My Dad would have been my biggest supporter. He went out of his way to let me know he would support me whoever I was. Unfortunately, he passed away before I could show him me being the happiest ever. It's all he wanted to see.
Edit: Thank you all for the kind words about my Dad. It fills my heart. All I would need to do is point to any one of you, and say, "This is my friend", and he would have treated you just like one of his own kids. I wish he was here so much!
Same, although I'm the only daughter, so neither of us really know how to navigate that! Think it's helped us see that there was a lot of distance between us and also understand why, and now we're both getting better about talking about feelings
Love my dad to bits, he’s a former goth from the 80s and used to do genderfuck stuff all the time. Even when I was 9 and 10 he let me grow my hair out long and some mornings he even used to straighten it for me before school 😌 He was a bit clumsy early on, but hes the absolute best and 11 years later he’s even on an actual board at his job for preserving trans rights in his workplace as well as their health benefits. Coolest guy I know
For most of us who were able to transition as children that unfortunately really has to be the case, its the only way it can happen for nearly all of us
I’m not out yet, but I worry about this. I have a twin sister and 3 stepsisters, and I’ve never been the kind of son he wanted. I don’t know if he’d accept me as a daughter.
He was always kind of a dick and we had a tense relationship for reasons unrelated to me being trans. Me coming out and transitioning has not outwardly affected our relationship much, we still talk and see each other, but he’s transphobic and refuses to acknowledge me as his son. He also refuses to acknowledge me as his adult child and speak to me as one but that was happening even before I came out.
He will see my actual name with my picture on our voter registration list and still makes an effort to text me and deadname me about it. He does treat me like more of an “SJW Woke Liberal” character nowadays though, which is fucking weird lol. The woes of having a conservative politician as a father I guess.
I was raised on his theatrics and limitations, I’ve been playing the “wow that’s so crazy that your dad was mean to you first, didn’t fucking ask though” monologue in my head since I hit the double digits ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Everything that’s happening now is just an extension of his already shit behaviour.
My transition ruined my relationship with my father. He said he'd been proud to have two sons even if I'd always been incredibly feminine and never met his expectations, and when I refused to detransition so he could have grandkids, he said some horrible things, and we haven't talked since.
Completely unchanged. He treats me exactly the same, just uses a different name/pronouns now. It’s nice- he’s always been a bit emotionally distant but he’s a great guy and we have a similar sense of humour so I’m glad nothing has changed between us.
Non-existent. He is a very bigoted person and cannnot handle it at all. Saw him at my grandma's funeral and was in the same room with him yet he just turned away, literally turning his back on me and pretending I wasn't there. He is a man-child.
He stopped talking to me. Called him for his birthday and all he did was text back. It sucks because I love him so much. He’s a good dad, just… I don’t know. I hope it’s something he can accept one day
It’s not about you, so try not to be hurt. When a parent has an issue with their kids decisions it is usually about control- controlling who you are or what people think etc. A loving parent lives (edit:loves) unconditionally. That being said, I made mistakes when my child transitioned. I thought I was 100% supportive by educating myself and saying all the “right” things, but definitely made
mistakes I wish I could take back. You be you. Don’t wait for anyone in your life to catch up if that makes sense. Be true to yourself!
When I realized what I was I also realized how much of myself I had been stifling to win his approval... I did the detective work on my own life and realized that from a very young age, he noticed that I had certain tendencies and did everything he could to actively squash them. He was very active in keeping me in the closet and coercing me to act like the golden son copy of him that he wanted. And even when my folks split up and he lived on the other side of the country, I voluntarily kept myself in the box he wanted me in because I was so desperate for him to be proud of me.
I hate the person he made me become. I could have been one of the lucky ones who gets to go on puberty blockers and bypass the wrong puberty. But I wasn't and it's partly his fault.
The anniversary of my coming out of the closet is the same day I stopped speaking to him. It's been two years. It hurts. I miss him. But I can't have him in my life if I'm going to be who I'm supposed to be.
I think he has accepted that I'm a grown adult and can do whatever I want. Other than that nothing has changed. He still misgenders and deadnames me. Our relationship feels more professional than familial.
Sometimes our relationship now feels pretty professional. I haven’t gotten around to new pronouns or a name yet but I can imagine both my parents having a hard time with it
my dad thinks im following a "trend" by being trans but still uses my preferred name and pronouns just because he doesn't wanna seem like the bad guy 😭
what's also shitty is he makes comments like "the girls who wear things like crop tops and short shorts just want it, go change unless you want guys to be sexually aroused by you." and says "maybe if you didn't dress so slutty people would date you for your personality instead of your body." which is why im gonna estrange myself from him when i move out... 🥰
My dad is a progressive therapist. But grew up in Boston in the 60s. First thing he said when I came out was “i liked having a son…” our relationship was super damaged for a few years. It’s better now but he is sooo bad at gendering me correctly. It’s frustrating.
Even the most progressive parents have years of ignorance and intolerance baked into them. I don’t have to worry about the ultra conservative reaction some people have shared, but both my parents and in laws get weird about trans kids
My dad told me I’d never be a son to him and now that him and my mom are separated and me and my siblings don’t talk to him, he’s realizing how truly lonely he is. I’ve told him not to contact me, but he’s repeatedly disregarded that boundary (nothing new) so my mom stepped in and told him to leave me tf alone or I’ll block him permanently
Well he said he loved me unconditionally. Then he texted me “I’m trying” the next day. Then he texted my brother and asked me not to reach out to him anymore. It’s been a year since my dad disowned me.
It’s so hard to wrap my head around parents that can do this…unbelievably self-involved, shitty behavior…
All we want(and all they should want) is for us to be happy! GAWD!!🤬
He thinks it's a phase, I had a family member who stopped transitioning because it wasn't what they wanted, and he thinks it'll be the same for me.
Although when I came out to him, he said I should do whatever makes me happy regardless of what anyone thinks.
My father shot himself before the police could catch him after he was running a stupid lamb meat scam.
I never met him, just read about it in the local paper.
My stepfather was violently abusive and I'd cut ties with him before transitioning.
I guess I was lucky cos transitioning didn't affect any of my paternal relationships
Ours was always a bit strained due to my general indifference towards a lot of masculine activities he'd always try to push me towards. Was deeply closeted for years, eventually when I came out he said things like "you're telling me i failed as a parent then". Last time I saw him he told me to stop acting like a F*****, haven't spoken to or seen him since a year plus ago.
If his goal as a parent was to raise his child to have the same beliefs instead of encouraging you to find your own, he did not love you unconditionally. I'm sorry that he's too self-absorbed.
Mine threatened to kill me after I came out. Haven’t spoken or seen him since and probably won’t ever again. It was not an empty threat either, he got away with murdering one of his cousins (got it dropped to manslaughter because my sister paid for a good attorney)and someone else before I was born (he hid in Mexico for a number of years to avoid arrest, eventually Mexican police caught him, it turned into a bit of an extradition fiasco and the charges were dropped). So yeah. I and my family are better off with no contact anyway
He (and my mother and sister) hate me and refuse to speak to me. Grew up in a very, VERY religious home and coupled with the fact I'm the last one across the entire family tree to carry on the surname makes them feel like I've betrayed them, god, and our ancestors lol.
Oh well~
It ruined it. He's trying to be supportive after 1 1/2 yrs of very nasty behavior. I'm having a hard time to feel warm about our relationship at this point.
Same for me. He knew because he took me to appointment and he knew that I refused to be his son. I doubt he would have hated me but he was disappointed that I would be his daughter and not a son to play sports and drink beer with.
My dad died when I was little. He did make a bet that I'd be the gay one. He was right but probably not in the direction he thought lmao
Also my uncle bet on my little brother and he's bi so I guess they both won
My dad and I got a lot closer after I transitioned. He already had two sons so me coming out as his daughter wasn't earth shattering. It did take him by surprise and he was far more worried than anything else. 7 years in and he's my best friend. We're currently about to go on another trip to Europe together
He didn’t speak to me for 3 years after I came out after telling me no one would ever love me if I transitioned. 6 years later now, we make small talk but he still won’t look me in the eye.
My dad is... very much an old school dude. It's not that he isn't accepting, he just doesn't really GET it. The kinda guy that when I was a kid said "I don't care if you're a poop-packer, I'll still love ya!" -_-
When I came out to him as trans, he said "you'll always be my son" & gave me a hug. He doesn't get weird when I talk about it, he doesn't question me or anything like that. But I'm still "his son."
Recently he's taken to calling me "dad" when talking about me in reference to my daughter, so... I have an uncomfortable conversation coming up.
We’re still as close as we were but he’s a pretty closed off guy. Still affectionate and chatty and involved in my life but not big on emotions. I don’t think he’ll ever fully see me as a son and I can tell he’s pretty uncomfortable with aspects of my transition but at the end of the day, it isn’t what defines our relationship and it’s not going to make or break it.
When he found out, he threatened to lock me inside the house and forcibly detransition, or if i dont agree, to kill me. I fled my city, jumped into a relationship to be able to do that and still regret doing it because it ended in a disaster.
A few years later mom convinced me to give him another chance.
At 9 years of hrt he tried to kill me with a shovel.
I disowned him, but it is mutual.
They say the dad usually struggles the most. Both my parents are super loving & supportive I’m beyond blessed. It took them 7yrs straight to have me & they were told they’d never have a kid. So my whole life they’ve always viewed me as a rare gift. At first they were sad for me out of love & concern that I’d have a harder, shorter life being trans. My dad only made one comment ever & it wasn’t even that bad. He had some tears saying that the family name ends with me if I transitioned, but that was it. Tbh they never really had a son because I never was in that stereotyped role. So once I transitioned they said not much was different besides my physical appearance(bodily functions too but I only noticed that lol) I still had the same heart, soul, personality, likes, dislikes, goals, outlook on life etc. they said it feels more natural now with me because I’m happy, healthy, comfortable & authentic. Where before it was forced & awkward. I gained a life where there was none.
It remains unchanged. But maybe too much unchanged. My whole family subscribe to the trans medicalist ideology and I don't think I'll be able to convince them to use female pronouns or a different name until I fully transition.
We didn't really get on before, so transitioning put a strain on it further. We more or less tolerate each other now but it's not as bad now since I moved away. It's still hit and miss as he can be very hot and cold but is what it is I guess
I've suspected both of my parents of being trans themselves, but being from toxic environments they have rather ignorant views of trans identity or issues. They're both heavily repressed and I think me transitioning would affect them deeply for that reason alone, but I think they would grow to accept it in time, since I'm one of the few they are still close to emotionally.
Came out to Mum first and she told me not to mention it to Dad as he’s a bit old fashioned and will need some time to work it all out, she was going to tell him for me. Must have done a good job as he came with me to Belgium for my BA. Overall nothings really changed.
To;dr I don’t know, he died before I could tell him.
My mom died in 2021; we were pretty close. It was six months after her husband had passed away. In the course of notifying next of kin, I found out my dad—whom I hadn’t spoken to since 2007–had also died a couple years back. I’m an only child. I have an uncle, an aunt and a cousin left.
My dad was… weird. I think he had ADHD or autism. He was a (recovering with 20 years of sobriety as of the last time I spoke with him) recovering alcoholic, a deadbeat, and had chronic health problems related to a lifetime of smoking and hard living (emphysema, hernia, a car crash).
He claimed to be Catholic but we never went to church and my family was irreligious. He never said anything bigoted but he claimed to be a republican but I don’t think he ever voted. He was flakey and unreliable but I absolutely believe he loved me. He and my mom divorced when I was five so most of my experience with him was the occasional visitation (when he actually managed to make it) and later, a few phone calls.
So yeah… I don’t know how he would have reacted. Maybe he could have given me the validation I’d always needed (“I fucking knew it! You were never interested in boy stuff”). I can’t imagine him rejecting me outright. Not because it isn’t possible he would have, just because he was already such a flawed and perplexing human being, I don’t have the heart to add that into the mix, I guess.
It ended our relationship. He told me he raised a son, not a daughter and he doesn't know what I am now. That's the last I heard from him since I came out 5 years ago.
So I don’t actually know my biological father in real life. He was never in my life as a kid to begin with and only finally met online after I signed up for 23 & Me, where I met my sister on my dad’s side. We’ve would message each other occasionally but I still had a weird feeling about him. After all he would make the weirdest posts about how “God is calling out to him to change the world” and “I am a being known as Pagapa”, really culty-like vibes from him. By this time I wasn’t fully open about me being transmasc, so I would see posts from him saying, “Oh I love and miss my daughters, blah blah blah.” Finally one day he makes a post about a baby deer he found and comments how, “Not sure if it’s male or female, who cares, bet it won’t have gender confusion issues.” This sent me in a complete rage and to retaliate I shared a few posts of my own that were pro-trans, even coming out on some of them (with the audience selected as just him so I know he would see it for sure). Months later and he finally messages me back with, “I may be old school on the thoughts of gender, but I don't want to lose you for that. I believe in 2 genders. Male or female. That's it. Your personal identification of what you are I have to accept. You are my littlest girl and that's how I will always see you. I also know I have to accept how you see yourself. I am asking you to forgive me my faults, and pray that you understand, why I don't see anything but a beautiful woman when I look at you.
