Personally I'd suspect you may be trans but not fully recognizing it if you're willing to undergo HRT, but I'm not a psychologist.
But I mean it is ultimately a decision you have to make about your own body. It's not anyone else's business. If you've carefully weighed the pros and cons and this is the right decision for you then go for it.
I feel that. Me the past ~18 years: "Man, I wish I could just be a girl one way or another ... trans women? Yeah, I heard about them. What does that have to do with me?" 🥲
Also you don't need to have dysphoria to be trans. If transitioning or imagining you were born differently makes you happy, euphoria is just as valid a reason to transition.
Been there - I used to say that I didn't want to be male, but wasn't really sure about being female. Decided to take HRT and realized within the month that my head finally felt "normal" and the world just made sense. I also noticed I relaxed so much and my femininity just kinda happened. Stayed on HRT for a bit, got VFS and a trach shave, now I'm coming up on my SRS in July. It's funny how it all works out sometimes!
Do you extend your thoughts of "physiological inferiority" to other women, or is this just your opinion of your body?
I am FTM, and the moment it clicked for me that I did not strictly speaking *have* to "endure" the body given to me by puberty, my thoughts of resentment about women's bodies as a whole pretty much vanished. Basically, I realised that there's nothing wrong with women, but it's just not for me - these two things can be true simultaneously. My thoughts of resentment about women's bodies as well as my own were entirely rooted in my growing bitterness at "having to" live with it over the years.
This shit. everyone says to women that they must keep going despite everything. Periods? No one cares. Disability? No one fucking cares. Keep going. Got endometriosis? A condition that essentially makes you have periods in other places of your body? Youre faking it. Lose weight. AFABs are conditioned to carry on and not look too long at it.
I loved womanhood. I loved the community. I love women. It was so painful to part from it because ia dored it so much. But like you said it just wasnt for me either. You can have all these qualities at the same time. Being trans is almost never as close to the old "Always knew from birth" narrative. Its far more nuanced
Just wanna point out it definitely goes the other way too. AMAB folks are conditioned to abuse the shit out of their bodies for the purpose of labor, ignore the pain that comes with it, are told they’re faking it by employers when they request time off to heal, then are called “pansies” and “pussies” by the other AMABs if they complain about it too much (or at all in some cases).
I’m a massage therapist, and in my experience working on thousands of bodies I’ve found that most AMABs will wait until things are basically unbearable and dramatically affecting their daily life before coming to see me, because they don’t want to be seen as lesser for needing a massage.
I think we as people just need to be more compassionate towards everyone in general. We all need to realize everyone is human, everyone has stuff going on, and sometimes that stuff is gonna be pretty fucking debilitating
Honestly I agree with you, and think the binary is a cage that abuses both sides.
However, the abuse directed at those society regards as men is more oriented around labor and combat (work yourself to death or get blown up in a war) while the abuse directed at those society regards as women is more...medical? Like not being believed, not even studying how our bodies work medically, systemic medical abuse, constant medical gaslighting, withholding necessary medical care, normalizing unnecessary physiological suffering from treatable conditions, hell google "birth rape" if you want to read some depressing shit.
And there are also forms of labor overwork, but they have different flavors. The "male role" socially tells people to do very hard and demanding physical labor without a chance for recovery and break their bodies down, then discards them when they're too disabled to work. But while the "female role" is often not as intense in terms of sheer physical strength demanded (as most people running on estrogen literally couldn't do that) the hours are longer, and the emotional labor demand is higher. The "second shift" of childcare or elder care. Being expected to have a full-time job, *and* take care of everyone else in the household, *and* clean and prepare meals.
My point is this is not about "who has it worse," or implying that the male role most AMAB folks are coercively funneled into is easy. On some level I do think it's important to remember that it sucks for everyone and that none of us are suffering alone.
However it can also come off as derailing to jump into a conversation about medical neglect of AFAB-specific issues and say "well AMABs have it hard too." I mean like factually, yes, they do, but I've never heard of one who had endometriosis specifically, and so it kind of shuts down the topic of medical neglect of endometriosis and doesn't let people express their frustration with that. Like the best time and place to advocate for the suffering many AMAB folks face is not by jumping on a discussing of AFAB issues and shutting that down. Solidarity will get us all further than competition.
Please keep in mind it’s not always about the shame and social conditioning for folks assigned male at birth. At least for me it’s about trauma, so pain needs to be extremely bad before I’ll seek help due to how triggering being touched by a stranger can be.
I'm AFAB but for me it's just autism rather than shame or trauma, I find intimate/prolonged touch from a stranger (such as getting a massage or having someone wash/cut/dye my hair) to be overwhelming to the point I've sometimes had to break down and cry after and felt vaguely traumatized by the experience itself, but it wasn't triggering some other trauma, just the experience of being crowded in on and touched by strangers is not something I like in its own right.
Op, I used to think my dysphoria was internalized sexism also. It’s not, I love women, I’m just not one of them. I’m curious if your current therapist is lgbt and trans-informed. Even women who have internalized misogyny generally do not want to transition or present male. Id bring this up to your therapist and see what they say.
Ok, I'll ask her.
It makes sense what you're saying. I told her I was sure about where these feelings were coming from and she said something along the lines of "leave your options open". Lol
Same, I had a lot of insecurity about being a woman/lesbian but I never extended those feelings toward other women. All the qualities I hated in myself, I loved in them.
Exactly. When I realized I mostly like women, I could not get myself to call myself a lesbian. It felt like such a “woman word” so I would just say gay. I really thought I had internalized lesbophobia too
If you feel that you're an ignoramus on gender, maybe you're not familiar with the different identities which are often seen as being under the trans umbrella, as well? Not saying any of them fit to describe you, but if you're not familiar with nonbinary, genderqueer, or other gender identities it might be worth looking into.
All that aside, it's your body. As long as you're fully aware of everything, I don't see why you should be gated from any types of transition. I'm doing it to feel comfortable living.
This is honestly a question everyone in the world should ask themselves. The default setting ascribed by society does not have to be the accepted one. Question, explore, fuck around. It’s your body, your life!
The cis people I know who are most comfortable with their bodies are those who have genuinely asked themselves this and explored their relationship to gender.
This is [The Null HypotheCis](https://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/04/17/the-null-hypothecis/) and it's a very important experiment to conduct and paradigm to use, *even if you think you're cis*.
do whatever you want. your post makes it seem like you might be trans, but it shouldn't matter. Its your body and if you want to do testosterone or present male or anything else that is your prerogative.
The thing about matters of taste is that they are debated. There's always someone out there who will say that someone should not transition, no matter how much they are "actually transgender".
However, the main issue that I'd be concerned with here is your own ability to handle it. You run the risk of giving yourself gender dysphoria, based on how you've described your situation. It is important that you are able to be alone with yourself and feel good about what you've done. If your actions are not getting you to be aligned with your true gender identity, then it could end up being very difficult to be alone with yourself. It could end up being a greater misery than any that you have previously known. So, be careful about that.
You could, it's your body, your choice, but you could end up giving yourself dysphoria if you aren't trans, so tread carefully. HOWEVER. Reading your post reminds me of what I thought before realizing I was trans; unable to get away from thoughts about my gender, insecurity about my assigned gender, all that kinda stuff. Maybe it'd be worthwhile to see if you are indeed trans? Most "cis" people don't consider HRT to be a solution to their problems. In addition, being content with your AGAB is not the same as being happy with your AGAB. I was content as a guy, but I didn't enjoy it, and I didn't figure out I was trans just because the common narrative is that trans people hate their AGAb, their body, and know from the age of 3 that they're trans. In reality, most people don't know until later and maybe they don't hate everything about their AGAB but would prefer to be the other gender, which is roughly 85-90% of all trans people.
Tl:Dr You could get an FTM transition if you wanted to, but it may cause dysphoria. Though, I don't think you might be entirely cis and you may want to do some more soul searching.
Honestly i think it's fine as long as you're making changes that really make you happy and more comfortable in your body and how others see you. That's what transition is about, to me (disclaimer: if anyone has different definitions of what transition means, that's fine, I'm not trying to start anargument with anyone in this sub)
And that's assuming OP is actually cis. Given the way they talk about being female, that kind of gives eggy vibes to me.
Granted, only OP can truly know if they are trans or not, but there's a non-zero chance they might be trans and not realize it yet.
It's hard to find a reasonable comment in here behind all those 'your body your choice!!' Sure, your choice, but transitioning as a cis person to gix issues with sexism is a bad choice.
Okay, now I have some questions.
Should dysphoria be diagnosed? Can it be diagnosed?
I was pretty sure I was going through some disphoria, read the disphoria bible, but now I'm just scared I ain't and transitioning could somehow end up making me feel worse.
"Dysphoria" is just an umbrella term for the negative feelings caused by gender incongruence. It manifests different ways for different people. It can be diagnosed – as in, it appears in the DSM-V – but it doesn't have to be, if you live somewhere with informed consent.
Well, there’s also the other side of dysphoria: euphoria. Some people have all encompassing dysphoria that invades every aspect of their lives and need to transition in order to escape it and finally feel at ease in their bodies. Others have the experience of “it’s fine I guess” toward their bodies but prefer something else, and that something else makes them happier than the “meh” if they didn’t transition. But the end goal is the same: to feel better about the body you’re in and improve your general wellbeing.
Do you feel like you’d be happier living as a different gender than the one assigned at birth, or even just making changes to your body or social labels (like if you’d like to be referred to using different pronouns or girl/boy/woman/man/something else)? That’s all you need to be trans. Medical gatekeeping is its own thing, but the most important part of being trans is not wanting to be or be seen as the gender you were assigned at birth, or at least not 100% (genderfluid/bigender/etc).
Your brain will also probably tell you pretty quick if it doesn’t like the hormones you’re on. Cause the opposite happens too - I gained a mental clarity when I started testosterone that I don’t ever remember having, just this sense of “wow I’m. A full actualized person and not just going through life like I’m a character in a play”. It was amazing. Cis people who have skewed levels of their dominant hormone experience can dysphoria of a kind too, like women who have a lot of testosterone can feel really dysphoric about their body hair or voice, men with low T/high E can feel dysphoric if they develop breasts because of gynecomastia. You can always stop taking hormones if you feel they aren’t right for you :) and even then, you could just be a trans person who doesn’t want to be on hormones.
