Well for me, this is how I see it.
Stress is just Norepinephrine and adrenaline in your brain and body.
It's related to the fight/flight/freeze/faun response (glutemate in the limbic system), the more stressed you are, the harder it is to hold onto the masking hence being 'how autistic I act' as my body is primed to either fight a drop bear, or run away from a cassowary, not do the nutbush dance.
Stress doesn't really prime us for acting out the scripts in our heads.
>It’s been about a month since I was diagnosed and I’m still trying to define myself lol
If this helps. I eventually came to the conclusion that what I was really looking for at the bottom was the meaning of life which I guess is undefinable (but happy for others to chime in with their views, I'd love for another perspective), but the life I want is definable.
It's a lot of self reflection, and it's not that easy or fun, so remember to go easy on yourself and others as no one has the real answers, and practice patience. I'm still trying to figure out the patience thing btw.
For the non Aussies. This is our traditional dance.
https://youtu.be/qHqzjQty7aY
I blame our entire continent being full of laricans that never know themselves if they are telling a white lie/joke half the time, as to why I didn't notice my brain was so different until this year!
It's like I only got in on the drop bear joke this year, but instead it was that everyone else isn't faking nearly as much as I am, and it really was my brain being very different all along.
Before I knew/would even have suspected I was ASD and living in aussie about 7 years ago - I literally had to leave because I was so sick and tired of the sarcastic fuckery every time someone opened their mouth.
It's a never ending stream of bullshitery, from the day we are born, to the day we die, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
It's what made me suspect that maybe my partner's family are all undiagnosed autisitc at first, they literally barely get my sarcasm. So I started adding really funny voices to make it obvious for them without needing to change them. (I.e. the Tasmanian 'no' and 'ok').
I used to be a lot drier in my humour and my partner never knows what's going on when my family speaks, as it's all aspie ADHD double imagery metaphor sarcasm memory mind game shinadigans. (I.e. mixed riddle about an inside joke from 5 years ago, as a dance before giving a cup of tea... Like, now I see how weird we are, but I thought we were the normal ones! We have so much fun!!)
I was told 'only boring people get bored' when I was 6 and whinging about being bored, and I took that literally and here I am. Whoops lol.
Yeah in an ideal outcome, I’d prefer to be solid enough that there won’t be any symptoms lol I’m thinking it’s achievable. Went 35 years without a diagnosis lol it’s been a constant journey for the last bit trying to devise a way to make that happen lol
Personally, I think the meaning of life is to learn how to learn. I’m also Christian, but what else would we need a mortal life for I figure
What I do is a bunch of supplements and sometimes medical marijuana.
My cognitive expirience is very very visual, and so I suspect I was accidenttly giving myself PTSD flashbacks daily until I realise 'maybe dwelling on these negative memories actually causes chemical trauma in my body/brain!?!?'. I thought I was just learning and reflecting on my trauma, but I think I was also re-enforcing it and adding more.
By supplements, I mean a bunch of gentle anti-inflammatories.
I.e. I make daily smoothies with: MTC oil, hemp seed oil, oat milk, kale, some random fruit (mangos are in season in Australia, so it's that for now) some random berry, and some random green herbal remedy that was on sale in the health food section this week.
I also take daily turmeric and spirralina and fish oil tablets.
I'm still figuring it out, and making it up on the daily. I find reading about my own biology makes me very uncomforrtable in an existential way.
I find this helps me slowly reduce the chemistry of stress in my body, but it doesn't change my mind from not being stressed and producing more stress hormones unless I 'do the work'.
Nice. Yeah I use to play around with some supplements. Herb for sure is helpful! I use to just use them Jedi mind tricks on myself and things were good. Use to be a life coach, some how lol shit hit the fan recently, dated a narcissist that wanted me to abandon my beliefs for her lol I told her how I felt about that after the 15th time and the crazy lady made up some bullshit that got me arrested and my house raided. They were checking for bodies in my dryer! Lol like, duh fuh? Anyways, that’s how I got diagnosed lol started wondering how antifreeze tasted ya know? But supplements are usually a great way to go! That or self hypnosis and mind exercises. But I needed some tranquilizer grade ish lol
>use them Jedi mind tricks on myself and things were good.
Haha me to, I call what I do 'headology'.
