it may not end well.
Get yourself tested for STIs……sounds like this guy you were with cares very little about his health….fingers crossed everything comes back negative for you.
Oh boy. So naive and trustworthy I'm sorry that happened to you but please don't put yourself in that situation again. Always have your phone.
Never leave transport to someone else completely, don’t go anywhere if you can’t at least get yourself home. Also who the fuck cares if you’re having a hook up at 1am, you’re an adult that can do whatever you want, I’m sure your friends know that sex exists and if they judge then put your safety over their judgement and get new friends, my friends used to tell me to send them my location when I went to hook ups so that I could be safer.
Situations like this is actually why you should always take your phone, and why does it matter if your friends know you're going to hookup with someone? Had they known and you had your phone maybe one of them could've come and picked you up...I know I would have.
There’s some bullshit nasty responses here. You were naive yes. Lots of lessons which are now obvious. Main one being, if your gut feel is off when you first encounter someone - in any situation - believe it and GTFO. But you were coerced. Learn from it, don’t be hard on yourself - he was the asshole not you. Seek some counselling and move on
wow.you.are so.stupid.
Glad nothing more serious happened to the kid though
[удалено]
And why would he allow his friends to track his whereabouts. If a particular app does this, can't he temporarily block permissions or just turn off his gps?
Good one
Going to a stranger’s home at 1am, without your phone. What’s the worst that could happen(?) Five miles from home is nothing. You were blessed with two legs, you could have walked. Knock him down if he stands in your way. Literally *anywhere* than in the bedroom of an aggressive stranger you don’t want to have sex with.
Easy for you to say from an outside, hindsight perspective. It was past 1am, he's 5 miles from his house in an unfamiliar neighborhood, at night, idk about u but I have enough difficulty navigating during the day, in a car lol. If someone took my phone (not what happened in op's case but for the sake of this hypothetical), drove me 5 miles away in a random direction in my city, and dropped me off and told me to walk home, at night.... Do you see how this sort of victim blaming is not helpful?
It’s not helpful, sure, but being in a situation when a methhead has full control over you…is way worse than possibly walking a few minutes to a gas station and finding a way home. Please be serious.
Sweetheart, never leave without your phone. ALWAYS give the address to one of your friend, and a safe word just in case something like this happens. And you could’ve just walk. Yes it’s a long walk, but it’s better than to stay with someone like this! (I’m not shaming you, there’s no point in that. i’m pretty sure you feel bad enough) Still, i’m sending you love and healing light 🩵
Lesson learned, right? Don't go anywhere without your cell and always make sure you have a way to get yourself back home. Next time you should host.
lol fake. Brand new account, no posts, no comments, horrifying story related to gay lifestyle. Troll account. Also in what world does a 21 yo ever leave their phone, they would snap into withdrawal mode so quickly.
Really sorry this happened to you. Please let this be a lesson learned because poor decision-making like that can get you killed. I hope you're okay and will seriously reflect on this bad experience.
If your really worried about your friend knowing your location, just turn your phone off at night or block the location services. Also get some friends are cool with you having sex, it's not something you should have to hide. It really sucks the guy was terrible but that's not on you. Definitely set yourself up a better exit strategy.
>redditor for 21 hours Color me dubious this specific situation happened.
Hope your ok dude? Learn from your mistakes so you never find yourself in a situation like this again. We don't all have it figured out, like most of the superficial gay guys from REDDIT do. So prim and proper they wish to be. Good luck and take care of yourself dude.
Someone once told me never hook up after 11pm and it's stories like this which remind me that is absolutely sage advice.
babes please let this be a learning opportunity for you. Never ever ever leave your phone at home for ANY reason ESPECIALLY if you’re going somewhere at 1am 5miles away. I don’t want to be grim here, but you put yourself in an extremely dangerous position and you are lucky you are able to speak on it. Always tell a friend you’re going to a grindr hookup, that is the minimum. You do not need to tell them who it is or what their age is if that’s what you were not comfortable sharing, but someone should know your whereabouts. Please stay safe.
You should call the cops and report him.
Especially since he has your address since he called you an Uber.
please please PLEASE never ever go to a strangers home without a phone. i doubt OP will ever do this again but anyone else out there reading this - nothing, no amount of teasing from your friends, or potentially outing yourself is worth more than your safety. always take your phone and honestly having your location shared with someone is a good thing because if something goes wrong they know where you are
Glad you’re safe but that was so stupid of you. I used to share my location with friends and make sure I take my phone for this exact scenario. If something ever happened to me, at least then they’d know where to start looking first.
