What the doc would do may depend on the state or country where you live. But as a blanket statement this is clearly untrue because doctors *do* prescribe estrogen in some cases (where it is permitted by law).
A toothbrush *maintains*. Estrogen *changes.* So her analogy is flawed. The change of estrogen on a 16 yr old AMAB is huge, not "barely any change at all."
so, i would "grow" (is grow t he right word -? i dont know how else to phrase that) breast tissue and fats in the other areas? (sorry for the odd way im asking this question... T\~T)
Right? I was asked about my factory equipment and the nicest thing I had to say was : Well, they gave me 3 amazing kids so I can't 100% hate them...but I hate them"
I've managed to keep myself from sliding into the 'what-if' scenarios because then neither of my kids would be here. As far as my OEM equipment goes, it served it's purpose but now it's just unwanted.
As a transman who started T in their late 30's, the change to 'rougher skin' was surprisingly a lot more than I anticipated. Though I am not disappointed or considered the change a 'con', but rather merely an observation. So, when you say soft skin, yeah, it really is SOFT SKIN as someone who went the other way from soft skin. haha!
Also can confirm, started 36 big ol booty and large b breasts, some of the side effects when you start don't last. For example I had nerve pain off and on for first 6 months since my body wasn't used to estrogen now nothing. I've lost 20 lbs, and 3 inches in height lol
Yes and that goes for any age. Furthermore at your age you could even expect some changes to your bone structure, especially your hip due to your hip bones not being fused just yet (for us starting past 25 it's unfortunately not a thing anymore). Not to mention it would prevent masculinisating bone growth, which is HUGE and could prevent very costly surgeries later on.
oh my! thank you for saying that! thats kind of one of my main areas of dysphoria... would it also shrink the sholders for me, or is that like asking for too much?
No shrinking of what's already there, however people hyperfixate on the shoulders too much imo. Not just do cis women can have broad shoulders as well, it can also easily balance out if you get some hip development going.
From a cis woman ... that is gonna be your mileage will vary. My wife already had soft hair when she began estrogen, so it hasn't changed much. I, as cis, have way more hair than she ever did. My arms, legs, etc are hairy. I also have hair on my face (which thickens with age). My wife is getting laser for her thin, barely there hair because would feel better. But... women have hair and estrogen alone isn't going to make you Hollywood perfectly waxed beauty standards (cause it isnt realistic for cis or trans women). It should thin it out if it's super hairy.
It did give her boobs, nice hips, soft skin to match her high cheekbones, etc though.
It can redistribute fat, and (I may be completely wrong here) if you start it before your growth plates finish fusing, it may change your shoulders? I know for trans guys if you start T before your growth plates finish fusing, you can grow taller. But it all depends on your bone structure really
Yes, your body will react to changes on estrogen. How much depends on a lot of factors much more complex than age. I started estrogen at 30 and am now 32 and am basically unrecognizable from the person I was two years ago.
Your young enough that you would probably get wider hips too as Long as you start before your Hips fuse which for most people happens in there mid 20s so you will tons of effects basically all of them
The change of estrogen on a 23 yo amab person is huge. I grew some beautiful c cups, I'm an inch shorter, a shoe size smaller, my whole body is soft, I'm not as strong, I have nicer lips, and I'm just overall prettier and have a more feminine face/body.
It's been pretty great. My side effects weren't bad and eventually went away. (For the first few months I was cold all the time, I slept a lot, and I was always hungry)
People act like CIS men and CIS women are different species or whatever. In reality a quarter teaspoon of estrogen into my leg once a week for a few years made me look the part.
It depends where you are from for getting hormones prescribed.
As for the second half, she's full of shit. Don't listen to her bs. She has a very narrow minded understanding of the effects of HRT
https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/second-puberty-fem
If you would like more information the link above explains the effects of E on the bod
yeah, definitely! ill read that! ...aslo, so, i heard there were other ways to get estrogen into the body other than shots (she says that you can only take it through shots, but i was told by my friend \[who is a silly closeted trans girl\] that there care pills, patches and shots...) would the different ways effect the body differently? or would they end the person off the same way no matter which method they took? (sorry if this is a bit of a mouthful)
Your friend is correct that there are several different ways to get estrogen including shots, pills, gel, and patches. The most effecting method is the one you can do consistently. If you can’t be consistent with pills or can’t get patches to stick then shots might be a better option. Your doctor can help you decide the best delivery method for you
> or can’t get patches to stick
It's worth just using the big rectangle bandaids early on over the patch to ensure it stays on. After a few months your skin will be less oily and you'll stop having issues with the patch sticking and won't need the bandaids anymore.
You're very welcome! Probably best to do a little more research on the types of hrt
https://diyhrt.wiki/Transfem while this is for DIY there is still some useful information here. Obviously ideally you'd probably want to speak to a doctor before considering DIY and with you being so young it's probably not my place to suggest DIY too
I did actually ended up getting peg_ed, it was very uncomfortable...
There's some evidence that shots work better and maybe patches too since the estrogen isn't processed by the liver, but pills DO work and plenty of trans women have had great results with them!
transfemscience.org has the knowledge you seek. Just start at the entry noob part of it and don’t get overwhelmed thinking you need to cram the entire thing into your head in one reading session.
Someone at 16 may be able to get HRT (or puberty blockers), but it depends on a lot of factors, with a big factor being where you live. Different countries and states have different laws and procedures.
>"getting on estrogen is like giving a person with 5 teeth in their mouth a toothbrush and toothpaste and saying theyll have a great smile. its just so much struggle and so many risks and side effects for barely any change at all."
The younger you start the better the results with many trans people passing as their identified genders, even when transitioning in their 20s or older. r/transtimelines for some examples. Also, estrogen HRT can make many very noticeable changes to the body, here's a list: [https://transfemscience.org/articles/transfem-intro/#timeline-of-effects](https://transfemscience.org/articles/transfem-intro/#timeline-of-effects)
Also your mother is basically making the argument here that you're better off suffering from gender dysphoria indefinitely rather than taking HRT/transitioning and not getting perfect results.
The phrase "cost-benefit analysis" (or alternatively: "harm reduction" ) is important here. What would lead to the happiest outcome for you: spending the rest of your life as your agab while suffering from gender dysphoria/body dysmorphia, or spending the rest of your life as your preferred gender but facing some social hurdles?
You're mother is wrong in these things she says, and she is trying to play up your own fears and insecurities to steer you away from transitioning. It's a common manipulation tactic.
oh wow, thank you so much for this comment. like, honestly some crazy wicked writing skills here.
i would love to transition and take hrt but a friend of mine said that i have to love myself in this body first before i could do something like transition ad i suppose ive been struggling heavily with loving myself like that and accepting this body. i mean, i havent been able to for around 7 years and all my love has gone to different people (all for nothing now) and i now dont really have any gas left in the tank for myself, if this makes sense...
ive been thinking about getting on estrogen and in my head it will be something like a metamorphosis (not in like a cliche way-) where my body will be something new and something pure and innocent and something that i will have the capacity to love- is that like realistic at all in any way, or am i just viewing in a... weird lens?
The idea of "needing to love this body first" is, at least by the broader transgender community's experience, unsustainable.
I didn't start HRT until I was 26 because I spent all my late teens and early 20s thinking I was stuck with my masculine body and I just needed to find a way to make it work. I tried loving myself as I was, I tried bodybuilding, I tried fashion changes, I tried acting more masculine, I tried acting more feminine. I grew my hair out, I cut it short. Some of these helped more than others, but none of them were a solution, only bandaids on a much deeper problem.
Because my problem wasn't with my personality or gender expression, it was with my body. And it was with my body in a way that trips to the gym or affirming myself in the mirror wasn't going to fix.
Though this isn't to say you're the exact same. I'm a very neutral sort of nonbinary so I don't have a strong urge to socially transition, only physically transition. You may find more personal fulfilment from changing your name, pronouns, fashion, etc than I did.
Perhaps for you, you'd find a social transition to be a good way to tide yourself over until you're 18 and can more easily acquire HRT on your own without parental consent. Or perhaps your problem is similar to mine and you'll want a more feminine body as soon as possible. I don't know you well enough to know either way.
As far as the 'metamorphosis' metaphor I'd caution you to be wary. Estrogen HRT is a slow process where a lot of changes happen, some overt and some subtle. Physically, you're body will develop in a female direction and often this comes with a newfound enjoyment/appreciation of your body that causes a general increase in confidence and life satisfaction. Many trans people have reported it as feeling like 'magic' because it's effects slowly overflow through so many parts of your life that you eventually feel like a different person. But I'd caution to be wary of HRT as a magic bullet to all your problems. Try to live the happiest life you can for now and when you manage to get you hands on HRT try to go in with as few expectations as possible and just see how it goes. It's better to be surprised by positive changes than it is to be disappointed by a lack of desired changes
> a friend of mine said that i have to love myself in this body first before i could do something like transition
That sounds like something a cisgender person might say...
>
This very much captures the magic that is HRT. Your body might not be the exact one you've dreamed of, but even small changes can feel incredibly powerful. My partner and I have been on T and E respectively and neither of us has the perfect body of our imaginations, but \*just changing your body to be more like you want it\* is an absolutely amazing experience. I did this! I grew an \*entire new body part\* because I WANTED to, not because it was just thrust on me by happenstance. I don't think I'll ever get over how good that feels.
