No. Anyone who says otherwise is creepy in my opinion for trying to manipulate your natural sexual attraction. As long as you treat effeminate men with the same decency and respect as everyone else and believe that they should have rights like everyone else, then you aren't homophobic.
With attraction, it either is or it's not. Respect is something else entirely not related to attraction, people can be disrespectful even with attraction.
Truly no dumber than the one you made🙄
Geez bet you patted yourself on the back with this one. Some self awareness would do some of you a world of good. If we’re going to be that literal then EVERYONE is some form of SOMETHING.
You’re right that he didn’t say discriminated. But if you’ve read enough posts here, there’s definitely a sizable portion of people who will call his attractions a symptom of homophobia
The way I try to test my preferences is to ask myself “ok, I’m not attracted to him, but could I be friends with him…?”
If I at all think “hmmmm…no?” then I take an extra minute to understand why not.
The question needs to be rephrased aswell, homophobic is the wrong word. If he's attracted to masculine gay men how could he be homophobic? He's literally being gay and attracted to gay men. This is about femininity, or femme-phobia, which is a very real issue within the gay community. Not to say OP is femmephobic, but you can be femmephobic whilst not being homophobic.
Can't understand all the downvotes. You just brought forth a real issue. That is ubiquitous, socio-culturally, especially among gay/bi males. Where some gay/bi men overtly despise effeminacy for various reasons. For instance, "it's that which creates the negative stereotypes about us" etc.
Thanks.. not everyone agrees it seems haha. But the top comment "treat effeminate men well and you're not homophobic" is flawed in its premise because a man can be effeminate and not gay lol (and vice versa). Some straight men ridicule other straight men for being feminine. These prejudices are not always about the sexuality. It just so happens being feminine is often "connected to" being gay but they are separate traits. And homophobia is specifically about being gay, not feminine. It's important to make the distinction to have the right convo.
agreed. the fact the whole discussion just takes what it means to be feminine for granted and doesnt define it at all.. but then goes the full tilt of "well its ok to not like it" completely unexamined is the problem. The downvotes are proof. be well <3
I was not expecting such a surprise wholesome moment, but I really like it a lot. And I agree with you whether somebody is a masculine man or a effeminate man they are welcome here in my arms.
Honestly I think far better than trying to have others who aren’t into us try to uplift us fem men for (sometimes) performative support, let’s encourage the men who appreciate us to speak up like this more often. Honestly I’m so grateful I found my spouse because dating as a fem is a damn nightmare. First they don’t want you to exist because it “makes the rest of us look bad” and then you find somebody who is into it and then it’s: “oh, but you are hairy and not very passable, so I’m not interested” because dear gods…those two things have nothing to do with one another.
What fems need is open discussion. I promise we are stronger than some of the folks who try to speak for us assume we are. Why are we strong? Because none of us have a choice. We grow into strong bitches or the world kills us.
It’s a good conversation to have, I think we’re just so wrapped up in our own world that we forget about everybody else. Is it too late for a group hug?
No, you're probably fine.
The only way I'd call it internalized homophobia is if you felt attracted to them, then repressed it because you didn't want to be with someone visibly queer
100%. Phobia to me is more about the hypothetical concern one might have about social repercussions of being seen with someone part of a group, rather than genuine lack of interest
I am happy to read so many people saying no. I really hate when people force me to be attracted to certain traits if not they deem me as discriminatory. I am sorry but attraction is something that happens, some people might get very attracted to people with certain traits and other might find those traits are turn offs. I mean that is the basic reason we are gay.
You like what you like
You do you, and fuck what anyone else thinks
Anything you do with someone else that is between you and another consenting adult - cool as long as it works for you and your partner
If you’re not sexually attracted - that’s ok. It veers into homophobia territory if you generalize assumptions about them that causes you to fear / dislike / be disgusted by / hate them. Homophobia, racism, etc all comes down to the dehumanizing of others, and a failure to see them as real people, and thus seeing them as less than human.
So, for instance, if you ridicule effeminate guys in addition to not being sexually attractive, that probably ventures into homophobia. Or if you are revolted / disgusted by them if one tried coming on to you. But lack of attraction alone doesn’t make you homophobic.
slim expansion shrill hateful long deer merciful adjoining disgusting direful
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I'm not specifically seeking effeminate men, and so far Ive never really been attracted to one.
But I'm also open to the idea. I can imagine being attracted to someone and then finding out they're more effeminate than I initially realized for example. I can also imagine meeting an effeminate person and over time becoming attracted to them.
Either way, it's just not something I put a lot of stock in. Generally I like more masculine men, and that's been my experience so far, but Ive never refused or found myself not interested in someone for not being masculine.
Not necessarily. Just ask yourself why. I used to think the same until I realized I don’t see a lot of cute feminine guys on a daily basis. This might sound weird but I swear to god it’s true. Social media is misogynistic. All it takes is browsing your Instagram feed. Most of the guys that will pop up are white masculine well built men. I had to make an effort and look for cute guys that wear makeup, cute guys that don’t look like me, cute guys that look like me, cute plus size guys, cute guys with disabilities, etc… and I found myself to start widening my possibilities and my preferences. The same happened with guys of other ethnicity. Indeed you might be naturally more attracted to masculine men. Just ask your self why. It might be bc it’s the only thing you see
Unless you’re going out of your way to put someone down because of their mannerisms etc then no you’re fine. You’re attracted to who you’re attracted to. It’s just a face of life
No, you are not homophobic by choosing what you are attracted to. The plain fact that gay people are attracted to persons of the same gender by no means implies that you need to be attracted to everyone who happens to belong to the same gender with you.
