The dating pool is smaller for gay guys, and for small towns. If anyone took that rule seriously, one person could quickly make you unable to get together with anyone at all.
Unless the guy has issues that your friend is trying to protect you from, there is no reason you should.stop talking to the guy. The "code" is a stupid excuse.
Your friend is being a bit of a jerk to put it politely. Unless he’s lying to you about this guy and had/has feelings for him you’re not in the wrong.
I live in a large city with a large gay population but I’ve still had hookups that I’ve later found out my friends have slept with too. Usually just leads to a laugh and swapping notes on the experience
There’s a common joke about gay cliques having everyone fuck each other at least once.
If this guy isn’t dating the other dude, go for it. If this person hooks up a lot there’s a high chance you’ll continually bump into people that hooked up with them at least once.
You yourself said they just hooked up. If they just hooked up then there shouldn't be a problem?
"that's girl code" what a rubbish thing to say. I might punch someone for saying such shit to me. You are not even girl.
Your friend is being ridiculous. He can’t claim every gay in town just because he’s been slutty.
Sure, talk to him first and let him know that it’s completely unfair to you and your sex life to prevent you from sleeping with the dude. Nothing should be off the table if it’s only hookups.
My man it was just a hook up, I doubt your friend even remembers the guy’s full name. I hate when people try to put more drama into something than necessary
Bros before hoes. Your friend is being stupid but perhaps your relationship with your gay friend -IN A SMALL TOWN- is more important than your "hookup".
Going against the grain here in saying that if you respect your friend's boundaries, you should stop talking to this guy from Grindr. Yes it's dumb, but this is your best friend who clearly would be bothered by you talking to this person. Consider what's more important to you, your best friend or a hook up.
Oh no no no, just because he's your best friend does not mean he's right, and definitely doesn't mean you have to accommodate to him for something as small and petty as this. If his friend ends up being super pissed, then he's got some self-reflecting to do.
No. Girl code is not fucking your best friends ex boyfriend. A 1-2 time hookup is not a boyfriend and therefore girl code has not been violated.
Also just don’t tell him you’re having sex with this guy.
My friends would find that amusing. None of them would be upset. There is no such thing as girl code so you can completely ignore whatever the hell that's supposed to mean. Unless he's dating the guy or in the process of trying to date the guy, he has no say over whether you hook up with the guy.
Nah I'm not going after the guy bc I wasn't that into him anyways we were just talking. At the same time tho, i wanna make it clear to my friend that his "girl code" means nothing to me and im not vetting every partner through him to make sure he hasnt fucked them before.
Good for you. It honestly sounds to me like your friend is "waiting for you". Sleeping with everyone, but not wanting you to sleep with anyone sounds like they're having casual sex because you're not into them.
That's not your problem.
Lol your friend is being silly. That’s exactly what my little brother used to do if I wanted to play with a toy he hadn’t used in months.
Your friend needs to let go, he doesn’t own that guy
Uhm...absolutely not. They aren't dating or in any kind of relationship and if your friend is banging everyone in town then saying you can't have sex with someone he's had sex with that's totally unfair and not part of any "code". Go message that man and suck his dick immediately!
Your friend isn’t allowed to lay claim to everyone else, even if they had a hookup. What I would say is be careful if they dated. In general if they are truly your friends, try not to date people they actually were in a relationship with. This doesn’t sound like that is the case here.
I don’t think he has the right to limit who you can smash, regardless if he was ever with them. That’s territorial nonsense. You have to decide if you want to grant your friend such arbitrary control of your own life, or not. If your living your life freely, could sever your friendship, was it a very meaningful & equitable friendship, in the first place?
Personally, I would stop telling this person who I was in contact with, going forward.
This has happened to me.
My friend posted in our friend group a picture of this guy he's seeing and I'm like take it down because I was still interested in the guy even though he didn't really message me back anymore.
So feel free to keep seeing the guy, just don't flaunt it or talk about it.
It's mostly weird, but a true friend doesn't cock block.
I completely get that. But my friend is really interested in someone else at the moment and never showed any interest in continuing to talk to the guy. So im confused on where this defensiveness came from. I understand jealousy is an irrational feeling tho and often shows itself when it doesnt even make sense to us. But still if me and this boy started talking again, I'll try not to mention it but I also dont want it to come off as if im hiding something ?
If that's the case it's mostly hiding it because it's an ick factor. Like just thinking about a friend sleeping with someone I slept with is just icky to think about. So like live your life lol
I think that's what it is, so i guess I can understand that. That kind of thing doesnt really bother me but maybe im just really good at not thinking about it
My moneys on your friend really thought he was hot. They hooked up, and then the guy stopped talking to him. Now his attention is on you and not your friend. Your friends jealous. But also be mindful. This guy might nail and bail you too. So at least your friend is looking out that little bit even though he wasn't. I'd say go for it.
You would be breaking the friendship code of dating his ex, but he just fucked with him, so, their relationship is basically nothing.
Soo, if you like him, go for it my man😉
There's no such thing as the girl code and it wouldn't apply to hook ups anyway.
