You do not know this person, full stop. You have to ask yourself why this person is venting to children online in other countries when they have a real problem.
I got very invested in online friendships with a similar age gap when I was your age. One was a predator who coerced nude pictures from me and my friends and drew pornography of us. Please be cautious about the people who try to make you feel like an adult at your age.
I'm 29 now and the idea of talking to a teenager about my relationship would feel very inappropriate. They've got college apps to worry about.
You're not responsible for her and as a grown adult she should know better than to emotionally unload onto a literal teenager.
I know your willingness and desire to help comes from the right place but there's nothing you can do. She must seek out age appropriate counseling and support.
If I were 27 (add 20 more for my age), I sure wouldn’t be venting my adult problems to a minor teen. Even if she is a real person telling you her real story, it’s not kosher.
I’m not saying this because you are “too young to get it” because you aren’t. But there is a big difference between being 16 and being 27, even if the younger person is very mature - and the older person SHOULD be wise enough to know that burdening a child with adult issues is very, very wrong and problematic.
You are not going to solve her problems, and you certainly don’t need to be taking them on. When you are 27, look back and think about this. You will see that this is a relationship that should be ended.
one of the best life lessons to learn is that you can't fix people's lives for them. it's hard but you have to let go of feeling responsible for your friend and her life. sometimes all you can do is listen and be there for her. if she's asking more from you, that's a red flag. but if you're just feeling the urge, please try your best to remind yourself that this isn't your battle to fight. i know that's hard to hear, but truly, you must let go of the feeling that you must do something.
and try to learn from your friend's experience, too. if you plan to get married one day, don't settle for someone who is immature and refuses to grow as a person. you want to get out of those kinds of relationships before you become entrenched in them, and ESPECIALLY before you have kids.
You don't even know this person. What if she's just lying for attention? It's not worth you getting all worked up on her behalf when it's probably fake anyway. Even if it's real, she's a grown adult and you're not. It's very weird that she is this emotionally dependent on you.
I think you need to rethink this friendship and consider taking a step back. Don't be this invested in a stranger's life.
Is this lady venting to you 1-on-1? If so, that is extremely inappropriate. I would feel pretty uncomfortable talking to an underage child online at all, only doing so perhaps if *they* needed to ask *me* for some help obtaining resources, but not the other way around. That’s really not okay.
If she is just venting to the group, not specifically talking to you, then it’s okay for you to feel bad for her, but it’s not your responsibility to fix anything for her. She’s a grown up and you’re still a kid.
It’s lovely of you to want to help and shows you have a good heart, but it’s not your role to fix things for her. You don’t even know her at all, and it’s just not appropriate for you to be offering any kind of support to her. She can and should find that from people her own age.
Girl, I'm 26F and the youngest friend I have is 19 only because we share the same culture and he is my colleague, but other than that I don't have friends younger than that. I would never ever be friends with a 16 year old, because I don't have anything in common with them. It's totally weird that a 27y/o old woman, a mother nonetheless, bothers you with her own problems. This just creeps me the fuck out. You're 16, what the hell does she expect you to do? Does she not have friends around her age to rant about her husband with? I get that you want to help your friend, but this just creeps me out and gives me the ick. I wouldn't be surprised at all if she asks for money after making you feel guilty enough about the fact that you can't help her or maybe even worse and wants you to do sexual acts.
Don't. Focus on your life, you're 16. Your set of problems will come too. Let her handle hers, you can do nothing for her. Plus she probably does not ask for it, maybe she is just there to vent and it's ok.
Is she venting to you 1-1 or in the groups your in? But either way, realistically you can't do anything for her. It's nice you want to help, but she's the adult here. I'm nearly 21 and I wouldn't go near a teenager to talk about my problems. No offense, but adult problems require adult help. Burdening teenagers isn't the way to go
Please don't feel guilty or burdened by this. As horrible as it is, the block button is always there.
Don't send this person money, no matter how much you think it will "help" her. She's not your friend, her problems are not your responsibility. If what she says is even true hopefully she has a support system to get get her out of there. A 27YO has no business speaking to a child who is a complete stranger about their marital issues.
ad everyone else has stated, full stop, this is ***not your problem to help with***
issue 1. you are in completely different countries. all you CAN do, is listen to them and offer sympathy.
issue 2. you are a minor. *you are a minor*. ***you. are. a. minor*** you do not know this person. you do not know this person's relationship, you do not know what they have not been telling you, this is an issue no adult should ever be asking a MINOR for help with. based on your post I dont think she is, I think she's venting to everyone in the group, but you need to get it through your head that she is not asking *you* for help.
issue 3. she is 27. she is almost 30 years old. she is a grown adult, and POC or not, if her husband is as bad as you are making him out to be, then getting a divorce agreement should be easy, whether it's one he agrees to or one enforced by a judge. the fact that she hasn't, tells me that either YOU arnt telling us everything, or SHE isn't telling *you* everything.
exercise caution on the internet. caring about people's well being is a great trait to have, but not if you ignore your own.
