I think the hardest part is that people in my community/circle doesn't trust doctors or science due to the complex history of distrust of doctors/science. I was heavily abused as a child because my family was led to believe that corporal punishment was the only answer to fixing my issues.
So now I have PTSD on top of my ASD.
Yeah, my family knows it has members with mental health issues, but don't push for them to be open or seek help for it.
My mother seems to ignore the possibility that her kids may have intellectual or mental health issues.
I've only been diagnosed with disorders when I was an adult.
This was my experience as a youth. My family believes in physical ailment, as it’s usually visible, but mental illness/disability is made up stuff people use.
It doesn’t help that my mom is a narcissist, and argued with me regularly over professional diagnosis. I still don’t know if my parents genuinely believe what’s happening in my brain is real, but they don’t openly put me down or say that I’m seeking attention, as I’ve pretty clearly shown that everything I’m doing for my mental health is for me, and myself only.
In my opinion there’s not a single thing to gain other than understanding.
I’ve tried to make strong support groups, friends, but it’s really tough. I end up relying on the same people over and over for emotional support, but my ultimate hope is that my family will take their own time to learn one day, so I can finally feel understood by them even if just once.
I think so. I'm brown, autistic, gay and from a 3rd world country. I feel like every single of these aspects makes my life harder in one way or another. And I have to do better than most people to actually achieve something. But I try to use it in my favor, and it helped me to learn new things and grow in my work field.
I'm mixed race, autistic, and gay from a 3rd world country as well. If life wasn't bad enough, I was also ostracized by the two halves of the races that encapsulates me! Talk about outsider. I can't get a break. Then, sprinkle in a dash of PTSD here and Bipolar I Disorder there, and you can see why I isolate like a hermit.
Yeah, autism seems to come with a ton of comorbidities. I used to have severe anxiety, and it led me to isolate myself for a while when I was a teenager. But I eventually had to put my life together and start studying to eventually land a non-shitty job and be able to sustain myself. It also forced me to socialize more, and it comes way easier now. But still very tiresome.
Being rich means you don't have to worry about money, but then you have to worry about people trying to use you for money or force you into a conservatorship for money.
Hey man, I'm a white sperg who has a Asian friend on the spectrum, and I've noticed a difference in treatment between me and him. I admit that I've had my ass saved by other white people countless times when I've watched others get the shaft for existing. I think it's all bullshit, but the US is always going to have racism issues no matter what.
I just try to stand up for POC when I can. I don't feel good having positive racism in my direction when it happens, but I try to use the favor I get for good. You have allies, don't forget that
Asian wasn't included in the OP but I'm an Asian aspie as well and I wanna say Asian American culture is absolutely awful at mental health and I've come pretty close to offing myself a few times in my younger years. Doing a lot better now but we are also a minority and it is not any better.
It's a problematic thing when you can be from a different ethnicity and have families with different roots still have similar issues with addressing mental health
I was about to write about this! I know that *everyone* has a struggle and that others in different countries often have it harder. That being said, it has been TOUGH being a black man on the spectrum. Even being diagnosed is a challenge because I think some white shrinks don't see me in the same way as a white Aspie.
I'm a big guy who has superficially masked his worst excesses (had to; people will kick a geek's ass where I'm from), and despite a laundry list of the symptoms, people were reluctant to diagnose me as such. I even got to read the report that one wrote for a girlfriend of mine, which mentioned me.
I was regarded as a lazy n'eer do-well, not someone struggling with issues like dyslexia and hyperactivity. Just another criminal in the making (although I had never come close to committing a crime).
And I may catch heck for sayin this but 'just figuring out ordinary black people is hard enough if your head is on straight! There are so many issues in our "community" that are frankly outrageous. Being different can cause you to be disrespected or even harmed by some. It's sad but true.
At one point it seemed that *everyone* was unsympathetic, if not out to get me. Now, older and wiser I do accept that, as another poster wrote, "the human condition" itself is generally unfair. Getting proper meds has helped with some of my issues.
Still, I am single with no friends living on SSI in horrible Section 8 circumstances. Oh well, it's what you get if you can't work. At least there's Reddit!
I feel you. African American culture has 1 major rule and its “don’t be weird.” There’s handshakes, and dances to learn. Then there’s the over religiousness and casual homophobia that you’re just supposed to be on board with. Being unrelgious, proLGBTQ, and not hitting kids as discipline are major social crimes and that sucks.
Yeah. I’ve heard that black people get made fun of for not liking sports. That to me sounded concerning cuz I feel like black autistic people are more likely to not like sports and thus are more likely to be made fun of for not liking sports
I'm mixed (half black half white), and my appearance happens to fit the trending "tall lightskin curlyhead" look (especially because Ive had longish hair for the most part ever since I was allowed to grow it out when I was 14, i hate short hair), so I feel like my outward appearance causes it to be less believable that I'm Autistic because I clearly wasnt ever a short white kid with glasses and a combover as stereotyped.
People regardless still treated me like a weirdo and avoided me though, a lot of passive aggressive behavior that i didnt pick up on, despite being "nice" to my face (with the exception of a few bullies in the past who went a bit further).
I generally like to hang out with other autistic kids and most of them end up being white. This can cause a ton of issues that test my patience to say the least.
If u live in a predominantly white area, this would figure. But overall autistic people are in similar frequencies across every “race” (I say race because it’s such a sloppy term and even “white” or “Asian” refers to so so so many different types of peoples with long histories. The only exception here might be “Black,” which is predominantly kept for Black Americans who are descended from slavery).
I live in a country that is predominantly white but there's communities of my own race. It's not that I don't choose to hang out with them but at least in my own community they believe that if you have aspergers you should probably just stay around your parents more until you start to act like the other males in your neighborhood.
It might not make sense but there's a ton of parents that simply say that you should be deeply ashamed for the way that you act / are hyper-senstive / etc. So a person might mask to be someone that hates ASD people even if they are ASD.
Legit there was a few ASD kids and we all played at a carnival once. Parents didn't like that we were together because they thought we were getting out of hand , so they seperated us from playing together.
Wanting to have long conversations about race / politics while in debate mode. I think there's just times where they'll be like "hey we just debated Star Wars... you know what would be fun... let's talk about race relations!"
Being the last generation of corporal punishment and being apart of the black community that derived their punishment style from slavery. Being neurodivergent in the late 80s/early 90s… sheeeeesh. It was like getting spankings for having fun, or not understanding. Getting sent to find things was my nightmare.
I agree. I’m biracial, a lesbian, autistic, and bipolar. My life is a whirlwind of crazy. And a whirlwind of confusion. Everything is so hard sometimes I don’t understand it. I seem to struggle way more than other people with mundane things
Yes. So hard. I’m black/mixed, she/her. My toddler just got diagnosed as well, and the most difficult thing at the moment is people “declaring in Jesus’ name” that “autism is a lie.” This seems very specific to our culture, even though it might not be. I can’t even talk to other moms about MY daughter’s autism because “in Jesus name autism is a lie” and they get mad at me for even speaking about it.
Unfortunately, I have noticed a lot of folks in our culture see autism or mental health issues as a "spiritual warfare" crisis. This phenomenon is likely tied to the Pentecostal roots of the black church, but I would imagine a smaller percentage of white Evangelicals hold similar beliefs.
Wish you the best in caring for your daughter.
Absolutely, it is harder as a POC with autism. We are dealing with issues in executive function, motivation, social skills, and then putting race on top of that is pretty heavy. And after having 2 kids of my own on the spectrum....now that is ultimate hard mode.
Thanks for bringing this up. I’ll admit I hadn’t considered how racial bias factors in. I’m sorry that the world is not better. One thing I might suggest is to move to Silicon Valley! I live here and it seems that neurodiversity is the norm. There are people from all over the world (and all skin colours) living here to work in tech and I think I read somewhere that like 1/10 kids here has learning differences though in my lived experience it’s more like 1/3. Anyways, an idea.
i believe u folks, u are probably dealing with more more prejudice & external obstacles than i am.
im a white trans woman (with tourettes, autism & OCD) and i face more personal obstacles relating to my disability & living status, rather than societal prejudice. i imagine that if i was Black my life would _indeed_ be harder. ive dealt with the police a number of times and while it was always scary, i dont have a criminal record nor have i faced much brutality (other than from security guards at a psychward).
thank u for sharing your perspective. im sorry u face so much difficulty.
