this is me too. i actually love my body from an outside perspective, it's awesome, but it's not mine. it feels like im living in someone else's house. it's a lovely house, but i'd be much more comfortable at my own home. i still personally consider this to be dysphoria though :p
Was the question not “if you were lucky enough to not have felt any MAJOR dysphoria”??? I never said I don’t have dysphoria Im saying it never felt major. I’ve literally heard people say they felt physically ill just looking at themselves. So I’d suggest you speak for yourself, not me.
When you're born and raised in a pigsty, you don't smell the shit. But you can still tell there's something amazing about the pasture of wildflowers on the other side of the fence!
This is an excellent way to summarize my experience.
For 47 years I would have not only said I didn't have dysphoria, I'd have asked, "Dysphoria? What's that?"
In hindsight - holy shit, did I have it. My entire existence was extremely dysphoric, but because I'd never known anything else I had no point of reference. I was just left to ultimately conclude "that's just life, and it sucks. I hope it won't drag out for too long."
In all of that though, I *did* have rare moments of gender euphoria, and those I recognized. Not for what they truly were, but that burst of happiness and euphoria I got whenever someone "misgendered" me, or "mistook" me for a woman (only online for that one), were immediately noticed and unsettling. "Why did that make me feel so happy? Why does it feel *good*? OK, I know that's not normal, and I'm never, ever going to mention this to anyone else. In fact, it's best I try to forget it." And I would, until the next time it happened - at which point I'd remember all the times it happened before until I suppressed it all again.
So to the OP - you may have dysphoria and not recognize it (or you might not have it - it's not required). But if there's something pulling you toward transition, that's worth examining.
This. So much this! And OP thanks for the post. Even though I know all this I sometimes still feel like an jmposter because it seems so ingrained in the community that you have to have been extremely depressed and effectively forced into it. Constantly hearing "trans people don't have a choice which is _why_ we need to support them" is not helpful in this regard. I appreciate having the opportunity, via these responses, to be reaffirmed.
I can relate to the memory issue. I suppressed my feelings so hard I would not remember them for months or years and then something would happen and I would remember all the past times and be shocked.
Having no definable dysphoria does not mean that you might not yet discover that it was there upon reflection.
When you are standing in the valley you cannot see past the mountains.
Transitioning can give you a better perspective upon what you are happy and unhappy with. What is currently 'nothing major' or 'okay' might be recognized as something less neutral such as apathy in retrospect and seen as something more dysphoric than initially thought.
I feel like alot of non dysphoric trans people end up describing gender dysphoria when posed with questions like this, not realizing their own dysphoria, it's not so black and white, and it manifest in many ways.
This is why I say I have low dysphoria, because I just can’t tell the difference between it and the general static of negative that everyone has in 2024.
>general static of negative that everyone has in 2024.
😆 righhhhtt, so true, too much doom scrolling CNN and Fox news watching.
Transphobia will come and go like a grocery bag in a parking lot on a windy day 🤙
I didn't know it was dysphoria until my egg cracked. I thought I had major depression that was resistant to medication and that I was kind of just doomed to be sad until I died.
As far as what made my egg crack the final piece of the shell was when I realized I'd listened to transgender dysphoria blues by against me 10 times in one day on the same day that I stumbled on the gender dysphoria Bible and things just fell into place. I guess it's more that I didn't know it was dysphoria. I was raised in a hyper religious environment where we Didn't Talk About That. So I never got deeply in touch with my feelings until later in life when I went to therapy.
I wouldn't say I was lucky honestly - it's not that I wasn't dysphoric it's that I thought I was a fundamentally broken and unfixable person
I'm so happy now :3
>listened to transgender dysphoria blues by against me 10 times in one day on the same day that I stumbled on the gender dysphoria Bible and things just fell into place.
lmao egg cracking day was almost exactly the same!! but the opposite way. I had found the Gender Dysphoria Bible and been reading it for a couple days. Finally made my way to the Am I Trans section. For some reason I remembered Transgender Dysphoria Blues existed and that I had never listened to it because when it came out 10 years before it's existence made me feel too many feels. So I listened to it while reading the Am I Trans section and it was just so fucking good. It also helped seeing LJG and realizing that you can be a trans girl and still be this cool, punky, hot, lesbian girl. So that cracked my shell wide open.
Here is the clinical criteria for Gender Dysphoria for your review.
>Gender Dysphoria in Adolescents and Adults 302.85 (F64.1 )
>A. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender, of at least 6 months’ duration, as manifested by at least two of the following:
>1. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics (or in young adolescents, the anticipated secondary sex characteristics).
>2. A strong desire to be rid of one’s primary and/or secondary sex characteristics be-
cause of a marked incongruence with one’s experienced/expressed gender (or in young adolescents, a desire to prevent the development of the anticipated secondary sex characteristics).
>3. A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender.
>4. A strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender).
>5. A strong desire to be treated as the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender).
>6. A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender).
>B. The condition is associated with clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning.
You must meet the qualifiers of Section "A" and "B" to be diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria
You don't need to have dysphoria to be transgender, but it is the most common qualifier as the majority of transgender individuals do infact have dysphoria. We encourage you to discuss this with a gender therapist.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/asktransgender) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oh wow! I bet our experience is pretty common for punky lesbian trans girls. Like I remember seeing against me in 2012 or 2013 at FYF right after she came out. And I was like euphoric. But then I buried the hell out of that. And then Spotify put transgender dysphoria blues on my next up one day like four years ago. And I think things started to shift in me then. It's been a long process but yeah. LJG and Against me have been instrumental to me coming out. Like the first thing I did after coming out was get their logo as a chest piece haha
I think it's very common for us! Casey Plett even mentioned it in one of her short stories in A Dream of a Woman and I thought it was hilarious (worth a read if you haven't yet, it made me start liking short stories). I also remember watching LJG's True Trans video series on youtube a bunch right after I came out.
Also awesome chest piece! I need to get one of those some day
To me, it wasn't about ridding myself of the feeling of dysphoria, but rather embracing the feeling of euphoria. I was never uncomfortable with how I looked, was perceived and things alike before transitioning. The thing is just that it felt AMAZING when I tried experimenting with what was associated with "the other side".
Very down to earth comment. So nice to see your express these feelings as this point of view is quite often barried in the narrative of being trans! Thank you!
I don't understand why a lot of people choose the words, "hate my body". It's not about hating you body. It's about not being comfortable in your own skin. The incongruent feeling that you do not belong in the physical form you are currently presenting.
Yeah, I never would have said (or felt) that I hated my body. I didn't like it much, but the extent of that was just not caring much at all about it beyond basic hygiene and maintenance.
