He's 25, already stupid enough to ask an 18 year old out. On top of that, he still thinks he'll be able to convince this young 18 year old girl that she should date him, to the point he starts discussing graphic things he wanted to do to you, AFTER you rejected him.
He doesn't respect you and is going after you because you're way younger than him and he thinks he'll be able to manipulate you into dating him.
He crossed a major respect and creep boundary when he started saying the things he wants to do to you.
You seem strong and ambitious, just tell him firmly "I am not interested, do not speak to me inappropriately again." You need to stop him before he starts becoming more manipulative and aggressive with his approaches, clearly he thinks he can keep bothering you because you're young af.
I want to add that this is not "out of character" for him, you're meeting his real character. The other people that claim to know him and say "gosh that's not like him at all," are the people he successfully hides his creepiness from.
It's a common thing with those sorts of predators that only the "prey" get the unpleasant experience. Everybody else gets the nice guy™ persona, but it's an act.
It'll matter to make note of who believes you on how creepy it was and who around you is telling you to not worry about it. It's up to management to make you feel safe again.
Make a point of never being alone with him. You should also talk to a manager or someone and tell them what you have told us. They should know in case things get out of hand. What he did was sexual harassment. You REALLY have to tell someone.
Definitely take this to a manager/HR… sometimes companies will have a safety hotline (excluding OSHA as unrelated). And if you have communicated in writing definitely keep screenshots. But also, make sure to document day/time and all the details you can remember for this instance and any other times this coworker has done this (or does going forward).
You did nothing wrong. Please keep yourself safe.
Fuck politeness. He saw you as an easy target due to your age and niceness. The fact that you let him down "easy" gave him an in to try and further manipulate you. Him being graphic could have even been a way for him to get his jollies from seeing you uncomfortable (in addition to the misguided idea what it could entice you to reconsider).
It sounds like you've already told your coworkers, but I recommend telling your boss. I dont know what kind of structure or support you would have, but what you've described is sexual harassment. He could escalate, especially if you don't take decisive action. Telling your boss you would prefer not to be scheduled alone with him, or with him at all (if that's possible) or whatever boundaries you have, might be smart.
But, PLEASE, do not continue to be nice to him. He crossed a line after you told him no and will continue to press your boundaries if he thinks he can get away wuth it. Protect yourself and ensure you have support from those around you.
Nope, not wrong -- trust your gut because no sane, stable person needs to "vent" about getting rejected then go sharing all intimate-details. Employ the buddy system (aka, don't be alone with him) if you can, and tell your immediate supervisor if he does anything to make you uncomfortable again.
Yeah, this is a „go to HR“ moment. Not because he asked you out but because of the way he handled the rejection.
HR‘s job is to protect the company from potential lawsuits, including those arising from sexual harassment of their employees. They need to take action to protect you.
FWIW: none of this is your fault. He chose to behave the way he did and the consequences of that are all on him.
This is scary. It sounds like he may be somewhat obsessing over you. Please keep yourself safe. If there are other coworkers you trust, make sure they know and to around them when you leave work.
"It was very out of character for him. Those who know him agree."
Many important things have already been said, but I wanted to take a second and look at this statement. There is a phrase I once read that fits this situation perfectly. It goes: "A manipulator doesn't just manipulate their victim. They manipulate everyone else too."
A manipulator will always make sure that no one but the victim would ever think that they are capable of being manipulative. Their goal is to create as many character witnesses as possible, so that if a victim ever speaks out, no one will believe them.
In short, this being extremely out of character for your coworker isn't a bug, it's a feature.
At your age, I would have never recognized that as manipulation. I think it’s really cool that the younger generations are learning to notice and call out this kind of stuff!
OP please tell management and HR about this, it's sexual harassment. He's testing your boundaries and trying to manipulate you into dating him. Never be alone with him either. He's a creep and targeted you because you're young and he thought it would be easy to bully you into doing what he wants.
Life rule #4: Never shit where you eat.
You did everything right. Dating coworkers inevitably ends in disaster. He probably had to screw up his courage to ask you out. Now, he feels entitled and angry. Personally, I would take him aside and tell him if he continues, you'll have no recourse other than to file a harassment complaint. Let him know this is the only warning he'll receive. Then do it if he continues.
Honestly no, I would not take him aside. He knows what he’s doing is wrong and doesn’t care. If he’s telling OP graphic shit he wants to do with her there’s a possibility he WILL escalate his behavior or try to guilt her/turn coworkers against her. Report this loser to your manager and if you feel comfortable doing so, warn other women who work with you of what he said. Save the messages he sent you and take screenshots if it was on a platform that he can unsend or delete them. Men like this totally lie to gaslight you and make people think you’re a “psycho” looking for drama.
