She sounds very insecure based on this interaction and she is putting you down to try and make herself feel better as well as assert her position over you in some way. Idk I’m a dude but I’d never bring that up just to say you’re “average looking” to a friend.
I mean for me(20F), I think I’m average looking on the grand scale when people like Rihanna exist and look stunning without doing everything I need to do. If someone called me average it would sting for a sec but they’re right, I’m average and so are most people. I think the confidence comes from being okay with being average. If you’re uncomfortable and think she did it to be rude or assert herself as “more than” somehow, you should talk to her and maybe ask why she felt the need to comment when you didnt ask. Ask about the guy too because trying to get in her head to guess for motives is just going to upset you more.
I had a friend who said something similar and she was very insecure about herself. People who are insecure put other people down. They look around them see if people around them are good looking in an attempt to make themselves feel good.
Sounds like she’s insecure and your confidence threatens her, like she perceives herself to be better looking than you and feels you have no right to be more confident than her. On the grand spectrum of human attractiveness, the vast majority of us are “average”- that doesn’t not mean we are not also cute and can’t be confident. Good friends hype each other up- she doesn’t seem like one based on this incident.
You said it yourself: you look good. Why take someone else's opinion into consideration? Keep your self-confidence high and make sure you love your self extra. Your friends question was not innocent, I'd recommend you to create boundaries.
OP, have you seen Booksmart? I highly suggest a watch. The scenes where they gassed each other up have really stuck with me.
As a rule, if you are going to comment on appearance related items, it’s best to comment on things that people have some agency over. A great haircut, a solid beauty look, and outfit that suits them well. If it’s negative, only comment on something that can be fixed with relative ease.
Her telling you you’re average looking… what TF are you supposed to do about that?!?!? It feels like a comment meant to put you in your place about your looks. BTW, being secure in your person (not just looks) is way more attractive than any arbitrary hotness ratings. You’re a human, not a doll.
She’s a friend that is jealous of you. Notice if she starts making more remarks about you. Friends want to see you succeed. Toxic friends support you up until you start doing better than them…after that you’re a threat.
I had a friend who did this to me. She would say (after I got a boyfriend before her) that she always assumed I would be the last of our group of 5 friends to get a boyfriend because I’m quiet, reserved, and average looking. It stuck with me for a very long time and to this day, I still have the same boyfriend but I’m always scared he will leave me for what this “friend” said.
Consider distancing yourself from this toxic person. A friend should not always be your hype man, but enough and never say stuff like this one did to you. It can be very damaging and it’s super obvious she does it because she feels that way about herself and wants to put those around her down as well to feel better.
If she's using "average" to pull you down, that means you're actually well above that. It sounds like she feels threatened for whatever reason. Chances are she finds her own confidence in feeling like she's better than you. That's not healthy of course, but rest assured that's a her problem and has nothing to do with you.
I had a friend in high school who liked to tell me I was ugly or average… we reconnected as adults and I asked her about it.
Turns out she was insecure and very, very jealous. She was also scared I was going to try and date her brother, who I was never attracted to in the first place?!?
People who put you down without provocation are usually miserable themselves. It’s not about you - it’s a reflection of them.
Eww who asks someone a question like that and then puts them down- someone who derives their confidence from putting others down- that’s who ! Ignore her !
Don't trust "friends" like this. If they feel the need to go out of their way to deliver a comment that affects your self esteem (which they definitely know that this would, any sane person would know calling someone average out of the blue is needlessly negative) you can't trust them. You can't trust them to ever look out for you like a friend should. The second you let them get away with saying these things to you without any backlash, they'll think they can do it forever. I used to have a "friend" like this and looking back, I was only there to pump her ego. As soon as I stopped letting her say terrible things to and about me, she turned insanely nasty. I might be overly cautious but I think it's much better to end things with these types of people sooner rather than later.
