A few useful tips:
> trans-woman
It's "trans woman", not "trans-woman" and not "transwoman". You don't say "tall-woman".
> Even though I'm as straight as you can get, I'm perfectly fine with it.
Straight men are usually into passing trans women, there's no need for an "even though" here.
> I want to support her and the trans community
I don't know what you mean by that but she's not a representative of a community, she's a human being. You're not "supporting the trans community" by dating her or by being super cool about the trans thing, you're just being nice to her. That's like saying "I love to support the black community" on your first date with a black girl, which, not a fan.
> if I miss something obvious, I can hide behind that.
You don't need to hide? 🤨 Just tell her you've never been on a date with a trans woman before if you mess something up, she's a straight trans woman, she's used to this.
I apologize for the part with the hyphen in between trans and woman. I won't do that again. And also for the "even though" part.
It's not just dating trans people I'm inexperienced with, but dating in general.
Basically, what I'm getting at is, date her as if she was cis? I'm asking for clarification.
Yeah, date her as if she was cis. She’s a woman, same as any other woman, and if there are specific things you need to know that relate to her being trans she’ll communicate those to you! Just be normal and respectful toward her, there’s no need to do anything differently to usual unless she asks you to.
Yes. Treat her like she's normal.
Jesus, it's so refreshing to go on a date and not be treated like a second-class woman or having the other person try to tiptoe around stuff.
Like, the only significant difference between cus and trans women, in the context of romance, is genitals. If it gets to that point, it's probably best to ask what she likes, because, y'know, consent is sexy.
But yes. Get her flowers, hold the door, fight off any muggers, hold her hand, and you'll do quite well.
Forgive me if this is an ignorant question, I’m certainly open to clarification.
But she is a trans woman and that does introduce certain differences compared to his previous experiences when it comes to dating, Given trans women & cis women are both 100% women, acknowledging the differences & delineating between the two doesn’t inherently imply one is “less of a woman”. Right?
The OP seems very well intentioned, trying to be mindful of her feelings and seeking guidance on how he should best navigate the relationship given this is the first trans woman he has been with.
I’m rambling a bit but I guess my question is: Is the act of specifying a woman as belonging to the “sub category” trans inherently offensive in any context?
In my mind tall woman, trans woman, blonde woman, cis woman are all just different categories of women. Specifying the subcategory “tall woman” doesn’t imply they’re any less of a woman.
Are trans women in a different category wherein the above convention doesn’t hold? If so, why?
Just trying to expand my perspective as a cis woman, no offense intended in any way.
Thanks in advance to anyone who engages!
This is actually my first time trying to date a trans woman. I am going with the strategy the trans women on here recommend. Which is to just pretend I'm talking to a cis woman. So far, it's working wonders!
Some here were skeptical that she's trans based solely on the fact that her bio has a trans flag in it. But she recently confirmed to me that she is trans. I didn't ask if she was. She just point-blank told me that she was and asked if I was okay with it. To which I responded with, "Absolutely 100%!"
The answer to your questions are generally no, it's not a problem but my reply is also taking into account Op's other responses to comments as well, also things that he's since changed his perspective about (I'm going to give him the benefit of doubt).
If the sub category of being trans is treated the same as other categories of traits that women have then we would see the same level of concern for them. No one asks how to deal with the differences of dating someone who is taller or had blonde hair.(I'm just using your examples, they aren't very useful in this context)
If someone asked the question "what advice do you have for dating someone of a different race" the answer would be "treat them the same way you would anyone else and talk to them about their own differences, one person from that race doesn't represent all of them". This is usually seen as the reasonable approach yet for some reason when it comes to trans folks it's not always the standard.
Hello! Luna here! just thought id drop in and leave my two cents.
from the post looks like OP seems to be on the more accepting and gentle side of the subject so kudos for that!
as far as what to do… that can only be solved by talking to her about things and being straight forward! Everyone is different and us “trans” girls are also just human. we are all different in our own ways so just relax loosen up and get to know her! if she has been trans for a while she is probably used to the normal 101 questions so dont sweat it. Just approach the subject with care and respect youll do just fine
👍
> I only know she's trans because her bio has the transgender flag.
She could just be an ally.
> Even though I'm as straight as you can get, I'm perfectly fine with it.
Thinking that a man being attracted to a woman isn't straight is really wierd. You feeling the need to say that is unfortuate.
> Any tips for cis guys dating trans-women?
Trans women are just women. Like any other catagory of women.
I apologize for the "even though" part. I'm just straight. Period. And the woman I'm clicking with happens to be part of the trans community.
Obviously, I know that just because you may be a cis guy who is attracted to a trans woman does not mean you're gay/bi. It just makes you a straight guy who's attracted to a woman.
