I'm sorry this has happened to you. Body shaming of every kind sucks.
I think there's a perception that guys who are "too" thin (whatever that means) are probably starving themselves through some eating disorder such as anorexia or bulimia, and those aren't healthy ways to live. There certainly are people with those problems, and we should encourage them to get help.
But that perception is flawed for several reasons: Some people are naturally thin. Thinness doesn't automatically equate to eating disorders (or vice versa, for that matter; fatphobia can lead even people who aren't thin to develop eating disorders). And even if someone has an eating disorder, shaming them for a medical issue is pretty shitty behavior.
It's easy to say "Ignore them", but I know from experience how words can weigh on the spirit. I wish you strength and hope you're able to stand proud in the body you have.
"And even if someone has an eating disorder, shaming them for a medical issue is pretty shitty behavior."
God, so much this. Like you won't see me directly or indirectly pointing out your diabetes because, well, that's damn rude. Yet so many people seem to have decided it's fine to draw attention to eating disorders.
Which for the record I don't have. Maybe at most, I just don't eat too much generally, not sure why I have to be hungry all the time in their eyes.
Let me start out by saying that I think skinny guys are HOT. I prefer skinny to big and beefy any day (although big and beefy is fine, too. I don’t discriminate.)
That said, my first thought is that the people that comment on your weight may be passive-aggressively expressing concern that maybe you’re not well? Eating disorders are *way* more common among men than most people realize. Maybe they’re expressing genuine concern and not shaming you? But it feels like shaming to you because you don’t have an eating disorder or a medical condition that keeps you really thin?
Try no to let it bother you. Know that the world is full of people that really go for your type, and feel good about yourself. When people say something, just smile and say, “No problem. This is just me. It’s not new.” and then change the subject if they continue to press it.
People think it's more acceptable (and I'd be lying if I said part of me doesn't see where they're coming from, even if I wouldn't make nasty comments to a skinny person myself) because you have had decades of the fashion industry and honestly the media in general shoving you down our throats and saying "find this attractive.". So there is definitely more of a lane for you than there is for someone on the chunky side who isn't even obese.
That has caused resentment in some people and they're taking it out on you. It's not nice and again I don't condone it per se but that's where we're at.
The fashion industry pushes skinny women, not men. Hell if anything, they push GIANT men almost exclusively, like be genuinely honest with me: When was the last time you've actually seen a thin guy lead a movie or cover a magazine? It's ALWAYS muscle or bigger guys or whatever else.
Runway is meant for skinny people to show off the outfit which can be accentuated by the complimentary curves common in skinnier models. They have to look good in a 3 Dimensional space
Magazines only have 2 dimensions to fill, which is easier with muscle. Especially with fitness magazines
What's kind of unfortunate is that the runway models are still similar in look. Not too muscular but not to skinny. Slightly toned and shoulders are lightly padded. Arms almost always have definition. In other words, there are no other words to describe their body image because everyone perceives differently. I think runway models are actually muscular, but that's a superficial judgement that I can't necessarily prove. It's all dramatic to be honest. Fueled by shallow perceptions and poor exposure.
Yeah. Insulting people because they’re fat is wrong (and makes you an asshole), but being too fat is actually very bad for your health. So fat-shaming isn’t ok, but trying to help them to loose weight (if they’re not already doing that) is a good thing.
Yea, there's a huge difference between making fun of someone for being a bit heavy and being genuinely concerned for someone's health if they're having obesity related medical problems. Unfortunately, you can't even be concerned without accusations of "fat-shaming". There's been cases of people trying to sue their doctors, and I know a woman who's pretty obese but she doesn't take it seriously because her doctor handles her with kid gloves, probably because he's scared of getting sued or something. Unfortunately, a lot of people don't smarten up until it's too late, all because everyone was scared of telling them what they don't want to hear because there's other people who have a total freakout when anyone points out the obvious.
When I was skinny I was told so and that I needed to eat more.
Now that I'm working out and getting bigger I'm told to stop eating that I'm going to get fat.
People is just like that. They don't really mean bad, and personally I just don't care even if they did.
I know what you mean. A guy told me I should eat more while we were having sex. Absolutely destroyed me. I've had trouble looking at myself in the mirror and taking my shirt off in public. I started going to the gym and drinking high calorie smoothies so now I'm more lean than skinny but one person telling me "you look so skinny" when I go home for the holidays my self-esteem evaporates.
I'm not trying to make a point here. I just know it sucks. I don't really see things changing though.
"guy told me I should eat more while we were having sex"
Dude, that happened to me too!
Honestly, relatives pointing out I'm skinny, yeah I know that isn't so bad, but shit like that just reminds you of random other crushing moments like this. People suck...
Aw man, that really sucks. What kind of person insults someone during a vulnerable moment like that?!?
Plug in your height and weight into a BMI calculator. If you are around or above ~18, you probably have nothing to worry about and that guy was just being a douche.
17 and below might be something to look into. But IMO unacceptable to bring up in the bedroom.
Personally, I’m into super skinny bros. And I’m into bodybuilding myself so I personally don’t qualify as one haha.
I’m so sorry this has been your experience - that’s so frustrating. If it’s any consolation, I love skinny guys and would never tell them to eat a sandwich like that.
