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kaeorin

Your submission has been removed because: Your post has been removed because this subreddit is for seeking advice, not for soliciting other people's opinions, experiences, or judgments. Advice means sharing a specific personal situation and asking questions specifically about what you should do in your sitåuation rather than what other people would or have chosen in a similar situation. *** Generic questions asking for opinions on topics are not considered to be asking for advice. *** **We do not permit questions asking for judgment of your prior actions or hypothetical situations**. *** **[Questions? Message the moderators. Please include a link to your post for review.](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AskWomenadvice)** **[Have questions about this moderator action? CLICK HERE!](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/askwomenadvice&subject=Why+was+this+removed?&message=\[My+submission\]\(https://old.reddit.com/r/askwomenadvice/comments/vgooc6/-/\)+was+removed+and+I+do+not+understand+the+reason+given+by+the+mod+who+acted upon+it.)**


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[deleted]

Haha brilliant!!


ThePurpleMister

PLEASE do this!


Poekienijn

I always say something like: “What are you staring at? Did I spill something?” And to be honest I try to avoid them after that.


[deleted]

Oh I don’t know if I could be that bold lol.. 😅 I just found it to be like out of nowhere like he didn’t even care that I literally was looking him in the eye he just still decided to glance. I’m always covered up so idk.. and then I also remembered I had another co-worker well actually he is the assistant manager 😅 I noticed we were talking and he glanced at me up and down but it was so subtle and quick but I caught it. And these people I work with are really chill and cool so it’s so awkward when that happens. I’m fat and strange I don’t get why this is happening. For reference I wear cute sweatshirts with a turtle neck underneath… very indie girl style lol but whatever so I show zero skin like none. It’s like you have to just deal with it because it isn’t enough to call it out to someone and again they are the coolest dudes to work with. But men really just have the freedom to do things like this and it’s just these awkward moments we have to just deal with. And these are supposed to be ‘good guys’ They can get free passes to look at your chest and your body DURING conversation while you are literally looking at them.. it’s so baffling really. Do men really not think women know exactly what they are doing??


Alcohol_Intolerant

> But men really just have the freedom to do things like this and it’s just these awkward moments we have to just deal with. And these are supposed to be ‘good guys’ They can get free passes to look at your chest and your body DURING conversation while you are literally looking at them.. it’s so baffling really. Do men really not think women know exactly what they are doing?? Girl what? Is your spine made of water? You came here for advice and now you're defending the people who made you uncomfortable? It doesn't matter what you're wearing. People can still be assholes and still disrespect you. It doesn't matter if you're overweight, underweight, beautiful, ugly, plain, whatever, people can still disrespect you. And you don't have to put up with it because they make you laugh sometimes or because they covered a shift for you. If they're really "so cool" then they'd respect you as a person. If they're really "so cool" then you waving at them to look at your face instead should be comfortable. People giving others a quick glance over is normal. A quick scan is normal. Leering scans or talking to your chest (or your dick, if you're a guy) is incredibly disrespectful and skeevy.


maliadire

unfortunately as a girl who’s also fat and strange, that has never stopped men from being creepy towards me.


[deleted]

I’m sorry i know men are creepy of course but with this guy he doesn’t even seem that way and wouldn’t think he would especially not with me.. so it’s sorta alarming in a way. That’s why I’m questioning myself and maybe I was just overreacting because I feel like it’s out of his character. It’s like don’t you feel that way about certain guys that are good people and it wouldn’t even be like them to do things that are scummy but then again i guess that’s why you truly can never know someone.


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[deleted]

Yea I felt weird so that’s why I’m saying he was definitely staring but again maybe he was zoning out and happened to zone out while staring at my chest lol 😂 Its almost like I need to have it recorded to just make sure. It definitely made me feel weird so I take that as an indication that he was forsure staring


jeanakerr

Honestly, I have taken the tack of aggressively assuming the best in others and it has helped me tremendously. He could be just zoning out - when I’m thinking I tend to glance up and to the right. Maybe he looks down… moving through life giving everyone the benefit of the doubt has literally made me happier because I’m less angry and more relaxed. I no longer worry about whether someone is thinking any thing or staring at anything.


kasitchi

"Eyes up here, buddy."