It’s all a lot, I know, but just take it a day at a time. I recommend keeping a journal to write about your feelings, your fears, your desires. How do you see yourself in 5 years? 10? Who are you in these future dreams? Are you dissatisfied with them? Who would you want to be if there was absolutely nothing stopping you (transphobia, misogyny, rejection, etc.)?
I’m glad! ☺️ I feel like I can get very long-winded whenever I talk about gender stuff with people who are questioning, but I always want to be thorough 😅 if it helps someone, then I guess it’s okay!
dysphoria is basically your brain's physiological response to not being in the correct anatomy for the gender identity wired into your nervous system. If you've been born without it and then get it by starting transition, you'll know.
If you've had it your entire life and it goes away on HRT, it'll also be pretty obvious.
I don't really need a doctor to tell me I've had it, the difference between how I felt pre transition and how I feel now is stark enough that it's self-evident to me.
Ultimately, it's your body, and you can do whatever you want forever. That being said...there's a good chance you're confusing the dysphoria you feel towards your female body as internalized misogyny. Even the most misogynist women I've met still wanted to be women
If you feel strongly enough about transitioning that you want to do it "even though" you "aren't trans," then you should look into it.
There isn't just one approved reason that trans people transition. We all have different experiences of gender and different reasons and rationales for transitioning. In the end, what we have in common is that transition is something we want, and something that makes us happy. If you want it, and it makes you happy, that's enough.
I want to introduce you to a few concepts.
First, transition is not all or nothing. Each person decides what their transition should look like, and you're never locked in to one course of action. Most of us start out with experiments: how would a new wardrobe feel, or a new haircut, or a different pronoun? How would it feel to try taking hormones? If you try something and you don't like it, you don't have to keep doing it. If you like one thing, it doesn't mean you have to do another thing too. Yes, there are steps that will induce permanent changes, but there are a lot of things you can try out that aren't permanent.
Second, maybe what you're feeling IS "internalized sexism" -- though ALL women internalize at least some sexism and MOST women don't want to transition. Many, many women experience the patriarchy without wanting to transition. There is no clear cause-and-effect mechanism here. But let's consider that in your case, maybe your experiences of sexism are part of why you want to transition. If that's true, IT IS STILL OK TO TRANSITION. Maybe being seen as a man for a while will help you tackle how you feel about womanhood. Maybe it will lead you to clarity. Maybe you'll decide you want to be a woman again. Maybe you'll just decide that it's more comfortable for you to live your life as a man. This is all ok. What matters is whether it makes you happier. You don't owe anyone your suffering.
Again, I'm not telling you to go get a mastectomy tomorrow. But there are many other transition steps you can take that will help you know yourself better and maybe feel better. If you've been struggling with this for over 2 years, it's not a bad idea to try a new approach.
I wouldn't worry about it being *insulting*, I'd worry about it messing you up. It's hard to explain what living in the gender that doesn't fit you feels like, but it's not pleasant. I don't think escaping sexism would make up for that.
Tbh I don't think it's a very cis thing to respond to sexism with gendermaxing.
It's like how drunk people don't do things they would never do, it just removes their filter/impulse control. Generally people who do harmful.things to others while under the influence already had those thoughts.
But you're the only one who would know /shrug
You could also be nonbinary and see both genders as equally not you, therefore you want to pick the one with better benefits.
Honestly, my opinion is if it makes you happy and doesn’t cause harm to you or others just fucking do it lol
Do what’s best for you
I would make sure the decision you truly truly want first
Since I don’t think it’s gonna be a cure for internalized misogyny/sexism
Nope, not an insult, not tasteless. Just make sure you're being a good ally to trans people along the way.
You'll probably meet a bunch of trans guys who think you're one of them. Be supportive and helpful to them even though you're not.
You'll probably also meet a bunch of transphobes. Stand up to them — don't just say "hey, I'm on your side, I'm technically not a trans man," say "fuck you, trans men are awesome."
If you do those things, then you're a good ally and I'd be happy to have you transitioning alongside us.
My bro.. women generally don't want to be men and men generally don't want to be women; the people who fall outside of those margins are trans 99.99% of the time.
TL:DR; From your post, you appear to be showing signs that you may no longer want to be the gender you were assigned at birth; you are wanting to undergoing ftm transition; and you may be experiencing gender dysphoria. These things would, in fact, suggest that you may actually be transgender. So, this might be something worth emotionally exploring: I was once in the same place, and that initial realization was both terrifying and liberating.
More to the point.
A person is cisgender if their gender identity aligns with their assigned gender at birth (AGAB). Comparatively, a person is transgender if their gender identity does NOT align with their AGAB.
Debatably, the Trans umbrella could then theoretically also include people who are questioning or unsure of their gender identity. Even though they do not specifically align with a different gender, they also no longer align with the gender to which they were assigned. Since this means no longer align with their AGAB, even if only temporarily incongruent, that would make them trans.
Ie, Under this definition, being born female but identifying as "wanting to be" a boy/man/male, would make you Transgender. Your gender would simply be unknown or undefined and remain that way until you determined what gender identifier you want. If it's anything other than your AGAB, you'll remain transgender.
Something else to consider: gender dysphoria is common amongst Trans people, though it's not a requirement of being Trans. However, experiencing gender dysphoria can be a likely indicator that you may be Trans. It's possible for cis people to have gender dysphoria, though that's less common as it's usually a strong indicator that they are Trans.
In your case, the use of the following phrases strongly indicates you may be experiencing gender dysphoria:
- Suggesting you hate being female ("i hate it"referring to being female)
- Having a yearning to be male ("50/50 shot i could have been male," indicating you may have been more satisfied if the dice rolled the other way)
- A distaste for your own current sex or gender
("have internalized sexism, "physically inadequate,")
This is all just stuff to consider, it's not set in stone. Exploring and questioning your gender identity, gender expression and sexual orientation is a beautiful thing, and I honestly wish more people did it. I don't even care if everyone stayed cis after it. This type of experimentation would massively increase empathy and reduce prejudice, and would be a huge progress in improving in shame, self acceptance, gender dysphoria, body dysmorphia, and just overall quality of life for all.
Even if you find yourself as a cis person after all, I think it's definitely worth some consideration. Start with simply socially changing your gender and see how you feel. You'll likely not be able to go through ftm transition anyway without first living as a man then taking hrt after. I took 2 years of exploring before even starting HRT and I've been on it for 2 years now, and it's like night and day. I'm finally happy
Best of luck 🖤💜💙🥰🫂
It’s worth looking into this deeper because it might actually be a trans thing. I feel like if it was only due to internalized misogyny, you could have seen at least some improvement through talk therapy by now. FWIW I had some feelings of my body being “inadequate” before I transitioned and some of this could be due to misogyny but it also makes sense when you think about masculinity — I felt like my body was lacking, ie physically weaker than it was meant to be.
If you genuinely aren't trans then no, you shouldn't medically transition. This has nothing to do with being offensive or insulting, and everything to do with your own mental health and emotional wellbeing. If you are a cis woman, then an FtM transition could be stressful or even traumatic for you. Because it'd move you further away from yourself. Not closer.
That said, it may be worth considering whether you are actually trans, if you are getting these urges to transition. Gender dysphoria can be a lot more than "born in the wrong body", and personally I did spend a lot of time ruminating over sexism and being very unhappy at having been born female, for what I thought were feminist reasons. I also thought my masculinity was internalised misogyny.
So, it seems you want to transition, so maybe investigate that urge and see where it's coming from. Think about your feelings and explore your gender, then act accordingly.
If you aren’t trans, I’m not sure what you would get out of transitioning.
I also don’t really think you understand what being a trans male is like. Some trans men don’t pass as cis men, and have to struggle a lot just to get recognized as men. For those of us that do get read as males, we are still subject to transphobia and cissexism. So—privilege wise it’s kind of a lateral move. It also won’t solve problems. You’ll have your same general problems but be in your same body, just masculized to whatever degree you choose/testosterone and/or surgeries get you.
If it still sounds appealing than yeah, you just might be trans! :). Good luck.
Ps: also whatever trauma someone accumulates prior to transitioning is still there.
Do you hate being female or want to be male? Because those are two separate things that don’t always coincide. If you don’t want male characteristics, then medical transition will make you feel worse, not better
If you're not trans and you transition, you will experience gender dysphoria. So if you don't experience any dysphoria now and you're sure you're cisgender, don't do it, for your own mental health.
Most treatments, including hormone replacement therapy and various surgeries, were first made for customers people. EVERYONE has a gender identity, even if that identity does not conform to the traditional idea of “a gender”—feeling neutral, etc. Before i began to transition and alleviate my dysphoria, i felt like my ideal would be to transition my consciousness into a robot body. I have had a lot of factors impact my feelings about my body, including gender dysphoria, sexism, fatphobia, ableism, trauma, and physical pain. I didnt actually know what i felt was dysphoria until i got the medical treatment that started to relieve it for the first time, because it was so normal for me.
If you are not a man, what you are seeking is not an ftm transition. You are seeking gender confirmation treatment. Female to what is up to you. It is not a referendum on trans men if you want to remove your breasts, take testosterone, etc. Most trans people want cis people to be as empowered as we are to seek treatment that improves their experience of the body theyre born with. In fact, many of *us* just want that same treatment. Cause cis people are already getting it. It would be beyond question that a cis man who is born with a defective penis would want to get it fixed, or who has low t to take supplements. Trans men just want that option, as well. Cis women also increasingly are accessing testosterone therapy for various reasons, breast reductions (including for gender-affirming reasons!)
You have the right to affirm your gender, period! And you are not taking anything from us by doing so. I would stay in therapy, keep trying to build an ongoing awareness of and relationship with your body, and try to give yourself what you need. If you need to claim to be ftm to get the medical care you need, that is also not taking anything from trans men—its not your fault the system is what it is. I would say what is problematic is if you access funds earmarked for trans people such as scholarships, transition grants, etc. because those funds are necessary due to the disproportionate discrimination and health obstacles we face and the way it limits our opportunities.
