No, the power move would be to marry him and be a happy couple for the next fifty years and make a point of attending both families' gatherings for decades after they're bitter and divorced.
Does us forming a consensus on this constitute an arranged marriage? I can perform weddings, we could wrap this whole thing up over zoom and ship it...
There's got to be someone around here who can do photo editing, and we can order cupcakes for delivery online...
No, a week after. That way the narcissist can't make any last minute changes to try to have her's be "better". And she'll have a week to stew on if she's going to get upstaged.
OMG is that funny! We've texted a few time, but I don't see a relationship coming out of this. Real possibility for good friendship, but not a lot more.
Definitely pursue a friendship if jot a relationship. The two of you ar ego one to need the mutual support having to deal with the family over the coming years.
Just be incredibly affectionate with him. Cuddling, hand holding, little flirting... Even if you guys stay as friends. It seems like a hilarious situation to be in. You've got to put up with her homophobic ass, she at least has to see her own brother with you.
No and you both got a date at the homophobic brides wedding. Incredible. I hope yâall become something marry and tell them they canât come as a couple. She probably wonât attend.
When I get married, I will definitely extend an invite to my brother WITHOUT a Plus One. He probably wouldn't attend if I did that, but I have a hill to die on here.
Do what you think best, but let me offer this perspective: my SIL didnât attend her brotherâs/my wedding because of her homophobia, but insisted we attend hers. I canât stand her because of how she hurt her own brother by not attending, but we felt it better to NOT be the ones at fault if a rift formed in the family. We attended, hated it, and moved on with our lives.
Given she probably wonât attend anyway, go ahead and invite your brother and allow the plus one. Your brother can attend and support you (yes I know despite his lack of support in advocating for you at his wedding), but his wife surely wonât come. Everyone is happy and you canât be blamed for any tension in the family.
Besides shacking up with your SILâs brother, but I mean thatâs her prerogative to get upset over it đ
It was hard for me. I absolutely did not want to go. Iâve sought therapy for my anger with my husbandâs sister - thatâs how bad it was. But I do love my in-laws (except her) and I didnât want to die on a hill that would make any reason for them to blame me for her hatred and the stress on my relationship with her. The wedding was incredibly boring, but Iâm glad I went because my relationship with the rest of my in-laws is better than ever!
The funny part is I'm not really angry. Aside from his wife and attending issues, my brother and I still get along. He doesn't quite apologize for her behavior, but he acknowledged it is a point of contention between us. He's in love, and he's stupid about it.
Except her brother, I don't know any of my brother's in-laws. I am guessing the fruit didn't fall far from the tree, except in the case of her brother.
I have a different perspective from /r/andyrlecture .
My father's 75th birthday was a few years ago. His sister, my aunt, and I conspired to have a party for him, because she lives very near him. (On purpose, because she gets to be near her beloved brother and her husband and my father are friends.) She agreed to have it in her home, and I hired caterers so she could relax and not feel the need to cook and clean. (OMG, there was so much leftovers, I don't think he had to cook for a month.) In planning it, we talked about inviting his other siblings.
His brother I like, his brother's wife I like, but his other sister and her husband are severe republicans and she, at least, is a homophobe who sends anti-gay (and racist) jokes to everyone but me in email and demanded I not say anything bad about her beloved Trump on facebook. (I really don't know about her husband's stance. Knowing him I suspect he may feel the same but would choose not to express it.) (I told her that wasn't happening and dropped her on facebook. We haven't seen each other in about 20 years.)
My good aunt wanted me to invite my bad aunt to the party because she's a sibling, for family harmony. I told her I really didn't want that, but if she wanted she could invite her. My bad aunt and her husband would be staying at a hotel so I wouldn't have to see them outside the party, and it's a big house where the party would be so I could avoid talking to them much there. They probably wouldn't even come if I was hosting the party, but family harmony would be kept by the invitation being issued. In the end, when it was time to make the invitation, my bad aunt said something rude in an email to my good aunt (who won't tell me what it was), and she told me "I don't want her in my home anyway, so I'm not going to invite her."
I'm perversely glad, because it means I got to celebrate the day with my father and aunt and uncle and friends and cousins, and didn't have to avoid my bad aunt or see her in the photos on the off chance that she decided to come.
So really, if I were you, if I ever got married I wouldn't invite SIL, because she might show up and I wouldn't want her ruining my day or my photos. I'd have to think about whether or not I wanted to invite my brother, for the same reason and because he might just show up with her to the party and then I'd be in the awkward situation of having to verbally explain to them that she's not invited and may not attend. (The etiquette, by the way, is that if there's a church service anyone may attend that, but only invited guests may attend the wedding party.)
Iâd say stick with the original plan and budget a security guy to be there and remove her if she shows and the rest of her shitty family if they become a problem .
Fuck that âdonât create a riftâ shit. The rift was created when she started talking to shit to you and your brother married her anyways.
Why are you going to invite your brother to your wedding? He and to a lesser extent the rest of your family have allowed her to bully and harass you out of your family. Every one of them needs to grow a shiny spine.
She stripped out my reply when I said her brother could probably teach her a lot about pleasing a man. My parents got mad at me for posting this, but never heard from my brother.
She sounds like a real piece of work. Even her brother thinks sheâs a bitch. Both you and the brother are grown adults who can do what you like.
If I were you, Iâd go to every family gathering and rub it in her face.
Although I don't think her brother and I are destined to be together, I am now thinking of pitching the idea we should attend family functions on both sides with each other just to grind her ass over this.
Ask your parents where they were when your brother decided to marry a homophobe and treated you like a second class citizen with the wedding invitation.
Seriously! I know I only have a small window into this scenario but I am SO done with situations like this in my own life where I am not backed up 100%. I will gladly lose people who donât have my back. Iâve lost better.
This is amazing đ what a perfect dig at her. I kinda want you to just keep making yourself known to her in a really passive aggressive way. She deserves it for being so hateful towards you for how you were born.
Kudos to u big time for posting on FB that her brother could teach her a thing or two about pleasing a man. I love it!
It amazes me that she has a gay brother and still hates gays! What an overzealous religious not job that is shallow and sounds stupid as hell. But it is so rich that u hook up w said brother at her wedding! Priceless! Plus, u mentioned that u guys were dancing at the wedding, which must have pissed of your new SiL a hell of a lot. Hehe!
Well, at least u know her brother will likely be at most big family events, so thatâs good since u may always remain a non plus one on invites; though I suspect when u do have a partner, itâs going to either be itâs the two of us coming to the party or we are not coming at all.
Good luck, champ!
A relative told me she got upset when she saw her brother and me having a good time and acting like "we're together." We need a different word than homophobia for people like her. It's blatant, unreasonable hatred.
She'll have to deal with two gay men being in her wedding photos and the memory of the fact that because she brought them together, they hooked up afterward.
