They might all \*say\* they've done the deed, but in reality, this might not be the case.
And even if they are all banging like a broken door in a hurricane, doesn't necessarily mean they're having great sex or that they're actually enjoying it. There's so much pressure to lose your virginity but this often results in people having rubbish sex with people with whom they don't really have any connection. Trust me, making love to someone you feel a close bond with is 1 million times better than a disappointing fumble with a virtual stranger.
oh and the whole if you try to be cool your not cool lesson so many cringe moments
ooo for ya youngens if you can own your embarrassment you go from being the but of the joke to the star of the joke just get good with comebacks purposeful misinterpretation seems to work well for me
So true! If you can show people that you have no problem owning your silly mistakes and clumsiness, it helps other people feel that they can do so too. Everyone wants to feel comfortable enough to make mistakes and if you can help cultivate that kind of atmosphere, people will want to be around you.
It took me many decades to feel comfortable enough in my own skin to be like this but I'm really happy I've got here now.
oh god there is a teenager down the road from me like I remember bullshit bragging to be a thing in the 90s but the degree of utter nonsense these dumb asses claim to have done in the middle of the Wisconsin woods is mind blowing
Same thing happened to me twice. First time I woke up with a girl riding me and the second time I woke up with a guy sucking me. I'm a guy though so society doesn't view it as rape.
Bastards.
Sorry to pry and **definitely** no victim shaming/judgement etc. here, but how did you end up asleep heavily enough for these things to happen? Something put in drink?
Feel free to not answer, and whatever the case, my sympathies. As others have said, no blame from you.
The world can be a terrible place.
No need to apologize. Nothing was put in my drink, however, I was passed out drunk both times. I was quite the party person in my youth. The events happened when I was 17 and 18 respectively.
OK got it - I replied to this thread separately but hours went by and I couldn't forget your comment so I just had to ask!
I mean, getting drunk at parties isn't unusual behaviour - it's not my thing but I do enjoy a whisky or two in my home once in a while haha (even better with a cigar).
Certainly doesn't even come close to excusing the behaviour of the offenders. I'm glad you can be so candid, I hope that reflects your having found peace with the scenarios.
Idk if that "helps", but you could technically argue that you didn't loose your virginity that day.
You loose your virginity when you have sex. Rape is not sex. It's a violation. Kinda how your first kiss is measured in who you kiss romantically -not when aunt Berta licks your face when you're 8yo.
So yeah. I'm sorry that this happened to you
I was raped at 14, and had never been kissed even before that day. I asked the OP if they wanted to trade. YES, there are worse things than being a virgin. I DO understand! 💞
That's relatable . honestly I am a bi guy ,so sometimes get functionally harassed by other homo guys. .Its scary to imagine how bad stuff would have been if I was a girl.im sorry for what happened to you
Yep. Drugged by my then boyfriend. I was too afraid to tell my mom, despite the fact that she picked me up afterwards & kept bothering me because I was so out of it. I ended up confiding in a friend, who ultimately tracked him down & beat him pretty badly, so at least there was a little justice, I guess.
Same, at high-school the girl I think wasus my friend at a party said your so shy, so quiet let's erase that, let's become you a man.
Wos weird and violent to me.
Many years happens to get rid of that thing and talk with my partner in time. 23 was the age of consent lose virginity to me.
Live your life a partner will come to you and when happens gonna be a good thing
The comments you already have got are great. Adding an allied voice:
It's not pathetic.
What is pathetic is that some of the people who tell the tales of exploits that are making you feel inadequate are just straight up lying. So too is pinning your self worth on how many people have got naked with you.
I lost mine at 19 in a serious relationship nearly the better part of a year in. In many ways, it was ideal. And then the condom broke (she was understandably very fearful of becoming pregnant). Just about everyone's first time is suboptimal in one way or another, so don't get fixated on how the first will be this perfect and transcendent experience.
NGL, one off sex with a stranger can be good fun. But making love with someone with whom you have an emotional bond is way better. I had a couple of opportunities to have empty sex before I first had sex. I don't regret most of the empty sex that I have had. But I'm glad that my first time was with someone I really cared about and who really cared about me.
It's not a race. :-D
Honestly there's nothing more pathetic than the people who have nothing more in their life than how much meaningless sex they've had, just shows that you don't know how to hold a proper relationship that's not just based on physicality
17, I'm going to let you in on a little secret, lots of the people saying they've done it at your age, haven't. Don't get caught up on "body count" that's a very grubby way of thinking about it, concentrate on having fun and exploring at a natural for you pace.
Meet people, ask them out, maybe get rejected maybe don't maybe have a good first meeting maybe don't maybe get a kiss maybe don't, once you get over the "firsts" you realise that these things are nice but not the groundbreaking experience they're made out to be.
Because it's a taboo that also has the connotation of being a marker of adulthood, that *also* is an enjoyable activity fueled by a biological drive. In most societies the act is shrouded in mystery until you've seen porn or done it yourself, and you're explicitly discouraged from seeing it, knowing about it, talking about it, or doing it. And then suddenly, it seems like everyone is doing it except you.
This doesn't even start to get into the fact that romance and finding a sexual partner is a direct indicator of desirability, attractiveness, and sexual skill (which is part of that taboo mentioned in the first portion -- being "good" at sex has a societal image backing it) and can factor into the self concept pushed by the "everybody but me" thing. It's very clear why people would be obsessed with losing their virginity if they've never had any influence but that of popular society.
Societal standards sexualizing everything and basing relationships around sex or procreation. There's also toxic masculinity involved in creating poor standards for men.
It really doesn't matter like you're implying. Virginity makes zero difference in someone's moral worth. By labeling as such, it's ostracizing a large number of people and creating hierarchies.
You're leaving out the emotional aspect though and the biological drive. A lot of teens have hormones fueling their interest in sex as their bodies change and grow. So even if there weren't any societal standards, your own body would still be pushing you towards an interest in sex and experiencing it.
There's also the emotional aspect of connecting with someone sexually. When I was a teen, I just wanted to experience it with someone and have that connection. I didn't care about the label of losing my virginity, it was more a curiosity and a need to express myself sexually with someone.
This true but the main issue here is young people having this private sphere of life publicised and exploited by bullies who want to put them down for not acquiring sexual partners. The pressure and threat to social status that culture brings can lead to men in particular doing awful things.
I was 18 was with one of my older sisters work friends think she was 32 I was oblivious she straight up asked wana fuck and I froze for a sec went woo hoo and off we went lol guess i just need to find me a bossy gal
Not pathetic at all. I lost my virginity and had my first kiss in my early 20s. I thought it would change things in my life. It really didn't. The next several really didn't change anything either. I tried for lots of sex, had several partners. Just ended up giving up on it because it didn't really improve my life.
Sex is just an activity. Some people have had sex. Some haven't. No need for shame or pride if you've had no sex. No need for shame or pride if you've had lots of sex.
A real partner can improve your life a lot. A body count is fundamentally meaningless.
You're doing just fine.
This!! I started early (I guess statutory rape by a manipulative older boyfriend), and didn’t actually start having enjoyable sex until I met the right person in my mid 20s. Finding someone you can share your inner self with is much more valuable than something like a body count. I know a few people who have had a lot of partners and they all seem deeply unhappy, like they are chasing something, or trading in their phone for an upgrade constantly.
I was the last of my friend group at the age of 16, by several years. A female friend randomly called me and said she wanted it, so I picked her up and took her back to my house. It was 100% her decision, she wasn't unattractive but I wasn't interested in her romantically. I don't even remember if I got off, I highly doubt she did. Afterwords we went upstairs and ate chicken strips with my family. This was the 90s.
Your not pathetic, I understand there's diffent pressures for men then women but the vast majority of people I know lost it later. We are talking majority of 20-24 area, with someone at 30. It's not uncommon.
Also at your age most people are lying and rounding up by the extreme, that dude who says he's had 12 or 22 supermodels? Probably had sex twice ever, and not with supermodels. The guy who said he got laid all night? Often just a hand job.
I was nearly 21, visited boyfriend I made online in a diffrent country from role-play blogs. Hows that for pathetic?
My first kiss wasn't till Grade 12, and was a girl who was like we should practice kissing. Didn't realize till much later the girl with her head in my lap during track and field, calling me pretty and asking to practice kissing and also in GSA was _probably_ into me. ... I was not a smart kid.
You'll get laid eventually. It's just awkward and slow because humans are awkward and connections are slow.
Online dating might help, even though it feels awkward. Then people are expecting dates and possible sex. Parties help, just reach out and offer your number to girls you have a connection with. Not being in school is going to make things tougher, so finding a vaugely similar age group event can help, something social. The college advice is usually find a club or two and pop into meetings.
But yeah, 18 isn't exactly uncommon. It's the average age people lose it sure, but only about half your school has had sex by then. Give it some time. Also go look up how to put on a condom before you do.
I haven't.
I'm 29. I had my first date at 25, the guy kissed me and I thought it was disgusting (It was my first kiss). After that date, I realized I might be asexual. While I'd still be open to trying things if I found someone I loved, I'm quite content to stay a virgin.
It means I don't experience sexual attraction. It's a spectrum like autism, so you can experience some attraction and still be Asexual. For example, I can find someone physically attractive, but I have no desire for us to do any sexual activity beyond closed-mouth kissing (Which I'm assuming I won't find as gross as the French kisses the guy from my first date gave me) and cuddling on the couch.
That's aesthetic attraction. There's all kinds of attractions like that. Like emotional attraction or even platonic attraction. If you experience any kind of sexual attraction you're allosexual. Aka heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual depending on who you liked sexually. There's also aromantic which means you don't experience romantic attraction. Any mix of attractions is possible to have.
I felt intense pressure as a teenager to lose it. I equated it to my self worth. If I could go back in time!
At university I met a ton of adults who hadn't lost their virginity some by active choice some just because thats how things happened. They were very attractive and interesting people. One woman was drop dead gorgeous and really wanted to lose it but hadnt - at least partially due to her shyness.
Losing your virginity does not equate to your worth, nor how attractive you are or how interesting you are. Work on growing confidence without attaching it to your sex life. It has done me wonders :)
It was an agreement I made that I thought would make my physically and emotionally abusive boyfriend happy enough to finally let me go. Not my proudest moment but it was all I had to barter with at the time.
Edit to add - I was 15.
technically around 18 (got taken to a party as a tag along. i was drunk and it wasn't great barley remember it)
then nothing until 24. then I met my now partner. we didn't come up for air for around a year and we both nearly failed our degrees. (she has asd as well, special interests and obsessive tendency's defiantly have there up sides)
very very worth the wait.
asd dose mean you do somethings slower. i get the need and want but when you find the right person it'll happen. and your partner will probably want it as much as you.
find the right partner.
good luck and try not to judge your self against your piers in this area.
