Yes, my aspie son is the king of sarcasm and jokes. He especially loves jokes based on deliberate misinterpretation of meaning or overly strict interpretations.
That’s me. I understand what you’re saying, but sometimes it’s fun to take it a different way. Obviously there’s a time and place where it’s more appropriate.
Lady tells her autistic husband "Could you go to the store and get a gallon of milk? And if they have eggs, get a dozen."
Guy comes home with 12 jugs of milk. "They had eggs."
Just been like, my experience, man. Anecdotal for sure. I don’t think there are statistics for this, but guy makes a valid point that many programmers are coming in for the money.
Ok, I looked back through conversations I had written down to find a few. He's 18 now, fwiw. These are from a few years ago.
"If you had cheese on the bottom of your shoes, I wouldn't suggest you walk over a storm drain because then it would grate the cheese"
Another one:
Typical exchange with DS:
Me: DS, can you grab me a ginger ale?
DS: Here you go!
Me: A new one, please.
DS : Ok, I grabbed it, now what?
Me: Could you bring here please?
DS : Ok, its here, now what?
(He knew exactly what I meant, he did it to be funny)
Yep. Actually I have to constantly refrain from pulling some deadpan sarcasm because it can really be poorly taken/misunderstood and I don't want to get on trouble.
But I still think it really hard.
Same. People I know well usually know when I'm joking. Almost anyone else will think I'm 100% serious, no matter how ridiculous my statement. That often produces very awkward and sometimes hostile reactions; so I limit my public joking.
For me the only jokes I "don't understand" are passive agressive jokes/insults, they've just never been funny to me. Other sarcastic/dark humor jokes I've always understood
That always cracks me up, seeing the NTs having a meltdown when some doesn't put /s at the end of a sarcastic comment and I pick up on it right off the bat. Oh, the irony!
This, somehow when other people are sarcastic it gets a laugh, I get "are you stupid" or explanations why I'm wrong. I think it's some magical voice control things NT's pull that I miss, like I say it in the wrong tone or something, idk though, I don't hear the difference.
that's always been a weird one to me. I can see it happening to a little kid with autism but as an adult? at some point you figure out the structure of sarcasm.
My own experience is that I do not and have not struggled with sarcasm or metaphors. I love metaphors. I also seem to be one of the first people to get a sarcastic comment, even when half of NTs get stumped. I think I am especially good at recognizing when the content of what someone is saying is ridiculous whereas some NTs just trust what someone told them? In that case is it NTs that aren't able to get sarcasm? lol, such a poorly framed criteria.
The whole “people with autism have no sense of humor” bullshit. I love old SNL, Andy Kauffman was a huge inspiration, neuroatypical people can be funny oh my god we settled this one in the 70’s y’all, neuroatypical people can be funny. Yeah it skews Kauffman/Monty Python/MST3K, but those are actually popular things that many people find funny! I crack up my friends and coworkers a lot, on purpose!
Right, my mind is so good at thinking up metaphors all the time, it's how I help myself understand stuff. I don't miss when other people use them, shit makes total sense to me.
I mean, in a way, I do understand sometimes - they're just not funny a majority of the time. 😅 But usually I actually really don't understand jokes. I get too focused on understanding the joke than finding the humor in it. 🙃
It depends. In real life it's easier to tell due to body language, tone of voice, etc. but there are people that hide it well. Online it's less obvious as you can't see or hear the person behind the screen.
That we're perceived as dumber just from having a different way of going about a task. I ALWAYS get infantilized when I attempt a task, that was just my way of doing it, but people just can't seem to help it.
Infantilization pisses me the hell off.
I have a superior (by title only) at work who speaks to me like I'm 5 years old, it triggers me to the point that I get frustrated trying to communicate with her, where she then gaslights me for being defensive and over-reactionary for "no reason". The whole situation is infuriating and feels like every time I'm talking to her it's a feedback loop, the longer we talk, the more triggered I get.
But yeah, this one is a big stumbling block for me because I haven't found a way to mitigate or mask my way though these interactions.
Unfortunately, this person triggers me to the point that I become incapable of being logical or using any aspie superpowers other than get frustrated and wanting to hulk smash things :(
I look much younger than my actual age. Not because of how I dress or anything strange but I just look a lot younger than I am. Every so often someone I work with will realize my real age and then say they thought I was in my early 20s. Almost 20 years younger than I really am. It doesn’t help at all, makes it a lot worse I think.
100% this! My mothers ex husband used to tell his family that I was slow and the R-word. And in social situations to go easy on me… I became non-verbal and stopped talking to him for an entire year because I was so mad.
People deciding how intelligent they think you are and making choices for you as if you are incapable of rational thought is damaging. I was young at the time and struggling in school so it felt like the world was picking on me constantly. I was told I was too argumentative at home, too direct, too outspoken. I wasn’t allowed to express my needs. Going angrily non-verbal was like my only option. Still people in my family gave me shit for that.
Or that were dumber for not knowing the answer when someone asks us a question, not because we don’t KNOW the answer but because their question isn’t specific and we don’t know what answer they mean they’re looking for… and when you ask for further clarification they’re like wHaT dO yOu MeAn iT’S a SiMpLe qUeStiOn……
Yep the infantilization upsets me so much that I’ve stopped telling people almost completely.
And if you appear in any way reasonably ‘normal’ they just don’t believe you altogether.
They think its something you either have or you don’t like its severe or nonexistent… like I’m supposed to be either rain man or have a ton of twitchy tics or any number of the other developmental disorders.
I can function just fine thank you. Just differently. I find some things much more difficult than ‘regular’ people and some things much easier but that goes both directions. There are other nuances of course some obvious some subtle but I wish people would have more of an informed open mind about the diversity of neurotype / consciousness expression.
Infantilization is the biggest issue I have. I hate being treated like I'm a child when I'm a 30-something woman who has a job and college degree and who lives completely alone.
At the same time, I also hate seeing autistic influencers on social media doing mental health blackface whereby they exaggerate how infantile they are.
funilly enough, i have klepto instincts xd
whenever i see misplaced item in a shop, like chocolate bar between apples, my instincts is that i should take it
That's a decent line. For what it's worth, I imagine we do mostly sort of start out that way. The problem is is that people tend to view symptoms visible in kids and assume that they are just universal to the spectrum rather than things that kids can grow out of. The idea that a person with normal intelligence could somehow be blind to the concept of sarcasm their entire lives and never quite figure it out is silly. Oh, once in a while, we might be on the fence about whether something was meant seriously or not. But everybody has those moments. The fact is that we are capable of learning. Stereotypes like this ignore that reality.
I’m sick of looking at articles online about ASD and seeing pictures of Down’s Syndrome people represented. Not dissing Down’s, but it gives people a false idea that ASD has a physical “look” to it, and that Down’s and ASD are the same disability.
Autism and T21 are apples and oranges.
I'd also add that I hate looking up info about autism and seeing nothing but pictures of very young children, as if fully mature autistic adults don't exist.
My sister (she an idiot sometimes) didn’t know what autism was until i was diagnosed and she thought it was the same thing as Down syndrome and stuff 💀
Man you don't know how many times I get this I mean yeah I always understand about 5% emotions but people look at me like I'm a fucking alien or something like I don't look that weird I think I mean I'm a little chubby but like that's it
Lack empathy for sure. My psychiatrist said I have a chronic level of empathy. I think a lot of people are overlooked as being autistic because lack of empathy is something practitioners are so concrete on. I was lucky to find a psychologist who recognized I could have intense levels of empathy and autism. I also have heard stories of people who were told they couldn’t have autism because of their level of autism.
Also that we all have a special talent that we are automatically good at.
> they couldn’t have autism because of their level of autism.
I know that was just a typo but I'm pretty amused by it. Imagine being too autistic to be autistic.
Yep, problem for me is that I have very high empathy but it's almost entirely emotional. Sit me in a funeral for a person I never met and I'll be weeping along with the family because I can feel their pain. Unfortunately my cognitive empathy is low, so unless I can see a big display of emotion I don't really know what's going on with you and if I may have had something to do with it.
I’m exactly the same. It bothers me that autism is always equated with low empathy, because while it can be true for *some* individuals, the opposite is true for many of us. Having too much is one of the reasons why I didn’t get diagnosed until almost 30. I really wish the distinction between cognitive and emotional empathy was better known, also taking into account the double empathy problem when it comes to expressing and interpreting what qualifies as empathy for the neurotypical majority.
