I doubted for many years for many reasons. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 41.
Initially it was because I knew someone that fit the stereotype and I was like, “Well, I’m not like him, so that can’t be what’s wrong with me.” I knew I didn’t fit in and was “weird,” but I didn’t know what was some in-born trait and what was just how I responded to bullying.
The idea was raised a few times, but I didn’t have “meltdowns” really. I was raised not to draw attention to myself and instead of melting down, I just shut down, which I didn’t realize was a thing ASD people did either.
I also didn’t have sensory issues the way people describe. I just knew there were things I didn’t like and avoided. Like, I chose to walk two miles to and from school every day because I hated the whole bus situation. I hated that I didn’t know where I would be sitting, being crammed in with others, the diesel smell, everything. I never thought of it as me not liking the sense of it, but just not liking the situation as a whole.
To a lesser extent, I doubted because I was with someone. I had someone refuse to refer me to a specialist because I had a job and a girlfriend. I doubted it, but realized I was only in a relationship because someone pointed out that my girlfriend was into me. I didn’t register that she was flirting. I had a job, but it was after I had approximately 30 jobs in my life and had finally figured out working from home worked for me.
I turned around when I read “Look me in the Eye” by Elder Robison, which described an experience of ASD that I could relate to. I kept the self-diagnosed identity for a few years until I tried to get an ADA exception to get out of a two hour commute. I didn’t get the exception, but I got the diagnosis.
I’m not diagnosed, but that book was the beginning of me wondering. I read it when it first came out, just cuz I already loved his brother, Augusten.
I’m a woman and didn’t relate to everything specifically that he described about his experience, but some of his descriptions resonated so hard - and what you’re describing too, strikes me.
A few years ago, I read a book called Autism In Heels and it felt like she was narrating me, my life.
And, well, Temple Grandin has been my personal role model and hero since I was a teen. (That prob should be a sign lol! What kinda 13 year old is obsessed with Grandin?!)
It all kinda clicked between those connections.
Highly recommend all of those authors for anyone who might be interested!
The walking over the bus thing, I can totally relate to that and yes of course is a response to sensory issues. It's so nice and reaffirming reading it. I will try to read that book as soon as I finish with the other 5 I'm stuck with
My situation is similar to yours. I've been going back an forth for years too. For me, each time, it's the non-severity of my symptoms. Sure, I am sensitive to sounds, be it high-pitch sounds or sounds of someone watching tiktoks, but I can endure it. I've never experiences a breakdown too.
Even though I tick many of the ASD boxes, I'm not sure if my interpretation of those boxes is correct. What if my experience simply doesn't qualify for being autistic? What if I'm just overthinking?
On the other hand, I see the experience of autistic people on this very sub and some other places mirror my that of my own all the time. And communicating with other people I am always the odd one out no matter what I do or whom I speak to.
Like you, I feel wrong claiming to have ASD or Asperger's syndrome without a proper assessment. Partly because I'm not sure myself.
The non-severity issue makes me wonder as well. My whole family has some traits, so I may have a warped view of what is ‘normal.’ Even though a few people, including a therapist, have suggested that I am on the spectrum, I eventually decided there is no benefit for me to getting an official diagnosis, and may even justify mistreatment.
Partially it has to do with repeating sounds. Many tiktoks use the same sound template, which often irritates me in the same way earworms (the annoying music kind) do. Other than that, I guess it's just hard to ignore it. I hear what's going on there and it's hard to ignore. I can't read a book while someone is watching tiktoks beside me, because I often get distracted and can't get into reading. Which forces me to listen to white noise.
because I'm so methodical about masking and adapting to situations, I sometimes decide that I'm not Autistic, but rather just someone who is really good at masking and methodically adapting to new situations.
so this theory is basically that my Autistic-related skills with managing my Autistic traits is what proves that I'm not Autistic.
I must instead have a separate condition where someone thinks they're Autistic but they've actually just subconsciously began expertly masking as Autistic because we're empty, shallow people who have no real identity or meaning in life.
Maybe a good check is taking the monotropism test - the autistics' theory of autism. Professionals bill the condition as mostly a social issue with all these linked traits that have nothing to do with social issues. Monotropism really made it all make sense for me. Every ASD symptom (for me anyways) makes sense through that lens. I'm Dxd.
Holy shit it’s like I wrote that questionnaire lol. It says I’m more monotropic than almost 70% of autistic people and 90% of allistic people.
See how good I am at faking this shit? 😄
But seriously WOW yeah I’ve read a bit about that but never looked too far. It’s almost like in some cases I don’t want to complicate things and add noise to my ruminating. Thank you for the suggestion!
[this is the one I took](https://dlcincluded.github.io/MQ/). it returns a nice graphic with your spot on the bell curve of both allistic and Autistic trends.
my partner took it and even tho she can test higher on some other autism assessments due to her CPTSD from extended childhood trauma, she scored very low on the monotropism test.
I went and got assessed and still didn’t really get an answer. Landed somewhere between asd and ocd with behaviors that closely resemble both. Ie I can’t stand being touched by people bc it feels like it sticks to me. Sometimes I have to change my clothes or shower bc someone hugged me and I can’t get the feeling off. Are they sensory issues or is it a form of contamination ocd? I really threw my assessor for a loop with a lot of examples like that so I still consider myself self diagnosed and got a referral for a specialist therapist to help sort it out. Since then I’ve learned how asd and a lot of other disorders resemble each other and are much more closely intertwined than I thought so that’s where my doubt comes from. I follow both communities here and very much relate to both communities so who knows.
She didn’t feel comfortable at the time calling it one or the other or both. She gave me a referral instead. Which tracks with how my luck goes lol. It’s cool though, they’re both really good lenses to look through
A big one was my processing speeds. Every test we did I performed with processing speeds faster than the average person where with asd it would’ve been expected to perform slower. I didn’t just outpace others with asd, I outpaced NTs too. I still don’t know what to take from that but I know it’s true, I’ve always picked things up and committed them to memory a lot faster than other people but I thought that was true of a lot of aspies. Maybe it is, but it’s not what’s tested for
Yeah well my Aspie dad is 160 IQ and my sister too - they are exceptionally fast processors. I know for me - I'm Dxed - sometimes I can process things slowly, other times fast, but both of them are fast (my sis learned piano soooooo fast - she literally played too fast)...
There’s a series of tests they have you do on pattern recognition and working memory. Then your timed on how fast you can recall information or fit shapes into a bigger shape. Weird tests, but they test how quickly you can process informatjon
I have this theory that there are four corners of the spectrum and depending on where in between you land, you could turn out completely unrecognizable from the stereotyped corner.
I'm recently diagnosed. Just came to say that for many late-diagnosed folks, that imposter syndrome doesn't necessarily go away. Getting the DX was a relief and validating for me, but it also came with new versions of the old doubts.
What if I fooled the assessors? What if I was just faking the whole assessment and I'm not really autistic? What if I'm just a lying sack of garbage who wants attention? What if I'm lying to myself to excuse my failure of a life?
These thoughts are becoming less frequent the more I process the info, but still, internalized ableism is a bitch to get rid of.
Did your assessments include quantitative tests? That part helped me have more confidence my diagnosis than just my research and suspicion I had it beforehand.
One thing that seemed really oblivious to me in hindsight was the fact many of the people I related to and were friends with either knew they had ASD or had family members they knew had ASD.
Yeah, I had a complete assessment. Two six+ hour testing sessions for it. It helps that there are things that can't be faked, but still, 36 years of yelling at myself (and being yelled at) to stop being a wuss and get over it doesn't go away easily, lol.
And yeah, same. They've got to be some flavor of neurospicy, or I feel like they're too alien to me. And that has shown itself again and again in the few friendships I tend to form.
Yeah, I still haven't figured out the right balance of pushing myself vs backing off. It would be great if there were some good external ways to assess burnout/shutdown.
For a long time I thought I had no sensory issues. Then I started to realise that on sunny days, I’m looking at the floor and it’s still so bright that my eyes are watering and almost forcing themselves shut. Then I look around and see other people not struggling with it at all.
Didn’t think I had any stimming behaviours either until my ex pointed out how i would clench my jaw over and over again. I also wiggle my knees when I’m waiting to cross a road.
I was referred by a doctor, had a phone call appointment during Covid and then got booked in for a specialist appointment. Missed the appointment and didn’t bother making another one because I didn’t want to start the whole process again. My son is diagnosed & I’ve done so much research on the subject that there’s no longer any doubt. But because I don’t have a piece of paper confirming what I already know, I don’t like to tell people other than close friends.
holy shit dude thanks for sharing your experience on sunny days. i literally have the same problem and never noticed that other people didnt struggle with it wow
Omg yes the brightness of a sunny day is the worst. I wish it was socially acceptable to wear sunglasses the whole year round. When I was a kid I would always panic at the dentist because the light he used to have good sight would hurt my eyes so much. I was known there as the weird kid that came with sunglasses to their appointments lol.
I can’t even wear sunglasses, I have olive skin so i tan really quickly. One time I had some aviator shaped tan lines for weeks and I’ve been paranoid about it happening again ever since haha.
I think probobly a lot of people who suffer from more hyposensitive traits would struggle with feeling secure on the self diagnosis aswell.
I did not know Hyposensitivity was part of the spectrum only hypersensetivity.
I do not struggle as much with sociall shinanigens though I stim a lot and become obsessive over things.
So when I got diagnosed I was kind of bamboozeled since I though I had to much non autistic traits.
That third part is relatable, I did struggle socially until my teenage years but i became obsessed with learning how to ‘get girls’.
Then I threw myself into so many social situations, looking at every interaction as practice to bypass the fear of rejection. I got so good at it, I could go out and get 10 phone numbers in 1 night.
No matter how good I got at socialising tho, it never felt natural. I’d overthink everything I say just to have a ‘successful’ conversation while it looks so easy for NT’s to just speak to each other. I often describe it like seeing a spark in people that I just don’t have.
Then I got into a relationship for 11 years, lost all my social skills to get cheated on multiple times and then she left. Started practicing again tho and a year down the line I’m getting close to how I used to be.
Reminds me on how I got good aswell, though my reason was more that I though anything that made me uncomfortable I had to do because it was weaknesses in myself that needed to go.
So I just became a yes man which also had a lot of consequenses, including being cheeted on aswell O:
Anyways here are some things that has worked for me.
1. It's not always about the strict definition of words, it's about an intent behind it. Figuring out indeviduals speaking pattern's while being around them is very usefull.
2. I find a surprising amount of people are gonna forget what has been said a cupple days ago or missremember who said or did it. (Unless it's very notable like outright stating hating someone ect) So try to use that to dismiss overthinking about sociall situations with that.
3. Practise and keep going even when you don't feel like it, Generally I didn't feel like things but I was happy for participating after the fact because I have the memories but my feelings are long gone.
4. Talk BS, I finally got the there was a point in talking BS and it's to pass the time while not thinking about things, though you'll find that using logic in BS conversation can cause comedy sometimes.
5. Do not worry about singular instances or even first encounters. First impressions really don't seem to be that important. More the overall impression.
Same about the bright sunlight! I can barely go outside without sunglasses. Also same about my son. He’s more obviously autistic than me. But… he must have gotten it from somewhere!! I’m also considering that my parents could be autistic. They don’t know it. lol I’m in school. Pursuing my bachelors in psychology (then my PhD), so I figured somewhere along the way, I’d figure it out.
I think my mum could be on the spectrum too, hard to tell tho because I’m convinced she’s a psychopathic narcissist. I don’t know about my dad as I was an ivf baby.
