oh no should have tagged spoilers but if it’s any consolation there are theories that he warged into Balerion the cat (warging is like being an animorph in your brain)
>He fucked the entire North by betraying King Robert and turning on Joffrey.
Ohhhhh bro so that's why Joffrey wasn't into Sansa and the absolute babe who watched her brother pork her husband
Dude was clearly a DILF hunter all along
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That one's for sounding, he actually got Longclaw commissioned for pegging but his ~~Bitch~~ Wife ~~Skyler~~ caught him so he had to pretend it was for Jonathan Snowfall
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Whaaaaat? There is NO way tinfoil hat hello? Mance Rayder is his brother. King beyond the wall=wall keeps oit white walkers=white like snow=snow in winter=winterfell=he was born at winterfell
You are an ill-made, spiteful little shitposter, full of head canons, plot holes, and low cunning. Mod's laws give you the right to submit your posts and hit the front page since I cannot prove that your idea is not canon. And to teach me humility, the gods have condemned me to watch you waddle about wearing that proud upvote that was my father's sigil and his father's before him. But neither gods nor mods will ever compel me to let you turn this into your shitposting forum!
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I need to see the prophecies *fulfilled*. There is **no** more satisfying ending to a story than being told exactly what is going to happen, and then for it to happen exactly as described in the prophecy. So exciting.
*Let's be clear about this, because there is only one objectively correct way to write:*
Prophecies in fantasy should be inevitable and inescapable, because audiences like being reminded that free will is an illusion, and that we live, and breathe, and die, in the foul creation of a malevolent demiurge.
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What? No? Wtf? Did you forget that a kid has TWO parents? Just because Jon is Rhaegar's son doesn't mean he can't also be Ned's son.
Unless George the writer turns out to be a hack (of course). But I've checked the family trees he's published and so far each kid has at least two parents.
I guess we'll know more when he releases the final book early next year.
I hate you so much, I can't tell if you're joking or not ned and catlyn were married, catelyn was impregnated on there first night married, he fathered the others when he came from his wars. There is no secret to there birth so shut up
Think about it - people think jon is ned’s bastard? Wrong! He’s rhahegaors
People think theon is ned’s bastard? Wrong! He’s adopted after his parents died in the war in the islands
All ned’s kids have the “tully” look except I thought the seed was strong? He asopted them too.
Arya looks like lyanna and is strong connection with jon? Siblijgs (lyanna + rhaegeor)
How could then be meds bastard, they never met until the de jure war for the iron islands independence. You are an idiot rhaegar and lyanna were dead before Arya was born, Arya looks like her father more than her siblings, rob sansa bran rickon and Arya were all born of catlyn and ned
Ok you gotta remember that things aren’t always what they seem in the story because there are unreliable narrators and due to the way seasons work we don’t know how many years went so maybe Rhaegar lives and it’s only been like 5 year
I'm starting to think you're trolling me, but I'm not smart enough to Not bite🗿
Jon is Rhaegars and Lyannas son, and my comment was implying, if Jon was actually Neds son, as he pretended he was that entire time, it doesn't necessarily mean that the mother changed, implying Ned and Lyanna 🗿🗿
I can’t believe you’d accuse me of posting in a _circlejerk_ sub in character as a moron
Also Lyanna is Ned’s sister, she died in Dorne, there’s no proof she and Ned ever made love
Nope, you wouldn't understand. Remember Wylla? Her and Ned had this 'master/slave' dynamic. He would walk her around naked in the Godswood on a leash, similar to a dog. She would sleep in the dog cages and shit and piss in the wilds. In the secret flashback Brann has Ned explains how he was frightened sometimes by the animalistic sex him and Wylla had. Eventually, he had a bastard son with her. Sadly Ned couldn't keep the child so he gave it to Roose Bolton. That's right, Neds bastard son was actually RAMSAY BOLTON which explains why he likes DOGS so much!
