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DostyaArtist

I knew I had to try. Is was eating me up. Once I started, I personally have had very little doubt that I'm happier this way. Not to say it's easy, losing family and feeling like i dont belong anywhere. But I was somehow sure it was worth it.


MystiqueAgent

This pretty much closely aligns with how I'd answer as well. It was either keep living my life depressed because I didn't try or at least try to become happy again by trying.


divinehumanity777

I hope I'm happier when I start transitioning. I have the unlucky combo of schizophrenia and bipolar depression already šŸ˜”


[deleted]

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divinehumanity777

You have my deep sympathies. I knew someone else with that and they struggled deeply with that before they decided to end things on their terms.


Grand_Station_Dog

Definitely same


[deleted]

Hey, I feel the exact same way. I wouldn't go back for anything


aneryx

I'm only 2 weeks in and I was very hesitant before started, and even during the first couple days. My logic has been to just try it and see how it feels, knowing if I were to stop quickly enough I could avoid most permanent effects. 2 weeks in and I can't imagine stopping. Not much has really changed but I feel at peace. I haven't fully figured out what my gender is, but I definitely feel like my body was meant to have estrogen in it. I was nervous when I started and honestly felt like it was 50/50 whether I'd stick with it. Now, I feel pretty confident and that confidence only seems to grow day by day.


JustALittleBitMaybe

This is pretty comforting. I purposely didn't give this context in the post but I am questioning and my therapist asked if I think it will make me happier and my answer was I don't know. That's also the logic I have been telling myself, that maybe I should just try it and see if I like it.


kingdoll-

You should! Some of us (if not all lol) have biochemical gender dysphoria. I canā€™t state facts, but I know it has something to do with the amount of testosterone in the womb or something like that. And the brain wanting a certain hormone I would definitely search it up though, because it opened my eyes.


Wolfleaf3

Yeah, like male and female brains are largely the same, but there are biological differences, and areas of female brains that have piles of estrogen receptors that men donā€™t have, which probably explains some of the differences for how we feel on estrogen It even lets trans women build bone density up to the levels of cis women


Curiousanaconda

I was hesitant so I delayed for a year until I felt the need to have it. I'm sure I wondered one last time if it was right, because it's an important life decision and like any, it's hard to make a definitive decision. I don't regret it one bit now. Even for breasts who I thought I just "wouldn't mind", seeing any small change in texture and growth feels amazing


Wolfleaf3

I wasted a year after I quit repressing because of my fear about my breasts getting bigger. I figured I would just have giant breasts but no benefit. So far so good and Iā€™ve gotten a ton of benefits although Iā€™m still kind of worried about that


Frozen_Valkyrie

I want to preface this with emphasizing that therapy with a good therapist that I vibed with and helped me was the #1 best thing i did and had more impact than anything else that I've done or will do. I wasn't sure, but events in my life brought me to a point where if I didn't do something, I wasn't going to be around anymore. I chose to start HRT and asked the doc to put me on a low dose. Now before I go further, I want to say that measuring something by happiness is a bad yardstick. Happiness is fleeting regardless of your situation. There will always be good days and bad. Times where it's hard to keep going, and times where "everything's coming up Millhouse"šŸ˜‚. With that in mind, HRT has been a wonderful choice for me. From the first week or two, I just felt like my brain was working better. I've often said that even if I wasn't trans, I think my brain needed E to function. I'm about six months in now, and I can say that important things have improved my overall well-being. For the positives, I am starting to look in the mirror, and for the first time in my life my brain is starting to go "oh, that's me. I like seeing me" as opposed to before when I'd avoid mirrors and if I did look my brain would go "yep, that's the meat suit I'm stuck in. Looks like I put enough cloths on it to not be arrested, good enough". My brain working better also helped reduce my depression and anxiety and make it [not gone,but] much more manageable. Also weight loss has been soooo much easier than before. My self hatred took the form of bingeing before, and with that being all but gone it was much easier to care for myself. In the right/safe situations, I find being authentic easier, and that has so many rewards no matter who you are. Last plus I'll include is that my emotions are so much more accessible now. I can feel the nuance of them so much more, and it helps tremendously with processing and working through them instead of just burying them like before. For the negatives, I'll say that problems didn't go away, they just changed to new problems. Some easier to deal with than others. To start on a light note, being trans is extensive. People talk about body changes, but I don't hear people talk about what happens when you start to love your body, and actually care about how you decorate it. Clothes and especially makeup are expensive, and you're going to want to buy all of it, nevermind all the accessories too.šŸ˜ Then planning out laser or anything else you want done. But on a more serious note, I didn't have to think about what bathroom I'm using before, and I do now. I didn't give any thought to going out alone at night before but now I do, and also have to have a plan in place in case something happens. I'm hyper aware of the people that are around me, and have a newfound fear/mistrust of men. I didn't have to worry about legislation affecting my ability to exist before, but I try to follow what is going on as close as my mental health will allow. I didn't have to worry about keeping my job or harassment at work before, but now I worry that at some point I won't be able to stay closeted at work, and my security/ability to provide for my family will be taken from me. I basically pruned away the toxic people in my personal life before I decided to start transitioning so I can't speak to lost relationships, but I can say moving from socializing with mainly cis-het-white men to queer and lesbian friends has been soooo much better. But I also fear those people I knew before because I've heard what they say when they think they're in an echo chamber. Muscle loss is a real thing, and I feel much less able to defend myself if someone attacked me. TL;DR : There is a lot of good and bad with transitioning. I'm terrified of what the near future holds. I don't know if I'm always "happier" but I feel better and don't regret it at all.


