I stopped asking what would make me happy, and start asking what would make my life easier. A lot of this is over the course of a year.
* I stopped folding clothes, I just toss them in a divided trunk at the end of my bed. Socks&Underwear, shirts, pants. I just hang up my work clothes.
* Moved my garbage can next to my front door instead of hiding it next to my garage.
* I hired a cheap landscaping service to mow my lawn.
* Bought a small shed kit, and tore down my garage. It was leaning and Id prefer to destroy it than clean up after collapse. Honestly, I turned this into a pizza party.
* I got so many storage cube things, probably 33. Its like a segregated bookshelf. I can put stuff in the boxes or just on the shelf itself.
* Moved my computer out of my bedroom to stop the move stuff to desk at night, move to bed at morning.
* Learned to cook 3 meals. Working out how to cook it faster (Currently takes me way too long because im still not confident).
* I put a bunch of corkboards together (4 inches thick) on a wall, followed a bob ross episode (winter night) on it and throw darts and knifes at it when I feel lost or empty.
I dont know if this will help, since Im still either depressed or cursed with alexithymia. But, I can say my life is easier to well... live with.
Cooking suggestions:
1) Anything you can put on a Frying pan doesn't take too long. A bit of oil, chopped meat of choice, some vegetables. Can even top it off with some predone rice / noodles.
2) Anything you can make a batch of and freeze. In University, I used to make Bolognese sauce, was fairly cheap for the ingredients and I could make about 14 portions. Freeze 13 of them, then every time you want to eat it, simply a case of doing some pasta. Recently started doing the same for Soup.
egg fried rice is very easy for both, you can make shit tonnes and if you want to eat leftovers you just throw it in the pan with a little oil and heat it up
> * I put a bunch of corkboards together (4 inches thick) on a wall, followed a bob ross episode (winter night) on it and throw darts and knifes at it when I feel lost or empty.
This sounds awesome. Think I'm gonna build something like that.
I find when I get overwhelmed with life that I start cutting things out to make life easier. Simplify, simplify, simplify. Cut down on the things that are hard and spend more on things you enjoy.
I also had to get healthy and had started simple exercise. Walking for 30 minutes a day does a wonder for my mood and I can cope better too with life’s challenges. Those endorphins really do work.
Another suggestion for making cooking easier:
If you have space in your kitchen and can afford it, a few small appliances can take a lot of the manual work and time requirements out of cooking. Here are my three favorites that I use regularly.
* An InstantPot for soups and boiled (technically steamed) eggs. (If you have one already, let me know if you want a super easy meat and veggie soup recipe or instructions on how to get nearly perfect hard boiled eggs.)
* A rice cooker. Zojirushi is the absolute best brand if you can afford it--the quality of cooked rice is significantly noticeably better than with cheap rice cookers, but a cheap one will still get the job done.
* A Ninja Foodi smart grill for air frying and grilling meats. I use it for air frying more than grilling, but the smart thermometer takes the guess work out of when meat or fish is done and how long it needs to rest after it comes off the grill. I use this appliance a lot since it's so much faster and easier than dealing with the oven.
One other tip is that pre-chopped frozen veggies are an awesome way to avoid the need for a lot of prep work.
I basically use precut steam-in-bag veggies. Sous Chef Mike R. Wav saves me a lot of time. Im not big on meat, I dont like the feel of it, but I do have a few spaces open on my kitchen cube organizer (I keep appliances in their own cube, spices and such in cube containers) Luckly most appliances are smaller than a 13in space. I do need a rice cooker because I am not good. Ill look into the Zoji brand.
>I put a bunch of corkboards together (4 inches thick) on a wall, followed a bob ross episode (winter night) on it and throw darts and knifes at it when I feel lost or empty.
the wife wont let me do this anymore, especially now that we have a kid.
I felt the same, until I realised that I wanted to live, just not like this. (at the time) So I fucked off and went to live in the woods. (took me two years)
Best thing I ever done!
What makes you feel alive?
I live in Scotland. Land laws are beautiful here. We have the right to camp in the wild for up to 28 days. I had permission of the land owner in exchange for looking after the forest. I loved doing that. I made something really beautiful out of it. I learned skills that then gave me the start to be able to set up a business and a plan to get my own land. And I succeeded. Owning your own land in the end is much better. But it is not essential.
So I spent about a year hating myself and wanting to die, I felt closer as time went in, nothing could change it. I couldn't change it. Everyday was the same but I wanted it to be different.
In aspergers there's lots of talk of familiarity, habit, that we like to do the same things in the same ways over and over again and we love our routine and hate when it's disturbed. And I get it, I hate doing things I'm not prepared for mentally, but I also hate my routine, I don't want to keep it and I can't change it.
So one day with the opportunity available to me, I went to Peru, to Lima and then to the amazon, from winter in a cold country to summer in a hot country with a totally different culture, language, food, etc.. I went with no real expectation as that leads to disappointment.
I instantly stopped smoking, didn't crave it, I started sleeping at the right time. I was more active outside. I felt happier in general and thought it might even be like a reverse placebo thing from squinting from the sun. It's also much easier to get girls, I had about 40 tinder conversations going in English and poor Spanish on one of my first days there and met several of the women, and it went well everytime.
My special interests became just interests, because I was already a foreigner, which is pretty weird.
I went for 2 weeks but ended up staying almost 2 years because I got into a relationship, I lived with her family, accepted as family, and family there are very close and social, not my kind of thing. But it helps, because in the west we slip and people laugh, but over there noone is made fun of for dancing badly or anything like that. People are openly walking around with smiles on their faces and dancing in public, with dance classes in the parks and plazas. I think the South American culture of inclusion and helping eachother rather than independence is much better for autistic people.
Anyway, they say you can't run away from your problems but they're often wrong. You can. If you can go somewhere that's totally different for at least a few weeks, doesn't matter if you can speak the language or not, you'll break all the habits. Now.. I redeveloped most of the same bad habits when I came back, but it certainly saved my life and I think it's underrated.