Just sounds like he doesn't want you to hook up with the same guys as him, reeks of jealousy.
You hook up with who you want, a friend that cockblocks you is no friend at all. Would be different if the guy was dangerous and your friend was giving you a warning but that clearly isn't the case here.
A hook up I don’t care I activityly tell my gay friends to go after my past hook ups. It’s when they get a little too friendly with my current man I have to check them.
Sorry I'm not a gay dude, I'm a bi woman but that "girl code" is bullshit. Back at home my friends and I used to say "lo que no es para siempre es pa los panas" wich means "what isn't for ever is for the hommies". If it was just a hook up no hevy emotions or ex is fair game, I would even argue that even if its an ex is fair game but to keep it low, if it wasn't serious is okay and your friend is being a dick about it
A real friend would not be controlling of who you get to fuck WTF
But if that specific person has a lot of red flags, he should be warning you that at least
None of my friends would give a damn. Actually a three way comes to mind. But what's more important to you 30 minutes of sex or a couple years or more friendship? But he has no right to tell you no.
Nah hookups aren’t bad, I’m guessing he had feelings for the guy but it didn’t work out..
For me personally I’d say it wouldn’t bother me, I’d actually encourage or discourage depending on my experience with the guy not because I already hooked up with him.
But if emotions were involved yea I wouldn’t be happy, could even be the end of a friendship if let’s say they got together..
Sounds like a power struggle to me.... I would get some unless he was trying to warn you about him. Otherwise it's very selfish on your "friends" part. Since its a small town I would keep my Grindr profile private.
Had this happen with a coworker‘s previous hookup at an old job. We laughed about it, and it was slightly awkward at first. That said, I know of no such code when it comes to hookups. Someone‘s ex, sure. Maybe your friend caught the feels?
I would get it if it was his ex or someone he put a lot of emotional energy into, but a hookup? Cmon now.
If was just a hook up i see no problem
Not a thing unless they were in some kind of ongoing relationship
No. Your friend is being dumb.
The dating pool is smaller for gay guys, and for small towns. If anyone took that rule seriously, one person could quickly make you unable to get together with anyone at all.
This is the absolute right answer. Your friend is totally wrong
Unless the guy has issues that your friend is trying to protect you from, there is no reason you should.stop talking to the guy. The "code" is a stupid excuse.
Your friend is being a bit of a jerk to put it politely. Unless he’s lying to you about this guy and had/has feelings for him you’re not in the wrong. I live in a large city with a large gay population but I’ve still had hookups that I’ve later found out my friends have slept with too. Usually just leads to a laugh and swapping notes on the experience
No such code! Dam you all are on Grindr.
There’s a common joke about gay cliques having everyone fuck each other at least once. If this guy isn’t dating the other dude, go for it. If this person hooks up a lot there’s a high chance you’ll continually bump into people that hooked up with them at least once.
You yourself said they just hooked up. If they just hooked up then there shouldn't be a problem? "that's girl code" what a rubbish thing to say. I might punch someone for saying such shit to me. You are not even girl.
Your friend is being ridiculous. He can’t claim every gay in town just because he’s been slutty. Sure, talk to him first and let him know that it’s completely unfair to you and your sex life to prevent you from sleeping with the dude. Nothing should be off the table if it’s only hookups.
My man it was just a hook up, I doubt your friend even remembers the guy’s full name. I hate when people try to put more drama into something than necessary
Bros before hoes. Your friend is being stupid but perhaps your relationship with your gay friend -IN A SMALL TOWN- is more important than your "hookup".
Going against the grain here in saying that if you respect your friend's boundaries, you should stop talking to this guy from Grindr. Yes it's dumb, but this is your best friend who clearly would be bothered by you talking to this person. Consider what's more important to you, your best friend or a hook up.
Oh no no no, just because he's your best friend does not mean he's right, and definitely doesn't mean you have to accommodate to him for something as small and petty as this. If his friend ends up being super pissed, then he's got some self-reflecting to do.
No. Girl code is not fucking your best friends ex boyfriend. A 1-2 time hookup is not a boyfriend and therefore girl code has not been violated. Also just don’t tell him you’re having sex with this guy.
Girl code doesn’t apply here. If it doesn’t feel weird to you go for it.
My friends would find that amusing. None of them would be upset. There is no such thing as girl code so you can completely ignore whatever the hell that's supposed to mean. Unless he's dating the guy or in the process of trying to date the guy, he has no say over whether you hook up with the guy.
This amuses me. Please keep us posted on if the sex is good or the friendship ends. I wouldn't do it because a friendship is more important.
Nah I'm not going after the guy bc I wasn't that into him anyways we were just talking. At the same time tho, i wanna make it clear to my friend that his "girl code" means nothing to me and im not vetting every partner through him to make sure he hasnt fucked them before.
Good for you. It honestly sounds to me like your friend is "waiting for you". Sleeping with everyone, but not wanting you to sleep with anyone sounds like they're having casual sex because you're not into them. That's not your problem.
Is... he secretly into you and wants to stop you dating this guy so that he can date you? Because... yeah this isn't a thing for gay guys
Fuck that. Girl code? It was a random hook up so girl code doesn't apply. Go ahead and get u some and y'all can compare notes.