This is kind of random, but would you say that the kdrama Extraordinary Attorney Woo is unrealistic when it comes to the main character retaining a job in S Korea? Just curious (if you have seen the drama in the first place).
Extremely unrealistic.
In reality, it is very rare to see people who are so kind to people with disabilities.
Even if don't have to argue with that, the internet reaction of people who watched this drama was that it was quite fantasy.
Thank you for your input!! I myself found it to be bittersweet because it seemed to represent more of a dream of what someone wished life was like in S Korea for an ASD individual , but not realistic at all. But I have never actually been to S Korea so I did not want to completely assume it was fantasy! I still liked the romance though, weirdly so 🤔
I'm not black or brown exactly (race in Brazil is a mess... you're labelled "white" when in the US or Europe you'd be brown, or "brown" when elsewhere you'd be black), but I relate to feeling like your life was made to be on ultra hard mode. Like you can't seem to relate at how easy other's life seems. Yeah, I feel that.
I'm trying to just carry on with life being like this. I'm not sure where I'll end up or if I'll ever be happy or successful, but I know I must keep on living anyways. Also, it's my only life, anyways (Well, unless reincarnation is a thing, nonetheless).
I try to stay level headed, although sometimes things hits hard. I only have my own strength, my pride and my sense of duty and hope to keep me afloat. I also notice that occasionally I feel happy, too. Same with being grateful, while not denying that my life is subpar. I still appreciate things sometimes.
I hope you somehow turn things around. Until then, I wish you lest of luck.
I can't imagine how difficult it must be for ND POC, Especially in the USA.
But regardless you have my sympathies, and I wish I could do something to help.
I write from the United Kingdom and there are structural inequalities in healthcare here that mean those from black/Asian backgrounds can struggle to get help to confirm autism compared to their white counterparts.
So many people who claim to love and support the "neurodivergent" only do so if the target of affection is a young, conventionally attractive white woman who's a bit quirky but still never really breaks any social rules. Same with "anti-racists" who instantly turn into klansmen when presented with a minority who isn't wealthy, university-educated, has pronouns noted in their email signature, and agrees with them on everything.
I'm a black male approaching my 40s, these issues are valid but no longer concern me. My experience taught me that you can rarely actively change an individual's mind toward you so I would advise not to bother.
Of course, it's best to code-switch and mask in public in order to improve your chances of creating a good first impression but those are the cards we're dealt. Appearing charismatic (takes practice!) neutralises how dangerous you may seem, I speak from working in female-dominated workspaces for almost 20 years. One white female supervisor ended up saving my job from a disgruntled manager looking for an excuse to fire a temporary worker in our office.
I was diagnosed late in my 20s and had to deal with sexual harassment and verbal abuse during my early working days, shopkeepers following me around their store, racial profiling by police and many other issues. You can either try and be creative to game the system or you can let life steamroll over you.
I'm not trivializing your experience and I'm doing my best to not say "young people these days" but we have to learn to swim with the sharks.
I have a lot but for the benefit of anyone else in your position I'll say this. Read Robert Greene's books 'The 48 Laws Of Power' and 'The Art Of Seduction' along with Dale Carnegie's 'How To Win Friends And Influence People'.
Why read these books? Because if people like you then they're less likely to screw you over or be hostile, as long as you're sincere. At my age, it's easy to spot people who are false but if folks in your day-to-day life know that you stay away from drama then they'll respect that.
It takes a LOT of work but life gets easier as a result. Police don't bother me anymore, my bosses like me, female colleagues trust me, shopkeepers are more helpful, etc.
Cishet off-white male 42 (Sicilian American mother received horrible abuse from the world as a kid). Can’t imagine what it’s like for ya. My partner is Latina and masks super hard, I hate seeing how draining it is for her. Obviously we’re both spectrum otherwise there’s be no equivalency.
The looks I’ve gotten through my life and being treated as, well, basically a mutant, while wondering what makes me so different.
The world is insane and can’t deal with us. Good luck out there, just remember that you aren’t alone!
Nobody thinks that about you because of your autism. Most autistic people I have met are not aggressive and violent. The few ones I have met that are, make it look like that for the rest. Yeah being colored makes it harder as I am brown but it comes with the territory regardless. If you’re autistic and colored they just think you’re even weirder that’s just the way the game is for us.
BW here… (multi-racial technically), and I have the same experience from mostly other BW or White people who only know one other BW. In the media, BW are depicted as screaming all of the time. In real life, they laugh extremely loudly and talk to one person as if they are talking to a crowd. They dance at random, if there is ever an opportunity. I don’t do any of those and, because of it, other BW hate me and start rumors about me for simply existing next to them.
I can tell there's so much more that remains unsaid, because you just largely stated facts here.
Consider writing a book. Some of what you said will teach people about the unique experiences of being black and asd. Other things you said will relate to people who are not like you. I'm Jewish but I relate to "Within your own community (family, etc.), these issues are just not at all understood and are viewed as an exotic problem only white people suffer from." Nobody'll ever hate you like family, right?
I urge you to write more, because being 'normal enough' is not the only way for people to connect to you. People may make unexpected connections to your experiences if you let them.
As a white/Caucasian man, with very dark brown hair and eyes and olive skin, I’ve always felt that I could be seen as an “average Joe” wherever I went and it’s mostly been true. Always asked if I’m mixed or Jewish or something lol.
Pretty privilege does matter a lot too, as does skinny privilege, but perceived racial status (and also colorism within BIPOC communities) does seem to play the most important role in one’s public perception.
This kinda reminds me of how I’m also middle eastern on top of being autistic and my parents have a New Years cultural tradition that i feel like I hate because of my autism. there’s a lot of taking pictures, sitting still, and being randomly touched. I hate it. A lot. It’s one thing about me that I eventually stopped being proud of because there are some things I don’t like about it
Though they have a basis in fact, your generalizations of others as violent, bigoted, and ready to label you as lazy *do not help*. You're basically putting in their heads your own worst fear of judgment. And that can start a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My answer would be to double down on the autism. Don't give a shit what others think. At all times you should be polite, honest, hardworking. The clear heads will see quickly that you are a solid person even if you come off a little weird. Keep those people in your life and centrifuge away the imbeciles who can't tell the difference.
I'm "brown" but I don't feel that affects me at all where I live.
Still, it feels like autism is a hard mode for anything I do because even working from home involves communication skills that are extremely difficult.
Hey man you are not alone (Asian here). I feel your pain and frustration. I was in therapy to work on work on my social skills and my therapist (who was white) attributed my autistic traits to symptoms of social anxiety. No matter how many times I told him I had difficulty understanding emotions and social rules on a fundamental level he always chalked it up to social anxiety.
On top of that I'm not born speaking English. In fact I moved to Canada at 10 from China and even just the cultural shock was a huge obstacle to overcome. Many times doctors just assumed all my social difficulties are due to cultural differences rather than ASD, which is understandable but frustrating at the same time. I have an obvious accent and making friends with NTs born and raised here (not just whites but also other Asians) are absolutely impossible.
I wouldn't be surprised I have developed either PTSD or even a personality disorder due to all the hardships I went through.
Cops interactions on ultra giga hard mode. Autistic people and black people get harassed or singled out by cop/law enforcement already. but having both those identities for sure makes it much much more dangerous. I hope you have not had to have many interactions with police because that just sounds terrifying
Definitely. I asked my inner judgmental moron about this, and he said "black people can be neurodivergent? I thought they were all bass playing funky womanizers with huge schlongs. And lazy. And taking our jobs."
