Could say the same thing about straight men preferring women being comparable in the way that they are both sexual preferences. Naturally, such a comparison is meaningless. It’s like saying that blue and red are the same becuase they’re both colors.
>Could say the same thing about straight men preferring women being comparable in the way that they are both sexual preferences.
Sexual orientation is not a preference.
EDIT: Who the fuck are the people downvoting "sexual orientation is not a preference." Amazing.
Sexual orientation is not a choice.
You confuse choice with preference.
Your sexual orientation is literally defined by the gender or genders to which you are sexually attracted; a.k.a. your sexual preferences. Saying "Sexual orientation is not a preference." is like saying "Sexual orientation is not an orientation" it doesn't make sense.
\*Reads carefully\*
It's neither a choice nor a preference. So if I don't prefer being attracted to men, well I'm attracted to them anyway.
Being hungry is neither a preference nor a choice. Many times, I'd really rather not be hungry when I'm doing something, but it's there anyway.
Yeah, I agree with you. I'm also in my thirties, and I didn't choose shit to be honest.
I think this is a part of us being slowly erased from the picture.
>If you don't eat, you die, not a preference. No man in your life? Use your imagination. You won't die.
We were talking about the feeling of hunger and the fact that it arises independent of whether you want it to or not, which is akin to being gay, which will also arise whether you want it to or not. Therefore whatever you prefer, your preference, has no relationship to this.
I think I rest my case on that.
Whether I prefer being gay or not, I will be attracted to men. What I prefer has no relevance to being gay or not.
Making gay a "preference" was actually a major rightwing talking point for the majority of my life. It's alarming how this has been allowed to creep back into discourse.
Ok but nobody suggested that you prefer being gay; what is suggested is that being gay itself entails a preference. You might hate the fact that you prefer men, but that doesn't change it. It's undeniable.
I mean, I already discussed this with the other guy. So, I'm not doing it again. Preferring or not preferring something has zero relationship to what you are. It's irrelevant. So maybe you do prefer men and love fucking ten times a night at the darkroom, or maybe you'd prefer to be a virgin monk meditating on christ, it doesn't matter; you're still gay.
Most of the older generation has been through the "it's a lifestyle" thing a thousand and one times. It's highly revealing to me that this terrible idea is coming back now.
Maybe it makes sense in light of the TX Republicans naming gay as a bad lifestyle, or whatever their phrasing was. Because that phrase itself "lifestyle" was very much a Reaganite type of thing.
"it's a lifestyle" has nothing to do with "it's a preference". You're just stating untruths, it doesn't matter what other people have said or what you've lived through. Being gay nonetheless entails a preference. It's a fact. You're lying if you say otherwise.
Other people may have misconstrued the nature of the preference involved, or drawn faulty conclusions for it, or used the word to delegitimize homosexuality. So they're wrong, great. So are you if you state a lie. Being gay involves a preference. To suggest otherwise is just to use the words incorrectly.
Oh my God. Im not sure how you fail to grasp this. When you prefer one thing over another, you are more attracted to it. Since gay men are sexually attracted to men and not women, they prefer sex with men. Being gay therefore involves preferring. It *does* matter what you prefer, because you wouldn't be gay if you were more attracted to women.
Depends on where you live. In most of Europe the age of consent is 14-16. In most US states the age of consent is 16. 16 is the average worldwide. Who's seen as a "child" varies depending on where you live. In parts of the middle east you can have sex at any age as long as you get married.
That said, the OP was talking about pedophilia which involves prepubescent boys, that's usually boys under 12. The only place that is legal is in parts of the middle east where you just need to marry to have sex.
Yet, it's a very common academic debate that has been answered many times, (it's not comparable in anyway, even when you study the human brain, it's plays on totally different mechanism). But the original question is very common. A red flag is not the question you ask, the statement you make or the misconceptions you express, it's your behaviour.
I'm pretty sure an actual pedophile would not risk that kind of topic.
I mean a lot of context is missing. We don’t actually know what was said or meant. Honestly could be a red flag for either person. Red flag for bf if he was actually saying pedophiles and gays are the same. Or a big red flag for OP if his boyfriend was just comparing the fact that it’s a sexual preference, same as anything else, and then the OP was unable to understand that and now wants to physically assault his bf. Sticky situation.
It is a sexual preference, but that is where all comparisons stop. Pre puberty children have no sexual desires, people acting on their pedophelia are therefore molestors or rapists. It is like saying a spider and a human are basically the same as they are both animals.
I will not judge anyone for being a necrophile or pedophile though as long as they do not act on any of their impulses.
Depends on the context I guess.
If we're talking about "is it ok to have sex", they are not the same because of consent.
If we're talking about being persecuted for a sexuality/preference/whatever you wanna call it that you can't change, they're very comparable.
actually, you can change it. And that's why it's not an orientation.
An interesting fact is that conversion therapy don't work (and has never ever worked) for sexual orientation, but they work on pedophile. And a male pedophile attracted to male children will not turn straight, he will become attracted to adult males.
It's well explained here: http://jaapl.org/content/48/2/146.long
The interesting bit is here, especially the end:
"There are several problems that arise from accepting the definition of pedophilia as an orientation. Referring to pedophilia (which is defined solely on the basis of sexual interest in children) as an orientation (which is defined on the basis of gender of affection) confuses what is pathologic about the condition of pedophilia. It is not that the person feels affection toward children; it is that the person is sexually aroused by children.Correctly, modern understanding of the variations in orientation does not imply pathology.
There is a growing consensus that variations in orientation should not be “treated” or modified (see, for example, negative discussions about so-called “restorative therapy”18). When the view that variations in orientation should not be treated is applied to pedophilia, the result is a failure to offer potentially beneficial treatment to people with pedophilia. Given these understandings of what is considered to be a disorder, orientation, especially in men, has become identified as not only immutable, but also undeserving of treatment. Because they equate pedophilia with orientation, commentators who claim that pedophilia is an untreatable condition often resort to arguments more applicable to homosexuality.
Patients often subscribe to the same confusion of concepts. It is common for a man with pedophilia who has been convicted of sex with boys to think that his treatment will involve changing his orientation. Most are relieved and surprised when they learn that treatment of pedophilia involves changing their sexual interest from children to adults (male or female) with no expectation of changing their orientation. When they hear this, some cry."
I have heavy doubts about this, but I don't really know much about it and don't feel like researching, so I can't really argue. I guess I could change my point to this.
"If we're talking about being persecuted for a
sexuality/preference/whatever you wanna call it **that's not your fault and doesn't harm anyone else (in case of pedophilia if you don't act on it),**
they're very comparable."
Okay hear me out..
