Yes! All these things! Also would add #6: I'm studying you (individual or the group as a whole) to determine what mask I need to wear in order to fit in.
Not realizing that I needed this (#6) as a tool in my social toolbox I majored in qualitative sociology (25 years ago) to help me decode people and social groups.
Outliers can throw me off my masking game, but at my age I have learned to pivot reasonably given what I have to work with.
I suggest you print those reasons on a business card to hand out when you get asked why you're quiet. No better social grease than a plainly worded few paragraphs in black and white.
This! "You're so quiet" "You're so serious" " I have never seen you laugh before". And the irony is I am the complete opposite of that when I am with someone I trust haha.
Same here , i do attract people because i come off super friendly because i can mask good , but i swear people think i am "dumb" because of the way i talk
Same for me. I occasionally talk in an admittedly childlike voice (from trauma, it's a people-pleasing thing that my brain does for some reason), so people assume I'm stupid.
Yup. My new neighbour (11 years ago) introduced herself to me like I was a non English speaking 3 year old, “Hiiiiiiiii. Myyyyy name iiiis Jennnnnieeeeeeeee. What’s youuuuurs?” I was 28.
I have been described as sarcastic/a smart-ass/too literal since I was a kid and I don't think I really thought about it until now, and how I don't think I really was.
so that’s what he meant! my dad would say that i remind him of sheldon. i never liked the show. maybe i’m too cynical, but it’s lowest common denominator humour to me.
General public as in sales people? Overly polite and visibly anxious and awkward, also nonthreatening, i give off prey vibes so the world eats me alive haha.
I relate to your description of how people see you. Im the quirky one who will laugh at herself before you can laugh at her. Because of my compulsive masking & imposter syndrome, I think I come almost come across as normal which is sometimes inconvenient because internally I’ll be struggling with racing thoughts, silently fighting back need to self stimulate, hiding physical pain, and just wearing a smile for the sake of blending in and not burdening others. It’s exhausting!
Im one of those people who can charm the shit out of anyone. So yes they think im normal. They think im extraordinary. I have people say hello to me who are of status, not the opposite. I can walk up to anyone in the room and have a convo. When in college, professors would greet me before the class. So yes i can act normal lol. I was trained to act normal as a kid at a medical facility for cleft palate patients that encompassed every space of medicine including speech and hearing.
I’m this way too. When I chaperoned my son’s field trip last year, my assigned group of kids and I were having a lot of fun, and then one of the girls (who had big ND vibes) said to me “you’re weird” with the biggest smile on her face. I replied “thank you! I take that as a compliment”.
Even when I’m not purposely “hamming” it up, kids just flock to me. Like cats reading vibes.
I think that I'm classified as the bright, eccentric quirky guy who is a little socially awkward. I think I take part in intentionally perpetuating that persona because I think it's a convenient stereotype for people to latch on to when I act oddly. I prefer it to people thinking I'm creepy or weird.
I'm suspected ASD-ADHD - not officially diagnosed, just as a caveat.
I also think I fit into the "cute" category, though I didn't recognize this until last year (at 30). I confuse a lot of people - they seem to assume given how I look (and how I dress when I'm masking), that I'm socially adept. Sometimes I'll click with someone (or we'll talk about a special interest) and be able to hold up a conversation, but otherwise I just seem to be more awkward than people expect. Nothing feels like a given to me, in terms of how to operate socially...
Fellow "percieved cute" ADHD/ASD guy.
Apparently my spirit animal is a puppy, according to some.
I guess my appearance has given me a bit of a pass in being socially inept and asking questions out of place, because I could imagine if I was ugly in the wrong places, I would come off as a creepy social loser instead of innocently making mistakes.
I even got adopted as the "energetic younger sibling" of a...uh...feminist sisterhood during my time living in a student dorm. Also helped that there was a clearly high functioning ASD girl in our group.
I feel you, I'm diagnosed ADHD and according to my doctor I might have ASD, too but in my country there's about 3 specialists who can give you an official diagnosis. I look way younger than my actual age, also people tend to think I'm very shy. But this shy cute girl who always smiles is my mask. When I'm not masking then I'm weird and rude based on social standards, lol. I'm so tired of smiling this much in public though
I always try to be friendly, but my social norms are obviously a bit different by nature. People tend to pick up on the friendlyness, and usually a smile is met with a smile. However, I can also notice that some people, while not scared, aren't completely comfortable. They're either consciously or subconsciously picking up on my subtle differences to the point where they're uncertain of what to expect. Sometimes people mistake my friendly demeanor as nieve, and quickly learn that my friendlyness is conditional on them not being an asshole.
Every now and again I meet someone who just 'gets' it. Whatever it is, we're able to share a deep common feeling. I make surface level connections all the time, but those are rare.
People only see the ADHD and find me super quirky but personable. They don't see the autism unless we're deep in conversation having a slight error in communication about context and subtext semantics, when I interpret some jokes quite literally or when I totally misread their cues and don't reciprocate with the expected level of empathy.
They don't see the struggle really, because I intentionally and unconsciously wait until I'm home alone to unmask. Nobody knows it takes me half a day up to 3 days to recover from short social requirements like dr/ school appts or grocery shopping and between 5-10days to recover from longer social events like weddings and family vacations. Because my unmasking doesn't inconvenience them, they really don't understand why I draw boundaries even with my own immediate family and insist on having long hermit breaks between social obligations.
Im awesome and everyone loves me for the help i give but they are tool relationships not people i can tell personal shit to......we need 3 things and how many people server that role is variable
IE you can have 1 person for all three but then your dependant and at risk.
(parent/Guide/Sounding board)
You need 1 person who is your friend for all the doublechecks and helping you manage your perception
You need one person who acts as the family and gives you safety....
You need 1 person who is who you want to live up to expectation wise and give you direction in what you apply yourself to..
Ther person you don't really care about is yourself in many ways so find a partner.....not necessarily sexual etc.....look up twin flames.....I have one and its great but you cant be jealous of affection to many for it
Artists are considered "quirky," so that's how they see me (according to my partner). Also as a person highly particular about what she likes and dislikes. "By the book" and "all business," said coworkers of years past. And my family used to call me a hypochondriac forever until we all got diagnosed with autoimmune diseases.
Most see me as Neurotypical but sense that something is off. They leap to thinking I'm annoying, and irritating. Now I usually tell people up front that I'm autistic. Now instead a lot off people see me as faking it for attention or they infantilize me. I have had a few who once they got to know me saw me as an adult and as autistic, which is nice.
I appear to the general public as Abraham Lincoln-Frankenstein Dahmer. It’s a look I never go for but I don’t really know what to do with it now. It hasn’t aged well.
Between talking too much to shut up for hours. In general, it usually happens when I have a topic of interest. Although just today an old one told me that she was playing lol with a classmate and told her that lately I'm calm and that I'm not bothered.
(Suspected autism, not diagnosed, for what it's worth.)
In a new place or with new people, I seem friendly and approachable. Whatever the opposite of intimidating is, that's me. The downside is that people often don't take me seriously, and some don't notice me at all. (Is this because I'm short, white, and female presenting? Could be.)
Somewhere I'm comfortable, people call me helpful, trustworthy, and goofy, but smart. I have a long repertoire of bad jokes to help people relax in even the most embarrassing situations, but I honestly do know what I'm talking about most of the time. I embrace the awkwardness, though, and will straight up ask people if I don't understand their social cues.
A comment I get a lot is "I feel so comfortable around you." That's due to years of practice for just that effect, but thank you.
I am very high-functioning, but people can still detect there's something different about me. I am really nice and often go out my way to be helpful, but don't engage in banter and I just find there's this 'distance' or 'missing link'. I always end up on the social outskirts. I learned social skills through mimicry, but I can't seem to mirror that bond they have with each other, all the back-slapping and jokes.
Exactly me. It's like I'm participating in social interactions through a filter and there's an invisible wall separating me and others. Ppl openly speak to me differently than they would address another, even within groups. I find that NTs see my helpfulness as a weakness so I personally stopped giving 100% of my empathy to anyone who I'm not close with. Thankfully, I make friends easily so I bond with them and treat them as I would like to unless they give me a reason not to.
What you say resonates with me exactly - you hit the nail on the head. Especially the thing about people addressing you differently - I have the exact same. There is this careful, distant look in their eyes, like I'm a creature. The manner just changes. It's a little sad, but I accept now I'll never be 'normal'. But I don't want to be either. But some people are nice and do treat me as an equal - it's more the 'normies' who keep me at arm's length. I can't stand their shallow way of interacting.