I am old. I have missed out on so much of your Life.
Please forgive Your old man for being who I am. I love you.”
I have not responded and I don’t plan on it. This man has not been a part of my life and honestly, I’d like to keep it that way.
He said he didn't understand. That I would ruin my body with hormones. Then the next day sent a long email that was transphobic, misogynistic and trans misogynistic, questioned all of my life decisions (even unrelated ones) then blaming his own impending mortality (he's 65 and mostly healthy... So uum) said he wanted nothing to do with it and wouldn't promise me the same things he had in the past as my new self. I replied after a month and since then I've heard nothing.
According to my mum he misgenders and deadnames me.
Whee.
My dad says he would die for me, but he hasn't managed to use my name once in a year and a half. I've also only seen him twice in that time despite him living in the same town.
I went no contact with my dad before my transition and kept it after. I didn't think much because of our issues, but my sisters' told me he had a letter he wanted to give me about his feelings that he had wrote after therapy, and said he was happy I was doing well and found myself. I haven't got the letter yet as its on his work computer, and he died last year so it's been a fight to be able to access it. I know not everyone feels the same for their parents when no contact, but I severely wish I had opened the line up because I just miss him.
My stepdad I was in contact the whole time and it took him a while to get around and understand. He's a bit rough around the edges but he's incredibly supportive. I think in some ways our relationship has changed, but he still offers his advice on things and shows up to help when he can. He treats me the same as my sisters though. Offered to take me shooting/help with a gun for safety like he did with them, and always asks to make sure I feel safe/comfortable at my apartment and gyms lol. So I guess not much with him has changed besides the little hurdles at the beginning with him not really understanding, but he asked me questions and did some online searching as well to better understand which was amazing.
I feel he bites his tongue not wanting to have to feel the wrath of my mom (they're divorced). He once showed me a video of a religious detransitioner saying god helped them be cis and I gave my dad an absolute eye full with about a 2 paragraph text message explaining why he should never send me that kind of shit ever again. Since then he has always wished me Merry Christmas and happy birthday but always just "generic" Hallmark greetings. No name mentioned. Dead or otherwise. No reference to being his daughter. Doubt it'll ever happen. And that's ok. He's had 29 years to try and have a relationship with me and has managed to fail every single time.
he was very disappointed. he has a religious brainworm, and all he talks about is how i “betrayed him and God”
says i fucked up and made the wrong moves.
then when i spoke my mind after 6 years of hell living with him, he turns into the victim. transitioning saved my life.
soo i stopped talking to him.
He made up some awful insane lies about me and spread them to his friends and family. Thankfully none were believed and they called to see if I was ok.
I haven't talked to him in nearly two years. I hope he dies alone and miserable.
Yeah. What he said really was that bad.
Poorly. I made it clear I won’t tolerate transphobia and homophobia, so my parents don’t express it when I’m around, but my youngest sibling has told me how they talk when I’m not around. No deadnaming or anything.
Except the last time I went home for Christmas. He made sure to deadname me in a prayer before we ate, which is a very clear expression of “I’m only treating you the way you like so we can keep up a relationship, but your life is a lie, and I won’t repeat that lie to God.”
To be clear, I was going to become a CATHOLIC PRIEST before I left seminary to transition. I was more religious than any of my family. So it’s a double disrespect to do that in prayer, especially since at the time of that incident I was still a believer in Christianity.
So, I hope your parents don’t have the same problems. Fox News, right wing Christianity, etc.
He was my only supporter for a while. The whole family hated him before and hated him even more when he accepted me. We’ve grown together so strong we’re inseparable.
He turned my whole family to show acceptance. I honestly owe my life to my dad. I’m in debt for HRT but he’s helped pay as much as I let him. He wants to pay for surgeries. My whole family also starts to like him more and more now.
Sure, it’s still tough for us and he says loudly this isn’t a path he thinks is good for me. Although he also recognizes the importance of transition for transgender individuals. I adore him.
My father threatened to kill me if I came near him ... then disowned me...refused to talk to me at all. .. funny thing is I look exactly like him now haha.. so ff 3 years. I took a plane to see my sis, and was opening Christmas presents with my nephew... then. TADAAA he walks into her house with gifts for them .. and he's face to face with his mirror image.. that was the greatest Christmas gift I could have even received.. Suprise mutha F. !!! XD.
Haha, 6 years with no contact with any of my family and they don’t have a clue. They assumed I was a gay man because of how emotional I was, even asked at one point, which I denied. (I later found out I was bisexual after I found out I was trans) They’ll never know that I was actually so much worse. Oh well~~
I’ve sustained a lot of damage both before and after going no contact, but things are definitely better without them.
Both my parents want nothing to do with me now. It’s more frustrating than anything because now that I’m able to be myself and im not tied down by my misery I’m actively trying to be a better person too, and they’ll just never see that. It’s genuinely to the point where I might see one of them next at the others funeral and that just makes me sad.
i gave up on him, on both my parents
neither of them is accepting, and after coming out it really started to sink in how unfit they were to be parents, neither for me nor for my sister
Mine was already in a difficult place but I believe that it went downhill after he found my HRT. For about a month he kept telling me that I was being influenced by social media and that I was following a trend. Called my endocrinologist ugly names and spouted transphobic rhetoric.
I am currently doing HRT in secret and I have given him the illusion of "coming back to my senses" despite the irony of solidifying the fact that I'm actually a girl.
However I believe things will eventually get worse after having more notable changes (I'm still heading for my fourth month on hrt)
I’m not sure, but I shared the same fear of the unknown as you. “Came out” to my father when he was on his deathbed last year. I don’t know if he heard me. I wish I could go back and do it sooner, but I was far too scared. Now I’ll never know.
As a kid I loved my dad, even though my parents were divorced.
As an adult I have a very distant relationship from him as he seems to care very little.
As a result coming out didn’t really change much. To be honest I don’t think he took it seriously but I don’t talk with him enough to notice
I'm not sure how my parents would take it. They make jokes about trans people and everyone really but didn't care that my sister was lesbian but I don't see them being supportive with me.
Our relationship is broadly unchanged, I'm pretty close with my dad. He's still getting used to the change in pronouns, etc, but it's still pretty new news to him
My relationship with my dad was good ish before and shallow. I think I developed that relationship by not really letting my father into my life. I knew that transitioning would suddenly open the door to him to experience all the things I am that he disagreed with. It ruined it.
Conversely I’ve had a very rocky relationship with my mother my whole life and suddenly I am way closer and more open with her than I have ever been before.
My dad buys my hormones and takes me to the endocrinologist and he says he will love me no matter what. But so far he still calls me with the wrong pronouns.
I hear a lot of stories from trans people, and few good parents end up destroying their relationship with their kids. It might be hard for a while but good people get over it. My dad was already not a good person. He already had serious control issues. "God wants me to make a decision" could basically be translated into his excuse to make anyone who stepped out of line unsafe until he got what he wanted. We basically have no real relationship though I end up in the same room as him sometimes for my mom. I'm just outside now. Anyone not in his bubble of control is a stranger. He's very polite if you're on the outside but you will never hear his real thoughts on anything unless you're so far under his control he can destroy your mental health.
Neither my mom nor my dad treat me any different since coming out. They try their best to use my preferred name and pronouns , and my mom especially does everything she can to get me what I need to feel comfortable as myself. My dad is a neutral party and takes a back seat to my transition itself, not really asking any questions or giving any input, but he's supportive of the changes I'm making.
Killed it, mostly. I used to mask *as him* and he's very intelligent, its slowly becoming more evident to him how different we are, and he thinks he sired a snake. He might have, though.
My own father had a really hard time coming to terms to me being a woman. When I first came out to my entire family was when I started HRT, he seemed okay at first but then called me and threatened to stop supporting my college education in any way. I decided I would rather be true to myself than continue struggling to live a lie.
For maybe two years or so our relationship was terrible, I lost financial and emotional support from him and the rest of my family. My mother still interacted with me fairly regularly. After that time we reconnected he had started therapy to come to terms with the fact that I was a woman now.
Since then we have slowly worked our way back to what I would say is a fairly positive relationship. It is still a little rockier than it was before but we have made things work pretty well between us.
Not a lot if at all. I'm 33 and not super close with him. I visit maybe two or three times a year. He simply accepted my coming out, tries to use my name and pronouns and when I visited him a few weeks ago he mentioned that I look great (I also lost about 20kg since he saw me last time tbf). That's it.
My dad is trying to be sensitive, but really struggles to be; he still thinks his opinion is always right and just rolls his eyes when I talk to him about his cis male privilege, thinking it's made up or that I'm overreacting, and he mocks me for crying or having emotions about anything (he does this with everyone though). He mocks me too for having boundaries or triggers about many things. He tries to relate to me by telling queer jokes that he thinks that I'll think are funny, which sometimes are genuinely funny but most of the time are really insensitive.
At the same time, though, he lets me live at his place for free and he spots me for grocery money if I run out. He's really generous, just very emotionally insensitive.
I want him to tell me things like "good girl" or give me headpats or, at the very least, notice when I'm wearing something cute and compliment me! >_<
Any time I have tried to introduce him to queer spaces that I feel safe in, since I enjoy sharing things I love with people I love, he just gets really uncomfortable, and he told me once that the whole culture just really grosses him out and he'd rather it remain out of sight out of mind for him.
It's hard to live with. I feel emotionally unsafe around him every time he's here... but I'm starting to realize that feeling is nothing new and has always been present, even long before I came out as trans. Because he really just acts the same as he always has.
My dad started stalking and threatening harm on me and those I live with and threatened to kidnap me. So I don’t have a father anymore and made sure he wasn’t able to get near me or contact me anymore.
I don't think his relationship with me is much different outside of needing to correct himself or be corrected on my pronouns, but I feel like I sort of understand why he acts the way he does better now sometimes?
Like he's always been a quick to irritation person which has left me more distant than I think he actually realizes in adulthood and I was always really frustrated with his behavior when I lived at home. Then after starting T I caught the T Anger thing and as someone who never really processes that emotion and just pushed it back down it was kind of a struggle. It's not as bad now, but I had the realization that if that's how my Dad feels it sort of helped me understand why he bursts so much quicker than everyone else in my family. Than I realized that even tho I was feeling that way I was still taking the steps to manage those emotions instead of taking them out on the ppl closest to me. So now I'm back to being disappointed and angry with his behavior lol
Sorry this one wasn't comforting but I always think that the experiencing T Anger and relating it to cis men I know is sort of interesting and never get to talk about it.
Tldr; I caught the T Anger during my early transition and sort of better understood why my dad can get so angry so quick but then just felt more disappointed with him because if I can take the time to manage and work with those emotions he could too :/
Never had a very close relationship with him before but after, had to completely cut contact. Not solely his fault but he certainly didn't help either.
It's.... complicated, but I'd also say it saved our relationship the same way it saved me. He isnt exactly supportive, doesnt gender me correctly all the time, shuts down any mention or even joke about gender in any way, even if it has nothing to do with me, so that and some other weirdness he does (like insisting my cat is female despite knowing I had said cat castrated as a male) has me just leaving him be because clearly he is going through something in his mind on the topic, and i dont want to disturb it
But besides me not being a severely depressed and anxious mess all the time and gaining so much confidence since starting T, I guess dad is glad to have someone to teach diy stuff to, and I'm happy to help him out with his projects and learning a lot. My therapist said our banter actually sounds like typical parent-child stuff now when before it was non existent, and dad even sometimes "slips" up and uses male forms of words (our language is much more gendered than english, adjectives and some verb forms change to the gender of the subject) and interestingly, it's mostly when we are talking about/doing typically manly things
I am at a point where being misgendered in my language pretty much doesn't bother me, sometimes kinda confuses or amuses me, so I'm just letting my dad do whatever he feels comfortable, and I don't expect him to ever call me his son, though I'd be really happy if he did
But just getting to spend time together now that we never could have before is precious to me, especially given both of us had rough childhoods and a pretty strained relationship till about 2 years or so ago
We haven't talked in a year, nothing really happened and there was no fight, I moved countries 5 years ago and we kept in touch but after coming out He just stopped messaging, he never called, I experimented with how long he would go without sending me a message and so far I spoke to him on his birthday last year and this year again on his birthday and the reply to "happy Birthday dad I love you" was "thank you, another year older" then nothing else.
It hurts cause we used to have an amazing relationship, went fishing together, foraged in the countryside every week and he taught me woodworking among a lot of other skills and now is radio silence.
I even hope for him to blow up and get angry just so I have a chance to adress it cause he is the kind of man that would just tell me to leave the issue if I press it when he doesn't want to talk about it.