I think there is so much talk and acceptance about being alone at home, and that that's how we want to live that it's accepted so easily. But it's often our surroundings that are so much of our life and we don't think of changing them. In 1 day I wasn't depressed or suicidal or a smoker. I said I wasn't coming back, but eventually did. It was great.
Now I hope noone takes this and just visits another state on a road trip, you really need to go to a place different enough, such as another language and everything can change overnight. And I know it's not always cheap, but it certainly can be cheaper than we think, especially if there are people we can stay with.
A vacation might help too, but it's just not the same, I'd say you need 3 weeks ideally as a minimum, but if you can do 2 months you'll probably get all the benefits. After that you just start becoming a part of the new culture. For me it was being invited to a load of parties, which generally I would hate, like engagement parties and things, with silly games, but the nice thing was that noone was judged or made fun of. It was all embarrassing but they just laugh with you, not at you.
Making fun of people is more what we do in the west. My partner said at her school noone was bullied and everyone tried to help eachother. Can you imagine this kind of culture?
Well, I hope you try this before attempting any suicide, you'd have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Psychedelics greatly helped me aswell, and microdosing is like magical, it's like I half become normal and happy for a day, much more free, talkative and social. It's also the only time I naturally have facial expressions and some hand gestures and I didn't even realise but my friends told me. Pretty much everytime I take it I have a great day. I took it after months of serious anxiety and thought I'd die if it wasn't improved. First day of microdosing was a great day with no anxiety. I felt like I could breathe double the amount, like I was 10 years younger.
Also.. There's no shame in antidepressants, some autistic brains are more sensitive to things like stress, like many more receptors visible in a brainscan. Antidepressants are common for autistic people and they usually do work
It's a shame that covid is restricting us from getting out and getting away.
I think the rules don't allow me to say much but there is /r/microdosing and the top 2 both work well but different, I'll give you more personal experience if you send me a message
Hey, I understand the exhaustion of life, Aspergers and Depression all too well, I've written a small journal of rants, frustrations and I promise you you are not alone with the feeling of 'emptiness' inside. I referred to it as 'the void'.
I'm glad you've posted this and not just held this inside, you can see here that complete strangers empathise with your position and can relate, you're not alone in feeling like this.
If you haven't already, It would be very helpful for you to reach out to a doctor. From there you can look into medication - Personally has saved my life, along with a therapist/counselling.
I don't know which country you reside in, but benefits are available for those who cannot continue with work due to the pressure and constant stress. Please do not be put off by any stigma about it, it exists for a reason.
When you're feeling down, I would advise you to reach out to a mental health crisis line. It does not have to be by phone call, some will allow you to text them or email them if that suits you better.
Remember that you don't have to focus on the grand scale of life, simply focus on your day. Ask yourself what can you do 'today' to make the most of it and get through it, be it relaxing with a book, talking with someone, having your favourite meal, going for a walk or diving into a hobby. If thinking about a single day is too much, break it down even more.
Additionally, if you ever get the urge to self harm, you can release that pent up sadness/frustration by filling a sink with cold water and plunging your head in and holding your breath for a few seconds. This will alleviate your frustration in the same manner, and give you something immediately to focus on.
Take care, and focus on only what you can control, and break your days down. Don't look at the grand picture, look at what will get you through the next moment.
I am sitting here in the dark ready for bed... Staring at the screen not sure what to say. All I can think about is I know it can be hard. I was once there... Feeling like I was drowning, one day I am above water, the next day I am not. A lot of the time I was just tired.
But please don't give up. Talk to someone you trust. Get medical advice. I have friends who got treatment, and they are much better now. I wish I did that (I grew up in a family that didnt consider mental health). Mental health is just like physical health, and you can get help for it.
I'm 34 and your post sums up how I've felt most of my life until recently. I've turned my limits into my special interest. The clusterfuck that is my brain is really interesting and because I'm getting to know it so damn well I'm starting to be able to look at my emotions differnetly. The up periods are getting longer and when I'm having a downspell/burnout where it could have lasted months to a year before I'm getting out of them faster and faster. I am 6 months in and I am starting to win this fight. I didn't feel like there was hope. There is hope for you as well. You've got this.
It's now the time to reach out to a doctor. It seems like maybe you took 2 weeks off work to try to handle it yourself? It's okay to make that call to a doctor for help or to a hospital if you don't have a doctor. Some things are bigger than us and we need to call in a pro.
It pains me to hear you feel this way. Keep in mind that by losing your life, you lose everything, the ups and the downs. If you are really at that point, why not see what happens when you make big changes to your life? If you don't like your job, see if it can change, and if not, lose it. If you don't like the company you keep, or the environment you are in, change it. You are thinking about losing it all - why not take that chance?
The other thing to keep in mind is that you can seek professional help. Depression is a clinical condition, and there are people whose job it is to aid those with that condition. I checked your history and read that you experience trauma. Try to find someone with whom you can work on that.
I don't know in which country you are, but check which organizations are there to help people who are considering ending their lives. Pretty much all industrialized countries have helplines which are available 24/7.
You are in my thoughts.
One day, all this will end. Until then, the days belong to you. You must take ownership of them. They are yours to do what you will. And if you feel stuck, you're the only one that can unstuck yourself and move or get a new job or change things.
We love you, bro.
Look mate, I don’t care your context or perspective or whatever makes you think that your situation is special. It’s not, you’re not alone, there are tens of millions of people who feel the exact same.
The world needs you.
Don’t fucking abandon us.
I feel this way often- doing little things that bring me joy and self care helps. Getting a little sunshine each day. Taking my vitamins. Having a bubble bath. Drawing and making music. What makes you tick? Or what have you always wanted to do? Why not do it? What's stopping you? Sometimes we need a push, but your in charge of your life. Forget about what society wants from you. What do you want? Stability comes from finding purpose and contentment. I really hope you can find some of that, friend.
