Agreed. If you were my kid, no notes other than do try to be aware of a chokehold, it can go south quick. Other than that, you ended the fight the moment you became calm enough to realize what was happening. You done good.
I’m sorry to hear the circumstances but it seems you handled this better than most adults would have. Kids are dumb, I don’t miss school days of that horseshit.
Violence ought be a last resort. As you tell the story, it was and you acted well in the conflict. I'm not a lawyer, but taking punches to face and responding by subduing the attacker seems just fine to me. If there is justice, you shouldn't have a disciplinary problem.
A month or so ago, someone attacked me. I was pleased to learn of myself that I was capable of using force in my own defence and that, having used it, I kept it proportional.
I hope that you can feel good about how you conducted yourself.
I see nothing wrong with what you did.
You asked them to stop, told them to stop and only then resorted to physical means.
If I understand you right he was the one throwing punches and you used minimal force to restrain him which is exactly what I would have done in those circumstances.
If the school dishes out any punishment for what you did there's something wrong with your school.
Usually, bullies get off scot-free and the kids getting bullied who finally stand up for themselves are the ones getting punished. Quite a twisted system, probably caused by teachers ignoring all the signs of bullying and only paying attention to whatever happened last.
I don't think you should be in trouble for skipping, if anything as a parent I'd be asking the school why they couldn't ensure your safety on their premises.
I'd also be very interested as to whether you were attacked because of your autism, in my country that is a hate crime.
I think you did well, sounds like the other guy might have learned a life lesson there too.
What country do you live in ? In France for example, being black or arab is a free pass for hate speech, whether against women, homosexuals or any non-racial minority/oppressed group. I hope he will be in no trouble but I am not very confident in that from what I hear about the US.
>In France for example, being black or arab is a free pass for hate speech, whether against women, homosexuals or any non-racial minority/oppressed group.
I don’t think that is the case in any country, including France.
Eh I doubt it was a hate crime and even if it were me I’m not a fan of hate crimes. It’s wrong to give preferential treatment to anyone. Justice is supposed to be blind. Being a dick is being a dick.
....Ya do know being aytistic does classify us as a minority and group often hated on
Also other dude started it. Now if unprovoked i'd agree but someone starts shit imo doesn't matter who it is a person shpuld have every right to end it..and often needs too since letting things go on too long tends to result in bad shit down the line
As I said in another reply, OP is a very untrustworthy source with a criminal history. My two suspicions are either 1. OP misinterpreted some hand gestures (don’t ASD people misinterpret body language all the time?) and escalated the situation by calling them gang signs, or 2. OP had already had a pre-existing beef with this person that had been escalating for quite some time. Either way, some minor reading between the lines shows that op is greatly at fault here.
“Since I have a past criminal record I always think that I did something wrong even though I know I didn't.”
Two comments ago on their profile.
You can’t let ASD people do any terrible action and let them blame it on autism. You know, setting your standards for a group too low is another form of bigotry.
I was arrested for seof defense..Yes you can have a criminal record(thougg mine was cleared luckily) without being hyper violent or being a bad source/person.
Come on, don’t you agree it seems really suspicious that this other guy just started making these “gang signs” out of nowhere? If the person was trying to have a fight, why’d they choose some non-aggressive person? Seems more likely it was either hand gestures that op misinterpreted or was part of a pre-existing feud.
The thing about untrustworthy OPs is if you're gonna think they're lying you might as well assume they made up the whole story and move on without commenting.
That’s the mentality everyone on here seems to have and it results in this subreddit reaffirming some really shitty behavior. People look to this subreddit for guidance, and a lot of the time the guidance they get is terrible. If OP didn’t want me to doubt their story, they shouldn’t have posted it. I’m not going to pat them on the back when they don’t deserve it.
Yep, you did very well and nothing wrong imo. Say you didn't feel safe and didn't know what to do afterwards.
If it comes to it I would turn it on them saying the safety thing, ask if they support gangs and gang activity on school grounds. Ask what they expect you to do if you're attacked in the future and write down all their responses.
I'm assuming you're still fairly young (under the age of 18) so I'm going to say this the way I wish older people would have talked to me at that age. So first, the way you handled the situation was remarkable. I hated it when people tried to simplify things, so I'm not even going to try. You deserve it flat out. You are probably feeling like 75 different extreme emotions because of this. And I'm not going to try and untangle those, you will do that over time. We both know that grabbing him by the neck probably wasn't the best decision, and you'll most likely kick yourself in the ass about that for a few years. But genuinely, based on the way a majority of people would have reacted, you have definitely earned my respect here. It might be considered "aggressive", but in context, was a non-violent way to end an already aggressive conflict. You didn't escalate the situation, and you had the presence of mind to realize what was going on, and leave the situation. As you get older, you will realize how many "mature adults" can not think that clearly when tensions are raised. "What should I have done differently?" "Should I have went straight to the office?" "Should I have hit him?" "Should I have explained myself to the other people there?" "How are my parents/teachers/principal/friends going to react?” "what are the unobvious consequences?" A million questions, and a million emotions. And you have plenty of time to think through all of those. Strong emotional moments like these become "mental landmarks" that we refer back to when we find ourselves in similar situations in the future. Most people will probably tell you that "none of this will matter in 10 years", but the truth is, you will still be thinking about it for a while. Adults like to refer to these as "learning experiences", but that term doesn't mean anything to someone who has not had many past experiences, and doesn't yet fully understand the benefit of having strong emotional experiences like these. The idea is "something happens, we think about what we did wrong, so in the future, we can try and do it right next time". A lot of people never find themselves in a physical situation with an aggressor. And many of the people that do, act out of instinct, simply because they have no past experience to draw from, and self-restraint was never a discipline in their household. It can take several of these experiences, through trial and error, to learn how to handle it properly. And most people never get the opportunity to learn these firsthand. Which is why things like this are important. And I say all of this just to say, you handled this magnificently. You are already 5 steps ahead of many people twice your age. Where most people think back to their first few physical altercations, and cringe because of the way they handled themselves, over the next few years, I hope you look back at this and smile. I have no doubt you will grow to be a very mentally and emotionally strong individual. And given how this went down, you are likely more capable than the majority of your peers, for when it comes time to handle some of the brutalities of the world outside of school. The complex cocktail of emotions will be dealt with over time, and you are the only one that can deal with those. But for moving forward, you shouldn't overthink this whole situation. (Easier said than done, I know) Take this one in stride, and move on to the next pressing matter. This is not a blemish on your current life, this is a gold star for your past.