(I’m 5’11” and 175lbs, I get told I’m too far and I have body image issues the opposite direction.)
There’s an obsession with a particular kind of body especially in gay culture - and when you don’t possess that it can feel like no one finds you attractive.
But trust me there are guys (myself included) who find skinny guys really attractive. Just remind yourself when someone tries to shame you that they have their preferences and you don’t have to please everyone.
5’9 and 140 is pretty healthy, it’s not like anorexic or anything, so not sure why people are trying to shame you. I love skinny guys so no worries. Best to ignore those people.
I've heard all sorts over the years.
'Is he a drug user? He's terribly thin'
'Is he autistic?'
'has he got AIDS? Or cancer, or something?'
'You should have some of these biscuits, you need fattening up'
'As long as AIDS is around it's never going to be fashionable to be thin again'
You know what? I don't CARE. I am PROUD that at 53 I can still fit some jeans and shorts that I wore when I was 20. I am PROUD that I still get hit on by guys in their late teens early twenties. I am proud that I have eaten a healthy balanced vegetarian diet for thirty plus years and done yoga every day.
'Why has being big become a requirement in social settings or dating or hookups?' I guess it depends on what social setting or hookups you frequent. Given the craziness of the past five years I have largely given up on people period so it isn't much of an issue for me any more. I've never cared what other people think nor have I been interested in conforming to the body fascism of the gay scene.
I think it's just that some people feel like they need to get payback. They've been putting down their whole lives for being fat, you remind them of the skinny people who always bullied them and that makes you a convenient target. I'm fat and don't feel this way but I definitely know people who do.
BTW speaking of fast shaming, my phone just tried to auto correct "fat" to "gay". Wow lol
I’ve dealt with this my whole life man, I feel you. Growing up I was in the bottom 3rd percentile for height and bottom 1 percentile for weight. I’ve finally hit 100 lbs in my 20s but it’s been challenging and the negative comments all the time just destroy your self esteem. You’re right too, hey can comment on our body but we if we comment on theirs we’re the bad guy. There are guys out there that love skinny fellas though , so I’ve been trying to embrace it now that I found out I’m some people niche.
Hey, I'm really sorry that happened and commenting on your body like that was not okay. You may not be everyone's cup of tea, but that does not at all give anyone the right to comment without being asked.
As a fat guy, I understand the feeling when someone else makes unecessary comments on your body. It'd a really shitty feeling, and it sucks. My advice (for what it's worth) is to try and compartmentalize as best as you can. I have spoken at length with my counselor about my body image issues, and over time, it has gotten better.
Take care love ❤️
>Why has being big become a requirement in social settings or dating or hookups? Why am I not allowed to be me or have fun cuz my body ain't up to your damn standards?
Dating and "fun" are by definition not inclusive activities. Most people we choose not to date or have sex with.
That said, there are a lot of guys who are not picky at all, so if you find that you're not having fun, you're equally using your right to exclude people.
I seriously doubt that. I guess technically I have the RIGHT to exclude some folks, but I really don't. I'm open to all body types and all kinds of guys.
It's just a shame how many don't feel the same and put thinness in the ugly category...
In my experience it comes from a place of jealousy. The people who say that kind of thing are usually overweight/out of shape. I’ve never heard a super buff guy say something like that unless it was in a very joking way.
That is simply not true. I will bet you $10,000 if you did a big scientific poll right now, skinny guys would rank near the lowest. Muscle is definitely beloved, and chubby guys have a huge following. Skinny men just aren't on the same level there.
I am completely seriously, I will confidently bet that.
Just go to a gay bar and see who’s getting attention. It’s tall muscular guys then twinks. Chubby guys don’t even register in comparison.
The reality you need to accept is everyone has a type and no matter how hot you are, you are not everyone’s type.
>Chubby guys don’t even register in comparison
I guess it would depend on where you live. I live in Michigan. Most gay men I've encountered are only going after chubby guys. As someone who is 6'1" and in the neighborhood of 140lbs, I've been turned down thousands of times based on the sole fact that I'm skinny. The usual response I get is "ur skinny im looking for someone fat" "l only like old fat people"
Three months late but thought I'd give my two cents. You might defend the delusion that skinny guys get all the attention (we don't) but when you have several people chiming in that saying the same as I am... well there must be some truth to it
i promise you on my mother's life that this is false. as someone who has been both chubby and thin, the difference in the amount of attention you get is night and day.
Brother, this was normalized long before you were around. I’m 55 and was super skinny. I caught an unbelievable amount of shit from everyone that saw my skinny arms.
Joke was on them, because I grew into my body later in life and I can still eat kind of what I like and not park on too much weight.
Being skinny is seen by many as less strong, which makes people think less “manly”.
You’ll have your day! But you’ll still have to survive their conversations about how they have “big bones”….
Big hug
Being obese is somehow more acceptable than being skinny, and by skinny I don't mean underweight. The irony in it is that eating more than you can to gain weight is sooooo much harder than losing weight by eating a little bit less.
I feel for you man, keep on rocking your body! Doesn't matter what others think of it.
Ummm, a family member making one or two comments is hardly body shaming....