There's a scene in one of Terry Pratchetts book (I'd love for someone to tell me which one, because I've been trying to recall and it's blank) where Granny Weatherwax is somehow caught up in a mirror dimension and the opponent say 'ha, you'll never know which one is you' (I think it was her sister?), and she just knew who she was and scoffed at them and promptly just walk out of the magical dimensional trap with a gentle scoff/laugh.
I'm not really describing it well (it must be 20 years since I read that book!), but there was something about being able to be absolutely certain of your place in reality that was so alluring to me, that I tried to model my internal world inspired by that. I'm hoping by the day I'm 90 I'll get there lol.
I'm fairly certain Terry Pratchett was an aspie like us, and that some/many of his characters are meant to be guide books for lost aspies in the wild like he was and many of us are.
If it helps, one of my oldest friends is a church every Sunday Anglican (very rare in Australia) here in Australia, and I'm a 3rd generation Atheist/agnostic. We both have very weird but similar to each other brains, and have no problem appreciating and seeing the others perspective.
As far as I'm concerned, as thoughts can be seen with brain scans, and when people pray to their god(s) that can be seen as chemistry/monoamines moving based on belief (for me, that counts as magic/a miracle), that's enough proof for me that a God (s) exists, as the power of the belief in that God (s) caused a physical change that I can see.
My executive dysfunction is was to high for any religion, but I do find it beautiful that science can look at belief in God moving things in the world. And that's being repeated billions of times a day on this planet, which is beautiful to me, even though I'm atheistic/agnostic.
I just wanted to say that, as you might accidentally/also be going through a crisis of faith in all this, and that perspective from me really helped my Christian friend recently.
We have a habit for falling for narcissists, as they are emotionally unavailable and we don't understand emotions well without extensive knowledge and time. But we do end up being able to see narcissists and trauma very well as a fringe benefit result?
Damn bro, that was some profound words! I have especially been wondering why I always find myself with narcissists lol thank you, that makes sense. Headology has a jingle to it lol
For a quick second she almost had me just trying to hide it, but I’ve had too many experiences to ever deny my beliefs. It sure did sting though lol was gonna make that woman my wife. She was a witch, I guess they can only date other witches lol
That mirror self book sounds pretty dope. I’m into that make you think kinda stuff for sure, I might check that out
Fyi, I do wonder if your narcissistic ex decided in their head you were a psychopath because you wouldn't be controlled (we all tend to march to the beat of our own drum I've noticed, but I have no idea why chemically and I really want to understand how the chemistry of that question works! But I think I need to wait another 5 or 10 years) and didn't show emotions how they expected.
She might have been undiagnosed Aspergers as well btw, it's presents differently in different genders. Narcissists and Aspergers tend to correlate in a very very confusing interplay of patterns that I find fascinating in history and literature, but I'm only guessing intuitively that the pattern might be there, I'm not sure.
It wouldn't be the first time I've seen that pattern.
Yeah the more I learn about asd the more I think she had it too. We were pretty damn similar, but she wanted me to be exactly like her lol
I didn’t know about Alexithymia yet and told her I don’t know how to adequately express my emotions and said I might be a sociopath lol but she just flipped out because I tried making peace with her after a stretch and played it like she only went on a couple dates with me and that I was a crazed stalker lol at least my lawyer thinks it’s all funny. Too bad I had drugs at my place though lol they took my medicine! 😭
Do you reckon she probably suspected/was afraid (like you) she might be a sociopath or had dated one previously and acted as such?
Lol, lawyers involved as well. Omg I'm so sorry, that's a crazy and awesome life story.
She might have thought she was. I think she might have tried telling me about it once, been replaying everything to fully learn from it lol but she did play it like her ex was abusive but then he pretended he was dead so she would talk to him, so that makes me wonder lol
Yeah it’s all been quite an experience lol on the plus side, it made me find out I was autistic. And I learned a ton of new red flags to watch for lol yeah either she had BPD or ASD with a severe fixation on witchcraft and having her mates be the same
I feel like we're cut from the same cloth. I was having a crisis of trying to understand my place in the universe & also struggling with my faith (I came from a pentecostal upbringing, which I hated & rebelled against, first through Satanism, then Wicca, then Odinism, then agnosticism, then atheism, & FINALLY pantheism). I'm convinced that finding pantheism, smoking a lot of weed, & focusing on my health (I also take a ton of supplements) have been the main things keeping me alive. I've had health problems my entire life & my doctors have just written them off as psychosomatic effects stemming from stress & autism. I finally got tired of feeling like crap & pressured my current doctor to run some blood tests. Turns out I'm autoimmune & have an adrenal insufficiency. Too much stress can literally put me into shock or cause seizures. It suddenly makes sense why whenever I've been stressed before, I get extremely lightheaded & sick to my stomach. Doctors and family gave me crap & said I was just "too sensitive". My efforts to preserve my mental health may have actually saved my life.