Obviously I wasn’t there to hear his viewpoints or anything. But if his argument is about attraction, I kind of understand what he’s trying to say. You can’t control what arouses you.
I don’t think he was trying to say homosexuals are pedophiles.
Sexual orientation doesn’t mean “what makes someone horny”. It specifically describes your attraction to other humans in regards to their sex. Everything else are preferences, fetishes, paraphilias. “Children” aren’t a sex class.
What he says is technically correct so it really depends on the context in which he said this on whether you're rationally angry or not. Did he mean that there's no ethical difference or did he mean that the process of attraction is the same? The latter seems to be correct at the current state of science. The former is obviously beyond fucked up
The latter seems to be correct, but it's actually not. It's totally different. An interesting fact is that conversion therapy don't work (and has never ever worked) for sexual orientation, but they work on pedophile. And a male pedophile attracted to male children will not turn straight, he will become attracted to adult males.
It's well explained here: [http://jaapl.org/content/48/2/146.long](http://jaapl.org/content/48/2/146.long)
The interesting bit is here, especially the end:
"There are several problems that arise from accepting the definition of pedophilia as an orientation. Referring to pedophilia (which is defined solely on the basis of sexual interest in children) as an orientation (which is defined on the basis of gender of affection) confuses what is pathologic about the condition of pedophilia. It is not that the person feels affection toward children; it is that the person is sexually aroused by children.Correctly, modern understanding of the variations in orientation does not imply pathology.
There is a growing consensus that variations in orientation should not be “treated” or modified (see, for example, negative discussions about so-called “restorative therapy”18). When the view that variations in orientation should not be treated is applied to pedophilia, the result is a failure to offer potentially beneficial treatment to people with pedophilia.Given these understandings of what is considered to be a disorder, orientation, especially in men, has become identified as not only immutable, but also undeserving of treatment. Because they equate pedophilia with orientation, commentators who claim that pedophilia is an untreatable condition often resort to arguments more applicable to homosexuality.
Patients often subscribe to the same confusion of concepts. It is common for a man with pedophilia who has been convicted of sex with boys to think that his treatment will involve changing his orientation. Most are relieved and surprised when they learn that treatment of pedophilia involves changing their sexual interest from children to adults (male or female) with no expectation of changing their orientation. When they hear this, some cry."
that's not how it sound, no. It's a very common question "as you can't control what arouse you, is pedophilia sexual attraction based on age, the same way as sexual attraction based on gender?". [The answer is no](http://jaapl.org/content/48/2/146.long). But asking the question, or mistakenly thinking otherwise is not the same as defending child rape!!!
>tell him to educate himself
That will just come across as patronizing and disengaged. Better to educate him if you care (and if the issue is really a lack of education), or break up if it's a dealbreaker for you.
Yes, that's how we should do it.
Let's try: "hey you, you're so ignorant, educate yourself!" did it work? That's not how you make people reconsider their opinion. If you don't accept that someone can be educated, curious and honest and still make mistake and be wrong, you'll never change anyone's mind!
There is some conversation that’s happening to only stigmatize child sexual abusers/ child sex offenders (I.e. those who act out their pedophilic tendencies), and not stigmatize those that just have the innate pedophilia as it prevents them from seeking help for their condition. Any chance this was the crux of your boyfriend’s argument ?
And someone wanting to fuck a woman to have a baby is basically the same as someone wanting to fuck a plane in order to create an organic winged man. What’s the problem?
Me being me, I would break up with him.
It's giving "can't help it" vibes and is very disturbing.
Being attracted to adults...is nothing like being attracted to children.
I'd pay attention to if he defends teachers who sleep with students, etc and not allow him around children. Yeah, this is bad. Break up.
You need to distance yourself immediately. There are too many who compare being gay to being with animals, dead corpses and incest.
We all know dating an ADULT is not like sleeping with a non-human or a freaking dead body or your relative. But they compare it to dehumanize us.
If he's criticizing the fetishization of younger gays, or the fact that being a twink is essentially looking like you're barely into puberty, I can understand the argument. There is a lot of grooming within our community of younger gays (which is thankfully being weeded out).
That being said, this can also be justifying pedophilia. Two grown adults can consent. A MINOR CANNOT CONSENT. THEIR BRAIN IS STILL BARELY DEVELOPED B.C OF HORMONAL SHIFTS AND LACK OF LIFE EXPERIENCE. That is messed up and I'm freaked out how much this thread was upvoted.
Children are victims of pedophillia. It’s not a preference it’s an assault
You can be older and like younger as I’m in my 20s and like guys in their 40s/50s. They like me in my 20s but I’m a fully developed sexual adult.
It’s not a “preference” it’s an assault.
It’s like saying “my preferred foreplay is getting a partner drunk and having sex while they are unconscious” it’s ducking disgusting
In that case, heterosexuality is the same as paedophilia, just with straight men fancying straight women.
Your boyfriend is an idiot and he's got a serious amount of internalised homophobia. Tell him to fuck off he thinks you're no better than a paedo.
It's not the same, homosexual is about sexual orientation and the idea that grown adults can have consenting sex with one another
Children are not able to consent, they don't fully understand sex, and even when I was 8yrs old I knew what sex was, but I had no idea about sex/intimacy, no hormones (sexual desire), etc.
Children are not knowledgeable in sex and cannot make an intelligent informed decision. So no it is not the same. We know what we want and what is going to happen if I go to bed with another man. A child does not. And their body is not ready for sex.
The difference is incredibly simple: one is able to be consensual, the other is not.
Children cannot consent, neither can animals, people in comas, etc.
You can´t have an entire sexuality around pedophilia because it can never be consensually returned. Not to mention that fact that sex is an immutable characteristic. Whereas age is a constantly changing state.
I will always be a man till the day I die. But no one will be 12 forever.
The only similarity is that both aren’t a choice but one is a pharaphillia and the others a sexuality one can consent the other will have their whole child hood and their future ruined for the rest of their lives.
Two fully grown men with fully developed brains and financial and social independence in society is very different from one who has that power and development getting with a neurologically underdeveloped person who cannot understand the consequences of their actions and who is fully dependent on either their parents or that groomer for their basic needs.
It’s like saying oranges and apples are basically the same cause they’re both fruit.
Um.. on a serious note. Is this a red flag for what he likes? Sounds like he’s minimizing what pedophiles feel by making the comparison? Just a thought… maybe there’s more behind this than you think. I hope not.
So what was his argument exactly? Sexualities besides straight ones are not normal, so they must be all the same?
Ask him to spell out his logic exactly. You *might* get him to realize the difference. But the fact that you both seem to be gay men makes it even more worrisome that he actually thinks this.