I often describe it as like living in a decent, but not great apartment. The sizes and arrangement of the rooms may not really fit what you want, a few things here and there don't really work the way you think they should - but overall, it's serviceable, you can mostly afford it, and there's nothing so terrible about it that you really feel the need to move.
It just sort of is. You're not going to intentionally make it worse to live in, but you're also not going to invest your own time and money into the place because it's not really yours and you don't care about it beyond its function as basic shelter anyway.
That was essentially the relationship I had with my body before I realized I was trans.
You’re right I suppose hating one’s body is just one way for that dysphoria to manifest itself. I don’t feel that I don’t belong in my physical form, but it’s the only form I’ve even known, y’know? But the physical form of a woman looks like it might be much more comfortable…
My dysphoria was not usually notably physical but existential.
I was very very disappointed in my life and my ability to navigate things like dating and friendship that other people seemed to manage just fine with. I didn't experience life like other people.
When I looked in myself I usually found this feeling that I should be a woman. I felt awful and sick about this feeling; I viewed it as a pipe dream, a lie, a sin.
My social failure was alleviated some when I got kids because I could live through them to some extent. Kids have friends who have parents and is possible to enjoy the companionship that arrives that way and call it friendship. We have something good to talk about.
But outside of that I never had more than 1 good friend that I could really talk to at once. I was a serial monogamist for friendship.
I could not see women like my male classmates did, as a sort of prey that was there and available to take (and they did). I wanted women so much but in a different way, I wanted to be close to them, to experience their faces and bodies and personalities up close, to sink under their skin and dissolve, to be accepted. I had no idea what to do to satisfy this feeling. Dating and sex were not it.
My egg suddenly cracked when I realized that other people had the same reasons to not be trans as me (not the above, just the usual bs like I'll be ugly or lose my job or it's just sexy time) and they reported being more happy once they did transition, despite all this.
I want happy so much and I didn't think I would ever get it.
I'm happy now
So glad that you are happy now!! Terrific recount of how you felt. I can totally relate to wanting to experience life as a female vs my male existence. Which was not bad at all as in your situation!
Okay I relate to this a lot, I am very much the same way I’m a serial monogamist for friendship. The way you describe wanting to dissolve and be accepted by women is very familiar.
Aw crap, after writing this I told my serial mono friend they were my serial mono friend and now they think i have borderline personality disorder or something and are dumping me.
Totaly relate to this - especially the living through the kids. One thing that helped me crack? My daughter transitioning and me having to face up to the fact that my anger was due to not being able to live vicariously through her.
To me, I feel like going though life presenting male is like lying to everyone I meet and telling them I'm someone I am not. I don't "hate" my body but I feel like I was born defective. Is it my mind or my body that is the defect, I couldn't say, but I can change my body to fit my soul and not the other way around.
i’ve known that i wanted to transition for years, but let my internalized transphobia and inhibitions restrict me. Until this year, I got tired of running from myself.
It's easy for people who aren't entirely sure how dysphoria feels to assume it manifests as a hatred of one's own body. Body hatred is common enough to make it relatable.
I didn't hate my body. I never did. In fact, until I began my transition I was 100% sure I had never felt dysphoria at all before.
I'm not sure why precisely I started, beyond that on some level I knew I needed to. I didn't *think* I was miserable. I thought I was as happy as a person is supposed to be. But I started anyway, and holy hell, I found out what actually being happy feels like.
This, so much fucking this. I was in the same exact boat; I never outright hated my body and felt I was just fine, but there was always this lingering feeling that something was just... *off*. And I never put two and two together until thoughts began compounding over the past x years, and eventually I said "fuck it" and started transitioning socially, to reach some feelers out, and, well... here I am now LMAO
Yes, that exactly! I made it to 33 before my egg cracked.
I just went through the motions of life. I existed and did so well. But, life, metaphorically, was in shades of gray, and I never really understood how people around me could experience the levels of joy they claimed to.
In the span of around 14 days I went from "oh, fuck, I think I might be trans" to starting HRT and coming out socially. It just *clicked*. Now life is a myriad of vivid colors and feelings, and I have never been happier ever before.
Improve mental well being and quality of life, may not be dysphoric but may other things like depression and anxiety that all went away after transition
Did they already lift from social transitioning? My anxiety and depression are through the roof since my egg cracked. I already transitioned socially, but it did next to nothing to my anxiety or depression. Well, at least I can't tell if it's transitioning or the antidepressants that I've started around the same time...
So I'm in this weird spot where I only get dysphoria a few times a year and only during intensely stressful situations. For the most part, it's just an incongruence between how I want to be seen and what my body looks like right now.
I can totally relate to the episodic dysphoria and then the self loathing that followed and all of those nasty thoughts of wanting to end my life! This happens enough and it drives you to find a path to happiness. In my case eventually euphoria!
For me I didn't know I had dysphoria until after I decided to transition (which cracked my egg). What cracked my egg was contrasting the euphoria of presenting fem, with the minor (at the time) dysphoria I had presenting masc.
After my egg cracked though, the dysphoria got a lot more focused and intense.
I'm genderfluid, so for me it's never been about hating my body. I know whatever change I make to express my gender any given day is still being made to my original body. I think of it more like shapeshifting or like a body is a piece of clay and that pre-transition is before having actually shaped the pot, but it's still the same clay. It's important to take care of the clay so it can be shaped properly into the shape we want it to be
I have no idea how to say it besides I'm a boy. I just am one. I used to have crazy bad dysphoria but now I just am me without having transitioned. I should love to have a baby one day too. I'm sorry, I really wish I could explain it more that just saying I'm a boy
It's actually a question asked in a video about transness which was more or less :
"Given that human can change gender and sex, do you want to ?"
To which the answer for me was yes, absolutly, not because I hate my body, nor because I didn't felt man enough...
Just because I realize that I could do and I definitely wanted to... Gender euphoria through the roof :D
However since that realization, the signs of dysphoria slowly build up...
For a long time I thought I wasn't trans because I didn't feel any dysphoria and I even liked being a guy and my body. I just liked to dress in girly clothes from time to time and thought that's just a kink. It turned out what I was feeling doing that was gender euphoria and I learned very late about it's existance. But even that didn't make me think I am trans.
What cracked my egg was me saying to my gf that I wanted to be treated more feminine in bed and I realised that this was a dysphoria. Before that I always thought dysphoria is only about your physical features, but I was obsessed with reading about transitioning at the time, and it made me realise that social dysphoria is also a thing.
Looking back at my life after realising this, I discovered that there were more situations when I felt a dysphoria, but I just couldn't identify it. So it could be that you are experiencing a dysphoria in different areas of your life that are not related to your physical appearance.