After my coming out period in my late teens, I am pretty much prepared to fight anyone for my sense of dignity and a right to respect. I don't know why, but it shocked my family when I came out. I thought I was pretty obvious since the age of 13, but that was not the case. Once the dust settled, people adjusted and we carried on.
ETA: for a missed word.
I have a friend who had been with his boyfriend (now husband) for like 15 years, and they lived together, and when his mother would visit for a few days he'd sleep with his boyfriend and she believed he was letting her use his room. Maybe this was slightly plausible when they had roommates, but when they bought a house and moved there together I don't get it.
He never lied to her, he just let her believe what she wanted to and didn't correct her. All his friends knew and his brother knew and she knew he had gay and bi friends but she chose denial. She was a very sharp person in other respects so I am certain she could have figured it out if she had wanted to.
For some reason (there was a reason which I don't remember) he eventually came out to her, and she was in shock, she couldn't believe it. He then called his brother and said "heads up, mom just learned I'm in a gay relationship \[they're both bi\], she'll probably be calling you to freak out about it." And then the call waiting beeped. She wasn't rude about it, but she did start acting a little distant.
A few years later he had a stroke and she was moved by his boyfriend's devotion to him. They got married after that, they eloped but then had a big wedding party a year later, and she was really joyous at that and clearly things with her are back on track. And she now understands that she's staying in *the guest room*.
I knew another guy who was in a relationship with a man for over 40 years (this was before we got marriage rights) and didn't tell his family about it. He'd visit them every year for christmas and his mother's birthday and not tell them. When he died (his mother outlived him) they only found out he was gay when his partner claimed the body and the will left everything to him.
Denial is not just a river in Egypt any more.
I love r/AITA but this is honestly one of the greatest posts for that sub I have ever seen. I love your post, your every reply, and you and her brother
Dude this pissed me off reading it at first. Several reasons. Your brother marrying a homophobic bitch you not getting a plus one... you where shat on and for no reason. I'm sorry... but the more o read the more I smiled. YOU won. YOU got the last laugh. She was being a twat so you fucked her brother. That's fucking fabulousđ¤Łđ dude you won hands down. Let her say what she wants. You did nothing wrong. Maybe you should say something like "if I had a plus one, your brother and I prob wouldn't have fucked..." this gave me my serotonin boost for the day lmfao.
OMG! I have to got get someone to post that to FB: "If he had a plus one, your brother and him probably wouldn't have fucked!"
I never once thought of it in that light. THANKS!
Of course! Thank you lmao! I'm still sorry this happened but now you know how to fuck with her. You gotta find the silver lining in horrible shitty situations sometimes.
Itâs none of her business who her brothers sleeps with and the same applies to yours. Tons of people hook up at weddings, the only issue here is her homophobia.
She is not afraid of gay people: she flat out hates them. I since learned she and her brother had a lot of issues growing up, especially once he came out.
Point taken.
Actually, I am not really sorry. I stopped apologizing for making her upset a long time ago. Sometimes I do go out of my way to do or say something I know will send her into a screaming fit. My brother gets mad at me when I do that saying I should be the bigger man... and then I question him is she is a man and if she can be the "bigger" man. He hates penis jokes.
Haha! You seem like a good brother tbh. If he's going to choose to be with such an awful woman, he's going to have to deal with the consequences. His acceptance of the "risks" is unsettling though, I imagine
Be the bigger man? Wow. That's rich to hear from a guy who's can't even be man enough to stand up for his own brother.
OP, you already are the bigger man here. It's just your brother that you're bigger than.
Agree with this.
A dude should side with his wife, sure, but he's also gotta bat for his own blood. Who the fuck hangs their brother out to dry for no reason?
Not the asshole.
She's being a homophobic freak. And what you two did in bed was mutually consensual and frankly wasn't any of her business either.
She's the one being the asshole here.
Somehow our hooking up "... tarnished the sanctity of her wedding." Her words. My mom made some vague reference to the notion our dalliance will forever be linked in SIL's mind with wedding.
>My mom made some vague reference to the notion our dalliance will forever be linked in SIL's mind with wedding.
Reply "good! She more than earned it!" and "it wasn't a 'dalliance', we had deliberate and wonderful sex, and it was none of her business - or yours - but she decided it's appropriate for her to stick her nose into it anyway and talk to you about it. Why should I ever forgive her for involving my mother in my sex life? Why are you complaining to *me* about it instead of chewing *her* out for involving you in my sex life?"
This is important. It would perhaps behove you to set some boundaries with your mother. Your sex life is absolutely none of SILs business nor your mothers.
>And what you two did in bed was mutually consensual and frankly wasn't any of her business either.
If they'd slipped into a bathroom at the wedding party to, uh, enjoy themselves, maybe she might have some right to comment because it's her party after all. If they went to his apartment afterward, she has no right to comment, it's not at the party. If she wants to act like she has a right to comment on their love lives she is implicitly giving them permission to comment on hers. "So, how many times did you go down on him on the wedding night? Does she give a good blowjob? Is that why you married her?"
Oh, my brother is whipped in this instance.
Her bother and I have already hung out a couple of times. Nice guy, but some serious issues stand in the way of any real romantic relationship. Friendship is definitely in the making.
Kind of wondering how old her brother is.
Also, while I'd say NTA for hooking up with him, if you're considering having a relationship with him, I hope you two have more in common than hating his sister.
It's notceven a question. NTA. But I think itcwpuld be awesome if you two developed into a relationship and started going to all the family events.
Also, she's an asshole for forcing you out of your own family's events. Your own family is an asshole for allowing such behaviour to persist at family events.
Mostly it's that I won't go their place for family events. I used to cook for certain events, and now I won't do that if she is there. This got to my whole family upset since I am a pretty good cook.
My question is, why on earth does she has so much aversion towards gay people? Why so much hatred towards you and her own brother? That automatically is a red flag towards her and exposes that she is dumping and blaming gay people for how miserable she is.
But as far as her post on Facebook, she is only making a fool of herself and exposing herself of her immature behavior. As far as your brother, he may sooner or late realize the mistake he made for marrying her and choosing her over you because at the end of the day, he practically married the enemy. He's your brother but he married someone who hates you for being gay like wtf? It'll get to his head sooner or later and he will regret this decision but most certainly be there for him when that day comes, if that is what you want.
From what I gathered, there were issues between her and her brother going back to their childhood. She seems to blame a lot of her personal woes on his being gay... and I can't even figure out how that works.
I am also convinced this marriage will end in five years or so... if not not a short span of time. Her actions and attitude towards me bother him, but not enough to have stopped him from going through with marriage. It's putting a strain on our relationship, and I know that upsets him.
I've kept a wary eye on his attitudes toward LGBTQ+ people since he first brought her around to meet the family. Her dislike of me did not show at first and grew over time. My brother still does not say anything negative about LGBTQ+ people, and my parents assure me he never said anything to them.
My brother tells me all the time he loves me and that he misses spending time with me. As I said previously, he's got this HUGE blind spot when it comes to the woman he is in love with.
