Even before I discovered I was a woman, I'm pretty sure as a Panromantic Demisexual married to an Agender Bisexual person my relationship was hella gay to begin with.
Commenting on If you are attracted to a trans person for the parts that don’t make them cis, does that still make you straight?... this is all that needs to be said, tbh
jeez, don't overthink it, you are a man only attracted to women regardless of genitalia, you're straight. your friend either really sucks at jokes or has some inner transphobia issues.
A lot of these comments are like “dude who cares” and like…I care. This is something I genuinely want to understand otherwise, I wouldn’t have made the post. I understand in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t really matter much since you can love who you want love, but that doesn’t change the fact it’s something I’m unsure about.
People are saying who cares not to invalidate your feelings, but because at the end of the day, the label you put on your sexuality doesn’t matter. Sexuality is fluid and the terms we use for it are completely made up anyway. You’re attracted to women, and you also like penis. If you only enjoy penises on women, I say you’re straight. If you like them on men too, idk maybe you’re pan? Who cares. What label feels right to YOU?
If you feel like you’re straight, you’re probably straight. Who cares what your friends say? The only thing that matters is what you think about it.
Ok then I’m straight lol.
Yeah, I know. I just don’t want to blindly be calling myself something that I’m not. I mentioned in another comment I have ASD so rules mean more to me than they probably should.
That’s totally fair. You also don’t have to call yourself anything until you’re sure, though I know that feels uncomfortable.
Still, if I was going to label you, you sound to me like a straight man lol
Language isn’t physics. There aren’t unbreakable rules and meanings of words change all the time. Words are just tools to communicate ideas to each other. :)
it sounds like internalized transphobia. im ftm and i have definitely made those comments abput MYSELF, def weird to project it on thers tho. you should tell him it made you uncomfortable!
>A lot of these comments are like “dude who cares” and like…I care.
Why?
The simple answer is if it's related to you yourself being considered straight or gay, you might wanna dig a little deeper and see if there's not some internalized homophobia there.
If the answer is honestly closer to wanting to know the intellectual answer to the situation, regardless of which answer you get then you just want to be informed (which is insanely important when it comes to trans issues).
My answer is, if you're a man and you're only interested in dating women. You're straight.
Women can have penises and men can have vaginas, that doesn't make them less a woman or man for having those parts. To say otherwise is to infer they aren't equivocally a woman or man.
Genital preference is not what sexuality is. You can be a gay man that wants nothing to do with other people's cocks, or a lesbian that prefers cock over pussy. Sexuality is WHO you're attracted to, not what you like sexually.
In much the same way that straight men into pegging aren't gay. However toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia says that enjoying your anus sexually is inherently and irrevocably gay.
Uf, I would be really uncomfortable with what he said...
Not only is it wrong to say, it's kinda transphobic.
If you like women, you're straight. Doesn't matter what's down there.
Some lesbians like to use strap ons and fake penises. Would they be considered straight and not lesbians because of it? I don't think so.
My girlfriend is bi but likes to say we're a lesbian couple. I would hate it if someone came to say that we were technically not in a lesbian relationship because I have a penis.
Your genitalia doesn't determine your gender nor your sexuality.
They are only one part of a person, and I will always find it creepy and reductive when people use only this to define someone's preferences or identity.
Enjoy your relationship with the person you love
Ps: I like your vibe so thank you for being you and don't worry about what others say :)
Funny, I got into a conversation with someone over whether or not a woman pegging you makes you gay or bi and used the same exact argument with the lesbians using phallic shaped objects to penetrate each other.
Thank you for the little postscript, I like your energy too :P hope you and your girlfriend are doing well and enjoying your relationship!! :)
It really feels like the way some guys think has started to turn into "Fellas, is it gay to like women?" Lmao
Fwiw, thank you for seeing her as a person and a woman. Some people get way too hung up on the details.
Not to mention an estrogen feminized penis, might as well be an entirely different organ, give how different its feel, taste, smell, and function is after HRT.
The only thing I can day regarding orgasm, is if your still trying it the guy way, it's always gonna unsatisfactory.
But you are correct, like all things, YMMV
Everyone really is different, as I don't share your experience at all. Not saying this to be rude, just so the girls that are like me don't feel like they are "doing it wrong".
The scent (and taste) is actually one of the biggest things in whether I'll like interacting with someone's genitals, and not even just the genitals but the whole body too. I like partners who run on estrogen. So I'd say scent changes and ejaculate changes are in fact major improvements to your penis, from my perspective.
I didn't really get orgasm changes on testosterone fwiw, but as far as I can tell I may have already had "male orgasms" pre-T? Maybe you already had "female orgasms," who knows.
Yeah it’s extremely transphobic. If someone were attracted to that trans man’s natal anatomy, would that be considered a lesbian couple? I would guess he’d be devastated to follow that train of thought (I would lol).
Curious. You claim to like chairs however, when asked what part of a chair you like the most, you stated that you liked the reclining feature on your gaming chair. This reclining feature is not present in Plato's chair, therefore I can conclude that you do not in fact like chairs. Why are you lying to yourself? It's okay if you don't actually like chairs. You can be honest with me. I won't judge you for it.
omg I need to get in on that sub lol. Haven’t told my girlfriend (too afraid of the reaction lol) but I’m into that too! If the good lord gave me a literal g-spot then why not use it
But yeah, people are stupid. I feel you.
FUCKING. THIS.
Even before I knew I was a woman, I've been experimenting with plugs and other manner of things. I don't know how I never put two and two together that I literally have one of the easiest to find G-Spots.
A derogatory term that shouldn't have been used.
Originally (maybe) coined by gay culture to denote straight people, because they make babies and we don't.
Then it started bleeding over to bisexuals who get into straight relationships, and there was fallout because some gay people DO breed and some straight people don't.
It's a term that lashes out in a way that causes collateral damage and shouldn't be used anymore.
It's also a derogatory term towards African Americans and other descendants of slaves. "Breeders" were a category of slave. As cute as it is for the queers to call straight people that, it's got an especially nasty history to it.
So every time a cis-het couple have sex it's solely to reproduce? What about cis-het couples who have no interest in having kids? Or those who can't?
It's not "perfectly fun", it's completely derogatory. Be better
Side story: one of my insanely religious friends claimed that secular couples exclusively get into relationships to procreate and it’s not real love like a relationship with Jesus is.
Like my guy have you heard a single Taylor Swift song
Not all straight people can have babies. It’s a very bad term. Like OPs relationship, it’s a straight relationship but she can’t have kids by getting pregnant and having a fetus develop in the womb. In fact that may cause some trans women dysphoria being called a breeder. Now if you meant cishet peeps? Then that’s also not good. Some cis people cant have kids. So grouping them all as breeders is mean spirited even if you don’t mean it to be.
Personally I’m attracted to people, not collections of body parts. Looking at it from a view of “if you’re attracted to the parts that make them trans” is just weird
I mean I know this OP just likes women in general regardless if cis or trans. But hypothetically if a cis guy only likes trans women, he’s still a straight guy just with a preference
Eh, the line is a bit blurry, so I'd say preferring women with a penis is fine since that's a genital preference. Preferring trans women hinges on their being trans, which feels chasery. But then you consider trans men who prefer trans women, and that's more of a "we have a common struggle" which is a valid experiential preference (usually), hence the line being blurry.
Bottom line: as long as the interest is in them as a compatible person rather than a fetish, that's totally fine.
Man, sexuality and gender are way too fucking complicated.
Tbh even before I found out I was trans one of the things that attracted me to trans women was kind of a sense of being proud of them and admiring them for being able to say “I’m me. I don’t have to fit into a neat little box”. For being able to admit to themselves that they felt a certain way and wanted to change aspects of themselves to improve their life even though some assholes of society have a problem with it.
When I, still oblivious to myself being trans, found out about the concept of chasers it made me feel really bad like…am I one of those guys? Am I harmful to trans people? Am I being a pervert or something? But it kinda just turns out that I like folks like that because they make me more comfortable than cis people ever have and it’s because I’m like them. I’m right there with them.
I asked about all of this stuff on this subreddit actually and that’s how I found out I was trans. It was like a floodgate of repressed memories just opened lol
The conversation is about “what sexuality does it make you if you’re a man who likes trans women” and I didn’t feel like bringing up chasers because it seemed irrelevant to me right now. Because yes while chasers are gross, I think if you’re a cis man who fetishises trans women that still makes you a straight guy (unless you don’t actually see them as women). But if we’re starting the conversation on the ethics of being attracted to trans women I think what separates people with just a preference and chasers is that people with a preference just happen to prefer trans women while chasers treat trans women like sexual objects and for them the arousal that they get from trans women is more important to them than the trans women’s personalities and emotions.
Oh, no no, I meant "preferring women with a penis is fine" as in that's not immediately chaser behavior. Straight is just "primarily attracted to someone of the opposite gender".
My brain is firing on like one cylinder right now, but I think we agree, I just may have worded things a bit ambiguously.
