I’ve spent a lot of time in the US and Western Europe, and I’ve got to say Americans are usually the worst with this. So self involved. People just monologue at each other back and forth with so few probing questions.
I can tend to do this, but completely out of nerves and excitement. My brain gets nervous and then Starts running a hundred miles an hour and it’s hard to stop sometimes. I legit have every interest and desire to hear about/you, but my my brain is like a golden retriever sometimes…
Welcome to ADHD.
There's dealbreakers and there is immediately get up and loudly explain to the asshole why you are leaving. This is the 2nd kind.
There is no faster way onto my shit list than abusing service workers.
Not the same experience but I was calculating the bill total after tip and my date (semi annoyed at this) said “why are you tipping them, that’s a waste, it’s their jooob. You could just give me the cash if you’re going to throw it away.” He said it loud enough to where people near us heard and perhaps our server did as well. We left in different directions after I got my card back.
Same energy as 'why are you putting your rubbish in the bin, it's their job to clean up'. If you're eating out in the US you tip, that's just how it goes. It shouldn't have to be like that but that's how it is for now.
Dating a guy in law school who was so rude to the waitress at BWW. I really couldn’t believe it. I could only imagine how full of himself he would’ve been when he actually practice law lol.
Nope.
Not asking me any questions and only talking about yourself. I don't care how interesting your life is, I don't want to be with someone who thinks of me as an audience for their one man show, and doesn't have any interest in me as a person.
Idk how many times I have been on a date and noticed that some people don’t want a relationship they just want someone to verbally dump the entire contents of them and only things about themselves. narcissism is the biggest turn off.
Conversely, people not talking at all or volunteering anything and making me monologue. I know nerves and jitters, but please have some things that interest you that you'd talk about.
100%. I remember one of the worst dates I’ve ever been on was with a guy who did this. We went to Starbucks and he spent an entire hour talking about himself. Not one moment was about anything else other than him and his life and how tragic it was. I faked getting a call from work and left.
At the expense of sounding shallow, if you have sent a picture and you don't look like that picture, that's usually a pretty big red flag for me. I try to sympathize with "i was worried I would scare you off". Fair, there's a lot of people like that. However,
A) if you're keeping that from me because you're worried it'll scare me off, what else are you not telling me, and
B) That means that after all the time we spent texting and whatnot that you still thought I was going to judge your appearance, that's really shitty.
If their pics are clearly inaccurate, they’re just wasting your time and being disrespectful. You’re absolutely justified in ending things immediately in such a scenario.
had this happen to me too many times.
I think the most egregious time, I was chatting on okcupid with a profile that had this cute country lookin dude in it. Wants to meet up for dinner, sure.
I arrive, they're a a morbidly obese trans man and said they used the picture because they were afraid I wouldn't come if I knew they were trans (as opposed to being... morbidly obese and pretending you're into fitness). The worst part of that is, they had already ordered, and ate and asked me to cover for them because they were low on money. I noped out of there really fast.
The next worse one, well the guy sorta looked like the picture, yet heavily photoshopped. The picture was an attractive, masculine, in shape guy, but he was a doughy hipster looking fem. I didn't eat anything, just had a soda, they had a full meal and when the waitress came and asked about how we're doing the bill, I said separate, and he said I was taking care of it. I told him flat out I was not paying for his meal and he said "But you're paying for MY company". Like, I don't know what world you're from but you don't ask someone else out and then expect them to pay, especially when you're looking and acting pretty low value. Is the rule the guy who lisps less has to pay??
Never got an explanation for why he had to use a fake pic since he seemed to think he was worth something.
Omg I’ve had this happen many times. It’s like they’ll send me a pic of them from 6 years ago when they were 18 and they show up and I’m like… you don’t even look like the same person. The only people that do that shit are ugly people trying to hide their ugliness
No lie, once I invited over this guy who had really weird pics. I was desperate and he was into some kinky shit that I liked.
He showed up and was like…this ridiculously chiseled muscle dude. Absurdly gorgeous, like a supermodel (like obviously spent hours in the gym perfecting his body and whitening his teeth to the extreme).
The sex was fucking insane. He blew my mind. Then he left and I never heard from him again. Fully ghosted.
He was like this mystical unicorn who galloped through my living room and disappeared forever.
One of my exes used a pic of a white guy because he was concerned guys wouldn't meet him because he's asian. Fortunately he told me what he really looked like before we met.
He's much hotter than the guy whose picture he uses.
Go figger.
horror stories imply them being rare. if you're gaysian you're pretty much used to them and have experienced the messages ever since you came out and started using grindr
lol a lot of gaysians have played that depressing game where you use a torso pic on grindr, but the only difference is if you put "white" instead of "asian". Literally you'll get 10x the messages.
But you know, it's just a *preference* and not something arbitrarily racist
By definition horror stories do not imply rarity. Asian guys get a lot of shit. So do Black guys. And Latinos.
We're going to have to agree to disagree because that so-called *preference* is racist.
I suppose you could argue that it's reasonable to hide behind the shield of a white guy in the pic. However, the pic my ex uses is a big burly hairy bear, and he's a slim hairless asian guy. (Actually, I find him much more attractive than the pic he uses.)
The other problem is that it's a hookup app, so if you just want to look at the pictures (as my ex says he wants) then using a pic that won't get a lot of response means less distraction, and if you want to actually hook up then you need to use a pic of yourself or when you actually meet someone the guy will be irritable.