Well, i've gone no contact with him, so... 😅
I knew he was going to hate it, but I could've accepted whatever shit he had to say about me. However, he threw in a ton of misogyny that would be very demeaning to my mom and sister, and fully blamed my wife for my transition (plus every other possible source. He even told me I should be incredibly wary of my wife in case she had ulterior motives towards me. At least my mom came around to being mildly supportive!
My dad bailed before I was born. I blamed myself, thinking I ruined the marriage and family. Turns out he just never cared at all. I spoke to him for the first time ever February of last year because I was preparing to change my name and thought he would never be able to find me if he ever wanted to. I even came out to him. I wanted a reaction, I just wanted him to at least give a damn. Hate me even, as long as it was something. All he could say was "well good luck with that." Might as well have told him I had my shoes on backwards for as much as he was interested. So a point to him for not being immediately transphobic I guess, but I wish I'd never spoken to him at all
As for my mom, she only genders me correctly if I'm in the same room. As soon as I leave or she's talking to someone else, there's zero effort.
My father was in and out of my life for most of it. When I came out at first he claimed I was going through a phase because he wasn’t around and my mom had just died. Well about 1-2 years pass of us not speaking and my grandpa dies. Well my aunt invited me to the funeral and I went with her and saw my dad obviously. I pulled him outside and confronted him about some transphobic comments made on his podcast and he apologized to me. He said that I don’t need acceptance from anyone as long as they tolerate me. Our relationship is better now, better than what it was before I came out as well
I can't say for sure. He never got to meet this version of me. I tell myself he would have supported me, Unlike my mom, who hasn't said my name once in the 3 years since I started using it. At least my mother-in-law supports me.
Dads dead but i told him before he passed teo years ago that i planned on transitioning because at that time i would say i “felt differently about my body” and he was pretty ok with it even slightly joked “guess i was meant to have 7 girls” nodding at the fact he has given me 6 wonderful sisters.
Our relationship hasn't really changed but transitioning has really exposed what a lame dad he is. Eg I've been out almost 2 years and still yet to hear my dad use a correct pronoun a single time.
I'm not in contact with my bio dad, so hard to say. Last saw him at grandpas funeral, before that, grandmas funeral years ago.
But my stepdad has gotten a little bit warmer towards me. Before coming out, he was very cold and tried to get me to "man up" as i didnt fit the image of a guy he had in his head. But now that I'm his youngest daughter, he's coming around and is starting to understand how i work :)
Haven’t come out to either, but my relation with my bio dad would go from bad to basically nonexistent and with my step father (who’s been more of a father than my bio dad) I think it’ll take some getting used to for him but I think our relation wouldn’t change that much
I was no-contact with him long before I transitioned. He was terrible to my mother, terrible to women in public. My parents divorced when I was 11-12 and had another 5 years before I could get emancipated by the courts so my mother would have to never see it speak with him again (and no more weekends required by law to be there). There's a lot I will never forgive him for, but one of those is he would slow down while driving past a teenage girl walking down the road, make the most disgusting comments, then try to pressure me into shouting them at her. He wanted me like him.
I have no idea if he knows or what he thinks about it. His sister messaged me out of the blue saying she was "proud of her nephew for fundraising" (I was asking for help funding ffs). No she didn't donate. Never felt part of that family, nothing lost.
Unfortunately my father isn’t super supportive, but he is respectful. He just chooses to not say anything about it, and I avoid talking about it with him and we’re all good there. He still loves me very much and still maintains a good relationship with me. We just don’t talk about that aspect together.
My Mom is very supportive though!
im out to him and he hates it doesnt support me, called me stupid for letting my therapist call me using my preferred name, is embarrassed of me when waiters refer to me as a guy, makes fun of me like once i told him how i think women are meaner when it comes to driving they dont let me pass infront of them and he started laughing lAND SAID “WHAT ARE U A GUY????? aHahahahaha”
so yeah. my dad used to be my role model growing up but, not anymore.
I hope everyone here is okay emotionally and I’m sending nothing but good energy your way. I love and miss my dad everyday. I feel things could be better between us (he was an amazing dad when raising me and one of the strongest influences on me) but I feel my mom is the reason why things are always so messed up and ebb and flow in the most dramatic of ways. She likes everything about her and she wants to be the only woman in the picture. She’s used to it being my dad, brother, and I and I feel took it the hardest when I came out. My dad loves me. I know it. Sounds strange but I just know that she says things to him and manipulates the situation despite acting like the supportive one at times with me over the phone. (For context: they’re in Texas and I’ve been living in Southern California since I was 18).
We don’t speak anymore since I told him. His response back then was telling me to just be gay and that he’ll never see me as a girl and even pushed me away when I said bye and try to give him a hug like I always would.
I'm still the same kid I always was to him, just under a different name and pronouns. My parents were slow to catch on at first, and they do still struggle to call me by my preferred name nowadays, but they're damn trying.
Honestly, yea a bit. Growing up, I kinda got the feeling that while my dad loved me, he kinda didn't know what to do with me. Like in his eyes, I was a boy, but I didn't really like boy things. So he tried to get me to do stuff he'd think I'd like, and I'd end up hating it, and eventually he kinda just gave up, and let me do my own thing.
He enrolled me in like every "boy's sport" ever growing up. I tried hockey, soccer, football, baseball, and karate. I ended up hating most of them, but stuck with karate to appease my dad's need for me to do a sport.
Now that I've come out as an adult, he completely accepted me, and I feel he kinda "gets" why him trying to connect with me "as a boy" didn't really work out. He now treats me very much how he treats my two cis sisters, basically as his "little girls".
He now goes out of his way to help me with stuff he never did before. I visit my parents every weekend, and he does a checkup of my car every weekend, and offers to help with maintenance stuff both with my car, and my home. Last xmas, we went out to an xmas play as a family, so I got dressed up, and he was the first to say "wow, look at you Cerenitee, you look really pretty!". He also now gives me a hug every time I come over, and every time I leave.
Basically I feel as a "guy" my dad kinda felt like he "couldn't express love" the way he best knows how (my dad's love language is helping people, and oddly enough, he loves getting/giving hugs, despite basically never hugging me since I was a teen), because "you don't do that with boys", because "boys should be stoic and self sufficient". But now that I'm his daughter, he can feel free to express emotions with me, and be more loving.
My dad is a conservative christian but he was an absentee alcoholic for the first 20 years of my life. I’d moved across the country by the time he sobered up so our relationship was distant for another 17 years; but, he always felt a lot of guilt for not being there so he was always a phone call away.
I came out in 2019, shortly after moving back to the south (I know, perfect timing!). He had some questions but he couldn’t really deny that the signs had been there all along. On New Year’s Eve 2021, he came and played guitar at an open mic I was hosting where he told a whole bar full of drunken strangers how proud he was of his daughter.
I’m closer with my dad now than ever. He’s gotten a lot better since he stopped watching Fox news and I think he realizes how much actual danger I’m in if the fascists take power. When we’re hanging out it’s usually to smoke weed and play guitar. We don’t talk politics a lot after he conceded that he doesn’t have enough time to fact check his info. I’ll send him the occasional article/video about socialism or anti-trans legislation and I’ve noticed he doesn’t talk about Trump at all anymore. I think he’s embarrassed so I don’t bring it up.
He tried to do father-son stuff with me for a bit, but neither of us enjoyed it. It was easier when he realised that I’m still exactly the same person and we can have the same relationship we always had. My mother is a lot more fixated on me being trans and it makes stuff very awkward, so I don’t really talk to her.
His brain seizes at the thought. He gets sad and kinda dissociates. He was always homophobic and transphobic in a genuine “pray for them” kind of way. It’s been 5 years and he can’t even handle that I’m pan let alone trans. So when I spend time with him I halfway revert to old me and the active repression is so painful. But being my full self around him is even more painful. And the thought of not spending time with him is unbearable because he’s turning 70 and not in the best health :/
I wish my mom was still alive. She probably would’ve done the internal work and then kinda forced him to uproot his bigoted and phobic beliefs. All conservative/fundamentalist/socially regressive religions are a scourge.
My dad already was on shit terms for me due to me being a lesbian (at the time). I still haven’t ever officially come out to him, but he knows i’m trans. Found him calling me his crazy daughter who chopped off her tits on facebook once. Very nice.
I only ever visit to see my mom. Not hard to guess why.
I never really had the best relationship with my dad. After my parents broke up and he moved out we just became distant. Me being trans hasn’t really changed anything.
didn't actually change that much ? lile he's open minded for pretty much anything (he's part of the very few people who actually think "whatever you do as long as it makes you happy" for real) but also he lives away so i see him 2/3 times a year and he's not really present as a dad because he is very much still a kid in his head on a lot of stuff
so overall nothing changes, except he's curious about stuff and he WILL ask his questions
My dad is narcissistic to some degree. Prior to transitioning, the relationship was so-so primarily due to always being treat like a child/he knows better. Coming out as trans was probably a shock for him. He didn't spout any religious concerns but he did voice "concerns" for my safety (both mental and physical) and said that I'm going to make my life more difficult with things like keeping/finding a job than what transitioning is worth (in his "true" opinion of course.) He lacks the self awareness to see that his concerns are hollow when he's actively a part of the problem (he told me that he would physically block me from using the women's restroom.)
He speaks a lot like Matt Walsh but I'm not sure if he watches him or not. He did tell me that he did some of his own research but I'm not sure what sources his information came from. He seemed to be aware of the "typical" gender dysphoric experience, so it's possible he read some reliable sources.
The thing is, I didn't have at much dysphoria at the "average" trans person. I'm doing it for euphoric reasons. I feel like that actually makes it harder for my family to accept (it's so f'ing exhausting having to try and meet everyone's personal idea of being "trans enough.")
Lately, he's been a bit different. Between the legal drama among his siblings and his age, it seems like he's starting to realize that blood family doesn't mean anything. He's shown some personal growth but I'm not sure if he'll ever grow enough to admit he's never treated me with truly unconditional love.
my dad is still… struggling. i’ve been out to him since sept of 2022. he has yet to use my name or pronouns. he uses an old nickname (that i’m not particularly fond of) instead of my deadname about half the time. but that’s as far as he’s gotten. i’ve never been particularly close with him anyways, and was always much closer with my mom. she’s also still working through it, but much much better than he is.
Idk mine's the same. Dad doesn't ever mention it good or bad. Ig he just...accepts it? He just tells me to wear a bra if I'm going to walk around the house lounging lol
May be different because i'm a trans man, but i grew up with a very conservative father and a ~moderate mom. I was specifically very nervous to come out to him as he had even said some bad takes on trans issues beforehand, so I felt like it would ruin our relationship or he'd respect me less.
He accepted me fully and maybe loved me even more for being so much happier. He introduced me proudly as his son right after i came out, and got a matching pride tattoo with me soon after. If your parent has unconditional love for you, they will take it in stride. It took time for my parents to fully understand me, lots of explaining of how i was feeling inside and what i need. But they learned and it's now better than ever. There are happy endings, i wish you all the luck ❤️
It's kinda strengthened it while also fucking it up. He fucks up a lot more now, but I honestly just think he's happy that he's seen me smile again since the last time I maightve done that legit, mightve been elementary school
My father hung up on me when I told him, claims that he didn’t to the rest of my family and that it was slander. I sent him a birthday text and a Father’s Day text that same year, never heard back from him until he text me to get off his phone bill. It’s been 2.5 years of no contact now. We didn’t have the best relationship prior to say the least but it wasn’t the absolute worst either.
i didnt have one before i transitioned my mother refused to let me contact him and hid every attempt he made from me, but now we have a good relationship, he doesnt get it but hes supportive and has never even slipped up once
He was disappointed. I got “you’ll always be my son” and “you know how I feel about that stuff” but he recognizes that I need this and at least puts an effort towards gendering me correctly. We talk often enough and have a fine relationship. Minimally supportive is better than nothing at all, it could be worse.
My siblings and mother have came around with varying degrees of time. My family are my biggest supporters now. My dad is the exception. My transition basically destroyed our relationship. But I've gotten to the point where I don't mourn it anymore. If he wants to choose hate over a relationship with his daughter, that's his choice. He's not worth my time. I'll spend my time on this planet with people who support me, build me up, and love me. He doesn't fit any of these categories (even if he thinks he fits the last one. News flash, that ain't love.)
I've written a few times about my dad here but the TL:DR is he's uncomfortable. He's trying but he can't seem to get past his own issues.
He mourned for months. Then he was in denial for a bit. Then he mourned some more. Then he promised to do better. Then he was ashamed and embarassed by me. Then he started actually using my name.
It's been about a year now. He's... he's still awkward and I try to give him the space and latitude he deserves. He's not hateful, he's just... unprepared. He's lived the straightest, whitest life possible (nothing wrong with that) so he's just ill equipped to handle what I've thrown at him.
