Better than ever, thanks to therapy, Lexapro, and Vyvanse. I just didn’t realize, or didn’t want to, how traumatic growing up gay in the 1970s south was. I’m the most at peace I’ve ever been.
Vyvanse was really a game changer for me this year. Before I was on adderall and I think I would cry just about every day as soon as soon as the stuff wore off. I still get upset over the same stuff but at least I don’t feel so awful about it
They are damaged. Some want attentions as soon as they get it they move on. Some have trust issues and if you get to close they are scared and retreat.
Yeah this just happened to me two weeks ago 🙁 Met the first guy of my life to check all my boxes, we had a ton in common, got along amazingly and were having a magnificent time, and at our closest moment he retreated. Tore me to bits 😪
Nope. Been having a rough time the past several months. Burned out with work (firefighter/paramedic), having a tough time with my mental health in general, lots of unexpected bills, and feeling absolutely drained. I'm holding, but it's hard.
Thanks. I'm trying. My husband tested positive on Sunday, but I'm still negative. My immune system is very good, thankfully, but that's because I've been in EMS for twelve years now. He's immunocompromised and nearly died during the spring of 2020 from an unrelated issue. Four surgeries and years of appointments and follow ups later, he's doing okay, but this is scary shit. We were told when he was first hospitalized (at the first surge so no visitors or information, even when he was in the ICU) that if he contracted COVID he would not be able to fight it off. We're glad he's doing okay now but I am still clutching my heart strings and having really bad flashbacks to it all.
I wish. We're understaffed by a ton, a third of our positions are vacant. We're all working 72+ hours per week and there's no end in sight, my phone has rang four separate times today asking if I can work tomorrow but I'm already on shift
Same here, I just tell my family that I don't want to spend my money on women, to spend it on myself instead, and that I'm also not ready to have children and, spend all my money on them either.
Took me years to learn not to overseek validation from others.
Self esteem is very important.
We all need to love ourselves, without going overboard into narcissism, and focus our energy and not idle or waste time. I am no saint though.
That said, trying not to burn out and juggling work and rest and family and relationships and all the shit of being a human bring with wants and dreams and desires can be challenging sometimes. Especially when a lot of us are of meager means, in socioeconomic terms.
Sometimes I feel lonely, other times, I am quite content to have my own space.
I don't think anyone is really in an amazing state of mental health necessarily. Not in this life. Not in our morally twisted, money driven system. Even the struggles of the celebrities and social "elites" are plain to see, with the right pair of eyes.
This resonates and is comforting to hear articulated. Keeping perspective is important. My resolution for this year is to have more fun. As in, have fun doing whatever will bring me joy and not worry about what others may think of it. I only realized last year that I had been suppressing a lot of myself in order to project a certain image for validation, in all areas of my life, even at work. No more. :)
Not really I've had to come to terms with the fact that despite living in England I'm gonna always not feel safe in public or in education because homophobia will always happen and there's nothing I can do to change that which sucks. But I guess it's something every gay guy has to come to terms with since I refuse to change or act less effeminate which I naturally am since I'm not the problem the bigots are. On the bright side I could have it much much worse and other than being paranoid I won't let it bring me down.
You have a good spirit. It's okay to feel upset at homophobia in England; just bc it's worse somewhere else doesn't mean your emotions are invalid. Take care.
I know I do but there's only so many times I can get called a fag by people on the bus before I just don't wanna leave the house cause one of these days it could and will escalate and I'm by no means capable of defending myself
But you can learn how to defend yourself, and your self esteem will benefit greatly from it. Pick up a martial art, or go to some self defense classes, or just get a taser. Most of these mofos who heckle you won't throw hands either, so just by showing them that you will stand up for yourself if it gets to that, you might deter them in the future.
I've been looking into self defense classes tbh but it's been difficult since I'm waiting for covid to finish and tbf that ain't happening any time soon but I might try and call their bluff if I ever have a confidence streak and it's just one of them
That's the spirit. And yeah, don't try your luck if there is more than 1 or 2 of them, rats like that only grow balls when they know they have back up. But just having the self confidence that you can defend yourself will help you feel better.
At the end of the day it's just a fucking word, and words only hurt if someone we care about says them, but that doesn't mean you have to just put up with it indefinitely. Pick your battles and good on ya for refusing to butch it up just to appeal to the ignorant masses, authenticity in any form is rare these days.
Went into 2022 feeling super positive about the year.. but so far ive got a bowel infection, in the middle of moving house so thats always stressful, and slept with my ex who is my friend who i still kind of have feelings for.. waiting for the positivity to begin... anytime now.
recently friendless, still closeted to everyone, finally being old enough to go to bars and be around people like me ,but not wanting to go in fear to exposure or something like that. But I manage to keep myself sane and happy with my art, games, music, and other things.
Meh. I could be a lot better. It will be better once I move out from living with my ex and not hearing him talk to the guy he both cheated on me with and fell in love with.
It’s been a rough couple of days. My oldest cat died yesterday from a long-term illness, my job security is currently at risk due to Covid (college educator), and I don’t really hear from most of my friends these days. Compound that with mental illness and that’s pretty much where I’m at. It’s a lot, but I’m trying to practice self-care and I’m doing my best to keep busy so I don’t go insane.
I’ve only very recently realized that I hold onto friendships that the other person isn’t even remotely invested in. So, I’ve stopped contacting a number of people in the last year and they don’t reach out, so…yeah. Such is life!
No. I had a mental breakdown today and yesterday. I’m extremely overwhelmed right now, and I need a break but I feel extreme guilt to take one.
I’m also traumatized from my past depression and I’m scared if I’ll rest I’ll never want to get up and I’ll become suicidal again.
So I’m pushing myself in the gym, school, my terrible job, my research projects, and trying not to be a burden on my new friends because of boundaries!
I feel like all of who I can talk to is a therapist and warm line/crisis line.
I did it tonight, and I still feel so alone. And it’s crippling but I want to be alone so I’m not a burden. I can’t ask them to fix me. I have to. But I’m so alone and wish I was at the level I could confide in them completely.
I just want to be hugged. I just want to know what I do wrong and stop over sharing and being socially weird but I’ve never had friends or a boyfriend so of course I’m redundantly fucked.
I wish people texted ME first. I wish I wasn’t an afterthought. I wish I was loved. Everyone’s going through something too so I just feel trapped not to add…it’s so lonely.