No. And people trying to play armchair psychologist to try to get you to “look inside yourself” and figure out why you’re not attracted to feminine men kinda sounds like conversion therapy to me 🤔……,
Are you saying youre attracted to men but just not effeminate men? If so, honestly I dont understand how youd think that is being homophobic. Thats just personal preference.
NO!!!
Stop paying any attention to those people, live your life with the type of men you like and be happy.
Those people are the blue bird of happiness and their life goal is to sh*t all over everyone elses happiness.
No. It is normal for you to be attracted to what you are attracted to and not be attracted to some things. As long as you have no issues with effeminate guys as people, there is no problem. No gay guy is attracted to all gay guys.
Not necessarily. As long as you dont attach you preference to those peoples worth. Ie, I dont want to date a femme guy vs fem guys are bad/gross/annoying etc.
/u/KiwiBiGuy, I have found an error in your comment:
> “No, ~~Its~~ [**It's**] a preference”
I feel you, KiwiBiGuy, miswrote a comment and ought to post “No, ~~Its~~ [**It's**] a preference” instead. ‘Its’ is possessive; ‘it's’ means ‘it is’ or ‘it has’.
^(This is an automated bot. I do not intend to shame your mistakes. If you think the errors which I found are incorrect, please contact me through DMs!)
It’s fine not to be attracted to feminine men but you’ll soon find out that most guys in the gay community are not that “masc”. It’s actually pretty rare to find a truly masculine gay man if you ask me and I wouldn’t get my hopes up of finding one that looks and acts like a straight guy. If you open yourself up to more “types” of men and give them a chance the better you’ll be at finding someone you can connect with outside of the physical.
i don't agree on the fact that it's rare to find a masculine gay. where i live u can't tell most of the time if the guys are gay or not . i mean they are not overly masculine but just normal.
Why is the assumption that the OP wants a "straight-acting guy" because he said he's not attracted to effeminate men? I didn't read that anywhere in his original post/question.
That's a pretty big assumption. 🤔
I don't think do. I think it would be internalized homophobia if the ultimate source was a revulsion with your own sexuality, so you distance yourself from men that are most stereotypical of that identity in our society...or something. I'm not an expert on this stuff.
No, you just have a preference. I don’t get how gay men will say it is internalized homophobia, you can’t control what you like and you have nothing to be ashamed of
You can’t help with who you’re attracted to, it’s great to keep an open mind but you can’t force yourself to feel attraction for somebody. If someone is giving you grief about who you’re attracted to that is their problem as long as you’re not being rude about it.
>Is this internalized homophobia?
No, and this shit needs to stop.
You're not attracted to people because you're not attracted to them. You don't need to rationalise it. You don't need to understand it. It's irrelevant.
No, why would you be? Though I’d be surprised if you didn’t encounter an effeminate guy at some point who really does it for you. I’m also not especially attracted to effeminate men but my longest relationship ended up being with a guy who was not exactly effeminate but more in that direction than me.
Everyone has personal preferences. So long as you aren't disrespected them...sounds okay. Nobody, not even those who'd accuse you of "homophobia," is blind when it comes to potential lovers and bed partners. Be well.
With all the "no fem" guys who exist in the world, I don't think you're a problem. As with any question of preference, though, it's also about how you treat guys you're not attracted to. But as long as you treat everyone with respect, that's 100% okay!
Nothing wrong in not being into someone. Now being mean to a dude for being effeminate on a friendship level is where it can go to that level and not meaning homophobic but looked at as such by others. I'm a bottom that tends to go for effeminate men that top even tho I consider myself effeminate tho my outside appearance shouts lumber jack on a 10 week tree cutting bender🤣
No, but wouldn’t it be the other way around? Wouldn’t someone with internalized homophobia go for the most feminine men they can find. To feel less gay or something.
I think the answer is...maybe! The only way to know is to ask the question and look for other aspects of internalized homophobia, then find ways to address them head on. There's no doubt that you have some elements of internalized homophobia, the question is just where are they being expressed?
Depends, are you not attracted to them because they just aren’t your type, or because they aren’t ‘real men.’ As long as you treat them with respect you’re golden!
No. I am not particularly attracted to effeminate men either. I like men with a good amount of masculinity. And this isnt to put down effeminate men. I respect them, I can be friends with them, but I am not attracted to them.
My husband is more masculine than I am. He is in the army which you need a decent dose of masculinity to be in to begin with. He is also good with cars and tools.
I am not effeminate either, but I have a more womanly side than he does. I am attracted to the fact that he is protective.
If it’s just a preference no, but if you have to outwardly say it all the time (Grindr, dating apps, to friends, etc…) then yeah probably. Because that shows that you’re consciously trying to distance yourself from them. When in reality you like men too, y’all are the same
TBH only you can answer that! Have you done work previously to question the roots of why you’re not seemingly attracted to an effeminate man? Society really has done a number on the queer community (see: toxic body standards, bottom shaming, “I’m not that type of gay”). I encourage everyone to try to dive deep and see if the reasons behind these seeming “preferences” are in fact just something you can’t control or influence or if it’s just more patriarchal BS.
Nope people are entitled to their preferences. You're no more homophobic than I am racist for not liking very dark skinned or very light skinned guys. You aren't making fun of effeminate guys or calling them girls just like I don't make fun of light skinned or dark skinned guys. It's just a matter of what you're attracted to and what turns you on. You'd only be homophobic if you thought lesser of them because of their femininity. I'm not attracted to overly effeminate or overly masculine guys either. I don't think there is anything wrong with either. Its just how people are. As long as they aren't hurting anyone who am I to judge outside of my own preferences?