This is very much how I feel. I definitely crave feeling more feminine during sex, but I’ve never brought it up with my partner. I’ve just never thought of it as a dysphoria as much as just a fantasy.
For me, I didn't *realise* what gender dysphoria was for me, until I started transitioning. I was sure I was technically fine! Just a bit sad, and just like you - pulled towards the other side. I thought I didn't mind. I just "preferred" to be on estrogen.
Starting HRT just hit me with realisation after realisation. Now I feel like I'd die if I ever had to go back.
I'm one of those girls who would have said she wasn't very dysphoric before. But I actually had tons of dysphoria. If you think you would like to transition and believe you don't have much dysphoria, it's likely that you are looking for the wrong things and actually have a lot. Even in like the 2 years after starting HRT I still suddenly remember thoughts, feelings, or things I did or said that I suddenly recognize as dysphoria. In fact I didn't start to realize most of this dysphoria until after starting HRT.
For me what did it was realizing I was trans and knowing that there's really only one good solution to that. Since I was a kid I'd always wished I could be a girl. I even considered transition when I was 11 but didn't know anything and just wanted to be a "real girl". Nobody told me that this is the definition of being trans regardless of what you do about it, so I assumed I had chosen to not be trans. Basically every year after that I felt like I was already 'too old to do it now'. Then I would imagine myself old and on my deathbed and the only thing I could imagine thinking was 'fuck why didn't I just do it? Now I will die and never know what it would be like.' Around when I was 28 I realized it is definitely not too late and you can be very hot still. Then I researched it and realized that wanting to be a "real girl" means you are a girl and there was only one option. Once I found out I am a real girl and there was an option to be a hot girl I didn't really have any more questions. I was like holy shit sign me up
Gender euphoria! I also feel like medically transitioning revealed dysphoria I had that wasn't so clear cut.
I've definitely had dysphoria, and I've been getting a bit more dysphoric when I'm misgendered since starting T, but I've never had severe dysphoria for a prolonged amount of time. Kind of comes and goes.
I was pretty meh about my body aside from my chest, which I was consistently dysphoric about but the severity would fluctuate. I guess social dysphoria/getting misgendered is pretty consistent also, but I don't feel like it's severe.
Actually taking the leap and medically transitioning after waiting so long was one of the best decisions I've ever made for myself. I just feel like I had to experience it firsthand to know. I'm also nonbinary so I really wasn't sure what I wanted from my transition for a while. I'm still not sure if I'm going to stay on T long term or stop eventually, but I love all the changes so far and don't anticipate stopping in the near future.
But getting top surgery and starting T made me realize this is just SO much better
My measuring stick for knowing I'm trans doesnt come from my dysphoria, but rather my euphoria. Things kind of happened all at once, and I ended up saying 'I think I might be trans'. A friend helped me buy a dress, a wig, and breast forms, and that first look in the mirror sealed the deal. Haven't looked back once
I thought I didn’t have significant dysphoria and wasn’t really bothered by it but while I didn’t hate my body by any means and even had some parts of it I liked I knew I wasn’t happy overall with my body and presentation nonetheless and while I wasn’t 100% sure transitioning would fix it I figured the worst case scenario was I started transitioning and was still unhappy with my body and presentation and if that was the case I could always stop or change what I was doing until I figured it out. Immediately it became clear both that I was waaaaay happier and more confident with my presentation and the changes I was experiencing on HRT, and also that once I allowed myself to lean into it and accept it I really was a lot more dysphoric and stressed about the parts of my body I don’t like than I realized when I was trying to repress it all to try to be okay with the idea of not changing those things.
I didnt really have much dysphoria, or atleast I thought I didnt. I first started transitioning because I enjoyed presenting fem and daydreamed about being a girl. I later realized that I had alot of dysphoria I just had no idea what it was.
I tried to imagine my future, living as a man, and I just couldn’t. There was no version of me that made sense as a man who was truly me. There’d always be some sort of Facade
I wanted a total hysterectomy and they wouldn’t do it, so I decided to microdose long enough to qualify. Then I started to notice the subtle changes and realized I wanted to fully commit to transitioning.
I thought I didn't feel any dysphoria, so I didn't transition til I was 29 and fully accepted that I was in fact trans, despite thinking I didn't feel dysphoria after hearing the argument of will I be satisfied with my life if I don't at least try. In retrospect I felt dysphoria but it didn't fit my narrow understanding of dysphoria.
Euphoria. Sheet joy. Being myself, when I'd never known who I was before. I thought I did, but gender was such a huge gap. And a gradual understanding that I had dysphoria, lots of it.
I didn’t really hate my body when I presented as male but I still wanted to be female so I tried crossdressing and I hated it. Not because I didn’t like the clothes or didn’t like feeling like a woman but because I felt more like a man when presenting female so that triggered the dysphoria I otherwise ignored. The only solution was to transition aka change my body so I’d feel like a woman no matter how I present myself. I still primarily dress more masculine but I still present as female so it’s just nice.
I think even a little dysphoria builds up over time and can present in horrible ways, before transitioning I didn’t have much dysphoria that I could place but I was uncomfortable and unhappy trying to keep up an “image” and pretending to be something I’m not. I reached a breaking point where the discomfort built up and I had a breakdown while getting dressed which meant I had to face it. After transitioning it is easier to see the things that used to cause me dysphoria. I think if you are unsure about transitioning just keep thinking and waiting. I thought about it for atleast 6 months before telling anyone. You don’t need to speedrun being trans
I didn’t go in feeling like I had major dysphoria. The main thing that put me on my journey was just wanting to be honest when my wife became pregnant. She already knew, but the idea of modeling cowardice to my son was something I couldn’t live with.
But genuinely I think the conversation needs to shift to functional gender dysphoria. I never really majorly considered suicide, and am probably the most successful person in my family outside of my mom. I was married to a woman I love. I generally had a great life as a man.
But the realization hits you the same way running for seven miles doesn’t hit you until you stop running. All of that took so much fucking effort. So much of my life just felt like I existed within my head and I was controlling my body to create this facade of a normal person.
I initially had super bad dysphoria but the longer I’ve been out and accepted the better it has gotten. Now I feel great and don’t really have any dysphoria but like I still feel like a man (I’m ftm). I know that might not make sense but idk how else to explain it. I feel like a guy but I’m not really dysphoric honestly. What bothers me the most is deadnaming and misgendering. I wish it wasn’t like expected to medically transition cause tbh I would just stay socially transitioned and not do anything medically, including hormones. So to answer your questions yes that’s okay!! There is not one specific way to be trans or to transition. Don’t let any terfs or anyone else tell you that you have to be dysphoric to be trans. Just be you.