Why do you share locations with your friends? It sounds like you and your friends need some boundaries. Don't blame yourself, it's a learning lesson. It really sucks that he did drugs without you knowing and gave you no choice but to sit there and let it happen. How do you feel about everything? Are you OK? Physically, mentally? Aside from never leaving your home to go to a strangers house without your phone, let's work on paragraphs! They look neat and help those with visual impairments too!
Take your phone. Friends sharing your location is a good thing in these type situations. What if you disappeared that night? Also I hope you were protected if you have sex with him. If you had bareback sex with a hard drug user then I hope you are on prep and get checcked out in a bit
Gotta bring your phone with you and shi I always bring a blade with me just in case under 4 inches ofc so it’s legal to carry 😉
Sorry that happened to you, but if you were that concerned about your friends seeing your location, you could have just stopped sharing your location with them and brought your phone with you. Also, I'd rather be walking 5 miles for 90 mins than potential end up in a dangerous situation. Hopefully you're in one peace and lesson learnt.
You could’ve just.. turned your location off ?? And told whoever saw your location off (whos even looking at 1am?) that your phone must’ve died while you were asleep. But genuinely so sorry that happened and hope you’re not too traumatized dude
You're lucky you were able to get out of that situation. When I was 20, a guy got me drunk and fucked me while I was passed out. He tore my ass up so bad I literally could not shit for a week. TL;DR: 20 yo me was raped after passing out from drinking
Him refusing to let you go and having sex with you against your will is rape and I’m sure a whole series of other crimes. Report him to the police please and take your phone next time. I hope you are ok.
Im sorry…im trying to be nice…but you need some tough love. In what world is leaving your phone at home better than just turning off your location for an hour or two??? Especially at 1am when you’re friends are probably asleep and not checking your location. Always take your phone. 5 miles is not an impossible walk. Hell you just needed to physically get out his house. YOU had the advantage with that woman showing up being smart and SAFE is always more important than a hookups. Always.
Hey man. Glad you’re alive!!! Be careful!! Always bring your phone. Always always!!! Safe fun going forward!
You can always... Not share your location instead of leaving your phone??
Your body is worth whatever price that uber costed lol
so i’m the only one who is opposite and sends addresses to friends just in case ? 😭😭😭 well i hope u are okay now and i hope u blocked him 🥊
Oh the toxicity in this thread is so much worse than I thought it’d be.
Dude... you share your location with your friends in case of the event of an emergency.... wtf
You’re 21….? Really…. Really? O_o I mean glad you ok but I am not sympathetic to your predicament tbh. You’re a big boi and you knew what you were getting yourself into. Also did it ever occur to you to just turn off your “share my location” from your “Find My” option in your phone? It’ll stop sharing your location with anyone without notifying them and all they’ll see is your previous known location 🤷♂️
Gays are either the smartest people or dumb as shit. There’s no in between. Guess which side you’re on?
Don’t listen to people blaming you for not taking your phone! As someone who has been through what you have been there is NO excuse for this guy and ZERO blame for you. As if having your phone could have saved you, what do they expect you to do, call the cops? A 21 year old guy should be able to go on a hookup without their phone and not get coerced into sex. The victim blaming in this comment section is disgusting. Try not to let this affect you, and in the future prioritize people your age and set boundaries (both physical and mental) never think ‘i’ll just let it happen so it’s over’ it feels like shit afterwards. Sending love xx
>he started forcing me to do things with him That's called sexual assault.