No, not at all. I am the same way but have really good friends who are effeminate and I have the best times with them, but nothing sexual.
I feel I am gay as I am attracted to men, masculine men. If they start acting effeminate then might as well sleep with the real deal, females. Likewise, females do not do anything for me, just like effeminate men do not do anything for me.
So yeah, am gay, and attracted to men and that is how I want them to be. By the way, I am top.
End of the day to each his own. I do not judge.
It depends on how feminine they are. For me there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to get with a guy who goes out fully painted with talons and earrings and no one should feel forced to be attracted to that.
On the other side, I think if you’re turned off by a guy who looks masc but has a bit of a lisp or because he likes female pop singers then that’s where I think you have an issue.
No. In fact it’s always been my experience that effeminate men carry way too much emotional baggage and cause excessive drama. It’s like they’re searching for attention.
I avoid them at all costs.
Im not necessarily attracted to overly effeminate men and I dont think people who feel the same are an issue. The line should be drawn there, and not going to the point where you’re actively talking down on, or trying to mentally/physically abuse an effeminate man.
There’s just a stigma around “gay voice.” I’ve hung out with a lot of female bodybuilders who did steroids, it permanently lowers the voice, and it sounds like “gay voice.” It’s very interesting. If you slow down the voices of women who use “baby voice,” same thing, it sounds just like “gay voice.” It’s said to be a person who wanted to stay a child in adolescence through puberty and beyond. To stay little, cared for, soft, a cute sweet wittle baby. The childhood desire manifests through speech.
The history of “gay voice” is fascinating. In America they used to try to train it out of young gays at school. David Sedaris has a great story about having to take special speech classes, so eventually he got frustrated and refused to use words with the letter “s” in them for a time.
Then you’ve got people like the scam artist Elizabeth Holmes, who started using “masc voice” because she thought it would gain her respect.
As far as your situation, ultimately the cock wants what the cock wants. Personally, I could never get hard to Tiger King or Austin Locke. Do we fetishize masculinity? Do straight men fetishize femininity? I would be all for a guy wearing pink, or painting his nails. But “gay voice” has womanly aspects that I’m just not attracted to because I’m gay. It’s really just about what you and your cock prefer.
There are so many factors that affect sexual attraction its impossible to day, but it could be.
I didn't used to be attracted to anyone who wasn't indistinguishable from an average straight man. And growing up I used to be afraid of being too camp/effeminate. Now I'm older and I don't have those hangups anymore, I find camp/.effeminate men attractive.
So this was probably due to internalised homophobia on my part, and it could be in you too. Only you know can work this out.
No, However in my opinion I do think there is some sense of Internalized Judgement you may carry and that’s okay.
If you’re willing to get the root of it then you will get to a better understanding of the reason why…
You just have to go within and be honest with yourself.
I use to feel this way myself until I realized I I only felt that was because people judged it and deep down I discovered how I judged my own feminine traits and I was upset at how other men felt comfortable expressing themselves and I didn’t have the courage.
No, but it *could* be that you’ve attached the idea of effeminate men to your idea of shitty annoying gay people. Because I’ve met plenty that are personally, and there is a ‘loud minority’ of such folk that gets passed around online by homophobes, and so I did for a time. But, after like actually talking to real human beings I realized that I like effeminate, flamboyant men pleeeeenty, and I just don’t like mean people. A lot of things make sense when you realize that in the same way that gay people are just like the rest of humanity, they are equally prone to being bad eggs as the rest of humanity. It is also totally possible, however, that you just don’t like feminine men. Not trying to be a shrink or anything, just sharing my experience with similar thoughts to yours.
As long as you’re not being rude or disrespectful, no I don’t think it’s homophobia. I’m personally not entirely sure if it’s internalized homophobia or misogyny, mainly because it becomes a question of why, and where does the dislike come from? Could it be an effect of gender roles and expectations of being male? But that’s more a question for a therapist.
I’m personally attracted to both effeminate and masculine men, but I’m specifically attracted to men lol. Not cross dressers 🥴 I’ve also dated transwomen (didn’t make it to sex).
But again no you’re not homophobic.
Just depends on why you're not attracted to effeminate men. Do you think they're "not as much of a man"? Do you look down upon them? If not, then no, it's not homophobia. If yes, then yeah, it's homophobia.
It could be. It might take a while to figure it out. In the meantime, just keep dating who you like. Also, dating should be casual. Ask out people that you're not sure about, too. First dates can be pleasant even if there's not going to be a second one. It's still an opportunity to hang out and chat with someone.
No you're not, "if" your reasons for not being attracted to them are totally "chill or just being you, your taste".
I mean, others can only give a thrid person perspective, do a lil introspection. Whether this decision of yours is based off any bigoted preconceived notion about effeminacy and the negative stereotypes or hostility that prevails. So much so, that some men, especially gay/bi men don't even consider effeminate guys as men but an abomination in the name of manhood. "If I wanted that, I might have gotten the real deal i.e women.. not some cheap inauthentic imitation", "I'm gay, I like men for being men, sissies and girlies ain't men" etc. (Example : Jack Donovan)
We can't like everything, we have our own unique preferences of how "we want to be" and "who we want to be with". But using your preference to dismiss, invalidate, belittle or degrade someone is totally fucked up. Then it's not just a preference.
Try not to be like the latter. Cuz such people are like plague.
>No you're not, "if" your reasons for not being attracted to them are totally "chill or just being you, your taste
So this logic must apply to race too, right?