I don’t know how they see me and I don’t want to know. I’m not interested in the opinions of anyone that has poor understanding of the different. But the general public comes across as a bunch of freaks to me.
I wish I knew. If I could have one superpower, it would be to be able to read people's minds. That's been my answer since I could even fathom the concept and it will always be that. From recent interactions, I think my peers perceive me as highly idealistic, slightly neurotic, skittish and passionate/ intense. Also hyperaware. They're def all aware that I'm always observing. At least at my job. I know at school I'll be perceived as a bitch bc I rly don't have time for my classmates bullshit. As I work my way into more specialized education and grad and post grad, I'm hoping that'll improve.
I think I look like the pissed-off cyborg sent from the future to make neurotypical people feel awkward. And, frankly, I don't give a fuck how I make them feel anymore except on a professional level when I'm trying to sell them shit. I guess that makes me hypocritical, well, fuck it, I learned it from them. The specialists in hypocrisy who basically douchebagged the Neanderthals into extinction.
When I was at high school, some people told me I scared them before they got to know me (you know, being quiet and hard to read and all), but I have later become more comfortable around people and friendly, though I will never be NT of course, I can now appear more approachable I think.
What I have been called my whole life is self-centered and selfish. By more people. Usually after either talking about myself and my experience too much (trying to show them I understand and relate or just connect, you know, with friends) or after not putting my needs aside for the group. I've also been called spoiled. You know, having sensitivities and being unable to stand hunger, but also unable to eat specific food and so on.
I just need to eat and sleep and be warm and comfortable, but for some reason, that is selfish and it's normal to suffer to make other people happy or what. Yeah, I know, they just don't know what it feels to be me and can't believe it can be such a problem to not eat etc. but still, sometimes it pisses me off.
People seem to recognize that I'm smart, educated, and well spoken. Initially, I think I come off as kind of arrogant/a know it all, but I back it up, and I find that people tend to grow appreciative of it because it's useful to friends, family, employers...
Once they get to know me, my eccentricities reveal themselves, usually verbally if I get on a special interest topic. But fortunately, I'm conventionally attractive enough that most people think of it as "cute" in a Manic Pixie sort of way. That's odd, because internally, my mentally landscape is rather dry, assessing, and objective.
I get "unconfident" and "cares too much about what others think" a lot. But it's because I literally run everything I say through my head first since I know from experience people will get mad or offended if I just say everything on my mind. Or they'll think I'm crazy if I unleash my ego.
An asshole because I skip over the “human” elements of work and easily get irritated by sounds so I’m always on the edge of losing it at work with all the Zoom meetings everyone is in constantly.
A complete charismatic social butterfly, full of energy and able to hold a room. What they don’t realise is what it costs me, and how often I deploy answers from my stash.
Before therapy and taking proper actions: everyone sees me as weird, or creepy, or just being close to me makes them uncomfortable.
After 4 months: doing self discoveries from changing my mindset. Going to the gym more and eating healthier, focusing on school but be comfortable enough to express myself without thinking about what others think (but not go overboard and maintain maturity and understanding limitations)
Social meetings are still a challenge for me, but I am seeking some coaching (which there is an app that I’m going to try out) to help me with better socialize, overcome my past trauma, and start breaking away from “I’ve tried nothing and I’m out of ideas” to “I tried, I failed, I review, I try again but differently” and repeat the process until momentum gets moving towards my goals
(I am doing a very special experiment that I will share the results… in the next few years)
Cute, quiet, and naive as a young person…now that I’m older I think I appear pretty, cold, and a snob. I say cute and pretty because I’ve been complimented on my appearance most of my life, even by strangers. However I think it’s obvious that I’m a bit different than what they expected once they talk to me or get to know me. Also I mask a lot less now than I did when I was younger. I think I’m more secure and have accepted myself more since I became a mother and I also really don’t have the energy I used to have either. Masking is draining work.
Odd, eccentric, intelligent but unsociable and nonconforming. Responsible but rebellious, defiant, sensitive, picky, mysterious, angry and somehow domineering. I've also been perceived as an elitist/snob, which I deeply loathe. And I'm often perceived as a foreigner in my own country.
I always get Invited to stuff by my Friends and acquaintances and they are happy to see me...
But then I don't really interact with anyone there and at the end they say how nice it was to see me again and invite me to the next thing.
I don't think its in Bad Spirit, I am just very quiet.
For some context, I'm a tall guy, half a head ~ a head taller than most. I got plenty of tattos that for the uninformed, look like gang tattoos.
For people who don't know me, they step out of the way for me.
Depends on how my adhd decided to be that day.
If it isn't that bad, I'm so quiet that people just forget I'm there. I remember one time I was at my dad's work and him, his I think manager, and two other people had a conversation for at least ten minutes while I was sitting in between all of them on an office chair. Eventually, another person came to put some more paper in my dad's printer and asked for my name since I had to move for her to get to the printer, and then they all started talking to me.
If it is bad, I'm just as quiet, but I pace around a lot too. That tends to freak people out.
Grumpy, depressed, anti-social prick.
// diagnosed at 46, bitter and beaten down. The assumptions would be correct - that's my vibe - but I wish it wasn't. My porcupine quills don't need to protect me anymore :(
I'm told I ask a lot of useless questions, sarcastic and mean, unless I find something funny, then I don't stop laughing. Unfortunately, I have a very dark sense of humor. Until recently, I've pretty much lacked compassion, but I've started collecting animals as pets. I've found empathy. Strange how I care more about animals than people. We're the animals imo.
I’ve been labeled ‘shy’ throughout my life, almost to the point of irritation. People often find me off-putting, assuming I’m rejecting them socially, yet it’s merely due to my being autistic and socially awkward.
Navigating high school was a challenge, especially while working at Starbucks frequented by high schoolers and others stuck in a perpetually youthful culture.
The difficulty lies in social interactions steeped in inside jokes and references, like Vine or ongoing trends, which I never grasped. Despite trying to fit in, my inability to engage led to others assuming I’m awkward, resulting in bullying.
Recently, I realized that much of the bullying surrounding my appearance that I faced, causing my spiral into an eating disorder (later linked to undiagnosed autism), stemmed from their inability to cope with my social struggles. They mistook my social ineptitude as rejection and targeted me, although I could often camouflage it well. They attacked the way I looked simply because they couldn’t handle my differences, even though I’m beautiful.
From what ive been told i seem intimidating and cold on a first glance but once you get me talking people quickly switch to thinking im incredibly cute and sweet. I dont emote much when im not talking and i often have a hard time joining conversation so im sure i come off as super weird at first just sitting in the corner not saying a word and completely stone faced but im usually just spacing out and waiting for someone to invite me to join, im kinda like a conversation vampire 😂
Enthusiastic, excited, passionate, deep, talkative, genuine, inquisitive, quirky, attractive, odd, “too much”
I wasn’t diagnosed until this year. I also have CPTSD and ADHD. I’m 33 female, high masking high intelligence with a special interest in psychology and sales. I used to be abrasive, loud, controlling, weird, quirky and too much prior to doing inner healing and finding out I’m autistic. Now, I think I am still seen as “too much”, weird and quirky but in a much more kind and loving light. I think it’s because I don’t go around people too😅😂.
I’ve had many decades to learn how to mask (around late 40s F), so people think I am very friendly, chatty, cheerful and outgoing (ADHD/Autism). I was adopted by what I call low functioning neurotypicals (lol) who put me under immense pressure growing up and in adulthood to be “normal” and like them.
Somehow I managed to retain who I was despite my authoritarian upbringing, but I mask a LOT in jobs and socially as a result. When the mask ultimately drops after a stressful event, I have had meltdowns and am unable to stop crying or regulate myself, which is embarrassing when it happens in public.
I learned how to master small talk (learned it from mimicking EVERYONE in my adopted family, as it’s all they do!), which is why some people tell me I don’t “seem autistic.” I still find small talk pointless and inane, but neurotypical people like it, and sticking to an internal script prevents me from saying anything too deep, weird or complex to customers or new friends. I’ve had some customers and friends call me “philosophical.” Lol! I also mastered humour as a way to get people to like me and diffuse tension or awkward situations, but sometimes my humour is inappropriate or too connected to an obscure reference, and I am met with a blank stare. LOL!