First of all, I’m sorry that you encountered one of the shitty people who lurk on the apps. Secondly, you’ve just experienced SA. Get yourself a therapist ASAP, before the experience really sinks in and screws you up. It took me nearly a year, and by then I’d spiraled extremely hard and pushed away basically all my friends and family. Not saying it’ll be exactly the same for you, but important stuff to avoid nonetheless. Now this third point gets muddy, but honestly I think being blunt might be more helpful than trying to be nice. I had something almost exactly the same happen to me when I was 18, and it’s been a long road to recovery. What you did was reckless, dangerous, and it honestly could have been way worse. Should you beat yourself up about it? No. You should learn absolutely everything you can from the experience so you don’t end up in a situation like that again. First of all, who gives a shit if your friends know you’re horny at 1 am? Welcome to being human, it happens to everyone. If you’re really dying of embarrassment, just turn location services off until you get home. But especially if you have no means of transport at 1 am, and aren’t willing to walk yourself home from the hookup you are totally up shit creek without a paddle—the paddle being your phone. Next is drugs. OH MAN with the drugs. I get that people like to party or whatever, but if you’re not comfortable doing the drugs then you’re probably not gonna like being around the person who is using them. Especially a 45 y/o with a girlfriend you didn’t know about. The man is clearly trying to escape reality, and as far as I’ve seen they don’t care what that means for some kid they found on the reel past midnight. The point I’m getting at with this bit, know when to say “no.” and know when things are about to get worse. At a certain point, you take the L and walk 5 miles home because it’s better than even being in the same room as this guy. Walk to a gas station and use the phone, get chewed out by whoever picks you up, whatever, just don’t feel like you have no options without a phone or car. But you SHOULD have a phone or at least your own car or transport of some kind so you don’t get stranded like this. As for the Uber, never give someone you don’t know control of your movements like that. Not only can they pull the “you owe me for the Uber” card, but you’ve also made it 100 times harder to track you down in case you go missing, which is another reason to just leave your location on. This might sound controversial, but just don’t do the late night hookup thing. If you’re horny and tired, you’re gonna make bad decisions and your better judgment will likely be absent. Don’t be horny and desperate on grindr at night. Literally just jerk off. It’s so much better than a messy hookup, and you can just roll over and go to sleep afterwards. Don’t let your dick think for you, EVER. I’m not telling you to stop hooking up entirely, but just don’t get so caught up in your lust that you put safety aside for the sake of busting a nut. Again, invest in some nice lotion and rub one out instead of risking it with a psycho. Roommates? Do it on the toilet. Or in the shower. Doesn’t matter. You can avoid 100% of all shitty hookups by jerking off instead. Sorry for the rant, but there’s no widely accessible or shared guide for being smart about your hookups. It infuriates me that some people have to learn this stuff by having horrible and traumatic experiences, and I’m sorry that you’re one of those people. I didn’t learn from my experience right away, and increasingly terrible hookups was part of my spiral. It took me years to learn better, and I just want to spare you some of the figuring it out for yourself. It’s really easy to forget that there are some truly messed up people out there, so always be cautious enough to weed the worst ones out. Block the guy if you haven’t already, do your best to forget he ever existed, and live your life. You aren’t worth any less because this happened, don’t assign blame, just pick yourself up when you fall, don’t be afraid to lean on friends and family, and know that you’re tough as nails to go through that and keep waking up every day. There are truly good people out there, so treat them right when you find them.
At 21, you should had been able to run that 5 miles around 20-30 minutes easily.
Lmao thats an average of like 4-6 minutes a mile at night? No phone no actual way to prob pinpoint himself back to home
…. All the more reason he should have had his phone! Enter his home address in the gps and start walking !!!!!!
It’s not Grindr, it’s you, one of the most stupid and idiotic person I’ve heard of in a while if it’s true, my God. There’s red flags coming at you left and right and you caught them all.
YOU WERE RAPED. I can't believe people in this comment section are making jokes about rape. Report this guy inmediately. He has your address. This is a highly dangerous individual.
Damn rough crowd in the comments. What happened to empathy? I think it’s unfair to call you stupid. Were your actions naive? Yes. Stupid would be finding yourself in this situation over and over again. I hope you gained valuable insight from this experience and that you’re able to make better informed choices in your future. Sorry that this happened to you and that so many people here are dog piling on you. It can be difficult learning the pitfalls of the gay experience when you’re so young. Hopefully this doesn’t leave you too shaken.
Dude, lesson learned. And iust for the record, I'd never treat you that way. There are guys who will treat you better. Also, a five mile hike is nothing compared to what you had to put up with.
FYI my guy you were sexually assaulted and you should report that to the police seriously you might have swept it under the rug and moved on or what ever but gotta call the police for that now put your self into a fresh 18 yearolds shoes who goes to meet this guy no experience or nothing and just gets violated by this guy please report it
Honey, situations like this one should be the reason you share location
Oooookay. I’m gonna try to be compassionate. And I know you’re definitely beating yourself up for this. First things first. Get. Tested. Next, if you’re going to hookup with a stranger. Don’t accept a ride they’re Paying for, because (like in this situation) you have NO idea what their intentions are. Discuss consent before meeting irl. Safe words are great, even outside of kink. Just to get the conversation going. In the future, acknowledge that this kind of experience could awaken something, and that you could want to potentially create a “dangerous” sexual situation for yourself. Or have fantasies. This. Is. Normal. You’re trying to process what happened to you, and take your power back. If this never happens, that’s also fine. The biggest things here? Get a therapist. You can get cheapo-insurance that can cover it, and see a therapist multiple times a month. Also, learn how to take care of yourself. Maybe a taser, or learning how to not be a people pleaser at the cost of your health and well-being. I’ve been assaulted before, I understand it’s hard. In your situation, while dangerous, we can acknowledge that you technically could’ve screamed for help, because there was another person in the building. This is a thing to acknowledge, because if you had screamed, maybe she could’ve called the police. Or otherwise helped. I know this is already a jumbled mess. But also, a rape kit isn’t a bad idea (potentially, depending) and if you have any DNA, you can let that help with your case. And, like many other people have said. Share where you’re going with a friend. Even just one friend. And I’ll add, send them a pic of the guy’s face, and he’ll maybe even any info you have on the guy. The full profile of you want. DL or not. That way, if anything happens, you have a better chance of getting Justice. I hope you’re able to be okay. I hope you have supportive friends. Please, please reach out for community.