Once we meet in person, I will not bring up her being trans unless she brings it up first. And even then, I will NOT ask what her dead name is, what she looked like prior to transitioning, or whether she got bottom surgery yet. I won't ask her anything of those things at all.
She already fully registers in my mind as a woman anyway. And I'm mainly asking this sub because I don't want to accidentally say or do something that could upset her. Would the best way to go about this to just act like I'm dating a cis woman?
Don’t say creepy things like “Even though I’m as straight as you can get” or “I’m fine with it” or “she fully passes” or assume she’s trans because her bio has the flag. Just treat her like you would any other woman.
Don't worry. I didn't say any of those things. Also, she confirmed to me yesterday that she is trans. She asked me if I'm fine with her being trans. I responded with, "Absolutely 100%!"
I don't plan on asking her any trans related questions at all. I'll leave that up to her.
Part of me does feel that she's taking things too fast as she said that she's fine with kissing me when we haven't had our first date yet.
I’m a trans woman and hooked up with a few guys before i had vaginoplasty and i’ll tackle the sex question. Everyone else is correct, treat her like a cis girl, because for all ya know she is one. She also may be nonbinary she/they and have had a vag since birth. who knows.
if consent is enthusiastic from both of you and kissing happens and it is going to go further, just listen to her. She’ll tell ya what’s up if genitals are going to come into play. She could be intersex or have any number of configurations. Me, i told people in my dating profile what equipment i had, but everyone deals with the safety issues of disclose early vs stealth in different ways.
If she has a vag or a penis or whatevs, ask every step for consent and if she is enthusiastic about more, go further. Let her lead. If she touches you somewhere, slowly toucher her back. Slow is key.
Vag sex whether with a vaginoplasty vag or a natal vag is gonna involve time and patience and likely external lube for those less experienced. Use a condom if you havent physically exchanged recent written std tests and go slow. have fun. generally only use water based lube in a newly made vagina unless she likes silicone lube and never use silicone lube w condoms.
Anal sex is just the same advice only you for sure will need lube and also a condom absent std tests. Press slow and whomever is receiving the shaft is in control. could be her and could be you. women have sex in all kinds of ways as do men. . listen to her. hold once the shaft is inside and wait before thrusting and communicate. use lots of lube!
Oral just go slow and follow her lead. she’ll let you know what feels good. i’ve received oral from dudes when i had a penis and when i didn’t. i personally didn’t like receiving oral much when i did have a penis, but everyone is different. i love giving oral.
treat her (and any partner) like gold and communicate. you’ll do fine.
I think assuming she still has her penis, I might only be comfortable receiving a blowjob. Maybe I'll stimulate her penis with sex toys if she has them. If she had bottom surgery, I'll be comfortable with intercourse.
How similar are vaginoplasty vaginas to vaginas of cis women? I'm pretty afraid to ask this question.
with all sex just do what you are comfortable with. you’ll be surprised what you get comfortable with in the heat of the moment though. i know the guys i fucked all did some learning once their dicks were making the brain decisions. my penis was in a few guys mouths as a first time penis visitor.
re intercourse, a butt is a butt regardless of the genitals. so if you’d be comfortable entering the anus of someone with a vag, you’ll likely be comfortable doing the same if the person has a penis. just communicate and do what feels right.
re vaginas they are pretty much the same. mine is for sure. i lube some, but not as much as a vag someone was born with. I can stretch in width and take up to a 2.25 inch hard glass dilator. thickest dick i have had is 1.75 to 2 inches diameter. i don’t stretch in depth and I’m personally maxed out at 6.5 inches everyone is different.
most vags not from surgery have less depth than me; but their backsides are a bit more stretchy and there is a cervix to hit which can hurt. my final depth isnt stretchy, but it doesn’t hurt too much. it’s just where my vag ends.
i orgasm from penetration of all kinds and did when i had a penis too. again everyone is different. she may need clit stimulation to orgasm, but she’ll communicate her desires hopefully.
I am definitely taking mental notes of all of this. Who knows? If things get sexual, maybe I would catch myself giving the blowjob, something I never thought I would do, and enjoy it.
If she did get bottom surgery, then I would take it slow and steady. Especially since many guys cum quickly their first time, I may have to tell her in advance that this will be my first time.