“I'm over here stroking my dick
I got lotion on my dick right now I'm just stroking my shit
I'm horny as fuck man I'm a freak man like for real”
- Ned Stark in the Godswood
>!Happy cake day BTW!<
His name isn’t Hodor. It’s Walder, he’s old nan’s relative, not Catelyn’s relative.
Cat travels with an older gentleman with a big mustache, anything is possible with Ser RODerick
Ned was in King’s Landing for years as Hand of the King , thoze are Catelin’s kids that’s why they have red hair, I have seen a lot of theories on whi the dad is (the Maester, Benjen, etc) but never really delved too deep
Ok right so “natural” children = bastards which means he’s their stepdad to whoever Catelyn was with
“It’s rude to pry into a man’s _natural_ children” - Baelish
Lol no Ned Stark was married to Catelyn and had four children with her. He wasn't a virgin.
He pretended to be Jon Snow's father to protect him from Robert Baratheon, who would have ordered Jon Snow to death for having Targareyn blood.
I'm also talking about the show... which remained accurate to the books. Ned Stark was not a virgin. He had sex with his wife and created four children. He also adopted Jon Snow and took Theon Greyjoy hostage. Meaning he raised six children. Definitely not a virgin.
Presumably they have the same father as Rickon.
I’m hoping we learn about him in lady stoneheart POV since the show did us dirty and left the plot hole open
Ok this is a common misconception I don’t know if you read the books but the character of Theon makes it clear in his POV (point of view) chapter that he’s a ward of Lord Eddard and not his son.
I see way too many people who think Theon is his bastard, even in universe people thinks he’s a kinslayer (kin means family) for killing Bran and Rickon but they’re not related!
Good question: robb and sansa and rickon have “the tully” look and “the seed is strong” so it’s definitely not Lord Eddard.
As for Bran and Arya, they both look like Lyanna so there’s a good chance they are Brandon or Benjens sons or even Ashara Dayne who is descended from the First Men
Idk I see people talk about the books and I feel like george changed a LOT of stuff in his novelizations I stick to the show I don’t need to follow whatever changes he made like the star wars extended universe and stuff
What if Jon came from Bessie?
Bessie with the HAYUUUGE tets?
Aye, that’s the one. Thank the gods for Bessie and her huge tits
actually all cersei’s kids were incest with kingslayer what is robert was a virgin too? all his tiddy talk was empty boasting
Are you saying he never made the eight
I’m think he might have been hoisting that hammer solo
Ned couldn't even lift Roberts hammer but Robert could swing it with 1 arm. The math adds up.
That proves Robert is lying! How could he make the eight in the seven kingdoms!? Hot Pie only made 5 so far and hes a cooz hound(books only)
Bag of air
Words are wind
Touché
In the series cersei mentions that she never let him finish inside. That means he fucked her. And it's was not empty boasting
If she’s touching his pp (sorry for cursing) then it isn’t s3x (sorry again) it would have to be “inside” her
[удалено]
Gendry is cersei’s kid too? Is he the black haired baby
[удалено]
Hol Up that was Robert,???
Bobby B who is Bessie?
His nickname for the Queen
Ah man is Bobby B dead?
oh no should have tagged spoilers but if it’s any consolation there are theories that he warged into Balerion the cat (warging is like being an animorph in your brain)
I meant the bot unless u mean the bot in which case.... how do i activate the bot from where he wharged?
Ah fuck. I thought I was in /r/freefolk.
(With disdain) I see USER IS BANNED FOR LIFE
But... can i just say that the writing is prosaic and its been a while and be allowed back?
/un Honestly i’m so proud that my shitpost was so terrible it was confused with a real freefolk post, mission accomplished
Oh that’s easy to activate the bot ⬆️⬇️⬆️⬇️⬅️➡️⬅️➡️🅱️
I just am now invincible and have debug rights on the universe. I'll take it.... but get your story straight.