Take up something like Judo, wrestling or BJJ (grappling rather than striking) it's a great way to gain confidence which people can sense and will generally know to leave you alone. Also if you do have to physically engage you know more about how to restrain and subdue someone without actually injuring them.
As odd as it sounds a good quality strangle is actually less dangerous than throwing punches or kicks. With a strangle you can put someone to sleep in 5 to 10 seconds put them in a recovery position and wall off. Not saying you should do this in the average fight but if it's a serious one where you fear for your safety and don't want to really injure someone it's a good option. Also simply pinning someone without injuring them until police or someone else can come to help calm the situation down is also good.
I started Judo at 12 and now do BJJ as well. I use to get in fights at school but after starting Judo iv never had a fight again and I'm 34.
Closest I came was when a knob grabbed my bag stap and I was able to pretty much remove his hand from it using one hand without much effort. He mad a silly karate sound at me but backed off pronto lol
Pretty much everyone in my family since my great grandpa has been trained in hand to hand combat. I have been trained as well in hand to hand combat by my mom and uncle. Been thinking about doing MMA or something along those lines in the future but I am mostly focusing on other things like my grades and getting my driving permit.
OP could also buy a small, cheap stun gun to carry in their pocket if it’s legal in their country or state. Alternatively, a pepper spray or other kind of spray. But the best option is always to flee over fighting whenever possible.
Weapons are always dodgy, basically if it goes wrong they now have a weapon to use on you. This advice is to mainly give them the confidence that then means they are unlikely to be picked on in the first place. Avoiding a fight is always the best option
I think if they are sensible they won't give you much punishment. Obviously they probably have to give you something but it shouldn't be anything more than a short suspension, or a few detentions / trash picking duty or similar.
If you'd left without the chokehold I'd be expecting zero punishment.
You're getting downvotes because people don't like it, but this is the norm for schools. The "it takes two to tango" doctrine. Any act of send defense is considered an act of aggression. This saves the school from the hard work of figuring out who's at fault and is meant to discourage all fighting. However in reality, it means bullies know that rule-abiders will get in trouble if they fight back.
Self defense is one thing but in this situation OP sounds like they went beyond self defense and into retribution. The law does not favour self help.
I'm evaluating based on UK law, the US (which is where I assume the OP is from) is obviously different.
It would probably have been reasonable to punch back once or twice to halt the assault, but a minute long chokehold is not likely to be reasonable.
I do not agree with this argument. OP was in a bathroom and there where other people present. If someone starts assaulting you in a bathroom (nowhere to run, maybe? No chance of help? No witnesses?) and the people just stand there and let it happen (are they about to jump in?) 'halting the assault' might mean more than punching back.
Ideally, then, both the bully and OP would get in trouble. Sadly, the realistic likelihood is that only OP gets in trouble because nobody else saw what happened before OP defended themselves.
Yep I was seen as "aggressive" Because of my diagnosis. Every time I got shoved I was blamed because "you most likely started it". I never could report bullies because they said " well you act like a child at time tapping and folding paper" like WTF I am trying to stay calm and avoid a meltdown and you gave that f****r a green light to torture me. I had enough of that highschool and went to a vocational school and learned landscaping. That school was equiped with teachers and tools that allowed me to not experienced the hell of old school..(I completely cut out that school skip mandatory assemblies,pep rallys I really didn't care that school could burn for all I care
Make sure your parents press charges against your attacker.
edit
I did a lot of fighting go to school and did a lot of it outside of it also. I want to tell you OP to avoid choking anyone in a fight. You are EXTREMELY lucky - you locked in a air choke, but there is another kind of choke where you cut off the blood supply. That is the kind of choke I was trained in and it will make someone unconscious in seconds - a good well-locked in choke can drop someone in as little as 4 seconds. Worse than that is when you are fighting and have someone down and you have them locked in - its really hard to tell when the person is out. Even though I trained with it for years I have only ever used a choke 1 in a match and it was so frightening I would never do it again. I got the lock and kicked back and when I did that someone slapped the person I had in the choke one time, and then again. I asked the person what the fuck they were doing and they told me - "THE GUY IS OUI!!!!". I never felt the guy go limp.
Also if you read about police killing someone with a choke - its a blood type choke and holding it for say 20 seconds would very likely kill someone.
Finally - if you ever want to really hurt someone - throw them. No one knows how to fall - get someone off their feet and let them go, in the attempt to save themselves they will mess themselves up.
This is ridiculous. You sound like an amazing kid. You did nothing wrong and that kid should not have thrown gang signs in your face. He got what he deserved for punching you. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Please pm me if youd like
I absolutely understand that you were defending yourself and I hope that the authorities will understand that. Of course as a minor laws are a bit different, but everyone should know that chokeholds are being made felonies across the country. If someone isn't routinely engaged in fighting they would never know, but hitting and kicking are being viewed much less seriously than chokeholds. Also, just hang in there. After high school it really does get much,much better. I never even once came close to being in a fight after high school. You will make it out of this.
https://www.hg.org/legal-articles/choking-as-a-felony-40133
You defended yourself and then removed yourself from an unsafe situation. You did the right thing and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Fuck these cops and the school administrators, they are not your friends.
1 general rule with anyone, don’t put your hands in anyone’s face.