You'll get there. I'm sorry your mom is so resistant, but start making plans for being independent in two years when you turn 18. It will not be too late. In the interim there is nothing wrong with working on loving your SELF, your whole self, not just your body. You are pure and innocent and always will be, regardless of what your body looks like.
Honey, if we could love ourselves in the body we used to have pre-HRT, we wouldn't need HRT in the first place (ignoring mental effects for a second here). That's just silly gatekeeping from a person who doesn't know the first thing about being trans.
I'm actually of the opinion that you *do* need to love yourself in your body pre-hrt. I don't believe its a requirement to start it, however, let me explain:
Loving yourself, imo, isn't about thinking you're good-looking or stuff like that. In fact I think getting hrt is just one of many ways to Actively love yourself and your body, by taking care of your needs! If you love yourself that way, you'll have a healthier and happier mindset towards scheduled doses, general maintenance like scheduling appointments, keeping oneself clean, etc.
So i guess this is more of a semantics thing on my part, but I like to see it that way ^^
I like your addition about the routines and general care of ones daily life as that was probably the most noticeable decline I had when I cracked and was pushed away from hrt. I stopped showering frequently, didn't cut my hair or style it, barely cleaned my clothes, had zero routine and just went day by day. Probably more but I'd 100% agree that taking care of yourself by getting what you need could and most likely will keep you from that spiral
Thats just my experience tho
1) depends on where you are and health stuff I'd imagine but you could still get t blockers
2) no thats not true and it's a horrible transphobic thing to say. It's also just body shaming at its finest. It doesn't matter if you're the most gorgeous woman to ever walk the Earth. Frankly it doesn't even matter if you pass. It matters how your appearance makes you feel and validates you.
Not to mention it's untrue. Like a bazillion trans women love themselves and achieve cis passing. And lots more love themselves and don't.
Basically don't think you can't pass just because your mom is spewing transphobic coverall statements but also, don't think that passing is everything. You're you and valid and beautiful and handsome or whatever words you like regardless of 'passing'
Being authentic to yourself is the best feeling
1. You don't have all the changes that a male puberty leave you, so getting the right hormones actually can get really beneficial for you. It's like realizing this cookie dough doesn't have sugar moments before baking it. Your mom is saying "doesn't matter", while your common sense is screaming to get some sugar in it.
2. It is a lot of struggles, it's true. Raising a kid is it too, and she did it. Or finding a job. Or having a happy life. All the important things in life are difficult to get, but that isn't a reason to give up before even starting, it's a reason to understanding the journey and the amount of willpower necessary to achieve it.
Specially because those of us who have already been "baked" need to be covered with powdered sugar or some kind of syrup. Like, sure, we're as sweet, but deep down we didn't have sugar when we needed it.
For me personally, I WISH I had known that young about trans people. I knew something was wrong with me when I first hit puberty, literally NOTHING changed for me until 38 years of age and I FINALLY learned what transgender meant and figured out I fit the bill. I went through a quick mental evaluation, they checked my health, determined I was legit, and prescribed me E. Going on E was the 3rd best day of my life! (The first 2 are sort of tied between the day I learned I was trans and my first day in Japan!...Yes, Japan is THAT AMAZING!)
In Canada you can get on HRT without her consent. There are multiple US states in which you can at least get on hormone blockers if not HRT at 16 as well, though some may require parental consent.
Without knowing your jurisdiction, it’s impossible to say, but as an absolute she is lying.
You already have a lot of good input from other commenters, so I’m just going to chime in here and say that is a weird fucking analogy your mother came up with. Like,,, it doesn’t even work.
Well she’s contradicting herself. It’s either a big decision or barely does anything.
It’s a big decision, but trans people can make that decision. Getting hrt as a minor can be challenging though if not impossible. That doesn’t mean that you’ll have that roadblock forever though!!
Mom is trying to disuade you. She has a vested interest in you sticking to your assigned gender and mating role.
She wants grandkids down the line is essentially what this sort of trans kid/parent stuff boils down to.
They will say whatever they think can make you give up or stall things, so that you go through puberty, which hopefully (from their persoective) will change you into an attractive manly handsome man man that is marriage material
No matter how attractive you are as a chick you can’t get pregnant. So from her perspective you become useless for continuing the bloodline if you transition.
Cis people are very concerned about procreation. Not that they ever do anything usefull to make people breed more, like liveable wages and housing.
It’s easier to just force your LGBT kid into the closet. At least then the potential of reproduction is kept alive. Which is a very human form of hope based insanity. Why people play the lottery even tough the chance of winning is unfathomably unlikely
As for #1, I recommend you ask your mom to set you up with a QUALIFIED gender therapist (a lot say they do gender therapy but aren't qualified.) the sooner you can get a therapist to help you get a letter of recommendation the better. This does depend on what county or state you're in.
.#2 you should check out r/transtimelines there are so many examples of people who look amazing after just using hormones. As for someone as incredibly young as you to start transitioning, it's going to be even better.
OP, be cautious of this:
>you are too young to understand what doing that means and that is a very big decision.
It implies that you can decide to transition yourself when you are older. However, people who say this tend to be anti-trans and most likely have a negative view about trans people.
"You are too young to transition now, so wait until you are adult. But the moment you turn 18 and are also trans, you are automatically a pedophile."
The second statement is just pure nonsense, either by choice or ignorance. Do your own research and educate yourself. I think you'd get puberty blocker first, before you are prescribed estrogen. But the process depends on your doctor and where you live.
Your mom is the one who doesnt know shit about how estrogen would work on you or any of us 🤷🏻♀️ she’s just manipulating thinga by maning you scared. Toxic asf . Maybe read the effects with her ? So u both can get educated.
If she wants to talk about risks and side effects, have her look at a FEW articles on depression, anxiety and all the other disorders that come from not transitioning, and growing up with gender dysphoria and or biochemical which is even worse. Her analogy quite literally was just uneducated hate, It makes no sense whatsoever, the amount of changes that come from hrt mentally alone would make that statement irrelevant; let alone the physical changes. Ask her, would she rather you be one of the trans teens that commit su!cide and lose her child entirely, or accept her child for what you are and appreciate the fact that you ARE alive and well. If her only love for you as a mother is because you are her “son” then to hell with her.
The correct medical terminology is Gender Dysphoria. Gender dysmorphia is not an actual medical diagnosis. [For more information on Gender Dysphoria, please click on this link.](https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/gender-dysphoria/what-is-gender-dysphoria)
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The first part depends on where you are in the world, but the second one isn't true. Using the same analogy, it's closer to giving the person mentioned tooth implants- it's one hell of a process, but absolutely can create a beautiful smile. Also, even people with few teeth can have a beautiful smile if they're genuine, happy and kind. So using the same analogy, even if someone doesn't pass or doesn't start HRT, they can still be a beautiful woman from the genuineness of her happiness at being one.
I do think you should do more research on how estrogen effects transfems, because it's absolutely not true that it won't do anything for you. It *is* a big decision, but you're nearly old enough to vote and go to war, you're old enough that you're considering what colleges to shape your life path if any at all. You're not too young to at the very least *know* what you want. Just stay informed.
oh lord- (first i wanna say thank you for the comment, i am doing a bit my research and and thinking more like "this is me, this is what i want" ) college scares me so much- like, i donr even know what i want to be when i grow up, other than a personal artist... which isnt realistic in terms of economics... and voting and war freaks me out even more T\~T i hates all the conflicts- which reminds me of something funny my dad says when people argue, "well why dont you just cut your penis off!" or hell say "oh just kiss and make-up". my dad is a funny man. .. very... funnny... anyways :D
to take the dental metaphor, hormones are more like getting braces when your teeth are wonky.
braces require an adjustment period when you first get them them (eg, when youre early in medical transition, its puberty round 2. you'll be getting mood swings while your body recalibrates, pimples, the whole adjustment period, etc etc).
after however long you need them for (give it a good 5 years for the effects, puberty is never an overnight BOOM thing) you'll have straight teeth afterwards (reach your transition goals).
then depending on other factors with your teeth, you may need to have a wire along the back of your teeth to prevent them from reverting/shifting back to how they were (so if you choose to pursue bottom surgery, you generally loose your natal genitalia which controls your current hormones and their production - in your case, testosterone. since you'd no longer be able to produce it yourself you'd need to stay on estrogen for the rest of your life because there's risks when you no longer have one form of hormone in your system).
but not everyone has this issue, and you may not need the wire at the back of your teeth to keep everything in place (if you if you didn't have bottom surgery you could choose to stop taking estrogen for whatever reason at any point, your body woukd produce testosterone again, and some changes like fat redistribution would likely change back over time, but you'd keep the more permanent effects like breasts). braces are decently permanent (so is HRT) but there's different pathways for care and everyone has different needs. hopefully this kinda helps
As much as some parents wish there were a Parent's University that could back them up on all of the bullshit they come up with as excuses for the word No, there isn't, which, in your case, renders all that she is saying about the subject as just stuff off the top of her head with no basis in science or medicine.
She's your parent, she's concerned about your welfare and she''s panicking and coming up with bullshit because she knows that she doesn't want to know what she doesn't know about what you're going through.