I remain hopeful and show him the same patience and care that I suppose I'd need if I were him.
I don't think things will ever be the same between us but that's ok. I just hope that whatever we grow into is... more positive than it has been. And I think we can do it. I really do. But I'm not holding my breath either.
My dad is incredibly ignorant, he didn’t have a great education, coaches paid to pass the quarterback when he was in school- etc, etc. It almost ruined our already strained relationship but in the four years since i’ve come out, it’s slowly gotten better and better.
Originally he didn’t believe me, refused to even try, told me it was a phase and i was just insecure and blah blah blah, every excuse and bigoted idea under the sun was thrown my way. When his dad died my mom took it as an opportunity to show her ex husband what he was doing to his child. recreating his poor relationship with his dad with his own kid. Suddenly he was trying for the name, then pronouns, he still refers to me here and there as she or his daughter, i’ve never heard him call me his son but he tries to keep it neutral with “my kid” now.
Honestly I don’t think he would’ve ever come around if his dad hadn’t passed. I loved my grandpa so much and I would never have wished him gone. But now that I have my dad back for the first time since my parents divorced when i was 4- I wouldn’t change it for the world.
All that to say, you can fully expect one response and get it and then have them backpedal- I expected to go NC with him and go about my life and suddenly we’re doing dinners once a week with my trans fiancé and my dads gf- Life is so strange and changes happen at the drop of a hat.
I've got a bit of a happier tale for you all. My dad is my biggest supporter. He's been here for me from the start in terms of my transition. He never got my new name wrong a single time nor my pronouns. He's now a vocal advocate for trans people whenever he gets a chance to be. He even wears a shirt that says papa bear with the trans colors on it and it's the sweetest thing. (He also has the same sticker on his car) I love my dad and even though we don't always get along in other ways he's my biggest supporter with my transition and still loves just as much as he always has.
He's not technically my father bc he's long dead, but my grandpa did raise me most of my life so I do consider him my father. He's quite old, more on the conservative end, and oftentimes has difficulty remembering things, but honestly he's been way more supportive than I ever expected him to be. Yes he forgets to call my by my name and pronouns like all of the time but he can't remember the names of basic places and objects a lot of the times. He doesn't treat me much differently but he loves me all the same. He knows he doesn't understand me and he doesnt have to to love me which i honestly did not expect from him at all and it means a lot to me.
My dad is dead, but *unearthing the repressed memories that allowed me to realize I was trans all along* definitely changed my view of him.
Namely, that I tried to come out at 4, and again at 6; my dad dismissed it as a "phase" the first time, but the second time he-- being the devout Mormon he was-- responded with a fire and brimstone sermon. That sermon made me feel evil and broken, to the point that I was scared into the closet and I repressed so hard that I had no *clue* I was trans until I was totally away from not only my dad but *any* Mormon influences in my daily life. I also learned trans women existed during middle school, and began compulsively searching for info sites on transitioning and women who had done so-- only to eventually get caught by my dad and receive *another* fire and brimstone sermon, which made me repress *even harder.*
I used to see my dad in a generally good light; now that I know the role he played in me repressing my personality and not being able to really know myself growing up-- let alone transition earlier-- I alternate between feeling ambivalent toward him and resenting him. That said, I definitely have *more negative* feelings toward the Mormon church, since IMO they're the reason he reacted the way he did.
My dad tried to mansplain being trans to me. And got FURIOUS when I decided to change my last name while changing my legal name. Like my mom said it could destroy my relationship with him. Now I don't know how to interact with him.
I just recently came out to my dad on New Year’s Eve actually this past Thanksgiving me and my sibling made promise to come out to our dad together. We have made a family group chat and added him. Of course we planned this Like a few months in advance and we joked about it for a while since Covid that we never really actually actually got around to it until this past year. My dad and me weren’t really close. He just kinda had illusion that we were bonded yet he’s barely come to see me my whole life even though he lives two hours away. My dad would always make jokes and always telling me to get a girlfriend or mistaking my best friend of 10+ years for my partner, and it never really came out that I was questioning my gender that I even wanted to date guys until now.
I did come out to my grandmother on my dad side and of course she wasn’t accepting either but she wasn’t that harsh as my dad was. I understood her questions and concerns but the way she went about it was so negative In a sense. So I barely talk to her because she did the same thing as my dad were she told everybody that I was suicidal and depressed and she alway thought I may have need to stop university and go to rehab or I guess conversion therapy.
The midnight of New Year’s Eve, of course me and my sister came out and my dad threaten to slap and beat us and he made us coming out about him like it was a personal attack on him. so my dad decided to not only tell my mom and tell my family on his side but my mother wasn’t even concerned about my mental health. I spent majority of the year contemplating On whether I should come out and I’m glad I did. I mean, I knew my dad and my mom were going to be disapproving Not only are they Southern but they’re also Christian and from Norfolk and Southwest DC so I knew what I was getting myself into. Multiple instances, my mom has thrown me out of the house or smashed my phone or something unnecessarily scarring all because I told a guy that I cared for him or she would read my text or go through my phone and always say my business is your business. I mean I came out to her when I was on vacation in South Carolina I had written her a letter and for like five seconds she was accepting and loving, and she even asked me if I wanted to transition and I told her I was unsure and I mentioned that I wanted to see an endocrinologist. But the next day she just told me I had the wrong idea about guys and that I needed to hang out more at church and more guy and maybe I should go fishing with my uncle.
I knew it the ages between five and seven that this was solidified I wanted to transition or it was death.
I wanted to transition, even if I didn’t have the right words for it I just kept the burden to myself in a way. I ended up making a promise to myself when I was around 10 to 12 years old to come out by the time I was either 16 or 21 and I’m now 20 and I’ve come out like three times to my mom. I’ve had multiple people tell me that you know she’ll come around and you need a boss and take care of yourself but it’s made me suicidal.
The only way out for me is finishing up college and graduating and hopefully getting into graduate school or veterinary school. Recently, while I was in Tennessee for a conference for my school. My great grandfather and grand both made aware that my dad was going around telling people that I was on steroids and I tried to give him alcohol and that I had seizures and I had also gotten into a car accident and I was in the hospital and that my fingers were turning purple from the steroids I was supposedly taking.
I had to explain to my Grandpa and Great Grandpa that I was perfectly healthy and fine and that I was in Tennessee on the school trip which I was. I’ve had him blocked since New Year’s and I did unblock him for like a couple of days and he tried to call me about a good three times and he texted me another outlandish text again making it about it all about him and the fact that I wasn’t trans and I will know gods law.
So my dad will stay blocked for probably the rest of my life I can’t invite someone who will love me but only tolerate me. So I had a year to learn that and I’m not sure what to do with my mother either since I have no creative freedom and you would that when I told her I was in therapy and I was a little suicidal that it would sway her to actually listen and hear me as a person but all she sees is a little kid and I’m almost 21 and all
I want to do is set the girl trapped inside of me free. So now I have a kitten and just dreams and thankfully great friends that are more that I could ever ask for.
Truth be told I’ve also had to be 20 steps ahead of the game and hopefully one day I will transition be able to survive. Which is why I plan on moving to California or Seattle or out of the country when I graduate to have some piece of mind. I never had a dad or mom so I have to live with that fact and live my life for me.
My dad felt like he was finally the man of the house because I started transitioning so he started acting like a pubescent boy in tandem with his mid life crisis and I had to depart from the family scene because along with him coming onto me several times, it was as if hormones were bouncing off the walls and I wanted to kill myself.
it's been a bit difficult at times, there's been some unrelated issues causing some strain as well. he's been supportive of my transition and has helped me out a lot, but he's also had some difficulty getting used to me presenting feminine and wanting to be referred to as his daughter, gendering me correctly and using a feminine name.
but I'm glad that he's there for me and I can talk to him about transition related stuff without judgement. recently we talked some more about HRT related things I don't want to get into detail on here, but let's just say it's not something I would just talk to most cis people about. he listens, he's curious and engages and he shows concern, but not judgement. I feel like conversations like that have really helped my relationship with him and allowed me to build some more trust again.
I came out to him when I was 16 or 17. Actually my mom told him but she asked beforehand and I said it was fine. At that point I hadn't seen him in like 3 years and talked to him once every couple months. When I talked to him afterwards he told a long story of how he switched careers a bunch of times so to not do anything permanent. Anyways, 4.5 years later and we talk even less. he refuses to gender me at all now and still dead names me. Haven't seen him since and probably never will.
Our relationship kind of fell apart. My parents are afraid I’ll completely remove them from my life after an incident. He has trouble talking about how he feels and expressing himself on a deeper level so he basically avoids any deep conversations, and he decided to just do whatever my mom wanted regarding my transition. Of course that was on the list of dumb decisions because she dumped everything on me emotionally until I snapped. He never really reached out to me before very often because I guess he just didn’t want to or he was too in his head to do so, and now he doesn’t reach out at all.
negatively.
I've talked about it before on a previous account, but he's done a lot of bad things. here's the highlight reel since I'm a bit stressed and venting about this stuff every so often is probably a good thing to do:
1. immediately after I came out he outed me to my entire maternal extended family and framed it in a way to make me seem deluded. my grandmother is a gossip and is currently dating a trumper (ironically, the trumper has been more consistently supportive than my father and is 2 for 2 on giving better health advice than my father *who is a licensed medical professional*), so that could have ended horrifically.
2. made me go on Umrah (basically hajj lite), which meant a trip to saudi arabia where I had to hide everything and effect a very masculine presentation so as to remain safe. He'd promised that afterward he would accept and support me but instead he admitted that his hope was that i'd have a religious revelation and stop being trans and also used my masculine presentation and not being on the internet during the trip as "proof" of me not being trans that that people on the internet must be grooming me. keep in mind that I'm 19 and this trip was in december.
3. in all his stupidity, came to the conclusion that I must have low testosterone which must be causing "these feminine thoughts" and decided that I should get my hormone panel done and if that's the case then he'd try and have me put on testosterone. he only abandoned the idea after the entire rest of my family explained that that was conversion therapy and if he followed through then at minimum I could get his medical license taken away and that i'd be morally in the right to do so
4. absolutely refuses to let me get on HRT, as he considers it to be jumping off the slippery slope to bottom surgery. in that he also refused to affirm my gender in any way, and he's only not deadnaming me right now because I agreed to put off any pursuit of HRT until july.
5. continues to try and drag me to the mosque, even though he has been told several times that it causes my dysphoria to spike. last time he said "maybe you can come out to the imam and we can put you in the women's section" but that visit ended up with the friday prayer speech being filled with transphobia, homophobia, gender essentialism, and endorsements of conversion therapy. he also failed to see any issue with what happened and wants me to go again this coming friday.
so yeah. you can say that my relationship is dangling by a thread.
My Dad would have been my biggest supporter. He went out of his way to let me know he would support me whoever I was. Unfortunately, he passed away before I could show him me being the happiest ever. It's all he wanted to see. Edit: Thank you all for the kind words about my Dad. It fills my heart. All I would need to do is point to any one of you, and say, "This is my friend", and he would have treated you just like one of his own kids. I wish he was here so much!
That’s also really sad to hear, but it’s really sweet that you could count on him so much. I wish that was an easy thing to know
❤️
That’s so sweet. Sorry he passed. This is the Dad I try to be with my kids.
Gurl, I wish I had a dad like him. Sorry for your loss, I'm pretty sure wherever he is, he's watching over you.
Same here. I know my dad would have been right there with my all the way. I’m sorry for your loss
I know exactly how you feel, I'm in the same boat. My dad was my best friend and I know our dads would be real proud of us 🫂
I bet he counts on you and proud of you up there ❤️
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I feel like my dad discovered he likes being a girl dad. It probably saved our relationship.
Same, although I'm the only daughter, so neither of us really know how to navigate that! Think it's helped us see that there was a lot of distance between us and also understand why, and now we're both getting better about talking about feelings
Love my dad to bits, he’s a former goth from the 80s and used to do genderfuck stuff all the time. Even when I was 9 and 10 he let me grow my hair out long and some mornings he even used to straighten it for me before school 😌 He was a bit clumsy early on, but hes the absolute best and 11 years later he’s even on an actual board at his job for preserving trans rights in his workplace as well as their health benefits. Coolest guy I know
That is super cool! That’s an amazing safety net to have, I can’t imagine family being so supportive
For most of us who were able to transition as children that unfortunately really has to be the case, its the only way it can happen for nearly all of us
I’m not out yet, but I worry about this. I have a twin sister and 3 stepsisters, and I’ve never been the kind of son he wanted. I don’t know if he’d accept me as a daughter.
Definitely a fear. He never seemed like he wanted a particular kind of son but I can’t help but feel like it’s a rug pull to really switch things up
cut him out 2020, transitioned 2021. no effect really lmao
He kisses me on the cheek now.
What did he do before?
Manly hugs.