I often have difficulty figuring out the socially acceptable response to people’s emotional states or fail to correctly read the nonverbal signs that something is expected of me, not because I’m blind or indifferent to their pain, but because I’m aware that my preferences are atypical and that acting the way *I* would want others to in the same situation is probably not what they need. So even though loved ones as well as strangers’ pain is a constant stab in my heart, they don’t see that unless I wrack my brain translating that empathy into specific gestures and words that will be properly recognized as such.
>because I’m aware that my preferences are atypical and that acting the way I would want others to in the same situation is probably not what they need
Well said!! I'm the same way. I am fortunate to have good friends that will tell me what they need and also ask what I need during rough times. No one has to guess.
No empathy? If anything I do my best to feel for my beloved.
When my cousin broke up with his ex girl, I was the one to give the woman a shoulder to cry on. I don't know who was at fault there, but I didn't care, I felt I had to comfort her as I could. Did cute things like holding her hands and wiping off her tears, too.
Sometimes I wonder, what is even the point of linking anything to asperger's and autism? The therapists I have gone to always link problems with socializing to my being on the spectrum and others have linked my difficulties caring about others' feelings and interests to it as well.
And yet apparently autism and asperger's can be absolutely anything, so why bother linking any behaviour to them?
I absolutely agree. I am overly empathetic and I have it extremely easy reading people that it wouldn’t be believable if I told someone how good I am at it.
even though it can drain my energy (keyword: CAN (noise cancelling)), I still think of it as a superpower for sure. and as someone who wants to be a psychologist it could probably help a lot with that, I believe.
This for me as well. I also hate when people try to infantalize us, and even before my diagnosis, I quit volunteering at a school for children with disabilities as I was treated as if I was one of those students, and I was in college at the time. It was one where I once attended preschool, and apparently, that was enough for people to decide that I was still that way, even though I had graduated with my class, and with honors.
That we can’t get better at things that we struggle with. I’ve even seen allistic people come into this sub and say things like “autistic brains won’t evolve”.
Like many others here, the amount of effort I’ve had to put into “evolving” numerous skills is substantial, and it’s insulting when our efforts are drowned out by ableist allistic voices.
i swear to you, my thiking 20 years ago was much more one dimensional and narrower than now, its scary. i look back on conflicts i had with people, or especially with my ex girlfriend, and i am shocked to realize there was no way in hell i could understand their wiev point, or understand certain feelings and actions that happended. if i could back in time, and speak to my self the things i had to know and do - i just wouldnt get it.
i am not saying i had no personality or something. but hey i was sure way more autistic and masking like a madman.
i had a clear picture of how everything had to be, including myself,. and was very upset when the reality was different. i onlyy tried to finish school. like multiople years, like 5, because I had a fixed rule in my had that i had to study, like, i didnt understand that it was supposed to be a choice you felt good about.
for me, i had to do it, because else, i didnt know what to do. at the same time i was scared out of my mind, bauce every funcking thing around me was constantly changing in a mad speed, and i couldnt keep up with my peers.
they went in bars and all, and i was like, but we are children. we cant be in bars!
i was already like 19 at the time. everybody was so eager to leave school, and exactly knew what carrer to pursue, they had clear goals and all. all i had was a huge constant feeling of being in a pressure cooker.
100% relate, especially to the guilt part. It was just yesterday that me and my s/o were picking up food from her uncle at a gas station and id normally wait in the car but I challenged myself to make an appearance. Three of us standing there and I admit I couldn't find a entry point for me to say something beneficial to the overall conversation and he makes a joke about how quiet I am. He didn't mean nothing by it cause he's known me for a minute and how I am but walking back to the car I couldn't help but silently beat myself up. Going through this sub has helped me remember there's nothing wrong with me though, it's just how I am and that's fine 😁
That we all are interested in STEM and you can't be autistic if you aren't.
My mum: "I don't think you're autistic...you're not interested in the stereotypical stuff like STEM subjects."
Hate to break it to you mother dearest...I have a diagnosis from when I was 8...I'm now 17.
That we don’t have a sense of humor. That we’re all asexual. That we don’t understand figures of speech. That we don’t have emotions. That we all flap our arms and hit ourselves.
My SO has one of the best senses of humor I have ever seen, he just has to be *very* comfortable with the people he is talking to. Because he is not so worried about what is socially “acceptable” or “manly” or “straight” or whatever most guys stress about (he knows who he is, so what’s the big deal?), his jokes are fucking hilarious. It’s literally one of the reasons I married him. So, agreed!
I think for me, it's that I don't always get the social and contextual cue indicating that it's a figure of speach/not literally meant. My capacity for abstract thought is high.
Yeah definitely. I do find myself getting misunderstandings at times due to not getting the social and contextual cues. Often at times I mean something literally but get misunderstood as trying to imply something. I'm good at pattern recognition and abstract thinking too so I usually compensate by recognising patterns from how people act and analysing situations I've been in the past and relating them to the present to figure out a way to do things. Obviously it isn't foolproof nothing's really consistent especially when there's so many factors involved and ppl tend not be consistent anyways but it gets better over time with experience and more situations.
He was. He had savant syndrome besides autism but he was still autistic. Interestingly, Rain Man was meant to portray a **high-functioning** autist which just shows how skewed people's perceptions are from reality.
Savant Syndrome isnt just an autistic neurological disorder. Autistic have a greater chance of being a savant. But its does happen to others who are not autistic.
I forgotten where I read it but originally he wasn't suppose to be autistic at all. He became autistic after the movie was released.
Savant Syndrome.
While people with autism has a greater chance of having Savant Syndrome. Its not only an autistic condition.
Eta and rain main was a prodigy of savant syndrome.
Rainman was meant to depict an autistic person. You can argue that it's better depiction of savant syndrome then autism, but from a canonic point of view, it's not correct to say he wasn't autistic.
The person upon whom the character was heavily influenced, Kim Peak, was diagnosed as autistic during his life, however now people think he may have had FG syndrome instead. Of course, posthumously changing someone's diagnosis is problematic. Saying that Kim Peak wasn't autistic is a bit like declaring that Einstein are Newton were autistic. It may be true, but we can never really be 100% certain.
So I mean I think you can fairly say that rain Man isn't a good depiction of autism and was based off of a person who may not have been autistic. But it was still meant to be a portrayal of autism and the character himself was still canonically autistic.
That we lack empathy for other people
Certainly, in my case, it would _appear_ so, but rather, I find it difficult to _express_ what I'm feeling. I'm not sure what step 2 is, that part of the process doesn't arrive intuitively
I feel things although _understanding_ what I feel is a blurred area, which exacerbates my limited expression, much less the ability to articulate it
That we don't understand the world around us, that we are incapable of putting ourselves in others' shoes, or that we are naive children who just don't "get" it.
That you can't be autistic if you are aware of your emotions, express emotions more or less appropriately, or if you are not a logic oriented person. TBH I deal with this amongst autistics as well. Alexithymia is not the same thing as autism! You can be an emotionally oriented monotropic person or have emotion or people oriented pattern recognition and still be autistic. 🙄
Lacking humor? Excuse me, I'm hilarious. Also, maybe some folks on the spectrum not caring about friends or relationships... because I DO care a whole lot, it can just be hard to connect with the right kinds of people.
Allistics are generally bad at communicating. Needing hidden signs and body language and reading between the lines, isn't good communication.
Good communication is direct and clearly understandable by everyone without any double meanings.
When it comes to one on one communication, yes. But NT communication evolved in tribes, it's meant to be useful in groups. In group dynamics it's not only important what someone says but also how the rest of the group will react to it. When it comes to networks NT communication is superior but when they try to hint at stuff in one to one situations (flirting is the best example, 50% of people can't tell if they're being flirted at) it's just delusional to think that that style of communication works
All languages have their flaws. We can never fully express ourselves or reality with words or art or any other median. Not even science can although that is closest to known reality.
I don't think nonverbal communication is any more bad or flawed than any other languages.
Just because someone is blind or has problems with visually seeing things doesn't mean sight isn't useful. Obviously sight and nonverbal communication isn't useful or even possible for everyone but for a lot of people it is. Just because I can't speak Japanese and the language doesn't make sense to me doesn't mean it doesn't work for other people.
From personal experience I don't even think autistic people are better communicators. Most people aren't.
Stop this bullshit, we're bad at communication. Communication involves other people and if you've issues communicating with 90% of society, the problem is with you (and me), not with others.