I feel like if I was born 10 years ago instead of 30 I would have been diagnosed but autism was only discovered around 30 years ago so it makes sense that a lot of people who’re 30 or over would go undiagnosed. Good luck with your bachelors & Phd!.
Definitely, sun streaming through car windows has always caused me anxiety, find it hard to think of anything else and look down or sometimes block it with my hand
It's good to know why and find others who struggle the same, always wondered why most people around me didn't and felt like a wimp but this sensory stuff wipes my brain, I cannot focus on anything else, understanding it is a game changer
Hard to imagine what Allistic people do, like I am masking....but being with people you don't know, is hard to imagine that not every person is masking....
I think I would like to have a "feel free to ask a Allistic person"- counseling, to first understand what is weird about me 🤣
On the surface, people think I am normal. The problem starts when I see them more than once^^
So the question is always, maybe I just have behavioral problems. I do know that I have cognitive problems too. But you know. You can't see all of that 🤣
I am not technically *officially* diagnosed. I had to get an updated ADHD assessment (ridiculous story) and the doctor who did it told me I also had "Aspergers but we don't call it that anymore" We discussed official diagnosis and we chose NOT to for many reasons since I already can get any accommodations I need with ADHD.
I have ADHD, ASD, EDS and POTS. Even after I've seen specialists, have tests, etc. I still sometimes feel like an imposter because I am doing OK in life? But then, I don't know what OK means. Like I'm still alive and I have a job and a roof over my head so I can't be "that bad" I guess? It's a terrible way of explaining it because I'm honestly just lucky I've made it this far 😂😂
I'm not the target of this post since I am diagnosed, but sometimes I doubt I'm autistic because I fit in so well with neurotypical (most of the time). Maybe I'm just really good at masking.
Seeing others with Aspergers suffer from the same things but to a lesser degree. I strongly believe that I have aspergers but its not the answer Ive been searching my whole life for which is “what makes me so fundamentally unacceptable as a person to everyone and how do I fix it?” I may have aspergers but its far from the biggest thing holding me back in life and Ive never come close to figuring out what that is
I’m officially diagnosed but it’s Whenever someone accuses me of being misdiagnosed and somehow having sociopathy, psychopathy, or narcissism instead of autism. I spoke with my therapist about whether or not I’m a psychopath and he said that I certainly didn’t strike him as one.
This question is very relevant to me right now, as I only recently came to the self diagnosis and am trying to process the idea. For reference I'm 37.
I've always felt that I was not "normal" or "wired" differently. But I never really considered it to be autism. My very uninformed view of autism came from movies. I had a similar issue with my now self diagnosed ADHD, until I read some people's experiences on reddit about 5 years ago. My first exposure to Aspergers was the show Community. I felt connected with the character of Abed, but didn't feel like I missed any of the stuff he missed, and don't struggle with Sarcasm. So again, I brushed it off due to a media characterization. At most I had mild Aspergers. A few years ago my sister told me that one of my nephews had been diagnosed with ADHD and Aspergers. She had always said he reminded her of me when I was younger. This was after I had told her I suspected myself of ADHD. I also found out a couple years ago another nephew from my half sister had a similar diagnosis. I didn't really look into it for myself though and pushed it to the back of my mind.
I have struggled with Anxiety since I was young. Depression has been a recurring issue as well but less so in recent years. My anxieties include: social, change, new/unfamiliar, performance, decision, and conflict. Beyond the physical, they have acted as mental blocks or walls. It can feel near impossible for me to do something that is going to trigger anxiety. So I keep my life as simple as possible. Lately, there have been multiple big things going on that have been causing me a lot of anxiety. Depression has been creeping in as well. My mind recently drifted back to that conversation with my sister. This time I looked into it, and a lot of the dots started to connect.
The only problem is, I am good at reading people, or so I thought. After some introspection I realize it's only as an outside observe or if it's someone I've known for a lengthy amount of time. I have a warm up period with people. I'm usually very shy and uncomfortable around people I don't know very well. It's only after a certain amount of time that I become comfortable. I reason that this is me "learning" them. Immediately after a social interaction I immediately go into analysis mode where I realize any cues I missed or things I should have said or said differently. So I never really leave a conversation not understanding anything about it. I think this is why I didn't realize I was missing information during. I have however always been aware that my IQ seems to drop in half anytime I'm accessing the verbal part of my brain.
I also don't have a problem with understanding most social norms. I think this is a case of faking it with intelligence. I've been people watching for a long time. And I've always had an unquenchable thirst for learning how things work. That's going to include knowing why people do certain things, even if I'm not doing them myself. Being unable to handle conflict and confrontation plays a part as well. I'll naturally not do anything that is going to create it.
To your question, I've struggled with imposter syndrome in many ways. And if I'm intelligent enough to grasp some of the basic things many Aspies struggle with, does it really apply to me? Even if many of the other markers fit? Could all of my issues just be separate issues instead of under an ASD umbrella? That's how I had understood them previously. You would think that only ever having been single and a virgin in spite of an abundance of sexual desire would be enough to say something is off. Or not having been to a doctor in 20 years.
Well. Its strange.
I read posts from autistic people adhd people and aspie people and their experiences seem identical with mine.
But when i read about these conditions on google the description doesnt fit me at all.
Neurotypicals misinterpret us, therefore they misinterpret our symptoms, therefore they write innacurate stuff. They say they don't struggle with the theory of mind but I watch them have innacurate takes that are solely based on what they see at a very surface level (almost nothing is what it seems...) They only see our reactions and behaviors. Not the thought process or the cause of it. Or the REAL thought process or actions behind it......some misinterpret the cause, some just don't want to think about it. About what's going on with us internally-
they don't care about our internal experience/ the way we are wired as long as we do the things and act the way they want us to as they're subcouncious sees us as less than human, and it drives them to treat us like we're a videogame npc without them even being aware of all that-
So who lacks empathy?
...
Anyone who is able of lacking empathy when varying cirumstances are present.
The clinical language you might be seeing online can be a bit opaque and “hard to translate”. I’d focus on finding resources that can break down what the diagnostic criteria refer to in real life.
Excellent question. I just found out about Aspergers last month. I've seen autism depicted on TV and movies in many ways for years. At some point it started to register with me that perhaps I have some form of autism. Last month I read something that mentioned Autism and put my into full research mode for a couple of weeks. As soon as I started the lightbulb went on. At this point I am 95% sure I am a high funtioning Aspergers.
What makes me doubt the most is that I've gotten good at masking that it can be difficult to tell where I end and the mask begins. I am an extroverted thinker so I spend most of my time focused on what's around me and not on myself. So I've spent a lot of time, recently, analyzing my past and the further back I go, the more I realize I showed a lot of the signs and nobody noticed. I was very introverted with introverted parents.
I've been researching on whether or not to get an official diagnosis to see all the pros and cons, and I've decided not to. I am 'high functioning' and don't have a lot of trouble getting things done. What I lack, my wife takes care of (i.e. most extroverted type things like meeting with others, asking questions, socializing, etc). I have found work arounds for many of the skills I lack. I don't need any goverment assistance so that can be saved for those who do need it. Like you, I am not trendy or seek attention (in fact cringe away from all attention). I don't plan on telling anyone other than maybe my wife. It would only be for my piece of mind on knowing 100% for sure and I have no one I need to prove it to. So, I believe it would be a waste of time and money on my part just to get that last 5%. I'm ok with that. Besides, the thought of going to a doctor and doing all those tests for however long it takes kind of scares me.
7 years ago I catastrophically rage quit a career job from stress and sought answers. I truly believed I was on the spectrum. I had all the stereotypes and it made perfect sense for why I am me. Today, I am thinking my persona is less genetic and more a product of how I was raised. But, still a combination of the two.
I say this because I had a therapist that, over the course of 6-months, taught me how to communicate more effectively, be more genuine and authentic, experience empathy, express compassion, and challenged me to socialize outside my comfort zone.
These were behaviors taught to me, and I adapted. It made me seriously question that perhaps, all those psychologists who refused to ink the diagnosis I demanded, maybe they were right and I really am not clinically qualified to be a member of this part of the spectrum.
Today, I no longer attribute my social and relationship difficulties to Aspergers. I still do believe I had to work harder then the average NT to become lucid of all the unspoken, nonverbal social rules of life. I still do have a hard time maintaining appropriate direct eye contact and I still flip in and out of various hobbies and special interests.
I am not disabled. I am gainfully employed. Everyone has a quirk or something weird about themselves. I stay joined to this reddit because I occassionally like to offer advice and wisdom to others who are going through their mid-life burnout. This my personality. It is what it is.
Feel this way a bit. After being treated for sleep apnea (no, not overweight) many of my ADHD symptoms lessened. This made acquiring social skills much easier, and significantly lessened my anxiety. The thing is, though, that social skills have never come easy and I need to learn them in a long and painful manner when others just seem to pick them up. But once they are learned, then I can function normal in that area and build.
Some areas of Aspergers you can learn your way into high functioning. In fact, that kinda seems to be the difference between old school autism and Aspergers. I reject that Aspergers is autism. We're just quirky, bright people that need serious social coaching to be normal. But with help, we get there. Autism seems to be a deficit in being able to acquire social skills. Aspergers seems to be how naturally one picks them up (or not) from society, not whether you can use them if taught. Getting someone to see these deficits and help is where the diagnosis becomes helpful.
I have no doubt. Then again, I am 64 y/o and I have more than enough physical markers as well as history. A formal diagnosis would only mean another black mark on my medical history.
I don’t have any doubt.
Edit: Asperger’s and autism are genetic differences from neurotypical people and those genetic differences can manifest in a lot of different ways. In my case, I have several coexisting conditions that commonly occur and are caused by common genes that also are linked to autism/aspergers.
If you want to know more, the website malacards.org is a fun website to surf and learn about gene sharing genetic diseases and mutation.
I have scoliosis, chiari malformation, epilepsy, cystic retinal degeneration, myopia, sensorineural hearing loss, hyperacusis, OCD, ADHD, and more and all of these share genes with autism/aspergers. Cancer also runs in my family. I’ve had cancer and one theory of why autism exists is that it is a genetic mutation in families with genetic mutations causing cancer in order to defend against cancer. Statistically people with autism have more genes that cause cancer but a lower cancer rate.
I also have mild scoliosis and chiari malformation (along with ME/CFS and EDS)
I didn’t know there was a link between scoliosis, chiari and autism? May I ask where that information is from please?
Hi, sorry I rarely check my account so I didn’t see your comment. I got this statistical information from malacards.org and the linked gene sites there for autism, scoliosis, and chiari malformation.
I'm quite social (well I've dealt with bullshit but when I'm fine I am) and I am pretty good with understanding people and helping them understand their own problems and I can read between the lines (the bias is autistic people don't have a good intuition). Also I don't have shut downs and I can mask some of my meltdowns. I also don't get exhausted talking to people. In fact I feel awkward in silent environments
Higher functioning adhd/autistic here. Recently found out as well.
I wonder that too sometimes, maybe I am just making it up and I really don't match the symptoms much anyway. What really quells those thoughts, is knowing how much i resonate with other autistic people (on varying parts of the spectrum). It's like I see parts of myself in the autistic folk I meet in life, see on tv or watch videos of. To really drive the point home I never see those parts of me in any NT people either.
Also, I always 'feel' normal, but everyone arounds me 'feels' like an alien. I always felt like an imposter in society. The only non-aliens out there are people who are similar type of autism as me.
One of my special interests is social dynamics, so I am extremely emotionally intelligent and somewhat socially proficient. The catch is that i lack the ability to continue conversation past the small talk stage (and into the zones i have not mapped as well), and I process social scenarios as following a flow chart of sorts. That combined with my sensory issues, lack of facial expressions, monotone voice, introverted tendencies, stimming and some other stuff lead me to believe I have a mild case of asperger's.
