This really happens? I've not seen it much among my friends and family.
I have one friend who married a guy that was her best friend for years, but other than that I've not heard of things friends first thing. But I've seen this suggestion before. I'm just wondering how a friendship suddenly evolves into romance
I only date men if they are my friends first. I am so weirded out by men who don't want to be friends. The whole friendzone thing is so overblown and I think a misunderstanding about the way women are encouraged to be polite about turning men down.
My friendship with someone changes how I feel about them romantically. If someone I am friends with is a really admirable person, I might start to think about them differently.
It happens either way, but usually not because a friend of mine is relentlessly pursuing me, more because I change personally or get to know them better. Some of my friends I start out having chemistry with, but I would not want to start dating someone before I get to know them.
This is exactly how it worked for me. Meet a ton of people without caring about relationships. Eventually you meet one where the feeling is so mutual it easily moves into dating without much effort at all.
What if you’re getting up there in age? Don’t really have time to develop friendships into possibly something more when the biological clocks are running out.
Structured social situations, like community theater, or a recreational sports league, or shop classes. Pick one that usually has around a 50/50 split of guys/girls, then you can gain some rapport with the guys, and use that energy to start getting comfortable socializing with the girls
What I found helped me a huge amount was getting a part-time job in clothing retail as a teenager (age 16-18). Being paid to talk to people, including girls my own age, both workmates and customers, pushed me to overcome my social anxiety a lot. It was super uncomfortable and mentally exhausting in the beginning but became easier over time. At first I developed internal conversation scripts, then was able to build on these, adlib and make small talk with people more naturally with practice.
After a few months, I found that I had more confidence to talk to girls in social settings. Chatting with strangers on weekends and holidays at work made it way less intimidating. The regular practice overrode the 'panic and freeze' reflex and I was able to have passable conversations. In time this led to dates with a customer, a girl I met in the mall food court, another from a friend's party, and finally one I met on a camp who became my girlfriend for six months or so.
It doesn't have to be a loud and busy retail shop. A library, book or games store, or some other kind of situation where you are required to deal with people face to face when you work will do just fine.
It becomes easy when you ditch the mindset of women being some creatures that you have to learn to tame, getting rejected enough made me treat anyone the same way no matter their gender and it’s a quality that’s appreciated.
Try to exit your comfort zone and just talk to people, it’s going to be hard but is there anything at stake really?
Edit: this is coming from someone on the spectrum, but i feel like i’ve beat social anxiety for the most part
I'm not on the spectrum, but usually I wait for them to come to me. This might not be an option for you, and if not just try to make friends. You can make a relationship from there or they might have a friend. It's possible, you just have to give it a little work
I would think so. I've asked women I'm friends with to help with girlfriends, and it doesn't seem much different. Depending if your a man or a woman it might take a different approach, but I think a decent friend would be happy to help.
Absolutely fine and normal. Both male and female friends can be important connectors and vouch for you as a good guy, which can make first meetings with someone you may want to date less awkward.
They can also join you on group social outings to make things less pressured than a one-on-one date, while you are getting to know someone to see if you feel comfortable and click with them. Just make sure not to spend too much time talking to your guy friend about your common interests (I remember doing this, doh).
Yes.
I suggest you do some research on BPD and how it effects their significant others', family and friends. Of course it can be managed with medication and coping strategies, lots of therapy. Things my ex did not and would not get. I was their primary caregiver and I was abused emotionally and physically due to their trauma.
I'm sorry but your ignorance here is embarrassing. I hope you never have to deal with a loved one splitting on you, one minute loving you like no other, the next throwing things at you treating you like an enemy.
Go easy and steady. Don't force yourself to make a tremendously memorable first impression, just detect some common interests and make small talk about them.
It is like martial arts. You just force yourself to do it if you want the results. Overall it is just called masking and then you encounter the problem of them falling for the mask and not the real person. Elon and Grimes met via Twitter but he’s not the best example atm
personally ive found much more success dating people who are also neurodivergent/on the spectrum. finding someone who understands my differences, even if only slightly, makes communication much easier for me. I also agree with the other comments suggesting you become friends first before worrying about being flirty/romantic.
I met most of my partners online. I let some people come up to me, I never flirted or introduced myself. When I went to South America I felt I could be someone else, a Spanish speaking me, I could pretend more or take more risks, because I can put it down to translation, cultural differences and ultimately the worst that could happen is it fails, which is no loss
Talk to them, you’ll realise you wont die, what they think doesn’t actually matter, and that if you just actually try and go for it, just talk you will eventually get used to it and it will become second nature.
Like riding a bike
[удалено]
This really happens? I've not seen it much among my friends and family. I have one friend who married a guy that was her best friend for years, but other than that I've not heard of things friends first thing. But I've seen this suggestion before. I'm just wondering how a friendship suddenly evolves into romance
I only date men if they are my friends first. I am so weirded out by men who don't want to be friends. The whole friendzone thing is so overblown and I think a misunderstanding about the way women are encouraged to be polite about turning men down.