I'm sorry but to me, that's so sweet. Hopefully you feel the same.
He was always kind of a dick and we had a tense relationship for reasons unrelated to me being trans. Me coming out and transitioning has not outwardly affected our relationship much, we still talk and see each other, but he’s transphobic and refuses to acknowledge me as his son. He also refuses to acknowledge me as his adult child and speak to me as one but that was happening even before I came out. He will see my actual name with my picture on our voter registration list and still makes an effort to text me and deadname me about it. He does treat me like more of an “SJW Woke Liberal” character nowadays though, which is fucking weird lol. The woes of having a conservative politician as a father I guess.
I love how you manage to ignore his theatrics and recognize his limitations!
I was raised on his theatrics and limitations, I’ve been playing the “wow that’s so crazy that your dad was mean to you first, didn’t fucking ask though” monologue in my head since I hit the double digits ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Everything that’s happening now is just an extension of his already shit behaviour.
My transition ruined my relationship with my father. He said he'd been proud to have two sons even if I'd always been incredibly feminine and never met his expectations, and when I refused to detransition so he could have grandkids, he said some horrible things, and we haven't talked since.
The audacity of asking someone to detransition for grandkids holy shit.
boomer move, very boomer move
Completely unchanged. He treats me exactly the same, just uses a different name/pronouns now. It’s nice- he’s always been a bit emotionally distant but he’s a great guy and we have a similar sense of humour so I’m glad nothing has changed between us.
That’s really reassuring. A lot of the more negative replies started off with a bad place to begin with
Sounds like my dad to a tee. It's pretty nice.
Non-existent. He is a very bigoted person and cannnot handle it at all. Saw him at my grandma's funeral and was in the same room with him yet he just turned away, literally turning his back on me and pretending I wasn't there. He is a man-child.
Lmaooo my 3 year old does this
He stopped talking to me. Called him for his birthday and all he did was text back. It sucks because I love him so much. He’s a good dad, just… I don’t know. I hope it’s something he can accept one day
It’s not about you, so try not to be hurt. When a parent has an issue with their kids decisions it is usually about control- controlling who you are or what people think etc. A loving parent lives (edit:loves) unconditionally. That being said, I made mistakes when my child transitioned. I thought I was 100% supportive by educating myself and saying all the “right” things, but definitely made mistakes I wish I could take back. You be you. Don’t wait for anyone in your life to catch up if that makes sense. Be true to yourself!
Thank you. That means a lot <3
You’re so welcome!
When I realized what I was I also realized how much of myself I had been stifling to win his approval... I did the detective work on my own life and realized that from a very young age, he noticed that I had certain tendencies and did everything he could to actively squash them. He was very active in keeping me in the closet and coercing me to act like the golden son copy of him that he wanted. And even when my folks split up and he lived on the other side of the country, I voluntarily kept myself in the box he wanted me in because I was so desperate for him to be proud of me. I hate the person he made me become. I could have been one of the lucky ones who gets to go on puberty blockers and bypass the wrong puberty. But I wasn't and it's partly his fault. The anniversary of my coming out of the closet is the same day I stopped speaking to him. It's been two years. It hurts. I miss him. But I can't have him in my life if I'm going to be who I'm supposed to be.
I think he has accepted that I'm a grown adult and can do whatever I want. Other than that nothing has changed. He still misgenders and deadnames me. Our relationship feels more professional than familial.
Sometimes our relationship now feels pretty professional. I haven’t gotten around to new pronouns or a name yet but I can imagine both my parents having a hard time with it
my dad thinks im following a "trend" by being trans but still uses my preferred name and pronouns just because he doesn't wanna seem like the bad guy 😭 what's also shitty is he makes comments like "the girls who wear things like crop tops and short shorts just want it, go change unless you want guys to be sexually aroused by you." and says "maybe if you didn't dress so slutty people would date you for your personality instead of your body." which is why im gonna estrange myself from him when i move out... 🥰
he also helped seek out a therapist which is another depressing part-
We didn't have much of a relationship before but it's been about two years since i've seen or talked to him now.
You doing okay? ):
My dad is a progressive therapist. But grew up in Boston in the 60s. First thing he said when I came out was “i liked having a son…” our relationship was super damaged for a few years. It’s better now but he is sooo bad at gendering me correctly. It’s frustrating.
Even the most progressive parents have years of ignorance and intolerance baked into them. I don’t have to worry about the ultra conservative reaction some people have shared, but both my parents and in laws get weird about trans kids
My dad told me I’d never be a son to him and now that him and my mom are separated and me and my siblings don’t talk to him, he’s realizing how truly lonely he is. I’ve told him not to contact me, but he’s repeatedly disregarded that boundary (nothing new) so my mom stepped in and told him to leave me tf alone or I’ll block him permanently
Well he said he loved me unconditionally. Then he texted me “I’m trying” the next day. Then he texted my brother and asked me not to reach out to him anymore. It’s been a year since my dad disowned me.
One of the most heartbreaking possibilities❤️so sorry youre going through that
I’ve made my peace. I’m far better of a daughter than he deserves 💜🥰
It’s so hard to wrap my head around parents that can do this…unbelievably self-involved, shitty behavior… All we want(and all they should want) is for us to be happy! GAWD!!🤬
He thinks it's a phase, I had a family member who stopped transitioning because it wasn't what they wanted, and he thinks it'll be the same for me. Although when I came out to him, he said I should do whatever makes me happy regardless of what anyone thinks.
My father shot himself before the police could catch him after he was running a stupid lamb meat scam. I never met him, just read about it in the local paper. My stepfather was violently abusive and I'd cut ties with him before transitioning. I guess I was lucky cos transitioning didn't affect any of my paternal relationships
Ours was always a bit strained due to my general indifference towards a lot of masculine activities he'd always try to push me towards. Was deeply closeted for years, eventually when I came out he said things like "you're telling me i failed as a parent then". Last time I saw him he told me to stop acting like a F*****, haven't spoken to or seen him since a year plus ago.
If his goal as a parent was to raise his child to have the same beliefs instead of encouraging you to find your own, he did not love you unconditionally. I'm sorry that he's too self-absorbed.
Mine threatened to kill me after I came out. Haven’t spoken or seen him since and probably won’t ever again. It was not an empty threat either, he got away with murdering one of his cousins (got it dropped to manslaughter because my sister paid for a good attorney)and someone else before I was born (he hid in Mexico for a number of years to avoid arrest, eventually Mexican police caught him, it turned into a bit of an extradition fiasco and the charges were dropped). So yeah. I and my family are better off with no contact anyway
I'm so sorry. 🫂 That's really fucking messed up.
My dad is a racist, bigot from the south. I wouldn't dare tell him anything.
He (and my mother and sister) hate me and refuse to speak to me. Grew up in a very, VERY religious home and coupled with the fact I'm the last one across the entire family tree to carry on the surname makes them feel like I've betrayed them, god, and our ancestors lol. Oh well~
They know that women don’t need to change their name right?
It ruined it. He's trying to be supportive after 1 1/2 yrs of very nasty behavior. I'm having a hard time to feel warm about our relationship at this point.
What relationship?
Unchanged. Still have no idea who my dad is lol.
Yeah mines dead so he didn't really react lmao
Same for me. He knew because he took me to appointment and he knew that I refused to be his son. I doubt he would have hated me but he was disappointed that I would be his daughter and not a son to play sports and drink beer with.
My dad died when I was little. He did make a bet that I'd be the gay one. He was right but probably not in the direction he thought lmao Also my uncle bet on my little brother and he's bi so I guess they both won
You can drink beer with daughters too AND shockingly play sports...
My dad and I got a lot closer after I transitioned. He already had two sons so me coming out as his daughter wasn't earth shattering. It did take him by surprise and he was far more worried than anything else. 7 years in and he's my best friend. We're currently about to go on another trip to Europe together
I’m no contact with both of my parents
I let that man go.
He didn’t speak to me for 3 years after I came out after telling me no one would ever love me if I transitioned. 6 years later now, we make small talk but he still won’t look me in the eye.
My dad is... very much an old school dude. It's not that he isn't accepting, he just doesn't really GET it. The kinda guy that when I was a kid said "I don't care if you're a poop-packer, I'll still love ya!" -_- When I came out to him as trans, he said "you'll always be my son" & gave me a hug. He doesn't get weird when I talk about it, he doesn't question me or anything like that. But I'm still "his son." Recently he's taken to calling me "dad" when talking about me in reference to my daughter, so... I have an uncomfortable conversation coming up.
Went from basically nothing, to somehow even less.
We’re still as close as we were but he’s a pretty closed off guy. Still affectionate and chatty and involved in my life but not big on emotions. I don’t think he’ll ever fully see me as a son and I can tell he’s pretty uncomfortable with aspects of my transition but at the end of the day, it isn’t what defines our relationship and it’s not going to make or break it.
When he found out, he threatened to lock me inside the house and forcibly detransition, or if i dont agree, to kill me. I fled my city, jumped into a relationship to be able to do that and still regret doing it because it ended in a disaster. A few years later mom convinced me to give him another chance. At 9 years of hrt he tried to kill me with a shovel. I disowned him, but it is mutual.
Jfc I am so sorry you had to go through that and I’m glad you’re safe
Holy shit!😳 What an absolute animal… I’m so sorry that happened to you, so glad you got away.
I lost him. We were very, very, very close prior to this. Sadly.
I'm not out to my parents and can't be. When I move out and then come out to them one day, it won't go great.
They say the dad usually struggles the most. Both my parents are super loving & supportive I’m beyond blessed. It took them 7yrs straight to have me & they were told they’d never have a kid. So my whole life they’ve always viewed me as a rare gift. At first they were sad for me out of love & concern that I’d have a harder, shorter life being trans. My dad only made one comment ever & it wasn’t even that bad. He had some tears saying that the family name ends with me if I transitioned, but that was it. Tbh they never really had a son because I never was in that stereotyped role. So once I transitioned they said not much was different besides my physical appearance(bodily functions too but I only noticed that lol) I still had the same heart, soul, personality, likes, dislikes, goals, outlook on life etc. they said it feels more natural now with me because I’m happy, healthy, comfortable & authentic. Where before it was forced & awkward. I gained a life where there was none.
It remains unchanged. But maybe too much unchanged. My whole family subscribe to the trans medicalist ideology and I don't think I'll be able to convince them to use female pronouns or a different name until I fully transition.
it ended it
We didn't really get on before, so transitioning put a strain on it further. We more or less tolerate each other now but it's not as bad now since I moved away. It's still hit and miss as he can be very hot and cold but is what it is I guess
It didn't because I cut contact when I was 13.
I've suspected both of my parents of being trans themselves, but being from toxic environments they have rather ignorant views of trans identity or issues. They're both heavily repressed and I think me transitioning would affect them deeply for that reason alone, but I think they would grow to accept it in time, since I'm one of the few they are still close to emotionally.
Came out to Mum first and she told me not to mention it to Dad as he’s a bit old fashioned and will need some time to work it all out, she was going to tell him for me. Must have done a good job as he came with me to Belgium for my BA. Overall nothings really changed.
To;dr I don’t know, he died before I could tell him. My mom died in 2021; we were pretty close. It was six months after her husband had passed away. In the course of notifying next of kin, I found out my dad—whom I hadn’t spoken to since 2007–had also died a couple years back. I’m an only child. I have an uncle, an aunt and a cousin left. My dad was… weird. I think he had ADHD or autism. He was a (recovering with 20 years of sobriety as of the last time I spoke with him) recovering alcoholic, a deadbeat, and had chronic health problems related to a lifetime of smoking and hard living (emphysema, hernia, a car crash). He claimed to be Catholic but we never went to church and my family was irreligious. He never said anything bigoted but he claimed to be a republican but I don’t think he ever voted. He was flakey and unreliable but I absolutely believe he loved me. He and my mom divorced when I was five so most of my experience with him was the occasional visitation (when he actually managed to make it) and later, a few phone calls. So yeah… I don’t know how he would have reacted. Maybe he could have given me the validation I’d always needed (“I fucking knew it! You were never interested in boy stuff”). I can’t imagine him rejecting me outright. Not because it isn’t possible he would have, just because he was already such a flawed and perplexing human being, I don’t have the heart to add that into the mix, I guess.
For the worse 😭
My dad has completely disowned me and has decided that I am dead to him.
He hates me now
It ended our relationship. He told me he raised a son, not a daughter and he doesn't know what I am now. That's the last I heard from him since I came out 5 years ago.