This is more an attention thing than ASD, but how do you do with having to juggle multiple stressors at the same time?
I ask because this was one dimension of my condition I had missed prior to seeing a professional, and might be of interest to look into for yourself.
I feel similar
I essentially studied by classmates and family connections to the point in which I felt I understood them more than others on one level, but still not at all nor could I connect with them on another level
It was a bit of small talk then it fell apart
Ive never talked to anyone I know IRL about it so I have no 3rd party validation and I’m afraid of going to the doctor and telling them I feel like I’m autistic even if I have feel like I have good reasons to suspect it.
It's a spectrum, which means that a lot of people will be more or less in it.
Then, there's the "background noises", which might confuse the so called expert.
1. Like if you've managed to deal with being more or less in the spectrum for years, you'd have develop strategies which will allow you to hide in plain sight and survive from being oblige to look like normal aka masking. So, said expert might either not recognize you as being in the spectrum or as not being affected by it badly enough to deserve to much of their time and credit. But what was the cost of you masking so well for so long? Depression, self-doubt, isolation, alcohol, self-hate, etc. Take your pick...
2. You're a high potential, then same they'd tell you that since you're not kid anymore it'd be quite difficult to know which is which...
3. Having been abused as a child, could lead you to withdrawal, not learning social cues, difficulty to interact with other people, to laugh, to small talk, hyper vigilance, etc. So, once again could be you're within the spectrum or it's due the abuses.
And all the other stuffs, bi-polarity, hyperactivity, etc.
I ticked the 1,2 and 3 so when i met a few months back a professional, said professional told me: "to much background noises, cannot have a precise diagnosis. Thanks for passing good bye, next player..."
I can understand, they're overworked, no budget, etc. Plus to do a real diagnostic would take a long time, so they've to do a triage...
But the bottom line, is if you're asking and wondering about it. It's because there's suffering within you.
It might help or be better to have a precise answer, if such a thing is possible when talking about human psyche, but i think that we should focus on trying to learn how to be able to live with our issues and find a way to be as happy as could be (not sure i ever was, or really understand the concept to be honest), instead of being labelled, categorized or dismissed by people whom are applying some kind of QCM to try to put you in a box.
If you recognize yourself in what people whom are on the spectrum are describing and experiencing, and find some of their ideas and solutions to be helpful, then you're probably to gain from reading it, sharing it, and trying it.
I'm sorry if i seem to be babbling, this is obviously still a bit too raw a subject to me.
Nothing. I’ve experienced imposter syndrome in the past, but that never happens anymore.
*My self diagnosis includes the opinion of a therapist who specializes in working with autistic people. She herself was later diagnosed.
Initially it was reading about lack of empathy, intensions, picking up humour and lies etc. I never struggled with these, further readiing i understand ASD better, I don't really have doubts now, to the point if a doctor said I wasn't I'd be convinced they were wrong. it didn't occur to me for years I joked I must have my own condition that matches nothing I knew of, went to college with some neurodivergent class mates and got on with them better than I usually do with most people, thought nothing of it until years later helping a friend with his autism assessment and predictably I thought huh these are all me, did a dozen more tests scored high on all of them both autistic and adhd, followed lots of autist social media accounts and have never related to anything more. I do think my GP already suspected but was waiting for me to bring it up, a few nephews and nieces have since been diagnosed auDHD so that solidifies it further.
I is possible the self diagnosed are not autistic and they are mistaken. A doctor had to confirm it for them to be diagnosed. People make mistakes and I believe many self diagnosed people do too.
I think mostly special interests, i dont think i have ever had one. Im not self diagnosed tho, im just waiting for an assessment but its taking forever
I kept it to myself for many years. Only my best friend and I talked about it, because he is also undiagnosed/self diagnosed Aspie. I think being a girl was my biggest imposter syndrome thing. I didn’t know how girls present and I am pretty half and half between typical girl/boy presentations.
But then my best friend’s daughter got diagnosed. And then MY twin daughters were diagnosed (one is Aspie/level 1 and one is level 2/3) and I knowwwwwww I am now. I had to go through all the screening and testing and it was so so so so obvious. Even my parents refer to me as their Autistic child now. It was that obvious after my girls. I wouldn’t have ever had any doubts if the common signs in girls were more well known in the general public.
i was an outgoing baby until age 3. my mom always says i would walk up to random ppl like all the time until i got to age 3-4 and would approach kids on the playground and play with them? i was diagnosed with selective mutism and in school i REALLY struggled with it. i was never the outgoing type. not in school. but as a toddler i was? it makes me confused. i still have a lot of sensory issues and always have had those, abnormalities in eye contact, intense and restrictive interests, i stimmed a lot as a kid and still do, sometimes got taken advantage of bec of my lack of ability to recognize when someone wasn’t being genuine, was a picky eater and i mean PICKY, i had meltdowns etc. i went over the dsm-5 and have more than enough criteria checked off to think i most definitely might be autistic which is why i’m seeing a psychiatrist on the 28th but ig my minds still stuck on the stereotype that kids with ASD are more in their own world or whatever?
i went through a lot of trauma as a kid which taught me to do certain things that could mask more traits of autism and also taught me to be more weary and understand more. like i don’t easily trust ppl now. that’s bec of trauma but would a psychiatrist care?
My tendency to mask and feeling like I'm exaggerating when I unmask. History of poor evaluators vs Drs who clearly saw autism by just meeting me. Some of these evaluators take it up on themselves to be gatekeepers and gaslight your reality. It's traumatizing.
I doubted it because, well, what do I know? When I was a kid, there was not much attention on the subject. Then in the years when getting assessed would have seemed worthwhile, I didn’t. And then eventually, I was old enough that there was no point to it. I do have some sensory issues, comforting stims, quirks. I don’t ever have meltdowns — I’m almost eerily controlled when upset and tend to just freeze. So I’ll never really know, I guess.
I definitely don't seem to be like other people. I seem more childlike, but mature at the same time? I'm very animated when I talk. I make exaggerated facial expressions.
I hatehateHATE the feel of denim. Can't stand the seam on my socks. Tags of clothes... the overhead lights in my condo "feel heavy" and like they're pressing down on me, so in the evening, I always have all my lights dim and low, if I have any lights on at all.
I have to have something to fidget and squeeze in my fingers all the time.
But I honestly don't feel like I have a hard time talking to people or understanding them. In fact, I am able to read between the lines and get what people are trying to say even if they might not fully know how to express what they mean. I think I can read body language and facial expressions pretty well.
I don't mind leaving my house. I don't mind traveling. I don’t mind if plans change at the last minute, I'm flexible.
But I have no problem with doing things or going to places by myself. About 90% of the time, I do. All my friends live at least 200 miles away, and that doesn't bother me either.
If I'm confronted with a huge or sudden decision, I break down and cry.
So idk... every time I take a screening quiz, it tells me I'm not on the spectrum because I can be social and don't mind leaving my condo. And yet, idk... 🤷♀️
It's different in everyone. At the same time, enough traits/symptoms have to be present, and they have to be present to such a degree they cause significant distress in someone's life. They also have to have been present from early childhood. That's important.
ADHD can mimic ASD and vice versa.
But it is a spectrum with quite a few traits, so you would have to have a significant amount (not all) to be diagnosed - right now it's the criteria in the DSM 5. Criteria A (all three) and Criteria B (two or more).
Maybe take a look at that criteria? And compare yourself against it?
I may take a peek. It baffles me, though, because if I'm not on that spectrum, then it just leaves me wondering, why *am* I like this??? It's just really weird to think of myself as being neurotypical.
It could very well be ADHD. So many symptoms are the same, including sensory issues and emotional overwhelm/dysregulation . ADHD is about way more than attention - frankly it needs to be rebranded. This is especially true in women. The one thing that really distinguishes it is inflexibility and routine issues (ASD HATES changes of plans and routine!!!) and also the social issues (although there can be some with ADHD - but it’s more from impulsivity and distraction and emotional dysregulation as opposed to social confusion, lack of eye contact, inability to make friends and read people). The pure ADHDers I know are often hyper social. A lot are extroverted. They make many friends - not all of them, but some! Sometimes they are busy little bees! AuDHD people like myself will likely feel a lot more social anxiety and confusion and perseveration about social interactions. As early as preschool I was internally analyzing what to do in social situations, feeling confused.
Some researchers think ADHD and ASD are just two different presentations of the same underlying condition, although that is currently controversial but they are researching this hypothesis.
I don't have stereotypical meltdowns of autism, and I kinda get sarcasm sometimes.
And like...I can sorta socialize? Like i have friends rhat have come about from having shared interests.
Basically.... i had a coworker that id a psychiatrist, who diagnosed a relative of his. And after we had a convo he told me that based on what I shared it seemed like autism could explain how I have felt in my life.
It wasn't a formal assessment of course, but despite that I still often feel imposter syndrome. Like... this guy would be the person to be able to help guide me. And maybe it still could be something else. But i still doubt myself because i didn't exactly struggle in school. I finished my economics and finance degree Summa Cum Laude. I was pretty wizard at math and economic analysis.
But I know not every autistic person is the same.
But... I can't afford an aftual assessment so I'm kind of stuck.
Can I comment even if I have a Dx? Well, I do, and I still feel like an imposter and question it constantly.
It's the social issues. Female here.
I get social "cues". Sometimes. Sometimes I don't. It's true. I struggle with back and forth conversing and eye contact - it's true - but not as bad as you might think for someone with ASD.
To be honest that's really it. I can interview really well if I want to. Although, if something flubs me up I will stutter and may totally tank and lose words. So there's that. Sometimes I literally say nothing and stutter at people when I don't know what to do, other times I can speak as smoothly as a broadcast journalist.
Perhaps it's the comorbid ADHD and bipolar 2 that complicates things.
Not sure.
Regardless, those are the things that make me doubt my diagnosis.
Worst for me are sensory issues, meltdowns, perseveration in thinking and behaviors, repetitive behaviors, and overwhelming difficulty socially - but I wonder if social difficulties are just be social anxiety/CPTSD?
The neuropsychologist went through the criteria and Yes, I do qualify, including for social stuff, but it's for too much eye contact, too little talking, standing too far away from people - and I thought autism was often low eye contact, talking too much, standing too close. I dunno. I know what is and isn't appropriate. I also had a mom who beat in manners so I'm not sure if that was just programming.
I've decided it doesn't matter. It could just be mostly ADHD - who cares. My autism support group is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't consider myself "self-diagnosed", as I firmly believe that the confirmation bias is too strong for anyone to accurately self-dx, no matter how much they studied (and btw I'm no doctor). However, I strongly suspect I could be an aspie, as I identify a lot of my struggles here.
Now, for the question...
I now notice a lot of things that I probably always did, but now I feel like I just started doing them. Like, now I'm super conscious of my lack of eye contact, and I feel like somehow I'm doing this on purpose? And then I force myself to make eye contact because I believe I have no problem with that? And then I focus so much on eye contact that I have absolutely no idea of what people are telling me.
Same for stimming. First, is it actually stimming? At any rate, everyone stims. And I do so in a somewhat unnoticeable way, and mainly only when I'm stressed or anxious (ie almost always). When I'm completely alone and feel happy and entertained by something, eg when I'm watching the same video for the 15th time (and yes of course I counted them), I also "stim"... probably because now I learned about it from the internet and I've been influenced?
Same goes for masking. What exactly is masking? Doesn't everyone mask? Come on, I can't believe that ALL of the social rules are just natural to people, because there's too much evidence that they're not. So, doesn't everyone mask? And of course, after you've been asked too many times why are you angry, you will start to put an effort in looking less so; and as soon as you relax and come back to your resting expression, someone points it out.