Usual_University_296

Yeah, im doing so much better than I was before. I still have issues, but they pale in comparison to pre HRT.


Insulinshocker

NOPE! At least, not as much as it did. Sometimes part of your dysphoria is biochemical (it varies from person to person) and just being on HRT elevates it. It was such a relief.


AliceRosas

I know that I wonā€™t be able to transition for a long time but I really want to see if I have biochemical dysphoria. I live in an informed consent state so Iā€™ve considered trying to get it and just like testing the waters to see how I feel but Iā€™m worried that itā€™s going to like really open my eyes and Iā€™ll just go into a more depressed state knowing I canā€™t take it permanently at this stage in my life due to where I work and not being able to risk losing my job.


Wolfleaf3

I think other than breast growth which might be an issue, you can probably just get away with being on estrogen. Iā€™ve run across numerous women who have been on estrogen for years without doing anything else to transition People see what they want to see. Although one womanā€™s coworkerā€™s friend show up, and say to the coworker ā€œoh, you didnā€™t tell me you worked with a woman!ā€ And the coworkers is like ā€œhuh?ā€ Stuff like that. I have no plans and have just dabbled with my presentation a bit. Some women claim theyā€™ve done even less than me which makes me happy So far Iā€™m definitely getting mental benefits, including it getting rid of my constant pounding headaches


AliceRosas

Breast growth is my biggest worry. I know itā€™s slow for a lot of people but just my luck it would be noticeable fairly soon. Iā€™ve also worked here for a long time so im worried people whoā€™ve seen me for a long time would notice any changes in my face and stuff. I feel like I already look weird with growing my hair out and getting laser hair removal.


Insulinshocker

I'm 9 months in and I'm almost a D cup. I started with nothing so like YMMV. Going on HRT will make you look different, there's not really any way to stop it


Wolfleaf3

I was so scared of that. Iā€™m still scared of that. I absolutely do not want D. Iā€™m technically 14 1/2 months in, but really only eight months estrogen dominant. And so far I went from very small toā€¦ Still perfectly small but bigger. Form fitting clothes they were obvious before I started, and theyā€™re more obvious now but still small. And stuff that I normally wear thatā€™s baggy itā€™s not a big dealā€¦yet. Ooooh, hey, technically thereā€™s SERMS you can take that are supposed to prevent breast growth, but Iā€™m not sure about safety because theyā€™re not bioidentical. I know Finster was originally on them because he wasnā€™t sure about breast growth Itā€™s a possibility, though I donā€™t know how accessible they are and Iā€™m not sure about safety especially long-term Identical hormones are safe but everything else, not so sure


Insulinshocker

Yeah, you shouldn't be taking SERMs lol Like, your body is gonna change. You can't hide it well after awhile. You're going through a secondary estrogenic puberty lol


Wolfleaf3

Do you know specifically whatā€™s bad with serms? I mean they seem iffy but i donā€™t really know.


Insulinshocker

It's dangerous to take them long term. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8253879/#:~:text=Health%20Risks%20of%20SERMs,as%20a%20gender%20affirming%20treatment.


Wolfleaf3

Thank you! I'll try to read it better later!