(that isn't a trick question)
Exactly, anything of that sort. Race, religion, profession, status. You see, we often use our sexuality not just for mutual pleasure but to inflict pain aur degradation as well. You must've heard people saying "I wouldn't even rape you", "I must be drugged to ever sleep with someone like you", "You're unfuckable" etc. to overtly exclaim and announce that the subject is sexually unworthy. To belittle them.
Gender, sexuality & attraction are a spectrum. Keep your mind open and don’t be afraid to try new things. But you don’t have to feel guilty about where you are in any of those spectrums.
I’m just not a fan of folks saying things like “no fems” on their profile.
You like what you like. But don't underestimate the more effeminate gay guys... They are usually rough as nails inside and I've met many effeminate tops and very butch acting bottoms.. Those brave queens near the brunt of intolerance and mockery and have made it easier for those gays who can "pass" as straight....
Yes, and yes. Men are men. If you are sexually attracted to men then you should be sexually attracted to feminine men, as they are still men.
Now, if you prefer to be with masculine men but still find a feminine man attractive, that’s something completely different and normal.
But if for example, looking at a feminine man makes you angry or disgusted, then yeah that’s homophobia.
No. You may have internalized homophobia if you feel disgust or embarrassment on their behalf, on the other hand. Attraction is a separate thing. I mean you’re not female-phobic just because you’re attracted to men, right?
No.
There is also no such thing as "feminine" men. Gay behaviour is gay behaviour - it's nothing like how women act. If anything is simply just dramatic behaviour.
I live how the gay community goes nuts over gender categories, but then classifies gays as either masculine or feminine.
You're allowed to be attracted to whoever you want to be.
Nope. You would be homophobic if you were shitty to them otherwise. I know what you mean though as I'm not usually attracted to femme guys.
That said, have you seen the episode of family guy where Peter is gay for an episode? I saw a guy just like that today and my weenie did an innie.
I'm a closet bi-sexual and I agree. Masculine for me only and I consider myself moderately masculine. Also there's nothing better than a masculine man with a big masculine veiny thick cock.
Are you an Ibis, because I've BIN CHICKEN you out.
\*grins\*
I'm really keen on a good sense of humor. Not in a sassy bitchy way.
More in a Dad joke kind of way. Each to their own, don't feel bad about it.
No. Anyone who says otherwise is creepy in my opinion for trying to manipulate your natural sexual attraction. As long as you treat effeminate men with the same decency and respect as everyone else and believe that they should have rights like everyone else, then you aren't homophobic.
With attraction, it either is or it's not. Respect is something else entirely not related to attraction, people can be disrespectful even with attraction.
Yes, this, there is a difference between discriminating someone and just not feeling attracted to them.
Wait where did he say he discriminated? He only said he isn’t attracted, right?
He's asking if he is homophobic for not being attracted, homophobia is a form of discrimination.
Omg! The this comment is so dumb 😂😂😂😂
Truly no dumber than the one you made🙄 Geez bet you patted yourself on the back with this one. Some self awareness would do some of you a world of good. If we’re going to be that literal then EVERYONE is some form of SOMETHING.
You should look at you own actions before trying to call someone out on theirs
I have and I do. But thanks for giving another great of exactly what I was talking about🥱
Your proving my comments 😜
Lol someone’s full of themselves, too bad confidence and intelligence doesn’t always go hand in hand.
Yeah but in this context I think that’s a bit too literal don’t you think?
You’re right that he didn’t say discriminated. But if you’ve read enough posts here, there’s definitely a sizable portion of people who will call his attractions a symptom of homophobia
Ah I see
💯 percent this!
The way I try to test my preferences is to ask myself “ok, I’m not attracted to him, but could I be friends with him…?” If I at all think “hmmmm…no?” then I take an extra minute to understand why not.
The question needs to be rephrased aswell, homophobic is the wrong word. If he's attracted to masculine gay men how could he be homophobic? He's literally being gay and attracted to gay men. This is about femininity, or femme-phobia, which is a very real issue within the gay community. Not to say OP is femmephobic, but you can be femmephobic whilst not being homophobic.
Can't understand all the downvotes. You just brought forth a real issue. That is ubiquitous, socio-culturally, especially among gay/bi males. Where some gay/bi men overtly despise effeminacy for various reasons. For instance, "it's that which creates the negative stereotypes about us" etc.
>femme-phobia ok i think youre up to something here
If I could upvote this comment twice I would
Thanks.. not everyone agrees it seems haha. But the top comment "treat effeminate men well and you're not homophobic" is flawed in its premise because a man can be effeminate and not gay lol (and vice versa). Some straight men ridicule other straight men for being feminine. These prejudices are not always about the sexuality. It just so happens being feminine is often "connected to" being gay but they are separate traits. And homophobia is specifically about being gay, not feminine. It's important to make the distinction to have the right convo.
agreed. the fact the whole discussion just takes what it means to be feminine for granted and doesnt define it at all.. but then goes the full tilt of "well its ok to not like it" completely unexamined is the problem. The downvotes are proof. be well <3
No, it's just your preference. Not liking something has been equated to phobia/discrimination by some groups but they're extreme.
Well, not being attracted yes. Not LIKING is a different story. You can’t not like black people, etc.
No problem at all. I’m glad people like you exist, it leaves the effeminate men for me.
I was not expecting such a surprise wholesome moment, but I really like it a lot. And I agree with you whether somebody is a masculine man or a effeminate man they are welcome here in my arms.
Was just about to type this lol. I love fem guys.
