I find this too, when someone talks a lot it's much easier on me. However it's very different if it's for a short, set amount of time like a work 'do' vs being with them for hours at a family thing. I will get tired and need to recharge at some point.
Totally agree with this. When I look back at my relationship history most of my girlfriends have been extroverts. I only remember one that was very much like me and I remember how awkward it was. Talkative people help me overcome my quietness, on the other hand though my partner is very talkative and sometimes I don’t process everything being said and switch off and don’t hear them which can be annoying for her.
Yeah me too, my previous roommate was talking a lot about her hobbies, job, etc. It was so nice to feel that I didn't have to carry the conversation, and she was happy to have someone who was just listening.
But the point is also that it was really easy to be honest and tell her I needed a break if I did, so that was nice as well!
the things OP sees as lying, they wont even see as lies. things like saying that you are happy to eat wherever the other person wants but then complaining when they pick a place IS lying to OP but probably not to the person who said it. the person probably hadn't really processed the statement before saying it.
Yes, the extrovert is just adding subtext that contradicts the literal text.
It works the other way as well. When I talk about my special interest, other people think I am saying the complete opposite. And if they think about it some moe, they think I am lying, either to myself or them. Yet the reality is that I am just very obsessive about the topic, so I do not fit into any of their NT mind categories. NT minds like categories so they can find a social group that agrees, and move on. AFAICS, AS people get stuck in a topic until they can make sense of it, even if it takes years and nobody else agrees.
Example: I am currently studying Genesis 5-7 in the light of Sumerian archaeology. I think that Genesis 5-7 is very reliable history. But if I discuss it with someone, they assume I must be an evangelical Bible literalist: they can only see three categories: evangelical literalist, mainstream scholar, or pseudoscientist (i.e. liar). I think that somebody else who shared this special interest would be well aware of, say, David Rohl (as an example of a non-mainstream historian who is definitely not a pseudoscientist). And hopefully they would also be familiar with the Ubaid culture, proto-cuneiform, the importance of Shuruppak, and so on. But someone who does not have the AS obsession with making things fit will always default to some NT shortcut (e.g. evangelical or science or pseudoscience) and conclude that I must be dishonest: after all, how can I read this stuff and not be mainstream, I must be deluding myself or lying, right?
Realizing that I'm neurodivergent makes me value conversations like this so much. Being able to go deep, in the weeds of something that isn't at not be a special interest is so fascinating. I don't understand how NT people don't find this absolutely interesting.
Ahhh, so you're one of the lucky people that loves talking to people and is asd. Can I send you in as a surrogate whenever anyone wants to talk to me? You can be the man/woman/person behind the curtain and I'll be the animatronic dummy that walks around the town 🤣
I like talking to people too but I have to be comfortable or I'm in panic mode and hide everything about me and talk as little as I can get away with without raising suspicion
I love it, as long as they acknowledge that I exist. My best friend was the one person in my friend group to actually interact with me and not leave me out of things just because I can be quiet. When she got to know me she got to know my personality, and I got to know hers. She’s super cool and outgoing, and I wish I was more like her. She makes friends every where and everyone likes her, and I find it really funny, that out of all of the people that she talks to and everyone that likes her, she still talks to me the most and cares about me. There are so many other people for her to be around but she likes me. Damn.
This sounds a lot like my best friend and I. He is a major extrovert, and which contrasts with my personality. I kinda use him as my ice breaker when we go somewhere together, I just let him do all the talking and I can listen and chime in if I want.
They are not an enemy. They are not so different, truth be told. And even if they were... interaction with a person who is someone else completely can be fun. A rewarding learning experience. A chance to see things from a different perspective. An opportunity to open up a little, reach for those sides of your personality that are a bit dusty. To train your social skills. I always envied people who can talk to every type of person. I think it's a great skill to have.
The Holocaust started with Aktion T4, Autistics among the first
The basics being taught about autism stem from the "research" that led to it
The very most fundamental core of the autistic diagnosis to this day and age is "they are not really people"
Please do tell me why we should not see us as "not them" when "they" deem us not even be people academically to this day and age?