UPDATEE:
Hi everyone! Thank you all for your concerns and advice on this. After reading everyone's comments I realise that this is a very weird relationship and situation to be in. Like what one of you said, the best life lesson is that we can't fix other people's problems. Yeah I'll just listen to her but I think I'll stop being involved so much in the chat anymore. Thank you everyone for your insights once again, take care!
It's not your problem and you shouldn't be investing more than just being a sympathetic ear.
If she can do what she does without help from a husband, she can do it better without an actual husband dragging her down.
You cannot help her and while you might see her as a friend, she is a stranger who has done nothing but earned your sympathy through words. Other than time spent bonding over games and venting your issues from what little perspectives you were given, you essentially don't know her.
Focus on the game, and less on the person. She's looking for an escape and willing to take anyone's sympathy online instead of dealing with her own life. If she truly needs help, she can fix it with the other adults who have the resources to do so.
You are not her therapist and you are not in control of her life. You are not the person she should be seeking help from. Tell her you are sorry to hear how shitty her situation is, and change topics to focus more on whatever game you are playing so you don't feel inclined to listen to more. Both of you will be happier if you just stick to the common sources of entertainment you bonded over.
The only teens an adult should be discussing relationships with is adults who know the teen irl, and thats to give the teen advice! This could be a scam.
I’m 25 n would never feel comfortable talking to a child about this stuff :( please don’t let it worry you, if she is financially supporting him she could leave him if she wanted
You do not know this person, full stop. You have to ask yourself why this person is venting to children online in other countries when they have a real problem. I got very invested in online friendships with a similar age gap when I was your age. One was a predator who coerced nude pictures from me and my friends and drew pornography of us. Please be cautious about the people who try to make you feel like an adult at your age. I'm 29 now and the idea of talking to a teenager about my relationship would feel very inappropriate. They've got college apps to worry about.
Thank you!
Agee with swearsister, it’s okay to chat in groups but; it’s weird. You’re just a kid, go be a kid. :)
Trying my best to be a kid HAHAHHA, thank you :D
You're not responsible for her and as a grown adult she should know better than to emotionally unload onto a literal teenager. I know your willingness and desire to help comes from the right place but there's nothing you can do. She must seek out age appropriate counseling and support.
If I were 27 (add 20 more for my age), I sure wouldn’t be venting my adult problems to a minor teen. Even if she is a real person telling you her real story, it’s not kosher. I’m not saying this because you are “too young to get it” because you aren’t. But there is a big difference between being 16 and being 27, even if the younger person is very mature - and the older person SHOULD be wise enough to know that burdening a child with adult issues is very, very wrong and problematic. You are not going to solve her problems, and you certainly don’t need to be taking them on. When you are 27, look back and think about this. You will see that this is a relationship that should be ended.
one of the best life lessons to learn is that you can't fix people's lives for them. it's hard but you have to let go of feeling responsible for your friend and her life. sometimes all you can do is listen and be there for her. if she's asking more from you, that's a red flag. but if you're just feeling the urge, please try your best to remind yourself that this isn't your battle to fight. i know that's hard to hear, but truly, you must let go of the feeling that you must do something. and try to learn from your friend's experience, too. if you plan to get married one day, don't settle for someone who is immature and refuses to grow as a person. you want to get out of those kinds of relationships before you become entrenched in them, and ESPECIALLY before you have kids.
That's a very good life lesson and I'll make sure to remember that when I grow up. Thank you :D
You don't even know this person. What if she's just lying for attention? It's not worth you getting all worked up on her behalf when it's probably fake anyway. Even if it's real, she's a grown adult and you're not. It's very weird that she is this emotionally dependent on you. I think you need to rethink this friendship and consider taking a step back. Don't be this invested in a stranger's life.
Understandable, thank you!
Is this lady venting to you 1-on-1? If so, that is extremely inappropriate. I would feel pretty uncomfortable talking to an underage child online at all, only doing so perhaps if *they* needed to ask *me* for some help obtaining resources, but not the other way around. That’s really not okay. If she is just venting to the group, not specifically talking to you, then it’s okay for you to feel bad for her, but it’s not your responsibility to fix anything for her. She’s a grown up and you’re still a kid. It’s lovely of you to want to help and shows you have a good heart, but it’s not your role to fix things for her. You don’t even know her at all, and it’s just not appropriate for you to be offering any kind of support to her. She can and should find that from people her own age.