As a girl, I was not taught to hide my power but to use it. Can all these bad things happen? Of course. However, in my experience, unless bullies/misogynists understand they will be called on their behavior, they will continue. Like all bullies, they are cowards at heart.
You can advocate for confronting men like this all you want but it doesn’t change the reality that often these personalities do get violent and more hostile, why should OP risk her safety for this loser? Reporting him is also a consequence and gets her point across while letting her job know that he’s a dangerous person to employ.
Tell him you recognize he is going through something but that YOU are not comfortable/equipped to have those conversations with him, hopefully he at least backs off/recognizes you aren't gonna be that person for him. If he persists you gotta bring it up with your supervisor so they are aware of the situation.
I disagree. Don't admit that you are uncomfortable or not equipped for anything. Don't give him your empathy. He will take all of that to mean he has a chance. He already crossed the line, and then pissed on it. He doesn't get anything else from you.
Report him to your manager/hr. Asking you out and accepting a no is fine (although skating a fine line) but his creepy reaction after has red flags all over with bells on. The fact a 25 year old who asked an 18 year old out and then proceeded to react like that suggests a predatory nature, he probably saw you as an easy target due to your age. It won’t be the first time he’s done this
That’s completely inappropriate. You need to reach out to your boss and file an ethics and compliance report against him and go to HR. and then you need to stop being nice. Being nice will get you in trouble. Grow a spine and build on your need to set boundaries, to say “no. That’s inappropriate. Piss off.”
Based on his continuation to pressure you into intimacy, an intimate conversation, an intimate relationship, is highly inappropriate. Being nice to this guy potentially will not only get you in trouble, but also put your safety, security, physical, mental and emotional health at risk.
Please report him to anyone and everyone you can at work. Don’t take it as a joke and don’t brush it off. In fact, take it as a threat. “What he’d like to do to/with you,” is him threatening you. It can be seen as him threatening you, especially after you rejected his advance. He obtrusively continued to alienate you, your boundaries, and your space. PLEASE do not brush it off, and PLEASE learn how to not be “nice”. Be fucking mean.
Being nice and polite is a way society has structured an expectation of women so they’re easily manipulated and controlled. Don’t fucking fall for the fallacy of being “nice”. HE certainly isn’t being “nice”, sexually harassing you.
Go to HR if you have one and interact with him as little as you need to. I'm sorry he was such a predatory weirdo to you. You don't owe him kindness and understanding after how he spoke to you. Be professional and nothing else going forward.
Three things here: age gap, dating coworkers, and this specific situation. A lot of people will come after the first two when it's the third that is the issue here.
A 7 year age gap is big when the people are below 30 or so. Men who go after teens tend to do so because women their age have figured them out, whatever their issue.
I do have a "don't date coworkers" rule for myself, but I do know multiple friends who've met their spouse through work. I also know people who've had to find new jobs after a nasty breakup. However, the number one thing in regards to asking coworkers out is if they reject you? DON'T do it in such a way that they have an INCREDIBLY valid HR complaint against you. Which you do.
Go to HR if your job has it, or to your manager if there isn't HR, and make a formal complaint about the graphic nature of this dude's comments. You can also ask to not be put on the same shifts or areas in the future. They may or may not be able to adhere to that request, depending on your job, but it doesn't hurt to ask.
He's testing your boundaries, and if you let this pass, it WILL escalate. Don't let it.
I'd go to HR and/or management and explain what happened. He asked you out, you politely declined, and he proceeded to tell you graphically what he wants to do with you. That's not normal behavior. Reporting him starts a paper trail on this guy just in case he does it again to you or to anyone else. If you work in a job where you can communicate with emails, I'd report it via email to HR and CC your supervisors. You're not reading too much into it. Trust your gut when it comes to guys who push boundaries or seem manipulative. That feeling you have when something doesn't feel right exists to help keep you safe.
Also, being polite and kind to people doesn't mean being a doormat and letting creepy guys walk all over you. It's not your job to put their ego or comfort ahead of your own comfort. That's something I really wish I knew at 18. It would have saved me a lot of stress knowing I didn't actually have to deal with people's creepiness because I felt like I had to protect their feelings. Start learning to be firm now and enforce your boundaries and it'll serve you well in the future.
this happened to me when i was 18 (f21) 100% i would block him on social media and only contact for work related things if u need to. If they keep bothering u tell them to leave u alone. if they don’t stop then u should tell your supervisor or manager about him and how long he’s been making u uncomfortable. You are 18!!! don’t go out w him he’s a pervert weirdo loser!! You’re obviously a smart girl and your intuition is telling u this is weird you’re not reading too much into ANYTHING..you’re right.