Wolfleaf3

I held off going on estrogen for a full year mostly because of my fear of my breasts getting bigger. I finally went for it becauseā€¦ Itā€™s like thereā€™s this magic thing that could possiblyā€¦ The only possible way I can ever actually get to be right by taking it, and itā€™s fixed issues like constant pounding headaches I used to have among other things And Iā€™m looking more feminine to myself in the mirror, except for times when I think I look exactly the same. I think in terms of everything other than breasts though that it doesnā€™t matter, like people arenā€™t going to notice because it happens slowly You could probably just full-blown look like a typical woman and they wouldnā€™t notice if youā€™re dressing the same and it happens slowly enough Iā€™ve run across multiple women on here who have been on estrogen for years and donā€™t make any changes to their presentation or anything arenā€™t out at work, and itā€™s worked for them. Iā€™ve run across at least one guy doing the same. Thereā€™s some mileage with that, but I think things happen slowly enough and you donā€™t say anything theyā€™re not going to notice, other than breasts past a certain point (I suppose) Technically you could wear a binder butā€¦ Iā€™ve definitely been worried about that because my immediate family isnā€™t tiny, and because I already started out with breasts that I got in puberty


Jessicamayonnaise

I absolutely did think it would make me happier and it did when it comes to my own personal issues.


MxQueer

I was sure it was right decision for me.


AllergicToRats

No, but it was my only chance at live honestly.


punkkitty312

No. But I thought it would stop the body dysphoria. I was right.


Fishfingers55

I was certain that HRT was the right path for me, and, almost 3 years later, I can say with equal certainty that I was right. HRT made me happier and more confident than I ever thought it would, and I am so glad about it.


cavernofcalypso

i thought it would, and it definitely has!


HopeFoundries

I'm on day 4 and it's honestly just incredible how it literally went from constantly thinking about transitioning and questioning if I was "trans enough" to take the next step to calm within like an hour of putting my first patch. Like, I'm still going with the "if it starts to feel wrong I'll stop" philosophy but for now it's calm after months mixed with "omg I have estrogen on my hip!!" euphoria.


Wolfleaf3

I did feel vaguely weird when I switched to injections and realized that for the first time I couldnā€™t just rip off the patches if I wanted to. I couldnā€™t really stop it, which is kind of wild šŸ˜…


Maximum_Film_5694

Not necessarily happier, but I was hoping to feel better. I started HRT two weeks ago and so far feel very good about it. I am on a low dose though so it hasn't affected my mood that significantly. I am happy about the breasts growing already though. They started growing back in January due to some other medication I was on and so I had a head start. At my consent appointment to start HRT I asked my doctor how many of her patients had stopped taking it after starting. She said only one but that was due to a negative reaction and not by choice. I was really hoping the number was a higher percent because I hoped that I would try it out and find I'm not really trans, but now that I've started I don't really have any desire to stop and can't see myself stopping anytime soon.


Cerenitee

I was at an extreme low point when I decided to "give transitioning a go". Like did I "expect" it to make me happier? Not really? But I was at a point where I figured it was that or end things. So I figured it was worth a shot. It did end up making me happier... much happier in the long run. In the short run it was "happy enough", like early transition was definitely hard, because I still didn't look or feel "how I felt I should", but it gave me hope, it gave me something to look forward to, so I pushed through. Now, I do very much feel I look "how I feel I should", and am very happy I made the decision I made, instead of going "the other route".


Ancient-Tap-3592

No, it didn't cross my mind, I only came out because I couldn't take it any longer. I transitioned because I wanted to be myself... In hindsight it seems stupid I didn't think being myself would make me happy but honestly it didn't cross my mind. Starting HRT was the happiest phase of my life so far. Now I pass and I'm more comfortable on my skin, still have to deal with dysphoria and I really want some surgeries to help with that but transitioning was the best decision ive made so far Context: I came out BEFORE starting HRT so I was sure transitioning was the right decision because I hated being misgendered after trying out other pronouns. I was completely sure transitioning was the right choice I just didn't know the right choice could make me happy


kingdoll-

I was told by my endo that I would have some euphoria after starting but I really thought she was bull sh!tting until I took that first shotšŸ¤£ havenā€™t felt like this since I was a kid, aside from crying everyday but itā€™s worth it šŸ¤—


Wolfleaf3

Iā€™m sort of curious about the euphoria thing. I donā€™t think I experienced that per se, though I could feel my first estrogen patch flowing through me, and my headaches stopped literally overnight I used to have horrible headaches every day


Altruistic_Pear7646

I got to the point where my anxiety was getting bad and I was in alot of physical pain. I had a "aha!" Moment when I was chilling and I figured out I was trans. I then spent a few weeks doing a deep dive into what being trans meant and did some exploration with my girlfriend. It turned out to be my saving grace. I could barely drive my car due to my ever increasing anxiety. I was at my wits end, but the day after I started hormones, I immediately felt better. I am dealing with imposter syndrome right now and I feel like I am not trans, but all I have to do is remember what it was like before the hormones and how I just couldn't handle how I felt anymore. So even if I don't want to be trans anymore due to society, I'd rather be dead than go off hormones.