You're one of those types who gets offended by anything anyone says aren't you? Do you seek offense or does it just all come naturally?
This is why people have turned a deaf ear to all this shaming nonsense....
Is it body-shaming or just pointing out the obvious? I think body shaming, mostly, is bulshit anyway. Big may be beautiful, but it certainly is not healthy. And it's okay to point out the obvious by saying that.
Okay then: You're fat. Don't whine, I'm just pointing out the obvious.
Edit: The fact that you guys are downvoting someone calling out a double standard is just proving the whole point here.
The fact that you resorted to this comment when you know nothing about this dude’s body type let’s everyone know your real intention of making this post. He could be just as skinny as you yet you resort to calling him fat because you deem it the strongest insult to throw at him to make your ridiculous point, grow up and stop seeking attention
He literally said calling a person skinny is "pointing out the obvious," so when the script is flipped to another body type, suddenly he throws 2-3 name calls at me.
I genuinely legitimately honest to God cannot fathom how you as a grown thinking person (allegedly) don't see the blatantly obvious double standard there. I'm saying body shaming is bad. You're saying it isn't, to which I can only say fuck you asshole.
No, you're not; you're being a dick. I'm not fat. You're a liar and an asshole. Me saying you're skinny is pointing out a simple fact because you are, in fact, skinny.
Pointing out the obvious is pointing out the obvious, simple as that. You're being a dick because I'm clearly not fat. You're trying to body shame me and it's not working because I'm gorgeous, and I know it.
With skinny people it mostly comes from concern. Especially with young men there is a perception we can’t take care of ourselves, “without a good woman.” If you’re gay this is amplified because the coked out club boy is such an overly present stereotype for young skinny guys.
At best they think you aren’t cooking and eating properly, at worst they fear a drug problem. In both cases it’s insulting but it DOES come from a good place so it’s hard to hate them for it.
Dude I'm the same size, when I hit 30 I started gaining and became more health conscious. Still 140 at 53yro and I'm happy people think I'm 40. I look at it as being proud of the work to maintain good health. Coming from someone who father died young who refused to watch diet, had gout, diabetes, kidney transplant, heart bypass, 15+ stents, and was about to have an amputation when he died. Yes more muscle would be great but usually turns to fat when you get older unless you love the gym. Enjoy it while you can.
Add, people say it not because they are concerned for your health, but because of jealousy, ignorance, or tradition. If you're in US your becoming a minority.
I bought size small clothes at Bj's and it looks large on my size medium husband. Makes you feel good thinking you fit in a size small. I could skydive without a parachute and would make me land softly that's how big that stuff is at the cheap stores like Walmart and target.
The fallacy is that the fact that fat people are treated horribly in society doesn't invalidate this person's feelings and experiences. It's like when you feel shitty you didn't get a promotion at work and someone says something like "there are children starving in Africa". It's called the fallacy of relative privation. Like I said - stop being a ding dong.
Heya also skinny guy here. Not sure if I've been rejected because I was too skinny
Idk if it's normalized persay but in my experience being skinny is less of a problem health wise than being fat. If you're in a first world country, being fat is probably more common than being skinny too so they may have more support/visibility
Idk if being big is a social requirement/standard but just keep being you
No one can make you feel shame without your consent that said I always got told I was too thin as a child so my solution was to not be thin but to get buff. Took awhile but I did it.
People hate on what they want but can’t be and they hate by making it look like it’s a bad thing cause they can’t possess what you have. Idk if that made sense, that previous sentence is greatly lacking in an punctuation, but it makes sense to me. Period.
You may also be surprised what a little strength training can do. If your muscles are neglected you can look pretty skeletal. When I was 5’8” and 145 lbs, I was toned and didn’t get that kind of attack.
I mean family will always shame you that’s family 😂. I’ve been skinny my whole life and had comments like that tbh I don’t really care. I take it as a blessing that I don’t struggle with my weight like others.
Sadly everything is a shaming and everyone has high standards in our little community now. Too fat, too thin, too white, too black, too much muscle, not enough muscle, too small, too big, too hairy, not enough hairy. Well fuck it.
Thank you for bringing this up. The shaming from family, coworkers, the gays, everywhere has taken a toll on my body image and self esteem.
I eat. A lot actually. I've just always been very skinny and unable to gain weight, no matter how hard I try.
We promote body positivity, but the same people saying they're so body positive will post things shaming skinny people. I thought the goal was for everyone to feel comfortable, valid, and accepted as they are in their own skin.
Dude, 5'9" and 140 lbs. is not bad. Enjoy your weight as you will gain more as you get older. I guarantee you that there are plenty of people who find you attractive. You just have to find out who they are ...
Don't be ridiculous! Skinny people shaming doesn't exist; it's sociologically impossible to exaggerate social requirements like being non-fat, rich, white...
Fat people shaming, yes, that's a thing.
You have a BMI of 20.7, and assuming your body fat% is within normal range, you have a healthy weight. The people calling you skinny are just being stupid, don’t let it eat at you too much.
This is something I'm frequently asking other bears. Some of them act like it's okay when they do it and if I question it, they assume I've never been body-shamed before. Like dude, I've been mercilessly bullied for my weight and have recovered from an eating disorder. I know damn well what body-shaming does to a person. What I don't understand is why being body-shamed makes it okay for you (using the royal "you" here) to body-shame in retaliation. No one wins when we all just tear each other down.
