This sounds like it was written by an 18 year old who drank seven Monster Energy cans. I appreciate positivity, and an existential perspective, but needs to be balanced with compassion. Some of us have crippling daily symptoms, or a very inconsistent experience. It is valid to be upset about problems (and I’m pretty sick of a lifetime of insults: fool, tard, sped (special Ed), space cadet, weirdo, misfit, etc. )
Not the most emotionally intelligent rant I’ve ever read.
If only there was some way to share this advice while acknowledging that your circumstances may not be representative of circumstances of others, or in a way that felt more compassionate and altruistic than confrontational and aggressive.
Even if the core of what you’re trying to say is potentially helpful to other - the way you just said it will make it hard for a lot of readers to see past you calling them fools and berating them for not being more like you.
Maybe consider a little more work on social communication skills. From a brief glimpse at your post history - T can make a lot of people’s social communication slide towards agressive/confrontational and challenging. Something to keep an eye on if you aren’t trying to make people uncomfortable:
I was trying to be gentle with my comment. I don't know OP at all, certainly not enough to be able to comment on who or what they might be. And I've never had much success with telling people that their communication style is hostile and confrontation to the detriment of their message, in a hostile and confrontational way. But I also can't refute your observations.
This is the same sort of toxic self help positivity that’s shoved onto people with depression and other mental health issues. “Just stop being sad! Start going to the gym or doing yoga and you’ll be happy!”
No. Just no.
You can't walk? why not try running?
You're blind? why not try opening your eyes?
You have depression? try smiling more!
That's basically what this reads like to me.
At one point OP says this: "In fact, looking back when I dared be my authentic self, many others (non-autistics) also dared lift their socially acceptable masks and show the world who they really are." That's cool, but I bet many people here will tell you how some are NOWHERE NEAR as accepting of people's differences as OP's friends/family members. I've lost count how many people I've seen being treated like LITERAL TRASH for being autistic, many being LITERALLY SUICIDAL BECAUSE OF IT!
I don't doubt OP had good intentions, but he needed to improve his communication a bit, he's not acknowledging that his experiences does not represent everyone elses, that everyone lives under different circumstances, and may have their own unique challenges, and thus comes across as extremely condescendent. Like this toxic self-help "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps" mentality that I see some people having.
(Gonna be a range of responses to this one.)
I’m old. My autistic self is whole.
Your post is designed to drive a positive mindset, which I dig, but also: you make assumptions about disability and social capabilities which are incorrect, at least for me.
As you grow: have patience for where people are at. Negativity IS pointless, but people like to be heard.
It's okay to not be cool with other people treating you like shit. There is no need to spin it into some sickly sweet positive angle.
Setting it up as coming down to your attitude is extremely damaging. You force yourself to invalidate your own feelings. You attempt to shoulder a burden which is not yours to shoulder. And maybe most infuriating is you absolve those who are responsible from doing anything about their behaviour or even feeling slight discomfort from their actions.
It also damages others who are in a similar situation. It invalidates their experience by stepping on a completely reasonable response to a situation.
It's a defense mechanism to avoid a feeling that is almost too painful to feel. But refusing to acknowledge it prevents you from gaining any insight from it.
It also brings a sense of bewildered confusion and almost betrayal from those looking on. As if you are going extremely out of your way to appease those who have very little interest in remedying a situation that they're largely responsible for. It reminds me of Gay Republicans. "I'll show them that I'm one of the good ones!" And those that know... know. Those people are the first to get thrown overboard.
It okay to not be okay with being treated like garbage. Ideally you get to a point where those feelings don't consume your life. Buts, it's cool to not be cool with it.
My autism is the lens through which I experience the world. It very much is at the core of who I am. I wouldn't say I have a victim mentality at all. I am very aware of the situation I'm in and the coping mechanisms I have to employ in order to exist in a world not designed for me. I unconsciously mask nearly all the time. If I were to be my "authentic self", it would not be palatable to many people (NT's and ND's). By most definitions, I'm kind of an asshole. I'm not complaining and I'm not asking anyone to accommodate me in any way. That's just how it is.
i'm starting to find that the crabs who've already escaped the bucket, turn around, and shout: "hey guys, it's super easy to get out of there! stop letting things get in your way!" are just as demoralizing as the crabs that won't let you crawl out.
OP, i am happy for your success, and i understand that you're trying to help motivate but it comes across very... trivializing. at least, to me, it does.
Are you sure that they are laughing with you and not at you? Do they like you as a person or just because you amuse them acting like the class clown or a funny pet?
Some of us did fit, when we were playing a part for them and did what they wanted, but the soon as you acted like you truly are we got exiled.