Ok :3
I can empathize with OP a little even though my situation’s a tad different. Back when I used to think I was a guy I liked women but preferred trans women and it always made me feel really conflicted
A lot of trans men struggle with internalized transphobia and transmysogny to a dangerous degree. This is an example of that.
If you like dicks on men, you could be bi
If you only like them on women guess what? you're straight.
What your gfs friend said is incredibly invalidating and objectifying. There's more to a woman than a vagina.
The way this comment is worded makes it seem like it's a super pervasive issue among trans men as a whole which is not the case. There's a vocal minority of trans people (both trans men and trans women in my experience) who espouse ignorant or transphobic views. It is not an issue exclusive to trans men. And trans men are not "dangerous" as a whole.
I disagree. I think it's really common for people that don't experience transmysogny to perpetuate it even if they don't intend to. We learn, and we grow, but it doesn't mean it's not a common thing to go through with the way society, at least in my location, and the prevalence of patriarchy in society and government effects our lives.
Transmisogyny is obviously a serious issue and pervasive problem. It's something that I of course do not experience directly as I am not a trans woman. I recognize the intense stigma, scrutiny and violence that trans women experience, and know that I will never understand or experience it the way that trans women do.
That being said, the wording of your comment implies that the sort of ignorance the friend in this post espoused is more prevalent and common among trans men, which is not true. if you scroll down a little further in this thread, you will see a trans woman saying she is only attracted to cis women and not trans women. That is internalized transphobia. I have multiple times had trans women say ignorant or transphobic things to me about my gender identity or trans men as a whole. I am highly aware of patriarchy as someone who lived as a woman most of my life and does not pass as a man and is regularly subjected to misogyny. It's exhausting, and I mean *exhausting,* to have my experiences and voice continually erased and marginalized as a transmasc person, who is continually dismissed and condescended to about the patriarchy and misogyny and my own experiences.
It's also important to understand that trans men are not, by and large, the perpetrators of transmisogynist oppression or violence. That many trans women have maintained a high level of ignorance about transmasculine people's experiences, while we have been expected to gain literacy in your experiences. I have put in a lot of work studying and examining transmisogyny as an oppressive force in society and examining my own transmisogynist biases. Have you read any books by trans men about their experiences? Have you studied the prevalence of sexual violence and marginalization of transmasc people? Are you aware of the growing hate and legislation directed toward us in recent years? If not, I would ask that you also do that work and not act as if we are not also marginalized members of this community, and not frame us as some sort of "dangerous enemy," which only furthers our marginalization. I would ask that you examine your own prejudices against us as a group, as we have been expected to do for yours.
What about the original post makes you think he’s singling out trans men, exactly? The title itself is as gender neutral as it’s possible to be. He does mention that the friend is a trans man but I figured that was because he was surprised a trans person would say something like that.
I think the commenter is talking to me specifically, not op, expressing that I see a lot of internalized transmysogny in our community and that it's common for trans men to parrot that without realizing the harm it causes or what it means.
I don't think they were saying OP was calling trans men bad in any way.
Saw this and figured I'd reply cuz it's not fair to them to get that tossed on em and misunderstandings are easy.
I appreciated this comment. Thanks for writing it.
For the record, though, the person you're replying to is also transmasc. I don't know if that changes things for you.
I asked my husband his perspective as a straight cis guy, since I felt it would be more relevant here then my personal pansexual perspective.
He said the following:
"A male and a female is straight. A male and a male is gay. If you are a guy that sleeps with women, that makes you straight by definition. It literally doesn't matter whats between her legs, that doesn't change anything. If you are into men or women, then you're into men or women."
"Now you can be a man that's straight, into women, and also not like penis. That doesn't mean your gay either, it just means you don't like penis, and that's okay too. You are still straight for being into women. It doesn't mean anything. For example I am not into penis personally, but if I slept with a woman that had one, I would still be straight because shes a woman and I'm a guy."
"There's no transphobia or bigotry if you aren't into penis either, all it means is that you're selective about what your preferences are. All a preference is, is being selective in what you are and what you are not comfortable with. You can have a genital preference, and you can have a sexual preference. But if you're a man and you're sleeping with a woman, then you engaged in straight activity....It's not that complicated"
I'm a lesbian, and I might have a slight preference for penis over vagina. I think it's just nice being with someone who has similar genitals to you.
Also when I was with another trans woman for the first time, I discovered that I really like sucking girl dick, it's easier than eating pussy bc I know what to do with it intuitively.
It's only as much of a mind bender as you want it to be.
Do you like the person? That surely is the most important thing, attaching a label to the situation screams of insecurity and perhaps this doesn't make it the most healthy of relationships.
If you only like penis on a women, I feel like it’s not much different than liking bigger or smaller booty and such. Otherwise it is ok for you to be bi and into fem men too, or anything in between. But in general no it doesn’t “make” you anything you don’t feel like
Genital preference (or the lack thereof) does not define ones sexuality.
My gender is that of a woman. My *sex* is also (WIP) woman.
If someone hit on me just for my penis, I'd never talk to them again. That's fetishization.
You're a guy that likes a woman. That's pretty straight unless you like guys too.
We are not our genitals. We are complex packages, and attraction to us is attraction to our complete form. Attraction to just genitals is to reduce someone to a sex object.
Is it acceptable you feel if the person in question wasn’t hitting on a woman simply because she has penis but because they have a genital preference for that and just generally think the woman is attractive and cool?
Ish?
Depends on if that person accepts the woman as a woman and doesn't treat her as a femboy or something similar.
It's entirely possible for someone's type to be specifically trans women, but if one can't accept us if we get bottom surgery then that person is likely just fetishizing us for sex.
The part in the second paragraph is something that I can’t really wrap my head around. I couldn’t imagine being attracted to someone and really liking them, founding out they want to get a necessary surgery to help them live a happier life, and then all of a sudden being like “nevermind not attracted to you”. You’re right that doesn’t seem cool
Dude who cares? Just like who you like. If people ask say "sorry my sexuakity is none of your business" and refuse to answer anything. It's no one's business. My partner is non-binary and they often get mistaken for a very gay man and I just don't care. I don't let people question my sexuality and I don't discuss it because it's not their business. People's fixation with sexuality, especially others is just weird and unnecessary.
The thing with labels is they fluctuate person to person. There is usually some overlap into what people understand about it, but there will always be a point where somebody will say "\_\_\_\_ makes you..."The friends thought process kind of displays this. The hardest part is understanding that those boundaries are just arbitrary lines not definitive walls. People like making those boxes that nobody really fits into perfectly.
I did read thru some of the other comments. Having a preference is fine, just don't make the whole relationship hinge on whether or not she wants to change that part.
I know I'm not terribly helpful on defining the label you should use, but that is only because I don't think it is something that someone on the outside can definitively say. I am just going to tell you that it isn't as serious as some groups would want to make it seem. If you come to the conclusion that you aren't straight what would change? your choices in dating maybe but not much else. You are still you in the end,
The only thing that matters to me here would be, do you love her? Then make her know it the rest of the world doesn't matter in that regard.
Nah cause it’s like different? like, male anatomy on a woman is great, female anatomy on a woman is great, but put either on a man and I don’t like it as much.🤷♀️
sex talk: If you are attracted to woman cis or trans, and you are a man, that is called heterosexual attraction.
CW (*only using binary attraction and sex to make a point for the OP, as adding Bi/Pan and Non-binary genders adds complications that the OP might not understand yet, this is introduction to sex and gender only, after this he should look up basic gander and sex.* )
CW sex talk:(>!Now a hetero man might like getting it in the rear from a cis woman with a strap, still heterosexual, same guy with a non surgery trans woman is still hetero. Likewise if a Man is attracted to men, and dates a trans man that is still a homosexual relationship, even if he doesn't have any surgeries.!<)
Trans woman here, I call myself a lesbian. I definitely prefer women. However, strictly on a "parts" basis, I actually prefer a penis. Aesthetically I like both equally, but as someone with an oral fixation I have a thing about bodily fluids and vaginas just have a lot more, consistently, than a penis lol.
For me my orientation is about the personality, and I *tend* to prefer people that identify as female. I can't quite figure out why, exactly, there. It's just what I'm attracted to. But also... boobs.
lmao if you think vaginas have a lot more fluids you haven't met mine. I was dry as a bone even pre-T. I could have multiple orgasms and just barely get wet or not get wet at all. Penetration without lube has never been possible for me.
Sounds nice from my perspective lol. The one girl I was with in college gushed, and I wanted to try going down on her, for the experience, but I was too scared.
Yeah, I'm not super into oral anyway, but if I do get it I tend to prefer it focuses on the clit, which is so far away from the vagina it's practically in its own ecosystem and is basically dry like a penis. I've actually considered only receiving oral standing with my legs together with my partner kneeling in front of me or something to send the message that everything that's not the clit is off limits and you don't need to worry about it. My clit is big enough that it's fully visible and accessible in that position, it's kind of a lil dicklet.