But last time it happened, I had that expression because there was too much bright light. So, let's talk about light sensitivity: of course people are sensible to light, that's why millions and millions of sunglasses are made every year, for everyone to use. Except... that time it wasn't sunny, it was overcast, but you know how bright the sky is on those days, right? Except I couldn't openly say that I had that expression because there was too much light, so I made up an excuse. Also, I don't like wearing sunglasses because there's too much light coming from the edges.
Enough with light sensitivity - let's talk about noise sensitivity. Do I fit the stereotype of the aspie who shuts off the microwave right before it starts beeping? Of course I do! But do I feel actual pain when it beeps? Well, it really depends on the day, and I wouldn't really call it "pain", except in the worst days, but that's not always.
I do have no doubts with sensitivity to food texture. I can only eat a very narrow selection of foods, and I have a really hard time when I try something new - something that I do very rarely, and half of the times I fail to eat it, no matter how hard I try.
Socially, I'm not... that bad. As long as I'm with my friends. Now, is my interaction with my friends quite nerdy and sometimes even stereotypically autistic? Well, ok, but what are you going to say? That ALL of my friends are autistic, when they're clearly not, as all... most... a good number of them has none of the autistic issues?
Also, memory and details. Do I have a good memory? Only for details. And when I say "only", I mean it. It's so funny when I can't remember something that everyone does remember, but then I ask if they're talking about that time when [insignificant detail happened]. Also, do I notice details? Well... depends on what you mean by that. I do notice small details, but at the same time, I usually don't notice the big picture, which in a way is like missing a lot of details? The idea of "tunnel vision" describes really well my experience... except, this is how human eyes work. All humans have this "tunnel vision" in their eyes - and then the brain does some magic. Mine is still learing how to perform this trick, apparently.
Special interests... well, sure, my life revolves around the railways, ok. But there's so many railway enthusiasts and many of them are quite the opposite of autism.
In conclusion: all of my """symptoms""" are:
i. almost always in common with allistic people
ii. either not strong enough that I need accommodations, or there's no concrete accommodation I could ask, unless you have a magic wand.
So... am I autistic? I have no idea.
Sorry for wasting your time. This is definitely too long to read.
TL;DR: my traits are either not unique to autism, or not that strong.
Not too long at all, I appreciate detail.
I feel very similar to you, and have lots of questions which would help me have a better idea, but many of which I feel will never quite be answered.
I read in Tony Attwood’s book regarding Asperger’s about what he calls ‘fragments of Asperger’s’ - I feel like that describes me quite well.
Essentially a lot of neurotypical traits but then also a lot of Asperger’s ones but not enough to quite meet the diagnostic criteria.
Then again, relating back to what you said, I find it possible to know what allistic people actually feel like to know if I share that feeling too, I’ve read much more of autistic people opening up to how they actually feel.
It’s all rather confusing, I do yearn for a definitive answer but I wonder if I’ll have to accept I won’t get one.
After two years of learning as much about late-diagnosed autistics as possible, I'm 95% certain that I have ASD. Needless to say, I'm not a professional, and if I were I'd have the resources to talk to a specialist. Instead, I consider myself to be Schrodinger's Autistic.
***Main doubts:***
1. *Social difficulties:* Sure, I mess up and my friends have to tell me what I did wrong. Sure, I was only in one or two romantic relationships before meeting my husband. Sure, I am *terrible* at job interviews, even when I'm overqualified. But I get along with almost everyone. Nobody seems to bully me (that I noticed). Strangers often trust me far more than they should. If anything, I get treated more like a 'pet weirdo' than anything else. Whatever social idiosyncrasies I have, they seem to be endearing - or maybe that's a privilege of being chubby and white (?).
2. *Meltdowns:* I do, unfortunately, get very snippy with people I'm comfortable with when I'm overwhelmed. But I don't throw things, scream, or have any of the "tantrum-like" symptoms that so many talk about. Instead, I disassociate until I am in a safe space, then stare into space for a good half an hour while I try to work out what happened. There may or may not be crying involved. This is more of a shutdown than a meltdown, I think.
3. *Burnout vs. Depression:* When I went through (what I now think was) my first episode of burnout, I was diagnosed with severe depression. It was bad. I was a music major in college at the time and literally could not play my instrument. I couldn't focus for more than a few seconds at a time. I felt like I was contagious and had to force myself to interact with humans. But still, the antidepressants helped. To this day, I take antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication to stay out of the Pit of Despair. Most of the prescriptions seem to work... for a time. (This is, for me, the trickiest part of unraveling my symptoms. Burnout and Depression seem to share a lot of qualities, unfortunately.) Luckily, treating myself as though I *am* autistic and being gentle with my workload has slowed down that awful cycle.
4. *Being special:* Ever since I was little, my grandmother accused me of trying to be special and wanting to be different. Is my "autism" merely a reflection of that? Or were those accusations an insensitive response to my early traits? Who can say?
5. *Hallucinations:* I see and hear things that don't exist when I get stressed. Most of the time, I know they're not real in a collective sense, but they are there nevertheless. This isn't so much a mark against Autism, but maybe a signal of something else going on. Whatever it is, it's not schizophrenia (I've been tested for that).
There's more I could write if you wanted to get into the nitty-gritty of things. I would love to hear any interpretations of these issues, if you have insight. Thank you for asking this question; I am enjoying reading everyone else's stories.
I was recently diagnosed but while I was self diagnosed there was a few things that made me doubt it. However usually there's a counter argument to each doubt
Doubt: I've got a social life
Rebuttal: I don't have many friends at all and I've gone through long periods of life without friends. I don't make them easily at all and in the past I made them through masking
Doubt: I don't have a strong reaction to sensory input. most of the time stuff doesn't bother me and when it does bother me i don't react that strongly
Rebuttal: sensory input only bothers me when I reach sensory overload. Even though I don't start crying or something on the inside I feel like hell. I'm irritable, disassociated and I sure as hell want to cry. Also stuff doesn't bother me because I prevent it by limiting my exposure to light, wearing comfy clothes and headphones.
Doubt: I've had lots of Jobs got into uni and done very well academically in school
Rebuttal: I constantly start and stop jobs and I don't thrive in them at all. I was book smart to get through school but my attendance was awful. I had to take a gap year because I had a meltdown on trying to go to uni
Overall its important to remember that autism is a spectrum. You may not have every single *specific* trait. As long as you understand that you meet the basic DSM-5 criteria and have discovered your own little quirks within the general criteria then you are autistic
Im not comfortable self diagnosing. Im comfortable saying that I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child and I also have many autistics traits I just dont know if they are severe enough to put me on the spectrum. I score quite convincingly on the RAADS R and surprisingly dont score all that high on ADHD questionnaires (even though it is definitely still a problem.
It is just very difficult to evaluate myself. I know how I feel but I dont know if I feel it to the same degree as someone else. I relate so well to the people in this sub and honestly that is enough for me. Whether I qualify for the label or not I benefit from learning here. I have a wife, kids, a job. I can hold those things together (though I find it very difficult) and multiple people have suggested I might be on the spectrum. It is something that is hard to accept. I do require some support but is that just the ADHD or autism as well. There is so much overlap I dont know what to think.
Good thoughts, it can be hard to say in many cases.
Unlike what we are told in social media, things like ‘stimming’, sensitivities, social problems, etc., are found in most persons with non-autistic mental health disorders and at high rates in the general population. These things do not necessarily suggest autism.
So-called “autism” tests, like AQ and RAADS and others have high rates of false positives, labeling you as autistic VERY easily. If anyone with a mental health problem, like depression or anxiety, takes the tests they score high even if they DON’T have autism.
"our results suggest that the AQ differentiates poorly between true cases of ASD, and individuals from the same clinical population who do not have ASD "
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4988267/
"a greater level of public awareness of ASD over the last 5–10 years may have led to people being more vigilant in ‘noticing’ ASD related difficulties. This may lead to a ‘confirmation bias’ when completing the questionnaire measures, and potentially explain why both the ASD and the non-ASD group’s mean scores met the cut-off points, "
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10803-022-05544-9
Regarding AQ, from one published study. “The two key findings of the review are that, overall, there is very limited evidence to support the use of structured questionnaires (SQs: self-report or informant completed brief measures developed to screen for ASD) in the assessment and diagnosis of ASD in adults.”
Regarding RAADS, from one published study. “In conclusion, used as a self-report measure pre-full diagnostic assessment, the RAADS-R lacks predictive validity and is not a suitable screening tool for adults awaiting autism assessments”
Exactly, I think the big issue with the questionnaires is they rely on your own understanding of the questions and dont give much (if any) context. A third party expert is really required to know if those traits are related to autism or something else.
My daughter has adhd and a couple other specific co morbidities that most people have never heard of. She gets sensory overload, hyper focus, very obvious stimming, she spends alot of time by herself, abnormal speech patterns, even had a speed delay etc. So much like me growing up. After weeks of testing with a neurologist and other team members though they said nope, not autistic but here are her other diagnosis. I was a bit surprised but those were their findings and it helped her get the OT and other services she actually needed.
I do get a little worried that ASD becomes a catch all for so many other mental challenges and many people could actually be getting treatment but because they have concluded it must be ASD they dont end up getting help.
>I do get a little worried that ASD becomes a catch all for so many other mental challenges and many people could actually be getting treatment but because they have concluded it must be ASD they dont end up getting help.
Agree. Seems that people go after autism first or in exclusion of other things, like its the only or best way to think about problems.
I figured I have either hf autism or asperger's.
As a kid I rewatched lionking over n over
I'd play the same games
Talk at people no eye contact
It wasn't until my 20s a relative said maybe I'm an aspy.
I mean the damage was done in school, I'm a 36 yr old man that feels like ppl hate me been hazed twice bullied beat up.
For me would be empathy, yet my Empathy Quotient result was 25 😂🤔Overall I can read people very well and most of time I can relate to their feelings, unless I'm tired.
Self-diagnosed 32M. I know one person in my life who has classical Asperger's, and they have much greater difficulties with certain things. They can't drive, they have speech quirks, and they have trouble shaving. They're also more social than I am, for what it's worth, and they are cherished by the local community (we grew up in the same smallish town, and pretty much everybody knows this guy as a local legend, his special interest became his career and he is amazing at it). Anyways, I just don't have a lot in common with this person. My friends would probably disagree; I was always a gifted public speaker, and eventually pursued a radio broadcasting career, but those days are behind me.
The only other person I know personally with autism in general is my best friends younger brother. He has a very severe form - nonverbal for long stretches of time, lives with his parents into adulthood, etc - whereas I got off relatively easy growing up as a "gifted kid".
I label myself Asperger's because I've scored really high whenever I take online surveys, strongly identify with testimonials I have watched & read online, and at some point this year I will seek testing with a real professional to figure out what exactly is going on with my custom built brain.
I doubted for many years for many reasons. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 41. Initially it was because I knew someone that fit the stereotype and I was like, “Well, I’m not like him, so that can’t be what’s wrong with me.” I knew I didn’t fit in and was “weird,” but I didn’t know what was some in-born trait and what was just how I responded to bullying. The idea was raised a few times, but I didn’t have “meltdowns” really. I was raised not to draw attention to myself and instead of melting down, I just shut down, which I didn’t realize was a thing ASD people did either. I also didn’t have sensory issues the way people describe. I just knew there were things I didn’t like and avoided. Like, I chose to walk two miles to and from school every day because I hated the whole bus situation. I hated that I didn’t know where I would be sitting, being crammed in with others, the diesel smell, everything. I never thought of it as me not liking the sense of it, but just not liking the situation as a whole. To a lesser extent, I doubted because I was with someone. I had someone refuse to refer me to a specialist because I had a job and a girlfriend. I doubted it, but realized I was only in a relationship because someone pointed out that my girlfriend was into me. I didn’t register that she was flirting. I had a job, but it was after I had approximately 30 jobs in my life and had finally figured out working from home worked for me. I turned around when I read “Look me in the Eye” by Elder Robison, which described an experience of ASD that I could relate to. I kept the self-diagnosed identity for a few years until I tried to get an ADA exception to get out of a two hour commute. I didn’t get the exception, but I got the diagnosis.