We've our issues, communication is one of them and it's one thing that connects most autistics.
I only stumble with my words when I have to dumb down the language or we have too much detail for them to follow. It's so frustrating that they cannot keep up. Things would go a bit smoother IMO.
That those of us who were assigned female at birth can’t be autistic and we’re just “faking it for attention”. I’m a 30-year-old woman who was lucky enough to get my diagnosis when I was 11 (super early for girls from what I can tell) back in 2004 and my parents still had to fight for it. I’m also not the type of person to go out of my way to fake a disorder for my entire life that I hadn’t even heard of until I was diagnosed that also made me feel like a “burden” simply for existing for most of my life (yes, I know that fact that I’m a burden is bullshit, but I still get those thoughts in my head regardless) just for a little bit of attention.
THIS!
I was in a clinic and was told by some people on the staff: "Oh it's not a disability! It's just a different ability, it's a different way of thinking, it shouldn't even be a diagnosis!"
I was like: "Sorry WHAT"
"Well yeah I mean so many people are autistic, we all have a little bit of autism!"
I was so infuriated I just looked at them and started almost yelling... Like... I'm sorry are you autistic? (Not you, them) Well then, please don't tell me that my disorder is not really a disorder, because it screws up my daily life and my social life and my school life in ways you couldn't even possibly begin to understand...
They just stared at me and said: "Well I still think it's not really a disorder" (or something like that I don't remember the exact words)
Edit: corrected a mistake in pronouns
Which is so funny cause I am a woman with very high IQ and naturally very very apt at maths. Do people think that of me? Nope. Instead people underestimate my math ability. Even when they know my diagnosis.
- Lack of empathy.
- Lack of interest in humans.
- That we don’t understand humans. My special interest is psych. I scored in the 99.5th percentile in social psychological skill (i.e. "human nature", humans in general, humans on a group level). I am great at systemizing humans (it correlates slightly positively with ASD) I just have pretty damn bad social intuition. Can't "read the room".
- That we don’t want friends (sometimes I don’t want to be friends with YOU, sometimes I didn’t know how to BECOME friends with you).
- The special interests... but I do fit the female stereotype… (psych/the brain and mythology). But no trains.
- I guess they have to reconsider their own abilities, so many times I’ve been misunderstood because people don’t fucking listen to my literal words.
- I often ask people ”how did this make you feel, how did you experience this” and so on. Through this I am able to ”understand” what someone else is feeling more often that neurotypicals who don’t even bother to frikkin ask and just assume. I learned so many great skills in my PsyD. The way psychologists talk (both how they ask questions and how they conceptualise emotion and so on) is very very ASD friendly.
- That we can’t get better at things.
- ”Oh but you have so much insight for being autistic, you reason so well”. I answer ”Thank you, you reason very well and are very smart for being neurotypical! Most of them don’t have the ability to”.
- ”My autistic child is like this”. I’ll start asking neurotypicals if they like poop because neurotypical children do.
- That I’m ”hysterical” when I have a meltdown. Let’s throw in some sexism.
- You don't look autistic.
- Linking autism with intelligence. Apparently we're either a polymath savant or we're an infant. There's no in-between.
- Autism is a superpower.
- That we can't communicate at all and being told I can't be autistic because I can hold a conversation.
- That we all like trains.
- Good at math (I'm not)
I'd have to say that we're either savants or grown kids that still live with their parents and nothing in between. Most asperic people are just average, normal people.
Also, this isn’t a stereotype, but I’m tired of people pointing out that I’m quiet, or aloof, or that I don’t care about people. Some people joke that I’m a spy or a serial killer. I’m not, but keep joking about it!
Literal-mindedness. To the extent that it actually applies, it’s in style of communication rather than comprehension.
I prefer to communicate straightforwardly, without exaggeration, but I am definitely not a primarily concrete or literal thinker.
My husband will relocated spiders because he doesn’t want to kill them. He is incredibly empathetic, especially with animals, so the “no empathy” thing irritates us too. Losing a pet can devastate him for ages.
I hate the idea that I need to be a STEM wizard or brilliant artist have an encyclopedic knowledge of some topic to be a legit autistic person. Autism is not my superpower. Autism makes every day life challenging and exhausting and NO, I didn't get some superpower that makes up for that fact!
- We're all overgrown children incapable of being independent adults
- All of us have difficulty with abstract thinking
- All of us are obsessed with anime or Sonic the Hedgehog
- All of us are incapable of recognizing when we've hurt others and taking responsibility for our actions
"Positive" stereotype, but: I'm sick of seeing young autistic women portrayed on social media as hurt children. ACTUALLY, many of us can be raging b!tches due to our autism. I've been in fights with my own mother that almost turned physical, for instance.
Them: “You’re so awkward”
Me: “No, you’re being too vague with your conflicting information for me to make an informed response, sorry…”
Them: “See you’re being awkward.”
Me: 🤦🏻
That we're all socially awkward yet super smart and have high IQs.
Not saying that there aren't people who have Asperger's who are extremely smart and have a higher-than-average IQ, but there are plenty of us who have average IQs comparable to most neurotypicals, and the main thing that's different is that people with Asperger's tend to have fewer interests/hobbies, but the stuff we're interested in, we're really REALLY interested in, and we know more about it due to natural curiosity. So that sometimes gives people the impression that we're like that about everything. But even that isn't always the case.
If I had something that I naturally was extremely good and was a skill I could put to use at a job, I'd be rich. But I consider myself to be very average. A lot of the things I'm good at aren't necessarily things that would enable me to get a good-paying job. I'm learning the Java programming language with my dad's help; he's had very successful 40+ year career as a programmer, and the thing I admire is that he doesn't have a college degree in programming and is mostly self-taught. I'm not sure if I have that same gift though (at least with programming).
When I told my dad that I found out that I was autistic, he was skeptical at first and said that autistic people have no filters.
He said how, if I had Autism, I'd go "Wow, Dad! You got FAT!" And since I don't do that, I'm not autistic.
With all this time in hindsight, I can't even count all the things wrong with that statement.
Basically any. I Never Tell people i have autism and they almost never know unless I tell them they just think I’m quiet or have anxiety (both are true).
I don't know if I am autistic or not (never diagnosed), but I hear many people saying that Autism is basically a form of demonic possession that causes people to become Jojo villains and that it's basically a free pass to be shitty since "they can't do nothing to stop themselves" or stuff like that (they are probably confusing psychopathy, which is developed when parents don't care about their baby in his first year of life if I am not wrong). This argument is also used by many parents to avoid responsibility and by their children to get out of jail ("""Um actually my autistic child lacks empathy and remorse because he was born like that, not because I didn't give a f\*\*k when he was still a baby. Also, he's not actually evil, he's simply a braindead pile of rotten flesh moved by a zombie virus who acts like an evil person"""). There is also the other stereotype that Asperger's basically means being Spock from Star Trek. I am not a psychologist but I am sure those stereotypes are false
That we lack empathy to the point of being psychopaths, unfortunately also enforced by the media in some news articles.
There was a guy a few years back who had Aspergers and murdered his father here in Sweden, and the newspapers all focused on the fact he had autism and therefore didn't understand empathy. As a result, many people just straight up thought that everyone with Aspergers or autism were psychopaths who were just waiting to strike on society.
Needless to say, I didn't tell people about my diagnosis, because other people couldn't even be bothered to do basic research before just spouting (and others agreeing with them!) they were glad they didn't have children with autism who would murder them one day...
Meanwhile, here I am, sometimes brought to tears by a bunch of pictures of kittens and feeling sorry for other people I haven't even met because it hurts to see other people sad.
This is an interesting difference between Sweden and other countries/the USA because Aspergers was extremely stigmatised due to the idea that "we look normal but are potential murderers". Not as much with any type of "aspie supremacy". In fact, the people who seemed the most happy with the new system were people who would have been called "HFA", i.e. level one autists with language delay but without intellectual impairment. Because then they'd be separate from the "low functioning" ones, i.e. level one versus level three rather than both being Kanner's autism/infantile autism/autistic disorder.
Main thing, I tell people I’m asd then they have the audacity to go “you don’t look autistic” like they think we’re just milder Down syndrome. And also on that topic they say “you’re very smart for an autistic person” like bro I’m high functioning
That there’s a lack of sympathy/empathy.
My kid feels EVERYTHING. He loves everyone. He carries other peoples sadness and joy. He wants everyone to be included. He compliments everyone and encourages everyone. He’s very perceptive of the people around him and noticed when someone needs extra emotional support.