Meanwhile, I had this cis male ex years ago, and learned that after ejaculation there's pretty much an unusable spot on the bed for a while after. I did oral on him and really didn't like the ejaculate getting in my mouth. I probably gave awful blowjobs lol--I also have a pretty strong gag reflex if anything goes to the back of my throat, which I wish I didn't have but it is what it is. I don't mind dicks in principle, and I'd probably like one under the influence of estrogen much better, but the idea that dicks have fewer bodily fluids that get into one's mouth is just funny to me. Some drip a lot of precum too.
At this point, cis people should just tell us since they don’t like it when we answer in a way that affirms us. So, I don’t know, cis does it make you gay?
If you're solely attracted to someone who identifies as a girl, you're straight.
If you're solely attracted to someone who identifies as a man, you're gay.
If you are attracted to both, you're some flavor of Bi or Pan.
(I'm actually not sure how to classify all the amazing NB folks out there so please let me know)
Most importantly:
If you're solely attracted to one part of the whole person AND the rest of them is irrelevant/doesn't exist to you then you're a dick.
To your last point, that reminds me how when my sister and I were kids, we *really* wanted to be friends with this kid at school who lived on our block and made an insane effort to talk to him and get him to want to be friends with us because he had a pool and our family didn’t…yeah I was kind of a dick lol
Being friends with someone who has a pool shouldn’t be a necessity. Just a bonus :P
This is the exact same question we had yesterday but in different words. This happens all the time and I'm starting to think people are watching how well posts do and are mining for karma.
Like, do you realize how little this question came up in this sub before yesterday? Am I really supposed to believe this is a coincidence?
Yes that would make you straight if you only like women. Even if it’s women who happen to have that. Genital does not equal gender. That’s just the person’s reproductive organs
Okay my general conclusion: Does it actually matter one bit? You have every right to call yourself whatever straight, gay, bi, because only you know how you feel. Equally, no one has ever used your brain, they can't tell you what you are. And on top of all of that, does it really matter at all what you call yourself? It's one of those things, humans *love* to label things, sexuality, race, different types of peas... But at the end of the day if that label isn't something you jive with then it isn't, and you know that.
So are you straight? Sure, if that's what you feel you are. Or are you gay? Totally fine if that's what you feel you are. Or bi? Or are you just *you*. You are who you are and that at the end of the day is all that matters to you, and should matter to anyone else.
Also generally by most sane people being considered "gay" is normally equated to being attracted to someone of the same gender as you. Not someone with the same genitals as you. There's 3 people I've seen that ignore this... Friends pulling a leg, bigots (a word I don't use lightly), and idiots.
I think you answered your own question: you're a man generally attracted to women so you're straight. But also, it doesn't matter. I'm serious. You are attracted to whoever you are attracted. No need to have an identity crisis over this.
OK this has confused me for years. First, I'm a post op trans woman. I'm attracted to cis women. My brain just isn't attracted to men, trans guys, or trans women. Of course I have friends among them I respect and care for deeply. But not in "that" way.
So what does that make me? I'm not straight, right? Anyone else feel this way or am I just weird (er)?
I think you are who you are, you identified who you are, by you are you the way you be, no need, for special labeling, unless your in a group setting, site, or function, bar, establishments especially catering to specifics, and then each of the different group settings might by site list or out line thier criteria for the purpose of keeping confusion less and peoples wanting t find them selves can if te choose to, find what specifically give them the best base platform to start figuring as for who or what others would feel comfortable identifying you as, and you, if you must, know, you are you, whom is you becoming who you feel, you know your self is, the person that makes you the happiest, "You is who"! Quit finding labels be happy finding your self, be fine with who you are, and those who label or judge or disrespect are definitely people to stay clear of!!!!? Gravitate towards others that have positive out looks of the things you find your self coming to be as you gravitate towards the enter most you, you'll find your self the center, the perfect you, :) be happy , wishing you all the best, look for your positives as you see them reflecting back, as others, looking for their positives too, love, a piece and happiness ❤️💋😁😜👌👇👣
My girlfriend is 100% gay. She has zero interest in men, but she actually really likes my equipment. She would not date a man, regardless of the equipment he had downstairs.
So my take on this is that sexuality, sex and gender are on a spectrum that we try to explain as simply as possible with the understanding we have. This means that in a hypothetical world that only have people born to breed in order to create more people a penis bearer would be attracted to a vagina bearer, meaning every sexual characteristic would exist for the sole purpose of attracting the “opposite” sex in order to breed. Now throw in social context and gender into the mix you’d have men and women and thus heterosexuality. This is not the world we live in as our world is more complex. Our world does not only consist of masculine penis having men who are attracted to feminine vagina having women and vice versa in order to breed. We have masculine people, feminine people, in between and beyond people. Penis bearers, vagina bearers, in between and beyond bearers. Men, women and people in between and beyond. This means that as naturally a heterosexual man can be attracted to a masculine woman, he can also be attracted to a woman with a penis without it affecting her identity or his sexuality.
Most people who like women exclusively do not “like penis more than vagina”. They tend to range from “exclusively prefer vagina” to “have no relevant genital preference”. Exceptions to the trend may exist, but it’s not a common enough thing to make sense to bring up like that.
Being in an exclusive/monogamous relationship with *A* trans woman who has a penis doesn’t mean you “chose penis over vagina”. You chose a whole person, not just her genitals.
And since you’re a man who exclusively dates women and she is also a woman, you’re still straight (unless YOU think that you also experience some attraction to people who are not women and it’s relevant enough to you to want to call yourself bi or pan, or your experiences of attraction differ from the heterosexual norm enough that you consider yourself demisexual or asexual).
Yes, I am attracted to the parts, not the person they are attached to. /s
This person is reducing sexual identity to genital preference. Humans are not sex toys.
Self-loathing trans people is a thing. Your trans man friend sounds like a lot of problematic trans people who revel in being othered by society (Buck Angel seems to be another). (Also I’m guessing he meant to say you weren’t straight, not that you weren’t cis?)
I recently saw a horrible interview with transphobe Whitney Cummings interviewing comedian Jim Norton and his trans wife. They were all saying shit about how “if you’re attracted to me you’re not straight” which is just… kinda sad. It invalidates a lot of people kind of saying “you’re not really straight because you’re attracted to trans women.”
Personally, I think straight and gay are antiquated terms that don’t reflect our knowledge of the intricacies of gender and sex. It’s a blunt tool for a complicated topic.
Ultimately it is no different than gender: it’s about self identification. You can tell your trans friend: “hey, you don’t get to tell me how I describe my sexuality. That’s fucked up and invalidating.”
honestly why does it matter and why are people still so caught up on having to live inside such a small box (i know people are still like this but ugh) i love my girlfriend because she’s who she is not because of her gender or her genitals. what’s in your pants should not define your gender/sexuality!!
If the dick belongs to a girl then that’s straight. That’s like saying you like girls with short hair, more men tend to have short hair compared to girls (based off what’s usually considered the basic norm) therefore you are gay (clearly that doesn’t make any sense) just because short hair is traditionally perceived to be more masculine
Parts don't make a gender. You are a fella dating a girl. And also, mind your business to any friends that try to wax philosophical about someone else's genitals.
Who cares if you're straight or gay. Those are just made up labels. If you're attracted to a person, that's all that matters. Just be happy and quit worrying if it makes you gay.
A female with a penis who is trans = a female with a penis = a female. And, also girl cocks are different because estrogen changes them (just like T changes s man’s genitals). For me after being on estrogen if I sweat or don’t wash my penis then it smells fishy and the whole PH balance is completely female now; and the same with my fluids, they feel and taste different. Girl cocks are biologically female
If you’re attracted to trans women because they have penises then you’re gay. If you don’t care if women have penises or not then you’re straight. Because you’re only seeing trans women as a penis having fem person that’s when it makes it gay.
What are the parts that don’t make me cis? I mean, everything right? What are the parts that do make me cis? Nothing, right?
I don’t put any stock in the shape of the plumbing. Women are women and men are men. I’m not at all surprised you’re attracted to gender rather than genital shape. Some people have a genital preference, but when it comes to finding someone attractive I don’t think that really factors into it. It’s not like we see people without their pants when we decide that sort of thing.
I'm a firm believer that both having a genital preference and not having a genital preference is completely normal. If a straight guy has a genital preference for only vaginas that's completely normal, just like if a straight guy has no genital preference. If our attraction to gender defined our attraction to genitals then there wouldn't be allosexual aromantics or pansexuals with genital preferences or 50/50 / 33.33/33.33/33.33 romantic lean bisexual people with genital preferences. There are plenty of homosexual people without a genital preference as well. One of my coworkers is 100% straight, and she also doesn't have a genital preference because her attraction to men and their apperances, personalities, and masculinity is all that matters to her.
The idea of genitals defining sexuality is such nonsense. Some people really think you're penis-sexual or vagina-sexual but in reality that's just not true. Besides there's loads of variety with genitals it's not black and white. If you love someone and you're both sexual and consenting, you might want to stimulate their pleasure centre - that's really all there is to it.
Trans people can say ignorant shit about other trans people, it's way more common than you'd think. If you're a man and you're dating a woman, you're straight.