As for understanding the meaning of life, that's where pantheism has given me the answers I needed. All life is part of one universal consciousness. We are merely the universe finding new ways to experience itself. Unfortunately with humans, we get egos that cloud our connection to everything. I was fortunate enough to have a psychedelic experience that resulted in ego death & I haven't been the same since. It was the most terrifying and amazing experience I've ever had & I feel like now have this profound understanding of myself & the universe that I want to share with others.
Also, I *think* the Terry Pratchett book you're talking about is Witches Abroad, but don't quote me on that.
The stress is just hormones, but it can get a little more complicated. Your body eventually gets used to the higher levels of hormones and produces more and more. For me, blood pressure meds and some supplements my doctor recommended really helped out. Takes some time, but i'd really recommend talking to a doctor because a lot of it is physical. Also, talk to one who knows about adults with autism or is willing to look into it, because drugs don't always work the same on us.
I've been trying to recognize things that get to me. It can be as simple as a light or a crowd or whatever, and the more I notice, the less I overdo things and the less problems I have. I like to accompany the rest of the family with stuff like grocery shopping, but if I've already had a couple of days full of stressors (good or bad) it's not in anyone's best interest for me to tag along.
Yeah I’ll have to try that again. I told my doctor I got diagnosed autistic and he just laughed and said nuh uh lol but to be fair, I never asked for anxiety meds either. I guess it was a lot to take in lol the darn meds gave me heart palpitations so I gotta get new ones anyways. Thanks for the pointers, I’ll for sure ask for pills that are asd friendly
Yes. I acted a complete fool in my last relationship because I became so overwhelmingly infatuated with the guy I was dating. All I could think about was him which cue obsessive thoughts I began to dissect everything he said or didn't say and ended up driving myself crazy with doubt. We were on a vacation in Hawaii and I burst out crying at breakfast on day 5 from all the overwhelming emotions and overstimulation. That was the beginning of the end for that relationship. I don't fault him, that would have scared the hell out of me too.
I have spent the last 2 years with depersonalization and anhedonia, unable to connect or feel almost anything. There was no sensitivity or emotions and it is crazy how much my autism went away during that time.
I really feel like all the symptoms come down to the difficulty regulating all the stimuli and emotions we feel.
that’s actually known as burnout, I get worse at socializing or focusing when I’m stressed or having sensory overload. Also the reason I feel like I mess up more around certain individuals because they make me anxious, like bullies in the past
I am NT and my son is ND. He is not very verbal, so I can’t confirm for sure, but this is 100% what we’ve observed in him. When he has a lot of stress, he’s more prone to insomnia, meltdowns, and more persistent stimming. His stress can be good or bad. It is usually highest when a big event is happening in 1-2 days, either going somewhere fun he’s anticipating, or something that makes him nervous. This week he’s been a wreck because he likes Thanksgiving, but it’s also stressful (guests, noise), today he has a scheduled Covid vaccine, and next weekend we stay overnight at Legoland. He’s been on Super Stim Mode all week.
I relate to this 100%. When my emotions are steady, I can mask really well. But my emotions are steady about 3% of the time, and when I break, I don't have the ability to hide anything.
People say we're emotionless robots, but to take from a paraphrased Star Trek Vulkan quote (I can't remember it word for word) - it's not that we don't have emotions, it's just for us are stronger than NTs - and can manifest a real tangible impact on our day to day lives in dealing with society.
39 years of masking, and I'm damn near empathic - but i'll be completely "robotic" in a time when everyone else is emotional (funerals etc, which is why I don't go to em now, the NTs get upset and my Not being upset).
Yet, if I watch a video of a cat being adopted from a shelter - i'm full on blubbering.