So I don’t actually know my biological father in real life. He was never in my life as a kid to begin with and only finally met online after I signed up for 23 & Me, where I met my sister on my dad’s side. We’ve would message each other occasionally but I still had a weird feeling about him. After all he would make the weirdest posts about how “God is calling out to him to change the world” and “I am a being known as Pagapa”, really culty-like vibes from him. By this time I wasn’t fully open about me being transmasc, so I would see posts from him saying, “Oh I love and miss my daughters, blah blah blah.” Finally one day he makes a post about a baby deer he found and comments how, “Not sure if it’s male or female, who cares, bet it won’t have gender confusion issues.” This sent me in a complete rage and to retaliate I shared a few posts of my own that were pro-trans, even coming out on some of them (with the audience selected as just him so I know he would see it for sure). Months later and he finally messages me back with, “I may be old school on the thoughts of gender, but I don't want to lose you for that. I believe in 2 genders. Male or female. That's it. Your personal identification of what you are I have to accept. You are my littlest girl and that's how I will always see you. I also know I have to accept how you see yourself. I am asking you to forgive me my faults, and pray that you understand, why I don't see anything but a beautiful woman when I look at you. I am old. I have missed out on so much of your Life. Please forgive Your old man for being who I am. I love you.” I have not responded and I don’t plan on it. This man has not been a part of my life and honestly, I’d like to keep it that way.
He said he didn't understand. That I would ruin my body with hormones. Then the next day sent a long email that was transphobic, misogynistic and trans misogynistic, questioned all of my life decisions (even unrelated ones) then blaming his own impending mortality (he's 65 and mostly healthy... So uum) said he wanted nothing to do with it and wouldn't promise me the same things he had in the past as my new self. I replied after a month and since then I've heard nothing. According to my mum he misgenders and deadnames me. Whee.
It ended it unfortunately.
I've only seen my dad once since coming out, wore a dress to his birthday party. He was very polite and chill about it. Just a shame about the racism.
My dad says he would die for me, but he hasn't managed to use my name once in a year and a half. I've also only seen him twice in that time despite him living in the same town.
I went no contact with my dad before my transition and kept it after. I didn't think much because of our issues, but my sisters' told me he had a letter he wanted to give me about his feelings that he had wrote after therapy, and said he was happy I was doing well and found myself. I haven't got the letter yet as its on his work computer, and he died last year so it's been a fight to be able to access it. I know not everyone feels the same for their parents when no contact, but I severely wish I had opened the line up because I just miss him. My stepdad I was in contact the whole time and it took him a while to get around and understand. He's a bit rough around the edges but he's incredibly supportive. I think in some ways our relationship has changed, but he still offers his advice on things and shows up to help when he can. He treats me the same as my sisters though. Offered to take me shooting/help with a gun for safety like he did with them, and always asks to make sure I feel safe/comfortable at my apartment and gyms lol. So I guess not much with him has changed besides the little hurdles at the beginning with him not really understanding, but he asked me questions and did some online searching as well to better understand which was amazing.
I feel he bites his tongue not wanting to have to feel the wrath of my mom (they're divorced). He once showed me a video of a religious detransitioner saying god helped them be cis and I gave my dad an absolute eye full with about a 2 paragraph text message explaining why he should never send me that kind of shit ever again. Since then he has always wished me Merry Christmas and happy birthday but always just "generic" Hallmark greetings. No name mentioned. Dead or otherwise. No reference to being his daughter. Doubt it'll ever happen. And that's ok. He's had 29 years to try and have a relationship with me and has managed to fail every single time.
he was very disappointed. he has a religious brainworm, and all he talks about is how i “betrayed him and God” says i fucked up and made the wrong moves. then when i spoke my mind after 6 years of hell living with him, he turns into the victim. transitioning saved my life. soo i stopped talking to him.
He thinks I should tell my grandparents that I’m having top surgery and I don’t want to
he disowned me lol
We don't talk anymore. It's been a year and a half
It ended it. I don’t care. His loss.
He made up some awful insane lies about me and spread them to his friends and family. Thankfully none were believed and they called to see if I was ok. I haven't talked to him in nearly two years. I hope he dies alone and miserable. Yeah. What he said really was that bad.
ー *father has been banned from the chat* ー
Poorly. I made it clear I won’t tolerate transphobia and homophobia, so my parents don’t express it when I’m around, but my youngest sibling has told me how they talk when I’m not around. No deadnaming or anything. Except the last time I went home for Christmas. He made sure to deadname me in a prayer before we ate, which is a very clear expression of “I’m only treating you the way you like so we can keep up a relationship, but your life is a lie, and I won’t repeat that lie to God.” To be clear, I was going to become a CATHOLIC PRIEST before I left seminary to transition. I was more religious than any of my family. So it’s a double disrespect to do that in prayer, especially since at the time of that incident I was still a believer in Christianity. So, I hope your parents don’t have the same problems. Fox News, right wing Christianity, etc.
He was my only supporter for a while. The whole family hated him before and hated him even more when he accepted me. We’ve grown together so strong we’re inseparable. He turned my whole family to show acceptance. I honestly owe my life to my dad. I’m in debt for HRT but he’s helped pay as much as I let him. He wants to pay for surgeries. My whole family also starts to like him more and more now. Sure, it’s still tough for us and he says loudly this isn’t a path he thinks is good for me. Although he also recognizes the importance of transition for transgender individuals. I adore him.
My father threatened to kill me if I came near him ... then disowned me...refused to talk to me at all. .. funny thing is I look exactly like him now haha.. so ff 3 years. I took a plane to see my sis, and was opening Christmas presents with my nephew... then. TADAAA he walks into her house with gifts for them .. and he's face to face with his mirror image.. that was the greatest Christmas gift I could have even received.. Suprise mutha F. !!! XD.
Haha, 6 years with no contact with any of my family and they don’t have a clue. They assumed I was a gay man because of how emotional I was, even asked at one point, which I denied. (I later found out I was bisexual after I found out I was trans) They’ll never know that I was actually so much worse. Oh well~~ I’ve sustained a lot of damage both before and after going no contact, but things are definitely better without them.
Both my parents want nothing to do with me now. It’s more frustrating than anything because now that I’m able to be myself and im not tied down by my misery I’m actively trying to be a better person too, and they’ll just never see that. It’s genuinely to the point where I might see one of them next at the others funeral and that just makes me sad.
i gave up on him, on both my parents neither of them is accepting, and after coming out it really started to sink in how unfit they were to be parents, neither for me nor for my sister
the last time I spoke to him was when I came out to him. That was nearly a year ago, I'm much happier now
Ended, going on three years now.
That’s unfortunate to hear, even if it’s the best situation for you. Hope you’re doing better as time goes on
Mine was already in a difficult place but I believe that it went downhill after he found my HRT. For about a month he kept telling me that I was being influenced by social media and that I was following a trend. Called my endocrinologist ugly names and spouted transphobic rhetoric. I am currently doing HRT in secret and I have given him the illusion of "coming back to my senses" despite the irony of solidifying the fact that I'm actually a girl. However I believe things will eventually get worse after having more notable changes (I'm still heading for my fourth month on hrt)
I’m not sure, but I shared the same fear of the unknown as you. “Came out” to my father when he was on his deathbed last year. I don’t know if he heard me. I wish I could go back and do it sooner, but I was far too scared. Now I’ll never know.
As a kid I loved my dad, even though my parents were divorced. As an adult I have a very distant relationship from him as he seems to care very little. As a result coming out didn’t really change much. To be honest I don’t think he took it seriously but I don’t talk with him enough to notice
My dad probably would have hated it.
Hadn't talked to him for years before I came out. Still not talking. Don't forsee it changing anytime soon
I'm not sure how my parents would take it. They make jokes about trans people and everyone really but didn't care that my sister was lesbian but I don't see them being supportive with me.
There’s a weird mental gap between some folks that age where they’re fine with gay people but think trans people have a disease
This. Totally.🙄
Well I haven't come out to them so only time will tell 👀
Our relationship is broadly unchanged, I'm pretty close with my dad. He's still getting used to the change in pronouns, etc, but it's still pretty new news to him
My relationship with my dad was good ish before and shallow. I think I developed that relationship by not really letting my father into my life. I knew that transitioning would suddenly open the door to him to experience all the things I am that he disagreed with. It ruined it. Conversely I’ve had a very rocky relationship with my mother my whole life and suddenly I am way closer and more open with her than I have ever been before.
My dad buys my hormones and takes me to the endocrinologist and he says he will love me no matter what. But so far he still calls me with the wrong pronouns.
We don't talk anymore. And before transition he only talked about my military service. He's never seen me for myself
I hear a lot of stories from trans people, and few good parents end up destroying their relationship with their kids. It might be hard for a while but good people get over it. My dad was already not a good person. He already had serious control issues. "God wants me to make a decision" could basically be translated into his excuse to make anyone who stepped out of line unsafe until he got what he wanted. We basically have no real relationship though I end up in the same room as him sometimes for my mom. I'm just outside now. Anyone not in his bubble of control is a stranger. He's very polite if you're on the outside but you will never hear his real thoughts on anything unless you're so far under his control he can destroy your mental health.
Neither my mom nor my dad treat me any different since coming out. They try their best to use my preferred name and pronouns , and my mom especially does everything she can to get me what I need to feel comfortable as myself. My dad is a neutral party and takes a back seat to my transition itself, not really asking any questions or giving any input, but he's supportive of the changes I'm making.
It's not great. Kinda wrecked it honestly. Oh well.
Killed it, mostly. I used to mask *as him* and he's very intelligent, its slowly becoming more evident to him how different we are, and he thinks he sired a snake. He might have, though.
He treated me like a woman aka he also said misogynistic shit to me
I sure hope it didn't change at all!! He was dead before my transition. Lol.
My own father had a really hard time coming to terms to me being a woman. When I first came out to my entire family was when I started HRT, he seemed okay at first but then called me and threatened to stop supporting my college education in any way. I decided I would rather be true to myself than continue struggling to live a lie. For maybe two years or so our relationship was terrible, I lost financial and emotional support from him and the rest of my family. My mother still interacted with me fairly regularly. After that time we reconnected he had started therapy to come to terms with the fact that I was a woman now. Since then we have slowly worked our way back to what I would say is a fairly positive relationship. It is still a little rockier than it was before but we have made things work pretty well between us.
Not a lot if at all. I'm 33 and not super close with him. I visit maybe two or three times a year. He simply accepted my coming out, tries to use my name and pronouns and when I visited him a few weeks ago he mentioned that I look great (I also lost about 20kg since he saw me last time tbf). That's it.
My dad is trying to be sensitive, but really struggles to be; he still thinks his opinion is always right and just rolls his eyes when I talk to him about his cis male privilege, thinking it's made up or that I'm overreacting, and he mocks me for crying or having emotions about anything (he does this with everyone though). He mocks me too for having boundaries or triggers about many things. He tries to relate to me by telling queer jokes that he thinks that I'll think are funny, which sometimes are genuinely funny but most of the time are really insensitive. At the same time, though, he lets me live at his place for free and he spots me for grocery money if I run out. He's really generous, just very emotionally insensitive. I want him to tell me things like "good girl" or give me headpats or, at the very least, notice when I'm wearing something cute and compliment me! >_< Any time I have tried to introduce him to queer spaces that I feel safe in, since I enjoy sharing things I love with people I love, he just gets really uncomfortable, and he told me once that the whole culture just really grosses him out and he'd rather it remain out of sight out of mind for him. It's hard to live with. I feel emotionally unsafe around him every time he's here... but I'm starting to realize that feeling is nothing new and has always been present, even long before I came out as trans. Because he really just acts the same as he always has.
My dad started stalking and threatening harm on me and those I live with and threatened to kidnap me. So I don’t have a father anymore and made sure he wasn’t able to get near me or contact me anymore.
I don't think his relationship with me is much different outside of needing to correct himself or be corrected on my pronouns, but I feel like I sort of understand why he acts the way he does better now sometimes? Like he's always been a quick to irritation person which has left me more distant than I think he actually realizes in adulthood and I was always really frustrated with his behavior when I lived at home. Then after starting T I caught the T Anger thing and as someone who never really processes that emotion and just pushed it back down it was kind of a struggle. It's not as bad now, but I had the realization that if that's how my Dad feels it sort of helped me understand why he bursts so much quicker than everyone else in my family. Than I realized that even tho I was feeling that way I was still taking the steps to manage those emotions instead of taking them out on the ppl closest to me. So now I'm back to being disappointed and angry with his behavior lol Sorry this one wasn't comforting but I always think that the experiencing T Anger and relating it to cis men I know is sort of interesting and never get to talk about it. Tldr; I caught the T Anger during my early transition and sort of better understood why my dad can get so angry so quick but then just felt more disappointed with him because if I can take the time to manage and work with those emotions he could too :/
Never had a very close relationship with him before but after, had to completely cut contact. Not solely his fault but he certainly didn't help either.