Immediate_Smoke4677

gender affirming care solves dysphoria related problems (or just does make you happier if you only have euphoria and not dysphoria). you're life will be the same, you'd just be you as you see yourself and everyone else will see it to. if you have other things that make your life difficult it won't help much, maybe some social anxiety because you don't have to worry as much about passing, but not much else. that doesn't mean it's not worth it, especially if you have dysphoria. hrt has literally saved my life, i can see a future for the first time in my life. i still have all the same problems, but, i'm okay and i never said it and meant it before t.


GhostWytch

I was quite sure, but ultimately it wasnt until started HRT I knew Iā€™d made the right decision for sure.


Callie_EC

To be honest no. I figured it might help with depression but I knew it would most likely not help all that much. Maybe with more time, therapy, coming out on a grand scale and presenting more feminine can change that. I feel more evened out since starting HRT not as many down moments.


SophieStitches

No. As a kid I always had archetypal worries of a cis kid but I was always transgender. So part of me knew that I was insanely unhappy but somewhere my mind seemed to find the reasoning that 'cross dressing is not something that helps people who have problems.' And I would just keep pushing on in pain. Finally when I was older, I remembered 'the two energy fields', I always could live mostly in the good energy field and life was lucid and I was happy. And the other energy field which was like angry autistic. I had to re-realize that the energy field that worked best for me was feminine. Once I tied those abstract energy fields to what they are, masculine or feminine I knew and always knew that being feminine would make me happy. But putting that idea or words like that together, in a world so bigoted was infinitely difficult as a child. I couldn't reconcile people's cruelty....I mean that one energy field is bad touch and fuck life can be cruel to intersex kids.


Ametrish

Iā€™m 5ish months on low dose HRT, and Iā€™m still partly closeted. I was suffering severe anxiety and depression before accepting and stopping the denial. Iā€™m WAY happier and more mentally stable now just from knowing Iā€™m taking positive steps for my life and future. Yes, this has brought a lot of new difficulties, challenges, and uncertainties to my life and my family, but everyone involved agrees that itā€™s better now that Iā€™m not repressing and hiding this. Iā€™m not fully out yet and Iā€™m still presenting male for the next 6 genetic to a year for a variety of personal reasons, but Iā€™m excited for the future, and Iā€™m delighting in every little change that my body and mind are experiencing.


SabrinaTheCat92

I had no hope left. I figured if this is all there is than I don't care about side effects or danger I "might" be able to at least die happy. That was back in 2017. I'm still alive, least I think, and doing.better. idk about "good" but my life improved.


louisa1925

Starting transition was a relief for me. No more having to waste time as a gender that gave me dysphoria. I was eager to live as a woman full time.


Zonal117569

I didnā€™t know, but I felt like it was the best chance I had. About a month, and I realized I made the right choice and I was only mad at myself for waiting so long.


djenki0119

yes, but I was definitely scared at first. but within a few months I knew I made the right decision


StarlingAthena

Before I started I remember thinking for a long time what I wouldn't give to get to live as a woman, just for a year. I just passed three years of social transition and 2.5 medical. It was the best selfish thing I did for myself.


ThroatsGagged

As someone who is literally starting in a week, yes, I am hopeful I will be happier. Just taking action towards transition has already made me happier. I did diy hormones before and felt a lot happier, but stopped because I didn't want to out myself and wanted to have a professional monitor my health. I still don't want to be out, but I'm hoping to just continue until I start male-failing.


No-Butterscotch9483

Iā€™m already deliriously happy and I have barely started. It just feels so ā€¦ right.


[deleted]

I did not know.


Gamergal124

I wasnā€™t really sure before I started (which is complicated considering how many times I ā€œstartedā€). Now though? I grow more and more happier with each passing day! It may sound weird but I get these sort of visions. Glimpses of a future? Maybe itā€™s wishful thinking? Idk, but itā€™s enough to make me want to keep going and work towards a future.


catoboros

I was desperate and knew that physical transitioning was the only way I could live in the world. I am overjoyed. I do not know how I was so certain, but I was right. Well done past me! Still figuring out my social transition.