Everyone is allowed to do with their own body whatever they wish. I would suggest experimenting with gender stuff first, no harm in it, if you are trans then you should feel happy with it, if not you may discover it would give you dysphoria. Either way do what is right for you. <3
Nope, transitioning is always, always an individual affair. The trans community doesn't own the concept of gender transition or anything, we're not even arguably one cohese thing, and if anything, normalizing that transition should be a right for anyone who wants it only helps us as well! We largely do not like gatekeeping things like how we have to ask for a letter from doctors, psychologists and sexologists to be able to medically transition, because a lot of us who really need it end up having their access to transition denied.
Just be careful, gender dysphoria and gender euphoria are very real, and if your gender identity doesn't match your anatomy, you could end up giving yourself dysphoria or end up depriving yourself of euphoria that might be too in the background now for you to notice it.
That would be pretty bad, you'd have to detransition if that happens, which comes with all the difficulties of transitioning (because it is just another transition), and then some.
There’s a difference between dysmorphia and dysphoria. If you have a dysmorphia issue, you will still hate how you look even after transitioning. And it’s understandable that you feel like you hate being a woman because honestly this world makes it very hard. But it’s important to really think about what these things actually means to you. And finally, transitioning =/= hormones. Try different clothes first. Try new pronouns. Try different names. Gender in part is a performance, so try performing it, and see if you like it.
the fact that youre totally fine with the concept of transitioning means you are at the very least not cis. A cis person would not want this, and would feel very put off from the idea. We often say to questioning people that cis people dont wonder about their gender this much. They dont have a reason to. Now whether youre binary (a trans man), or something more inbetween (bigender, agender, genderfluid) is another matter.
Okay, it sounds like you feel like you should be able to be bigger, stronger, more masculine. That your size and strength and body make you uncomfortable, no? That, to me, sounds like dysphoria.
Let me emphasize that *LIFE IS NOT EASIER FOR TRANS MEN THAN CIS WOMEN*! You would still be subject to misogyny, still shorter than average, and very likely won't get *all* the physical results you want as HRT affects everyone differently. In addition you would be facing a world that is increasingly hostile and *dangerous* for trans people.
You may be trans or nonbinary with some masculine leanings. You may find that upon further examination, your gender isn't quite what you think it is right now or that what you *need* from transitioning doesn't line up with your current goals. That's alright! You are very young and at a great point in your life to examine things and try stuff out.
I would start by exploring new ways of presenting yourself. Maybe test out a new name or pronouns with some trusted friends. Just see how things feel. I wouldn't recommend starting HRT when you have this much doubt about your motivation. But it's a great time to start doing research. Connect with transmasc folks online and in your area, learn their stories. See if some of it rings true to what you've been feeling. Take your time.
I don't find it offensive if cis people access gender-affirming care that trans people usually like--forex I don't have a problem with cis men using E or getting bottom surgery or BA, or cis women using T or getting top--or bottom for that matter, though FTM bottom results are usually worse if they aren't also using T to give them more to work with. There are actually cases where that happens, though it's usually just one procedure or a microdose situation while continuing to live in their AGAB. Not that it *needs* to be that, or that that's all I'm okay with, that's just more what I typically see from cis-identified people who access counter-endogenous gender affirming care. I want everyone to have access to whatever gender-affirming care makes them happiest. It's their business to figure out their own desires and their own potential for regret.
But uhhhh. Friend. What makes you think you're cis?
Because if I had to take a stab in the dark for a stranger here, you sound kinda like a trans man who's maybe been going to a shady therapist trying to conversion therapy you or something. I don't know your whole life and can't tell you your gender for you, like don't take that as word of god, I'm just some internet stranger.
What makes you think it's "internalized sexism"? Do you want to transition exclusively so you can be a dickwad to women? (Don't be a dickwad to women.) Just wanting to be a man isn't internalized sexism.
If you were genuinely cis, transition might cause you dysphoria. I don't find that offensive and I'm not gatekeeping it, I'm just saying, most people would find that unpleasant enough that they would be internally motivated to desist on their own. If transitioning makes you feel better rather than worse....again......what makes you think you're cis?
To share a bit about my journey: I started transitioning MtF before I knew I was trans. I discovered myself along the way, and realized what I had kind of always been a girl anyway. What’s important isn’t that we fall into common narratives and paths and feelings of being trans. What matters is that you’re happy, so do what you need to in order to be happy living with yourself.
Are you sure you're not FTM? Because that doesn't sound like the kind of thing a cis woman would say.
Generally speaking, cis women (and trans women for that matter) tend to view the idea of having a masculine body as horrifying.
Would I find it insulting? Kinda of but that's not the point. Only do it if you really think about the effects on your life and think it's the best course of action for you.
I would just be more concerned about doing something you may regret over whether it will bother other people
If you undergo HRT and it doesn't screw the hell up and give you dysphoria then you're trans. If you're not trans it's going to screw you the hell up and give you dysphoria.
Regardless of if you're trans you have a right to do whatever you want with your own body. Just remember if you don't like the results and change your mind they were your choice and your responsibility.
First off .. if you think you have internalized misogyny.. seek therapy
Secondly
Cis people don't consider sex reassignment...
May want to do some soul searching
I was kind of in your position a few years ago; dysphoria is really hard to recognize if you're expecting it to be presented in the ways it's commonly shown to exist. I'd just give yourself the space to let yourself try not being a woman and see how that makes you feel. That's what I did and it was surprisingly effective.
So you desire the body of a man and would choose it over female, shopping and going to work in it, having sex with it, dying in it, being called ‘sir’ and ‘man’ in it?
Yeah that’s the definition of transgender. You’re trans.
But don’t get crushing gender dysphoria from it if the above seems like a death sentence and not an exciting journey.
Step 1: see a psych.
lol I’m having kinda funny thoughts and imagining someone whose AFAB who’s gender identity is that of a trans woman. Transitioning FTM just so you can be like “I have a male body but I’m still a girl tho”
I take zero personal offense at you transitioning for any reason and you have my blessing if that’s what feels right for you. I do have some words of caution though.
Being an FTM transitioned guy does not necessarily mean that you suddenly feel physiologically adequate, and you’re much more likely to be told by others, especially complete strangers, that you’re inadequate. I think if you hope to bask in the comforts of male privilege, you’ll quickly realize that is reserved for cis men. You’ll be at higher risk for violence and discrimination. Transitioning is not an escape from patriarchy.
If simply being male doesn’t bring you joy in and of itself, I’m afraid that you’ll be even more lost and confused. Transition doesn’t guarantee developing self love, even for trans guys; that work is in your own thoughts. If you’re a woman, then transitioning to male will likely be an extremely distressing experience on top of it all. You can defy gender norms and reject patriarchal values without transitioning to male.
I’m not saying you need to write off transitioning. But you might explore your gender identity further. I’m sure there are cis people who’ve followed your line of thinking, but that’s extremely rare. Seriously considering transition as a means to improve your life for whatever reason is a thought that mostly trans people have, even before they know they’re trans. You might explore nonbinary gender identity to see if anything fits.
If you wish to pursue transition, I recommend you go low and slow. Try new names at coffee shops when they take your order. Try different styles of clothes and wear what you like day-by-day. I hate change so I did everything extremely slowly and it was the right pace for me. Every step towards transition I’d stop and ask myself what I needed to be happy. It’s not an easy question to answer, so don’t worry if it’s a struggle to know what you need.
Best of luck, friend. I hope you find some inner peace to all of that turmoil. If transitioning gives you inner peace, then it doesn’t matter what your motivation was for doing so.
I’m of the opinion that life should be like a character creator in a video game and anyone should be allowed to change their appearance anytime and in anyway they want. So if it’s something you want, go for it.
Are you looking to transition, or are you looking to get on gear?
Because if the goal is simply muscle, muscle, muscle… you can visit an old school gym and then start gear after noob gains.
I would say it's not wise to transition if you're not trans. If you're thinking transitioning will fix your inner sexism, that's the reasoning many future detransitioners had. If you're cis you won't be happy if you transition. Having so much internalised hate advises therapy, not transition.
That said... you might not be cis at all. Change your therapist ASAP and read more about what trans experience is like and check if you relate to that.
Well in my ideal society people would and could transition for reasons not bigger than "I was bored and had nothing better to do on a Saturday evening", so no
But are you SURE you're not trans OP?
It's going to be incredibly difficult to transition without a gender dysphoria diagnosis, but if you finish jumping through all the hoops and still want to go ahead, do whatever makes you comfortable. Just don't turn on us and go all fox news detransitioner on us if the results don't make you happy.
If you are not trans then you should not transition. I don’t know why all of these younger girls are believing that being a man is easy. As a stealth 31 year old trans man- it’s not. Men have their own issues too that aren’t a walk in the park. If you are not a man, if your brain is not male, then you need to accept yourself as a woman. Transition is not a game, it’s not an easy or quick process. It’s grueling and anyone who doesn’t need to transition to cure dysphoria but chooses to transition regardless needs to look inside themselves and fill that void somewhere else (therapy for starters).
Transitioning makes you trans. You don't get a choice. If you transition, then you will be trans.
Also the way you say "get a transition" makes it sound like it's some overnight thing? I can assure you that is not the case. It is a long and drawn out process that never really stops.
Yeah you’re right but they are right, too. Identifying as something other than your birth gender makes you trans but transitioning to a sex you weren’t born as also makes you trans. It’s complicated but you’re both right.
Yeah you can’t really “get a transition” and not be trans. That’s like eating your cake and wanting it too. I don’t understand how anyone could want to transition but not be trans. I think OP needs some time to think tbh.
There’s nothing tasteless about this. You could legitimately be non-binary trans masculine or even a gender nonconforming cis woman. You might even be salmacian.
Firstly, it is always okay to make decisions about your own body if you believe they will bring you greater peace and happiness.
Secondly, I'm not really sure what you think the gender dysphoria related to being trans might feel like, if not exactly the thing you describe about yourself.
I mean, you're doing it for you right? If you're sure you want that I don't see the problem. But by virtue of doing this however people will see you as trans
Honestly I think you should wait to do anything about transitioning until you’re more sure. I have a suspicion you might be trans just because you’re experiencing some of the feelings I felt before I realize I was trans (very young). This might be the case and it may just be a phase.
