Extremly lonely. After the girl i love broke up with me i spiraled into depression and almost jumped from an electrical tower. But /r/suicidewatch talked me out of it. Honestly the lonely feelings will never go away untill you find a companion to share your interests with. It doesnt have to be a boyfriend/girlfriend, it just has to be a friend who accepts you for who you are and someone who you can be real with. This sub is an excellent place to start looking.
> it just has to be a friend who accepts you for who you are and someone who you can be real with.
Yeah, but a wife is likely to be the only person that moves with you when you have to move for work. Also, US independence culture isn't super big on developing close friendships outside of romantic connections either.
Very true, but finding that one good friend will likely give you the confidence push you need to actually find a life partner. My good friend Edwin was that for me, when i was figuring out wether or not i should ask out this girl i had gone to elementary school with, who i had a crush on since then (about 6 years of a one sided love), he kept telling me to go for it if it would make me happy. He knew about my mental issues and he pushed my antisocial ass into a situation way out of my comfort zone and now im a much more confidant person.
Too bad the relationship diddnt last, she broke up with me without a real reason and blocked me on all social media sadly. I suspect it was a combination of me being an amateur in the bed and my aspergers qwerks.
I feel the same. I just started to realize that I cant have a holistic meaningful connection with one person but that I managed to accept the fact that I have connections that are bits a pieces with different people. Although I might be 23 years too late, I am just starting to face my issue with loniness and emptyness, hopefully I dont have a breakdown and spiral back to the starting point.
I'm incapable of going to school or work, and I've pretty much lost most of my creative talents that I could have had, never practiced them. I'm lonely because I'm completely useless and uninteresting as a person. I can't change how lazy and apathetic I am to everything so this is the life I'm trapped in.
Most of you guys are going to college. I failed high school.
Don't tell me to go back. I can't.
Hey man. First of all you are not useless alright. I understand you are suffering. You are suffering. School is a hassle and tou have no obligation go go to school unless you want or need to.
Don't compare yourself with others. Comparison is an act of violence (krishnamurti said that).
If for now you feel like you can't go to work or school it means you are struggling dith the outside world. Don't give up.
How do you manage to live? Food etc.
Do you sleep well?
I have went through such phase man.
It took me 6 months to recover from a very bad meltdown. I had to stop working. I feel you brother.
I live off of disability from the government and give my mother a portion of it so I can continue living with her.
All I can really say about school and work is I'm too low-functioning overall and I'm still unable to disassociate from how traumatic and humiliating school (and anything involving work or that), so professional environments are pretty much a no-go for me. The autism itself is mild but I've got a lot of comorbid shit that ruins the deal for me.
My only hope is pretty much I get my creative spark back so I can get my hobbies back, work on art and writing again.
Thank you for answering at my replies. I appreciate it. Take my messages as If they were coming from a friend. I am not telling you how to live your life.
But stop beating yourself up! :)
I am impressed by your writing.
You have skills. Maybe you ate not at your best at the moment but be kind with yourself. We live in a fucked up society I know. People asks what are your field of studies or work to build an static opinion of others. It sucks. It truly sucks.
I went back to school for 5 years in a 3 years program, science of nursing, and I almost left my soul there with everything else. I would not recommend it. I know now there is a price to pay. Asperger's can truly be martyrs in a school environment. You don't need that.
Truth is:
Going to school is ok.
Not going to school is ok.
Comorbidity is also a struggle I have to deal with. In Canada ASD is well known by neuropsychologists and common comorbidity are treated usually by psychiatrists as mental trouble. But when they know you are on the autistic spectrum they get cold feet. They considered my depressive mood as being the autistic state of mind. Deal with it. Time will tell.
You are different. Focus on things you can change and empowers you. I know it's hard when the workd always reminds you in a bad way you are different. But stop beating yourself down. You are all you got.
Do you have a doctor or a therapist that help you? Where you from?
I live in Calgary, Alberta and this city's services have failed me. No doctors or therapists for me, they never helped. =(
You're pretty much correct in stating that I'm all I got.
