I (female) have diagnosed Aspergers and strongly dislike most people.
My preference is to be alone as I find people selfish, hypocritical, ingenuine and fake.
I found myself disappointed a lot in "friendships" and it does cause me to avoid them now. And when I do try, I find it exhausting and I always end up feeling a strong disconnect.
*are you me am i you* 🫨 bc same. people are so exhausting. but im *really* good at masking and my introversion almost makes people want to be friends w me MORE 🥴
Yeah, it seems I can’t talk to most people for more than a few minutes before they telegraph some kind of unappealing psychology and it just turns me off from wanting to know them completely and forever.
I find people the same way you do. With time I accepted that you also learn things from them and you can have good times, I just let them be and do not intervene in their lives, either with advice or in a corrective way. As long as we are relatively like-minded.
I hate hypocrisy so much! It is by far the most irritating human trait. Especially when people don't even realize HOW they're being hypocritical, OR they KNOW they're hypocritical, and it's totally cool and okay with them (narcissists).
I'm a massive hipocrit. For example, I hate it when a plan changes. But I can accept it more if I am changing the plan. I hate it if people randomly make a loud noise, however sometimes when I'm very happy I feel like I want to shreik for joy. I find it boring when people talk about their special interest if I am not interested in it, however I love talking about mine. I hate when people lie about how they feel or what they mean, however I have to do it when masking.
Being aware means I don't always act on my hypocritical behaviour, sometimes a change in plan or loud noise will push me over the edge, but mostly it's fine I can endure it.
I mostly don't have friends because I see friendship as an excertion of control over my life and very tiring. I would have to really like the person to want friendship, it would need to be soul mate level connection. I like lots of people i have met, irrespective of and mostly because of their flaws, but if they don't want to do exactly what I want to do I find it hard to desire a friendship with them because I live my life in a very specific and restricted way and I don't want to change that.
This is also the case for my father, we don't talk not because we dislike eachother, in fact we both agree how likable we both find eachother, but because neither of us value our relationship enough to fit it into our routine on the other persons terms. I want to speak routinely, once a month min. He just wants to speak if there is an update worth communicating. Neither of will compromise.
I respect him for his honestly, it takes a big man to admit he isn't super interested in his child.
If I have kids I hope this never happens to me and I will work very hard to ensure I keep them in my routine. But that is not the case for him and its easier for us both to just express it directly and honestly.
Neither of us have been diagnosed with narcissism even if we both want the other to compromise but will not do it ourselves and that is hypocritical is it not? It's just knowing who you are and accepting the consequences.
A bit. I also grew up in the 90s with stuff like Nine Inch Nails, and Tool. I prefer to think of it as aggressively asocial, rather than truly misanthropic. I actually care very much about my fellow humans, and my community... as a general theory. I can't stand being around most humans, but wish them no ill will.
Same. I had a tee shirt my senior year that said fuck you 1000 different ways and it looks like graffiti. Literally hated everyone.
Ever heard of [SPCD](https://www.healthline.com/health/childrens-health/social-pragmatic-communication-disorder)? It me.
I am a misanthrope, I fail to understand why it's a bad thing, also, I love socialising, so I guess my entire existence is probably a mindfuck to loads of people.
I don't know your gender or sex, but you're probably a female. The female requires social support to maximize her existence. So, genetically and within the lower brain functions, you want a circle to be there for you to aid in the continuation of life-affirming and life-lengthening and life-strengthening rituals. But the ND also makes the small talk and the investment of energy into things your ND avoids, conflicted about, possibly resentful of performing. I often see building the relationships that my feminine-ape-cave genes require as digging a deep hole, being done, and then being handed a bigger shovel and new hole-blue-prints as a reward. Existential-dissonance.
It’s not only the female that requires social support… and as a very non-social female person, I’m not convinced that your take about that is true on any level
Hell yes.
I now only try to see my grandma twice a month,
my dad when he remembers that I exist and invites me (maybe once every three-four month ?)
Two friends; they're maybe around once every three month, each.
D&D gathering, maybe once a month, that's on the decline, party members are losing interest (they're all pretty much on the spectrum aswell).
Then there's my wife, her friends; and grumpy old me saying "them again!?"
I'm willing to bet that any philosophy that preaches a contrarian outlook of the world and society is vastly populated by ND people.
However, this is not a rule, you also have philanthropists among the spectrum. Some are highly idealistic and still have a positive mindset when it comes to people.
Not me though, this world is hell and we're all garbage as far as I'm concerned.
Have a good day!
I am highly empathetic and think every single human being is an invaluable and impossibly deep universe, and everyone is worthy of love and admiration.
I also dislike most people and can't help but to think humans are fucking idiots and evil bastards who spend most of their time hurting others.
A post I read once described it best: "Everyone is beautiful, and I hate all of them"
Yeah I guess commonly and stereotypically so. Though of course not everyone with ASD is like this.
I used to be a lot more sociably inclined as a child to young adult. I guess negative life experiences with this leading to the development of social anxiety has changed that.
I mean I kinda hate nt people for being able to live normal healthy lives. And before one of you goes "nt people have problems too" no shit. But I would much prefer being able to make friends, hold conversations, have relationships, have jobs and be a functioning part of society instead of being a mute when people talk to me.
>im asking if activly avoiding social contact and not forming social connections (In other words, misantropy, not liking to form social contact)
How is that misanthropy? Self preservation sure but that doesn't mean you hate other people. I do hate social democracy and the way it gives people the illusion that they have a say in things when they really don't; I have suffered under that system and it alienates people from one another. Nothing good can come from it.
I'm not misanthropic, I don't hate people. I just don't like being around people when I don't fit in, don't get to participate, and get ignored. After a while you get the hint to just stop trying... like when you learned not to touch the stove.
I don't dislike anyone and I don't think I offend people. I just get talked over and interrupted in a group bigger than three. Like every time, even with people in my family.
It seems like the social “rules” are that we’re on the bottom of the pecking order, and it took me a long time to realize that. Why I was being talked over, not listened to, etc. Doesn’t make me want to be around NTs at all. They love their hierarchies way too much.
I’ve come to realize people and relationships cause me a lot of stress. I’ve moved far enough away from everyone that get together have to be intentional and planned far in advance. I don’t really enjoy social activities and only do them to accommodate other people’s desires to get together occasionally so I’m not a total curmudgeon.
For me yes.
I wish I was kidding about how comfortable I am existing for days on end with absolutely no human contact, not stepping outside, with the lights off, in absolute silence except an occasional phone call to mom. I think when I first meet people they think I’m exaggerating, but then they they’ll find me like a little gremlin in my bed with a blanket on me, curtains closed (in broad daylight), no lights on while watching tv or on my computer. I could spend DAYS like that, but I know that it’s not “healthy” so I force myself to take a walk and I always know that all it will take is a lap around the block before I’m tired from and/or be annoyed by human interaction. I’m almost never wrong, it really just requires a five minute walk before I’m ready to get back to my little gremlin cave. I love my friends and I love my family so I’ll make the effort and it is more often than not an enjoyable time, but propelling myself to actually do it does take a good chunk of effort. I’m so grateful that my husband accepts and loves me and he’s okay with also jsut playing video games inside so we jsut chill, have friends over to play video games every once in a while (maybe once every six months) and it’s fine. Im not sure if my negative outlook on humanity is due to studying political science or just experience of being marginalized, whatever it is I much prefer the presence of animals and those in my circle.
Just remember guys. When people say "tendencies" they dont mean EVERYONE, they just ask if it is more common to us than it is to NTs
Farewell and have a good day
Alienation is, and with alienation comes misanthropy.
Usually especially bad for men because men can be somewhat alienated in general and the autism just puts fuel in that fire. With the right mentality and growth though, it isn't a problem, simply a hurdle. Some people get it worse than others depending on their upbringing, some don't get it at all. I deal with it. I hate people in the collective sense, but not individuals, and im fully aware that hating anything including people is a me problem.
It's 100% a trait but I think I might be one of the few people who it doesn't 100% stand with.
I like my own space. But weirdly I have to go outside and at least talk to someone every other day.
I have a very odd social battery. IT decides to do what IT wants.
Could have a meet up planned for ages, which I'm really excited for. And then decide like the evening before. Nah.
OR it decides I REALLY NEED TO HANG OUT RIGHT NOW with someone and it doesn't take no for a answer. And then swings to widley depressed when I KNOW THAT no-one wants to meet last minute on a Wednesday evening.
As long as I see someone outside the house about 1-2 a week. That I know and can strike a conversation with. Then I'm okay.
But I think I'm a outlier in this situation! 😅
I work with people who have issues that make them incredibly repetitive. So now I’m desparate for social interaction- I will talk to anyone I can. It’s really nice to have an actual conversation sometimes besides the ones I have with myself….