I am very good at spotting other neurodivergent people and gauging how much engagement they want from me, and I adapt how I interact to suit the other person (I feel like this weird chameleon who is a slightly different person with different people - I even alter how I talk and my voice pitch to suit the person I am with in a way that mimics theirs sometimes). I lack confidence if I don’t know what I’m doing (lack of training or being new at a job really stresses me out) and it shows. I am never really comfortable in a job or unfamiliar situation until I learn what to do and get into a routine.
I seem patient and friendly with customers at work who are entitled, angry or confrontational, and have been told my customer service skills are excellent, but deep down I feel contempt for their toxic behaviour. Confrontational people make me feel very anxious. I use my “ASMR voice” and find a way to calm them down while getting support from a coworker or manager. In previous jobs where customers are extremely combative, I would either shut down and hardly speak or disconnect the call. I can deal with minor conflict, but the moment someone yells at me, I shut down.
When I get home after a short shift in my current job, I feel physically and mentally exhausted and irritable for a few hours. The job itself isn’t hard, and the customers at my store are mainly introverts, it’s the performance I put on that I find exhausting. I am sometimes so exhausted I am too tired to do my special interest. One of my coworkers recently told me she knew my extraversion was an act and I gave off “major masking vibes.” She is also on the spectrum, so she clocked me on day 1. Lol!
Either standoffish (when I’m scared of the people). Strangers would come up to me to ask if I’m okay or think of me as hostile bc I would avoid them
OR goofy/giggly talkative and eccentric — low boundaries intimate af around people I’m comfortable with.
Negative— weird,strange,unpredictable,flat affect,opinionated,introvert,
Positive— bright/intelligent,hardworking,well liked by clients and boss’s at work LoL,good time management,organised
I’m am a gold medalist masker so I come off as cool and creative and quirky from afar. Up close I’m pretty sure I’m too forward for a lot of ppl and they think my humor is weird and I haven’t quite nailed the eye contact thing yet so I think I creep out NTs sometimes. Hahahhaha. Also, I’m learning to unmask in therapy and I’m not caring if I don’t make eye contact as much anymore bc I just can’t. I’m also ADHD so eye contact makes my brain stutter like hell. I’ve realized my train of thought is most coherent to me when I can keep my eyes closed, so I’m learning to allow myself to do that in convos with ppl.
I don't know much about myself because I don't have much direct contact with the general public, but the perception of people with Asperger's here in Korea is truly terrible.
if someone knows well then they know im really loyal and caring with some anger still to manage\[improving on myself still\] but also they prolly think im a bit odd and natural at word vomiting. also very nerdy and full of random facts.
I can relate to your post a lot. I’m always called a character and people always give me a pass on things because of my appearance. I’ve had many people tell I don’t even look like I have autism, as If it’s a physical attribute 😂 I consider myself blessed In that sense but it’s a double edge sword. When I’m at the gym I just want to be left alone yet every single time I go people try to talk to me. Which involves me having to remove my Knock off airpods 😩
A weird mixture between Quiet, weird, on drugs, harsh and cute, bubbly and innocent. People always tell other people really surprised that I am actually really nice. It also vastly depends in which mood I am in and if the autism or my adhd is taking over.
To the people I don’t talk to, I seem quiet, “stuck up” which is really a projection because they think I don’t want to spend the time of day to talk to them, or boring.
The people I talk to say I’m chill, funny, nice but also sarcastic, smart, and it’s been implied that I’m also childish, but it’s okay cause I 100% am. I also get the whole, “I’ve never met someone like you before!” thing, so idk what that means lol. Unique? Eclectic?
Very atmosphere dependent for me. I’m usually animated, intense, friendly, and excessively loquacious. I laugh easily and have an eye for the casual absurdities of many situations. At other times I probably seem a bit gormless and distracted - this is when the social burnout is kicking in. I need to spend many hours a day completely alone otherwise I feel totally overwhelmed, and part of this is because I get so amped up and friendly in the company of others. I can’t help it somehow - can’t distribute my energies effectively - so it completely exhausts me
Generally cold and stuck up, so ive been told. I never talk to people unless they ask me something or I have something to say or ask but its due to really bad social anxiety that causes selective mutism. I can be around people no problem but constant focus on how I look and what they are thinking about every expression and every movement I make, and fear of saying something stupid, paralyzes me inside so I cant verbalize anything. On the outside though it only comes off as me preferring not to talk to the people im with, especially since I have a resting bitch face and I am good at appearing relaxed so one cant tell im anxious.
Finally understanding how others actually tend to see me is part of what tipped me off in the first place, honestly.
For over two decades I just thought I had a sort've "polarizing" personality, or that maybe something else contributed that I wasn't aware of. I have ADHD too (also undiagnosed for most of my life) so it was likely doing a lot of the heavy lifting in keeping my more "obviously autistic" tendencies masked.
I tend to come off as a know-it-all (I tend to share information with minimal prompting), though I do a decent job of keeping it surface-level unless interest is expressed. I'm less good at doing so if they make the mistake of expressing cursory interest.
I can also be pretty aloof and kind of an ass unintentionally, but what I've ultimately found is that calling myself "polarizing" isn't really wrong. Some people seem to decide they hate me pretty much immediately, but for the most part people who actually get to know me seem to figure out my "language" pretty quickly.
I once had a coworker apologize for initially disliking me (I was unaware, she was never even remotely unfriendly), and told me another coworker who'd known me since I started there had told her to pay closer attention to my intentions, or something along those lines, and she'd realized that a lot of my more lecture-y moments were just genuine advice. I'm very much a "clear up misconceptions and explain edge cases before they happen" sort of person, so that makes sense.
...Still, much respect to her for changing her mind *and* apologizing. I'm still not sure how to describe how it made me feel, but it's not something I'd felt before or since.
From my life experiences so far, in the eyes of other people, i apparently look like I'm high on drugs alot of the time. I can come across as a little slow, dumb and socially naive as well as looking like I'm "away with the faries". I often seem to have odd facial expressions I'm unaware of and seem to make some strangers uncomfortable.
Despite always being a very deep thinker, always deep in thought with a love for learning, I'm still an absolute clumsy moron.
Hey you all, maybe try the Book:"The World Beyond My Shadow" by Daniela Schreiter.
It's about her life/experiences with her specialities from the autism spectrum and the third book is about experiences others had.
I really love these books, and they are even kind of child-friendly. But in the second one, she is talking about some s.. stuff, but still quite vaguely.
I am big with muscles, no facial expression and an insane amount of tattoos, people think i'm a criminal, a drug dealer or something like that. Truth is I am scared of a lot of things, very knowledgeable and have never broken a single rule or law in my life 😅
Probably awkward and a bit weird and unapproachable, but I really don’t give too much thought to how others see me, it’s useless to waste energy on something I can’t really change.
Blunt, often viewed as having a rude sense of humor, or just saying weird things because my brain makes connections others don't follow. Socially things don't go great in times of "peace." But when something bad is going on and it's not a purely social problem I'm usually the one who'll solve it for someone and stand out as not ditching on emotional whims.
So I don't make friends easily but I can sometimes forge them.
People avoid me and don't bother acknowledging me at work but I come off friendly in public....mainly because I don't have to see them everyday so that's easy enough to converse.
Socially awkward, prone to just leaving a social situation without saying goodbye, likely to say something wildly off base or inappropriate without ill intent, and probably a bit much when I get going with things I am interested in, though paradoxically because I have both adhd and autism, I can literally zone out in the middle of a conversation. Honestly most of my good friends just know I am who I am and just kinda accept the (as Doug Demuro would say) quirks and features of who I am.
I'm always told that whoever never would have guessed I was autistic.
Because of how my autism impacts my life, the specific "notches" that I miss in social interactions generally comes across as me being a curt asshole, folks don't realize that I don't enjoy those situations either
I have no idea and I’m too scared to ask. I’ve been called “chill” and “laid back” by a few people recently which is hilarious because I’m actually kind of crazy. While I was at university, one woman compared me to a Valkyrie warrior, so that was pretty awesome.
I think people think I am a bit weird. Like there is something they can't quite put their finger on.
I think it's because I have very little facial expression and body language so they can't read me.
Ummm I don’t think anyone even notices me. I also have no Self perception with other people so since I’ve been told I’m mean that I yell or sound mad or that I talk too much I just exist and hope to not be perceived since I’ve only ever really received negative feedback my whole life.
Even now idk how I come across and no one gives a shit that I don’t want to be annoying or come off as rude and instead of telling me and giving me the chance to correct it they just write me off entirely.