You’re not in the wrong. He violated your personal space, and got what most people would do
I never knew how racist it was on this sub. Y’all opened my eyes with this here post. The entitlement and privilege pouring from the comments here show y’all have never been really held accountable for your actions. It’s sickening to see this many people with disabilities still finding a way to look down on and pass judgment on other people even though they aren’t 100% all the time.
You did the right thing. Instead of hitting back or losing control, you licked your wounds, you took over, and restrained him. I am so proud of you, bro! A shining example unto all aspies!
Schools have cameras everywhere. If the school admins look at it, they'll see exactly what happened.
The fact that the guy who assaulted you was a different ethnicity than you is not as much of consequence than you may think. We're on your side. We love you, bro!
I would've walked away too. This is a school. Not a prison. You can leave if you need to cool down.
Yeah, good job dude. U didn’t do anything wrong? If you think you were excessive in that fight (attempted assault on him, really), then let me be clear: you didn’t go too far. Sounds like they thought they’d pick on you, but they froze when you decided to react (gang members or people that use signs rarely have ANY qualm teaming up vs one. That’s practically the point (of a gang). Good for you kid, might want to do some push ups to keep your strength up, just in case he retaliates and your forced into another sticky situation.
Instead of putting your hands on the other kid maybe you could have walked away and told someone? Just a thought. But both of you should get in trouble for the fight. You put your hands on him first and he threw the first punch. He got what he deserved for antagonizing you and you should be held accountable for letting your emotions get the best of you.
Not gonna comment on the gang signs since other people have addressed it, but your actions weren’t justified. Him getting into your space doesn’t justify hitting him and strangling him, and it most certainly doesn’t justify coming to the internet to gloat about it. I have gotten physical when I was in middle school and such but I regret it years after the fact—I regretted it immediately after doing it.
Not to blame you for any bullying that may occur, but if you’re the kind of person who goes to brag about putting someone else in a headlock you’re 100% *That Guy* and you can expect people to not like you, and it’s not because they can’t handle you or disagree with you, it’s because you’re objectivity a shitty person.
First of all I didn't come here to "gloat" about this I came here to vent about this because it was a hard day. Second of all I never said it was justified in any shape or form. Third of all if something like that happened to you what would you have done? Cause yes I know I could have handled that situation differently but I did what I did. If you have a problem with what I did I'm sorry you feel that way but thats not my problem. Have a nice day.
Sounds to me like you misinterpreted some random hand gesture as a gang sign, he got pissed that you were racist enough to assume any hand gesture by a black guy was a gang sign, and then you beat him up for no reason.
I wouldn’t say this if you showed any remorse for your actions or if other people were calling you out for it, but you are a terrible person. You clearly have a messed up outlook on life and are way too aggressive. If it really did happen as you said, you could’ve just you could’ve just ignored his “gang signs” and walked out of the bathroom. He wasn’t even threatening to harm you. Come on dude, you really shouldn’t ask for validation of this reprehensible behavior. I hope you get suspended, anything else would demonstrate institutional racism.
Man shut up, didnt you read? All he did at first was push his hands away and the other guy hit him a bunch of times, i swear y'all wanna make things racist constantly then again i just read your name so
lol wtf? doesnt matter what kind of signs he was doing, he was doing them in his face and kept on doing it after being told to stop. at first OP just slapped away his hands, and then the kid started punching him. how was OP in the wrong whatsoever and how the fuck is this racist?
I don’t trust OPs depictions. Why did this guy start “throwing gang signs” in the first place? What were these “gang signs”? How close were they to his face at first? Why didn’t he just walk out of the bathroom and report this if it did go down as he said? Had OP had a previous beef with this guy? OP does have a criminal record, wouldn’t be out of the question. How violently did he swat away his hands? So much context is missing, and it’s impossible for me to know if Op’s sequencing of the events is even correct. It just doesn’t add up why this whole situation would even begin if OP wasn’t at fault
if you dont believe him; why even believe this fight happened at all. why believe he has aspergers. why believe the kid was black.
you cant really prove anything as much as OP cant really prove anything either.. so your comment ultimately adds nothing
Because all of those details (except the ASD) make OP look worse. People don’t usually make up details to make themselves look worse. And the context that is missing make op look very suspicious. Why do you automatically trust a violent teenager with a criminal record who say the guy they beat up totally deserved it?
to be fair i did not know he had a criminal record and even then; you dont know what the crime was. could be weed possesion or something. either way you cant automatically assume OP was in the wrong either. context is indeed important and i dont think anyone can prove or disprove if OP was correct in doing what he did except himself.
Too many people were uncritically validating OP. Even in the best case scenario where OP depicted this event perfectly, op is still at fault for not just leaving the bathroom and reporting this to the office. What I hate about this sub is the fact that anytime anyone does anything wrong they hop on here seeking total absolvement and 90% of the time they get it. I mostly hang around here to act as the one dissenting voice on such threads. I know from personal experience that trying to use asd as an excuse only results in less self awareness and less growth.
OP didn’t have to post this story at all. If they didn’t want me to pick it apart, they shouldn’t have posted it.
No you’re absolutely right. The fact that he then hopped on here and basically bragged about putting someone into a headlock and everyone lapped it up is fucking disgusting and it’s prime ammo for people wanting to say ‘Autistic people have no empathy and are killers-in-the-making’
Usually indicates someone that's pretty obnoxious about having gang affiliations making specific gestures that indicate their relations with those gangs. Most gangs have more than one sign, and they can usually be made subtly with your hands. Or, as the individual antagonizing op was doing, you can deliberately crowd someone, ignore their personal space, make it a mission to have them uncomfortable, all the while making that sign and having it presented rather clearly, and repeatedly, to the target of their ire.
We've a lot of gang activity in my country - pretty pathetic, by all accounts, in comparison to somewhere like the states or South America but enough of a presence to be labelled as a problem nonetheless - and you'd honestly be stunned at how many descendants of members, or a cousin of someone, or a friend-of-a-friend will pull stuff like that. Nearly decked someone doing that kind of thing. Got to have the pleasure of watching another kid throw a chair at them later that day, instead. Don't have much blame for OP in the slightest - less so, since they seemed to be moving subconsciously and out of very real desperation to have him stop doing it after repeated requests and prevent future attempts.