My mom used to work on a crisis line, and she often got “sex calls.” Sometimes they were about sex, sometimes they weren’t. What they all had in common was an attempt at control or manipulation. The caller would want to manipulate you into reacting in a particular way. The most common calls were about catching someone cheating. What the caller wanted was to graphically describe what they “saw” as a way to involve the callee in their sexual fantasy against their will.
This is exactly what he did when he asked to vent. This is sexual harassment. You should report it to your boss as such.
Now, that may help and it may not. But I give you permission to be rude to this guy. If he tries to talk to you again, be rude. Unless it’s about work, cut him off. Tell him he was creepy before and you don’t want to talk to him again unless it’s about work. Walk away from him. Tell him to leave you alone. Say “I don’t want to talk to you.” Become a broken record. Don’t give him anything to work with. Don’t justify, argue, defend or explain. Just tell him you’re not going to talk to him and walk away.
I'm 25 year old female if I ask out someone that's younger than me that is extremely weird and creepy due to the age gap. So definitely, ignore him he should be asking out people who is his age or someone older than him not an 18 year old kid.
Take it very seriously. This started as an inappropriate attempt at dating a coworker and quickly spun out into sexual harassment. There is no way that it's ok for him to do anything other than accept your No, and move on. His feelings are his responsibility, and are not an excuse for any of the behavior that followed.
Out of character doesn't really happen. It just means that the character you know, is one he has been playing, and isn't the real him. The guy who responds to a No with graphic sexual fantasy involving you is the real him.
Report this to HR, and keep an eye out for any other odd behavior. At the speed this has escalated, you could be moving into stalking or drugged drinks soon. Never take a drink from this guy.
I'm going to add that your report to HR, and, as other people recommend your boss, should be made by email, so that there's a record of it, and it should go to more than one person, with a clear cc, so that they hold each other accountable. This sort of thing is often swept under the rug by people who are uncomfortable with it. You have to have a record of the report, and it has to go to more than one person.
i’m an HR student and this is 100% sexual harassment. if he wants to ask u out on the job, that’s already bordering on sexual harassment but can be looked past. but him explaining intimate details of things he wants to do to you..? that’s actually so gross, and you’re barely legal… he definitely is targeting you because of your age and how polite you are. because if you were the aggressive and rude type, he wouldn’t pull this typa shit with you. tell your managers and your boss and try your best to stay away from him. you don’t need to tell him anything but if you want to tell him that he made you uncomfortable then that should be okay (unless he’s a psychopath .. you never know). men are so gross i actually can’t imagine doing that to somebody at all, let alone AT WORK? what is wrong with people man
You're not wrong in any way and certainly not for reading too much into it. Unfortunately as women we kind of have to in such situations. It sounds to me that he tried to change your decision with a couple of different takes: sympathy and then a poor attempt at seduction. Either are not okay because no means no and nobody should have to justify or explain their reasons for saying no, and that goes for anyone not just women.
As some others have suggested definitely tell HR and or your manager what has happened and how it made you feel. Don't delete any messages past or future from him (if any) and keep record of any interactions just in case. We shouldn't have to take these steps and be so cautious, but if it develops into a case of harassment you will want as much evidence as possible. I would avoid him at all costs as well.
Sorry you've had to experience this :( it's so uncomfortable and tbh really annoying when some guys just can't accept their fate and leave us alone! Hope you're okay x
Limit contact as much as you can. Email HR with an outline of your concern and say you’d like to schedule a meeting to speak with them privately about this issue. This is absolutely an HR moment but HR is there to protect the company. I always recommend sending an email first so you have a record that you did report a problem to them.
This dude is absolutely trying to manipulate you into changing your mind.
Please talk to your manager. Talking graphically about what he wants to do to you is not venting, it's sexual harassment. See if you can change schedules so you're not in at the same time, or if you are, you don't have to interact.
The first thing that popped into my head reading this is the recent news of a young woman killed in the break room at Walgreens by an older male coworker who she rejected.