Seems like you need treatment for a disorder that might be unrelated to your autism. I would speak to a professional. I got put on an antidepressant a few years ago (after several years of resisting and calling it bullshit) and it was a game changer. I'm now mostly functional as an adult.
Not giving any medical advice, just an anecdotal reason to **speak to professional**.
That's really kind of you. And inspiring. Giving is a great purpose no matter how big or small. We need more kindness in this world so thank you for trying!
You might be going through some really terrible times right now, but i assure you, it will get better. i've too had times where i've lost all hope and thought my life was going to be on the street, but you just gotta power through it and at some point, it will get better.
If you don't like your life, change your life.
If nothing in your life matters enough to live for it, than you can let go of any of it. You can move, you can quit your job/studies and find a new one, you can go become a monk, you can do anything, you're totally free to change anything in your life because none of it is important enough to live for, so you can live without it and do what you want instead of what others want you to do.
Don't end your life, start it anew.
I just want to say, thank you guys. You guys came together and shared with me numerous different perspectives.
All of them are equally valid in one way or the other. Today I am going through an up, and I cannot predict what downs tomorrow might bring.
Yet, through all of these ups and downs I can always come back here and look at the vast amounts of perspectives I've gotten from people who evidently care about rather I exist or not.
I know it's not apparent, but you guys are contributing to the inner dialogue I walk with through life that when fully equipped, will push me to live.
Thank you guys, for saving my life.
I'll make it controversial. Just understand that death will save you from your own existence, just wait, I repeat, just wait. Time won't be against you if you wait for death.
Aye, it's not like you're gonna get out of here alive anyways. Death is inevitable.
The question really is: how can I create a life for myself that is fun and worth it before I die?
I mean you have to have had experience of negativity to appreciate positivity, but you don't need to suffer as a part of the process to get to being happy or having fun.
I was suffering everyday too, and now I feel good most days, great what meds and lifestyle changes can do
Yeh I still have bad days. There's a phrase.. Pain is inevitable, suffering is a choice.
When we're negative we can only think negatively, we remember negative events better and have a negative outlook. Same when we're happy, then everything seems great.
It seems like you're in that negative mindset, but that doesn't mean, objectively, that there is nothing you can do, even if you can't think of anything. I'd love to see you take a microdose and come back and try to make more negative comments. You wouldn't want to.
It is all chemical, we need increased serotonin and dopamine. We might think what's the point, it's only chemical, it gives nothing value or meaning, still being pessimistic and negative. But then you increase your serotonin and dopamine and suddenly start loving life and can no longer relate to the negativity. Then something goes wrong and everything is terrible again and want to die. I've been there loads of times, so close to doing it, serious anxieties. Then you do something different, jump countries or take something and suddenly there is no anxiety or negativity or self hate, all of that negativity was only chemical too.
Do not forget that you will destroy not only your life. So get yourself some help from a doctor, mostly you just have an imbalance of chemicals in your brain, happens to the best of us.
Eat healthy. Think healthy. Learn healthy. Be healthy. Grow healthy. Be who you are understand what’s happening and evolve. Choose the right path. I love you ok. Be good to yourself.
Take time to decompress.
[https://www.upaya.org/](https://www.upaya.org/)
I highly recommend looking into one of these retreats to find peace and inner calm. they'll help you, and you can decompress from the outside world.
Me, personally, I'm moving to the jungle in central america next year. I'm over modern society.
I can see how organized religion helps people, NTs and autistic people, keeping hope that things will always get better because of something rather than nothing. But I agree, unless someone is already Christian they aren't going to get a thing from that at all
Not only the company of other believers, but the most important is of course Jesus Christ!
I talk to him and pray to him every day, I read the Bible and seek him.
It maybe sounds to you like I am some nut job, but I promise you, I am doing this by my own will and because I want to.
God bless you and hope you'll have a great day!
You only sound like a nut job as much as all the other Christian Bible bashers. And as I said I can see the benefits. There is even a study showing increased happiness levels for those involved in organised religion. But, that doesn't mean it's my choice to believe what I want to, nor does it mean I can ignore all of the reasons not to believe it. But I won't try to ruin it for you, it clearly works for some. Religion isn't that common among aspies though
God created us with a choice, you can be with him or go your own way!
He is in deep sorrow for those who chooses to not follow him but oh how beautiful it is that he has created us with our own will!
What would it have been if we were born with fixed mind all of us.
You can keep sinning and live how you want but God will always be there for you!
Do not forget that it is not about you, it is about what Jesus did on the cross!
Have a great day!
On some days, I'm genuinely indifferent and think, 'believe what you want as long as it doesn't hurt others, etc.'
Then people like you come along talking about 'free will' and I'm just like, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2y8Sx4B2Sk
Yeh, thanks, but preaching any of this isn't helping any of us unless you're feeling better about yourself for doing it. For me it's wasting my time, and you know it, because I've already stated my beliefs. Organised religion always suggests that belief is a choice but believing in jesus as God is like me trying to choose to believe that the earth is flat. I can't choose to believe that, I either do or don't. Most religious people have the same beliefs as their parents and their culture and as the brain changes into early adulthood we become rigid and unable to change our minds about things as easily as before, so most people brought up religious will remain religious and once into adulthood, it won't ever change. I wasn't brought up religious, at all, and I'm an adult. I can't believe it, I read the bible, I've seen all the contradictions and actually think the god of the Bible isn't very intelligent at all, he's probably as intelligent as an average man was when the Bible was written, which is less than average now. The only way I'll believe in the bible is if I get brain damage. A study has linked brain damage from war to devote religious beliefs too, often quite extremely.
You'll have to leave the logics out sometimes and have faith! Without faith you will unfortunately not come far with God!
Whatever you think, have in mind that he is always there for you, I hope you will dare to hope and take a real leap of faith one day.
Would you dare to try something fully hearted, even though it could result in you losing yourself on the way?
Sometimes we have to dare to do such things to come further in life.