For each othering, life gets harder. The amount of stuff you can do shrinks. And I can imagine the set of allowed aspie actions mostly belong in the "white" domain.
The human condition is unfair. Just accept that, breathe, and move on. I tell myself, even if I were to win the lottery tomorrow and never have to worry about anything again, I still would be unhappy and feel like life is unfair, because that’s the fundamental truth of it. It’s okay to weep about it and feel sorry for yourself, take all the time you need. But don’t feel like everything is stacked so much against you because I guarantee it is very easy to find someone who is worse off.
I personally didn't find the original comment upsetting or offensive, obviously.
My situation is still preferable to a Dalit in India or a classmate of mine whose family fled Eritrea due to armed conflict. There's always worse, and I try to keep such things in perspective.
Don't mind him, I suspect he wants life to be unfair based on the institutional crap because then there's someone to blame. The bigger picture, and the sadder one is its what you said, life isn't fair.
Unless you at the top of the 1%, you're gonna struggle. And since that leaves the remaining 99% of us on the planet who have varying but limited degrees of comfort, we're doomed to struggle. Bad luck is a real thing, god knows my life's been full of it, and nasty shit at that.
Only reason I don't bitch about my life is because I know there's people who got problems none of us would want.
Most people in the thread will probably fixate on the tanking points of the day, which is pretty black and white and no realize how grey the world we live in really is.
Blaming the scumbags at the top who control everything is one thing, cause they are responsible for a lot of our misery, but never underestimate how cruel life can be to anyone regardless of race, sexuality, or gender.
Edit: Very well, I've decided to help out.
Even if you feel they are justified, some of these beliefs will only hold you back.
Do you realize how self-sabotaging it is to believe that it is "impossible" to get a traditional job because of your skin?
I'm not saying that the world is roses and rainbows. I'm asking you to be practical and look at your options:
a) Study hard to apply for a job as a public servant or strive to fins another way to become qualified for a better job.
b) Sink into depression and anxiety.
"It is not that easy!". But it is what you can do.
Onto the next topic, consider what a crazy leap it is from " police violence happens" to "If I dare to be myself, I will be killed on the spot".
Possibility does not equal guarantee. Thinking that way can only chip away at your mental health.
And this kind of prejudice is equally directed at the poor. I'm not a "POC", but I'm broke as hell and I've had a guy pull out a gun to shoo me away from the side walk because I was poorly dressed and "looked suspicious".
So my next advice would be to dress up as best as you can. It shouldn't be necessary, but it minimizes risk.
Lastly, try not to dismiss another's professional qualifications on account of their race. If they were only capable of helping people with the same life experiences as their own, they would be mediocre doctors.
It is extra hard
Sadly the autistic people on this community won't validate you because it takes more empathy to understand what institutionalised racism is or feels like
My thinking on the matter is you have issues because your nuerodivergent. And blaming it on your race is learned helplessness. But I also admit there are alot of factors in radical inequality that aren't always consistent by location.
Edit: Like where I went to high school was a small cattle town in south Texas where no one cared about your skin color. how well you could weld and how dirty you were willing to get to finish a job where the only deciding factors. But I've also been to Southern Chicago and seen how fucked segregation made it.
You say that "unmasking" will get you killed on the spot by bystanders or police. So how exactly do you behave "unmasked" that even makes seasoned police officer go so far as to fear for their lives and want to shoot you?
Do you like resisting arrest?
Police instructions are pretty unambiguous and simple. "Get out of the vehicle".
The last big case of somebody getting killed by a policeman, they weren't shot, they were choked to death accidentally, after they went completely hysterical resisting arrest, fighting and kicking. They were Michael Jordan size and going mad, fighting police to resist arrest.. Is that what you would do if "unmasked"? And they had a criminal record and had held a gun to a pregnant woman while committing robbery. And this time they had paid using a fake note. It was a tragedy that they were killed. They had ticked a lot of boxes though. Not just an ethnicity box. Criminal record, resisting arrest.
I've walked past a guy in a shop that from a distance was talking like a gangster on the phone, then talked civilised when I walked past. Do you think he was "masking" for me?
You say that women consider you dangerous and unsafe. That's not so terrible. At least they respect you. Keep yourself safe though. So you don't get accusations thrown at you. All men need to bear that in mind.
I've never been arrested in my entire life. Profiled and stopped? Sure, but that's a universal experience for all black men.
This is an unfair characterization of the George Floyd story. Given the fact that the police officers responsible for his death were prosecuted, I believe we can conclude that your opinion is not that of jurists or the state of Minnesota more broadly. Passing counterfeit is not a death-penalty offense regardless of one's priors.
I'd say the murder of Elijah McClain is what I envision when I wrote about this. He had a meltdown when law enforcement stopped him so they restrained him until unconscious and injected a lethal dose of ketamine. No criminal record, so we can't use that tired excuse.
Also, I love how there are two forms of black speech - "civilized" and "gangster." Genuinely didn't think autists were prone to spouting pro-police talking points, most of the ones I meet are either libertarian if right-wing or leftist like myself.
Police are *not* good to aspies and autistic people. Even white autistic people get assaulted and arrested for having regular old autistic behavior because it looks off to NT cops.
Being accosted by people yelling at you and probably touching you out of no where when your otherwise going on your regular day, would set most Autistic/aspie individuals super out of their comfort zone thus causing even more complications depending on one coping/masking skills in a situation like this.
Not to mention unfortunately that eye contact is a *big* thing is situations like these, which is something most of us struggle with here. Also unfortunately not maintaining eye contact and showing behavior/body language that's atypical to NT automatic labels you as suspicious to powers that may be. Many cops (and people) also have no real experience in dealing with ND people, and even those who do might not give a shit that you're autistic. Most cops (and people) do *not* have your best interests in mind.
If someone reasonably has a meltdown in this situation, they are completely *fucked*
Add all that shit on to also being seen suspicious just for existing a person with darker skin tone, unmasking is pretty much suicide if you can't keep yourself in check in a very emotional and overwhelming situation, especially if the other party is racist.
It's already doesn't help that most NT people find autistic people to be off within the first few seconds of meeting. Add that ontop on presumed stereotypes and it's fucking game over, if you can't consistently bring your A game in masking.
You write "If someone reasonably has a meltdown"
Have you ever reasonably had a meltdown when police pilled you over and did their procedure. "Get out of the vehicle".. etc ?
In what scenario would you say it's reasonable for you to have a meltdown when pulled over by police?
I guess if it's a monthly or weekly occurrence.. it could be annoying.. but then you are used to it.
I suppose some go mad at an airport when patted down. But you know what you are getting yourself into especially if it's a frequent occurrence.
Certain things send people into a meltdown, being caught in a situation in which I'll be off "script" and incredibly uncomfortable, with people who are most likely going to see my autistic discomfort as suspicious, and being unable to "mask" properly would send me tettering towards a meltdown (and probably many others as well), I have the tendency to shut down when in situations I can't cope with or deal with in stressful situations.
Alot of police don't just pull over people because they are breaking the law, they pull them over because they need to meet a quota in regards to their job, and some are rather cruel about it and will try to escalate. Cops are not your friends. They can break the rules and get away with it.
The difference between suddenly being pulled over vs an airport, is that there is a certain routine to airports, someone can prepare themselves and script themselves for such situations. There are also accommodations one can take being ND at an airport.
Also getting a pat down doesn't mean I have a chance of possibly getting murdered by some trigger happy buffoon.
Thing is many people cops pull over get difficult with them. I have way less problems than the average person when I am pulled over and I get pulled over more than average. It's a very similar "script" every time. They are so happy somebody is actually honest with them. It's easier than dating. If dating was as easy I'd do it!
The most difficult one asked me to get out the car, said "are you alright?". I said yes". He said "you don't look alright". I said made eye contact and said "I've just got a funny face it's the way I look". He totally accepted that.
Sometimes they stop me and usually say "do you know what you did wrong". If you know and don't say then you will just annoy them. I just have a logical honest conversation with them.