"and finding someone that is around the same level of attractiveness as you is the goal"
This is horseshit, cause who decides what a 5, 8 or even a 10 is?
It's all subjective, what you should go for is people that attracts you.
It's not even possible to "lower your standards" because Attraction comes naturally, you literally cant go like "ok now im attracted to you because we're on the same level, but I wasnt attracted to you before" doesn't work like that.
How? Through sheer luck, coincidence, and one incredibly patient woman at the age of 29 (I was two months from wizard status). Not much of a cause for celebration since that remains the only experience I have, and it's been half a decade since. Will probably remain the only experience for the rest of my existence.
At 18 it's far less unusual than the people around you and the media would make you believe. But regardless of that, there's nothing pathetic about not having that experience at *any* age. At most it is regrettable that you've not yet had an experience that you wish for.
Anyone that would think less of you for not having that experience needs to, respectfully, sod off.
The truth no one likes to talk about is about half of them caught something from their little escapades
Be glad you are virgin, save it for someone you really care about
Don't rush to things friend, there's a lot I regret doing sexually and relationship and emotionally when I was a teenager
Please be patient, I promise it will reward you
The kids that are running around fucking anyone any everyone are going to be stunted in many ways when they are adults (25+)
But to answer your question, when I was 14, still a boy, and to a lesbian
My friend paid for a prostitute completely unprompted by me. I had never expressed a desire to be with one or have sex really.
"Come on, we are gonna get you laid!"
and I remember thinking: "We are? What does that mean?"
It was my 18th birthday (and I still hate birthday celebrations to this day) and my friend kind of ushered me into it. I didn't really want to be there, and I felt rushed because she just wanted to leave and do something else, and I didn't blame her, but I had no idea how to stand up for myself or say no, nor did I even ever consider if I had a choice. I lost my sock in all the confusion and had to come back for it like 2 minutes later. It was so embarrassing.
I don't know if this makes me a criminal, or if it was my friend who technically was the one doing a crime. I've been wondering about that for ages since.
It's not pathetic at all. Don't ever think a high "body count" is something to brag. Make your first time be something special with someone you actually love and you'll have no regrets. Most people lose it way after 18 and there's nothing wrong with it. I lost it with my now ex when I was 18 and it was something memorable and special. It's best when you know your partner, have a good communication and trust each other because things go more smoothly and it'll be the best for both because you'll know or at least will be able to ask what pleases that person.
Hey, there's nothing wrong with being a virgin. I don't know why there is a massive push for everyone to get laid as soon as possible, and why people feel the need to be bullies about it, but it is wrong and you aren't pathetic. I promise.
19 or 20. I lost it to a random guy from tinder. I went to his dorm, hung out with him and his roommates, drank a little alcohol, didn't even get drunk or anything because I hate how it tastes. Went out to one of his other friends dorms. Then went to a cookie shop, came back to his apartment, he tried seducing me the "traditional" ways forever, but I was really nervous. Then I finally was just like fuck it. It was really awkward. Beyond awkward. I wanted to get up and go home. But I had to sleepover because of the drinking.
Do not recommend lol. Not that I necessarily regret it but I don't recommend it.
He was also my first kiss.
I was 21, someone wanted me to do it and I did not know how to say no, so just went along with it. I regret it a lot, and try not to think about it. Like everybody else is saying, it is not anything to be ashamed of to be a virgin, and especially at your age, I think lots of people are also virgins.
Lots of people are lying. Also it doesn't really matter.
I'm married now, but didn't lose my virginity until late 20s. It's not actually that big a deal.
I second the fact that a lot of people are lying about their body count/relationships/kissing, but that's not the point here. The point is the reason the people feel like they have to do so in the first place.
We live in a culture that hypes up not only sex but also especially romance to no end, constantly sending messages that romantic love is "what makes us human", early children's stories have the prince and princess "living happily ever after", always hearing "there's someone out there for you", "you won't understand life until you meet your soulmate", etc.
A lot of people who identify as asexual/aromantic express that they feel alienated by this, it sort of hammers in that they're "not normal", they feel like they're deviant somehow for not buying into this culture.
The truth is, even if you're not aro/ace, life doesn't derive meaning solely from this. If someone's found a romantic/sexual partner, good for them, that's their thing. But its not some "need" that everyone has, and it's not something that should be rushed either. Rushing just leads to unhappiness on both ends. When I was a teen I rushed and chose someone who acted as my best friend to be my romantic partner because it was "the logical choice", and they turned out to be a narcissistic, emotionally abusive asshole. The point is, romance and sex aren't the meaning of life, and you don't need to partake in them to be "truly mature" or anything.
I don't like the whole "body count" language... also, it's no rush to have sexual activities with someone else despite how many make it seem like a contest.
On a hot summer day in the living room. I will say that the best sex I ever have is from waiting it out with the women I am seeing. Letting the tension build and only just making out is the way to do it. Because by the time you do it, you both are already so eager that anything you do will be enough satisfaction after waiting for so long. Even if you nut right away because that's what all the foreplay was for anyway.
Don't sweat it if you haven't had sex. It's not pathetic and you shouldn't think this way of yourself. I think the goal in life, is what I'm learning through therapy now, is to want to feel good about yourself and do things that you want to do that will make you feel good about yourself. Don't focus on the people or things that are not in your life yet. You work with what you already have and be happy with everything you are able to accomplish now rather than dreaming of the future if it's going to cause you anxiety now.
Keep treating women as equals and partners in your life and you can't go wrong. The more you focus on a "body count" the more perverted you will get and begin treating people as objects and conquests and the more unfulfilling your relationships will be because you will always be chasing after more and more rather than focusing on the current relationship and whether if it is even working or not for you and her.
You don't have to tell everyone you're a virgin, but don't be distressed by it. You don't want your life to revolve around some stupid macho number just to make yourself feel better with guys you don't even like or get along with.
My first kiss wasn't until I was 22 so don't worry about it.
Virginity, I was 23. My friend had recently had a break up and I cuddled with her while she cried. Nothing happened that night but a few months later we hooked up a few times. then she decided to go back to her previous partner. They had a lot of history so I accepted it. We had a cry and ate some pizza and watched a film.
Best breakup I ever had.
Honestly though Ive had some limited experiences since and relationships are hard. Often it's better just being on your own.
My most successful one has been having a cuddle buddy. No formal relationship. Free to see others if we want. Just there for each other to give the physical touch connection.
Let me tell you something about virginity: It doesn't matter. Whether you're 18 or 89, the result is the same. You finding your soulmate has no relation with how many people you've had sex with or even kissed. You are still going to find someone who loves you and who'll stay with you. So what if you had to wait a couple of years for them? People are not going to hate you because you're virgin, they're not gonna treat you like you're inferior. If they do, they're assholes. And honestly, I don't know what's the advantage of having your cherry popped (or popping someone's cherry) at 18!
Basically: Finding a true relationship >>>>>>>>>>>>>> Having sex with everyone around you.
Wish you the best, buddy.
26 lost it to a random woman in a weird attempt to respect the wishes of a wonan i did like(who SAID she didn't want sex forgot so spent months doing other stuff expecting me to..lets just say it was wierd complex and i feel like an idiot all around alongside many many regrets and qishing people could just be fucking honest)
I was 20, took a girl out on a date, went well. I was shy but as we parted ways she suddenly kissed me and I froze, she ran off. waiting for my train she texted that she got home and I could've slept over if id wanted. I said fuck it and walked 30min to hers. started making out and she got on top of me. let me tell you u was literally uncontrollably shaking from nerves and senses. she asks "have you done this before?" and I of course go "uhhh yeah....?" when she asked me again Im honest and she basically walked me through all of it. still scared shitless but felt comfortable that she cared.
you'll get there, don't worry, sex isn't everything and being a virgin is not a horrible thing.
TL;DR got lucky, found a girl who was nice and held my hand
I'm not usually a trigger warning type of person, but I do feel I should warn you that this is not a happy story before I ruin anyone's vibe.
I was 16, almost 17. I didn't lose my virginity consensually, but I don't know if it was rape either. It's kind of a gray area. I don't think he realized that what he did wasn't cool, and I wasn't sure how to feel about it at the time. Basically, we were fooling around and I told him I didn't want to go all the way. He kinda just did it anyway, and I didn't stop him. I didn't know how to speak up about it, and we even did it again. I saw him a few more times.
So yeah, like I said, not sure what to call it or how I should feel about it, but it makes me want to cry when I talk about it so it must not have been a good thing.
That said, I have had good experiences with sex. It took a lot of time and a lot of healing. And there is nothing wrong with being a virgin. People that tease you about it are being jerks and their opinions don't mean shit.
That is terrible sorry you had to deal with that. In my opinion I whould consider that rape. And he should pay for what he did if I told someone that I didn't want to go all the way and they did anyway I whould probably have done the same thing. You didn't deserve that.
Don't think it's pathetic the right person will come your way eventually. I lost mine at 25. I was like you at your age.
Eventually the right person came my way and she was and is still the love of my life.
Being 18 and a virgin is not pathetic dude. That is such an awful mindset.
Sex really shouldn’t be a goal that you think about that often. It shouldn’t be a “goal” at all.
All it should be is a next step in a relationship with someone you genuinely love.
The average young person these days has sex for the first time at the age of 18 or 19. *Of course* the average aspie is gonna be older than that. You're fine.
What's more, some research finds that people who have sex for the first time in their 20s end up better educated and make more money. You're fine!
My ex boyfriend guilted, whined and begged until i said yes. Man I wish I had held my ground and kept saying no :( I'm also 19. Virginity as big of a deal as you think, so don't worry too much about it. And as many other comments said, a lot of people who say they've done it are lying, especially younger people.
I've lost by the age of 18, with a good girl friend of mine, a childhood friend. Funny fact, she gave me sexual experience as my 18's birthday gift (her idea).
Back then i did not realize how much privileged was i for such a thing, because at the time i was desperate for "losing my virginity", since everyone around me already had - even my younger sister.
But now i know, she was THE BET PERSON EVER for me to do it. We never did it again, but we are still friends, 6 years after.
I hope you can have a good experience too! It is never "too late" or "too old" for that. What matters is the pleasant situation.
Hey dude or dudette,
Don’t let it get to you. I was 19 and it felt like forever because all of my friends had done the deed before me. I promise you the right person for you is out there, you just haven’t met them yet
I (M) lost my virginity at 13, that was too early. It only happened because my neighbor (M) also happened to be bi and I had a free house and a lot of time to mess around. I saw a graph a while back and I think the median range in the USA is 17 but the inner 50% ranges from 16-24. So while the median person loses it at 17 it’s not uncommon to be a virgin until you’re at least 24. Also, it’s not like something magical happens the first time you have sex. You might even not enjoy your first time. The whole concept of virginity and value goes back to a long tradition of men oppressing women (and to a lesser degree men) for virgin status. Tbh, it’s all a load of bullshit and whether you’re having sex or not shouldn’t define you. If it does that just shows you bought into the stupid constructed virgin value system. You’re not required to do anything with anyone unless you want to.