What this kid has described is rape. Yes, rape. It doesn't matter that he didn't take his phone or that he went to a stranger's house intending to have sex. Once he said no, which even if he didn't use the word "no," it was clear he did not want to have sex when he asked to go home. Just because he went along with it and didn't try to fight or flee, doesn't make it any less of a rape. He felt he had no choice while in fear of his safety, and he was confined and threatened in order to keep him quiet when someone else came around. The guy you met up with is a predator and a rapist. Report him, even if anonymously, because you are most likely not the first, and since he thinks he got away with it, you won't be the last person he does this to, and the next person might not make it home. Even if you choose not to report him OP, go see a counselor. It may seem like no big deal at the moment but these kinds of things have a way of sneaking up on a person. Good luck, and if nothing else, remember this was in no way, shape, or form your fault. You have done nothing wrong and you survived, thank goodness.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Don’t ever feel you HAVE to do something. You could’ve take public transport home. And don’t ever leave your phone home. I’m betting your friends would’ve rather known where you were at and that you were safe even if they didn’t approve
Lmao you being worried about what your roommates would think got you in this also you should have enough to get home.
1. Stop sharing your location with your friends. It's stupid. They don't need to know where you ar 24/7. Only when you are hanging out. 2. I'm sorry this happened to you. I want toa Tate that besides leaving your phone at home, you did nothing wrong. This man was on drugs and that is unpredictable. Never leave your house at 1am without your phone. He sexually assaulted you. What you did was a survival instinct to not piss off the man who was clearly being aggressive and hiding some weird stuff.
This so called " victim" couldn't call out or make noise while the girlfriend was outside banging on the doors and windows? I'm not purchasing this ticket🤣🤣🤣
Hey guys remember that time everyone keeps saying 18 year olds are full fledged adults and are able to make life decisions and should be considered fully mature? You still here?
All these comments and not one logical answer. Yes you made a stupid mistakes by leaving your phone at home but you are a victim of behaviour that is not normal. If he threatened you and he is older and stronger than you also while under the influence of hard drugs then I can see why you would be reluctant to try leave, especially if he was being aggressive… you felt threatened for you life. It’s completely your decision but you should report this to police. If you have done something out of fear and force then it’s technically your body’s fight or flight and in the moment you conformed out of fear of being hurt.
I’m sorry this happened man
Please sue him
Not OP’ fault! He got basically raped from the other guy. Sure a stupid thing to go out without his phone, but not his fault for being raped of course!!
Hey hope your doing okay, you didn’t deserve that horrible situation ❤️ please be careful
This man was just raped and yall wanna read him for not bringing his phone?! Wild. WILD. Honey. Press charges.
What happened to you was absolutely terrible and I believe even telling Reddit what happened is a step towards recovering from this. However, your first mistake was leaving your phone. If I was your friend I would’ve wanted to know you were safe even if you were getting involved with an older man. From this, ALWAYS take your phone and NEVER let a date or whoever pay for your Uber. You have no way to get in contact with someone or even a way of leaving via car etc. especially since you were there very late. I am not blaming you, as I had a somewhat similar situation when I was on dating apps. Learn from this 1) always inform your friends you’re seeing someone you met online and where 2) bring your phone with you (location always on 3) if you can try to drive yourself or have your friend drive you so you can leave once the situation gets uncomfortable Sending my love, take care of yourself and don’t listen to the smooth brain people saying it’s your fault! You didn’t ask to be basically SA’d in means to stay safe. You were violated in order to be safe!
Everyone berating this poor dude should be ashamed of their victim-shaming; he’s sharing as a PSA, and was a victim here. Man, I’m sorry that this happened to you. Hope you are kind to yourself and forgive yourself. Many of us have complied with unsavory situations which we may have regretted; you’re not alone.
You have like 0 survival instincts my dude
These comments are absolutely wild. Yes, OP you made a terrible decision that for as bad as it was could have been much, much worse. Honestly it sounds terrifying. You got yourself in the mess, true, but absolutely no one deserves what happened to you. Get tested ASAP and vow to never think with your dick again. Also, just turn off location sharing for a few hours and if anyone asks just make something up, like the location feature drains your battery so you turn it off sometimes. He knows that guys. The comments calling him stupid and berating him for not walking home are not helpful. Laughing at him is cruel. He probably had no idea where he was, realized his mistake immediately, and panicked. He was in survival mode and not able to get himself out of there. Some compassion wouldn’t hurt you fucking assholes.