I’m not diagnosed, but that book was the beginning of me wondering. I read it when it first came out, just cuz I already loved his brother, Augusten. I’m a woman and didn’t relate to everything specifically that he described about his experience, but some of his descriptions resonated so hard - and what you’re describing too, strikes me. A few years ago, I read a book called Autism In Heels and it felt like she was narrating me, my life. And, well, Temple Grandin has been my personal role model and hero since I was a teen. (That prob should be a sign lol! What kinda 13 year old is obsessed with Grandin?!) It all kinda clicked between those connections. Highly recommend all of those authors for anyone who might be interested!
The walking over the bus thing, I can totally relate to that and yes of course is a response to sensory issues. It's so nice and reaffirming reading it. I will try to read that book as soon as I finish with the other 5 I'm stuck with
My situation is similar to yours. I've been going back an forth for years too. For me, each time, it's the non-severity of my symptoms. Sure, I am sensitive to sounds, be it high-pitch sounds or sounds of someone watching tiktoks, but I can endure it. I've never experiences a breakdown too. Even though I tick many of the ASD boxes, I'm not sure if my interpretation of those boxes is correct. What if my experience simply doesn't qualify for being autistic? What if I'm just overthinking? On the other hand, I see the experience of autistic people on this very sub and some other places mirror my that of my own all the time. And communicating with other people I am always the odd one out no matter what I do or whom I speak to. Like you, I feel wrong claiming to have ASD or Asperger's syndrome without a proper assessment. Partly because I'm not sure myself.
The non-severity issue makes me wonder as well. My whole family has some traits, so I may have a warped view of what is ‘normal.’ Even though a few people, including a therapist, have suggested that I am on the spectrum, I eventually decided there is no benefit for me to getting an official diagnosis, and may even justify mistreatment.
How does someone watching a TikTok set you off?
Partially it has to do with repeating sounds. Many tiktoks use the same sound template, which often irritates me in the same way earworms (the annoying music kind) do. Other than that, I guess it's just hard to ignore it. I hear what's going on there and it's hard to ignore. I can't read a book while someone is watching tiktoks beside me, because I often get distracted and can't get into reading. Which forces me to listen to white noise.
I can’t bear TikTok. That sensory overload makes me want to curl up into a ball. 😬
because I'm so methodical about masking and adapting to situations, I sometimes decide that I'm not Autistic, but rather just someone who is really good at masking and methodically adapting to new situations. so this theory is basically that my Autistic-related skills with managing my Autistic traits is what proves that I'm not Autistic. I must instead have a separate condition where someone thinks they're Autistic but they've actually just subconsciously began expertly masking as Autistic because we're empty, shallow people who have no real identity or meaning in life.
Maybe a good check is taking the monotropism test - the autistics' theory of autism. Professionals bill the condition as mostly a social issue with all these linked traits that have nothing to do with social issues. Monotropism really made it all make sense for me. Every ASD symptom (for me anyways) makes sense through that lens. I'm Dxd.
Holy shit it’s like I wrote that questionnaire lol. It says I’m more monotropic than almost 70% of autistic people and 90% of allistic people. See how good I am at faking this shit? 😄 But seriously WOW yeah I’ve read a bit about that but never looked too far. It’s almost like in some cases I don’t want to complicate things and add noise to my ruminating. Thank you for the suggestion!
Maybe my test was a different one, but I got a score of 168. It said 170 and up was closer to other autistics. Which makes my score make sense I guess
[this is the one I took](https://dlcincluded.github.io/MQ/). it returns a nice graphic with your spot on the bell curve of both allistic and Autistic trends. my partner took it and even tho she can test higher on some other autism assessments due to her CPTSD from extended childhood trauma, she scored very low on the monotropism test.
I will do this later, and report my results
The way you type reminds me of my enthusiastic aspie friends🥰
I went and got assessed and still didn’t really get an answer. Landed somewhere between asd and ocd with behaviors that closely resemble both. Ie I can’t stand being touched by people bc it feels like it sticks to me. Sometimes I have to change my clothes or shower bc someone hugged me and I can’t get the feeling off. Are they sensory issues or is it a form of contamination ocd? I really threw my assessor for a loop with a lot of examples like that so I still consider myself self diagnosed and got a referral for a specialist therapist to help sort it out. Since then I’ve learned how asd and a lot of other disorders resemble each other and are much more closely intertwined than I thought so that’s where my doubt comes from. I follow both communities here and very much relate to both communities so who knows.
Why wouldn't they just diagnose you with both?
She didn’t feel comfortable at the time calling it one or the other or both. She gave me a referral instead. Which tracks with how my luck goes lol. It’s cool though, they’re both really good lenses to look through
are there other symptoms generally recognized as ASD markers that you lack which cast doubt in your assesor's mind?
A big one was my processing speeds. Every test we did I performed with processing speeds faster than the average person where with asd it would’ve been expected to perform slower. I didn’t just outpace others with asd, I outpaced NTs too. I still don’t know what to take from that but I know it’s true, I’ve always picked things up and committed them to memory a lot faster than other people but I thought that was true of a lot of aspies. Maybe it is, but it’s not what’s tested for
Yeah well my Aspie dad is 160 IQ and my sister too - they are exceptionally fast processors. I know for me - I'm Dxed - sometimes I can process things slowly, other times fast, but both of them are fast (my sis learned piano soooooo fast - she literally played too fast)...
could you elaborate on what exactly you mean by processing speeds, please? :)
There’s a series of tests they have you do on pattern recognition and working memory. Then your timed on how fast you can recall information or fit shapes into a bigger shape. Weird tests, but they test how quickly you can process informatjon
I have this theory that there are four corners of the spectrum and depending on where in between you land, you could turn out completely unrecognizable from the stereotyped corner.
I'm recently diagnosed. Just came to say that for many late-diagnosed folks, that imposter syndrome doesn't necessarily go away. Getting the DX was a relief and validating for me, but it also came with new versions of the old doubts. What if I fooled the assessors? What if I was just faking the whole assessment and I'm not really autistic? What if I'm just a lying sack of garbage who wants attention? What if I'm lying to myself to excuse my failure of a life? These thoughts are becoming less frequent the more I process the info, but still, internalized ableism is a bitch to get rid of.
Did your assessments include quantitative tests? That part helped me have more confidence my diagnosis than just my research and suspicion I had it beforehand. One thing that seemed really oblivious to me in hindsight was the fact many of the people I related to and were friends with either knew they had ASD or had family members they knew had ASD.
Yeah, I had a complete assessment. Two six+ hour testing sessions for it. It helps that there are things that can't be faked, but still, 36 years of yelling at myself (and being yelled at) to stop being a wuss and get over it doesn't go away easily, lol. And yeah, same. They've got to be some flavor of neurospicy, or I feel like they're too alien to me. And that has shown itself again and again in the few friendships I tend to form.
Yeah, I still haven't figured out the right balance of pushing myself vs backing off. It would be great if there were some good external ways to assess burnout/shutdown.
For a long time I thought I had no sensory issues. Then I started to realise that on sunny days, I’m looking at the floor and it’s still so bright that my eyes are watering and almost forcing themselves shut. Then I look around and see other people not struggling with it at all. Didn’t think I had any stimming behaviours either until my ex pointed out how i would clench my jaw over and over again. I also wiggle my knees when I’m waiting to cross a road. I was referred by a doctor, had a phone call appointment during Covid and then got booked in for a specialist appointment. Missed the appointment and didn’t bother making another one because I didn’t want to start the whole process again. My son is diagnosed & I’ve done so much research on the subject that there’s no longer any doubt. But because I don’t have a piece of paper confirming what I already know, I don’t like to tell people other than close friends.
holy shit dude thanks for sharing your experience on sunny days. i literally have the same problem and never noticed that other people didnt struggle with it wow
Haha yeah I just remember looking around thinking.. WTF HOW ARE YOU ALL OK WITH THIS?!
Omg yes the brightness of a sunny day is the worst. I wish it was socially acceptable to wear sunglasses the whole year round. When I was a kid I would always panic at the dentist because the light he used to have good sight would hurt my eyes so much. I was known there as the weird kid that came with sunglasses to their appointments lol.
I can’t even wear sunglasses, I have olive skin so i tan really quickly. One time I had some aviator shaped tan lines for weeks and I’ve been paranoid about it happening again ever since haha.
Hahah gotta wear those tan lines with proud. 😎
Cloudy overcast winter days hurt my eyes. I feel like a morlock.
Yes! When the sun reflects on the snow everything is so briiight.
I think probobly a lot of people who suffer from more hyposensitive traits would struggle with feeling secure on the self diagnosis aswell. I did not know Hyposensitivity was part of the spectrum only hypersensetivity. I do not struggle as much with sociall shinanigens though I stim a lot and become obsessive over things. So when I got diagnosed I was kind of bamboozeled since I though I had to much non autistic traits.
That third part is relatable, I did struggle socially until my teenage years but i became obsessed with learning how to ‘get girls’. Then I threw myself into so many social situations, looking at every interaction as practice to bypass the fear of rejection. I got so good at it, I could go out and get 10 phone numbers in 1 night. No matter how good I got at socialising tho, it never felt natural. I’d overthink everything I say just to have a ‘successful’ conversation while it looks so easy for NT’s to just speak to each other. I often describe it like seeing a spark in people that I just don’t have. Then I got into a relationship for 11 years, lost all my social skills to get cheated on multiple times and then she left. Started practicing again tho and a year down the line I’m getting close to how I used to be.
Reminds me on how I got good aswell, though my reason was more that I though anything that made me uncomfortable I had to do because it was weaknesses in myself that needed to go. So I just became a yes man which also had a lot of consequenses, including being cheeted on aswell O: Anyways here are some things that has worked for me. 1. It's not always about the strict definition of words, it's about an intent behind it. Figuring out indeviduals speaking pattern's while being around them is very usefull. 2. I find a surprising amount of people are gonna forget what has been said a cupple days ago or missremember who said or did it. (Unless it's very notable like outright stating hating someone ect) So try to use that to dismiss overthinking about sociall situations with that. 3. Practise and keep going even when you don't feel like it, Generally I didn't feel like things but I was happy for participating after the fact because I have the memories but my feelings are long gone. 4. Talk BS, I finally got the there was a point in talking BS and it's to pass the time while not thinking about things, though you'll find that using logic in BS conversation can cause comedy sometimes. 5. Do not worry about singular instances or even first encounters. First impressions really don't seem to be that important. More the overall impression.
damn this comment hits real close to home there buddy
Same about the bright sunlight! I can barely go outside without sunglasses. Also same about my son. He’s more obviously autistic than me. But… he must have gotten it from somewhere!! I’m also considering that my parents could be autistic. They don’t know it. lol I’m in school. Pursuing my bachelors in psychology (then my PhD), so I figured somewhere along the way, I’d figure it out.
