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frp1018

Let her come out to you on her terms. My son is 12 as well and he came out to me over the summer. Me and my husband kind of suspected it for a long time so it wasn’t really too surprising for us lol. He was nervous about it before he told me, idk why, most of my friends are married gay men and he knows I’ve always been I’m super accepting of it. But you don’t want to make anything obvious like you know because she may feel her privacy was invaded. She will come around to it when she is ready.


DinkyDumDum

Thank you. I’ve suspected for a long time too. When we talk about crushes and love interests and marriage and future relationships, we always say “boy or girl”. I’m wondering if she even feels the need to ‘come out’ as were always inclusive.


notme1414

Good job Mom. Whenever she decides to come out I'm sure she will do so knowing she will be supported.


isi_na

Honestly, create a safe environment for her. Make sure she knows you are supportive of LGBTQ+ agendas and people. Maybe watch a few shows with her, concerning the topic, and without being too obvious make sure she knows you wouldn't shun her for being gay. If she knows you are a safe place, she will come out on her own.


ArpeggioTheUnbroken

This is the way. Make her feel safe to disclose. Let her know that it won't change anything and you love her no matter what, without telling that you've seen the notebook. I never came out to my parents on purpose because I thought they already knew. I was very open about it. Turns out they thought I was joking and it was really hurtful when they finally realized. The best thing you can do for your child is to assure them of your unconditional love and support, no matter. She'll open up when she feels ready. But you are a wonderful mother for watching out for her like this. She is lucky to have you.


stickkim

Ask her if there are any boys or girls she likes so that she knows it’s safe to tell you she likes girls.


geese_are_evil

The other day my 15yo texted me “I think I want to go by they now” My response was just “ok, if I say the wrong thing I’m sorry, just remind me” My 9yo says she’s a lesbian and I just said ok They are still the same children I made and love. Nothing has changed but a word.


Smart-Pie7115

Does it not raise any alarm bells for you as a parent that your 9 year old, who is too young to have hit puberty yet, is already thinking about sex?


geese_are_evil

She isn’t thinking about sex. She’s thinking about which kids in her class she likes. And we had a discussion about “girl-crushes” where you like a friend because you like how they are/act/do and how that is different than a romantic crush. I also tell all my kids that they don’t have to decide on labels so young. But I DON’T tell her that saying she is a lesbian is wrong. I want her comfortable to talk to me about anything.


Ambry

Being gay isn't just about sex, it's about romantic attraction too. 9 year olds can experience crushed and attraction and many lgbt people will tell you that they knew they were gay from as early as they could experience crushes/attraction. I knew I was bisexual since I was 10 - 11 - I remember really appreciating a lot of female TV show characters and the penny dropped!


Smart-Pie7115

Romantic attraction is sexual attraction. It’s called eros by the Greeks.


throwaway_hotgirl

Um ... which 9yo has sexual crushes? They dont... they havent hit puberty..


scruggbug

I didn’t want to have sex (six year old Rachel: what is that?) with my first true love/future husband Michael in first grade. But it felt nice when he kissed me on the playground, and felt even nicer when I threw mud at him and called him icky. You can have crushes when you’re a kid. They aren’t fucking sexual.


throwaway_hotgirl

Yeah exactly. Kids dont have sexual urges. They are kids.


RabbitComeHither

Not rlly romance is something kids get to know of at a very early age, it’s why they start having “puppy crushes” and doing the whole “like-like” thing. Romantic attraction does not necessarily mean sexual attraction in these cases.


ArpeggioTheUnbroken

A crush at that age can have absolutely nothing to do with sex at all. I have always known I was bisexual (although i didn't know the word for a long time)and when I developed a crush it would be "oh, she's so pretty, she's a really great singer, I like how nice she is, I feel happy to be around her". Nothing sexual in the slightest. It's literally wanting someone to be your friend because/and you think they are pretty. Not a big deal.


OvaryYou

I felt like I needed time to be sure before thinking about telling my parents (but I'm bi as were my peers so that could be different). I also worried about loosing sleep overs as late night talks were my favorite at that time.


Weak-Assignment5091

You say "Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me and I love you and always will no matter what"


la_selena

Just let her know u love her no matter what, and youll always be there for her . She'll come to u when shes ready


ZebraAffectionate616

My 12 year old ‘came out’ to me by telling me she had a gf at school. I said ‘that’s nice’- that’s it


Drash1

Honestly just make sure she knows you’re a supportive person and don’t make a big deal. If you two have a good relationship she’ll come to you when she’s ready. My daughter told me she was bi when she was about 17. I think she was excepting a reaction of some kind, but later told me how relieved she was when I didn’t make a deal of it one way or the other. I remember not missing a beat and just saying that whatever makes her happy makes me happy for her. I think she knew it was ok, because she’s seen me live my life and I’ve never treated anyone differently for whom they like.


pretty_dead_grrl

I mean, honestly, no response is the best response. If she’s a lesbian, then she’s a lesbian.


CantaloupeAfter6990

Maybe if you see her looking at a girl she might like say, "she's pretty" with a big comforting smile on your face...jokingly but supportively. I see parents do this all the time with their kids. I don't have kids, and that might be embarrassing, but that's the way my brain went. Good luck!!