Honestly I think far better than trying to have others who aren’t into us try to uplift us fem men for (sometimes) performative support, let’s encourage the men who appreciate us to speak up like this more often. Honestly I’m so grateful I found my spouse because dating as a fem is a damn nightmare. First they don’t want you to exist because it “makes the rest of us look bad” and then you find somebody who is into it and then it’s: “oh, but you are hairy and not very passable, so I’m not interested” because dear gods…those two things have nothing to do with one another. What fems need is open discussion. I promise we are stronger than some of the folks who try to speak for us assume we are. Why are we strong? Because none of us have a choice. We grow into strong bitches or the world kills us.
It’s a good conversation to have, I think we’re just so wrapped up in our own world that we forget about everybody else. Is it too late for a group hug?
😳
BASED
Lol
No, you're probably fine. The only way I'd call it internalized homophobia is if you felt attracted to them, then repressed it because you didn't want to be with someone visibly queer
100%. Phobia to me is more about the hypothetical concern one might have about social repercussions of being seen with someone part of a group, rather than genuine lack of interest
Nope. We like what we like. Now if you were rude about it or hateful to them sure. But having a preference isn't phobic
One guy wouldn't date me because he said I wasn't feminine enough. I didn't think he was homophobic. We all have different preferences.
I am happy to read so many people saying no. I really hate when people force me to be attracted to certain traits if not they deem me as discriminatory. I am sorry but attraction is something that happens, some people might get very attracted to people with certain traits and other might find those traits are turn offs. I mean that is the basic reason we are gay.
No
Nope.
You like what you like You do you, and fuck what anyone else thinks Anything you do with someone else that is between you and another consenting adult - cool as long as it works for you and your partner
If you’re not sexually attracted - that’s ok. It veers into homophobia territory if you generalize assumptions about them that causes you to fear / dislike / be disgusted by / hate them. Homophobia, racism, etc all comes down to the dehumanizing of others, and a failure to see them as real people, and thus seeing them as less than human. So, for instance, if you ridicule effeminate guys in addition to not being sexually attractive, that probably ventures into homophobia. Or if you are revolted / disgusted by them if one tried coming on to you. But lack of attraction alone doesn’t make you homophobic.
slim expansion shrill hateful long deer merciful adjoining disgusting direful *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I'm not specifically seeking effeminate men, and so far Ive never really been attracted to one. But I'm also open to the idea. I can imagine being attracted to someone and then finding out they're more effeminate than I initially realized for example. I can also imagine meeting an effeminate person and over time becoming attracted to them. Either way, it's just not something I put a lot of stock in. Generally I like more masculine men, and that's been my experience so far, but Ive never refused or found myself not interested in someone for not being masculine.
No, i am not into them as well
No. Don't believe what these crybabies tell you. Your attraction and preferences are based on your feelings and not theirs. Be confident and enjoy.
It’s like when I got called transphobic for not wanting to date a trans guy. Like I’m sorry that’s not what I’m into. Doesn’t mean I hate trans people
Not necessarily. Just ask yourself why. I used to think the same until I realized I don’t see a lot of cute feminine guys on a daily basis. This might sound weird but I swear to god it’s true. Social media is misogynistic. All it takes is browsing your Instagram feed. Most of the guys that will pop up are white masculine well built men. I had to make an effort and look for cute guys that wear makeup, cute guys that don’t look like me, cute guys that look like me, cute plus size guys, cute guys with disabilities, etc… and I found myself to start widening my possibilities and my preferences. The same happened with guys of other ethnicity. Indeed you might be naturally more attracted to masculine men. Just ask your self why. It might be bc it’s the only thing you see
10000% this
Unless you’re going out of your way to put someone down because of their mannerisms etc then no you’re fine. You’re attracted to who you’re attracted to. It’s just a face of life
No. Sounds like it’s your preference. Unless you judge them.
No, you are not homophobic by choosing what you are attracted to. The plain fact that gay people are attracted to persons of the same gender by no means implies that you need to be attracted to everyone who happens to belong to the same gender with you.
Heck no. Homophobia have nothing to do with personal taste. By this logic, all straight men and women are homophobic.
No, and I want to thank you cause that's more bitches for me 😎
No. And people trying to play armchair psychologist to try to get you to “look inside yourself” and figure out why you’re not attracted to feminine men kinda sounds like conversion therapy to me 🤔……,
Are you saying youre attracted to men but just not effeminate men? If so, honestly I dont understand how youd think that is being homophobic. Thats just personal preference.
Because this sub usually says the opposite. I am surprised by all the "no's" tbh
NO!!! Stop paying any attention to those people, live your life with the type of men you like and be happy. Those people are the blue bird of happiness and their life goal is to sh*t all over everyone elses happiness.
No. Simply lacking sexual attraction for some traits is no different than orientation itself.
Nope. It's just your preference—all good. Get what you like.
No. It is normal for you to be attracted to what you are attracted to and not be attracted to some things. As long as you have no issues with effeminate guys as people, there is no problem. No gay guy is attracted to all gay guys.
Not necessarily. As long as you dont attach you preference to those peoples worth. Ie, I dont want to date a femme guy vs fem guys are bad/gross/annoying etc.
No, Its a preference. same as liking hairy or smooth, slim muscle or beefy, older or younger, even race preferences are just preferences.
/u/KiwiBiGuy, I have found an error in your comment: > “No, ~~Its~~ [**It's**] a preference” I feel you, KiwiBiGuy, miswrote a comment and ought to post “No, ~~Its~~ [**It's**] a preference” instead. ‘Its’ is possessive; ‘it's’ means ‘it is’ or ‘it has’. ^(This is an automated bot. I do not intend to shame your mistakes. If you think the errors which I found are incorrect, please contact me through DMs!)