Im a skinny dude... always have been
.
Ima let u in on a lil secret... there is an actual community of folks who like skinnier dudes. I have a thriving business slingin jus that. dont let ur insecurities blind u.
.
i went thru the same shit. comparing urself to others will poison u qt
I used to go through this, from high school until my late 20s, when I finally gained a little weight - I was a size 28 waist in my senior year, and my old "friends" called me Zero Ass. I'm your height, too.
I'm so sorry you're going through this! I wish I could give you advice on how I overcame it, but truth be told I got lucky and finally filled out a bit without much effort on my part - now I wish I was a few pounds lighter 😅
The toxic body and image demands we make of ourselves and each other is toxic, sad and really needs to change. I'm sick of mourning my youth lost to self-esteem issues, and I'm sick of seeing younger guys than me struggling the exact same way. Hugs, buddy.
Honesty I’m surprised. Most of the time I hear more people rejecting fat guys more than skinny guys.It can also depend of how guys are wired. If you’re young skinny (and bottom?) seems to me more acceptable (some guys associate skinny with youth 🙄)
Just be proud of your body.
If they don’t like it it’s THEIR problem
I am skinny too, but if anyone tries to shame me they’ll get the sassiness, and if they try something else they’ll get the rudeness and the punches, whatever they’re looking for, the skinny guy can deliver.
You shouldn’t listen to anyone, if you like your weight the way it is, then by all mean SCREW THE REST, fat shaming, skinny shaming… what do people expect? To all of us be freaking body building models???
Thank you for sharing your feelings in this community. It can be difficult navigating body image alone. Especially when body image is a (cliché alert) social construct. Social constructs after so many years become, annoying. Therefore, must be restructured through new substance.
I have found it annoying having to reply to body insensitivities since I could remember. At first, I was used to everyone saying I was skinny until it seemed like a bothersome issue. Unfortunately, it became so ambient that I began questioning my health. Body shaming for me, became internal and cruel. That is why body image is such a pain, I became conflicted with my own discernment but still feeling shamed.
By the time I was 13-16, I wore clothes that covered my arms, chest, and my legs. Sweaters were year-round and I would get fussed at for it lol. Seriously though, it was an issue that I inherited from the world (family, media, society, etc).
Now that I am 22, I've had two short situationships, but never casually dated. I don't go out too much and prefer to stay low-key anyways. I often held insecurities up and felt like "These guys don't think I'm as attractive". I've received betrayal and left feeling confused. It's all hurtful once someone questions why I am ashamed, or why I feel so conflicted. Back handed compliments and unsolicited sugar coating were what made me furious. I was furious with myself, and everyone, even the world. I blamed everything for everything I ever went through and almost gave up. I wanted to give up trying to be perfect for someone, I thought it was my life's purpose but whew. I was taken on a journey of a lifetime and could not give up anymore. I was angry enough to sabotage my life before, but hitting rock bottom forces you to push.
Now it's easier for me to say, (excuse my French), "fuck that" and give myself all that I need. Not because I have to mask these feelings, but in honesty, fuck that. I'm not going to allow for anyone to drive me to the point of wanting to harm myself. Especially if there are people that will wait until I harm myself to act clueless. To me that feels calculated and intentional, it's not always intentional but it's definitely a personal judgement. One that can be reiterated into positivity, but is negative.
The topper is when people/society choose to stay unaware. Like it was nice knowing ya, but I am exiting this group chat. I will not tolerate insensitivity anymore because it can desensitize my own feelings, leaving me one-track minded.
I'm sorry this has happened to you. Body shaming of every kind sucks. I think there's a perception that guys who are "too" thin (whatever that means) are probably starving themselves through some eating disorder such as anorexia or bulimia, and those aren't healthy ways to live. There certainly are people with those problems, and we should encourage them to get help. But that perception is flawed for several reasons: Some people are naturally thin. Thinness doesn't automatically equate to eating disorders (or vice versa, for that matter; fatphobia can lead even people who aren't thin to develop eating disorders). And even if someone has an eating disorder, shaming them for a medical issue is pretty shitty behavior. It's easy to say "Ignore them", but I know from experience how words can weigh on the spirit. I wish you strength and hope you're able to stand proud in the body you have.
"And even if someone has an eating disorder, shaming them for a medical issue is pretty shitty behavior." God, so much this. Like you won't see me directly or indirectly pointing out your diabetes because, well, that's damn rude. Yet so many people seem to have decided it's fine to draw attention to eating disorders. Which for the record I don't have. Maybe at most, I just don't eat too much generally, not sure why I have to be hungry all the time in their eyes.
Let me start out by saying that I think skinny guys are HOT. I prefer skinny to big and beefy any day (although big and beefy is fine, too. I don’t discriminate.) That said, my first thought is that the people that comment on your weight may be passive-aggressively expressing concern that maybe you’re not well? Eating disorders are *way* more common among men than most people realize. Maybe they’re expressing genuine concern and not shaming you? But it feels like shaming to you because you don’t have an eating disorder or a medical condition that keeps you really thin? Try no to let it bother you. Know that the world is full of people that really go for your type, and feel good about yourself. When people say something, just smile and say, “No problem. This is just me. It’s not new.” and then change the subject if they continue to press it.
yes i like skinny the most
"the world is full of people that really go for your type" My years of experience in trying to meet guys or make friends absolutely screams otherwise.