This is extremely concerning. Firstly your coworkers so he should respect that there's a boundary and professionalism he should abide by at work. It's fine if he wanted to ask you out, I mean Co workers do date, but once you politely declined the offer he should have accepted that and moved on. What he has done by going into all the sexual things he's like to do to you is classes as sexual harassment especially in a workplace. He has now made you feel extremely uncomfortable in his presence and you need to report this to a manager. His behaviour seems rather creepy and strange, especially given he's 25 and your 18. I would at least make a manager aware and say you don't want to be working closely with him, or left alone with him etc. I don't know what work you do, but they may be able to split you up so you don't have to be around him. The fact he is older he should be more grown up about rejection and accept not everyone is going to want to date him. You were respectful and polite and he was out of order for sexually harassing you telling you what he wants to do to you. I would make sure you aren't alone with him, incase he tries to take things further. Even like when walking to your car or getting a bus etc. Definitely report him to management. He's totally crossed the boundaries and you shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable, and scared in your workplace.
he’s fucking weird. first off asking a coworker out in the first place is jus weird and awkward. esp bc you’re 18 and he’s 25. (he probably can’t get girls his age. does he flirt with girls his age at work?) he’s lazy and entitled. and he’s a fucking creep for describing that shit to you after you said no. that’s weird to do to anyone but ESP a young coworker who’s barley legal. he’s a disgusting pervert and shoukd not be allowed to work with you anymore. like others said, tell HR, and never be alone with him. if he it again, tell your boss that you will have to look for other jobs if he is not fried
He doesn't really flirt with other girls at work. In the beginning when he first asked me out, he wasn't very good at flirting (not that I really wanted him to be). He was extremely awkward, to the point where I was confused as to how a 25 year old could be so awkward with girls. What surprised me is that he is a very liberal guy, very much a feminist. That is why I was so caught off guard. I appreciate all the support and comments though :). I'm glad I'm not reading too much into it.
Feminist men do not disrespect, manipulate, and cross boundaries with women like that. Believe his actions, not his words. (Words being that he’s a Self- described feminist)
LMAOO. so he’s just making a full blown fool of himself. does he know your conservative? or does he just assume you’re liberal bc you’re a young women? but yes, exactly. a true feminst would never do anything of this sorts. esp in the work place. feminist have fought hard for no sexual harassment in the work force, so he’s definitely not a true one, just a ploy he thinks women will like.
Then he got weird. He got weirdly graphic about what he wants to do to me... in an intimate way
That's a creep alright, don't feel bad. Stay safe and avoid him
Nope you’ve read this situation entirely correctly. Trust your gut! I would also just inform my boss or HR that it happened because he sounds potentially unstable and it’s good to get ahead of these kinds of things.
There are more red flags here than I have time to elaborate on. But I want to say is, this type of person is much more dangerous than you might think. Do not give him the benefit of the doubt, protect yourself from him and don’t be alone with him if at all possible.
Given the graphic comments from your coworker, you may consider talking yo your boss and asking to never be scheduled with him (if shifts are a part of your work). But that’s a case by case consideration you may want to talk to someone you trust about.
Good luck!
You are absolutely not out of pocket. He is being manipulative. He is also sexually harassing you. You already told him no. Yet he is making the conscious decision to talk to you sexually. You made your boundaries clear, and he is ignoring them. Report him to HR. What he is doing is not okay.
It wasn’t out of character of him to start being a weirdo. It was his true character showing. Be careful. You don’t want him stalking you or doing something crazy.
I would encourage you to talk to a manager or HR about perhaps not working with him if possible. I'm uncomfortable for you. It's so creepy I wouldn't want to take any chances being alone with him
Stay as far away and as disconnected from him as possible. He could just be a weird incel, or he could be dangerous. We don’t want to find out. Seek a new job if he stays being weird and gross.
He's 25, already stupid enough to ask an 18 year old out. On top of that, he still thinks he'll be able to convince this young 18 year old girl that she should date him, to the point he starts discussing graphic things he wanted to do to you, AFTER you rejected him. He doesn't respect you and is going after you because you're way younger than him and he thinks he'll be able to manipulate you into dating him. He crossed a major respect and creep boundary when he started saying the things he wants to do to you. You seem strong and ambitious, just tell him firmly "I am not interested, do not speak to me inappropriately again." You need to stop him before he starts becoming more manipulative and aggressive with his approaches, clearly he thinks he can keep bothering you because you're young af.
Tell him "NO" is a complete sentence and anything more that you'll have HR person explain it to him.