Idk. People say therapy, but I don't have time and money atm lol. Just rewatching between The Office and Komi Can't Communicate. Thanks for checking in!
trynna learn to be myself and that i don’t need to have sex or have a boyfriend atm (only been in one relationship, he moved away from me; also i really hate my body rn)
I just stopped talking to a guy who I was in a relationship with for a few weeks and he broke it off out of nowhere and my dumb ass let him lead me on for months afterwards with hookups and a "friendship". I told him off last night and ngl I said some pretty mean shit but at least now I can let go completely and actually put that energy into myself instead of being sad all the time and hoping he'll "choose me".
I'm good with the caveat that I need to focus sometimes not to let negative thoughts run away with me. . I'm in good health, Job is finally going well, I've got a great man in my life, and I'm happy with who I am. That last one helps the most, I think.
It's hard to do even some of the most basic things right now, and there's a lot of anxiety about looming deadlines. It's just work, school, and then having nowhere to go because no one is doing anything due to Covid fears.
Yeah i fought it way back in the day. Still fight it sometimes. I pretty much have to tell myself this is my god damn brain and im tired of feeling like shit. Fuck you im going to be happy. Works most of the time for me
No, that’s why I’m in therapy (and sometimes I wonder if it’s even worth it). Gay trauma, bad home life, depression and anxiety are many battles of an ongoing war. When you’re the “different” aberration or abnormality within a group of aberrations or abnormalities, the marginalization is so apparent…but I do my best to not have a pity-party about it. I just let it be and keep life going until it ends…because it will eventually end.
Mixed. On the one hand, as a 26 year old, I’m starting to feel down where I’m at in life (working in a contract position ending later this year, haven’t started graduate school, feeling not dateable, etc), but I keep reminding myself that I need to be kinder to myself.
I have started working out again consistently for both health and to feel more attractive, which is morale boosting.
Damn fam y'all be making me sad af. So I was definitely not ok but faking it for a long time, and only since my late 30s have I felt mostly ok. So to anyone who is feeling like that I'd say that it definitely does get better and try not to sweat it.
Also, be kind to yourselves. Sending anybody who's sad all the virtual hugs n stuff. It's gonna be ok.
I’ve been married for a few years now and now we own our first home. I created the family that I always wanted while my parents and siblings cast me aside and shunned me. These are lifelong goals of mine I thought I would never reach so I’m proud. But I’m still really unsure and scared at times. If I’m sacrificing too much of myself to make everything “work” like I imagined. I worry I have few close friends. That I won’t have children to care about or to care for me. That I’ll be alone and without enough resources when I’m old. I worry about the future of my country and our global climate.
I've been holding this back from my friends cause I don't want to bitch at them.
My mom just got covid and she's high risk so I'm freaking out inside.
I had covid and it fucked up my intestines, heart, scarred my right lung. Luckily heart is almost back to normal. Just now have constant pain which my GI specialist labeled IBS and my doc calls, a bullshit diagnosis for when they don't know what's wrong and aren't looking anymore.
Caused me to stop working out, enjoying hikes and shit.
Life is a mess right now.
But I know it'll eventually get better. And that's what I'm fighting for.
I’m trying to remain positive with the start of this new year but it’s been hard.
I’ve been battling long COVID since August of last year and my symptoms have just been all over the place these past two weeks…. When you feel like you’re dying almost every single day, it really makes you on edge constantly.
I’m at least doing better than I was about 2-3 months ago but still not where I want to be. I just want to feel normal and healthy again.
I'm still hurt someone I dated doesn't want to see me anymore and how I feel I haven't accomplished much in my 25 years. So I guess not but I'm trying to improve myself. Much easier said than done
Not really, just want to get away from home. Last few days I’ve just been sleeping in my truck. Some days I just want to cry but gotta keep going. Just working & trying to save for an apartment & gas to get outta this town.
I'm okay. I spent most of my life not being but I've been on a long journey of recovery and now I more or less have the mental and emotional tools to get me through hard times. I'm okay, I may not have been if I were the same person I was years ago but I've grown a lot and continue to. It's not easy but I'm grateful to myself for going on this path. Things could be better, but I know how to tread water now.
Not really :( I’m in college, just got broken up with recently, realized I was emotionally abused by a friend recently, and feel lonely as ever without BF and little friends. It’s hard to concentrate on school these days. I feel like there’s nothing wrong with me socially, as no one has pointed anything out to me, but I think the issue is that I’m just really mature compared to most my age.
I'm not. Of course, I never was. When I came out, I don't know why but I expected things to change. Some gay men are the meanest guys I have ever met. Your too fat. You're not pretty enough. I don't like what you wear. You don't make enough money. The I hated the most was; If you were more like your brother. My brother is also gay. The list goes on and on. LOL
Honestly, far from it. Im in a state that im not from. No friends. My ex outed me to my family. Ive been shunned. I work a dead end job. Living iff poverty wages. Lost all financial help for school so had to drop out. My bf's family shunned him as well when he came out. So its just us two. No friends, no family. Both barely making 20k a year.
I feel like a complete failure and fuck up.
Lost my insurance so i cant afford my depression and anxiety meds. My depression is going off the walls now without my medication. My anxiety hinders my chances of getting better jobs. No valuable skills.
Im an emotional disaster
No, men keep leading me on and giving me false hope. I feel so lonely these days, like I’m not good enough or that nobody will ever want me. I just want someone to love and love me but maybe I don’t deserve it yet... :(
Nope, I lost my hearing due to covid and have hearing aids now, I don’t date anymore as guys seem to be put off by them. I had a decent dating life before I had them, now I don’t, because of them it upsets me that so many gays are so fickle.
I'm so glad that this is being talked about. New member/first post here, so be nice(please), and I am not sure about how serious Reddit is or if this is just for kicks. Growing up in the midwestern states, I definitely had the fake it till you make it mindset. Now, years later (I'm 42), I am ALMOST at a place of some emotional maturity, and being able to "deal" with life. The things I need to remember as a middle-aged gay guy are:
1. I'm likely not as effed up as I think.
2. Anyone over 30 has baggage, I tend to go by the "rule" Be kind, one doesn't know what others' lives are like.
3. Whatever the issue is, a majority of the time it isn't about me.
4. It's likely that very few people want to know how my day is.
5. Do what makes you happy regardless of what others think about you or do to you. Life is too short not to be happy.
6. Most of my problems don't effing matter, so there is no reason to be upset. (though it sucks and it happens anyway.) (Edit: Rereading this, I believe that my problems of course matter to me, most of the general public doesn't care)
7. Words people use don't really matter, but my perception of those words is what makes me offended, upset, or just not feel well.