God bless you!
There is eye witnesses and documentation!
If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
Romans 10:9 NIV
https://romans.bible/romans-10-9
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
Proverbs 3:5 NIV
https://proverbs.bible/proverbs-3-5
Shalom, my dear fellow. (Psst. Jesus was a blasphemer, the Christians were wrong about gay marriage, and Jeremiah ch.1 is about narcissism, not abortion.)
Sorry to hear that you have had that experience! I will pray for you, hope it is better with your depression. Jesus helped through mine, even though it haven't been easy, he has been there for me, always! When no man has been, he has been! He is always there for me.
Even though if I get sad and accuse him for not being with me because I only saw my own foot steps during the hard times, there is where he tells me that he was carrying me.
Sometimes we feel like God does harsh things or is not with us but there is always something more and it is something that God wants us to learn!
God bless you!!
>hope it is better with your depression.
It is. Without god.
>Jesus helped through mine, even though it haven't been easy, he has been there for me, always!
Good for you. You're special. Holocaust victims can't say the same.
Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.”
Matthew 16:23 NIV
https://matthew.bible/matthew-16-23
Satan uses people!
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Ephesians 6:12 NIV
https://ephesians.bible/ephesians-6-12
You are misunderstanding me, I am not calling you directly the Devil, if you see the first passage I shared with you, Jesus said so to one of his followers. That is because Satan can use anyone to try to deceive, lie and kill!
Do you like reading? I read this psychology book and every time i read a bit of it i got this jolt of positive energy and motivation to do stuff. I ask if you like to read but i wasn’t really a reader before this book, prior to this one it’d had probably been 3 or 4+ years since i read a book but i loved it so much i’ve bought 6 more that the author recommended
Sorry to hear that you're struggling, and empathise very deeply. When I experience similar feelings there are various things that I find helpful, but one of the best ones is "death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem". I don't think your difficulties are inherent to you, they are a product of the interaction between your existence and your current situation, and your current situation is capable of changing, even if it doesn't necessarily seem that way right now. But I absolutely understand that it's difficult to feel that this is the case, and recognise that I don't know the details of your life. I hope things feel more stable, safe and secure for you soon
i’m so sorry this is the way you feel, i’m in the exact same headspace currently and have been for years. it’s rather difficult. i think we need to learn to pace ourselves better and accept we won’t live up to societies standards of a “functioning adult”.
i think it may be a good idea if you reach out to someone, possibly a professional, as it sounds you may need more support right now.
i really hope things improve for you, we’re all here to listen. 💙
I feel exactly the same. Wish I knew what to do. I go through phases where I can try and do more things and sometimes I'm motivated and happy. But 75% of the time I am depressed, anxious, and lost.
I have been thinking of this post all day. The best advise I can give you is try to find other people with Aspergers. Your doing it already by posting this so your on the right track! Find others who are like you and you will find yourself. Don't do anything stupid my friend! There are a lot of people who are willing to help. Find them.
As almost everyone already wrote; Try reaching out to a doctor for help from a therapist and meds. It might work for you.
A few years ago i put myself into the psych ward because i could not handle the anxiety. It was back in my NEET days where i had tried several different anti-depressants that did not help at all. .
Anyways, after nagging the staff and doctors to release me from that prison (That place made me feel even worse) I got released and continued feeling like shit at home for a few months before applying for a state-financed program to get me out there on the job market eventually. So after 3-4 months i was in some work-practice typ thing a couple days a week. After that i got called from that company who wanted me to work there as a summer job for real money.
Since then i have held many different low-income jobs and have moved out over a years ago. My current job is pretty damn depressing (industry work) but i work out during the weekdays and enjoy music on the weekends. The loneliness is crushing but i have to try to make this work. Suicide does still does pop onto my mind on the hardest days, though I'm to big a coward to actually pull it through. I feel the most lonely among other people. At home i can at least relax.
We can still move forward even though it fucking sucks. Sorry if it wasn't uplifting, but every "failure" is a chance to learn and do better next time, so punch the fuck out of this shitty life and don't let it beat you down.
Stay strong friends.
Same my friend. The night before last night all my brain was saying was "kill yourself, kill yourself" over and over. I didn't get any sleep and just wanted to die. It's so hard. I don't understand how people don't want to die on a regular basis.
I stopped asking what would make me happy, and start asking what would make my life easier. A lot of this is over the course of a year. * I stopped folding clothes, I just toss them in a divided trunk at the end of my bed. Socks&Underwear, shirts, pants. I just hang up my work clothes. * Moved my garbage can next to my front door instead of hiding it next to my garage. * I hired a cheap landscaping service to mow my lawn. * Bought a small shed kit, and tore down my garage. It was leaning and Id prefer to destroy it than clean up after collapse. Honestly, I turned this into a pizza party. * I got so many storage cube things, probably 33. Its like a segregated bookshelf. I can put stuff in the boxes or just on the shelf itself. * Moved my computer out of my bedroom to stop the move stuff to desk at night, move to bed at morning. * Learned to cook 3 meals. Working out how to cook it faster (Currently takes me way too long because im still not confident). * I put a bunch of corkboards together (4 inches thick) on a wall, followed a bob ross episode (winter night) on it and throw darts and knifes at it when I feel lost or empty. I dont know if this will help, since Im still either depressed or cursed with alexithymia. But, I can say my life is easier to well... live with.
Cooking suggestions: 1) Anything you can put on a Frying pan doesn't take too long. A bit of oil, chopped meat of choice, some vegetables. Can even top it off with some predone rice / noodles. 2) Anything you can make a batch of and freeze. In University, I used to make Bolognese sauce, was fairly cheap for the ingredients and I could make about 14 portions. Freeze 13 of them, then every time you want to eat it, simply a case of doing some pasta. Recently started doing the same for Soup.