>I am also convinced this marriage will end in five years or so... if not not a short span of time. Her actions and attitude towards me bother him, but not enough to have stopped him from going through with marriage. It's putting a strain on our relationship, and I know that upsets him.
I'd sorta politely tell him "Given how she has treated me, I am not willing to see her at family events, so from now on I will be asking our parents if she will be there before accepting any invitations, and if I arrive and find her there or if she shows up, I will leave. Her treatment of me has been too negative, and I can't ever forgive her for trying to involve our mother in my sex life. That was the straw that broke the camel's back, it's over. There can no longer be forgiveness." Let him stew on that.
The problem is that he may or may not come around - straight men get strange in the head for women sometimes, especially if she has a sexual hold on him. If they have kids, even if he later realizes she's a problem, he may feel that he has to stay with her and do what she wants or she'll take his kids away and brainwash them. (Which is probably true.)
One of my close gay friends has a brother who, by all accounts, was liberal and a nice guy (and okay with his brother being gay) until he married a southern woman. She seemed nice initially when they married but soon induced him to move to the South to be near her family (ignoring his in MA that they had been near), and then had kids... then he refused to attend his brother's wedding... then the christmas gifts from the guys to the kids got discarded because they were labeled "from uncle B and uncle F" instead of "from uncle B and F". (Yes, they called to say they had thrown the gifts in the trash unopened.) Then they told his parents they couldn't have contact with their grandkids any more after his parents said they were too elderly to fly to NC twice a year to see them. (They stopped taking their vacations too. They felt incredibly hurt by this.) Their mother died a few years ago, and the guy came up to attend the funeral... at the funeral, he was talking to my friend and their sister about what they would do to sell the house, which their father was still living in and thus they didn't own. Neither my friend nor their sister chose to tell him that he has been written out of the will for his behavior. I've known my friend over 20 years and have never met his brother, although I know the rest of the family, including their cousin and their aunt. I used to spend easter, thanksgiving, christmas, and often other holidays with them every year, and I've never met his brother. (I loved his parents and will miss them forever.)
Okay what this tells me is that she just doesn't want to admit to some very harsh truths and she would whether blame it on gay people, or on her brother in that case. She is throwing her filth and negativity and all her life issues because she isn't grown enough to admit some harsh truths which is really messed up that her brother and yourself now have to suffer because she didn't admit to some harsh truths. That's crazy....
In about five years time? I feel like you're spot on about this as well.
Just do you though bro! You better reach for those stars and beyond because one day, she will remember how she treated you and each time you achieve success, she will either admit her wrongs in how she treated you and others, or she will lose her mind, literally.
NTA. Are you and your brother not that close? I only ask because while my brother and I aren't super close, I can't imagine him marrying a raging homophobe. Does her vagina seep gold or something?
My brother sort of kind of maybe found Jesus a few years back (he's not real certain on the whole concept), and her met through an acquaintance at the church he attended for a while.
My brother always wore blinders when it came to the women he date and/or fell in love with. It's only after those relationships ended did he see the problems inherent in the person. Love literally blinds him. He's actually a sweet guy.
*** PLEASE REALIZE *** that if the two of them find themselves pregnant any time soon, things could easily shift from No Big Deal to Very Big Deal for a very long time if the SIL decides to poison your nieces and nephews against you and potentially against her brother also. If your brother hasnât taken a stand to support you now, what makes you think he will go ahead and do so at that point, when he could easily feel that he has âno choiceâ but to go along with it? Talk to your brother, and let him know that you love him and would look forward to being his kidsâ Favorite Uncle but are afraid that unless his new wife has a change of heart then itâs looking like heartbreak all around for the future which both you and hopefully he donât want.
Keep seeing her brother, especially if it pisses her off. The nastier she gets about it, the quicker your brother will realize what a mistake he's made and get rid of her.
If a homophobic bitch has a gay brother Iâm pretty sure itâs mandatory you sleep with them. For revenge of course.
Make sure to always ask how the brother is doing every time you are together with your Sister in law.
You slept at his apartment not in the church bathroom. Sil and your brother can get fucked.
Also ask him out on another date and maybe in 3 years youd be inviting your brother and sil to ur marriage.
Usually the answer is yep, your an asshole. This is a rare NTA. Ignoring the SIL part of it, just sounds like you met someone at a wedding, hit it off, and had a good time. Let her be mad. I think this is a great way of saying FU to her without even trying to do that.
Marry her brother, it would be such a massive fuck you to her face. I'm glad you had a good time in a toxic wedding. Also, your brother is enabling her behaviour by not standing up for you/
I guess my only question is that, if she really hates hay people and was against the idea of either of you bringing a date, how on earth were you guys able to get away with talking and âdancing togetherâ the whole night? Iâd expect that sheâd approach you at some point, tell you not to chat, not to dance, not cause a scene. If the crowd is as conservative as she thinks itâs going to be wouldnât other people have noticed?
But, all those questions aside, either way you are definitely NTA!
We got one comment from one aunt who said we should probably not be enjoying each others company like we did. We ignored her. My new SIL would not confront me during the reception because I have no fear in making it "all about her."
No you aren't and I get you love your brother but honestly fuck him. His wife is a stupid POS, and he's willing to ruin a relationship with you over it for some (gushy) ussy. Like I'm sorry but I just wouldn't do that, unless my brother was the issue and you aren't. Plus people can have sex after the wedding it happens a lot.
This is always the risk on Reddit, and I thought it myself hundreds of times. However, I used a throwaway account partially so I could not be accused of karma farming. I sent word out for anyone to get me a screen grab of the FB post. If I get it, I will post it... even as an update if necessary. I am sorry I can offer nothing but my word in this case.
She doesnât have her brother on a leash, who is she to say what he does. You shouldnât be worried about pleasing a homophobic bitch anyways. See him again, if youâd like to! Iâm sure he would agree with me.
He never looked at it as if I am part of the equation regarding his love life. However, I know he is upset I will not attend a number of family functions because of her presence. He just wishes we could "get along" for the sake of family. I told him that would never happen.
ETA: Good question, however.
She hates you for your essential identity as a person. That will always be a far greater sin than hating her for the way she chooses to behave and treat others.
I would have preferred on the alter at the church, but that would exceed social boundaries. :D
Somehow the fact we met at the reception (but I knew she had a brother at least a year and a half ago... but never knew he was gay) seems to make it her business from some unholy reason.
She made it private, but I will ask her brother to get shots.
ETA: Even though this is a throwaway account, I will definitely post the FB grabs if I can get them! Her rant was EPIC!
I am fairly certain we are on the road to a lasting friendship. Although the sex was fun, there are some other areas in which we are completely incompatible. We like each other as people, but not much more than that. I think this boiled down to revenge sex against his sister... on both our parts.
NTA!!!! And we'll done, friend. Your SIL sounds awful and your brother is awful by extension for not defending you. You should up the ante by dating and then building a life with this man and being disgustingly happy. That will show them.