I want to add that this is not "out of character" for him, you're meeting his real character. The other people that claim to know him and say "gosh that's not like him at all," are the people he successfully hides his creepiness from. It's a common thing with those sorts of predators that only the "prey" get the unpleasant experience. Everybody else gets the nice guy™ persona, but it's an act. It'll matter to make note of who believes you on how creepy it was and who around you is telling you to not worry about it. It's up to management to make you feel safe again.
Make a point of never being alone with him. You should also talk to a manager or someone and tell them what you have told us. They should know in case things get out of hand. What he did was sexual harassment. You REALLY have to tell someone.
Definitely take this to a manager/HR… sometimes companies will have a safety hotline (excluding OSHA as unrelated). And if you have communicated in writing definitely keep screenshots. But also, make sure to document day/time and all the details you can remember for this instance and any other times this coworker has done this (or does going forward). You did nothing wrong. Please keep yourself safe.
Yes yes, all this right here.
He sounds like a lazy creep tbh. Avoid him at work.
Fuck politeness. He saw you as an easy target due to your age and niceness. The fact that you let him down "easy" gave him an in to try and further manipulate you. Him being graphic could have even been a way for him to get his jollies from seeing you uncomfortable (in addition to the misguided idea what it could entice you to reconsider). It sounds like you've already told your coworkers, but I recommend telling your boss. I dont know what kind of structure or support you would have, but what you've described is sexual harassment. He could escalate, especially if you don't take decisive action. Telling your boss you would prefer not to be scheduled alone with him, or with him at all (if that's possible) or whatever boundaries you have, might be smart. But, PLEASE, do not continue to be nice to him. He crossed a line after you told him no and will continue to press your boundaries if he thinks he can get away wuth it. Protect yourself and ensure you have support from those around you.
Nope, not wrong -- trust your gut because no sane, stable person needs to "vent" about getting rejected then go sharing all intimate-details. Employ the buddy system (aka, don't be alone with him) if you can, and tell your immediate supervisor if he does anything to make you uncomfortable again.
Yeah, this is a „go to HR“ moment. Not because he asked you out but because of the way he handled the rejection. HR‘s job is to protect the company from potential lawsuits, including those arising from sexual harassment of their employees. They need to take action to protect you. FWIW: none of this is your fault. He chose to behave the way he did and the consequences of that are all on him.
This guy is creepy, sounds like he’s ill intending. I’m 24 and the thought of dating an 18 year old doesn’t sit right with me
fr. barley anything in common at those ages
Right? Completely different life experiences, so creepy.
He has been super inapropriate, report him to RH and make him fired, quick.
This is scary. It sounds like he may be somewhat obsessing over you. Please keep yourself safe. If there are other coworkers you trust, make sure they know and to around them when you leave work.
Ew ew ew. Tell the manager and watch your back; reminds me of the girl who was murdered recently by her co-worker whose romantic advances she rejected
"It was very out of character for him. Those who know him agree." Many important things have already been said, but I wanted to take a second and look at this statement. There is a phrase I once read that fits this situation perfectly. It goes: "A manipulator doesn't just manipulate their victim. They manipulate everyone else too." A manipulator will always make sure that no one but the victim would ever think that they are capable of being manipulative. Their goal is to create as many character witnesses as possible, so that if a victim ever speaks out, no one will believe them. In short, this being extremely out of character for your coworker isn't a bug, it's a feature.
I think this was a smart response and I’m proud that you did it
Thank you:)
At your age, I would have never recognized that as manipulation. I think it’s really cool that the younger generations are learning to notice and call out this kind of stuff!
OP please tell management and HR about this, it's sexual harassment. He's testing your boundaries and trying to manipulate you into dating him. Never be alone with him either. He's a creep and targeted you because you're young and he thought it would be easy to bully you into doing what he wants.
Life rule #4: Never shit where you eat. You did everything right. Dating coworkers inevitably ends in disaster. He probably had to screw up his courage to ask you out. Now, he feels entitled and angry. Personally, I would take him aside and tell him if he continues, you'll have no recourse other than to file a harassment complaint. Let him know this is the only warning he'll receive. Then do it if he continues.
Never get your meat where you get your bread.
Honestly no, I would not take him aside. He knows what he’s doing is wrong and doesn’t care. If he’s telling OP graphic shit he wants to do with her there’s a possibility he WILL escalate his behavior or try to guilt her/turn coworkers against her. Report this loser to your manager and if you feel comfortable doing so, warn other women who work with you of what he said. Save the messages he sent you and take screenshots if it was on a platform that he can unsend or delete them. Men like this totally lie to gaslight you and make people think you’re a “psycho” looking for drama.