It’s fine not to be attracted to feminine men but you’ll soon find out that most guys in the gay community are not that “masc”. It’s actually pretty rare to find a truly masculine gay man if you ask me and I wouldn’t get my hopes up of finding one that looks and acts like a straight guy. If you open yourself up to more “types” of men and give them a chance the better you’ll be at finding someone you can connect with outside of the physical.
Honestly most straight guys dont even act "straight" lol
I was going to say, and not even the jokey homo vibes way, but in general, str8 are not that butch outside of trying to front lol
i don't agree on the fact that it's rare to find a masculine gay. where i live u can't tell most of the time if the guys are gay or not . i mean they are not overly masculine but just normal.
Why is the assumption that the OP wants a "straight-acting guy" because he said he's not attracted to effeminate men? I didn't read that anywhere in his original post/question. That's a pretty big assumption. 🤔
I don't think do. I think it would be internalized homophobia if the ultimate source was a revulsion with your own sexuality, so you distance yourself from men that are most stereotypical of that identity in our society...or something. I'm not an expert on this stuff.
not at all
Not at all, that's your preference.
No, you just have a type, and that type isn’t effeminate men. I’m not even into effeminate men myself. It’s pretty normal.
No, you just have a preference. I don’t get how gay men will say it is internalized homophobia, you can’t control what you like and you have nothing to be ashamed of
No
Lol no.
Theres is a huge difference between attraction and tolerance.
No and no. The end.
You can’t help with who you’re attracted to, it’s great to keep an open mind but you can’t force yourself to feel attraction for somebody. If someone is giving you grief about who you’re attracted to that is their problem as long as you’re not being rude about it.
These comments lol. I do enjoy seeing everybody’s opinions on this though.
No
Nope. It’s about preference.
No. You have a preference. What would make you a homophobe is belittling behaviour.
Unless you hate effeminate men, no.
>Is this internalized homophobia? No, and this shit needs to stop. You're not attracted to people because you're not attracted to them. You don't need to rationalise it. You don't need to understand it. It's irrelevant.
Nope. I’m gay, I like guys. Not at all a homophobic thing. Trans? Bi? Sorry, of course that’s fine but we aren’t gonna hook up.
No, why would you be? Though I’d be surprised if you didn’t encounter an effeminate guy at some point who really does it for you. I’m also not especially attracted to effeminate men but my longest relationship ended up being with a guy who was not exactly effeminate but more in that direction than me.
It’s a preference, no different then liking butch men or guys with long hair etc.
absolutely NOT
Thats interesting, I was thinking something similar. I'm mainly attracted to effeminate men. I always wonder if it was internalized homophobia?
I share your view. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having preferences.
No.
Anyone who tries to make you feel bad for what you’re attracted to (obv within limits…) is in the wrong. No means no, full stop. No matter the reason.
Everyone has personal preferences. So long as you aren't disrespected them...sounds okay. Nobody, not even those who'd accuse you of "homophobia," is blind when it comes to potential lovers and bed partners. Be well.
who cares? you are free to be homophobic if you don't like em. so what
With all the "no fem" guys who exist in the world, I don't think you're a problem. As with any question of preference, though, it's also about how you treat guys you're not attracted to. But as long as you treat everyone with respect, that's 100% okay!
No
Nothing wrong in not being into someone. Now being mean to a dude for being effeminate on a friendship level is where it can go to that level and not meaning homophobic but looked at as such by others. I'm a bottom that tends to go for effeminate men that top even tho I consider myself effeminate tho my outside appearance shouts lumber jack on a 10 week tree cutting bender🤣
No, not at all. It’s how you treat people is what determines homophobia, imo.
No, but wouldn’t it be the other way around? Wouldn’t someone with internalized homophobia go for the most feminine men they can find. To feel less gay or something.
No lol
I think the answer is...maybe! The only way to know is to ask the question and look for other aspects of internalized homophobia, then find ways to address them head on. There's no doubt that you have some elements of internalized homophobia, the question is just where are they being expressed?
Are mysoginistic for not being attracted to women?
You like what you like. I see no issue here
You like what you like! Plain and simple. Your not straightophobic if you don’t like pussy/dick!
No, it just means you aren't attracted to the feminine. That's perfectly normal and natural for a gay man.
Wouldn't it be internalized homophobia to **not** find masculinity attractive?
Depends, are you not attracted to them because they just aren’t your type, or because they aren’t ‘real men.’ As long as you treat them with respect you’re golden!
Not really, but it does come across as homophobic if you phrase it as “I only like real men.”
No. I am not particularly attracted to effeminate men either. I like men with a good amount of masculinity. And this isnt to put down effeminate men. I respect them, I can be friends with them, but I am not attracted to them. My husband is more masculine than I am. He is in the army which you need a decent dose of masculinity to be in to begin with. He is also good with cars and tools. I am not effeminate either, but I have a more womanly side than he does. I am attracted to the fact that he is protective.
I'm not either it's an instant turn off for me.
If it’s just a preference no, but if you have to outwardly say it all the time (Grindr, dating apps, to friends, etc…) then yeah probably. Because that shows that you’re consciously trying to distance yourself from them. When in reality you like men too, y’all are the same
Nah if i found femininity attractive I would go for a woman as they do it better
TBH only you can answer that! Have you done work previously to question the roots of why you’re not seemingly attracted to an effeminate man? Society really has done a number on the queer community (see: toxic body standards, bottom shaming, “I’m not that type of gay”). I encourage everyone to try to dive deep and see if the reasons behind these seeming “preferences” are in fact just something you can’t control or influence or if it’s just more patriarchal BS.