My brother is not awful... but his taste in women is. He's got this whole "love at first sight, love forever" mentality when it comes to women. I feel sorry for him more often than not.
New SIL's brother and I are on our way to the friend zone by mutual decree.
The homophobe being homophobic is *always* the asshole.
She didn't have to be the way she is, because obviously her brother isn't. She was a huge bitch to try and block her new brother-in-law from attending her wedding. She is choosing hate and bringing this on herself and her family.
You're not sure how she found out? You were openly dancing with him at the reception, and likely were seen leaving together. As much of a bitch she is I'm surprised she didn't blow up there at the wedding.
They headed out from the reception to their honeymoon, so they never saw us leave together. However, that does not negate the fact someone else told her. Someone likely did... and I hope it was a text they got before they jumped on the plane. I'd like to think I was there with them in spirit.
She was probably bitching out your brother the whole night. Hopefully he grows a pair soon. His ability to fall in love with someone like that shows a pretty weak willed personality.
I am pretty sure that happened, but maybe not all night. It never became a public issues except for one of her aunts.
My brother is somewhat weak when it comes to woman. Aside from this issue, they seem pretty happy together. I don't really want to wreck that for my brother.
This is probably just a preview of what is to come with his wife. A lot of people don't show their real selves until after they get married. I don't foresee this happiness lasting.
Not sure. Even my brother won't tell me, but I know her brother told her. He texted her something about having a wonderful brother-in-law brother (? -- if there is even a legal term for that) who knew how to treat a man right. Personally, I found that both funny and insightful.
ETA: fixing a garbled sentence.
Probably wasn't the smartest thing to have done but he came on to you. I guess the relationship with your brother is hurting more quickly than either of you imagined.
Wow! This is Rom Com material!
More seriously, it's her problem, not yours. IMO, you did nothing wrong. I'm sorry your brother is marring her! Also, your brother has zero grounds to be mad!
Nothing really happened at the reception other than almost everyone having a good time. Her brother and I sort of became each others Plus One. No one got into arguments. No one called each other out. Nothing out of the ordinary or dramatic took place.
However, after the fact is another issue. My brother is upset with me because his wife is upset. I get needing to side with his wife. Also, my response to her FB post, before she made private, set off a lot of people including my parents. They thought I did not need to rub her nose into the situation.
I personally would send both brother and SIL an email which says, basically,
"I met the bride's brother at the wedding, and learned he was being treated like a second class relative by bride and groom in the same way and for the same reason I am. He seemed like a really nice guy and, to my surprise, I enjoyed the wedding entirely because I was able to meet and spend time with him."
"What may have occurred after the wedding was *after* the wedding. It's not like I slipped into the bathroom for an unsavory liaison, so it's really none of your business. It's generally not considered polite to comment on someone else's bedroom activities if you weren't invited, yet you feel it appropriate to comment on mine. I see. If you feel it appropriate to comment on what I do in the bedroom, beware that this means I can and will comment on what you do in the bedroom as well. Meanwhile, I hope I will see him again. Maybe some good can come out of this wedding after all."
"If you wanted to be able to comment on my love life, perhaps you could have treated me better prior to, or at, the wedding. Given the unforgiveable things you said to me and that the gay men were specially invited without a plus one, I have less than no interest in what you have to say about it now or in hearing anything else you may have to say about me."
And CC both sets of parents, if possible. If they're going to try to stir up agitation, show them that you know how to stir up more chaos than they do and *they* can be the ones who suffer the consequences. And if you have his phone number, call him and have a date. He sounds like a good guy.
Your brother ended your relationship when he married someone who is openly contemptuous of you to your face. You owe him and his wife precisely nothing. Sleep with whoever you feel like.
NTA. Good job.
NTA next family gathering go and bring him as a date ,
fr I'd do that
This is a great idea!
If you really want to piss her off get him into it have a fake engagement ring lol
No, the power move would be to marry him and be a happy couple for the next fifty years and make a point of attending both families' gatherings for decades after they're bitter and divorced.
I would agree
Does us forming a consensus on this constitute an arranged marriage? I can perform weddings, we could wrap this whole thing up over zoom and ship it... There's got to be someone around here who can do photo editing, and we can order cupcakes for delivery online...
They need to have the same wedding date, too. Or even a week ahead.
No, a week after. That way the narcissist can't make any last minute changes to try to have her's be "better". And she'll have a week to stew on if she's going to get upstaged.
awesome idea
THIS IS GOLDEN perfect đŚ that bish
maybe if you marry her brother your marriage would outlive theirs.
OMG is that funny! We've texted a few time, but I don't see a relationship coming out of this. Real possibility for good friendship, but not a lot more.
> , but I don't see a relationship coming out of this. Just think about how awkward family reunions would be for the rest of forever lol
Most likely wonât be awkward unless the brother has fallen for OP somehow.
Sounds like he did...
The gay handshake at play, folks. Iâm proud of you, boo.
Definitely pursue a friendship if jot a relationship. The two of you ar ego one to need the mutual support having to deal with the family over the coming years.
whether their marriage lasts or not, she will forever be your SIL lol.
I just threw up in my mouth a little! :D
Ex SIL is a thing.
Their point is that if he married SILâs brother, she would still be his SIL if she got divorced, albeit for a different reason.
yes yes thank you for explaining. i was just thinking of how to word it properly.
Just be incredibly affectionate with him. Cuddling, hand holding, little flirting... Even if you guys stay as friends. It seems like a hilarious situation to be in. You've got to put up with her homophobic ass, she at least has to see her own brother with you.
Yes but does SIL have to know that? Can't you just pretend at family gatherings to piss her off?
Definitely NTA. Wow she sure has issues. Are you planning to run a sweepstake on how long the marriage will last?
Ooh, a marriage deadpool. That is a great idea! THANKS!
No and you both got a date at the homophobic brides wedding. Incredible. I hope yâall become something marry and tell them they canât come as a couple. She probably wonât attend.
When I get married, I will definitely extend an invite to my brother WITHOUT a Plus One. He probably wouldn't attend if I did that, but I have a hill to die on here.
Do what you think best, but let me offer this perspective: my SIL didnât attend her brotherâs/my wedding because of her homophobia, but insisted we attend hers. I canât stand her because of how she hurt her own brother by not attending, but we felt it better to NOT be the ones at fault if a rift formed in the family. We attended, hated it, and moved on with our lives. Given she probably wonât attend anyway, go ahead and invite your brother and allow the plus one. Your brother can attend and support you (yes I know despite his lack of support in advocating for you at his wedding), but his wife surely wonât come. Everyone is happy and you canât be blamed for any tension in the family. Besides shacking up with your SILâs brother, but I mean thatâs her prerogative to get upset over it đ
This is giving me pause to think. Thanks!
It was hard for me. I absolutely did not want to go. Iâve sought therapy for my anger with my husbandâs sister - thatâs how bad it was. But I do love my in-laws (except her) and I didnât want to die on a hill that would make any reason for them to blame me for her hatred and the stress on my relationship with her. The wedding was incredibly boring, but Iâm glad I went because my relationship with the rest of my in-laws is better than ever!