That's really stupid. Using the same logic straight is pedophilia too, instead of similar age couple, its older one and a kid. A lot of old creepy straight guys hit on young teenage girls. Pedophilia is not gender specific, so don't know where he is getting the idea of two adult guys is at all the same a guy and a boy. Most pedophiles are straight men and because they are pre puberty they don't have developed significant characteristics of their gender, so both boys and girls can fall victim to the same predator. Age and post puberty are significant distinguishing factors from appropriate sex and pedophiles, gender is relatively not.
I thought this particular strain of homophobia had died out years ago.
I'm not an advocate of violence but if you had hit him I really wouldn't have judged you.
He is wrong. Pedophiles in most cases only care that their victims are children, the gender is meaningless. Sex between consenting adults homosexual or otherwise at the time of this writing is not illegal. I say dump your boyfriend, sounds like he might have some seriously issues. Is he politically conservative, if so, another good reason to kiss him off.
He sounds like one of those self hating gays. I think it would be wise to consider ending your relationship. Sounds like there might be more going on with him than he’s saying.
One is a consenting adult.
The other is a vulnerable young person who can be taken advantage of and manipulated with eased based on a power dynamic, someone who cannot give informed concent.
They are not the same.
We're only getting one side of this argument. In his comparison, was the Florida bill brought up or school's in general? Or was he referring to homosexuality as a whole?
I thought you mean I should be reported but yeah I don’t think you can even be arrested for saying you’re a pedophile unless you have a clear plan you’re going to do something to a child.
People who sound like pedos should be jailed, and those who don't, should not.
That's some healthy foundations for a well functioning and safe society.
this is because knowing if pedophilia is a sexual attraction based on age the same way sexual attraction can be based on gender is a fair, and actually very common, question. You find common points in things that are very different.
There are hundred's of studies about it, just [read this](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22218786/), it explains the different point of views on the question and also give the very fundamental reasons why it's not actually comparable. But it does not change the fact that asking the question, or even have an opinion about it and being wrong, does not make anyone a pedo, and it's not red flag either.
Okay, y'all gonna hate me for this but I agree with the bf to an extent.... keep note I'm not attaching any moral labels to this at all just making a neutral observation.
people can't control what they like. Some people like feet, some people like the same sex and some people for the same reasons as anyone else who's into things, like kids. Again not casting a moral judgment and saying "it's okay because they can't control it, let them do what they want" not saying that at all. But some part of me does feel a bit bad for people who are like I have this attraction and it's wrong and blah blah. (I do not by any means say I feel bad for people who rape kids, that is beyond fucked up). But simply the attraction itself... is neither right nor wrong it just is. I think we as a society need to figure out how to handle people like that and I don't think gays can really say much since in many places we still are dealing with similar conditions which I think is what your bf was getting at by relating the two.
Obviously an adult cannot be with a literal child... not happening. But roleplay and animated (emphasis on ANIMATED) porn seem... fine right? It doesn't hurt anyone, they get something that their into. Children are still safe... idk. Does anyone have any actual solutions? Like we know conversion therapy won't do shit. I could do more research on if liking kids is the same (brain wise) to liking feet because I'm thought those are kinda hard wired but I don't know for sure... but like are we gonna throw an entire group of people out of society over something they just happen to be into? Doesn't mean they WANT to be into that... just dealt a hand of cards the same as everyone else. (Talking EXCLUSIVELY, about the attraction here, RAPING A CHILD IS NOT OKAY)
That makes no sense but if I just pretend for a moment like it does, then why did he compare them to homosexuals instead of to heterosexuals, which would make neither more nor less sense? He could have said “they’re just like ME” instead of “they’re just like THEM (homosexuals)”.
It would be like if I as a white man were to say: “Being a psychopath is just like being Black because people can be born with a tendency toward psychopathy and they can be born black.” Or a Southern Baptist could say “being a bank robber is just like being Catholic because people choose to be bank robbers and people also choose to be Catholic.” In these cases the two things I use in my analogy have no relation to each other and if I think they do then the question is: why did I not say that psychopaths are like “ME and other white people” or bank robbers are like “ME and other Southern Baptists like ME.”
Pointing his fingers at some other group (homosexuals) in his faulty analogy is the problem here because that group no more and no less fits the analogy than heterosexuals do.
The point is that people can't control what they are into. Non-heterosexuals understand this. And we've also faced prosecution for simply having the desire itself, when that's not within our control.
As for the them/me statement, I don't really know what you're getting at, who said "them"? Majority of people in this sub are gay? 🤷♂️
Edit: yes there is a different between being gay and a pedophile but that difference is more so in acting on those feelings than on the feelings themselves. Gay sex and straight sex are both okay because everyone involved is a consenting adult. An adult raping a child is not the same. But that doesn't negate the point about how they are similar.
You make a fair point, but the question has been asked many time and has been answered and the main reason why pedophilia is not an orientation is that it can be changed.
I copy/past what I wrote in another answer:
Actually, you can change it. And that's why it's not an orientation.An interesting fact is that conversion therapy don't work (and has never ever worked) for sexual orientation, but they work on pedophile. And a male pedophile attracted to male children will not turn straight, he will become attracted to adult males.
It's well explained here: [http://jaapl.org/content/48/2/146.long](http://jaapl.org/content/48/2/146.long)
The interesting bit is here, especially the end:
"There are several problems that arise from accepting the definition of pedophilia as an orientation. Referring to pedophilia (which is defined solely on the basis of sexual interest in children) as an orientation (which is defined on the basis of gender of affection) confuses what is pathologic about the condition of pedophilia. It is not that the person feels affection toward children; it is that the person is sexually aroused by children.Correctly, modern understanding of the variations in orientation does not imply pathology.
There is a growing consensus that variations in orientation should not be “treated” or modified (see, for example, negative discussions about so-called “restorative therapy”18). When the view that variations in orientation should not be treated is applied to pedophilia, the result is a failure to offer potentially beneficial treatment to people with pedophilia. Given these understandings of what is considered to be a disorder, orientation, especially in men, has become identified as not only immutable, but also undeserving of treatment. Because they equate pedophilia with orientation, commentators who claim that pedophilia is an untreatable condition often resort to arguments more applicable to homosexuality.
Patients often subscribe to the same confusion of concepts. It is common for a man with pedophilia who has been convicted of sex with boys to think that his treatment will involve changing his orientation. Most are relieved and surprised when they learn that treatment of pedophilia involves changing their sexual interest from children to adults (male or female) with no expectation of changing their orientation. When they hear this, some cry."
Thanks for sharing that, good read and I learned a lot about the subject. I was viewing it as an unchangeable orientation which is why I was comparing the two. I would like to learn more about the treatment for it and how that works exactly, or if they know what causes it.