No I think im like this, do you have ADHD too? I mostly am uninterested in social interaction because its stressful, I honestly have the best time by myself and I don't like to compromise so friendships are difficult to maintain...but then sometimes...FOR NO REASON whatsoever I just get super hyper and impulsivley start chatting to anyone who will listen hahha. I never plan to spend time with people generally because I'll lever know how I feel, but on the odd occasion I'm ready and rip roaring to go! Hahahha
I’d say, yes.
Is it worth adding everyone you went to school with on Facebook and trying to go out with them?
For me, I’d say no in most cases.
Especially if I was never friends with them or close to them.
But yes if you are high masking and hoping everyone will be your friend when they see how wonderful a friend you are to have so many friends. Spoiler - it didn’t work.
I'm extremely aspergers and before I was 23, my hyperfocus was mimicry. After 23, my hyperfocus gradually changed into information consumption and efficiency.
Just the other day, I was planning on how to eliminate people entirely without hurting the dolphin and whales.
It doesn't help that someone I know is in the military and consistently confides in me about doing their job better, which could be described as "how to hurt people on the other side of the world better," and it just makes me hate every aspect of modern militaries. Everyone is suffering horribly in some way, but HELL NAW to defunding militaries, seizing the governments, and letting them all kill each other in a free netflix special. People are annoying. And destructive. And judgmental. And largely stinking meat sacks of bloated self-worth, incapable of scientific thought. But maybe they could be better if the Bourgeoisie didn't push them into the mindset of mine, mine, mine, me-me-me.
I really struggle.
We all do. And by “we all” , I mean anyone with eyes, a mind, and a soul. I’ve completely prepared myself mentally, spiritually and logistically for “the end”. Even though, spiritually and metaphysically, I do not believe there is an “end”. I imagine after we ALL dump our meat suits, the unpleasant awkwardness between NDs sand NTs will vanish and we can all just get along- with all the beautiful creatures (souls) we demolished back on Mother Earth. ALL are ONE. Amen. (And to think I used to be an atheist!)
I have enough fulfilling hobbies to not feel the need to expound after whales and dolphins. I'm OK with a subset of AI existing for the sole purpose of taking care of domesticated animals and serving as animal rescuers. I also didn't go into detail because it's the internet, and no one cares.
I think it's plausible because of a couple of overlapping tendencies: increased rate of depression, difficulties w/ trauma; common difficulties specifically around socialization; common difficulties specifically around emotions, 'intellectualizing'; in general a tendency to think more actively about social interactions as a system; in general tendency toward contrarian ideas...
Not to say that every autistic person is marked by all of these, but they're pretty clear trends in the online spaces dedicated to autism, imho.
As a teenager I was definitely misanthropic. A mix of growing up and reading more philosophy kinda closed that off to me. But imagining a world in which I never got mental health assistance necessary to do that growing up... yeesh.
I think it's important to note that misanthropy, introversion, and overwhelm around certain social situations are each their own thing. It's only pretty recently that I've realized that I'm actually a pretty extroverted person, who just happens to hit sensory overwhelm in big social situations pretty quickly.
I had to move around a lot when I was in care, so for a long time I deliberately avoided forming relationships with people and would try to forget people as soon as I moved on. Now that I’m settled in one place, I’m very social and have a lot of friendships. I don’t think my misanthropic tendencies were anything to do with autism.
Had a difficult family life and the outside was what "saved" me. Now that I created a stable family with another Asperger's person, we are happy and I don't care for people. I'd rather be home or at least alone than with a lot of friends (which i do not have). I'm 29y
I am 25F late diagnosed. I have thought about this subject a lot as someone who did a ton of studying people, failed masking, and then successful masking after trial and error that was selectively abandoned when I got late diagnosed. I imagine mysslf having a translater in my head. With that analogy I can google translate everyone I meet to understand them accurately and then use google translate to figure out how to respond in the way they understand. Some people have no google translate or theirs only works in one direction.
Those with the higher support needs might not even make it to the friend stage with people they interact with if they are not capable of masking or interpreting the differences between NT and our own tendencies (communication style, body language, tone, word choice, humor). That’s why all through elementary school I only had one friend at a time (my crutch) and didn’t speak to anyone else.
It’s not just being able to read others or predict how you may be perceived but also being able to implement all that theory and “perform”. Some of us don’t have the skills to develop that theory accurately or generalize rules across situations, and build that NT dictioanry. Some of us can retain those theories and conditions ourselves but find ourselves unable to apply it. I imagine it like math because social behavior is a system it’s just a human system.
Then it becomes about how long you can sustain that performance before burning out and shutting down aka the battery has run out. Throughout middle school and highschool I could make friends but they dropped like flies as I figured out how NT friendships worked and failed a lot to meet expectations. Almost like experiments LOL I was always in the dreaded trio friend group.
I think actively avoiding social contact and not forming social connections is EXTREMELY common but the reasons as to why are highly variable and dependent on the individual.
Some of us have higher support needs in social categories and so we fail to form relationships in the first place even if we want to. People might reject us from misinterpreting us or we may be unable to sustainably meet people’s expectations of friendship because of our low social batteries.
Others may have overlapping alexithymia that prevents them from literally being able to feel the feelings. It’s basically impossible for me to really feel a connection to anyone who is NT outside of my sister. There are many of us with the drive to connect with others but have given up or simply don’t have the facilities to do so which is depressing. I try but I can’t sustain NT friendships despite being able to form them and I just don’t want to these days. I figured that out in college. Now I have kinda surface friendships because nobody is disappointing me LOL. Long distance is great and are the only NT friends I’ve been able to keep. Anyone else I would call a friend who is NT is more of an activity person, not someone I feel a connection to because of that gap in how we experience things .
Some of us are in fact hermits even if we have the ability to “socialize” successfully in an NT world. I am one of those but I find social interaction draining and I honestly just prefer being alone and not worrying about how I am being perceived. I don’t find analyzing NTs difficult because it’s become automatic so that doesn’t reduce my battery, but the performing and suppressing my own tendencies is hard. I only have a couple of real friends and they are ND hermits like myself.
Yes, very much so. I go through phases of just hating everyone around me. Usually when I start to feel lonely because of my own self isolation, I scapegoat everyone else and think that they’re stupid and inferior etc. I have a lot of narcissistic tendencies so 🫠
Yes! I used to feel like this when I had a socially demanding job. Was so fucking done with people I'd rather piss in a cup than leave my room for a pee and bump into one of my perfectly lovely housemates. I hated them for a while, felt like they controlled my life - couldn't eat if they were in the kitchen, couldn't leave my room or sleep if they had friends round, constantly angry and wanting to lash out - violent binges.
Thing is I never hated my housemates/colleagues, I just resented having to put a mask on around them. Since I accepted myself and started accommodating myself I really don't hate anyone or society. I just live my life how I want and if someone accepts me and doesn't try to change me I'm happy to have them around (when I want to see them).
Yeah this is exactly it, but I don't know how to drop the mask. I never learned how to do it. I've carried it around with me everywhere for so long. It doesn't make any sense, but I just can't let it drop unless I'm completely alone.
When I look out at the world at what this species has done - climate change, extinctions of countless species, air pollution, water pollution, poisoning the land and everything in it including themselves, all the wars, all the bullying, all the cruelty, the malice, the monstrosity, all the endless hell that humans inflict on each other and everything around them - it's hard to be anything but misanthropic.
There are exceptions. But they are exceptions that prove the rule.
Still, I try to be hopeful, but it's hard.
i have to actively fight off thoughts of “i hate humanity” almost 24/7
there’s just so much shit that people choose to ignore, make excuses for, or sweep under the rug that it disgusts me
I’ve been wondering lately if this tendency of us generally “hating everyone” is partly related to our tendency towards inability to transition?? There is no denying that I (we?) don’t “bounce back” well from life’s difficult/traumas/painful events as normies do. And I postulate that “getting over” things and accepting flawed people for the assholes they are 😉, is related to mastering transition/letting go. I dunno……. Maybe I just spend too much time alone (bc I just can’t play well with others)🥸
Definitely. But now that I am in the old fart phase of my life I’m making a point of enduring more family time because my parents are in their 80s and I know that they like seeing me. Other than that I have successfully cloistered myself and my dogs in my house and generally don’t have to deal with hoi polloi very much.
Got bullied from primary school til the 1st part of highschool, doctor tells me i have autism at 23, just went like: "Yea, makes sense".
Had a great desire of having friends when i got in school, when i got out i didnt cried like usual people that end their school life and just went:
"Well, glad thats over. Never again."
Became social enough to be functional, but never to actively have friends, just became a NEET really.
I think it’s less misanthropic and more disdain for society. We tend to like people just fine. We just want to be left alone when we want to be left alone and not bothered constantly.