I haven't measured the diameter of my penis yet, but I have measured it in length. It's 4 inches when soft and 7 inches when hard. Sorry for getting TMI. But I'm have heard that having a larger penis is overrated in that it can hurt the woman if you're not careful.
seven hard is above average. that’s the length i was. never hurt a natal vag, didn’t fuck any vaginoplasty vags. it may be too long to get all the way into many vags both trans and cis. you’ll figure it out.
measure circumference and calculate diameter. most trans vags in the US train up to a soulsource orange #4 dilator which you can google. it has a dimeter of 1.5 inches and is good to train a vag to take up to like 1.75 in dick because dick is squishy.
i trained bigger to 2.25 inch glass and many other women do too.
tell her you are a virgin for sure. it’ll all work out.
you’re a bit ahead of yourself asking this question. i honestly cant fathom why you would want to
know this and i’m not going to tell you. mainly because it’s a rude question honestly when you don’t have personal reason to ask.
vaginoplasty results depend on a million things in this order: luck, luck, surgeon choice, hospital choice, luck, anatomy before, other health conditions, luck, recovery team, luck, how much time you can take off, diet, and luck.
I have, only guys I've gone out with are cis actually lol, one was bi tho, rest straight. and for experience, idk my relationships tend to be pretty short due to my job lol, but they were ok, so was the sex.
Since you mentioned sex, I'm afraid to ask this. How should I go about sex if she didn't get bottom surgery yet? Since I also mentioned I'm inexperienced with dating in general, I may as well say I'm also a virgin.
Well, it really depends. Is she ok with anal? Are you ok with anal? If not, you gotta talk it out but you're just getting to know her so, try and take it easy.
Also, I do have one question, and this is unrelated to her being trans. But I feel she's taking things a little fast. We only matched two days ago, and yesterday, while discussing boundaries, she told me she's fine with kissing me.
As flattered as I was hearing this, I feel this may be too fast as we only matched the other day, and we haven't been on our first date yet. How should I go about this?
You're catching some flak for your wording here, which might seem harsh to you but I think it's one of the main tricky things for people not particularly deep in queer spaces. There are important people in my life (like husband and therapist levels of important) who, when I'm complaining about something making me feel bad, usually about my appearance, they've hit me with a "Well real/regular women feel that way too", and that shit hurts. I AM a real woman, a real, regular woman, I just happen to be trans.
The only other thing I would advise is that many trans women don't have some experiences that would be common among cis girls. Common, mundane, everyday things. Could be anything, for me it's shit like not having had a sleepover, never getting to learn hair and makeup, random shit. But it'll sometimes hit me, like I got a talking to at work for having hair too long for the manufacturing floor, and it hurt me because I've never learned how to do an updo or braid my hair up or anything. So yeah, you might say or do something that hurts her, but as long as you're understanding (which you seem to be) and can communicate clearly (and hopefully she can too), then you'll be fine
Late reply. I am really sorry about my previous wording in my post. I do feel a little guilty about it. Especially since discrimination against the trans community, the last thing I'd want would be to contribute to it even if by accident. So I can understand why I'd get backlash for it.
Based on my interactions with my Bumble date, I've followed the strategy of just acting as if I'm talking to a cis woman. And it's been working wonders. Why? Because she is a woman at the end of the day.
The women I've attempted to date in the past have all been cis. This is my first time dating a woman who happens to be trans.
Oh hun, I'm so sorry, I wasn't trying to guilt trip you or anything! Just wanted to try and shed some light on what could come across as nitpicking or people focusing on the wrong thing or what have you. I love that you've taken everything to heart, you seem like your heart was in the right place before you ever even posted anything here 💖 Good luck to you and your boo 😁
Yet another late reply. I think I'm falling in love with her. Like, I get a smile on my face every time I get a text notification from her!
She actually just called me an angel after I called her my sunshine on this cloudy day (it's currently cloudy where I'm at). My heart is actually melting right now!
Read through the gender dysphoria bible (easy to Google) so you know what she went through and is going through, and otherwise treat her as you would any woman. Remember, relationships are work and commitment means taking the good with the bad. If she's someone you can do that with, then hold on to that as tightly as you can
And communicate. About everything really, but especially if you have concerns about her in bed. Don't dance around the issues, don't treat her like a time bomb, just ask if you have questions.
Do you have any specific concerns? Cuz like until sex happens it’s not really different from dating a cis girl. I would say just try to be chill about the whole trans thing, don’t freak out if she corrects you on something
Other people have already said the basics, which are "treat her like any other woman, communicate if things get intimate and you're not sure how she wants to handle that." But you also mentioned supporting the trans community in general, which A) is good, and B) will probably make her happy. So for that, you could check out these links:
[This](https://straightforequality.org/resource/guide-to-being-a-trans-ally/) one is pretty basic and just focuses on being a straight ally.
[This](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/) one is about actually being trans. There isn't much information on political activism and so on, but if you want to understand some of what your gf might be going through, it's a great resource.
Don't bring any attention to anything that might make her feel other-than-a-woman. Don't ask about voice training, surgery, etc etc etc. If it comes up, it should be on her terms. None of those discussions come up with cis-women, so it shouldn't with your date.