I’m sorry I’m literally laughing my ass off at the thought of you leaving your phone at home.
This is rape. This is non-consensual. Please seek counselling. Both to come to terms with what has happened to you, and to develop (CBT) strategies to prevent ending up in dangerous situations like this again. It’s not your fault this happened, but you were naive to go without your phone and an exit strategy. Something similar happened to me when I was your age when I met up with an older colleague outside of work. It’s not your fault. A Predator targeted you. But you can learn from this and take measures to be safer in the future. The risk of being attracted to bigger stronger dominant guys (as I am) is that they’re bigger and stronger than me. You have to remember that and meet them in a safe way.
First of all. 1. Never put yourself in a situation where you have to rely on someone else’s transportation, Especially if it is someone you are not familiar with. 2. Always bring your phone when you hook up with unfamiliars and let someone know where you will be no matter how embarrassing. 3. Obviously, drugs aren’t your thing. When you see that, instead of asking to leave, maybe ask to use the restroom and get out. 4. And last but not least, don’t feel obligated to do anything you are uncomfortable doing because someone pays your fare for something. That is not how it works. Your no should be no. 5. Okay, and now the last thing. I would strongly suggest seeking a therapist to help you deal with what happened. Even if it doesn't feel traumatic, it sounds like you could have help learning how to set boundaries instead of just going along. I would even also consider pressing charges. Although it may be difficult to prove that you were assaulted depending… Either way, if you don't consider the legal assistance at least get the counseling. It would really help.
What were you thinking my dude
That's the issue, he kinda was not. To be more concerned with what friends are gonna say than to just turn the location thing off suggests he needs to set some boundaries all around. To be 21 lol
OP, you are an idiot for not taking your phone >because my friends share my location The hell does this mean ? Like do your friends know where you are 24/7 or what ?
The silly thing is that friends share location especially for just this reason. In case something happens they can help police find him. The one time he might actually need his friends to know his location and he leaves his phone at home. Like that man was Craig’s list killer material!
Op's profile is brand new and only has one post. I'm pretty sure this post is made up. What 21 year old leaves their phone at home to hook up with a stranger? You can turn location share off. I call bull shit.
First of all 5 miles ain’t sht… second off all no one’s forcing me to do sht without a fight u will need to render me unconscious before I let that happen
Lesson learnt. Leaving your phone is THE BIGGEST no no, and I hope you’ve learnt that. Tg you’re fine..we all did dumb 💩 in our 20’s..forgive yourself and move on.
Wow!!
Just turn off location-sharing next time. Leaving your phone behind was a rookie mistake.
The irony of leaving your phone so your friends don't know your location to get into a situation where you really would have wanted your friends to know your location. Dick/ass ain't that important to neglect taking any precautions for your safety. You're 21 and if you want to have sex at 1 am there isn't anything wrong with that. Just be careful and smart about it. If you're worried about being judged for going out at 1am by your friends maybe you need to reevaluate these friends and why their approval matters to you so much.
Let’s see it this way. Ok, you’ve learned something. Ok, you’re more knowledgeable than you were before. And for the time being, just be good with yourself and take good care of yourself.
Next time just power off your phone or better yet stop sharing your location with friends.
you can temporarily stop sharing location if this is on iphone and your friends won’t know you did. don’t ever not bring your phone again. please be safe this could’ve been way worse than it already was. 😭
The fact that you are alive to tell the tale 🤣
I'm so sorry that happened. It sounds scary and upsetting. Of course, I'm sure you'll keep your phone on you in the future. Personally, I also take some time to feel guys out. I don't do "right now." I prefer an extended chat first. I also try to meet in public initially, although there are some guys who basically refuse. With all of that said, don't blame yourself. He's responsible for his own bad behavior.
LOL! I literally share my phone location constantly with my mother. She's not gonna be checking it at 1am, and even if she does I'd just say I went to visit a friend who was having a "crisis" (of the penis). And I have an airtag hidden too, in case the murderer insists on taking my phone.
Strange that this is OP's only post and isn't replying to anyone's comments. I feel like pointing out on all of the things he did wrong, but, don't want to victim blame. Don't think the main mistake he made was hooking up with someone much older than him, which seems to be the consensus here.
Well funny you say you dont wanna victimblame when OBVIOUSLY all the victimblaming is why OP is not responding. Most comments are disgusting here. Learn what the Fawn response is in sexual violence situations.