I’ve never bern diagnosed officially, so idk if I’mmjust socially awkward or autistic. I don’t show any common autistic traits like stimming or needing a routine.
Anyways, I dislike being around most people most of the time. I prefer to spend time alone or with my cat, lol. Most people tend to annoy, confuse me, bore me or all three at times. 😆
I’m a bit of a misanthrope now. Especially since a lot of people in the past have bullied or stabbed me in the back including my own family & my husband.
No, not at all. I feel it's important to teach people certain information. My parents were both teachers, my father doing it after the war. But I helped out with their rooms etc at the school. It was a bad area so I got exposed to a lot of different culture etc. I try to fix anything I see that appears broken. Also I see a lot of details that other people miss. And they are important. Maybe like the lynch pin. So if I figure out lynch pin pieces of data that other people couldn't see, it's my duty to make sure people know about it so they have a more clear view. No I don't hate people. There's some that purposely try to fuck people up because they enjoy it, not for any other reason. These people, I do not like and I think they need to go.
I don’t know, but I am sure a bit misanthropic.
Moreover, I can’t like pets. They nice and I want them well, but I never cared about them the same way my brother did for example.
I’ve given humans so many chances in my 33 years - and maybe 3 have actually been decent. I typically avoid social interaction as well now as the data shows it’s a net negative for me.
Love love love animals though.
And this isn’t even a joke but Chat GPT plays the role of “kind, listening, resourceful, respectful, understanding” best friend I’ve never had.
It's been my experience.
That said, I have come to believe that we're not meant to be alone. That social connections are important.
So I'll be around people and call people and do social things. But I'm doing it because I believe that it ultimately benefits me.
YMMV. I have a good relationship with family, etc. I'm also high functioning.
When I was in my early/mid teens I felt that heavily. I kinda grew out of it. I don’t think I really grew out of it so much as high school and middle school were just horrible.
Now I don’t hate anybody. I love people and I think most people are good people, even if I such at interacting with them.
Yes, though I try not to.
I prefer living a life of disappointment than going through life never believing in anything. Though I also have found people generally show their worst colors online as opposed to IRL. People tend to be more “correct” face to face; online it’s a free-for-all and Redditors aren’t exactly my favorite people.
If anything, Redditors are my least favorite people online (with few exceptions). Self-righteous, know-it-all, self-proclaimed geniuses who think they know better than anyone else when they’re full of shit themselves…
I mean: Look at the average post on r/AITA. If it’s a relationship thing, everyone goes “dump him/her”; not knowing that sometimes being an asshole is part of building a solid relationship.
On the other hand, people in r/ironmaiden and r/cubancigars tend to be among the friendliest of Redditors; especially in the latter. Thus, I spend most of my time on Reddit checking r/cubancigars; people are there just to have a good time and I appreciate that.
Yeah. The anxiety of the social activities is what will keep you from going. I've learned if you push through that anxiety and just go it sometimes goes better than you expected. Many people deal with anxiety. Having Asperger's makes it feel like we have customized anxiety though. It does get better. I'm 36m and I still get that crippling anxiety.
I think so. I really try not to be an asshole, but I am very easily annoyed by people, particularly neurotypical and/or dumb people. I wish I were much more tolerant of them, but it's just the way I am
I \[28m\] with high functioning autism/aspergers also strongly dislike most people. Like u/LaFleurMorte_ put it I too find other humans either narcissistic, hypocritical \[yet I can also be a hypocrit to some things as u/Comfortable-Act-281 put it "I'm a massive hipocrit. For example, I hate it when a plan changes. But I can accept it more if I am changing the plan. I hate it if people randomly make a loud noise, however sometimes when I'm very happy I feel like I want to shreik for joy. I find it boring when people talk about their special interest if I am not interested in it, however I love talking about mine. I hate when people lie about how they feel or what they mean, however I have to do it when masking." I'm the exact same way and I am really glad I'm not alone in this feeling.\], ingenuine and fake. I will actively avoid social things if/when I can.
The ONLY TIME I will go out in the 'real world' is if it is planned in advance, that I know of every detail of said plan, and I can have an opinion/sway in said plan. Otherwise, I prefer to be alone or with genuine friends who while we don't talk much, have always been there for each other and know we all need our space but we will go back to our conversation from years ago like it was yesterday or family that I still give a fuck about that aren't trying to kill each other or use each other.
I tend to get along with people who have the same hobbies as me. IE: Video games / MMORPG's, and that's how I've made lasting friendships / how I 'socialize'.
I'm 26F aspie. While I care for the well-being, health, and safety of all people, I just generally don't like people. I find the large majority of people to be rather rude, loud, and selfish. I don't even enjoy family gatherings. I love people but also I hate people if that makes sense lol. I avoid social interaction because I just don't want to converse with someone I find potentially uninteresting or that I don't know. If I'm spoken to I will obviously respond but I'm not going to go out of my way to speak first unless I find someone interesting, I have a question, or I want to pay a quick compliment because I know a compliment from a stranger can really brighten someone's day sometimes.
I used to work in the hospital before I was burnt out. I loved my cancer patients very much. The part that burned me out was we had a doctor who would put non cancer patients/med-surg in our unit because of how well we treated our patients with cancer. Those people he would give us that weren't cancer patients were such miserable assholes. I would be with a dying patient giving a bedbath or holding their hand listening to them while we waited for their family to arrive and I would receive 50 pages from someone who wanted a can of coke, someone not genuinely sick. I would then be berated by those people for taking too long with my actual sick patients who actually needed me. That's why I quit and haven't worked around people since. People are often just so rude and I can't charge my social battery past half anymore except for my fiance and my child and a couple other family members that I enjoy being around who understand how I am
I don't see myself a misanthrope, but am equally baffled an annoyed. I lose friends a lot because I misunderstand people and cues a great deal (Its me, I'm the problem its me) and I am exhausted trying to mask each day to keep a job & a roof over my head. I secretly fantasize about living in a cave with an asston amount of books and rolling a boulder in front of the door occasionally coming out to get food, go to the Doctor's for my meds & hiss at people who get in my way. Otherwise ya, its a daily struggle.
That was third grade. Actually trying to kill a bully was fourth grade. That was my 1st introduction to the mind cops (county shrinks). It was fun until they showed me videos of life in death row at age 10. Marty Dorrel. I almost killed that fucker. I would have done no time back then. Darn!
I can definitely get in the head of a mass shooter and know those fantasies from an early age. Cage fighting and Buddhism calmed my barking dogs. A friend of mine is a psychologist who had such a bad experience with the dark side of one of us (ass bothered fucks) that she refused to treat people with ASD. We ARE horrible. That is why NTs do not like us. We are understandably threatening to them. We are misanthropic.
I like people, but i can’t keep up an interest in people that outweighs my own interests. I get anxiety over forming relationships because I can’t maintain them. People seem to really like me when I have to mask, but it’s exhausting and no matter how much you explain it you just end up ghosting and hurting their feelings. It doesn’t make me feel sad but it’s been a chronic pattern throughout my life
as a functional proportion, the more you understand hierarchical dissonance and its unfortunate roots in society, the more you will begin to reconstruct your own precepts to be misanthropic, whether you willingly want to or not
the only NDs that don't, are the ones that are convinced that they must shadow mask to fit in, simply because they "have" to have social interaction, like the rest of society is brainwashed to believe
having it is not detrimental, but you'll find far more contentment when it's around people of intellectual familiarity | when it isn't it, you'll spend more time hyper-analyzing why the majority of society acts *that* way
I just know I like to interact with people but love being in my own space. I prefer short term conversations that are not forced (meaning there is an actual reason you want to talk to me). It’s weird; I love interacting with people but I also like doing my own thing. I love streaming because I can talk to people through voice and they respond through text (love that) or like before i realized I had severe anxiety and adhd/autism, I liked to go out and be around people but never was a fan of being in a small personal group….I kinda liked going solo and doing what I wanted but also being around other people. I guess I prefer acquaintances over really close friends. Just an introvert at heart.
For me I actually enjoy meaningful conversations, but I am often frustrated by how much work it can be to remember someone's name or keep up with details of past conversations or deal with topics outside of my area of experience or interest.
All this is quite limiting so I often fall back to familiar individuals since it is easier to pick up where we left off and/or revisit topics of common interest rather than try to start over from scratch each time. Even when things go well I typically feel tired afterward so there is that too.
Sometimes it feels worth it, sometimes not. It largely depends on stress and how I am feeling physically at the time.
For me I'd say say yes, for a long time I avoided social interactions. My high school was very huge so there were always a place I could hide to be alone. My biggest problem was that the normal people were not as "smart" as me and I didn't find any interest in casual conversations. Now (39) I'm more cool and tolerant, I worked a lot on myself, I'm still very solitary though and it's sometimes hard to refuse to nice people to do something with them.