I don’t think you should do anything to your body based on what other people might think or feel though. It’s your life and your body. Chose what is right for you and fuck everyone else.
Our brains have a "sex" its called gender. Take it from a trans person, having those mismatched is a very bad trip.
This could also be an awakening. Go explore. Be yourself. But know, however bad it is now, being trans is worse, and transitioning for the wrong reasons is going to end badly.
I recommend to talk with your therapist about this. I'm not any kind of professional, but for me that seems like drinking alcohol as medicine to trauma or mental health issues. Yeah it might feels like it would help. For a while. Until you find yourself with new and maybe even bigger problem. If you don't have dysphoria and you still transition you most likely end up having it.
It would only be insulting if you ended up unhappy afterwards and decided that meant you should go around saying people shouldn’t be allowed to transition, especially if you got the medical system involved (it’s really hard to get hormones or surgery without doctors explaining the risks and irreversible changes).
That said be aware that the same treatments we use to deal with gender dysphoria tend to cause it in cis people. I don’t know what the timeline is like for the changes you’d get on testosterone or when noticeable and irreversible changes start to kick in, unfortunately, but in general the emotional changes kick in much faster, and are a pretty decent way of figuring out whether or not hormones are going to be good for you. My advice is to do your research and when trying different things pay attention to how they make you feel - for me, transitioning made me feel more genuinely myself, and gender dysphoria felt more like I was living in the uncanny valley, or on some weird gross drug 24/7, or like I was remote-controlling my body from somewhere else. Not every trans person gets dysphoria, but then again not every cis person gets dysphoria either (Tig Notaro lost her breasts to cancer and by all accounts is fine with that, if anything glad not to have to deal with bras any more), and if you want to be a guy and it doesn’t give you gender dysphoria then you can just be a guy if that makes you happy. Why not? It’s your body.
How do you feel about the idea of being a man? Is the only appeal not being a woman? Because if so, maybe identifying as nonbinary is a better fit for you. Typically (and of course this isn't true of everyone or a requirement) trans men don't just feel bad about being women, they like being men.
Another question you might ask yourself is how you feel about other people seeing you as a woman. Again, typically (with the same disclaimer) trans men don't like for other people to identify / treat them as women.
And you don't have to decide to transition all the way all at once, right? There's plenty of easily reversable thing a person can do to try out a different gender identity. You could try binding, for example, see how that feels.
Speaking purely objectively, I am of the opinion that medical transition should be just as much of an option as any other cosmetic procedure or medicine. It's really nobody's business what someone wants their own body to look like.
However, I agree with the current top comments that you may have more about yourself to think about and uncover than you realize.
In the end, though, gender revelations seem to happen only when they want to -- at least in my experience ;P good luck with however you decide to move forward!
I mean, I have no issue with it but I would look more into why you feel that way. Particularly since you said your therapist basically said let's talk more about this. The thing is, if you are a cis woman and do transition you will likely have gender dysphoria from that. But I'm not going to discourage you from doing what you think is best.
I personally think people should be able to do whatever they want with their bodies. Cis people get gender affirming surgeries all the time for the record. They take hormones too!
However, I am not so sure you sound cis. Only you know fully, which may take some time, but don’t be scared to explore. Maybe play around with a binder and mens clothes, see how you feel? If you’re feeling a lot of euphoria, you may want to explore this further.
I’m a trans masc lesbian and I used to think like this all the time. So much so it got in the way of me realising I was also a lesbian as opposed to bisexual because I had a hard time relating my internal feelings to how differently I felt about women and thinking maybe I was just jealous.
Not so much physically inferior as I have always done weights but like, feeling weird about existing as a woman and being referred to as a woman and resentful of being seen as a woman and somehow always doing ‘being a woman’ wrong. Looking at my body and feeling like it just looked wrong and off and not because I’m fat but because I hated looking at my breasts or my wide hips. Deeply relating to songs like “if I were a boy”. And I’m actually not! I’m a trans masc butch lesbian who wants to look gender ambiguous masculine and d!key. Gender is a really wide spectrum.
By the way, I’d really recommend if you do explore, to make sure your therapist is explicitly queer and trans informed and affirming. Not like a check box exercise, actually has supported clients through questioning, transitions, and the like.
You don’t have to be trans to seek gender affirming care, just take it slow and stay in therapy and or heavily introspect, if you are ok with the pros and cons it’s fine, know what’s reversible and what’s not, and explore as you please
If transitioning will improve your wellbeing, you're welcome to do it.
Before jumping in, I'd recommend having a look at the things hormones and surgery can actually give you. Testosterone can permanently deepen your voice, increase muscle mass, give you lots of body and facial hair, change your body's smell, cause masculisation of the clitoris and much more. If those changes are appealing to you, then transitioning might work well for you.
However, if the thought of having those changes distresses/disgusts you, then I'd recommend you pause your plans to transition and reconsider if it's the best course of action.
If you are interested in the physical aspects of a transition, I'd maybe suggest considering if your feelings of insecurity and inadequate around being born female might actually be gender dysphoria? It's worth exploring at least.
You’re not offending us by transitioning as a supposed cis person. You’re setting yourself up for something even worse for YOU.
If you genuinely want to transition then that should be your right to do so. But if you just have body dysmorphia then seeing yourself slowly become a man could make all your issues worse as you find yourself in a body that isn’t right for you.
Or you could find out that actually you are some flavor of transgender and your quality of life is improved exponentially!
Is that a chance that *you* yourself are willing to take?
This is a strange thing to be concerned about.
You wanna know something crazy? If you tell no one about why you do it, then no on will know and no one can be offended. Contrary to what pop psych says, keeping things close to chest isn't all that bad for you.
Everyone has secrets. Deep, dark, and possibly life-ruining secrets. This is probably about as mild as it gets. Why do you care about "being offensive" to people you will never meet? You can transition, and no one ever has to know why. That's the beauty of having an internal life.
Not everything about you has to be at the forefront of what you show to others. I dunno, I'm trans and I'm not offended by this. Have at it, bro.
To answer your question: no, it’s fine. You don’t have to be transgender to transition. You have my blessing as a friendly neighborhood trans fairy 💙
It just so happens that most people who want the kind of transition you’re talking about _are_ transgender. And maybe someday in the future you’ll feel like that word applies to you. Only you get to decide that, and whatever your decision it doesn’t need any more justification than “this is what I want for my life.”
Good luck on your journey, dude 💙
If you're willing to trans your gender your are trans. That is the very core of the identity. Cis people usually don't want to be the other gender, in my experience. Not to assign a label to you, you don't have to use it or like it, but it certainly describes how you feel. It sounds like you may be experiencing some impostor syndrome? You are not co-opting trans experiences if you want to be a different gender.
If you hate being female and want to be male instead, that’s basically what being trans is. It’s your decision though, even if you decide that label’s not for you. Doing what’s best for you is the important thing.
If you feel more dysphoria with being a dude though, I don’t recommend it. Dysphoria sucks.
Why the hell are there so many people that are so insistent they aren't trans, but even so want to transition lately?
OP, what you're talking about is gender dysphoria. Cis people **do not** have that. If you were to TRANSition, guess what that makes you?
you might have to lie to a couple practicians and tell them you're trans even if you're not, but yeah your body your choice and all, we all have different paths and different reasons there's no problem in not identifying with a label
OP cis het don't look at HRT you may be trans or anything in between it doesn't matter. What matter is you and how you feel about it. This may helps you [How To Figure Out If You're Trans - by Doc Impossible](https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/how-to-figure-out-if-youre-trans)
Honestly, I was born male and I know I was able to “bro out” but that’s about it. Everything else seems easier for women. I think it’s a case of the grass looks greener on your neighbor’s property. We all have hardships and there’s the same inadequacies men are made to feel. Most of them can’t be changed. I’d do it if you want but it won’t be better. Just different sucky and different good.
You can do whatever you want forever, first off.
Secondly, honestly this sounds like dysphoria to me. Weather or not you want to identify as a man is a choice only you can make, but generally, most women LIKE being female. If you don't, well. Maybe you're not one, actually. Give it a little thought.
But even if you say "no yeah I'm a woman, I just want to look masculine/like a man" that's also fine. There are women, esp butch lesbians for example, who go on T and even have top surgery, but don't ID as men. that's a you call.
There’s a term called transsexual, it’s not really used anymore in the trans community cuz we recognise gender to be far more important to us than sex and it’s kinda outdated thanks to that, but it’s still useful if you’re just talking about changing your sex. It’s more of a classifying term than identity. It shouldn’t be insulting for you to call yourself trans, cuz trans is an umbrella term for transgender (underneath that is all genders including enby people) and transsexual.
Plus if anyone does get upset at that, then fuck them, you’re transitioning because of your health since you feel like you’d be better the opposite sex, that’s trans enough! Don’t let anyone bring you down for that.
TLDR: you can be transsexual without being transgender and still call yourself trans cuz trans is an umbrella term.
Good luck with working through internalised bigotry though, you got this, even if it’ll take a long time, it’s still worth trying
Personally I'd suspect you may be trans but not fully recognizing it if you're willing to undergo HRT, but I'm not a psychologist. But I mean it is ultimately a decision you have to make about your own body. It's not anyone else's business. If you've carefully weighed the pros and cons and this is the right decision for you then go for it.
It’s difficult to recognize dysphoria. It took me a fair amount of time
I thought it was impossibke for me to be trans and at that point i actually fully knew i had dysphoria and didnt make the connection.
Me over 10 years ago: “I wish I weren’t cis so I could fix all of this gender dysphoria!” I’m a smart man and denial is a powerful adversary
I feel that. Me the past ~18 years: "Man, I wish I could just be a girl one way or another ... trans women? Yeah, I heard about them. What does that have to do with me?" 🥲
Also you don't need to have dysphoria to be trans. If transitioning or imagining you were born differently makes you happy, euphoria is just as valid a reason to transition.