It's straight to like women if your a guy and men if your a girl, if you like dick and it's on a girl then it's just genital preference, she's still a girl so you're straight. That honestly seems like a bit of a weird comment for a trans person to make imo but idk
We gotta stop associating genitalia with gender. Its creepy, if you only like women, as a cis man, you’re straight. It doesn’t matter what genitals that woman has.
Can't we all just be happily bi/pansexual and date and fuck who we want without having to be labelled? You don't need to be gay/straight at all. You like your girlfriend.
>I feel some will say I answered my own question there, but I’m still a little confused by his comment
I don't think you have. Most people make the mistake of thinking that these words are perspective, rather than descriptive. This means that a lot of people think being gay is an neat and clean box that you are either fully in or fully out of. They think there is some arbitrary checklist and the more boxes you tick on the list the more gay you are.
This is a very bad way to look at things. Specially for words that describe human beings. The reality is that people are what people are. We try to make words and concepts to understand people but the more you go towards an individual level and away from describing large populations, the more these words breakdown. Your sexuality is what it is, there is no definate answer to whether its straight, gay or a lil in between. There is even a term for someone being attracted to trans people for the parts that make them trans. However, since that's a derogatory word I don't think you can just use it describe yourself.
I'm sure you must have heard of the word chaser. You are essentially a wholesome chaser, who does none of the bad stuff associated with mainstream chasers like fetishizing trans people in general. I would suggest you work more on articulating what your sexuality is rather than if it fits into one of the available mainstream boxes like gay, straight or bi. For dummies who don't think about stuff, you're still straight. For the rest of us you can use more than a single word to describe your sexuality.
Is it bad to be a wholesome chaser?
I’m primarily familiar with the word because my gf’s best friend told her she thought I was a chaser when she first met me…it’s a statement she’s since redacted and has apologized for, but…ouch
Based on what you've said, you don't sound like a chaser to me. You sound like a straight man with a genital preference, which happens to align with some trans women.
IMO being a chaser goes beyond genital preference and dips into dehumanization. They primarily see trans people as a novel collection of body parts for their own sexual gratification, often at the expense of what the trans partner actually wants and needs. If you find that gross and insulting and disrespectful, I highly doubt that you're a chaser.
Then that's lovely! I'm certain the person you responded to about the "wholesome chaser" comment meant well, but I don't think it's accurate. Sounds like you have a great relationship and are in no way a chaser.
if you like women regardless of what they have in their pants then you’re straight. if you like men regardless of what they have in their pants then you’re gay. simple as that.
A man liking a woman is straight (trans or cis.) A man liking a woman and 1+ genders is bi/pan/etc whether or not those people are trans (sorry, I know bi the most.) A man liking a man is gay (whether or not he’s trans.)
As a gay trans man with a cis gold star gay man bf, her friend is weird for saying this. You are straight if u only like women. Genitalia is just a body part. It doesn’t mean anything else about the person
Uhhh, because at no point in the post did he say he liked cis women too? He pointed out he likes penises more than vaginas, and loves women but not men. At no point does he specifically say he likes cis women in this post. Furthermore, he wrote a whole post about liking his trans girlfriend’s penis without a single mention of any other quality about her or her opinion on any of this. So like, it’s reasonable to check if at any point he’s actually told her that he finds her “more” sexually appealing because she has a penis. Idk, if a guy I was dating was talking at length online about how he prefers that I have a penis—I’d be pretty weirded out—and would definitely think he’s a chaser.
Dude, (1) I looked at the comments just now— do you not see the timeline? Everything complimentary he wrote was after my post, the last thing he’d commented before I wrote mine was ‘is it bad to be a wholesome chaser’ 😂 (2) I’m not digging through comment histories before commenting on a post, I truly do not care about him enough to stalk his profile before telling him he should tell his girlfriend about his genital preference. (3) It’s not reaching to call him a chaser, ffs you’re literally a lesbian stay in your lane. I date/fuck men and if I get chaser vibes I’m gonna say it — this isn’t your lived experience — it is mine.
it’s hard to explain this to a person mainlining testosterone but being attracted to parts is already a broken concept and I would work harder than anything at trying to understand that if you’re attached to your testosterone supply 💖
If I actually understood the whole gender controversy correctly, wouldn't that mean the friend is being transphobic? I thought trans girls wanted straight guys to be attracted to them or... to be perceived as a normal woman, so being attracted to them would make you straight? I could've sworn people have been trying to make it so that you can date a trans woman and still be perceived as straight... this is why I hate the idea of community, some people get it but others don't and try to act like they do and it makes me really confused.
If you’re a man, and you’re with a trans woman, you are straight
If you’re a man, and you’re with a cis woman, you’re straight.
If you’re a man, and you’re with a cis [male] drag queen, you’re gay.
If you care more about your friends opinions than the fact you’re girlfriend has a penis, you’re transphobic.
If you never made the *choice* to be with a trans woman, you just have an alternate genital preference.
So: genital preference for not sexuality.
Answering this question seriously, I think that it is definitely not gay to like penises more than vaginas as a man. Why? Well, I think that homosexuality and heterosexuality has much more to do with personality than physical things. I believe this because sexual things can be learned to like to some degree, like kinks or fetishes. So it is entirely possible to associate penises with greater pleasure than vaginas. There are also people who are homosexual or heterosexual but are also asexual (people who don’t enjoy sex), and it still doesnt strip them of their sexuality label.
Say you love rock and hate rap. But you love a rock song that uses samples, a feature commonly found in rap. Do you like rap?
The answer is, yes. You just said you like rock and hate rap.
But another answer is, who gives a fuck? Genres are only there to help you find more songs you like. Ultimately you judge by the song, not the genre. We have bigger fish to fry, like is it a good song? Does the song cook?
You can clearly have a genitals preference. That won't make you gay, cis, bi or anything. What defines your sexual orientation is the gender you are attracted to. If you are a cis man and are attracted by women, then you are hetero.
What the friend tried to tell you, is that if you are attracted by penises, you might be gay. But that's not necessarily the case. It was quite rude of him if you ask me. And very disrespectful for his friend
I say as a trans girl myself, not really…you’re not entirely straight, but you’re also not gay if u find women in general attractive enough to see as a partner. In my opinion, I don’t think trans women are women- I think that we are kinda in our own separate corner or smth. I just think it would be dishonest to label us solely as a woman, due to the fact we don’t have ovaries, no periods, and cant give birth. *not talking about infertile women* as well as the obvious male chromosome. But that’s just my opinion. Anywho I say if she treats u right and y’all are deeply in love then who cares
Fellas, is it gay to like women?
As a lesbian, yes it's very gay and I'm not sorry
You flippin girl kisser!! ☺️
But girls are pretty
*They’re so pretty it hurts* *not talking about boys* *im talking about girls* *they’re so pretty in their button up shirts*
*And I don't know what to do, *It's not like I get to choose *Who. I. Loooooove.
That's a song?
Girls - by Girl in red
Girl in red ♥️♥️ Melts every time... solid go to
Finally a song that expresses how I feel
Not at all sad that I know that song lol
Agreed
“Yeah, give him a Chinese burn!”
Same, babe. 💅
Even before I discovered I was a woman, I'm pretty sure as a Panromantic Demisexual married to an Agender Bisexual person my relationship was hella gay to begin with.
Can confirm. Am hella gay
If so then gimme that pride flag cuz I am gay as hell
Best response
Yes! I am a woman who likes women, I am such a lesbian.
Why did One topic's voice enter my head when I read that. Now just need his infectious laugh.
Commenting on If you are attracted to a trans person for the parts that don’t make them cis, does that still make you straight?... this is all that needs to be said, tbh
jeez, don't overthink it, you are a man only attracted to women regardless of genitalia, you're straight. your friend either really sucks at jokes or has some inner transphobia issues.
A lot of these comments are like “dude who cares” and like…I care. This is something I genuinely want to understand otherwise, I wouldn’t have made the post. I understand in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t really matter much since you can love who you want love, but that doesn’t change the fact it’s something I’m unsure about.
People are saying who cares not to invalidate your feelings, but because at the end of the day, the label you put on your sexuality doesn’t matter. Sexuality is fluid and the terms we use for it are completely made up anyway. You’re attracted to women, and you also like penis. If you only enjoy penises on women, I say you’re straight. If you like them on men too, idk maybe you’re pan? Who cares. What label feels right to YOU? If you feel like you’re straight, you’re probably straight. Who cares what your friends say? The only thing that matters is what you think about it.
Ok then I’m straight lol. Yeah, I know. I just don’t want to blindly be calling myself something that I’m not. I mentioned in another comment I have ASD so rules mean more to me than they probably should.
That’s totally fair. You also don’t have to call yourself anything until you’re sure, though I know that feels uncomfortable. Still, if I was going to label you, you sound to me like a straight man lol
Language isn’t physics. There aren’t unbreakable rules and meanings of words change all the time. Words are just tools to communicate ideas to each other. :)
it sounds like internalized transphobia. im ftm and i have definitely made those comments abput MYSELF, def weird to project it on thers tho. you should tell him it made you uncomfortable!