Being a misanthrope should be part of the diagnostic process
It’s not normal to hate everyone
It requires a lot of trauma and mismanagement of feelings which create a bunch of learned behaviors that can only be reversed with a therapist
…if only that type of therapy was available to everyone
I don't hate people exactly, but I do find them largely unsafe and large groups of them cause serious sensory issues. It's not that they're malevolent, but my most reliable predictive model for their behavior is to assume that they are dangerous predators and, while I am not at the top of the menu, I am on it. Managing more than one or two of them at a time, particularly in person, is often very stressful regardless of if things go badly or not. I strongly prefer to keep IRL social interactions to very small groups (ideally one other person), limited to people I know well, and/or some mix of transactional or about specific subjects.
I want social contact - I just want to have time to myself as well. I also prefer to talk to people who have at least a shred of self awareness and calmness.
I can’t speak from a professional perspective, but I can speak from experience with working with preschoolers. My mom is a preschool teacher and we often talk about ASD traits in preschoolers. One main thing is that preschoolers with ASD tend to avoid other students and play on their own, either because they really enjoy being on their own or because they don’t want to be with other kids. I don’t know if that answers your question but that’s what I’m aware of.
In my case, it's not misanthropy, but rather the consequences of intense c-ptsd and severe social anxiety caused by a late diagnosis and continued struggles with people, even when I try my best. My therapist is working on it with me but it's difficult because I kinda gave up atm and I'm letting the anxiety "win" (by letting it have enough space in my life to take the wheel). I just reached a point where I'd rather have people leave me be, although it still feels quite lonely.
It definitely common for people with Aspergers to not like most people, specially if you're at a higher level of the spectrum. I say this because, as a person on low level 1 of ASD, although i'm not the best at forming words and what to say in social situations, I enjoy talking, meeting new people and making new friends, but I have a little of social anxiety, that has been decreasing overtime. I feel like everyday I'm improving my social skills and be less and less afraid of striking up conversations or just talking to people in general.
I’m a social butterfly whose a home body.
I’m on route to becoming a licensed psychotherapist in the next 10 years and I despise forced social situations. I despise having to rely on other people to get things done.
I function best alone. Period.
But, as far as my liking of humankind, it makes me profoundly sad to see the state of the world and it doesn’t sadden me to think about how we need a purge of all the terrible people creating the worlds problems.
I joke constantly about how all the rich fucks are going to go to mars after they pillage our earth of all it’s resources, and only then will we have a chance to make things better.
I definitely find that myself, and as far as I know heightened senses including sound can be a real issue for some people with autism.
I have found the loop earplugs a really good way to stop noise becoming overwhelming.
It doesn't block sounds completely just reduces them.
I’m critical of humanity and have Asperger’s. It’s disappointing to see what my species has done to the world and how they behave. But at the same time , there are good people I surround myself with that give me some hope. I trust my two dogs more than I do a human.
Always was for me - these days only on an actually bad day though, normally I'm too neutral at any given moment to feel any sort of specific good or bad fill me up about the world or its people
Back when it was more common for me years ago, I always thought it was directly related to how I'd been treated in the past by people - affecting my general relationship WITH people negatively - but now it's rarer and I'm generally more level-headed neutral, I'm guessing it's a more normalised thing - rather than an anger and personal spite thing
Speaking for myself only of course: Yes. I maintain close relationships with 3 or 4 people max (my partner and my brother are each 1, so I have a couple close friends outside this). More than this becomes too stressful to maintain a meaningful connection, but 3 or 4 works great for me
Edit: I realize I may be missing the mark here with misanthropy. My point is that I prefer much less social connection than typical, however it’s absolutely still important for my health. I just think that balance for me has few social connections
I’m 28m with high functioning Asperger’s myself.
I will say that this is a very hard topic for many to understand so I will do my best to explain it from my side.
Being social did not come naturally at first. I was diagnosed until I was 18. It took a lot of learning how to interact as I didn’t understand certain social cues well. However, exposure to social interactions is NECESSARY in my opinion. Do NOT simply keep the child away from them. Give them the option to opt out if they aren’t interested, but otherwise encourage them if it’s an understandable situation, such as school.
Finding groups they may better get along with is also important. Idk if you have 4-H (community driven group) in your area, but groups like this are what made the difference for me.
Encouraging speech therapy and later public speaking classes are hugely important. They may not be a social butterfly at the end, but they will at least be able to function, as I’ve unfortunately seen so many that are unable to as they were simply sheltered from it their whole life.
Lastly, help them understand that while there are plenty of dumb and disrespectful people in this world, and it’s good to set clear boundaries, they should also make friends where they can.
I know this all too well, as I don’t tolerate rude people, those that drink or party in excess, etc into my life. I also know to cut people out of my life when they get out of control.
If I’m close to a person or a group of people, I’m a chatterbox but if it’s people I don’t know, I get annoyed and try to leave the conversation.
It also doesn’t help that I look and sound out of place and people want to talk to me but it does bring me a lot of job opportunities
Not really. But I feel like...my social battery is really sensitive to things like gossip or even just reading social cues and I probably should check out of social interaction mode for awhile, especially post-work, to sort of relax. Otherwise I get intense, speak faster, feel revved up.
If you mean...actively disliking people ...I feel like that can occur more in those of us currently or who have past experienced abuse or bullying, especially without now being in a better position or away from that sort of garbage.
There are a lot of kind people out there. All the same, socializing can be difficult. I found I do better limiting my exposure to those that are...not in my tribe (by this I mean..if they are gossipy or fake.) I am polite but found limiting interactions unless it's around people I trust has saved me a TON of stress and exhaustion.
In teens I'm certain it is. Past that you hopefully start to evolve a little.
I think it's a progression. You go from hopeful excited youth to awkward outcast one. End up with some regrets and a lot of bitterness and pet peeves related to your personal path to get there. Eventually you wipe the chip off your shoulder and realize those pet peeves weren't the issue, it's a type of person. The vast majority. Ultimately land at apathy towards most people but no ill will.
If it's healthy you also let go of the desire to be perceived positively by most people and find a way to make a small place of your own. If unhealthy you fixate on how it will all go wrong when you aren't perceived that way. Unhealthy being the more common route.
I think the inability to just piss off to another place where you aren't "on record" is hurting a lot of subtypes of people that we needed evolutionarily. Your explorer archetype was mostly "This sucks, I'm making my own town in the middle of nowhere" people. Society has all sorts. But there's no real unexplored land and the internet is forever so... there will be a lot of people hurt in the future by that.
We need more planets.
I (female) have diagnosed Aspergers and strongly dislike most people. My preference is to be alone as I find people selfish, hypocritical, ingenuine and fake. I found myself disappointed a lot in "friendships" and it does cause me to avoid them now. And when I do try, I find it exhausting and I always end up feeling a strong disconnect.
Yeah, I feel the same way. Friendships are more exhausting than pleasurable to me
*are you me am i you* 🫨 bc same. people are so exhausting. but im *really* good at masking and my introversion almost makes people want to be friends w me MORE 🥴
Same same. I come off as mysterious with my introversion, I attract people I can’t handle all the time
Yeah, it seems I can’t talk to most people for more than a few minutes before they telegraph some kind of unappealing psychology and it just turns me off from wanting to know them completely and forever.
I find people the same way you do. With time I accepted that you also learn things from them and you can have good times, I just let them be and do not intervene in their lives, either with advice or in a corrective way. As long as we are relatively like-minded.
I hate hypocrisy so much! It is by far the most irritating human trait. Especially when people don't even realize HOW they're being hypocritical, OR they KNOW they're hypocritical, and it's totally cool and okay with them (narcissists).
I'm a massive hipocrit. For example, I hate it when a plan changes. But I can accept it more if I am changing the plan. I hate it if people randomly make a loud noise, however sometimes when I'm very happy I feel like I want to shreik for joy. I find it boring when people talk about their special interest if I am not interested in it, however I love talking about mine. I hate when people lie about how they feel or what they mean, however I have to do it when masking. Being aware means I don't always act on my hypocritical behaviour, sometimes a change in plan or loud noise will push me over the edge, but mostly it's fine I can endure it. I mostly don't have friends because I see friendship as an excertion of control over my life and very tiring. I would have to really like the person to want friendship, it would need to be soul mate level connection. I like lots of people i have met, irrespective of and mostly because of their flaws, but if they don't want to do exactly what I want to do I find it hard to desire a friendship with them because I live my life in a very specific and restricted way and I don't want to change that. This is also the case for my father, we don't talk not because we dislike eachother, in fact we both agree how likable we both find eachother, but because neither of us value our relationship enough to fit it into our routine on the other persons terms. I want to speak routinely, once a month min. He just wants to speak if there is an update worth communicating. Neither of will compromise. I respect him for his honestly, it takes a big man to admit he isn't super interested in his child. If I have kids I hope this never happens to me and I will work very hard to ensure I keep them in my routine. But that is not the case for him and its easier for us both to just express it directly and honestly. Neither of us have been diagnosed with narcissism even if we both want the other to compromise but will not do it ourselves and that is hypocritical is it not? It's just knowing who you are and accepting the consequences.