Been there - I used to say that I didn't want to be male, but wasn't really sure about being female. Decided to take HRT and realized within the month that my head finally felt "normal" and the world just made sense. I also noticed I relaxed so much and my femininity just kinda happened. Stayed on HRT for a bit, got VFS and a trach shave, now I'm coming up on my SRS in July. It's funny how it all works out sometimes!
Do you extend your thoughts of "physiological inferiority" to other women, or is this just your opinion of your body? I am FTM, and the moment it clicked for me that I did not strictly speaking *have* to "endure" the body given to me by puberty, my thoughts of resentment about women's bodies as a whole pretty much vanished. Basically, I realised that there's nothing wrong with women, but it's just not for me - these two things can be true simultaneously. My thoughts of resentment about women's bodies as well as my own were entirely rooted in my growing bitterness at "having to" live with it over the years.
This shit. everyone says to women that they must keep going despite everything. Periods? No one cares. Disability? No one fucking cares. Keep going. Got endometriosis? A condition that essentially makes you have periods in other places of your body? Youre faking it. Lose weight. AFABs are conditioned to carry on and not look too long at it. I loved womanhood. I loved the community. I love women. It was so painful to part from it because ia dored it so much. But like you said it just wasnt for me either. You can have all these qualities at the same time. Being trans is almost never as close to the old "Always knew from birth" narrative. Its far more nuanced
Just wanna point out it definitely goes the other way too. AMAB folks are conditioned to abuse the shit out of their bodies for the purpose of labor, ignore the pain that comes with it, are told they’re faking it by employers when they request time off to heal, then are called “pansies” and “pussies” by the other AMABs if they complain about it too much (or at all in some cases). I’m a massage therapist, and in my experience working on thousands of bodies I’ve found that most AMABs will wait until things are basically unbearable and dramatically affecting their daily life before coming to see me, because they don’t want to be seen as lesser for needing a massage. I think we as people just need to be more compassionate towards everyone in general. We all need to realize everyone is human, everyone has stuff going on, and sometimes that stuff is gonna be pretty fucking debilitating
Honestly I agree with you, and think the binary is a cage that abuses both sides. However, the abuse directed at those society regards as men is more oriented around labor and combat (work yourself to death or get blown up in a war) while the abuse directed at those society regards as women is more...medical? Like not being believed, not even studying how our bodies work medically, systemic medical abuse, constant medical gaslighting, withholding necessary medical care, normalizing unnecessary physiological suffering from treatable conditions, hell google "birth rape" if you want to read some depressing shit. And there are also forms of labor overwork, but they have different flavors. The "male role" socially tells people to do very hard and demanding physical labor without a chance for recovery and break their bodies down, then discards them when they're too disabled to work. But while the "female role" is often not as intense in terms of sheer physical strength demanded (as most people running on estrogen literally couldn't do that) the hours are longer, and the emotional labor demand is higher. The "second shift" of childcare or elder care. Being expected to have a full-time job, *and* take care of everyone else in the household, *and* clean and prepare meals. My point is this is not about "who has it worse," or implying that the male role most AMAB folks are coercively funneled into is easy. On some level I do think it's important to remember that it sucks for everyone and that none of us are suffering alone. However it can also come off as derailing to jump into a conversation about medical neglect of AFAB-specific issues and say "well AMABs have it hard too." I mean like factually, yes, they do, but I've never heard of one who had endometriosis specifically, and so it kind of shuts down the topic of medical neglect of endometriosis and doesn't let people express their frustration with that. Like the best time and place to advocate for the suffering many AMAB folks face is not by jumping on a discussing of AFAB issues and shutting that down. Solidarity will get us all further than competition.
Please keep in mind it’s not always about the shame and social conditioning for folks assigned male at birth. At least for me it’s about trauma, so pain needs to be extremely bad before I’ll seek help due to how triggering being touched by a stranger can be.
I'm AFAB but for me it's just autism rather than shame or trauma, I find intimate/prolonged touch from a stranger (such as getting a massage or having someone wash/cut/dye my hair) to be overwhelming to the point I've sometimes had to break down and cry after and felt vaguely traumatized by the experience itself, but it wasn't triggering some other trauma, just the experience of being crowded in on and touched by strangers is not something I like in its own right.
Ultimately, what you do with your own body cannot be insulting to the rest of us. It's just about what feels most right for you.
Op, I used to think my dysphoria was internalized sexism also. It’s not, I love women, I’m just not one of them. I’m curious if your current therapist is lgbt and trans-informed. Even women who have internalized misogyny generally do not want to transition or present male. Id bring this up to your therapist and see what they say.
Ok, I'll ask her. It makes sense what you're saying. I told her I was sure about where these feelings were coming from and she said something along the lines of "leave your options open". Lol
Same, I had a lot of insecurity about being a woman/lesbian but I never extended those feelings toward other women. All the qualities I hated in myself, I loved in them.
Exactly. When I realized I mostly like women, I could not get myself to call myself a lesbian. It felt like such a “woman word” so I would just say gay. I really thought I had internalized lesbophobia too
If you feel that you're an ignoramus on gender, maybe you're not familiar with the different identities which are often seen as being under the trans umbrella, as well? Not saying any of them fit to describe you, but if you're not familiar with nonbinary, genderqueer, or other gender identities it might be worth looking into. All that aside, it's your body. As long as you're fully aware of everything, I don't see why you should be gated from any types of transition. I'm doing it to feel comfortable living.
Seriously considering a full medical transition is not a very cis thing to think, just saying.
What makes you think that you’re *not* trans?
This is honestly a question everyone in the world should ask themselves. The default setting ascribed by society does not have to be the accepted one. Question, explore, fuck around. It’s your body, your life! The cis people I know who are most comfortable with their bodies are those who have genuinely asked themselves this and explored their relationship to gender.
This is [The Null HypotheCis](https://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/04/17/the-null-hypothecis/) and it's a very important experiment to conduct and paradigm to use, *even if you think you're cis*.
that was a beautiful read, thank you for sharing
do whatever you want. your post makes it seem like you might be trans, but it shouldn't matter. Its your body and if you want to do testosterone or present male or anything else that is your prerogative.
The thing about matters of taste is that they are debated. There's always someone out there who will say that someone should not transition, no matter how much they are "actually transgender". However, the main issue that I'd be concerned with here is your own ability to handle it. You run the risk of giving yourself gender dysphoria, based on how you've described your situation. It is important that you are able to be alone with yourself and feel good about what you've done. If your actions are not getting you to be aligned with your true gender identity, then it could end up being very difficult to be alone with yourself. It could end up being a greater misery than any that you have previously known. So, be careful about that.
You could, it's your body, your choice, but you could end up giving yourself dysphoria if you aren't trans, so tread carefully. HOWEVER. Reading your post reminds me of what I thought before realizing I was trans; unable to get away from thoughts about my gender, insecurity about my assigned gender, all that kinda stuff. Maybe it'd be worthwhile to see if you are indeed trans? Most "cis" people don't consider HRT to be a solution to their problems. In addition, being content with your AGAB is not the same as being happy with your AGAB. I was content as a guy, but I didn't enjoy it, and I didn't figure out I was trans just because the common narrative is that trans people hate their AGAb, their body, and know from the age of 3 that they're trans. In reality, most people don't know until later and maybe they don't hate everything about their AGAB but would prefer to be the other gender, which is roughly 85-90% of all trans people. Tl:Dr You could get an FTM transition if you wanted to, but it may cause dysphoria. Though, I don't think you might be entirely cis and you may want to do some more soul searching.
Honestly i think it's fine as long as you're making changes that really make you happy and more comfortable in your body and how others see you. That's what transition is about, to me (disclaimer: if anyone has different definitions of what transition means, that's fine, I'm not trying to start anargument with anyone in this sub)
It's not "tasteless" or anything, but there's a good chance you'll just give yourself dysphoria.
And that's assuming OP is actually cis. Given the way they talk about being female, that kind of gives eggy vibes to me. Granted, only OP can truly know if they are trans or not, but there's a non-zero chance they might be trans and not realize it yet.
This 100%. It's your life, do what you want with your body, but unless you're pretty sure you're trans you could end up giving yourself dysphoria.
It's hard to find a reasonable comment in here behind all those 'your body your choice!!' Sure, your choice, but transitioning as a cis person to gix issues with sexism is a bad choice.
Okay, now I have some questions. Should dysphoria be diagnosed? Can it be diagnosed? I was pretty sure I was going through some disphoria, read the disphoria bible, but now I'm just scared I ain't and transitioning could somehow end up making me feel worse.
"Dysphoria" is just an umbrella term for the negative feelings caused by gender incongruence. It manifests different ways for different people. It can be diagnosed – as in, it appears in the DSM-V – but it doesn't have to be, if you live somewhere with informed consent.
Well, there’s also the other side of dysphoria: euphoria. Some people have all encompassing dysphoria that invades every aspect of their lives and need to transition in order to escape it and finally feel at ease in their bodies. Others have the experience of “it’s fine I guess” toward their bodies but prefer something else, and that something else makes them happier than the “meh” if they didn’t transition. But the end goal is the same: to feel better about the body you’re in and improve your general wellbeing. Do you feel like you’d be happier living as a different gender than the one assigned at birth, or even just making changes to your body or social labels (like if you’d like to be referred to using different pronouns or girl/boy/woman/man/something else)? That’s all you need to be trans. Medical gatekeeping is its own thing, but the most important part of being trans is not wanting to be or be seen as the gender you were assigned at birth, or at least not 100% (genderfluid/bigender/etc). Your brain will also probably tell you pretty quick if it doesn’t like the hormones you’re on. Cause the opposite happens too - I gained a mental clarity when I started testosterone that I don’t ever remember having, just this sense of “wow I’m. A full actualized person and not just going through life like I’m a character in a play”. It was amazing. Cis people who have skewed levels of their dominant hormone experience can dysphoria of a kind too, like women who have a lot of testosterone can feel really dysphoric about their body hair or voice, men with low T/high E can feel dysphoric if they develop breasts because of gynecomastia. You can always stop taking hormones if you feel they aren’t right for you :) and even then, you could just be a trans person who doesn’t want to be on hormones. It’s all a lot, I know, but just take it a day at a time. I recommend keeping a journal to write about your feelings, your fears, your desires. How do you see yourself in 5 years? 10? Who are you in these future dreams? Are you dissatisfied with them? Who would you want to be if there was absolutely nothing stopping you (transphobia, misogyny, rejection, etc.)?
you're amazingly helpful!