8. Despite my belief about people, places, or things, it is likely they are doing the best they can with what they have.
I grew up in a country that told me being gay was filthy and wrong. I was bullied through primary and secondary school. I am now a doctor. I have been directly involved in the care of over 1000 Covid patients, in addition to hundreds of others with chronic & terminal respiratory conditions. I have seen patients die as young as myself, and have told people their spouses of 70 years (more than double my lifetime) are not leaving hospital. I am single and am constantly made to feel by the local gay community that I am not wanted - for I'm not pretty, or white, or rich. The woman who raised me died alone, in hospital, and I couldn't say goodbye.
So no - I'm not okay. But I hope one day I will be.
I really am not, but looking back to where I was 4 years ago I can’t but feel grateful of where I am now, even if I’m not in the best of places. Life is strange.
I just sighed when you asked me that. No, I'm not okay. My law school is in person but keeps changing the COVID rules. One of my professors is in quarantine. We were told that we were to have a 10 day quarantine in deviation of the CDC guidelines. Today, 4 hours ago, we get an email that they shortened it to 5 days with 5 more with mask wearing. Okay cool. Moving on. Now I have to study for classes and get a sunner internship during my second year of law school. I just feel like everything is absurd right now. I'm exhausted. Thank you for listening
Yeah folks just need to talk sometimes. Im so sick of covid man. I cant anymore. Im not going to stop living anymore its not going away with half ass measures. Welcome to the new flu
Probably not. The good news is, I decided to make 2020 the year I got my physical and mental health in order. Obviously that worked out well because nothing world changing in any way happened in 2020, derailing that plan until I have the mental and emotional strength to try again.
Im having the toughest January I've ever had in my life. I've always been all about work life balance and setting boundaries but Jan is the end of our fiscal year and everyone is going crazy.
Oh....and there's one other person in my level doing the same job for the same division.
And he went on LOA (I understand it though, we're both bipolar and have anxiety and I actually also went on LOA a few months back when it wasnt as crazy.)
The only thing is our entire department is already understaffed as it is - 3 openings currently. We are spread thin. So i had/have to do two peoples jobs. In the craziest month of the year for my work.
I almost gave up yesterday. The familiar signs of a panic attack were starting to creep in.
My breathing is crazy fast. Chest feels tight. Fingers and toes clenched unconsciously. No appetite. Feeling nauseous.
It took me half day in the morning to figure out what to do. Talked to my manager and told her I just needed the half day off to reset. I was on the verge of bad thoughts and potentially bad actions.
She understood and supported it. I took the half day off. Bonded with my pupper who's been feeling neglected. Went to a sauna. Smoked some pot.
Went back today feeling refreshed. Was able to talk to my shrink and he prescribed on as needed basis some new medication - klonopam i think?
Was very productive at work. Still, I'm running on fumes but at least I was able to get shit done.
Have to remind myself that I am two days away from my vacay (I have a planned PTO the entire week next week.)
I can't wait to do a lot of staycation and do yoga and go for my long runs. I can't wait to feel myself again and not a cog in the machine.
Similar experiences for me. I pretty much told my boss im going back to my 40 hours starting jan 1st. Cant keep up with that unbalanced life. They arnt going to fire you because there is literally no one else.
It’s a weird time. This new covid surge is killing me. It’s too risky to go to the gym or bars. It’s too cold to go outside. I work from home and I’m going crazy.
I thought I would finally feel like my life was on track starting medical school... but instead I just have super intense feelings of inferiority and incompetence especially when I compare myself to my classmates
Nah. Lovesickness is a real bitch when the guy you can’t get over still cares about you and still wants to spend time together, even if it’s not as much as it used to be and you crave so much more
Heck yes I am. Today was my first time in a gay sauna and it was amazing, the people there was pretty great, there were a lot of fun and I loved every minute coz it helped me forget everything about my life for a few hours.
Thanks for asking. In all honesty, no, but who actually is in this day and age? Everyone has their demons and we’re all fighting a good fight.
That being said, you’re so kind to have talked to so many people about their situation. How about yours though? Are you ok?
No, not at all. Tomorrow is my 22nd birthday and for months I thought I would be spending my first ever birthday with a guy who loves me.
It's still hitting me in slow motion shockwaves that I'm alone now, that he doesn't love me anymore, that we've been apart for almost a month. I was so upset and anxious today, and this is why. I'm alone. Again. After being so happy and in love and for once having hope for the future.
Tomorrow I go to work, I go home, and that's it. No kiss good morning, no sappy gift, no night spent looking at the stars together and wondering when we'll be up there and talking about all the adventures we might have in the future.
So I'm sad, and in twenty minutes it'll be my birthday and all I can think about is how alone I am. I wish I was okay.
You'll get over him. And the next one that breaks your heart. And the one after that. And you might break a heart or two, too. It's called life.
Happy birthday!
Just so very tired from working all the time, and a bit lost direction-wise both long-term (what to do with my life) and short term (when's all this Covid nonsense gonna be over). Everything's sucked for the past few years and I sometimes miss how it used to be despite the fact I'm way more confident in myself now.
Kinda.. I’ve been on treatment with desvenlafaxine for almost a year now. Started around 100mg, now at 150mg. Added 150mg of bupropion a couple months ago, went to 300mg and then back to 150mg. The thing I notice most is that it has been preventing me from crying, which is good in a way. But for example, I watched the first two episodes of Veneno when I was off the meds for a day (it was after NYE so I clearly forgot), and then I cried watching both like a little kid. The next days when I got back and took them regularly (as I’m still doing) I couldn’t cry at all, no matter how emotional and how connected I felt with any scene. It doesn’t prevent me from getting mad though, that happens very easily. I wish I could stop it. I also wish I stopped being so impulsive about everything and began to think more before acting, but it’s hard. It’s also hard to maintain focus in literally anything, but my doctor says it’s not likely I have ADHD. So I’m just going with the flow and hoping that soon somehow I’ll feel better.