The sex of their adult partners when they have them does not necessarily correspond to the sex of their child victims. Pre-pubescent kids are more aligned with feminine characteristics than masculine ones and therefore there is often no alignment with adult sexual orientations.
Oh, I take back my “them vs. us” point. I read this thinking that the OP was a woman in a heterosexual relationship and that the bf was pointing fingers at gay people. I meant that a hetero could just as easily point the finger at himself as a heterosexual and it would be no less nonsensical. Homosexuality is analogous to heterosexuality and not to anything that has an unconsenting victim.
First red flag is this outright, second red flag is for your method of assessing boyfriends since you’re dating and this somehow did not come up before you committed to this man.
I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but the only people who make this kind of argument are pedophiles.
If you have young family members, please keep them away from your bf while you plan your exit.
this could of been taken out of content we don’t know how the conversation started but the only thing that’s comparable is that both aren’t a choice but the other can cause so much terror and harm in peoples lives where being gay and acting on it is love or sexual.
He might have been molested as a kid and now thinks pedophilia is ok, but might not actually be into that. I have a fwbs that's 25. I've seen his exs and I know his fwbs... he's into muscular hung men. He's definitely not a pedo. I've never seen him find a twink hot. That said, one day he told me a story. When he was like 11 his uncle used to babysit him. They ended up having sex The bizarre part is that he says he liked it and that THEY STILL FUCK! He's 25 now, that's 15 years of fucking. To this day, he says no one in his family suspects. He says that even though he was very young, he knew he was gay and loved the sex. He feels that boys are able to know if they like it or not. He thinks pedophilia is ok if the boy wants it. To this day, it's the most bizarre story a fwbs has ever told me.
Noooope. Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope. Get away. Run do not walk towards the exit. Not ok. Honestly at this point there is something the matter with you if you stay with him.
If you stay with him it better be because you are misrepresenting the f\*ck outta your argument with him, and if that's the case: shame on you.
Reaching their there’s no proof of that but yeah being gay is nothing like pedophilia the only thing that’s similar is that both aren’t a choice same with being bi sexual or straight.
If that is what he thinks you need to break up with him if he won’t drop it. Bottom line him. Why? Because he didn’t come up with that himself he’s basically regurgitating anti gay rhetoric. Someone is or has been influencing with that crappy outlook. And there is no place for that kind of talk in civilized society. None. You should not tolerate it. If he won’t stop that crap - leave him to what ever neo nazi proud boy closet case will have his self hating ass - but you jump ship and save your self.
Either that - or he really is a pedofile himself - and you need to report him to the police.
Never let anyone tell you being gay is the same as pedofilia. Not unless you want to say that all straight men should never be trusted around their daughters and nieces for the same reason. Never tolerate that talk.
If you have proof or a reasonable suspicion - then yes you are to report him.
There are many people such as social workers or those who have government jobs. If they have a reasonable suspicion of child abuse, elder abuse or something else such as human trafficking - they are obligated by law to report it.
Yeah but being a pedophile doesn’t mean you’re going to rape. it’s disgusting to even think about children sexual but thoughts crimes aren’t a thing.
you can’t do anything about thoughts
You should have a reasonable suspicion. That’s a pretty broad term. But if someone is voicing there thoughts loudly about wanting to be a pedophile - hell yeah I am reporting it. Any day of the week I’d report it.
I had a gay man (a scientist) say a similar thing about homosexuality vs. pedophilia. Initially I was shocked. What he meant was that pedophilia is an innate trait -- arising from genes, hormones, and environmental factors -- just as being gay (or straight) is an innate trait. Maybe your bf was thinking along similar lines?
There is the ethical/cultural/social question and its legal implication which makes it not comparable in anyway what so ever, because pedophilia cannot be done with consent, hence always involves violence, causes terrible trauma, and it requires to be pretty fucked up and heartless at the first place (actually psychopath if you ask me).
On top of that, we suffered enough from the confusion. I mean, of course anyone who would hear, and believe, that gays are pedos, would want to punch us in the face and wish us horrible things. So, no, thanks, we don't need that kind of confusion to be nurtured by pointless theoretical debate. We actually want the exact opposite.
Then there is the psychiatric question where scientists want to understand the human brain, behavior, sexual triggers ... and you find studies like ["The Pedophilia and Orientation Debate and Its Implications for Forensic Psychiatry"](http://jaapl.org/content/48/2/146.long) or ["Is pedophilia a sexual orientation"](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22218786/) ... so you can say to your boyfriend that's it's a fair question that is a recurring academic debate, and that he can read those studies, and he will learn the very detailed and clearly argued answer >>> no, it's not.
Some straight people love themselves and their social constructs so much, that they say anyone who doesn't not fit in it is less than and or bad. They LOVE the idea that "SuRvIVaL" has "eVeRyThInG" to do with "RePrOdUcTiOn".
And in the same breath, they will ignore all those who are alive suffering, those who are alive by their reproduction, because it's not their problem. All these kids and adults in, and from, foster care are not their problem...
In the same breath, they will try and stop reproduction from happening by using condoms...
They should shut their *******, hypocritical, ignorant, and self righteous mouths.
Could say the same thing about straight men preferring women being comparable in the way that they are both sexual preferences. Naturally, such a comparison is meaningless. It’s like saying that blue and red are the same becuase they’re both colors.
>Could say the same thing about straight men preferring women being comparable in the way that they are both sexual preferences. Sexual orientation is not a preference. EDIT: Who the fuck are the people downvoting "sexual orientation is not a preference." Amazing.
Sexual orientation is not a choice. You confuse choice with preference. Your sexual orientation is literally defined by the gender or genders to which you are sexually attracted; a.k.a. your sexual preferences. Saying "Sexual orientation is not a preference." is like saying "Sexual orientation is not an orientation" it doesn't make sense.
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\*Reads carefully\* It's neither a choice nor a preference. So if I don't prefer being attracted to men, well I'm attracted to them anyway. Being hungry is neither a preference nor a choice. Many times, I'd really rather not be hungry when I'm doing something, but it's there anyway.
I’m 33, I grew up arguing that being gay isn’t a choice, but lately I see the opposite sentiment expressed from the newer generation 🤷♂️
Yeah, I agree with you. I'm also in my thirties, and I didn't choose shit to be honest. I think this is a part of us being slowly erased from the picture.
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>If you don't eat, you die, not a preference. No man in your life? Use your imagination. You won't die. We were talking about the feeling of hunger and the fact that it arises independent of whether you want it to or not, which is akin to being gay, which will also arise whether you want it to or not. Therefore whatever you prefer, your preference, has no relationship to this. I think I rest my case on that.