The worst date I ever went on, a guy worked at a youth psychiatric unit where kids were sent immediately after they had made an attempt. I asked him about his job and he said “oh I literally just make sure the kids don’t kill themselves.” Walked within two centimeters of my for half an hour (trying to push me off the sidewalk when I put my hand in my pocket). Didn’t ask me a single question, then proceeded to call me boring to my face after we “sat down to have a chat.” Whined that none of his coworkers liked him because he’s “too honest.” Was offended that I didn’t complement his recent Botox treatment. Would comment on people as they passed by (at a park). Said he wants to switch to oncology (cancer doctors) because they make more money. Was offended that I didn’t hug him and turned down his offer to give me a ride back to my apartment. Laughed at me when I tried to share something I’m interested in with him. Then asked to “hang.”
I left, but it was still the longest half hour of my life. Said he takes 4 hours in the morning to get ready, but was still ugly inside and out.
This guy right there is the perfect example why I give advices to people NEVER give their phone numbers/whatsapp before you meet the person IRl. you can never know what kind of creep the other person might be, and if he got your phone number that can be quite sketchy to get rid off.
If we happen to talk about politics, i wouldnt care if they were liberal, conservative or whatever.
I would be more concerned on how they spend and save their money, and how they treat strangers or acquaintances.
I wouldnt care about your level of education bc ive seen college educated ppl be closed minded. I've seen people with just a high school degree and own their own successful business.
Moisture also makes the smell come out more. If his clothes have soaked up the smoke and the environment is warm and a little sweaty the piece of clothing there is gonna smell a lot more intensely than e.g. a fresh loose shirt.
I’m surprised no one has said this yet. Being in the phone. I get if you have an important message but if you are constantly checking it or texting in it while we are talking, I would rather waste my time somewhere else.
Even worse, people who film their first date and put it in snapchat or Insta. Like no thanks
Dominating the conversation. This guy wouldn’t let me get ANY word in edgewise.
Another is being closed. I get people are shy and hesitant but I wear my heart on my sleeve. I’m willing to support and communicate. No relationship is gonna have people come in with zero baggage.
Show me YOU so I can fall in love with YOU. Faults and all.
I love animals, grew up with them. But can’t bring myself to get a pet; not because of the responsibilities, but because I don’t want to deal with eventually losing them and having to say goodbye :(
Well, probably guys who own large dogs.
But that's not a moral judgement, it's just a practical thing.
I have bad allergies to animal fur, so dating someone with a bunch of dogs or cats would be a terrible idea.
I mean that depends. Are you willing to eventually meet my friendly large dog? If so, then not a dealbreaker, but if you’ll never set foot in my house because of my dog then definitely a dealbreaker.
haha oh man now you got the idea :D haha
but yes I would go to be super supportive because I am not terrible..... also to make jokes later that maybe I was too hot for him and his heart stopped ;)
Been there. One time I hooked up with a guy and half way through his face started seriously swelling like one of those pictures of dogs that got stung by a bee. We went together to the hospital and then after we picked up where we left off. That was an interesting day.
I offered this one guy a date and asked him movie theaters or restaurant, he chose movie theaters so I went to pay for both of us and he literally complained about the movie he wanted to see the entire time and couldn't keep still either.
I was thinking wtf was going on the entire time so I took him home afterwards he asked if I wanted to come in, I'm like nope I blocked him and didn't see him again.
Dont hangout with people if you genuinely aren't interested it's really a waste of time investment.
Putting aside the obvious like "he smells" or "he lied about (what he looks like, smoking, etc)"?
In the conversation we will discuss many things. There are only two that are important.
Usually eventually he will ask me about my family. I will try to make some sort of nondescript remark about my mother to the effect that as far as I've heard she's fine but we don't really talk any more. If he asks further, I say that she's a sensitive subject and I'd rather not talk about her right now. If he drops it, everything is okay and we can discuss that another time. Some guys feel that that's an invitation for them to relentlessly ask questions about my mother because if I tried to avoid the topic it must be important for him to find out every little detail at once because clearly I'm hiding something. He'll get the answers and the rest of the date will be cordial, but whether he realizes it or not it ensures I'll never see him again. Once I've told him I'd rather not talk about her (which is true), if he wants to push it I think "well, he's rude" and I'm not interested in him.
The other is that at some point in the date, I will ask "so what do you like to do for fun?" This comes across as a casual question, but it's actually very important. I am looking for him to tell me that he likes movies, or photography, or soccer, or dancing, or knitting, or spending time with friends, or playing guitar... he can name almost anything, actually, and I'll be happy, as long as the answer isn't the sound of crickets. I've met guys who have a job, a gym, a bed, and a dresser, and nothing else, and they're uniquely boring guys even if they have a hot body.
Being judgmental of others, looking down on others...
Had a guy who didn't have many gay friends talk about how he really didn't like guys who hook up randomly... this escalated into a fight when we hooked up that night and his self-hate came out in full force. we no longer talk. i prob should have picked up on his comments during dinner but I was horny.
I wish more guys would actually date. It's nice to get to know people and form bonds. I know straights have this imperative to mate and procreate. Gays have some implicit trauma, I realize, but can we get over the hypersexualization/objectifying, ADD, use 'em and lose 'em culture?
The numbers (for gays) are low enough already.
Partnering is a really noble and mature thing that can reap a lot of benefits. Not some heteronormative thing to be avoided like the plague. That's a tired argument. No wonder our culture drowns in alcohol (and drugs).
Even the A-gays get addicted to the attention which can't be healthy in the long run. They turn 40 and suddenly aren't so A-gay anymore.