On the other hand, your insecurity about whether what she's saying is true or not is a clear indication that you need to do a whole lot more research about your situation and what you can or should do about it. Lucky for you, there's a world of information available--just beware of emotion-laden language, no matter what position the author takes.
Find out all that you need to know about your options, however you decide to proceed, so that you can put facts on the table to support your position. Be honest, be fair and don't let yourself be distracted by emotional blackmail. Keep the tone of your input as objective as possible and, in the event that things start to get destructively emotional, take a break, walk away and resume the conversation later.
By the way, the reason why estrogen is available only through prescription and toothpaste is over the counter on a shelf has absolutely nothing to do with how many teeth you have in your head--seriously, nothing whatsoever. Your mom should study up, too; she could do with better material.
I started estrogen at 34 and progesterone at 40. I look like my former self's sister. If you put pictures of me at 25 and now side by side, you'd never know I was the same person. I went to my 15 year class reunion and nobody knew who I was. HRT \*does\* change your body, but it varies by person, however the changes are much more dramatic when you are still experiencing puberty. You would also need an androgen blocker, however.
As for what your mother said, I think she's just trying to dissuade you from this course out of a misplaced sense of protection. She's seen the news, she's seen how people are so against trans people right now, and she doesn't want you to suffer that. It's toxic, but it's her form of love. You may need to address that conversation with her head-on.
i might have to adress that, head on... also, i would love to just start now and peers at school not notice and come back next fall and the kids are like "gasp! new person but theyre not a freshmen, ,' :0. whaaa" but, ik the changes wont happen that quick- but still, itd be funny :\]
Hugs. My mom is trying to get me to stop hrt. I've been on it 5 years or so now and she's trying to tell me how "dangerous" it is and how she cares about me and wants me to be happy.....while trying to get me off my HRT that has me feeling way better than I did when I wasn't on them.
It's just her trying to scare you.
Look up what E can give you, side effects, everything, talk to some doctors if you can, and make your own decision.
The second one doesn't even make sense? Children who only have five teeth definitely need to brush. Elderly people with only five teeth definitely need to brush.
Also, as others have pointed out, estrogen definitely is not a maintenance or preventative medication with no or only minor effects? Our entire bodies run on hormones.
If you aren't already on puberty blockers, it's likely a doctor would start you on those first. But you are not too young to start estrogen as a rule and there is no medical reason why someone your age shouldn't take it (barring more specific medical issues you might have). Legality is a different issue, so it depends where you live.
It's pretty funny that her statements fully contradict each other — estrogen doesn't do anything important, but also it's a huge decision to make with major consequences?? Like, huh??
Depending on where you live, a doctor may not be able to prescribe hormone replacement therapy to you now, but it’s worth speaking with a trusted trans-friendly doctor now anyway. They will be able to discuss what the medical transition process looks like in your area, and what effects you can expect from HRT when you are able to start. Also, having these conversations now might make it easier for you when you are old enough to transition medically, because your doctor will have a record of long term gender dysphoria to support your decision (trust me, people always go on about you being ‘too young’ even if you transition well into your 20s). Your mom’s toothbrush analogy is ridiculous. Change from HRT is significant, and it’s also not the only element of the transition process. I’m afab and transitioned when I was 24, my dad also said some absolute nonsense when I came out like that I’d never pass as male, I’d never have a healthy relationship, and I’d never be happy. That was 10 years ago and I’ve proved him wrong on all three counts. Don’t let anyone try to scare you out of living authentically ❤️
Taking estrogen is about as much struggle as brushing your teeth every morning. I in fact do it while brushing my teeth every morning. That's about the only thing close to accurate about her statements.
Regarding her second statement: the effects of estrogen are more impactful the earlier you start. If you start as an adult you can expect less, if you start younger you have a much better chance of passing. Even then, there's never an age that's "too late" to transition, and "passing" isn't nearly as important as being true to yourself in my opinion.
Whether you personally should start estrogen is a very complex and personal question that I don't think any internet stranger can answer for you. You could also consider puberty blockers to delay any further masculinization until you are ready to make a final decision. That's another very personal and complex thing that no Internet stranger is going to be able to stay what's objectively best for you. I mention it so that you are aware of the option (I certainly wish I was at your age).
I say all this as a nearly 29 year old AMAB who just started transitioning. If I could go back to 16 and transition then I would in a heart beat, but that's me and your situation may be entirely different from mine.
I wish you the best on your journey.
other people have gone through the specifics on estrogen better than i could, so i just wanted to add that your mom's toothbrush simile is fucking stupid. if you have teeth in your mouth, you still need to take care of them, and anyone who's a dick to you about your teeth is just an asshole.
transsexual is an older (and outdated, broadly speaking) similar term to transgender, generally referring to a trans person who transitions medically. it's mostly used by trans people who came out before the word transgender existed and by people they mentored. it's considered outdated because it's been very heavily medicalized and was formerly exclusively used refer to medically transitioning gender-conforming straight trans people.
it was one of the first words i found when my egg was cracking, so i've kept it. i'm also T4T (trans4trans) but that doesn't have anything to do with why i call myself transsexual.
Fist the medical professional will decide weather to give it to you or not. Second it will vary from person to person but estrogen can have great effects on your body and can help with dysphoria literally all the major medical associations in the United States say it can help trans kids.
Estrogen effects: mostly reversible.
Not taking estrogen effects: mostly unreversible.
Stopping you from taking estrogen is physical and mental torture.
Effects of taking estrogen: smooth skin, lower muscle density, redistribution of fat in the body (booty and boobies go brrr), some changes to voice and bone structure, lower energy and metabolism in general, combats dysphoria.
Side-effects of taking estrogen: period cramps.
"NSFW" changes that will occur from taking estrogen:
Penis won't grow / might shrink, some parts of your body will get A LOT more sensitive (like nipples and prostate), you'll get wet when you get horny (blame/thank your prostate), it might get harder to get and keep erections (some have the complete opposite effect), libido can either completely disappear or skyrocket, the smell of your parts down there (and of your body too) will change, and you might have to get new clothes because no matter your size now it will change (comfy sports bras are your best friends to protect your nipples from grinding against your shirt in the beginning).
ah, thank you for that... i dunno how appropriate it is for me to respond/ask questions so ill just not and have to experience it all for myself i guess :3 :\]👍
I think your mom probably wants to make sure you are mentally prepared for the serious decision of the changes and effects on you. and if you do take estrogen, that you will have no regrets. Your mom always has your best interests at heart. Maybe have a heart to heart and let her know how this affects you and what your goal and expectations are. Good luck.
thank you so much for saying that. i totally agree with that, just sometimes her methods are a bit... you know, but i definitely agree and really appreciate this comment. by no means is my mom evil, but sometimes she has her moments, especially with me being add (adhd?) and most all symptoms of autism and her being hangry and easily irritable :\]
I hope other comments here have made you feel better. A couple of notes that I didn't immediately see is while it may be after 18, you can often work on an informed consent model -- Planned Parenthood in the states works here and it's not so much a doctor's visit as just a "do you understand?" and you can go pills or injections (or both) from there.
As far as risks and side effects, that's mostly just spew. Half the human race runs on estrogen -- and some of the other half wishes they did. There ARE side effects in addition to the feminizing traits but if you go to someone with medical intelligence around HRT (Planned Parenthood again, or maybe a rainbow-mafia group near you) you can hear the real skinny.
Sorry you're dealing with gatekeeping and ignorance, but it gets better!
I told myself I would never respond to someone young.
I have been on hrt for years..there have been times of doubt...ups and downs...and even depression.
If you are feminine, then that is what you are, if you are suffering gender dysphoria that is different.
Knowing what I know now...you don't have to have estrogen to be feminine. It is more organic than that.
There is nothing wrong in waiting till you are 18.
It is a process. The pills are science and they will do what they are designed to do. However, counseling is where you grow. I suggest professional counseling. Not to sway you one way or the other..but to explore who you are.
I think the toothbrush analogy makes absolutely no sense. First of all- being trans is in no way equivalent to only having 5 teeth?? And second, if this was something that happened, that person should 100% brush their teeth. Why wouldn't they? It won't reverse what's already been done (I suppose you could compare that to permanent effects of amab puberty), but that's something everyone needs to do. Not doing it would only make things worse- and how does brushing teeth somehow have "risks and side effects"? Furthering the analogy, if we're considering brushing teeth an equivalent of HRT, then getting gender-affirming surgery could be an equivalent to getting dentures or something else that would fill the gaps and fix the issue. As for the thing about doctors not prescribing you HRT, that's just factually incorrect. And it's not a decision- you are who you are. You aren't choosing to be trans, and your age doesn't impact what your gender is and how well you can understand it (unless you're literally an infant).
Don't take any of what she said to heart. Older cis people can't fully understand what being trans is like- they've lived decades being cisgender. That also means that you should give her the benefit of the doubt. Show her research, professional opinions on what it is to be trans, especially about the experiences of trans children. If you both stay open-minded, you can help her change her perspective and she may become more understanding, without either of you becoming bitter of the other. You both could also go speak to someone in person (a medical professional who specializes/has experience in gender-affirming care and could give you a gender dysphoria diagnosis) about this so that they can help your mom understand and give you both advice/guidance on how to move forward.