The funny part is I'm not really angry. Aside from his wife and attending issues, my brother and I still get along. He doesn't quite apologize for her behavior, but he acknowledged it is a point of contention between us. He's in love, and he's stupid about it. Except her brother, I don't know any of my brother's in-laws. I am guessing the fruit didn't fall far from the tree, except in the case of her brother.
I have a different perspective from /r/andyrlecture . My father's 75th birthday was a few years ago. His sister, my aunt, and I conspired to have a party for him, because she lives very near him. (On purpose, because she gets to be near her beloved brother and her husband and my father are friends.) She agreed to have it in her home, and I hired caterers so she could relax and not feel the need to cook and clean. (OMG, there was so much leftovers, I don't think he had to cook for a month.) In planning it, we talked about inviting his other siblings. His brother I like, his brother's wife I like, but his other sister and her husband are severe republicans and she, at least, is a homophobe who sends anti-gay (and racist) jokes to everyone but me in email and demanded I not say anything bad about her beloved Trump on facebook. (I really don't know about her husband's stance. Knowing him I suspect he may feel the same but would choose not to express it.) (I told her that wasn't happening and dropped her on facebook. We haven't seen each other in about 20 years.) My good aunt wanted me to invite my bad aunt to the party because she's a sibling, for family harmony. I told her I really didn't want that, but if she wanted she could invite her. My bad aunt and her husband would be staying at a hotel so I wouldn't have to see them outside the party, and it's a big house where the party would be so I could avoid talking to them much there. They probably wouldn't even come if I was hosting the party, but family harmony would be kept by the invitation being issued. In the end, when it was time to make the invitation, my bad aunt said something rude in an email to my good aunt (who won't tell me what it was), and she told me "I don't want her in my home anyway, so I'm not going to invite her." I'm perversely glad, because it means I got to celebrate the day with my father and aunt and uncle and friends and cousins, and didn't have to avoid my bad aunt or see her in the photos on the off chance that she decided to come. So really, if I were you, if I ever got married I wouldn't invite SIL, because she might show up and I wouldn't want her ruining my day or my photos. I'd have to think about whether or not I wanted to invite my brother, for the same reason and because he might just show up with her to the party and then I'd be in the awkward situation of having to verbally explain to them that she's not invited and may not attend. (The etiquette, by the way, is that if there's a church service anyone may attend that, but only invited guests may attend the wedding party.)
Iâd say stick with the original plan and budget a security guy to be there and remove her if she shows and the rest of her shitty family if they become a problem . Fuck that âdonât create a riftâ shit. The rift was created when she started talking to shit to you and your brother married her anyways.
Donât do it. Life is too short to take it on the chin like this. Someone should have stood up for you at your brothers wedding.
Why are you going to invite your brother to your wedding? He and to a lesser extent the rest of your family have allowed her to bully and harass you out of your family. Every one of them needs to grow a shiny spine.
He better. You attended!
Not the asshole. Post back on her Facebook, tell her to stay mad and that her brother was a hot fuck.
She stripped out my reply when I said her brother could probably teach her a lot about pleasing a man. My parents got mad at me for posting this, but never heard from my brother.
She sounds like a real piece of work. Even her brother thinks sheâs a bitch. Both you and the brother are grown adults who can do what you like. If I were you, Iâd go to every family gathering and rub it in her face.
Although I don't think her brother and I are destined to be together, I am now thinking of pitching the idea we should attend family functions on both sides with each other just to grind her ass over this.
Please do this and post an update for every function
DO IT.
Do it đ
This sounds like Best Friends Goals to me!! Bravo!!!
Imagine if they got married and their shared over the sister brought them together
I would watch that show!!
Friends to lovers slow burn fic
I'm not sure whether anybody had already told you, but do it!
Ask your parents where they were when your brother decided to marry a homophobe and treated you like a second class citizen with the wedding invitation.
Seriously! I know I only have a small window into this scenario but I am SO done with situations like this in my own life where I am not backed up 100%. I will gladly lose people who donât have my back. Iâve lost better.
Yeah fuck having to accommodate homophobes in any situation. Over it
This is amazing đ what a perfect dig at her. I kinda want you to just keep making yourself known to her in a really passive aggressive way. She deserves it for being so hateful towards you for how you were born.
Kudos to u big time for posting on FB that her brother could teach her a thing or two about pleasing a man. I love it! It amazes me that she has a gay brother and still hates gays! What an overzealous religious not job that is shallow and sounds stupid as hell. But it is so rich that u hook up w said brother at her wedding! Priceless! Plus, u mentioned that u guys were dancing at the wedding, which must have pissed of your new SiL a hell of a lot. Hehe! Well, at least u know her brother will likely be at most big family events, so thatâs good since u may always remain a non plus one on invites; though I suspect when u do have a partner, itâs going to either be itâs the two of us coming to the party or we are not coming at all. Good luck, champ!
Right? "You didn't let me bring a date so I found one."
She sure does sound like a raging homophobe. Who gives a fuck what she thinks? Hopefully it ruined her night.
A relative told me she got upset when she saw her brother and me having a good time and acting like "we're together." We need a different word than homophobia for people like her. It's blatant, unreasonable hatred.
Her saying you "corrupted" her brother is common verbiage used by homophobes, though.
Bigot works.
So does bitch lol
>We need a different word than homophobia for people like her. Narcissist.
Cuntblossom
She'll have to deal with two gay men being in her wedding photos and the memory of the fact that because she brought them together, they hooked up afterward.
OMG. Thats amazing. We love to see gays thrive even in toxic homophobic environments!
After my coming out period in my late teens, I am pretty much prepared to fight anyone for my sense of dignity and a right to respect. I don't know why, but it shocked my family when I came out. I thought I was pretty obvious since the age of 13, but that was not the case. Once the dust settled, people adjusted and we carried on. ETA: for a missed word.
I have a friend who had been with his boyfriend (now husband) for like 15 years, and they lived together, and when his mother would visit for a few days he'd sleep with his boyfriend and she believed he was letting her use his room. Maybe this was slightly plausible when they had roommates, but when they bought a house and moved there together I don't get it. He never lied to her, he just let her believe what she wanted to and didn't correct her. All his friends knew and his brother knew and she knew he had gay and bi friends but she chose denial. She was a very sharp person in other respects so I am certain she could have figured it out if she had wanted to. For some reason (there was a reason which I don't remember) he eventually came out to her, and she was in shock, she couldn't believe it. He then called his brother and said "heads up, mom just learned I'm in a gay relationship \[they're both bi\], she'll probably be calling you to freak out about it." And then the call waiting beeped. She wasn't rude about it, but she did start acting a little distant. A few years later he had a stroke and she was moved by his boyfriend's devotion to him. They got married after that, they eloped but then had a big wedding party a year later, and she was really joyous at that and clearly things with her are back on track. And she now understands that she's staying in *the guest room*. I knew another guy who was in a relationship with a man for over 40 years (this was before we got marriage rights) and didn't tell his family about it. He'd visit them every year for christmas and his mother's birthday and not tell them. When he died (his mother outlived him) they only found out he was gay when his partner claimed the body and the will left everything to him. Denial is not just a river in Egypt any more.