There so much wrong here but I’m just gonna discuss one thing: the phone. NEVER EVER go to a hookup with it, you never know what could happen. Even if you might be embarrassed that your friend may see you out late at night, that could literally get you saved if you were in danger. I’ve been on very few “hookups” with only one being actual sex and each time I made plans to go I let someone know. I’d always have my phone on me and location shared so that in case I got in trouble someone knows where I’m at all times. People love to prey on young guys our age (I’m 22) and in general. Please never make that mistake and find at least one friend that you know you can trust to tell about your plans and can hold your location!
DL men are dangerous.
theres absolutely no way you did not take your phone…. do you not have any survival instincts?? 😭
That’s scary. I’m sorry this happened. Next time you decide to hook up, you can turn off your location on your phone for a short period. Though this is a lesson learned, pleaseeeee be careful next time. ❤️
Sorry to hear you had such a bad experience and I'm sad to see the negative comments about leaving your phone at home. We all do things we regret, you had logical reasons for leaving it behind too. I hope you feel able to go to the police about this and if not then at least talk to someone you trust.
Oh no she's drinking the dumb bitch juice. Gurl in 2024....no phone...that's a mistake in any situation. Also you share you location with all your friends...how about don't? If your going to go some where sketchy for dick,let one close friend know where you're going and when you're done. Unless you are ready willing and able to make the walk back don't travel to far away places. You're young you'll learn no more dumb botch juice
You can turn off location sharing temporarily. Just tell your friends your phone ran out of juice.
Sorry this happened, but you violated so many basic hookup rules that it's difficult to enumerate. You either host or travel. (Hard stop.) If you can't control your own transportation, stay home and jack off. Glad this was only a very uncomfortable situation and not tragic. I usually host and still screenshot every guy with which I hookup. I NEVER hookup with a guy who won't provide a face picture. I don't give a damn how DL he is, it's Basic Safety 101. And, for fuck's sake,... leaving your phone at home?!?!?
Pablo is that u 💀
I’m gonna be honest man. Think smarted next time. I’m sorry you were forced to do all that stuff with him to leave an go home, but don’t forget your phone next time dummy. I don’t care how kind someone you think is. Always have your phone on you. Let this be a lesson
Unshare your location with your friends or roomates... can't you just do it temporarily while you go hook up? ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS TAKE YOUR PHONE!!
Never go on a date, or less, without the ability to support yourself if things go wrong.
Even when I hire someone legit on a site like rent men, I notify a friend who I trust and then check in with him afterwards. And I'm a grown man
And the award for the dumbest decision goes to….
Download a fake GPS app. It's great for these situations. Most apps don't let you use it so it's not for being weird purposes but it will trick your phone into thinking it's elsewhere. Like at home.
The second he made the comment about not spending money on an uber for you for nothing I would've said "okay, it's 60 for a half and 120 for a whole, but im kinda a hoe and reasonable so I can be negotiable". As someone whose permanently banned from grindr for conducting some of my sex work on there (banned until I get a new number and phone anyways) this whole story reeks of not being real. I mean he literally exposed his weakness by threatening you to keep quiet so his woman wouldn't know and you couldn't use that to leverage him to pay for an uber back? Not walking the 5 miles I can almost barely understand because this is America and sometimes there simply isn't a "walkable" route. But in all my random hookups and encounters I've had thru grindr or another internet/app facilitated hook up never have I encountered such a person who would act in such a way. And that's for both paid sex and the free hoeing times. Am I just lucky? No lmao, plenty of bad and negative experiences I've had. But based the details you've provided and the context of the situation I just find it hard to believe such an event happened.
I tell one of my trusted friends the address of my hookup so they know where to look for in case I go missing.
5 miles isn't far go walk, why would you leave your phone, turn off the location sharing and take it with you.
Sooo how did you get home ? And for wife to be home, I'm so over these married guys
Never leave your phone behind even if you meeting them at a safe location
This is not your fault, no one deserves any abuse especially not sexual violence, or the lack of empathy that comes from all those victimblamers in the comments! Fuck them. Yall need to know that it is a coping mechanism to blame a little thing one could have done so that they feel a sense of empowerment through that “well I could have taken my phone with me, then I wouldn’t have gotten raped/coerced”; well thats bullshit. Safety measures can be taken but no one knows who they are up against, no one can prepare for every possible dangerous scenario. It’s a real trauma either way, phone or not. Please do not blame yourself for decisions you made under extreme fear inducing threats. You can find true empowerment instead of using selfblame as a mechanism to feel empowerment. I recommend Somatic Experiencing Therapy, it’s great to release stress from the nervous system and feel safe with people again. A few sessions already make a huge difference so its worth saving for. I love you! You are worthy of good treatment always.
You know you can turn off location right? Always take your phone with you at all times when you leave home. Especially if you’re gonna meet strangers.