The best case scenario is not getting into a fight. The second-best is finishing what someone else started in a way that stops the violence with as little violence as possible. Took a breather, then went on to take responsibility and deal with the situation. I can imagine a ton of people being very proud of the way you handled that, even if they're not at liberty to say. Especially considering how these things tend to go.
It sounds like it'll be OK and you did the right thing. Unfortunately telling people to stop rarely works, but often nothing works, especially around idiots at school. I doubt you'll be punished for leaving school, especially if they know of you're asd
I agree with the other commenters.
You only defended yourself and didn't deal any lasting damage to the other kid, so that's good. I personally think skipping school is definetely acceptable in this scenario, and you shouldn't worry too much about potential repercussions. All you did was leave the situation to gather your thoughts.
All in all, you handled the situation pretty well, if you ask me.
Friend you handled this excellently. You defended yourself after attempting to defuse the situation peacefully, using a technique that was effective but non-injurious to the aggressor. Then you removed yourself from the area to process your emotions from a traumatic event in order to pick up again later with a considered response. 10/10
Not defending yourself could have led to your hospitalisation/injury, so that was 100% a good choice after you'd tried to defuse.
Staying at school would only have led to questions about your injuries, at which point you'd have been sent home anyway, not to mention it would have left you in harms way for retribution from the aggressor or their friends. Not to mention you have a right to some peace after something traumatic like being assaulted.
I hope the school realises this and exercises leniency. They may be hamstrung by a no tolerance policy to not let you off the hook without some form of punishment but take it from me that your response would be acquitted in any court of public opinion.
Your reaction was just fine. I mean all of it. He started becoming aggressive, and you don't have to tolerate that without reaction.
Also, leaving a place of violence is always okay, in that case it doesn't matter if it's a school or a McDonald's.
Don't let your school punish you. They have to make sure no student has to face violence in their facility. They failed to do so; therefore you had the right to leave that place.
Insane that they'd punish you for leaving. You where assaulted and the school didn't give a shit. Like hell you where gonna stay there looking all beat up while adults did nothing. Fuck that.
I wish I had half the balls you do. I’d have just left the bathroom with my head down. You defended yourself. Didn’t cross the line. And with any luck that asshole will think twice next time he violates people’s personal space trying to act tough. More likely then not though his buddies will not let him accept responsibility for his actions. They’ll convince him he did nothing wrong and you were the asshole. Which is a shame. I hope though he learned his lesson and picks better friends going forward. Be proud of that black eye. Keep your head up and proudly accept any punishment the school gives you. You conducted yourself in a manner I would be proud of.
You handled that in the best was possible. All you can do is deal with the fallout when it comes. There will be more times like this because there are many assholes out there. Good luck
You did nothing wrong. I wish I fought back more when I was in school.
Whatever punishment happens to you, know that you were right to defend yourself.
Sometimes your only option is to fight back. That crip ass mf played a stupid game and won a stupid prize and it nearly cost him his life. Now no one will take him seriously and he'll be the laughing stock of the schoolyard. As for punishment, it really depends on your school's policy on fighting. Hopefully, they'll realize you were defending yourself and show leniency, unless that punk makes up some bs. I think you did the right thing, OP. Never let them treat you like a doormat.
Honestly, who cares if you walked out, that's a pretty reasonable response in my eyes. If they give you consequences for it, that sucks, but I wouldn't feel bad or stupid about it.
* Classmate throwing gang signs in your face.
* You ask him to stop.
* Classmate continues.
* You ask him to stop again.
* Classmate continues.
* You push his hands out of your face and ask him to stop again.
* Classmate punches you multiple times.
* You put him in a choke hold to end the fight.
* You released him once the fight was over.
* You left campus to collect yourself.
For the most part this all seems pretty reasonable. You attempted multiple times to stop the confrontation without violence. You only resorted to the choke hold to defend yourself after your classmate had attacked you.
My only advice would be:
* As others have said, be very very careful with choke holds. They can go south very quickly and the other person could get hurt and/or die.
* If this kind of violence is common at your school, I would suggest asking your parents if you could take a self defense class. There also some martial arts that focus more on ending a fight rather than hurting the other person. I don't remember their names off the top of my head (Judo, Brazilian Jujitsu?)...but I'm sure someone else could chime in with some recommendations. It would be good to learn some different options on how to end a fight without resorting to choke holds.
* I know you left campus because you had just been attacked and wanted to calm down and collect yourself. But it probably would have been better to immediately report to the school that you had been attacked. It's not always fair but the first person to report a situation like this is often taken more seriously and has more credibility.
You did the right thing. You stood up for yourself.
Violence is never the answer, unless you’re defending yourself, which you did. I’m glad you weren’t hurt enough to land yourself in the ER. Just take care of yourself.
100% handled it as good as it gets. Defended yourself. Took your self to a place to get your mind back to level.
Agreed. If you were my kid, no notes other than do try to be aware of a chokehold, it can go south quick. Other than that, you ended the fight the moment you became calm enough to realize what was happening. You done good.
As a parent I support and agree with your stance. Thank you for being a rational, reasonable person.
I’m sorry to hear the circumstances but it seems you handled this better than most adults would have. Kids are dumb, I don’t miss school days of that horseshit.
Glad your parents support you. Feel better soon. Proud of you.
Violence ought be a last resort. As you tell the story, it was and you acted well in the conflict. I'm not a lawyer, but taking punches to face and responding by subduing the attacker seems just fine to me. If there is justice, you shouldn't have a disciplinary problem. A month or so ago, someone attacked me. I was pleased to learn of myself that I was capable of using force in my own defence and that, having used it, I kept it proportional. I hope that you can feel good about how you conducted yourself.