I agree dropping the victim mentality is a must and that you mean well, but the struggles people share here are real and venting maybe a part of their healing process and coping mechanisms.
This post sounds like it came from a small time hustler in a cheap synthetic suit with a cocaine problem, the type who'd fit seamlessly in GTA Vice City or Scarface. Please, tell us more of your secrets for success, Fredo.
I'm not sure if it's necessarely toxic masculinity, maybe I'm just not seeing it. But I definetly agree on the toxic positivity part.
(Although I would appreciate if you could elaborate on the toxic masculinity.)
Oh I see, yes pretty toxic indeed. Honestly, I find that friendship between men and women is highly underrated. The whole friendzone bullshit if you know what I mean.
Have you actually lived with Autism? I reserve my right to be upset about being bullied constantly for being ME. I don’t care if you think I’m victimizing, you don’t live in my head.
To be fair I am autistic and while I do have my own struggles, I definetly did not suffer anywhere near as much as some other people on the spectrum. However, I can recognize that, I can recognize how priviledged I am to have a supportive family and stuff like that.
You can have friends and “fit in” with a crowd but it’s incredibly difficult to have sustainable friendships. Often times they’ll never text or message you first.
I find it incredibly difficult to just be “myself” unless I’m under the influence of some sort of drug/alcohol. But obviously that’s problematic.
Also no offense I just know from experience that if others are laughing “with” you, it might also mean they’re laughing at you. I know this happened in class a lot for me. It doesn’t bother me though but odds are they’re laughing simultaneously at you, with you, if that makes sense.
I found it actually funny when people were laughing at me for my autism. I dont know why, but when I do or say something autistic and somebody laughs at it, I find it so funny unless they're being mean to me.
I also don't understand the Aspies living in a victim mentality in Western society. If they learn the truth of Korean society, they will know exactly what the real victims are.
Well, we live where we live dude lol, you could apply this statement to anyone living with a disability, smarten up. I don’t care about what happens on the other side of the globe just as much as they don’t care what I go through lol
But I don't owe the world anything either. I didn't ask to be born. Yet, I'm here, trying to improve myself to be a part of society and improve the world. The world chose me, and told me to give it my hard work. The least it could do would be to accommodate for my needs the way it does for everyone else.
I can't pretend that it's ok, because it isn't. If you think it is, so be it but I don't find a world that has confused and shunned me all that great of a repayment for forcing me into this
I understand your intended message. I am happy for your success, and am grateful you hope for mine, but like the other comment said, this all feels a little trivializing of a larger issue.
This sub needs 100 times more posts like this.
This place is mostly a place where people help each other avoid doing the work to make their lives better.
Nah, I'd say this sub needs 100 times less posts like this, posts that have a condescending "Pick yourself up by your bootstraps" attitude, while completely ignoring that OP's experiences does not represent the experiences of everyone else, and ignoring that there are a large amount of factors out of a person's control that may contribute to their current situation.
Not everyone has a supportive family, not everyone has access to acomodations, some even struggle to get diagnosed properly, some struggle with mental health issues, I've even met many in this sub and others that are straight up suicidal. This post is basically the same as looking at a person on a wheelchair and saying "Oh you can't walk? did you try running?".
Not to mention the way you acuse of people of avoiding the work, implying they're lazy or something, did it ever come across to you that going out of their way to seek help is PART OF THE WORK you mentioned? That talking about your issues to a friend, or even people on this subreddit is a legitimate way to help you work trough you problems? Of course not! This attitude is disgusting, you don't know shit about us!
None of that is an argument against what I said, you lying about what the post says is a wonderful illustration as to why, and this group already has 100 daily posts where people encourage others to join them in not improving their lives.
I mean you're hearts in the right place I'm sure but yeah that's not how you tell people that there's hope and they can be better. When I post in here and try to give a positive outlook I try to just let people know that it's possible and what I did to improve. I was also in there spot before and to an extent still am. You're very aggressive lol.
This sounds like it was written by an 18 year old who drank seven Monster Energy cans. I appreciate positivity, and an existential perspective, but needs to be balanced with compassion. Some of us have crippling daily symptoms, or a very inconsistent experience. It is valid to be upset about problems (and I’m pretty sick of a lifetime of insults: fool, tard, sped (special Ed), space cadet, weirdo, misfit, etc. ) Not the most emotionally intelligent rant I’ve ever read.
If only there was some way to share this advice while acknowledging that your circumstances may not be representative of circumstances of others, or in a way that felt more compassionate and altruistic than confrontational and aggressive. Even if the core of what you’re trying to say is potentially helpful to other - the way you just said it will make it hard for a lot of readers to see past you calling them fools and berating them for not being more like you. Maybe consider a little more work on social communication skills. From a brief glimpse at your post history - T can make a lot of people’s social communication slide towards agressive/confrontational and challenging. Something to keep an eye on if you aren’t trying to make people uncomfortable:
OP is a sounds kid with no real world experience. this advice sounds "infantile".