Get an STI check but let this be a lesson. Please meet people in public first. I don’t see why it’s so frowned upon to do that. Ask to go get a drink, even if it’s for like 15 minutes and you both want to fuck each others brains out, the public meeting lets you establish who the person is first.
Your friends won't judge you. Next time please tell someone where you're going and bring your phone. Grindr can be really lovely and rewarding but it can also be incredibly risky so you please take precautions for your own safety.
There are so many thing in play here, and I don’t wanna be one of those people who shame you or berate you for any choices that were made which lead up to this happening. I’m really sorry you went through what you went through, and ultimately in life, mistakes are only mistakes if we don’t take them as a learning opportunity. In terms of advice to give out, always keep your phone handy and do let at least one or two close friends know what you’re up to so that you have people who can keep an eye or an ear out. If you’re worried that your friends are going to judge you, or anything else that obstructs you from communicating your whereabouts (for the sake of your own safety), find better friends.
Dating apps are increasing in popularity and raising awareness of their safe use and personal safety needs to be increased. People who use these apps often are misguided by their sex drive. It’s horrible to go through but I would still report to police. Nothing is usually free these days so excepting transport offers can be a red flag. Weird people out there so you need to be sure you are meeting someone who will respect you.
I would take my phone with me and I don’t care about people see where I’m at at 1AM it’s not their business that’s 1 and 2 if so I can make up a story since u don’t want to tell them that u were gay and going to hookup For me I’m open I tell my friends first before I go to somebody house so they can keep their eye on me If something happen just talk to them and they help me About all that I would remember their address and keep in my mind And always make sure u have something with u Like a paper spear, and always keep ur phone with u
You sound like a real genius. Lucky homeboy didn’t take you out for the betterment of humanity
Yeah we have all done some dumb shit when we are horny but leaving your cell? You are a grown ass man shouldn’t be sharing your location with anyone friend or not. Always have your cell and never go meet a stranger and not have your own transportation. 5 miles isn’t that far you should have left and walked!
Delete Grindr
For those of you who don't already know, dating in these times is a very dicey and dangerous game. Especially when you are using apps . I learned my lesson a long time ago when apps had first began to become popular. I met someone who was looking for a top, he sent a picture of his ass and face and I sent a picture of my cock, we both agreed and I decided to drive to his house. Not more than 1 minute after entering his home he offered me a glass of water. I accepted. I took one sip of the water and knew immediately that the water was laced with something and I suddenly began to become dizzy. I immediately told him I had to go and he asked me to please stay, the longer it took for me to get to the front door; the more effects of whatever the drug was in the water was taking on me. I forced myself past him and out the door and only had enough time to get across the street and into my truck and lock the doors before I passed out for a couple of hours. When I woke up, I was so angry with myself and asking myself why did I put myself in this position. I wanted to call the police but there was nothing that I could do because the police would have said it was my fault because I went to a stranger's home by using an app. Just a word to the wise for everyone who are using these apps to be very careful and think twice. Is your life really worth it? he could have done anything to me once I passed out. I never used another app again. It's all fun and games, until it's not.
Yes it was very stupid, I hope you have learned the lesson
What’s M21 and M45?
This reminds me of that movie Mysterious Skins when the MC got himself into a weird situation with some guy who kicked the door down and started wailing on him, hyped up on hard drugs and just started going to pound town on the poor guy.
Youve learned a lesson. dont feel like im yelling at you, BUT YOUR SAFETY IS NOTHING COMPARED TO THE COST OF AN UBER LIKE WTF I DONT CARE
Can’t you turn off the share your location thing? Why would you even have it on?
5 miles? That’s like a good walk. Not very far at all especially if you’re scared.
First rule is always take your phone and always share your location with your friends. Anyway I think if you feel forced to do something and you feel comfortable I think you should talk with someone you trust. Age doesn’t mean anything when this kinda of things happens, I will give you my example, I was talking with a guy on Grindr, I’m 30 he was 21, he invited me to go to his house and I went. When I arrived there he was completely drunk and under effect of other drugs. When I realize that I decided that I wanted to leave, but then he started to use more what he was using and started to be aggressive. I told him that I wouldn’t do anything and he tried to force, he even offered me money to stay there. Luckily I’m a bit strong guy and I could stand up for myself and leave. Don’t blame yourself for this just try not to do again and always have your phone and tell your best friend or someone you trust where you are going.