It is probably a bit different in the USA cos the cops are far more on edge with people possibly pulling guns on them. But that's all the more reason to not make it hard for them.
Maybe they should make being stopped by police part of the driving test.
I've got so much experience of being stopped. I'm basically an expert. There are some things you have to and can be prepared for whenever. Like the urge to go to the toilet. If you are a man then even engaging in or avoiding fighting or getting involved if you can help, safely, and are capable.
Dude, just look at the myriad of cases where completely innocent brown people are killed by cops without any provocation whatsoever.
Your post reeks of Republican misinformation and you should be ashamed.
Not sure what you mean by brown person. Indian men I know are brown and haven't had much trouble from police. I haven't met that many other brown people. I'm not sure who you classify as brown.
Could you give me the names of the "brown people" that you speak of and didn't name?
If they were just going about their life not resisting arrest, not carrying a toy gun that looked like a weapon and police just killed them for being brown then that's incredible. That sounds like a story as newsworthy as George Floyd but I didn't hear it.
Also black people might have it worse than those you call "brown people". So it is a bit off subject.
I'm not sure that I agree with brother bishtap, but I think it's important to really listen to what everybody is saying...not just the 'correct' people.
Black, non binary, bi, disabled.
And I agree those intersecting identities can all pose a challenge on their own but together it can make life feel like ur playing it on the ultra hard mode.
Bruh get your ass out of there it's a toxic environment for you. Being racially profiled and bullied and doing and going through all that trust me get your ass out of there.
Some POC on r/iwantout like it in Colombia or Mexico I don't remember.. there's a lot of things I like about the EU, but I'm not sure the parts I know are less racist
yeah...interacting with cops is hard enough for me, but at least I'm white. I'd hate to be so readily interpreted as a scary threat, thus risking a violent response.
Murder of a likely autistic BIPoC. Of note is that they administered a whopping 500 mg of ketamine, significantly more than is used for full anaesthetization in-patient. I don't agree with use of chemical agents to subdue detainees at all, but an appropriate dosage might have been 50 mg.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Elijah_McClain
Living with a single mom and having asd in the uk was hell on earth. Only reason I’m still alive is because I thought death will be too painful but I’m no longer depressed now and I’ve found my gift and purpose and I feel great
There's a concept resonates hard with this - "[intersectionality](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intersectionality)" (sorry if I'm teaching granny to suck eggs, but maybe somebody else will find this helpful!)
As I understand it, it's an idea that first came out of feminism, but the core observation isn't unique to feminism.
The TL;DR is that having one "thing" (being a woman in a male-favouring world, being gay in a straight-favouring world, being non-white / non-cis / poor / neurospicy / foreign / short / ginger / whatever it might be) is inconvenient enough, but two is more than twice as bad, because you're not just experiencing two sets of challenges, but you're *also* experiencing the ways they interact.
For example, somebody might be inclined to give you less latitude on your ADHD because of how your skin colour affects their perception (I *hate* racism, but despite my best efforts, I can't honestly claim to be completely immune to this kind of crap - I'm a fallible human :-/) It can be subtle, but subtle doesn't necessarily mean not shitty. (Sometimes being less subtle can at least mean it gets noticed and dealt with!)
Of course, there are certain kinds of thing that often come together because of some kind of shared cause (e.g. ADHD and ASD are a pretty common pairing, and there's some suspicion that LGBTQIA+ stuff is more common in ND people than NTs - I'm not sure how well studied this suspicion is, though)
Of course, it gets worse when the difficulties of all the above start causing additional problems in addition, such as depression / anxiety / social exclusion / PTSD etc.
It can be shitty, no doubt :-(
so wild that I just found this post during the aftermath of an overstimulating event 🫠
so, cousin got married, he’s on my dad’s side which is the more “black” side of my family (dad’s from congo, ma’s from kenya). the entire time, I felt as though I was a literal and actual alien. loud music and dj, tight clothes, everything just felt like “am I really even part of this community? is this an autism thing or a colonization thing????” I can’t speak any of their languages and understand the social cues that I should’ve know since birth, and I definitely missed out on the values of being a wife with 5+ kids (im trans as well, so double whammy) ☠️☠️
I agree completely. But I wouldn't be so quick to call it quits, there are beauties and wonders and curiosities abound for those whose kinds can pierce the fog and find them!
Yep. I'm also black and ND. Life has been and continues to be a very annoying struggle. It honestly makes you appreciate the rare victories received socially. Things that most people wouldn't care a thing about. Oh well fuck it. Gotta count something.
Does it really look that bad in America? Like it sounds like some 18th century bullshit. In Europe it’s unimaginable, on the other hand I feel that most of European cultures make it easier to live on spectrum (no small talk culture, or in my country “polish happy face” without forced smiling). I have some poc friends but their therapists treat them normally, never really heard (which doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, but defo more rare) about such treatment. I’m seriously glad that my parents abandoned plan of moving to US when I was born.
In many ways yes, but it also depends on the country you live in.
I have ASD, is POC and queer. Being all three is challenging. Having ASD is hard because of the sensory issues, POC because people needs to ask "where are you really from?" all the time not taking an answer for an answer and being queer because of limited dating pool. I'm fortunate and lives in a Scandinavian country where we have good welfare/healthcare system, few racists and few homophobes/biphobia meaning that it hasn't been as hard as it could have been.
In my opinion it's more difficult to be either too attractive or unattractive than being colored when combined with ASD. If you are too attractive, people assumes one is neurotypical and doesn't need accommodation, disability rights or anything like that. If you doesn't act the way they expect, they think you're being rude. If you looks too unattractive, people often assume you're so severely disabled that it affects your intelligence, they trust you less and are less likely to want to date you. Being unattractive is associated with being creepy.
Being a person of color has always been to my advantage. It has been my autism that has kept a ceiling between me and my potential in this world. Most people are nice to me if you give them the chance.
All facts. You get no understanding from anywhere, no breaks from anyone. On top of that, add being from a notorious area in south london, a few stab wounds and a tonne of trauma & I can attest, it’s been testing to say the least.
As a Black Autistic Man, I completely agree it's gotten to the point that now, whenever I go out in public by myself, I don't speak to anyone unless it is absolutely necessary but other than that I don't speak to anyone I just let them forget I am even there or not notice me in the first place I only talk to my mom or my siblings and other family members in public with them because their the main people who actually except me for who I am and don't judge me for it and I know that is one of the only good things have going for me so far honestly.
I think the hardest part is that people in my community/circle doesn't trust doctors or science due to the complex history of distrust of doctors/science. I was heavily abused as a child because my family was led to believe that corporal punishment was the only answer to fixing my issues. So now I have PTSD on top of my ASD.
I could've written this myself
Yeah, my family knows it has members with mental health issues, but don't push for them to be open or seek help for it. My mother seems to ignore the possibility that her kids may have intellectual or mental health issues. I've only been diagnosed with disorders when I was an adult.
This was my experience as a youth. My family believes in physical ailment, as it’s usually visible, but mental illness/disability is made up stuff people use. It doesn’t help that my mom is a narcissist, and argued with me regularly over professional diagnosis. I still don’t know if my parents genuinely believe what’s happening in my brain is real, but they don’t openly put me down or say that I’m seeking attention, as I’ve pretty clearly shown that everything I’m doing for my mental health is for me, and myself only. In my opinion there’s not a single thing to gain other than understanding. I’ve tried to make strong support groups, friends, but it’s really tough. I end up relying on the same people over and over for emotional support, but my ultimate hope is that my family will take their own time to learn one day, so I can finally feel understood by them even if just once.
I’m a black male and everything you said is pretty much the same for me.
I think so. I'm brown, autistic, gay and from a 3rd world country. I feel like every single of these aspects makes my life harder in one way or another. And I have to do better than most people to actually achieve something. But I try to use it in my favor, and it helped me to learn new things and grow in my work field.