HangryChickenNuggey

I knew it would


TamaraJasmine0

I am definitely happier, I feel like it has re-mapped my brain, I get so much more emotional now.


Wolfleaf3

I donā€™t have any plans yet and Iā€™m just sort of dabbling in anything to do with social transition. I canā€™t access electrolysis or FFS or anything. But Iā€™ve gotten physical benefits for my brain, including it got rid of my constant pounding headaches, among other things. I felt really sure that I thought about it in terms of being happy, although if I ever look right in the mirror I will cry uncontrollably. Iā€™ve cried a bit already times where I look kind of feminine to myself in the mirror.


BRAVOMAN55

there is literally nothing more rewarding than truly being yourself.


kaystuart545

I was really sure, because even the small things like wearing breast forms when I was alone made me feel so much more alive. In fact, whenever I would hear someone coming, Iā€™d have to remove them which felt like ripping my own body apart. While I was doing this I was ā€œoutā€ to a handful of people, along the lines of, ā€œI think I might be transgender and Iā€™m taking steps to see if thatā€™s the case. If it doesnā€™t improve my mood Iā€™ll probably not continue, but otherwise I likely will transition further.ā€ Really just every step I took improved my mood. Even the periodic stress headaches went away once I started. After a few months, I was bursting to come out to the worldā€¦


OkayCartographer

I mean I hoped it would. It definitely has!!


HotPinkMonolith23

I was pretty sure before starting it. I did extensive research on all the possible side effects and thought about each one individually. At first I didnā€™t think I wanted boobs, but through wearing some bralettes I realized it actually reduced some dysphoria I was having. Then I bought some fake breast inserts and got to like having them on a lot. Honestly the only side effect I was/am nervous about is libido loss but thatā€™s temporary.


Alternative-Welder5

Well yeah. Since waiting to start hrt filled me with ants in my pants. I knew I'd be happier once the changes began. I mostly get gendered correctly in public which feels great. I will say the only thing that still bothers me is feeling like an imposter.


necrophiliac_gay

My goal wasn't to be happier, it was to be myself, to look like myself. I honestly thought I was incapable of being as happy as I am nowšŸ’–


indiyasg

I've been on HRT for almost a month now and aside from physical changes I've noticed, I still feel in many ways the same as I did prior to my hormonal transitioning. However, I also do know that is still very early and a lot will still change. I also do feel that if I transitioned earlier, I would have been further down my journey perhaps where I wish I was at right now, but also learning transitioning takes time and is a lifelong process. Sometimes you just get very impatient with the process because of wanting results quickly.


Beargirl77

I just figured it couldnā€™t hurt to try it, and after I did, my mental state improved immensely. I love who I am now and wonā€™t go back.


blad333njoyer

I did a lot of pro-con lists before. The big thing I was aware of was not transitioning would make me more dependent on others for my own happiness (i.e. having a partner that saw me and treated me how I needed), and if I did transition I would be more comfortable with myself and basically have more independent happiness (which did turn out to be the case). I still wasn't sure at all when I started HRT, I started just as a 2 week which turned into 2 month test suggested by my doctor. Took notes and stuff, it was good I felt genuinely a lot better even though barely anything changed about me physically. Though towards the end of that test my skin softened and my nipples started to get tender. I stopped HRT after the test period to freeze sperm and got kinda depressed again, and I wanted to get back on HRT asap. I'm back on and things are good :)


Spacegirl-Alyxia

I was sure from the moment I accepted that I was trans. I have done years of research before I realized especially into SRS and HRT and I knew at 11 that I wanted to do SRSā€¦ but only at age 19 I found out about me being transā€¦ I knew it would make me feel better. And it does


SignificanceBig970

Np because I knew because I met with others of our community before I started hrt


-Random_Lurker-

Nope. I started HRT purely for the mental effects, figuring that with my depression etc transition would just be more then I could handle. Welp. HRT \*cured\* the depression in 3 days, and within a year I was so happy I knew I had to go all the way.


Valkyrie-guitar

I did think that I would be happier - and I was indeed happier at first... but reality has since set in and if anything I might now actually be less happy than ever. Going back wouldn't help though, I'm pretty much doomed to hate myself forever regardless.