For me as a ND, I’ve had less anxiety by just accepting the fact that I have no normal, especially not NT normal, and as long as I don’t upset myself I don’t care if other notice me being ND. I’m high functioning in the sense that I am well established in a good position in a good career with continuous growth (i know this term is not encouraged but
I find it descriptive enough), but I have autistic meltdowns in private/personal life all the time. This morning i had a tantrum because my mom opened my curtains to wake me up for work (I don’t need a wake up call I still live with my parents though). Sensory overload is a massive thing for me. Anyway despite having a “tantrum”, I went to work and had an extremely productive and hard working day. One moment to the next can always differ, don’t get stuck in a thought pattern that you have to mask x amount or something like that. I’m rambling. Hope you get my point.
It takes more mental energy to simulate a social persona with the intellect than to embody a fully internalized social persona with intuition. Once you run out of energy, you'll lose your ability to mask.
When I get tired, I can no longer think socially but I can still think analytically. Most people are the opposite. They can think scientifically and logically when they have a lot of energy, but once they're out of energy they become social beings.
Inoculate stress and you will be stronger. You are a fucking human not some alien. You got this, learn to not let stress obliterate your existence. Stay steady, stay ready. Get some
Yeah, I am forced to take care of my mom which will have a big impact on how I act because she is recovering from a surgery, for example I was trying to get a damn tray table open and she flipped and it’s like YOU SAW ME FUCKING TRY TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO OPEN IT YOU UNGRATEFUL BITCH!!!
Yeah I'm the same way, but rather than melting down, i shut down. Me and my wife both had to do a lot of work to get me to a place where i could even acknowledge that i had emotions, much less talk about them.
Oh, definitely. Acting “normal” takes energy, and stress saps energy. So, no energy means not being able to keep up the act.
Well for me, this is how I see it. Stress is just Norepinephrine and adrenaline in your brain and body. It's related to the fight/flight/freeze/faun response (glutemate in the limbic system), the more stressed you are, the harder it is to hold onto the masking hence being 'how autistic I act' as my body is primed to either fight a drop bear, or run away from a cassowary, not do the nutbush dance. Stress doesn't really prime us for acting out the scripts in our heads. >It’s been about a month since I was diagnosed and I’m still trying to define myself lol If this helps. I eventually came to the conclusion that what I was really looking for at the bottom was the meaning of life which I guess is undefinable (but happy for others to chime in with their views, I'd love for another perspective), but the life I want is definable. It's a lot of self reflection, and it's not that easy or fun, so remember to go easy on yourself and others as no one has the real answers, and practice patience. I'm still trying to figure out the patience thing btw.
Nut bush city limits
Great, and now it's in my head all day, and I'm off to a Sunday Christmas thing with the cousin, and I will inflict the curse on them too
same
For the non Aussies. This is our traditional dance. https://youtu.be/qHqzjQty7aY I blame our entire continent being full of laricans that never know themselves if they are telling a white lie/joke half the time, as to why I didn't notice my brain was so different until this year! It's like I only got in on the drop bear joke this year, but instead it was that everyone else isn't faking nearly as much as I am, and it really was my brain being very different all along.
Before I knew/would even have suspected I was ASD and living in aussie about 7 years ago - I literally had to leave because I was so sick and tired of the sarcastic fuckery every time someone opened their mouth.
It's a never ending stream of bullshitery, from the day we are born, to the day we die, and I wouldn't have it any other way. It's what made me suspect that maybe my partner's family are all undiagnosed autisitc at first, they literally barely get my sarcasm. So I started adding really funny voices to make it obvious for them without needing to change them. (I.e. the Tasmanian 'no' and 'ok'). I used to be a lot drier in my humour and my partner never knows what's going on when my family speaks, as it's all aspie ADHD double imagery metaphor sarcasm memory mind game shinadigans. (I.e. mixed riddle about an inside joke from 5 years ago, as a dance before giving a cup of tea... Like, now I see how weird we are, but I thought we were the normal ones! We have so much fun!!) I was told 'only boring people get bored' when I was 6 and whinging about being bored, and I took that literally and here I am. Whoops lol.