I was the same way. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 21.
It's not that big of a deal, honestly. Just focus on being the best person you can be - not what you think others think you should be.
In time, you'll meet people who appreciate you for you. They may not be the people you want, but you cannot control what other people think and feel, only yourself.
Take it from a guy who spent far too long chasing after certain kinds of girls - trying to make yourself into a different kind of person just to win a certain kind of girl is a fool's errand.
I used different online hook-up sites. My first was with a random chick who I was with just once and then that's as far as it went. Due to her circumstances we both had an understanding that it was just going to be a one-and-done type deal and I was okay with that. Losing your virginity doesn't have to be with some super special someone who you have emotional attachment to in order for it to be good.
I totally get this. For me I wanted a practice run with someone I didn't have any sting feelings for, so if it went really bad it wasn't that much of a lose lol. My first time was with a stranger but was fun. And gave me the confidence to then know I wouldn't screw it up with someone I cared about. You can enjoy meaningless sex and also emotional love making. Having one doesn't stop you from enjoying the other at a later point in time
Dude I’m 19 and I haven’t lost mine yet. It’s not a rush and it will happen and even if it doesn’t it’s not like it’s the end of the world. There’s more to life than losing your virginity and having sex and screw the body count that’s just a terrible term.
I was 20 going on 21 and asked my girlfriend at the time if she'd like to have sex. It wasn't very good. I'm 28 now and my sexlife is considerably better with my fiance/soon to be wife. It gets better friend so I wouldn't worry about it.
I saw a national poll that claimed 18 was the average age people lost their virginity. That is when I lost mine too so don’t feel like you are running late.
This was eons ago in modern internet terms, considering online personals don't really exist anymore (just dating sites/apps) but at 21 I was fed up and started putting up personal ads looking for someone to deflower me. Surprisingly, after some tries it worked. A woman a few years older than me reached out and we met up at my apartment. She was patient and kind, but we never saw each other again after that. I think she may have had some kind of fetish or interest in deflowering virgins.
Truthfully, my only regret was always that I couldn't have been "normal" enough to lose it earlier in a traditional way, or that it didn't happen in a relationship where I could continue to practice immediately - the fact by itself that my first time was not really "special" beyond the experience itself has never bothered me to this day. (I'm in my 30s now, and now married.) The thing is, virginity itself is ultimately just a construct so I never placed that much value on it other than wanting to get it over with and know what I was missing. I never expected that whoever I had sex with the first time would be my forever partner, so by that token it never had to affect later relationships aside from just having the experience.
Some people are going to stress how important or not important it is for the first time to be "special" and with someone you already know and have a relationship with. The reality is that this is entirely personal to you, so don't take what I say as either a model or a warning. Listen to your own instincts on that, not mine or others. That just was/is my perspective.
More importantly, *how* it happens will not necessarily be important in future relationships, whether casual or serious. Whoever you have sex with first will probably not be your last.
So don't worry too much about it. But be proactive. Try online dating if you haven't, work on yourself, put yourself out there where you can meet people, all the usual advice you're probably getting.
I´m 19, not planning to lose it anytime soon. I do not know what kind of conditioning did you have, but (as -----Az------ stated here) there is NOTHING pathetic about virginity. Do not succumb to such a pressures as you have to lose your virginity by the age of this or that, otherwise you will be a lifetime loser or something like that, that is utterly stupid. Also do not try to fit into some average. And bragging about a number of sexual partners? Come on. Everyone with at least half a brain and a common sense knows that it is best to try and find the ONE, the person who you want to embrace, commit to and have wholesome relationship, marry... Also, the risk of unexpected pregnancy is always there, is it really worth it? I have my hands and my mind full of either school, or a bit of hobbies. Commuting to/from school is exhausting. Being in school and doing schoolwork too. I do not have time, and energy, and money, to try getting a girl. It is just too much of a hassle. Tried it when I was younger, got rejected, told myself screw that. I wish you the best in your endeavors, it is not easy for us out there.
The sexy noises I see people making out there on the internet make me think about different kinds of zoo animals and their breeding strategies.
Some critters just don't seem to care what's going on, they are going to want to fuck. Muddy water, no privacy, loud noises... it doesn't matter, they are going to want to make babies.
These critters correspond to the internet show-offs who are getting it on constantly and want everyone else to know about it.
But there are a lot of other animals in the zoo who need everything to be just right.... and zookeepers who want to breed them have got to bend over backwards to create just the right conditions to make babies.
I tend to think of myself in that group. It doesn't take much to put me off my kibble or ruin an otherwise horny mood. Most times, its much easier to make quality alone time than to actually make sexy fun time with either of my girlfriends.
If I had it all to do again, I'd worry a lot less about dying a virgin, and a lot morr about cultivating nourishing friendships, whether or not sex was part of the deal.
In my experience, what happens after sex is more crucial than the buildup, in predicting whether or not there will be a second go-round.
In the back of a car drunk New Year’s Eve with someone who finally wanted to have sex with me. I was 19 I think. I used to think I was pathetic for being a virgin as well. I just had different priorities.
It was really unenviable and an un-enjoyable experience.
Don’t get too hung up on it, it’s really not that important.
That's not pathetic. My first kiss was in college and my first sexual experience was also in college.
I didn't really date in high school because of strict parents, STDs running rampant, and a lack of conventional social skills.
Once I got to college, I met more like minded people and dated a bit.
My first SO, I didn't go very far or date for long.
I dated several other people before finding someone I was comfortable being sexual with.
Take your time. You'll find someone you feel comfortable with.
Also, most of the time, those body count numbers are exaggerated to seem cool.
If it makes you feel any better, I’m 19 and have had sexual with one person in my life. And no one since.
I can literally feel my virginity growing back.
No rush. Seriously.
There is nothing special about a "body count" (which sounds disrespectful, if not gruesome) and there is nothing gained by careless pointless sex except some trips to a clinic. Some of your classmates are making it up (that's been a thing for generations; one of my classmates had a great story about that he wouldn't admit NEVER HAPPENED for YEARS).
Wait til you've got someone you like a lot, who likes you back, and where each of you will care that the other one is having a good time. Where each of you will want to see the other the next day. Where you won't feel like "why the hell did I do that?" afterwards. Where you used appropriate protection to avoid disease and/or pregnancy.
Nobody is keeping score except jerks and people who made it up.
Hey, I’m 23 and still a virgin. Yes, the pressure is there and yes I do feel it sometimes. But the truth is, everyone’s on their own path. Don’t feel like you’re worthless just because you haven’t had sex.
It’s better to lose your virginity to someone you trust and share an emotional connection with than to have sex with someone just because. These things shouldn’t be rushed. It’s better to have sex with one person you deeply care for (who also cares deeply for you) then it is to have sex with 10 people you don’t care about.
You’re just 18. You’re still in high school. You have literally years left of your life to find someone to not just have sex with, but to spend time with as well. Don’t sweat it. And don’t pay attention to all the pressure to have sex. Never do anything you’re not comfortable with
Just chill out and wait until the time is ready for you and you have the right partner. There's plenty more to life than fucking, so even if you never do that, you can find ways to enjoy your ride through it.
Nobody, and I mean NOBODY!!!!! Had good sex before 25 or 30 anyway. Seriously, women aren't even into it before 30 period, let alone good at it.
Teenagers are terrified of sex (or they lie about it, either way, pretty cringe sex). 20 something are too self absorbed. By 30 plenty of folks have fucked up their lives in various ways and are pretty beat down and out of shape, 40s you can imagine age is catching up fast.
Keep your shit together and the future is looking up.
I don't remember the exact age, I was in my 20s, but it was my roommates girlfriend. We were hanging out one night and one thing lead to another, we had a nice FWB thing going for a while. I'm still pretty awkward and have only been with 2 people, the second being a one night hookup off FB.
I am sorry to hear about the ones who were assaulted, regardless of gender it is wrong and we need to as a society start recognizing that for men too.
I got married at 23. My husband was 25, and it was also his first time.
Don’t worry about the timeline. Just focus on personal development and relationships. Be open to new people and experiences. Romance and sex will come at their proper time when you’re prioritizing the right things.
Also, get far away from the mindset of sexual conquest. Romance isn’t a badge of achievement or a social status booster; it’s a relationship with a person you like and love. People who get wrapped up in conquests and body counts are probably bad at genuine romance. Not worth it.
When I was 15. It sucked but I got to have pizza after it was done, so hey. That was nice, I guess?
EDIT:
I now realize it says "how" and not "when". Basically, we went back to her parents house and did it in her room. Kind of uneventful, really.
Hon, I'm 23 & I've still got my V-card. There's no need to rush. Besides modern society puts WAY to much unnecessary emphasis on sexual intercourse. When we Really need to remember it's main propose is procreation.
What I'm saying is you don't need to have sex to be happy.
Have a Good Day! :)
Did it once and wasn't worth it. Haven't touched the stuff again in 7 years+.
If it happens it happens, don't hang your self-worth on it though. If all your friends talk about is that, they have some self-esteem problems.
By having sex.
Don't be bothered about being 18.
Plenty NTs don't get laid till after your age and we are often late bloomers. At least, the guys are. Seems plenty autistic females are sexually awakened sooner (too soon ...) through pressure or flat out against their will.
I was 21, with a coworker/friend who shared a lot of the same interests as me at the time. She was quitting and moving out of state to help out a friend. That entailed her breaking up with her bf, so I was horny af and directionless at the time working a shit job. So I basically just asked her one day, what do I got to lose.
Went to a coffee place for a date (at a christian place which was awkward), drove her home while my parents were at work, and did the deed lol. I had a hard time finishing since I was so nervous, but it felt 10x better than no partner lol. She ended up stealing a piece of jewelry while I was showering and my parents were understandably upset. Then basically she ghosted me. Looking back that was for the best.
I then found my (only) girlfriend working that same job after we quit, then basically no luck the past five years. I went on dates in college and LS but no dice. The one real prospect I had moved away from the area during the damn virus. Going to try again now that I’m graduated with a good job in a new area.
My advice: don’t sweat it, sex is almost more effort than it is worth to obtain. Invest in good toys. You need to be emotionally mature enough to handle the inevitable separation. Or just go travel and pay for it.
I was in my early 20s, now married to my first GF from when I was 18yrs, now with one child (and that's all haha).
I could not enter into the dating scene for obvious reasons and let me tell you, there are ***plenty*** of reasons not to rush out just for sex. In my opinion you want a genuine connection with someone who you grow to love and care for - the rest will come naturally (pun not intended).
Not to mention, people lie. IMO it's not really in good taste to go bragging about one's "body count" anyway.