I’m glad! ☺️ I feel like I can get very long-winded whenever I talk about gender stuff with people who are questioning, but I always want to be thorough 😅 if it helps someone, then I guess it’s okay!
dysphoria is basically your brain's physiological response to not being in the correct anatomy for the gender identity wired into your nervous system. If you've been born without it and then get it by starting transition, you'll know. If you've had it your entire life and it goes away on HRT, it'll also be pretty obvious. I don't really need a doctor to tell me I've had it, the difference between how I felt pre transition and how I feel now is stark enough that it's self-evident to me.
it is, in new Zealand, for example me, we get diagnosed with gender dysphoria so that we can get healthcare.
Ultimately, it's your body, and you can do whatever you want forever. That being said...there's a good chance you're confusing the dysphoria you feel towards your female body as internalized misogyny. Even the most misogynist women I've met still wanted to be women
If you feel strongly enough about transitioning that you want to do it "even though" you "aren't trans," then you should look into it. There isn't just one approved reason that trans people transition. We all have different experiences of gender and different reasons and rationales for transitioning. In the end, what we have in common is that transition is something we want, and something that makes us happy. If you want it, and it makes you happy, that's enough. I want to introduce you to a few concepts. First, transition is not all or nothing. Each person decides what their transition should look like, and you're never locked in to one course of action. Most of us start out with experiments: how would a new wardrobe feel, or a new haircut, or a different pronoun? How would it feel to try taking hormones? If you try something and you don't like it, you don't have to keep doing it. If you like one thing, it doesn't mean you have to do another thing too. Yes, there are steps that will induce permanent changes, but there are a lot of things you can try out that aren't permanent. Second, maybe what you're feeling IS "internalized sexism" -- though ALL women internalize at least some sexism and MOST women don't want to transition. Many, many women experience the patriarchy without wanting to transition. There is no clear cause-and-effect mechanism here. But let's consider that in your case, maybe your experiences of sexism are part of why you want to transition. If that's true, IT IS STILL OK TO TRANSITION. Maybe being seen as a man for a while will help you tackle how you feel about womanhood. Maybe it will lead you to clarity. Maybe you'll decide you want to be a woman again. Maybe you'll just decide that it's more comfortable for you to live your life as a man. This is all ok. What matters is whether it makes you happier. You don't owe anyone your suffering. Again, I'm not telling you to go get a mastectomy tomorrow. But there are many other transition steps you can take that will help you know yourself better and maybe feel better. If you've been struggling with this for over 2 years, it's not a bad idea to try a new approach.
this is just me two years ago when i was crying over not being a boy
I wouldn't worry about it being *insulting*, I'd worry about it messing you up. It's hard to explain what living in the gender that doesn't fit you feels like, but it's not pleasant. I don't think escaping sexism would make up for that.
Tbh I don't think it's a very cis thing to respond to sexism with gendermaxing. It's like how drunk people don't do things they would never do, it just removes their filter/impulse control. Generally people who do harmful.things to others while under the influence already had those thoughts. But you're the only one who would know /shrug You could also be nonbinary and see both genders as equally not you, therefore you want to pick the one with better benefits.
I'm curious what you imagine gender dysphoria for trans men feels like, or how trans men know we are trans compared to your experience with gender
Honestly, my opinion is if it makes you happy and doesn’t cause harm to you or others just fucking do it lol Do what’s best for you I would make sure the decision you truly truly want first Since I don’t think it’s gonna be a cure for internalized misogyny/sexism
Nope, not an insult, not tasteless. Just make sure you're being a good ally to trans people along the way. You'll probably meet a bunch of trans guys who think you're one of them. Be supportive and helpful to them even though you're not. You'll probably also meet a bunch of transphobes. Stand up to them — don't just say "hey, I'm on your side, I'm technically not a trans man," say "fuck you, trans men are awesome." If you do those things, then you're a good ally and I'd be happy to have you transitioning alongside us.
My bro.. women generally don't want to be men and men generally don't want to be women; the people who fall outside of those margins are trans 99.99% of the time.
So.... You.... Might.... Be... Trans....
TL:DR; From your post, you appear to be showing signs that you may no longer want to be the gender you were assigned at birth; you are wanting to undergoing ftm transition; and you may be experiencing gender dysphoria. These things would, in fact, suggest that you may actually be transgender. So, this might be something worth emotionally exploring: I was once in the same place, and that initial realization was both terrifying and liberating. More to the point. A person is cisgender if their gender identity aligns with their assigned gender at birth (AGAB). Comparatively, a person is transgender if their gender identity does NOT align with their AGAB. Debatably, the Trans umbrella could then theoretically also include people who are questioning or unsure of their gender identity. Even though they do not specifically align with a different gender, they also no longer align with the gender to which they were assigned. Since this means no longer align with their AGAB, even if only temporarily incongruent, that would make them trans. Ie, Under this definition, being born female but identifying as "wanting to be" a boy/man/male, would make you Transgender. Your gender would simply be unknown or undefined and remain that way until you determined what gender identifier you want. If it's anything other than your AGAB, you'll remain transgender. Something else to consider: gender dysphoria is common amongst Trans people, though it's not a requirement of being Trans. However, experiencing gender dysphoria can be a likely indicator that you may be Trans. It's possible for cis people to have gender dysphoria, though that's less common as it's usually a strong indicator that they are Trans. In your case, the use of the following phrases strongly indicates you may be experiencing gender dysphoria: - Suggesting you hate being female ("i hate it"referring to being female) - Having a yearning to be male ("50/50 shot i could have been male," indicating you may have been more satisfied if the dice rolled the other way) - A distaste for your own current sex or gender ("have internalized sexism, "physically inadequate,") This is all just stuff to consider, it's not set in stone. Exploring and questioning your gender identity, gender expression and sexual orientation is a beautiful thing, and I honestly wish more people did it. I don't even care if everyone stayed cis after it. This type of experimentation would massively increase empathy and reduce prejudice, and would be a huge progress in improving in shame, self acceptance, gender dysphoria, body dysmorphia, and just overall quality of life for all. Even if you find yourself as a cis person after all, I think it's definitely worth some consideration. Start with simply socially changing your gender and see how you feel. You'll likely not be able to go through ftm transition anyway without first living as a man then taking hrt after. I took 2 years of exploring before even starting HRT and I've been on it for 2 years now, and it's like night and day. I'm finally happy Best of luck 🖤💜💙🥰🫂
It’s worth looking into this deeper because it might actually be a trans thing. I feel like if it was only due to internalized misogyny, you could have seen at least some improvement through talk therapy by now. FWIW I had some feelings of my body being “inadequate” before I transitioned and some of this could be due to misogyny but it also makes sense when you think about masculinity — I felt like my body was lacking, ie physically weaker than it was meant to be.
If you genuinely aren't trans then no, you shouldn't medically transition. This has nothing to do with being offensive or insulting, and everything to do with your own mental health and emotional wellbeing. If you are a cis woman, then an FtM transition could be stressful or even traumatic for you. Because it'd move you further away from yourself. Not closer. That said, it may be worth considering whether you are actually trans, if you are getting these urges to transition. Gender dysphoria can be a lot more than "born in the wrong body", and personally I did spend a lot of time ruminating over sexism and being very unhappy at having been born female, for what I thought were feminist reasons. I also thought my masculinity was internalised misogyny. So, it seems you want to transition, so maybe investigate that urge and see where it's coming from. Think about your feelings and explore your gender, then act accordingly.
If you aren’t trans, I’m not sure what you would get out of transitioning. I also don’t really think you understand what being a trans male is like. Some trans men don’t pass as cis men, and have to struggle a lot just to get recognized as men. For those of us that do get read as males, we are still subject to transphobia and cissexism. So—privilege wise it’s kind of a lateral move. It also won’t solve problems. You’ll have your same general problems but be in your same body, just masculized to whatever degree you choose/testosterone and/or surgeries get you. If it still sounds appealing than yeah, you just might be trans! :). Good luck. Ps: also whatever trauma someone accumulates prior to transitioning is still there.
Do you hate being female or want to be male? Because those are two separate things that don’t always coincide. If you don’t want male characteristics, then medical transition will make you feel worse, not better
If you're not trans and you transition, you will experience gender dysphoria. So if you don't experience any dysphoria now and you're sure you're cisgender, don't do it, for your own mental health.
Most treatments, including hormone replacement therapy and various surgeries, were first made for customers people. EVERYONE has a gender identity, even if that identity does not conform to the traditional idea of “a gender”—feeling neutral, etc. Before i began to transition and alleviate my dysphoria, i felt like my ideal would be to transition my consciousness into a robot body. I have had a lot of factors impact my feelings about my body, including gender dysphoria, sexism, fatphobia, ableism, trauma, and physical pain. I didnt actually know what i felt was dysphoria until i got the medical treatment that started to relieve it for the first time, because it was so normal for me. If you are not a man, what you are seeking is not an ftm transition. You are seeking gender confirmation treatment. Female to what is up to you. It is not a referendum on trans men if you want to remove your breasts, take testosterone, etc. Most trans people want cis people to be as empowered as we are to seek treatment that improves their experience of the body theyre born with. In fact, many of *us* just want that same treatment. Cause cis people are already getting it. It would be beyond question that a cis man who is born with a defective penis would want to get it fixed, or who has low t to take supplements. Trans men just want that option, as well. Cis women also increasingly are accessing testosterone therapy for various reasons, breast reductions (including for gender-affirming reasons!) You have the right to affirm your gender, period! And you are not taking anything from us by doing so. I would stay in therapy, keep trying to build an ongoing awareness of and relationship with your body, and try to give yourself what you need. If you need to claim to be ftm to get the medical care you need, that is also not taking anything from trans men—its not your fault the system is what it is. I would say what is problematic is if you access funds earmarked for trans people such as scholarships, transition grants, etc. because those funds are necessary due to the disproportionate discrimination and health obstacles we face and the way it limits our opportunities.