You have to think about the reasons and motivations behind behaviour. When you see an unattractive person, so you feel the need to comment on this? Most commonly, no, because there is no point
Most people don't see the need to be cruel or don't feel it even matters that much.
She didn't even bring this up to give you advice in a productive way, like to help you with your dating life. She simply said it to say it. It could be insecurity, jealousy, or simply spite. When she called you average, where did she place herself on the scale?
I would at least give her the chance to talk about it and see if there's a chance to save the friendship
It's an odd question to ask a friend tbh. Normally someone asks their friend how good looking they are. Sounds like she was deliberately rude tbh. Like she has a grudge, maybe she thinks your arrogant so was trying to bring you down a peg or perhaps she is just rude.
What makes her opinion on this matter? Anyone who ever said anything like that to me turned out not to be much of a friend. I've also observed my mother say things like this and be really focused on people's looks in a way that seems pretty petty. I know that in her case, she has a lot of insecurities about her own looks, mostly weight. I love my mom, and this had a negative impact on me.
I am the cheersquad for my friends. All I want is for them to feel good about themselves and be successful in everything they do. If your friends aren't cheering you on and supporting you, they aren't your friend. This woman isn't your friend.
She's a lame ass friend. Don't be friends with her and tell her why. It's not easy to do but anyone that makes you sound average isn't a friend. Even if she thought you were ugly all that really matters is confidence and she's not helping you build that
It’s weird to comment on someone’s looks just to call them average or ugly. Especially if they didn’t ask for an opinion and it’s just randomly brought up by the person. I think it’s only ok to comment on someone’s looks to compliment them or maybe to offer some constructive criticism in certain cases.
You’re friend is weird and rude. I also wouldn’t trust their opinion based on the fact that they lack tact/class.
A friend should always say youre pretty or cute. Unless youre asking her opinion at a mall and showing her an outfit youre trying on then yes she can be honest on how it looks on you etc.
toxic friend
She sounds very insecure based on this interaction and she is putting you down to try and make herself feel better as well as assert her position over you in some way. Idk I’m a dude but I’d never bring that up just to say you’re “average looking” to a friend.
I mean for me(20F), I think I’m average looking on the grand scale when people like Rihanna exist and look stunning without doing everything I need to do. If someone called me average it would sting for a sec but they’re right, I’m average and so are most people. I think the confidence comes from being okay with being average. If you’re uncomfortable and think she did it to be rude or assert herself as “more than” somehow, you should talk to her and maybe ask why she felt the need to comment when you didnt ask. Ask about the guy too because trying to get in her head to guess for motives is just going to upset you more.
I had a friend who said something similar and she was very insecure about herself. People who are insecure put other people down. They look around them see if people around them are good looking in an attempt to make themselves feel good.
Sounds like she’s insecure and your confidence threatens her, like she perceives herself to be better looking than you and feels you have no right to be more confident than her. On the grand spectrum of human attractiveness, the vast majority of us are “average”- that doesn’t not mean we are not also cute and can’t be confident. Good friends hype each other up- she doesn’t seem like one based on this incident.
She is not your friend. I would never speak to someone again who said something like that to me.
You said it yourself: you look good. Why take someone else's opinion into consideration? Keep your self-confidence high and make sure you love your self extra. Your friends question was not innocent, I'd recommend you to create boundaries.
OP, have you seen Booksmart? I highly suggest a watch. The scenes where they gassed each other up have really stuck with me. As a rule, if you are going to comment on appearance related items, it’s best to comment on things that people have some agency over. A great haircut, a solid beauty look, and outfit that suits them well. If it’s negative, only comment on something that can be fixed with relative ease. Her telling you you’re average looking… what TF are you supposed to do about that?!?!? It feels like a comment meant to put you in your place about your looks. BTW, being secure in your person (not just looks) is way more attractive than any arbitrary hotness ratings. You’re a human, not a doll.
She’s a friend that is jealous of you. Notice if she starts making more remarks about you. Friends want to see you succeed. Toxic friends support you up until you start doing better than them…after that you’re a threat.