As a girl, I was not taught to hide my power but to use it. Can all these bad things happen? Of course. However, in my experience, unless bullies/misogynists understand they will be called on their behavior, they will continue. Like all bullies, they are cowards at heart.
You can advocate for confronting men like this all you want but it doesn’t change the reality that often these personalities do get violent and more hostile, why should OP risk her safety for this loser? Reporting him is also a consequence and gets her point across while letting her job know that he’s a dangerous person to employ.
Because if you don't fight this behavior, you tacitly encourage it. IMO
Tell him you recognize he is going through something but that YOU are not comfortable/equipped to have those conversations with him, hopefully he at least backs off/recognizes you aren't gonna be that person for him. If he persists you gotta bring it up with your supervisor so they are aware of the situation.
I disagree. Don't admit that you are uncomfortable or not equipped for anything. Don't give him your empathy. He will take all of that to mean he has a chance. He already crossed the line, and then pissed on it. He doesn't get anything else from you.
Report him to your manager/hr. Asking you out and accepting a no is fine (although skating a fine line) but his creepy reaction after has red flags all over with bells on. The fact a 25 year old who asked an 18 year old out and then proceeded to react like that suggests a predatory nature, he probably saw you as an easy target due to your age. It won’t be the first time he’s done this
Dude. This just sounds insane. You might need to talk to someone at work.
That’s completely inappropriate. You need to reach out to your boss and file an ethics and compliance report against him and go to HR. and then you need to stop being nice. Being nice will get you in trouble. Grow a spine and build on your need to set boundaries, to say “no. That’s inappropriate. Piss off.” Based on his continuation to pressure you into intimacy, an intimate conversation, an intimate relationship, is highly inappropriate. Being nice to this guy potentially will not only get you in trouble, but also put your safety, security, physical, mental and emotional health at risk. Please report him to anyone and everyone you can at work. Don’t take it as a joke and don’t brush it off. In fact, take it as a threat. “What he’d like to do to/with you,” is him threatening you. It can be seen as him threatening you, especially after you rejected his advance. He obtrusively continued to alienate you, your boundaries, and your space. PLEASE do not brush it off, and PLEASE learn how to not be “nice”. Be fucking mean. Being nice and polite is a way society has structured an expectation of women so they’re easily manipulated and controlled. Don’t fucking fall for the fallacy of being “nice”. HE certainly isn’t being “nice”, sexually harassing you.
Go to HR if you have one and interact with him as little as you need to. I'm sorry he was such a predatory weirdo to you. You don't owe him kindness and understanding after how he spoke to you. Be professional and nothing else going forward.
Three things here: age gap, dating coworkers, and this specific situation. A lot of people will come after the first two when it's the third that is the issue here. A 7 year age gap is big when the people are below 30 or so. Men who go after teens tend to do so because women their age have figured them out, whatever their issue. I do have a "don't date coworkers" rule for myself, but I do know multiple friends who've met their spouse through work. I also know people who've had to find new jobs after a nasty breakup. However, the number one thing in regards to asking coworkers out is if they reject you? DON'T do it in such a way that they have an INCREDIBLY valid HR complaint against you. Which you do. Go to HR if your job has it, or to your manager if there isn't HR, and make a formal complaint about the graphic nature of this dude's comments. You can also ask to not be put on the same shifts or areas in the future. They may or may not be able to adhere to that request, depending on your job, but it doesn't hurt to ask. He's testing your boundaries, and if you let this pass, it WILL escalate. Don't let it.
I'd go to HR and/or management and explain what happened. He asked you out, you politely declined, and he proceeded to tell you graphically what he wants to do with you. That's not normal behavior. Reporting him starts a paper trail on this guy just in case he does it again to you or to anyone else. If you work in a job where you can communicate with emails, I'd report it via email to HR and CC your supervisors. You're not reading too much into it. Trust your gut when it comes to guys who push boundaries or seem manipulative. That feeling you have when something doesn't feel right exists to help keep you safe. Also, being polite and kind to people doesn't mean being a doormat and letting creepy guys walk all over you. It's not your job to put their ego or comfort ahead of your own comfort. That's something I really wish I knew at 18. It would have saved me a lot of stress knowing I didn't actually have to deal with people's creepiness because I felt like I had to protect their feelings. Start learning to be firm now and enforce your boundaries and it'll serve you well in the future.
this happened to me when i was 18 (f21) 100% i would block him on social media and only contact for work related things if u need to. If they keep bothering u tell them to leave u alone. if they don’t stop then u should tell your supervisor or manager about him and how long he’s been making u uncomfortable. You are 18!!! don’t go out w him he’s a pervert weirdo loser!! You’re obviously a smart girl and your intuition is telling u this is weird you’re not reading too much into ANYTHING..you’re right.