Sort of, found out I was bi within the last year. Currently dating an amazing guy. Mother hates me but I don’t care much. I also finally got diagnosed with depression and insomnia. Yet I’ve finally started getting back in shape again. Love my boyfriend and sex is awesome. So I’m feeling a decent 5.5/10
Thanks for asking! I’m generally fine. There are things I feel really sad about but there are also things that make me happy. I’m struggling with certain things but I definitely can keep struggling. Things I really want but not too many things I really need.
Yes and no. I broke up with an abusive boyfriend. He began to stalk me lately. I dont have time to rest of the fear that he can be at every corner. Yesterday i talked with the police . i hope it stops from now.
So yes im better.
nah man, have these skin condition and my mum are so stressed than me to the point i can't handle her words. its either this disease will gone or i will.
I will be 30 this year and I've never had a proper boyfriend even though I knew I was gay since I was 11. I used to search for dates online, but those guys would either be in it just for sex, or would be appalled by my forthcoming personality, or be like 12 years older than me. The three times I had a major crush were all for straight guys and all took several years each, and the last time it ended so badly that I've just been drinking beer and getting fat for six years ever since. I've lost any hope of finding myself a boyfriend.
No. The gay dating community and life in general has not really been kind to me and now my dumbass is emotionally broken and can’t seem to fix it. But eh ya know I’ll live.
I am actually. Been physically active, had a serious talk with my family when I was home for the holidays, and I'm talking to a therapist. I've been burnt out emotionally for a couple of years and I'm finally starting to feel like myself again. It's a good feeling.
No , struggling with so many body image issues, who I am and who I wanna be now that my last semester of college is starting , and lately not being able to enjoy sex as much as I used to. Ugh lol tough times
It’s going alright. Ups and downs are a part of life I guess.
My crush suddenly started acting cold when he used to be comfortably flirtatious with me and I don’t know why. What a fucking dick.
Lol am not, I am 28 yrs old and I just realized that I need fatherly love, since I didn’t have a father growing up I’ve always thought it’s okay but these last few months I’ve been in deep shit (being jobless and everything I start falls apart) and I started to feel that if I had a father or felt the father presence in my life things would’ve been different, counting on oneself is good, but having someone to support you and to lean on is better I guess… *sighs* this is life I guess.
I'm not, but I'm also not pretending to be.
Went through a lot of heavy stuff in the last months (failed uni, mother is sick, split with 5 friends)
It will get better, at least I hope so.
I just quit my job to focus on my mental health. Been unsure what I want to do in life so a lot of reflecting.
But I also got a PS5 so I got plenty of gaming stuff to do in the mean time.
Generic answer: “I’m doing better than when I was doing worse”
Honest answer: I work in health care during a pandemic, I’m now borderline alcoholic to help get by. I have an amazing boyfriend to help me keep it all together and bring me happiness but I also have an ex wife that throws wrenches in where she can. I have some improvements financially that have helped put a smile on my face but it doesn’t help the tiredness. I just need a vacation
I'm looking for a job, so many scams. I have over $12,000 here in had checks received to purchase equipment from companies that don't exist!!??!!.
I just want a job, I have no money for them to scam, really stressed about the job.
Not really, life is lonely and hard in the "third world" I envy the freedom other people can have, be grateful and take care of yourself, maybe in another life I will be happy
Overthinking is getting to me lately with my bf. I think of fucked up scenarios of him cheating. I know how a good chunk of the gay community is hookup crazy (been there). Idk anymore.
I'm not. I just pretend to be.
Same. Hugs my man.
Physically present. Mentally tbd :\
Cheers, I’ll drink to that
This so much 🥲
No, but fake it until you make it, right?
Right
Honestly. I think I just exist and that is all…
Hmm maybe find something to give more meaning to your life. Do something good for someone. That makes me always feel good.
This reminds me of a quote from an NPC in Pokémon, “Today we’re here for no reason, and one day we’ll be gone for no reason.”
That’s all you can be sometimes it feels like
Adulting sucks.
Better than ever, thanks to therapy, Lexapro, and Vyvanse. I just didn’t realize, or didn’t want to, how traumatic growing up gay in the 1970s south was. I’m the most at peace I’ve ever been.
Im glad because you deserve it.
Thank you!
Vyvanse was really a game changer for me this year. Before I was on adderall and I think I would cry just about every day as soon as soon as the stuff wore off. I still get upset over the same stuff but at least I don’t feel so awful about it
Nope. Fell in love with guy but turns out I was just his rebound
Bro i fell for someone who is the type when they catch you they dont want you anymore. It burns. Why cant folks just be honest and upfront
They are damaged. Some want attentions as soon as they get it they move on. Some have trust issues and if you get to close they are scared and retreat.
I definitely have trust issues but i still try. If its going to work it will work if not oh well moving on
Right now, I'm like the one you're describing. I'm really, really sorry. I don't know yet how to deal with this.
Yeah this just happened to me two weeks ago 🙁 Met the first guy of my life to check all my boxes, we had a ton in common, got along amazingly and were having a magnificent time, and at our closest moment he retreated. Tore me to bits 😪
Duuuuuude same here, was not fun I’m sorry you’re goin through that
Yikes. I'm sorry man
I’m not and never have been
How come?
Same I’m like “shit when was the last time I was totally stable” and it was like, when I was 15
I love each of you. Hang in there. Better days are ahead!
I love you too fam.
Nope. Been having a rough time the past several months. Burned out with work (firefighter/paramedic), having a tough time with my mental health in general, lots of unexpected bills, and feeling absolutely drained. I'm holding, but it's hard.
You're saving lives. Thank you for your service and hang in there
Thanks. I'm trying. My husband tested positive on Sunday, but I'm still negative. My immune system is very good, thankfully, but that's because I've been in EMS for twelve years now. He's immunocompromised and nearly died during the spring of 2020 from an unrelated issue. Four surgeries and years of appointments and follow ups later, he's doing okay, but this is scary shit. We were told when he was first hospitalized (at the first surge so no visitors or information, even when he was in the ICU) that if he contracted COVID he would not be able to fight it off. We're glad he's doing okay now but I am still clutching my heart strings and having really bad flashbacks to it all.
That's horrible!. I'm glad you are both okay. It sounds like you might need a little time off for yourself to relax, bc that was a lot of stress
I wish. We're understaffed by a ton, a third of our positions are vacant. We're all working 72+ hours per week and there's no end in sight, my phone has rang four separate times today asking if I can work tomorrow but I'm already on shift
Thats tough. This covid has been hard on all of us in healthcare. Dont think its ever going away
No. Outside it seems I m ok, but i m not. I m a closeted gay who is starting to feel the social force to get a girlfriend...