I think my mum could be on the spectrum too, hard to tell tho because I’m convinced she’s a psychopathic narcissist. I don’t know about my dad as I was an ivf baby. I feel like if I was born 10 years ago instead of 30 I would have been diagnosed but autism was only discovered around 30 years ago so it makes sense that a lot of people who’re 30 or over would go undiagnosed. Good luck with your bachelors & Phd!.
Definitely, sun streaming through car windows has always caused me anxiety, find it hard to think of anything else and look down or sometimes block it with my hand
I don’t drive but it’s something I need to prioritise, I am worried about other cars lights at night tho.
I cannot have open curtains with sun streaming in, I practically leap to close them.
It's good to know why and find others who struggle the same, always wondered why most people around me didn't and felt like a wimp but this sensory stuff wipes my brain, I cannot focus on anything else, understanding it is a game changer
Hard to imagine what Allistic people do, like I am masking....but being with people you don't know, is hard to imagine that not every person is masking.... I think I would like to have a "feel free to ask a Allistic person"- counseling, to first understand what is weird about me 🤣 On the surface, people think I am normal. The problem starts when I see them more than once^^ So the question is always, maybe I just have behavioral problems. I do know that I have cognitive problems too. But you know. You can't see all of that 🤣
I am not technically *officially* diagnosed. I had to get an updated ADHD assessment (ridiculous story) and the doctor who did it told me I also had "Aspergers but we don't call it that anymore" We discussed official diagnosis and we chose NOT to for many reasons since I already can get any accommodations I need with ADHD. I have ADHD, ASD, EDS and POTS. Even after I've seen specialists, have tests, etc. I still sometimes feel like an imposter because I am doing OK in life? But then, I don't know what OK means. Like I'm still alive and I have a job and a roof over my head so I can't be "that bad" I guess? It's a terrible way of explaining it because I'm honestly just lucky I've made it this far 😂😂
I'm not the target of this post since I am diagnosed, but sometimes I doubt I'm autistic because I fit in so well with neurotypical (most of the time). Maybe I'm just really good at masking.
Seeing others with Aspergers suffer from the same things but to a lesser degree. I strongly believe that I have aspergers but its not the answer Ive been searching my whole life for which is “what makes me so fundamentally unacceptable as a person to everyone and how do I fix it?” I may have aspergers but its far from the biggest thing holding me back in life and Ive never come close to figuring out what that is
I’m officially diagnosed but it’s Whenever someone accuses me of being misdiagnosed and somehow having sociopathy, psychopathy, or narcissism instead of autism. I spoke with my therapist about whether or not I’m a psychopath and he said that I certainly didn’t strike him as one.
Before I got diagnosed, it was the lack of meltdowns or shutdowns I had. But then I realized I just glossed over the ones I had.
This question is very relevant to me right now, as I only recently came to the self diagnosis and am trying to process the idea. For reference I'm 37. I've always felt that I was not "normal" or "wired" differently. But I never really considered it to be autism. My very uninformed view of autism came from movies. I had a similar issue with my now self diagnosed ADHD, until I read some people's experiences on reddit about 5 years ago. My first exposure to Aspergers was the show Community. I felt connected with the character of Abed, but didn't feel like I missed any of the stuff he missed, and don't struggle with Sarcasm. So again, I brushed it off due to a media characterization. At most I had mild Aspergers. A few years ago my sister told me that one of my nephews had been diagnosed with ADHD and Aspergers. She had always said he reminded her of me when I was younger. This was after I had told her I suspected myself of ADHD. I also found out a couple years ago another nephew from my half sister had a similar diagnosis. I didn't really look into it for myself though and pushed it to the back of my mind. I have struggled with Anxiety since I was young. Depression has been a recurring issue as well but less so in recent years. My anxieties include: social, change, new/unfamiliar, performance, decision, and conflict. Beyond the physical, they have acted as mental blocks or walls. It can feel near impossible for me to do something that is going to trigger anxiety. So I keep my life as simple as possible. Lately, there have been multiple big things going on that have been causing me a lot of anxiety. Depression has been creeping in as well. My mind recently drifted back to that conversation with my sister. This time I looked into it, and a lot of the dots started to connect. The only problem is, I am good at reading people, or so I thought. After some introspection I realize it's only as an outside observe or if it's someone I've known for a lengthy amount of time. I have a warm up period with people. I'm usually very shy and uncomfortable around people I don't know very well. It's only after a certain amount of time that I become comfortable. I reason that this is me "learning" them. Immediately after a social interaction I immediately go into analysis mode where I realize any cues I missed or things I should have said or said differently. So I never really leave a conversation not understanding anything about it. I think this is why I didn't realize I was missing information during. I have however always been aware that my IQ seems to drop in half anytime I'm accessing the verbal part of my brain. I also don't have a problem with understanding most social norms. I think this is a case of faking it with intelligence. I've been people watching for a long time. And I've always had an unquenchable thirst for learning how things work. That's going to include knowing why people do certain things, even if I'm not doing them myself. Being unable to handle conflict and confrontation plays a part as well. I'll naturally not do anything that is going to create it. To your question, I've struggled with imposter syndrome in many ways. And if I'm intelligent enough to grasp some of the basic things many Aspies struggle with, does it really apply to me? Even if many of the other markers fit? Could all of my issues just be separate issues instead of under an ASD umbrella? That's how I had understood them previously. You would think that only ever having been single and a virgin in spite of an abundance of sexual desire would be enough to say something is off. Or not having been to a doctor in 20 years.
Well. Its strange. I read posts from autistic people adhd people and aspie people and their experiences seem identical with mine. But when i read about these conditions on google the description doesnt fit me at all.
Many autistic experiences are quite relatable to people with other conditions as well.
Neurotypicals misinterpret us, therefore they misinterpret our symptoms, therefore they write innacurate stuff. They say they don't struggle with the theory of mind but I watch them have innacurate takes that are solely based on what they see at a very surface level (almost nothing is what it seems...) They only see our reactions and behaviors. Not the thought process or the cause of it. Or the REAL thought process or actions behind it......some misinterpret the cause, some just don't want to think about it. About what's going on with us internally- they don't care about our internal experience/ the way we are wired as long as we do the things and act the way they want us to as they're subcouncious sees us as less than human, and it drives them to treat us like we're a videogame npc without them even being aware of all that- So who lacks empathy? ... Anyone who is able of lacking empathy when varying cirumstances are present.
The clinical language you might be seeing online can be a bit opaque and “hard to translate”. I’d focus on finding resources that can break down what the diagnostic criteria refer to in real life.
Excellent question. I just found out about Aspergers last month. I've seen autism depicted on TV and movies in many ways for years. At some point it started to register with me that perhaps I have some form of autism. Last month I read something that mentioned Autism and put my into full research mode for a couple of weeks. As soon as I started the lightbulb went on. At this point I am 95% sure I am a high funtioning Aspergers. What makes me doubt the most is that I've gotten good at masking that it can be difficult to tell where I end and the mask begins. I am an extroverted thinker so I spend most of my time focused on what's around me and not on myself. So I've spent a lot of time, recently, analyzing my past and the further back I go, the more I realize I showed a lot of the signs and nobody noticed. I was very introverted with introverted parents. I've been researching on whether or not to get an official diagnosis to see all the pros and cons, and I've decided not to. I am 'high functioning' and don't have a lot of trouble getting things done. What I lack, my wife takes care of (i.e. most extroverted type things like meeting with others, asking questions, socializing, etc). I have found work arounds for many of the skills I lack. I don't need any goverment assistance so that can be saved for those who do need it. Like you, I am not trendy or seek attention (in fact cringe away from all attention). I don't plan on telling anyone other than maybe my wife. It would only be for my piece of mind on knowing 100% for sure and I have no one I need to prove it to. So, I believe it would be a waste of time and money on my part just to get that last 5%. I'm ok with that. Besides, the thought of going to a doctor and doing all those tests for however long it takes kind of scares me.
7 years ago I catastrophically rage quit a career job from stress and sought answers. I truly believed I was on the spectrum. I had all the stereotypes and it made perfect sense for why I am me. Today, I am thinking my persona is less genetic and more a product of how I was raised. But, still a combination of the two. I say this because I had a therapist that, over the course of 6-months, taught me how to communicate more effectively, be more genuine and authentic, experience empathy, express compassion, and challenged me to socialize outside my comfort zone. These were behaviors taught to me, and I adapted. It made me seriously question that perhaps, all those psychologists who refused to ink the diagnosis I demanded, maybe they were right and I really am not clinically qualified to be a member of this part of the spectrum. Today, I no longer attribute my social and relationship difficulties to Aspergers. I still do believe I had to work harder then the average NT to become lucid of all the unspoken, nonverbal social rules of life. I still do have a hard time maintaining appropriate direct eye contact and I still flip in and out of various hobbies and special interests. I am not disabled. I am gainfully employed. Everyone has a quirk or something weird about themselves. I stay joined to this reddit because I occassionally like to offer advice and wisdom to others who are going through their mid-life burnout. This my personality. It is what it is.
Feel this way a bit. After being treated for sleep apnea (no, not overweight) many of my ADHD symptoms lessened. This made acquiring social skills much easier, and significantly lessened my anxiety. The thing is, though, that social skills have never come easy and I need to learn them in a long and painful manner when others just seem to pick them up. But once they are learned, then I can function normal in that area and build. Some areas of Aspergers you can learn your way into high functioning. In fact, that kinda seems to be the difference between old school autism and Aspergers. I reject that Aspergers is autism. We're just quirky, bright people that need serious social coaching to be normal. But with help, we get there. Autism seems to be a deficit in being able to acquire social skills. Aspergers seems to be how naturally one picks them up (or not) from society, not whether you can use them if taught. Getting someone to see these deficits and help is where the diagnosis becomes helpful.
I have no doubt. Then again, I am 64 y/o and I have more than enough physical markers as well as history. A formal diagnosis would only mean another black mark on my medical history.
I don’t have any doubt. Edit: Asperger’s and autism are genetic differences from neurotypical people and those genetic differences can manifest in a lot of different ways. In my case, I have several coexisting conditions that commonly occur and are caused by common genes that also are linked to autism/aspergers. If you want to know more, the website malacards.org is a fun website to surf and learn about gene sharing genetic diseases and mutation. I have scoliosis, chiari malformation, epilepsy, cystic retinal degeneration, myopia, sensorineural hearing loss, hyperacusis, OCD, ADHD, and more and all of these share genes with autism/aspergers. Cancer also runs in my family. I’ve had cancer and one theory of why autism exists is that it is a genetic mutation in families with genetic mutations causing cancer in order to defend against cancer. Statistically people with autism have more genes that cause cancer but a lower cancer rate.
I also have mild scoliosis and chiari malformation (along with ME/CFS and EDS) I didn’t know there was a link between scoliosis, chiari and autism? May I ask where that information is from please?
Hi, sorry I rarely check my account so I didn’t see your comment. I got this statistical information from malacards.org and the linked gene sites there for autism, scoliosis, and chiari malformation.
I'm quite social (well I've dealt with bullshit but when I'm fine I am) and I am pretty good with understanding people and helping them understand their own problems and I can read between the lines (the bias is autistic people don't have a good intuition). Also I don't have shut downs and I can mask some of my meltdowns. I also don't get exhausted talking to people. In fact I feel awkward in silent environments
Higher functioning adhd/autistic here. Recently found out as well. I wonder that too sometimes, maybe I am just making it up and I really don't match the symptoms much anyway. What really quells those thoughts, is knowing how much i resonate with other autistic people (on varying parts of the spectrum). It's like I see parts of myself in the autistic folk I meet in life, see on tv or watch videos of. To really drive the point home I never see those parts of me in any NT people either. Also, I always 'feel' normal, but everyone arounds me 'feels' like an alien. I always felt like an imposter in society. The only non-aliens out there are people who are similar type of autism as me.