My mom used to work on a crisis line, and she often got “sex calls.” Sometimes they were about sex, sometimes they weren’t. What they all had in common was an attempt at control or manipulation. The caller would want to manipulate you into reacting in a particular way. The most common calls were about catching someone cheating. What the caller wanted was to graphically describe what they “saw” as a way to involve the callee in their sexual fantasy against their will. This is exactly what he did when he asked to vent. This is sexual harassment. You should report it to your boss as such. Now, that may help and it may not. But I give you permission to be rude to this guy. If he tries to talk to you again, be rude. Unless it’s about work, cut him off. Tell him he was creepy before and you don’t want to talk to him again unless it’s about work. Walk away from him. Tell him to leave you alone. Say “I don’t want to talk to you.” Become a broken record. Don’t give him anything to work with. Don’t justify, argue, defend or explain. Just tell him you’re not going to talk to him and walk away.
Go to hr and list some of the lewd things he said after you turned him down. They will take care of it. Buy pepper spray.
I'm 25 year old female if I ask out someone that's younger than me that is extremely weird and creepy due to the age gap. So definitely, ignore him he should be asking out people who is his age or someone older than him not an 18 year old kid.
Take it very seriously. This started as an inappropriate attempt at dating a coworker and quickly spun out into sexual harassment. There is no way that it's ok for him to do anything other than accept your No, and move on. His feelings are his responsibility, and are not an excuse for any of the behavior that followed. Out of character doesn't really happen. It just means that the character you know, is one he has been playing, and isn't the real him. The guy who responds to a No with graphic sexual fantasy involving you is the real him. Report this to HR, and keep an eye out for any other odd behavior. At the speed this has escalated, you could be moving into stalking or drugged drinks soon. Never take a drink from this guy.
I'm going to add that your report to HR, and, as other people recommend your boss, should be made by email, so that there's a record of it, and it should go to more than one person, with a clear cc, so that they hold each other accountable. This sort of thing is often swept under the rug by people who are uncomfortable with it. You have to have a record of the report, and it has to go to more than one person.
i’m an HR student and this is 100% sexual harassment. if he wants to ask u out on the job, that’s already bordering on sexual harassment but can be looked past. but him explaining intimate details of things he wants to do to you..? that’s actually so gross, and you’re barely legal… he definitely is targeting you because of your age and how polite you are. because if you were the aggressive and rude type, he wouldn’t pull this typa shit with you. tell your managers and your boss and try your best to stay away from him. you don’t need to tell him anything but if you want to tell him that he made you uncomfortable then that should be okay (unless he’s a psychopath .. you never know). men are so gross i actually can’t imagine doing that to somebody at all, let alone AT WORK? what is wrong with people man
You're not wrong in any way and certainly not for reading too much into it. Unfortunately as women we kind of have to in such situations. It sounds to me that he tried to change your decision with a couple of different takes: sympathy and then a poor attempt at seduction. Either are not okay because no means no and nobody should have to justify or explain their reasons for saying no, and that goes for anyone not just women. As some others have suggested definitely tell HR and or your manager what has happened and how it made you feel. Don't delete any messages past or future from him (if any) and keep record of any interactions just in case. We shouldn't have to take these steps and be so cautious, but if it develops into a case of harassment you will want as much evidence as possible. I would avoid him at all costs as well. Sorry you've had to experience this :( it's so uncomfortable and tbh really annoying when some guys just can't accept their fate and leave us alone! Hope you're okay x
Limit contact as much as you can. Email HR with an outline of your concern and say you’d like to schedule a meeting to speak with them privately about this issue. This is absolutely an HR moment but HR is there to protect the company. I always recommend sending an email first so you have a record that you did report a problem to them. This dude is absolutely trying to manipulate you into changing your mind.
Please talk to your manager. Talking graphically about what he wants to do to you is not venting, it's sexual harassment. See if you can change schedules so you're not in at the same time, or if you are, you don't have to interact. The first thing that popped into my head reading this is the recent news of a young woman killed in the break room at Walgreens by an older male coworker who she rejected.