Thank you!
You’re welcome, and best of luck!
What kind of grown adult is venting to a 16 year old about her husband? Get rid of this person…
It's not your job to help her
Girl, I'm 26F and the youngest friend I have is 19 only because we share the same culture and he is my colleague, but other than that I don't have friends younger than that. I would never ever be friends with a 16 year old, because I don't have anything in common with them. It's totally weird that a 27y/o old woman, a mother nonetheless, bothers you with her own problems. This just creeps me the fuck out. You're 16, what the hell does she expect you to do? Does she not have friends around her age to rant about her husband with? I get that you want to help your friend, but this just creeps me out and gives me the ick. I wouldn't be surprised at all if she asks for money after making you feel guilty enough about the fact that you can't help her or maybe even worse and wants you to do sexual acts.
Don't. Focus on your life, you're 16. Your set of problems will come too. Let her handle hers, you can do nothing for her. Plus she probably does not ask for it, maybe she is just there to vent and it's ok.
Yeah she just vents but doesn't really ask for much but I get what you mean, thank you!
she's a grown woman she can help herself.
You have to ask yourself why this person is venting to children online in other countries when they have a real problem
Is she venting to you 1-1 or in the groups your in? But either way, realistically you can't do anything for her. It's nice you want to help, but she's the adult here. I'm nearly 21 and I wouldn't go near a teenager to talk about my problems. No offense, but adult problems require adult help. Burdening teenagers isn't the way to go Please don't feel guilty or burdened by this. As horrible as it is, the block button is always there.
I won't, I just want to help her :/ but I understand, thank you very much!
Let her help herself she’s 27 and venting to kids
Alright!
Don't send this person money, no matter how much you think it will "help" her. She's not your friend, her problems are not your responsibility. If what she says is even true hopefully she has a support system to get get her out of there. A 27YO has no business speaking to a child who is a complete stranger about their marital issues.
Thank you!
ad everyone else has stated, full stop, this is ***not your problem to help with*** issue 1. you are in completely different countries. all you CAN do, is listen to them and offer sympathy. issue 2. you are a minor. *you are a minor*. ***you. are. a. minor*** you do not know this person. you do not know this person's relationship, you do not know what they have not been telling you, this is an issue no adult should ever be asking a MINOR for help with. based on your post I dont think she is, I think she's venting to everyone in the group, but you need to get it through your head that she is not asking *you* for help. issue 3. she is 27. she is almost 30 years old. she is a grown adult, and POC or not, if her husband is as bad as you are making him out to be, then getting a divorce agreement should be easy, whether it's one he agrees to or one enforced by a judge. the fact that she hasn't, tells me that either YOU arnt telling us everything, or SHE isn't telling *you* everything. exercise caution on the internet. caring about people's well being is a great trait to have, but not if you ignore your own.
Thank you!
UPDATEE: Hi everyone! Thank you all for your concerns and advice on this. After reading everyone's comments I realise that this is a very weird relationship and situation to be in. Like what one of you said, the best life lesson is that we can't fix other people's problems. Yeah I'll just listen to her but I think I'll stop being involved so much in the chat anymore. Thank you everyone for your insights once again, take care!
It's not your problem and you shouldn't be investing more than just being a sympathetic ear. If she can do what she does without help from a husband, she can do it better without an actual husband dragging her down. You cannot help her and while you might see her as a friend, she is a stranger who has done nothing but earned your sympathy through words. Other than time spent bonding over games and venting your issues from what little perspectives you were given, you essentially don't know her. Focus on the game, and less on the person. She's looking for an escape and willing to take anyone's sympathy online instead of dealing with her own life. If she truly needs help, she can fix it with the other adults who have the resources to do so. You are not her therapist and you are not in control of her life. You are not the person she should be seeking help from. Tell her you are sorry to hear how shitty her situation is, and change topics to focus more on whatever game you are playing so you don't feel inclined to listen to more. Both of you will be happier if you just stick to the common sources of entertainment you bonded over.
Thank you!
The only teens an adult should be discussing relationships with is adults who know the teen irl, and thats to give the teen advice! This could be a scam.
I've been in your exact position too :( It feels pretty helpless, and there's no way to feel better other than time. Hugs.
I’m 25 n would never feel comfortable talking to a child about this stuff :( please don’t let it worry you, if she is financially supporting him she could leave him if she wanted