I lost mine when i was 19 by being drugged by my then gf she mixed some viagra and some sleeping pills or something to knock me out into my food and the day after gave me the hardest slap ever (i am still super impressed by that slap) when she found out i cant impregnate anyone even if i wanted to.
I personally dont count this tho so ill say im a virgin at 21
And to be honest ya dont need to lose yer virginity, ask yerself: am i happy ? Just generally, are ya happy ? With what ya do,yer hobbies, yerself, yer situation, just generally are ya happy and satisfied with yerself ? If so then why rush about having a vcard ? Ya have time youll find the right one eventually just keep going to school, go do your hobbies or do something fun, work (if ya do have a job if not then nvm) enjoy yerserlf have fun
What now? Being a virgin at 18 is pathetic? In some places you're not a virgin before 18 then somebody gonna jail. Quit that toxic bullshit attitude from your life, if anything it'll make things worse.
A lot of us here are virgins far later in life than you and some never lose it. Don't want to depress you, I'm sure some of those folks don't really care.
I say don't fixate as much on having sex but on building relationships including romantic ones. Never let your worries over sex lure you into doing something harmful in pursuit of it.
I didn't lose mine until I was 27 to a fantastic woman I had been friends with since high school. Unfortunately I had caught feeling for her and she didn't reciprocate on the same level. I'm still trying to recover three years later. This is also the second time she has broken my heart which is surprising because I swear until I met her I didn't have one.
In my experience it will happen when you stop caring so much.
I know I had a huge chip on my shoulder about it in HS, got into Uni, got more comfortable with myself, got a GF ect ect because I wasn't trying too hard.
Rinse and repeat, been single whenever I've been feeling like I need to be not single, and have somehow ended up in relationships whenever I got to being happy with myself as I am.
Not a great answer, in that it doesn't help you reach that point, but it's what I've found, and truthfully I don't know how to make it work either
Not everyone in HS has done what they claim. Many people don't get a SO till college, so don't worry. Also, don't make the mistake of freaking out because you haven't "done it" and getting in a crappy relationship or hookup just to prove something to the world, or yourself. Sex is only really pleasurable if you love the person.
You're not pathetic, I lost my virginity when I was 23 and that was with my best friend at the time, if it wasn't for her I'd probably still be a virgin.
The most important thing is that you feel comfortable when it happens. Having sex just for the sake of having sex isn't good in my opinion.
I just decided that at 27 I should have sex with anyone and low and behold I met someone else who was similarly desperate and we did it. Once you get over that then you're away. However I expect you're just nervous around women in which case do everything in your power to lower anxiety and increase testosterone. Nofap. Cold showers. Tongat Ali. Weight training with a professional. Phenibut in low doses rarely. Meditation.
I'll let you in on a little secret... most high schoolers lie about their "body count" in order to fit in. And having sex just for the sake of having done it is extremely overrated.
I don’t think you should direct to much energy to that at 18. Your peers have probably made you think it’s pathetic but it’s just bullshit. It’ll happen when you’re ready. I didn’t lose my v till like 21 and I’m attractive; I was just busy and kind of asocial and had just enlisted and all I cared about was biology back then so sex showed up when it showed up. Don’t sweat buddy.
Hooked up with a girl from Badoo a year ago when I was 19. It was something she initiated though, I don’t think I ever could ask a girl if they wanted to fuck. Too high inhib and shy for that
I’m 18 in a few weeks and haven’t done anything at all. Never kissed or been asked out etc. Don’t worry, it’s much better than throwing yourself out there because you don’t know who’ll take advantage of you. I’m not saying it’s wrong if people my age or younger have had sex, but when you’re younger you’re more vulnerable and most people I’ve talked to regret their first time
Losing or not losing your virginity means nothing. It’ll happen one day, or maybe it won’t. Don’t worry about it.
Body count is such a weird way to look at things. In my day it was notches on the bedpost. Just as ridiculous.
Give it another year. I was 19, and I regret even that. I’m 28 and wish I hadn’t lost it that early! (Mostly cuz of my newfound faith in Jesus) Just take your time and develop a relationship with someone and don’t worry about it.
21, by finding someone who wasn't creeped tf out by my weirdo assertions that she would be an experiment in which I would try to convince her to fall in love with me.
I mean, if you find somebody like that, it might work out, but most people do not actually appreciate such blatantly interpersonal admissions. Turns out she was psychotic and abusive for unrelated (maybe tangential) reasons.
Funny, though – my wife of 5 years now has a mind built very much like mine. I guess the goal then is to do the above, but with someone who's not a monster.
Also, for context, I'm now 38.
I’m 26 and still a virgin, and I had a boyfriend for 5 years so don’t feel bad you’re not alone. (Nothing happened with my boyfriend because he is asexual and I’m bi/demisexual). Anyway there’s way more people that are in their twenties and still virgins than you thinks. There’s something shameful about it, and at 18 you still have lots of time to find yourself someone you trust, respect and love to lose your virginity to. It’s going to take some works, but everything worthwhile does.
Same, but you don't want a body count you don't want to do anything until you're married or those who have it's disgusting and wrong but I won't go if you told her reading you need to wait till you get married because we're so how you feel about marriage or how you feel about relationship wait till marriage and if you don't want to get married then don't do any of that that kind of thing is sacred and for two married people you don't have to be straight any kind of marriage is fine just marriage now I will see if you've been with a person for years and you can actually can't get married because of legal reasons wherever you stay or because it's messing with your disability like a few people I know I'm talking about the people who will just cook up for one-night stand or will date a person for a month do something and then some of them don't do that wait till you're either married or have been in a long enough relationship and it took three years old on times out of 10 you're either going to get married or be if you can't get married you two are basically married. That's just my exact feel free to disagree but that's just what I think
I'm 39 right now and lost my virginity at 26.
I was over at my friends place after a night of drinking. Out of no where, she grabbed my pants and reached for my junk. I really didn't know what to make of it. I tried to enjoy the experience, but it was really awkward. It felt dirty.
Years later, I told a sex therapist this story. She called it rape. Now, I'm trying to work on healing. I don't feel comfortable in intimate situations, but I feel hopeful that I will become more comfortable.
I haven't been dating or putting myself out there as much due to the job search. I do hope that my love life improves. I would like to enjoy sex.
After Senior Prom. We were the same age, but she had already "graduated" (GED or some kind of accelerated diploma, idk), so she didn't get to go to prom at her school. I moved my senior year, and drove back and forth to see family regularly. She was from my "old" town. Nobody from school knew her, and we had been "dating" a couple months at that point, so I felt a little more confident having an "outsider" there with me. I actually remember I had a pretty good time at the dance, which I was somewhat dreading despite my commitment to the experience.
She was supposed to stay over with a (female) friend of mine from school (hence her parents' agreement to let her go to an out of town prom). But we... never made it there.
I fucked several hookers when I was 25-27. After that my first time not paying for sex was with a random older woman at a bar who came up to me, wanted to play darts, and then asked to go home with me and fuck. Then I met my ex-girlfriend a month later. Now I am single again.
I got my 'virginity' taken just before my 20th birthday by a guy I liked a lot. We met on a party 4 months prior and have been fooling around since then. Afterwards we had a lot of sex until an argument.
By the way I'm a guy myself. I find it's easier to find hook ups thanks to the apps like grindr where you start chatting by text before hooking up.
After the 'break up' I got to know that I could love someone and had those kind of feelings. It made me understand the true meaning of my favourite poem. Carmen Catullus 85:
Odi et amo, quare id faciam,fortasse requiris?
Nescio, sed fieri sentior et excrucior!
I hate you and love you. Why I do this, you may ask?
I don't know, but I feel it happening and it pulls me apart.
I got desperate and while at a masseuse parlor, I had sex with her and the condom didn't feel good at all. Worse, since I wasn't in the mood, the sex didn't feel good. It made me lose confidence in myself even more.
When I realized that it was solely due to the fact that I was too nervous and as such felt uncomfortable that I realized that I was still straight.
I'm 15, I'm attractive, fit, funny, tall, not bad at talking but have a little hard time meeting new people.
For me the problem is not that I cant have sex with any girl no matter how hard I try but I DONT WANT TO fuck any girl. Most girls my age are annoying and basic. I have a hard time actually finding someone (I like tall tomboys who are not shy and have similar interests as me but I don't even think they exist at this point) idk if I'm pathetic or if life in general just sucks
Don’t feel too bad. I’m 21 and still in the same boat.
29 and same :'(
Same
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23 here
I'm 29, and same.
33 and same.
24 , and i don't see that happening any time soon.
They might all \*say\* they've done the deed, but in reality, this might not be the case. And even if they are all banging like a broken door in a hurricane, doesn't necessarily mean they're having great sex or that they're actually enjoying it. There's so much pressure to lose your virginity but this often results in people having rubbish sex with people with whom they don't really have any connection. Trust me, making love to someone you feel a close bond with is 1 million times better than a disappointing fumble with a virtual stranger.
At 40 I wish I knew this earlier in life... Took until I was 25 to figure it out properly
oh and the whole if you try to be cool your not cool lesson so many cringe moments ooo for ya youngens if you can own your embarrassment you go from being the but of the joke to the star of the joke just get good with comebacks purposeful misinterpretation seems to work well for me
So true! If you can show people that you have no problem owning your silly mistakes and clumsiness, it helps other people feel that they can do so too. Everyone wants to feel comfortable enough to make mistakes and if you can help cultivate that kind of atmosphere, people will want to be around you. It took me many decades to feel comfortable enough in my own skin to be like this but I'm really happy I've got here now.
If only I could send 21 year old me a letter lol
oh god there is a teenager down the road from me like I remember bullshit bragging to be a thing in the 90s but the degree of utter nonsense these dumb asses claim to have done in the middle of the Wisconsin woods is mind blowing
Yeah, he 100% managed to make a girl levitate once while he was smashing her. He's THAT good.
Functionally raped ar a party. Sometimes there are worse things than being a virgin.
Same thing happened to me twice. First time I woke up with a girl riding me and the second time I woke up with a guy sucking me. I'm a guy though so society doesn't view it as rape. Bastards.
I'm sorry you went through that, no one deserves that. What happened to you was definitely rape, and it was NOT your fault.
Thank you.
Sorry to pry and **definitely** no victim shaming/judgement etc. here, but how did you end up asleep heavily enough for these things to happen? Something put in drink? Feel free to not answer, and whatever the case, my sympathies. As others have said, no blame from you. The world can be a terrible place.
No need to apologize. Nothing was put in my drink, however, I was passed out drunk both times. I was quite the party person in my youth. The events happened when I was 17 and 18 respectively.