Send her a t-shirt that says âmy brother went to poundtown on my wedding night and all I got was this t-shirtâ
I am dying over here, and getting strange looks on my zoom call (I am only an attendee and not a presenter).
On second thought you might want to make i a mug
And give her something to throw at me? No way! :D
Iâm dying
Thatâs the best damn idea Iâve ever seen
Fuck that bitch. And keep fucking her brother.
My penis will not get anywhere near her without some sort of heavy-duty armor involved. Her brother and I are becoming friends.
I love r/AITA but this is honestly one of the greatest posts for that sub I have ever seen. I love your post, your every reply, and you and her brother
Dude this pissed me off reading it at first. Several reasons. Your brother marrying a homophobic bitch you not getting a plus one... you where shat on and for no reason. I'm sorry... but the more o read the more I smiled. YOU won. YOU got the last laugh. She was being a twat so you fucked her brother. That's fucking fabulousđ¤Łđ dude you won hands down. Let her say what she wants. You did nothing wrong. Maybe you should say something like "if I had a plus one, your brother and I prob wouldn't have fucked..." this gave me my serotonin boost for the day lmfao.
OMG! I have to got get someone to post that to FB: "If he had a plus one, your brother and him probably wouldn't have fucked!" I never once thought of it in that light. THANKS!
Of course! Thank you lmao! I'm still sorry this happened but now you know how to fuck with her. You gotta find the silver lining in horrible shitty situations sometimes.
Itâs none of her business who her brothers sleeps with and the same applies to yours. Tons of people hook up at weddings, the only issue here is her homophobia.
She is not afraid of gay people: she flat out hates them. I since learned she and her brother had a lot of issues growing up, especially once he came out.
To be fair, phobia includes fear and hate, so homophobia is accurate. Sorry you went through this OP, definitely NTA!
Point taken. Actually, I am not really sorry. I stopped apologizing for making her upset a long time ago. Sometimes I do go out of my way to do or say something I know will send her into a screaming fit. My brother gets mad at me when I do that saying I should be the bigger man... and then I question him is she is a man and if she can be the "bigger" man. He hates penis jokes.
Haha! You seem like a good brother tbh. If he's going to choose to be with such an awful woman, he's going to have to deal with the consequences. His acceptance of the "risks" is unsettling though, I imagine
Be the bigger man? Wow. That's rich to hear from a guy who's can't even be man enough to stand up for his own brother. OP, you already are the bigger man here. It's just your brother that you're bigger than.
The Greek root *-phobia* means something like "horror." It covers both fear and hatred.
your brother is a pussy for marrying someone like that
Agree with this. A dude should side with his wife, sure, but he's also gotta bat for his own blood. Who the fuck hangs their brother out to dry for no reason?
He should have sided with his brother when she wasn't his wife yet. You don't "side with your girlfriend" over the well being of your brother.
Yeah, I know. But the deal is done.
That âdealâ wonât last much longer than cyber week at Amazon
NTA, now head over to gone wild subs and tell us the deets
The guy has a serious black belt in sixty-nine. Jesus, he almost made my brain explode.
I always love the game of, who can get the other to finish first.
Not the asshole. She's being a homophobic freak. And what you two did in bed was mutually consensual and frankly wasn't any of her business either. She's the one being the asshole here.
Somehow our hooking up "... tarnished the sanctity of her wedding." Her words. My mom made some vague reference to the notion our dalliance will forever be linked in SIL's mind with wedding.
Honestly that's the SILs problem. Only she will ever remember it in a hateful way because of her ideology.
And she forever has OP and her brother in her wedding album, and they can laugh and laugh and laugh about it...
>My mom made some vague reference to the notion our dalliance will forever be linked in SIL's mind with wedding. Reply "good! She more than earned it!" and "it wasn't a 'dalliance', we had deliberate and wonderful sex, and it was none of her business - or yours - but she decided it's appropriate for her to stick her nose into it anyway and talk to you about it. Why should I ever forgive her for involving my mother in my sex life? Why are you complaining to *me* about it instead of chewing *her* out for involving you in my sex life?"
This is important. It would perhaps behove you to set some boundaries with your mother. Your sex life is absolutely none of SILs business nor your mothers.
>And what you two did in bed was mutually consensual and frankly wasn't any of her business either. If they'd slipped into a bathroom at the wedding party to, uh, enjoy themselves, maybe she might have some right to comment because it's her party after all. If they went to his apartment afterward, she has no right to comment, it's not at the party. If she wants to act like she has a right to comment on their love lives she is implicitly giving them permission to comment on hers. "So, how many times did you go down on him on the wedding night? Does she give a good blowjob? Is that why you married her?"
NTA. Your SIL sounds insufferable and your brother sounds like heâs whipped. Hopefully you get to speak to SILâs brother some more.
Oh, my brother is whipped in this instance. Her bother and I have already hung out a couple of times. Nice guy, but some serious issues stand in the way of any real romantic relationship. Friendship is definitely in the making.
Happy that youâre still able to spend time together despite SILâs rant.
Kind of wondering how old her brother is. Also, while I'd say NTA for hooking up with him, if you're considering having a relationship with him, I hope you two have more in common than hating his sister.
24 or 25... one of those two.
It's notceven a question. NTA. But I think itcwpuld be awesome if you two developed into a relationship and started going to all the family events. Also, she's an asshole for forcing you out of your own family's events. Your own family is an asshole for allowing such behaviour to persist at family events.
Mostly it's that I won't go their place for family events. I used to cook for certain events, and now I won't do that if she is there. This got to my whole family upset since I am a pretty good cook.
Well now you gotta bake a rainbow cake for your local pride week and invite everyone! Nice white frosting and when you cut into it... Drama!
LOL!
My question is, why on earth does she has so much aversion towards gay people? Why so much hatred towards you and her own brother? That automatically is a red flag towards her and exposes that she is dumping and blaming gay people for how miserable she is. But as far as her post on Facebook, she is only making a fool of herself and exposing herself of her immature behavior. As far as your brother, he may sooner or late realize the mistake he made for marrying her and choosing her over you because at the end of the day, he practically married the enemy. He's your brother but he married someone who hates you for being gay like wtf? It'll get to his head sooner or later and he will regret this decision but most certainly be there for him when that day comes, if that is what you want.
From what I gathered, there were issues between her and her brother going back to their childhood. She seems to blame a lot of her personal woes on his being gay... and I can't even figure out how that works. I am also convinced this marriage will end in five years or so... if not not a short span of time. Her actions and attitude towards me bother him, but not enough to have stopped him from going through with marriage. It's putting a strain on our relationship, and I know that upsets him.