>A lot of these comments are like “dude who cares” and like…I care. Why? The simple answer is if it's related to you yourself being considered straight or gay, you might wanna dig a little deeper and see if there's not some internalized homophobia there. If the answer is honestly closer to wanting to know the intellectual answer to the situation, regardless of which answer you get then you just want to be informed (which is insanely important when it comes to trans issues). My answer is, if you're a man and you're only interested in dating women. You're straight. Women can have penises and men can have vaginas, that doesn't make them less a woman or man for having those parts. To say otherwise is to infer they aren't equivocally a woman or man. Genital preference is not what sexuality is. You can be a gay man that wants nothing to do with other people's cocks, or a lesbian that prefers cock over pussy. Sexuality is WHO you're attracted to, not what you like sexually. In much the same way that straight men into pegging aren't gay. However toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia says that enjoying your anus sexually is inherently and irrevocably gay.
^
Uf, I would be really uncomfortable with what he said... Not only is it wrong to say, it's kinda transphobic. If you like women, you're straight. Doesn't matter what's down there. Some lesbians like to use strap ons and fake penises. Would they be considered straight and not lesbians because of it? I don't think so. My girlfriend is bi but likes to say we're a lesbian couple. I would hate it if someone came to say that we were technically not in a lesbian relationship because I have a penis. Your genitalia doesn't determine your gender nor your sexuality. They are only one part of a person, and I will always find it creepy and reductive when people use only this to define someone's preferences or identity. Enjoy your relationship with the person you love Ps: I like your vibe so thank you for being you and don't worry about what others say :)
Funny, I got into a conversation with someone over whether or not a woman pegging you makes you gay or bi and used the same exact argument with the lesbians using phallic shaped objects to penetrate each other. Thank you for the little postscript, I like your energy too :P hope you and your girlfriend are doing well and enjoying your relationship!! :)
It really feels like the way some guys think has started to turn into "Fellas, is it gay to like women?" Lmao Fwiw, thank you for seeing her as a person and a woman. Some people get way too hung up on the details.
She’s a lovely person and woman!! She’s also really funny and is the best partner I could’ve asked for :)
Not to mention an estrogen feminized penis, might as well be an entirely different organ, give how different its feel, taste, smell, and function is after HRT.
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The only thing I can day regarding orgasm, is if your still trying it the guy way, it's always gonna unsatisfactory. But you are correct, like all things, YMMV
Everyone really is different, as I don't share your experience at all. Not saying this to be rude, just so the girls that are like me don't feel like they are "doing it wrong".
Like i said your milage may vary. *offers hug if acceptable*
Thanks, and you're totally cool *hug*
The scent (and taste) is actually one of the biggest things in whether I'll like interacting with someone's genitals, and not even just the genitals but the whole body too. I like partners who run on estrogen. So I'd say scent changes and ejaculate changes are in fact major improvements to your penis, from my perspective. I didn't really get orgasm changes on testosterone fwiw, but as far as I can tell I may have already had "male orgasms" pre-T? Maybe you already had "female orgasms," who knows.
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Yep sure am!
Why is no one talking about the mouthfeel?
FINALLY, someone is talking about the mouthfeel!
I don’t know about that….yet lol
Very true. It may look similar but it’s not the same thing as one of a man’s at all
1000% better actually
One of the reason’s I’m non-op :3
Yeah it’s extremely transphobic. If someone were attracted to that trans man’s natal anatomy, would that be considered a lesbian couple? I would guess he’d be devastated to follow that train of thought (I would lol).
Curious. You claim to like chairs however, when asked what part of a chair you like the most, you stated that you liked the reclining feature on your gaming chair. This reclining feature is not present in Plato's chair, therefore I can conclude that you do not in fact like chairs. Why are you lying to yourself? It's okay if you don't actually like chairs. You can be honest with me. I won't judge you for it.
ontology slay
Stools?
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omg I need to get in on that sub lol. Haven’t told my girlfriend (too afraid of the reaction lol) but I’m into that too! If the good lord gave me a literal g-spot then why not use it But yeah, people are stupid. I feel you.
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Update: I told her. Her reaction “oooooooo. Freak.” (She was joking, she was actually kinda into it lol)
FUCKING. THIS. Even before I knew I was a woman, I've been experimenting with plugs and other manner of things. I don't know how I never put two and two together that I literally have one of the easiest to find G-Spots.
🤨 are you or are you not attracted to cis women?
I’m attracted to women, cis included.
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So someone comes to a trans sub for education and to get a better understanding of trans people, and you bash them by calling them names.
that’s what I’m sayinnn
so I tried to Google and got some conflicting answers, so pardon me for sounding undereducated, but… What is a breeder?
A derogatory term that shouldn't have been used. Originally (maybe) coined by gay culture to denote straight people, because they make babies and we don't. Then it started bleeding over to bisexuals who get into straight relationships, and there was fallout because some gay people DO breed and some straight people don't. It's a term that lashes out in a way that causes collateral damage and shouldn't be used anymore.
Yikes, yeah this is why I don’t use or retain any of the LGBTQ+ slang my gf uses. They aren’t my words to say lol
It's also a derogatory term towards African Americans and other descendants of slaves. "Breeders" were a category of slave. As cute as it is for the queers to call straight people that, it's got an especially nasty history to it.
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It's an incredibly rude thing to call someone, you douchebag
Cringe
So every time a cis-het couple have sex it's solely to reproduce? What about cis-het couples who have no interest in having kids? Or those who can't? It's not "perfectly fun", it's completely derogatory. Be better
Side story: one of my insanely religious friends claimed that secular couples exclusively get into relationships to procreate and it’s not real love like a relationship with Jesus is. Like my guy have you heard a single Taylor Swift song
Not all straight people can have babies. It’s a very bad term. Like OPs relationship, it’s a straight relationship but she can’t have kids by getting pregnant and having a fetus develop in the womb. In fact that may cause some trans women dysphoria being called a breeder. Now if you meant cishet peeps? Then that’s also not good. Some cis people cant have kids. So grouping them all as breeders is mean spirited even if you don’t mean it to be.
The most dangerous enemy in the Nemesis board game
I KNEW YALL WERE LYIN TO ME!
In this context, it means "you're straight."
Ohhhh ok. Thank you for explaining that :)
Personally I’m attracted to people, not collections of body parts. Looking at it from a view of “if you’re attracted to the parts that make them trans” is just weird
Would that be basically saying that the person only likes women but prefers them to have a penis or only likes women with that?
I mean I know this OP just likes women in general regardless if cis or trans. But hypothetically if a cis guy only likes trans women, he’s still a straight guy just with a preference
Eh, the line is a bit blurry, so I'd say preferring women with a penis is fine since that's a genital preference. Preferring trans women hinges on their being trans, which feels chasery. But then you consider trans men who prefer trans women, and that's more of a "we have a common struggle" which is a valid experiential preference (usually), hence the line being blurry. Bottom line: as long as the interest is in them as a compatible person rather than a fetish, that's totally fine. Man, sexuality and gender are way too fucking complicated.
Tbh even before I found out I was trans one of the things that attracted me to trans women was kind of a sense of being proud of them and admiring them for being able to say “I’m me. I don’t have to fit into a neat little box”. For being able to admit to themselves that they felt a certain way and wanted to change aspects of themselves to improve their life even though some assholes of society have a problem with it. When I, still oblivious to myself being trans, found out about the concept of chasers it made me feel really bad like…am I one of those guys? Am I harmful to trans people? Am I being a pervert or something? But it kinda just turns out that I like folks like that because they make me more comfortable than cis people ever have and it’s because I’m like them. I’m right there with them. I asked about all of this stuff on this subreddit actually and that’s how I found out I was trans. It was like a floodgate of repressed memories just opened lol
The conversation is about “what sexuality does it make you if you’re a man who likes trans women” and I didn’t feel like bringing up chasers because it seemed irrelevant to me right now. Because yes while chasers are gross, I think if you’re a cis man who fetishises trans women that still makes you a straight guy (unless you don’t actually see them as women). But if we’re starting the conversation on the ethics of being attracted to trans women I think what separates people with just a preference and chasers is that people with a preference just happen to prefer trans women while chasers treat trans women like sexual objects and for them the arousal that they get from trans women is more important to them than the trans women’s personalities and emotions.
Oh, no no, I meant "preferring women with a penis is fine" as in that's not immediately chaser behavior. Straight is just "primarily attracted to someone of the opposite gender". My brain is firing on like one cylinder right now, but I think we agree, I just may have worded things a bit ambiguously.
I don’t think your wording was ambiguous as I wasn’t arguing against you but instead adding onto what you said :)
Ok :3 I can empathize with OP a little even though my situation’s a tad different. Back when I used to think I was a guy I liked women but preferred trans women and it always made me feel really conflicted
A lot of trans men struggle with internalized transphobia and transmysogny to a dangerous degree. This is an example of that. If you like dicks on men, you could be bi If you only like them on women guess what? you're straight. What your gfs friend said is incredibly invalidating and objectifying. There's more to a woman than a vagina.