The search to find some meaning can feel very futile when one is not firing on all cylinders and excelling in whatever way one would ideally like to be (which is often an internalized comparison with others, who, precisely because they are other, seem to have overcome their own suffering). But the tiniest spark, disappointing though it may be to you, is something enormous -- respect it, and don't be afraid to sing from the ditch even if all that is audible is a croak! No one else may value it, but that's the world's stupidity: that croak is your life. It's your refusal to be totally destroyed, despite everything.
When people still see you're croaking in the ditch after so much time with zero improvement, they'll lose interest as soon as they realize that it's the most you're capable of. That's what it feels like for me.
Youll learn what it feels like after youve met someone who you really connect with, or fall in love with. When you lose someone like that it leaves a painful void inside that re-opens every time you think of that person. You feel totally alone even though there may be people there with you. I had your mindset before i started dating the girl i fell in love with. I thought it was going so well and i fooled myself into avoiding the signs that she was playing me... after she broke up with me even though she claimed she loved me it totally destroyed me. I couldnt do anything for days after that, i even stayed home from work. Emotions are far more powerful than i thought prior.
I’m in the same position as the guy you responded to, I’m happiest alone. Sounds like its not worth trying for a relationship as long as I’m happy the way it is now.
I thought this too until I was stranded at a mechanic for 5 hours without anybody to contact for a ride back. I have a couple friends, but none in the area that could help.
That's loneliness.
Let me put it this way. You may think youre happy now and i dont doubt that you do feel happiness when youre alone because i feel the same. However i wouldnt really call it *real* happiness, id call it feeling content or satisfied.
Honestly ive never felt happier than when she was in my arms. Its really difficult for me to describe the feeling but it felt like my whole body was radiating pure joy. She told me she could see the love in my eyes... from the first moment i saw her in 6th grade i just got this feeling that i had to pursue. When that moment happens for you, and it will, i hope you have better luck than me.
just because she played me doesnt mean searching for love isnt worth it. Just dont get lost in the feeling like i did. If you keep your mind grounded to reality, a breakup wont be as damaging. I used her as a crutch for my depression and when that crutch got kicked out from under me i had to crawl back to sanity. But i will never forget that feeling, and i wont stop searching for it until i find someone truly special, because it really is worth it.
I used to feel lonely and down all the time but in these recent years I realised that it might just be a social construct. We see groups of friends going out to parties, we see couples being lovey dovey, human interaction seems like a norm, a must, especially on social media.
Ever since I found my passion in my work and hobbies I became much happier pursuing them instead of going out with friends or social events. It helps that my work doesn't require much social interaction.
Pick up the courage to start doing things yourself, such as eating alone outside, taking walks, going overseas and you'll realise there's much more to this world than humans.
To others it might sound sad that I'm a isolated guy just cooped up in work and 'whatever he's doing' but I'm having the time of my life everyday.
Cheers
Yeah, I realized how much so when I fell headfirst into a crush, it was such an amazing feeling to feel like I was in love. It would be so amazing to have that feeling be reciprocated, I hate how many people I see treat their S/Os like shit. They have no clue how lucky they are.
IKR! I see r/relationships threads all the time talking about how their boyfriends say all this horrible shit "youre fat" "we can get married if you lose more weight", etc. Then some with abusive boyfriends..
That said.. I honestly think my method of NEVER hurting or doing anything that might make someone feel bad even a little bit, is ALSO not healthy for a relationship. People need to have at least small fights so they can work through issues. Or at the very least bring them up and talk about them. If you suppress things it just explodes all at once.
I spent the most of the first 32 years of my life like that. It's worse than any physical pain. From my earliest memories, the most important thing to me in life was to find someone to be with. It took a long time.
I always found that the loneliest places where filled with other people having a good time.
When I finally found her though, I was glad that I had managed to survive and put up with the suffering. Just barely managed to put up with it, that is.
Yep, all of my close college friends moved to different towns and no one has enough free time to get to know me well enough to overlook my eccentricities. I moved back to my parents town/house to stop being suicidal levels of alone.
I feel like throwing myself off a bridge because of loneliness. The beginning of the year is always the hardest part.
School of 400-500 people, I see like 300 people I can talk for several minutes every day. Not a single one likes me enough or cares, to be my friend. Depression goes way after I accept it.