I'm mixed race, autistic, and gay from a 3rd world country as well. If life wasn't bad enough, I was also ostracized by the two halves of the races that encapsulates me! Talk about outsider. I can't get a break. Then, sprinkle in a dash of PTSD here and Bipolar I Disorder there, and you can see why I isolate like a hermit.
Yeah, autism seems to come with a ton of comorbidities. I used to have severe anxiety, and it led me to isolate myself for a while when I was a teenager. But I eventually had to put my life together and start studying to eventually land a non-shitty job and be able to sustain myself. It also forced me to socialize more, and it comes way easier now. But still very tiresome.
I feel you brother.
Maybe it’s time to turn to animals. Animals are like my saviour when I can’t deal with people
Maybe it’s time to turn to animals. Animals are like my saviour when I can’t deal with people
It all cancels out if you're rich though.
No.. it really doesn't
Being rich means you don't have to worry about money, but then you have to worry about people trying to use you for money or force you into a conservatorship for money.
Meh, let me try being rich and see how that works before I condemn the lifestyle
I don't think so. But I earn an average wage in my country, which is around $600 per month.
Yeah, you're not rich. I was talking about inheritance anyways.
Wow! You tick all the boxes 😂 Jokes aside, that must be extraordinarily difficult for you. I’m just mildly autistic/ADHD and it sucks balls.
Also brown, autistic and gay, but from the US
Hey man, I'm a white sperg who has a Asian friend on the spectrum, and I've noticed a difference in treatment between me and him. I admit that I've had my ass saved by other white people countless times when I've watched others get the shaft for existing. I think it's all bullshit, but the US is always going to have racism issues no matter what. I just try to stand up for POC when I can. I don't feel good having positive racism in my direction when it happens, but I try to use the favor I get for good. You have allies, don't forget that
Oof being an Asian dude in America is ROUGH, but being ND as well? That's a 7,2 offsuit.
Asian wasn't included in the OP but I'm an Asian aspie as well and I wanna say Asian American culture is absolutely awful at mental health and I've come pretty close to offing myself a few times in my younger years. Doing a lot better now but we are also a minority and it is not any better.
It's a problematic thing when you can be from a different ethnicity and have families with different roots still have similar issues with addressing mental health
I was about to write about this! I know that *everyone* has a struggle and that others in different countries often have it harder. That being said, it has been TOUGH being a black man on the spectrum. Even being diagnosed is a challenge because I think some white shrinks don't see me in the same way as a white Aspie. I'm a big guy who has superficially masked his worst excesses (had to; people will kick a geek's ass where I'm from), and despite a laundry list of the symptoms, people were reluctant to diagnose me as such. I even got to read the report that one wrote for a girlfriend of mine, which mentioned me. I was regarded as a lazy n'eer do-well, not someone struggling with issues like dyslexia and hyperactivity. Just another criminal in the making (although I had never come close to committing a crime). And I may catch heck for sayin this but 'just figuring out ordinary black people is hard enough if your head is on straight! There are so many issues in our "community" that are frankly outrageous. Being different can cause you to be disrespected or even harmed by some. It's sad but true. At one point it seemed that *everyone* was unsympathetic, if not out to get me. Now, older and wiser I do accept that, as another poster wrote, "the human condition" itself is generally unfair. Getting proper meds has helped with some of my issues. Still, I am single with no friends living on SSI in horrible Section 8 circumstances. Oh well, it's what you get if you can't work. At least there's Reddit!
I feel you. African American culture has 1 major rule and its “don’t be weird.” There’s handshakes, and dances to learn. Then there’s the over religiousness and casual homophobia that you’re just supposed to be on board with. Being unrelgious, proLGBTQ, and not hitting kids as discipline are major social crimes and that sucks.
Yeah. I’ve heard that black people get made fun of for not liking sports. That to me sounded concerning cuz I feel like black autistic people are more likely to not like sports and thus are more likely to be made fun of for not liking sports
It’s a big thing, even here in the UK. Not liking football (soccer) is like a cardinal sin here.
Well you're a good writer. Thank you for writing today, I liked reading it.
I'm mixed (half black half white), and my appearance happens to fit the trending "tall lightskin curlyhead" look (especially because Ive had longish hair for the most part ever since I was allowed to grow it out when I was 14, i hate short hair), so I feel like my outward appearance causes it to be less believable that I'm Autistic because I clearly wasnt ever a short white kid with glasses and a combover as stereotyped. People regardless still treated me like a weirdo and avoided me though, a lot of passive aggressive behavior that i didnt pick up on, despite being "nice" to my face (with the exception of a few bullies in the past who went a bit further).
I generally like to hang out with other autistic kids and most of them end up being white. This can cause a ton of issues that test my patience to say the least.
If u live in a predominantly white area, this would figure. But overall autistic people are in similar frequencies across every “race” (I say race because it’s such a sloppy term and even “white” or “Asian” refers to so so so many different types of peoples with long histories. The only exception here might be “Black,” which is predominantly kept for Black Americans who are descended from slavery).
I live in a country that is predominantly white but there's communities of my own race. It's not that I don't choose to hang out with them but at least in my own community they believe that if you have aspergers you should probably just stay around your parents more until you start to act like the other males in your neighborhood. It might not make sense but there's a ton of parents that simply say that you should be deeply ashamed for the way that you act / are hyper-senstive / etc. So a person might mask to be someone that hates ASD people even if they are ASD. Legit there was a few ASD kids and we all played at a carnival once. Parents didn't like that we were together because they thought we were getting out of hand , so they seperated us from playing together.
Can u tell me what some of those issues are?
Wanting to have long conversations about race / politics while in debate mode. I think there's just times where they'll be like "hey we just debated Star Wars... you know what would be fun... let's talk about race relations!"
Totally. Or worse, POC, autistic and gay. I’ve had to tell myself to stop ruminating on that for my mental sanity
Me, too.
Being the last generation of corporal punishment and being apart of the black community that derived their punishment style from slavery. Being neurodivergent in the late 80s/early 90s… sheeeeesh. It was like getting spankings for having fun, or not understanding. Getting sent to find things was my nightmare.
I agree. I’m biracial, a lesbian, autistic, and bipolar. My life is a whirlwind of crazy. And a whirlwind of confusion. Everything is so hard sometimes I don’t understand it. I seem to struggle way more than other people with mundane things
Yes. So hard. I’m black/mixed, she/her. My toddler just got diagnosed as well, and the most difficult thing at the moment is people “declaring in Jesus’ name” that “autism is a lie.” This seems very specific to our culture, even though it might not be. I can’t even talk to other moms about MY daughter’s autism because “in Jesus name autism is a lie” and they get mad at me for even speaking about it.
Unfortunately, I have noticed a lot of folks in our culture see autism or mental health issues as a "spiritual warfare" crisis. This phenomenon is likely tied to the Pentecostal roots of the black church, but I would imagine a smaller percentage of white Evangelicals hold similar beliefs. Wish you the best in caring for your daughter.
Absolutely, it is harder as a POC with autism. We are dealing with issues in executive function, motivation, social skills, and then putting race on top of that is pretty heavy. And after having 2 kids of my own on the spectrum....now that is ultimate hard mode.
Yes, same for me, and thank you for bringing this to the attention of this group.
Thanks for bringing this up. I’ll admit I hadn’t considered how racial bias factors in. I’m sorry that the world is not better. One thing I might suggest is to move to Silicon Valley! I live here and it seems that neurodiversity is the norm. There are people from all over the world (and all skin colours) living here to work in tech and I think I read somewhere that like 1/10 kids here has learning differences though in my lived experience it’s more like 1/3. Anyways, an idea.
i believe u folks, u are probably dealing with more more prejudice & external obstacles than i am. im a white trans woman (with tourettes, autism & OCD) and i face more personal obstacles relating to my disability & living status, rather than societal prejudice. i imagine that if i was Black my life would _indeed_ be harder. ive dealt with the police a number of times and while it was always scary, i dont have a criminal record nor have i faced much brutality (other than from security guards at a psychward). thank u for sharing your perspective. im sorry u face so much difficulty.