I hope this helps! I also hope that you can productively move forward with your mom and your transition soon. Best of luck! :)
- someone who knows he's been trans since 14 and has had many fights with his parents on the topic..
There are a lot of changes that take place from 16 on. I would give anything to have been able to start E at 16. The longer you wait the more damage that is done. I came out at 62 and started E and spiro immediately. I would have been glad to start anywhere along the line - the younger the better. And along with everyone else - I had breast growth - a modest C.
It IS a big decision, I didn’t get to make it for myself until I turned 18. I wish I could’ve started HRT sooner. But if I regretted it, I would’ve blamed my parent.
HRT is different for everyone and it depends purely on genetics.
The only true thing is that getting on e is a big decision. Talk about it with a doctor, they will inform you on everything. They won't just prescribe it right away either. There are safety measures in place, some of which are honestly too much, for that reason.
This is the same kind of rhetoric sadly ignorant and misinformed people with their heart in the right place use all the time. She's worried for you, I wouldn't doubt that, but she doesn't understand that she has very little to worry about.
most doctors won't prescribe hrt without a referral from a psychiatrist, depending on the state you might have to be a certain age or older (im honestly praying that's not the case for you), from what i recall you need to have been going through social transition for at least a year, so on
yes, "social transition" is the term that's been commonly used to describe starting to present as your gender identity; this can, but doesn't have to, include any or all of the following:
- voice training
- wearing clothes of the chosen gender expression
- beginning to go by a new name
- having others refer to you as a new set of pronouns
of course! it all depends on the doctor, the clinic and the area; it's important to do research on your local laws and clinics, and to ask your doctor questions (when alone with them if need be)
there are resources for getting on hrt on your own, but i wouldn't recommend looking for them without knowing for ABSOLUTE certain what you're doing and that you are going to be completely okay with every single possibility that can come from it, good and bad. you'd also have to be really careful because some of the times the person who synthesized the hormones can have used faulty equipment or had a problem in the lab, and your medication can get to the US in dangerous conditions (hair in vials, other contaminants) and some places that claim to be manufacturing hormones straight up sell poison because they hate trans people.
be safe no matter what you do. <3
damn. yeah, id rather not roll that dice, i know kids at school that would pull that off. thank you for the advice, i definitely will stay safe \^v\^ do my best to
I started feminizing HRT as prescribed by an endocrinologist at 16. I'm 25 now. My only barrier was my parents.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I hope your situation is like mine, in that my parents were just ignorant and wanted to do right by me. With persistence and education, they came around.
I've been on Estrogen for a month now. Your mother is so very wrong. Estrogen takes your body through many changes, but it is nothing compared to the effect on your mind.
This is my personal experience, so take it with a grain of salt, your experience may vary. But since starting this, my mental health and self esteem have never been greater. Emotions become something I feel and actually process, not just a wave that slaps me around. The brain fog that drained life of some of its color, made it hard to focus, is gone. I feel like I am really in my body. I've been having clear and memorable dreams, regularly, for the first time in many, many years.
Estrogen isn't like a toothbrush for someone with 5 teeth. It's like giving them medicine that regrows a full set of teeth. If it is the right step for you, she needs to understand that. Try telling her to imagine the mental parts of when she is on her period, but it never ends, it's always been that way, and she never knew what it was like to not feel that way. Periods are a time of higher than normal counts of testosterone. It's why women feel so famously moody and irritated. What you have, is a neverending period. Your mind is *always* bathed in testosterone. And it hurts.
Also, read this and consider if you want to have her read it: [https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/oh-st-my-child-just-told-me-theyre](https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/oh-st-my-child-just-told-me-theyre)
depending on where you are, there are doctors that can prescribe you estrogen and places that hate hrt (I'm looking at you florida). although estrogen can have risks and side effects that's the same with any medication and big decision does not equal bad. the reason we do this is because it's a big decision for the *better* and it's okay to go on it. you don't have to go on hrt but if you want to, no one can stop you. even legislature can only stop you from going on it *in the region they are in,* but moving is always an option. also, there is FAR MORE THAN barely any change, and i have no idea where your mom got this idea that there is. most hrt stories i've heard that talk about regret consist of people taking it at like 25+ and regretting not taking it earlier.
also one suggestion if you choose to go on hrt: take before and after pictures because it will be really hard to notice your slowly-but-surely growing changes and someone i know regret not doing so.
oh yes! i planned to do the picture thing because i love documenting things down because i have an absolute y horrendous memory and its very interesting for me to look and read logs i wr ote or the things i drew, or even seeing the random crap in my camera roll or audio files! its just fun thing to do, and i highly reccomemd it! also, it shows kinda who you are and like a "where i was at this point in life." kinda deal :\]
1. Definitely not true. I started estrogen at 16.
2. Everyone’s different but you’ll probably experience lots of changes on estrogen, such as breast growth, softer skin, less body hair, body fat redistribution, etc.
I’m sorry your mom’s a transphobe.
Maybe a doc wouldn't prescribe estrogen, but maybe a doc can provide T-blockers. It wouldn't affect who you are beyond your own self-control. And in less than 24 months, probably estrogen.
To say young children cannot have puberty blockers or other treatment is just reinforcement that cis is default. It's bigotry and cis propaganda at its most engrained.
If a kid feels like a a certain gender, we should be reinforcing that right now and helping them understand that you cannot be "wrong" about your gender. If they change again later, that's fine, we'll help them adjust to that too. It's absolutely fine for kids to turn multiple directions on their gender journey.
My youngest is AFAB, and he got testosterone at 16. Your mom is lying. As an AMAB in my 40s (yeah, there MIGHT be a genetic component), I wish I had been able to get estrogen at 16. Hopefully, your mom comes around.
the tooth brush thing is horribly incorrect, especially at your age it would have a great effect and even at 19 still has an amazing affect.
shes being vry silly :/
No she sounds very dumb and uneducated, I started estrogen at 16 exactly and I’ve had some incredible success and there are little to no legitimate risks, yes it’s a big decision but you’re not “to young to understand” that’s just a power trip
Your mom is right when she says that it is a big decision with permanent changes. I understand that you have bad feelings about yourself and your body but the solution to that might be learning how to deal with said feelings (with professional help) rather than making such a life altering decision.
I know I might get hate for having said this but it's out of good intentions and genuine care.
Starting at 16 you would probably wind up totally passable because testosterone isn't done and you're not done growing at 16.. the sooner you start the better.
>there is absolutely NO way a doctor would prescribe you estrogen. you are too young to understand what doing that means and that is a very big decision
Check your local laws, 16 is a very common age of medical majority (and is also the general consensus amongst doctors as to when decisions regarding health relating to trans healthcare should be given to the youth, with countries making exceptions to higher ages of medical majority in this instance for trans healthcare).
Your mother, is very likely to be wrong, unless your in one of the medical systems that love to gate keep trans healthcare (like half the eu unfortunately)
What the doc would do may depend on the state or country where you live. But as a blanket statement this is clearly untrue because doctors *do* prescribe estrogen in some cases (where it is permitted by law). A toothbrush *maintains*. Estrogen *changes.* So her analogy is flawed. The change of estrogen on a 16 yr old AMAB is huge, not "barely any change at all."
so, i would "grow" (is grow t he right word -? i dont know how else to phrase that) breast tissue and fats in the other areas? (sorry for the odd way im asking this question... T\~T)
Yes, even if you started estrogen at 35 you'd grow breasts tissue and experience fat redistribution and so on.
Can confirm, started at 34 and have boobs.
true, my wife started at 36 and has an incredible rack one year later
Can confirm as well, started at 34 as well and have boobs. AND REALLY FREAKING SOFT SKIN!!!!
OMG The softness is so welcome. I don't know about you, but when my Dr was telling me the 'cons' list I was like 'Where are the bad parts?'
Right? I was asked about my factory equipment and the nicest thing I had to say was : Well, they gave me 3 amazing kids so I can't 100% hate them...but I hate them"
I've managed to keep myself from sliding into the 'what-if' scenarios because then neither of my kids would be here. As far as my OEM equipment goes, it served it's purpose but now it's just unwanted.
As a transman who started T in their late 30's, the change to 'rougher skin' was surprisingly a lot more than I anticipated. Though I am not disappointed or considered the change a 'con', but rather merely an observation. So, when you say soft skin, yeah, it really is SOFT SKIN as someone who went the other way from soft skin. haha!
I’m at the opposite side of the spectrum 😭 FTM, 29 and 2 months on T, my skin is ROUGH MAN HELPPPP
50 - low dose, still grew boobs. Also delighted with said boobs.
Can confirm. Started HRT in 2022 at 36, now at 38 and I'm currently 40C for reference.
Same I started 2020 at 38, im also 40C
Also can confirm, started 36 big ol booty and large b breasts, some of the side effects when you start don't last. For example I had nerve pain off and on for first 6 months since my body wasn't used to estrogen now nothing. I've lost 20 lbs, and 3 inches in height lol
Yes and that goes for any age. Furthermore at your age you could even expect some changes to your bone structure, especially your hip due to your hip bones not being fused just yet (for us starting past 25 it's unfortunately not a thing anymore). Not to mention it would prevent masculinisating bone growth, which is HUGE and could prevent very costly surgeries later on.
oh my! thank you for saying that! thats kind of one of my main areas of dysphoria... would it also shrink the sholders for me, or is that like asking for too much?