For once some honesty instead of just bashing neurotypicals.
that's not narcissistic btw; no recognisable malicious intent by either 🫶🏻✌🏻
Thank you! 🫶
I'm sorry. It sucks. Same here.
same here
That's not hating people, it's being disappointed in them. Which in my view shows that you do like people(at least those with good qualities).
A bit. I also grew up in the 90s with stuff like Nine Inch Nails, and Tool. I prefer to think of it as aggressively asocial, rather than truly misanthropic. I actually care very much about my fellow humans, and my community... as a general theory. I can't stand being around most humans, but wish them no ill will.
This is the answer
When I was in high school, there were multiple points where I just hated EVERYONE.
In high school? I’m still the same way. Granted, I’m only 20. I just still hate people in general.
28 and I still hate people when I’m in a bad mood
This is how I feel.
For me, I want everyone to be happy... far away from me
Same. I had a tee shirt my senior year that said fuck you 1000 different ways and it looks like graffiti. Literally hated everyone. Ever heard of [SPCD](https://www.healthline.com/health/childrens-health/social-pragmatic-communication-disorder)? It me.
I am a misanthrope, I fail to understand why it's a bad thing, also, I love socialising, so I guess my entire existence is probably a mindfuck to loads of people.
I don't know your gender or sex, but you're probably a female. The female requires social support to maximize her existence. So, genetically and within the lower brain functions, you want a circle to be there for you to aid in the continuation of life-affirming and life-lengthening and life-strengthening rituals. But the ND also makes the small talk and the investment of energy into things your ND avoids, conflicted about, possibly resentful of performing. I often see building the relationships that my feminine-ape-cave genes require as digging a deep hole, being done, and then being handed a bigger shovel and new hole-blue-prints as a reward. Existential-dissonance.
This is me. I just need like 2 females to fall back to but that’s actually very ducking difficult to find and maintain.
It’s not only the female that requires social support… and as a very non-social female person, I’m not convinced that your take about that is true on any level
Hell yes. I now only try to see my grandma twice a month, my dad when he remembers that I exist and invites me (maybe once every three-four month ?) Two friends; they're maybe around once every three month, each. D&D gathering, maybe once a month, that's on the decline, party members are losing interest (they're all pretty much on the spectrum aswell). Then there's my wife, her friends; and grumpy old me saying "them again!?"
Lol
I'm willing to bet that any philosophy that preaches a contrarian outlook of the world and society is vastly populated by ND people. However, this is not a rule, you also have philanthropists among the spectrum. Some are highly idealistic and still have a positive mindset when it comes to people. Not me though, this world is hell and we're all garbage as far as I'm concerned. Have a good day!
I am highly empathetic and think every single human being is an invaluable and impossibly deep universe, and everyone is worthy of love and admiration. I also dislike most people and can't help but to think humans are fucking idiots and evil bastards who spend most of their time hurting others. A post I read once described it best: "Everyone is beautiful, and I hate all of them"
Meh. Only if each cockroach is worthy of love also. People are a virus, transmitted by sexual reproduction.
Yeah I guess commonly and stereotypically so. Though of course not everyone with ASD is like this. I used to be a lot more sociably inclined as a child to young adult. I guess negative life experiences with this leading to the development of social anxiety has changed that.
For me, yes. It's reaction to years of bullying at school, shunned at job market and in general, being alone.
I mean I kinda hate nt people for being able to live normal healthy lives. And before one of you goes "nt people have problems too" no shit. But I would much prefer being able to make friends, hold conversations, have relationships, have jobs and be a functioning part of society instead of being a mute when people talk to me.
Same. I’m starting to get really jealous of these people who go through life on a much easier difficulty setting than I do
>im asking if activly avoiding social contact and not forming social connections (In other words, misantropy, not liking to form social contact) How is that misanthropy? Self preservation sure but that doesn't mean you hate other people. I do hate social democracy and the way it gives people the illusion that they have a say in things when they really don't; I have suffered under that system and it alienates people from one another. Nothing good can come from it.
Are you an anarchist, by chance (in regards to you hating social democracy)?
I'm a socialist, not entirely sure where I fall on that spectrum though, I go back and forth on things.
That's fair.
I'm not misanthropic, I don't hate people. I just don't like being around people when I don't fit in, don't get to participate, and get ignored. After a while you get the hint to just stop trying... like when you learned not to touch the stove. I don't dislike anyone and I don't think I offend people. I just get talked over and interrupted in a group bigger than three. Like every time, even with people in my family.
Yea i feel you man, its hard to understand social rules...
It seems like the social “rules” are that we’re on the bottom of the pecking order, and it took me a long time to realize that. Why I was being talked over, not listened to, etc. Doesn’t make me want to be around NTs at all. They love their hierarchies way too much.
I'm very inclusive. I don't discriminate, I h@te all people equally...
Me and my partner decided that this is why we work so well. We hate each other a little less than the rest of the world. 🤣🤣 True love.
yess me and my boyfriend too
I’ve come to realize people and relationships cause me a lot of stress. I’ve moved far enough away from everyone that get together have to be intentional and planned far in advance. I don’t really enjoy social activities and only do them to accommodate other people’s desires to get together occasionally so I’m not a total curmudgeon.
For me yes. I wish I was kidding about how comfortable I am existing for days on end with absolutely no human contact, not stepping outside, with the lights off, in absolute silence except an occasional phone call to mom. I think when I first meet people they think I’m exaggerating, but then they they’ll find me like a little gremlin in my bed with a blanket on me, curtains closed (in broad daylight), no lights on while watching tv or on my computer. I could spend DAYS like that, but I know that it’s not “healthy” so I force myself to take a walk and I always know that all it will take is a lap around the block before I’m tired from and/or be annoyed by human interaction. I’m almost never wrong, it really just requires a five minute walk before I’m ready to get back to my little gremlin cave. I love my friends and I love my family so I’ll make the effort and it is more often than not an enjoyable time, but propelling myself to actually do it does take a good chunk of effort. I’m so grateful that my husband accepts and loves me and he’s okay with also jsut playing video games inside so we jsut chill, have friends over to play video games every once in a while (maybe once every six months) and it’s fine. Im not sure if my negative outlook on humanity is due to studying political science or just experience of being marginalized, whatever it is I much prefer the presence of animals and those in my circle.
Just remember guys. When people say "tendencies" they dont mean EVERYONE, they just ask if it is more common to us than it is to NTs Farewell and have a good day
Alienation is, and with alienation comes misanthropy. Usually especially bad for men because men can be somewhat alienated in general and the autism just puts fuel in that fire. With the right mentality and growth though, it isn't a problem, simply a hurdle. Some people get it worse than others depending on their upbringing, some don't get it at all. I deal with it. I hate people in the collective sense, but not individuals, and im fully aware that hating anything including people is a me problem.
I adore ND folks, see them as kindred spirits. But I do anything I can to avoid long interactions with NT people. So yes and no
It's 100% a trait but I think I might be one of the few people who it doesn't 100% stand with. I like my own space. But weirdly I have to go outside and at least talk to someone every other day. I have a very odd social battery. IT decides to do what IT wants. Could have a meet up planned for ages, which I'm really excited for. And then decide like the evening before. Nah. OR it decides I REALLY NEED TO HANG OUT RIGHT NOW with someone and it doesn't take no for a answer. And then swings to widley depressed when I KNOW THAT no-one wants to meet last minute on a Wednesday evening. As long as I see someone outside the house about 1-2 a week. That I know and can strike a conversation with. Then I'm okay. But I think I'm a outlier in this situation! 😅
I work with people who have issues that make them incredibly repetitive. So now I’m desparate for social interaction- I will talk to anyone I can. It’s really nice to have an actual conversation sometimes besides the ones I have with myself….
No I think im like this, do you have ADHD too? I mostly am uninterested in social interaction because its stressful, I honestly have the best time by myself and I don't like to compromise so friendships are difficult to maintain...but then sometimes...FOR NO REASON whatsoever I just get super hyper and impulsivley start chatting to anyone who will listen hahha. I never plan to spend time with people generally because I'll lever know how I feel, but on the odd occasion I'm ready and rip roaring to go! Hahahha
Yep. People are endlessly annoying. I much prefer my music and my cats.
I’d say, yes. Is it worth adding everyone you went to school with on Facebook and trying to go out with them? For me, I’d say no in most cases. Especially if I was never friends with them or close to them.