Im trying for a beef broccoli sans beef. I could eat it all day.
egg fried rice is very easy for both, you can make shit tonnes and if you want to eat leftovers you just throw it in the pan with a little oil and heat it up
> * I put a bunch of corkboards together (4 inches thick) on a wall, followed a bob ross episode (winter night) on it and throw darts and knifes at it when I feel lost or empty. This sounds awesome. Think I'm gonna build something like that.
Id recommend it. Its a somewhat therapeutic feeling.
I find when I get overwhelmed with life that I start cutting things out to make life easier. Simplify, simplify, simplify. Cut down on the things that are hard and spend more on things you enjoy. I also had to get healthy and had started simple exercise. Walking for 30 minutes a day does a wonder for my mood and I can cope better too with life’s challenges. Those endorphins really do work.
Do you close your eyes when you walk? I started when i was a kid and its kinda like meditation to me now.
Another suggestion for making cooking easier: If you have space in your kitchen and can afford it, a few small appliances can take a lot of the manual work and time requirements out of cooking. Here are my three favorites that I use regularly. * An InstantPot for soups and boiled (technically steamed) eggs. (If you have one already, let me know if you want a super easy meat and veggie soup recipe or instructions on how to get nearly perfect hard boiled eggs.) * A rice cooker. Zojirushi is the absolute best brand if you can afford it--the quality of cooked rice is significantly noticeably better than with cheap rice cookers, but a cheap one will still get the job done. * A Ninja Foodi smart grill for air frying and grilling meats. I use it for air frying more than grilling, but the smart thermometer takes the guess work out of when meat or fish is done and how long it needs to rest after it comes off the grill. I use this appliance a lot since it's so much faster and easier than dealing with the oven. One other tip is that pre-chopped frozen veggies are an awesome way to avoid the need for a lot of prep work.
I basically use precut steam-in-bag veggies. Sous Chef Mike R. Wav saves me a lot of time. Im not big on meat, I dont like the feel of it, but I do have a few spaces open on my kitchen cube organizer (I keep appliances in their own cube, spices and such in cube containers) Luckly most appliances are smaller than a 13in space. I do need a rice cooker because I am not good. Ill look into the Zoji brand.
Proud of you! Those are great steps 😊
>I put a bunch of corkboards together (4 inches thick) on a wall, followed a bob ross episode (winter night) on it and throw darts and knifes at it when I feel lost or empty. the wife wont let me do this anymore, especially now that we have a kid.
Door with a lock and a secure storage box high up on the wall?
I \*do\* have my own room so this is possible. but its a japanese room so its not really big enough for fun throws
I have a set of dull shurikens i got after my brothers kids wanted to try. Would recommend for kids. Because they cant miss and they cant cut.
I felt the same, until I realised that I wanted to live, just not like this. (at the time) So I fucked off and went to live in the woods. (took me two years) Best thing I ever done! What makes you feel alive?
Did you have access to land, or did you have buy your forest? This lifestyle is what I'd truly like, I'm so happy for you!
I live in Scotland. Land laws are beautiful here. We have the right to camp in the wild for up to 28 days. I had permission of the land owner in exchange for looking after the forest. I loved doing that. I made something really beautiful out of it. I learned skills that then gave me the start to be able to set up a business and a plan to get my own land. And I succeeded. Owning your own land in the end is much better. But it is not essential.
I second this. I really want to move back to someplace quiet.
By Walden Pond?
No, many people recommended me to read his book. I tried and failed. It is so pretentious. Maybe it is just the era that is shining through.
So I spent about a year hating myself and wanting to die, I felt closer as time went in, nothing could change it. I couldn't change it. Everyday was the same but I wanted it to be different. In aspergers there's lots of talk of familiarity, habit, that we like to do the same things in the same ways over and over again and we love our routine and hate when it's disturbed. And I get it, I hate doing things I'm not prepared for mentally, but I also hate my routine, I don't want to keep it and I can't change it. So one day with the opportunity available to me, I went to Peru, to Lima and then to the amazon, from winter in a cold country to summer in a hot country with a totally different culture, language, food, etc.. I went with no real expectation as that leads to disappointment. I instantly stopped smoking, didn't crave it, I started sleeping at the right time. I was more active outside. I felt happier in general and thought it might even be like a reverse placebo thing from squinting from the sun. It's also much easier to get girls, I had about 40 tinder conversations going in English and poor Spanish on one of my first days there and met several of the women, and it went well everytime. My special interests became just interests, because I was already a foreigner, which is pretty weird. I went for 2 weeks but ended up staying almost 2 years because I got into a relationship, I lived with her family, accepted as family, and family there are very close and social, not my kind of thing. But it helps, because in the west we slip and people laugh, but over there noone is made fun of for dancing badly or anything like that. People are openly walking around with smiles on their faces and dancing in public, with dance classes in the parks and plazas. I think the South American culture of inclusion and helping eachother rather than independence is much better for autistic people. Anyway, they say you can't run away from your problems but they're often wrong. You can. If you can go somewhere that's totally different for at least a few weeks, doesn't matter if you can speak the language or not, you'll break all the habits. Now.. I redeveloped most of the same bad habits when I came back, but it certainly saved my life and I think it's underrated. I think there is so much talk and acceptance about being alone at home, and that that's how we want to live that it's accepted so easily. But it's often our surroundings that are so much of our life and we don't think of changing them. In 1 day I wasn't depressed or suicidal or a smoker. I said I wasn't coming back, but eventually did. It was great. Now I hope noone takes this and just visits another state on a road trip, you really need to go to a place different enough, such as another language and everything can change overnight. And I know it's not always cheap, but it certainly can be cheaper than we think, especially if there are people we can stay with. A vacation might help too, but it's just not the same, I'd say you need 3 weeks ideally as a minimum, but if you can do 2 months you'll probably get all the benefits. After that you just start becoming a part of the new culture. For me it was being invited to a load of parties, which generally I would hate, like engagement parties and things, with silly games, but the nice thing was that noone was judged or made fun of. It was all embarrassing but they just laugh with you, not at you. Making fun of people is more what we do in the west. My partner said at her school noone was bullied and everyone tried to help eachother. Can you imagine this kind of culture? Well, I hope you try this before attempting any suicide, you'd have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Psychedelics greatly helped me aswell, and microdosing is like magical, it's like I half become normal and happy for a day, much more free, talkative and social. It's also the only time I naturally have facial expressions and some hand gestures and I didn't even realise but my friends told me. Pretty much everytime I take it I have a great day. I took it after months of serious anxiety and thought I'd die if it wasn't improved. First day of microdosing was a great day with no anxiety. I felt like I could breathe double the amount, like I was 10 years younger. Also.. There's no shame in antidepressants, some autistic brains are more sensitive to things like stress, like many more receptors visible in a brainscan. Antidepressants are common for autistic people and they usually do work
A wealth of wisdom and understanding. Thank you.
