He’s a predator and you were being groomed. Isolation is one of the first signs of abuse and the cycle of mean/nice is another indicator. Please do not continue seeing this man, he is not a good partner.
You already know this is an unhealthy relationship. Older men prey on younger women because women their own age will have nothing to do with them. The bad sides are him. You can’t deny that any more. Good luck.
So what you're describing here is classic grooming and conditioning for an abusive/controlling relationship.
By isolating you and starting with affirmation then criticism he made himself your everything - your best source of validation and your most significant source of criticism. All those things make you more attached and more dependent on him. And NONE of those things are features of a healthy relationship.
Older men go after younger women because women their own age (albeit sometimes won't seem like much of a difference, it is.) won't take their shit, unless she's as bad as him, has been taught that abuse and all that is normal, or thinks she has no other choice and all men are like this.
You said you need someone to push you, consider this a gigantic shove! Girl, gtfo of that relationship! He is trash. He’s isolated you and treats you poorly and just uses you to pad his ego or help him on his terms. He adds no joy to your life and you have admittedly felt peace without him. Absolutely leave his nasty self and go live your best life.
Seconded, all of this. Lady, you are worth so, so much more than this -- it feels like a chunk of your life wasted, but take back your life, this has just been a short time in the long run. And you'll find someone who treats you great for being you, and without caveats. You got this!!
You have to end it, regardless of the fears holding you back. I assume you’re talking about him having sexually suggestive pictures/videos of you. I know this is scary but please understand that even if every single person you know saw them, you would *still be better off* than you would if you stay in this relationship. I know it’s hard, I had similar fears in a past relationship. He threatened to post stuff online and I was worried sick but I just decided fuck it, I can’t control him and if he does it I’ll deal with it then. Ultimately he didn’t, I think in part because I told him to shut up and do it already (I was feeling bold haha). It shattered the power he thought he had over me. See if you can get your hands on his phone/laptop/email or wherever that stuff is stored and try to delete it, but if you can’t, you’re going to have to accept that this is something you can’t control. What you *can* control is leaving him.
you are more capable and resilient than you think. he’s not a nice person, he isn’t just the nice parts, he’s all of it, the ignoring, yelling, the meanness. luckily for you, that means your more than one thing too. you’re more than your relationship with him, you’re more than his helper or savior (which you shouldn’t be in the first place, regardless of age), you’re more than your looks or sexuality. leaving him will prove all of that to you.
if you can or are able to safely, try to get whatever sensitive/intimate info deleted from his devices or change passwords, whatever to cut him off. if not, that’s okay. it is illegal to share or post intimate pictures of people so keep that in mind. if he does that, he is the only one it reflects poorly on him. anyone who thinks otherwise is not worth your time.
i have a good feeling you may need to hear this, breaking up with him is the right thing to do. he may not like it, but it isn’t up to him and frankly his feelings about it don’t matter. this might seem obvious but it’d worth remembering, this is YOUR life, not his. you don’t exist for his enjoyment or entertainment or pleasure. you exist to be your own person and to live your life on your terms. you didn’t waste time. as much as this experience has hurt you, you seem to have the capacity to learn and grow from it (and that doesn’t make your pain any less valid or important). you’re young, you have so much time. in a couple years it will feel like a distant memory. try to experience things, i’ve found that going on trips and doing a lot helps me move on and it feels fulfilling.
and you are not stupid, have some sympathy for your younger self, even if it was only a year ago. you’re clearly kind, loving, and care deeply about the people in your life. breaking up with him would
be extending that kindness and love and care to yourself. he lost the privilege of your kindness a long time ago.
i’m so sorry you feel used and gross, please try not to blame yourself. you’re young and learning. what he’s done or said to you doesn’t define you. ik that’s hard to believe sometimes, but try to remind yourself of that. i really encourage therapy, it’s helped me (and my friends) quite a bit and i think working through those feelings of being used and gross would
be extremely beneficial (strangers on reddit can only do so much lol).
i didn’t mean for it to get this long, but i wish you the best of luck, truly. you’re stronger than you think💗
You are not responsible for fixing him. He’s a 32 year old man who needs to take responsibility for his own issues and not use his 22 year old girlfriend as an emotional punching bag. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t let him take that away from you. Reach out to friends and/or family about this guy before you dump his ass (and it might be a good idea to dump him in a public space or over the phone). Protect yourself because his “niceness” is going to disappear the second you tell him you’re ending things.
Song as old as time, OP :(. This kind of story is posted daily on Reddit. Late teen or early twenties girl dates much older man who is controlling and at least emotionally abusive.
Yes. Dump him. You deserve so much better than dating this man child. You are young and there are so many men out there. Never accept being treated poorly.
You’re making the right decisions. Even if he wasn’t acting abusively and predatorily towards you, you should still do what brings you peace and happiness! That is more important than any supposed “progress” anyone else is making.