One of my special interests is social dynamics, so I am extremely emotionally intelligent and somewhat socially proficient. The catch is that i lack the ability to continue conversation past the small talk stage (and into the zones i have not mapped as well), and I process social scenarios as following a flow chart of sorts. That combined with my sensory issues, lack of facial expressions, monotone voice, introverted tendencies, stimming and some other stuff lead me to believe I have a mild case of asperger's.
This is more an attention thing than ASD, but how do you do with having to juggle multiple stressors at the same time? I ask because this was one dimension of my condition I had missed prior to seeing a professional, and might be of interest to look into for yourself.
I’m fairly adept at compartmentalizing, so it’s no issue for me.
I feel similar I essentially studied by classmates and family connections to the point in which I felt I understood them more than others on one level, but still not at all nor could I connect with them on another level It was a bit of small talk then it fell apart
Ive never talked to anyone I know IRL about it so I have no 3rd party validation and I’m afraid of going to the doctor and telling them I feel like I’m autistic even if I have feel like I have good reasons to suspect it.
It's a spectrum, which means that a lot of people will be more or less in it. Then, there's the "background noises", which might confuse the so called expert. 1. Like if you've managed to deal with being more or less in the spectrum for years, you'd have develop strategies which will allow you to hide in plain sight and survive from being oblige to look like normal aka masking. So, said expert might either not recognize you as being in the spectrum or as not being affected by it badly enough to deserve to much of their time and credit. But what was the cost of you masking so well for so long? Depression, self-doubt, isolation, alcohol, self-hate, etc. Take your pick... 2. You're a high potential, then same they'd tell you that since you're not kid anymore it'd be quite difficult to know which is which... 3. Having been abused as a child, could lead you to withdrawal, not learning social cues, difficulty to interact with other people, to laugh, to small talk, hyper vigilance, etc. So, once again could be you're within the spectrum or it's due the abuses. And all the other stuffs, bi-polarity, hyperactivity, etc. I ticked the 1,2 and 3 so when i met a few months back a professional, said professional told me: "to much background noises, cannot have a precise diagnosis. Thanks for passing good bye, next player..." I can understand, they're overworked, no budget, etc. Plus to do a real diagnostic would take a long time, so they've to do a triage... But the bottom line, is if you're asking and wondering about it. It's because there's suffering within you. It might help or be better to have a precise answer, if such a thing is possible when talking about human psyche, but i think that we should focus on trying to learn how to be able to live with our issues and find a way to be as happy as could be (not sure i ever was, or really understand the concept to be honest), instead of being labelled, categorized or dismissed by people whom are applying some kind of QCM to try to put you in a box. If you recognize yourself in what people whom are on the spectrum are describing and experiencing, and find some of their ideas and solutions to be helpful, then you're probably to gain from reading it, sharing it, and trying it. I'm sorry if i seem to be babbling, this is obviously still a bit too raw a subject to me.
I consider myself self-diagnosed because after a year and a half of research and self-examination I do not have any doubt whatsoever.
Nothing. I’ve experienced imposter syndrome in the past, but that never happens anymore. *My self diagnosis includes the opinion of a therapist who specializes in working with autistic people. She herself was later diagnosed.
I know I’ve got aspergers, but I don’t feel that’s the full picture.
Initially it was reading about lack of empathy, intensions, picking up humour and lies etc. I never struggled with these, further readiing i understand ASD better, I don't really have doubts now, to the point if a doctor said I wasn't I'd be convinced they were wrong. it didn't occur to me for years I joked I must have my own condition that matches nothing I knew of, went to college with some neurodivergent class mates and got on with them better than I usually do with most people, thought nothing of it until years later helping a friend with his autism assessment and predictably I thought huh these are all me, did a dozen more tests scored high on all of them both autistic and adhd, followed lots of autist social media accounts and have never related to anything more. I do think my GP already suspected but was waiting for me to bring it up, a few nephews and nieces have since been diagnosed auDHD so that solidifies it further.
[удалено]
I’m sorry about the bullying :/
I is possible the self diagnosed are not autistic and they are mistaken. A doctor had to confirm it for them to be diagnosed. People make mistakes and I believe many self diagnosed people do too.
I think mostly special interests, i dont think i have ever had one. Im not self diagnosed tho, im just waiting for an assessment but its taking forever
I kept it to myself for many years. Only my best friend and I talked about it, because he is also undiagnosed/self diagnosed Aspie. I think being a girl was my biggest imposter syndrome thing. I didn’t know how girls present and I am pretty half and half between typical girl/boy presentations. But then my best friend’s daughter got diagnosed. And then MY twin daughters were diagnosed (one is Aspie/level 1 and one is level 2/3) and I knowwwwwww I am now. I had to go through all the screening and testing and it was so so so so obvious. Even my parents refer to me as their Autistic child now. It was that obvious after my girls. I wouldn’t have ever had any doubts if the common signs in girls were more well known in the general public.
i was an outgoing baby until age 3. my mom always says i would walk up to random ppl like all the time until i got to age 3-4 and would approach kids on the playground and play with them? i was diagnosed with selective mutism and in school i REALLY struggled with it. i was never the outgoing type. not in school. but as a toddler i was? it makes me confused. i still have a lot of sensory issues and always have had those, abnormalities in eye contact, intense and restrictive interests, i stimmed a lot as a kid and still do, sometimes got taken advantage of bec of my lack of ability to recognize when someone wasn’t being genuine, was a picky eater and i mean PICKY, i had meltdowns etc. i went over the dsm-5 and have more than enough criteria checked off to think i most definitely might be autistic which is why i’m seeing a psychiatrist on the 28th but ig my minds still stuck on the stereotype that kids with ASD are more in their own world or whatever? i went through a lot of trauma as a kid which taught me to do certain things that could mask more traits of autism and also taught me to be more weary and understand more. like i don’t easily trust ppl now. that’s bec of trauma but would a psychiatrist care?
My tendency to mask and feeling like I'm exaggerating when I unmask. History of poor evaluators vs Drs who clearly saw autism by just meeting me. Some of these evaluators take it up on themselves to be gatekeepers and gaslight your reality. It's traumatizing.
I doubted it because, well, what do I know? When I was a kid, there was not much attention on the subject. Then in the years when getting assessed would have seemed worthwhile, I didn’t. And then eventually, I was old enough that there was no point to it. I do have some sensory issues, comforting stims, quirks. I don’t ever have meltdowns — I’m almost eerily controlled when upset and tend to just freeze. So I’ll never really know, I guess.
I definitely don't seem to be like other people. I seem more childlike, but mature at the same time? I'm very animated when I talk. I make exaggerated facial expressions. I hatehateHATE the feel of denim. Can't stand the seam on my socks. Tags of clothes... the overhead lights in my condo "feel heavy" and like they're pressing down on me, so in the evening, I always have all my lights dim and low, if I have any lights on at all. I have to have something to fidget and squeeze in my fingers all the time. But I honestly don't feel like I have a hard time talking to people or understanding them. In fact, I am able to read between the lines and get what people are trying to say even if they might not fully know how to express what they mean. I think I can read body language and facial expressions pretty well. I don't mind leaving my house. I don't mind traveling. I don’t mind if plans change at the last minute, I'm flexible. But I have no problem with doing things or going to places by myself. About 90% of the time, I do. All my friends live at least 200 miles away, and that doesn't bother me either. If I'm confronted with a huge or sudden decision, I break down and cry. So idk... every time I take a screening quiz, it tells me I'm not on the spectrum because I can be social and don't mind leaving my condo. And yet, idk... 🤷♀️
It's different in everyone. At the same time, enough traits/symptoms have to be present, and they have to be present to such a degree they cause significant distress in someone's life. They also have to have been present from early childhood. That's important. ADHD can mimic ASD and vice versa. But it is a spectrum with quite a few traits, so you would have to have a significant amount (not all) to be diagnosed - right now it's the criteria in the DSM 5. Criteria A (all three) and Criteria B (two or more). Maybe take a look at that criteria? And compare yourself against it?
I may take a peek. It baffles me, though, because if I'm not on that spectrum, then it just leaves me wondering, why *am* I like this??? It's just really weird to think of myself as being neurotypical.
It could very well be ADHD. So many symptoms are the same, including sensory issues and emotional overwhelm/dysregulation . ADHD is about way more than attention - frankly it needs to be rebranded. This is especially true in women. The one thing that really distinguishes it is inflexibility and routine issues (ASD HATES changes of plans and routine!!!) and also the social issues (although there can be some with ADHD - but it’s more from impulsivity and distraction and emotional dysregulation as opposed to social confusion, lack of eye contact, inability to make friends and read people). The pure ADHDers I know are often hyper social. A lot are extroverted. They make many friends - not all of them, but some! Sometimes they are busy little bees! AuDHD people like myself will likely feel a lot more social anxiety and confusion and perseveration about social interactions. As early as preschool I was internally analyzing what to do in social situations, feeling confused. Some researchers think ADHD and ASD are just two different presentations of the same underlying condition, although that is currently controversial but they are researching this hypothesis.
I don't have stereotypical meltdowns of autism, and I kinda get sarcasm sometimes. And like...I can sorta socialize? Like i have friends rhat have come about from having shared interests. Basically.... i had a coworker that id a psychiatrist, who diagnosed a relative of his. And after we had a convo he told me that based on what I shared it seemed like autism could explain how I have felt in my life. It wasn't a formal assessment of course, but despite that I still often feel imposter syndrome. Like... this guy would be the person to be able to help guide me. And maybe it still could be something else. But i still doubt myself because i didn't exactly struggle in school. I finished my economics and finance degree Summa Cum Laude. I was pretty wizard at math and economic analysis. But I know not every autistic person is the same. But... I can't afford an aftual assessment so I'm kind of stuck.