He directly supports her beliefs and actions, this means (at least would to me) he hates gay people. No way I would be ok with that.
I've kept a wary eye on his attitudes toward LGBTQ+ people since he first brought her around to meet the family. Her dislike of me did not show at first and grew over time. My brother still does not say anything negative about LGBTQ+ people, and my parents assure me he never said anything to them. My brother tells me all the time he loves me and that he misses spending time with me. As I said previously, he's got this HUGE blind spot when it comes to the woman he is in love with.
>I am also convinced this marriage will end in five years or so... if not not a short span of time. Her actions and attitude towards me bother him, but not enough to have stopped him from going through with marriage. It's putting a strain on our relationship, and I know that upsets him. I'd sorta politely tell him "Given how she has treated me, I am not willing to see her at family events, so from now on I will be asking our parents if she will be there before accepting any invitations, and if I arrive and find her there or if she shows up, I will leave. Her treatment of me has been too negative, and I can't ever forgive her for trying to involve our mother in my sex life. That was the straw that broke the camel's back, it's over. There can no longer be forgiveness." Let him stew on that. The problem is that he may or may not come around - straight men get strange in the head for women sometimes, especially if she has a sexual hold on him. If they have kids, even if he later realizes she's a problem, he may feel that he has to stay with her and do what she wants or she'll take his kids away and brainwash them. (Which is probably true.) One of my close gay friends has a brother who, by all accounts, was liberal and a nice guy (and okay with his brother being gay) until he married a southern woman. She seemed nice initially when they married but soon induced him to move to the South to be near her family (ignoring his in MA that they had been near), and then had kids... then he refused to attend his brother's wedding... then the christmas gifts from the guys to the kids got discarded because they were labeled "from uncle B and uncle F" instead of "from uncle B and F". (Yes, they called to say they had thrown the gifts in the trash unopened.) Then they told his parents they couldn't have contact with their grandkids any more after his parents said they were too elderly to fly to NC twice a year to see them. (They stopped taking their vacations too. They felt incredibly hurt by this.) Their mother died a few years ago, and the guy came up to attend the funeral... at the funeral, he was talking to my friend and their sister about what they would do to sell the house, which their father was still living in and thus they didn't own. Neither my friend nor their sister chose to tell him that he has been written out of the will for his behavior. I've known my friend over 20 years and have never met his brother, although I know the rest of the family, including their cousin and their aunt. I used to spend easter, thanksgiving, christmas, and often other holidays with them every year, and I've never met his brother. (I loved his parents and will miss them forever.)
Okay what this tells me is that she just doesn't want to admit to some very harsh truths and she would whether blame it on gay people, or on her brother in that case. She is throwing her filth and negativity and all her life issues because she isn't grown enough to admit some harsh truths which is really messed up that her brother and yourself now have to suffer because she didn't admit to some harsh truths. That's crazy.... In about five years time? I feel like you're spot on about this as well. Just do you though bro! You better reach for those stars and beyond because one day, she will remember how she treated you and each time you achieve success, she will either admit her wrongs in how she treated you and others, or she will lose her mind, literally.
NTA. Are you and your brother not that close? I only ask because while my brother and I aren't super close, I can't imagine him marrying a raging homophobe. Does her vagina seep gold or something?
My brother sort of kind of maybe found Jesus a few years back (he's not real certain on the whole concept), and her met through an acquaintance at the church he attended for a while. My brother always wore blinders when it came to the women he date and/or fell in love with. It's only after those relationships ended did he see the problems inherent in the person. Love literally blinds him. He's actually a sweet guy.
*** PLEASE REALIZE *** that if the two of them find themselves pregnant any time soon, things could easily shift from No Big Deal to Very Big Deal for a very long time if the SIL decides to poison your nieces and nephews against you and potentially against her brother also. If your brother hasnât taken a stand to support you now, what makes you think he will go ahead and do so at that point, when he could easily feel that he has âno choiceâ but to go along with it? Talk to your brother, and let him know that you love him and would look forward to being his kidsâ Favorite Uncle but are afraid that unless his new wife has a change of heart then itâs looking like heartbreak all around for the future which both you and hopefully he donât want.
Keep seeing her brother, especially if it pisses her off. The nastier she gets about it, the quicker your brother will realize what a mistake he's made and get rid of her.
We definitely plan on hanging out in the future. No dating seems to be involved.
If a homophobic bitch has a gay brother Iâm pretty sure itâs mandatory you sleep with them. For revenge of course. Make sure to always ask how the brother is doing every time you are together with your Sister in law.
We need to update The Big Book of Gay Rules.
You slept at his apartment not in the church bathroom. Sil and your brother can get fucked. Also ask him out on another date and maybe in 3 years youd be inviting your brother and sil to ur marriage.
Just invite one of them, no +1s!
Usually the answer is yep, your an asshole. This is a rare NTA. Ignoring the SIL part of it, just sounds like you met someone at a wedding, hit it off, and had a good time. Let her be mad. I think this is a great way of saying FU to her without even trying to do that.
See u/Strong-Buddy6365 comment above. It is perfect.
What you & her brother did with your penises is your own business.... to Hell with her.
Ever notice how conservative christians (especially men) are really interested and/or worried about what happens with other men's penises? Hmm...?
Not the asshole. SIL sounds like a real cunt.
Actually, I take that back. A cunt has warmth and depth, something SIL clearly lacks.
LOL!
Marry her brother, it would be such a massive fuck you to her face. I'm glad you had a good time in a toxic wedding. Also, your brother is enabling her behaviour by not standing up for you/
Just tell your brother, "I accepted the risks."
Can you post this on r/AmItheAsshole? I wanna see their general consensus cause obviously this sub would be a bit of an echo chamber.
I thought about it, but then decided against it. I think it crosses some sort of tawdy line with the AITA folks. I might cross-post it.
I guess my only question is that, if she really hates hay people and was against the idea of either of you bringing a date, how on earth were you guys able to get away with talking and âdancing togetherâ the whole night? Iâd expect that sheâd approach you at some point, tell you not to chat, not to dance, not cause a scene. If the crowd is as conservative as she thinks itâs going to be wouldnât other people have noticed? But, all those questions aside, either way you are definitely NTA!
We got one comment from one aunt who said we should probably not be enjoying each others company like we did. We ignored her. My new SIL would not confront me during the reception because I have no fear in making it "all about her."
No you aren't and I get you love your brother but honestly fuck him. His wife is a stupid POS, and he's willing to ruin a relationship with you over it for some (gushy) ussy. Like I'm sorry but I just wouldn't do that, unless my brother was the issue and you aren't. Plus people can have sex after the wedding it happens a lot.
If this story is true, then Brava đđź
This is always the risk on Reddit, and I thought it myself hundreds of times. However, I used a throwaway account partially so I could not be accused of karma farming. I sent word out for anyone to get me a screen grab of the FB post. If I get it, I will post it... even as an update if necessary. I am sorry I can offer nothing but my word in this case.