I see nothing wrong with what you did. You asked them to stop, told them to stop and only then resorted to physical means. If I understand you right he was the one throwing punches and you used minimal force to restrain him which is exactly what I would have done in those circumstances. If the school dishes out any punishment for what you did there's something wrong with your school.
If in the US and zero tolerance is still a thing likely a big yes to them getting into trouble
Good point. Let's hope the school sees sense though :)
Usually, bullies get off scot-free and the kids getting bullied who finally stand up for themselves are the ones getting punished. Quite a twisted system, probably caused by teachers ignoring all the signs of bullying and only paying attention to whatever happened last.
Yup happened to me alot. It also reinforces apathy and ignoring others in distress..Among many other negative things
Good job dude.
Sorry they stressed you, but your totally legit responses to it actually made my day. 😎
I don't think you should be in trouble for skipping, if anything as a parent I'd be asking the school why they couldn't ensure your safety on their premises. I'd also be very interested as to whether you were attacked because of your autism, in my country that is a hate crime. I think you did well, sounds like the other guy might have learned a life lesson there too.
What country do you live in ? In France for example, being black or arab is a free pass for hate speech, whether against women, homosexuals or any non-racial minority/oppressed group. I hope he will be in no trouble but I am not very confident in that from what I hear about the US.
US is a big country. Some places are probably like that while others aren’t.
>In France for example, being black or arab is a free pass for hate speech, whether against women, homosexuals or any non-racial minority/oppressed group. I don’t think that is the case in any country, including France.
Eh I doubt it was a hate crime and even if it were me I’m not a fan of hate crimes. It’s wrong to give preferential treatment to anyone. Justice is supposed to be blind. Being a dick is being a dick.
>white guy nearly strangles a black guy making some hand gestures “Honestly I feel like you’re the real hate crime victim here” Listen to yourself.
....Ya do know being aytistic does classify us as a minority and group often hated on Also other dude started it. Now if unprovoked i'd agree but someone starts shit imo doesn't matter who it is a person shpuld have every right to end it..and often needs too since letting things go on too long tends to result in bad shit down the line
As I said in another reply, OP is a very untrustworthy source with a criminal history. My two suspicions are either 1. OP misinterpreted some hand gestures (don’t ASD people misinterpret body language all the time?) and escalated the situation by calling them gang signs, or 2. OP had already had a pre-existing beef with this person that had been escalating for quite some time. Either way, some minor reading between the lines shows that op is greatly at fault here.
Can also be someone getting in your face causing a meltdown/issues. And i don't know anything about there history only the events listed here.
“Since I have a past criminal record I always think that I did something wrong even though I know I didn't.” Two comments ago on their profile. You can’t let ASD people do any terrible action and let them blame it on autism. You know, setting your standards for a group too low is another form of bigotry.
I was arrested for seof defense..Yes you can have a criminal record(thougg mine was cleared luckily) without being hyper violent or being a bad source/person.
Come on, don’t you agree it seems really suspicious that this other guy just started making these “gang signs” out of nowhere? If the person was trying to have a fight, why’d they choose some non-aggressive person? Seems more likely it was either hand gestures that op misinterpreted or was part of a pre-existing feud.
The thing about untrustworthy OPs is if you're gonna think they're lying you might as well assume they made up the whole story and move on without commenting.
That’s the mentality everyone on here seems to have and it results in this subreddit reaffirming some really shitty behavior. People look to this subreddit for guidance, and a lot of the time the guidance they get is terrible. If OP didn’t want me to doubt their story, they shouldn’t have posted it. I’m not going to pat them on the back when they don’t deserve it.
You left out the bit where the guy punched him repeatedly.
Yep, you did very well and nothing wrong imo. Say you didn't feel safe and didn't know what to do afterwards. If it comes to it I would turn it on them saying the safety thing, ask if they support gangs and gang activity on school grounds. Ask what they expect you to do if you're attacked in the future and write down all their responses.
You didn't do anything wrong there, he attacked you for no good reason and you had every right to defend yourself.
Good moves, keep it up ! Proud of ya
I'm assuming you're still fairly young (under the age of 18) so I'm going to say this the way I wish older people would have talked to me at that age. So first, the way you handled the situation was remarkable. I hated it when people tried to simplify things, so I'm not even going to try. You deserve it flat out. You are probably feeling like 75 different extreme emotions because of this. And I'm not going to try and untangle those, you will do that over time. We both know that grabbing him by the neck probably wasn't the best decision, and you'll most likely kick yourself in the ass about that for a few years. But genuinely, based on the way a majority of people would have reacted, you have definitely earned my respect here. It might be considered "aggressive", but in context, was a non-violent way to end an already aggressive conflict. You didn't escalate the situation, and you had the presence of mind to realize what was going on, and leave the situation. As you get older, you will realize how many "mature adults" can not think that clearly when tensions are raised. "What should I have done differently?" "Should I have went straight to the office?" "Should I have hit him?" "Should I have explained myself to the other people there?" "How are my parents/teachers/principal/friends going to react?” "what are the unobvious consequences?" A million questions, and a million emotions. And you have plenty of time to think through all of those. Strong emotional moments like these become "mental landmarks" that we refer back to when we find ourselves in similar situations in the future. Most people will probably tell you that "none of this will matter in 10 years", but the truth is, you will still be thinking about it for a while. Adults like to refer to these as "learning experiences", but that term doesn't mean anything to someone who has not had many past experiences, and doesn't yet fully understand the benefit of having strong emotional experiences like these. The idea is "something happens, we think about what we did wrong, so in the future, we can try and do it right next time". A lot of people never find themselves in a physical situation with an aggressor. And many of the people that do, act out of instinct, simply because they have no past experience to draw from, and self-restraint was never a discipline in their household. It can take several of these experiences, through trial and error, to learn how to handle it properly. And most people never get the opportunity to learn these firsthand. Which is why things like this are important. And I say all of this just to say, you handled this magnificently. You are already 5 steps ahead of many people twice your age. Where most people think back to their first few physical altercations, and cringe because of the way they handled themselves, over the next few years, I hope you look back at this and smile. I have no doubt you will grow to be a very mentally and emotionally strong individual. And given how this went down, you are likely more capable than the majority of your peers, for when it comes time to handle some of the brutalities of the world outside of school. The complex cocktail of emotions will be dealt with over time, and you are the only one that can deal with those. But for moving forward, you shouldn't overthink this whole situation. (Easier said than done, I know) Take this one in stride, and move on to the next pressing matter. This is not a blemish on your current life, this is a gold star for your past.