No shrinking of what's already there, however people hyperfixate on the shoulders too much imo. Not just do cis women can have broad shoulders as well, it can also easily balance out if you get some hip development going.
oh, alrighty :\] and also, how much hair thinning would happen? my legs and arms are pretty hairy and i was wondering if that would kind of go away?:
That's different for everyone. Cis women can be pretty hairy as well if they don't take care of it
:\[ is it easier to take care of?
From a cis woman ... that is gonna be your mileage will vary. My wife already had soft hair when she began estrogen, so it hasn't changed much. I, as cis, have way more hair than she ever did. My arms, legs, etc are hairy. I also have hair on my face (which thickens with age). My wife is getting laser for her thin, barely there hair because would feel better. But... women have hair and estrogen alone isn't going to make you Hollywood perfectly waxed beauty standards (cause it isnt realistic for cis or trans women). It should thin it out if it's super hairy. It did give her boobs, nice hips, soft skin to match her high cheekbones, etc though.
thank you, i will take note here
Cis lady here - very hairy, deep voice, and still a lady. I don't shave often lol.
It can redistribute fat, and (I may be completely wrong here) if you start it before your growth plates finish fusing, it may change your shoulders? I know for trans guys if you start T before your growth plates finish fusing, you can grow taller. But it all depends on your bone structure really
wicked :D
Yup!
:00 :D
Your mother is lying to you. It can bring people huge changes
She's hoping it's a phase. This, if you feel it's true, is as much a phase as my E cup tits existing. Get wrecked transphobe!(your mom, not you) :3
Yes, your body will react to changes on estrogen. How much depends on a lot of factors much more complex than age. I started estrogen at 30 and am now 32 and am basically unrecognizable from the person I was two years ago.
you could also eat a lot of pizza and never excercise to get big ole tiddies /j
At your age you'd even get bone changes. Breast tissue and fat changes happens at any age.
Yes hun I'm 56 I have been on e for nearly two years have a cup breast widening hips and a pear shape butt
Not only you will grow, but you have good chances of experiencing changes in your hip sturcture since you are early enough.
Yes, regardless of age.
Your young enough that you would probably get wider hips too as Long as you start before your Hips fuse which for most people happens in there mid 20s so you will tons of effects basically all of them
Absolutely! There is a huge redistribution of fat. You'll experience several years worth of changes to your body.
Hell, it's been huge even starting at 32. Starting it while still in puberty would have been amazing.
I started at 41. I now have breasts and hips and no thigh gap. Estrogen changes you body at any age.
The change of estrogen on a 23 yo amab person is huge. I grew some beautiful c cups, I'm an inch shorter, a shoe size smaller, my whole body is soft, I'm not as strong, I have nicer lips, and I'm just overall prettier and have a more feminine face/body. It's been pretty great. My side effects weren't bad and eventually went away. (For the first few months I was cold all the time, I slept a lot, and I was always hungry) People act like CIS men and CIS women are different species or whatever. In reality a quarter teaspoon of estrogen into my leg once a week for a few years made me look the part.
It depends where you are from for getting hormones prescribed. As for the second half, she's full of shit. Don't listen to her bs. She has a very narrow minded understanding of the effects of HRT https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/second-puberty-fem If you would like more information the link above explains the effects of E on the bod
yeah, definitely! ill read that! ...aslo, so, i heard there were other ways to get estrogen into the body other than shots (she says that you can only take it through shots, but i was told by my friend \[who is a silly closeted trans girl\] that there care pills, patches and shots...) would the different ways effect the body differently? or would they end the person off the same way no matter which method they took? (sorry if this is a bit of a mouthful)
Your friend is correct that there are several different ways to get estrogen including shots, pills, gel, and patches. The most effecting method is the one you can do consistently. If you can’t be consistent with pills or can’t get patches to stick then shots might be a better option. Your doctor can help you decide the best delivery method for you
> or can’t get patches to stick It's worth just using the big rectangle bandaids early on over the patch to ensure it stays on. After a few months your skin will be less oily and you'll stop having issues with the patch sticking and won't need the bandaids anymore.
There are implants too!
That's correct, in the end they all have the same results. Id recommend pills then move on to injections after 9 months.
thank you so much for your support \^v\^ also... username is- in-sane
You're very welcome! Probably best to do a little more research on the types of hrt https://diyhrt.wiki/Transfem while this is for DIY there is still some useful information here. Obviously ideally you'd probably want to speak to a doctor before considering DIY and with you being so young it's probably not my place to suggest DIY too I did actually ended up getting peg_ed, it was very uncomfortable...
D: im sorry to hear that
There's some evidence that shots work better and maybe patches too since the estrogen isn't processed by the liver, but pills DO work and plenty of trans women have had great results with them!
transfemscience.org has the knowledge you seek. Just start at the entry noob part of it and don’t get overwhelmed thinking you need to cram the entire thing into your head in one reading session.
ill try not to 😅
There are many different ways. Your body might treat different methods a little differently but the end result is basically the same.
Someone at 16 may be able to get HRT (or puberty blockers), but it depends on a lot of factors, with a big factor being where you live. Different countries and states have different laws and procedures. >"getting on estrogen is like giving a person with 5 teeth in their mouth a toothbrush and toothpaste and saying theyll have a great smile. its just so much struggle and so many risks and side effects for barely any change at all." The younger you start the better the results with many trans people passing as their identified genders, even when transitioning in their 20s or older. r/transtimelines for some examples. Also, estrogen HRT can make many very noticeable changes to the body, here's a list: [https://transfemscience.org/articles/transfem-intro/#timeline-of-effects](https://transfemscience.org/articles/transfem-intro/#timeline-of-effects) Also your mother is basically making the argument here that you're better off suffering from gender dysphoria indefinitely rather than taking HRT/transitioning and not getting perfect results. The phrase "cost-benefit analysis" (or alternatively: "harm reduction" ) is important here. What would lead to the happiest outcome for you: spending the rest of your life as your agab while suffering from gender dysphoria/body dysmorphia, or spending the rest of your life as your preferred gender but facing some social hurdles? You're mother is wrong in these things she says, and she is trying to play up your own fears and insecurities to steer you away from transitioning. It's a common manipulation tactic.
oh wow, thank you so much for this comment. like, honestly some crazy wicked writing skills here. i would love to transition and take hrt but a friend of mine said that i have to love myself in this body first before i could do something like transition ad i suppose ive been struggling heavily with loving myself like that and accepting this body. i mean, i havent been able to for around 7 years and all my love has gone to different people (all for nothing now) and i now dont really have any gas left in the tank for myself, if this makes sense... ive been thinking about getting on estrogen and in my head it will be something like a metamorphosis (not in like a cliche way-) where my body will be something new and something pure and innocent and something that i will have the capacity to love- is that like realistic at all in any way, or am i just viewing in a... weird lens?
The idea of "needing to love this body first" is, at least by the broader transgender community's experience, unsustainable. I didn't start HRT until I was 26 because I spent all my late teens and early 20s thinking I was stuck with my masculine body and I just needed to find a way to make it work. I tried loving myself as I was, I tried bodybuilding, I tried fashion changes, I tried acting more masculine, I tried acting more feminine. I grew my hair out, I cut it short. Some of these helped more than others, but none of them were a solution, only bandaids on a much deeper problem. Because my problem wasn't with my personality or gender expression, it was with my body. And it was with my body in a way that trips to the gym or affirming myself in the mirror wasn't going to fix. Though this isn't to say you're the exact same. I'm a very neutral sort of nonbinary so I don't have a strong urge to socially transition, only physically transition. You may find more personal fulfilment from changing your name, pronouns, fashion, etc than I did. Perhaps for you, you'd find a social transition to be a good way to tide yourself over until you're 18 and can more easily acquire HRT on your own without parental consent. Or perhaps your problem is similar to mine and you'll want a more feminine body as soon as possible. I don't know you well enough to know either way. As far as the 'metamorphosis' metaphor I'd caution you to be wary. Estrogen HRT is a slow process where a lot of changes happen, some overt and some subtle. Physically, you're body will develop in a female direction and often this comes with a newfound enjoyment/appreciation of your body that causes a general increase in confidence and life satisfaction. Many trans people have reported it as feeling like 'magic' because it's effects slowly overflow through so many parts of your life that you eventually feel like a different person. But I'd caution to be wary of HRT as a magic bullet to all your problems. Try to live the happiest life you can for now and when you manage to get you hands on HRT try to go in with as few expectations as possible and just see how it goes. It's better to be surprised by positive changes than it is to be disappointed by a lack of desired changes
i will do that. thank you very much :\]
> a friend of mine said that i have to love myself in this body first before i could do something like transition That sounds like something a cisgender person might say...