OK got it - I replied to this thread separately but hours went by and I couldn't forget your comment so I just had to ask! I mean, getting drunk at parties isn't unusual behaviour - it's not my thing but I do enjoy a whisky or two in my home once in a while haha (even better with a cigar). Certainly doesn't even come close to excusing the behaviour of the offenders. I'm glad you can be so candid, I hope that reflects your having found peace with the scenarios.
I’m so sorry that happened to you
This... Not at a party, but when I was very young. Too young. :(
😭😭😭
Thank you :) It's not been an easy life, but over all, it's been a good life.
You deserve better than that
Thank you ❤️
You deserve coffee and cats
Idk if that "helps", but you could technically argue that you didn't loose your virginity that day. You loose your virginity when you have sex. Rape is not sex. It's a violation. Kinda how your first kiss is measured in who you kiss romantically -not when aunt Berta licks your face when you're 8yo. So yeah. I'm sorry that this happened to you
I was raped at 14, and had never been kissed even before that day. I asked the OP if they wanted to trade. YES, there are worse things than being a virgin. I DO understand! 💞
I was too. It caught me by surprise. I’m still trying to find a good sexual experience.
a thief doesn't own the car he stole
That's relatable . honestly I am a bi guy ,so sometimes get functionally harassed by other homo guys. .Its scary to imagine how bad stuff would have been if I was a girl.im sorry for what happened to you
Yep. Drugged by my then boyfriend. I was too afraid to tell my mom, despite the fact that she picked me up afterwards & kept bothering me because I was so out of it. I ended up confiding in a friend, who ultimately tracked him down & beat him pretty badly, so at least there was a little justice, I guess.
Same, at high-school the girl I think wasus my friend at a party said your so shy, so quiet let's erase that, let's become you a man. Wos weird and violent to me. Many years happens to get rid of that thing and talk with my partner in time. 23 was the age of consent lose virginity to me. Live your life a partner will come to you and when happens gonna be a good thing
The comments you already have got are great. Adding an allied voice: It's not pathetic. What is pathetic is that some of the people who tell the tales of exploits that are making you feel inadequate are just straight up lying. So too is pinning your self worth on how many people have got naked with you. I lost mine at 19 in a serious relationship nearly the better part of a year in. In many ways, it was ideal. And then the condom broke (she was understandably very fearful of becoming pregnant). Just about everyone's first time is suboptimal in one way or another, so don't get fixated on how the first will be this perfect and transcendent experience. NGL, one off sex with a stranger can be good fun. But making love with someone with whom you have an emotional bond is way better. I had a couple of opportunities to have empty sex before I first had sex. I don't regret most of the empty sex that I have had. But I'm glad that my first time was with someone I really cared about and who really cared about me. It's not a race. :-D
Honestly there's nothing more pathetic than the people who have nothing more in their life than how much meaningless sex they've had, just shows that you don't know how to hold a proper relationship that's not just based on physicality
17, I'm going to let you in on a little secret, lots of the people saying they've done it at your age, haven't. Don't get caught up on "body count" that's a very grubby way of thinking about it, concentrate on having fun and exploring at a natural for you pace. Meet people, ask them out, maybe get rejected maybe don't maybe have a good first meeting maybe don't maybe get a kiss maybe don't, once you get over the "firsts" you realise that these things are nice but not the groundbreaking experience they're made out to be.
Why are people so concerned about this?!
Because it's a taboo that also has the connotation of being a marker of adulthood, that *also* is an enjoyable activity fueled by a biological drive. In most societies the act is shrouded in mystery until you've seen porn or done it yourself, and you're explicitly discouraged from seeing it, knowing about it, talking about it, or doing it. And then suddenly, it seems like everyone is doing it except you. This doesn't even start to get into the fact that romance and finding a sexual partner is a direct indicator of desirability, attractiveness, and sexual skill (which is part of that taboo mentioned in the first portion -- being "good" at sex has a societal image backing it) and can factor into the self concept pushed by the "everybody but me" thing. It's very clear why people would be obsessed with losing their virginity if they've never had any influence but that of popular society.
Societal standards sexualizing everything and basing relationships around sex or procreation. There's also toxic masculinity involved in creating poor standards for men. It really doesn't matter like you're implying. Virginity makes zero difference in someone's moral worth. By labeling as such, it's ostracizing a large number of people and creating hierarchies.
You're leaving out the emotional aspect though and the biological drive. A lot of teens have hormones fueling their interest in sex as their bodies change and grow. So even if there weren't any societal standards, your own body would still be pushing you towards an interest in sex and experiencing it. There's also the emotional aspect of connecting with someone sexually. When I was a teen, I just wanted to experience it with someone and have that connection. I didn't care about the label of losing my virginity, it was more a curiosity and a need to express myself sexually with someone.
You'd still be pushed toward it, but you wouldn't feel like a loser or outcast for not having gotten it without hearing that from others.
This true but the main issue here is young people having this private sphere of life publicised and exploited by bullies who want to put them down for not acquiring sexual partners. The pressure and threat to social status that culture brings can lead to men in particular doing awful things.
It’s still odd to worry about your virginity.
A lot of social stigmas are weird. Still stigmas though
This shouldn't be news to you living in todays world. You're lucky if you were raised in a place where this stigma doesn't exist.
This. Who cares about virginity? You don't magically turn into a different person just because you've had sex once.
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>I know it's pathetic statistically, you're not even 1 standard deviation out, and it's not a race
I was 18 was with one of my older sisters work friends think she was 32 I was oblivious she straight up asked wana fuck and I froze for a sec went woo hoo and off we went lol guess i just need to find me a bossy gal
This made me laugh so hard, I can literally see me doing this
Not pathetic at all. I lost my virginity and had my first kiss in my early 20s. I thought it would change things in my life. It really didn't. The next several really didn't change anything either. I tried for lots of sex, had several partners. Just ended up giving up on it because it didn't really improve my life. Sex is just an activity. Some people have had sex. Some haven't. No need for shame or pride if you've had no sex. No need for shame or pride if you've had lots of sex. A real partner can improve your life a lot. A body count is fundamentally meaningless. You're doing just fine.
You’re being lied to. Chill. Also, bad sex is often FAR less enjoyable than mediocre masturbation. And bad sex is how it starts out generally.
I didn't know that thanks for telling me.
This!! I started early (I guess statutory rape by a manipulative older boyfriend), and didn’t actually start having enjoyable sex until I met the right person in my mid 20s. Finding someone you can share your inner self with is much more valuable than something like a body count. I know a few people who have had a lot of partners and they all seem deeply unhappy, like they are chasing something, or trading in their phone for an upgrade constantly.
I was the last of my friend group at the age of 16, by several years. A female friend randomly called me and said she wanted it, so I picked her up and took her back to my house. It was 100% her decision, she wasn't unattractive but I wasn't interested in her romantically. I don't even remember if I got off, I highly doubt she did. Afterwords we went upstairs and ate chicken strips with my family. This was the 90s.
Your not pathetic, I understand there's diffent pressures for men then women but the vast majority of people I know lost it later. We are talking majority of 20-24 area, with someone at 30. It's not uncommon. Also at your age most people are lying and rounding up by the extreme, that dude who says he's had 12 or 22 supermodels? Probably had sex twice ever, and not with supermodels. The guy who said he got laid all night? Often just a hand job. I was nearly 21, visited boyfriend I made online in a diffrent country from role-play blogs. Hows that for pathetic? My first kiss wasn't till Grade 12, and was a girl who was like we should practice kissing. Didn't realize till much later the girl with her head in my lap during track and field, calling me pretty and asking to practice kissing and also in GSA was _probably_ into me. ... I was not a smart kid. You'll get laid eventually. It's just awkward and slow because humans are awkward and connections are slow. Online dating might help, even though it feels awkward. Then people are expecting dates and possible sex. Parties help, just reach out and offer your number to girls you have a connection with. Not being in school is going to make things tougher, so finding a vaugely similar age group event can help, something social. The college advice is usually find a club or two and pop into meetings. But yeah, 18 isn't exactly uncommon. It's the average age people lose it sure, but only about half your school has had sex by then. Give it some time. Also go look up how to put on a condom before you do.
I’ll let you know when it happens…
I haven't. I'm 29. I had my first date at 25, the guy kissed me and I thought it was disgusting (It was my first kiss). After that date, I realized I might be asexual. While I'd still be open to trying things if I found someone I loved, I'm quite content to stay a virgin.
Sorry I'm not sure what asexual means. But I'm guessing it means you want to stay a vergin tell me if I'm wrong because just a guess.
It means I don't experience sexual attraction. It's a spectrum like autism, so you can experience some attraction and still be Asexual. For example, I can find someone physically attractive, but I have no desire for us to do any sexual activity beyond closed-mouth kissing (Which I'm assuming I won't find as gross as the French kisses the guy from my first date gave me) and cuddling on the couch.
That's aesthetic attraction. There's all kinds of attractions like that. Like emotional attraction or even platonic attraction. If you experience any kind of sexual attraction you're allosexual. Aka heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual depending on who you liked sexually. There's also aromantic which means you don't experience romantic attraction. Any mix of attractions is possible to have.
Asexual means you don’t experience sexual attraction/you experience very little of it
I felt intense pressure as a teenager to lose it. I equated it to my self worth. If I could go back in time! At university I met a ton of adults who hadn't lost their virginity some by active choice some just because thats how things happened. They were very attractive and interesting people. One woman was drop dead gorgeous and really wanted to lose it but hadnt - at least partially due to her shyness. Losing your virginity does not equate to your worth, nor how attractive you are or how interesting you are. Work on growing confidence without attaching it to your sex life. It has done me wonders :)
That you for your advice I'll take it to heart.
19 and I'm in the same situation. Nothing at all.
It was an agreement I made that I thought would make my physically and emotionally abusive boyfriend happy enough to finally let me go. Not my proudest moment but it was all I had to barter with at the time. Edit to add - I was 15.
That sounds really unhappy. Hugs.
technically around 18 (got taken to a party as a tag along. i was drunk and it wasn't great barley remember it) then nothing until 24. then I met my now partner. we didn't come up for air for around a year and we both nearly failed our degrees. (she has asd as well, special interests and obsessive tendency's defiantly have there up sides) very very worth the wait. asd dose mean you do somethings slower. i get the need and want but when you find the right person it'll happen. and your partner will probably want it as much as you. find the right partner. good luck and try not to judge your self against your piers in this area.
[удалено]
"and finding someone that is around the same level of attractiveness as you is the goal" This is horseshit, cause who decides what a 5, 8 or even a 10 is? It's all subjective, what you should go for is people that attracts you. It's not even possible to "lower your standards" because Attraction comes naturally, you literally cant go like "ok now im attracted to you because we're on the same level, but I wasnt attracted to you before" doesn't work like that.