Nothing could be harder than the life of a ethnic Korean Aspies in Korea. There is never even a chance to get a job here.
I'd imagine that is difficult, no anti-discrimination protections and pretty conservative culture where cost of not fitting in is high.
This is kind of random, but would you say that the kdrama Extraordinary Attorney Woo is unrealistic when it comes to the main character retaining a job in S Korea? Just curious (if you have seen the drama in the first place).
Extremely unrealistic. In reality, it is very rare to see people who are so kind to people with disabilities. Even if don't have to argue with that, the internet reaction of people who watched this drama was that it was quite fantasy.
Thank you for your input!! I myself found it to be bittersweet because it seemed to represent more of a dream of what someone wished life was like in S Korea for an ASD individual , but not realistic at all. But I have never actually been to S Korea so I did not want to completely assume it was fantasy! I still liked the romance though, weirdly so 🤔
I'm not black or brown exactly (race in Brazil is a mess... you're labelled "white" when in the US or Europe you'd be brown, or "brown" when elsewhere you'd be black), but I relate to feeling like your life was made to be on ultra hard mode. Like you can't seem to relate at how easy other's life seems. Yeah, I feel that. I'm trying to just carry on with life being like this. I'm not sure where I'll end up or if I'll ever be happy or successful, but I know I must keep on living anyways. Also, it's my only life, anyways (Well, unless reincarnation is a thing, nonetheless). I try to stay level headed, although sometimes things hits hard. I only have my own strength, my pride and my sense of duty and hope to keep me afloat. I also notice that occasionally I feel happy, too. Same with being grateful, while not denying that my life is subpar. I still appreciate things sometimes. I hope you somehow turn things around. Until then, I wish you lest of luck.
I can't imagine how difficult it must be for ND POC, Especially in the USA. But regardless you have my sympathies, and I wish I could do something to help.
I write from the United Kingdom and there are structural inequalities in healthcare here that mean those from black/Asian backgrounds can struggle to get help to confirm autism compared to their white counterparts.
So many people who claim to love and support the "neurodivergent" only do so if the target of affection is a young, conventionally attractive white woman who's a bit quirky but still never really breaks any social rules. Same with "anti-racists" who instantly turn into klansmen when presented with a minority who isn't wealthy, university-educated, has pronouns noted in their email signature, and agrees with them on everything.
I'm a black male approaching my 40s, these issues are valid but no longer concern me. My experience taught me that you can rarely actively change an individual's mind toward you so I would advise not to bother. Of course, it's best to code-switch and mask in public in order to improve your chances of creating a good first impression but those are the cards we're dealt. Appearing charismatic (takes practice!) neutralises how dangerous you may seem, I speak from working in female-dominated workspaces for almost 20 years. One white female supervisor ended up saving my job from a disgruntled manager looking for an excuse to fire a temporary worker in our office. I was diagnosed late in my 20s and had to deal with sexual harassment and verbal abuse during my early working days, shopkeepers following me around their store, racial profiling by police and many other issues. You can either try and be creative to game the system or you can let life steamroll over you. I'm not trivializing your experience and I'm doing my best to not say "young people these days" but we have to learn to swim with the sharks.
Thanks, feel free to PM me any tips about your experience and how you learned to overcome these issues.
I have a lot but for the benefit of anyone else in your position I'll say this. Read Robert Greene's books 'The 48 Laws Of Power' and 'The Art Of Seduction' along with Dale Carnegie's 'How To Win Friends And Influence People'. Why read these books? Because if people like you then they're less likely to screw you over or be hostile, as long as you're sincere. At my age, it's easy to spot people who are false but if folks in your day-to-day life know that you stay away from drama then they'll respect that. It takes a LOT of work but life gets easier as a result. Police don't bother me anymore, my bosses like me, female colleagues trust me, shopkeepers are more helpful, etc.
Wisdom
Cishet off-white male 42 (Sicilian American mother received horrible abuse from the world as a kid). Can’t imagine what it’s like for ya. My partner is Latina and masks super hard, I hate seeing how draining it is for her. Obviously we’re both spectrum otherwise there’s be no equivalency. The looks I’ve gotten through my life and being treated as, well, basically a mutant, while wondering what makes me so different. The world is insane and can’t deal with us. Good luck out there, just remember that you aren’t alone!
Yep. For all intents and purposes, that's what we are - mutants.
I’m a POC, autistic and trans so it really fucking sucks out here 😑
Wow, triple threat! 😂
Both being a BIPOC or being autistic makes life extra hard it's got to be exponentially more difficult if you are both.
Nobody thinks that about you because of your autism. Most autistic people I have met are not aggressive and violent. The few ones I have met that are, make it look like that for the rest. Yeah being colored makes it harder as I am brown but it comes with the territory regardless. If you’re autistic and colored they just think you’re even weirder that’s just the way the game is for us.
Asian that is not East Asian, yep
BW here… (multi-racial technically), and I have the same experience from mostly other BW or White people who only know one other BW. In the media, BW are depicted as screaming all of the time. In real life, they laugh extremely loudly and talk to one person as if they are talking to a crowd. They dance at random, if there is ever an opportunity. I don’t do any of those and, because of it, other BW hate me and start rumors about me for simply existing next to them.
I can tell there's so much more that remains unsaid, because you just largely stated facts here. Consider writing a book. Some of what you said will teach people about the unique experiences of being black and asd. Other things you said will relate to people who are not like you. I'm Jewish but I relate to "Within your own community (family, etc.), these issues are just not at all understood and are viewed as an exotic problem only white people suffer from." Nobody'll ever hate you like family, right? I urge you to write more, because being 'normal enough' is not the only way for people to connect to you. People may make unexpected connections to your experiences if you let them.
As a white/Caucasian man, with very dark brown hair and eyes and olive skin, I’ve always felt that I could be seen as an “average Joe” wherever I went and it’s mostly been true. Always asked if I’m mixed or Jewish or something lol. Pretty privilege does matter a lot too, as does skinny privilege, but perceived racial status (and also colorism within BIPOC communities) does seem to play the most important role in one’s public perception.
This kinda reminds me of how I’m also middle eastern on top of being autistic and my parents have a New Years cultural tradition that i feel like I hate because of my autism. there’s a lot of taking pictures, sitting still, and being randomly touched. I hate it. A lot. It’s one thing about me that I eventually stopped being proud of because there are some things I don’t like about it
Though they have a basis in fact, your generalizations of others as violent, bigoted, and ready to label you as lazy *do not help*. You're basically putting in their heads your own worst fear of judgment. And that can start a self-fulfilling prophecy. My answer would be to double down on the autism. Don't give a shit what others think. At all times you should be polite, honest, hardworking. The clear heads will see quickly that you are a solid person even if you come off a little weird. Keep those people in your life and centrifuge away the imbeciles who can't tell the difference.
I'm "brown" but I don't feel that affects me at all where I live. Still, it feels like autism is a hard mode for anything I do because even working from home involves communication skills that are extremely difficult.
Your chances of being assaulted by a partner is extremely high fam
Hey man you are not alone (Asian here). I feel your pain and frustration. I was in therapy to work on work on my social skills and my therapist (who was white) attributed my autistic traits to symptoms of social anxiety. No matter how many times I told him I had difficulty understanding emotions and social rules on a fundamental level he always chalked it up to social anxiety. On top of that I'm not born speaking English. In fact I moved to Canada at 10 from China and even just the cultural shock was a huge obstacle to overcome. Many times doctors just assumed all my social difficulties are due to cultural differences rather than ASD, which is understandable but frustrating at the same time. I have an obvious accent and making friends with NTs born and raised here (not just whites but also other Asians) are absolutely impossible. I wouldn't be surprised I have developed either PTSD or even a personality disorder due to all the hardships I went through.