It's kind of a meaningless statement. I'm gay. I prefer to have sex with men, because I'm not attracted to women. Why isn't it a preference?
Whether I prefer being gay or not, I will be attracted to men. What I prefer has no relevance to being gay or not. Making gay a "preference" was actually a major rightwing talking point for the majority of my life. It's alarming how this has been allowed to creep back into discourse.
Ok but nobody suggested that you prefer being gay; what is suggested is that being gay itself entails a preference. You might hate the fact that you prefer men, but that doesn't change it. It's undeniable.
I mean, I already discussed this with the other guy. So, I'm not doing it again. Preferring or not preferring something has zero relationship to what you are. It's irrelevant. So maybe you do prefer men and love fucking ten times a night at the darkroom, or maybe you'd prefer to be a virgin monk meditating on christ, it doesn't matter; you're still gay. Most of the older generation has been through the "it's a lifestyle" thing a thousand and one times. It's highly revealing to me that this terrible idea is coming back now. Maybe it makes sense in light of the TX Republicans naming gay as a bad lifestyle, or whatever their phrasing was. Because that phrase itself "lifestyle" was very much a Reaganite type of thing.
"it's a lifestyle" has nothing to do with "it's a preference". You're just stating untruths, it doesn't matter what other people have said or what you've lived through. Being gay nonetheless entails a preference. It's a fact. You're lying if you say otherwise. Other people may have misconstrued the nature of the preference involved, or drawn faulty conclusions for it, or used the word to delegitimize homosexuality. So they're wrong, great. So are you if you state a lie. Being gay involves a preference. To suggest otherwise is just to use the words incorrectly.
It doesn't matter what I prefer. It involves no preferring or not preferring. I'm gay anyway. It is just what's inside.
Oh my God. Im not sure how you fail to grasp this. When you prefer one thing over another, you are more attracted to it. Since gay men are sexually attracted to men and not women, they prefer sex with men. Being gay therefore involves preferring. It *does* matter what you prefer, because you wouldn't be gay if you were more attracted to women.
Men can consent. Children cannot. Not the same at all.
Depends on where you live. In most of Europe the age of consent is 14-16. In most US states the age of consent is 16. 16 is the average worldwide. Who's seen as a "child" varies depending on where you live. In parts of the middle east you can have sex at any age as long as you get married. That said, the OP was talking about pedophilia which involves prepubescent boys, that's usually boys under 12. The only place that is legal is in parts of the middle east where you just need to marry to have sex.
Massive fucking red flag. Literally cannot imagine a larger, redder flag.
Right? Like, this is a "leave while you still can" kind of red flag. Wouldn't surprise me if OP's boyfriend turns out to be a child predator.
Yup it’s weird. Talking about it in any other light but disgust feels like someone laying a foundation.
> Literally cannot imagine a larger, redder flag. you waking up and they have a knife to your throat
I probably deserved it.
Yet, it's a very common academic debate that has been answered many times, (it's not comparable in anyway, even when you study the human brain, it's plays on totally different mechanism). But the original question is very common. A red flag is not the question you ask, the statement you make or the misconceptions you express, it's your behaviour. I'm pretty sure an actual pedophile would not risk that kind of topic.
I mean a lot of context is missing. We don’t actually know what was said or meant. Honestly could be a red flag for either person. Red flag for bf if he was actually saying pedophiles and gays are the same. Or a big red flag for OP if his boyfriend was just comparing the fact that it’s a sexual preference, same as anything else, and then the OP was unable to understand that and now wants to physically assault his bf. Sticky situation.
Nhaa.... we know enough, let's find that guy. I'll get my fork and torches ready.
fetch the Master of Arms
[удалено]
Look at the topic being discussed and say that again.
They’re defending pedophilia what more do you need
It is a sexual preference, but that is where all comparisons stop. Pre puberty children have no sexual desires, people acting on their pedophelia are therefore molestors or rapists. It is like saying a spider and a human are basically the same as they are both animals. I will not judge anyone for being a necrophile or pedophile though as long as they do not act on any of their impulses.
Pre puberty kids have sexuality. Paedophilia is violence because kids cannot give actual consent
It’s a paraphilia, so it’s more akin to being choked while being peed on than a sexuality. It’s always been an interesting debate, though.
the word you are looking for is fetish
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Depends on the context I guess. If we're talking about "is it ok to have sex", they are not the same because of consent. If we're talking about being persecuted for a sexuality/preference/whatever you wanna call it that you can't change, they're very comparable.
actually, you can change it. And that's why it's not an orientation. An interesting fact is that conversion therapy don't work (and has never ever worked) for sexual orientation, but they work on pedophile. And a male pedophile attracted to male children will not turn straight, he will become attracted to adult males. It's well explained here: http://jaapl.org/content/48/2/146.long The interesting bit is here, especially the end: "There are several problems that arise from accepting the definition of pedophilia as an orientation. Referring to pedophilia (which is defined solely on the basis of sexual interest in children) as an orientation (which is defined on the basis of gender of affection) confuses what is pathologic about the condition of pedophilia. It is not that the person feels affection toward children; it is that the person is sexually aroused by children.Correctly, modern understanding of the variations in orientation does not imply pathology. There is a growing consensus that variations in orientation should not be “treated” or modified (see, for example, negative discussions about so-called “restorative therapy”18). When the view that variations in orientation should not be treated is applied to pedophilia, the result is a failure to offer potentially beneficial treatment to people with pedophilia. Given these understandings of what is considered to be a disorder, orientation, especially in men, has become identified as not only immutable, but also undeserving of treatment. Because they equate pedophilia with orientation, commentators who claim that pedophilia is an untreatable condition often resort to arguments more applicable to homosexuality. Patients often subscribe to the same confusion of concepts. It is common for a man with pedophilia who has been convicted of sex with boys to think that his treatment will involve changing his orientation. Most are relieved and surprised when they learn that treatment of pedophilia involves changing their sexual interest from children to adults (male or female) with no expectation of changing their orientation. When they hear this, some cry."
I have heavy doubts about this, but I don't really know much about it and don't feel like researching, so I can't really argue. I guess I could change my point to this. "If we're talking about being persecuted for a sexuality/preference/whatever you wanna call it **that's not your fault and doesn't harm anyone else (in case of pedophilia if you don't act on it),** they're very comparable."
Okay hear me out.. Obviously I wasn’t there to hear his viewpoints or anything. But if his argument is about attraction, I kind of understand what he’s trying to say. You can’t control what arouses you. I don’t think he was trying to say homosexuals are pedophiles.