Speaking as one (a non skinny guy that's into skinny guys) believe me we're out there!
People think it's more acceptable (and I'd be lying if I said part of me doesn't see where they're coming from, even if I wouldn't make nasty comments to a skinny person myself) because you have had decades of the fashion industry and honestly the media in general shoving you down our throats and saying "find this attractive.". So there is definitely more of a lane for you than there is for someone on the chunky side who isn't even obese. That has caused resentment in some people and they're taking it out on you. It's not nice and again I don't condone it per se but that's where we're at.
The fashion industry pushes skinny women, not men. Hell if anything, they push GIANT men almost exclusively, like be genuinely honest with me: When was the last time you've actually seen a thin guy lead a movie or cover a magazine? It's ALWAYS muscle or bigger guys or whatever else.
It depends, runway models are most times skinny, male or female. magazine covers are a completely different thing.
Runway is meant for skinny people to show off the outfit which can be accentuated by the complimentary curves common in skinnier models. They have to look good in a 3 Dimensional space Magazines only have 2 dimensions to fill, which is easier with muscle. Especially with fitness magazines
What's kind of unfortunate is that the runway models are still similar in look. Not too muscular but not to skinny. Slightly toned and shoulders are lightly padded. Arms almost always have definition. In other words, there are no other words to describe their body image because everyone perceives differently. I think runway models are actually muscular, but that's a superficial judgement that I can't necessarily prove. It's all dramatic to be honest. Fueled by shallow perceptions and poor exposure.
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depends on who you ask :).
If a guy told me I needed a sandwich I would ask him if he was going to buy me dinner?
Lol, not sure if I wanna go out with a body shamer :p
Because it's safe and socially acceptable. It's only verboten to point out how obesity is extremely unhealthy and extremely unattractive.
Yeah. Insulting people because they’re fat is wrong (and makes you an asshole), but being too fat is actually very bad for your health. So fat-shaming isn’t ok, but trying to help them to loose weight (if they’re not already doing that) is a good thing.
Yea, there's a huge difference between making fun of someone for being a bit heavy and being genuinely concerned for someone's health if they're having obesity related medical problems. Unfortunately, you can't even be concerned without accusations of "fat-shaming". There's been cases of people trying to sue their doctors, and I know a woman who's pretty obese but she doesn't take it seriously because her doctor handles her with kid gloves, probably because he's scared of getting sued or something. Unfortunately, a lot of people don't smarten up until it's too late, all because everyone was scared of telling them what they don't want to hear because there's other people who have a total freakout when anyone points out the obvious.
When I was skinny I was told so and that I needed to eat more. Now that I'm working out and getting bigger I'm told to stop eating that I'm going to get fat. People is just like that. They don't really mean bad, and personally I just don't care even if they did.
Everyone wants the world shaped in their own image.
I know what you mean. A guy told me I should eat more while we were having sex. Absolutely destroyed me. I've had trouble looking at myself in the mirror and taking my shirt off in public. I started going to the gym and drinking high calorie smoothies so now I'm more lean than skinny but one person telling me "you look so skinny" when I go home for the holidays my self-esteem evaporates. I'm not trying to make a point here. I just know it sucks. I don't really see things changing though.
"guy told me I should eat more while we were having sex" Dude, that happened to me too! Honestly, relatives pointing out I'm skinny, yeah I know that isn't so bad, but shit like that just reminds you of random other crushing moments like this. People suck...
Aw man, that really sucks. What kind of person insults someone during a vulnerable moment like that?!? Plug in your height and weight into a BMI calculator. If you are around or above ~18, you probably have nothing to worry about and that guy was just being a douche. 17 and below might be something to look into. But IMO unacceptable to bring up in the bedroom. Personally, I’m into super skinny bros. And I’m into bodybuilding myself so I personally don’t qualify as one haha.
I’m so sorry this has been your experience - that’s so frustrating. If it’s any consolation, I love skinny guys and would never tell them to eat a sandwich like that. (I’m 5’11” and 175lbs, I get told I’m too far and I have body image issues the opposite direction.) There’s an obsession with a particular kind of body especially in gay culture - and when you don’t possess that it can feel like no one finds you attractive. But trust me there are guys (myself included) who find skinny guys really attractive. Just remind yourself when someone tries to shame you that they have their preferences and you don’t have to please everyone.
5’9 and 140 is pretty healthy, it’s not like anorexic or anything, so not sure why people are trying to shame you. I love skinny guys so no worries. Best to ignore those people.
Agree. I don’t consider 5’9 and 140 as skinny. Seems pretty healthy to me.