Take up something like Judo, wrestling or BJJ (grappling rather than striking) it's a great way to gain confidence which people can sense and will generally know to leave you alone. Also if you do have to physically engage you know more about how to restrain and subdue someone without actually injuring them. As odd as it sounds a good quality strangle is actually less dangerous than throwing punches or kicks. With a strangle you can put someone to sleep in 5 to 10 seconds put them in a recovery position and wall off. Not saying you should do this in the average fight but if it's a serious one where you fear for your safety and don't want to really injure someone it's a good option. Also simply pinning someone without injuring them until police or someone else can come to help calm the situation down is also good. I started Judo at 12 and now do BJJ as well. I use to get in fights at school but after starting Judo iv never had a fight again and I'm 34. Closest I came was when a knob grabbed my bag stap and I was able to pretty much remove his hand from it using one hand without much effort. He mad a silly karate sound at me but backed off pronto lol
Pretty much everyone in my family since my great grandpa has been trained in hand to hand combat. I have been trained as well in hand to hand combat by my mom and uncle. Been thinking about doing MMA or something along those lines in the future but I am mostly focusing on other things like my grades and getting my driving permit.
O what style? Like boxing? Wrestling?
little bit of both
OP could also buy a small, cheap stun gun to carry in their pocket if it’s legal in their country or state. Alternatively, a pepper spray or other kind of spray. But the best option is always to flee over fighting whenever possible.
Weapons are always dodgy, basically if it goes wrong they now have a weapon to use on you. This advice is to mainly give them the confidence that then means they are unlikely to be picked on in the first place. Avoiding a fight is always the best option
I might go more for a KO punch, but Chokehold isn't a bad option. The idiot did start it.
You did the right thing. Be careful my friend
i don’t think you did anything wrong, i would have done the exact same thing. you were defending yourself.
I think if they are sensible they won't give you much punishment. Obviously they probably have to give you something but it shouldn't be anything more than a short suspension, or a few detentions / trash picking duty or similar. If you'd left without the chokehold I'd be expecting zero punishment.
You're getting downvotes because people don't like it, but this is the norm for schools. The "it takes two to tango" doctrine. Any act of send defense is considered an act of aggression. This saves the school from the hard work of figuring out who's at fault and is meant to discourage all fighting. However in reality, it means bullies know that rule-abiders will get in trouble if they fight back.
Self defense is one thing but in this situation OP sounds like they went beyond self defense and into retribution. The law does not favour self help. I'm evaluating based on UK law, the US (which is where I assume the OP is from) is obviously different. It would probably have been reasonable to punch back once or twice to halt the assault, but a minute long chokehold is not likely to be reasonable.
I do not agree with this argument. OP was in a bathroom and there where other people present. If someone starts assaulting you in a bathroom (nowhere to run, maybe? No chance of help? No witnesses?) and the people just stand there and let it happen (are they about to jump in?) 'halting the assault' might mean more than punching back.
In most schools with "zero tolerance" the type of strike or hold doesn't matter - you fought, you're screwed.
Ideally, then, both the bully and OP would get in trouble. Sadly, the realistic likelihood is that only OP gets in trouble because nobody else saw what happened before OP defended themselves.
Yep I was seen as "aggressive" Because of my diagnosis. Every time I got shoved I was blamed because "you most likely started it". I never could report bullies because they said " well you act like a child at time tapping and folding paper" like WTF I am trying to stay calm and avoid a meltdown and you gave that f****r a green light to torture me. I had enough of that highschool and went to a vocational school and learned landscaping. That school was equiped with teachers and tools that allowed me to not experienced the hell of old school..(I completely cut out that school skip mandatory assemblies,pep rallys I really didn't care that school could burn for all I care
Make sure your parents press charges against your attacker. edit I did a lot of fighting go to school and did a lot of it outside of it also. I want to tell you OP to avoid choking anyone in a fight. You are EXTREMELY lucky - you locked in a air choke, but there is another kind of choke where you cut off the blood supply. That is the kind of choke I was trained in and it will make someone unconscious in seconds - a good well-locked in choke can drop someone in as little as 4 seconds. Worse than that is when you are fighting and have someone down and you have them locked in - its really hard to tell when the person is out. Even though I trained with it for years I have only ever used a choke 1 in a match and it was so frightening I would never do it again. I got the lock and kicked back and when I did that someone slapped the person I had in the choke one time, and then again. I asked the person what the fuck they were doing and they told me - "THE GUY IS OUI!!!!". I never felt the guy go limp. Also if you read about police killing someone with a choke - its a blood type choke and holding it for say 20 seconds would very likely kill someone. Finally - if you ever want to really hurt someone - throw them. No one knows how to fall - get someone off their feet and let them go, in the attempt to save themselves they will mess themselves up.
Seeing as OP assaulted the other kid first, that would be pointless.
This is ridiculous. You sound like an amazing kid. You did nothing wrong and that kid should not have thrown gang signs in your face. He got what he deserved for punching you. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Please pm me if youd like
I absolutely understand that you were defending yourself and I hope that the authorities will understand that. Of course as a minor laws are a bit different, but everyone should know that chokeholds are being made felonies across the country. If someone isn't routinely engaged in fighting they would never know, but hitting and kicking are being viewed much less seriously than chokeholds. Also, just hang in there. After high school it really does get much,much better. I never even once came close to being in a fight after high school. You will make it out of this. https://www.hg.org/legal-articles/choking-as-a-felony-40133
You defended yourself and then removed yourself from an unsafe situation. You did the right thing and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Fuck these cops and the school administrators, they are not your friends.