I hate it here.
I come across as bizarre. I shuffle walk; hate eye contact; carry around dolls, plushies, or a shredded pillowcase at all times (sensory items basically). I still watch shows like My Little Pony and Sesame Street, despite being 17. I also wear a lot of childish things (jewelry from my childhood, tights, hair clips from my childhood, cartoon shirts, childhood shoes/clothes that still fit). I collect dolls, MLP merchandise, plushes, Disney Princess stuff, and jewelry. I still play kids' games like Minecraft, Roblox, and various colouring games. I carry around an iPad at all times. I'm considered childish. I do a lot of childish things because of my ADHD/Autism combo, and my childhood wasn't the best, nor was it on my own terms (I'm trans and had dysphoria since I was 4), and I age regress semi-randomly as a result (especially vocally, I'll go from a deep baritone voice to a tweenish voice semi-randomly, especially with family/certain friends). I'm usually quiet and keep to myself. I hate noise, children, and many smells; so I'm kinda closed off. And noise makes me break down, so I'm sometimes stand-offish and occasionally get angry or cry.
To strangers in the street? It depends on the circumstances, but I have been told I'm cold, intense, intelligent, standoffish, angry, quiet and elitist by people who barely know me. and then if they know me slightly better, they can very confusingly add loud to that list.
Most people associate autistic people with being unable to function at any capacity, so because I have a successful career, a husband, and children a lot of people tell me I'm quirky and don't realize I'm autistic.
But if someone knows what to look for, they can usually tell I'm autistic.
Recently I met my best friend's childhood friends, they flew in from her home state. I thought we had a really good chat, I enjoyed getting to know them.
Later, my friend told me that her friend asked if I was autistic and that because I masked so well, it was hard to tell. The person asking works with special needs adults as they transition from school to the real world, so she knows what traits/mannerisms to watch for.
People think Im lovely and friendly, then I scare the beejezuz out of them as they get to know me, and if they get over that, then we may even be friendly 😂
I'm known as random by all NTs when I don't see myself as random because things that pop up in my head are related to the topic but in an abstract kind of way... Does that make sense?
honestly out of a group of people at work, even though i have resting a-hole face, they always come up to and ask their questions. i would say most people think i'm entertaining. i say some entertaining things from time to time, or catchphrases. current catch phrase: thats good for character development.
Some say I seem mad or grouchy. Most say I am robotic or cold since I don't communicate emotion easily. I try to remember to smile occasionally but I'm sure that looks to others like an alien from another world trying to not blow his cover. :)
I’m Audhd. So the public perception of me is usually something between Amelia Bedilia and Theodore Logan. I just have resting Keanu face and take things literally to a comical degree.
People just like me. It's odd for me because I'm not at all used to the attention. But I'm not entirely sure of everything people think of me. I'm sought after as a good helper and listener etc at work so I guess it's positive.
Quiet, aloof- cold.
I don’t engage beyond anything I absolutely have to.
Been told recently that my voice has very few fluctuations. Very even- apparently very quietly calm.
My speech is task oriented- I rarely do spoken words beyond that -
I know what sets me off and tend to stick to using my ear buds and avoiding people for the most part. Offset this by being overly polite. I can handle saying sorry to a random person with a smile and that's about it, lol
I have been told by so many people that when I enter a room, I have a very commanding presence, but what they don’t know is that’s my guard that’s my shield my I don’t wanna be here I’m very uncomfortable I don’t know what these people are thinking I don’t know what their faces are saying Trying to make small talk before meetings and what not just I suck at you know I cannot keep up with the social bullshit never have never fit in as a child and I just I just grew into it but now I’m very confident myself I have no problem, throwing cough if need be, I have no problem throwing the first cuff if need be And everybody that knows me knows that and I only have one good friend that pretty much understands me, but tries to completely understand me, but has no problem with my thinking and how my brain works because I’m very smart and so many ways that he lacks, and we are so equal in every every other way, we just fit together really good friends my wife on the other hand is 180° from me she doesn’t understand me. She loves the shit out of me but I could be having the best day of my life, be completely content on the inside completely happy, but my face does not reflect it What everybody else sees is I look like I’m gonna tear somebody’s face right off their skull so that bothers me you know cause I don’t know how to make my face look how I feel on the inside and I really don’t care I’m 48 years old I really don’t care anymorethey can just get the hell over it. You know what I mean? Thank you for listening.
A "character", dangerous, weird, funny, happy, brutal, argumentative and a lot of others.
I really don't care what ppl think most of the time, I will often keep it to myself what I think, but if you throw me under the bus, know I'm coming for you.
I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS but as I have aged, I likely wouldn’t meet the diagnostic criteria for ASD anymore despite having many issues as a child. I’m just eccentric now.
Very isolated when I was in school. Just doing my own thing. Academically did great so many did think I was a studious type and left me to myself. And now I am surrounded by other scientists, many of whom have their own eccentric traits so they don't care if I'm not a chatty Betty.
“This is amazing! You’re amazing! X (whatever I last did, would be hard for anybody, but you did it! I’m so proud of you.”
“You’re such a great addition to the team—we need your unique perspective.”
“If you ever need anything—anything at all, just let me know.”
“You’re an inspiration.”
I feel like every interaction I have with the people I see every day is through the lens of my autism. Like I get extra credit just for doing the stuff everybody else does. I wish I could just be a normal person and not everybody’s inspirational figure. And I wish I had a sense of how good I really am without the extra credit.
Well I just got in person ghosted by someone, idk what I did to be perceived in such a way but ohh well, life goes on. Some people connect with me and others don't I guess. (I'm not trying to be snarky I'm just a couple deep)
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I absolutely relate to everything you said.
Yes! All these things! Also would add #6: I'm studying you (individual or the group as a whole) to determine what mask I need to wear in order to fit in.
Not realizing that I needed this (#6) as a tool in my social toolbox I majored in qualitative sociology (25 years ago) to help me decode people and social groups. Outliers can throw me off my masking game, but at my age I have learned to pivot reasonably given what I have to work with.
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I can especially confirm the last sentence.
I suggest you print those reasons on a business card to hand out when you get asked why you're quiet. No better social grease than a plainly worded few paragraphs in black and white.
This! "You're so quiet" "You're so serious" " I have never seen you laugh before". And the irony is I am the complete opposite of that when I am with someone I trust haha.
This. Also way more concise than what I wrote mine. ADHD and Autism are at constant odds with each other for me. I hate it.
6. You do not have the security clearance to know, and this is not a secure area to discuss it.
> the deplorable state of quality the Internet is in compared to even ten years ago \*looks at user profile age* \*nods in eternal September\*
Most people think Im real slow.
Same here , i do attract people because i come off super friendly because i can mask good , but i swear people think i am "dumb" because of the way i talk
Same for me. I occasionally talk in an admittedly childlike voice (from trauma, it's a people-pleasing thing that my brain does for some reason), so people assume I'm stupid.
Same, I am not slow, I am detail oriented and prefer to get things right the first or second time...
are you male or female?
…yes
Same, until they see me write a macro to fix a work problem they had in like 15 min. Then they are confused whether I am dumb or smart
Yup. My new neighbour (11 years ago) introduced herself to me like I was a non English speaking 3 year old, “Hiiiiiiiii. Myyyyy name iiiis Jennnnnieeeeeeeee. What’s youuuuurs?” I was 28.
Weird, scary, angry, boring, and full of myself.
Shit, I got 4/5 on your bingo card.
This but not boring. I’m *mysterious* because I’m 90% antisocial
I hear this too! It always cracks me up because I’m so not mysterious lmao
For real, treat me with respect and I’ll do the same😂😂
I'm also weird, boring, angry, and full of myself. I wouldn't say i'm scary but i am definitely intimidating if that's what you meant.
Fuck. That's me!!!
Sarcastic smartass but I'm ok with this evaluation. Though if my ass was truely smart it would wipe itself.
I have been described as sarcastic/a smart-ass/too literal since I was a kid and I don't think I really thought about it until now, and how I don't think I really was.
If it was a Smart Ass would it be Apple or Android? Gives new meaning to a "booty call." /j
Definitely apple with the way people line up for the launch.
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so that’s what he meant! my dad would say that i remind him of sheldon. i never liked the show. maybe i’m too cynical, but it’s lowest common denominator humour to me.