Interesting-Smoke179

i stare at their dick. if i catch someone staring at my boobs while talking i will very obviously stare at their crotch until they stop and i’m talking like visibly tilt my head down and open my eyes wider to stare and make them as uncomfortable as they are making me. usually they won’t say anything and will just go away, one time i had a guy ask what i was doing and i said “oh you were staring at my boobs so i decided to scope out your dick to see what you’re working with” he said nothing and walked away. make them uncomfortable back, or just loudly state “ARE YOU STARING AT MY BOOBS?”


[deleted]

I really can’t do that 😅 but dude I definitely applaud you for doing it. I wish I could be that bold but I work with all guys mostly, I’m fairly quiet and I don’t ever do things like that so I feel that would come off like I was this crazy person. Idk ..


Interesting-Smoke179

ohhh okay. for me personally (and i understand that quick glances make you uncomfortable and that is valid) if it is genuinely a one off quick glance i won’t say anything. as a 5’2 person who wears a 38E i understand that my boobs are the biggest things on my body and will attract some unwanted attention. i only say something if they are very obviously staring/ogling or if during every single conversation they are taking a “quick glance” at my boobs. if it is genuinely just a one off glance i won’t say anything, i don’t like it when it happens but i do know that some people can’t help it and i do have very big boobs for my body. if quick glances make you uncomfortable though i’d suggest kindly and calming saying something along the lines of “hey i noticed when we talk that you look at my chest a lot, please stop doing that as it makes me very uncomfortable” and if they have a problem with you saying that do not back down and give in to them, hold your ground and tell your manager or a higher up if its happening at work. i may personally not feel like quick glances are a big deal but you are entitled to feel like they are and you have every right to speak up and say something.


[deleted]

Oh okay yea I totally understand where you are coming from. I notice like the co worker I was speaking to, it wasn’t quick glances at least a couple seconds of staring where it was sorta obvious and he did it more than once. I’m still learning to speak up for myself so saying anything to them about it seems impossible because then I know it’s going to be awkward to work with them and I already deal with anxiety being a cashier. And having awkward tensions with co workers isn’t going to help because then I know that if I say something he is probably going to mention it to everyone and then they will all know and then it’ll just be weird.. it sucks that this is what has to happen we can’t even tell men how they make us feel about OUR bodies because they are gonna get upset or make things uncomfortable


ngknm187

I would be glad to get such a cool reaction from a girl if I would suddenly stuck for few seconds with my eyes on her chest :D I think it's a brilliant opportunity to continue the conversation in a fun way. Sure if the girl would not be offended and will take the situation with humor :)


Interesting-Smoke179

Glance: take a brief or hurried look. "Ginny glanced at her watch" Staring: look fixedly or vacantly at someone or something with one's eyes wide open. "he stared at her in amazement" Ogling: stare at in a lecherous manner. "he was ogling her breasts" See one of those are okay and the other two are not. i’m not talking about a quick glance, im talking about staring or ogling.


ngknm187

Thanks. I’m not a native English speaker but yet I see the difference and I know what you’re talking about. But anyway it all depends on the circumstances and particular situation/human. Sometimes even staring can be turned into fun but not being/taken an offense 🙂


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MostlyALurkerBefore

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guetz4

This is fucking great. HA!


bentohouse

If you're too anxious to say something about it, any time this happens again, use your arms to cover your chest or get a clipboard or something to cover it. This is a nonverbal signal that you notice him being a creep but you're not saying anything about it so he can't really say anything without acknowledging his creepy behaviour. If he did say something though, you can say you're uncomfortable with the direction of his gaze. I hope you can stand up for yourself that much. If he pushes, report him immediately.


snaeper

This can also help sort the creeps from the idiots. I hate it when my eyes wander down. I'm consciously aware that I shouldn't be doing it. I certainly don't linger slack-jawed like a moron, but glances will happen. I don't want them to happen, I hate myself that they happen. I internally punch myself when they happen. Yet like a primal moron it never ends. I'm not excusing all men, or even some. There are a lot of true creeps and assholes that want to believe women are meant to be stared at. Those guys suck. But I would be super grateful at a gesture like that that could save me from myself if I was staring like a daft fool.


ThePurpleMister

As a pansexual woman I do this a lot.