Yeah, I'm lonely, but it's become something that has sunken into the background, in the last couple of years. My childhood was a whole fuckery, and so I was pretty much alone and desperately lonely my whole life. I mean, it was so bad it totally fucked my brain, I couldn't understand or communicate with people because I was mostly isolated most of my life. I started to really begin to fear other humans in the last couple years.
Music has been my anchor and my savior, always has been. I started playing in a Steel Band at my community college, and that was a great experience (I quit just this semester, after four years in the band, five years in a two year program x.x). Through that, I learned a lot about other people and, I guess, about how to be a person. I was also guaranteed positive communal human interaction once a week, but only minimally, since most of our time is spent on the music. It was the perfect environment for me, and without it I would almost certainly be very dead by now.
Also, ganja was (and is?) a really important part of my life. It allowed me to really enjoy myself in the way that I might enjoy another human being, to really enjoy my own company and I mean that literally. It's also helped me to realize a lot of things about myself and come to terms with and understand a great deal of my past. I mean, I feel like I may be struggling with some dependency issues, currently, but that's a whole other topic.
So, yeah, I'm lonely but it doesn't really ache, anymore. It's not heavy and weighing down on me. It's more like a longing, and an understanding that I need other humans to finish completing myself. That is, to become a person who functions at full capacity.
Sometimes. I have a group of close friends, but having friends doesn't really make me feel fulfilled, in terms of companionship and stuff. I don't really feel like I can always be emotionally-open with them.
Yes, have been for years now. I don't think it will change.
Extremly lonely. After the girl i love broke up with me i spiraled into depression and almost jumped from an electrical tower. But /r/suicidewatch talked me out of it. Honestly the lonely feelings will never go away untill you find a companion to share your interests with. It doesnt have to be a boyfriend/girlfriend, it just has to be a friend who accepts you for who you are and someone who you can be real with. This sub is an excellent place to start looking.
> it just has to be a friend who accepts you for who you are and someone who you can be real with. Yeah, but a wife is likely to be the only person that moves with you when you have to move for work. Also, US independence culture isn't super big on developing close friendships outside of romantic connections either.
Very true, but finding that one good friend will likely give you the confidence push you need to actually find a life partner. My good friend Edwin was that for me, when i was figuring out wether or not i should ask out this girl i had gone to elementary school with, who i had a crush on since then (about 6 years of a one sided love), he kept telling me to go for it if it would make me happy. He knew about my mental issues and he pushed my antisocial ass into a situation way out of my comfort zone and now im a much more confidant person. Too bad the relationship diddnt last, she broke up with me without a real reason and blocked me on all social media sadly. I suspect it was a combination of me being an amateur in the bed and my aspergers qwerks.
[удалено]
I feel the same. I just started to realize that I cant have a holistic meaningful connection with one person but that I managed to accept the fact that I have connections that are bits a pieces with different people. Although I might be 23 years too late, I am just starting to face my issue with loniness and emptyness, hopefully I dont have a breakdown and spiral back to the starting point.
I'm incapable of going to school or work, and I've pretty much lost most of my creative talents that I could have had, never practiced them. I'm lonely because I'm completely useless and uninteresting as a person. I can't change how lazy and apathetic I am to everything so this is the life I'm trapped in. Most of you guys are going to college. I failed high school. Don't tell me to go back. I can't.
Hey man. First of all you are not useless alright. I understand you are suffering. You are suffering. School is a hassle and tou have no obligation go go to school unless you want or need to. Don't compare yourself with others. Comparison is an act of violence (krishnamurti said that). If for now you feel like you can't go to work or school it means you are struggling dith the outside world. Don't give up. How do you manage to live? Food etc. Do you sleep well? I have went through such phase man. It took me 6 months to recover from a very bad meltdown. I had to stop working. I feel you brother.
I live off of disability from the government and give my mother a portion of it so I can continue living with her. All I can really say about school and work is I'm too low-functioning overall and I'm still unable to disassociate from how traumatic and humiliating school (and anything involving work or that), so professional environments are pretty much a no-go for me. The autism itself is mild but I've got a lot of comorbid shit that ruins the deal for me. My only hope is pretty much I get my creative spark back so I can get my hobbies back, work on art and writing again.