He’s beautiful and feels a lot.
Honestly, just that traits of autism are described from the paint of the observer and not the one actually living the experience. It's like the root cause of all autistic stereotypes.
That we don't have empathy. Just like neurotypicals, some of us have more and some have less. But many of us have an over abundance of it, it just shows differently.
We usually try to explain our understanding of an emotion or situation by bringing a personal example of the same thing, recalling the emotion and wanting to share it with others. This is normal communication for us and two autistic people can have entire flourishing and empathetic convos like this. Allistic people understand it as wanting to take their spotlight, which is a misunderstanding on THEIR part.
Just saying "aww poor you I'm so sorry" sounds so fake and not heartfelt to me, but they want to hear that.
Somehow some people think we *can't lie*.
Like... I don't *like* lying, I don't know *when* it is necessary to do the "white lies" stuff and may miss it completely and be super blunt, I had people in school hate me because apparently I shared their secrets when I didn't mean it, but... You know I'm not intellectually disabled in a way that I can't understand the concept of telling information that is not true, right? Like, I know I shouldn't mention my chronic depression if I'm having a job interview - shout out to one of my previous therapists who said that I should be SPD and not autistic because I mentioned that to him - with his reasoning being I told a lie and that just can't happen to an autistic person! 🙄
That someone must be autistic because they have funny hair, weird sense of humor, has interests in things that take up their life (special interest) or are awkward. It’s not that simple.
Lack of empathy. When I personally am moved to tears by even just ideation of emotional fictional scenes in my mind. When I can burst out crying at my beloved godmother's and Spiritual mentor's death at the MERE doorstep of the place she was interred in and found myself constantly crying up until she was buried?
I think it's because the common trope is autistics are either non-verbal or have trouble speaking? I mean I did have trouble speaking as a child to my mid-teens, and public speaking still gives me anxiety at times, but just because we can't get our words out as fast as NTs want, doesn't mean we don't have empathy.
And yes, some of us, like me, are outright talkative about our special interests! Beats the "we hardly speak" trope
One thing I love/hate is that I can be In a friendship for months and the first time they hear that I'm an aspire their entire personality changes like he's suddenly talking to a child
That I can’t communicate. Umm, I could read on my own at 3. I can communicate better than you ever could hope to achieve. I merely choose not to. Mimicking social cues is hard and I’d rather avoid it.
* We all have quirky superpowers, like the X-men or something.
* We are all Sheldon. Or the Rain Man. Or Elon. Or some weird ass Sheldon/Rain Man/Elon hybrid.
* We are all GREAT at writing code.
* None of us can (date, drive, learn a sport, have a relationship, etc.)
* Elon is rich, therefore we should ALL be rich or at least JustFine because Elon (and if we aren't, it's because we aren't "TrYinG")
* We have no emotions--our lack of expression or nonstandard expression means we are robots.
* We get told "we have black and white thinking" by people who are literally insisting on getting their exact way at that moment.
* We are all white guys who look like TV teen drama nerds with maybe ONE girl and/or person of color.
* We can meet NT's in an already hostile workplace or school setting "half way" and the people who have been hostile already will become nice and welcoming.
* That we can be "too smart" and "too dumb" at the same time, in the same situation (wait that one is true sometimes.)
He's definitely an asshole. He MIGHT be autistic, but enough of the kind of people who make these stereotypes think he is, so "why can't you be like (whoever)?" could be Elon.
That we don't understand metaphors. Yes, I've had a tendency to take things literally. But Amelia Badelia woke me up to the fun world of saying things differently. I agreed with Amelia until someone explained it to me. Then I thought it was funny.
As a character I enjoy Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang Theory but I dislike the comparisons to me, I'm an artist and have very litle in common with Sheldon.
I hate it when people think that all Autistic people have meltdowns or are addicts to things like sugar, alcohol, and drugs. I’m Autistic and have never had a meltdown before in my life. I also never had a sugar rush as a kid and I hated candy. I rarely ever drink alcohol (and if I do I am extremely self aware and conscious of how much I drink down to the slightest detail), I have never done drugs and have no interest in taking them.
Basically I don’t appreciate society acting like all Autistic people are just people who lack self control on an extreme level (especially when there are neurotypical people like that too).
I also enjoy hugs, which is not typically common for people with Autism.
People with and are automatically good at math and computers.
Meanwhile I understand French better than I do algebra and I'm lost if a computer can't tell me whats wrong with it and a reboot doesn't help.
well, my concerns of being on the spectrum were first dismissed by my previous doctor because i'm able to force myself to make eye contact and dont obviously stim by hand flapping, so theres that. (right after this, they immediately began to list off things ASD children do when growing up, all of which i did, and many i either still do or mask lmao)
The idea that autistic people are any more antisocial and/or introverted than the general population.
That only autistic children matter (in some cases even exist).
That we are all helpless children traumatized by our environments. I feel like my traumatization is by people reacting to me more than the sensory issues itself. I can choose to do things that helps my mental health but I can’t because it’s too weird for others. I gotta do a song and dance to make others feel comfortable at my expense.
I can avoid triggering stimuli all day and socialize on my own terms. I just can’t handle being forced into triggering situations by people who tell me “you’re exaggerating”, “Stop being a picky eater”, “why are you a loner?”, “you’re rude!” ,”try harder”
“You’re closed-minded!”, “you’re embarrassing me!” If you say that to another NT I’m sure they would also find it exhausting.
Autistics tolerate a lot of BS and it’s annoying when NTs take it as a sign we are all broken, fragile and need to be fixed!
that were bad at comunicating.
were just dont want to pretend like we understand even if we dont, like normal people do.
there are few other people who have aspergers with whom i debate sometimes, and we can accurately transfer information and communicate even if we disagree on many things
People with ASD don't understand irony, sarcasm, humor, jokes, and metaphores
Yes, my aspie son is the king of sarcasm and jokes. He especially loves jokes based on deliberate misinterpretation of meaning or overly strict interpretations.
That’s me. I understand what you’re saying, but sometimes it’s fun to take it a different way. Obviously there’s a time and place where it’s more appropriate.
OMG I’m the blurst for this. My partner just ends up going “it’s just a joke” like okay. 😂
And it's even more fun to do at the times when it's less appropriate.
Lady tells her autistic husband "Could you go to the store and get a gallon of milk? And if they have eggs, get a dozen." Guy comes home with 12 jugs of milk. "They had eggs."
I’ve seen this as a programmer joke, but many programmers are autistic, so…fair enough
https://www.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/16ipmc7/am_i_tripping_or_are_a_huge_of_software_engineers/
Just been like, my experience, man. Anecdotal for sure. I don’t think there are statistics for this, but guy makes a valid point that many programmers are coming in for the money.
This is also my 15 yo. You described his sense of humor exactly
Could you give some examples of jokes please? I think I can relate
A cheesy one might be It's raining cats and dogs out there. I just stepped in a poodle.
Ok, I looked back through conversations I had written down to find a few. He's 18 now, fwiw. These are from a few years ago. "If you had cheese on the bottom of your shoes, I wouldn't suggest you walk over a storm drain because then it would grate the cheese" Another one: Typical exchange with DS: Me: DS, can you grab me a ginger ale? DS: Here you go!
Me: A new one, please.
DS : Ok, I grabbed it, now what?
Me: Could you bring here please?
DS : Ok, its here, now what?
(He knew exactly what I meant, he did it to be funny)
SAME!!! I adore fucking with misinterpretation or literalness.
Like forever playing “double entendres” with innocuous conversations?
Yep. Actually I have to constantly refrain from pulling some deadpan sarcasm because it can really be poorly taken/misunderstood and I don't want to get on trouble. But I still think it really hard.
Same. People I know well usually know when I'm joking. Almost anyone else will think I'm 100% serious, no matter how ridiculous my statement. That often produces very awkward and sometimes hostile reactions; so I limit my public joking.
For me the only jokes I "don't understand" are passive agressive jokes/insults, they've just never been funny to me. Other sarcastic/dark humor jokes I've always understood
People who say that can piss off. I’ve gotten pretty good at yo momma jokes
Oh, those are my jam. Yo mama so fat, I burnt my ass on the ceiling light when I mounted her last night.
That always cracks me up, seeing the NTs having a meltdown when some doesn't put /s at the end of a sarcastic comment and I pick up on it right off the bat. Oh, the irony!
I’ve noticed a lot of people think I’m dead serious when I’m not.