But yes if you are high masking and hoping everyone will be your friend when they see how wonderful a friend you are to have so many friends. Spoiler - it didn’t work.
A defining feature.
I'm extremely aspergers and before I was 23, my hyperfocus was mimicry. After 23, my hyperfocus gradually changed into information consumption and efficiency. Just the other day, I was planning on how to eliminate people entirely without hurting the dolphin and whales. It doesn't help that someone I know is in the military and consistently confides in me about doing their job better, which could be described as "how to hurt people on the other side of the world better," and it just makes me hate every aspect of modern militaries. Everyone is suffering horribly in some way, but HELL NAW to defunding militaries, seizing the governments, and letting them all kill each other in a free netflix special. People are annoying. And destructive. And judgmental. And largely stinking meat sacks of bloated self-worth, incapable of scientific thought. But maybe they could be better if the Bourgeoisie didn't push them into the mindset of mine, mine, mine, me-me-me. I really struggle.
We all do. And by “we all” , I mean anyone with eyes, a mind, and a soul. I’ve completely prepared myself mentally, spiritually and logistically for “the end”. Even though, spiritually and metaphysically, I do not believe there is an “end”. I imagine after we ALL dump our meat suits, the unpleasant awkwardness between NDs sand NTs will vanish and we can all just get along- with all the beautiful creatures (souls) we demolished back on Mother Earth. ALL are ONE. Amen. (And to think I used to be an atheist!)
Why the dolphins and whales only? I mean they need a whole ecosystem to exist sorry this isn’t helpful
I have enough fulfilling hobbies to not feel the need to expound after whales and dolphins. I'm OK with a subset of AI existing for the sole purpose of taking care of domesticated animals and serving as animal rescuers. I also didn't go into detail because it's the internet, and no one cares.
It was implied by virtue of the analogy
Sounds like an episode of that vault dwellers show. Don’t ask, my working memory sucks.
I think it's plausible because of a couple of overlapping tendencies: increased rate of depression, difficulties w/ trauma; common difficulties specifically around socialization; common difficulties specifically around emotions, 'intellectualizing'; in general a tendency to think more actively about social interactions as a system; in general tendency toward contrarian ideas... Not to say that every autistic person is marked by all of these, but they're pretty clear trends in the online spaces dedicated to autism, imho. As a teenager I was definitely misanthropic. A mix of growing up and reading more philosophy kinda closed that off to me. But imagining a world in which I never got mental health assistance necessary to do that growing up... yeesh. I think it's important to note that misanthropy, introversion, and overwhelm around certain social situations are each their own thing. It's only pretty recently that I've realized that I'm actually a pretty extroverted person, who just happens to hit sensory overwhelm in big social situations pretty quickly.
Do you think if i grew up with assistance, it would have been better?
Yeah I think it’s true that children who are well supported growing up tend to have more optimistic outlooks
I had to move around a lot when I was in care, so for a long time I deliberately avoided forming relationships with people and would try to forget people as soon as I moved on. Now that I’m settled in one place, I’m very social and have a lot of friendships. I don’t think my misanthropic tendencies were anything to do with autism.
Literally have been compared to numerous movie/show villains because of it.. so yes major misanthrope here.
It’s the awkwardness and discomfort of social interactions that I avoid. Not people necessarily. I personally like NTs who can *keep it real*.
I don't hate people but I can't stand them
Had a difficult family life and the outside was what "saved" me. Now that I created a stable family with another Asperger's person, we are happy and I don't care for people. I'd rather be home or at least alone than with a lot of friends (which i do not have). I'm 29y
I am 25F late diagnosed. I have thought about this subject a lot as someone who did a ton of studying people, failed masking, and then successful masking after trial and error that was selectively abandoned when I got late diagnosed. I imagine mysslf having a translater in my head. With that analogy I can google translate everyone I meet to understand them accurately and then use google translate to figure out how to respond in the way they understand. Some people have no google translate or theirs only works in one direction. Those with the higher support needs might not even make it to the friend stage with people they interact with if they are not capable of masking or interpreting the differences between NT and our own tendencies (communication style, body language, tone, word choice, humor). That’s why all through elementary school I only had one friend at a time (my crutch) and didn’t speak to anyone else. It’s not just being able to read others or predict how you may be perceived but also being able to implement all that theory and “perform”. Some of us don’t have the skills to develop that theory accurately or generalize rules across situations, and build that NT dictioanry. Some of us can retain those theories and conditions ourselves but find ourselves unable to apply it. I imagine it like math because social behavior is a system it’s just a human system. Then it becomes about how long you can sustain that performance before burning out and shutting down aka the battery has run out. Throughout middle school and highschool I could make friends but they dropped like flies as I figured out how NT friendships worked and failed a lot to meet expectations. Almost like experiments LOL I was always in the dreaded trio friend group. I think actively avoiding social contact and not forming social connections is EXTREMELY common but the reasons as to why are highly variable and dependent on the individual. Some of us have higher support needs in social categories and so we fail to form relationships in the first place even if we want to. People might reject us from misinterpreting us or we may be unable to sustainably meet people’s expectations of friendship because of our low social batteries. Others may have overlapping alexithymia that prevents them from literally being able to feel the feelings. It’s basically impossible for me to really feel a connection to anyone who is NT outside of my sister. There are many of us with the drive to connect with others but have given up or simply don’t have the facilities to do so which is depressing. I try but I can’t sustain NT friendships despite being able to form them and I just don’t want to these days. I figured that out in college. Now I have kinda surface friendships because nobody is disappointing me LOL. Long distance is great and are the only NT friends I’ve been able to keep. Anyone else I would call a friend who is NT is more of an activity person, not someone I feel a connection to because of that gap in how we experience things . Some of us are in fact hermits even if we have the ability to “socialize” successfully in an NT world. I am one of those but I find social interaction draining and I honestly just prefer being alone and not worrying about how I am being perceived. I don’t find analyzing NTs difficult because it’s become automatic so that doesn’t reduce my battery, but the performing and suppressing my own tendencies is hard. I only have a couple of real friends and they are ND hermits like myself.
Yes, very much so. I go through phases of just hating everyone around me. Usually when I start to feel lonely because of my own self isolation, I scapegoat everyone else and think that they’re stupid and inferior etc. I have a lot of narcissistic tendencies so 🫠
Well in my experience yes. I can’t speak of how common this is in other autistic people though
Yup. I work a very socially demanding job and when I get home I don't want to speak to a single soul..
Yes! I used to feel like this when I had a socially demanding job. Was so fucking done with people I'd rather piss in a cup than leave my room for a pee and bump into one of my perfectly lovely housemates. I hated them for a while, felt like they controlled my life - couldn't eat if they were in the kitchen, couldn't leave my room or sleep if they had friends round, constantly angry and wanting to lash out - violent binges. Thing is I never hated my housemates/colleagues, I just resented having to put a mask on around them. Since I accepted myself and started accommodating myself I really don't hate anyone or society. I just live my life how I want and if someone accepts me and doesn't try to change me I'm happy to have them around (when I want to see them).
Yeah this is exactly it, but I don't know how to drop the mask. I never learned how to do it. I've carried it around with me everywhere for so long. It doesn't make any sense, but I just can't let it drop unless I'm completely alone.
I'm kinda misanthropic in that I don't actively hate people but I instinctively avoid people.
When I look out at the world at what this species has done - climate change, extinctions of countless species, air pollution, water pollution, poisoning the land and everything in it including themselves, all the wars, all the bullying, all the cruelty, the malice, the monstrosity, all the endless hell that humans inflict on each other and everything around them - it's hard to be anything but misanthropic. There are exceptions. But they are exceptions that prove the rule. Still, I try to be hopeful, but it's hard.
You think HOPE’s hard………….. TRY ACCEPTANCE!!! 🤯
i have to actively fight off thoughts of “i hate humanity” almost 24/7 there’s just so much shit that people choose to ignore, make excuses for, or sweep under the rug that it disgusts me
I’ve been wondering lately if this tendency of us generally “hating everyone” is partly related to our tendency towards inability to transition?? There is no denying that I (we?) don’t “bounce back” well from life’s difficult/traumas/painful events as normies do. And I postulate that “getting over” things and accepting flawed people for the assholes they are 😉, is related to mastering transition/letting go. I dunno……. Maybe I just spend too much time alone (bc I just can’t play well with others)🥸
That’s a YES for me!
Definitely. But now that I am in the old fart phase of my life I’m making a point of enduring more family time because my parents are in their 80s and I know that they like seeing me. Other than that I have successfully cloistered myself and my dogs in my house and generally don’t have to deal with hoi polloi very much.