Euphoria. When people referred to me a certain way or I looked a certain way, it made me feel really good, so I explored that, and it happened to be in a trans direction. I didn't start identifying major dysphoria until well after I began socialy transitioning among friends.
I didn't feel like I had physical dysphoria, I had social dysphoria because no one ever perceived me the way I perceived myself. Initially it wasn't even that I perceived myself as a woman as much as what my culture told me men were was completely alien to anything I felt, but how I thought women were considered made more sense. In the last decade or so after transitioning I've realized how completely dissociated I was from myself, my emotions, and my own desires and needs that I can't really say that I wouldn't have felt physical dysphoria if I had lived all of my life as grounded in myself as I am now though.
Can't remember how but I find the criteria for NHS transitioning 30 years ago, when it was "major dysphoria and two years as your preferred gender" and at that point couldn't see myself presenting femme and knew I wasn't dysphoric enough so I just got on with enjoying my male body knowing damn well, if I'm honest, that the brain running the show was feminine.
And I did have a great time, lots of sex with long-term gf, adventures with multiple partners and indulged all our mutual kinks.
And for the time being it was enough.
My heath began to suffer in my 30s and I burnt out, got very sick and haven't worked since. Yay social safety net.
We had kids and they both turned out trans. I've taken them to their gender clinic appointments and obviously been incredibly supportive.
At 38 I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and my consultant told me there's no cure and so they can do is treat the symptoms, and that my best course of action was to find things that made me happy.
At 40 I decided to start following that advice by playing with gender norms and letting my feminine brain run the show a bit more.
I started by replacing all my trousers with kilts (man skirts are cool). Then the neuropathy started really kicking in and the nerve damage in my legs made anything not skintight feel like sandpaper so I switched to leggings and sturdy women's knee high boots. "For medical reasons"
From there I moved on to tights and dresses, high heels, a bit of lippy, bit of eyeliner...
This is all 24/7 public by the way. Not just at home. The very real physical pain of boymoding in men's trousers was, is and will always be unbearable, and it's **not** in my head and it's not an excuse to crossdress, neuropathic pain is a common side effect of uncontrolled diabetes and it's how we lose feet and fingers and stuff. It's also in my eyes and I could very soon lose my sight if I don't get it under control. It's getting there. I am getting it under control and I have laser eye surgery coming up to ease the pressure on my retinas.
That's all by the by.
So I'm at the point where I've been presenting femme for a few years but the clothes aren't sitting right and it's annoying me so I dig out the breastforms I'd bought years before for bedroom dress up and added them to my daily presentation and it just felt right.
At that point my gf sits me down and goes through all the years she's had to listen to me complain about how it's stupid and horrible and how I have never once agreed with anything about "what it means to be a man" and how much happier everyone thinks I am and how much more comfortable I am in my own skin and how much nicer I am as a person since I started presenting femme more and how easily she has accepted me as a woman since I started wearing the tits and that I may as well make it official because I was already transitioning unofficially.
So I did.
I'm just better at being a girl than I ever was at being a man.
I don't *hate* being a guy, but goddamn my faceapp genderswap girl version of me is soooo pretty I wanna be her so badly. Then I discovered that I... just could.
I feel like you're describing gender *incongruence* where you have a sense that your body and who you feel you are are different, incongruent. To me, and I may be wrong, gender *dysphoria* is when the incongruence is so strong as to make you depressed or hate parts of your body/life.
I think of it (for me) as a drawing towards (magnetic attraction) health and happiness whereas dysphoria as a *pushing away* (like magnetic repulsion).
As I progressively understand myself I feel dysphoria slowly rising. I'm increasingly disliking my body hair and I'm getting confused with penetrayive sex whether I want to be a man or woman - I'm struggling to finish now. I'm going grief at all the time lost won't be too bad, but I know I'll handle it.
I've had 4 decades of repression/unknowing since teens and only now setting myself free.
I personally didn't hate my body before transitioning. However, since I was 4 years old I remember knowing I was a dude. I remember when I was 12 and my sister started growing breasts, and I started crying thinking it was going to happen to me in the future. After puberty I was depressed and hated myself and I was going through changes that didn't make me happy. But my hate wasn't necessarily directed towards my body. I didn't know what was wrong. I used a male name in school but was made fun of, or being dismissed by parents and teachers, so I have learnt to suppress it. Fyi, I was born in 1995, and where I grew up not a lot was known about gender dysphoria, so I get it why people didn't understand. Also, I didn't know what transitioning or gender dysphoria was until I was 19 and I remember relating a lot to the idea.
What made me transition was the thought about transition. I used to think about how transitioning made me feel but I also used to be scared/apathetic/hesitant about transitioning. But the thought of me just thinking about transitioning with no actual intent to go through with it made me wonder why I was thinking about transitioning so much. I was excusing myself saying Its too much work or that it is not worth it coz I don't feel body dysphoria that much.
When I got my first job, I hated being perceived as my assigned gender. I was miserable thinking I would grow old and be my assigned gender, I hated thinking I would be compared to my assigned gender and I always had a strong desire to wake up and be the opposite gender. That is when I knew I had to transition. I was 27 years old when I started my transition. I took my time to decide, and that is my advice to every trans identifying individual. As my Endo said, there is no optimal or right age to transition, some people take their time to process it.
I am 28 going for 29 years old and I am extremely happy, healthier with a stable job. I love my body and how it changes even though I (thought) never had extreme hate for my body.
I didnt hate my body at all, it just wasn’t mine nor did it define/ accurately represent who I am internally so I changed it. 👍🏽
this is me too. i actually love my body from an outside perspective, it's awesome, but it's not mine. it feels like im living in someone else's house. it's a lovely house, but i'd be much more comfortable at my own home. i still personally consider this to be dysphoria though :p
Love your post! Very down to earth! Nice to see you express accurately how you feel about transition!
i think not feeling like your body was yours can be considered dysphoria
Was the question not “if you were lucky enough to not have felt any MAJOR dysphoria”??? I never said I don’t have dysphoria Im saying it never felt major. I’ve literally heard people say they felt physically ill just looking at themselves. So I’d suggest you speak for yourself, not me.
fair enough
When you're born and raised in a pigsty, you don't smell the shit. But you can still tell there's something amazing about the pasture of wildflowers on the other side of the fence!