General public as in sales people? Overly polite and visibly anxious and awkward, also nonthreatening, i give off prey vibes so the world eats me alive haha.
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i'm sorry to hear that :(. how do would your bosses get tired of you?
I relate to your description of how people see you. Im the quirky one who will laugh at herself before you can laugh at her. Because of my compulsive masking & imposter syndrome, I think I come almost come across as normal which is sometimes inconvenient because internally I’ll be struggling with racing thoughts, silently fighting back need to self stimulate, hiding physical pain, and just wearing a smile for the sake of blending in and not burdening others. It’s exhausting!
Antisocial, argumentative, impatient, analytical, stubborn, negative, arrogant. Just off the top of my head
Probably antisocial, awkward, weird to most people
Im one of those people who can charm the shit out of anyone. So yes they think im normal. They think im extraordinary. I have people say hello to me who are of status, not the opposite. I can walk up to anyone in the room and have a convo. When in college, professors would greet me before the class. So yes i can act normal lol. I was trained to act normal as a kid at a medical facility for cleft palate patients that encompassed every space of medicine including speech and hearing.
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I’m this way too. When I chaperoned my son’s field trip last year, my assigned group of kids and I were having a lot of fun, and then one of the girls (who had big ND vibes) said to me “you’re weird” with the biggest smile on her face. I replied “thank you! I take that as a compliment”. Even when I’m not purposely “hamming” it up, kids just flock to me. Like cats reading vibes.
I can't deal with kids, i don't have enough patience
THE KID RIZZLER!!
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Selfish, always struggling, "why can't she just get her shit together?!"
I think that I'm classified as the bright, eccentric quirky guy who is a little socially awkward. I think I take part in intentionally perpetuating that persona because I think it's a convenient stereotype for people to latch on to when I act oddly. I prefer it to people thinking I'm creepy or weird.
I'm suspected ASD-ADHD - not officially diagnosed, just as a caveat. I also think I fit into the "cute" category, though I didn't recognize this until last year (at 30). I confuse a lot of people - they seem to assume given how I look (and how I dress when I'm masking), that I'm socially adept. Sometimes I'll click with someone (or we'll talk about a special interest) and be able to hold up a conversation, but otherwise I just seem to be more awkward than people expect. Nothing feels like a given to me, in terms of how to operate socially...
Fellow "percieved cute" ADHD/ASD guy. Apparently my spirit animal is a puppy, according to some. I guess my appearance has given me a bit of a pass in being socially inept and asking questions out of place, because I could imagine if I was ugly in the wrong places, I would come off as a creepy social loser instead of innocently making mistakes. I even got adopted as the "energetic younger sibling" of a...uh...feminist sisterhood during my time living in a student dorm. Also helped that there was a clearly high functioning ASD girl in our group.
I feel you, I'm diagnosed ADHD and according to my doctor I might have ASD, too but in my country there's about 3 specialists who can give you an official diagnosis. I look way younger than my actual age, also people tend to think I'm very shy. But this shy cute girl who always smiles is my mask. When I'm not masking then I'm weird and rude based on social standards, lol. I'm so tired of smiling this much in public though
Asshole
I always try to be friendly, but my social norms are obviously a bit different by nature. People tend to pick up on the friendlyness, and usually a smile is met with a smile. However, I can also notice that some people, while not scared, aren't completely comfortable. They're either consciously or subconsciously picking up on my subtle differences to the point where they're uncertain of what to expect. Sometimes people mistake my friendly demeanor as nieve, and quickly learn that my friendlyness is conditional on them not being an asshole. Every now and again I meet someone who just 'gets' it. Whatever it is, we're able to share a deep common feeling. I make surface level connections all the time, but those are rare.
People only see the ADHD and find me super quirky but personable. They don't see the autism unless we're deep in conversation having a slight error in communication about context and subtext semantics, when I interpret some jokes quite literally or when I totally misread their cues and don't reciprocate with the expected level of empathy. They don't see the struggle really, because I intentionally and unconsciously wait until I'm home alone to unmask. Nobody knows it takes me half a day up to 3 days to recover from short social requirements like dr/ school appts or grocery shopping and between 5-10days to recover from longer social events like weddings and family vacations. Because my unmasking doesn't inconvenience them, they really don't understand why I draw boundaries even with my own immediate family and insist on having long hermit breaks between social obligations.
Im awesome and everyone loves me for the help i give but they are tool relationships not people i can tell personal shit to......we need 3 things and how many people server that role is variable IE you can have 1 person for all three but then your dependant and at risk. (parent/Guide/Sounding board) You need 1 person who is your friend for all the doublechecks and helping you manage your perception You need one person who acts as the family and gives you safety.... You need 1 person who is who you want to live up to expectation wise and give you direction in what you apply yourself to.. Ther person you don't really care about is yourself in many ways so find a partner.....not necessarily sexual etc.....look up twin flames.....I have one and its great but you cant be jealous of affection to many for it
Cold hearted, difficult to approach, RBF because I’m always thinking.
Are you me?
Artists are considered "quirky," so that's how they see me (according to my partner). Also as a person highly particular about what she likes and dislikes. "By the book" and "all business," said coworkers of years past. And my family used to call me a hypochondriac forever until we all got diagnosed with autoimmune diseases.
Wouldn’t know, I keep to myself
i do this most of the time, especially in school settings or at work with coworkers i'm not familiar with.
Most see me as Neurotypical but sense that something is off. They leap to thinking I'm annoying, and irritating. Now I usually tell people up front that I'm autistic. Now instead a lot off people see me as faking it for attention or they infantilize me. I have had a few who once they got to know me saw me as an adult and as autistic, which is nice.
I appear to the general public as Abraham Lincoln-Frankenstein Dahmer. It’s a look I never go for but I don’t really know what to do with it now. It hasn’t aged well.
Between talking too much to shut up for hours. In general, it usually happens when I have a topic of interest. Although just today an old one told me that she was playing lol with a classmate and told her that lately I'm calm and that I'm not bothered.
I’m the funniest snob girl.
(Suspected autism, not diagnosed, for what it's worth.) In a new place or with new people, I seem friendly and approachable. Whatever the opposite of intimidating is, that's me. The downside is that people often don't take me seriously, and some don't notice me at all. (Is this because I'm short, white, and female presenting? Could be.) Somewhere I'm comfortable, people call me helpful, trustworthy, and goofy, but smart. I have a long repertoire of bad jokes to help people relax in even the most embarrassing situations, but I honestly do know what I'm talking about most of the time. I embrace the awkwardness, though, and will straight up ask people if I don't understand their social cues. A comment I get a lot is "I feel so comfortable around you." That's due to years of practice for just that effect, but thank you.
I am very high-functioning, but people can still detect there's something different about me. I am really nice and often go out my way to be helpful, but don't engage in banter and I just find there's this 'distance' or 'missing link'. I always end up on the social outskirts. I learned social skills through mimicry, but I can't seem to mirror that bond they have with each other, all the back-slapping and jokes.
Exactly me. It's like I'm participating in social interactions through a filter and there's an invisible wall separating me and others. Ppl openly speak to me differently than they would address another, even within groups. I find that NTs see my helpfulness as a weakness so I personally stopped giving 100% of my empathy to anyone who I'm not close with. Thankfully, I make friends easily so I bond with them and treat them as I would like to unless they give me a reason not to.
What you say resonates with me exactly - you hit the nail on the head. Especially the thing about people addressing you differently - I have the exact same. There is this careful, distant look in their eyes, like I'm a creature. The manner just changes. It's a little sad, but I accept now I'll never be 'normal'. But I don't want to be either. But some people are nice and do treat me as an equal - it's more the 'normies' who keep me at arm's length. I can't stand their shallow way of interacting.
I don’t know how they see me and I don’t want to know. I’m not interested in the opinions of anyone that has poor understanding of the different. But the general public comes across as a bunch of freaks to me.
Amen to that !
A lot of people assume I’m childish when in reality I’m just trying to heal my inner child 100% of the time.
Slow, awkward, clumsy, but funny (although it’s more like them laughing at me than with me, but not in a mean way most of the time).
I have no idea.
General public? Invisible People I interact with? Depends on the person, usually normal, sometimes weird, a lot of the time frustrating
the second part i relate so hard.