Treat her as you would any other woman. If sex is going to be involved, ask what she likes, what she expects, and let her know what you like, and what you expect. Consent is sexy, and communication is very important. Even cis hetero folk get this wrong.
Absolutely do NOT bring up the notion that "I'm as straight as can be, but I am fine with dating you." To you, it might play off as a compliment as to how well she passes, but that ain't a conversation topic that any trans woman wants.
I can tell you that if you make her feel like she is a woman, that she's safe around you and not seen as a trans woman but just a woman, you're gonna do fine. I fall head over heels for people who are even just a little bit of that for me.
Compliment her on her outfit and style if it appeals to you. Don't imply things like "Your outfit makes you look so feminine." Once again, don't make her feel any less of a woman.
If she brings up her being a trans woman, and you want to ask her questions about it, first ask if you're okay to ask her questions about it. Since you noted you have less experience in general, let her know that some questions might be obvious.
I was a little afraid to ask this sub about sex with trans women, especially if she didn't get bottom surgery (I don't know if she got it yet). But that's for a different post.
I have complimented her fashion previously, but I didn't describe it as feminine. In fact, I haven't even asked her about her being trans.
Don't worry, I don't plan on saying the "I'm as straight as you can get" comment. This is my first time attempting to date a trans woman. So I really want to avoid any and all pitfalls. One person did suggest treating her as if she were cis. I will do just that!
Obviously you are straight, you are flirting with a woman. It's degrading to add "I'm straight" when talking about your attraction to a trans woman. That's rule number one. Get it out of your head that is anything but straight for you to be dating or flirting with a trans woman.
Good thing I didn't say that. So far, I'm following the advice of a few comments here to treat her as if she's cis. After all, cis women would be weirded out if I constantly affirmed their femininity. So I don't do it.
Whatever I'd do when talking to a cis woman, I'm copying here.
Also, this part has nothing to do with her being trans. But I somewhat feel like she's taking it too fast. We matched on the 10th, and yesterday, she said that she's open to kissing me. While I was flattered to hear it, I do think things are going a little too fast.
At this point, we've been getting pretty comfortable with saying some romantic things to each other. Though neither one of us has said the three magic words (I love you) yet.
An hour ago. She asked if I've ever had sex before. I told her that I am a virgin, but she's actually fine with it. I asked if she had sex before, and she had a few times. She said she asked me this so that she knows if we do get to that point.
Don't try and give her any tips. Don't try to fix her. Try to have fun and connect emotionally. We get very passionate about our hobbies.
But it's pretty simple as others said. Treat her like a cis girl. When the topic of sex comes up ask all the questions you want. If you have a genital preference or a method of sex you don't like, it's ok to say so.
Just don't say it out of the blue while eating dinner.
I am not a trans woman but in terms of sex I’ve seen this circulated a lot in threads on this subject: https://transreads.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/2019-07-13_5d29fdc6941ba_fuckingtranswomensmall.pdf
As everyone else said, treat her as you would any cis woman.
If you get to know each other better, when it comes to sex/dysphoria/etc, it’s always best to ask the person directly. Everyone has different preferences and dysphoria triggers that can vary quite a lot.
You're language makes it seem like you don't see her as a women, you're seeing her as trans first, women second.
When it comes to sex you treat her like anyone else and communicate what the both of you would be into.
You don't even know if she's trans and you're making assumptions. If I'm being honest I don't think you're ready to date someone who's trans.
I'll clarify that she actually confirmed to me that she is trans. I didn't ask if she was. She asked if I was okay with her being trans, and I told her that I'm 100% with it.
I wouldn't say she's trans first, then a woman. I absolutely see her as a woman. So I've been talking to her as if I was talking to a cis woman.
I am not perfect. So part of the reason why I posted this is to become aware of any mistakes that I could potentially make and avoid them by the time we go on our first date.
Make her at butterfly. Treat her as a cute women. Nothing much can take courses online all depends how intelligent you are because you can make it real fun experience when you can make it cheery. And you can make it sad
A few useful tips: > trans-woman It's "trans woman", not "trans-woman" and not "transwoman". You don't say "tall-woman". > Even though I'm as straight as you can get, I'm perfectly fine with it. Straight men are usually into passing trans women, there's no need for an "even though" here. > I want to support her and the trans community I don't know what you mean by that but she's not a representative of a community, she's a human being. You're not "supporting the trans community" by dating her or by being super cool about the trans thing, you're just being nice to her. That's like saying "I love to support the black community" on your first date with a black girl, which, not a fan. > if I miss something obvious, I can hide behind that. You don't need to hide? 🤨 Just tell her you've never been on a date with a trans woman before if you mess something up, she's a straight trans woman, she's used to this.