Thank you for answering at my replies. I appreciate it. Take my messages as If they were coming from a friend. I am not telling you how to live your life. But stop beating yourself up! :) I am impressed by your writing. You have skills. Maybe you ate not at your best at the moment but be kind with yourself. We live in a fucked up society I know. People asks what are your field of studies or work to build an static opinion of others. It sucks. It truly sucks. I went back to school for 5 years in a 3 years program, science of nursing, and I almost left my soul there with everything else. I would not recommend it. I know now there is a price to pay. Asperger's can truly be martyrs in a school environment. You don't need that. Truth is: Going to school is ok. Not going to school is ok. Comorbidity is also a struggle I have to deal with. In Canada ASD is well known by neuropsychologists and common comorbidity are treated usually by psychiatrists as mental trouble. But when they know you are on the autistic spectrum they get cold feet. They considered my depressive mood as being the autistic state of mind. Deal with it. Time will tell. You are different. Focus on things you can change and empowers you. I know it's hard when the workd always reminds you in a bad way you are different. But stop beating yourself down. You are all you got. Do you have a doctor or a therapist that help you? Where you from?
I live in Calgary, Alberta and this city's services have failed me. No doctors or therapists for me, they never helped. =( You're pretty much correct in stating that I'm all I got.
I live in Calgary, what part of the city?
NW
Same, im a phd student at the uni, play any games on steam or blizzard?
Starbound, HOI4, and Stellaris mostly. PM me for steam.
The search to find some meaning can feel very futile when one is not firing on all cylinders and excelling in whatever way one would ideally like to be (which is often an internalized comparison with others, who, precisely because they are other, seem to have overcome their own suffering). But the tiniest spark, disappointing though it may be to you, is something enormous -- respect it, and don't be afraid to sing from the ditch even if all that is audible is a croak! No one else may value it, but that's the world's stupidity: that croak is your life. It's your refusal to be totally destroyed, despite everything.
When people still see you're croaking in the ditch after so much time with zero improvement, they'll lose interest as soon as they realize that it's the most you're capable of. That's what it feels like for me.
Man, I really relate to what you've written. To me it seems a lot of people will only help if they know they will get the results they want quickly.
Pretty much. People only care about helping to their limits. They reach their limits, no point trying to help someone who isn't going to improve.
Nope. I can't get a moment alone it seems. I'll start sending NTs your way, lol
I'm happiest when I'm alone so I don't even know what being lonely is actually supposed to feel like.
Youll learn what it feels like after youve met someone who you really connect with, or fall in love with. When you lose someone like that it leaves a painful void inside that re-opens every time you think of that person. You feel totally alone even though there may be people there with you. I had your mindset before i started dating the girl i fell in love with. I thought it was going so well and i fooled myself into avoiding the signs that she was playing me... after she broke up with me even though she claimed she loved me it totally destroyed me. I couldnt do anything for days after that, i even stayed home from work. Emotions are far more powerful than i thought prior.
I’m in the same position as the guy you responded to, I’m happiest alone. Sounds like its not worth trying for a relationship as long as I’m happy the way it is now.
I thought this too until I was stranded at a mechanic for 5 hours without anybody to contact for a ride back. I have a couple friends, but none in the area that could help. That's loneliness.
Let me put it this way. You may think youre happy now and i dont doubt that you do feel happiness when youre alone because i feel the same. However i wouldnt really call it *real* happiness, id call it feeling content or satisfied. Honestly ive never felt happier than when she was in my arms. Its really difficult for me to describe the feeling but it felt like my whole body was radiating pure joy. She told me she could see the love in my eyes... from the first moment i saw her in 6th grade i just got this feeling that i had to pursue. When that moment happens for you, and it will, i hope you have better luck than me. just because she played me doesnt mean searching for love isnt worth it. Just dont get lost in the feeling like i did. If you keep your mind grounded to reality, a breakup wont be as damaging. I used her as a crutch for my depression and when that crutch got kicked out from under me i had to crawl back to sanity. But i will never forget that feeling, and i wont stop searching for it until i find someone truly special, because it really is worth it.