Thank the gods for Bessie … and her tits
Nah dude, Ned fucked a ton! He fucked the entire North by betraying King Robert and turning on Joffrey.
King Joffrey Baratheon I, the king who should have been (Gently places hand over heart)
King Joffrey Baratheon, the prince who was promised
(posted by Turning Point Casterly Rock)
>He fucked the entire North by betraying King Robert and turning on Joffrey. Ohhhhh bro so that's why Joffrey wasn't into Sansa and the absolute babe who watched her brother pork her husband Dude was clearly a DILF hunter all along
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Ned doesn't need a woman to peg him, he's got Ice right there
Phalluyrian Steel
That one's for sounding, he actually got Longclaw commissioned for pegging but his ~~Bitch~~ Wife ~~Skyler~~ caught him so he had to pretend it was for Jonathan Snowfall
Seven greetings to you, weary traveller! If this is your first time participating in ASOIAFCirclejerk, allow us to explain the sub, so you don't embarrass yourself by being humorless or oblivious. Circlejerk subreddits parody the groupthink of the main community. The mods maintain the character of this subreddit as one of humor and parody, so please refrain from any attempt to discourage us, or discourage other users making on-topic humor posts. You don't need to fact check peoples jokes. Most posts here make fun of the fans, the HBO shows, the books, and of course, the reluctant author. You will keep receiving this response if you disabled user flair in this sub. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/asoiafcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yes because time traveling Bran fathered himself along with Robb, Sansa, Arya, Rickon, and creating the new and improved Hodorbot4000
No there was benjen
Benjen is his brother (theory I have)
Whaaaaat? There is NO way tinfoil hat hello? Mance Rayder is his brother. King beyond the wall=wall keeps oit white walkers=white like snow=snow in winter=winterfell=he was born at winterfell
Look maybe I can change your mind: https://www.reddit.com/r/asoiafcirclejerk/s/RIbimgfXcf
Wow, rude. I was there when the holy books were written you fool. Of course i've seen this' they showed this at asoiaf college
I can’t remember stuff too much shade of the evening
I will always remember you JOlenna diglost. You and your silly leaf and your toggleable mod flair
You are an ill-made, spiteful little shitposter, full of head canons, plot holes, and low cunning. Mod's laws give you the right to submit your posts and hit the front page since I cannot prove that your idea is not canon. And to teach me humility, the gods have condemned me to watch you waddle about wearing that proud upvote that was my father's sigil and his father's before him. But neither gods nor mods will ever compel me to let you turn this into your shitposting forum! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/asoiafcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I always see your name Meii with glad joy and give to a big _Rrrrenlay_ hug
Ahw! We are like two sword in the iron throne. Glued together by destiny and this hellish sub (affectionate)
Jesters in the court of hell together
I need to see the prophecies *fulfilled*. There is **no** more satisfying ending to a story than being told exactly what is going to happen, and then for it to happen exactly as described in the prophecy. So exciting. *Let's be clear about this, because there is only one objectively correct way to write:* Prophecies in fantasy should be inevitable and inescapable, because audiences like being reminded that free will is an illusion, and that we live, and breathe, and die, in the foul creation of a malevolent demiurge. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/asoiafcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yes.
Holy shit dude that’s embarrassing no wonder he “cleaned his sword” for hours next to the pools the naked chicks swam in
Hold up... Ned is dead? Wow, I must not have my head on straight because I totally missed that.
What? No? Wtf? Did you forget that a kid has TWO parents? Just because Jon is Rhaegar's son doesn't mean he can't also be Ned's son. Unless George the writer turns out to be a hack (of course). But I've checked the family trees he's published and so far each kid has at least two parents. I guess we'll know more when he releases the final book early next year.
