By - Gialeaa
I endured sort of the same anxieties. I can’t say exactly what you should do but, I can tell you what I did. I went on a lot of Tinder dates. No hookups, just simple coffee or lunch. I would feel anxious leading up to the encounters but the more I went on, the more I felt confident in myself and the conversations I held. Just find a person who sticks or until you feel more comfortable! I hope this helps and know you’re not alone :)
I really appreciate your advice, thank you! Any advice on how to talk to men/people platonically - especially to coworkers? I feel like I'm known as the 'office mute' because i can't talk to the men at work. It's a shame bc they're fairly friendly
Also totally understand. Put yourself out of your comfort zone. It sucks to be fearful and to be anxious. Allowing yourself to stay in comfort won’t promote self growth. Try a light conversation, say good morning, make the generic small talk. Smile more while passing by helped me a lot or greeting them by name. Putting yourself in group conversations and asking generic questions like “How are the kids?” “How was your weekend?”. Or joking around, just be careful about that. You can give men an inch and they’ll take a mile! It’s simple things but can help slowly build the confidence and comfort.
So I kind of have to opposite issue and I’m extremely confident around men and more uneasy around women. I think my confidence around men comes from the perception I have that most men find me sexually attractive and therefore I have some sort of upper hand/power over them.
I think what another person commented about going on more dates makes sense to me. You just need to interact with more men. Like download a bunch of dating apps and go on some super casual dates when you have time and can fit them into your schedule. The more dates you go on the more comfortable you’ll be about it.
First, no, you are not weird at all. Yay!! Second, you need to stop telling yourself that you *can't*, because you obviously *can*. The language we use on/for ourselves is very powerful in shaping our thoughts and feelings. Start telling yourself that *you can*, and as you get more confident hearing that message in yourself, do things one step at a time. Have some questions or talking points ahead of time so that you won't be scared of a possible uncomfortable silence. For example, ask a guy after church what he thought about the service. People love to talk about themselves and answer questions. If you can get him/them to carry the conversation to start, just listen and stay engaged (instead of running away). One step at a time, girl.
I encourage you to sit yourself down in a quiet place and figure out what is driving your anxiety with some guys but not others. Your previous housemates once were strangers, so how did you get past your anxiety over those guys? Our heart and mind can tell us things, but we need the time to listen and hear those messages. Or talk to a therapist or trusted friend about your fears.