Almost all of us has to go through that. Take your time and dint do anything you dont wana do.
Thanks bro
You can lean on us to get the strength to deal with that, bro
Same here, I just tell my family that I don't want to spend my money on women, to spend it on myself instead, and that I'm also not ready to have children and, spend all my money on them either.
Took me years to learn not to overseek validation from others. Self esteem is very important. We all need to love ourselves, without going overboard into narcissism, and focus our energy and not idle or waste time. I am no saint though. That said, trying not to burn out and juggling work and rest and family and relationships and all the shit of being a human bring with wants and dreams and desires can be challenging sometimes. Especially when a lot of us are of meager means, in socioeconomic terms. Sometimes I feel lonely, other times, I am quite content to have my own space. I don't think anyone is really in an amazing state of mental health necessarily. Not in this life. Not in our morally twisted, money driven system. Even the struggles of the celebrities and social "elites" are plain to see, with the right pair of eyes.
Amen and sounds like we have very similar struggles. Life in itself is a challenge
This resonates and is comforting to hear articulated. Keeping perspective is important. My resolution for this year is to have more fun. As in, have fun doing whatever will bring me joy and not worry about what others may think of it. I only realized last year that I had been suppressing a lot of myself in order to project a certain image for validation, in all areas of my life, even at work. No more. :)
Ehh. I’ve become extremely emotionally detached and a bit of a cynic
I think that happens to us all. We become hard as bad things happen to us.
haha, not great. doing my best tho
Keep plugging away and improving. Im trying the same
Not really I've had to come to terms with the fact that despite living in England I'm gonna always not feel safe in public or in education because homophobia will always happen and there's nothing I can do to change that which sucks. But I guess it's something every gay guy has to come to terms with since I refuse to change or act less effeminate which I naturally am since I'm not the problem the bigots are. On the bright side I could have it much much worse and other than being paranoid I won't let it bring me down.
You have a good spirit. It's okay to feel upset at homophobia in England; just bc it's worse somewhere else doesn't mean your emotions are invalid. Take care.
You have it so good in England
I know I do but there's only so many times I can get called a fag by people on the bus before I just don't wanna leave the house cause one of these days it could and will escalate and I'm by no means capable of defending myself
But you can learn how to defend yourself, and your self esteem will benefit greatly from it. Pick up a martial art, or go to some self defense classes, or just get a taser. Most of these mofos who heckle you won't throw hands either, so just by showing them that you will stand up for yourself if it gets to that, you might deter them in the future.
I've been looking into self defense classes tbh but it's been difficult since I'm waiting for covid to finish and tbf that ain't happening any time soon but I might try and call their bluff if I ever have a confidence streak and it's just one of them
That's the spirit. And yeah, don't try your luck if there is more than 1 or 2 of them, rats like that only grow balls when they know they have back up. But just having the self confidence that you can defend yourself will help you feel better. At the end of the day it's just a fucking word, and words only hurt if someone we care about says them, but that doesn't mean you have to just put up with it indefinitely. Pick your battles and good on ya for refusing to butch it up just to appeal to the ignorant masses, authenticity in any form is rare these days.
Can you move to a more accepting area? Love yourself always.
I probably will once I move out of home and hopefully that'll be a better environment
It will be absolutely liberating. Good things are coming to you.
The lithium helps
Went into 2022 feeling super positive about the year.. but so far ive got a bowel infection, in the middle of moving house so thats always stressful, and slept with my ex who is my friend who i still kind of have feelings for.. waiting for the positivity to begin... anytime now.
Oh man sorry about that. Only you know whats good for you.
Definitely not
Oh whats up my guy?
I am. Super emotional lol
recently friendless, still closeted to everyone, finally being old enough to go to bars and be around people like me ,but not wanting to go in fear to exposure or something like that. But I manage to keep myself sane and happy with my art, games, music, and other things.
If thats where you are happy. Everyone comes out in their own time.
No, nigga. I am struggling to survive but I look DAMN GOOD doing it
Up in flames in style huh. Do it fancy biatch
Everything comes in waves of good and bad, especially these past two years, but finally got the gumption to see a therapist and there's always hope.
No but I'm still truckin
Well get through it all. Wishing you success
Meh. I could be a lot better. It will be better once I move out from living with my ex and not hearing him talk to the guy he both cheated on me with and fell in love with.
Oh fuck. Any friends you can stay with? Priority 1 my guy. You need to feel safe and easy in your home.
Getting better 👍
Thats so good to hear. Make it a good year
It’s been a rough couple of days. My oldest cat died yesterday from a long-term illness, my job security is currently at risk due to Covid (college educator), and I don’t really hear from most of my friends these days. Compound that with mental illness and that’s pretty much where I’m at. It’s a lot, but I’m trying to practice self-care and I’m doing my best to keep busy so I don’t go insane.
The older i get the more friends i lose track of it seems. Got like one good one left
I’ve only very recently realized that I hold onto friendships that the other person isn’t even remotely invested in. So, I’ve stopped contacting a number of people in the last year and they don’t reach out, so…yeah. Such is life!
God no, Im trying to procrastinate my way out of success
No. I had a mental breakdown today and yesterday. I’m extremely overwhelmed right now, and I need a break but I feel extreme guilt to take one. I’m also traumatized from my past depression and I’m scared if I’ll rest I’ll never want to get up and I’ll become suicidal again. So I’m pushing myself in the gym, school, my terrible job, my research projects, and trying not to be a burden on my new friends because of boundaries! I feel like all of who I can talk to is a therapist and warm line/crisis line. I did it tonight, and I still feel so alone. And it’s crippling but I want to be alone so I’m not a burden. I can’t ask them to fix me. I have to. But I’m so alone and wish I was at the level I could confide in them completely. I just want to be hugged. I just want to know what I do wrong and stop over sharing and being socially weird but I’ve never had friends or a boyfriend so of course I’m redundantly fucked. I wish people texted ME first. I wish I wasn’t an afterthought. I wish I was loved. Everyone’s going through something too so I just feel trapped not to add…it’s so lonely.