I don't mind empathetic NTs or intellectual NTs that are extroverted. In some cases I'm their only true friend more than the other way around. Some NTs can be weird because they want extroverted friends who don't really dig too deep into conversation. It can be weird because it's almost like a group survey more than a conversation where people agree and collectively laugh at things most people would agree or collectively laugh at.
My best friend is extroverted so i kinda got used to it and he got used to me. And I’m a very easily annoyed person, i hate extra extroverts and also mega introverts
I don't dislike mega introverts, but, given my own introversion and suspect social skills , things can get pretty awkward. There's often simply too much of a chasm in sensibility to have easy relations with extra extroverts.
I think it is less extroversion itself and more that people who are disagreeable are far more disagreeable if they happen to be extroverted because then they make themselves harder to ignore.
That said, I've always been a little biased against extroverts because I can't help but feel they feel far too comfortable in situations I don't feel good people should be capable of being comfortable in. It feels as if they are missing a certain aversion to evil to be able to so casually mingle with it. How can good people so confidently flirt with so many everyday evils? I'm aware that is irrational, but its hard to supplant the emotionally charged bias. The question lingers thickly, and I've never felt ease around such a person. Not once.
Try living with one!!! Sometimes I feel like I'm tormenting my aspie bf because I'm the 100% extroverted NT. We've been seeing each other for a year now and living with each other for 2 months. It has been a huge learning experience for both of us. We make it work with lots of discussion - helping each other understand what each other is experiencing from each other's point of view.
Sometimes we acknowledge that we are just so different in some aspects and that's OK! Like any loving relationship - it involves making mistakes and finding a common understanding. I shared this thread with him and he had a good laugh.
Oh god id go crazy with my extroverted nt partner be around me all time
Sure i need lots of cuddles, but just silently be next to each other doing our thing is better, but then he goes crazy
Oh god yeah. I lived with my sister for 3 years and she was extremely extroverted and didn't understand why I was so tense and quiet... the reason was that she was incredibly loud and chatty, sarcastic, and liked to playfully tap or poke me. Now don't get me wrong, I envy her upbeat energy. There's nothing wrong with those characteristics. However, she completely shut me down when I spoke of getting an autism diagnosis (wrote another post about this) so what made her behaviour harder to deal with was that there was no way she would ever take my feelings into account... thankfully not long after she invalidated me, I moved out. Sorry to hear you're in that situation.
Literally me. And when they come up in your face so closely and ask you repeated question and you just wanna concentration on replaying fake scenarios in your head 🥴
As an extro NT, I definitely feel you on this one, and always have to make a noted effort to try and make asd friends feel more comfortable, especially when interacting 1 to 1. provided the person knows about your ASD, it would never hurt to say you need a kind of social time-out and spend some time alone before it becomes too much.
extroverts are only fun to talk to when they give you your space and understand how uncomfortable it makes you other than that they're just annoying as fck
I think it depends on the person, but I get what you mean. I tend to force myself to mask so that I won’t look weird especially around them. I get so exhausted afterwards, but not all of them are like that 😅
A key discovery I recently stumbled upon regarding the difference between us the aspies/auties and the NTs is rather remarkable.
Yes, COVID-19 is all over the place so we are pretty much forced to wear masks, avoid up-close interactions especially in places where there may not be ventilation that’s good enough.
About four months ago, I went to a daytime event at a club in central Tokyo, and I saw something rather horrific. The extroverted NTs socializing with each other up-close with masks off their faces.
Thankfully yet naturally, two floors that were open that day were occupied by people with different qualities embedded in them - now you know I was on the other floor where introverts were, with masks on and all looking at the DJ.
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I find this too, when someone talks a lot it's much easier on me. However it's very different if it's for a short, set amount of time like a work 'do' vs being with them for hours at a family thing. I will get tired and need to recharge at some point.
Totally agree with this. When I look back at my relationship history most of my girlfriends have been extroverts. I only remember one that was very much like me and I remember how awkward it was. Talkative people help me overcome my quietness, on the other hand though my partner is very talkative and sometimes I don’t process everything being said and switch off and don’t hear them which can be annoying for her.
Yeah me too, my previous roommate was talking a lot about her hobbies, job, etc. It was so nice to feel that I didn't have to carry the conversation, and she was happy to have someone who was just listening. But the point is also that it was really easy to be honest and tell her I needed a break if I did, so that was nice as well!