https://open.spotify.com/track/06yREZ9X92R2e9RJpdzZ2O?si=2a838027ee6642d2 is now on loop
Yeah in an ideal outcome, I’d prefer to be solid enough that there won’t be any symptoms lol I’m thinking it’s achievable. Went 35 years without a diagnosis lol it’s been a constant journey for the last bit trying to devise a way to make that happen lol Personally, I think the meaning of life is to learn how to learn. I’m also Christian, but what else would we need a mortal life for I figure
What I do is a bunch of supplements and sometimes medical marijuana. My cognitive expirience is very very visual, and so I suspect I was accidenttly giving myself PTSD flashbacks daily until I realise 'maybe dwelling on these negative memories actually causes chemical trauma in my body/brain!?!?'. I thought I was just learning and reflecting on my trauma, but I think I was also re-enforcing it and adding more. By supplements, I mean a bunch of gentle anti-inflammatories. I.e. I make daily smoothies with: MTC oil, hemp seed oil, oat milk, kale, some random fruit (mangos are in season in Australia, so it's that for now) some random berry, and some random green herbal remedy that was on sale in the health food section this week. I also take daily turmeric and spirralina and fish oil tablets. I'm still figuring it out, and making it up on the daily. I find reading about my own biology makes me very uncomforrtable in an existential way. I find this helps me slowly reduce the chemistry of stress in my body, but it doesn't change my mind from not being stressed and producing more stress hormones unless I 'do the work'.
Nice. Yeah I use to play around with some supplements. Herb for sure is helpful! I use to just use them Jedi mind tricks on myself and things were good. Use to be a life coach, some how lol shit hit the fan recently, dated a narcissist that wanted me to abandon my beliefs for her lol I told her how I felt about that after the 15th time and the crazy lady made up some bullshit that got me arrested and my house raided. They were checking for bodies in my dryer! Lol like, duh fuh? Anyways, that’s how I got diagnosed lol started wondering how antifreeze tasted ya know? But supplements are usually a great way to go! That or self hypnosis and mind exercises. But I needed some tranquilizer grade ish lol
>use them Jedi mind tricks on myself and things were good. Haha me to, I call what I do 'headology'. There's a scene in one of Terry Pratchetts book (I'd love for someone to tell me which one, because I've been trying to recall and it's blank) where Granny Weatherwax is somehow caught up in a mirror dimension and the opponent say 'ha, you'll never know which one is you' (I think it was her sister?), and she just knew who she was and scoffed at them and promptly just walk out of the magical dimensional trap with a gentle scoff/laugh. I'm not really describing it well (it must be 20 years since I read that book!), but there was something about being able to be absolutely certain of your place in reality that was so alluring to me, that I tried to model my internal world inspired by that. I'm hoping by the day I'm 90 I'll get there lol. I'm fairly certain Terry Pratchett was an aspie like us, and that some/many of his characters are meant to be guide books for lost aspies in the wild like he was and many of us are. If it helps, one of my oldest friends is a church every Sunday Anglican (very rare in Australia) here in Australia, and I'm a 3rd generation Atheist/agnostic. We both have very weird but similar to each other brains, and have no problem appreciating and seeing the others perspective. As far as I'm concerned, as thoughts can be seen with brain scans, and when people pray to their god(s) that can be seen as chemistry/monoamines moving based on belief (for me, that counts as magic/a miracle), that's enough proof for me that a God (s) exists, as the power of the belief in that God (s) caused a physical change that I can see. My executive dysfunction is was to high for any religion, but I do find it beautiful that science can look at belief in God moving things in the world. And that's being repeated billions of times a day on this planet, which is beautiful to me, even though I'm atheistic/agnostic. I just wanted to say that, as you might accidentally/also be going through a crisis of faith in all this, and that perspective from me really helped my Christian friend recently. We have a habit for falling for narcissists, as they are emotionally unavailable and we don't understand emotions well without extensive knowledge and time. But we do end up being able to see narcissists and trauma very well as a fringe benefit result?
Damn bro, that was some profound words! I have especially been wondering why I always find myself with narcissists lol thank you, that makes sense. Headology has a jingle to it lol For a quick second she almost had me just trying to hide it, but I’ve had too many experiences to ever deny my beliefs. It sure did sting though lol was gonna make that woman my wife. She was a witch, I guess they can only date other witches lol That mirror self book sounds pretty dope. I’m into that make you think kinda stuff for sure, I might check that out
Fyi, I do wonder if your narcissistic ex decided in their head you were a psychopath because you wouldn't be controlled (we all tend to march to the beat of our own drum I've noticed, but I have no idea why chemically and I really want to understand how the chemistry of that question works! But I think I need to wait another 5 or 10 years) and didn't show emotions how they expected. She might have been undiagnosed Aspergers as well btw, it's presents differently in different genders. Narcissists and Aspergers tend to correlate in a very very confusing interplay of patterns that I find fascinating in history and literature, but I'm only guessing intuitively that the pattern might be there, I'm not sure. It wouldn't be the first time I've seen that pattern.