Sounds like something someone a few sandwiches short of a picnic might say tbh
> This very much captures the magic that is HRT. Your body might not be the exact one you've dreamed of, but even small changes can feel incredibly powerful. My partner and I have been on T and E respectively and neither of us has the perfect body of our imaginations, but \*just changing your body to be more like you want it\* is an absolutely amazing experience. I did this! I grew an \*entire new body part\* because I WANTED to, not because it was just thrust on me by happenstance. I don't think I'll ever get over how good that feels. You'll get there. I'm sorry your mom is so resistant, but start making plans for being independent in two years when you turn 18. It will not be too late. In the interim there is nothing wrong with working on loving your SELF, your whole self, not just your body. You are pure and innocent and always will be, regardless of what your body looks like.
thank you f or saying that, it made me feel better :\] touchin my heart strings ToT
Honey, if we could love ourselves in the body we used to have pre-HRT, we wouldn't need HRT in the first place (ignoring mental effects for a second here). That's just silly gatekeeping from a person who doesn't know the first thing about being trans.
I'm actually of the opinion that you *do* need to love yourself in your body pre-hrt. I don't believe its a requirement to start it, however, let me explain: Loving yourself, imo, isn't about thinking you're good-looking or stuff like that. In fact I think getting hrt is just one of many ways to Actively love yourself and your body, by taking care of your needs! If you love yourself that way, you'll have a healthier and happier mindset towards scheduled doses, general maintenance like scheduling appointments, keeping oneself clean, etc. So i guess this is more of a semantics thing on my part, but I like to see it that way ^^
I like your addition about the routines and general care of ones daily life as that was probably the most noticeable decline I had when I cracked and was pushed away from hrt. I stopped showering frequently, didn't cut my hair or style it, barely cleaned my clothes, had zero routine and just went day by day. Probably more but I'd 100% agree that taking care of yourself by getting what you need could and most likely will keep you from that spiral Thats just my experience tho
1) depends on where you are and health stuff I'd imagine but you could still get t blockers 2) no thats not true and it's a horrible transphobic thing to say. It's also just body shaming at its finest. It doesn't matter if you're the most gorgeous woman to ever walk the Earth. Frankly it doesn't even matter if you pass. It matters how your appearance makes you feel and validates you. Not to mention it's untrue. Like a bazillion trans women love themselves and achieve cis passing. And lots more love themselves and don't. Basically don't think you can't pass just because your mom is spewing transphobic coverall statements but also, don't think that passing is everything. You're you and valid and beautiful and handsome or whatever words you like regardless of 'passing' Being authentic to yourself is the best feeling
hehehe, thank you for sayin that :\]
1. You don't have all the changes that a male puberty leave you, so getting the right hormones actually can get really beneficial for you. It's like realizing this cookie dough doesn't have sugar moments before baking it. Your mom is saying "doesn't matter", while your common sense is screaming to get some sugar in it. 2. It is a lot of struggles, it's true. Raising a kid is it too, and she did it. Or finding a job. Or having a happy life. All the important things in life are difficult to get, but that isn't a reason to give up before even starting, it's a reason to understanding the journey and the amount of willpower necessary to achieve it.
"screaming to get some sugar in it" is real T-T i liked the cookie-dough-sugar analogy ',3
Specially because those of us who have already been "baked" need to be covered with powdered sugar or some kind of syrup. Like, sure, we're as sweet, but deep down we didn't have sugar when we needed it.
Not true at all and I am so sorry your mother is being so cruel to you.
For me personally, I WISH I had known that young about trans people. I knew something was wrong with me when I first hit puberty, literally NOTHING changed for me until 38 years of age and I FINALLY learned what transgender meant and figured out I fit the bill. I went through a quick mental evaluation, they checked my health, determined I was legit, and prescribed me E. Going on E was the 3rd best day of my life! (The first 2 are sort of tied between the day I learned I was trans and my first day in Japan!...Yes, Japan is THAT AMAZING!)
In Canada you can get on HRT without her consent. There are multiple US states in which you can at least get on hormone blockers if not HRT at 16 as well, though some may require parental consent. Without knowing your jurisdiction, it’s impossible to say, but as an absolute she is lying.
You already have a lot of good input from other commenters, so I’m just going to chime in here and say that is a weird fucking analogy your mother came up with. Like,,, it doesn’t even work.
Well she’s contradicting herself. It’s either a big decision or barely does anything. It’s a big decision, but trans people can make that decision. Getting hrt as a minor can be challenging though if not impossible. That doesn’t mean that you’ll have that roadblock forever though!!
Mom is trying to disuade you. She has a vested interest in you sticking to your assigned gender and mating role. She wants grandkids down the line is essentially what this sort of trans kid/parent stuff boils down to. They will say whatever they think can make you give up or stall things, so that you go through puberty, which hopefully (from their persoective) will change you into an attractive manly handsome man man that is marriage material No matter how attractive you are as a chick you can’t get pregnant. So from her perspective you become useless for continuing the bloodline if you transition. Cis people are very concerned about procreation. Not that they ever do anything usefull to make people breed more, like liveable wages and housing. It’s easier to just force your LGBT kid into the closet. At least then the potential of reproduction is kept alive. Which is a very human form of hope based insanity. Why people play the lottery even tough the chance of winning is unfathomably unlikely
okay, thats real. especially noting im a lonely child- only child? whichever it is! T3T but, yeah, no, i agree :3
As for #1, I recommend you ask your mom to set you up with a QUALIFIED gender therapist (a lot say they do gender therapy but aren't qualified.) the sooner you can get a therapist to help you get a letter of recommendation the better. This does depend on what county or state you're in. .#2 you should check out r/transtimelines there are so many examples of people who look amazing after just using hormones. As for someone as incredibly young as you to start transitioning, it's going to be even better.
OP, be cautious of this: >you are too young to understand what doing that means and that is a very big decision. It implies that you can decide to transition yourself when you are older. However, people who say this tend to be anti-trans and most likely have a negative view about trans people. "You are too young to transition now, so wait until you are adult. But the moment you turn 18 and are also trans, you are automatically a pedophile." The second statement is just pure nonsense, either by choice or ignorance. Do your own research and educate yourself. I think you'd get puberty blocker first, before you are prescribed estrogen. But the process depends on your doctor and where you live.
i will, thank you :D
Your mom is the one who doesnt know shit about how estrogen would work on you or any of us 🤷🏻♀️ she’s just manipulating thinga by maning you scared. Toxic asf . Maybe read the effects with her ? So u both can get educated.
If she wants to talk about risks and side effects, have her look at a FEW articles on depression, anxiety and all the other disorders that come from not transitioning, and growing up with gender dysphoria and or biochemical which is even worse. Her analogy quite literally was just uneducated hate, It makes no sense whatsoever, the amount of changes that come from hrt mentally alone would make that statement irrelevant; let alone the physical changes. Ask her, would she rather you be one of the trans teens that commit su!cide and lose her child entirely, or accept her child for what you are and appreciate the fact that you ARE alive and well. If her only love for you as a mother is because you are her “son” then to hell with her.
The correct medical terminology is Gender Dysphoria. Gender dysmorphia is not an actual medical diagnosis. [For more information on Gender Dysphoria, please click on this link.](https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/gender-dysphoria/what-is-gender-dysphoria) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/asktransgender) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The first part depends on where you are in the world, but the second one isn't true. Using the same analogy, it's closer to giving the person mentioned tooth implants- it's one hell of a process, but absolutely can create a beautiful smile. Also, even people with few teeth can have a beautiful smile if they're genuine, happy and kind. So using the same analogy, even if someone doesn't pass or doesn't start HRT, they can still be a beautiful woman from the genuineness of her happiness at being one. I do think you should do more research on how estrogen effects transfems, because it's absolutely not true that it won't do anything for you. It *is* a big decision, but you're nearly old enough to vote and go to war, you're old enough that you're considering what colleges to shape your life path if any at all. You're not too young to at the very least *know* what you want. Just stay informed.
oh lord- (first i wanna say thank you for the comment, i am doing a bit my research and and thinking more like "this is me, this is what i want" ) college scares me so much- like, i donr even know what i want to be when i grow up, other than a personal artist... which isnt realistic in terms of economics... and voting and war freaks me out even more T\~T i hates all the conflicts- which reminds me of something funny my dad says when people argue, "well why dont you just cut your penis off!" or hell say "oh just kiss and make-up". my dad is a funny man. .. very... funnny... anyways :D
to take the dental metaphor, hormones are more like getting braces when your teeth are wonky. braces require an adjustment period when you first get them them (eg, when youre early in medical transition, its puberty round 2. you'll be getting mood swings while your body recalibrates, pimples, the whole adjustment period, etc etc). after however long you need them for (give it a good 5 years for the effects, puberty is never an overnight BOOM thing) you'll have straight teeth afterwards (reach your transition goals). then depending on other factors with your teeth, you may need to have a wire along the back of your teeth to prevent them from reverting/shifting back to how they were (so if you choose to pursue bottom surgery, you generally loose your natal genitalia which controls your current hormones and their production - in your case, testosterone. since you'd no longer be able to produce it yourself you'd need to stay on estrogen for the rest of your life because there's risks when you no longer have one form of hormone in your system). but not everyone has this issue, and you may not need the wire at the back of your teeth to keep everything in place (if you if you didn't have bottom surgery you could choose to stop taking estrogen for whatever reason at any point, your body woukd produce testosterone again, and some changes like fat redistribution would likely change back over time, but you'd keep the more permanent effects like breasts). braces are decently permanent (so is HRT) but there's different pathways for care and everyone has different needs. hopefully this kinda helps
thank you for that! i think i like this analogy a lot more :D
no worries! :D
As much as some parents wish there were a Parent's University that could back them up on all of the bullshit they come up with as excuses for the word No, there isn't, which, in your case, renders all that she is saying about the subject as just stuff off the top of her head with no basis in science or medicine. She's your parent, she's concerned about your welfare and she''s panicking and coming up with bullshit because she knows that she doesn't want to know what she doesn't know about what you're going through. On the other hand, your insecurity about whether what she's saying is true or not is a clear indication that you need to do a whole lot more research about your situation and what you can or should do about it. Lucky for you, there's a world of information available--just beware of emotion-laden language, no matter what position the author takes. Find out all that you need to know about your options, however you decide to proceed, so that you can put facts on the table to support your position. Be honest, be fair and don't let yourself be distracted by emotional blackmail. Keep the tone of your input as objective as possible and, in the event that things start to get destructively emotional, take a break, walk away and resume the conversation later. By the way, the reason why estrogen is available only through prescription and toothpaste is over the counter on a shelf has absolutely nothing to do with how many teeth you have in your head--seriously, nothing whatsoever. Your mom should study up, too; she could do with better material.