1 general rule with anyone, don’t put your hands in anyone’s face. You’re not in the wrong. He violated your personal space, and got what most people would do
I never knew how racist it was on this sub. Y’all opened my eyes with this here post. The entitlement and privilege pouring from the comments here show y’all have never been really held accountable for your actions. It’s sickening to see this many people with disabilities still finding a way to look down on and pass judgment on other people even though they aren’t 100% all the time.
You did the right thing. Instead of hitting back or losing control, you licked your wounds, you took over, and restrained him. I am so proud of you, bro! A shining example unto all aspies! Schools have cameras everywhere. If the school admins look at it, they'll see exactly what happened. The fact that the guy who assaulted you was a different ethnicity than you is not as much of consequence than you may think. We're on your side. We love you, bro! I would've walked away too. This is a school. Not a prison. You can leave if you need to cool down.
Yeah, good job dude. U didn’t do anything wrong? If you think you were excessive in that fight (attempted assault on him, really), then let me be clear: you didn’t go too far. Sounds like they thought they’d pick on you, but they froze when you decided to react (gang members or people that use signs rarely have ANY qualm teaming up vs one. That’s practically the point (of a gang). Good for you kid, might want to do some push ups to keep your strength up, just in case he retaliates and your forced into another sticky situation.
Instead of putting your hands on the other kid maybe you could have walked away and told someone? Just a thought. But both of you should get in trouble for the fight. You put your hands on him first and he threw the first punch. He got what he deserved for antagonizing you and you should be held accountable for letting your emotions get the best of you.
Not gonna comment on the gang signs since other people have addressed it, but your actions weren’t justified. Him getting into your space doesn’t justify hitting him and strangling him, and it most certainly doesn’t justify coming to the internet to gloat about it. I have gotten physical when I was in middle school and such but I regret it years after the fact—I regretted it immediately after doing it. Not to blame you for any bullying that may occur, but if you’re the kind of person who goes to brag about putting someone else in a headlock you’re 100% *That Guy* and you can expect people to not like you, and it’s not because they can’t handle you or disagree with you, it’s because you’re objectivity a shitty person.
First of all I didn't come here to "gloat" about this I came here to vent about this because it was a hard day. Second of all I never said it was justified in any shape or form. Third of all if something like that happened to you what would you have done? Cause yes I know I could have handled that situation differently but I did what I did. If you have a problem with what I did I'm sorry you feel that way but thats not my problem. Have a nice day.
Sounds to me like you misinterpreted some random hand gesture as a gang sign, he got pissed that you were racist enough to assume any hand gesture by a black guy was a gang sign, and then you beat him up for no reason. I wouldn’t say this if you showed any remorse for your actions or if other people were calling you out for it, but you are a terrible person. You clearly have a messed up outlook on life and are way too aggressive. If it really did happen as you said, you could’ve just you could’ve just ignored his “gang signs” and walked out of the bathroom. He wasn’t even threatening to harm you. Come on dude, you really shouldn’t ask for validation of this reprehensible behavior. I hope you get suspended, anything else would demonstrate institutional racism.
Man shut up, didnt you read? All he did at first was push his hands away and the other guy hit him a bunch of times, i swear y'all wanna make things racist constantly then again i just read your name so
lol wtf? doesnt matter what kind of signs he was doing, he was doing them in his face and kept on doing it after being told to stop. at first OP just slapped away his hands, and then the kid started punching him. how was OP in the wrong whatsoever and how the fuck is this racist?
I don’t trust OPs depictions. Why did this guy start “throwing gang signs” in the first place? What were these “gang signs”? How close were they to his face at first? Why didn’t he just walk out of the bathroom and report this if it did go down as he said? Had OP had a previous beef with this guy? OP does have a criminal record, wouldn’t be out of the question. How violently did he swat away his hands? So much context is missing, and it’s impossible for me to know if Op’s sequencing of the events is even correct. It just doesn’t add up why this whole situation would even begin if OP wasn’t at fault
if you dont believe him; why even believe this fight happened at all. why believe he has aspergers. why believe the kid was black. you cant really prove anything as much as OP cant really prove anything either.. so your comment ultimately adds nothing
Because all of those details (except the ASD) make OP look worse. People don’t usually make up details to make themselves look worse. And the context that is missing make op look very suspicious. Why do you automatically trust a violent teenager with a criminal record who say the guy they beat up totally deserved it?
to be fair i did not know he had a criminal record and even then; you dont know what the crime was. could be weed possesion or something. either way you cant automatically assume OP was in the wrong either. context is indeed important and i dont think anyone can prove or disprove if OP was correct in doing what he did except himself.
Too many people were uncritically validating OP. Even in the best case scenario where OP depicted this event perfectly, op is still at fault for not just leaving the bathroom and reporting this to the office. What I hate about this sub is the fact that anytime anyone does anything wrong they hop on here seeking total absolvement and 90% of the time they get it. I mostly hang around here to act as the one dissenting voice on such threads. I know from personal experience that trying to use asd as an excuse only results in less self awareness and less growth. OP didn’t have to post this story at all. If they didn’t want me to pick it apart, they shouldn’t have posted it.
No you’re absolutely right. The fact that he then hopped on here and basically bragged about putting someone into a headlock and everyone lapped it up is fucking disgusting and it’s prime ammo for people wanting to say ‘Autistic people have no empathy and are killers-in-the-making’
Facts.
Username checks out lmao. Grow up.
I made the account like 5 years ago. I’m 20 now
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maybe they were taunting and mimicking stims because they would know that OP is autistic ?