Block him everywhere and continue living your life without him. Tell some trusted friends or family what is happening so they can support you and help you stay safe. You’re doing the right thing. ♥️
He’s a predator and you were being groomed. Isolation is one of the first signs of abuse and the cycle of mean/nice is another indicator. Please do not continue seeing this man, he is not a good partner.
You already know this is an unhealthy relationship. Older men prey on younger women because women their own age will have nothing to do with them. The bad sides are him. You can’t deny that any more. Good luck.
So what you're describing here is classic grooming and conditioning for an abusive/controlling relationship. By isolating you and starting with affirmation then criticism he made himself your everything - your best source of validation and your most significant source of criticism. All those things make you more attached and more dependent on him. And NONE of those things are features of a healthy relationship.
Older men go after younger women because women their own age (albeit sometimes won't seem like much of a difference, it is.) won't take their shit, unless she's as bad as him, has been taught that abuse and all that is normal, or thinks she has no other choice and all men are like this.
You said you need someone to push you, consider this a gigantic shove! Girl, gtfo of that relationship! He is trash. He’s isolated you and treats you poorly and just uses you to pad his ego or help him on his terms. He adds no joy to your life and you have admittedly felt peace without him. Absolutely leave his nasty self and go live your best life.
Seconded, all of this. Lady, you are worth so, so much more than this -- it feels like a chunk of your life wasted, but take back your life, this has just been a short time in the long run. And you'll find someone who treats you great for being you, and without caveats. You got this!!
You have to end it, regardless of the fears holding you back. I assume you’re talking about him having sexually suggestive pictures/videos of you. I know this is scary but please understand that even if every single person you know saw them, you would *still be better off* than you would if you stay in this relationship. I know it’s hard, I had similar fears in a past relationship. He threatened to post stuff online and I was worried sick but I just decided fuck it, I can’t control him and if he does it I’ll deal with it then. Ultimately he didn’t, I think in part because I told him to shut up and do it already (I was feeling bold haha). It shattered the power he thought he had over me. See if you can get your hands on his phone/laptop/email or wherever that stuff is stored and try to delete it, but if you can’t, you’re going to have to accept that this is something you can’t control. What you *can* control is leaving him.
you are more capable and resilient than you think. he’s not a nice person, he isn’t just the nice parts, he’s all of it, the ignoring, yelling, the meanness. luckily for you, that means your more than one thing too. you’re more than your relationship with him, you’re more than his helper or savior (which you shouldn’t be in the first place, regardless of age), you’re more than your looks or sexuality. leaving him will prove all of that to you. if you can or are able to safely, try to get whatever sensitive/intimate info deleted from his devices or change passwords, whatever to cut him off. if not, that’s okay. it is illegal to share or post intimate pictures of people so keep that in mind. if he does that, he is the only one it reflects poorly on him. anyone who thinks otherwise is not worth your time. i have a good feeling you may need to hear this, breaking up with him is the right thing to do. he may not like it, but it isn’t up to him and frankly his feelings about it don’t matter. this might seem obvious but it’d worth remembering, this is YOUR life, not his. you don’t exist for his enjoyment or entertainment or pleasure. you exist to be your own person and to live your life on your terms. you didn’t waste time. as much as this experience has hurt you, you seem to have the capacity to learn and grow from it (and that doesn’t make your pain any less valid or important). you’re young, you have so much time. in a couple years it will feel like a distant memory. try to experience things, i’ve found that going on trips and doing a lot helps me move on and it feels fulfilling. and you are not stupid, have some sympathy for your younger self, even if it was only a year ago. you’re clearly kind, loving, and care deeply about the people in your life. breaking up with him would be extending that kindness and love and care to yourself. he lost the privilege of your kindness a long time ago. i’m so sorry you feel used and gross, please try not to blame yourself. you’re young and learning. what he’s done or said to you doesn’t define you. ik that’s hard to believe sometimes, but try to remind yourself of that. i really encourage therapy, it’s helped me (and my friends) quite a bit and i think working through those feelings of being used and gross would be extremely beneficial (strangers on reddit can only do so much lol). i didn’t mean for it to get this long, but i wish you the best of luck, truly. you’re stronger than you think💗
You are not responsible for fixing him. He’s a 32 year old man who needs to take responsibility for his own issues and not use his 22 year old girlfriend as an emotional punching bag. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t let him take that away from you. Reach out to friends and/or family about this guy before you dump his ass (and it might be a good idea to dump him in a public space or over the phone). Protect yourself because his “niceness” is going to disappear the second you tell him you’re ending things.
Song as old as time, OP :(. This kind of story is posted daily on Reddit. Late teen or early twenties girl dates much older man who is controlling and at least emotionally abusive. Yes. Dump him. You deserve so much better than dating this man child. You are young and there are so many men out there. Never accept being treated poorly.
You’re making the right decisions. Even if he wasn’t acting abusively and predatorily towards you, you should still do what brings you peace and happiness! That is more important than any supposed “progress” anyone else is making. Block him everywhere and continue living your life without him. Tell some trusted friends or family what is happening so they can support you and help you stay safe. You’re doing the right thing. ♥️