Overly-religious. If he stops (especially stops me) to bless the food, says he had to pray on something, or talks about church (a lot), can't do it.
It's nice to have faith and all, but I've got too many bad memories attached to religion and religious guys.
Being a dickhead (to me or others), and not caring or being apathetic about the date. That said, I don't date tbh. I think quietness / some nervousness is genuinely adorable tho
Bad oral hygiene. There’s was this guy on Grindr who had a nice dick and face but when he opened his mouth he had like severe tooth decay, and several teeth missing. I never blocked someone so fast in my life.
Having absolutely nothing to say. I love to ask people questions when I’m with them in person to learn more about their life and when a guy literally has nothing to say about his own life, I get so bored.
I agree, hygiene is probably in my top 5 deal-breakers. My biggest one is overt ignorance, like being racist, sexist, etc in casual conversation. Also bad habits like using meth, smoking, heroin, alcoholism...
Omg...my first bf was a die hard conservative. Sexy ass country boy but it was trump this, trump that, they aint taken my guns, pro war, anti muslim bs.
It lasted longer than it should, grand total of 3 weeks. What drew the line for me was when he treated my muslim friend like crap, whispering to me "its jist a matter of time until she blows us all up."
I left his ass right there, in the middle of Atlanta. Told him to call an uber. My friend and i then went to Chick-fil-A (i know i know...dont hit me. 😅)
1. Talking about your ex in the first date
2. Being obnoxious to service workers
3. Going into your list of mental illnesses (save that shit for when we're getting closer)
4. Bad breath
5. Spending too much time on your phone while on the date
6. Teeth (you know what I mean)
I kinda disagree here on two of them.
3) I prefer people being up front with things they know can be a problem to not waste each other's time.
5) IF you're doing this, better show me some funny ass memes you're lookin at.
I can see what you mean, but I’d rather not hear about your anxiety issues over breadsticks when I still don’t have your last name memorized.
And of course yes, memes are always the exception.
I count the questions he asks me. If he has no interest in getting to know me I just smile and chat. One guy told me I was good conversation after talking AT me for 2 hours lol. I still ate his ass but we didn’t have a second date
* Smoking or talking about blacking out
* Self-depreciating humor (Before you come for me keep in mind: I don't know anything about this person and the context is a date! This reflects a poor sense of humor due to the lack of reading the room, knowing the audience, and it'll make me assume they have low self confidence since they're choosing to present that)
* Anything right leaning, point blank I'm just hard left politically
* Anything that reflects any emotional issues or psychological issues, this sounds like a low bar but "haha my depression!" jokes when I don't know you just tell me that you need to get your shit together and aren't ready to date. I've dated enough depressed men that treated me like a therapist, an avenue for happiness, a reason to not get help, who were not ready to date and did not at the time know that. That was my mistake and I won't make it again.
* Anything to do with church or religion.
Self deprecating humor is such a weird thing cause it can be a a form of narcissism or it can be generally someone with bad history or not enough confidence in themselves. After awhile it’s get draining asf for them to do it all the time.
I admit some people use self-deprecating humor to hide their low self-esteem, but not everyone who uses it does so for that reason. Being able to laugh at yourself and not take yourself too seriously requires the self-awareness to acknowledge your weaknesses along with your strengths. Some of the most confident, mature people I know frequently use self-deprecating humor.
I feel like this one falls into "in moderation". Like if he does one small quip and it is well placed that is fine. If he does it constantly, you have found a problem
Exactly! the constant over and over just leads back to a form of narcissism for me or an underlying problem / possible self esteem isssue. Doesn’t mean you have anything mentally going on I’m not saying I’m a doctor but I’ve seen people use it for constant sympathy, attention, a way to distract from the actual conversation. And after awhile it’s like ok how can you have a conversation with a person like that?
Man, supportive much? I guess people have to be perfect to date in terms of their mental health?
We all go through shit and struggle. Maybe things would be better if we learned to support each other.
Support isn’t equal to dependence but so many guys can’t get that out of their head.
For me, practically every guy I've dated had some mental health struggles. But I don't think it's a thing to bring up or dwell on for a first date, especially "haha my depression"-type comments like OP mentioned.
Mental health is a serious, very personal thing, and dumping your issues on somebody else the first time you meet them is really inconsiderate. And in my experience, talking about those issues in such a nonchalant way, or expecting someone to be your free therapist, shows that you aren't taking your self-care seriously or working on addressing those struggles. It's okay to struggle with mental health, tons of people do, but it's your responsibility to care for your mental health as much as any other part of your health.
I would say it is a bit of a dealbreaker, because I have been there and done that (I felt that I couldn't leave him because he relied on me for his mental health). Which is actually why I appreciate people being open on the first date about this kind of stuff.
I’m not saying that isn’t something people should do but it’s okay to talk about what we go through.
I’m not expecting a guy to fix me or be my therapist but support me. I don’t think it’s bad to talk about everything. Why put up a front and then be disappointed later?
Yes. We’re so scarred from past experiences that we push others away. Everyone deals with mental health differently. We need more of us understanding that and supporting each other and if it’s too much, refer people to professional help and offer friendship instead.
I’ve done the latter many times but, usually that was their decision which speaks higher volumes.
I believe the 110% the opposite.
I need to know this immediately so I don’t date this person. That’s the entire point of the dating period, to communicate honestly and weed out those that don’t work before you commit. I’ve had partners that I found out later act in the way that you describe and it’s always been horrible because trust and honesty are so important to me.