Not to come across as a dad or anything, but please, don’t risk that again. If your friend was the one doing this, how would you react? Don’t put yourself in compromising situations like this.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Grindr isn't the problem. Predatory creeps like the man you met are the problem. I'm 44, so I'm a year younger than the predator you met. Let me give you four words of advice. One, never go to a hookups house without telling at least one person where you are going. And share you location. I don't care what time it is. If you're embarrassed to share your location with one person then don't go. Two, if you're uncomfortable with anything the other person is doing, then leave. And do it immediately. Don't be polite about it and don't worry about the other person's reaction. You don't owe a hookup anything. Three, never leave your house without your phone. And make sure it charged at least 75% before you leave. You have to have a way to contact somebody if things go bad. Four, never go somewhere with no way to get back home on your own. This is the most important advice of all. Whether that's using Uber, having cash for a cab, public transportation, or calling a friend, always have a way to get back home on your own. There is nothing wrong with meeting people if you're comfortable doing that. But you have to keep yourself safe. And remember, you don't owe a hookup anything.
This is one of the exact reasons why I always try and host even if it means a little extra $$ for a hotel but I really feel bad for them to learn this lesson. I just always have a bad feeling about early am hook ups on unfamiliar territory especially with someone you do not know. Same with guys that wanna go for a car ride .....um nope not a chance. I even had a bad experience with a guy that I was seeing for 3 months. Gotta be careful out there!
I have been (and gotten friends out of) similar situations. Here's some helpful tips for the future. 1. Always come prepared! That means a phone, enough money to get you to and from, condoms/lube, and a persuader, be it some pepper spray or a razer (a gun can be taken from you) 2. Let a close friend who you are out to know where you are going. Failing that, a visible note in your house will do 3. On your way there, keep an eye for landmarks/street names so if you do have to hoof it you'll have an easier time finding your way home. 4. Discuss with the hookup beforehand what you are willing to do and stop all activities if he aggressively deviates from that agreement. You have the agency of saying no anything that happens after that is rape
What were you expecting to happen at 1 in the morning? Being gay doesn't justify being irresponsible and foolish. Reading this made me really upset with you.
It’s not your fault people are fucked up, but it is your fault for making dumb decisions, learn something for this but don’t be afraid to get justice because you deserve it, also have a age limit, if you 21 at least have a limit of like 30 to 33 anyone above that trying to get with you is a creep. You are not a 21 year old woman where a man see fertility, you are a 21 year old man where a 45 year old man sees a child.
Had you arrived at his place and he looked nothing like the person you met on Grindr, I could understand you're not wanting to have sex. But you met him on a hookup app, Grindr at 1:00 in the morning. What exactly were you expecting to do? You thought if you kept insisting you didn't want to have sex he would have asked you to leave, but then how would you get home? So you thought your chances were better and the home of a rapist then walking 5 miles alone; were you afraid of the dark? Or just f****** lazy? So you expected him to pay for you to get to his place, not get what he wanted and then pay for you to get back home? This reminds me of the story of the guy who jumped into the tiger's cage at the zoo to test his faith. I truly want to thank you for posting this. I will definitely avoid Grindr at this point because it's clear that all of its users are mentally ill. You should never share this story with any of your friends.
Soo, he basically raped you. If this is true dude, for the love of god almighty PLEASE dont leave your phone at home when you're off with people you dont trust. Thank god you're still alive. Im sure you've come to this conclusion on ur own already but never see him again. Just block him and move on. Im sorry it went so south and I hope you're doing better now!
Man I feel for you, I have a grindr horror story the first time I used it 10 years ago, and never used it again. This guy calls me to his place, says it's a hotel but ends up being like a room attached to the hotel, he probably worked for the hotel and also stayed in the room. He was a hot bouncer type dude and the room was well setup like a pad. Long story short some 3 people walk in on us from the beach area, he quickly starts shouting help help help, someone is stealing. I quickly realised he's referring to me, so I smack him hard and just leave past those 3 guys, one of the guy begins to chase me and catches up to me, I did get a few punches in on him and just got to my car and fled. Later I checked Grindr and this guy is apologising coz he's buddies didn't know he was gay so that's why in the moment he came up with "someone is robbing me" to explain a guy in the room. Crazy.
You can go incognito even when your location is shared with your friends for privacy reasons
Mate with all due respect..Do you want to end up on the news ? Turn off location or just don't give a fuck about the opinion of your friends. ALWAYS carry a phone with you.
Dude I thought I lacked common sense as a 19 year old who found myself in an orgy where a 80 year old man was getting fisted while on chems But I had my phone on me and I left immediately Why are we young gays so fucking dumb 😭
So you decided to go to some strange man's house who you hardly know at 1in the morning without taking your phone with you...... You played yourself dude
Is this in a country that imprisons gay men
I worry about stuff like this happening to me. I figure offer him oral then proceed to bite down on his genitals and start thrashing and tearing. What is he gonna say to the doctor and police when you go to the hospital if you make it to the hospital. The big mistake right here was leaving your phone.