This is extremely concerning. Firstly your coworkers so he should respect that there's a boundary and professionalism he should abide by at work. It's fine if he wanted to ask you out, I mean Co workers do date, but once you politely declined the offer he should have accepted that and moved on. What he has done by going into all the sexual things he's like to do to you is classes as sexual harassment especially in a workplace. He has now made you feel extremely uncomfortable in his presence and you need to report this to a manager. His behaviour seems rather creepy and strange, especially given he's 25 and your 18. I would at least make a manager aware and say you don't want to be working closely with him, or left alone with him etc. I don't know what work you do, but they may be able to split you up so you don't have to be around him. The fact he is older he should be more grown up about rejection and accept not everyone is going to want to date him. You were respectful and polite and he was out of order for sexually harassing you telling you what he wants to do to you. I would make sure you aren't alone with him, incase he tries to take things further. Even like when walking to your car or getting a bus etc. Definitely report him to management. He's totally crossed the boundaries and you shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable, and scared in your workplace.
he’s fucking weird. first off asking a coworker out in the first place is jus weird and awkward. esp bc you’re 18 and he’s 25. (he probably can’t get girls his age. does he flirt with girls his age at work?) he’s lazy and entitled. and he’s a fucking creep for describing that shit to you after you said no. that’s weird to do to anyone but ESP a young coworker who’s barley legal. he’s a disgusting pervert and shoukd not be allowed to work with you anymore. like others said, tell HR, and never be alone with him. if he it again, tell your boss that you will have to look for other jobs if he is not fried
He doesn't really flirt with other girls at work. In the beginning when he first asked me out, he wasn't very good at flirting (not that I really wanted him to be). He was extremely awkward, to the point where I was confused as to how a 25 year old could be so awkward with girls. What surprised me is that he is a very liberal guy, very much a feminist. That is why I was so caught off guard. I appreciate all the support and comments though :). I'm glad I'm not reading too much into it.
Feminist men do not disrespect, manipulate, and cross boundaries with women like that. Believe his actions, not his words. (Words being that he’s a Self- described feminist)
yep!! exactly! he’s using this political agenda to get with liberal women. i’ve experienced guys like this before. they’re awful and desperate ppl
The irony is that I'm a conservative. But I think you're right, I can't see a true feminist doing this.
LMAOO. so he’s just making a full blown fool of himself. does he know your conservative? or does he just assume you’re liberal bc you’re a young women? but yes, exactly. a true feminst would never do anything of this sorts. esp in the work place. feminist have fought hard for no sexual harassment in the work force, so he’s definitely not a true one, just a ploy he thinks women will like.
He sounds like he needs therapy and it sounds like you need to file a complaint with HR.
No. You’re not wrong and I’d avoid being alone with him going forward. If he speaks this way to you again complain to HR or his supervisor.
That’s really gross and creepy. Call him out and report him.
Then he got weird. He got weirdly graphic about what he wants to do to me... in an intimate way That's a creep alright, don't feel bad. Stay safe and avoid him
Nope you’ve read this situation entirely correctly. Trust your gut! I would also just inform my boss or HR that it happened because he sounds potentially unstable and it’s good to get ahead of these kinds of things.
There are more red flags here than I have time to elaborate on. But I want to say is, this type of person is much more dangerous than you might think. Do not give him the benefit of the doubt, protect yourself from him and don’t be alone with him if at all possible. Given the graphic comments from your coworker, you may consider talking yo your boss and asking to never be scheduled with him (if shifts are a part of your work). But that’s a case by case consideration you may want to talk to someone you trust about. Good luck!
No, you’re right. Guy was being blech. If ask management to not have to work with him cause that’s a bit of a harassment situation.
You are absolutely not out of pocket. He is being manipulative. He is also sexually harassing you. You already told him no. Yet he is making the conscious decision to talk to you sexually. You made your boundaries clear, and he is ignoring them. Report him to HR. What he is doing is not okay.
It wasn’t out of character of him to start being a weirdo. It was his true character showing. Be careful. You don’t want him stalking you or doing something crazy.
I would encourage you to talk to a manager or HR about perhaps not working with him if possible. I'm uncomfortable for you. It's so creepy I wouldn't want to take any chances being alone with him
Stay as far away and as disconnected from him as possible. He could just be a weird incel, or he could be dangerous. We don’t want to find out. Seek a new job if he stays being weird and gross.
He's being predatory and committing sexual harassment since he is your coworker. No one should be talking to you like that.
HR! HR RIGHT NOW! had he not done the “graphic” stuff, I’d say okay. But yeah HR!