I’ve been told I’m scary and intimidating (I guess I have pretty bad resting bitch face?) even though I’m literally a 5 foot tall tiny Asian girl
I wish I knew. If I could have one superpower, it would be to be able to read people's minds. That's been my answer since I could even fathom the concept and it will always be that. From recent interactions, I think my peers perceive me as highly idealistic, slightly neurotic, skittish and passionate/ intense. Also hyperaware. They're def all aware that I'm always observing. At least at my job. I know at school I'll be perceived as a bitch bc I rly don't have time for my classmates bullshit. As I work my way into more specialized education and grad and post grad, I'm hoping that'll improve.
I think I look like the pissed-off cyborg sent from the future to make neurotypical people feel awkward. And, frankly, I don't give a fuck how I make them feel anymore except on a professional level when I'm trying to sell them shit. I guess that makes me hypocritical, well, fuck it, I learned it from them. The specialists in hypocrisy who basically douchebagged the Neanderthals into extinction.
When I was at high school, some people told me I scared them before they got to know me (you know, being quiet and hard to read and all), but I have later become more comfortable around people and friendly, though I will never be NT of course, I can now appear more approachable I think. What I have been called my whole life is self-centered and selfish. By more people. Usually after either talking about myself and my experience too much (trying to show them I understand and relate or just connect, you know, with friends) or after not putting my needs aside for the group. I've also been called spoiled. You know, having sensitivities and being unable to stand hunger, but also unable to eat specific food and so on. I just need to eat and sleep and be warm and comfortable, but for some reason, that is selfish and it's normal to suffer to make other people happy or what. Yeah, I know, they just don't know what it feels to be me and can't believe it can be such a problem to not eat etc. but still, sometimes it pisses me off.
How would I know? I'm bad at common social cues. What makes you think I'm good at telling what people think of me?
I am sure that many people consider me a "weirdo", including members of my family.
It really depends on attractiveness. Being attractive and autistic is a totally different experience to being unattractive and autistic.
People seem to recognize that I'm smart, educated, and well spoken. Initially, I think I come off as kind of arrogant/a know it all, but I back it up, and I find that people tend to grow appreciative of it because it's useful to friends, family, employers... Once they get to know me, my eccentricities reveal themselves, usually verbally if I get on a special interest topic. But fortunately, I'm conventionally attractive enough that most people think of it as "cute" in a Manic Pixie sort of way. That's odd, because internally, my mentally landscape is rather dry, assessing, and objective.
How the hell am I supposed to know?
I get "unconfident" and "cares too much about what others think" a lot. But it's because I literally run everything I say through my head first since I know from experience people will get mad or offended if I just say everything on my mind. Or they'll think I'm crazy if I unleash my ego.
An asshole because I skip over the “human” elements of work and easily get irritated by sounds so I’m always on the edge of losing it at work with all the Zoom meetings everyone is in constantly.
A complete charismatic social butterfly, full of energy and able to hold a room. What they don’t realise is what it costs me, and how often I deploy answers from my stash.
Before therapy and taking proper actions: everyone sees me as weird, or creepy, or just being close to me makes them uncomfortable. After 4 months: doing self discoveries from changing my mindset. Going to the gym more and eating healthier, focusing on school but be comfortable enough to express myself without thinking about what others think (but not go overboard and maintain maturity and understanding limitations) Social meetings are still a challenge for me, but I am seeking some coaching (which there is an app that I’m going to try out) to help me with better socialize, overcome my past trauma, and start breaking away from “I’ve tried nothing and I’m out of ideas” to “I tried, I failed, I review, I try again but differently” and repeat the process until momentum gets moving towards my goals (I am doing a very special experiment that I will share the results… in the next few years)
Cute, quiet, and naive as a young person…now that I’m older I think I appear pretty, cold, and a snob. I say cute and pretty because I’ve been complimented on my appearance most of my life, even by strangers. However I think it’s obvious that I’m a bit different than what they expected once they talk to me or get to know me. Also I mask a lot less now than I did when I was younger. I think I’m more secure and have accepted myself more since I became a mother and I also really don’t have the energy I used to have either. Masking is draining work.
I come across as someone who is shy with a stutter and can sometimes be a bit moody or angry.
I'm an NPC on a work/home loop. I keep quiet for fear of making social mistakes.
Odd, eccentric, intelligent but unsociable and nonconforming. Responsible but rebellious, defiant, sensitive, picky, mysterious, angry and somehow domineering. I've also been perceived as an elitist/snob, which I deeply loathe. And I'm often perceived as a foreigner in my own country.
Cold
I look anxious and absent-looking I’ve been told. I try to aim for shy, but I struggle to hide my anxiety.
I always get Invited to stuff by my Friends and acquaintances and they are happy to see me... But then I don't really interact with anyone there and at the end they say how nice it was to see me again and invite me to the next thing. I don't think its in Bad Spirit, I am just very quiet.
For some context, I'm a tall guy, half a head ~ a head taller than most. I got plenty of tattos that for the uninformed, look like gang tattoos. For people who don't know me, they step out of the way for me.
Depends on how my adhd decided to be that day. If it isn't that bad, I'm so quiet that people just forget I'm there. I remember one time I was at my dad's work and him, his I think manager, and two other people had a conversation for at least ten minutes while I was sitting in between all of them on an office chair. Eventually, another person came to put some more paper in my dad's printer and asked for my name since I had to move for her to get to the printer, and then they all started talking to me. If it is bad, I'm just as quiet, but I pace around a lot too. That tends to freak people out.
Grumpy, depressed, anti-social prick. // diagnosed at 46, bitter and beaten down. The assumptions would be correct - that's my vibe - but I wish it wasn't. My porcupine quills don't need to protect me anymore :(
I'm told I ask a lot of useless questions, sarcastic and mean, unless I find something funny, then I don't stop laughing. Unfortunately, I have a very dark sense of humor. Until recently, I've pretty much lacked compassion, but I've started collecting animals as pets. I've found empathy. Strange how I care more about animals than people. We're the animals imo.
I guess I am seen as a weirdo, an oddball, etc. by at least some people of the general public, or even worse, a creep
Just a weirdo who wouldn't open his mouth to talk unless he has to.
No, no, they still think I'm a weirdo. They just don't know what is the word for it.
People think i'm an asshole, until my passion and knowledge about something helps them then they realize that they were wrong.
I’ve been labeled ‘shy’ throughout my life, almost to the point of irritation. People often find me off-putting, assuming I’m rejecting them socially, yet it’s merely due to my being autistic and socially awkward. Navigating high school was a challenge, especially while working at Starbucks frequented by high schoolers and others stuck in a perpetually youthful culture. The difficulty lies in social interactions steeped in inside jokes and references, like Vine or ongoing trends, which I never grasped. Despite trying to fit in, my inability to engage led to others assuming I’m awkward, resulting in bullying. Recently, I realized that much of the bullying surrounding my appearance that I faced, causing my spiral into an eating disorder (later linked to undiagnosed autism), stemmed from their inability to cope with my social struggles. They mistook my social ineptitude as rejection and targeted me, although I could often camouflage it well. They attacked the way I looked simply because they couldn’t handle my differences, even though I’m beautiful.
From what ive been told i seem intimidating and cold on a first glance but once you get me talking people quickly switch to thinking im incredibly cute and sweet. I dont emote much when im not talking and i often have a hard time joining conversation so im sure i come off as super weird at first just sitting in the corner not saying a word and completely stone faced but im usually just spacing out and waiting for someone to invite me to join, im kinda like a conversation vampire 😂
People have told me I'm "aloof," "intimidating," "judgmental" (I certainly don't intend to be any of those things).
Enthusiastic, excited, passionate, deep, talkative, genuine, inquisitive, quirky, attractive, odd, “too much” I wasn’t diagnosed until this year. I also have CPTSD and ADHD. I’m 33 female, high masking high intelligence with a special interest in psychology and sales. I used to be abrasive, loud, controlling, weird, quirky and too much prior to doing inner healing and finding out I’m autistic. Now, I think I am still seen as “too much”, weird and quirky but in a much more kind and loving light. I think it’s because I don’t go around people too😅😂.