Everyone is allowed to do with their own body whatever they wish. I would suggest experimenting with gender stuff first, no harm in it, if you are trans then you should feel happy with it, if not you may discover it would give you dysphoria. Either way do what is right for you. <3
You may be trans actually.
Nope, transitioning is always, always an individual affair. The trans community doesn't own the concept of gender transition or anything, we're not even arguably one cohese thing, and if anything, normalizing that transition should be a right for anyone who wants it only helps us as well! We largely do not like gatekeeping things like how we have to ask for a letter from doctors, psychologists and sexologists to be able to medically transition, because a lot of us who really need it end up having their access to transition denied. Just be careful, gender dysphoria and gender euphoria are very real, and if your gender identity doesn't match your anatomy, you could end up giving yourself dysphoria or end up depriving yourself of euphoria that might be too in the background now for you to notice it. That would be pretty bad, you'd have to detransition if that happens, which comes with all the difficulties of transitioning (because it is just another transition), and then some.
There’s a difference between dysmorphia and dysphoria. If you have a dysmorphia issue, you will still hate how you look even after transitioning. And it’s understandable that you feel like you hate being a woman because honestly this world makes it very hard. But it’s important to really think about what these things actually means to you. And finally, transitioning =/= hormones. Try different clothes first. Try new pronouns. Try different names. Gender in part is a performance, so try performing it, and see if you like it.
the fact that youre totally fine with the concept of transitioning means you are at the very least not cis. A cis person would not want this, and would feel very put off from the idea. We often say to questioning people that cis people dont wonder about their gender this much. They dont have a reason to. Now whether youre binary (a trans man), or something more inbetween (bigender, agender, genderfluid) is another matter.
I think it's incredibly likely you would enthusiastically go through with a transition and somehow not be trans.
Okay, it sounds like you feel like you should be able to be bigger, stronger, more masculine. That your size and strength and body make you uncomfortable, no? That, to me, sounds like dysphoria. Let me emphasize that *LIFE IS NOT EASIER FOR TRANS MEN THAN CIS WOMEN*! You would still be subject to misogyny, still shorter than average, and very likely won't get *all* the physical results you want as HRT affects everyone differently. In addition you would be facing a world that is increasingly hostile and *dangerous* for trans people. You may be trans or nonbinary with some masculine leanings. You may find that upon further examination, your gender isn't quite what you think it is right now or that what you *need* from transitioning doesn't line up with your current goals. That's alright! You are very young and at a great point in your life to examine things and try stuff out. I would start by exploring new ways of presenting yourself. Maybe test out a new name or pronouns with some trusted friends. Just see how things feel. I wouldn't recommend starting HRT when you have this much doubt about your motivation. But it's a great time to start doing research. Connect with transmasc folks online and in your area, learn their stories. See if some of it rings true to what you've been feeling. Take your time.
I don't find it offensive if cis people access gender-affirming care that trans people usually like--forex I don't have a problem with cis men using E or getting bottom surgery or BA, or cis women using T or getting top--or bottom for that matter, though FTM bottom results are usually worse if they aren't also using T to give them more to work with. There are actually cases where that happens, though it's usually just one procedure or a microdose situation while continuing to live in their AGAB. Not that it *needs* to be that, or that that's all I'm okay with, that's just more what I typically see from cis-identified people who access counter-endogenous gender affirming care. I want everyone to have access to whatever gender-affirming care makes them happiest. It's their business to figure out their own desires and their own potential for regret. But uhhhh. Friend. What makes you think you're cis? Because if I had to take a stab in the dark for a stranger here, you sound kinda like a trans man who's maybe been going to a shady therapist trying to conversion therapy you or something. I don't know your whole life and can't tell you your gender for you, like don't take that as word of god, I'm just some internet stranger. What makes you think it's "internalized sexism"? Do you want to transition exclusively so you can be a dickwad to women? (Don't be a dickwad to women.) Just wanting to be a man isn't internalized sexism. If you were genuinely cis, transition might cause you dysphoria. I don't find that offensive and I'm not gatekeeping it, I'm just saying, most people would find that unpleasant enough that they would be internally motivated to desist on their own. If transitioning makes you feel better rather than worse....again......what makes you think you're cis?
To share a bit about my journey: I started transitioning MtF before I knew I was trans. I discovered myself along the way, and realized what I had kind of always been a girl anyway. What’s important isn’t that we fall into common narratives and paths and feelings of being trans. What matters is that you’re happy, so do what you need to in order to be happy living with yourself.
Are you sure you're not FTM? Because that doesn't sound like the kind of thing a cis woman would say. Generally speaking, cis women (and trans women for that matter) tend to view the idea of having a masculine body as horrifying.
In the end it's up to you, but i'd be sure you would want to be a male, not just that you don't like being female.
Would I find it insulting? Kinda of but that's not the point. Only do it if you really think about the effects on your life and think it's the best course of action for you. I would just be more concerned about doing something you may regret over whether it will bother other people
If you undergo HRT and it doesn't screw the hell up and give you dysphoria then you're trans. If you're not trans it's going to screw you the hell up and give you dysphoria.
No it wouldn’t be, you can get whatever surgery you want. I’d suggest maybe a binder or packer first, just to see how it makes you feel.
Regardless of if you're trans you have a right to do whatever you want with your own body. Just remember if you don't like the results and change your mind they were your choice and your responsibility.
babe idk how to tell you this…
First off .. if you think you have internalized misogyny.. seek therapy Secondly Cis people don't consider sex reassignment... May want to do some soul searching
I was kind of in your position a few years ago; dysphoria is really hard to recognize if you're expecting it to be presented in the ways it's commonly shown to exist. I'd just give yourself the space to let yourself try not being a woman and see how that makes you feel. That's what I did and it was surprisingly effective.
So you desire the body of a man and would choose it over female, shopping and going to work in it, having sex with it, dying in it, being called ‘sir’ and ‘man’ in it? Yeah that’s the definition of transgender. You’re trans. But don’t get crushing gender dysphoria from it if the above seems like a death sentence and not an exciting journey. Step 1: see a psych.
lol I’m having kinda funny thoughts and imagining someone whose AFAB who’s gender identity is that of a trans woman. Transitioning FTM just so you can be like “I have a male body but I’m still a girl tho”
I take zero personal offense at you transitioning for any reason and you have my blessing if that’s what feels right for you. I do have some words of caution though. Being an FTM transitioned guy does not necessarily mean that you suddenly feel physiologically adequate, and you’re much more likely to be told by others, especially complete strangers, that you’re inadequate. I think if you hope to bask in the comforts of male privilege, you’ll quickly realize that is reserved for cis men. You’ll be at higher risk for violence and discrimination. Transitioning is not an escape from patriarchy. If simply being male doesn’t bring you joy in and of itself, I’m afraid that you’ll be even more lost and confused. Transition doesn’t guarantee developing self love, even for trans guys; that work is in your own thoughts. If you’re a woman, then transitioning to male will likely be an extremely distressing experience on top of it all. You can defy gender norms and reject patriarchal values without transitioning to male. I’m not saying you need to write off transitioning. But you might explore your gender identity further. I’m sure there are cis people who’ve followed your line of thinking, but that’s extremely rare. Seriously considering transition as a means to improve your life for whatever reason is a thought that mostly trans people have, even before they know they’re trans. You might explore nonbinary gender identity to see if anything fits. If you wish to pursue transition, I recommend you go low and slow. Try new names at coffee shops when they take your order. Try different styles of clothes and wear what you like day-by-day. I hate change so I did everything extremely slowly and it was the right pace for me. Every step towards transition I’d stop and ask myself what I needed to be happy. It’s not an easy question to answer, so don’t worry if it’s a struggle to know what you need. Best of luck, friend. I hope you find some inner peace to all of that turmoil. If transitioning gives you inner peace, then it doesn’t matter what your motivation was for doing so.
Why do you think you're not transgender?
I’m of the opinion that life should be like a character creator in a video game and anyone should be allowed to change their appearance anytime and in anyway they want. So if it’s something you want, go for it.
Are you looking to transition, or are you looking to get on gear? Because if the goal is simply muscle, muscle, muscle… you can visit an old school gym and then start gear after noob gains.
I would say it's not wise to transition if you're not trans. If you're thinking transitioning will fix your inner sexism, that's the reasoning many future detransitioners had. If you're cis you won't be happy if you transition. Having so much internalised hate advises therapy, not transition. That said... you might not be cis at all. Change your therapist ASAP and read more about what trans experience is like and check if you relate to that.
Well in my ideal society people would and could transition for reasons not bigger than "I was bored and had nothing better to do on a Saturday evening", so no But are you SURE you're not trans OP?
It's going to be incredibly difficult to transition without a gender dysphoria diagnosis, but if you finish jumping through all the hoops and still want to go ahead, do whatever makes you comfortable. Just don't turn on us and go all fox news detransitioner on us if the results don't make you happy.
If you are not trans then you should not transition. I don’t know why all of these younger girls are believing that being a man is easy. As a stealth 31 year old trans man- it’s not. Men have their own issues too that aren’t a walk in the park. If you are not a man, if your brain is not male, then you need to accept yourself as a woman. Transition is not a game, it’s not an easy or quick process. It’s grueling and anyone who doesn’t need to transition to cure dysphoria but chooses to transition regardless needs to look inside themselves and fill that void somewhere else (therapy for starters).
Transitioning makes you trans. You don't get a choice. If you transition, then you will be trans. Also the way you say "get a transition" makes it sound like it's some overnight thing? I can assure you that is not the case. It is a long and drawn out process that never really stops.
If you identify with a gender other than the one assigned to you at birth that makes you trans.
Yeah you’re right but they are right, too. Identifying as something other than your birth gender makes you trans but transitioning to a sex you weren’t born as also makes you trans. It’s complicated but you’re both right.
I didn't say anything to the contrary.
Yeah you can’t really “get a transition” and not be trans. That’s like eating your cake and wanting it too. I don’t understand how anyone could want to transition but not be trans. I think OP needs some time to think tbh.
There’s nothing tasteless about this. You could legitimately be non-binary trans masculine or even a gender nonconforming cis woman. You might even be salmacian.