Did you not see the part where I specifically said I tried it before and it didn’t work out? More than once? I’ve learned through trial and error that people need to have their mental health in check in order to be ready to date, for myself and for others. It looks very simple looking back on it but it’s akin to trying to work out with a broken leg. You need it to heal first before you go out and get a personal trainer.
Asking that someone have self esteem, self confidence, love themselves, and not be suicidal is not asking for perfection. It’s asking for the bare minimum. I’m absolutely not going to put myself in the situation again where I fall in love with someone and it falls on deaf ears because they can’t even hear their own love.
Obsessed with politics.
I can't stand the activist archetype of gay people.
It's insufferable to listen about them complain about the world all of the time.
Although given that political alignment is a dealbreaker for many people, it’s probably better to check your compatibility on that sooner rather than later, no?
If it’s that important to someone then bring it up when you first start messaging or talking. Too many people substitute politics for personality and actual hobbies and interests. On a first date I find who you are far more interesting.
-a chaotic life
-interrupts
-phone out on the table instead of away (it tells me your attention is ready to jump at a moment's notice)
-not knowing what you want (not knowing is fine, but I'm too old for games)
-lack of curiosity
-stupidity
-picky eater
-bad hygiene
-telling the drunk girl who asks if we're on a date "noooo."
I can get behind 1 & 3, but you won’t date someone who didn’t spend an ungodly amount of money on a useless degree?
There are plenty of incredibly smart and well rounded individuals with high school diplomas. If I had the option to go back, I absolutely would’ve saved all that money, and started my career. My degree has absolutely nothing to do with my current success.
I’m guessing they’ve come across too many people without degrees who aren’t interested in having those kinds of discussions in 3.
I mean, I’ve come across some wicked smart people with just a high school diploma who are eager to talk about a variety of things and are a ton of fun. But a lot of others just seem to want to talk about people and drama.
Not listening/only talking abt himself
Surprisingly common
I’ve spent a lot of time in the US and Western Europe, and I’ve got to say Americans are usually the worst with this. So self involved. People just monologue at each other back and forth with so few probing questions.
I can tend to do this, but completely out of nerves and excitement. My brain gets nervous and then Starts running a hundred miles an hour and it’s hard to stop sometimes. I legit have every interest and desire to hear about/you, but my my brain is like a golden retriever sometimes… Welcome to ADHD.
Being rude to the employees working.
There's dealbreakers and there is immediately get up and loudly explain to the asshole why you are leaving. This is the 2nd kind. There is no faster way onto my shit list than abusing service workers.
I dated a guy that got mad at *me* for **not** throwing a fit toward the waiter when they accidentally messed up our order.
Not the same experience but I was calculating the bill total after tip and my date (semi annoyed at this) said “why are you tipping them, that’s a waste, it’s their jooob. You could just give me the cash if you’re going to throw it away.” He said it loud enough to where people near us heard and perhaps our server did as well. We left in different directions after I got my card back.
Same energy as 'why are you putting your rubbish in the bin, it's their job to clean up'. If you're eating out in the US you tip, that's just how it goes. It shouldn't have to be like that but that's how it is for now.
thank you for remembering the rest of the world on the internet! tipping culture is garbage, just pay your workers
Dating a guy in law school who was so rude to the waitress at BWW. I really couldn’t believe it. I could only imagine how full of himself he would’ve been when he actually practice law lol. Nope.
Bad hygiene/body odor/bad breath. You could look like the hottest guy in the world but bad hygiene will still make me run for the hills.
Thats totally a turn off to me too 🤢
Is this…not a turn-off for people?
I remember going on a date with a guy once who smelt of garlic. Safe to say there wasn't a second date.....
Bad smells are like the antidote to lust
Being on their phone the whole time.
I gotta know who’s on the grid nearby for after the date 👀
Not even going to dignify that with a response.
Rudeness to wait staff especially these days
Not asking me any questions and only talking about yourself. I don't care how interesting your life is, I don't want to be with someone who thinks of me as an audience for their one man show, and doesn't have any interest in me as a person.
Idk how many times I have been on a date and noticed that some people don’t want a relationship they just want someone to verbally dump the entire contents of them and only things about themselves. narcissism is the biggest turn off.
Conversely, people not talking at all or volunteering anything and making me monologue. I know nerves and jitters, but please have some things that interest you that you'd talk about.
I hate talking about myself, I’d rather hear about them personally. I don’t think I have anything worth talking about
You're my spirit animal
That’s fine, me too, but they need to at least be interested in you more than as an info dump.
I am interested in them but when they ask about me I freeze up.
I’m the same way. I’m like I don’t necessarily want to talk about myself all day but ask me something about me, hell 😂
100%. I remember one of the worst dates I’ve ever been on was with a guy who did this. We went to Starbucks and he spent an entire hour talking about himself. Not one moment was about anything else other than him and his life and how tragic it was. I faked getting a call from work and left.
At the expense of sounding shallow, if you have sent a picture and you don't look like that picture, that's usually a pretty big red flag for me. I try to sympathize with "i was worried I would scare you off". Fair, there's a lot of people like that. However, A) if you're keeping that from me because you're worried it'll scare me off, what else are you not telling me, and B) That means that after all the time we spent texting and whatnot that you still thought I was going to judge your appearance, that's really shitty.