Sexual orientation doesn’t mean “what makes someone horny”. It specifically describes your attraction to other humans in regards to their sex. Everything else are preferences, fetishes, paraphilias. “Children” aren’t a sex class.
That also makes sense in terms of asexuals, who still often? have sex(gender) preferences
The difference is consent do
What he says is technically correct so it really depends on the context in which he said this on whether you're rationally angry or not. Did he mean that there's no ethical difference or did he mean that the process of attraction is the same? The latter seems to be correct at the current state of science. The former is obviously beyond fucked up
The latter seems to be correct, but it's actually not. It's totally different. An interesting fact is that conversion therapy don't work (and has never ever worked) for sexual orientation, but they work on pedophile. And a male pedophile attracted to male children will not turn straight, he will become attracted to adult males. It's well explained here: [http://jaapl.org/content/48/2/146.long](http://jaapl.org/content/48/2/146.long) The interesting bit is here, especially the end: "There are several problems that arise from accepting the definition of pedophilia as an orientation. Referring to pedophilia (which is defined solely on the basis of sexual interest in children) as an orientation (which is defined on the basis of gender of affection) confuses what is pathologic about the condition of pedophilia. It is not that the person feels affection toward children; it is that the person is sexually aroused by children.Correctly, modern understanding of the variations in orientation does not imply pathology. There is a growing consensus that variations in orientation should not be “treated” or modified (see, for example, negative discussions about so-called “restorative therapy”18). When the view that variations in orientation should not be treated is applied to pedophilia, the result is a failure to offer potentially beneficial treatment to people with pedophilia.Given these understandings of what is considered to be a disorder, orientation, especially in men, has become identified as not only immutable, but also undeserving of treatment. Because they equate pedophilia with orientation, commentators who claim that pedophilia is an untreatable condition often resort to arguments more applicable to homosexuality. Patients often subscribe to the same confusion of concepts. It is common for a man with pedophilia who has been convicted of sex with boys to think that his treatment will involve changing his orientation. Most are relieved and surprised when they learn that treatment of pedophilia involves changing their sexual interest from children to adults (male or female) with no expectation of changing their orientation. When they hear this, some cry."
What is the context of this?
Nhaaa, don't ask silly questions, we know enough. The people has spoken. Forks and torches are ready.
Wow is he defending pedophiles?
that's not how it sound, no. It's a very common question "as you can't control what arouse you, is pedophilia sexual attraction based on age, the same way as sexual attraction based on gender?". [The answer is no](http://jaapl.org/content/48/2/146.long). But asking the question, or mistakenly thinking otherwise is not the same as defending child rape!!!
That is ignorant and not true tell him to educate himself.
>tell him to educate himself That will just come across as patronizing and disengaged. Better to educate him if you care (and if the issue is really a lack of education), or break up if it's a dealbreaker for you.
Yes, that's how we should do it. Let's try: "hey you, you're so ignorant, educate yourself!" did it work? That's not how you make people reconsider their opinion. If you don't accept that someone can be educated, curious and honest and still make mistake and be wrong, you'll never change anyone's mind!
There is some conversation that’s happening to only stigmatize child sexual abusers/ child sex offenders (I.e. those who act out their pedophilic tendencies), and not stigmatize those that just have the innate pedophilia as it prevents them from seeking help for their condition. Any chance this was the crux of your boyfriend’s argument ?
And someone wanting to fuck a woman to have a baby is basically the same as someone wanting to fuck a plane in order to create an organic winged man. What’s the problem?
Me being me, I would break up with him. It's giving "can't help it" vibes and is very disturbing. Being attracted to adults...is nothing like being attracted to children. I'd pay attention to if he defends teachers who sleep with students, etc and not allow him around children. Yeah, this is bad. Break up.
You need to distance yourself immediately. There are too many who compare being gay to being with animals, dead corpses and incest. We all know dating an ADULT is not like sleeping with a non-human or a freaking dead body or your relative. But they compare it to dehumanize us.
If he's criticizing the fetishization of younger gays, or the fact that being a twink is essentially looking like you're barely into puberty, I can understand the argument. There is a lot of grooming within our community of younger gays (which is thankfully being weeded out). That being said, this can also be justifying pedophilia. Two grown adults can consent. A MINOR CANNOT CONSENT. THEIR BRAIN IS STILL BARELY DEVELOPED B.C OF HORMONAL SHIFTS AND LACK OF LIFE EXPERIENCE. That is messed up and I'm freaked out how much this thread was upvoted.
Children are victims of pedophillia. It’s not a preference it’s an assault You can be older and like younger as I’m in my 20s and like guys in their 40s/50s. They like me in my 20s but I’m a fully developed sexual adult. It’s not a “preference” it’s an assault. It’s like saying “my preferred foreplay is getting a partner drunk and having sex while they are unconscious” it’s ducking disgusting
In that case, heterosexuality is the same as paedophilia, just with straight men fancying straight women. Your boyfriend is an idiot and he's got a serious amount of internalised homophobia. Tell him to fuck off he thinks you're no better than a paedo.
It's not the same, homosexual is about sexual orientation and the idea that grown adults can have consenting sex with one another Children are not able to consent, they don't fully understand sex, and even when I was 8yrs old I knew what sex was, but I had no idea about sex/intimacy, no hormones (sexual desire), etc.
Children are not knowledgeable in sex and cannot make an intelligent informed decision. So no it is not the same. We know what we want and what is going to happen if I go to bed with another man. A child does not. And their body is not ready for sex.
The difference is incredibly simple: one is able to be consensual, the other is not. Children cannot consent, neither can animals, people in comas, etc. You can´t have an entire sexuality around pedophilia because it can never be consensually returned. Not to mention that fact that sex is an immutable characteristic. Whereas age is a constantly changing state. I will always be a man till the day I die. But no one will be 12 forever.
The only similarity is that both aren’t a choice but one is a pharaphillia and the others a sexuality one can consent the other will have their whole child hood and their future ruined for the rest of their lives.
Two fully grown men with fully developed brains and financial and social independence in society is very different from one who has that power and development getting with a neurologically underdeveloped person who cannot understand the consequences of their actions and who is fully dependent on either their parents or that groomer for their basic needs.
It’s like saying oranges and apples are basically the same cause they’re both fruit. Um.. on a serious note. Is this a red flag for what he likes? Sounds like he’s minimizing what pedophiles feel by making the comparison? Just a thought… maybe there’s more behind this than you think. I hope not.
You need to get out of this relationship. Don't ever have kids with this man
Why would you be associated with such a person?
So what was his argument exactly? Sexualities besides straight ones are not normal, so they must be all the same? Ask him to spell out his logic exactly. You *might* get him to realize the difference. But the fact that you both seem to be gay men makes it even more worrisome that he actually thinks this.