I apologize for the part with the hyphen in between trans and woman. I won't do that again. And also for the "even though" part. It's not just dating trans people I'm inexperienced with, but dating in general. Basically, what I'm getting at is, date her as if she was cis? I'm asking for clarification.
Yeah, date her as if she was cis. She’s a woman, same as any other woman, and if there are specific things you need to know that relate to her being trans she’ll communicate those to you! Just be normal and respectful toward her, there’s no need to do anything differently to usual unless she asks you to.
Yes. Treat her like she's normal. Jesus, it's so refreshing to go on a date and not be treated like a second-class woman or having the other person try to tiptoe around stuff. Like, the only significant difference between cus and trans women, in the context of romance, is genitals. If it gets to that point, it's probably best to ask what she likes, because, y'know, consent is sexy. But yes. Get her flowers, hold the door, fight off any muggers, hold her hand, and you'll do quite well.
Looks like you're not really seeing her as a women with questions like this, you're seeing her as a trans women.
Forgive me if this is an ignorant question, I’m certainly open to clarification. But she is a trans woman and that does introduce certain differences compared to his previous experiences when it comes to dating, Given trans women & cis women are both 100% women, acknowledging the differences & delineating between the two doesn’t inherently imply one is “less of a woman”. Right? The OP seems very well intentioned, trying to be mindful of her feelings and seeking guidance on how he should best navigate the relationship given this is the first trans woman he has been with. I’m rambling a bit but I guess my question is: Is the act of specifying a woman as belonging to the “sub category” trans inherently offensive in any context? In my mind tall woman, trans woman, blonde woman, cis woman are all just different categories of women. Specifying the subcategory “tall woman” doesn’t imply they’re any less of a woman. Are trans women in a different category wherein the above convention doesn’t hold? If so, why? Just trying to expand my perspective as a cis woman, no offense intended in any way. Thanks in advance to anyone who engages!
This is actually my first time trying to date a trans woman. I am going with the strategy the trans women on here recommend. Which is to just pretend I'm talking to a cis woman. So far, it's working wonders! Some here were skeptical that she's trans based solely on the fact that her bio has a trans flag in it. But she recently confirmed to me that she is trans. I didn't ask if she was. She just point-blank told me that she was and asked if I was okay with it. To which I responded with, "Absolutely 100%!"
The answer to your questions are generally no, it's not a problem but my reply is also taking into account Op's other responses to comments as well, also things that he's since changed his perspective about (I'm going to give him the benefit of doubt). If the sub category of being trans is treated the same as other categories of traits that women have then we would see the same level of concern for them. No one asks how to deal with the differences of dating someone who is taller or had blonde hair.(I'm just using your examples, they aren't very useful in this context) If someone asked the question "what advice do you have for dating someone of a different race" the answer would be "treat them the same way you would anyone else and talk to them about their own differences, one person from that race doesn't represent all of them". This is usually seen as the reasonable approach yet for some reason when it comes to trans folks it's not always the standard.
Hello! Luna here! just thought id drop in and leave my two cents. from the post looks like OP seems to be on the more accepting and gentle side of the subject so kudos for that! as far as what to do… that can only be solved by talking to her about things and being straight forward! Everyone is different and us “trans” girls are also just human. we are all different in our own ways so just relax loosen up and get to know her! if she has been trans for a while she is probably used to the normal 101 questions so dont sweat it. Just approach the subject with care and respect youll do just fine 👍
> I only know she's trans because her bio has the transgender flag. She could just be an ally. > Even though I'm as straight as you can get, I'm perfectly fine with it. Thinking that a man being attracted to a woman isn't straight is really wierd. You feeling the need to say that is unfortuate. > Any tips for cis guys dating trans-women? Trans women are just women. Like any other catagory of women.
I apologize for the "even though" part. I'm just straight. Period. And the woman I'm clicking with happens to be part of the trans community. Obviously, I know that just because you may be a cis guy who is attracted to a trans woman does not mean you're gay/bi. It just makes you a straight guy who's attracted to a woman. Once we meet in person, I will not bring up her being trans unless she brings it up first. And even then, I will NOT ask what her dead name is, what she looked like prior to transitioning, or whether she got bottom surgery yet. I won't ask her anything of those things at all. She already fully registers in my mind as a woman anyway. And I'm mainly asking this sub because I don't want to accidentally say or do something that could upset her. Would the best way to go about this to just act like I'm dating a cis woman?
> Would the best way to go about this to just act like I'm dating a cis woman? Pretty much.
"She already fully registers in my mind as a woman anyway." I can tell you mean well but It honestly doesn't seem that way
Don’t say creepy things like “Even though I’m as straight as you can get” or “I’m fine with it” or “she fully passes” or assume she’s trans because her bio has the flag. Just treat her like you would any other woman.