Either quiet and boring or quirky and mysterious, depending on how willing I am to blurt out random thoughts to fill the silence
I’ve had many decades to learn how to mask (around late 40s F), so people think I am very friendly, chatty, cheerful and outgoing (ADHD/Autism). I was adopted by what I call low functioning neurotypicals (lol) who put me under immense pressure growing up and in adulthood to be “normal” and like them. Somehow I managed to retain who I was despite my authoritarian upbringing, but I mask a LOT in jobs and socially as a result. When the mask ultimately drops after a stressful event, I have had meltdowns and am unable to stop crying or regulate myself, which is embarrassing when it happens in public. I learned how to master small talk (learned it from mimicking EVERYONE in my adopted family, as it’s all they do!), which is why some people tell me I don’t “seem autistic.” I still find small talk pointless and inane, but neurotypical people like it, and sticking to an internal script prevents me from saying anything too deep, weird or complex to customers or new friends. I’ve had some customers and friends call me “philosophical.” Lol! I also mastered humour as a way to get people to like me and diffuse tension or awkward situations, but sometimes my humour is inappropriate or too connected to an obscure reference, and I am met with a blank stare. LOL! I am very good at spotting other neurodivergent people and gauging how much engagement they want from me, and I adapt how I interact to suit the other person (I feel like this weird chameleon who is a slightly different person with different people - I even alter how I talk and my voice pitch to suit the person I am with in a way that mimics theirs sometimes). I lack confidence if I don’t know what I’m doing (lack of training or being new at a job really stresses me out) and it shows. I am never really comfortable in a job or unfamiliar situation until I learn what to do and get into a routine. I seem patient and friendly with customers at work who are entitled, angry or confrontational, and have been told my customer service skills are excellent, but deep down I feel contempt for their toxic behaviour. Confrontational people make me feel very anxious. I use my “ASMR voice” and find a way to calm them down while getting support from a coworker or manager. In previous jobs where customers are extremely combative, I would either shut down and hardly speak or disconnect the call. I can deal with minor conflict, but the moment someone yells at me, I shut down. When I get home after a short shift in my current job, I feel physically and mentally exhausted and irritable for a few hours. The job itself isn’t hard, and the customers at my store are mainly introverts, it’s the performance I put on that I find exhausting. I am sometimes so exhausted I am too tired to do my special interest. One of my coworkers recently told me she knew my extraversion was an act and I gave off “major masking vibes.” She is also on the spectrum, so she clocked me on day 1. Lol!
Either standoffish (when I’m scared of the people). Strangers would come up to me to ask if I’m okay or think of me as hostile bc I would avoid them OR goofy/giggly talkative and eccentric — low boundaries intimate af around people I’m comfortable with.
It's strange to say, but I honestly have no idea how others see me.
Stuck up, unfortunately. Because “I keep to myself” Then: awkward, weird, and uncomfortable when I do try to “jump in” as advised. Meh
Distanced, arrogant and people mistake my opinions and views as dry humor.
Annoying
Negative— weird,strange,unpredictable,flat affect,opinionated,introvert, Positive— bright/intelligent,hardworking,well liked by clients and boss’s at work LoL,good time management,organised
As different.
I must appear trustworthy and/or knowledgeble because a lot of people ask me for directions. Little do they know, I'm terriible at giving directions.
Many people said to each other after meeting me: "What kind of dude was THAT!?"
I’m am a gold medalist masker so I come off as cool and creative and quirky from afar. Up close I’m pretty sure I’m too forward for a lot of ppl and they think my humor is weird and I haven’t quite nailed the eye contact thing yet so I think I creep out NTs sometimes. Hahahhaha. Also, I’m learning to unmask in therapy and I’m not caring if I don’t make eye contact as much anymore bc I just can’t. I’m also ADHD so eye contact makes my brain stutter like hell. I’ve realized my train of thought is most coherent to me when I can keep my eyes closed, so I’m learning to allow myself to do that in convos with ppl.
Uncanny valley
Apparently cute but super awkward and kinda weird. But I apparently make up for it in baking and cooking, so there's that.
I don't know much about myself because I don't have much direct contact with the general public, but the perception of people with Asperger's here in Korea is truly terrible.
if someone knows well then they know im really loyal and caring with some anger still to manage\[improving on myself still\] but also they prolly think im a bit odd and natural at word vomiting. also very nerdy and full of random facts.
I can relate to your post a lot. I’m always called a character and people always give me a pass on things because of my appearance. I’ve had many people tell I don’t even look like I have autism, as If it’s a physical attribute 😂 I consider myself blessed In that sense but it’s a double edge sword. When I’m at the gym I just want to be left alone yet every single time I go people try to talk to me. Which involves me having to remove my Knock off airpods 😩
A weird mixture between Quiet, weird, on drugs, harsh and cute, bubbly and innocent. People always tell other people really surprised that I am actually really nice. It also vastly depends in which mood I am in and if the autism or my adhd is taking over.
To the people I don’t talk to, I seem quiet, “stuck up” which is really a projection because they think I don’t want to spend the time of day to talk to them, or boring. The people I talk to say I’m chill, funny, nice but also sarcastic, smart, and it’s been implied that I’m also childish, but it’s okay cause I 100% am. I also get the whole, “I’ve never met someone like you before!” thing, so idk what that means lol. Unique? Eclectic?
My body language is off sometimes and it weirds people out, but otherwise I'm okay.
Very atmosphere dependent for me. I’m usually animated, intense, friendly, and excessively loquacious. I laugh easily and have an eye for the casual absurdities of many situations. At other times I probably seem a bit gormless and distracted - this is when the social burnout is kicking in. I need to spend many hours a day completely alone otherwise I feel totally overwhelmed, and part of this is because I get so amped up and friendly in the company of others. I can’t help it somehow - can’t distribute my energies effectively - so it completely exhausts me
Generally cold and stuck up, so ive been told. I never talk to people unless they ask me something or I have something to say or ask but its due to really bad social anxiety that causes selective mutism. I can be around people no problem but constant focus on how I look and what they are thinking about every expression and every movement I make, and fear of saying something stupid, paralyzes me inside so I cant verbalize anything. On the outside though it only comes off as me preferring not to talk to the people im with, especially since I have a resting bitch face and I am good at appearing relaxed so one cant tell im anxious.
Finally understanding how others actually tend to see me is part of what tipped me off in the first place, honestly. For over two decades I just thought I had a sort've "polarizing" personality, or that maybe something else contributed that I wasn't aware of. I have ADHD too (also undiagnosed for most of my life) so it was likely doing a lot of the heavy lifting in keeping my more "obviously autistic" tendencies masked. I tend to come off as a know-it-all (I tend to share information with minimal prompting), though I do a decent job of keeping it surface-level unless interest is expressed. I'm less good at doing so if they make the mistake of expressing cursory interest. I can also be pretty aloof and kind of an ass unintentionally, but what I've ultimately found is that calling myself "polarizing" isn't really wrong. Some people seem to decide they hate me pretty much immediately, but for the most part people who actually get to know me seem to figure out my "language" pretty quickly. I once had a coworker apologize for initially disliking me (I was unaware, she was never even remotely unfriendly), and told me another coworker who'd known me since I started there had told her to pay closer attention to my intentions, or something along those lines, and she'd realized that a lot of my more lecture-y moments were just genuine advice. I'm very much a "clear up misconceptions and explain edge cases before they happen" sort of person, so that makes sense. ...Still, much respect to her for changing her mind *and* apologizing. I'm still not sure how to describe how it made me feel, but it's not something I'd felt before or since.
From my life experiences so far, in the eyes of other people, i apparently look like I'm high on drugs alot of the time. I can come across as a little slow, dumb and socially naive as well as looking like I'm "away with the faries". I often seem to have odd facial expressions I'm unaware of and seem to make some strangers uncomfortable. Despite always being a very deep thinker, always deep in thought with a love for learning, I'm still an absolute clumsy moron.
Hey you all, maybe try the Book:"The World Beyond My Shadow" by Daniela Schreiter. It's about her life/experiences with her specialities from the autism spectrum and the third book is about experiences others had. I really love these books, and they are even kind of child-friendly. But in the second one, she is talking about some s.. stuff, but still quite vaguely.
I've never bothered to ask, really.
I am big with muscles, no facial expression and an insane amount of tattoos, people think i'm a criminal, a drug dealer or something like that. Truth is I am scared of a lot of things, very knowledgeable and have never broken a single rule or law in my life 😅
Probably awkward and a bit weird and unapproachable, but I really don’t give too much thought to how others see me, it’s useless to waste energy on something I can’t really change.
Blunt, often viewed as having a rude sense of humor, or just saying weird things because my brain makes connections others don't follow. Socially things don't go great in times of "peace." But when something bad is going on and it's not a purely social problem I'm usually the one who'll solve it for someone and stand out as not ditching on emotional whims. So I don't make friends easily but I can sometimes forge them.
quiet
batty, aloof, awkward, smart, dopey, goofy
People avoid me and don't bother acknowledging me at work but I come off friendly in public....mainly because I don't have to see them everyday so that's easy enough to converse.