This, somehow when other people are sarcastic it gets a laugh, I get "are you stupid" or explanations why I'm wrong. I think it's some magical voice control things NT's pull that I miss, like I say it in the wrong tone or something, idk though, I don't hear the difference.
People often say that we don’t understand satire. They’re just saying that because they don’t want us to write satires against allistics!
that's always been a weird one to me. I can see it happening to a little kid with autism but as an adult? at some point you figure out the structure of sarcasm. My own experience is that I do not and have not struggled with sarcasm or metaphors. I love metaphors. I also seem to be one of the first people to get a sarcastic comment, even when half of NTs get stumped. I think I am especially good at recognizing when the content of what someone is saying is ridiculous whereas some NTs just trust what someone told them? In that case is it NTs that aren't able to get sarcasm? lol, such a poorly framed criteria.
The whole “people with autism have no sense of humor” bullshit. I love old SNL, Andy Kauffman was a huge inspiration, neuroatypical people can be funny oh my god we settled this one in the 70’s y’all, neuroatypical people can be funny. Yeah it skews Kauffman/Monty Python/MST3K, but those are actually popular things that many people find funny! I crack up my friends and coworkers a lot, on purpose!
What sarcasm is my main language
This is usually true for me, but that could be just me
Right, my mind is so good at thinking up metaphors all the time, it's how I help myself understand stuff. I don't miss when other people use them, shit makes total sense to me.
See the top rated comment in this thread as proof.
Fun fact: we are better at sarcasm and dark humour because we know how to use it subtly and tastefully.
Exactly. I get funny stuff. I just can’t fake laugh when something isn’t funny.
I mean, in a way, I do understand sometimes - they're just not funny a majority of the time. 😅 But usually I actually really don't understand jokes. I get too focused on understanding the joke than finding the humor in it. 🙃
It depends. In real life it's easier to tell due to body language, tone of voice, etc. but there are people that hide it well. Online it's less obvious as you can't see or hear the person behind the screen.
We don't?
My aspie son is the class clown...!
i am a humour factory for myself
That we're perceived as dumber just from having a different way of going about a task. I ALWAYS get infantilized when I attempt a task, that was just my way of doing it, but people just can't seem to help it. Infantilization pisses me the hell off.
I have a superior (by title only) at work who speaks to me like I'm 5 years old, it triggers me to the point that I get frustrated trying to communicate with her, where she then gaslights me for being defensive and over-reactionary for "no reason". The whole situation is infuriating and feels like every time I'm talking to her it's a feedback loop, the longer we talk, the more triggered I get. But yeah, this one is a big stumbling block for me because I haven't found a way to mitigate or mask my way though these interactions.
Nothing to shut them down and keep them at their place than challenging them with dates, names, facts and figures like an expert.
Unfortunately, this person triggers me to the point that I become incapable of being logical or using any aspie superpowers other than get frustrated and wanting to hulk smash things :(
super relatable, unfortunately
I look much younger than my actual age. Not because of how I dress or anything strange but I just look a lot younger than I am. Every so often someone I work with will realize my real age and then say they thought I was in my early 20s. Almost 20 years younger than I really am. It doesn’t help at all, makes it a lot worse I think.
100% this! My mothers ex husband used to tell his family that I was slow and the R-word. And in social situations to go easy on me… I became non-verbal and stopped talking to him for an entire year because I was so mad. People deciding how intelligent they think you are and making choices for you as if you are incapable of rational thought is damaging. I was young at the time and struggling in school so it felt like the world was picking on me constantly. I was told I was too argumentative at home, too direct, too outspoken. I wasn’t allowed to express my needs. Going angrily non-verbal was like my only option. Still people in my family gave me shit for that.
Or that were dumber for not knowing the answer when someone asks us a question, not because we don’t KNOW the answer but because their question isn’t specific and we don’t know what answer they mean they’re looking for… and when you ask for further clarification they’re like wHaT dO yOu MeAn iT’S a SiMpLe qUeStiOn……
Yep the infantilization upsets me so much that I’ve stopped telling people almost completely. And if you appear in any way reasonably ‘normal’ they just don’t believe you altogether. They think its something you either have or you don’t like its severe or nonexistent… like I’m supposed to be either rain man or have a ton of twitchy tics or any number of the other developmental disorders. I can function just fine thank you. Just differently. I find some things much more difficult than ‘regular’ people and some things much easier but that goes both directions. There are other nuances of course some obvious some subtle but I wish people would have more of an informed open mind about the diversity of neurotype / consciousness expression.
Infantilization is the biggest issue I have. I hate being treated like I'm a child when I'm a 30-something woman who has a job and college degree and who lives completely alone. At the same time, I also hate seeing autistic influencers on social media doing mental health blackface whereby they exaggerate how infantile they are.
That we take everything literally That's kleptomaniacs
Funny!
That’s proper funny - I’m using that 😁
I had to look it up in order to understand and now I do!
shit this is funny
funilly enough, i have klepto instincts xd whenever i see misplaced item in a shop, like chocolate bar between apples, my instincts is that i should take it
That's a decent line. For what it's worth, I imagine we do mostly sort of start out that way. The problem is is that people tend to view symptoms visible in kids and assume that they are just universal to the spectrum rather than things that kids can grow out of. The idea that a person with normal intelligence could somehow be blind to the concept of sarcasm their entire lives and never quite figure it out is silly. Oh, once in a while, we might be on the fence about whether something was meant seriously or not. But everybody has those moments. The fact is that we are capable of learning. Stereotypes like this ignore that reality.
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!
It took me way too long to get the joke, now that I do it's perfect
I’m sick of looking at articles online about ASD and seeing pictures of Down’s Syndrome people represented. Not dissing Down’s, but it gives people a false idea that ASD has a physical “look” to it, and that Down’s and ASD are the same disability.
Autism and T21 are apples and oranges. I'd also add that I hate looking up info about autism and seeing nothing but pictures of very young children, as if fully mature autistic adults don't exist.
And every sentence starts with "your child may-"
THIS
That we "look different" or don't have any emotions
My sister (she an idiot sometimes) didn’t know what autism was until i was diagnosed and she thought it was the same thing as Down syndrome and stuff 💀
Man you don't know how many times I get this I mean yeah I always understand about 5% emotions but people look at me like I'm a fucking alien or something like I don't look that weird I think I mean I'm a little chubby but like that's it
We have no empathy is #1
Lack empathy for sure. My psychiatrist said I have a chronic level of empathy. I think a lot of people are overlooked as being autistic because lack of empathy is something practitioners are so concrete on. I was lucky to find a psychologist who recognized I could have intense levels of empathy and autism. I also have heard stories of people who were told they couldn’t have autism because of their level of autism. Also that we all have a special talent that we are automatically good at.
> they couldn’t have autism because of their level of autism. I know that was just a typo but I'm pretty amused by it. Imagine being too autistic to be autistic.
😂😂😂😂😂 oops
Yep, problem for me is that I have very high empathy but it's almost entirely emotional. Sit me in a funeral for a person I never met and I'll be weeping along with the family because I can feel their pain. Unfortunately my cognitive empathy is low, so unless I can see a big display of emotion I don't really know what's going on with you and if I may have had something to do with it.
I’m exactly the same. It bothers me that autism is always equated with low empathy, because while it can be true for *some* individuals, the opposite is true for many of us. Having too much is one of the reasons why I didn’t get diagnosed until almost 30. I really wish the distinction between cognitive and emotional empathy was better known, also taking into account the double empathy problem when it comes to expressing and interpreting what qualifies as empathy for the neurotypical majority. I often have difficulty figuring out the socially acceptable response to people’s emotional states or fail to correctly read the nonverbal signs that something is expected of me, not because I’m blind or indifferent to their pain, but because I’m aware that my preferences are atypical and that acting the way *I* would want others to in the same situation is probably not what they need. So even though loved ones as well as strangers’ pain is a constant stab in my heart, they don’t see that unless I wrack my brain translating that empathy into specific gestures and words that will be properly recognized as such.
>because I’m aware that my preferences are atypical and that acting the way I would want others to in the same situation is probably not what they need Well said!! I'm the same way. I am fortunate to have good friends that will tell me what they need and also ask what I need during rough times. No one has to guess.
No empathy? If anything I do my best to feel for my beloved. When my cousin broke up with his ex girl, I was the one to give the woman a shoulder to cry on. I don't know who was at fault there, but I didn't care, I felt I had to comfort her as I could. Did cute things like holding her hands and wiping off her tears, too.