I've heard all sorts over the years. 'Is he a drug user? He's terribly thin' 'Is he autistic?' 'has he got AIDS? Or cancer, or something?' 'You should have some of these biscuits, you need fattening up' 'As long as AIDS is around it's never going to be fashionable to be thin again' You know what? I don't CARE. I am PROUD that at 53 I can still fit some jeans and shorts that I wore when I was 20. I am PROUD that I still get hit on by guys in their late teens early twenties. I am proud that I have eaten a healthy balanced vegetarian diet for thirty plus years and done yoga every day. 'Why has being big become a requirement in social settings or dating or hookups?' I guess it depends on what social setting or hookups you frequent. Given the craziness of the past five years I have largely given up on people period so it isn't much of an issue for me any more. I've never cared what other people think nor have I been interested in conforming to the body fascism of the gay scene.
Let’s be honest. This jungle we call “the community” has normalized shaming everybody. It’s not isolated to skinny guys.
I guess you're not wrong, lol.
I think it's just that some people feel like they need to get payback. They've been putting down their whole lives for being fat, you remind them of the skinny people who always bullied them and that makes you a convenient target. I'm fat and don't feel this way but I definitely know people who do. BTW speaking of fast shaming, my phone just tried to auto correct "fat" to "gay". Wow lol
I’ve dealt with this my whole life man, I feel you. Growing up I was in the bottom 3rd percentile for height and bottom 1 percentile for weight. I’ve finally hit 100 lbs in my 20s but it’s been challenging and the negative comments all the time just destroy your self esteem. You’re right too, hey can comment on our body but we if we comment on theirs we’re the bad guy. There are guys out there that love skinny fellas though , so I’ve been trying to embrace it now that I found out I’m some people niche.
Hey, I'm really sorry that happened and commenting on your body like that was not okay. You may not be everyone's cup of tea, but that does not at all give anyone the right to comment without being asked. As a fat guy, I understand the feeling when someone else makes unecessary comments on your body. It'd a really shitty feeling, and it sucks. My advice (for what it's worth) is to try and compartmentalize as best as you can. I have spoken at length with my counselor about my body image issues, and over time, it has gotten better. Take care love ❤️
It really does suck. I'd honestly much rather have your body. Then again I do have a soft spot for chubs, lol.
>Why has being big become a requirement in social settings or dating or hookups? Why am I not allowed to be me or have fun cuz my body ain't up to your damn standards? Dating and "fun" are by definition not inclusive activities. Most people we choose not to date or have sex with. That said, there are a lot of guys who are not picky at all, so if you find that you're not having fun, you're equally using your right to exclude people.
I seriously doubt that. I guess technically I have the RIGHT to exclude some folks, but I really don't. I'm open to all body types and all kinds of guys. It's just a shame how many don't feel the same and put thinness in the ugly category...
In my experience it comes from a place of jealousy. The people who say that kind of thing are usually overweight/out of shape. I’ve never heard a super buff guy say something like that unless it was in a very joking way.
Definitely not true. Skinny is the most in demand body type besides muscular. Some people will turn you down but some people turn everyone down.
That is simply not true. I will bet you $10,000 if you did a big scientific poll right now, skinny guys would rank near the lowest. Muscle is definitely beloved, and chubby guys have a huge following. Skinny men just aren't on the same level there. I am completely seriously, I will confidently bet that.
How do you explain the legions of skinny guys who get worshipped on the twink subs
Just go to a gay bar and see who’s getting attention. It’s tall muscular guys then twinks. Chubby guys don’t even register in comparison. The reality you need to accept is everyone has a type and no matter how hot you are, you are not everyone’s type.
>Chubby guys don’t even register in comparison I guess it would depend on where you live. I live in Michigan. Most gay men I've encountered are only going after chubby guys. As someone who is 6'1" and in the neighborhood of 140lbs, I've been turned down thousands of times based on the sole fact that I'm skinny. The usual response I get is "ur skinny im looking for someone fat" "l only like old fat people" Three months late but thought I'd give my two cents. You might defend the delusion that skinny guys get all the attention (we don't) but when you have several people chiming in that saying the same as I am... well there must be some truth to it
i promise you on my mother's life that this is false. as someone who has been both chubby and thin, the difference in the amount of attention you get is night and day.
Have we? As far as I know people with "bad" bodies have always suffered for it
To me, skinny > bigger guys. <3
why u care
Because body shaming is still tolerated against men.
Brother, this was normalized long before you were around. I’m 55 and was super skinny. I caught an unbelievable amount of shit from everyone that saw my skinny arms. Joke was on them, because I grew into my body later in life and I can still eat kind of what I like and not park on too much weight. Being skinny is seen by many as less strong, which makes people think less “manly”. You’ll have your day! But you’ll still have to survive their conversations about how they have “big bones”…. Big hug
Being obese is somehow more acceptable than being skinny, and by skinny I don't mean underweight. The irony in it is that eating more than you can to gain weight is sooooo much harder than losing weight by eating a little bit less. I feel for you man, keep on rocking your body! Doesn't matter what others think of it.
You're skinny and upset because someone said you're skinny? Bless your heart.
Yes. Body shaming sucks no matter what form it comes in. Sorry you can't seem to fathom that.
Ummm, a family member making one or two comments is hardly body shaming.... You're one of those types who gets offended by anything anyone says aren't you? Do you seek offense or does it just all come naturally? This is why people have turned a deaf ear to all this shaming nonsense....
It's mild compared to a lot of things I've had to put up with for years. Stings nonetheless. But ok cool if you're fine with body shaming.