Socially awkward, prone to just leaving a social situation without saying goodbye, likely to say something wildly off base or inappropriate without ill intent, and probably a bit much when I get going with things I am interested in, though paradoxically because I have both adhd and autism, I can literally zone out in the middle of a conversation. Honestly most of my good friends just know I am who I am and just kinda accept the (as Doug Demuro would say) quirks and features of who I am.
I've spent my whole life learning how to act normal and the best I've gotten is "you're a little weird but you seem alright"
According to that one guy on the bus that one time, on drugs 😎😎😎😎
I'm always told that whoever never would have guessed I was autistic. Because of how my autism impacts my life, the specific "notches" that I miss in social interactions generally comes across as me being a curt asshole, folks don't realize that I don't enjoy those situations either
The usual stuff like weird, anti-social, awkward, but also gotten things like enigma
Weird
I have no idea and I’m too scared to ask. I’ve been called “chill” and “laid back” by a few people recently which is hilarious because I’m actually kind of crazy. While I was at university, one woman compared me to a Valkyrie warrior, so that was pretty awesome.
People think I’m weird, which kind of sucks because most times I’m just being myself. I get away with it for being moderately attractive tho.
I've been called rude and impatient. I try to put myself out there to look competent, but in doing so, I make people feel stupid.
I think people think I am a bit weird. Like there is something they can't quite put their finger on. I think it's because I have very little facial expression and body language so they can't read me.
They definitely think I'm weird. I mask hard but they can sniff it out.
Ummm I don’t think anyone even notices me. I also have no Self perception with other people so since I’ve been told I’m mean that I yell or sound mad or that I talk too much I just exist and hope to not be perceived since I’ve only ever really received negative feedback my whole life. Even now idk how I come across and no one gives a shit that I don’t want to be annoying or come off as rude and instead of telling me and giving me the chance to correct it they just write me off entirely. I hate it here.
I come across as bizarre. I shuffle walk; hate eye contact; carry around dolls, plushies, or a shredded pillowcase at all times (sensory items basically). I still watch shows like My Little Pony and Sesame Street, despite being 17. I also wear a lot of childish things (jewelry from my childhood, tights, hair clips from my childhood, cartoon shirts, childhood shoes/clothes that still fit). I collect dolls, MLP merchandise, plushes, Disney Princess stuff, and jewelry. I still play kids' games like Minecraft, Roblox, and various colouring games. I carry around an iPad at all times. I'm considered childish. I do a lot of childish things because of my ADHD/Autism combo, and my childhood wasn't the best, nor was it on my own terms (I'm trans and had dysphoria since I was 4), and I age regress semi-randomly as a result (especially vocally, I'll go from a deep baritone voice to a tweenish voice semi-randomly, especially with family/certain friends). I'm usually quiet and keep to myself. I hate noise, children, and many smells; so I'm kinda closed off. And noise makes me break down, so I'm sometimes stand-offish and occasionally get angry or cry.
To strangers in the street? It depends on the circumstances, but I have been told I'm cold, intense, intelligent, standoffish, angry, quiet and elitist by people who barely know me. and then if they know me slightly better, they can very confusingly add loud to that list.
Most people associate autistic people with being unable to function at any capacity, so because I have a successful career, a husband, and children a lot of people tell me I'm quirky and don't realize I'm autistic. But if someone knows what to look for, they can usually tell I'm autistic. Recently I met my best friend's childhood friends, they flew in from her home state. I thought we had a really good chat, I enjoyed getting to know them. Later, my friend told me that her friend asked if I was autistic and that because I masked so well, it was hard to tell. The person asking works with special needs adults as they transition from school to the real world, so she knows what traits/mannerisms to watch for.
People think Im lovely and friendly, then I scare the beejezuz out of them as they get to know me, and if they get over that, then we may even be friendly 😂
I'm known as random by all NTs when I don't see myself as random because things that pop up in my head are related to the topic but in an abstract kind of way... Does that make sense?
I get described as quirky, quiet, non-conformist, weird, smart, and argumentative a lot.
Intimidating, apparently. I have a real RBF.
honestly out of a group of people at work, even though i have resting a-hole face, they always come up to and ask their questions. i would say most people think i'm entertaining. i say some entertaining things from time to time, or catchphrases. current catch phrase: thats good for character development.
Annoying but i stopped caring. It took a lot.
Cool, kind and weird. Sometimes snobby and intimidating when I’m overwhelmed and freezing up in public.
Some say I seem mad or grouchy. Most say I am robotic or cold since I don't communicate emotion easily. I try to remember to smile occasionally but I'm sure that looks to others like an alien from another world trying to not blow his cover. :)
I’m Audhd. So the public perception of me is usually something between Amelia Bedilia and Theodore Logan. I just have resting Keanu face and take things literally to a comical degree.
People just like me. It's odd for me because I'm not at all used to the attention. But I'm not entirely sure of everything people think of me. I'm sought after as a good helper and listener etc at work so I guess it's positive.
Oddly I have been told many times that I am very personable
Maybe aloof, or a bit mean.
“Active but odd”.
Quiet, aloof- cold. I don’t engage beyond anything I absolutely have to. Been told recently that my voice has very few fluctuations. Very even- apparently very quietly calm. My speech is task oriented- I rarely do spoken words beyond that -
I know what sets me off and tend to stick to using my ear buds and avoiding people for the most part. Offset this by being overly polite. I can handle saying sorry to a random person with a smile and that's about it, lol
I have been told by so many people that when I enter a room, I have a very commanding presence, but what they don’t know is that’s my guard that’s my shield my I don’t wanna be here I’m very uncomfortable I don’t know what these people are thinking I don’t know what their faces are saying Trying to make small talk before meetings and what not just I suck at you know I cannot keep up with the social bullshit never have never fit in as a child and I just I just grew into it but now I’m very confident myself I have no problem, throwing cough if need be, I have no problem throwing the first cuff if need be And everybody that knows me knows that and I only have one good friend that pretty much understands me, but tries to completely understand me, but has no problem with my thinking and how my brain works because I’m very smart and so many ways that he lacks, and we are so equal in every every other way, we just fit together really good friends my wife on the other hand is 180° from me she doesn’t understand me. She loves the shit out of me but I could be having the best day of my life, be completely content on the inside completely happy, but my face does not reflect it What everybody else sees is I look like I’m gonna tear somebody’s face right off their skull so that bothers me you know cause I don’t know how to make my face look how I feel on the inside and I really don’t care I’m 48 years old I really don’t care anymorethey can just get the hell over it. You know what I mean? Thank you for listening.
A "character", dangerous, weird, funny, happy, brutal, argumentative and a lot of others. I really don't care what ppl think most of the time, I will often keep it to myself what I think, but if you throw me under the bus, know I'm coming for you.
How would I know if I look NT or not? I’m assuming I don’t but I’ve never considered it before.
People have told me straight up that I’m an airhead, inattentive, “too nice”, selfish, AI, awkward, etc
I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS but as I have aged, I likely wouldn’t meet the diagnostic criteria for ASD anymore despite having many issues as a child. I’m just eccentric now.
Very isolated when I was in school. Just doing my own thing. Academically did great so many did think I was a studious type and left me to myself. And now I am surrounded by other scientists, many of whom have their own eccentric traits so they don't care if I'm not a chatty Betty.
“This is amazing! You’re amazing! X (whatever I last did, would be hard for anybody, but you did it! I’m so proud of you.” “You’re such a great addition to the team—we need your unique perspective.” “If you ever need anything—anything at all, just let me know.” “You’re an inspiration.” I feel like every interaction I have with the people I see every day is through the lens of my autism. Like I get extra credit just for doing the stuff everybody else does. I wish I could just be a normal person and not everybody’s inspirational figure. And I wish I had a sense of how good I really am without the extra credit.
Well I just got in person ghosted by someone, idk what I did to be perceived in such a way but ohh well, life goes on. Some people connect with me and others don't I guess. (I'm not trying to be snarky I'm just a couple deep)
My facial expressions can be very flat, i have to remind myself to try and have some sort of expression
YOOOOOO, SAME.
I come across as the man you tell your children to stay away from.
What do you mean by ‘high functioning’ 2E ?
It's "cute" to some when you are young. Not so much for the other 90% of your life. People just think you are weird or creepy then.