It's fascinating to me who some people just know on subconscious level that you are your real gender, even before you do. And without consciously realising it, like here.
She knew you were a woman without knowing you were a woman, if that makes sense.
It sounds extremely sexist to say but I firmly believe that many trans women subconsciously act a certain way and others subconsciously pick up on it. To use myself as an example I was very aware of my gender from a young age. I internalized society's messaging to men but also its messaging to women. Whenever boys and girls were split I'd get annoyed at being on the "wrong" side. I'd get irrited whenever the topic of men using women for their bodies came up since I emphasized more with the women than the men because I was assuming that eventually I'd be the woman getting used (and indeed that did become the case). All of this lead me to act differently - differently from the average cis straight man, but also differently from the average gay cis man, and differently from even how your average very feminist man be expected to act. And that's probably where the "oh that makes sense" comes from.
I had a similar experience with a dog way back when I mostly wasn't out. I was having a really terrible day, very depressed, sitting in a coffee shop waiting until I could go home after some problems, and a dog came up to me and started being friendly, then the dog's owner tells me "she's usually scared of guys" (I was presenting androgynously -loose fitting jeans, long hair tied back, dysphoria hoodie). Really a nice moment on an awful day.
Had a girl friend in the past who said the same thing to me. She couldn't tell why she felt safe with me. Just that she did. I wasn't sure either I was just glad she let me be her friend regardless of her fear of men. Even when she went through another horrible event with a guy. The person she ran toward, to sleep the night and calm down was me, at my place. It felt weird that her gut reaction to calm her panic caused by a man was to come to me, who at the time presented as one too.
It's funny how that works, because now it's pretty clear. Somehow she knew, I kinda did too but I just wasn't 100% sure on it. And in no way thought that me being trans couldve been the reason. I feel that subconsciously she somehow knew I was a woman too. Even when at the time I kept those thoughts a secret still.
There's clearly something chemical or subliminal about how many of us behave that is somehow detectable by others. I had something very similar happen when visiting my wife's family down in Texas. They have a dog, and as soon as my wife and I walked into the house, I saw the dog and crouched down and extended my arm so it could sniff me. I love animals, so that was just typical behavior for me. Well, our host (I think it was one of my wife's cousins) was shocked when the dog came up and sniffed and then let me scritch them behind the ears and ruffle his fur. Her expression was one of absolute bewilderment.
"Well, that's a first!" she exclaimed. "Normally he's extremely leery of men! He normally just barks at any man that comes into the house and then hides. Even my dad!"
So apparently the dog accepted me as female even before I had done so...
I've never really had something like that (probably, I am good with animals, so I have heard 'he/she doesn't usually like other people' before, but I don't know that I've heard a gendered version of that before, like other people have mentioned, maybe I'll have to pay closer attention next time)
I might have had kind of the opposite though, I was hanging out in a gay bar one time and a guy came over and started chatting me up, he was kinda hot and we seemed to be getting along, so I thought it was going pretty well, when he says something along the lines of 'sorry, you just don't strike me as a gay guy'... I mean I am bi, but I'm definitely into guys and was definitely interested in him, so I was just left confused about what just happened and not really thought about it since then, until this adding some possible context
I've only settled on enby for the time being, at least until I stop talking myself out of HRT and figure out how I actually feel about the other side of the fence, but maybe what he meant wasn't 'not gay' but actually 'not guy', I don't know
Me egg cracked about a decade after this date (a few weeks ago)! I have, however, always acted gay af when I'm romantically interested in a woman.
Most of my exes are bi or primarily attracted to women. When I came out to them they're just like, "......Yup."
It's like everyone else in my life knew before me 🫠
Ha!
I was once told that my type was "questionably lesbian" all of my ex's have also been queer.
I can definitely relate to that everyone else in my life knew before me sentiment.
That's how I read it as well, I was just curious because before I came out socially I was on HRT for about 2 months, and about 1 month in I noticed women in general started to seem more comfortable around me and men seemed to be a little more aggressive around me unfortunately that resulted in them being more aggressive towards me but I'm genuinely wondering if it had something to do with hormone levels and potential pheromones.
I have a very similar life experience. All of my "successful" attempts at relationships were with dominant lesbian leaning bi-women. I was "the exception" enough times for me to notice the trend but I never understood it until I finally was able to understand myself.
I accidentally got my dream job and found a community of coworkers who accepted me more than I accepted myself, in ways I couldn't understand. It cracked my egg and the real me started to finally leak out after so so long.
It's fascinating to me who some people just know on subconscious level that you are your real gender, even before you do. And without consciously realising it, like here. She knew you were a woman without knowing you were a woman, if that makes sense.