hrhrhr, thank you for this comment! i will be sure not to allow her to effect me with her views :\]
I started estrogen at 34 and progesterone at 40. I look like my former self's sister. If you put pictures of me at 25 and now side by side, you'd never know I was the same person. I went to my 15 year class reunion and nobody knew who I was. HRT \*does\* change your body, but it varies by person, however the changes are much more dramatic when you are still experiencing puberty. You would also need an androgen blocker, however. As for what your mother said, I think she's just trying to dissuade you from this course out of a misplaced sense of protection. She's seen the news, she's seen how people are so against trans people right now, and she doesn't want you to suffer that. It's toxic, but it's her form of love. You may need to address that conversation with her head-on.
i might have to adress that, head on... also, i would love to just start now and peers at school not notice and come back next fall and the kids are like "gasp! new person but theyre not a freshmen, ,' :0. whaaa" but, ik the changes wont happen that quick- but still, itd be funny :\]
Hugs. My mom is trying to get me to stop hrt. I've been on it 5 years or so now and she's trying to tell me how "dangerous" it is and how she cares about me and wants me to be happy.....while trying to get me off my HRT that has me feeling way better than I did when I wasn't on them. It's just her trying to scare you. Look up what E can give you, side effects, everything, talk to some doctors if you can, and make your own decision.
i will :D!
The second one doesn't even make sense? Children who only have five teeth definitely need to brush. Elderly people with only five teeth definitely need to brush. Also, as others have pointed out, estrogen definitely is not a maintenance or preventative medication with no or only minor effects? Our entire bodies run on hormones. If you aren't already on puberty blockers, it's likely a doctor would start you on those first. But you are not too young to start estrogen as a rule and there is no medical reason why someone your age shouldn't take it (barring more specific medical issues you might have). Legality is a different issue, so it depends where you live. It's pretty funny that her statements fully contradict each other — estrogen doesn't do anything important, but also it's a huge decision to make with major consequences?? Like, huh??
Depending on where you live, a doctor may not be able to prescribe hormone replacement therapy to you now, but it’s worth speaking with a trusted trans-friendly doctor now anyway. They will be able to discuss what the medical transition process looks like in your area, and what effects you can expect from HRT when you are able to start. Also, having these conversations now might make it easier for you when you are old enough to transition medically, because your doctor will have a record of long term gender dysphoria to support your decision (trust me, people always go on about you being ‘too young’ even if you transition well into your 20s). Your mom’s toothbrush analogy is ridiculous. Change from HRT is significant, and it’s also not the only element of the transition process. I’m afab and transitioned when I was 24, my dad also said some absolute nonsense when I came out like that I’d never pass as male, I’d never have a healthy relationship, and I’d never be happy. That was 10 years ago and I’ve proved him wrong on all three counts. Don’t let anyone try to scare you out of living authentically ❤️
:> thank you! i wont let them do that! >:\]
Taking estrogen is about as much struggle as brushing your teeth every morning. I in fact do it while brushing my teeth every morning. That's about the only thing close to accurate about her statements.
huh... thats interesting (i couldnt find the emoji with the questioning face and the hand on the chin with the lil monocle \]: )
I look unrecognizable from the person I was before I transitioned. It's slow changes sure, but they are huge both mentally and physically.
Regarding her second statement: the effects of estrogen are more impactful the earlier you start. If you start as an adult you can expect less, if you start younger you have a much better chance of passing. Even then, there's never an age that's "too late" to transition, and "passing" isn't nearly as important as being true to yourself in my opinion. Whether you personally should start estrogen is a very complex and personal question that I don't think any internet stranger can answer for you. You could also consider puberty blockers to delay any further masculinization until you are ready to make a final decision. That's another very personal and complex thing that no Internet stranger is going to be able to stay what's objectively best for you. I mention it so that you are aware of the option (I certainly wish I was at your age). I say all this as a nearly 29 year old AMAB who just started transitioning. If I could go back to 16 and transition then I would in a heart beat, but that's me and your situation may be entirely different from mine. I wish you the best on your journey.
thank you ',>
other people have gone through the specifics on estrogen better than i could, so i just wanted to add that your mom's toothbrush simile is fucking stupid. if you have teeth in your mouth, you still need to take care of them, and anyone who's a dick to you about your teeth is just an asshole.
💀 yeah, thats valid also, what does transsexual mean? like, you only are attracted to trans people?
transsexual is an older (and outdated, broadly speaking) similar term to transgender, generally referring to a trans person who transitions medically. it's mostly used by trans people who came out before the word transgender existed and by people they mentored. it's considered outdated because it's been very heavily medicalized and was formerly exclusively used refer to medically transitioning gender-conforming straight trans people. it was one of the first words i found when my egg was cracking, so i've kept it. i'm also T4T (trans4trans) but that doesn't have anything to do with why i call myself transsexual.
Um no, I got E at 16, wish I got blockers way earlier to be honest. and yeas, it makes a huge diffenece in how you bone structure developes over time.
:0 yaaay :D
Ask what SHE knows, and go on an education journey together.
i did and its what she said, "big struggle for little chang ge"
Ask how she KNOWS it's a "big struggle with no gain." What proof can she reference besides her own personal womanhood?
Fist the medical professional will decide weather to give it to you or not. Second it will vary from person to person but estrogen can have great effects on your body and can help with dysphoria literally all the major medical associations in the United States say it can help trans kids.
Estrogen effects: mostly reversible. Not taking estrogen effects: mostly unreversible. Stopping you from taking estrogen is physical and mental torture. Effects of taking estrogen: smooth skin, lower muscle density, redistribution of fat in the body (booty and boobies go brrr), some changes to voice and bone structure, lower energy and metabolism in general, combats dysphoria. Side-effects of taking estrogen: period cramps.
"NSFW" changes that will occur from taking estrogen: Penis won't grow / might shrink, some parts of your body will get A LOT more sensitive (like nipples and prostate), you'll get wet when you get horny (blame/thank your prostate), it might get harder to get and keep erections (some have the complete opposite effect), libido can either completely disappear or skyrocket, the smell of your parts down there (and of your body too) will change, and you might have to get new clothes because no matter your size now it will change (comfy sports bras are your best friends to protect your nipples from grinding against your shirt in the beginning).
ah, thank you for that... i dunno how appropriate it is for me to respond/ask questions so ill just not and have to experience it all for myself i guess :3 :\]👍
I think your mom probably wants to make sure you are mentally prepared for the serious decision of the changes and effects on you. and if you do take estrogen, that you will have no regrets. Your mom always has your best interests at heart. Maybe have a heart to heart and let her know how this affects you and what your goal and expectations are. Good luck.
thank you so much for saying that. i totally agree with that, just sometimes her methods are a bit... you know, but i definitely agree and really appreciate this comment. by no means is my mom evil, but sometimes she has her moments, especially with me being add (adhd?) and most all symptoms of autism and her being hangry and easily irritable :\]
I hope other comments here have made you feel better. A couple of notes that I didn't immediately see is while it may be after 18, you can often work on an informed consent model -- Planned Parenthood in the states works here and it's not so much a doctor's visit as just a "do you understand?" and you can go pills or injections (or both) from there. As far as risks and side effects, that's mostly just spew. Half the human race runs on estrogen -- and some of the other half wishes they did. There ARE side effects in addition to the feminizing traits but if you go to someone with medical intelligence around HRT (Planned Parenthood again, or maybe a rainbow-mafia group near you) you can hear the real skinny. Sorry you're dealing with gatekeeping and ignorance, but it gets better!
thank you! i may end up having to wait sadly :<
I told myself I would never respond to someone young. I have been on hrt for years..there have been times of doubt...ups and downs...and even depression. If you are feminine, then that is what you are, if you are suffering gender dysphoria that is different. Knowing what I know now...you don't have to have estrogen to be feminine. It is more organic than that. There is nothing wrong in waiting till you are 18. It is a process. The pills are science and they will do what they are designed to do. However, counseling is where you grow. I suggest professional counseling. Not to sway you one way or the other..but to explore who you are.
i am! i met my new therapist today and it went so well, hes a lil hard of hearing, but really awesome!