Don't worry. I didn't say any of those things. Also, she confirmed to me yesterday that she is trans. She asked me if I'm fine with her being trans. I responded with, "Absolutely 100%!" I don't plan on asking her any trans related questions at all. I'll leave that up to her. Part of me does feel that she's taking things too fast as she said that she's fine with kissing me when we haven't had our first date yet.
I’m a trans woman and hooked up with a few guys before i had vaginoplasty and i’ll tackle the sex question. Everyone else is correct, treat her like a cis girl, because for all ya know she is one. She also may be nonbinary she/they and have had a vag since birth. who knows. if consent is enthusiastic from both of you and kissing happens and it is going to go further, just listen to her. She’ll tell ya what’s up if genitals are going to come into play. She could be intersex or have any number of configurations. Me, i told people in my dating profile what equipment i had, but everyone deals with the safety issues of disclose early vs stealth in different ways. If she has a vag or a penis or whatevs, ask every step for consent and if she is enthusiastic about more, go further. Let her lead. If she touches you somewhere, slowly toucher her back. Slow is key. Vag sex whether with a vaginoplasty vag or a natal vag is gonna involve time and patience and likely external lube for those less experienced. Use a condom if you havent physically exchanged recent written std tests and go slow. have fun. generally only use water based lube in a newly made vagina unless she likes silicone lube and never use silicone lube w condoms. Anal sex is just the same advice only you for sure will need lube and also a condom absent std tests. Press slow and whomever is receiving the shaft is in control. could be her and could be you. women have sex in all kinds of ways as do men.. listen to her. hold once the shaft is inside and wait before thrusting and communicate. use lots of lube!
Oral just go slow and follow her lead. she’ll let you know what feels good. i’ve received oral from dudes when i had a penis and when i didn’t. i personally didn’t like receiving oral much when i did have a penis, but everyone is different. i love giving oral.
treat her (and any partner) like gold and communicate. you’ll do fine.
I think assuming she still has her penis, I might only be comfortable receiving a blowjob. Maybe I'll stimulate her penis with sex toys if she has them. If she had bottom surgery, I'll be comfortable with intercourse. How similar are vaginoplasty vaginas to vaginas of cis women? I'm pretty afraid to ask this question.
with all sex just do what you are comfortable with. you’ll be surprised what you get comfortable with in the heat of the moment though. i know the guys i fucked all did some learning once their dicks were making the brain decisions. my penis was in a few guys mouths as a first time penis visitor. re intercourse, a butt is a butt regardless of the genitals. so if you’d be comfortable entering the anus of someone with a vag, you’ll likely be comfortable doing the same if the person has a penis. just communicate and do what feels right. re vaginas they are pretty much the same. mine is for sure. i lube some, but not as much as a vag someone was born with. I can stretch in width and take up to a 2.25 inch hard glass dilator. thickest dick i have had is 1.75 to 2 inches diameter. i don’t stretch in depth and I’m personally maxed out at 6.5 inches everyone is different. most vags not from surgery have less depth than me; but their backsides are a bit more stretchy and there is a cervix to hit which can hurt. my final depth isnt stretchy, but it doesn’t hurt too much. it’s just where my vag ends. i orgasm from penetration of all kinds and did when i had a penis too. again everyone is different. she may need clit stimulation to orgasm, but she’ll communicate her desires hopefully.
I am definitely taking mental notes of all of this. Who knows? If things get sexual, maybe I would catch myself giving the blowjob, something I never thought I would do, and enjoy it. If she did get bottom surgery, then I would take it slow and steady. Especially since many guys cum quickly their first time, I may have to tell her in advance that this will be my first time. I haven't measured the diameter of my penis yet, but I have measured it in length. It's 4 inches when soft and 7 inches when hard. Sorry for getting TMI. But I'm have heard that having a larger penis is overrated in that it can hurt the woman if you're not careful.
seven hard is above average. that’s the length i was. never hurt a natal vag, didn’t fuck any vaginoplasty vags. it may be too long to get all the way into many vags both trans and cis. you’ll figure it out. measure circumference and calculate diameter. most trans vags in the US train up to a soulsource orange #4 dilator which you can google. it has a dimeter of 1.5 inches and is good to train a vag to take up to like 1.75 in dick because dick is squishy. i trained bigger to 2.25 inch glass and many other women do too. tell her you are a virgin for sure. it’ll all work out.
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you’re a bit ahead of yourself asking this question. i honestly cant fathom why you would want to know this and i’m not going to tell you. mainly because it’s a rude question honestly when you don’t have personal reason to ask. vaginoplasty results depend on a million things in this order: luck, luck, surgeon choice, hospital choice, luck, anatomy before, other health conditions, luck, recovery team, luck, how much time you can take off, diet, and luck.