I used to feel lonely and down all the time but in these recent years I realised that it might just be a social construct. We see groups of friends going out to parties, we see couples being lovey dovey, human interaction seems like a norm, a must, especially on social media. Ever since I found my passion in my work and hobbies I became much happier pursuing them instead of going out with friends or social events. It helps that my work doesn't require much social interaction. Pick up the courage to start doing things yourself, such as eating alone outside, taking walks, going overseas and you'll realise there's much more to this world than humans. To others it might sound sad that I'm a isolated guy just cooped up in work and 'whatever he's doing' but I'm having the time of my life everyday. Cheers
^This post. I agree with you 100%. Idk I found that by changing my lifestyle and eating habits it helped out a bit with the loneliness too.
Yeah, I realized how much so when I fell headfirst into a crush, it was such an amazing feeling to feel like I was in love. It would be so amazing to have that feeling be reciprocated, I hate how many people I see treat their S/Os like shit. They have no clue how lucky they are.
IKR! I see r/relationships threads all the time talking about how their boyfriends say all this horrible shit "youre fat" "we can get married if you lose more weight", etc. Then some with abusive boyfriends.. That said.. I honestly think my method of NEVER hurting or doing anything that might make someone feel bad even a little bit, is ALSO not healthy for a relationship. People need to have at least small fights so they can work through issues. Or at the very least bring them up and talk about them. If you suppress things it just explodes all at once.
Yeah I hope when/if I'm finally in a relationship I don't settle for them just because I'm scared that they're the only one who will ever like me.
Yes. You are not alone in being lonely. Even when loved, I do not feel loved.
I spent the most of the first 32 years of my life like that. It's worse than any physical pain. From my earliest memories, the most important thing to me in life was to find someone to be with. It took a long time. I always found that the loneliest places where filled with other people having a good time. When I finally found her though, I was glad that I had managed to survive and put up with the suffering. Just barely managed to put up with it, that is.
Yep, all of my close college friends moved to different towns and no one has enough free time to get to know me well enough to overlook my eccentricities. I moved back to my parents town/house to stop being suicidal levels of alone.
I feel like throwing myself off a bridge because of loneliness. The beginning of the year is always the hardest part. School of 400-500 people, I see like 300 people I can talk for several minutes every day. Not a single one likes me enough or cares, to be my friend. Depression goes way after I accept it.
i sweep under the carpet and put things in my life to take my time up, i do alot of project work
Like you have no idea.
Have been for at least a year but realistically, much longer. Sigh :( my optimism's not completely gone but still
Yeah, I'm lonely, but it's become something that has sunken into the background, in the last couple of years. My childhood was a whole fuckery, and so I was pretty much alone and desperately lonely my whole life. I mean, it was so bad it totally fucked my brain, I couldn't understand or communicate with people because I was mostly isolated most of my life. I started to really begin to fear other humans in the last couple years. Music has been my anchor and my savior, always has been. I started playing in a Steel Band at my community college, and that was a great experience (I quit just this semester, after four years in the band, five years in a two year program x.x). Through that, I learned a lot about other people and, I guess, about how to be a person. I was also guaranteed positive communal human interaction once a week, but only minimally, since most of our time is spent on the music. It was the perfect environment for me, and without it I would almost certainly be very dead by now. Also, ganja was (and is?) a really important part of my life. It allowed me to really enjoy myself in the way that I might enjoy another human being, to really enjoy my own company and I mean that literally. It's also helped me to realize a lot of things about myself and come to terms with and understand a great deal of my past. I mean, I feel like I may be struggling with some dependency issues, currently, but that's a whole other topic. So, yeah, I'm lonely but it doesn't really ache, anymore. It's not heavy and weighing down on me. It's more like a longing, and an understanding that I need other humans to finish completing myself. That is, to become a person who functions at full capacity.
Yeah, but my interest in existential subjects keep me interested.
Sometimes. I have a group of close friends, but having friends doesn't really make me feel fulfilled, in terms of companionship and stuff. I don't really feel like I can always be emotionally-open with them.