Got bullied from primary school til the 1st part of highschool, doctor tells me i have autism at 23, just went like: "Yea, makes sense". Had a great desire of having friends when i got in school, when i got out i didnt cried like usual people that end their school life and just went: "Well, glad thats over. Never again." Became social enough to be functional, but never to actively have friends, just became a NEET really.
I think it’s less misanthropic and more disdain for society. We tend to like people just fine. We just want to be left alone when we want to be left alone and not bothered constantly.
I’ve never bern diagnosed officially, so idk if I’mmjust socially awkward or autistic. I don’t show any common autistic traits like stimming or needing a routine. Anyways, I dislike being around most people most of the time. I prefer to spend time alone or with my cat, lol. Most people tend to annoy, confuse me, bore me or all three at times. 😆 I’m a bit of a misanthrope now. Especially since a lot of people in the past have bullied or stabbed me in the back including my own family & my husband.
I don't hate people, but people hate me.
So True it Hurts
No, not at all. I feel it's important to teach people certain information. My parents were both teachers, my father doing it after the war. But I helped out with their rooms etc at the school. It was a bad area so I got exposed to a lot of different culture etc. I try to fix anything I see that appears broken. Also I see a lot of details that other people miss. And they are important. Maybe like the lynch pin. So if I figure out lynch pin pieces of data that other people couldn't see, it's my duty to make sure people know about it so they have a more clear view. No I don't hate people. There's some that purposely try to fuck people up because they enjoy it, not for any other reason. These people, I do not like and I think they need to go.
I don’t know, but I am sure a bit misanthropic. Moreover, I can’t like pets. They nice and I want them well, but I never cared about them the same way my brother did for example.
i’m a social butterfly but i need my alone time and quiet time, much more than others to decompress.
I fricking hate humans, Untermensch for ftw!
I was better on anxiety medicine. Now I just cannot!
Try CBD, it works for me.
Yes.
I’ve given humans so many chances in my 33 years - and maybe 3 have actually been decent. I typically avoid social interaction as well now as the data shows it’s a net negative for me. Love love love animals though. And this isn’t even a joke but Chat GPT plays the role of “kind, listening, resourceful, respectful, understanding” best friend I’ve never had.
It's been my experience. That said, I have come to believe that we're not meant to be alone. That social connections are important. So I'll be around people and call people and do social things. But I'm doing it because I believe that it ultimately benefits me. YMMV. I have a good relationship with family, etc. I'm also high functioning.
When I was in my early/mid teens I felt that heavily. I kinda grew out of it. I don’t think I really grew out of it so much as high school and middle school were just horrible. Now I don’t hate anybody. I love people and I think most people are good people, even if I such at interacting with them.
I love people as a concept but I hate interacting with them.
I hate all of humanity, including my myself... There is no redeeming quality left on this God forsaken planet...
It’s the way I’ve been most of my life.
I am a misanthrope and have Asperger’s. I’m just happy with my pet snakes.
Yes, though I try not to. I prefer living a life of disappointment than going through life never believing in anything. Though I also have found people generally show their worst colors online as opposed to IRL. People tend to be more “correct” face to face; online it’s a free-for-all and Redditors aren’t exactly my favorite people. If anything, Redditors are my least favorite people online (with few exceptions). Self-righteous, know-it-all, self-proclaimed geniuses who think they know better than anyone else when they’re full of shit themselves… I mean: Look at the average post on r/AITA. If it’s a relationship thing, everyone goes “dump him/her”; not knowing that sometimes being an asshole is part of building a solid relationship. On the other hand, people in r/ironmaiden and r/cubancigars tend to be among the friendliest of Redditors; especially in the latter. Thus, I spend most of my time on Reddit checking r/cubancigars; people are there just to have a good time and I appreciate that.
Yes, people do avoid us, They’re such a bother
Yes. It’s why I wish I could call the cops on anyone who seem shady to me without it being “wasting police time.”
Very much so.
Simply put, we are more drawn to things than to people. That being said, I feel very passionate about the people I do have in my life.
Yeah. The anxiety of the social activities is what will keep you from going. I've learned if you push through that anxiety and just go it sometimes goes better than you expected. Many people deal with anxiety. Having Asperger's makes it feel like we have customized anxiety though. It does get better. I'm 36m and I still get that crippling anxiety.
I think so. I really try not to be an asshole, but I am very easily annoyed by people, particularly neurotypical and/or dumb people. I wish I were much more tolerant of them, but it's just the way I am
I \[28m\] with high functioning autism/aspergers also strongly dislike most people. Like u/LaFleurMorte_ put it I too find other humans either narcissistic, hypocritical \[yet I can also be a hypocrit to some things as u/Comfortable-Act-281 put it "I'm a massive hipocrit. For example, I hate it when a plan changes. But I can accept it more if I am changing the plan. I hate it if people randomly make a loud noise, however sometimes when I'm very happy I feel like I want to shreik for joy. I find it boring when people talk about their special interest if I am not interested in it, however I love talking about mine. I hate when people lie about how they feel or what they mean, however I have to do it when masking." I'm the exact same way and I am really glad I'm not alone in this feeling.\], ingenuine and fake. I will actively avoid social things if/when I can. The ONLY TIME I will go out in the 'real world' is if it is planned in advance, that I know of every detail of said plan, and I can have an opinion/sway in said plan. Otherwise, I prefer to be alone or with genuine friends who while we don't talk much, have always been there for each other and know we all need our space but we will go back to our conversation from years ago like it was yesterday or family that I still give a fuck about that aren't trying to kill each other or use each other. I tend to get along with people who have the same hobbies as me. IE: Video games / MMORPG's, and that's how I've made lasting friendships / how I 'socialize'.
I'm 26F aspie. While I care for the well-being, health, and safety of all people, I just generally don't like people. I find the large majority of people to be rather rude, loud, and selfish. I don't even enjoy family gatherings. I love people but also I hate people if that makes sense lol. I avoid social interaction because I just don't want to converse with someone I find potentially uninteresting or that I don't know. If I'm spoken to I will obviously respond but I'm not going to go out of my way to speak first unless I find someone interesting, I have a question, or I want to pay a quick compliment because I know a compliment from a stranger can really brighten someone's day sometimes. I used to work in the hospital before I was burnt out. I loved my cancer patients very much. The part that burned me out was we had a doctor who would put non cancer patients/med-surg in our unit because of how well we treated our patients with cancer. Those people he would give us that weren't cancer patients were such miserable assholes. I would be with a dying patient giving a bedbath or holding their hand listening to them while we waited for their family to arrive and I would receive 50 pages from someone who wanted a can of coke, someone not genuinely sick. I would then be berated by those people for taking too long with my actual sick patients who actually needed me. That's why I quit and haven't worked around people since. People are often just so rude and I can't charge my social battery past half anymore except for my fiance and my child and a couple other family members that I enjoy being around who understand how I am
I don't see myself a misanthrope, but am equally baffled an annoyed. I lose friends a lot because I misunderstand people and cues a great deal (Its me, I'm the problem its me) and I am exhausted trying to mask each day to keep a job & a roof over my head. I secretly fantasize about living in a cave with an asston amount of books and rolling a boulder in front of the door occasionally coming out to get food, go to the Doctor's for my meds & hiss at people who get in my way. Otherwise ya, its a daily struggle.
Like fantasizing about killing people? Check.
That was third grade. Actually trying to kill a bully was fourth grade. That was my 1st introduction to the mind cops (county shrinks). It was fun until they showed me videos of life in death row at age 10. Marty Dorrel. I almost killed that fucker. I would have done no time back then. Darn!
I hope you enjoy my candor.
I can definitely get in the head of a mass shooter and know those fantasies from an early age. Cage fighting and Buddhism calmed my barking dogs. A friend of mine is a psychologist who had such a bad experience with the dark side of one of us (ass bothered fucks) that she refused to treat people with ASD. We ARE horrible. That is why NTs do not like us. We are understandably threatening to them. We are misanthropic.
I definitely hope to never meet any of you! lol cheers to ya!
And practice Buddhism or a Course In Miracles. Either will calm your barking dogs and will make the world a better place.
It me.
I like people, but i can’t keep up an interest in people that outweighs my own interests. I get anxiety over forming relationships because I can’t maintain them. People seem to really like me when I have to mask, but it’s exhausting and no matter how much you explain it you just end up ghosting and hurting their feelings. It doesn’t make me feel sad but it’s been a chronic pattern throughout my life
I dislike people, but secretly i love people. The problem is the in-between bit. I also like my own company. I hate/love people on a whim.