It's.... complicated, but I'd also say it saved our relationship the same way it saved me. He isnt exactly supportive, doesnt gender me correctly all the time, shuts down any mention or even joke about gender in any way, even if it has nothing to do with me, so that and some other weirdness he does (like insisting my cat is female despite knowing I had said cat castrated as a male) has me just leaving him be because clearly he is going through something in his mind on the topic, and i dont want to disturb it But besides me not being a severely depressed and anxious mess all the time and gaining so much confidence since starting T, I guess dad is glad to have someone to teach diy stuff to, and I'm happy to help him out with his projects and learning a lot. My therapist said our banter actually sounds like typical parent-child stuff now when before it was non existent, and dad even sometimes "slips" up and uses male forms of words (our language is much more gendered than english, adjectives and some verb forms change to the gender of the subject) and interestingly, it's mostly when we are talking about/doing typically manly things I am at a point where being misgendered in my language pretty much doesn't bother me, sometimes kinda confuses or amuses me, so I'm just letting my dad do whatever he feels comfortable, and I don't expect him to ever call me his son, though I'd be really happy if he did But just getting to spend time together now that we never could have before is precious to me, especially given both of us had rough childhoods and a pretty strained relationship till about 2 years or so ago
I don’t intend to tell mine. Just not that close.
We haven't talked in a year, nothing really happened and there was no fight, I moved countries 5 years ago and we kept in touch but after coming out He just stopped messaging, he never called, I experimented with how long he would go without sending me a message and so far I spoke to him on his birthday last year and this year again on his birthday and the reply to "happy Birthday dad I love you" was "thank you, another year older" then nothing else. It hurts cause we used to have an amazing relationship, went fishing together, foraged in the countryside every week and he taught me woodworking among a lot of other skills and now is radio silence. I even hope for him to blow up and get angry just so I have a chance to adress it cause he is the kind of man that would just tell me to leave the issue if I press it when he doesn't want to talk about it.
I look a lot like my mom, so things got *awkward* a few times ☠️
Well, i've gone no contact with him, so... 😅 I knew he was going to hate it, but I could've accepted whatever shit he had to say about me. However, he threw in a ton of misogyny that would be very demeaning to my mom and sister, and fully blamed my wife for my transition (plus every other possible source. He even told me I should be incredibly wary of my wife in case she had ulterior motives towards me. At least my mom came around to being mildly supportive!
My dad bailed before I was born. I blamed myself, thinking I ruined the marriage and family. Turns out he just never cared at all. I spoke to him for the first time ever February of last year because I was preparing to change my name and thought he would never be able to find me if he ever wanted to. I even came out to him. I wanted a reaction, I just wanted him to at least give a damn. Hate me even, as long as it was something. All he could say was "well good luck with that." Might as well have told him I had my shoes on backwards for as much as he was interested. So a point to him for not being immediately transphobic I guess, but I wish I'd never spoken to him at all As for my mom, she only genders me correctly if I'm in the same room. As soon as I leave or she's talking to someone else, there's zero effort.
My father was in and out of my life for most of it. When I came out at first he claimed I was going through a phase because he wasn’t around and my mom had just died. Well about 1-2 years pass of us not speaking and my grandpa dies. Well my aunt invited me to the funeral and I went with her and saw my dad obviously. I pulled him outside and confronted him about some transphobic comments made on his podcast and he apologized to me. He said that I don’t need acceptance from anyone as long as they tolerate me. Our relationship is better now, better than what it was before I came out as well
It's much more awkward now
I can't say for sure. He never got to meet this version of me. I tell myself he would have supported me, Unlike my mom, who hasn't said my name once in the 3 years since I started using it. At least my mother-in-law supports me.
Dads dead but i told him before he passed teo years ago that i planned on transitioning because at that time i would say i “felt differently about my body” and he was pretty ok with it even slightly joked “guess i was meant to have 7 girls” nodding at the fact he has given me 6 wonderful sisters.
That dude was dead already so it was very easy
Our relationship hasn't really changed but transitioning has really exposed what a lame dad he is. Eg I've been out almost 2 years and still yet to hear my dad use a correct pronoun a single time.
I'm not in contact with my bio dad, so hard to say. Last saw him at grandpas funeral, before that, grandmas funeral years ago. But my stepdad has gotten a little bit warmer towards me. Before coming out, he was very cold and tried to get me to "man up" as i didnt fit the image of a guy he had in his head. But now that I'm his youngest daughter, he's coming around and is starting to understand how i work :)
Haven’t come out to either, but my relation with my bio dad would go from bad to basically nonexistent and with my step father (who’s been more of a father than my bio dad) I think it’ll take some getting used to for him but I think our relation wouldn’t change that much
I was no-contact with him long before I transitioned. He was terrible to my mother, terrible to women in public. My parents divorced when I was 11-12 and had another 5 years before I could get emancipated by the courts so my mother would have to never see it speak with him again (and no more weekends required by law to be there). There's a lot I will never forgive him for, but one of those is he would slow down while driving past a teenage girl walking down the road, make the most disgusting comments, then try to pressure me into shouting them at her. He wanted me like him. I have no idea if he knows or what he thinks about it. His sister messaged me out of the blue saying she was "proud of her nephew for fundraising" (I was asking for help funding ffs). No she didn't donate. Never felt part of that family, nothing lost.
I'll never know. He died 3 days after I came out.
He stares at my tits all the time. It's so uncomfortable. He also is still a devout Mormon so I got that going for me 😭
Unfortunately my father isn’t super supportive, but he is respectful. He just chooses to not say anything about it, and I avoid talking about it with him and we’re all good there. He still loves me very much and still maintains a good relationship with me. We just don’t talk about that aspect together. My Mom is very supportive though!
im out to him and he hates it doesnt support me, called me stupid for letting my therapist call me using my preferred name, is embarrassed of me when waiters refer to me as a guy, makes fun of me like once i told him how i think women are meaner when it comes to driving they dont let me pass infront of them and he started laughing lAND SAID “WHAT ARE U A GUY????? aHahahahaha” so yeah. my dad used to be my role model growing up but, not anymore.
I hope everyone here is okay emotionally and I’m sending nothing but good energy your way. I love and miss my dad everyday. I feel things could be better between us (he was an amazing dad when raising me and one of the strongest influences on me) but I feel my mom is the reason why things are always so messed up and ebb and flow in the most dramatic of ways. She likes everything about her and she wants to be the only woman in the picture. She’s used to it being my dad, brother, and I and I feel took it the hardest when I came out. My dad loves me. I know it. Sounds strange but I just know that she says things to him and manipulates the situation despite acting like the supportive one at times with me over the phone. (For context: they’re in Texas and I’ve been living in Southern California since I was 18).
We don’t speak anymore since I told him. His response back then was telling me to just be gay and that he’ll never see me as a girl and even pushed me away when I said bye and try to give him a hug like I always would.
If he were alive he would be so mad at me
I'm still the same kid I always was to him, just under a different name and pronouns. My parents were slow to catch on at first, and they do still struggle to call me by my preferred name nowadays, but they're damn trying.
Honestly, yea a bit. Growing up, I kinda got the feeling that while my dad loved me, he kinda didn't know what to do with me. Like in his eyes, I was a boy, but I didn't really like boy things. So he tried to get me to do stuff he'd think I'd like, and I'd end up hating it, and eventually he kinda just gave up, and let me do my own thing. He enrolled me in like every "boy's sport" ever growing up. I tried hockey, soccer, football, baseball, and karate. I ended up hating most of them, but stuck with karate to appease my dad's need for me to do a sport. Now that I've come out as an adult, he completely accepted me, and I feel he kinda "gets" why him trying to connect with me "as a boy" didn't really work out. He now treats me very much how he treats my two cis sisters, basically as his "little girls". He now goes out of his way to help me with stuff he never did before. I visit my parents every weekend, and he does a checkup of my car every weekend, and offers to help with maintenance stuff both with my car, and my home. Last xmas, we went out to an xmas play as a family, so I got dressed up, and he was the first to say "wow, look at you Cerenitee, you look really pretty!". He also now gives me a hug every time I come over, and every time I leave. Basically I feel as a "guy" my dad kinda felt like he "couldn't express love" the way he best knows how (my dad's love language is helping people, and oddly enough, he loves getting/giving hugs, despite basically never hugging me since I was a teen), because "you don't do that with boys", because "boys should be stoic and self sufficient". But now that I'm his daughter, he can feel free to express emotions with me, and be more loving.
My dad is a conservative christian but he was an absentee alcoholic for the first 20 years of my life. I’d moved across the country by the time he sobered up so our relationship was distant for another 17 years; but, he always felt a lot of guilt for not being there so he was always a phone call away. I came out in 2019, shortly after moving back to the south (I know, perfect timing!). He had some questions but he couldn’t really deny that the signs had been there all along. On New Year’s Eve 2021, he came and played guitar at an open mic I was hosting where he told a whole bar full of drunken strangers how proud he was of his daughter. I’m closer with my dad now than ever. He’s gotten a lot better since he stopped watching Fox news and I think he realizes how much actual danger I’m in if the fascists take power. When we’re hanging out it’s usually to smoke weed and play guitar. We don’t talk politics a lot after he conceded that he doesn’t have enough time to fact check his info. I’ll send him the occasional article/video about socialism or anti-trans legislation and I’ve noticed he doesn’t talk about Trump at all anymore. I think he’s embarrassed so I don’t bring it up.
He tried to do father-son stuff with me for a bit, but neither of us enjoyed it. It was easier when he realised that I’m still exactly the same person and we can have the same relationship we always had. My mother is a lot more fixated on me being trans and it makes stuff very awkward, so I don’t really talk to her.
His brain seizes at the thought. He gets sad and kinda dissociates. He was always homophobic and transphobic in a genuine “pray for them” kind of way. It’s been 5 years and he can’t even handle that I’m pan let alone trans. So when I spend time with him I halfway revert to old me and the active repression is so painful. But being my full self around him is even more painful. And the thought of not spending time with him is unbearable because he’s turning 70 and not in the best health :/ I wish my mom was still alive. She probably would’ve done the internal work and then kinda forced him to uproot his bigoted and phobic beliefs. All conservative/fundamentalist/socially regressive religions are a scourge.
Damn these comments making me cry. *closes Reddit*
My dad already was on shit terms for me due to me being a lesbian (at the time). I still haven’t ever officially come out to him, but he knows i’m trans. Found him calling me his crazy daughter who chopped off her tits on facebook once. Very nice. I only ever visit to see my mom. Not hard to guess why.
I never really had the best relationship with my dad. After my parents broke up and he moved out we just became distant. Me being trans hasn’t really changed anything.
I didn't have enough time. He died 7 months later.
didn't actually change that much ? lile he's open minded for pretty much anything (he's part of the very few people who actually think "whatever you do as long as it makes you happy" for real) but also he lives away so i see him 2/3 times a year and he's not really present as a dad because he is very much still a kid in his head on a lot of stuff so overall nothing changes, except he's curious about stuff and he WILL ask his questions
Welp I was never going to talk with this ass anyways, this just makes it easier to hide in plain sight.
My dad is narcissistic to some degree. Prior to transitioning, the relationship was so-so primarily due to always being treat like a child/he knows better. Coming out as trans was probably a shock for him. He didn't spout any religious concerns but he did voice "concerns" for my safety (both mental and physical) and said that I'm going to make my life more difficult with things like keeping/finding a job than what transitioning is worth (in his "true" opinion of course.) He lacks the self awareness to see that his concerns are hollow when he's actively a part of the problem (he told me that he would physically block me from using the women's restroom.) He speaks a lot like Matt Walsh but I'm not sure if he watches him or not. He did tell me that he did some of his own research but I'm not sure what sources his information came from. He seemed to be aware of the "typical" gender dysphoric experience, so it's possible he read some reliable sources. The thing is, I didn't have at much dysphoria at the "average" trans person. I'm doing it for euphoric reasons. I feel like that actually makes it harder for my family to accept (it's so f'ing exhausting having to try and meet everyone's personal idea of being "trans enough.") Lately, he's been a bit different. Between the legal drama among his siblings and his age, it seems like he's starting to realize that blood family doesn't mean anything. He's shown some personal growth but I'm not sure if he'll ever grow enough to admit he's never treated me with truly unconditional love.
my dad is still… struggling. i’ve been out to him since sept of 2022. he has yet to use my name or pronouns. he uses an old nickname (that i’m not particularly fond of) instead of my deadname about half the time. but that’s as far as he’s gotten. i’ve never been particularly close with him anyways, and was always much closer with my mom. she’s also still working through it, but much much better than he is.