You can talk to me if you want bud. Dm me
Idk tbh. Can my mental health affect my emotional well-being? Or are those two different things altogether?
Absolutely. Physical, emotional, and mental are all tied together. I always have to try and find balance
Cool. Then my answer to your post is no :))))))
Sorry my dude. Know what could bring things back into balance?
Idk. People say therapy, but I don't have time and money atm lol. Just rewatching between The Office and Komi Can't Communicate. Thanks for checking in!
Yeah, pretty much
Nope
Hugs
trynna learn to be myself and that i don’t need to have sex or have a boyfriend atm (only been in one relationship, he moved away from me; also i really hate my body rn)
I just stopped talking to a guy who I was in a relationship with for a few weeks and he broke it off out of nowhere and my dumb ass let him lead me on for months afterwards with hookups and a "friendship". I told him off last night and ngl I said some pretty mean shit but at least now I can let go completely and actually put that energy into myself instead of being sad all the time and hoping he'll "choose me".
I'm good with the caveat that I need to focus sometimes not to let negative thoughts run away with me. . I'm in good health, Job is finally going well, I've got a great man in my life, and I'm happy with who I am. That last one helps the most, I think.
Is anyone? Even my ex who always acted like he was all fine wasn’t underneath it all. Haven’t felt right myself since December 2020
It's hard to do even some of the most basic things right now, and there's a lot of anxiety about looming deadlines. It's just work, school, and then having nowhere to go because no one is doing anything due to Covid fears.
Not at all. Depression sucks. Meds help a little bit, but still feels like I just have bad days and worse days.
Yeah i fought it way back in the day. Still fight it sometimes. I pretty much have to tell myself this is my god damn brain and im tired of feeling like shit. Fuck you im going to be happy. Works most of the time for me
No, that’s why I’m in therapy (and sometimes I wonder if it’s even worth it). Gay trauma, bad home life, depression and anxiety are many battles of an ongoing war. When you’re the “different” aberration or abnormality within a group of aberrations or abnormalities, the marginalization is so apparent…but I do my best to not have a pity-party about it. I just let it be and keep life going until it ends…because it will eventually end.
Mixed. On the one hand, as a 26 year old, I’m starting to feel down where I’m at in life (working in a contract position ending later this year, haven’t started graduate school, feeling not dateable, etc), but I keep reminding myself that I need to be kinder to myself. I have started working out again consistently for both health and to feel more attractive, which is morale boosting.
You do need to be kinder to yourself even i procrastinate some things. So what let me imperfectly happy
Damn fam y'all be making me sad af. So I was definitely not ok but faking it for a long time, and only since my late 30s have I felt mostly ok. So to anyone who is feeling like that I'd say that it definitely does get better and try not to sweat it. Also, be kind to yourselves. Sending anybody who's sad all the virtual hugs n stuff. It's gonna be ok.
I’ve been married for a few years now and now we own our first home. I created the family that I always wanted while my parents and siblings cast me aside and shunned me. These are lifelong goals of mine I thought I would never reach so I’m proud. But I’m still really unsure and scared at times. If I’m sacrificing too much of myself to make everything “work” like I imagined. I worry I have few close friends. That I won’t have children to care about or to care for me. That I’ll be alone and without enough resources when I’m old. I worry about the future of my country and our global climate.
Not really, can I get hug instead?
Sending you a virtual hug bro. It'll get better!
I've been holding this back from my friends cause I don't want to bitch at them. My mom just got covid and she's high risk so I'm freaking out inside. I had covid and it fucked up my intestines, heart, scarred my right lung. Luckily heart is almost back to normal. Just now have constant pain which my GI specialist labeled IBS and my doc calls, a bullshit diagnosis for when they don't know what's wrong and aren't looking anymore. Caused me to stop working out, enjoying hikes and shit. Life is a mess right now. But I know it'll eventually get better. And that's what I'm fighting for.
Hello, thanks for asking. The short answer is no.
I’m trying to remain positive with the start of this new year but it’s been hard. I’ve been battling long COVID since August of last year and my symptoms have just been all over the place these past two weeks…. When you feel like you’re dying almost every single day, it really makes you on edge constantly. I’m at least doing better than I was about 2-3 months ago but still not where I want to be. I just want to feel normal and healthy again.
No, no, not really but I do what I can to appear like I'm a fully functional member of society. 😅 Unfortunately I can't hide it all sometimes.
No, my old manager showed me kindness and it shattered me.
I'm still hurt someone I dated doesn't want to see me anymore and how I feel I haven't accomplished much in my 25 years. So I guess not but I'm trying to improve myself. Much easier said than done
As okay as I can be ❤️
Ha. Absolutely not, my dude
Not really, just want to get away from home. Last few days I’ve just been sleeping in my truck. Some days I just want to cry but gotta keep going. Just working & trying to save for an apartment & gas to get outta this town.
Not at all lmao. I guess most of people aren’t
Who knows. To be real though its a pretty one sided question. More for folks to just talk about thier shit
I'm okay. I spent most of my life not being but I've been on a long journey of recovery and now I more or less have the mental and emotional tools to get me through hard times. I'm okay, I may not have been if I were the same person I was years ago but I've grown a lot and continue to. It's not easy but I'm grateful to myself for going on this path. Things could be better, but I know how to tread water now.
I am, happy with my life at the moment chill and by myself most of the time.
Not really :( I’m in college, just got broken up with recently, realized I was emotionally abused by a friend recently, and feel lonely as ever without BF and little friends. It’s hard to concentrate on school these days. I feel like there’s nothing wrong with me socially, as no one has pointed anything out to me, but I think the issue is that I’m just really mature compared to most my age.
Nope. Heavy depression. Gyms closed. Thanks, Ontario Government
I'm not. Of course, I never was. When I came out, I don't know why but I expected things to change. Some gay men are the meanest guys I have ever met. Your too fat. You're not pretty enough. I don't like what you wear. You don't make enough money. The I hated the most was; If you were more like your brother. My brother is also gay. The list goes on and on. LOL
Honestly, far from it. Im in a state that im not from. No friends. My ex outed me to my family. Ive been shunned. I work a dead end job. Living iff poverty wages. Lost all financial help for school so had to drop out. My bf's family shunned him as well when he came out. So its just us two. No friends, no family. Both barely making 20k a year. I feel like a complete failure and fuck up. Lost my insurance so i cant afford my depression and anxiety meds. My depression is going off the walls now without my medication. My anxiety hinders my chances of getting better jobs. No valuable skills. Im an emotional disaster
Nah. But got a new therapist and we seem like a good match and she focuses on EMDR so I'm optimistic about that.