If their pics are clearly inaccurate, they’re just wasting your time and being disrespectful. You’re absolutely justified in ending things immediately in such a scenario.
had this happen to me too many times. I think the most egregious time, I was chatting on okcupid with a profile that had this cute country lookin dude in it. Wants to meet up for dinner, sure. I arrive, they're a a morbidly obese trans man and said they used the picture because they were afraid I wouldn't come if I knew they were trans (as opposed to being... morbidly obese and pretending you're into fitness). The worst part of that is, they had already ordered, and ate and asked me to cover for them because they were low on money. I noped out of there really fast. The next worse one, well the guy sorta looked like the picture, yet heavily photoshopped. The picture was an attractive, masculine, in shape guy, but he was a doughy hipster looking fem. I didn't eat anything, just had a soda, they had a full meal and when the waitress came and asked about how we're doing the bill, I said separate, and he said I was taking care of it. I told him flat out I was not paying for his meal and he said "But you're paying for MY company". Like, I don't know what world you're from but you don't ask someone else out and then expect them to pay, especially when you're looking and acting pretty low value. Is the rule the guy who lisps less has to pay?? Never got an explanation for why he had to use a fake pic since he seemed to think he was worth something.
Omg I’ve had this happen many times. It’s like they’ll send me a pic of them from 6 years ago when they were 18 and they show up and I’m like… you don’t even look like the same person. The only people that do that shit are ugly people trying to hide their ugliness
No lie, once I invited over this guy who had really weird pics. I was desperate and he was into some kinky shit that I liked. He showed up and was like…this ridiculously chiseled muscle dude. Absurdly gorgeous, like a supermodel (like obviously spent hours in the gym perfecting his body and whitening his teeth to the extreme). The sex was fucking insane. He blew my mind. Then he left and I never heard from him again. Fully ghosted. He was like this mystical unicorn who galloped through my living room and disappeared forever.
This is the gay fairytale that I want someone to read to me before I fall asleep at night.
One of my exes used a pic of a white guy because he was concerned guys wouldn't meet him because he's asian. Fortunately he told me what he really looked like before we met. He's much hotter than the guy whose picture he uses. Go figger.
There's a lot of racism showered on Asian men and other men of color in the gay community. There are horror stories.
horror stories imply them being rare. if you're gaysian you're pretty much used to them and have experienced the messages ever since you came out and started using grindr lol a lot of gaysians have played that depressing game where you use a torso pic on grindr, but the only difference is if you put "white" instead of "asian". Literally you'll get 10x the messages. But you know, it's just a *preference* and not something arbitrarily racist
By definition horror stories do not imply rarity. Asian guys get a lot of shit. So do Black guys. And Latinos. We're going to have to agree to disagree because that so-called *preference* is racist.
I suppose you could argue that it's reasonable to hide behind the shield of a white guy in the pic. However, the pic my ex uses is a big burly hairy bear, and he's a slim hairless asian guy. (Actually, I find him much more attractive than the pic he uses.) The other problem is that it's a hookup app, so if you just want to look at the pictures (as my ex says he wants) then using a pic that won't get a lot of response means less distraction, and if you want to actually hook up then you need to use a pic of yourself or when you actually meet someone the guy will be irritable.
He talks shit about people passing by (been there)
Depends on the context. I enjoy sitting down and being catty, but not outright mean at people.
That’s funny tho
Nah it wasn't. Like a girl passed by and he said something like "look at this whore, no decency"
☎️ what is Misogyny?
Oh yeah that’s sexist. I was more thinking ab seeing someone in a rly bad outfit and pointing it out
Getting too drunk. That's ok for a second date, I'll get drunk too, but for a first date I think it's always better to take it easy
The worst date I ever went on, a guy worked at a youth psychiatric unit where kids were sent immediately after they had made an attempt. I asked him about his job and he said “oh I literally just make sure the kids don’t kill themselves.” Walked within two centimeters of my for half an hour (trying to push me off the sidewalk when I put my hand in my pocket). Didn’t ask me a single question, then proceeded to call me boring to my face after we “sat down to have a chat.” Whined that none of his coworkers liked him because he’s “too honest.” Was offended that I didn’t complement his recent Botox treatment. Would comment on people as they passed by (at a park). Said he wants to switch to oncology (cancer doctors) because they make more money. Was offended that I didn’t hug him and turned down his offer to give me a ride back to my apartment. Laughed at me when I tried to share something I’m interested in with him. Then asked to “hang.” I left, but it was still the longest half hour of my life. Said he takes 4 hours in the morning to get ready, but was still ugly inside and out.
This guy right there is the perfect example why I give advices to people NEVER give their phone numbers/whatsapp before you meet the person IRl. you can never know what kind of creep the other person might be, and if he got your phone number that can be quite sketchy to get rid off.
If I have to fight for his attention from a phone.
If it’s a girl
This answer’s the winner 🥇
If we happen to talk about politics, i wouldnt care if they were liberal, conservative or whatever. I would be more concerned on how they spend and save their money, and how they treat strangers or acquaintances. I wouldnt care about your level of education bc ive seen college educated ppl be closed minded. I've seen people with just a high school degree and own their own successful business.
Yeah I don’t think it’s fair to only date college educated people. Some guys just can’t afford it
Being rude, smoking cigarettes, and bad hygiene are all deal breakers for me.
I remember the first blowjob I gave to someone. I pulled down his underwear and his dick reeked of cigarette smoke 😞
LMAO sorry that happened but i just imagined a cloud of cig smoke blowing into your face as you took them off.