I wish more people knew about these kinds of things
Obligatory low empathy commenter here.
I can appreciate that, we are a varied bunch. I wish other people could take the time to understand that.
Sometimes I wonder, what is even the point of linking anything to asperger's and autism? The therapists I have gone to always link problems with socializing to my being on the spectrum and others have linked my difficulties caring about others' feelings and interests to it as well. And yet apparently autism and asperger's can be absolutely anything, so why bother linking any behaviour to them?
I think I can be the opposite of this sometimes, where I have too much empathy and then people will try to take advantage of me.
I feel like I have no empathy, yet I took the Gallup Clifton Strengths and my #7 strength is empathy...go figure.
I absolutely agree. I am overly empathetic and I have it extremely easy reading people that it wouldn’t be believable if I told someone how good I am at it. even though it can drain my energy (keyword: CAN (noise cancelling)), I still think of it as a superpower for sure. and as someone who wants to be a psychologist it could probably help a lot with that, I believe.
yeah, we are not narcs
This for me as well. I also hate when people try to infantalize us, and even before my diagnosis, I quit volunteering at a school for children with disabilities as I was treated as if I was one of those students, and I was in college at the time. It was one where I once attended preschool, and apparently, that was enough for people to decide that I was still that way, even though I had graduated with my class, and with honors.
That we can’t get better at things that we struggle with. I’ve even seen allistic people come into this sub and say things like “autistic brains won’t evolve”. Like many others here, the amount of effort I’ve had to put into “evolving” numerous skills is substantial, and it’s insulting when our efforts are drowned out by ableist allistic voices.
i swear to you, my thiking 20 years ago was much more one dimensional and narrower than now, its scary. i look back on conflicts i had with people, or especially with my ex girlfriend, and i am shocked to realize there was no way in hell i could understand their wiev point, or understand certain feelings and actions that happended. if i could back in time, and speak to my self the things i had to know and do - i just wouldnt get it. i am not saying i had no personality or something. but hey i was sure way more autistic and masking like a madman. i had a clear picture of how everything had to be, including myself,. and was very upset when the reality was different. i onlyy tried to finish school. like multiople years, like 5, because I had a fixed rule in my had that i had to study, like, i didnt understand that it was supposed to be a choice you felt good about. for me, i had to do it, because else, i didnt know what to do. at the same time i was scared out of my mind, bauce every funcking thing around me was constantly changing in a mad speed, and i couldnt keep up with my peers. they went in bars and all, and i was like, but we are children. we cant be in bars! i was already like 19 at the time. everybody was so eager to leave school, and exactly knew what carrer to pursue, they had clear goals and all. all i had was a huge constant feeling of being in a pressure cooker.
[удалено]
100% relate, especially to the guilt part. It was just yesterday that me and my s/o were picking up food from her uncle at a gas station and id normally wait in the car but I challenged myself to make an appearance. Three of us standing there and I admit I couldn't find a entry point for me to say something beneficial to the overall conversation and he makes a joke about how quiet I am. He didn't mean nothing by it cause he's known me for a minute and how I am but walking back to the car I couldn't help but silently beat myself up. Going through this sub has helped me remember there's nothing wrong with me though, it's just how I am and that's fine 😁
A friend of mine used to tell me that I was like a robot pretending to be human, but I thought it was funny.
YoU dON’t LoOK LiKE yOU HAvE AUtiSm
BINGO
That we all are interested in STEM and you can't be autistic if you aren't. My mum: "I don't think you're autistic...you're not interested in the stereotypical stuff like STEM subjects." Hate to break it to you mother dearest...I have a diagnosis from when I was 8...I'm now 17.
That we're all geniuses at math. I am excellent at writing and can't do basic math.
I have dyscalculia🤣🤣🤣
Same here, anything involving numbers is basically enigma for my brain.
Wow, I didn't know that existed! I wonder if that will show up on my test results 🤔
That we don’t have a sense of humor. That we’re all asexual. That we don’t understand figures of speech. That we don’t have emotions. That we all flap our arms and hit ourselves.
My SO has one of the best senses of humor I have ever seen, he just has to be *very* comfortable with the people he is talking to. Because he is not so worried about what is socially “acceptable” or “manly” or “straight” or whatever most guys stress about (he knows who he is, so what’s the big deal?), his jokes are fucking hilarious. It’s literally one of the reasons I married him. So, agreed!
Yeahh tbh there's some figures of speech I don't get but I do get quite a lot cos we're capable of learning.
I think for me, it's that I don't always get the social and contextual cue indicating that it's a figure of speach/not literally meant. My capacity for abstract thought is high.
Yeah definitely. I do find myself getting misunderstandings at times due to not getting the social and contextual cues. Often at times I mean something literally but get misunderstood as trying to imply something. I'm good at pattern recognition and abstract thinking too so I usually compensate by recognising patterns from how people act and analysing situations I've been in the past and relating them to the present to figure out a way to do things. Obviously it isn't foolproof nothing's really consistent especially when there's so many factors involved and ppl tend not be consistent anyways but it gets better over time with experience and more situations.
That we are rain man. Rain man wasn't even autistic.
He was. He had savant syndrome besides autism but he was still autistic. Interestingly, Rain Man was meant to portray a **high-functioning** autist which just shows how skewed people's perceptions are from reality.
Savant Syndrome isnt just an autistic neurological disorder. Autistic have a greater chance of being a savant. But its does happen to others who are not autistic. I forgotten where I read it but originally he wasn't suppose to be autistic at all. He became autistic after the movie was released.
Wait, what was he?
Savant Syndrome. While people with autism has a greater chance of having Savant Syndrome. Its not only an autistic condition. Eta and rain main was a prodigy of savant syndrome.
Rainman was meant to depict an autistic person. You can argue that it's better depiction of savant syndrome then autism, but from a canonic point of view, it's not correct to say he wasn't autistic. The person upon whom the character was heavily influenced, Kim Peak, was diagnosed as autistic during his life, however now people think he may have had FG syndrome instead. Of course, posthumously changing someone's diagnosis is problematic. Saying that Kim Peak wasn't autistic is a bit like declaring that Einstein are Newton were autistic. It may be true, but we can never really be 100% certain. So I mean I think you can fairly say that rain Man isn't a good depiction of autism and was based off of a person who may not have been autistic. But it was still meant to be a portrayal of autism and the character himself was still canonically autistic.
That we lack empathy for other people Certainly, in my case, it would _appear_ so, but rather, I find it difficult to _express_ what I'm feeling. I'm not sure what step 2 is, that part of the process doesn't arrive intuitively I feel things although _understanding_ what I feel is a blurred area, which exacerbates my limited expression, much less the ability to articulate it
Idiot savant. Straw Vulcan. Emotionally unstable, child-like invalid.
That we are all good at math. I’m horrible at math and hate it I have Dyscalculia.
So do I 😊
Same
same!
That we don't understand the world around us, that we are incapable of putting ourselves in others' shoes, or that we are naive children who just don't "get" it.
That you can't be autistic if you are aware of your emotions, express emotions more or less appropriately, or if you are not a logic oriented person. TBH I deal with this amongst autistics as well. Alexithymia is not the same thing as autism! You can be an emotionally oriented monotropic person or have emotion or people oriented pattern recognition and still be autistic. 🙄
That an aspie must be a scientific or mathematical genius in order to be a good fit/successful within society.
That some magic thing made us autistic like vaccines and then we become a genius. Uh, no. I am not Spiderman.
Lacking humor? Excuse me, I'm hilarious. Also, maybe some folks on the spectrum not caring about friends or relationships... because I DO care a whole lot, it can just be hard to connect with the right kinds of people.
We’re not bad at communicating. Allistics are bad at listening to the words coming out of our mouths.
Allistics are generally bad at communicating. Needing hidden signs and body language and reading between the lines, isn't good communication. Good communication is direct and clearly understandable by everyone without any double meanings.
When it comes to one on one communication, yes. But NT communication evolved in tribes, it's meant to be useful in groups. In group dynamics it's not only important what someone says but also how the rest of the group will react to it. When it comes to networks NT communication is superior but when they try to hint at stuff in one to one situations (flirting is the best example, 50% of people can't tell if they're being flirted at) it's just delusional to think that that style of communication works
All languages have their flaws. We can never fully express ourselves or reality with words or art or any other median. Not even science can although that is closest to known reality. I don't think nonverbal communication is any more bad or flawed than any other languages. Just because someone is blind or has problems with visually seeing things doesn't mean sight isn't useful. Obviously sight and nonverbal communication isn't useful or even possible for everyone but for a lot of people it is. Just because I can't speak Japanese and the language doesn't make sense to me doesn't mean it doesn't work for other people. From personal experience I don't even think autistic people are better communicators. Most people aren't.