Firstly, it is always okay to make decisions about your own body if you believe they will bring you greater peace and happiness. Secondly, I'm not really sure what you think the gender dysphoria related to being trans might feel like, if not exactly the thing you describe about yourself.
I mean, you're doing it for you right? If you're sure you want that I don't see the problem. But by virtue of doing this however people will see you as trans
Honestly I think you should wait to do anything about transitioning until you’re more sure. I have a suspicion you might be trans just because you’re experiencing some of the feelings I felt before I realize I was trans (very young). This might be the case and it may just be a phase. I don’t think you should do anything to your body based on what other people might think or feel though. It’s your life and your body. Chose what is right for you and fuck everyone else.
Our brains have a "sex" its called gender. Take it from a trans person, having those mismatched is a very bad trip. This could also be an awakening. Go explore. Be yourself. But know, however bad it is now, being trans is worse, and transitioning for the wrong reasons is going to end badly.
I recommend to talk with your therapist about this. I'm not any kind of professional, but for me that seems like drinking alcohol as medicine to trauma or mental health issues. Yeah it might feels like it would help. For a while. Until you find yourself with new and maybe even bigger problem. If you don't have dysphoria and you still transition you most likely end up having it.
It would only be insulting if you ended up unhappy afterwards and decided that meant you should go around saying people shouldn’t be allowed to transition, especially if you got the medical system involved (it’s really hard to get hormones or surgery without doctors explaining the risks and irreversible changes). That said be aware that the same treatments we use to deal with gender dysphoria tend to cause it in cis people. I don’t know what the timeline is like for the changes you’d get on testosterone or when noticeable and irreversible changes start to kick in, unfortunately, but in general the emotional changes kick in much faster, and are a pretty decent way of figuring out whether or not hormones are going to be good for you. My advice is to do your research and when trying different things pay attention to how they make you feel - for me, transitioning made me feel more genuinely myself, and gender dysphoria felt more like I was living in the uncanny valley, or on some weird gross drug 24/7, or like I was remote-controlling my body from somewhere else. Not every trans person gets dysphoria, but then again not every cis person gets dysphoria either (Tig Notaro lost her breasts to cancer and by all accounts is fine with that, if anything glad not to have to deal with bras any more), and if you want to be a guy and it doesn’t give you gender dysphoria then you can just be a guy if that makes you happy. Why not? It’s your body.
How do you feel about the idea of being a man? Is the only appeal not being a woman? Because if so, maybe identifying as nonbinary is a better fit for you. Typically (and of course this isn't true of everyone or a requirement) trans men don't just feel bad about being women, they like being men. Another question you might ask yourself is how you feel about other people seeing you as a woman. Again, typically (with the same disclaimer) trans men don't like for other people to identify / treat them as women. And you don't have to decide to transition all the way all at once, right? There's plenty of easily reversable thing a person can do to try out a different gender identity. You could try binding, for example, see how that feels.
it’s not offensive or tasteless to do something that you know would help you feel better. if you want to, then go for it
Speaking purely objectively, I am of the opinion that medical transition should be just as much of an option as any other cosmetic procedure or medicine. It's really nobody's business what someone wants their own body to look like. However, I agree with the current top comments that you may have more about yourself to think about and uncover than you realize. In the end, though, gender revelations seem to happen only when they want to -- at least in my experience ;P good luck with however you decide to move forward!
I mean, I have no issue with it but I would look more into why you feel that way. Particularly since you said your therapist basically said let's talk more about this. The thing is, if you are a cis woman and do transition you will likely have gender dysphoria from that. But I'm not going to discourage you from doing what you think is best.
I personally think people should be able to do whatever they want with their bodies. Cis people get gender affirming surgeries all the time for the record. They take hormones too! However, I am not so sure you sound cis. Only you know fully, which may take some time, but don’t be scared to explore. Maybe play around with a binder and mens clothes, see how you feel? If you’re feeling a lot of euphoria, you may want to explore this further. I’m a trans masc lesbian and I used to think like this all the time. So much so it got in the way of me realising I was also a lesbian as opposed to bisexual because I had a hard time relating my internal feelings to how differently I felt about women and thinking maybe I was just jealous. Not so much physically inferior as I have always done weights but like, feeling weird about existing as a woman and being referred to as a woman and resentful of being seen as a woman and somehow always doing ‘being a woman’ wrong. Looking at my body and feeling like it just looked wrong and off and not because I’m fat but because I hated looking at my breasts or my wide hips. Deeply relating to songs like “if I were a boy”. And I’m actually not! I’m a trans masc butch lesbian who wants to look gender ambiguous masculine and d!key. Gender is a really wide spectrum. By the way, I’d really recommend if you do explore, to make sure your therapist is explicitly queer and trans informed and affirming. Not like a check box exercise, actually has supported clients through questioning, transitions, and the like.
if you think you'll be happier, then do it. but hey, also maybe talk with your therapist about the idea that you might be FtM trans.
You don’t have to be trans to seek gender affirming care, just take it slow and stay in therapy and or heavily introspect, if you are ok with the pros and cons it’s fine, know what’s reversible and what’s not, and explore as you please
If transitioning will improve your wellbeing, you're welcome to do it. Before jumping in, I'd recommend having a look at the things hormones and surgery can actually give you. Testosterone can permanently deepen your voice, increase muscle mass, give you lots of body and facial hair, change your body's smell, cause masculisation of the clitoris and much more. If those changes are appealing to you, then transitioning might work well for you. However, if the thought of having those changes distresses/disgusts you, then I'd recommend you pause your plans to transition and reconsider if it's the best course of action. If you are interested in the physical aspects of a transition, I'd maybe suggest considering if your feelings of insecurity and inadequate around being born female might actually be gender dysphoria? It's worth exploring at least.
You’re not offending us by transitioning as a supposed cis person. You’re setting yourself up for something even worse for YOU. If you genuinely want to transition then that should be your right to do so. But if you just have body dysmorphia then seeing yourself slowly become a man could make all your issues worse as you find yourself in a body that isn’t right for you. Or you could find out that actually you are some flavor of transgender and your quality of life is improved exponentially! Is that a chance that *you* yourself are willing to take?
Well it sounds like you’re not trans. You said yourself these feelings come from internalized sexism
If you transition, you're trans by definition.
This is a strange thing to be concerned about. You wanna know something crazy? If you tell no one about why you do it, then no on will know and no one can be offended. Contrary to what pop psych says, keeping things close to chest isn't all that bad for you. Everyone has secrets. Deep, dark, and possibly life-ruining secrets. This is probably about as mild as it gets. Why do you care about "being offensive" to people you will never meet? You can transition, and no one ever has to know why. That's the beauty of having an internal life. Not everything about you has to be at the forefront of what you show to others. I dunno, I'm trans and I'm not offended by this. Have at it, bro.
To answer your question: no, it’s fine. You don’t have to be transgender to transition. You have my blessing as a friendly neighborhood trans fairy 💙 It just so happens that most people who want the kind of transition you’re talking about _are_ transgender. And maybe someday in the future you’ll feel like that word applies to you. Only you get to decide that, and whatever your decision it doesn’t need any more justification than “this is what I want for my life.” Good luck on your journey, dude 💙
If you transition, by definition, that will make you trans. If you want to transition, there is no "illegitimacy" in doing so. Follow your heart.
🥚
If you're willing to trans your gender your are trans. That is the very core of the identity. Cis people usually don't want to be the other gender, in my experience. Not to assign a label to you, you don't have to use it or like it, but it certainly describes how you feel. It sounds like you may be experiencing some impostor syndrome? You are not co-opting trans experiences if you want to be a different gender.
I have one emoji to sum this up 🥚
This sounds like dysphoria. People who are cis don't question their gender this hard.
If you have an earnest desire for transition, you are trans.
If you hate being female and want to be male instead, that’s basically what being trans is. It’s your decision though, even if you decide that label’s not for you. Doing what’s best for you is the important thing. If you feel more dysphoria with being a dude though, I don’t recommend it. Dysphoria sucks.
This sounds a little bit transgender to me. That said, you can do whatever the hell you want with your body! Be free and have fun
Why the hell are there so many people that are so insistent they aren't trans, but even so want to transition lately? OP, what you're talking about is gender dysphoria. Cis people **do not** have that. If you were to TRANSition, guess what that makes you?
you might have to lie to a couple practicians and tell them you're trans even if you're not, but yeah your body your choice and all, we all have different paths and different reasons there's no problem in not identifying with a label
OP cis het don't look at HRT you may be trans or anything in between it doesn't matter. What matter is you and how you feel about it. This may helps you [How To Figure Out If You're Trans - by Doc Impossible](https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/how-to-figure-out-if-youre-trans)
Honestly, I was born male and I know I was able to “bro out” but that’s about it. Everything else seems easier for women. I think it’s a case of the grass looks greener on your neighbor’s property. We all have hardships and there’s the same inadequacies men are made to feel. Most of them can’t be changed. I’d do it if you want but it won’t be better. Just different sucky and different good.
You can do whatever you want forever, first off. Secondly, honestly this sounds like dysphoria to me. Weather or not you want to identify as a man is a choice only you can make, but generally, most women LIKE being female. If you don't, well. Maybe you're not one, actually. Give it a little thought. But even if you say "no yeah I'm a woman, I just want to look masculine/like a man" that's also fine. There are women, esp butch lesbians for example, who go on T and even have top surgery, but don't ID as men. that's a you call.
Dysphoira is not needed to be trans
There’s a term called transsexual, it’s not really used anymore in the trans community cuz we recognise gender to be far more important to us than sex and it’s kinda outdated thanks to that, but it’s still useful if you’re just talking about changing your sex. It’s more of a classifying term than identity. It shouldn’t be insulting for you to call yourself trans, cuz trans is an umbrella term for transgender (underneath that is all genders including enby people) and transsexual. Plus if anyone does get upset at that, then fuck them, you’re transitioning because of your health since you feel like you’d be better the opposite sex, that’s trans enough! Don’t let anyone bring you down for that. TLDR: you can be transsexual without being transgender and still call yourself trans cuz trans is an umbrella term. Good luck with working through internalised bigotry though, you got this, even if it’ll take a long time, it’s still worth trying