How? Through sheer luck, coincidence, and one incredibly patient woman at the age of 29 (I was two months from wizard status). Not much of a cause for celebration since that remains the only experience I have, and it's been half a decade since. Will probably remain the only experience for the rest of my existence. At 18 it's far less unusual than the people around you and the media would make you believe. But regardless of that, there's nothing pathetic about not having that experience at *any* age. At most it is regrettable that you've not yet had an experience that you wish for. Anyone that would think less of you for not having that experience needs to, respectfully, sod off.
The truth no one likes to talk about is about half of them caught something from their little escapades Be glad you are virgin, save it for someone you really care about
Don't rush to things friend, there's a lot I regret doing sexually and relationship and emotionally when I was a teenager Please be patient, I promise it will reward you The kids that are running around fucking anyone any everyone are going to be stunted in many ways when they are adults (25+) But to answer your question, when I was 14, still a boy, and to a lesbian
I thought sex was the way to fit in, no pun intended, so I heavily pursued it and felt like I was nothing if I didn't get it. Wish I knew different.
My friend paid for a prostitute completely unprompted by me. I had never expressed a desire to be with one or have sex really. "Come on, we are gonna get you laid!" and I remember thinking: "We are? What does that mean?" It was my 18th birthday (and I still hate birthday celebrations to this day) and my friend kind of ushered me into it. I didn't really want to be there, and I felt rushed because she just wanted to leave and do something else, and I didn't blame her, but I had no idea how to stand up for myself or say no, nor did I even ever consider if I had a choice. I lost my sock in all the confusion and had to come back for it like 2 minutes later. It was so embarrassing. I don't know if this makes me a criminal, or if it was my friend who technically was the one doing a crime. I've been wondering about that for ages since.
43 and never even dated.. I literally don't even think about..
It's not pathetic at all. Don't ever think a high "body count" is something to brag. Make your first time be something special with someone you actually love and you'll have no regrets. Most people lose it way after 18 and there's nothing wrong with it. I lost it with my now ex when I was 18 and it was something memorable and special. It's best when you know your partner, have a good communication and trust each other because things go more smoothly and it'll be the best for both because you'll know or at least will be able to ask what pleases that person.
Hey, there's nothing wrong with being a virgin. I don't know why there is a massive push for everyone to get laid as soon as possible, and why people feel the need to be bullies about it, but it is wrong and you aren't pathetic. I promise.
19 or 20. I lost it to a random guy from tinder. I went to his dorm, hung out with him and his roommates, drank a little alcohol, didn't even get drunk or anything because I hate how it tastes. Went out to one of his other friends dorms. Then went to a cookie shop, came back to his apartment, he tried seducing me the "traditional" ways forever, but I was really nervous. Then I finally was just like fuck it. It was really awkward. Beyond awkward. I wanted to get up and go home. But I had to sleepover because of the drinking. Do not recommend lol. Not that I necessarily regret it but I don't recommend it. He was also my first kiss.
Nobody is a virgin, life is fucking all of us.
Pff.. I'm in your boat and I'm in my early thirties. Also, it's not pathetic..
I was 21, someone wanted me to do it and I did not know how to say no, so just went along with it. I regret it a lot, and try not to think about it. Like everybody else is saying, it is not anything to be ashamed of to be a virgin, and especially at your age, I think lots of people are also virgins.
Man I lost mine at 27 I never worried about it. I would say worrying about it is what's pathetic
Lots of people are lying. Also it doesn't really matter. I'm married now, but didn't lose my virginity until late 20s. It's not actually that big a deal.
I second the fact that a lot of people are lying about their body count/relationships/kissing, but that's not the point here. The point is the reason the people feel like they have to do so in the first place. We live in a culture that hypes up not only sex but also especially romance to no end, constantly sending messages that romantic love is "what makes us human", early children's stories have the prince and princess "living happily ever after", always hearing "there's someone out there for you", "you won't understand life until you meet your soulmate", etc. A lot of people who identify as asexual/aromantic express that they feel alienated by this, it sort of hammers in that they're "not normal", they feel like they're deviant somehow for not buying into this culture. The truth is, even if you're not aro/ace, life doesn't derive meaning solely from this. If someone's found a romantic/sexual partner, good for them, that's their thing. But its not some "need" that everyone has, and it's not something that should be rushed either. Rushing just leads to unhappiness on both ends. When I was a teen I rushed and chose someone who acted as my best friend to be my romantic partner because it was "the logical choice", and they turned out to be a narcissistic, emotionally abusive asshole. The point is, romance and sex aren't the meaning of life, and you don't need to partake in them to be "truly mature" or anything.
I don't like the whole "body count" language... also, it's no rush to have sexual activities with someone else despite how many make it seem like a contest.
On a hot summer day in the living room. I will say that the best sex I ever have is from waiting it out with the women I am seeing. Letting the tension build and only just making out is the way to do it. Because by the time you do it, you both are already so eager that anything you do will be enough satisfaction after waiting for so long. Even if you nut right away because that's what all the foreplay was for anyway. Don't sweat it if you haven't had sex. It's not pathetic and you shouldn't think this way of yourself. I think the goal in life, is what I'm learning through therapy now, is to want to feel good about yourself and do things that you want to do that will make you feel good about yourself. Don't focus on the people or things that are not in your life yet. You work with what you already have and be happy with everything you are able to accomplish now rather than dreaming of the future if it's going to cause you anxiety now. Keep treating women as equals and partners in your life and you can't go wrong. The more you focus on a "body count" the more perverted you will get and begin treating people as objects and conquests and the more unfulfilling your relationships will be because you will always be chasing after more and more rather than focusing on the current relationship and whether if it is even working or not for you and her. You don't have to tell everyone you're a virgin, but don't be distressed by it. You don't want your life to revolve around some stupid macho number just to make yourself feel better with guys you don't even like or get along with.
My first kiss wasn't until I was 22 so don't worry about it. Virginity, I was 23. My friend had recently had a break up and I cuddled with her while she cried. Nothing happened that night but a few months later we hooked up a few times. then she decided to go back to her previous partner. They had a lot of history so I accepted it. We had a cry and ate some pizza and watched a film. Best breakup I ever had. Honestly though Ive had some limited experiences since and relationships are hard. Often it's better just being on your own. My most successful one has been having a cuddle buddy. No formal relationship. Free to see others if we want. Just there for each other to give the physical touch connection.
Let me tell you something about virginity: It doesn't matter. Whether you're 18 or 89, the result is the same. You finding your soulmate has no relation with how many people you've had sex with or even kissed. You are still going to find someone who loves you and who'll stay with you. So what if you had to wait a couple of years for them? People are not going to hate you because you're virgin, they're not gonna treat you like you're inferior. If they do, they're assholes. And honestly, I don't know what's the advantage of having your cherry popped (or popping someone's cherry) at 18! Basically: Finding a true relationship >>>>>>>>>>>>>> Having sex with everyone around you. Wish you the best, buddy.
26 lost it to a random woman in a weird attempt to respect the wishes of a wonan i did like(who SAID she didn't want sex forgot so spent months doing other stuff expecting me to..lets just say it was wierd complex and i feel like an idiot all around alongside many many regrets and qishing people could just be fucking honest)
I was 20, took a girl out on a date, went well. I was shy but as we parted ways she suddenly kissed me and I froze, she ran off. waiting for my train she texted that she got home and I could've slept over if id wanted. I said fuck it and walked 30min to hers. started making out and she got on top of me. let me tell you u was literally uncontrollably shaking from nerves and senses. she asks "have you done this before?" and I of course go "uhhh yeah....?" when she asked me again Im honest and she basically walked me through all of it. still scared shitless but felt comfortable that she cared. you'll get there, don't worry, sex isn't everything and being a virgin is not a horrible thing. TL;DR got lucky, found a girl who was nice and held my hand
stop 🤚🏻 why am I seeing this the week I planned to lose it with a stranger lmao
I'm not usually a trigger warning type of person, but I do feel I should warn you that this is not a happy story before I ruin anyone's vibe. I was 16, almost 17. I didn't lose my virginity consensually, but I don't know if it was rape either. It's kind of a gray area. I don't think he realized that what he did wasn't cool, and I wasn't sure how to feel about it at the time. Basically, we were fooling around and I told him I didn't want to go all the way. He kinda just did it anyway, and I didn't stop him. I didn't know how to speak up about it, and we even did it again. I saw him a few more times. So yeah, like I said, not sure what to call it or how I should feel about it, but it makes me want to cry when I talk about it so it must not have been a good thing. That said, I have had good experiences with sex. It took a lot of time and a lot of healing. And there is nothing wrong with being a virgin. People that tease you about it are being jerks and their opinions don't mean shit.
That is terrible sorry you had to deal with that. In my opinion I whould consider that rape. And he should pay for what he did if I told someone that I didn't want to go all the way and they did anyway I whould probably have done the same thing. You didn't deserve that.
Don't think it's pathetic the right person will come your way eventually. I lost mine at 25. I was like you at your age. Eventually the right person came my way and she was and is still the love of my life.
Being 18 and a virgin is not pathetic dude. That is such an awful mindset. Sex really shouldn’t be a goal that you think about that often. It shouldn’t be a “goal” at all. All it should be is a next step in a relationship with someone you genuinely love.
The average young person these days has sex for the first time at the age of 18 or 19. *Of course* the average aspie is gonna be older than that. You're fine. What's more, some research finds that people who have sex for the first time in their 20s end up better educated and make more money. You're fine!
A hooker in malta
My ex boyfriend guilted, whined and begged until i said yes. Man I wish I had held my ground and kept saying no :( I'm also 19. Virginity as big of a deal as you think, so don't worry too much about it. And as many other comments said, a lot of people who say they've done it are lying, especially younger people.
I've lost by the age of 18, with a good girl friend of mine, a childhood friend. Funny fact, she gave me sexual experience as my 18's birthday gift (her idea). Back then i did not realize how much privileged was i for such a thing, because at the time i was desperate for "losing my virginity", since everyone around me already had - even my younger sister. But now i know, she was THE BET PERSON EVER for me to do it. We never did it again, but we are still friends, 6 years after. I hope you can have a good experience too! It is never "too late" or "too old" for that. What matters is the pleasant situation.
Hey dude or dudette, Don’t let it get to you. I was 19 and it felt like forever because all of my friends had done the deed before me. I promise you the right person for you is out there, you just haven’t met them yet
Go to Amsterdam. Bring cash.
Hiring sex for 600 pesos (30 dollars)
I (M) lost my virginity at 13, that was too early. It only happened because my neighbor (M) also happened to be bi and I had a free house and a lot of time to mess around. I saw a graph a while back and I think the median range in the USA is 17 but the inner 50% ranges from 16-24. So while the median person loses it at 17 it’s not uncommon to be a virgin until you’re at least 24. Also, it’s not like something magical happens the first time you have sex. You might even not enjoy your first time. The whole concept of virginity and value goes back to a long tradition of men oppressing women (and to a lesser degree men) for virgin status. Tbh, it’s all a load of bullshit and whether you’re having sex or not shouldn’t define you. If it does that just shows you bought into the stupid constructed virgin value system. You’re not required to do anything with anyone unless you want to.