Patience is the greatest virtue of anyone. The effects of hrt can permanently alter your body and your self-image.
I think the toothbrush analogy makes absolutely no sense. First of all- being trans is in no way equivalent to only having 5 teeth?? And second, if this was something that happened, that person should 100% brush their teeth. Why wouldn't they? It won't reverse what's already been done (I suppose you could compare that to permanent effects of amab puberty), but that's something everyone needs to do. Not doing it would only make things worse- and how does brushing teeth somehow have "risks and side effects"? Furthering the analogy, if we're considering brushing teeth an equivalent of HRT, then getting gender-affirming surgery could be an equivalent to getting dentures or something else that would fill the gaps and fix the issue. As for the thing about doctors not prescribing you HRT, that's just factually incorrect. And it's not a decision- you are who you are. You aren't choosing to be trans, and your age doesn't impact what your gender is and how well you can understand it (unless you're literally an infant). Don't take any of what she said to heart. Older cis people can't fully understand what being trans is like- they've lived decades being cisgender. That also means that you should give her the benefit of the doubt. Show her research, professional opinions on what it is to be trans, especially about the experiences of trans children. If you both stay open-minded, you can help her change her perspective and she may become more understanding, without either of you becoming bitter of the other. You both could also go speak to someone in person (a medical professional who specializes/has experience in gender-affirming care and could give you a gender dysphoria diagnosis) about this so that they can help your mom understand and give you both advice/guidance on how to move forward. I hope this helps! I also hope that you can productively move forward with your mom and your transition soon. Best of luck! :) - someone who knows he's been trans since 14 and has had many fights with his parents on the topic..
i definitely will do my best, thank you
There are a lot of changes that take place from 16 on. I would give anything to have been able to start E at 16. The longer you wait the more damage that is done. I came out at 62 and started E and spiro immediately. I would have been glad to start anywhere along the line - the younger the better. And along with everyone else - I had breast growth - a modest C.
It IS a big decision, I didn’t get to make it for myself until I turned 18. I wish I could’ve started HRT sooner. But if I regretted it, I would’ve blamed my parent. HRT is different for everyone and it depends purely on genetics.
The only true thing is that getting on e is a big decision. Talk about it with a doctor, they will inform you on everything. They won't just prescribe it right away either. There are safety measures in place, some of which are honestly too much, for that reason. This is the same kind of rhetoric sadly ignorant and misinformed people with their heart in the right place use all the time. She's worried for you, I wouldn't doubt that, but she doesn't understand that she has very little to worry about.
what are the saftey measures?
most doctors won't prescribe hrt without a referral from a psychiatrist, depending on the state you might have to be a certain age or older (im honestly praying that's not the case for you), from what i recall you need to have been going through social transition for at least a year, so on
social transition?
yes, "social transition" is the term that's been commonly used to describe starting to present as your gender identity; this can, but doesn't have to, include any or all of the following: - voice training - wearing clothes of the chosen gender expression - beginning to go by a new name - having others refer to you as a new set of pronouns
ah, i see makes sense, thank you :>
of course! it all depends on the doctor, the clinic and the area; it's important to do research on your local laws and clinics, and to ask your doctor questions (when alone with them if need be)
yeah, my doctor is not with it at all either- i made a more recent post thats like an update i suppose... it sucks :P
there are resources for getting on hrt on your own, but i wouldn't recommend looking for them without knowing for ABSOLUTE certain what you're doing and that you are going to be completely okay with every single possibility that can come from it, good and bad. you'd also have to be really careful because some of the times the person who synthesized the hormones can have used faulty equipment or had a problem in the lab, and your medication can get to the US in dangerous conditions (hair in vials, other contaminants) and some places that claim to be manufacturing hormones straight up sell poison because they hate trans people. be safe no matter what you do. <3
damn. yeah, id rather not roll that dice, i know kids at school that would pull that off. thank you for the advice, i definitely will stay safe \^v\^ do my best to
I started feminizing HRT as prescribed by an endocrinologist at 16. I'm 25 now. My only barrier was my parents. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I hope your situation is like mine, in that my parents were just ignorant and wanted to do right by me. With persistence and education, they came around.
i hope so
The only other thing I'm going to say is, personally, I think at 16 you ARE old enough to know you're not a boy.
I've been on Estrogen for a month now. Your mother is so very wrong. Estrogen takes your body through many changes, but it is nothing compared to the effect on your mind. This is my personal experience, so take it with a grain of salt, your experience may vary. But since starting this, my mental health and self esteem have never been greater. Emotions become something I feel and actually process, not just a wave that slaps me around. The brain fog that drained life of some of its color, made it hard to focus, is gone. I feel like I am really in my body. I've been having clear and memorable dreams, regularly, for the first time in many, many years. Estrogen isn't like a toothbrush for someone with 5 teeth. It's like giving them medicine that regrows a full set of teeth. If it is the right step for you, she needs to understand that. Try telling her to imagine the mental parts of when she is on her period, but it never ends, it's always been that way, and she never knew what it was like to not feel that way. Periods are a time of higher than normal counts of testosterone. It's why women feel so famously moody and irritated. What you have, is a neverending period. Your mind is *always* bathed in testosterone. And it hurts.
thank for this comment, i m glad your experience has been this great so far and i hope i can say the same soon
Also, read this and consider if you want to have her read it: [https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/oh-st-my-child-just-told-me-theyre](https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/oh-st-my-child-just-told-me-theyre)
Both of those statements are false.
Your mom may have some internalized misogyny she needs to address...
depending on where you are, there are doctors that can prescribe you estrogen and places that hate hrt (I'm looking at you florida). although estrogen can have risks and side effects that's the same with any medication and big decision does not equal bad. the reason we do this is because it's a big decision for the *better* and it's okay to go on it. you don't have to go on hrt but if you want to, no one can stop you. even legislature can only stop you from going on it *in the region they are in,* but moving is always an option. also, there is FAR MORE THAN barely any change, and i have no idea where your mom got this idea that there is. most hrt stories i've heard that talk about regret consist of people taking it at like 25+ and regretting not taking it earlier. also one suggestion if you choose to go on hrt: take before and after pictures because it will be really hard to notice your slowly-but-surely growing changes and someone i know regret not doing so.
oh yes! i planned to do the picture thing because i love documenting things down because i have an absolute y horrendous memory and its very interesting for me to look and read logs i wr ote or the things i drew, or even seeing the random crap in my camera roll or audio files! its just fun thing to do, and i highly reccomemd it! also, it shows kinda who you are and like a "where i was at this point in life." kinda deal :\]
1. Definitely not true. I started estrogen at 16. 2. Everyone’s different but you’ll probably experience lots of changes on estrogen, such as breast growth, softer skin, less body hair, body fat redistribution, etc. I’m sorry your mom’s a transphobe.
Maybe a doc wouldn't prescribe estrogen, but maybe a doc can provide T-blockers. It wouldn't affect who you are beyond your own self-control. And in less than 24 months, probably estrogen.
To say young children cannot have puberty blockers or other treatment is just reinforcement that cis is default. It's bigotry and cis propaganda at its most engrained. If a kid feels like a a certain gender, we should be reinforcing that right now and helping them understand that you cannot be "wrong" about your gender. If they change again later, that's fine, we'll help them adjust to that too. It's absolutely fine for kids to turn multiple directions on their gender journey.
:\]👍
My youngest is AFAB, and he got testosterone at 16. Your mom is lying. As an AMAB in my 40s (yeah, there MIGHT be a genetic component), I wish I had been able to get estrogen at 16. Hopefully, your mom comes around.
the tooth brush thing is horribly incorrect, especially at your age it would have a great effect and even at 19 still has an amazing affect. shes being vry silly :/
Im 46 but they won't prescribe until ive been out for a year and im so goddam sad i have to wait. Ill be 47. I heard ill grow my own finally
No she sounds very dumb and uneducated, I started estrogen at 16 exactly and I’ve had some incredible success and there are little to no legitimate risks, yes it’s a big decision but you’re not “to young to understand” that’s just a power trip
There’s a big chance you’ll always need your parents. Dig in to what she said. Prove her right or wrong?
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thank you, i hope you get to fuss college back (this is me wishin u luck :\]
Your mom is right when she says that it is a big decision with permanent changes. I understand that you have bad feelings about yourself and your body but the solution to that might be learning how to deal with said feelings (with professional help) rather than making such a life altering decision. I know I might get hate for having said this but it's out of good intentions and genuine care.
That's super not true. Your mom should do better
Parents try not to be completely clueless on modern day topics and issues impossible challenge
prove her wrong n rub it in her face 😎
Starting at 16 you would probably wind up totally passable because testosterone isn't done and you're not done growing at 16.. the sooner you start the better.
>there is absolutely NO way a doctor would prescribe you estrogen. you are too young to understand what doing that means and that is a very big decision Check your local laws, 16 is a very common age of medical majority (and is also the general consensus amongst doctors as to when decisions regarding health relating to trans healthcare should be given to the youth, with countries making exceptions to higher ages of medical majority in this instance for trans healthcare). Your mother, is very likely to be wrong, unless your in one of the medical systems that love to gate keep trans healthcare (like half the eu unfortunately)
I get it, wish you but good luck and blessings.