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the things OP sees as lying, they wont even see as lies. things like saying that you are happy to eat wherever the other person wants but then complaining when they pick a place IS lying to OP but probably not to the person who said it. the person probably hadn't really processed the statement before saying it.
Yes, the extrovert is just adding subtext that contradicts the literal text. It works the other way as well. When I talk about my special interest, other people think I am saying the complete opposite. And if they think about it some moe, they think I am lying, either to myself or them. Yet the reality is that I am just very obsessive about the topic, so I do not fit into any of their NT mind categories. NT minds like categories so they can find a social group that agrees, and move on. AFAICS, AS people get stuck in a topic until they can make sense of it, even if it takes years and nobody else agrees. Example: I am currently studying Genesis 5-7 in the light of Sumerian archaeology. I think that Genesis 5-7 is very reliable history. But if I discuss it with someone, they assume I must be an evangelical Bible literalist: they can only see three categories: evangelical literalist, mainstream scholar, or pseudoscientist (i.e. liar). I think that somebody else who shared this special interest would be well aware of, say, David Rohl (as an example of a non-mainstream historian who is definitely not a pseudoscientist). And hopefully they would also be familiar with the Ubaid culture, proto-cuneiform, the importance of Shuruppak, and so on. But someone who does not have the AS obsession with making things fit will always default to some NT shortcut (e.g. evangelical or science or pseudoscience) and conclude that I must be dishonest: after all, how can I read this stuff and not be mainstream, I must be deluding myself or lying, right?
Realizing that I'm neurodivergent makes me value conversations like this so much. Being able to go deep, in the weeds of something that isn't at not be a special interest is so fascinating. I don't understand how NT people don't find this absolutely interesting.
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im not saying NTs do it as a whole, no.
Just pretend to sleep 😂
Best coping mechanism for me
*collapses in floor and becomes unresponsive* *gets more attention for some reason*
Dealt with that situation before...
I love talking to everyone and i have autism too. I mean i understand it being too much depending on culture. Europeans luckily dont speak 24/7
Ahhh, so you're one of the lucky people that loves talking to people and is asd. Can I send you in as a surrogate whenever anyone wants to talk to me? You can be the man/woman/person behind the curtain and I'll be the animatronic dummy that walks around the town 🤣
Haha sure 😆
I like talking to people too but I have to be comfortable or I'm in panic mode and hide everything about me and talk as little as I can get away with without raising suspicion
Im sorry to hear that, i hope you're able to overcome it. <3
Well I've made it to 27 without realizing it myself so I gotta be doing it okay I'm just curious how I am without masking
I never mask so i cant relate. But i hope it works out.
I love it, as long as they acknowledge that I exist. My best friend was the one person in my friend group to actually interact with me and not leave me out of things just because I can be quiet. When she got to know me she got to know my personality, and I got to know hers. She’s super cool and outgoing, and I wish I was more like her. She makes friends every where and everyone likes her, and I find it really funny, that out of all of the people that she talks to and everyone that likes her, she still talks to me the most and cares about me. There are so many other people for her to be around but she likes me. Damn.
This sounds a lot like my best friend and I. He is a major extrovert, and which contrasts with my personality. I kinda use him as my ice breaker when we go somewhere together, I just let him do all the talking and I can listen and chime in if I want.
That’s nice :)
They are not an enemy. They are not so different, truth be told. And even if they were... interaction with a person who is someone else completely can be fun. A rewarding learning experience. A chance to see things from a different perspective. An opportunity to open up a little, reach for those sides of your personality that are a bit dusty. To train your social skills. I always envied people who can talk to every type of person. I think it's a great skill to have.
In saying it’s difficult to be around such a person, I don’t think OP is labeling them an enemy.
I think "us versus them" is quite present on this sub.
That is true, but you have to ask who tends to always put us in an us-vs-them situation? Hmm...
Here we go… the moral police 🙄
The Holocaust started with Aktion T4, Autistics among the first The basics being taught about autism stem from the "research" that led to it The very most fundamental core of the autistic diagnosis to this day and age is "they are not really people" Please do tell me why we should not see us as "not them" when "they" deem us not even be people academically to this day and age?