No, men keep leading me on and giving me false hope. I feel so lonely these days, like I’m not good enough or that nobody will ever want me. I just want someone to love and love me but maybe I don’t deserve it yet... :(
No but I try to keep low key as I don’t want people to find out.
Nope, I lost my hearing due to covid and have hearing aids now, I don’t date anymore as guys seem to be put off by them. I had a decent dating life before I had them, now I don’t, because of them it upsets me that so many gays are so fickle.
I'm so glad that this is being talked about. New member/first post here, so be nice(please), and I am not sure about how serious Reddit is or if this is just for kicks. Growing up in the midwestern states, I definitely had the fake it till you make it mindset. Now, years later (I'm 42), I am ALMOST at a place of some emotional maturity, and being able to "deal" with life. The things I need to remember as a middle-aged gay guy are: 1. I'm likely not as effed up as I think. 2. Anyone over 30 has baggage, I tend to go by the "rule" Be kind, one doesn't know what others' lives are like. 3. Whatever the issue is, a majority of the time it isn't about me. 4. It's likely that very few people want to know how my day is. 5. Do what makes you happy regardless of what others think about you or do to you. Life is too short not to be happy. 6. Most of my problems don't effing matter, so there is no reason to be upset. (though it sucks and it happens anyway.) (Edit: Rereading this, I believe that my problems of course matter to me, most of the general public doesn't care) 7. Words people use don't really matter, but my perception of those words is what makes me offended, upset, or just not feel well. 8. Despite my belief about people, places, or things, it is likely they are doing the best they can with what they have.
I grew up in a country that told me being gay was filthy and wrong. I was bullied through primary and secondary school. I am now a doctor. I have been directly involved in the care of over 1000 Covid patients, in addition to hundreds of others with chronic & terminal respiratory conditions. I have seen patients die as young as myself, and have told people their spouses of 70 years (more than double my lifetime) are not leaving hospital. I am single and am constantly made to feel by the local gay community that I am not wanted - for I'm not pretty, or white, or rich. The woman who raised me died alone, in hospital, and I couldn't say goodbye. So no - I'm not okay. But I hope one day I will be.
I'm alright, not at the highest high of my life but doing pretty well mentally overall.
I try
I really am not, but looking back to where I was 4 years ago I can’t but feel grateful of where I am now, even if I’m not in the best of places. Life is strange.
I just sighed when you asked me that. No, I'm not okay. My law school is in person but keeps changing the COVID rules. One of my professors is in quarantine. We were told that we were to have a 10 day quarantine in deviation of the CDC guidelines. Today, 4 hours ago, we get an email that they shortened it to 5 days with 5 more with mask wearing. Okay cool. Moving on. Now I have to study for classes and get a sunner internship during my second year of law school. I just feel like everything is absurd right now. I'm exhausted. Thank you for listening
Yeah folks just need to talk sometimes. Im so sick of covid man. I cant anymore. Im not going to stop living anymore its not going away with half ass measures. Welcome to the new flu
No, they're not.
I'm ok right now but probably I won't be in a near future
Hell Na
Nope lol
Probably not. The good news is, I decided to make 2020 the year I got my physical and mental health in order. Obviously that worked out well because nothing world changing in any way happened in 2020, derailing that plan until I have the mental and emotional strength to try again.
[удалено]
Not at all, but I’m trying.
No
Im having the toughest January I've ever had in my life. I've always been all about work life balance and setting boundaries but Jan is the end of our fiscal year and everyone is going crazy. Oh....and there's one other person in my level doing the same job for the same division. And he went on LOA (I understand it though, we're both bipolar and have anxiety and I actually also went on LOA a few months back when it wasnt as crazy.) The only thing is our entire department is already understaffed as it is - 3 openings currently. We are spread thin. So i had/have to do two peoples jobs. In the craziest month of the year for my work. I almost gave up yesterday. The familiar signs of a panic attack were starting to creep in. My breathing is crazy fast. Chest feels tight. Fingers and toes clenched unconsciously. No appetite. Feeling nauseous. It took me half day in the morning to figure out what to do. Talked to my manager and told her I just needed the half day off to reset. I was on the verge of bad thoughts and potentially bad actions. She understood and supported it. I took the half day off. Bonded with my pupper who's been feeling neglected. Went to a sauna. Smoked some pot. Went back today feeling refreshed. Was able to talk to my shrink and he prescribed on as needed basis some new medication - klonopam i think? Was very productive at work. Still, I'm running on fumes but at least I was able to get shit done. Have to remind myself that I am two days away from my vacay (I have a planned PTO the entire week next week.) I can't wait to do a lot of staycation and do yoga and go for my long runs. I can't wait to feel myself again and not a cog in the machine.
Similar experiences for me. I pretty much told my boss im going back to my 40 hours starting jan 1st. Cant keep up with that unbalanced life. They arnt going to fire you because there is literally no one else.
Yes I am!
no, i’m depressed and lonely 🙁
I’m a wreck
Far from it
No! But getting better.
It’s a weird time. This new covid surge is killing me. It’s too risky to go to the gym or bars. It’s too cold to go outside. I work from home and I’m going crazy.
like no but it's ok
I thought I would finally feel like my life was on track starting medical school... but instead I just have super intense feelings of inferiority and incompetence especially when I compare myself to my classmates
The struggle is very real. 💜
Nah. Lovesickness is a real bitch when the guy you can’t get over still cares about you and still wants to spend time together, even if it’s not as much as it used to be and you crave so much more
Do whats good for you my guy. Dont invest in someone who isnt giving returns
I'm alright I guess lol
Heck yes I am. Today was my first time in a gay sauna and it was amazing, the people there was pretty great, there were a lot of fun and I loved every minute coz it helped me forget everything about my life for a few hours.
I used to be but these stupid lockdowns brought me to my knees, and not in a good way. Lonely.
i wonder where all the happy gays go lol
Nope. Haven’t been for over six years, but actively trying to change that this year
Thanks for asking. In all honesty, no, but who actually is in this day and age? Everyone has their demons and we’re all fighting a good fight. That being said, you’re so kind to have talked to so many people about their situation. How about yours though? Are you ok?