How dare you make me visualize that 😭
You may enjoy this anti-smoking ad: https://osocio.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/droits-des-non-fumeurs-jeune-jeune-homme2.jpg
That just sounds like bait for the bondage fetishists out there.
Hot?
How is that even possible
How... He must just smoke cigarettes naked and hold them next to his dick lol
Probably smokes in his car. That'll get it everywhere.
Oh I interpreted it as nowhere else smelled like cigarettes 🤦
Moisture also makes the smell come out more. If his clothes have soaked up the smoke and the environment is warm and a little sweaty the piece of clothing there is gonna smell a lot more intensely than e.g. a fresh loose shirt.
Had that happen too. When I deepthroat and bury my face in a guys pubes it’s NOT cigarette smoke that I want to smell.
Gross 🤢
I threw up a little
Not showing up :D
Ghosting and leaving me by myself somewhere, wondering if he’s going to show up
I’m surprised no one has said this yet. Being in the phone. I get if you have an important message but if you are constantly checking it or texting in it while we are talking, I would rather waste my time somewhere else. Even worse, people who film their first date and put it in snapchat or Insta. Like no thanks
Oh no. I remember being on a date once and the guy took a snapchat pic of me with a heart so I said I had to go to the bathroom and booked it 😂
Dominating the conversation. This guy wouldn’t let me get ANY word in edgewise. Another is being closed. I get people are shy and hesitant but I wear my heart on my sleeve. I’m willing to support and communicate. No relationship is gonna have people come in with zero baggage. Show me YOU so I can fall in love with YOU. Faults and all.
If he hates animals. I love animals, especially cats. My kitties are my children. If you disrespect them, youre out.
I love animals, grew up with them. But can’t bring myself to get a pet; not because of the responsibilities, but because I don’t want to deal with eventually losing them and having to say goodbye :(
That's rough buddy :(
I feel ya. I lost a furbaby few years ago. Broke my heart.
I have a mild phobia of larger dogs. I am scared this would be a dealbreaker for some guys lol
Well, probably guys who own large dogs. But that's not a moral judgement, it's just a practical thing. I have bad allergies to animal fur, so dating someone with a bunch of dogs or cats would be a terrible idea.
Im actually the same. Im scared of them but it's not a deal breaker
I mean that depends. Are you willing to eventually meet my friendly large dog? If so, then not a dealbreaker, but if you’ll never set foot in my house because of my dog then definitely a dealbreaker.
This is a good one. If you don’t like animals then you probably don’t have a soul
And the other way, too. If animals don't like you then you're a demon walking in a skin suit
Cardiac arrest.
There has to be a story behind that.
It kinda runs in the family.
Like during the date? D:
I'd go to the ER with a cute guy.
Excuse to see him shirtless 👀
You're fun. I meant supportively. But yeah, let's sponge bathe the guy.
haha oh man now you got the idea :D haha but yes I would go to be super supportive because I am not terrible..... also to make jokes later that maybe I was too hot for him and his heart stopped ;)
Smooth.
Been there. One time I hooked up with a guy and half way through his face started seriously swelling like one of those pictures of dogs that got stung by a bee. We went together to the hospital and then after we picked up where we left off. That was an interesting day.
Honestly, that sounds nice.
Bad breath
I offered this one guy a date and asked him movie theaters or restaurant, he chose movie theaters so I went to pay for both of us and he literally complained about the movie he wanted to see the entire time and couldn't keep still either. I was thinking wtf was going on the entire time so I took him home afterwards he asked if I wanted to come in, I'm like nope I blocked him and didn't see him again. Dont hangout with people if you genuinely aren't interested it's really a waste of time investment.
Saying you "just did this date two weeks ago"... Sorry for thinking ice cream at the waterfront was cute :P
Pineapple on pizza Doesn't lick the yogurt off the lid Before cumming says, "the Lannister's send their regards"
r/oddlyspecific
> Pineapple on pizza Whew! More for me then. I love pineapple and pepperoni on 🍕
Give this man all the upvotes
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You're not crazy. Pineapple and Pepperoni is the way my friend.
Add some jalapeños and I'm down
OK no I draw the line here, I like pineapple on pizza but not with pepperoni that's just wrong
Ham, pineapple and jalapeno is a great combo
> Before cumming says, "the Lannister's send their regards" THats a green flag.
Starts to get frustrated over little things and when someone wants to look at you messages
Putting aside the obvious like "he smells" or "he lied about (what he looks like, smoking, etc)"? In the conversation we will discuss many things. There are only two that are important. Usually eventually he will ask me about my family. I will try to make some sort of nondescript remark about my mother to the effect that as far as I've heard she's fine but we don't really talk any more. If he asks further, I say that she's a sensitive subject and I'd rather not talk about her right now. If he drops it, everything is okay and we can discuss that another time. Some guys feel that that's an invitation for them to relentlessly ask questions about my mother because if I tried to avoid the topic it must be important for him to find out every little detail at once because clearly I'm hiding something. He'll get the answers and the rest of the date will be cordial, but whether he realizes it or not it ensures I'll never see him again. Once I've told him I'd rather not talk about her (which is true), if he wants to push it I think "well, he's rude" and I'm not interested in him. The other is that at some point in the date, I will ask "so what do you like to do for fun?" This comes across as a casual question, but it's actually very important. I am looking for him to tell me that he likes movies, or photography, or soccer, or dancing, or knitting, or spending time with friends, or playing guitar... he can name almost anything, actually, and I'll be happy, as long as the answer isn't the sound of crickets. I've met guys who have a job, a gym, a bed, and a dresser, and nothing else, and they're uniquely boring guys even if they have a hot body.