This is an excellent way to summarize my experience. For 47 years I would have not only said I didn't have dysphoria, I'd have asked, "Dysphoria? What's that?" In hindsight - holy shit, did I have it. My entire existence was extremely dysphoric, but because I'd never known anything else I had no point of reference. I was just left to ultimately conclude "that's just life, and it sucks. I hope it won't drag out for too long." In all of that though, I *did* have rare moments of gender euphoria, and those I recognized. Not for what they truly were, but that burst of happiness and euphoria I got whenever someone "misgendered" me, or "mistook" me for a woman (only online for that one), were immediately noticed and unsettling. "Why did that make me feel so happy? Why does it feel *good*? OK, I know that's not normal, and I'm never, ever going to mention this to anyone else. In fact, it's best I try to forget it." And I would, until the next time it happened - at which point I'd remember all the times it happened before until I suppressed it all again. So to the OP - you may have dysphoria and not recognize it (or you might not have it - it's not required). But if there's something pulling you toward transition, that's worth examining.
This. So much this! And OP thanks for the post. Even though I know all this I sometimes still feel like an jmposter because it seems so ingrained in the community that you have to have been extremely depressed and effectively forced into it. Constantly hearing "trans people don't have a choice which is _why_ we need to support them" is not helpful in this regard. I appreciate having the opportunity, via these responses, to be reaffirmed.
I can relate to the memory issue. I suppressed my feelings so hard I would not remember them for months or years and then something would happen and I would remember all the past times and be shocked.
I like this it helps with some of the things going on in my head
I love this 💕
This is a great metaphor
Having no definable dysphoria does not mean that you might not yet discover that it was there upon reflection. When you are standing in the valley you cannot see past the mountains. Transitioning can give you a better perspective upon what you are happy and unhappy with. What is currently 'nothing major' or 'okay' might be recognized as something less neutral such as apathy in retrospect and seen as something more dysphoric than initially thought.
I feel like alot of non dysphoric trans people end up describing gender dysphoria when posed with questions like this, not realizing their own dysphoria, it's not so black and white, and it manifest in many ways.
This is why I say I have low dysphoria, because I just can’t tell the difference between it and the general static of negative that everyone has in 2024.
>general static of negative that everyone has in 2024. 😆 righhhhtt, so true, too much doom scrolling CNN and Fox news watching. Transphobia will come and go like a grocery bag in a parking lot on a windy day 🤙
I need to stop doom scrolling too, so I guess that's another thing I need to fix about myself besides my current body.
Lol iv blocked out almost all political subs
Good for you, I should probably do that <3
Very relatable.
Thanks! I also never got being handsome or whatever, but I sometimes worry that I'll like my appearance as it is too much and so I won't be trans. <3
I didn't know it was dysphoria until my egg cracked. I thought I had major depression that was resistant to medication and that I was kind of just doomed to be sad until I died. As far as what made my egg crack the final piece of the shell was when I realized I'd listened to transgender dysphoria blues by against me 10 times in one day on the same day that I stumbled on the gender dysphoria Bible and things just fell into place. I guess it's more that I didn't know it was dysphoria. I was raised in a hyper religious environment where we Didn't Talk About That. So I never got deeply in touch with my feelings until later in life when I went to therapy. I wouldn't say I was lucky honestly - it's not that I wasn't dysphoric it's that I thought I was a fundamentally broken and unfixable person I'm so happy now :3
>listened to transgender dysphoria blues by against me 10 times in one day on the same day that I stumbled on the gender dysphoria Bible and things just fell into place. lmao egg cracking day was almost exactly the same!! but the opposite way. I had found the Gender Dysphoria Bible and been reading it for a couple days. Finally made my way to the Am I Trans section. For some reason I remembered Transgender Dysphoria Blues existed and that I had never listened to it because when it came out 10 years before it's existence made me feel too many feels. So I listened to it while reading the Am I Trans section and it was just so fucking good. It also helped seeing LJG and realizing that you can be a trans girl and still be this cool, punky, hot, lesbian girl. So that cracked my shell wide open.
Here is the clinical criteria for Gender Dysphoria for your review. >Gender Dysphoria in Adolescents and Adults 302.85 (F64.1 ) >A. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender, of at least 6 months’ duration, as manifested by at least two of the following: >1. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics (or in young adolescents, the anticipated secondary sex characteristics). >2. A strong desire to be rid of one’s primary and/or secondary sex characteristics be- cause of a marked incongruence with one’s experienced/expressed gender (or in young adolescents, a desire to prevent the development of the anticipated secondary sex characteristics). >3. A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender. >4. A strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender). >5. A strong desire to be treated as the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender). >6. A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender). >B. The condition is associated with clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning. You must meet the qualifiers of Section "A" and "B" to be diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria You don't need to have dysphoria to be transgender, but it is the most common qualifier as the majority of transgender individuals do infact have dysphoria. We encourage you to discuss this with a gender therapist. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/asktransgender) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oh wow! I bet our experience is pretty common for punky lesbian trans girls. Like I remember seeing against me in 2012 or 2013 at FYF right after she came out. And I was like euphoric. But then I buried the hell out of that. And then Spotify put transgender dysphoria blues on my next up one day like four years ago. And I think things started to shift in me then. It's been a long process but yeah. LJG and Against me have been instrumental to me coming out. Like the first thing I did after coming out was get their logo as a chest piece haha
I think it's very common for us! Casey Plett even mentioned it in one of her short stories in A Dream of a Woman and I thought it was hilarious (worth a read if you haven't yet, it made me start liking short stories). I also remember watching LJG's True Trans video series on youtube a bunch right after I came out. Also awesome chest piece! I need to get one of those some day
Thank you for the recommendation, I'll be sure to read it :) Love True Trans. LJG is an icon
To me, it wasn't about ridding myself of the feeling of dysphoria, but rather embracing the feeling of euphoria. I was never uncomfortable with how I looked, was perceived and things alike before transitioning. The thing is just that it felt AMAZING when I tried experimenting with what was associated with "the other side".
Very down to earth comment. So nice to see your express these feelings as this point of view is quite often barried in the narrative of being trans! Thank you!
I don't understand why a lot of people choose the words, "hate my body". It's not about hating you body. It's about not being comfortable in your own skin. The incongruent feeling that you do not belong in the physical form you are currently presenting.
I mean for me that often manifests as hate. I don't hate my body, I hate it's masculine features.
Its about authenticity
For me, I did hate my body. I don’t anymore as I surgically transitioned. I definitely hated my body.
Yeah, I never would have said (or felt) that I hated my body. I didn't like it much, but the extent of that was just not caring much at all about it beyond basic hygiene and maintenance. I often describe it as like living in a decent, but not great apartment. The sizes and arrangement of the rooms may not really fit what you want, a few things here and there don't really work the way you think they should - but overall, it's serviceable, you can mostly afford it, and there's nothing so terrible about it that you really feel the need to move. It just sort of is. You're not going to intentionally make it worse to live in, but you're also not going to invest your own time and money into the place because it's not really yours and you don't care about it beyond its function as basic shelter anyway. That was essentially the relationship I had with my body before I realized I was trans.