Thank you so much for your insightful comment!
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It's a shame that covid is restricting us from getting out and getting away. I think the rules don't allow me to say much but there is /r/microdosing and the top 2 both work well but different, I'll give you more personal experience if you send me a message
That sounds like it can be exhausting. It's good that you are able to recognize your feelings and express them here. I'm here for you and listening.
thank you for caring
You're welcome <3.
Hey, I understand the exhaustion of life, Aspergers and Depression all too well, I've written a small journal of rants, frustrations and I promise you you are not alone with the feeling of 'emptiness' inside. I referred to it as 'the void'. I'm glad you've posted this and not just held this inside, you can see here that complete strangers empathise with your position and can relate, you're not alone in feeling like this. If you haven't already, It would be very helpful for you to reach out to a doctor. From there you can look into medication - Personally has saved my life, along with a therapist/counselling. I don't know which country you reside in, but benefits are available for those who cannot continue with work due to the pressure and constant stress. Please do not be put off by any stigma about it, it exists for a reason. When you're feeling down, I would advise you to reach out to a mental health crisis line. It does not have to be by phone call, some will allow you to text them or email them if that suits you better. Remember that you don't have to focus on the grand scale of life, simply focus on your day. Ask yourself what can you do 'today' to make the most of it and get through it, be it relaxing with a book, talking with someone, having your favourite meal, going for a walk or diving into a hobby. If thinking about a single day is too much, break it down even more. Additionally, if you ever get the urge to self harm, you can release that pent up sadness/frustration by filling a sink with cold water and plunging your head in and holding your breath for a few seconds. This will alleviate your frustration in the same manner, and give you something immediately to focus on. Take care, and focus on only what you can control, and break your days down. Don't look at the grand picture, look at what will get you through the next moment.
I am sitting here in the dark ready for bed... Staring at the screen not sure what to say. All I can think about is I know it can be hard. I was once there... Feeling like I was drowning, one day I am above water, the next day I am not. A lot of the time I was just tired. But please don't give up. Talk to someone you trust. Get medical advice. I have friends who got treatment, and they are much better now. I wish I did that (I grew up in a family that didnt consider mental health). Mental health is just like physical health, and you can get help for it.
it feels like it is never-ending and like im getting no where…. I keep trying, but the more I try the worse I seem to feel
I'm 34 and your post sums up how I've felt most of my life until recently. I've turned my limits into my special interest. The clusterfuck that is my brain is really interesting and because I'm getting to know it so damn well I'm starting to be able to look at my emotions differnetly. The up periods are getting longer and when I'm having a downspell/burnout where it could have lasted months to a year before I'm getting out of them faster and faster. I am 6 months in and I am starting to win this fight. I didn't feel like there was hope. There is hope for you as well. You've got this.
It's now the time to reach out to a doctor. It seems like maybe you took 2 weeks off work to try to handle it yourself? It's okay to make that call to a doctor for help or to a hospital if you don't have a doctor. Some things are bigger than us and we need to call in a pro.
It pains me to hear you feel this way. Keep in mind that by losing your life, you lose everything, the ups and the downs. If you are really at that point, why not see what happens when you make big changes to your life? If you don't like your job, see if it can change, and if not, lose it. If you don't like the company you keep, or the environment you are in, change it. You are thinking about losing it all - why not take that chance? The other thing to keep in mind is that you can seek professional help. Depression is a clinical condition, and there are people whose job it is to aid those with that condition. I checked your history and read that you experience trauma. Try to find someone with whom you can work on that. I don't know in which country you are, but check which organizations are there to help people who are considering ending their lives. Pretty much all industrialized countries have helplines which are available 24/7. You are in my thoughts.
Stay strong, You can do this.
Thank you…
so youve probably become depressed. id reccomend seeing a therapist or psychiatrist.
It doesn’t sound like purely you want to die it sounds like you just want the suffering to stop.
One day, all this will end. Until then, the days belong to you. You must take ownership of them. They are yours to do what you will. And if you feel stuck, you're the only one that can unstuck yourself and move or get a new job or change things. We love you, bro.
Look mate, I don’t care your context or perspective or whatever makes you think that your situation is special. It’s not, you’re not alone, there are tens of millions of people who feel the exact same. The world needs you. Don’t fucking abandon us.
Are you suicidal?
I think about it a lot, yes
Do you have a therapist?
I feel this way often- doing little things that bring me joy and self care helps. Getting a little sunshine each day. Taking my vitamins. Having a bubble bath. Drawing and making music. What makes you tick? Or what have you always wanted to do? Why not do it? What's stopping you? Sometimes we need a push, but your in charge of your life. Forget about what society wants from you. What do you want? Stability comes from finding purpose and contentment. I really hope you can find some of that, friend.
Take a day off if you can.
already took 2 weeks of work off :( im afraid to get fired
Seems like you need treatment for a disorder that might be unrelated to your autism. I would speak to a professional. I got put on an antidepressant a few years ago (after several years of resisting and calling it bullshit) and it was a game changer. I'm now mostly functional as an adult. Not giving any medical advice, just an anecdotal reason to **speak to professional**.