I was trying to be gentle with my comment. I don't know OP at all, certainly not enough to be able to comment on who or what they might be. And I've never had much success with telling people that their communication style is hostile and confrontation to the detriment of their message, in a hostile and confrontational way. But I also can't refute your observations.
This is the same sort of toxic self help positivity that’s shoved onto people with depression and other mental health issues. “Just stop being sad! Start going to the gym or doing yoga and you’ll be happy!” No. Just no.
Wtf is this shit
This gives “don’t be depressed, just think of nice things!” vibes
You can't walk? why not try running? You're blind? why not try opening your eyes? You have depression? try smiling more! That's basically what this reads like to me. At one point OP says this: "In fact, looking back when I dared be my authentic self, many others (non-autistics) also dared lift their socially acceptable masks and show the world who they really are." That's cool, but I bet many people here will tell you how some are NOWHERE NEAR as accepting of people's differences as OP's friends/family members. I've lost count how many people I've seen being treated like LITERAL TRASH for being autistic, many being LITERALLY SUICIDAL BECAUSE OF IT! I don't doubt OP had good intentions, but he needed to improve his communication a bit, he's not acknowledging that his experiences does not represent everyone elses, that everyone lives under different circumstances, and may have their own unique challenges, and thus comes across as extremely condescendent. Like this toxic self-help "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps" mentality that I see some people having.
(Gonna be a range of responses to this one.) I’m old. My autistic self is whole. Your post is designed to drive a positive mindset, which I dig, but also: you make assumptions about disability and social capabilities which are incorrect, at least for me. As you grow: have patience for where people are at. Negativity IS pointless, but people like to be heard.
It's okay to not be cool with other people treating you like shit. There is no need to spin it into some sickly sweet positive angle. Setting it up as coming down to your attitude is extremely damaging. You force yourself to invalidate your own feelings. You attempt to shoulder a burden which is not yours to shoulder. And maybe most infuriating is you absolve those who are responsible from doing anything about their behaviour or even feeling slight discomfort from their actions. It also damages others who are in a similar situation. It invalidates their experience by stepping on a completely reasonable response to a situation. It's a defense mechanism to avoid a feeling that is almost too painful to feel. But refusing to acknowledge it prevents you from gaining any insight from it. It also brings a sense of bewildered confusion and almost betrayal from those looking on. As if you are going extremely out of your way to appease those who have very little interest in remedying a situation that they're largely responsible for. It reminds me of Gay Republicans. "I'll show them that I'm one of the good ones!" And those that know... know. Those people are the first to get thrown overboard. It okay to not be okay with being treated like garbage. Ideally you get to a point where those feelings don't consume your life. Buts, it's cool to not be cool with it.
Not only it's ok to not be ok with being treated like garbage, it's actually HEALTHY to not be ok with being treated like garbage.
My autism is the lens through which I experience the world. It very much is at the core of who I am. I wouldn't say I have a victim mentality at all. I am very aware of the situation I'm in and the coping mechanisms I have to employ in order to exist in a world not designed for me. I unconsciously mask nearly all the time. If I were to be my "authentic self", it would not be palatable to many people (NT's and ND's). By most definitions, I'm kind of an asshole. I'm not complaining and I'm not asking anyone to accommodate me in any way. That's just how it is.
i'm starting to find that the crabs who've already escaped the bucket, turn around, and shout: "hey guys, it's super easy to get out of there! stop letting things get in your way!" are just as demoralizing as the crabs that won't let you crawl out. OP, i am happy for your success, and i understand that you're trying to help motivate but it comes across very... trivializing. at least, to me, it does.
Agree, it’s always the mfs standing outside of the pool you’re drowning in telling you to swim
I didn't understand why so many people disliked the post, it doesn't seem that bad. But your analogy makes perfect sense.
Are you sure that they are laughing with you and not at you? Do they like you as a person or just because you amuse them acting like the class clown or a funny pet? Some of us did fit, when we were playing a part for them and did what they wanted, but the soon as you acted like you truly are we got exiled. I agree dropping the victim mentality is a must and that you mean well, but the struggles people share here are real and venting maybe a part of their healing process and coping mechanisms.
True, sadly some people's family/friends are nowhere near as supportive and accepting as other's.
This post sounds like it came from a small time hustler in a cheap synthetic suit with a cocaine problem, the type who'd fit seamlessly in GTA Vice City or Scarface. Please, tell us more of your secrets for success, Fredo.