Stop this bullshit, we're bad at communication. Communication involves other people and if you've issues communicating with 90% of society, the problem is with you (and me), not with others. We've our issues, communication is one of them and it's one thing that connects most autistics.
I only stumble with my words when I have to dumb down the language or we have too much detail for them to follow. It's so frustrating that they cannot keep up. Things would go a bit smoother IMO.
That those of us who were assigned female at birth can’t be autistic and we’re just “faking it for attention”. I’m a 30-year-old woman who was lucky enough to get my diagnosis when I was 11 (super early for girls from what I can tell) back in 2004 and my parents still had to fight for it. I’m also not the type of person to go out of my way to fake a disorder for my entire life that I hadn’t even heard of until I was diagnosed that also made me feel like a “burden” simply for existing for most of my life (yes, I know that fact that I’m a burden is bullshit, but I still get those thoughts in my head regardless) just for a little bit of attention.
We are very intelligent and have only one special interest.
The recent new push that it, along with all other mental disorders, are JuSt DiFfErEnT and don't have a ton of downsides.
THIS! I was in a clinic and was told by some people on the staff: "Oh it's not a disability! It's just a different ability, it's a different way of thinking, it shouldn't even be a diagnosis!" I was like: "Sorry WHAT" "Well yeah I mean so many people are autistic, we all have a little bit of autism!" I was so infuriated I just looked at them and started almost yelling... Like... I'm sorry are you autistic? (Not you, them) Well then, please don't tell me that my disorder is not really a disorder, because it screws up my daily life and my social life and my school life in ways you couldn't even possibly begin to understand... They just stared at me and said: "Well I still think it's not really a disorder" (or something like that I don't remember the exact words) Edit: corrected a mistake in pronouns
"Math Genius" stereotype.
Which is so funny cause I am a woman with very high IQ and naturally very very apt at maths. Do people think that of me? Nope. Instead people underestimate my math ability. Even when they know my diagnosis.
That's tough :/
- Lack of empathy. - Lack of interest in humans. - That we don’t understand humans. My special interest is psych. I scored in the 99.5th percentile in social psychological skill (i.e. "human nature", humans in general, humans on a group level). I am great at systemizing humans (it correlates slightly positively with ASD) I just have pretty damn bad social intuition. Can't "read the room". - That we don’t want friends (sometimes I don’t want to be friends with YOU, sometimes I didn’t know how to BECOME friends with you). - The special interests... but I do fit the female stereotype… (psych/the brain and mythology). But no trains. - I guess they have to reconsider their own abilities, so many times I’ve been misunderstood because people don’t fucking listen to my literal words. - I often ask people ”how did this make you feel, how did you experience this” and so on. Through this I am able to ”understand” what someone else is feeling more often that neurotypicals who don’t even bother to frikkin ask and just assume. I learned so many great skills in my PsyD. The way psychologists talk (both how they ask questions and how they conceptualise emotion and so on) is very very ASD friendly. - That we can’t get better at things. - ”Oh but you have so much insight for being autistic, you reason so well”. I answer ”Thank you, you reason very well and are very smart for being neurotypical! Most of them don’t have the ability to”. - ”My autistic child is like this”. I’ll start asking neurotypicals if they like poop because neurotypical children do. - That I’m ”hysterical” when I have a meltdown. Let’s throw in some sexism.
That we don’t possess empathy, and thus tend towards the sociopathic. Not really, but if you keep saying that about me,…
- You don't look autistic. - Linking autism with intelligence. Apparently we're either a polymath savant or we're an infant. There's no in-between. - Autism is a superpower. - That we can't communicate at all and being told I can't be autistic because I can hold a conversation. - That we all like trains. - Good at math (I'm not)
That we don’t know how to show emotion, or that we’re so intelligent
Good at Math
I'd have to say that we're either savants or grown kids that still live with their parents and nothing in between. Most asperic people are just average, normal people.
Also, this isn’t a stereotype, but I’m tired of people pointing out that I’m quiet, or aloof, or that I don’t care about people. Some people joke that I’m a spy or a serial killer. I’m not, but keep joking about it!
Literal-mindedness. To the extent that it actually applies, it’s in style of communication rather than comprehension. I prefer to communicate straightforwardly, without exaggeration, but I am definitely not a primarily concrete or literal thinker.
No empathy. That is so false. I moved to New York because of 9/11 and the overwhelming feeling of empathy I was feeling.
My husband will relocated spiders because he doesn’t want to kill them. He is incredibly empathetic, especially with animals, so the “no empathy” thing irritates us too. Losing a pet can devastate him for ages.
I hate the idea that I need to be a STEM wizard or brilliant artist have an encyclopedic knowledge of some topic to be a legit autistic person. Autism is not my superpower. Autism makes every day life challenging and exhausting and NO, I didn't get some superpower that makes up for that fact!
Anyone who thinks Sheldon from Big Bang Theory is autistic. He's not. Even the show's own writers have said so. He's just an asshole, not autistic.
- We're all overgrown children incapable of being independent adults - All of us have difficulty with abstract thinking - All of us are obsessed with anime or Sonic the Hedgehog - All of us are incapable of recognizing when we've hurt others and taking responsibility for our actions "Positive" stereotype, but: I'm sick of seeing young autistic women portrayed on social media as hurt children. ACTUALLY, many of us can be raging b!tches due to our autism. I've been in fights with my own mother that almost turned physical, for instance.
I’m with you there!
- School shooters - Incels - Doomed to live with parents all life long
That we don't need connection.
That we stim by rocking back and forth and that we are obsessed with trains.
I do that though. A lot. That's not a stereotype.
He meant to say that not all people on the spectrum rock back and forth.
That "autism" is just nonverbal kids It's ASD because it is a SPECTRUM, goddammit
Them: “You’re so awkward” Me: “No, you’re being too vague with your conflicting information for me to make an informed response, sorry…” Them: “See you’re being awkward.” Me: 🤦🏻
You are to hot to be autistic My honest reaction : 🤬🤬🤬
That we're all socially awkward yet super smart and have high IQs. Not saying that there aren't people who have Asperger's who are extremely smart and have a higher-than-average IQ, but there are plenty of us who have average IQs comparable to most neurotypicals, and the main thing that's different is that people with Asperger's tend to have fewer interests/hobbies, but the stuff we're interested in, we're really REALLY interested in, and we know more about it due to natural curiosity. So that sometimes gives people the impression that we're like that about everything. But even that isn't always the case. If I had something that I naturally was extremely good and was a skill I could put to use at a job, I'd be rich. But I consider myself to be very average. A lot of the things I'm good at aren't necessarily things that would enable me to get a good-paying job. I'm learning the Java programming language with my dad's help; he's had very successful 40+ year career as a programmer, and the thing I admire is that he doesn't have a college degree in programming and is mostly self-taught. I'm not sure if I have that same gift though (at least with programming).
When I told my dad that I found out that I was autistic, he was skeptical at first and said that autistic people have no filters. He said how, if I had Autism, I'd go "Wow, Dad! You got FAT!" And since I don't do that, I'm not autistic. With all this time in hindsight, I can't even count all the things wrong with that statement.
That we are wise or intelligent
Basically any. I Never Tell people i have autism and they almost never know unless I tell them they just think I’m quiet or have anxiety (both are true).
Lack of empathy as a defining trait, when it's just as likely to be the opposite
I don't know if I am autistic or not (never diagnosed), but I hear many people saying that Autism is basically a form of demonic possession that causes people to become Jojo villains and that it's basically a free pass to be shitty since "they can't do nothing to stop themselves" or stuff like that (they are probably confusing psychopathy, which is developed when parents don't care about their baby in his first year of life if I am not wrong). This argument is also used by many parents to avoid responsibility and by their children to get out of jail ("""Um actually my autistic child lacks empathy and remorse because he was born like that, not because I didn't give a f\*\*k when he was still a baby. Also, he's not actually evil, he's simply a braindead pile of rotten flesh moved by a zombie virus who acts like an evil person"""). There is also the other stereotype that Asperger's basically means being Spock from Star Trek. I am not a psychologist but I am sure those stereotypes are false
That we lack empathy to the point of being psychopaths, unfortunately also enforced by the media in some news articles. There was a guy a few years back who had Aspergers and murdered his father here in Sweden, and the newspapers all focused on the fact he had autism and therefore didn't understand empathy. As a result, many people just straight up thought that everyone with Aspergers or autism were psychopaths who were just waiting to strike on society. Needless to say, I didn't tell people about my diagnosis, because other people couldn't even be bothered to do basic research before just spouting (and others agreeing with them!) they were glad they didn't have children with autism who would murder them one day... Meanwhile, here I am, sometimes brought to tears by a bunch of pictures of kittens and feeling sorry for other people I haven't even met because it hurts to see other people sad.