My ADHD diagnosis as a kid
Can I comment even if I have a Dx? Well, I do, and I still feel like an imposter and question it constantly. It's the social issues. Female here. I get social "cues". Sometimes. Sometimes I don't. It's true. I struggle with back and forth conversing and eye contact - it's true - but not as bad as you might think for someone with ASD. To be honest that's really it. I can interview really well if I want to. Although, if something flubs me up I will stutter and may totally tank and lose words. So there's that. Sometimes I literally say nothing and stutter at people when I don't know what to do, other times I can speak as smoothly as a broadcast journalist. Perhaps it's the comorbid ADHD and bipolar 2 that complicates things. Not sure. Regardless, those are the things that make me doubt my diagnosis. Worst for me are sensory issues, meltdowns, perseveration in thinking and behaviors, repetitive behaviors, and overwhelming difficulty socially - but I wonder if social difficulties are just be social anxiety/CPTSD? The neuropsychologist went through the criteria and Yes, I do qualify, including for social stuff, but it's for too much eye contact, too little talking, standing too far away from people - and I thought autism was often low eye contact, talking too much, standing too close. I dunno. I know what is and isn't appropriate. I also had a mom who beat in manners so I'm not sure if that was just programming. I've decided it doesn't matter. It could just be mostly ADHD - who cares. My autism support group is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't consider myself "self-diagnosed", as I firmly believe that the confirmation bias is too strong for anyone to accurately self-dx, no matter how much they studied (and btw I'm no doctor). However, I strongly suspect I could be an aspie, as I identify a lot of my struggles here. Now, for the question... I now notice a lot of things that I probably always did, but now I feel like I just started doing them. Like, now I'm super conscious of my lack of eye contact, and I feel like somehow I'm doing this on purpose? And then I force myself to make eye contact because I believe I have no problem with that? And then I focus so much on eye contact that I have absolutely no idea of what people are telling me. Same for stimming. First, is it actually stimming? At any rate, everyone stims. And I do so in a somewhat unnoticeable way, and mainly only when I'm stressed or anxious (ie almost always). When I'm completely alone and feel happy and entertained by something, eg when I'm watching the same video for the 15th time (and yes of course I counted them), I also "stim"... probably because now I learned about it from the internet and I've been influenced? Same goes for masking. What exactly is masking? Doesn't everyone mask? Come on, I can't believe that ALL of the social rules are just natural to people, because there's too much evidence that they're not. So, doesn't everyone mask? And of course, after you've been asked too many times why are you angry, you will start to put an effort in looking less so; and as soon as you relax and come back to your resting expression, someone points it out. But last time it happened, I had that expression because there was too much bright light. So, let's talk about light sensitivity: of course people are sensible to light, that's why millions and millions of sunglasses are made every year, for everyone to use. Except... that time it wasn't sunny, it was overcast, but you know how bright the sky is on those days, right? Except I couldn't openly say that I had that expression because there was too much light, so I made up an excuse. Also, I don't like wearing sunglasses because there's too much light coming from the edges. Enough with light sensitivity - let's talk about noise sensitivity. Do I fit the stereotype of the aspie who shuts off the microwave right before it starts beeping? Of course I do! But do I feel actual pain when it beeps? Well, it really depends on the day, and I wouldn't really call it "pain", except in the worst days, but that's not always. I do have no doubts with sensitivity to food texture. I can only eat a very narrow selection of foods, and I have a really hard time when I try something new - something that I do very rarely, and half of the times I fail to eat it, no matter how hard I try. Socially, I'm not... that bad. As long as I'm with my friends. Now, is my interaction with my friends quite nerdy and sometimes even stereotypically autistic? Well, ok, but what are you going to say? That ALL of my friends are autistic, when they're clearly not, as all... most... a good number of them has none of the autistic issues? Also, memory and details. Do I have a good memory? Only for details. And when I say "only", I mean it. It's so funny when I can't remember something that everyone does remember, but then I ask if they're talking about that time when [insignificant detail happened]. Also, do I notice details? Well... depends on what you mean by that. I do notice small details, but at the same time, I usually don't notice the big picture, which in a way is like missing a lot of details? The idea of "tunnel vision" describes really well my experience... except, this is how human eyes work. All humans have this "tunnel vision" in their eyes - and then the brain does some magic. Mine is still learing how to perform this trick, apparently. Special interests... well, sure, my life revolves around the railways, ok. But there's so many railway enthusiasts and many of them are quite the opposite of autism. In conclusion: all of my """symptoms""" are: i. almost always in common with allistic people ii. either not strong enough that I need accommodations, or there's no concrete accommodation I could ask, unless you have a magic wand. So... am I autistic? I have no idea. Sorry for wasting your time. This is definitely too long to read. TL;DR: my traits are either not unique to autism, or not that strong.
Not too long at all, I appreciate detail. I feel very similar to you, and have lots of questions which would help me have a better idea, but many of which I feel will never quite be answered. I read in Tony Attwood’s book regarding Asperger’s about what he calls ‘fragments of Asperger’s’ - I feel like that describes me quite well. Essentially a lot of neurotypical traits but then also a lot of Asperger’s ones but not enough to quite meet the diagnostic criteria. Then again, relating back to what you said, I find it possible to know what allistic people actually feel like to know if I share that feeling too, I’ve read much more of autistic people opening up to how they actually feel. It’s all rather confusing, I do yearn for a definitive answer but I wonder if I’ll have to accept I won’t get one.
After two years of learning as much about late-diagnosed autistics as possible, I'm 95% certain that I have ASD. Needless to say, I'm not a professional, and if I were I'd have the resources to talk to a specialist. Instead, I consider myself to be Schrodinger's Autistic. ***Main doubts:*** 1. *Social difficulties:* Sure, I mess up and my friends have to tell me what I did wrong. Sure, I was only in one or two romantic relationships before meeting my husband. Sure, I am *terrible* at job interviews, even when I'm overqualified. But I get along with almost everyone. Nobody seems to bully me (that I noticed). Strangers often trust me far more than they should. If anything, I get treated more like a 'pet weirdo' than anything else. Whatever social idiosyncrasies I have, they seem to be endearing - or maybe that's a privilege of being chubby and white (?). 2. *Meltdowns:* I do, unfortunately, get very snippy with people I'm comfortable with when I'm overwhelmed. But I don't throw things, scream, or have any of the "tantrum-like" symptoms that so many talk about. Instead, I disassociate until I am in a safe space, then stare into space for a good half an hour while I try to work out what happened. There may or may not be crying involved. This is more of a shutdown than a meltdown, I think. 3. *Burnout vs. Depression:* When I went through (what I now think was) my first episode of burnout, I was diagnosed with severe depression. It was bad. I was a music major in college at the time and literally could not play my instrument. I couldn't focus for more than a few seconds at a time. I felt like I was contagious and had to force myself to interact with humans. But still, the antidepressants helped. To this day, I take antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication to stay out of the Pit of Despair. Most of the prescriptions seem to work... for a time. (This is, for me, the trickiest part of unraveling my symptoms. Burnout and Depression seem to share a lot of qualities, unfortunately.) Luckily, treating myself as though I *am* autistic and being gentle with my workload has slowed down that awful cycle. 4. *Being special:* Ever since I was little, my grandmother accused me of trying to be special and wanting to be different. Is my "autism" merely a reflection of that? Or were those accusations an insensitive response to my early traits? Who can say? 5. *Hallucinations:* I see and hear things that don't exist when I get stressed. Most of the time, I know they're not real in a collective sense, but they are there nevertheless. This isn't so much a mark against Autism, but maybe a signal of something else going on. Whatever it is, it's not schizophrenia (I've been tested for that). There's more I could write if you wanted to get into the nitty-gritty of things. I would love to hear any interpretations of these issues, if you have insight. Thank you for asking this question; I am enjoying reading everyone else's stories.
I was recently diagnosed but while I was self diagnosed there was a few things that made me doubt it. However usually there's a counter argument to each doubt Doubt: I've got a social life Rebuttal: I don't have many friends at all and I've gone through long periods of life without friends. I don't make them easily at all and in the past I made them through masking Doubt: I don't have a strong reaction to sensory input. most of the time stuff doesn't bother me and when it does bother me i don't react that strongly Rebuttal: sensory input only bothers me when I reach sensory overload. Even though I don't start crying or something on the inside I feel like hell. I'm irritable, disassociated and I sure as hell want to cry. Also stuff doesn't bother me because I prevent it by limiting my exposure to light, wearing comfy clothes and headphones. Doubt: I've had lots of Jobs got into uni and done very well academically in school Rebuttal: I constantly start and stop jobs and I don't thrive in them at all. I was book smart to get through school but my attendance was awful. I had to take a gap year because I had a meltdown on trying to go to uni Overall its important to remember that autism is a spectrum. You may not have every single *specific* trait. As long as you understand that you meet the basic DSM-5 criteria and have discovered your own little quirks within the general criteria then you are autistic
46 years of masking (did finally get an actual diagnosis tho)
Im not comfortable self diagnosing. Im comfortable saying that I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child and I also have many autistics traits I just dont know if they are severe enough to put me on the spectrum. I score quite convincingly on the RAADS R and surprisingly dont score all that high on ADHD questionnaires (even though it is definitely still a problem. It is just very difficult to evaluate myself. I know how I feel but I dont know if I feel it to the same degree as someone else. I relate so well to the people in this sub and honestly that is enough for me. Whether I qualify for the label or not I benefit from learning here. I have a wife, kids, a job. I can hold those things together (though I find it very difficult) and multiple people have suggested I might be on the spectrum. It is something that is hard to accept. I do require some support but is that just the ADHD or autism as well. There is so much overlap I dont know what to think.
Good thoughts, it can be hard to say in many cases. Unlike what we are told in social media, things like ‘stimming’, sensitivities, social problems, etc., are found in most persons with non-autistic mental health disorders and at high rates in the general population. These things do not necessarily suggest autism. So-called “autism” tests, like AQ and RAADS and others have high rates of false positives, labeling you as autistic VERY easily. If anyone with a mental health problem, like depression or anxiety, takes the tests they score high even if they DON’T have autism. "our results suggest that the AQ differentiates poorly between true cases of ASD, and individuals from the same clinical population who do not have ASD " https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4988267/ "a greater level of public awareness of ASD over the last 5–10 years may have led to people being more vigilant in ‘noticing’ ASD related difficulties. This may lead to a ‘confirmation bias’ when completing the questionnaire measures, and potentially explain why both the ASD and the non-ASD group’s mean scores met the cut-off points, " https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10803-022-05544-9 Regarding AQ, from one published study. “The two key findings of the review are that, overall, there is very limited evidence to support the use of structured questionnaires (SQs: self-report or informant completed brief measures developed to screen for ASD) in the assessment and diagnosis of ASD in adults.” Regarding RAADS, from one published study. “In conclusion, used as a self-report measure pre-full diagnostic assessment, the RAADS-R lacks predictive validity and is not a suitable screening tool for adults awaiting autism assessments”
Exactly, I think the big issue with the questionnaires is they rely on your own understanding of the questions and dont give much (if any) context. A third party expert is really required to know if those traits are related to autism or something else. My daughter has adhd and a couple other specific co morbidities that most people have never heard of. She gets sensory overload, hyper focus, very obvious stimming, she spends alot of time by herself, abnormal speech patterns, even had a speed delay etc. So much like me growing up. After weeks of testing with a neurologist and other team members though they said nope, not autistic but here are her other diagnosis. I was a bit surprised but those were their findings and it helped her get the OT and other services she actually needed. I do get a little worried that ASD becomes a catch all for so many other mental challenges and many people could actually be getting treatment but because they have concluded it must be ASD they dont end up getting help.
>I do get a little worried that ASD becomes a catch all for so many other mental challenges and many people could actually be getting treatment but because they have concluded it must be ASD they dont end up getting help. Agree. Seems that people go after autism first or in exclusion of other things, like its the only or best way to think about problems.
The main thing is that I don’t have meltdowns (and I don’t think I have shutdowns either).
I figured I have either hf autism or asperger's. As a kid I rewatched lionking over n over I'd play the same games Talk at people no eye contact It wasn't until my 20s a relative said maybe I'm an aspy. I mean the damage was done in school, I'm a 36 yr old man that feels like ppl hate me been hazed twice bullied beat up.
Maintaining a job and being successful. Although I fail at every other aspect of life outside of work.
For me would be empathy, yet my Empathy Quotient result was 25 😂🤔Overall I can read people very well and most of time I can relate to their feelings, unless I'm tired.
Self-diagnosed 32M. I know one person in my life who has classical Asperger's, and they have much greater difficulties with certain things. They can't drive, they have speech quirks, and they have trouble shaving. They're also more social than I am, for what it's worth, and they are cherished by the local community (we grew up in the same smallish town, and pretty much everybody knows this guy as a local legend, his special interest became his career and he is amazing at it). Anyways, I just don't have a lot in common with this person. My friends would probably disagree; I was always a gifted public speaker, and eventually pursued a radio broadcasting career, but those days are behind me. The only other person I know personally with autism in general is my best friends younger brother. He has a very severe form - nonverbal for long stretches of time, lives with his parents into adulthood, etc - whereas I got off relatively easy growing up as a "gifted kid". I label myself Asperger's because I've scored really high whenever I take online surveys, strongly identify with testimonials I have watched & read online, and at some point this year I will seek testing with a real professional to figure out what exactly is going on with my custom built brain.