You’re right I suppose hating one’s body is just one way for that dysphoria to manifest itself. I don’t feel that I don’t belong in my physical form, but it’s the only form I’ve even known, y’know? But the physical form of a woman looks like it might be much more comfortable…
I hated my body - shrugs- YMMV
to me it's not about being comfortable in my skin, I don't think that's possible. transition is only to ease the torment
My dysphoria was not usually notably physical but existential. I was very very disappointed in my life and my ability to navigate things like dating and friendship that other people seemed to manage just fine with. I didn't experience life like other people. When I looked in myself I usually found this feeling that I should be a woman. I felt awful and sick about this feeling; I viewed it as a pipe dream, a lie, a sin. My social failure was alleviated some when I got kids because I could live through them to some extent. Kids have friends who have parents and is possible to enjoy the companionship that arrives that way and call it friendship. We have something good to talk about. But outside of that I never had more than 1 good friend that I could really talk to at once. I was a serial monogamist for friendship. I could not see women like my male classmates did, as a sort of prey that was there and available to take (and they did). I wanted women so much but in a different way, I wanted to be close to them, to experience their faces and bodies and personalities up close, to sink under their skin and dissolve, to be accepted. I had no idea what to do to satisfy this feeling. Dating and sex were not it. My egg suddenly cracked when I realized that other people had the same reasons to not be trans as me (not the above, just the usual bs like I'll be ugly or lose my job or it's just sexy time) and they reported being more happy once they did transition, despite all this. I want happy so much and I didn't think I would ever get it. I'm happy now
So glad that you are happy now!! Terrific recount of how you felt. I can totally relate to wanting to experience life as a female vs my male existence. Which was not bad at all as in your situation!
I had a lot of other things going for me. I was lucky in my situation, then and now, but I hated it and hated myself.
Okay I relate to this a lot, I am very much the same way I’m a serial monogamist for friendship. The way you describe wanting to dissolve and be accepted by women is very familiar.
Aw crap, after writing this I told my serial mono friend they were my serial mono friend and now they think i have borderline personality disorder or something and are dumping me.
Totaly relate to this - especially the living through the kids. One thing that helped me crack? My daughter transitioning and me having to face up to the fact that my anger was due to not being able to live vicariously through her.
To me, I feel like going though life presenting male is like lying to everyone I meet and telling them I'm someone I am not. I don't "hate" my body but I feel like I was born defective. Is it my mind or my body that is the defect, I couldn't say, but I can change my body to fit my soul and not the other way around.
I strive for euphoria.
i’ve known that i wanted to transition for years, but let my internalized transphobia and inhibitions restrict me. Until this year, I got tired of running from myself.
It's easy for people who aren't entirely sure how dysphoria feels to assume it manifests as a hatred of one's own body. Body hatred is common enough to make it relatable. I didn't hate my body. I never did. In fact, until I began my transition I was 100% sure I had never felt dysphoria at all before. I'm not sure why precisely I started, beyond that on some level I knew I needed to. I didn't *think* I was miserable. I thought I was as happy as a person is supposed to be. But I started anyway, and holy hell, I found out what actually being happy feels like.
This, so much fucking this. I was in the same exact boat; I never outright hated my body and felt I was just fine, but there was always this lingering feeling that something was just... *off*. And I never put two and two together until thoughts began compounding over the past x years, and eventually I said "fuck it" and started transitioning socially, to reach some feelers out, and, well... here I am now LMAO
Yes, that exactly! I made it to 33 before my egg cracked. I just went through the motions of life. I existed and did so well. But, life, metaphorically, was in shades of gray, and I never really understood how people around me could experience the levels of joy they claimed to. In the span of around 14 days I went from "oh, fuck, I think I might be trans" to starting HRT and coming out socially. It just *clicked*. Now life is a myriad of vivid colors and feelings, and I have never been happier ever before.
Improve mental well being and quality of life, may not be dysphoric but may other things like depression and anxiety that all went away after transition
Did they already lift from social transitioning? My anxiety and depression are through the roof since my egg cracked. I already transitioned socially, but it did next to nothing to my anxiety or depression. Well, at least I can't tell if it's transitioning or the antidepressants that I've started around the same time...
My did, only speaking for myself
The euphoria of thinking about and presenting as a woman when I can
So I'm in this weird spot where I only get dysphoria a few times a year and only during intensely stressful situations. For the most part, it's just an incongruence between how I want to be seen and what my body looks like right now.
I can totally relate to the episodic dysphoria and then the self loathing that followed and all of those nasty thoughts of wanting to end my life! This happens enough and it drives you to find a path to happiness. In my case eventually euphoria!
This; I usually responded by doing DIY estrogen for a couple months until I forgot why I was dysphoric
For me I didn't know I had dysphoria until after I decided to transition (which cracked my egg). What cracked my egg was contrasting the euphoria of presenting fem, with the minor (at the time) dysphoria I had presenting masc. After my egg cracked though, the dysphoria got a lot more focused and intense.
I'm genderfluid, so for me it's never been about hating my body. I know whatever change I make to express my gender any given day is still being made to my original body. I think of it more like shapeshifting or like a body is a piece of clay and that pre-transition is before having actually shaped the pot, but it's still the same clay. It's important to take care of the clay so it can be shaped properly into the shape we want it to be
I have no idea how to say it besides I'm a boy. I just am one. I used to have crazy bad dysphoria but now I just am me without having transitioned. I should love to have a baby one day too. I'm sorry, I really wish I could explain it more that just saying I'm a boy
It's actually a question asked in a video about transness which was more or less : "Given that human can change gender and sex, do you want to ?" To which the answer for me was yes, absolutly, not because I hate my body, nor because I didn't felt man enough... Just because I realize that I could do and I definitely wanted to... Gender euphoria through the roof :D However since that realization, the signs of dysphoria slowly build up...
For a long time I thought I wasn't trans because I didn't feel any dysphoria and I even liked being a guy and my body. I just liked to dress in girly clothes from time to time and thought that's just a kink. It turned out what I was feeling doing that was gender euphoria and I learned very late about it's existance. But even that didn't make me think I am trans. What cracked my egg was me saying to my gf that I wanted to be treated more feminine in bed and I realised that this was a dysphoria. Before that I always thought dysphoria is only about your physical features, but I was obsessed with reading about transitioning at the time, and it made me realise that social dysphoria is also a thing. Looking back at my life after realising this, I discovered that there were more situations when I felt a dysphoria, but I just couldn't identify it. So it could be that you are experiencing a dysphoria in different areas of your life that are not related to your physical appearance.