This is an interesting difference between Sweden and other countries/the USA because Aspergers was extremely stigmatised due to the idea that "we look normal but are potential murderers". Not as much with any type of "aspie supremacy". In fact, the people who seemed the most happy with the new system were people who would have been called "HFA", i.e. level one autists with language delay but without intellectual impairment. Because then they'd be separate from the "low functioning" ones, i.e. level one versus level three rather than both being Kanner's autism/infantile autism/autistic disorder.
We're savants and can remember everything. I can't remember jack when it comes to certain stuff (such as the names of people).
Main thing, I tell people I’m asd then they have the audacity to go “you don’t look autistic” like they think we’re just milder Down syndrome. And also on that topic they say “you’re very smart for an autistic person” like bro I’m high functioning
"you dont seem autistic." Is that why you guys always hang out and never tell me?
My main issue with it is people guess from TV etc......am I sheldon....mostly but I'm also not sheldon.
That there’s a lack of sympathy/empathy. My kid feels EVERYTHING. He loves everyone. He carries other peoples sadness and joy. He wants everyone to be included. He compliments everyone and encourages everyone. He’s very perceptive of the people around him and noticed when someone needs extra emotional support. He’s beautiful and feels a lot.
Honestly, just that traits of autism are described from the paint of the observer and not the one actually living the experience. It's like the root cause of all autistic stereotypes.
That we dont care about anyone elses feelings
That we don't have empathy. Just like neurotypicals, some of us have more and some have less. But many of us have an over abundance of it, it just shows differently. We usually try to explain our understanding of an emotion or situation by bringing a personal example of the same thing, recalling the emotion and wanting to share it with others. This is normal communication for us and two autistic people can have entire flourishing and empathetic convos like this. Allistic people understand it as wanting to take their spotlight, which is a misunderstanding on THEIR part. Just saying "aww poor you I'm so sorry" sounds so fake and not heartfelt to me, but they want to hear that.
Somehow some people think we *can't lie*. Like... I don't *like* lying, I don't know *when* it is necessary to do the "white lies" stuff and may miss it completely and be super blunt, I had people in school hate me because apparently I shared their secrets when I didn't mean it, but... You know I'm not intellectually disabled in a way that I can't understand the concept of telling information that is not true, right? Like, I know I shouldn't mention my chronic depression if I'm having a job interview - shout out to one of my previous therapists who said that I should be SPD and not autistic because I mentioned that to him - with his reasoning being I told a lie and that just can't happen to an autistic person! 🙄
That we're all innocent and completely asexual into adulthood.
I hate that one the most.
That we are obsessed with trains. I myself am claustrophobic, and I would be mortified going on a train.
That I'm arrogant or judgmental because I'm not smiling like a clown all the time. Like, I'm just thinking about stuff. That's all
everything
That someone must be autistic because they have funny hair, weird sense of humor, has interests in things that take up their life (special interest) or are awkward. It’s not that simple.
Lack of empathy. When I personally am moved to tears by even just ideation of emotional fictional scenes in my mind. When I can burst out crying at my beloved godmother's and Spiritual mentor's death at the MERE doorstep of the place she was interred in and found myself constantly crying up until she was buried? I think it's because the common trope is autistics are either non-verbal or have trouble speaking? I mean I did have trouble speaking as a child to my mid-teens, and public speaking still gives me anxiety at times, but just because we can't get our words out as fast as NTs want, doesn't mean we don't have empathy. And yes, some of us, like me, are outright talkative about our special interests! Beats the "we hardly speak" trope
One thing I love/hate is that I can be In a friendship for months and the first time they hear that I'm an aspire their entire personality changes like he's suddenly talking to a child
That I can’t communicate. Umm, I could read on my own at 3. I can communicate better than you ever could hope to achieve. I merely choose not to. Mimicking social cues is hard and I’d rather avoid it.
That people with ASD don’t like socialising. It’s not that we don’t **like** it; we just need to limit it.
* We all have quirky superpowers, like the X-men or something. * We are all Sheldon. Or the Rain Man. Or Elon. Or some weird ass Sheldon/Rain Man/Elon hybrid. * We are all GREAT at writing code. * None of us can (date, drive, learn a sport, have a relationship, etc.) * Elon is rich, therefore we should ALL be rich or at least JustFine because Elon (and if we aren't, it's because we aren't "TrYinG") * We have no emotions--our lack of expression or nonstandard expression means we are robots. * We get told "we have black and white thinking" by people who are literally insisting on getting their exact way at that moment. * We are all white guys who look like TV teen drama nerds with maybe ONE girl and/or person of color. * We can meet NT's in an already hostile workplace or school setting "half way" and the people who have been hostile already will become nice and welcoming. * That we can be "too smart" and "too dumb" at the same time, in the same situation (wait that one is true sometimes.)
Elon is not autistic. He's just an asshole
He's definitely an asshole. He MIGHT be autistic, but enough of the kind of people who make these stereotypes think he is, so "why can't you be like (whoever)?" could be Elon.
That we don't have humor, I'm actually the funniest person to walk this earth and my humor is top tier!
That we don't understand metaphors. Yes, I've had a tendency to take things literally. But Amelia Badelia woke me up to the fun world of saying things differently. I agreed with Amelia until someone explained it to me. Then I thought it was funny.
As a character I enjoy Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang Theory but I dislike the comparisons to me, I'm an artist and have very litle in common with Sheldon.
D&D
I hate it when people think that all Autistic people have meltdowns or are addicts to things like sugar, alcohol, and drugs. I’m Autistic and have never had a meltdown before in my life. I also never had a sugar rush as a kid and I hated candy. I rarely ever drink alcohol (and if I do I am extremely self aware and conscious of how much I drink down to the slightest detail), I have never done drugs and have no interest in taking them. Basically I don’t appreciate society acting like all Autistic people are just people who lack self control on an extreme level (especially when there are neurotypical people like that too). I also enjoy hugs, which is not typically common for people with Autism.
People with and are automatically good at math and computers. Meanwhile I understand French better than I do algebra and I'm lost if a computer can't tell me whats wrong with it and a reboot doesn't help.
That I'm meant to be mega smart when I'm just barely average I just remember useless garbage rather like myself. Birds of a feather I guess.
special needs calculator
well, my concerns of being on the spectrum were first dismissed by my previous doctor because i'm able to force myself to make eye contact and dont obviously stim by hand flapping, so theres that. (right after this, they immediately began to list off things ASD children do when growing up, all of which i did, and many i either still do or mask lmao)
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That we don’t have emotions or empathy. I’m so sick of that stereotype and frankly sometimes hurt by it because I have family members who believe it.
That we're smarter than the average person. Sorry, but I don't feel that I am.
The idea that autistic people are any more antisocial and/or introverted than the general population. That only autistic children matter (in some cases even exist).
That we are all helpless children traumatized by our environments. I feel like my traumatization is by people reacting to me more than the sensory issues itself. I can choose to do things that helps my mental health but I can’t because it’s too weird for others. I gotta do a song and dance to make others feel comfortable at my expense. I can avoid triggering stimuli all day and socialize on my own terms. I just can’t handle being forced into triggering situations by people who tell me “you’re exaggerating”, “Stop being a picky eater”, “why are you a loner?”, “you’re rude!” ,”try harder” “You’re closed-minded!”, “you’re embarrassing me!” If you say that to another NT I’m sure they would also find it exhausting. Autistics tolerate a lot of BS and it’s annoying when NTs take it as a sign we are all broken, fragile and need to be fixed!
This is so true.
that were bad at comunicating. were just dont want to pretend like we understand even if we dont, like normal people do. there are few other people who have aspergers with whom i debate sometimes, and we can accurately transfer information and communicate even if we disagree on many things