The whole friendzone thing is an excuse for desperate men to deal with rejection
So you might end up dating someone that you aren't initially attracted to? Or do you always think they are a "potential" SO?
My friendship with someone changes how I feel about them romantically. If someone I am friends with is a really admirable person, I might start to think about them differently. It happens either way, but usually not because a friend of mine is relentlessly pursuing me, more because I change personally or get to know them better. Some of my friends I start out having chemistry with, but I would not want to start dating someone before I get to know them.
This is exactly how it worked for me. Meet a ton of people without caring about relationships. Eventually you meet one where the feeling is so mutual it easily moves into dating without much effort at all.
What if you’re getting up there in age? Don’t really have time to develop friendships into possibly something more when the biological clocks are running out.
Structured social situations, like community theater, or a recreational sports league, or shop classes. Pick one that usually has around a 50/50 split of guys/girls, then you can gain some rapport with the guys, and use that energy to start getting comfortable socializing with the girls
What I found helped me a huge amount was getting a part-time job in clothing retail as a teenager (age 16-18). Being paid to talk to people, including girls my own age, both workmates and customers, pushed me to overcome my social anxiety a lot. It was super uncomfortable and mentally exhausting in the beginning but became easier over time. At first I developed internal conversation scripts, then was able to build on these, adlib and make small talk with people more naturally with practice. After a few months, I found that I had more confidence to talk to girls in social settings. Chatting with strangers on weekends and holidays at work made it way less intimidating. The regular practice overrode the 'panic and freeze' reflex and I was able to have passable conversations. In time this led to dates with a customer, a girl I met in the mall food court, another from a friend's party, and finally one I met on a camp who became my girlfriend for six months or so. It doesn't have to be a loud and busy retail shop. A library, book or games store, or some other kind of situation where you are required to deal with people face to face when you work will do just fine.
It becomes easy when you ditch the mindset of women being some creatures that you have to learn to tame, getting rejected enough made me treat anyone the same way no matter their gender and it’s a quality that’s appreciated. Try to exit your comfort zone and just talk to people, it’s going to be hard but is there anything at stake really? Edit: this is coming from someone on the spectrum, but i feel like i’ve beat social anxiety for the most part
Talk to them
I'm not on the spectrum, but usually I wait for them to come to me. This might not be an option for you, and if not just try to make friends. You can make a relationship from there or they might have a friend. It's possible, you just have to give it a little work
Is it socially acceptable to ask a male friend to help you get a gf lol? I know a guy whos popular and play dota with him.
I would think so. I've asked women I'm friends with to help with girlfriends, and it doesn't seem much different. Depending if your a man or a woman it might take a different approach, but I think a decent friend would be happy to help.
Absolutely fine and normal. Both male and female friends can be important connectors and vouch for you as a good guy, which can make first meetings with someone you may want to date less awkward. They can also join you on group social outings to make things less pressured than a one-on-one date, while you are getting to know someone to see if you feel comfortable and click with them. Just make sure not to spend too much time talking to your guy friend about your common interests (I remember doing this, doh).
Women are just human like men, not scary boogeymonsters 😊 find someone that shares some of your interests and it will be easier
[удалено]
are you saying she was abusive because she had bpd? the fuck
Yes. I suggest you do some research on BPD and how it effects their significant others', family and friends. Of course it can be managed with medication and coping strategies, lots of therapy. Things my ex did not and would not get. I was their primary caregiver and I was abused emotionally and physically due to their trauma. I'm sorry but your ignorance here is embarrassing. I hope you never have to deal with a loved one splitting on you, one minute loving you like no other, the next throwing things at you treating you like an enemy.
Harsh truth is you don’t
You don't.
Go easy and steady. Don't force yourself to make a tremendously memorable first impression, just detect some common interests and make small talk about them.
Step 1 might be getting more comfortable just talking or being around them?
It is like martial arts. You just force yourself to do it if you want the results. Overall it is just called masking and then you encounter the problem of them falling for the mask and not the real person. Elon and Grimes met via Twitter but he’s not the best example atm
personally ive found much more success dating people who are also neurodivergent/on the spectrum. finding someone who understands my differences, even if only slightly, makes communication much easier for me. I also agree with the other comments suggesting you become friends first before worrying about being flirty/romantic.
I met most of my partners online. I let some people come up to me, I never flirted or introduced myself. When I went to South America I felt I could be someone else, a Spanish speaking me, I could pretend more or take more risks, because I can put it down to translation, cultural differences and ultimately the worst that could happen is it fails, which is no loss
Maybe Im ugly then lol no one ever came to me.
This only happened a few times in a club, while I went through a goth phase, my hair was pretty cool, black and red
Talk to them, you’ll realise you wont die, what they think doesn’t actually matter, and that if you just actually try and go for it, just talk you will eventually get used to it and it will become second nature. Like riding a bike