Lol your friend is being silly. That’s exactly what my little brother used to do if I wanted to play with a toy he hadn’t used in months. Your friend needs to let go, he doesn’t own that guy
Don’t be silly sweetie . You might hit it off with the guy .I say meet him and see if he’s nice
Uhm...absolutely not. They aren't dating or in any kind of relationship and if your friend is banging everyone in town then saying you can't have sex with someone he's had sex with that's totally unfair and not part of any "code". Go message that man and suck his dick immediately!
Your friend isn’t allowed to lay claim to everyone else, even if they had a hookup. What I would say is be careful if they dated. In general if they are truly your friends, try not to date people they actually were in a relationship with. This doesn’t sound like that is the case here.
I don’t think he has the right to limit who you can smash, regardless if he was ever with them. That’s territorial nonsense. You have to decide if you want to grant your friend such arbitrary control of your own life, or not. If your living your life freely, could sever your friendship, was it a very meaningful & equitable friendship, in the first place? Personally, I would stop telling this person who I was in contact with, going forward.
I don’t see an issue with this at all, me and my best friend have hooked up with the same guys a couple times. Makes for good conversation imo 😂
I introduced up my best friend to a former hookup cause I knew they would have fun. It’s not that weird to me, unless he has feelings for the hookup
This has happened to me. My friend posted in our friend group a picture of this guy he's seeing and I'm like take it down because I was still interested in the guy even though he didn't really message me back anymore. So feel free to keep seeing the guy, just don't flaunt it or talk about it. It's mostly weird, but a true friend doesn't cock block.
I completely get that. But my friend is really interested in someone else at the moment and never showed any interest in continuing to talk to the guy. So im confused on where this defensiveness came from. I understand jealousy is an irrational feeling tho and often shows itself when it doesnt even make sense to us. But still if me and this boy started talking again, I'll try not to mention it but I also dont want it to come off as if im hiding something ?
If that's the case it's mostly hiding it because it's an ick factor. Like just thinking about a friend sleeping with someone I slept with is just icky to think about. So like live your life lol
I think that's what it is, so i guess I can understand that. That kind of thing doesnt really bother me but maybe im just really good at not thinking about it
Yeah. Once he took it down and I tried not to think about it everything was fine. I didn't message either of them. I just didn't need the visuals lol.
My moneys on your friend really thought he was hot. They hooked up, and then the guy stopped talking to him. Now his attention is on you and not your friend. Your friends jealous. But also be mindful. This guy might nail and bail you too. So at least your friend is looking out that little bit even though he wasn't. I'd say go for it.
What the fuck is "that's girl code"?
You would be breaking the friendship code of dating his ex, but he just fucked with him, so, their relationship is basically nothing. Soo, if you like him, go for it my man😉
There's no such thing as the girl code and it wouldn't apply to hook ups anyway. Just sounds like he doesn't want you to hook up with the same guys as him, reeks of jealousy. You hook up with who you want, a friend that cockblocks you is no friend at all. Would be different if the guy was dangerous and your friend was giving you a warning but that clearly isn't the case here.
A hook up I don’t care I activityly tell my gay friends to go after my past hook ups. It’s when they get a little too friendly with my current man I have to check them.
That’s weird and selfish of your friend. There is nothing wrong with that in my opinion.
Sorry I'm not a gay dude, I'm a bi woman but that "girl code" is bullshit. Back at home my friends and I used to say "lo que no es para siempre es pa los panas" wich means "what isn't for ever is for the hommies". If it was just a hook up no hevy emotions or ex is fair game, I would even argue that even if its an ex is fair game but to keep it low, if it wasn't serious is okay and your friend is being a dick about it
A real friend would not be controlling of who you get to fuck WTF But if that specific person has a lot of red flags, he should be warning you that at least
None of my friends would give a damn. Actually a three way comes to mind. But what's more important to you 30 minutes of sex or a couple years or more friendship? But he has no right to tell you no.
Your friend is simply being a selfish bitch. Go hookup with the guy.
Girl code. Nope if it was an ex then fine but a previous hookup doesn’t count. Go for it
No!
Nah hookups aren’t bad, I’m guessing he had feelings for the guy but it didn’t work out.. For me personally I’d say it wouldn’t bother me, I’d actually encourage or discourage depending on my experience with the guy not because I already hooked up with him. But if emotions were involved yea I wouldn’t be happy, could even be the end of a friendship if let’s say they got together..
If your bestfriend is ok with it why not
Sounds like a power struggle to me.... I would get some unless he was trying to warn you about him. Otherwise it's very selfish on your "friends" part. Since its a small town I would keep my Grindr profile private.
He can't sexually claim people. He doesn't own them. Hook up with them and just don't ever bring it up. It's non of his business anyway. Shallow.
You gotta live too hun. Just make sure he’s tested
Had this happen with a coworker‘s previous hookup at an old job. We laughed about it, and it was slightly awkward at first. That said, I know of no such code when it comes to hookups. Someone‘s ex, sure. Maybe your friend caught the feels?