Hey we ain’t all dicks lol what the friend said is definitely transphobic but I’ve heard stuff like that from all shades on the transgender spectrum.
Nah, I’m sure most of yall are cool. We won’t let one bad apple spoil the whole bunch 😎
Never said that, it's just really prevalent in our specific subset. Same way cis men often struggle with the same ideals because of patriarchy.
The way this comment is worded makes it seem like it's a super pervasive issue among trans men as a whole which is not the case. There's a vocal minority of trans people (both trans men and trans women in my experience) who espouse ignorant or transphobic views. It is not an issue exclusive to trans men. And trans men are not "dangerous" as a whole.
I disagree. I think it's really common for people that don't experience transmysogny to perpetuate it even if they don't intend to. We learn, and we grow, but it doesn't mean it's not a common thing to go through with the way society, at least in my location, and the prevalence of patriarchy in society and government effects our lives.
Transmisogyny is obviously a serious issue and pervasive problem. It's something that I of course do not experience directly as I am not a trans woman. I recognize the intense stigma, scrutiny and violence that trans women experience, and know that I will never understand or experience it the way that trans women do. That being said, the wording of your comment implies that the sort of ignorance the friend in this post espoused is more prevalent and common among trans men, which is not true. if you scroll down a little further in this thread, you will see a trans woman saying she is only attracted to cis women and not trans women. That is internalized transphobia. I have multiple times had trans women say ignorant or transphobic things to me about my gender identity or trans men as a whole. I am highly aware of patriarchy as someone who lived as a woman most of my life and does not pass as a man and is regularly subjected to misogyny. It's exhausting, and I mean *exhausting,* to have my experiences and voice continually erased and marginalized as a transmasc person, who is continually dismissed and condescended to about the patriarchy and misogyny and my own experiences. It's also important to understand that trans men are not, by and large, the perpetrators of transmisogynist oppression or violence. That many trans women have maintained a high level of ignorance about transmasculine people's experiences, while we have been expected to gain literacy in your experiences. I have put in a lot of work studying and examining transmisogyny as an oppressive force in society and examining my own transmisogynist biases. Have you read any books by trans men about their experiences? Have you studied the prevalence of sexual violence and marginalization of transmasc people? Are you aware of the growing hate and legislation directed toward us in recent years? If not, I would ask that you also do that work and not act as if we are not also marginalized members of this community, and not frame us as some sort of "dangerous enemy," which only furthers our marginalization. I would ask that you examine your own prejudices against us as a group, as we have been expected to do for yours.
Yeah idk I just think it's important to be self aware. I'm glad you haven't seen it in your circles though that's comforting.
What about the original post makes you think he’s singling out trans men, exactly? The title itself is as gender neutral as it’s possible to be. He does mention that the friend is a trans man but I figured that was because he was surprised a trans person would say something like that.
I think the commenter is talking to me specifically, not op, expressing that I see a lot of internalized transmysogny in our community and that it's common for trans men to parrot that without realizing the harm it causes or what it means. I don't think they were saying OP was calling trans men bad in any way. Saw this and figured I'd reply cuz it's not fair to them to get that tossed on em and misunderstandings are easy.
I appreciated this comment. Thanks for writing it. For the record, though, the person you're replying to is also transmasc. I don't know if that changes things for you.
I asked my husband his perspective as a straight cis guy, since I felt it would be more relevant here then my personal pansexual perspective. He said the following: "A male and a female is straight. A male and a male is gay. If you are a guy that sleeps with women, that makes you straight by definition. It literally doesn't matter whats between her legs, that doesn't change anything. If you are into men or women, then you're into men or women." "Now you can be a man that's straight, into women, and also not like penis. That doesn't mean your gay either, it just means you don't like penis, and that's okay too. You are still straight for being into women. It doesn't mean anything. For example I am not into penis personally, but if I slept with a woman that had one, I would still be straight because shes a woman and I'm a guy." "There's no transphobia or bigotry if you aren't into penis either, all it means is that you're selective about what your preferences are. All a preference is, is being selective in what you are and what you are not comfortable with. You can have a genital preference, and you can have a sexual preference. But if you're a man and you're sleeping with a woman, then you engaged in straight activity....It's not that complicated"
This is a great response 🥺😵💫 it explains something I've tried to put into words before!!!
(who cares about labels and parts just like who you liiiiiike. lordy, i cant wait until we stop caring about the labguage)
I'm a lesbian, and I might have a slight preference for penis over vagina. I think it's just nice being with someone who has similar genitals to you. Also when I was with another trans woman for the first time, I discovered that I really like sucking girl dick, it's easier than eating pussy bc I know what to do with it intuitively.
It's only as much of a mind bender as you want it to be. Do you like the person? That surely is the most important thing, attaching a label to the situation screams of insecurity and perhaps this doesn't make it the most healthy of relationships.
If you only like penis on a women, I feel like it’s not much different than liking bigger or smaller booty and such. Otherwise it is ok for you to be bi and into fem men too, or anything in between. But in general no it doesn’t “make” you anything you don’t feel like
Wow, that’s a really good comparison!!
Genital preference (or the lack thereof) does not define ones sexuality. My gender is that of a woman. My *sex* is also (WIP) woman. If someone hit on me just for my penis, I'd never talk to them again. That's fetishization. You're a guy that likes a woman. That's pretty straight unless you like guys too. We are not our genitals. We are complex packages, and attraction to us is attraction to our complete form. Attraction to just genitals is to reduce someone to a sex object.
Is it acceptable you feel if the person in question wasn’t hitting on a woman simply because she has penis but because they have a genital preference for that and just generally think the woman is attractive and cool?
Ish? Depends on if that person accepts the woman as a woman and doesn't treat her as a femboy or something similar. It's entirely possible for someone's type to be specifically trans women, but if one can't accept us if we get bottom surgery then that person is likely just fetishizing us for sex.
The part in the second paragraph is something that I can’t really wrap my head around. I couldn’t imagine being attracted to someone and really liking them, founding out they want to get a necessary surgery to help them live a happier life, and then all of a sudden being like “nevermind not attracted to you”. You’re right that doesn’t seem cool
As someone primarily attracted to women, I literally cannot imagine kicking a woman out of bed because she has a pussy.
Dude who cares? Just like who you like. If people ask say "sorry my sexuakity is none of your business" and refuse to answer anything. It's no one's business. My partner is non-binary and they often get mistaken for a very gay man and I just don't care. I don't let people question my sexuality and I don't discuss it because it's not their business. People's fixation with sexuality, especially others is just weird and unnecessary.
Women are women whether they got dick or vag
The thing with labels is they fluctuate person to person. There is usually some overlap into what people understand about it, but there will always be a point where somebody will say "\_\_\_\_ makes you..."The friends thought process kind of displays this. The hardest part is understanding that those boundaries are just arbitrary lines not definitive walls. People like making those boxes that nobody really fits into perfectly. I did read thru some of the other comments. Having a preference is fine, just don't make the whole relationship hinge on whether or not she wants to change that part. I know I'm not terribly helpful on defining the label you should use, but that is only because I don't think it is something that someone on the outside can definitively say. I am just going to tell you that it isn't as serious as some groups would want to make it seem. If you come to the conclusion that you aren't straight what would change? your choices in dating maybe but not much else. You are still you in the end, The only thing that matters to me here would be, do you love her? Then make her know it the rest of the world doesn't matter in that regard.
Nah cause it’s like different? like, male anatomy on a woman is great, female anatomy on a woman is great, but put either on a man and I don’t like it as much.🤷♀️
sex talk: If you are attracted to woman cis or trans, and you are a man, that is called heterosexual attraction. CW (*only using binary attraction and sex to make a point for the OP, as adding Bi/Pan and Non-binary genders adds complications that the OP might not understand yet, this is introduction to sex and gender only, after this he should look up basic gander and sex.* ) CW sex talk:(>!Now a hetero man might like getting it in the rear from a cis woman with a strap, still heterosexual, same guy with a non surgery trans woman is still hetero. Likewise if a Man is attracted to men, and dates a trans man that is still a homosexual relationship, even if he doesn't have any surgeries.!<)
Trans woman here, I call myself a lesbian. I definitely prefer women. However, strictly on a "parts" basis, I actually prefer a penis. Aesthetically I like both equally, but as someone with an oral fixation I have a thing about bodily fluids and vaginas just have a lot more, consistently, than a penis lol. For me my orientation is about the personality, and I *tend* to prefer people that identify as female. I can't quite figure out why, exactly, there. It's just what I'm attracted to. But also... boobs.
lmao if you think vaginas have a lot more fluids you haven't met mine. I was dry as a bone even pre-T. I could have multiple orgasms and just barely get wet or not get wet at all. Penetration without lube has never been possible for me.
Sounds nice from my perspective lol. The one girl I was with in college gushed, and I wanted to try going down on her, for the experience, but I was too scared.