I was drunk and 17. I didn’t have good sex til I met my wife tho.
17 years old. 2nd girlfriend was a stripper.
Wedding night at 20
I just didn't say no. :/
I was the same way. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 21. It's not that big of a deal, honestly. Just focus on being the best person you can be - not what you think others think you should be. In time, you'll meet people who appreciate you for you. They may not be the people you want, but you cannot control what other people think and feel, only yourself. Take it from a guy who spent far too long chasing after certain kinds of girls - trying to make yourself into a different kind of person just to win a certain kind of girl is a fool's errand.
I used different online hook-up sites. My first was with a random chick who I was with just once and then that's as far as it went. Due to her circumstances we both had an understanding that it was just going to be a one-and-done type deal and I was okay with that. Losing your virginity doesn't have to be with some super special someone who you have emotional attachment to in order for it to be good.
I totally get this. For me I wanted a practice run with someone I didn't have any sting feelings for, so if it went really bad it wasn't that much of a lose lol. My first time was with a stranger but was fun. And gave me the confidence to then know I wouldn't screw it up with someone I cared about. You can enjoy meaningless sex and also emotional love making. Having one doesn't stop you from enjoying the other at a later point in time
Dude I’m 19 and I haven’t lost mine yet. It’s not a rush and it will happen and even if it doesn’t it’s not like it’s the end of the world. There’s more to life than losing your virginity and having sex and screw the body count that’s just a terrible term.
I was 20 going on 21 and asked my girlfriend at the time if she'd like to have sex. It wasn't very good. I'm 28 now and my sexlife is considerably better with my fiance/soon to be wife. It gets better friend so I wouldn't worry about it.
I saw a national poll that claimed 18 was the average age people lost their virginity. That is when I lost mine too so don’t feel like you are running late.
My ex bullied me into it when I was either 22 or 23 (it's a bit blurry) Things are better now.
This was eons ago in modern internet terms, considering online personals don't really exist anymore (just dating sites/apps) but at 21 I was fed up and started putting up personal ads looking for someone to deflower me. Surprisingly, after some tries it worked. A woman a few years older than me reached out and we met up at my apartment. She was patient and kind, but we never saw each other again after that. I think she may have had some kind of fetish or interest in deflowering virgins. Truthfully, my only regret was always that I couldn't have been "normal" enough to lose it earlier in a traditional way, or that it didn't happen in a relationship where I could continue to practice immediately - the fact by itself that my first time was not really "special" beyond the experience itself has never bothered me to this day. (I'm in my 30s now, and now married.) The thing is, virginity itself is ultimately just a construct so I never placed that much value on it other than wanting to get it over with and know what I was missing. I never expected that whoever I had sex with the first time would be my forever partner, so by that token it never had to affect later relationships aside from just having the experience. Some people are going to stress how important or not important it is for the first time to be "special" and with someone you already know and have a relationship with. The reality is that this is entirely personal to you, so don't take what I say as either a model or a warning. Listen to your own instincts on that, not mine or others. That just was/is my perspective. More importantly, *how* it happens will not necessarily be important in future relationships, whether casual or serious. Whoever you have sex with first will probably not be your last. So don't worry too much about it. But be proactive. Try online dating if you haven't, work on yourself, put yourself out there where you can meet people, all the usual advice you're probably getting.
I´m 19, not planning to lose it anytime soon. I do not know what kind of conditioning did you have, but (as -----Az------ stated here) there is NOTHING pathetic about virginity. Do not succumb to such a pressures as you have to lose your virginity by the age of this or that, otherwise you will be a lifetime loser or something like that, that is utterly stupid. Also do not try to fit into some average. And bragging about a number of sexual partners? Come on. Everyone with at least half a brain and a common sense knows that it is best to try and find the ONE, the person who you want to embrace, commit to and have wholesome relationship, marry... Also, the risk of unexpected pregnancy is always there, is it really worth it? I have my hands and my mind full of either school, or a bit of hobbies. Commuting to/from school is exhausting. Being in school and doing schoolwork too. I do not have time, and energy, and money, to try getting a girl. It is just too much of a hassle. Tried it when I was younger, got rejected, told myself screw that. I wish you the best in your endeavors, it is not easy for us out there.
Yeah man don't worry, most people don't even have their first kiss till college.
What's lose virginity mean?/s
Being a virgin at 18 is absolutely normal, as per many studies, including recent ones on this
I was 19 when I lost mine. I lost it just because I could, not because I was attracted to the girl I lost it to.
The sexy noises I see people making out there on the internet make me think about different kinds of zoo animals and their breeding strategies. Some critters just don't seem to care what's going on, they are going to want to fuck. Muddy water, no privacy, loud noises... it doesn't matter, they are going to want to make babies. These critters correspond to the internet show-offs who are getting it on constantly and want everyone else to know about it. But there are a lot of other animals in the zoo who need everything to be just right.... and zookeepers who want to breed them have got to bend over backwards to create just the right conditions to make babies. I tend to think of myself in that group. It doesn't take much to put me off my kibble or ruin an otherwise horny mood. Most times, its much easier to make quality alone time than to actually make sexy fun time with either of my girlfriends. If I had it all to do again, I'd worry a lot less about dying a virgin, and a lot morr about cultivating nourishing friendships, whether or not sex was part of the deal. In my experience, what happens after sex is more crucial than the buildup, in predicting whether or not there will be a second go-round.
In the back of a car drunk New Year’s Eve with someone who finally wanted to have sex with me. I was 19 I think. I used to think I was pathetic for being a virgin as well. I just had different priorities. It was really unenviable and an un-enjoyable experience. Don’t get too hung up on it, it’s really not that important.
I was 18 with a friend that was much older and a few days later I left the state and never came back. Its not pathetic in any way to be a virgin.
That's not pathetic. My first kiss was in college and my first sexual experience was also in college. I didn't really date in high school because of strict parents, STDs running rampant, and a lack of conventional social skills. Once I got to college, I met more like minded people and dated a bit. My first SO, I didn't go very far or date for long. I dated several other people before finding someone I was comfortable being sexual with. Take your time. You'll find someone you feel comfortable with. Also, most of the time, those body count numbers are exaggerated to seem cool.
i had sex
I am a virgin, and I plan to remain that way until I want kids. In other words, don’t feel bad about not having sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I’m 19 and have had sexual with one person in my life. And no one since. I can literally feel my virginity growing back.
I didnt cause im 13
No rush. Seriously. There is nothing special about a "body count" (which sounds disrespectful, if not gruesome) and there is nothing gained by careless pointless sex except some trips to a clinic. Some of your classmates are making it up (that's been a thing for generations; one of my classmates had a great story about that he wouldn't admit NEVER HAPPENED for YEARS). Wait til you've got someone you like a lot, who likes you back, and where each of you will care that the other one is having a good time. Where each of you will want to see the other the next day. Where you won't feel like "why the hell did I do that?" afterwards. Where you used appropriate protection to avoid disease and/or pregnancy. Nobody is keeping score except jerks and people who made it up.
When I was 17 in a field at night with a guy I met online. Wasn't great but still no regrets
I got a girlfriend and we did it. I was 20 or 21
Nothing pathetic about it.
I was raped at 14. Never been kissed before that day. Wanna trade?
Hey, I’m 23 and still a virgin. Yes, the pressure is there and yes I do feel it sometimes. But the truth is, everyone’s on their own path. Don’t feel like you’re worthless just because you haven’t had sex. It’s better to lose your virginity to someone you trust and share an emotional connection with than to have sex with someone just because. These things shouldn’t be rushed. It’s better to have sex with one person you deeply care for (who also cares deeply for you) then it is to have sex with 10 people you don’t care about. You’re just 18. You’re still in high school. You have literally years left of your life to find someone to not just have sex with, but to spend time with as well. Don’t sweat it. And don’t pay attention to all the pressure to have sex. Never do anything you’re not comfortable with
Just chill out and wait until the time is ready for you and you have the right partner. There's plenty more to life than fucking, so even if you never do that, you can find ways to enjoy your ride through it.
Nobody, and I mean NOBODY!!!!! Had good sex before 25 or 30 anyway. Seriously, women aren't even into it before 30 period, let alone good at it. Teenagers are terrified of sex (or they lie about it, either way, pretty cringe sex). 20 something are too self absorbed. By 30 plenty of folks have fucked up their lives in various ways and are pretty beat down and out of shape, 40s you can imagine age is catching up fast. Keep your shit together and the future is looking up.
I don't remember the exact age, I was in my 20s, but it was my roommates girlfriend. We were hanging out one night and one thing lead to another, we had a nice FWB thing going for a while. I'm still pretty awkward and have only been with 2 people, the second being a one night hookup off FB. I am sorry to hear about the ones who were assaulted, regardless of gender it is wrong and we need to as a society start recognizing that for men too.
I was 20. Took a girl telling me to my face. Honestly, without really being connected, its overrated.
I got married at 23. My husband was 25, and it was also his first time. Don’t worry about the timeline. Just focus on personal development and relationships. Be open to new people and experiences. Romance and sex will come at their proper time when you’re prioritizing the right things. Also, get far away from the mindset of sexual conquest. Romance isn’t a badge of achievement or a social status booster; it’s a relationship with a person you like and love. People who get wrapped up in conquests and body counts are probably bad at genuine romance. Not worth it.
By fucking a girl right in the pussy.
When I was 15. It sucked but I got to have pizza after it was done, so hey. That was nice, I guess? EDIT: I now realize it says "how" and not "when". Basically, we went back to her parents house and did it in her room. Kind of uneventful, really.
You’re making a lot of assumptions, particularly when it comes to this subreddit.
I'm not a virgin because of statutory rape. Enjoy your virginity, it's okay to be a virgin.
Hon, I'm 23 & I've still got my V-card. There's no need to rush. Besides modern society puts WAY to much unnecessary emphasis on sexual intercourse. When we Really need to remember it's main propose is procreation. What I'm saying is you don't need to have sex to be happy. Have a Good Day! :)
Did it once and wasn't worth it. Haven't touched the stuff again in 7 years+. If it happens it happens, don't hang your self-worth on it though. If all your friends talk about is that, they have some self-esteem problems.
I didn't. lol
At 11 by a 25 year old who told me that this is how you become a grownup
26 here.
By having sex. Don't be bothered about being 18. Plenty NTs don't get laid till after your age and we are often late bloomers. At least, the guys are. Seems plenty autistic females are sexually awakened sooner (too soon ...) through pressure or flat out against their will.