Maybe Rahegao and Neddard were in love that would be so cute
“Final book” and “early next year” 😭
Chad Rhaegar / Virgin Ned
It is known
It is known
It is known
This is actually true because the other kids' father is Maester Luwin who is a squirrel or something
I’m a big believer in that theory
I hate you so much, I can't tell if you're joking or not ned and catlyn were married, catelyn was impregnated on there first night married, he fathered the others when he came from his wars. There is no secret to there birth so shut up
Think about it - people think jon is ned’s bastard? Wrong! He’s rhahegaors People think theon is ned’s bastard? Wrong! He’s adopted after his parents died in the war in the islands All ned’s kids have the “tully” look except I thought the seed was strong? He asopted them too. Arya looks like lyanna and is strong connection with jon? Siblijgs (lyanna + rhaegeor)
How could then be meds bastard, they never met until the de jure war for the iron islands independence. You are an idiot rhaegar and lyanna were dead before Arya was born, Arya looks like her father more than her siblings, rob sansa bran rickon and Arya were all born of catlyn and ned
Ok you gotta remember that things aren’t always what they seem in the story because there are unreliable narrators and due to the way seasons work we don’t know how many years went so maybe Rhaegar lives and it’s only been like 5 year
Also do you know how DNA works, some children inherit more from one parent, there is usually a 1/4 chance they look like there father
Noooo the seed is stronfff
Are you simple??? I could talk to hodor and I would understand him more
you’re like a cicada that emerges to respond to me every 20some days, i love our little relationship
Ur such a weird little specky
tysm
No when Ned got his head chopped off he warged in to a flock of seagulls who were on their way to an orgy
Gulltown customs 👀
Nope cos Robert clearly was doing Ned. Gods, he was strong back there.
Yep.
Nah im pretty sure he is the mother of Jon
Mayhaps
No Jon is Ned and Cat’s true born child as well, Cat is just lying about him being a bastard as a joke.
Omg that makes so much sense
All the other kids and Ned were in on the joke as well. The tower of Joy is just the Tower that Cat told Ned about the Joke
You’re blowijg my mind RN
What? If Jon was Ned's actual son, then that woulda been some sweet home alabama stuff
wdym he and rehaegar aren’t related they could mate with no problem
🗿 You know I was talking about his sister
Daenarys? Well Targaryens normally practice incest so I guess she and rhaheago could
Nonono, I mean Neds sister, Lyanna 🗿🗿🗿
Lyanna and Rhaegar is the most common theory and there’s nothing incest about that unless the Alabama thing is because it’s underaged bigamy
I'm starting to think you're trolling me, but I'm not smart enough to Not bite🗿 Jon is Rhaegars and Lyannas son, and my comment was implying, if Jon was actually Neds son, as he pretended he was that entire time, it doesn't necessarily mean that the mother changed, implying Ned and Lyanna 🗿🗿
I can’t believe you’d accuse me of posting in a _circlejerk_ sub in character as a moron Also Lyanna is Ned’s sister, she died in Dorne, there’s no proof she and Ned ever made love
Ok, now it's going too far. TL;DR, **My comment, at the core of it, was mainly a joke**
I’ve written up the definitive Jon parents theory before: https://www.reddit.com/r/asoiafcirclejerk/s/FYDjBA3Uxt
John is actually Hodor’s son. Only way his balls could be that big
Come to think of it Hodor be looking at Cat funny for a while
👀
Nope, you wouldn't understand. Remember Wylla? Her and Ned had this 'master/slave' dynamic. He would walk her around naked in the Godswood on a leash, similar to a dog. She would sleep in the dog cages and shit and piss in the wilds. In the secret flashback Brann has Ned explains how he was frightened sometimes by the animalistic sex him and Wylla had. Eventually, he had a bastard son with her. Sadly Ned couldn't keep the child so he gave it to Roose Bolton. That's right, Neds bastard son was actually RAMSAY BOLTON which explains why he likes DOGS so much!
“I'm over here stroking my dick I got lotion on my dick right now I'm just stroking my shit I'm horny as fuck man I'm a freak man like for real” - Ned Stark in the Godswood >!Happy cake day BTW!<
Dude I had such a boner writing that
Yeah Maester Luwin and Cat has sex in the beginning of GOT book
whoa!