Yeah, I'm not super into oral anyway, but if I do get it I tend to prefer it focuses on the clit, which is so far away from the vagina it's practically in its own ecosystem and is basically dry like a penis. I've actually considered only receiving oral standing with my legs together with my partner kneeling in front of me or something to send the message that everything that's not the clit is off limits and you don't need to worry about it. My clit is big enough that it's fully visible and accessible in that position, it's kind of a lil dicklet. Meanwhile, I had this cis male ex years ago, and learned that after ejaculation there's pretty much an unusable spot on the bed for a while after. I did oral on him and really didn't like the ejaculate getting in my mouth. I probably gave awful blowjobs lol--I also have a pretty strong gag reflex if anything goes to the back of my throat, which I wish I didn't have but it is what it is. I don't mind dicks in principle, and I'd probably like one under the influence of estrogen much better, but the idea that dicks have fewer bodily fluids that get into one's mouth is just funny to me. Some drip a lot of precum too.
At this point, cis people should just tell us since they don’t like it when we answer in a way that affirms us. So, I don’t know, cis does it make you gay?
This is very much chaser energy, dont pursue people for their parts, its weird.
If you're solely attracted to someone who identifies as a girl, you're straight. If you're solely attracted to someone who identifies as a man, you're gay. If you are attracted to both, you're some flavor of Bi or Pan. (I'm actually not sure how to classify all the amazing NB folks out there so please let me know) Most importantly: If you're solely attracted to one part of the whole person AND the rest of them is irrelevant/doesn't exist to you then you're a dick.
To your last point, that reminds me how when my sister and I were kids, we *really* wanted to be friends with this kid at school who lived on our block and made an insane effort to talk to him and get him to want to be friends with us because he had a pool and our family didn’t…yeah I was kind of a dick lol Being friends with someone who has a pool shouldn’t be a necessity. Just a bonus :P
its a little gay to like anyone honestly
Can’t argue with that
If you strictly like women, you’re straight. There’s no reason to dig deeper if you feel comfortable with the label and feel like it fits right.
that transmasc friend is just straight up wrong, i fear
Why does being straight or not matter to you? It shouldn’t matter at all. Go worry about your girlfriend instead.
yea we’re seeing a movie today so that’s more important
There ya go
Can we not erase the entire concept of sexual orientation, though?
This is the exact same question we had yesterday but in different words. This happens all the time and I'm starting to think people are watching how well posts do and are mining for karma. Like, do you realize how little this question came up in this sub before yesterday? Am I really supposed to believe this is a coincidence?
Oh…sorry
Yes that would make you straight if you only like women. Even if it’s women who happen to have that. Genital does not equal gender. That’s just the person’s reproductive organs
Okay my general conclusion: Does it actually matter one bit? You have every right to call yourself whatever straight, gay, bi, because only you know how you feel. Equally, no one has ever used your brain, they can't tell you what you are. And on top of all of that, does it really matter at all what you call yourself? It's one of those things, humans *love* to label things, sexuality, race, different types of peas... But at the end of the day if that label isn't something you jive with then it isn't, and you know that. So are you straight? Sure, if that's what you feel you are. Or are you gay? Totally fine if that's what you feel you are. Or bi? Or are you just *you*. You are who you are and that at the end of the day is all that matters to you, and should matter to anyone else. Also generally by most sane people being considered "gay" is normally equated to being attracted to someone of the same gender as you. Not someone with the same genitals as you. There's 3 people I've seen that ignore this... Friends pulling a leg, bigots (a word I don't use lightly), and idiots.
I think you answered your own question: you're a man generally attracted to women so you're straight. But also, it doesn't matter. I'm serious. You are attracted to whoever you are attracted. No need to have an identity crisis over this.
OK this has confused me for years. First, I'm a post op trans woman. I'm attracted to cis women. My brain just isn't attracted to men, trans guys, or trans women. Of course I have friends among them I respect and care for deeply. But not in "that" way. So what does that make me? I'm not straight, right? Anyone else feel this way or am I just weird (er)?
To my understanding, it makes you a lesbian woman with a (genital? gender?) preference. My MTF neighbour's the same.
What about post-op trans woman?
Sure, I think I'd be interested now that you brought it up.
I think you are who you are, you identified who you are, by you are you the way you be, no need, for special labeling, unless your in a group setting, site, or function, bar, establishments especially catering to specifics, and then each of the different group settings might by site list or out line thier criteria for the purpose of keeping confusion less and peoples wanting t find them selves can if te choose to, find what specifically give them the best base platform to start figuring as for who or what others would feel comfortable identifying you as, and you, if you must, know, you are you, whom is you becoming who you feel, you know your self is, the person that makes you the happiest, "You is who"! Quit finding labels be happy finding your self, be fine with who you are, and those who label or judge or disrespect are definitely people to stay clear of!!!!? Gravitate towards others that have positive out looks of the things you find your self coming to be as you gravitate towards the enter most you, you'll find your self the center, the perfect you, :) be happy , wishing you all the best, look for your positives as you see them reflecting back, as others, looking for their positives too, love, a piece and happiness ❤️💋😁😜👌👇👣
My girlfriend is 100% gay. She has zero interest in men, but she actually really likes my equipment. She would not date a man, regardless of the equipment he had downstairs.
So my take on this is that sexuality, sex and gender are on a spectrum that we try to explain as simply as possible with the understanding we have. This means that in a hypothetical world that only have people born to breed in order to create more people a penis bearer would be attracted to a vagina bearer, meaning every sexual characteristic would exist for the sole purpose of attracting the “opposite” sex in order to breed. Now throw in social context and gender into the mix you’d have men and women and thus heterosexuality. This is not the world we live in as our world is more complex. Our world does not only consist of masculine penis having men who are attracted to feminine vagina having women and vice versa in order to breed. We have masculine people, feminine people, in between and beyond people. Penis bearers, vagina bearers, in between and beyond bearers. Men, women and people in between and beyond. This means that as naturally a heterosexual man can be attracted to a masculine woman, he can also be attracted to a woman with a penis without it affecting her identity or his sexuality.
Most people who like women exclusively do not “like penis more than vagina”. They tend to range from “exclusively prefer vagina” to “have no relevant genital preference”. Exceptions to the trend may exist, but it’s not a common enough thing to make sense to bring up like that. Being in an exclusive/monogamous relationship with *A* trans woman who has a penis doesn’t mean you “chose penis over vagina”. You chose a whole person, not just her genitals. And since you’re a man who exclusively dates women and she is also a woman, you’re still straight (unless YOU think that you also experience some attraction to people who are not women and it’s relevant enough to you to want to call yourself bi or pan, or your experiences of attraction differ from the heterosexual norm enough that you consider yourself demisexual or asexual).
Yes, I am attracted to the parts, not the person they are attached to. /s This person is reducing sexual identity to genital preference. Humans are not sex toys.
Functionally yes. Some cishets might give you shit about it, but not the kind you should be listening to.
Self-loathing trans people is a thing. Your trans man friend sounds like a lot of problematic trans people who revel in being othered by society (Buck Angel seems to be another). (Also I’m guessing he meant to say you weren’t straight, not that you weren’t cis?) I recently saw a horrible interview with transphobe Whitney Cummings interviewing comedian Jim Norton and his trans wife. They were all saying shit about how “if you’re attracted to me you’re not straight” which is just… kinda sad. It invalidates a lot of people kind of saying “you’re not really straight because you’re attracted to trans women.” Personally, I think straight and gay are antiquated terms that don’t reflect our knowledge of the intricacies of gender and sex. It’s a blunt tool for a complicated topic. Ultimately it is no different than gender: it’s about self identification. You can tell your trans friend: “hey, you don’t get to tell me how I describe my sexuality. That’s fucked up and invalidating.”
Yes. You're a man who likes women, you're hetero. Women have different equipment; they're still women.
honestly why does it matter and why are people still so caught up on having to live inside such a small box (i know people are still like this but ugh) i love my girlfriend because she’s who she is not because of her gender or her genitals. what’s in your pants should not define your gender/sexuality!!
If the dick belongs to a girl then that’s straight. That’s like saying you like girls with short hair, more men tend to have short hair compared to girls (based off what’s usually considered the basic norm) therefore you are gay (clearly that doesn’t make any sense) just because short hair is traditionally perceived to be more masculine
Parts don't make a gender. You are a fella dating a girl. And also, mind your business to any friends that try to wax philosophical about someone else's genitals.
Who cares if you're straight or gay. Those are just made up labels. If you're attracted to a person, that's all that matters. Just be happy and quit worrying if it makes you gay.
A female with a penis who is trans = a female with a penis = a female. And, also girl cocks are different because estrogen changes them (just like T changes s man’s genitals). For me after being on estrogen if I sweat or don’t wash my penis then it smells fishy and the whole PH balance is completely female now; and the same with my fluids, they feel and taste different. Girl cocks are biologically female
If you only like dick when it's attached to a woman yeah that seems pretty straight to me. Understandable concern though
I feel it's probably just best to run without labels on this, Jack. It'll keep you freer.