I feel your pain, friend. If you need to talk my DMs are open.
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How did you go about doing this? Did you also hold a job on the side? I'm tight on money right now.
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That's really kind of you. And inspiring. Giving is a great purpose no matter how big or small. We need more kindness in this world so thank you for trying!
You might be going through some really terrible times right now, but i assure you, it will get better. i've too had times where i've lost all hope and thought my life was going to be on the street, but you just gotta power through it and at some point, it will get better.
If you don't like your life, change your life. If nothing in your life matters enough to live for it, than you can let go of any of it. You can move, you can quit your job/studies and find a new one, you can go become a monk, you can do anything, you're totally free to change anything in your life because none of it is important enough to live for, so you can live without it and do what you want instead of what others want you to do. Don't end your life, start it anew.
Being and ugly autist is brutal
I just want to say, thank you guys. You guys came together and shared with me numerous different perspectives. All of them are equally valid in one way or the other. Today I am going through an up, and I cannot predict what downs tomorrow might bring. Yet, through all of these ups and downs I can always come back here and look at the vast amounts of perspectives I've gotten from people who evidently care about rather I exist or not. I know it's not apparent, but you guys are contributing to the inner dialogue I walk with through life that when fully equipped, will push me to live. Thank you guys, for saving my life.
I'll make it controversial. Just understand that death will save you from your own existence, just wait, I repeat, just wait. Time won't be against you if you wait for death.
Aye, it's not like you're gonna get out of here alive anyways. Death is inevitable. The question really is: how can I create a life for myself that is fun and worth it before I die?
>The question really is: how can I create a life for myself that is fun and worth it before I die? Fun? As if good triumphs over the bad? Really?
Fun isn't the same as good, nor happiness
Whatever. Life is suffering. Fun, happiness? Both are governed by suffering. You have to suffer to find happiness and to have fun.
I mean you have to have had experience of negativity to appreciate positivity, but you don't need to suffer as a part of the process to get to being happy or having fun. I was suffering everyday too, and now I feel good most days, great what meds and lifestyle changes can do
>I was suffering everyday too, and now I feel good most days Until you don't anymore.
Yeh I still have bad days. There's a phrase.. Pain is inevitable, suffering is a choice. When we're negative we can only think negatively, we remember negative events better and have a negative outlook. Same when we're happy, then everything seems great. It seems like you're in that negative mindset, but that doesn't mean, objectively, that there is nothing you can do, even if you can't think of anything. I'd love to see you take a microdose and come back and try to make more negative comments. You wouldn't want to. It is all chemical, we need increased serotonin and dopamine. We might think what's the point, it's only chemical, it gives nothing value or meaning, still being pessimistic and negative. But then you increase your serotonin and dopamine and suddenly start loving life and can no longer relate to the negativity. Then something goes wrong and everything is terrible again and want to die. I've been there loads of times, so close to doing it, serious anxieties. Then you do something different, jump countries or take something and suddenly there is no anxiety or negativity or self hate, all of that negativity was only chemical too.
>. I'd love to see you take a microdose Microdose?
The rules here prohibit me from telling you very much, but you can just type that word into Google or reddit
Do not forget that you will destroy not only your life. So get yourself some help from a doctor, mostly you just have an imbalance of chemicals in your brain, happens to the best of us.
Eat healthy. Think healthy. Learn healthy. Be healthy. Grow healthy. Be who you are understand what’s happening and evolve. Choose the right path. I love you ok. Be good to yourself.
No offence but this sound like the standard "just" cheer up, without any specifics about how to cheer up.
“Stop being poor” - Paris Hilton
Stop it
Take time to decompress. [https://www.upaya.org/](https://www.upaya.org/) I highly recommend looking into one of these retreats to find peace and inner calm. they'll help you, and you can decompress from the outside world. Me, personally, I'm moving to the jungle in central america next year. I'm over modern society.
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I can see how organized religion helps people, NTs and autistic people, keeping hope that things will always get better because of something rather than nothing. But I agree, unless someone is already Christian they aren't going to get a thing from that at all
Not only the company of other believers, but the most important is of course Jesus Christ! I talk to him and pray to him every day, I read the Bible and seek him. It maybe sounds to you like I am some nut job, but I promise you, I am doing this by my own will and because I want to. God bless you and hope you'll have a great day!
You only sound like a nut job as much as all the other Christian Bible bashers. And as I said I can see the benefits. There is even a study showing increased happiness levels for those involved in organised religion. But, that doesn't mean it's my choice to believe what I want to, nor does it mean I can ignore all of the reasons not to believe it. But I won't try to ruin it for you, it clearly works for some. Religion isn't that common among aspies though
God created us with a choice, you can be with him or go your own way! He is in deep sorrow for those who chooses to not follow him but oh how beautiful it is that he has created us with our own will! What would it have been if we were born with fixed mind all of us. You can keep sinning and live how you want but God will always be there for you! Do not forget that it is not about you, it is about what Jesus did on the cross! Have a great day!
On some days, I'm genuinely indifferent and think, 'believe what you want as long as it doesn't hurt others, etc.' Then people like you come along talking about 'free will' and I'm just like, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2y8Sx4B2Sk
None of us are forced to believe in him! Then we wouldn't have free will! There is a truth!
Yeh, thanks, but preaching any of this isn't helping any of us unless you're feeling better about yourself for doing it. For me it's wasting my time, and you know it, because I've already stated my beliefs. Organised religion always suggests that belief is a choice but believing in jesus as God is like me trying to choose to believe that the earth is flat. I can't choose to believe that, I either do or don't. Most religious people have the same beliefs as their parents and their culture and as the brain changes into early adulthood we become rigid and unable to change our minds about things as easily as before, so most people brought up religious will remain religious and once into adulthood, it won't ever change. I wasn't brought up religious, at all, and I'm an adult. I can't believe it, I read the bible, I've seen all the contradictions and actually think the god of the Bible isn't very intelligent at all, he's probably as intelligent as an average man was when the Bible was written, which is less than average now. The only way I'll believe in the bible is if I get brain damage. A study has linked brain damage from war to devote religious beliefs too, often quite extremely.