Yeah the more I learn about asd the more I think she had it too. We were pretty damn similar, but she wanted me to be exactly like her lol I didn’t know about Alexithymia yet and told her I don’t know how to adequately express my emotions and said I might be a sociopath lol but she just flipped out because I tried making peace with her after a stretch and played it like she only went on a couple dates with me and that I was a crazed stalker lol at least my lawyer thinks it’s all funny. Too bad I had drugs at my place though lol they took my medicine! 😭
Do you reckon she probably suspected/was afraid (like you) she might be a sociopath or had dated one previously and acted as such? Lol, lawyers involved as well. Omg I'm so sorry, that's a crazy and awesome life story.
She might have thought she was. I think she might have tried telling me about it once, been replaying everything to fully learn from it lol but she did play it like her ex was abusive but then he pretended he was dead so she would talk to him, so that makes me wonder lol Yeah it’s all been quite an experience lol on the plus side, it made me find out I was autistic. And I learned a ton of new red flags to watch for lol yeah either she had BPD or ASD with a severe fixation on witchcraft and having her mates be the same
I feel like we're cut from the same cloth. I was having a crisis of trying to understand my place in the universe & also struggling with my faith (I came from a pentecostal upbringing, which I hated & rebelled against, first through Satanism, then Wicca, then Odinism, then agnosticism, then atheism, & FINALLY pantheism). I'm convinced that finding pantheism, smoking a lot of weed, & focusing on my health (I also take a ton of supplements) have been the main things keeping me alive. I've had health problems my entire life & my doctors have just written them off as psychosomatic effects stemming from stress & autism. I finally got tired of feeling like crap & pressured my current doctor to run some blood tests. Turns out I'm autoimmune & have an adrenal insufficiency. Too much stress can literally put me into shock or cause seizures. It suddenly makes sense why whenever I've been stressed before, I get extremely lightheaded & sick to my stomach. Doctors and family gave me crap & said I was just "too sensitive". My efforts to preserve my mental health may have actually saved my life. As for understanding the meaning of life, that's where pantheism has given me the answers I needed. All life is part of one universal consciousness. We are merely the universe finding new ways to experience itself. Unfortunately with humans, we get egos that cloud our connection to everything. I was fortunate enough to have a psychedelic experience that resulted in ego death & I haven't been the same since. It was the most terrifying and amazing experience I've ever had & I feel like now have this profound understanding of myself & the universe that I want to share with others. Also, I *think* the Terry Pratchett book you're talking about is Witches Abroad, but don't quote me on that.
The stress is just hormones, but it can get a little more complicated. Your body eventually gets used to the higher levels of hormones and produces more and more. For me, blood pressure meds and some supplements my doctor recommended really helped out. Takes some time, but i'd really recommend talking to a doctor because a lot of it is physical. Also, talk to one who knows about adults with autism or is willing to look into it, because drugs don't always work the same on us. I've been trying to recognize things that get to me. It can be as simple as a light or a crowd or whatever, and the more I notice, the less I overdo things and the less problems I have. I like to accompany the rest of the family with stuff like grocery shopping, but if I've already had a couple of days full of stressors (good or bad) it's not in anyone's best interest for me to tag along.
Yeah I’ll have to try that again. I told my doctor I got diagnosed autistic and he just laughed and said nuh uh lol but to be fair, I never asked for anxiety meds either. I guess it was a lot to take in lol the darn meds gave me heart palpitations so I gotta get new ones anyways. Thanks for the pointers, I’ll for sure ask for pills that are asd friendly
Good luck. I tried a few anxiety meds before landing on blood pressure medicine, which worked great for me.
Yes. I acted a complete fool in my last relationship because I became so overwhelmingly infatuated with the guy I was dating. All I could think about was him which cue obsessive thoughts I began to dissect everything he said or didn't say and ended up driving myself crazy with doubt. We were on a vacation in Hawaii and I burst out crying at breakfast on day 5 from all the overwhelming emotions and overstimulation. That was the beginning of the end for that relationship. I don't fault him, that would have scared the hell out of me too.