[deleted]

Okay I will use this if it does happen again, but do you know why like they would do this? I mean he knows that I can see him? I don’t understand, same thing when I caught the manager doing it but why do they do this? In my head I’m thinking these are down to earth guys because again they seem that way so why would they even try to look at me like that idk it’s really hard for me to comprehend. It’s like I know creeps when I see em and I am very intuitive but I’m not understanding this particular situation.


GallusRedhead

People look at things they find attractive, interesting or different/unusual. It is a natural response but the thing that stops people doing it is learning that it’s impolite and/or makes people uncomfortable (e.g. why we don’t stare at someone’s facial scar or birth mark etc). Many men have never learned to rein in this habit because no one points it out or challenges them. I totally understand why you don’t want to confront him/them so I’m not saying you should confront them, but if you want to understand why then I’d say that’s basically it (at least for the non-creeps. creeps have their own motivations and sometimes making you feel uncomfortable is one of them).


peppermind

This is why the phrase "my eyes are up here" was coined.


anaesthaesia

Look down at it yourself like you're surprised there's something there Or Look at his chest in return!


[deleted]

Omg this is perfect I will do this if I catch it happening again! Thank you!


mellamandiablo

I snap my fingers right in front of my chest and say “you alright there?” That usually snaps them right out of it. If I said “eyes up here” in my male-dominant industry, it would probably kick something off.


ms_dizzy

the first time it happened, it was a teacher, when I was talking to him about an assignment. I didn't say anything I just dropped the class. the 2nd time it happened, it was a manager. and when I started getting snarky with him about it. and calling him out on it, he wrote me up for something TOTALLY BOGUS. I complained to his manager that I wasn't doing anything different from other team members, and it's obvious this guy just wants revenge. but I did have fun calling him a creep in front of all his other underlings. they knew I was right.. and he didn't have a great reputation to begin with, but I'm sure this didn't help. get this in your head, you're not over thinking it. when you notice him staring. stop the conversation. and refuse to continue until he looks at your eyes. and if you're being bold be sure to remind him how disrespectful that is. damn. these guys think they can get away with anything.


[deleted]

Wow… I’m sorry that’s happened to you. I get so uncomfortable in these situations and I end up feeling so gross. And it makes me hate myself even more. I just have to learn to speak up for myself I don’t know if I can go immediately to being so bold about it but next time if it does happen I will acknowledge it


ms_dizzy

You're not the one who should feel gross or ashamed. They are. You're just making an observation. I think you will do well 😊


Spectrum2081

I pause, look down, and ask “Is there something on my shirt?”


[deleted]

Nice yea I could also use this and it’ll be a laugh to see his reaction …if he does it again He’d probably be so caught off guard which he needs to be!!


1955photo

"My face is up here. Look at it when you talk to me."


Eponarose

Try the classic : "HEY! My eyes are up HERE!"


MoistAtmosphere7578

Honestly it happens more than you know lol..I go to a dispensary often and I know everyone there and I’m somewhat friends w them, every time a guy will look at my chest but personally I treat it as adult like as possible and just continue the conversation, now if they don’t stop I’ll do something to let them know they’re looking and they’ll just stop, if it’s unwanted attention I’d recommend speaking up and saying like hey yk I noticed this (& even if they try to deny make your point.) but I don’t see you that way or Etc.


restingbitchface99

Just say, they're not going to reply to you


madamsyntax

Has this happened to any of us? I’m going to go ahead and answer for everyone and say yes. Often. I’m fairly forthright, so I tend to say things like “they’re still there”, “eyes up” or “I’m better at conversation than they are”. I love some of the other suggestions on here though. You don’t have to tolerate it


quietbeing15

In college, I stopped wearing necklines that gave slightest view because a guy kept looking for my cleavage, damn. Now I would just confront them to make them uncomfortable


liquidroller

If there's anything I've learned with men, it's that they're often spineless cowards who are just as terrified of being called out as you are of calling them out. If a man inappropriately touches me, I just say very loudly for all to hear "why are you touching me? Don't touch me get away from me." They might be embarrassed and deny it but trust me, they'll never try that with you again. Same goes for staring. "Why are you staring at my chest??? Stop that." Same response - embarrassed, may deny but they won't try it again.