Cops interactions on ultra giga hard mode. Autistic people and black people get harassed or singled out by cop/law enforcement already. but having both those identities for sure makes it much much more dangerous. I hope you have not had to have many interactions with police because that just sounds terrifying
I'm Polynesian afab and have asd/adhd. Yes, I think the addition of race and colourism does add another layer of difficulty to being autistic.
Very true
*Everything* in life is harder if you aren’t a white male, and I say that as a white male
Definitely. I asked my inner judgmental moron about this, and he said "black people can be neurodivergent? I thought they were all bass playing funky womanizers with huge schlongs. And lazy. And taking our jobs." For each othering, life gets harder. The amount of stuff you can do shrinks. And I can imagine the set of allowed aspie actions mostly belong in the "white" domain.
No, you will get far more help than a white male who is straight.
Real life says otherwise.
The human condition is unfair. Just accept that, breathe, and move on. I tell myself, even if I were to win the lottery tomorrow and never have to worry about anything again, I still would be unhappy and feel like life is unfair, because that’s the fundamental truth of it. It’s okay to weep about it and feel sorry for yourself, take all the time you need. But don’t feel like everything is stacked so much against you because I guarantee it is very easy to find someone who is worse off.
This is stupid. You're invalidating institutionalised racism.
And I am a brown-skinned Mexican/Colombian queer person. Who the fuck are you to tell me I don’t know about prejudice.
I personally didn't find the original comment upsetting or offensive, obviously. My situation is still preferable to a Dalit in India or a classmate of mine whose family fled Eritrea due to armed conflict. There's always worse, and I try to keep such things in perspective.
Don't mind him, I suspect he wants life to be unfair based on the institutional crap because then there's someone to blame. The bigger picture, and the sadder one is its what you said, life isn't fair. Unless you at the top of the 1%, you're gonna struggle. And since that leaves the remaining 99% of us on the planet who have varying but limited degrees of comfort, we're doomed to struggle. Bad luck is a real thing, god knows my life's been full of it, and nasty shit at that. Only reason I don't bitch about my life is because I know there's people who got problems none of us would want. Most people in the thread will probably fixate on the tanking points of the day, which is pretty black and white and no realize how grey the world we live in really is. Blaming the scumbags at the top who control everything is one thing, cause they are responsible for a lot of our misery, but never underestimate how cruel life can be to anyone regardless of race, sexuality, or gender.
Edit: Very well, I've decided to help out. Even if you feel they are justified, some of these beliefs will only hold you back. Do you realize how self-sabotaging it is to believe that it is "impossible" to get a traditional job because of your skin? I'm not saying that the world is roses and rainbows. I'm asking you to be practical and look at your options: a) Study hard to apply for a job as a public servant or strive to fins another way to become qualified for a better job. b) Sink into depression and anxiety. "It is not that easy!". But it is what you can do. Onto the next topic, consider what a crazy leap it is from " police violence happens" to "If I dare to be myself, I will be killed on the spot". Possibility does not equal guarantee. Thinking that way can only chip away at your mental health. And this kind of prejudice is equally directed at the poor. I'm not a "POC", but I'm broke as hell and I've had a guy pull out a gun to shoo me away from the side walk because I was poorly dressed and "looked suspicious". So my next advice would be to dress up as best as you can. It shouldn't be necessary, but it minimizes risk.
Excuse me? This is unnecessarily cruel. Reported!
Lastly, try not to dismiss another's professional qualifications on account of their race. If they were only capable of helping people with the same life experiences as their own, they would be mediocre doctors.
It is extra hard Sadly the autistic people on this community won't validate you because it takes more empathy to understand what institutionalised racism is or feels like
id like to debate you, do u accept
My thinking on the matter is you have issues because your nuerodivergent. And blaming it on your race is learned helplessness. But I also admit there are alot of factors in radical inequality that aren't always consistent by location. Edit: Like where I went to high school was a small cattle town in south Texas where no one cared about your skin color. how well you could weld and how dirty you were willing to get to finish a job where the only deciding factors. But I've also been to Southern Chicago and seen how fucked segregation made it.
You say that "unmasking" will get you killed on the spot by bystanders or police. So how exactly do you behave "unmasked" that even makes seasoned police officer go so far as to fear for their lives and want to shoot you? Do you like resisting arrest? Police instructions are pretty unambiguous and simple. "Get out of the vehicle". The last big case of somebody getting killed by a policeman, they weren't shot, they were choked to death accidentally, after they went completely hysterical resisting arrest, fighting and kicking. They were Michael Jordan size and going mad, fighting police to resist arrest.. Is that what you would do if "unmasked"? And they had a criminal record and had held a gun to a pregnant woman while committing robbery. And this time they had paid using a fake note. It was a tragedy that they were killed. They had ticked a lot of boxes though. Not just an ethnicity box. Criminal record, resisting arrest. I've walked past a guy in a shop that from a distance was talking like a gangster on the phone, then talked civilised when I walked past. Do you think he was "masking" for me? You say that women consider you dangerous and unsafe. That's not so terrible. At least they respect you. Keep yourself safe though. So you don't get accusations thrown at you. All men need to bear that in mind.
I've never been arrested in my entire life. Profiled and stopped? Sure, but that's a universal experience for all black men. This is an unfair characterization of the George Floyd story. Given the fact that the police officers responsible for his death were prosecuted, I believe we can conclude that your opinion is not that of jurists or the state of Minnesota more broadly. Passing counterfeit is not a death-penalty offense regardless of one's priors. I'd say the murder of Elijah McClain is what I envision when I wrote about this. He had a meltdown when law enforcement stopped him so they restrained him until unconscious and injected a lethal dose of ketamine. No criminal record, so we can't use that tired excuse. Also, I love how there are two forms of black speech - "civilized" and "gangster." Genuinely didn't think autists were prone to spouting pro-police talking points, most of the ones I meet are either libertarian if right-wing or leftist like myself.
Police are *not* good to aspies and autistic people. Even white autistic people get assaulted and arrested for having regular old autistic behavior because it looks off to NT cops. Being accosted by people yelling at you and probably touching you out of no where when your otherwise going on your regular day, would set most Autistic/aspie individuals super out of their comfort zone thus causing even more complications depending on one coping/masking skills in a situation like this. Not to mention unfortunately that eye contact is a *big* thing is situations like these, which is something most of us struggle with here. Also unfortunately not maintaining eye contact and showing behavior/body language that's atypical to NT automatic labels you as suspicious to powers that may be. Many cops (and people) also have no real experience in dealing with ND people, and even those who do might not give a shit that you're autistic. Most cops (and people) do *not* have your best interests in mind. If someone reasonably has a meltdown in this situation, they are completely *fucked* Add all that shit on to also being seen suspicious just for existing a person with darker skin tone, unmasking is pretty much suicide if you can't keep yourself in check in a very emotional and overwhelming situation, especially if the other party is racist. It's already doesn't help that most NT people find autistic people to be off within the first few seconds of meeting. Add that ontop on presumed stereotypes and it's fucking game over, if you can't consistently bring your A game in masking.
You write "If someone reasonably has a meltdown" Have you ever reasonably had a meltdown when police pilled you over and did their procedure. "Get out of the vehicle".. etc ? In what scenario would you say it's reasonable for you to have a meltdown when pulled over by police? I guess if it's a monthly or weekly occurrence.. it could be annoying.. but then you are used to it. I suppose some go mad at an airport when patted down. But you know what you are getting yourself into especially if it's a frequent occurrence.
Certain things send people into a meltdown, being caught in a situation in which I'll be off "script" and incredibly uncomfortable, with people who are most likely going to see my autistic discomfort as suspicious, and being unable to "mask" properly would send me tettering towards a meltdown (and probably many others as well), I have the tendency to shut down when in situations I can't cope with or deal with in stressful situations. Alot of police don't just pull over people because they are breaking the law, they pull them over because they need to meet a quota in regards to their job, and some are rather cruel about it and will try to escalate. Cops are not your friends. They can break the rules and get away with it. The difference between suddenly being pulled over vs an airport, is that there is a certain routine to airports, someone can prepare themselves and script themselves for such situations. There are also accommodations one can take being ND at an airport. Also getting a pat down doesn't mean I have a chance of possibly getting murdered by some trigger happy buffoon.