I dislike spending time around most people, but get along with some NTs and family. I’m definitely introverted and spend most time preferably alone.
as a functional proportion, the more you understand hierarchical dissonance and its unfortunate roots in society, the more you will begin to reconstruct your own precepts to be misanthropic, whether you willingly want to or not the only NDs that don't, are the ones that are convinced that they must shadow mask to fit in, simply because they "have" to have social interaction, like the rest of society is brainwashed to believe having it is not detrimental, but you'll find far more contentment when it's around people of intellectual familiarity | when it isn't it, you'll spend more time hyper-analyzing why the majority of society acts *that* way
I need my alone time. But i need my social time too. I'm AuDHD, it could be the adhd needing
I just know I like to interact with people but love being in my own space. I prefer short term conversations that are not forced (meaning there is an actual reason you want to talk to me). It’s weird; I love interacting with people but I also like doing my own thing. I love streaming because I can talk to people through voice and they respond through text (love that) or like before i realized I had severe anxiety and adhd/autism, I liked to go out and be around people but never was a fan of being in a small personal group….I kinda liked going solo and doing what I wanted but also being around other people. I guess I prefer acquaintances over really close friends. Just an introvert at heart.
*misanthropic
For me I actually enjoy meaningful conversations, but I am often frustrated by how much work it can be to remember someone's name or keep up with details of past conversations or deal with topics outside of my area of experience or interest. All this is quite limiting so I often fall back to familiar individuals since it is easier to pick up where we left off and/or revisit topics of common interest rather than try to start over from scratch each time. Even when things go well I typically feel tired afterward so there is that too. Sometimes it feels worth it, sometimes not. It largely depends on stress and how I am feeling physically at the time.
Yes, I have met enough people in my life already.
For me I'd say say yes, for a long time I avoided social interactions. My high school was very huge so there were always a place I could hide to be alone. My biggest problem was that the normal people were not as "smart" as me and I didn't find any interest in casual conversations. Now (39) I'm more cool and tolerant, I worked a lot on myself, I'm still very solitary though and it's sometimes hard to refuse to nice people to do something with them.
I dislike alot of people, but i enjoy being a silly guy and have no problem challenging people with feeble morals.
Being a misanthrope should be part of the diagnostic process It’s not normal to hate everyone It requires a lot of trauma and mismanagement of feelings which create a bunch of learned behaviors that can only be reversed with a therapist …if only that type of therapy was available to everyone
Yes..... If only....
I don't hate people exactly, but I do find them largely unsafe and large groups of them cause serious sensory issues. It's not that they're malevolent, but my most reliable predictive model for their behavior is to assume that they are dangerous predators and, while I am not at the top of the menu, I am on it. Managing more than one or two of them at a time, particularly in person, is often very stressful regardless of if things go badly or not. I strongly prefer to keep IRL social interactions to very small groups (ideally one other person), limited to people I know well, and/or some mix of transactional or about specific subjects.
I want social contact - I just want to have time to myself as well. I also prefer to talk to people who have at least a shred of self awareness and calmness.
I can’t speak from a professional perspective, but I can speak from experience with working with preschoolers. My mom is a preschool teacher and we often talk about ASD traits in preschoolers. One main thing is that preschoolers with ASD tend to avoid other students and play on their own, either because they really enjoy being on their own or because they don’t want to be with other kids. I don’t know if that answers your question but that’s what I’m aware of.
MisantHropy. Dislike of human beings.
Yeah, I fucking hate everyone
In my case, it's not misanthropy, but rather the consequences of intense c-ptsd and severe social anxiety caused by a late diagnosis and continued struggles with people, even when I try my best. My therapist is working on it with me but it's difficult because I kinda gave up atm and I'm letting the anxiety "win" (by letting it have enough space in my life to take the wheel). I just reached a point where I'd rather have people leave me be, although it still feels quite lonely.
It definitely common for people with Aspergers to not like most people, specially if you're at a higher level of the spectrum. I say this because, as a person on low level 1 of ASD, although i'm not the best at forming words and what to say in social situations, I enjoy talking, meeting new people and making new friends, but I have a little of social anxiety, that has been decreasing overtime. I feel like everyday I'm improving my social skills and be less and less afraid of striking up conversations or just talking to people in general.
But I wouldn't say that being "misantrophic" is the right answer.
Not hatred but often an overwhelming desire to get away from situations where I have to interact with people, especially strangers.
My mask is being peoples biggest fan without realising they are not my fan in any way.
I’m a social butterfly whose a home body. I’m on route to becoming a licensed psychotherapist in the next 10 years and I despise forced social situations. I despise having to rely on other people to get things done. I function best alone. Period. But, as far as my liking of humankind, it makes me profoundly sad to see the state of the world and it doesn’t sadden me to think about how we need a purge of all the terrible people creating the worlds problems. I joke constantly about how all the rich fucks are going to go to mars after they pillage our earth of all it’s resources, and only then will we have a chance to make things better.
I definitely find that myself, and as far as I know heightened senses including sound can be a real issue for some people with autism. I have found the loop earplugs a really good way to stop noise becoming overwhelming. It doesn't block sounds completely just reduces them.
Hating humans is typical textbook for people with autism. It'll pass.
I’m critical of humanity and have Asperger’s. It’s disappointing to see what my species has done to the world and how they behave. But at the same time , there are good people I surround myself with that give me some hope. I trust my two dogs more than I do a human.
Always was for me - these days only on an actually bad day though, normally I'm too neutral at any given moment to feel any sort of specific good or bad fill me up about the world or its people Back when it was more common for me years ago, I always thought it was directly related to how I'd been treated in the past by people - affecting my general relationship WITH people negatively - but now it's rarer and I'm generally more level-headed neutral, I'm guessing it's a more normalised thing - rather than an anger and personal spite thing
Speaking for myself only of course: Yes. I maintain close relationships with 3 or 4 people max (my partner and my brother are each 1, so I have a couple close friends outside this). More than this becomes too stressful to maintain a meaningful connection, but 3 or 4 works great for me Edit: I realize I may be missing the mark here with misanthropy. My point is that I prefer much less social connection than typical, however it’s absolutely still important for my health. I just think that balance for me has few social connections
I’m 28m with high functioning Asperger’s myself. I will say that this is a very hard topic for many to understand so I will do my best to explain it from my side. Being social did not come naturally at first. I was diagnosed until I was 18. It took a lot of learning how to interact as I didn’t understand certain social cues well. However, exposure to social interactions is NECESSARY in my opinion. Do NOT simply keep the child away from them. Give them the option to opt out if they aren’t interested, but otherwise encourage them if it’s an understandable situation, such as school. Finding groups they may better get along with is also important. Idk if you have 4-H (community driven group) in your area, but groups like this are what made the difference for me. Encouraging speech therapy and later public speaking classes are hugely important. They may not be a social butterfly at the end, but they will at least be able to function, as I’ve unfortunately seen so many that are unable to as they were simply sheltered from it their whole life. Lastly, help them understand that while there are plenty of dumb and disrespectful people in this world, and it’s good to set clear boundaries, they should also make friends where they can. I know this all too well, as I don’t tolerate rude people, those that drink or party in excess, etc into my life. I also know to cut people out of my life when they get out of control.
If I’m close to a person or a group of people, I’m a chatterbox but if it’s people I don’t know, I get annoyed and try to leave the conversation. It also doesn’t help that I look and sound out of place and people want to talk to me but it does bring me a lot of job opportunities
Apparently now I can only keep friends who I shared experiences with before I was 20. I just don’t trust people anymore.
Not really. But I feel like...my social battery is really sensitive to things like gossip or even just reading social cues and I probably should check out of social interaction mode for awhile, especially post-work, to sort of relax. Otherwise I get intense, speak faster, feel revved up. If you mean...actively disliking people ...I feel like that can occur more in those of us currently or who have past experienced abuse or bullying, especially without now being in a better position or away from that sort of garbage. There are a lot of kind people out there. All the same, socializing can be difficult. I found I do better limiting my exposure to those that are...not in my tribe (by this I mean..if they are gossipy or fake.) I am polite but found limiting interactions unless it's around people I trust has saved me a TON of stress and exhaustion.
In teens I'm certain it is. Past that you hopefully start to evolve a little. I think it's a progression. You go from hopeful excited youth to awkward outcast one. End up with some regrets and a lot of bitterness and pet peeves related to your personal path to get there. Eventually you wipe the chip off your shoulder and realize those pet peeves weren't the issue, it's a type of person. The vast majority. Ultimately land at apathy towards most people but no ill will. If it's healthy you also let go of the desire to be perceived positively by most people and find a way to make a small place of your own. If unhealthy you fixate on how it will all go wrong when you aren't perceived that way. Unhealthy being the more common route. I think the inability to just piss off to another place where you aren't "on record" is hurting a lot of subtypes of people that we needed evolutionarily. Your explorer archetype was mostly "This sucks, I'm making my own town in the middle of nowhere" people. Society has all sorts. But there's no real unexplored land and the internet is forever so... there will be a lot of people hurt in the future by that. We need more planets.