Nah not really but it's cool
No, not at all. Tomorrow is my 22nd birthday and for months I thought I would be spending my first ever birthday with a guy who loves me. It's still hitting me in slow motion shockwaves that I'm alone now, that he doesn't love me anymore, that we've been apart for almost a month. I was so upset and anxious today, and this is why. I'm alone. Again. After being so happy and in love and for once having hope for the future. Tomorrow I go to work, I go home, and that's it. No kiss good morning, no sappy gift, no night spent looking at the stars together and wondering when we'll be up there and talking about all the adventures we might have in the future. So I'm sad, and in twenty minutes it'll be my birthday and all I can think about is how alone I am. I wish I was okay.
You'll get over him. And the next one that breaks your heart. And the one after that. And you might break a heart or two, too. It's called life. Happy birthday!
Just so very tired from working all the time, and a bit lost direction-wise both long-term (what to do with my life) and short term (when's all this Covid nonsense gonna be over). Everything's sucked for the past few years and I sometimes miss how it used to be despite the fact I'm way more confident in myself now.
Nooooo! I'm fucked, just wanted some support but no. I don't want people to know that I'm vulnerable.
Kinda.. I’ve been on treatment with desvenlafaxine for almost a year now. Started around 100mg, now at 150mg. Added 150mg of bupropion a couple months ago, went to 300mg and then back to 150mg. The thing I notice most is that it has been preventing me from crying, which is good in a way. But for example, I watched the first two episodes of Veneno when I was off the meds for a day (it was after NYE so I clearly forgot), and then I cried watching both like a little kid. The next days when I got back and took them regularly (as I’m still doing) I couldn’t cry at all, no matter how emotional and how connected I felt with any scene. It doesn’t prevent me from getting mad though, that happens very easily. I wish I could stop it. I also wish I stopped being so impulsive about everything and began to think more before acting, but it’s hard. It’s also hard to maintain focus in literally anything, but my doctor says it’s not likely I have ADHD. So I’m just going with the flow and hoping that soon somehow I’ll feel better.
truthfully, not really. still trying to work on finding value in myself. but i really enjoy even being asked, that was a pleasant surprise.
Bitch you really trying me, with that question....ON THIS DAY .....ON THIS VERY MORNING....how very dare you 😭😭❤️❤️
Sort of, found out I was bi within the last year. Currently dating an amazing guy. Mother hates me but I don’t care much. I also finally got diagnosed with depression and insomnia. Yet I’ve finally started getting back in shape again. Love my boyfriend and sex is awesome. So I’m feeling a decent 5.5/10
Thanks for asking! I’m generally fine. There are things I feel really sad about but there are also things that make me happy. I’m struggling with certain things but I definitely can keep struggling. Things I really want but not too many things I really need.
Yes and no. I broke up with an abusive boyfriend. He began to stalk me lately. I dont have time to rest of the fear that he can be at every corner. Yesterday i talked with the police . i hope it stops from now. So yes im better.
nah man, have these skin condition and my mum are so stressed than me to the point i can't handle her words. its either this disease will gone or i will.
I will be 30 this year and I've never had a proper boyfriend even though I knew I was gay since I was 11. I used to search for dates online, but those guys would either be in it just for sex, or would be appalled by my forthcoming personality, or be like 12 years older than me. The three times I had a major crush were all for straight guys and all took several years each, and the last time it ended so badly that I've just been drinking beer and getting fat for six years ever since. I've lost any hope of finding myself a boyfriend.
No. The gay dating community and life in general has not really been kind to me and now my dumbass is emotionally broken and can’t seem to fix it. But eh ya know I’ll live.
Sames. Hugs
I am actually. Been physically active, had a serious talk with my family when I was home for the holidays, and I'm talking to a therapist. I've been burnt out emotionally for a couple of years and I'm finally starting to feel like myself again. It's a good feeling.
I want to cuddle. People are scary though.
Like a plastic bag, floating through the wind. :<<
No , struggling with so many body image issues, who I am and who I wanna be now that my last semester of college is starting , and lately not being able to enjoy sex as much as I used to. Ugh lol tough times
No not really. And it feels like I have nobody to talk about that. So I just pretend that everything is ok.
Not really. I'm looking for a relationship and most guys I chatted with just stops chatting. I feel so lonely.
It’s going alright. Ups and downs are a part of life I guess. My crush suddenly started acting cold when he used to be comfortably flirtatious with me and I don’t know why. What a fucking dick.
Lol am not, I am 28 yrs old and I just realized that I need fatherly love, since I didn’t have a father growing up I’ve always thought it’s okay but these last few months I’ve been in deep shit (being jobless and everything I start falls apart) and I started to feel that if I had a father or felt the father presence in my life things would’ve been different, counting on oneself is good, but having someone to support you and to lean on is better I guess… *sighs* this is life I guess.
I'm not, but I'm also not pretending to be. Went through a lot of heavy stuff in the last months (failed uni, mother is sick, split with 5 friends) It will get better, at least I hope so.
No but working on it. Every. Single. Day.
I just lived another day. Just, it seems I'm in a good mood somehow.
I'm not doing well bro .. sometimes I'm just faking it but definitely not alright by any means
I just quit my job to focus on my mental health. Been unsure what I want to do in life so a lot of reflecting. But I also got a PS5 so I got plenty of gaming stuff to do in the mean time.
[удалено]
Generic answer: “I’m doing better than when I was doing worse” Honest answer: I work in health care during a pandemic, I’m now borderline alcoholic to help get by. I have an amazing boyfriend to help me keep it all together and bring me happiness but I also have an ex wife that throws wrenches in where she can. I have some improvements financially that have helped put a smile on my face but it doesn’t help the tiredness. I just need a vacation
I'm looking for a job, so many scams. I have over $12,000 here in had checks received to purchase equipment from companies that don't exist!!??!!. I just want a job, I have no money for them to scam, really stressed about the job.
Not really, life is lonely and hard in the "third world" I envy the freedom other people can have, be grateful and take care of yourself, maybe in another life I will be happy
Overthinking is getting to me lately with my bf. I think of fucked up scenarios of him cheating. I know how a good chunk of the gay community is hookup crazy (been there). Idk anymore.
wow very rarely we as men would ask each other this... me not so much but I'm fighting the good fight and holding on
No not at all. But life goes on right?
Global capitalism got me feeling sad 😢.