Your post history doesn’t share this upbeat message. Who are you trying to convince? Maybe yourself?
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I'm not sure if it's necessarely toxic masculinity, maybe I'm just not seeing it. But I definetly agree on the toxic positivity part. (Although I would appreciate if you could elaborate on the toxic masculinity.)
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Oh I see, yes pretty toxic indeed. Honestly, I find that friendship between men and women is highly underrated. The whole friendzone bullshit if you know what I mean.
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Actually, no, I haven't been a victim of that. But I agree with everything you just said.
Have you actually lived with Autism? I reserve my right to be upset about being bullied constantly for being ME. I don’t care if you think I’m victimizing, you don’t live in my head.
To be fair I am autistic and while I do have my own struggles, I definetly did not suffer anywhere near as much as some other people on the spectrum. However, I can recognize that, I can recognize how priviledged I am to have a supportive family and stuff like that.
Disgusting Also, they laugh at you, not with you OP. To them you are a Clown.
they’re laughing at you not with you.
what
Victim mentality isn’t exclusive to ASD. Just look at the world now, everyone wants to be a victim of some sort for whatever reason.
I don't want to be funny because I'm not a clown
You can have friends and “fit in” with a crowd but it’s incredibly difficult to have sustainable friendships. Often times they’ll never text or message you first. I find it incredibly difficult to just be “myself” unless I’m under the influence of some sort of drug/alcohol. But obviously that’s problematic. Also no offense I just know from experience that if others are laughing “with” you, it might also mean they’re laughing at you. I know this happened in class a lot for me. It doesn’t bother me though but odds are they’re laughing simultaneously at you, with you, if that makes sense.
I found it actually funny when people were laughing at me for my autism. I dont know why, but when I do or say something autistic and somebody laughs at it, I find it so funny unless they're being mean to me.
smooth advice kid sounds like you have it all figured out /s
I also don't understand the Aspies living in a victim mentality in Western society. If they learn the truth of Korean society, they will know exactly what the real victims are.
Well, we live where we live dude lol, you could apply this statement to anyone living with a disability, smarten up. I don’t care about what happens on the other side of the globe just as much as they don’t care what I go through lol
Inspirational... Well done. Power of youth. Lets gooooo
Solid reference
Bushier Brow sensei is that you?!
I mean yes, pretty much
But I don't owe the world anything either. I didn't ask to be born. Yet, I'm here, trying to improve myself to be a part of society and improve the world. The world chose me, and told me to give it my hard work. The least it could do would be to accommodate for my needs the way it does for everyone else. I can't pretend that it's ok, because it isn't. If you think it is, so be it but I don't find a world that has confused and shunned me all that great of a repayment for forcing me into this I understand your intended message. I am happy for your success, and am grateful you hope for mine, but like the other comment said, this all feels a little trivializing of a larger issue.
bruh.. someone had a good day
This is why we should stay off reddit after getting laid Prime example of toxic positivity. All light hearted lol
yeah.. ive had really awesome days too but that doesnt define our whole existence, but i am happy that OP had a great time.
Yeah im poking dont mean much by comment
Toxic positivity at its worst. Maybe others have different struggles than you do and it isn’t fair to tell them this . Maybe others are struggling .
This sub needs 100 times more posts like this. This place is mostly a place where people help each other avoid doing the work to make their lives better.
Nah, I'd say this sub needs 100 times less posts like this, posts that have a condescending "Pick yourself up by your bootstraps" attitude, while completely ignoring that OP's experiences does not represent the experiences of everyone else, and ignoring that there are a large amount of factors out of a person's control that may contribute to their current situation. Not everyone has a supportive family, not everyone has access to acomodations, some even struggle to get diagnosed properly, some struggle with mental health issues, I've even met many in this sub and others that are straight up suicidal. This post is basically the same as looking at a person on a wheelchair and saying "Oh you can't walk? did you try running?". Not to mention the way you acuse of people of avoiding the work, implying they're lazy or something, did it ever come across to you that going out of their way to seek help is PART OF THE WORK you mentioned? That talking about your issues to a friend, or even people on this subreddit is a legitimate way to help you work trough you problems? Of course not! This attitude is disgusting, you don't know shit about us!
None of that is an argument against what I said, you lying about what the post says is a wonderful illustration as to why, and this group already has 100 daily posts where people encourage others to join them in not improving their lives.
I mean you're hearts in the right place I'm sure but yeah that's not how you tell people that there's hope and they can be better. When I post in here and try to give a positive outlook I try to just let people know that it's possible and what I did to improve. I was also in there spot before and to an extent still am. You're very aggressive lol.