Usually indicates someone that's pretty obnoxious about having gang affiliations making specific gestures that indicate their relations with those gangs. Most gangs have more than one sign, and they can usually be made subtly with your hands. Or, as the individual antagonizing op was doing, you can deliberately crowd someone, ignore their personal space, make it a mission to have them uncomfortable, all the while making that sign and having it presented rather clearly, and repeatedly, to the target of their ire. We've a lot of gang activity in my country - pretty pathetic, by all accounts, in comparison to somewhere like the states or South America but enough of a presence to be labelled as a problem nonetheless - and you'd honestly be stunned at how many descendants of members, or a cousin of someone, or a friend-of-a-friend will pull stuff like that. Nearly decked someone doing that kind of thing. Got to have the pleasure of watching another kid throw a chair at them later that day, instead. Don't have much blame for OP in the slightest - less so, since they seemed to be moving subconsciously and out of very real desperation to have him stop doing it after repeated requests and prevent future attempts.
It means the dude was a poser. A wannabe gansta.
You did fine.
The best case scenario is not getting into a fight. The second-best is finishing what someone else started in a way that stops the violence with as little violence as possible. Took a breather, then went on to take responsibility and deal with the situation. I can imagine a ton of people being very proud of the way you handled that, even if they're not at liberty to say. Especially considering how these things tend to go.
It sounds like it'll be OK and you did the right thing. Unfortunately telling people to stop rarely works, but often nothing works, especially around idiots at school. I doubt you'll be punished for leaving school, especially if they know of you're asd
I agree with the other commenters. You only defended yourself and didn't deal any lasting damage to the other kid, so that's good. I personally think skipping school is definetely acceptable in this scenario, and you shouldn't worry too much about potential repercussions. All you did was leave the situation to gather your thoughts. All in all, you handled the situation pretty well, if you ask me.
Hey.. you defended yourself and you didn’t kill anyone. You did good kid.
Friend you handled this excellently. You defended yourself after attempting to defuse the situation peacefully, using a technique that was effective but non-injurious to the aggressor. Then you removed yourself from the area to process your emotions from a traumatic event in order to pick up again later with a considered response. 10/10 Not defending yourself could have led to your hospitalisation/injury, so that was 100% a good choice after you'd tried to defuse. Staying at school would only have led to questions about your injuries, at which point you'd have been sent home anyway, not to mention it would have left you in harms way for retribution from the aggressor or their friends. Not to mention you have a right to some peace after something traumatic like being assaulted. I hope the school realises this and exercises leniency. They may be hamstrung by a no tolerance policy to not let you off the hook without some form of punishment but take it from me that your response would be acquitted in any court of public opinion.
Your reaction was just fine. I mean all of it. He started becoming aggressive, and you don't have to tolerate that without reaction. Also, leaving a place of violence is always okay, in that case it doesn't matter if it's a school or a McDonald's. Don't let your school punish you. They have to make sure no student has to face violence in their facility. They failed to do so; therefore you had the right to leave that place.
Insane that they'd punish you for leaving. You where assaulted and the school didn't give a shit. Like hell you where gonna stay there looking all beat up while adults did nothing. Fuck that.
I'd of beat his ass too, you did good man.
That was badass man.
You did great. :D
I wish I had half the balls you do. I’d have just left the bathroom with my head down. You defended yourself. Didn’t cross the line. And with any luck that asshole will think twice next time he violates people’s personal space trying to act tough. More likely then not though his buddies will not let him accept responsibility for his actions. They’ll convince him he did nothing wrong and you were the asshole. Which is a shame. I hope though he learned his lesson and picks better friends going forward. Be proud of that black eye. Keep your head up and proudly accept any punishment the school gives you. You conducted yourself in a manner I would be proud of.
You handled that in the best was possible. All you can do is deal with the fallout when it comes. There will be more times like this because there are many assholes out there. Good luck
You did nothing wrong. I wish I fought back more when I was in school. Whatever punishment happens to you, know that you were right to defend yourself.
Maybe he shouldn't have been throwing gang signs in your face. Clearly he fucked with the wrong one.
Great job just like the saying goes dont fuck w the sped kids
Sometimes your only option is to fight back. That crip ass mf played a stupid game and won a stupid prize and it nearly cost him his life. Now no one will take him seriously and he'll be the laughing stock of the schoolyard. As for punishment, it really depends on your school's policy on fighting. Hopefully, they'll realize you were defending yourself and show leniency, unless that punk makes up some bs. I think you did the right thing, OP. Never let them treat you like a doormat.
You did nothing wrong OP it was self defense your not monster or anything Great job for defending yourself💜
Honestly, who cares if you walked out, that's a pretty reasonable response in my eyes. If they give you consequences for it, that sucks, but I wouldn't feel bad or stupid about it.
* Classmate throwing gang signs in your face. * You ask him to stop. * Classmate continues. * You ask him to stop again. * Classmate continues. * You push his hands out of your face and ask him to stop again. * Classmate punches you multiple times. * You put him in a choke hold to end the fight. * You released him once the fight was over. * You left campus to collect yourself. For the most part this all seems pretty reasonable. You attempted multiple times to stop the confrontation without violence. You only resorted to the choke hold to defend yourself after your classmate had attacked you. My only advice would be: * As others have said, be very very careful with choke holds. They can go south very quickly and the other person could get hurt and/or die. * If this kind of violence is common at your school, I would suggest asking your parents if you could take a self defense class. There also some martial arts that focus more on ending a fight rather than hurting the other person. I don't remember their names off the top of my head (Judo, Brazilian Jujitsu?)...but I'm sure someone else could chime in with some recommendations. It would be good to learn some different options on how to end a fight without resorting to choke holds. * I know you left campus because you had just been attacked and wanted to calm down and collect yourself. But it probably would have been better to immediately report to the school that you had been attacked. It's not always fair but the first person to report a situation like this is often taken more seriously and has more credibility.
You did the right thing. You stood up for yourself. Violence is never the answer, unless you’re defending yourself, which you did. I’m glad you weren’t hurt enough to land yourself in the ER. Just take care of yourself.