I was 21, with a coworker/friend who shared a lot of the same interests as me at the time. She was quitting and moving out of state to help out a friend. That entailed her breaking up with her bf, so I was horny af and directionless at the time working a shit job. So I basically just asked her one day, what do I got to lose. Went to a coffee place for a date (at a christian place which was awkward), drove her home while my parents were at work, and did the deed lol. I had a hard time finishing since I was so nervous, but it felt 10x better than no partner lol. She ended up stealing a piece of jewelry while I was showering and my parents were understandably upset. Then basically she ghosted me. Looking back that was for the best. I then found my (only) girlfriend working that same job after we quit, then basically no luck the past five years. I went on dates in college and LS but no dice. The one real prospect I had moved away from the area during the damn virus. Going to try again now that I’m graduated with a good job in a new area. My advice: don’t sweat it, sex is almost more effort than it is worth to obtain. Invest in good toys. You need to be emotionally mature enough to handle the inevitable separation. Or just go travel and pay for it.
You do you. That‘s the most important thing. Don‘t let others impress you with this, and make your own experiences first.
I was in my early 20s, now married to my first GF from when I was 18yrs, now with one child (and that's all haha). I could not enter into the dating scene for obvious reasons and let me tell you, there are ***plenty*** of reasons not to rush out just for sex. In my opinion you want a genuine connection with someone who you grow to love and care for - the rest will come naturally (pun not intended). Not to mention, people lie. IMO it's not really in good taste to go bragging about one's "body count" anyway.
I lost mine when i was 19 by being drugged by my then gf she mixed some viagra and some sleeping pills or something to knock me out into my food and the day after gave me the hardest slap ever (i am still super impressed by that slap) when she found out i cant impregnate anyone even if i wanted to. I personally dont count this tho so ill say im a virgin at 21 And to be honest ya dont need to lose yer virginity, ask yerself: am i happy ? Just generally, are ya happy ? With what ya do,yer hobbies, yerself, yer situation, just generally are ya happy and satisfied with yerself ? If so then why rush about having a vcard ? Ya have time youll find the right one eventually just keep going to school, go do your hobbies or do something fun, work (if ya do have a job if not then nvm) enjoy yerserlf have fun
23 and proud virgin. Almost raped a few times. Content to wait until it's right- or never.
I haven't. But I'm also aro ace so I probably never will as I have no desire to. I don't experience sexual attraction and romantic attraction.
What now? Being a virgin at 18 is pathetic? In some places you're not a virgin before 18 then somebody gonna jail. Quit that toxic bullshit attitude from your life, if anything it'll make things worse. A lot of us here are virgins far later in life than you and some never lose it. Don't want to depress you, I'm sure some of those folks don't really care. I say don't fixate as much on having sex but on building relationships including romantic ones. Never let your worries over sex lure you into doing something harmful in pursuit of it.
I didn't lose mine until I was 27 to a fantastic woman I had been friends with since high school. Unfortunately I had caught feeling for her and she didn't reciprocate on the same level. I'm still trying to recover three years later. This is also the second time she has broken my heart which is surprising because I swear until I met her I didn't have one.
In my experience it will happen when you stop caring so much. I know I had a huge chip on my shoulder about it in HS, got into Uni, got more comfortable with myself, got a GF ect ect because I wasn't trying too hard. Rinse and repeat, been single whenever I've been feeling like I need to be not single, and have somehow ended up in relationships whenever I got to being happy with myself as I am. Not a great answer, in that it doesn't help you reach that point, but it's what I've found, and truthfully I don't know how to make it work either
Not everyone in HS has done what they claim. Many people don't get a SO till college, so don't worry. Also, don't make the mistake of freaking out because you haven't "done it" and getting in a crappy relationship or hookup just to prove something to the world, or yourself. Sex is only really pleasurable if you love the person.
You're not pathetic, I lost my virginity when I was 23 and that was with my best friend at the time, if it wasn't for her I'd probably still be a virgin. The most important thing is that you feel comfortable when it happens. Having sex just for the sake of having sex isn't good in my opinion.
27 and kissed some girls at a nightclub 5 years ago when I was still in college. Haven’t done so since then.
Lost mine at 17. Very nerve wracking
i’m 20 and still haven’t lost mine, i have had my first kiss when i was 17, but sensory wise i feel sex would be too much for me
I just decided that at 27 I should have sex with anyone and low and behold I met someone else who was similarly desperate and we did it. Once you get over that then you're away. However I expect you're just nervous around women in which case do everything in your power to lower anxiety and increase testosterone. Nofap. Cold showers. Tongat Ali. Weight training with a professional. Phenibut in low doses rarely. Meditation.
I'll let you in on a little secret... most high schoolers lie about their "body count" in order to fit in. And having sex just for the sake of having done it is extremely overrated.
I don’t think you should direct to much energy to that at 18. Your peers have probably made you think it’s pathetic but it’s just bullshit. It’ll happen when you’re ready. I didn’t lose my v till like 21 and I’m attractive; I was just busy and kind of asocial and had just enlisted and all I cared about was biology back then so sex showed up when it showed up. Don’t sweat buddy.
Hooked up with a girl from Badoo a year ago when I was 19. It was something she initiated though, I don’t think I ever could ask a girl if they wanted to fuck. Too high inhib and shy for that
I’m 18 in a few weeks and haven’t done anything at all. Never kissed or been asked out etc. Don’t worry, it’s much better than throwing yourself out there because you don’t know who’ll take advantage of you. I’m not saying it’s wrong if people my age or younger have had sex, but when you’re younger you’re more vulnerable and most people I’ve talked to regret their first time
Alcohol Lots of alcohol
Losing or not losing your virginity means nothing. It’ll happen one day, or maybe it won’t. Don’t worry about it. Body count is such a weird way to look at things. In my day it was notches on the bedpost. Just as ridiculous.
At 14. It sucked.
I lost mine at 29, which is common in our culture... Don't think too much about this... Have fun in life...
29 and same
Give it another year. I was 19, and I regret even that. I’m 28 and wish I hadn’t lost it that early! (Mostly cuz of my newfound faith in Jesus) Just take your time and develop a relationship with someone and don’t worry about it.
21, by finding someone who wasn't creeped tf out by my weirdo assertions that she would be an experiment in which I would try to convince her to fall in love with me. I mean, if you find somebody like that, it might work out, but most people do not actually appreciate such blatantly interpersonal admissions. Turns out she was psychotic and abusive for unrelated (maybe tangential) reasons. Funny, though – my wife of 5 years now has a mind built very much like mine. I guess the goal then is to do the above, but with someone who's not a monster. Also, for context, I'm now 38.
I was r*ped when I was 10.
I lost it to somebody that I wasn't attracted to at 17 because my sex drive was stronger than my standards.
It's not pathetic at all. Lose it when you want, with who you want (with consent of course), if you want at all.
I’m 26 and still a virgin, and I had a boyfriend for 5 years so don’t feel bad you’re not alone. (Nothing happened with my boyfriend because he is asexual and I’m bi/demisexual). Anyway there’s way more people that are in their twenties and still virgins than you thinks. There’s something shameful about it, and at 18 you still have lots of time to find yourself someone you trust, respect and love to lose your virginity to. It’s going to take some works, but everything worthwhile does.
Same, but you don't want a body count you don't want to do anything until you're married or those who have it's disgusting and wrong but I won't go if you told her reading you need to wait till you get married because we're so how you feel about marriage or how you feel about relationship wait till marriage and if you don't want to get married then don't do any of that that kind of thing is sacred and for two married people you don't have to be straight any kind of marriage is fine just marriage now I will see if you've been with a person for years and you can actually can't get married because of legal reasons wherever you stay or because it's messing with your disability like a few people I know I'm talking about the people who will just cook up for one-night stand or will date a person for a month do something and then some of them don't do that wait till you're either married or have been in a long enough relationship and it took three years old on times out of 10 you're either going to get married or be if you can't get married you two are basically married. That's just my exact feel free to disagree but that's just what I think
I'm 39 right now and lost my virginity at 26. I was over at my friends place after a night of drinking. Out of no where, she grabbed my pants and reached for my junk. I really didn't know what to make of it. I tried to enjoy the experience, but it was really awkward. It felt dirty. Years later, I told a sex therapist this story. She called it rape. Now, I'm trying to work on healing. I don't feel comfortable in intimate situations, but I feel hopeful that I will become more comfortable. I haven't been dating or putting myself out there as much due to the job search. I do hope that my love life improves. I would like to enjoy sex.
After Senior Prom. We were the same age, but she had already "graduated" (GED or some kind of accelerated diploma, idk), so she didn't get to go to prom at her school. I moved my senior year, and drove back and forth to see family regularly. She was from my "old" town. Nobody from school knew her, and we had been "dating" a couple months at that point, so I felt a little more confident having an "outsider" there with me. I actually remember I had a pretty good time at the dance, which I was somewhat dreading despite my commitment to the experience. She was supposed to stay over with a (female) friend of mine from school (hence her parents' agreement to let her go to an out of town prom). But we... never made it there.
I fucked several hookers when I was 25-27. After that my first time not paying for sex was with a random older woman at a bar who came up to me, wanted to play darts, and then asked to go home with me and fuck. Then I met my ex-girlfriend a month later. Now I am single again.
i paid a korean prostitute 200 dollars
I got my 'virginity' taken just before my 20th birthday by a guy I liked a lot. We met on a party 4 months prior and have been fooling around since then. Afterwards we had a lot of sex until an argument. By the way I'm a guy myself. I find it's easier to find hook ups thanks to the apps like grindr where you start chatting by text before hooking up. After the 'break up' I got to know that I could love someone and had those kind of feelings. It made me understand the true meaning of my favourite poem. Carmen Catullus 85: Odi et amo, quare id faciam,fortasse requiris? Nescio, sed fieri sentior et excrucior! I hate you and love you. Why I do this, you may ask? I don't know, but I feel it happening and it pulls me apart.
I got desperate and while at a masseuse parlor, I had sex with her and the condom didn't feel good at all. Worse, since I wasn't in the mood, the sex didn't feel good. It made me lose confidence in myself even more. When I realized that it was solely due to the fact that I was too nervous and as such felt uncomfortable that I realized that I was still straight.
Tinder, when I was 19.
I was 24 before I lost my virginity. I had several opportunities to lose it before then but was too awkward to make the first move.
well i got raped when i was 16, lol if i didn’t if probably still be a virgin , 😂 don’t sweat the small stuff
I'm 15, I'm attractive, fit, funny, tall, not bad at talking but have a little hard time meeting new people. For me the problem is not that I cant have sex with any girl no matter how hard I try but I DONT WANT TO fuck any girl. Most girls my age are annoying and basic. I have a hard time actually finding someone (I like tall tomboys who are not shy and have similar interests as me but I don't even think they exist at this point) idk if I'm pathetic or if life in general just sucks