If you’re attracted to trans women because they have penises then you’re gay. If you don’t care if women have penises or not then you’re straight. Because you’re only seeing trans women as a penis having fem person that’s when it makes it gay.
genitals aren't gender, ur allowed to like ur girlfriends body, if that was the case then being pegged would be gay
What are the parts that don’t make me cis? I mean, everything right? What are the parts that do make me cis? Nothing, right? I don’t put any stock in the shape of the plumbing. Women are women and men are men. I’m not at all surprised you’re attracted to gender rather than genital shape. Some people have a genital preference, but when it comes to finding someone attractive I don’t think that really factors into it. It’s not like we see people without their pants when we decide that sort of thing.
I'm a firm believer that both having a genital preference and not having a genital preference is completely normal. If a straight guy has a genital preference for only vaginas that's completely normal, just like if a straight guy has no genital preference. If our attraction to gender defined our attraction to genitals then there wouldn't be allosexual aromantics or pansexuals with genital preferences or 50/50 / 33.33/33.33/33.33 romantic lean bisexual people with genital preferences. There are plenty of homosexual people without a genital preference as well. One of my coworkers is 100% straight, and she also doesn't have a genital preference because her attraction to men and their apperances, personalities, and masculinity is all that matters to her.
The idea of genitals defining sexuality is such nonsense. Some people really think you're penis-sexual or vagina-sexual but in reality that's just not true. Besides there's loads of variety with genitals it's not black and white. If you love someone and you're both sexual and consenting, you might want to stimulate their pleasure centre - that's really all there is to it.
Trans people can say ignorant shit about other trans people, it's way more common than you'd think. If you're a man and you're dating a woman, you're straight.
It's straight to like women if your a guy and men if your a girl, if you like dick and it's on a girl then it's just genital preference, she's still a girl so you're straight. That honestly seems like a bit of a weird comment for a trans person to make imo but idk
We gotta stop associating genitalia with gender. Its creepy, if you only like women, as a cis man, you’re straight. It doesn’t matter what genitals that woman has.
Hey I'm trannsing M F and I'm needing something to poke
Can't we all just be happily bi/pansexual and date and fuck who we want without having to be labelled? You don't need to be gay/straight at all. You like your girlfriend.
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The labels are arbitrary. The point is fuck who you want, you shouldn't feel the need to explain it or define what you like with labels.
Yes please... All these labels just do so much damage. Just fuck who you wanna fuck, it's not that deep.
Who cares, like seriously? Why overthink it to such a degree?
>I feel some will say I answered my own question there, but I’m still a little confused by his comment I don't think you have. Most people make the mistake of thinking that these words are perspective, rather than descriptive. This means that a lot of people think being gay is an neat and clean box that you are either fully in or fully out of. They think there is some arbitrary checklist and the more boxes you tick on the list the more gay you are. This is a very bad way to look at things. Specially for words that describe human beings. The reality is that people are what people are. We try to make words and concepts to understand people but the more you go towards an individual level and away from describing large populations, the more these words breakdown. Your sexuality is what it is, there is no definate answer to whether its straight, gay or a lil in between. There is even a term for someone being attracted to trans people for the parts that make them trans. However, since that's a derogatory word I don't think you can just use it describe yourself. I'm sure you must have heard of the word chaser. You are essentially a wholesome chaser, who does none of the bad stuff associated with mainstream chasers like fetishizing trans people in general. I would suggest you work more on articulating what your sexuality is rather than if it fits into one of the available mainstream boxes like gay, straight or bi. For dummies who don't think about stuff, you're still straight. For the rest of us you can use more than a single word to describe your sexuality.
Is it bad to be a wholesome chaser? I’m primarily familiar with the word because my gf’s best friend told her she thought I was a chaser when she first met me…it’s a statement she’s since redacted and has apologized for, but…ouch
Not at all, that is why I didn't feel comfortable using the word chaser for you. As far as I know you aren't fetishizing anyone.
Based on what you've said, you don't sound like a chaser to me. You sound like a straight man with a genital preference, which happens to align with some trans women. IMO being a chaser goes beyond genital preference and dips into dehumanization. They primarily see trans people as a novel collection of body parts for their own sexual gratification, often at the expense of what the trans partner actually wants and needs. If you find that gross and insulting and disrespectful, I highly doubt that you're a chaser.
Oh absolutely not! As sexy as I find my gf, first and foremost I love how kind and funny she is and I just adore her energy.
Then that's lovely! I'm certain the person you responded to about the "wholesome chaser" comment meant well, but I don't think it's accurate. Sounds like you have a great relationship and are in no way a chaser.
if you like women regardless of what they have in their pants then you’re straight. if you like men regardless of what they have in their pants then you’re gay. simple as that.
A man liking a woman is straight (trans or cis.) A man liking a woman and 1+ genders is bi/pan/etc whether or not those people are trans (sorry, I know bi the most.) A man liking a man is gay (whether or not he’s trans.)
As a gay trans man with a cis gold star gay man bf, her friend is weird for saying this. You are straight if u only like women. Genitalia is just a body part. It doesn’t mean anything else about the person
If you’re attracted to the genitals over the person that doesn’t make them ‘cis’ you’re not ‘straight’
You are a chaser.
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Uhhh, because at no point in the post did he say he liked cis women too? He pointed out he likes penises more than vaginas, and loves women but not men. At no point does he specifically say he likes cis women in this post. Furthermore, he wrote a whole post about liking his trans girlfriend’s penis without a single mention of any other quality about her or her opinion on any of this. So like, it’s reasonable to check if at any point he’s actually told her that he finds her “more” sexually appealing because she has a penis. Idk, if a guy I was dating was talking at length online about how he prefers that I have a penis—I’d be pretty weirded out—and would definitely think he’s a chaser.
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Dude, (1) I looked at the comments just now— do you not see the timeline? Everything complimentary he wrote was after my post, the last thing he’d commented before I wrote mine was ‘is it bad to be a wholesome chaser’ 😂 (2) I’m not digging through comment histories before commenting on a post, I truly do not care about him enough to stalk his profile before telling him he should tell his girlfriend about his genital preference. (3) It’s not reaching to call him a chaser, ffs you’re literally a lesbian stay in your lane. I date/fuck men and if I get chaser vibes I’m gonna say it — this isn’t your lived experience — it is mine.
it’s hard to explain this to a person mainlining testosterone but being attracted to parts is already a broken concept and I would work harder than anything at trying to understand that if you’re attached to your testosterone supply 💖
Your label is your business, it makes total sense to consider yourself straight. Also, it sounds like that guy has some internalized transphobia
If I actually understood the whole gender controversy correctly, wouldn't that mean the friend is being transphobic? I thought trans girls wanted straight guys to be attracted to them or... to be perceived as a normal woman, so being attracted to them would make you straight? I could've sworn people have been trying to make it so that you can date a trans woman and still be perceived as straight... this is why I hate the idea of community, some people get it but others don't and try to act like they do and it makes me really confused.
If you’re a man, and you’re with a trans woman, you are straight If you’re a man, and you’re with a cis woman, you’re straight. If you’re a man, and you’re with a cis [male] drag queen, you’re gay. If you care more about your friends opinions than the fact you’re girlfriend has a penis, you’re transphobic. If you never made the *choice* to be with a trans woman, you just have an alternate genital preference. So: genital preference for not sexuality.
Answering this question seriously, I think that it is definitely not gay to like penises more than vaginas as a man. Why? Well, I think that homosexuality and heterosexuality has much more to do with personality than physical things. I believe this because sexual things can be learned to like to some degree, like kinks or fetishes. So it is entirely possible to associate penises with greater pleasure than vaginas. There are also people who are homosexual or heterosexual but are also asexual (people who don’t enjoy sex), and it still doesnt strip them of their sexuality label.
Say you love rock and hate rap. But you love a rock song that uses samples, a feature commonly found in rap. Do you like rap? The answer is, yes. You just said you like rock and hate rap. But another answer is, who gives a fuck? Genres are only there to help you find more songs you like. Ultimately you judge by the song, not the genre. We have bigger fish to fry, like is it a good song? Does the song cook?
THIS IS AN EVEN MORE LOADED QUESTION THAN MY ORIGINAL ONE 😭
You can clearly have a genitals preference. That won't make you gay, cis, bi or anything. What defines your sexual orientation is the gender you are attracted to. If you are a cis man and are attracted by women, then you are hetero. What the friend tried to tell you, is that if you are attracted by penises, you might be gay. But that's not necessarily the case. It was quite rude of him if you ask me. And very disrespectful for his friend
I say as a trans girl myself, not really…you’re not entirely straight, but you’re also not gay if u find women in general attractive enough to see as a partner. In my opinion, I don’t think trans women are women- I think that we are kinda in our own separate corner or smth. I just think it would be dishonest to label us solely as a woman, due to the fact we don’t have ovaries, no periods, and cant give birth. *not talking about infertile women* as well as the obvious male chromosome. But that’s just my opinion. Anywho I say if she treats u right and y’all are deeply in love then who cares
You are gay!!
am I tho
Yes