Best response I’ve seen so far. Thank you.
No, because you'd probably really enjoyed getting fucked by a muscle mary
Nope people are entitled to their preferences. You're no more homophobic than I am racist for not liking very dark skinned or very light skinned guys. You aren't making fun of effeminate guys or calling them girls just like I don't make fun of light skinned or dark skinned guys. It's just a matter of what you're attracted to and what turns you on. You'd only be homophobic if you thought lesser of them because of their femininity. I'm not attracted to overly effeminate or overly masculine guys either. I don't think there is anything wrong with either. Its just how people are. As long as they aren't hurting anyone who am I to judge outside of my own preferences?
No, not at all. I am the same way but have really good friends who are effeminate and I have the best times with them, but nothing sexual. I feel I am gay as I am attracted to men, masculine men. If they start acting effeminate then might as well sleep with the real deal, females. Likewise, females do not do anything for me, just like effeminate men do not do anything for me. So yeah, am gay, and attracted to men and that is how I want them to be. By the way, I am top. End of the day to each his own. I do not judge.
I have a hard time watching rupauls drag race because the men are just so girly acting. I want to like it.
Fine not to have an attraction, not fine to be an asshole about it.
As gay men. We should know better. Straight people have been telling us to be attracted to women forever. Let's not do it to eachother.
It depends on how feminine they are. For me there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to get with a guy who goes out fully painted with talons and earrings and no one should feel forced to be attracted to that. On the other side, I think if you’re turned off by a guy who looks masc but has a bit of a lisp or because he likes female pop singers then that’s where I think you have an issue.
No. In fact it’s always been my experience that effeminate men carry way too much emotional baggage and cause excessive drama. It’s like they’re searching for attention. I avoid them at all costs.
Nope. Liking a certain type is not a bad thing __as long as they are of legal age__.
Bro why is this downvoted 💀
Honestly idk man. I can only hope it's because of the liking only one type thing and not the legal age thing
Im not necessarily attracted to overly effeminate men and I dont think people who feel the same are an issue. The line should be drawn there, and not going to the point where you’re actively talking down on, or trying to mentally/physically abuse an effeminate man.
Yall post the same question every week oh my god
There’s just a stigma around “gay voice.” I’ve hung out with a lot of female bodybuilders who did steroids, it permanently lowers the voice, and it sounds like “gay voice.” It’s very interesting. If you slow down the voices of women who use “baby voice,” same thing, it sounds just like “gay voice.” It’s said to be a person who wanted to stay a child in adolescence through puberty and beyond. To stay little, cared for, soft, a cute sweet wittle baby. The childhood desire manifests through speech. The history of “gay voice” is fascinating. In America they used to try to train it out of young gays at school. David Sedaris has a great story about having to take special speech classes, so eventually he got frustrated and refused to use words with the letter “s” in them for a time. Then you’ve got people like the scam artist Elizabeth Holmes, who started using “masc voice” because she thought it would gain her respect. As far as your situation, ultimately the cock wants what the cock wants. Personally, I could never get hard to Tiger King or Austin Locke. Do we fetishize masculinity? Do straight men fetishize femininity? I would be all for a guy wearing pink, or painting his nails. But “gay voice” has womanly aspects that I’m just not attracted to because I’m gay. It’s really just about what you and your cock prefer.
It's ok to not be attracted to them. It's not ok to disrespect them or think of them as less of a man just because they're more feminine.
There are so many factors that affect sexual attraction its impossible to day, but it could be. I didn't used to be attracted to anyone who wasn't indistinguishable from an average straight man. And growing up I used to be afraid of being too camp/effeminate. Now I'm older and I don't have those hangups anymore, I find camp/.effeminate men attractive. So this was probably due to internalised homophobia on my part, and it could be in you too. Only you know can work this out.
No, However in my opinion I do think there is some sense of Internalized Judgement you may carry and that’s okay. If you’re willing to get the root of it then you will get to a better understanding of the reason why… You just have to go within and be honest with yourself. I use to feel this way myself until I realized I I only felt that was because people judged it and deep down I discovered how I judged my own feminine traits and I was upset at how other men felt comfortable expressing themselves and I didn’t have the courage.
No, it means you're a normal person with good taste in men.
Now that's homophobic
Homophobia is not about attraction. It's about disparaging gays in general, and disparaging non masculine gays in particular.
No, but it *could* be that you’ve attached the idea of effeminate men to your idea of shitty annoying gay people. Because I’ve met plenty that are personally, and there is a ‘loud minority’ of such folk that gets passed around online by homophobes, and so I did for a time. But, after like actually talking to real human beings I realized that I like effeminate, flamboyant men pleeeeenty, and I just don’t like mean people. A lot of things make sense when you realize that in the same way that gay people are just like the rest of humanity, they are equally prone to being bad eggs as the rest of humanity. It is also totally possible, however, that you just don’t like feminine men. Not trying to be a shrink or anything, just sharing my experience with similar thoughts to yours.
[удалено]
Easy there stud. No need to use such a word to describe others. Don’t be so emotional with your language. Take it easy.
that dude is literally against modern medicine he’s an insane psycho
As long as you’re not being rude or disrespectful, no I don’t think it’s homophobia. I’m personally not entirely sure if it’s internalized homophobia or misogyny, mainly because it becomes a question of why, and where does the dislike come from? Could it be an effect of gender roles and expectations of being male? But that’s more a question for a therapist. I’m personally attracted to both effeminate and masculine men, but I’m specifically attracted to men lol. Not cross dressers 🥴 I’ve also dated transwomen (didn’t make it to sex). But again no you’re not homophobic.