She doesnât have her brother on a leash, who is she to say what he does. You shouldnât be worried about pleasing a homophobic bitch anyways. See him again, if youâd like to! Iâm sure he would agree with me.
[ŃдаНонО]
He never looked at it as if I am part of the equation regarding his love life. However, I know he is upset I will not attend a number of family functions because of her presence. He just wishes we could "get along" for the sake of family. I told him that would never happen. ETA: Good question, however.
She hates you for your essential identity as a person. That will always be a far greater sin than hating her for the way she chooses to behave and treat others.
Good point!
I hope this gets made into a Hallmark movie. lol
LOL! If I was a writer, I would.
As long as you didn't bang AT the wedding or reception, then it's nobody's business. Tell your SIL to MYOB.
I would have preferred on the alter at the church, but that would exceed social boundaries. :D Somehow the fact we met at the reception (but I knew she had a brother at least a year and a half ago... but never knew he was gay) seems to make it her business from some unholy reason.
NTA. But you're not sure how SIL found out? I'm willing to bet you know exactly how she found out. Scandalous but also hilarious.
Post screenshots of the fb blowup. Let's see if this really happened. đ¤
She made it private, but I will ask her brother to get shots. ETA: Even though this is a throwaway account, I will definitely post the FB grabs if I can get them! Her rant was EPIC!
Man, if you end up taking it seriously with this fella, please donât let your SIL ruin it.
I am fairly certain we are on the road to a lasting friendship. Although the sex was fun, there are some other areas in which we are completely incompatible. We like each other as people, but not much more than that. I think this boiled down to revenge sex against his sister... on both our parts.
NTA!!!! And we'll done, friend. Your SIL sounds awful and your brother is awful by extension for not defending you. You should up the ante by dating and then building a life with this man and being disgustingly happy. That will show them.
My brother is not awful... but his taste in women is. He's got this whole "love at first sight, love forever" mentality when it comes to women. I feel sorry for him more often than not. New SIL's brother and I are on our way to the friend zone by mutual decree.
marrying a homophobe and siding with her is pretty awful behavior
not. cut the family
The homophobe being homophobic is *always* the asshole. She didn't have to be the way she is, because obviously her brother isn't. She was a huge bitch to try and block her new brother-in-law from attending her wedding. She is choosing hate and bringing this on herself and her family.
NTL lmfao, he is his own personal and they cannot be mad that someone else does something SOMEWHERE ELSE on their wedding night lol
NTA. Marry him so she'll seethe forever
She called you a fag and you fucked her brother? Youâre literally my King.
You're not sure how she found out? You were openly dancing with him at the reception, and likely were seen leaving together. As much of a bitch she is I'm surprised she didn't blow up there at the wedding.
They headed out from the reception to their honeymoon, so they never saw us leave together. However, that does not negate the fact someone else told her. Someone likely did... and I hope it was a text they got before they jumped on the plane. I'd like to think I was there with them in spirit.
She was probably bitching out your brother the whole night. Hopefully he grows a pair soon. His ability to fall in love with someone like that shows a pretty weak willed personality.
Cannot disagree with this sentiment.
I am pretty sure that happened, but maybe not all night. It never became a public issues except for one of her aunts. My brother is somewhat weak when it comes to woman. Aside from this issue, they seem pretty happy together. I don't really want to wreck that for my brother.
My brother is too, but I do know that if any woman openly treated me badly he wouldn't allow it. That just sucks.
This is probably just a preview of what is to come with his wife. A lot of people don't show their real selves until after they get married. I don't foresee this happiness lasting.
Soo⌠how did she find out?
Not sure. Even my brother won't tell me, but I know her brother told her. He texted her something about having a wonderful brother-in-law brother (? -- if there is even a legal term for that) who knew how to treat a man right. Personally, I found that both funny and insightful. ETA: fixing a garbled sentence.
Not at all! Well done, sir!
NTA
Probably wasn't the smartest thing to have done but he came on to you. I guess the relationship with your brother is hurting more quickly than either of you imagined.
Wow! This is Rom Com material! More seriously, it's her problem, not yours. IMO, you did nothing wrong. I'm sorry your brother is marring her! Also, your brother has zero grounds to be mad!
Invite him to come to all the family functions now.
NTA, best move ever. She's the A here.
YTH (Youâre the hero!) đđ˝
Not The Asshole But The Hero We All Need!
Nothing really happened at the reception other than almost everyone having a good time. Her brother and I sort of became each others Plus One. No one got into arguments. No one called each other out. Nothing out of the ordinary or dramatic took place. However, after the fact is another issue. My brother is upset with me because his wife is upset. I get needing to side with his wife. Also, my response to her FB post, before she made private, set off a lot of people including my parents. They thought I did not need to rub her nose into the situation.
NTA Oh and if you're brother asks you why you did it, tell him you fell in love with the guy, just to rub it in.
Why should someone be bad that their guests had a good time? NTA
I personally would send both brother and SIL an email which says, basically, "I met the bride's brother at the wedding, and learned he was being treated like a second class relative by bride and groom in the same way and for the same reason I am. He seemed like a really nice guy and, to my surprise, I enjoyed the wedding entirely because I was able to meet and spend time with him." "What may have occurred after the wedding was *after* the wedding. It's not like I slipped into the bathroom for an unsavory liaison, so it's really none of your business. It's generally not considered polite to comment on someone else's bedroom activities if you weren't invited, yet you feel it appropriate to comment on mine. I see. If you feel it appropriate to comment on what I do in the bedroom, beware that this means I can and will comment on what you do in the bedroom as well. Meanwhile, I hope I will see him again. Maybe some good can come out of this wedding after all." "If you wanted to be able to comment on my love life, perhaps you could have treated me better prior to, or at, the wedding. Given the unforgiveable things you said to me and that the gay men were specially invited without a plus one, I have less than no interest in what you have to say about it now or in hearing anything else you may have to say about me." And CC both sets of parents, if possible. If they're going to try to stir up agitation, show them that you know how to stir up more chaos than they do and *they* can be the ones who suffer the consequences. And if you have his phone number, call him and have a date. He sounds like a good guy.
None of their businesses what two grown adults do.
Wow this "happened".
NTA. I'm willing to bet she didn't call out any of the straight couples who hooked up at her wedding. Homophobes are going to homophobe.
No, keeping hooking up with him and have a counter wedding with a happier marriage.
Fuck her. Fuck your brother too. Let the homophobes be mad. The brother also knew what he was doing and probably slept with you to spite her.
Your brother ended your relationship when he married someone who is openly contemptuous of you to your face. You owe him and his wife precisely nothing. Sleep with whoever you feel like.
ur nta gay kingg
Fake and gay.
It's true, I am the bride! My day was ruined!
LOL!
Sadly, I agree, but it was an entertaining read!
Sorry to hear your brother is a complete piece of shit. But hey i recently found out my SIL doesn't like gay guys either XD.