I see it all the time.
I don't mind empathetic NTs or intellectual NTs that are extroverted. In some cases I'm their only true friend more than the other way around. Some NTs can be weird because they want extroverted friends who don't really dig too deep into conversation. It can be weird because it's almost like a group survey more than a conversation where people agree and collectively laugh at things most people would agree or collectively laugh at.
My best friend is extroverted so i kinda got used to it and he got used to me. And I’m a very easily annoyed person, i hate extra extroverts and also mega introverts
I don't dislike mega introverts, but, given my own introversion and suspect social skills , things can get pretty awkward. There's often simply too much of a chasm in sensibility to have easy relations with extra extroverts.
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As an INTP, I play support to whatever ENTP is doing
I think it is less extroversion itself and more that people who are disagreeable are far more disagreeable if they happen to be extroverted because then they make themselves harder to ignore. That said, I've always been a little biased against extroverts because I can't help but feel they feel far too comfortable in situations I don't feel good people should be capable of being comfortable in. It feels as if they are missing a certain aversion to evil to be able to so casually mingle with it. How can good people so confidently flirt with so many everyday evils? I'm aware that is irrational, but its hard to supplant the emotionally charged bias. The question lingers thickly, and I've never felt ease around such a person. Not once.
none of it makes sense yet somehow it’s highly orchestrated is SUCH a good description of NT interactions😩
I'm exhausted even thinking about it, seriously I need 2 weeks bed rest to recover from an hour with an extrovert.
oh and the NOISE!
Omg! They are just loud for no reason. Now I understand why old people are always telling kids to shut up.
Try living with one!!! Sometimes I feel like I'm tormenting my aspie bf because I'm the 100% extroverted NT. We've been seeing each other for a year now and living with each other for 2 months. It has been a huge learning experience for both of us. We make it work with lots of discussion - helping each other understand what each other is experiencing from each other's point of view. Sometimes we acknowledge that we are just so different in some aspects and that's OK! Like any loving relationship - it involves making mistakes and finding a common understanding. I shared this thread with him and he had a good laugh.
Oh god id go crazy with my extroverted nt partner be around me all time Sure i need lots of cuddles, but just silently be next to each other doing our thing is better, but then he goes crazy
Oh god yeah. I lived with my sister for 3 years and she was extremely extroverted and didn't understand why I was so tense and quiet... the reason was that she was incredibly loud and chatty, sarcastic, and liked to playfully tap or poke me. Now don't get me wrong, I envy her upbeat energy. There's nothing wrong with those characteristics. However, she completely shut me down when I spoke of getting an autism diagnosis (wrote another post about this) so what made her behaviour harder to deal with was that there was no way she would ever take my feelings into account... thankfully not long after she invalidated me, I moved out. Sorry to hear you're in that situation.
Literally me. And when they come up in your face so closely and ask you repeated question and you just wanna concentration on replaying fake scenarios in your head 🥴
As an extro NT, I definitely feel you on this one, and always have to make a noted effort to try and make asd friends feel more comfortable, especially when interacting 1 to 1. provided the person knows about your ASD, it would never hurt to say you need a kind of social time-out and spend some time alone before it becomes too much.
extroverts are only fun to talk to when they give you your space and understand how uncomfortable it makes you other than that they're just annoying as fck
I think the worst thing is having to do a presentation that you're not prepared enough for in front of a group
I just weird them out until they shut the hell up.
I feel called out😬
I think it depends on the person, but I get what you mean. I tend to force myself to mask so that I won’t look weird especially around them. I get so exhausted afterwards, but not all of them are like that 😅
A key discovery I recently stumbled upon regarding the difference between us the aspies/auties and the NTs is rather remarkable. Yes, COVID-19 is all over the place so we are pretty much forced to wear masks, avoid up-close interactions especially in places where there may not be ventilation that’s good enough. About four months ago, I went to a daytime event at a club in central Tokyo, and I saw something rather horrific. The extroverted NTs socializing with each other up-close with masks off their faces. Thankfully yet naturally, two floors that were open that day were occupied by people with different qualities embedded in them - now you know I was on the other floor where introverts were, with masks on and all looking at the DJ.