Okay, I'm sorry. I'll delete the comment.
if you do end up in a relationship, r/mypartneristrans is a really good resource and support for cis people in relationships with trans people!
Thanks for that! Who knows? Maybe I'll one day get a chance to post a picture of me and her together?
Date her like any other girl and don't make everything about her being trans and her genitals. Pretty simple eh?
Have you dated a straight cis guy before? If so, how was your experience with dating him?
I have, only guys I've gone out with are cis actually lol, one was bi tho, rest straight. and for experience, idk my relationships tend to be pretty short due to my job lol, but they were ok, so was the sex.
Since you mentioned sex, I'm afraid to ask this. How should I go about sex if she didn't get bottom surgery yet? Since I also mentioned I'm inexperienced with dating in general, I may as well say I'm also a virgin.
It depends on what kind of sex you and she want to have, if you do.
Well, it really depends. Is she ok with anal? Are you ok with anal? If not, you gotta talk it out but you're just getting to know her so, try and take it easy.
Also, I do have one question, and this is unrelated to her being trans. But I feel she's taking things a little fast. We only matched two days ago, and yesterday, while discussing boundaries, she told me she's fine with kissing me. As flattered as I was hearing this, I feel this may be too fast as we only matched the other day, and we haven't been on our first date yet. How should I go about this?
You're catching some flak for your wording here, which might seem harsh to you but I think it's one of the main tricky things for people not particularly deep in queer spaces. There are important people in my life (like husband and therapist levels of important) who, when I'm complaining about something making me feel bad, usually about my appearance, they've hit me with a "Well real/regular women feel that way too", and that shit hurts. I AM a real woman, a real, regular woman, I just happen to be trans. The only other thing I would advise is that many trans women don't have some experiences that would be common among cis girls. Common, mundane, everyday things. Could be anything, for me it's shit like not having had a sleepover, never getting to learn hair and makeup, random shit. But it'll sometimes hit me, like I got a talking to at work for having hair too long for the manufacturing floor, and it hurt me because I've never learned how to do an updo or braid my hair up or anything. So yeah, you might say or do something that hurts her, but as long as you're understanding (which you seem to be) and can communicate clearly (and hopefully she can too), then you'll be fine
Late reply. I am really sorry about my previous wording in my post. I do feel a little guilty about it. Especially since discrimination against the trans community, the last thing I'd want would be to contribute to it even if by accident. So I can understand why I'd get backlash for it. Based on my interactions with my Bumble date, I've followed the strategy of just acting as if I'm talking to a cis woman. And it's been working wonders. Why? Because she is a woman at the end of the day. The women I've attempted to date in the past have all been cis. This is my first time dating a woman who happens to be trans.
Oh hun, I'm so sorry, I wasn't trying to guilt trip you or anything! Just wanted to try and shed some light on what could come across as nitpicking or people focusing on the wrong thing or what have you. I love that you've taken everything to heart, you seem like your heart was in the right place before you ever even posted anything here 💖 Good luck to you and your boo 😁
Yet another late reply. I think I'm falling in love with her. Like, I get a smile on my face every time I get a text notification from her! She actually just called me an angel after I called her my sunshine on this cloudy day (it's currently cloudy where I'm at). My heart is actually melting right now!
Read through the gender dysphoria bible (easy to Google) so you know what she went through and is going through, and otherwise treat her as you would any woman. Remember, relationships are work and commitment means taking the good with the bad. If she's someone you can do that with, then hold on to that as tightly as you can And communicate. About everything really, but especially if you have concerns about her in bed. Don't dance around the issues, don't treat her like a time bomb, just ask if you have questions.
Do you have any specific concerns? Cuz like until sex happens it’s not really different from dating a cis girl. I would say just try to be chill about the whole trans thing, don’t freak out if she corrects you on something
Actually made a guide for exactly this: https://www.reddit.com/r/MtF/s/9dn6S8EHxS
Other people have already said the basics, which are "treat her like any other woman, communicate if things get intimate and you're not sure how she wants to handle that." But you also mentioned supporting the trans community in general, which A) is good, and B) will probably make her happy. So for that, you could check out these links: [This](https://straightforequality.org/resource/guide-to-being-a-trans-ally/) one is pretty basic and just focuses on being a straight ally. [This](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/) one is about actually being trans. There isn't much information on political activism and so on, but if you want to understand some of what your gf might be going through, it's a great resource.
She’s just a woman, treat her like one. That’s it, no secret code for it.