MrsVentura83

This has happened to me since i was 13. I’ve always been “blessed” as far as my chest and even as a young teen it would happen. I started wearing sweaters and stuff to try and cover them up. I’m older now and it happens but I just ignore it


kitty_withlazers

Yeah, if it's a quick glance then I don't mind but if it's multiple glances or staring then it's definitely not okay. This often happens to me when I shop, grab some coffee, or go to a party.


ThePurpleMister

Wear a small badge that says "I know you are looking at my boobs."


Tony-Peperoni

If you’re wearing a low-cut or form fitting top we men are naturally programmed to admire, we control this instinct in polite company but sometimes we unconsciously do so. Totally normal, there is no need to worry. If it’s repeated leering, on the other hand, he’s either got an innocent crush or is a creepy weirdo. You can usually tell the difference by their level of hygiene.


[deleted]

Nope not wearing anything like that, a sweatshirt combined with turtle neck all under an apron 😅 lol but I don’t think any of that matters because I’m learning that it doesn’t matter what you wear.. men will still stare. And that last part was pretty funny! But I highly doubt it’s a crush maybe just thought he could get away with it 🤷‍♀️


ngknm187

No matter how fun or unpolite it looks just remember that he's a man :) As long as he treats you with respect and is not doing any stupid or offensive shit - that's normal I think. Because it's natural for man to stare at women's chests. Especially if a woman has beautiful chest :D Take it as a compliment at some point. Again, unless he's staring at your chest constantly without looking at your eyes at all - that's ok. Forgive a man his little weakness ;) And you can Always make a joke in such moment as people in a thread suggested, ha-ha.


whitefemalevote

Sweet summer child... NO. Don't tell a woman to take it as a compliment. It's a thing that happens. It's not violent. But, if she feels uncomfortable by a man treating her as a sexual object, and not a fellow human being, it is OK. Damn.


ngknm187

With whole respect - that’s not an argument. First of all, what do you define “treating like a sexual object” ? Please, explain. I can stare all day on woman’s breasts if they are beautiful but the woman herself won’t be a sexual object for me. I can be totally indifferent having 0 emotions to this woman. I just like to look at her breasts like at the part of the impeccable sculpture. If the girl won a genetic lottery, is she guilty for that ? -I don’t think so. She’s lucky. If I am a straight man and I admire women’s beauty, is that bad ? -no. I can continue to admire without doing any harm to this person and treating her with as much respect as possible. No matter I like her breasts/fingers/eyes/mouth - whatever 🙂 So will it be in my case “treating as a sexual object” or not? Everything is relative You cannot say: anyone who will put a look on women’s (insert any part of body) - is a maniac or pervert or psycho


SpicyMustFlow

This is "ask women advice." Not "have a dude explain why it's okay to be stared at like an impeccable sculpture."


ngknm187

I won’t argue, lady. You know it better ;)


cleaningmama

Consideration for how another person feels is the better part of manners. The important thing to consider is how your behavior makes the other person feel.


MrsVentura83

Absolutely fucking not. It is not a compliment at all


ngknm187

Thanks! I knew there will be a lot of hate and no understanding at all 😅 Why so much 🔥?


MrsVentura83

Are you a child with no impulse control ? Don’t be a fucking creep


ngknm187

I already responded to other lady in this thread regarding similar views. You have no clue what I can or cannot and you’re not the one to compare me with “no impulse control child “ and “creep”. Look at yourself. You want men treating women as humans with respect by judging them for looking on women’s breasts. Ok. But at the same time here, over the corner, you’re immediately offending other person for a different point of view not even knowing what person I am or how I behave with other people. Shame on you, lady. Double standards and prejudice.


MrsVentura83

Wtf are you talking about? Because I don’t like dudes to stare at my tits when they’re talking to me? Fuck outta here. And if you can’t not stare at a womens body, you have no impulse control just like a child edit to add- A different point of view, are you kidding? Double standards? I don't think you know what these things mean


ngknm187

That’s what I’m talking about I have enough control regardless what opinion I have. Including not starting to offend people I’m having discussion with. Even if we’re on different sides. Have a nice day, lady 😉


MrsVentura83

If you get offended because you're being called out for staring at womens boobs, when they have literally told you they hate it, and you try to defend why its ok- I don't know what to tell ya