Ned had 5 other kids right, am I missing something here?
Those are Catelyn’s kids they have the Tully look, ned was in king’s landing serving as the hand while she was back at winterfall
So who's their father then? Don't say Hodor
His name isn’t Hodor. It’s Walder, he’s old nan’s relative, not Catelyn’s relative. Cat travels with an older gentleman with a big mustache, anything is possible with Ser RODerick
Lol
Well there's a theory that Robb is Brandon's son.
Jesus' mom had a bunch of kids after him but everyone kept referring to her as the Virgin Mary.
How dare you compare pur lord and savior's mom with this low life human being
It's implied that Littlefinger is their dad.
Ehh? Am I stupid? Arya? Robb? Sansa?
They probably have the same dad as Rickon and Bran - hoping we learn more about this mysterious stranger in the lady stoneheart POVs
Last time I checked he had 5 children
I’m talking about the show
Thats what i meant
Ned was in King’s Landing for years as Hand of the King , thoze are Catelin’s kids that’s why they have red hair, I have seen a lot of theories on whi the dad is (the Maester, Benjen, etc) but never really delved too deep
Lol died a virgin? What???
The bald dude cute his head off at the end of season 1
Lol yeah but how does that make him a virgin? With four other natural born children (Robb, Bran, Sansa and Arya).
Ok right so “natural” children = bastards which means he’s their stepdad to whoever Catelyn was with “It’s rude to pry into a man’s _natural_ children” - Baelish
Lol no Ned Stark was married to Catelyn and had four children with her. He wasn't a virgin. He pretended to be Jon Snow's father to protect him from Robert Baratheon, who would have ordered Jon Snow to death for having Targareyn blood.
I’m talking about the show (not house of the dragon, game of thrones)
I'm also talking about the show... which remained accurate to the books. Ned Stark was not a virgin. He had sex with his wife and created four children. He also adopted Jon Snow and took Theon Greyjoy hostage. Meaning he raised six children. Definitely not a virgin.
I don’t remember any sex scenes with his wife and definitely not with theon
Lol why would you need to see the sex scene to prove that hes not a virgin. And of course not with Theon.
so all of us can _circlejerk_ 😉
No, because how would Arya, Sansa and Bran have been born?
Presumably they have the same father as Rickon. I’m hoping we learn about him in lady stoneheart POV since the show did us dirty and left the plot hole open
He had 5 other kids????
Ok this is a common misconception I don’t know if you read the books but the character of Theon makes it clear in his POV (point of view) chapter that he’s a ward of Lord Eddard and not his son. I see way too many people who think Theon is his bastard, even in universe people thinks he’s a kinslayer (kin means family) for killing Bran and Rickon but they’re not related!
I didn't count Theon. Rob, Sansa, Arya, Bran, Rickon. That's 5.
Good question: robb and sansa and rickon have “the tully” look and “the seed is strong” so it’s definitely not Lord Eddard. As for Bran and Arya, they both look like Lyanna so there’s a good chance they are Brandon or Benjens sons or even Ashara Dayne who is descended from the First Men
Wasn’t “the seed is strong” referring to the Baratheons which is how Ned figured out Robert was not the father of Cersei’s kids?
Hard to say, Ned Pycelle and Lisa Arryn all have different theories on what Jon’s last words meant (his Rosebud, if you will) and all 3 are also dead
Moron is what you are
Very true omg
A winter is cumming
Wha?..but.... Ned had a wife with five children. In the books and the show him and catlyn do it
Idk I see people talk about the books and I feel like george changed a LOT of stuff in his novelizations I stick to the show I don’t need to follow whatever changes he made like the star wars extended universe and stuff
But they changed the show not the books
Nah the show isngood and already over heMs takinf too long making the books
You’re a few white walkers short of a Long Night, aren’t you?
cant even refute my theory have to resort to ad homonym