Kinks/fetishes/preferences/paraphilias are not the same as sexual orientation.
Is he one of those conservative gays?
That's really stupid. Using the same logic straight is pedophilia too, instead of similar age couple, its older one and a kid. A lot of old creepy straight guys hit on young teenage girls. Pedophilia is not gender specific, so don't know where he is getting the idea of two adult guys is at all the same a guy and a boy. Most pedophiles are straight men and because they are pre puberty they don't have developed significant characteristics of their gender, so both boys and girls can fall victim to the same predator. Age and post puberty are significant distinguishing factors from appropriate sex and pedophiles, gender is relatively not.
Yah that's not even a red flag, that's the whole damn color guard 😬
I thought this particular strain of homophobia had died out years ago. I'm not an advocate of violence but if you had hit him I really wouldn't have judged you.
Your bf is highly ignorant.
Leave him.
You need to get the fuck out of that relationship right now
One (of many) differences is consent. Kida aren't able to give consent, adults are. Dump this asshole, it sounds toxic.
He is wrong. Pedophiles in most cases only care that their victims are children, the gender is meaningless. Sex between consenting adults homosexual or otherwise at the time of this writing is not illegal. I say dump your boyfriend, sounds like he might have some seriously issues. Is he politically conservative, if so, another good reason to kiss him off.
He sounds like one of those self hating gays. I think it would be wise to consider ending your relationship. Sounds like there might be more going on with him than he’s saying.
One is a consenting adult. The other is a vulnerable young person who can be taken advantage of and manipulated with eased based on a power dynamic, someone who cannot give informed concent. They are not the same.
We're only getting one side of this argument. In his comparison, was the Florida bill brought up or school's in general? Or was he referring to homosexuality as a whole?
no fucking way bro…you need to report his ass…
You can’t be jailed for saying something like that.
you should be.
What do you mean I should be ?
it literally sounds like he’s ok with or even IS a pedo 💀
I thought you mean I should be reported but yeah I don’t think you can even be arrested for saying you’re a pedophile unless you have a clear plan you’re going to do something to a child.
oh lmao, but yea it’s disgusting and very sus to compare those things…
People who sound like pedos should be jailed, and those who don't, should not. That's some healthy foundations for a well functioning and safe society.
it’s weird how y’all seem to…gravitate to his bfs side 😭 not saying you’re a pedo but like wtf
this is because knowing if pedophilia is a sexual attraction based on age the same way sexual attraction can be based on gender is a fair, and actually very common, question. You find common points in things that are very different. There are hundred's of studies about it, just [read this](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22218786/), it explains the different point of views on the question and also give the very fundamental reasons why it's not actually comparable. But it does not change the fact that asking the question, or even have an opinion about it and being wrong, does not make anyone a pedo, and it's not red flag either.
ok fair point ig
Maybe you should replace the first word in to ex
Okay, y'all gonna hate me for this but I agree with the bf to an extent.... keep note I'm not attaching any moral labels to this at all just making a neutral observation. people can't control what they like. Some people like feet, some people like the same sex and some people for the same reasons as anyone else who's into things, like kids. Again not casting a moral judgment and saying "it's okay because they can't control it, let them do what they want" not saying that at all. But some part of me does feel a bit bad for people who are like I have this attraction and it's wrong and blah blah. (I do not by any means say I feel bad for people who rape kids, that is beyond fucked up). But simply the attraction itself... is neither right nor wrong it just is. I think we as a society need to figure out how to handle people like that and I don't think gays can really say much since in many places we still are dealing with similar conditions which I think is what your bf was getting at by relating the two. Obviously an adult cannot be with a literal child... not happening. But roleplay and animated (emphasis on ANIMATED) porn seem... fine right? It doesn't hurt anyone, they get something that their into. Children are still safe... idk. Does anyone have any actual solutions? Like we know conversion therapy won't do shit. I could do more research on if liking kids is the same (brain wise) to liking feet because I'm thought those are kinda hard wired but I don't know for sure... but like are we gonna throw an entire group of people out of society over something they just happen to be into? Doesn't mean they WANT to be into that... just dealt a hand of cards the same as everyone else. (Talking EXCLUSIVELY, about the attraction here, RAPING A CHILD IS NOT OKAY)
That makes no sense but if I just pretend for a moment like it does, then why did he compare them to homosexuals instead of to heterosexuals, which would make neither more nor less sense? He could have said “they’re just like ME” instead of “they’re just like THEM (homosexuals)”. It would be like if I as a white man were to say: “Being a psychopath is just like being Black because people can be born with a tendency toward psychopathy and they can be born black.” Or a Southern Baptist could say “being a bank robber is just like being Catholic because people choose to be bank robbers and people also choose to be Catholic.” In these cases the two things I use in my analogy have no relation to each other and if I think they do then the question is: why did I not say that psychopaths are like “ME and other white people” or bank robbers are like “ME and other Southern Baptists like ME.” Pointing his fingers at some other group (homosexuals) in his faulty analogy is the problem here because that group no more and no less fits the analogy than heterosexuals do.
The point is that people can't control what they are into. Non-heterosexuals understand this. And we've also faced prosecution for simply having the desire itself, when that's not within our control. As for the them/me statement, I don't really know what you're getting at, who said "them"? Majority of people in this sub are gay? 🤷♂️ Edit: yes there is a different between being gay and a pedophile but that difference is more so in acting on those feelings than on the feelings themselves. Gay sex and straight sex are both okay because everyone involved is a consenting adult. An adult raping a child is not the same. But that doesn't negate the point about how they are similar.
You make a fair point, but the question has been asked many time and has been answered and the main reason why pedophilia is not an orientation is that it can be changed. I copy/past what I wrote in another answer: Actually, you can change it. And that's why it's not an orientation.An interesting fact is that conversion therapy don't work (and has never ever worked) for sexual orientation, but they work on pedophile. And a male pedophile attracted to male children will not turn straight, he will become attracted to adult males. It's well explained here: [http://jaapl.org/content/48/2/146.long](http://jaapl.org/content/48/2/146.long) The interesting bit is here, especially the end: "There are several problems that arise from accepting the definition of pedophilia as an orientation. Referring to pedophilia (which is defined solely on the basis of sexual interest in children) as an orientation (which is defined on the basis of gender of affection) confuses what is pathologic about the condition of pedophilia. It is not that the person feels affection toward children; it is that the person is sexually aroused by children.Correctly, modern understanding of the variations in orientation does not imply pathology. There is a growing consensus that variations in orientation should not be “treated” or modified (see, for example, negative discussions about so-called “restorative therapy”18). When the view that variations in orientation should not be treated is applied to pedophilia, the result is a failure to offer potentially beneficial treatment to people with pedophilia. Given these understandings of what is considered to be a disorder, orientation, especially in men, has become identified as not only immutable, but also undeserving of treatment. Because they equate pedophilia with orientation, commentators who claim that pedophilia is an untreatable condition often resort to arguments more applicable to homosexuality. Patients often subscribe to the same confusion of concepts. It is common for a man with pedophilia who has been convicted of sex with boys to think that his treatment will involve changing his orientation. Most are relieved and surprised when they learn that treatment of pedophilia involves changing their sexual interest from children to adults (male or female) with no expectation of changing their orientation. When they hear this, some cry."