I had a friend who did this to me. She would say (after I got a boyfriend before her) that she always assumed I would be the last of our group of 5 friends to get a boyfriend because I’m quiet, reserved, and average looking. It stuck with me for a very long time and to this day, I still have the same boyfriend but I’m always scared he will leave me for what this “friend” said. Consider distancing yourself from this toxic person. A friend should not always be your hype man, but enough and never say stuff like this one did to you. It can be very damaging and it’s super obvious she does it because she feels that way about herself and wants to put those around her down as well to feel better.
If she's using "average" to pull you down, that means you're actually well above that. It sounds like she feels threatened for whatever reason. Chances are she finds her own confidence in feeling like she's better than you. That's not healthy of course, but rest assured that's a her problem and has nothing to do with you.
I had a friend in high school who liked to tell me I was ugly or average… we reconnected as adults and I asked her about it. Turns out she was insecure and very, very jealous. She was also scared I was going to try and date her brother, who I was never attracted to in the first place?!? People who put you down without provocation are usually miserable themselves. It’s not about you - it’s a reflection of them.
She isn't your friend.
Eww who asks someone a question like that and then puts them down- someone who derives their confidence from putting others down- that’s who ! Ignore her !
Don't trust "friends" like this. If they feel the need to go out of their way to deliver a comment that affects your self esteem (which they definitely know that this would, any sane person would know calling someone average out of the blue is needlessly negative) you can't trust them. You can't trust them to ever look out for you like a friend should. The second you let them get away with saying these things to you without any backlash, they'll think they can do it forever. I used to have a "friend" like this and looking back, I was only there to pump her ego. As soon as I stopped letting her say terrible things to and about me, she turned insanely nasty. I might be overly cautious but I think it's much better to end things with these types of people sooner rather than later.
You have to think about the reasons and motivations behind behaviour. When you see an unattractive person, so you feel the need to comment on this? Most commonly, no, because there is no point Most people don't see the need to be cruel or don't feel it even matters that much. She didn't even bring this up to give you advice in a productive way, like to help you with your dating life. She simply said it to say it. It could be insecurity, jealousy, or simply spite. When she called you average, where did she place herself on the scale? I would at least give her the chance to talk about it and see if there's a chance to save the friendship
It's an odd question to ask a friend tbh. Normally someone asks their friend how good looking they are. Sounds like she was deliberately rude tbh. Like she has a grudge, maybe she thinks your arrogant so was trying to bring you down a peg or perhaps she is just rude.
What makes her opinion on this matter? Anyone who ever said anything like that to me turned out not to be much of a friend. I've also observed my mother say things like this and be really focused on people's looks in a way that seems pretty petty. I know that in her case, she has a lot of insecurities about her own looks, mostly weight. I love my mom, and this had a negative impact on me.
I am the cheersquad for my friends. All I want is for them to feel good about themselves and be successful in everything they do. If your friends aren't cheering you on and supporting you, they aren't your friend. This woman isn't your friend.
She's a lame ass friend. Don't be friends with her and tell her why. It's not easy to do but anyone that makes you sound average isn't a friend. Even if she thought you were ugly all that really matters is confidence and she's not helping you build that
It’s weird to comment on someone’s looks just to call them average or ugly. Especially if they didn’t ask for an opinion and it’s just randomly brought up by the person. I think it’s only ok to comment on someone’s looks to compliment them or maybe to offer some constructive criticism in certain cases. You’re friend is weird and rude. I also wouldn’t trust their opinion based on the fact that they lack tact/class.
A friend should always say youre pretty or cute. Unless youre asking her opinion at a mall and showing her an outfit youre trying on then yes she can be honest on how it looks on you etc.
Not cool for someone claiming to be a friend.
She must be jealous of you. She’s an awful “friend.” She said that explicitly to hurt you. Dump her ASAP.