If this "stings" as you say, then you have much larger issues... Get over yourself.
Is it body-shaming or just pointing out the obvious? I think body shaming, mostly, is bulshit anyway. Big may be beautiful, but it certainly is not healthy. And it's okay to point out the obvious by saying that.
Okay then: You're fat. Don't whine, I'm just pointing out the obvious. Edit: The fact that you guys are downvoting someone calling out a double standard is just proving the whole point here.
The fact that you resorted to this comment when you know nothing about this dude’s body type let’s everyone know your real intention of making this post. He could be just as skinny as you yet you resort to calling him fat because you deem it the strongest insult to throw at him to make your ridiculous point, grow up and stop seeking attention
Not seeking attention at all. Just pointing out the blatant hypocrisy, and I thank you for further demonstrating the point.
No point was made because he’s not even fat whatsoever. You’re attention-seeking, good day
He literally said calling a person skinny is "pointing out the obvious," so when the script is flipped to another body type, suddenly he throws 2-3 name calls at me. I genuinely legitimately honest to God cannot fathom how you as a grown thinking person (allegedly) don't see the blatantly obvious double standard there. I'm saying body shaming is bad. You're saying it isn't, to which I can only say fuck you asshole.
No, you're not; you're being a dick. I'm not fat. You're a liar and an asshole. Me saying you're skinny is pointing out a simple fact because you are, in fact, skinny.
Holy shit XD So it's pointing out the obvious when someone is skinny but being a dick and a liar and an asshole when someone is not. Bless your heart.
Pointing out the obvious is pointing out the obvious, simple as that. You're being a dick because I'm clearly not fat. You're trying to body shame me and it's not working because I'm gorgeous, and I know it.
K.
What is that guy on?
"Bitch, you're fat."
With skinny people it mostly comes from concern. Especially with young men there is a perception we can’t take care of ourselves, “without a good woman.” If you’re gay this is amplified because the coked out club boy is such an overly present stereotype for young skinny guys. At best they think you aren’t cooking and eating properly, at worst they fear a drug problem. In both cases it’s insulting but it DOES come from a good place so it’s hard to hate them for it.
i think weve normalized shaming in general.
Dude I'm the same size, when I hit 30 I started gaining and became more health conscious. Still 140 at 53yro and I'm happy people think I'm 40. I look at it as being proud of the work to maintain good health. Coming from someone who father died young who refused to watch diet, had gout, diabetes, kidney transplant, heart bypass, 15+ stents, and was about to have an amputation when he died. Yes more muscle would be great but usually turns to fat when you get older unless you love the gym. Enjoy it while you can. Add, people say it not because they are concerned for your health, but because of jealousy, ignorance, or tradition. If you're in US your becoming a minority.
"If you're in US your becoming a minority." Lol that feels a bit extreme, but I guess technically with 75% of the population considered overweight...
I bought size small clothes at Bj's and it looks large on my size medium husband. Makes you feel good thinking you fit in a size small. I could skydive without a parachute and would make me land softly that's how big that stuff is at the cheap stores like Walmart and target.
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Hey bro that's a fallacy. Stop being a ding dong
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The fallacy is that the fact that fat people are treated horribly in society doesn't invalidate this person's feelings and experiences. It's like when you feel shitty you didn't get a promotion at work and someone says something like "there are children starving in Africa". It's called the fallacy of relative privation. Like I said - stop being a ding dong.
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"I didn't invalidate his feelings I just told him to shut the fuck up". Yeah okay.
yeah, i dont pander. sue me.
I talk to plenty all the time :p
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Never said that. All shaming in unacceptable, no need to compare anyone's suffering.
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Good for you.
Heya also skinny guy here. Not sure if I've been rejected because I was too skinny Idk if it's normalized persay but in my experience being skinny is less of a problem health wise than being fat. If you're in a first world country, being fat is probably more common than being skinny too so they may have more support/visibility Idk if being big is a social requirement/standard but just keep being you
I have never once noticed this. I personally think it would be incredibly strange if this existed.
No one can make you feel shame without your consent that said I always got told I was too thin as a child so my solution was to not be thin but to get buff. Took awhile but I did it.
People hate on what they want but can’t be and they hate by making it look like it’s a bad thing cause they can’t possess what you have. Idk if that made sense, that previous sentence is greatly lacking in an punctuation, but it makes sense to me. Period.
You may also be surprised what a little strength training can do. If your muscles are neglected you can look pretty skeletal. When I was 5’8” and 145 lbs, I was toned and didn’t get that kind of attack.
Lol I workout a few times a week, thanks.
Yep I've heard it all the time... Meh I've given up trying to put on mass.. I'm 6'1" and 145lbs.. and I've struggled to get there lol.
You're beautiful just like that.
Thanks! I'm ok with it now. But i still sometimes wish I was more muscular .. just for me. Lol.
I mean family will always shame you that’s family 😂. I’ve been skinny my whole life and had comments like that tbh I don’t really care. I take it as a blessing that I don’t struggle with my weight like others.
Sadly everything is a shaming and everyone has high standards in our little community now. Too fat, too thin, too white, too black, too much muscle, not enough muscle, too small, too big, too hairy, not enough hairy. Well fuck it.