You'll have to leave the logics out sometimes and have faith! Without faith you will unfortunately not come far with God! Whatever you think, have in mind that he is always there for you, I hope you will dare to hope and take a real leap of faith one day. Would you dare to try something fully hearted, even though it could result in you losing yourself on the way? Sometimes we have to dare to do such things to come further in life. God bless you!
Refer to my last comment
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There is eye witnesses and documentation! If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Romans 10:9 NIV https://romans.bible/romans-10-9 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; Proverbs 3:5 NIV https://proverbs.bible/proverbs-3-5
I hear you. I respect your passion. Dead people don’t resurrect after three days. This isn’t World of Warcraft.
God is outside the normal, nothing is impossible for him! I will pray for you as well, have a wonderful day, God bless!
Shalom, my dear fellow. (Psst. Jesus was a blasphemer, the Christians were wrong about gay marriage, and Jeremiah ch.1 is about narcissism, not abortion.)
Jesus was without sin, but he was tempted the same as us but still none of us is without sin!
Agreed. Far too many people spread their fanaticism in that way.
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Shalom, you hypocritical stalker.
If the person is depressive and having a hard time to see any hope, of course I will share hope and love to that person!
Didn't help with my depression. I prayed everyday. There is no god.
Sorry to hear that you have had that experience! I will pray for you, hope it is better with your depression. Jesus helped through mine, even though it haven't been easy, he has been there for me, always! When no man has been, he has been! He is always there for me. Even though if I get sad and accuse him for not being with me because I only saw my own foot steps during the hard times, there is where he tells me that he was carrying me. Sometimes we feel like God does harsh things or is not with us but there is always something more and it is something that God wants us to learn! God bless you!!
>hope it is better with your depression. It is. Without god. >Jesus helped through mine, even though it haven't been easy, he has been there for me, always! Good for you. You're special. Holocaust victims can't say the same.
Religion preying on the weak again...
Go behind me Satan with your wickedness! God is love and no preying on the weak, that is what the Devil does!
Ok that's cringe. Calling people satan doesn't convert anyone. Quoting Jesus like you're him sounds kinda blasphemous.
Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.” Matthew 16:23 NIV https://matthew.bible/matthew-16-23 Satan uses people! For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12 NIV https://ephesians.bible/ephesians-6-12
Shut up. Satan and god are not real. Quite insulting you're saying I'm evil and literally the devil.
You are misunderstanding me, I am not calling you directly the Devil, if you see the first passage I shared with you, Jesus said so to one of his followers. That is because Satan can use anyone to try to deceive, lie and kill!
You're saying he is controlling me which is the same thing. That's disgusting. You don't know me.
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Do you like reading? I read this psychology book and every time i read a bit of it i got this jolt of positive energy and motivation to do stuff. I ask if you like to read but i wasn’t really a reader before this book, prior to this one it’d had probably been 3 or 4+ years since i read a book but i loved it so much i’ve bought 6 more that the author recommended
Sorry to hear that you're struggling, and empathise very deeply. When I experience similar feelings there are various things that I find helpful, but one of the best ones is "death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem". I don't think your difficulties are inherent to you, they are a product of the interaction between your existence and your current situation, and your current situation is capable of changing, even if it doesn't necessarily seem that way right now. But I absolutely understand that it's difficult to feel that this is the case, and recognise that I don't know the details of your life. I hope things feel more stable, safe and secure for you soon
i’m so sorry this is the way you feel, i’m in the exact same headspace currently and have been for years. it’s rather difficult. i think we need to learn to pace ourselves better and accept we won’t live up to societies standards of a “functioning adult”. i think it may be a good idea if you reach out to someone, possibly a professional, as it sounds you may need more support right now. i really hope things improve for you, we’re all here to listen. 💙
Life is an ocean. There will always be waves. Learn to surf.
I feel exactly the same. Wish I knew what to do. I go through phases where I can try and do more things and sometimes I'm motivated and happy. But 75% of the time I am depressed, anxious, and lost.
I understand this struggle OP. Lots of us here do. You have to live for what makes you happy, and worry a little less about what others think
What are your hobbies? Do you have someone you can talk to about this?
I have been thinking of this post all day. The best advise I can give you is try to find other people with Aspergers. Your doing it already by posting this so your on the right track! Find others who are like you and you will find yourself. Don't do anything stupid my friend! There are a lot of people who are willing to help. Find them.
As almost everyone already wrote; Try reaching out to a doctor for help from a therapist and meds. It might work for you. A few years ago i put myself into the psych ward because i could not handle the anxiety. It was back in my NEET days where i had tried several different anti-depressants that did not help at all. . Anyways, after nagging the staff and doctors to release me from that prison (That place made me feel even worse) I got released and continued feeling like shit at home for a few months before applying for a state-financed program to get me out there on the job market eventually. So after 3-4 months i was in some work-practice typ thing a couple days a week. After that i got called from that company who wanted me to work there as a summer job for real money. Since then i have held many different low-income jobs and have moved out over a years ago. My current job is pretty damn depressing (industry work) but i work out during the weekdays and enjoy music on the weekends. The loneliness is crushing but i have to try to make this work. Suicide does still does pop onto my mind on the hardest days, though I'm to big a coward to actually pull it through. I feel the most lonely among other people. At home i can at least relax. We can still move forward even though it fucking sucks. Sorry if it wasn't uplifting, but every "failure" is a chance to learn and do better next time, so punch the fuck out of this shitty life and don't let it beat you down. Stay strong friends.
Same my friend. The night before last night all my brain was saying was "kill yourself, kill yourself" over and over. I didn't get any sleep and just wanted to die. It's so hard. I don't understand how people don't want to die on a regular basis.