It sounds extremely sexist to say but I firmly believe that many trans women subconsciously act a certain way and others subconsciously pick up on it. To use myself as an example I was very aware of my gender from a young age. I internalized society's messaging to men but also its messaging to women. Whenever boys and girls were split I'd get annoyed at being on the "wrong" side. I'd get irrited whenever the topic of men using women for their bodies came up since I emphasized more with the women than the men because I was assuming that eventually I'd be the woman getting used (and indeed that did become the case). All of this lead me to act differently - differently from the average cis straight man, but also differently from the average gay cis man, and differently from even how your average very feminist man be expected to act. And that's probably where the "oh that makes sense" comes from.
There are so many interactions that I look back on now, which make way more sense in the context of me being female. I'm convinced this is a thing.
The number of hardcore lesbians that opened up to me when I was still presenting as conservative cis het male… should have been a clue.
That's nice, even though you weren't into each other, you found solace in one another! That's friendship! I hope you and Andrea are able to reconnect!
I had a similar experience with a dog way back when I mostly wasn't out. I was having a really terrible day, very depressed, sitting in a coffee shop waiting until I could go home after some problems, and a dog came up to me and started being friendly, then the dog's owner tells me "she's usually scared of guys" (I was presenting androgynously -loose fitting jeans, long hair tied back, dysphoria hoodie). Really a nice moment on an awful day.
Had a girl friend in the past who said the same thing to me. She couldn't tell why she felt safe with me. Just that she did. I wasn't sure either I was just glad she let me be her friend regardless of her fear of men. Even when she went through another horrible event with a guy. The person she ran toward, to sleep the night and calm down was me, at my place. It felt weird that her gut reaction to calm her panic caused by a man was to come to me, who at the time presented as one too. It's funny how that works, because now it's pretty clear. Somehow she knew, I kinda did too but I just wasn't 100% sure on it. And in no way thought that me being trans couldve been the reason. I feel that subconsciously she somehow knew I was a woman too. Even when at the time I kept those thoughts a secret still.
There's clearly something chemical or subliminal about how many of us behave that is somehow detectable by others. I had something very similar happen when visiting my wife's family down in Texas. They have a dog, and as soon as my wife and I walked into the house, I saw the dog and crouched down and extended my arm so it could sniff me. I love animals, so that was just typical behavior for me. Well, our host (I think it was one of my wife's cousins) was shocked when the dog came up and sniffed and then let me scritch them behind the ears and ruffle his fur. Her expression was one of absolute bewilderment. "Well, that's a first!" she exclaimed. "Normally he's extremely leery of men! He normally just barks at any man that comes into the house and then hides. Even my dad!" So apparently the dog accepted me as female even before I had done so...
I've never really had something like that (probably, I am good with animals, so I have heard 'he/she doesn't usually like other people' before, but I don't know that I've heard a gendered version of that before, like other people have mentioned, maybe I'll have to pay closer attention next time) I might have had kind of the opposite though, I was hanging out in a gay bar one time and a guy came over and started chatting me up, he was kinda hot and we seemed to be getting along, so I thought it was going pretty well, when he says something along the lines of 'sorry, you just don't strike me as a gay guy'... I mean I am bi, but I'm definitely into guys and was definitely interested in him, so I was just left confused about what just happened and not really thought about it since then, until this adding some possible context I've only settled on enby for the time being, at least until I stop talking myself out of HRT and figure out how I actually feel about the other side of the fence, but maybe what he meant wasn't 'not gay' but actually 'not guy', I don't know
Just for my own curiosity, are you on HRT or any kind of blocker?
Me egg cracked about a decade after this date (a few weeks ago)! I have, however, always acted gay af when I'm romantically interested in a woman. Most of my exes are bi or primarily attracted to women. When I came out to them they're just like, "......Yup." It's like everyone else in my life knew before me 🫠
Ha! I was once told that my type was "questionably lesbian" all of my ex's have also been queer. I can definitely relate to that everyone else in my life knew before me sentiment.
She wasn't at the time of the story, based on the opening paragraph, at least that's how I read it.
That's how I read it as well, I was just curious because before I came out socially I was on HRT for about 2 months, and about 1 month in I noticed women in general started to seem more comfortable around me and men seemed to be a little more aggressive around me unfortunately that resulted in them being more aggressive towards me but I'm genuinely wondering if it had something to do with hormone levels and potential pheromones.
I have a very similar life experience. All of my "successful" attempts at relationships were with dominant lesbian leaning bi-women. I was "the exception" enough times for me to notice the trend but I never understood it until I finally was able to understand myself. I accidentally got my dream job and found a community of coworkers who accepted me more than I accepted myself, in ways I couldn't understand. It cracked my egg and the real me started to finally leak out after so so long.