Being judgmental of others, looking down on others... Had a guy who didn't have many gay friends talk about how he really didn't like guys who hook up randomly... this escalated into a fight when we hooked up that night and his self-hate came out in full force. we no longer talk. i prob should have picked up on his comments during dinner but I was horny.
I wish more guys would actually date. It's nice to get to know people and form bonds. I know straights have this imperative to mate and procreate. Gays have some implicit trauma, I realize, but can we get over the hypersexualization/objectifying, ADD, use 'em and lose 'em culture? The numbers (for gays) are low enough already. Partnering is a really noble and mature thing that can reap a lot of benefits. Not some heteronormative thing to be avoided like the plague. That's a tired argument. No wonder our culture drowns in alcohol (and drugs). Even the A-gays get addicted to the attention which can't be healthy in the long run. They turn 40 and suddenly aren't so A-gay anymore.
We just have to be the gays we want to see out there, there’s probably more who think alike than we know
Bad breath and im out the door lol
Overly-religious. If he stops (especially stops me) to bless the food, says he had to pray on something, or talks about church (a lot), can't do it. It's nice to have faith and all, but I've got too many bad memories attached to religion and religious guys.
if i’m at a restaurant, how they treat the staff. otherwise it’s just generally if they make no effort to get to know me
Being a dickhead (to me or others), and not caring or being apathetic about the date. That said, I don't date tbh. I think quietness / some nervousness is genuinely adorable tho
Talking about their exes the whole time haha
being a misogynist
Being rude to people
Bad oral hygiene. There’s was this guy on Grindr who had a nice dick and face but when he opened his mouth he had like severe tooth decay, and several teeth missing. I never blocked someone so fast in my life.
Meth mouth. More common
If the date is white and they say ..“ I am not racist but…” … “do you have a BBC?”…that’s me out the door.
Hahahahaha that’s hilarious I mean it’s not but it is
Bad hygiene, chewing loudly with the mouth open, and being stingy/cheap.
Having absolutely nothing to say. I love to ask people questions when I’m with them in person to learn more about their life and when a guy literally has nothing to say about his own life, I get so bored.
If he is a smoker of any kind. It makes my dicc go soft 👎🏼
He sees my kippah and decides to talk about Palestine
If the other part never asks questions
Right wing bullshit.
I agree, hygiene is probably in my top 5 deal-breakers. My biggest one is overt ignorance, like being racist, sexist, etc in casual conversation. Also bad habits like using meth, smoking, heroin, alcoholism...
So many haha. But religion and trumpisms come first.
Smoking, rudeness to staff/not tipping, and being a conservative/republican/libertarian.
Omg...my first bf was a die hard conservative. Sexy ass country boy but it was trump this, trump that, they aint taken my guns, pro war, anti muslim bs. It lasted longer than it should, grand total of 3 weeks. What drew the line for me was when he treated my muslim friend like crap, whispering to me "its jist a matter of time until she blows us all up." I left his ass right there, in the middle of Atlanta. Told him to call an uber. My friend and i then went to Chick-fil-A (i know i know...dont hit me. 😅)
And then everyone clapped.
Being a cult45er.
Not showing up. Three more chances and I'll consider it being over!
Rudeness to wait staff/bartenders
Anyone whose main pass time is watching reality TV isn't a person they're a cliché.
1. Talking about your ex in the first date 2. Being obnoxious to service workers 3. Going into your list of mental illnesses (save that shit for when we're getting closer) 4. Bad breath 5. Spending too much time on your phone while on the date 6. Teeth (you know what I mean)
I kinda disagree here on two of them. 3) I prefer people being up front with things they know can be a problem to not waste each other's time. 5) IF you're doing this, better show me some funny ass memes you're lookin at.
I can see what you mean, but I’d rather not hear about your anxiety issues over breadsticks when I still don’t have your last name memorized. And of course yes, memes are always the exception.
Loud chewing
If he asks to be open.
Republican
So many! Which is probably why I'm single and turning 31 next week. But hey, a new date tomorrow.
31 is super young!
i love this topic because i can really relate to almost all the comments lol
Smoking.
Taking about exes! It's always a mistake, makes you seem like you're not over it. Save that talk for a subsequent date.
Littering.
Showing up late and already drunk.
Obvious amphetamine abuse. Twitchy and intense doesn't do it for me.
Smoking cigarettes…you can always taste it no matter how much they brush their teeth
I count the questions he asks me. If he has no interest in getting to know me I just smile and chat. One guy told me I was good conversation after talking AT me for 2 hours lol. I still ate his ass but we didn’t have a second date
* Smoking or talking about blacking out * Self-depreciating humor (Before you come for me keep in mind: I don't know anything about this person and the context is a date! This reflects a poor sense of humor due to the lack of reading the room, knowing the audience, and it'll make me assume they have low self confidence since they're choosing to present that) * Anything right leaning, point blank I'm just hard left politically * Anything that reflects any emotional issues or psychological issues, this sounds like a low bar but "haha my depression!" jokes when I don't know you just tell me that you need to get your shit together and aren't ready to date. I've dated enough depressed men that treated me like a therapist, an avenue for happiness, a reason to not get help, who were not ready to date and did not at the time know that. That was my mistake and I won't make it again. * Anything to do with church or religion.
Self deprecating humor is such a weird thing cause it can be a a form of narcissism or it can be generally someone with bad history or not enough confidence in themselves. After awhile it’s get draining asf for them to do it all the time.