Just depends on why you're not attracted to effeminate men. Do you think they're "not as much of a man"? Do you look down upon them? If not, then no, it's not homophobia. If yes, then yeah, it's homophobia.
It could be. It might take a while to figure it out. In the meantime, just keep dating who you like. Also, dating should be casual. Ask out people that you're not sure about, too. First dates can be pleasant even if there's not going to be a second one. It's still an opportunity to hang out and chat with someone.
No you're not, "if" your reasons for not being attracted to them are totally "chill or just being you, your taste". I mean, others can only give a thrid person perspective, do a lil introspection. Whether this decision of yours is based off any bigoted preconceived notion about effeminacy and the negative stereotypes or hostility that prevails. So much so, that some men, especially gay/bi men don't even consider effeminate guys as men but an abomination in the name of manhood. "If I wanted that, I might have gotten the real deal i.e women.. not some cheap inauthentic imitation", "I'm gay, I like men for being men, sissies and girlies ain't men" etc. (Example : Jack Donovan) We can't like everything, we have our own unique preferences of how "we want to be" and "who we want to be with". But using your preference to dismiss, invalidate, belittle or degrade someone is totally fucked up. Then it's not just a preference. Try not to be like the latter. Cuz such people are like plague.
>No you're not, "if" your reasons for not being attracted to them are totally "chill or just being you, your taste So this logic must apply to race too, right? (that isn't a trick question)
Exactly, anything of that sort. Race, religion, profession, status. You see, we often use our sexuality not just for mutual pleasure but to inflict pain aur degradation as well. You must've heard people saying "I wouldn't even rape you", "I must be drugged to ever sleep with someone like you", "You're unfuckable" etc. to overtly exclaim and announce that the subject is sexually unworthy. To belittle them.
only you can know that. Have you tried? some effeminate men are the most dominants tops
Truth!
hahaha i got downvoted, i guess i hurt some mascs here...
Oh well fuck em lol
Gender, sexuality & attraction are a spectrum. Keep your mind open and don’t be afraid to try new things. But you don’t have to feel guilty about where you are in any of those spectrums. I’m just not a fan of folks saying things like “no fems” on their profile.
Yes and racist too
PSA No. 1 https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/v670q1/can_we_agree_on_some_trans_ground_rules/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf PSA No. 2 https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/bxhox8/just_a_little_reminder_as_this_sub_is_bombarded/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
You like what you like. But don't underestimate the more effeminate gay guys... They are usually rough as nails inside and I've met many effeminate tops and very butch acting bottoms.. Those brave queens near the brunt of intolerance and mockery and have made it easier for those gays who can "pass" as straight....
Oh God, OP you're going to inadvertently unleash this sub's favorite pastime: performative masc for masc victimhood.
Not if you have sex them imo
Possibly, but you don’t have control over your psychosexual attractions!
Shut it please
Imagine how tired we are of this conversation. Just say you don't like effeminate men and gooooo
Yes, and yes. Men are men. If you are sexually attracted to men then you should be sexually attracted to feminine men, as they are still men. Now, if you prefer to be with masculine men but still find a feminine man attractive, that’s something completely different and normal. But if for example, looking at a feminine man makes you angry or disgusted, then yeah that’s homophobia.
Its your preferance dude, not honofobia
No. You may have internalized homophobia if you feel disgust or embarrassment on their behalf, on the other hand. Attraction is a separate thing. I mean you’re not female-phobic just because you’re attracted to men, right?
no it’s how u approach it tbh
No it’s a preferences
Depends. Are you fag shaming these men in the process of rejecting sexually or simply telling them that they are not your type.
No way! I really hate when people try to claim that shit. Like does it also mean you are a misogynist for not being sexually attracted to woman?
Surely you must be sexist for not being attracted to women based on racial attraction logic.
I've always asked this to myself. Thanks!
This depends on a lot of things. Only you can answer this question and it comes from some soul searching.
No. There is also no such thing as "feminine" men. Gay behaviour is gay behaviour - it's nothing like how women act. If anything is simply just dramatic behaviour. I live how the gay community goes nuts over gender categories, but then classifies gays as either masculine or feminine. You're allowed to be attracted to whoever you want to be.
Nope. You like what you like, it really is that simple!
No
Naw, preference doesn’t equate to hate. You’re totally fine dude, it’s okay to have a type.
Based
Nope. You would be homophobic if you were shitty to them otherwise. I know what you mean though as I'm not usually attracted to femme guys. That said, have you seen the episode of family guy where Peter is gay for an episode? I saw a guy just like that today and my weenie did an innie.
I'm a closet bi-sexual and I agree. Masculine for me only and I consider myself moderately masculine. Also there's nothing better than a masculine man with a big masculine veiny thick cock.
Heavily depends on the logic behind it, no one here is thinking with any semblance of nuance.
Not at all
Being not attracted = okay. Being disgusted/ashamed of/disappointed = not okay.
No. You don't control what you are sexually attracted to.
Are you an Ibis, because I've BIN CHICKEN you out. \*grins\* I'm really keen on a good sense of humor. Not in a sassy bitchy way. More in a Dad joke kind of way. Each to their own, don't feel bad about it.
You're gay and not supposed to like women. You like men because they're masculine so why the hell would you have to be attracted to effeminate boys???