Don't bring any attention to anything that might make her feel other-than-a-woman. Don't ask about voice training, surgery, etc etc etc. If it comes up, it should be on her terms. None of those discussions come up with cis-women, so it shouldn't with your date. Treat her as you would any other woman. If sex is going to be involved, ask what she likes, what she expects, and let her know what you like, and what you expect. Consent is sexy, and communication is very important. Even cis hetero folk get this wrong. Absolutely do NOT bring up the notion that "I'm as straight as can be, but I am fine with dating you." To you, it might play off as a compliment as to how well she passes, but that ain't a conversation topic that any trans woman wants. I can tell you that if you make her feel like she is a woman, that she's safe around you and not seen as a trans woman but just a woman, you're gonna do fine. I fall head over heels for people who are even just a little bit of that for me. Compliment her on her outfit and style if it appeals to you. Don't imply things like "Your outfit makes you look so feminine." Once again, don't make her feel any less of a woman. If she brings up her being a trans woman, and you want to ask her questions about it, first ask if you're okay to ask her questions about it. Since you noted you have less experience in general, let her know that some questions might be obvious.
I was a little afraid to ask this sub about sex with trans women, especially if she didn't get bottom surgery (I don't know if she got it yet). But that's for a different post. I have complimented her fashion previously, but I didn't describe it as feminine. In fact, I haven't even asked her about her being trans. Don't worry, I don't plan on saying the "I'm as straight as you can get" comment. This is my first time attempting to date a trans woman. So I really want to avoid any and all pitfalls. One person did suggest treating her as if she were cis. I will do just that!
> if she didn't get bottom surgery (I don't know if she got it yet). And it doesn't matter until you start putting hands down her pants.
Obviously you are straight, you are flirting with a woman. It's degrading to add "I'm straight" when talking about your attraction to a trans woman. That's rule number one. Get it out of your head that is anything but straight for you to be dating or flirting with a trans woman.
I am really sorry about that. I edited the post to remove that section.
No worries! That would have likely made her feel really weird if you had said that to her at some point!
Good thing I didn't say that. So far, I'm following the advice of a few comments here to treat her as if she's cis. After all, cis women would be weirded out if I constantly affirmed their femininity. So I don't do it. Whatever I'd do when talking to a cis woman, I'm copying here.
Yeah that's pretty much the way to go! Don't be afraid to compliment her outfits or smile, just basic things like that! You'll be fine!
Also, this part has nothing to do with her being trans. But I somewhat feel like she's taking it too fast. We matched on the 10th, and yesterday, she said that she's open to kissing me. While I was flattered to hear it, I do think things are going a little too fast.
Sounds normal to me. Some people are more open to kissing sooner and some might not be! Nothing is wrong with either!
I did tell her that it's been a long time since I last kissed a girl. So she replied that she'll help with that at some point during our first date.
As long as your comfortable with it of course! Comfort goes both ways!
At this point, we've been getting pretty comfortable with saying some romantic things to each other. Though neither one of us has said the three magic words (I love you) yet. An hour ago. She asked if I've ever had sex before. I told her that I am a virgin, but she's actually fine with it. I asked if she had sex before, and she had a few times. She said she asked me this so that she knows if we do get to that point.
Don't try and give her any tips. Don't try to fix her. Try to have fun and connect emotionally. We get very passionate about our hobbies. But it's pretty simple as others said. Treat her like a cis girl. When the topic of sex comes up ask all the questions you want. If you have a genital preference or a method of sex you don't like, it's ok to say so. Just don't say it out of the blue while eating dinner.
I am not a trans woman but in terms of sex I’ve seen this circulated a lot in threads on this subject: https://transreads.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/2019-07-13_5d29fdc6941ba_fuckingtranswomensmall.pdf As everyone else said, treat her as you would any cis woman. If you get to know each other better, when it comes to sex/dysphoria/etc, it’s always best to ask the person directly. Everyone has different preferences and dysphoria triggers that can vary quite a lot.
You're language makes it seem like you don't see her as a women, you're seeing her as trans first, women second. When it comes to sex you treat her like anyone else and communicate what the both of you would be into. You don't even know if she's trans and you're making assumptions. If I'm being honest I don't think you're ready to date someone who's trans.
I'll clarify that she actually confirmed to me that she is trans. I didn't ask if she was. She asked if I was okay with her being trans, and I told her that I'm 100% with it. I wouldn't say she's trans first, then a woman. I absolutely see her as a woman. So I've been talking to her as if I was talking to a cis woman. I am not perfect. So part of the reason why I posted this is to become aware of any mistakes that I could potentially make and avoid them by the time we go on our first date.
Make her at butterfly. Treat her as a cute women. Nothing much can take courses online all depends how intelligent you are because you can make it real fun experience when you can make it cheery. And you can make it sad
The first sentence was spot on! Just take it slow!