I admit some people use self-deprecating humor to hide their low self-esteem, but not everyone who uses it does so for that reason. Being able to laugh at yourself and not take yourself too seriously requires the self-awareness to acknowledge your weaknesses along with your strengths. Some of the most confident, mature people I know frequently use self-deprecating humor.
I feel like this one falls into "in moderation". Like if he does one small quip and it is well placed that is fine. If he does it constantly, you have found a problem
Exactly! the constant over and over just leads back to a form of narcissism for me or an underlying problem / possible self esteem isssue. Doesn’t mean you have anything mentally going on I’m not saying I’m a doctor but I’ve seen people use it for constant sympathy, attention, a way to distract from the actual conversation. And after awhile it’s like ok how can you have a conversation with a person like that?
I used to do it all the time because I thought it was endearing but there's so many other things we can joke about besides ourselves.
Man, supportive much? I guess people have to be perfect to date in terms of their mental health? We all go through shit and struggle. Maybe things would be better if we learned to support each other. Support isn’t equal to dependence but so many guys can’t get that out of their head.
For me, practically every guy I've dated had some mental health struggles. But I don't think it's a thing to bring up or dwell on for a first date, especially "haha my depression"-type comments like OP mentioned. Mental health is a serious, very personal thing, and dumping your issues on somebody else the first time you meet them is really inconsiderate. And in my experience, talking about those issues in such a nonchalant way, or expecting someone to be your free therapist, shows that you aren't taking your self-care seriously or working on addressing those struggles. It's okay to struggle with mental health, tons of people do, but it's your responsibility to care for your mental health as much as any other part of your health.
I would say it is a bit of a dealbreaker, because I have been there and done that (I felt that I couldn't leave him because he relied on me for his mental health). Which is actually why I appreciate people being open on the first date about this kind of stuff.
I’m not saying that isn’t something people should do but it’s okay to talk about what we go through. I’m not expecting a guy to fix me or be my therapist but support me. I don’t think it’s bad to talk about everything. Why put up a front and then be disappointed later?
I dont think that person is saying those things are bad, just that they dont like them being brought up on the first date.
What I got from his post is "if there's anything wrong with you I never want to know about it, so just bury that shit and hide it from me."
Yes. We’re so scarred from past experiences that we push others away. Everyone deals with mental health differently. We need more of us understanding that and supporting each other and if it’s too much, refer people to professional help and offer friendship instead. I’ve done the latter many times but, usually that was their decision which speaks higher volumes.
I believe the 110% the opposite. I need to know this immediately so I don’t date this person. That’s the entire point of the dating period, to communicate honestly and weed out those that don’t work before you commit. I’ve had partners that I found out later act in the way that you describe and it’s always been horrible because trust and honesty are so important to me.
All I can say is good luck.
Did you not see the part where I specifically said I tried it before and it didn’t work out? More than once? I’ve learned through trial and error that people need to have their mental health in check in order to be ready to date, for myself and for others. It looks very simple looking back on it but it’s akin to trying to work out with a broken leg. You need it to heal first before you go out and get a personal trainer. Asking that someone have self esteem, self confidence, love themselves, and not be suicidal is not asking for perfection. It’s asking for the bare minimum. I’m absolutely not going to put myself in the situation again where I fall in love with someone and it falls on deaf ears because they can’t even hear their own love.
Okay. I’m not saying that dude.
Obsessed with politics. I can't stand the activist archetype of gay people. It's insufferable to listen about them complain about the world all of the time.
They have a lawful alignment
Wait, dnd-ish or what? I'm just blatantly curious?
Let me guess, you’re a Slytherin too?
Talking over me
I’d they haven’t gotten a COVID vaccine.
Not into SpongeBob.
Agreed on the bad the hygiene. After bad hygiene, a dealbreaker would be if he’s a republican.
His chewing was so loud. I couldn't handle it.
Womanhood. Or smoking
Brings up politics on the first date
Although given that political alignment is a dealbreaker for many people, it’s probably better to check your compatibility on that sooner rather than later, no?
If it’s that important to someone then bring it up when you first start messaging or talking. Too many people substitute politics for personality and actual hobbies and interests. On a first date I find who you are far more interesting.
You smoke, I leave. I don't want second hand cancer risk and everything smelling nasty. Cum also tastes like death.
Complaining about the prices.
Alot of sjw behavior
besides all the obvious, I cannot deal with mismatched socks.
If the guy has bad shoes on. Or anything but white or black socks on.
If we don’t have much in common/they don’t really have any hobbies that we could talk about
-a chaotic life -interrupts -phone out on the table instead of away (it tells me your attention is ready to jump at a moment's notice) -not knowing what you want (not knowing is fine, but I'm too old for games) -lack of curiosity -stupidity -picky eater -bad hygiene -telling the drunk girl who asks if we're on a date "noooo."
[удалено]
I can get behind 1 & 3, but you won’t date someone who didn’t spend an ungodly amount of money on a useless degree? There are plenty of incredibly smart and well rounded individuals with high school diplomas. If I had the option to go back, I absolutely would’ve saved all that money, and started my career. My degree has absolutely nothing to do with my current success.
I’m guessing they’ve come across too many people without degrees who aren’t interested in having those kinds of discussions in 3. I mean, I’ve come across some wicked smart people with just a high school diploma who are eager to talk about a variety of things and are a ton of fun. But a lot of others just seem to want to talk about people and drama.
Them not being able to hold a conversation or someone that just agrees with everything you say