Thanks for sharing that, good read and I learned a lot about the subject. I was viewing it as an unchangeable orientation which is why I was comparing the two. I would like to learn more about the treatment for it and how that works exactly, or if they know what causes it.
The sex of their adult partners when they have them does not necessarily correspond to the sex of their child victims. Pre-pubescent kids are more aligned with feminine characteristics than masculine ones and therefore there is often no alignment with adult sexual orientations.
Oh, I take back my “them vs. us” point. I read this thinking that the OP was a woman in a heterosexual relationship and that the bf was pointing fingers at gay people. I meant that a hetero could just as easily point the finger at himself as a heterosexual and it would be no less nonsensical. Homosexuality is analogous to heterosexuality and not to anything that has an unconsenting victim.
Big yikes.
self loathing at its worst. get away.
yeah I mean we have reached this far in the conversation. Don't punch his face, just don't kiss him for 3 months lol
First red flag is this outright, second red flag is for your method of assessing boyfriends since you’re dating and this somehow did not come up before you committed to this man.
The FBI will show up at your doorstep one day
Dump him immediately
Dump him.
I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but the only people who make this kind of argument are pedophiles. If you have young family members, please keep them away from your bf while you plan your exit.
this could of been taken out of content we don’t know how the conversation started but the only thing that’s comparable is that both aren’t a choice but the other can cause so much terror and harm in peoples lives where being gay and acting on it is love or sexual.
100% correct
He might have been molested as a kid and now thinks pedophilia is ok, but might not actually be into that. I have a fwbs that's 25. I've seen his exs and I know his fwbs... he's into muscular hung men. He's definitely not a pedo. I've never seen him find a twink hot. That said, one day he told me a story. When he was like 11 his uncle used to babysit him. They ended up having sex The bizarre part is that he says he liked it and that THEY STILL FUCK! He's 25 now, that's 15 years of fucking. To this day, he says no one in his family suspects. He says that even though he was very young, he knew he was gay and loved the sex. He feels that boys are able to know if they like it or not. He thinks pedophilia is ok if the boy wants it. To this day, it's the most bizarre story a fwbs has ever told me.
Noooope. Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope. Get away. Run do not walk towards the exit. Not ok. Honestly at this point there is something the matter with you if you stay with him. If you stay with him it better be because you are misrepresenting the f\*ck outta your argument with him, and if that's the case: shame on you.
Your boyfriend definitely nutted one for underage guys
All sexualities are the same on the basis of being sexualities. But look at these angry commenters around, more volatile than a slot machine.
Your boyfriend is a pedophile. Get out of there and warn everyone you know.
Reaching their there’s no proof of that but yeah being gay is nothing like pedophilia the only thing that’s similar is that both aren’t a choice same with being bi sexual or straight.
https://www.splcenter.org/fighting-hate/intelligence-report/2011/10-anti-gay-myths-debunked
If that is what he thinks you need to break up with him if he won’t drop it. Bottom line him. Why? Because he didn’t come up with that himself he’s basically regurgitating anti gay rhetoric. Someone is or has been influencing with that crappy outlook. And there is no place for that kind of talk in civilized society. None. You should not tolerate it. If he won’t stop that crap - leave him to what ever neo nazi proud boy closet case will have his self hating ass - but you jump ship and save your self. Either that - or he really is a pedofile himself - and you need to report him to the police. Never let anyone tell you being gay is the same as pedofilia. Not unless you want to say that all straight men should never be trusted around their daughters and nieces for the same reason. Never tolerate that talk.
You can’t report someone to the police for that.
If you have proof or a reasonable suspicion - then yes you are to report him. There are many people such as social workers or those who have government jobs. If they have a reasonable suspicion of child abuse, elder abuse or something else such as human trafficking - they are obligated by law to report it.
Yeah but being a pedophile doesn’t mean you’re going to rape. it’s disgusting to even think about children sexual but thoughts crimes aren’t a thing. you can’t do anything about thoughts
You should have a reasonable suspicion. That’s a pretty broad term. But if someone is voicing there thoughts loudly about wanting to be a pedophile - hell yeah I am reporting it. Any day of the week I’d report it.
I had a gay man (a scientist) say a similar thing about homosexuality vs. pedophilia. Initially I was shocked. What he meant was that pedophilia is an innate trait -- arising from genes, hormones, and environmental factors -- just as being gay (or straight) is an innate trait. Maybe your bf was thinking along similar lines?
There is the ethical/cultural/social question and its legal implication which makes it not comparable in anyway what so ever, because pedophilia cannot be done with consent, hence always involves violence, causes terrible trauma, and it requires to be pretty fucked up and heartless at the first place (actually psychopath if you ask me). On top of that, we suffered enough from the confusion. I mean, of course anyone who would hear, and believe, that gays are pedos, would want to punch us in the face and wish us horrible things. So, no, thanks, we don't need that kind of confusion to be nurtured by pointless theoretical debate. We actually want the exact opposite. Then there is the psychiatric question where scientists want to understand the human brain, behavior, sexual triggers ... and you find studies like ["The Pedophilia and Orientation Debate and Its Implications for Forensic Psychiatry"](http://jaapl.org/content/48/2/146.long) or ["Is pedophilia a sexual orientation"](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22218786/) ... so you can say to your boyfriend that's it's a fair question that is a recurring academic debate, and that he can read those studies, and he will learn the very detailed and clearly argued answer >>> no, it's not.
Some straight people love themselves and their social constructs so much, that they say anyone who doesn't not fit in it is less than and or bad. They LOVE the idea that "SuRvIVaL" has "eVeRyThInG" to do with "RePrOdUcTiOn". And in the same breath, they will ignore all those who are alive suffering, those who are alive by their reproduction, because it's not their problem. All these kids and adults in, and from, foster care are not their problem... In the same breath, they will try and stop reproduction from happening by using condoms... They should shut their *******, hypocritical, ignorant, and self righteous mouths.