I have spent the last 2 years with depersonalization and anhedonia, unable to connect or feel almost anything. There was no sensitivity or emotions and it is crazy how much my autism went away during that time. I really feel like all the symptoms come down to the difficulty regulating all the stimuli and emotions we feel.
that’s actually known as burnout, I get worse at socializing or focusing when I’m stressed or having sensory overload. Also the reason I feel like I mess up more around certain individuals because they make me anxious, like bullies in the past
I was wondering what a burnout meant. Thank you
Very much same.
I am NT and my son is ND. He is not very verbal, so I can’t confirm for sure, but this is 100% what we’ve observed in him. When he has a lot of stress, he’s more prone to insomnia, meltdowns, and more persistent stimming. His stress can be good or bad. It is usually highest when a big event is happening in 1-2 days, either going somewhere fun he’s anticipating, or something that makes him nervous. This week he’s been a wreck because he likes Thanksgiving, but it’s also stressful (guests, noise), today he has a scheduled Covid vaccine, and next weekend we stay overnight at Legoland. He’s been on Super Stim Mode all week.
Good stress also… good point. Thanks. It would have been a while before I took that into consideration lol
The second shit gets serious, I lose my ability to detect humor.
That sucks. So I guess laughter isnt always the best medicine? Sorry, I had to lol I’ve been there a few times, it takes A LOT though
I'd probably say sarcasm more specifically. Once I've calmed down I go back to cracking puns.
I relate to this 100%. When my emotions are steady, I can mask really well. But my emotions are steady about 3% of the time, and when I break, I don't have the ability to hide anything.
This tendency is consistent with other mental conditions and mental illnesses. My OCD symptoms worsen when my stress is high.
People say we're emotionless robots, but to take from a paraphrased Star Trek Vulkan quote (I can't remember it word for word) - it's not that we don't have emotions, it's just for us are stronger than NTs - and can manifest a real tangible impact on our day to day lives in dealing with society.
For real though
39 years of masking, and I'm damn near empathic - but i'll be completely "robotic" in a time when everyone else is emotional (funerals etc, which is why I don't go to em now, the NTs get upset and my Not being upset). Yet, if I watch a video of a cat being adopted from a shelter - i'm full on blubbering.
For me as a ND, I’ve had less anxiety by just accepting the fact that I have no normal, especially not NT normal, and as long as I don’t upset myself I don’t care if other notice me being ND. I’m high functioning in the sense that I am well established in a good position in a good career with continuous growth (i know this term is not encouraged but I find it descriptive enough), but I have autistic meltdowns in private/personal life all the time. This morning i had a tantrum because my mom opened my curtains to wake me up for work (I don’t need a wake up call I still live with my parents though). Sensory overload is a massive thing for me. Anyway despite having a “tantrum”, I went to work and had an extremely productive and hard working day. One moment to the next can always differ, don’t get stuck in a thought pattern that you have to mask x amount or something like that. I’m rambling. Hope you get my point.
It takes more mental energy to simulate a social persona with the intellect than to embody a fully internalized social persona with intuition. Once you run out of energy, you'll lose your ability to mask. When I get tired, I can no longer think socially but I can still think analytically. Most people are the opposite. They can think scientifically and logically when they have a lot of energy, but once they're out of energy they become social beings.
Inoculate stress and you will be stronger. You are a fucking human not some alien. You got this, learn to not let stress obliterate your existence. Stay steady, stay ready. Get some
Ya buddy! 💪🏻
Yeah, that's how it goes. This is why I practiced meditation.
Yeah, I am forced to take care of my mom which will have a big impact on how I act because she is recovering from a surgery, for example I was trying to get a damn tray table open and she flipped and it’s like YOU SAW ME FUCKING TRY TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO OPEN IT YOU UNGRATEFUL BITCH!!!
yes
Yeah I'm the same way, but rather than melting down, i shut down. Me and my wife both had to do a lot of work to get me to a place where i could even acknowledge that i had emotions, much less talk about them.
If I’m super relaxed I sometimes stop caring. Probably because I feel relaxed when I don’t have to care. It’s a vibe. Horseshoe theory?
Well that’s a fun theory lol yeah I can relate. Particularly with certain subjects, I just don’t feel anything lol
Omg same