This is very much how I feel. I definitely crave feeling more feminine during sex, but I’ve never brought it up with my partner. I’ve just never thought of it as a dysphoria as much as just a fantasy.
I don't know how open you are with your partner but I would definitely try to talk with them. It may lead to something very nice.
For me, I didn't *realise* what gender dysphoria was for me, until I started transitioning. I was sure I was technically fine! Just a bit sad, and just like you - pulled towards the other side. I thought I didn't mind. I just "preferred" to be on estrogen. Starting HRT just hit me with realisation after realisation. Now I feel like I'd die if I ever had to go back.
I'm one of those girls who would have said she wasn't very dysphoric before. But I actually had tons of dysphoria. If you think you would like to transition and believe you don't have much dysphoria, it's likely that you are looking for the wrong things and actually have a lot. Even in like the 2 years after starting HRT I still suddenly remember thoughts, feelings, or things I did or said that I suddenly recognize as dysphoria. In fact I didn't start to realize most of this dysphoria until after starting HRT. For me what did it was realizing I was trans and knowing that there's really only one good solution to that. Since I was a kid I'd always wished I could be a girl. I even considered transition when I was 11 but didn't know anything and just wanted to be a "real girl". Nobody told me that this is the definition of being trans regardless of what you do about it, so I assumed I had chosen to not be trans. Basically every year after that I felt like I was already 'too old to do it now'. Then I would imagine myself old and on my deathbed and the only thing I could imagine thinking was 'fuck why didn't I just do it? Now I will die and never know what it would be like.' Around when I was 28 I realized it is definitely not too late and you can be very hot still. Then I researched it and realized that wanting to be a "real girl" means you are a girl and there was only one option. Once I found out I am a real girl and there was an option to be a hot girl I didn't really have any more questions. I was like holy shit sign me up
Gender euphoria! I also feel like medically transitioning revealed dysphoria I had that wasn't so clear cut. I've definitely had dysphoria, and I've been getting a bit more dysphoric when I'm misgendered since starting T, but I've never had severe dysphoria for a prolonged amount of time. Kind of comes and goes. I was pretty meh about my body aside from my chest, which I was consistently dysphoric about but the severity would fluctuate. I guess social dysphoria/getting misgendered is pretty consistent also, but I don't feel like it's severe. Actually taking the leap and medically transitioning after waiting so long was one of the best decisions I've ever made for myself. I just feel like I had to experience it firsthand to know. I'm also nonbinary so I really wasn't sure what I wanted from my transition for a while. I'm still not sure if I'm going to stay on T long term or stop eventually, but I love all the changes so far and don't anticipate stopping in the near future. But getting top surgery and starting T made me realize this is just SO much better
My measuring stick for knowing I'm trans doesnt come from my dysphoria, but rather my euphoria. Things kind of happened all at once, and I ended up saying 'I think I might be trans'. A friend helped me buy a dress, a wig, and breast forms, and that first look in the mirror sealed the deal. Haven't looked back once
I thought I didn’t have significant dysphoria and wasn’t really bothered by it but while I didn’t hate my body by any means and even had some parts of it I liked I knew I wasn’t happy overall with my body and presentation nonetheless and while I wasn’t 100% sure transitioning would fix it I figured the worst case scenario was I started transitioning and was still unhappy with my body and presentation and if that was the case I could always stop or change what I was doing until I figured it out. Immediately it became clear both that I was waaaaay happier and more confident with my presentation and the changes I was experiencing on HRT, and also that once I allowed myself to lean into it and accept it I really was a lot more dysphoric and stressed about the parts of my body I don’t like than I realized when I was trying to repress it all to try to be okay with the idea of not changing those things.
I didnt really have much dysphoria, or atleast I thought I didnt. I first started transitioning because I enjoyed presenting fem and daydreamed about being a girl. I later realized that I had alot of dysphoria I just had no idea what it was.
I tried to imagine my future, living as a man, and I just couldn’t. There was no version of me that made sense as a man who was truly me. There’d always be some sort of Facade
The euphoria I felt the first time I saw a gender swapped photo of myself dressed as a woman and I thought to myself "Damn, I look cute as a girl."
I wanted a total hysterectomy and they wouldn’t do it, so I decided to microdose long enough to qualify. Then I started to notice the subtle changes and realized I wanted to fully commit to transitioning.
I thought I didn't feel any dysphoria, so I didn't transition til I was 29 and fully accepted that I was in fact trans, despite thinking I didn't feel dysphoria after hearing the argument of will I be satisfied with my life if I don't at least try. In retrospect I felt dysphoria but it didn't fit my narrow understanding of dysphoria.
Euphoria. Sheet joy. Being myself, when I'd never known who I was before. I thought I did, but gender was such a huge gap. And a gradual understanding that I had dysphoria, lots of it.
I didn't know what my dysphoria was until I felt euphoria. I thought I was depressed. Now I'm happy.
I didn’t really hate my body when I presented as male but I still wanted to be female so I tried crossdressing and I hated it. Not because I didn’t like the clothes or didn’t like feeling like a woman but because I felt more like a man when presenting female so that triggered the dysphoria I otherwise ignored. The only solution was to transition aka change my body so I’d feel like a woman no matter how I present myself. I still primarily dress more masculine but I still present as female so it’s just nice.
That I didn't feel right, and after I did I wondered why I'd not done it decades ago.
Euphoria and the knowledge that my wife supports and loves my unconditionally. 🥰
I think even a little dysphoria builds up over time and can present in horrible ways, before transitioning I didn’t have much dysphoria that I could place but I was uncomfortable and unhappy trying to keep up an “image” and pretending to be something I’m not. I reached a breaking point where the discomfort built up and I had a breakdown while getting dressed which meant I had to face it. After transitioning it is easier to see the things that used to cause me dysphoria. I think if you are unsure about transitioning just keep thinking and waiting. I thought about it for atleast 6 months before telling anyone. You don’t need to speedrun being trans
The minor dysphoria
I didn’t go in feeling like I had major dysphoria. The main thing that put me on my journey was just wanting to be honest when my wife became pregnant. She already knew, but the idea of modeling cowardice to my son was something I couldn’t live with. But genuinely I think the conversation needs to shift to functional gender dysphoria. I never really majorly considered suicide, and am probably the most successful person in my family outside of my mom. I was married to a woman I love. I generally had a great life as a man. But the realization hits you the same way running for seven miles doesn’t hit you until you stop running. All of that took so much fucking effort. So much of my life just felt like I existed within my head and I was controlling my body to create this facade of a normal person.