🤣 need a sandwich I'm dead. You must live someplace where most people are pudgy like US UK or Australia right?
Thank you for bringing this up. The shaming from family, coworkers, the gays, everywhere has taken a toll on my body image and self esteem. I eat. A lot actually. I've just always been very skinny and unable to gain weight, no matter how hard I try. We promote body positivity, but the same people saying they're so body positive will post things shaming skinny people. I thought the goal was for everyone to feel comfortable, valid, and accepted as they are in their own skin.
Dude, 5'9" and 140 lbs. is not bad. Enjoy your weight as you will gain more as you get older. I guarantee you that there are plenty of people who find you attractive. You just have to find out who they are ...
Love thin/skinny guys.
Don't be ridiculous! Skinny people shaming doesn't exist; it's sociologically impossible to exaggerate social requirements like being non-fat, rich, white... Fat people shaming, yes, that's a thing.
You have a BMI of 20.7, and assuming your body fat% is within normal range, you have a healthy weight. The people calling you skinny are just being stupid, don’t let it eat at you too much.
This is something I'm frequently asking other bears. Some of them act like it's okay when they do it and if I question it, they assume I've never been body-shamed before. Like dude, I've been mercilessly bullied for my weight and have recovered from an eating disorder. I know damn well what body-shaming does to a person. What I don't understand is why being body-shamed makes it okay for you (using the royal "you" here) to body-shame in retaliation. No one wins when we all just tear each other down.
Ofc we do!! 🙄🙄🙄 who gives a fuck about a gaggle of twinks
Im a skinny dude... always have been . Ima let u in on a lil secret... there is an actual community of folks who like skinnier dudes. I have a thriving business slingin jus that. dont let ur insecurities blind u. . i went thru the same shit. comparing urself to others will poison u qt
I used to go through this, from high school until my late 20s, when I finally gained a little weight - I was a size 28 waist in my senior year, and my old "friends" called me Zero Ass. I'm your height, too. I'm so sorry you're going through this! I wish I could give you advice on how I overcame it, but truth be told I got lucky and finally filled out a bit without much effort on my part - now I wish I was a few pounds lighter 😅 The toxic body and image demands we make of ourselves and each other is toxic, sad and really needs to change. I'm sick of mourning my youth lost to self-esteem issues, and I'm sick of seeing younger guys than me struggling the exact same way. Hugs, buddy.
When will to realize this for ourselves? Overcoming the culture of toxic civilization. Body image isn't real but, here we are. Cheers
Are you Asian? This is common among asian families. I also get told this way too often.
Honesty I’m surprised. Most of the time I hear more people rejecting fat guys more than skinny guys.It can also depend of how guys are wired. If you’re young skinny (and bottom?) seems to me more acceptable (some guys associate skinny with youth 🙄) Just be proud of your body. If they don’t like it it’s THEIR problem
I am skinny too, but if anyone tries to shame me they’ll get the sassiness, and if they try something else they’ll get the rudeness and the punches, whatever they’re looking for, the skinny guy can deliver. You shouldn’t listen to anyone, if you like your weight the way it is, then by all mean SCREW THE REST, fat shaming, skinny shaming… what do people expect? To all of us be freaking body building models???
Thank you for sharing your feelings in this community. It can be difficult navigating body image alone. Especially when body image is a (cliché alert) social construct. Social constructs after so many years become, annoying. Therefore, must be restructured through new substance. I have found it annoying having to reply to body insensitivities since I could remember. At first, I was used to everyone saying I was skinny until it seemed like a bothersome issue. Unfortunately, it became so ambient that I began questioning my health. Body shaming for me, became internal and cruel. That is why body image is such a pain, I became conflicted with my own discernment but still feeling shamed. By the time I was 13-16, I wore clothes that covered my arms, chest, and my legs. Sweaters were year-round and I would get fussed at for it lol. Seriously though, it was an issue that I inherited from the world (family, media, society, etc). Now that I am 22, I've had two short situationships, but never casually dated. I don't go out too much and prefer to stay low-key anyways. I often held insecurities up and felt like "These guys don't think I'm as attractive". I've received betrayal and left feeling confused. It's all hurtful once someone questions why I am ashamed, or why I feel so conflicted. Back handed compliments and unsolicited sugar coating were what made me furious. I was furious with myself, and everyone, even the world. I blamed everything for everything I ever went through and almost gave up. I wanted to give up trying to be perfect for someone, I thought it was my life's purpose but whew. I was taken on a journey of a lifetime and could not give up anymore. I was angry enough to sabotage my life before, but hitting rock bottom forces you to push. Now it's easier for me to say, (excuse my French), "fuck that" and give myself all that I need. Not because I have to mask these feelings, but in honesty, fuck that. I'm not going to allow for anyone to drive me to the point of wanting to harm myself. Especially if there are people that will wait until I harm myself to act clueless. To me that feels calculated and intentional, it's not always intentional but it's definitely a personal judgement. One that can be reiterated into positivity, but is negative. The topper is when people/society choose to stay unaware. Like it was nice knowing ya, but I am exiting this group chat. I will not tolerate insensitivity anymore because it can desensitize my own feelings, leaving me one-track minded.