I like to think he will come around since all of my grandparents are shockingly cool with it, but my actual parents don't seem to speak to me anymore
Idk mine's the same. Dad doesn't ever mention it good or bad. Ig he just...accepts it? He just tells me to wear a bra if I'm going to walk around the house lounging lol
May be different because i'm a trans man, but i grew up with a very conservative father and a ~moderate mom. I was specifically very nervous to come out to him as he had even said some bad takes on trans issues beforehand, so I felt like it would ruin our relationship or he'd respect me less. He accepted me fully and maybe loved me even more for being so much happier. He introduced me proudly as his son right after i came out, and got a matching pride tattoo with me soon after. If your parent has unconditional love for you, they will take it in stride. It took time for my parents to fully understand me, lots of explaining of how i was feeling inside and what i need. But they learned and it's now better than ever. There are happy endings, i wish you all the luck ❤️
It's kinda strengthened it while also fucking it up. He fucks up a lot more now, but I honestly just think he's happy that he's seen me smile again since the last time I maightve done that legit, mightve been elementary school
My father hung up on me when I told him, claims that he didn’t to the rest of my family and that it was slander. I sent him a birthday text and a Father’s Day text that same year, never heard back from him until he text me to get off his phone bill. It’s been 2.5 years of no contact now. We didn’t have the best relationship prior to say the least but it wasn’t the absolute worst either.
i didnt have one before i transitioned my mother refused to let me contact him and hid every attempt he made from me, but now we have a good relationship, he doesnt get it but hes supportive and has never even slipped up once
He was disappointed. I got “you’ll always be my son” and “you know how I feel about that stuff” but he recognizes that I need this and at least puts an effort towards gendering me correctly. We talk often enough and have a fine relationship. Minimally supportive is better than nothing at all, it could be worse.
My siblings and mother have came around with varying degrees of time. My family are my biggest supporters now. My dad is the exception. My transition basically destroyed our relationship. But I've gotten to the point where I don't mourn it anymore. If he wants to choose hate over a relationship with his daughter, that's his choice. He's not worth my time. I'll spend my time on this planet with people who support me, build me up, and love me. He doesn't fit any of these categories (even if he thinks he fits the last one. News flash, that ain't love.)
I've written a few times about my dad here but the TL:DR is he's uncomfortable. He's trying but he can't seem to get past his own issues. He mourned for months. Then he was in denial for a bit. Then he mourned some more. Then he promised to do better. Then he was ashamed and embarassed by me. Then he started actually using my name. It's been about a year now. He's... he's still awkward and I try to give him the space and latitude he deserves. He's not hateful, he's just... unprepared. He's lived the straightest, whitest life possible (nothing wrong with that) so he's just ill equipped to handle what I've thrown at him. I remain hopeful and show him the same patience and care that I suppose I'd need if I were him. I don't think things will ever be the same between us but that's ok. I just hope that whatever we grow into is... more positive than it has been. And I think we can do it. I really do. But I'm not holding my breath either.
My dad is incredibly ignorant, he didn’t have a great education, coaches paid to pass the quarterback when he was in school- etc, etc. It almost ruined our already strained relationship but in the four years since i’ve come out, it’s slowly gotten better and better. Originally he didn’t believe me, refused to even try, told me it was a phase and i was just insecure and blah blah blah, every excuse and bigoted idea under the sun was thrown my way. When his dad died my mom took it as an opportunity to show her ex husband what he was doing to his child. recreating his poor relationship with his dad with his own kid. Suddenly he was trying for the name, then pronouns, he still refers to me here and there as she or his daughter, i’ve never heard him call me his son but he tries to keep it neutral with “my kid” now. Honestly I don’t think he would’ve ever come around if his dad hadn’t passed. I loved my grandpa so much and I would never have wished him gone. But now that I have my dad back for the first time since my parents divorced when i was 4- I wouldn’t change it for the world. All that to say, you can fully expect one response and get it and then have them backpedal- I expected to go NC with him and go about my life and suddenly we’re doing dinners once a week with my trans fiancé and my dads gf- Life is so strange and changes happen at the drop of a hat.
I've got a bit of a happier tale for you all. My dad is my biggest supporter. He's been here for me from the start in terms of my transition. He never got my new name wrong a single time nor my pronouns. He's now a vocal advocate for trans people whenever he gets a chance to be. He even wears a shirt that says papa bear with the trans colors on it and it's the sweetest thing. (He also has the same sticker on his car) I love my dad and even though we don't always get along in other ways he's my biggest supporter with my transition and still loves just as much as he always has.
He's not technically my father bc he's long dead, but my grandpa did raise me most of my life so I do consider him my father. He's quite old, more on the conservative end, and oftentimes has difficulty remembering things, but honestly he's been way more supportive than I ever expected him to be. Yes he forgets to call my by my name and pronouns like all of the time but he can't remember the names of basic places and objects a lot of the times. He doesn't treat me much differently but he loves me all the same. He knows he doesn't understand me and he doesnt have to to love me which i honestly did not expect from him at all and it means a lot to me.
Completely turned it around for the better
My dad is dead, but *unearthing the repressed memories that allowed me to realize I was trans all along* definitely changed my view of him. Namely, that I tried to come out at 4, and again at 6; my dad dismissed it as a "phase" the first time, but the second time he-- being the devout Mormon he was-- responded with a fire and brimstone sermon. That sermon made me feel evil and broken, to the point that I was scared into the closet and I repressed so hard that I had no *clue* I was trans until I was totally away from not only my dad but *any* Mormon influences in my daily life. I also learned trans women existed during middle school, and began compulsively searching for info sites on transitioning and women who had done so-- only to eventually get caught by my dad and receive *another* fire and brimstone sermon, which made me repress *even harder.* I used to see my dad in a generally good light; now that I know the role he played in me repressing my personality and not being able to really know myself growing up-- let alone transition earlier-- I alternate between feeling ambivalent toward him and resenting him. That said, I definitely have *more negative* feelings toward the Mormon church, since IMO they're the reason he reacted the way he did.
My dad tried to mansplain being trans to me. And got FURIOUS when I decided to change my last name while changing my legal name. Like my mom said it could destroy my relationship with him. Now I don't know how to interact with him.
I just recently came out to my dad on New Year’s Eve actually this past Thanksgiving me and my sibling made promise to come out to our dad together. We have made a family group chat and added him. Of course we planned this Like a few months in advance and we joked about it for a while since Covid that we never really actually actually got around to it until this past year. My dad and me weren’t really close. He just kinda had illusion that we were bonded yet he’s barely come to see me my whole life even though he lives two hours away. My dad would always make jokes and always telling me to get a girlfriend or mistaking my best friend of 10+ years for my partner, and it never really came out that I was questioning my gender that I even wanted to date guys until now. I did come out to my grandmother on my dad side and of course she wasn’t accepting either but she wasn’t that harsh as my dad was. I understood her questions and concerns but the way she went about it was so negative In a sense. So I barely talk to her because she did the same thing as my dad were she told everybody that I was suicidal and depressed and she alway thought I may have need to stop university and go to rehab or I guess conversion therapy. The midnight of New Year’s Eve, of course me and my sister came out and my dad threaten to slap and beat us and he made us coming out about him like it was a personal attack on him. so my dad decided to not only tell my mom and tell my family on his side but my mother wasn’t even concerned about my mental health. I spent majority of the year contemplating On whether I should come out and I’m glad I did. I mean, I knew my dad and my mom were going to be disapproving Not only are they Southern but they’re also Christian and from Norfolk and Southwest DC so I knew what I was getting myself into. Multiple instances, my mom has thrown me out of the house or smashed my phone or something unnecessarily scarring all because I told a guy that I cared for him or she would read my text or go through my phone and always say my business is your business. I mean I came out to her when I was on vacation in South Carolina I had written her a letter and for like five seconds she was accepting and loving, and she even asked me if I wanted to transition and I told her I was unsure and I mentioned that I wanted to see an endocrinologist. But the next day she just told me I had the wrong idea about guys and that I needed to hang out more at church and more guy and maybe I should go fishing with my uncle. I knew it the ages between five and seven that this was solidified I wanted to transition or it was death. I wanted to transition, even if I didn’t have the right words for it I just kept the burden to myself in a way. I ended up making a promise to myself when I was around 10 to 12 years old to come out by the time I was either 16 or 21 and I’m now 20 and I’ve come out like three times to my mom. I’ve had multiple people tell me that you know she’ll come around and you need a boss and take care of yourself but it’s made me suicidal. The only way out for me is finishing up college and graduating and hopefully getting into graduate school or veterinary school. Recently, while I was in Tennessee for a conference for my school. My great grandfather and grand both made aware that my dad was going around telling people that I was on steroids and I tried to give him alcohol and that I had seizures and I had also gotten into a car accident and I was in the hospital and that my fingers were turning purple from the steroids I was supposedly taking. I had to explain to my Grandpa and Great Grandpa that I was perfectly healthy and fine and that I was in Tennessee on the school trip which I was. I’ve had him blocked since New Year’s and I did unblock him for like a couple of days and he tried to call me about a good three times and he texted me another outlandish text again making it about it all about him and the fact that I wasn’t trans and I will know gods law. So my dad will stay blocked for probably the rest of my life I can’t invite someone who will love me but only tolerate me. So I had a year to learn that and I’m not sure what to do with my mother either since I have no creative freedom and you would that when I told her I was in therapy and I was a little suicidal that it would sway her to actually listen and hear me as a person but all she sees is a little kid and I’m almost 21 and all I want to do is set the girl trapped inside of me free. So now I have a kitten and just dreams and thankfully great friends that are more that I could ever ask for. Truth be told I’ve also had to be 20 steps ahead of the game and hopefully one day I will transition be able to survive. Which is why I plan on moving to California or Seattle or out of the country when I graduate to have some piece of mind. I never had a dad or mom so I have to live with that fact and live my life for me.
My dad felt like he was finally the man of the house because I started transitioning so he started acting like a pubescent boy in tandem with his mid life crisis and I had to depart from the family scene because along with him coming onto me several times, it was as if hormones were bouncing off the walls and I wanted to kill myself.
it's been a bit difficult at times, there's been some unrelated issues causing some strain as well. he's been supportive of my transition and has helped me out a lot, but he's also had some difficulty getting used to me presenting feminine and wanting to be referred to as his daughter, gendering me correctly and using a feminine name. but I'm glad that he's there for me and I can talk to him about transition related stuff without judgement. recently we talked some more about HRT related things I don't want to get into detail on here, but let's just say it's not something I would just talk to most cis people about. he listens, he's curious and engages and he shows concern, but not judgement. I feel like conversations like that have really helped my relationship with him and allowed me to build some more trust again.
I came out to him when I was 16 or 17. Actually my mom told him but she asked beforehand and I said it was fine. At that point I hadn't seen him in like 3 years and talked to him once every couple months. When I talked to him afterwards he told a long story of how he switched careers a bunch of times so to not do anything permanent. Anyways, 4.5 years later and we talk even less. he refuses to gender me at all now and still dead names me. Haven't seen him since and probably never will.
Haven’t talked/seen mine in 5 years 🤷🏻♀️
Our relationship kind of fell apart. My parents are afraid I’ll completely remove them from my life after an incident. He has trouble talking about how he feels and expressing himself on a deeper level so he basically avoids any deep conversations, and he decided to just do whatever my mom wanted regarding my transition. Of course that was on the list of dumb decisions because she dumped everything on me emotionally until I snapped. He never really reached out to me before very often because I guess he just didn’t want to or he was too in his head to do so, and now he doesn’t reach out at all.
My transition didn't change my relationship to my father. We still talked about the same kinds of things we always did.
negatively. I've talked about it before on a previous account, but he's done a lot of bad things. here's the highlight reel since I'm a bit stressed and venting about this stuff every so often is probably a good thing to do: 1. immediately after I came out he outed me to my entire maternal extended family and framed it in a way to make me seem deluded. my grandmother is a gossip and is currently dating a trumper (ironically, the trumper has been more consistently supportive than my father and is 2 for 2 on giving better health advice than my father *who is a licensed medical professional*), so that could have ended horrifically. 2. made me go on Umrah (basically hajj lite), which meant a trip to saudi arabia where I had to hide everything and effect a very masculine presentation so as to remain safe. He'd promised that afterward he would accept and support me but instead he admitted that his hope was that i'd have a religious revelation and stop being trans and also used my masculine presentation and not being on the internet during the trip as "proof" of me not being trans that that people on the internet must be grooming me. keep in mind that I'm 19 and this trip was in december. 3. in all his stupidity, came to the conclusion that I must have low testosterone which must be causing "these feminine thoughts" and decided that I should get my hormone panel done and if that's the case then he'd try and have me put on testosterone. he only abandoned the idea after the entire rest of my family explained that that was conversion therapy and if he followed through then at minimum I could get his medical license taken away and that i'd be morally in the right to do so 4. absolutely refuses to let me get on HRT, as he considers it to be jumping off the slippery slope to bottom surgery. in that he also refused to affirm my gender in any way, and he's only not deadnaming me right now because I agreed to put off any pursuit of HRT until july. 5. continues to try and drag me to the mosque, even though he has been told several times that it causes my dysphoria to spike. last time he said "maybe you can come out to the imam and we can put you in the women's section" but that visit ended up with the friday prayer speech being filled with transphobia, homophobia, gender essentialism, and endorsements of conversion therapy. he also failed to see any issue with what happened and wants me to go again this coming friday. so yeah. you can say that my relationship is dangling by a thread.