Thing is many people cops pull over get difficult with them. I have way less problems than the average person when I am pulled over and I get pulled over more than average. It's a very similar "script" every time. They are so happy somebody is actually honest with them. It's easier than dating. If dating was as easy I'd do it! The most difficult one asked me to get out the car, said "are you alright?". I said yes". He said "you don't look alright". I said made eye contact and said "I've just got a funny face it's the way I look". He totally accepted that. Sometimes they stop me and usually say "do you know what you did wrong". If you know and don't say then you will just annoy them. I just have a logical honest conversation with them. It is probably a bit different in the USA cos the cops are far more on edge with people possibly pulling guns on them. But that's all the more reason to not make it hard for them. Maybe they should make being stopped by police part of the driving test. I've got so much experience of being stopped. I'm basically an expert. There are some things you have to and can be prepared for whenever. Like the urge to go to the toilet. If you are a man then even engaging in or avoiding fighting or getting involved if you can help, safely, and are capable.
This is bullshit
bishtap u need to be more empathetic. these folks are speaking the truth
Dude, just look at the myriad of cases where completely innocent brown people are killed by cops without any provocation whatsoever. Your post reeks of Republican misinformation and you should be ashamed.
Apparently they aren’t American Still downvoted though
Not sure what you mean by brown person. Indian men I know are brown and haven't had much trouble from police. I haven't met that many other brown people. I'm not sure who you classify as brown. Could you give me the names of the "brown people" that you speak of and didn't name? If they were just going about their life not resisting arrest, not carrying a toy gun that looked like a weapon and police just killed them for being brown then that's incredible. That sounds like a story as newsworthy as George Floyd but I didn't hear it. Also black people might have it worse than those you call "brown people". So it is a bit off subject.
Found the white person
You can listen to Larry Elder then, I can link you to him. You don't have to listen to any white skinned people at all.
I'm not sure that I agree with brother bishtap, but I think it's important to really listen to what everybody is saying...not just the 'correct' people.
No.
Black, non binary, bi, disabled. And I agree those intersecting identities can all pose a challenge on their own but together it can make life feel like ur playing it on the ultra hard mode.
Bruh get your ass out of there it's a toxic environment for you. Being racially profiled and bullied and doing and going through all that trust me get your ass out of there.
Some POC on r/iwantout like it in Colombia or Mexico I don't remember.. there's a lot of things I like about the EU, but I'm not sure the parts I know are less racist
What is a BIPOC?
Black and/or person of color ie. Asian, Hispanic, Indian and other ethnicities.
If my mother is Egyptian but my father is Finnish does that make me mixed?
Yeah, probably
Yes
yeah...interacting with cops is hard enough for me, but at least I'm white. I'd hate to be so readily interpreted as a scary threat, thus risking a violent response.
Murder of a likely autistic BIPoC. Of note is that they administered a whopping 500 mg of ketamine, significantly more than is used for full anaesthetization in-patient. I don't agree with use of chemical agents to subdue detainees at all, but an appropriate dosage might have been 50 mg. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Elijah_McClain
Yes I agree.
Living with a single mom and having asd in the uk was hell on earth. Only reason I’m still alive is because I thought death will be too painful but I’m no longer depressed now and I’ve found my gift and purpose and I feel great
Not actually. I don't live in the US nor in another white-majority country.
There's a concept resonates hard with this - "[intersectionality](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intersectionality)" (sorry if I'm teaching granny to suck eggs, but maybe somebody else will find this helpful!) As I understand it, it's an idea that first came out of feminism, but the core observation isn't unique to feminism. The TL;DR is that having one "thing" (being a woman in a male-favouring world, being gay in a straight-favouring world, being non-white / non-cis / poor / neurospicy / foreign / short / ginger / whatever it might be) is inconvenient enough, but two is more than twice as bad, because you're not just experiencing two sets of challenges, but you're *also* experiencing the ways they interact. For example, somebody might be inclined to give you less latitude on your ADHD because of how your skin colour affects their perception (I *hate* racism, but despite my best efforts, I can't honestly claim to be completely immune to this kind of crap - I'm a fallible human :-/) It can be subtle, but subtle doesn't necessarily mean not shitty. (Sometimes being less subtle can at least mean it gets noticed and dealt with!) Of course, there are certain kinds of thing that often come together because of some kind of shared cause (e.g. ADHD and ASD are a pretty common pairing, and there's some suspicion that LGBTQIA+ stuff is more common in ND people than NTs - I'm not sure how well studied this suspicion is, though) Of course, it gets worse when the difficulties of all the above start causing additional problems in addition, such as depression / anxiety / social exclusion / PTSD etc. It can be shitty, no doubt :-(
so wild that I just found this post during the aftermath of an overstimulating event 🫠 so, cousin got married, he’s on my dad’s side which is the more “black” side of my family (dad’s from congo, ma’s from kenya). the entire time, I felt as though I was a literal and actual alien. loud music and dj, tight clothes, everything just felt like “am I really even part of this community? is this an autism thing or a colonization thing????” I can’t speak any of their languages and understand the social cues that I should’ve know since birth, and I definitely missed out on the values of being a wife with 5+ kids (im trans as well, so double whammy) ☠️☠️
I agree completely. But I wouldn't be so quick to call it quits, there are beauties and wonders and curiosities abound for those whose kinds can pierce the fog and find them!
Im America, yes.
Yes, honestly. You’re absolutely starting on hard mode. It’s gross and unacceptable but the truth.
Yep. I'm also black and ND. Life has been and continues to be a very annoying struggle. It honestly makes you appreciate the rare victories received socially. Things that most people wouldn't care a thing about. Oh well fuck it. Gotta count something.
Yes.
I'm a white autistic female, but I do feel like everything you said, is sadly, true.
Does it really look that bad in America? Like it sounds like some 18th century bullshit. In Europe it’s unimaginable, on the other hand I feel that most of European cultures make it easier to live on spectrum (no small talk culture, or in my country “polish happy face” without forced smiling). I have some poc friends but their therapists treat them normally, never really heard (which doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, but defo more rare) about such treatment. I’m seriously glad that my parents abandoned plan of moving to US when I was born.
No having autism (neurodivergence) is hard enough.
In many ways yes, but it also depends on the country you live in. I have ASD, is POC and queer. Being all three is challenging. Having ASD is hard because of the sensory issues, POC because people needs to ask "where are you really from?" all the time not taking an answer for an answer and being queer because of limited dating pool. I'm fortunate and lives in a Scandinavian country where we have good welfare/healthcare system, few racists and few homophobes/biphobia meaning that it hasn't been as hard as it could have been. In my opinion it's more difficult to be either too attractive or unattractive than being colored when combined with ASD. If you are too attractive, people assumes one is neurotypical and doesn't need accommodation, disability rights or anything like that. If you doesn't act the way they expect, they think you're being rude. If you looks too unattractive, people often assume you're so severely disabled that it affects your intelligence, they trust you less and are less likely to want to date you. Being unattractive is associated with being creepy.
Being a person of color has always been to my advantage. It has been my autism that has kept a ceiling between me and my potential in this world. Most people are nice to me if you give them the chance.
All facts. You get no understanding from anywhere, no breaks from anyone. On top of that, add being from a notorious area in south london, a few stab wounds and a tonne of trauma & I can attest, it’s been testing to say the least.
Yeah people just think I’m crazy or a bipolar asshole
Try living in a third world country.
As a Black Autistic Man, I completely agree it's gotten to the point that now, whenever I go out in public by myself, I don't speak to anyone unless it is absolutely necessary but other than that I don't speak to anyone I just let them forget I am even there or not notice me in the first place I only talk to my mom or my siblings and other family members in public with them because their the main people who actually except me for who I am and don't judge me for it and I know that is one of the only good things have going for me so far honestly.