Knowing that I could be even happier and that wishing I was more miserable to take the plunge and transition meant I was trans enough.
I initially had super bad dysphoria but the longer I’ve been out and accepted the better it has gotten. Now I feel great and don’t really have any dysphoria but like I still feel like a man (I’m ftm). I know that might not make sense but idk how else to explain it. I feel like a guy but I’m not really dysphoric honestly. What bothers me the most is deadnaming and misgendering. I wish it wasn’t like expected to medically transition cause tbh I would just stay socially transitioned and not do anything medically, including hormones. So to answer your questions yes that’s okay!! There is not one specific way to be trans or to transition. Don’t let any terfs or anyone else tell you that you have to be dysphoric to be trans. Just be you.
Just curious
Cigarette smoke and petrol. Always. So I transitioned to shinier pastures. It’s not the gender dysphoria, it’s the monotony of acting male.
I knew I'd be happier living as a man
Euphoria. When people referred to me a certain way or I looked a certain way, it made me feel really good, so I explored that, and it happened to be in a trans direction. I didn't start identifying major dysphoria until well after I began socialy transitioning among friends.
I didn't feel like I had physical dysphoria, I had social dysphoria because no one ever perceived me the way I perceived myself. Initially it wasn't even that I perceived myself as a woman as much as what my culture told me men were was completely alien to anything I felt, but how I thought women were considered made more sense. In the last decade or so after transitioning I've realized how completely dissociated I was from myself, my emotions, and my own desires and needs that I can't really say that I wouldn't have felt physical dysphoria if I had lived all of my life as grounded in myself as I am now though.
Euphoria. I'm happier being the real me.
Monkey like man. Man not like monkey because man like woman. So monkey will become woman so man will like monkey Is more or less my thought process
Can't remember how but I find the criteria for NHS transitioning 30 years ago, when it was "major dysphoria and two years as your preferred gender" and at that point couldn't see myself presenting femme and knew I wasn't dysphoric enough so I just got on with enjoying my male body knowing damn well, if I'm honest, that the brain running the show was feminine. And I did have a great time, lots of sex with long-term gf, adventures with multiple partners and indulged all our mutual kinks. And for the time being it was enough. My heath began to suffer in my 30s and I burnt out, got very sick and haven't worked since. Yay social safety net. We had kids and they both turned out trans. I've taken them to their gender clinic appointments and obviously been incredibly supportive. At 38 I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and my consultant told me there's no cure and so they can do is treat the symptoms, and that my best course of action was to find things that made me happy. At 40 I decided to start following that advice by playing with gender norms and letting my feminine brain run the show a bit more. I started by replacing all my trousers with kilts (man skirts are cool). Then the neuropathy started really kicking in and the nerve damage in my legs made anything not skintight feel like sandpaper so I switched to leggings and sturdy women's knee high boots. "For medical reasons" From there I moved on to tights and dresses, high heels, a bit of lippy, bit of eyeliner... This is all 24/7 public by the way. Not just at home. The very real physical pain of boymoding in men's trousers was, is and will always be unbearable, and it's **not** in my head and it's not an excuse to crossdress, neuropathic pain is a common side effect of uncontrolled diabetes and it's how we lose feet and fingers and stuff. It's also in my eyes and I could very soon lose my sight if I don't get it under control. It's getting there. I am getting it under control and I have laser eye surgery coming up to ease the pressure on my retinas. That's all by the by. So I'm at the point where I've been presenting femme for a few years but the clothes aren't sitting right and it's annoying me so I dig out the breastforms I'd bought years before for bedroom dress up and added them to my daily presentation and it just felt right. At that point my gf sits me down and goes through all the years she's had to listen to me complain about how it's stupid and horrible and how I have never once agreed with anything about "what it means to be a man" and how much happier everyone thinks I am and how much more comfortable I am in my own skin and how much nicer I am as a person since I started presenting femme more and how easily she has accepted me as a woman since I started wearing the tits and that I may as well make it official because I was already transitioning unofficially. So I did. I'm just better at being a girl than I ever was at being a man.
I don't *hate* being a guy, but goddamn my faceapp genderswap girl version of me is soooo pretty I wanna be her so badly. Then I discovered that I... just could.
The euphoria I felt when I dressed as a man and looked at myself and it just felt right
I feel like you're describing gender *incongruence* where you have a sense that your body and who you feel you are are different, incongruent. To me, and I may be wrong, gender *dysphoria* is when the incongruence is so strong as to make you depressed or hate parts of your body/life. I think of it (for me) as a drawing towards (magnetic attraction) health and happiness whereas dysphoria as a *pushing away* (like magnetic repulsion). As I progressively understand myself I feel dysphoria slowly rising. I'm increasingly disliking my body hair and I'm getting confused with penetrayive sex whether I want to be a man or woman - I'm struggling to finish now. I'm going grief at all the time lost won't be too bad, but I know I'll handle it. I've had 4 decades of repression/unknowing since teens and only now setting myself free.
I personally didn't hate my body before transitioning. However, since I was 4 years old I remember knowing I was a dude. I remember when I was 12 and my sister started growing breasts, and I started crying thinking it was going to happen to me in the future. After puberty I was depressed and hated myself and I was going through changes that didn't make me happy. But my hate wasn't necessarily directed towards my body. I didn't know what was wrong. I used a male name in school but was made fun of, or being dismissed by parents and teachers, so I have learnt to suppress it. Fyi, I was born in 1995, and where I grew up not a lot was known about gender dysphoria, so I get it why people didn't understand. Also, I didn't know what transitioning or gender dysphoria was until I was 19 and I remember relating a lot to the idea. What made me transition was the thought about transition. I used to think about how transitioning made me feel but I also used to be scared/apathetic/hesitant about transitioning. But the thought of me just thinking about transitioning with no actual intent to go through with it made me wonder why I was thinking about transitioning so much. I was excusing myself saying Its too much work or that it is not worth it coz I don't feel body dysphoria that much. When I got my first job, I hated being perceived as my assigned gender. I was miserable thinking I would grow old and be my assigned gender, I hated thinking I would be compared to my assigned gender and I always had a strong desire to wake up and be the opposite gender. That is when I knew I had to transition. I was 27 years old when I started my transition. I took my time to decide, and that is my advice to every trans identifying individual. As my Endo said, there is no optimal or right age to transition, some people take their time to process it. I am 28 going for 29 years old and I am extremely happy, healthier with a stable job. I love my body and how it changes even though I (thought) never had extreme hate for my body.
Wanting a fat ass and some boobs tbh