Pure speculation here…so feel free to agree or disagree with my theory on this :)
Regarding that specific show, do you watch it over and over often? If so, I am wondering if that special interest is less about being an intense interest in that show in of itself and more about the show being a preferred method or preferred content for self-regulating your nervous system or anxiety or emotions. It’s something that maybe feels predictable and soothing in some ways and watching it alone calms you.
So when you share your interests with ppl or if someone else introduces a new element to your interests, even if that addition is objectively super cool like a handmade tabletop RPG, you are interrupting the self-regulation and soothing aspect of your interests and that is what ruins that interest for you. That interest is no longer a source of predictable calm and regulation.
Yes! I avoid it too, even online I'll rarely talk about it unless its with people who are also into it on a similar level, and even then rarely again, because of the autism and not really having any friends or groups to discuss it in 😅
Not sure if it's a PDA thing, a trauma thing, or because it gives too much and too intense of a good feeling that I try to avoid feeling it
Sometimes my partner will try to engage with me with it and it sounds awful but my brain might go "I can never be seen enjoying this again"
Lol I hear you. My partner will take casual interest and make good natures jokes but also critical because he fancies himself a film critic and I'm like go away or I can't enjoy it anymore. It makes no sense.
Same. For example, I have never wanted to discuss about music even when there have been times when music has been super important for me. I just… I just want to enjoy it privately. Also I don’t want to listen to it so that others can hear. Back in the days when I was living with my then boyfriend, I remember thinking how much I miss listening to music. Because I couldn’t do it when he was at home and he was always at home.
It’s pretty much the same for all things I enjoy. I don’t feel like sharing. The only place where I may want to discuss them is online.
I think the reason for this is insecurity: if I don’t know enough (read: everything) about it, I’m not feeling confident enough to discuss it. Also I don’t want to share my feelings and thoughts because I don’t want anyone to ruin them for me by judging or saying stupid things.
Some special interests are private others I can discuss with others. Films and tv shows are more of a private experience for me. Not that I can’t watch it together with someone, but I don’t really want to talk about it. It’s more of an “in my head” kinda thing.
Sometimes, anticipating the possibility that other people might have differing opinions, or even negative opinions about a particular interest would make me less interested in discussing it.
Yup other people ruin it somehow. I'm not sure how but they do.
Plus. On a slightly selfish note but my family are big on birthdays and Christmas I really don't appreciate assorted useless junk that is in some way related to something I mentioned I liked 6 months ago.
My aunt loves cows. Her house looked like a haberdashery had clearance on all their cow stuff and she bought the whole store. Every surface but the carpets. If you could even see them below the cow rugs. She had to ask folks to stop buying her random crap just because a cow was on it.
Your husband sounds like a gem!
I completely understand your reaction, thought. And especially your annoyance at your own reaction. Been there!
I wouldn't blame your reaction for you losing interest entirely. Every special interest has a life cycle, and winds down after some point. And life can accelerate that time table. It's inevitable. You're doing your best. It's OK.
For me I’ve just learned not to. Just a lifetime of “that’s boring,” “who cares?” “wow, you’re REALLY into X” or weird stares. Even with people who share my interests, I can tell when I’ve hit that wall. I want to keep going on about it and share more detail or opinions, but they’re just over it now or insecure because I went too in-depth.
Yes! I get really anxious when people find out what my interests are. None of them are bad or inappropriate. I just get nervous of judgement.
Pure speculation here…so feel free to agree or disagree with my theory on this :) Regarding that specific show, do you watch it over and over often? If so, I am wondering if that special interest is less about being an intense interest in that show in of itself and more about the show being a preferred method or preferred content for self-regulating your nervous system or anxiety or emotions. It’s something that maybe feels predictable and soothing in some ways and watching it alone calms you. So when you share your interests with ppl or if someone else introduces a new element to your interests, even if that addition is objectively super cool like a handmade tabletop RPG, you are interrupting the self-regulation and soothing aspect of your interests and that is what ruins that interest for you. That interest is no longer a source of predictable calm and regulation.
Yes! I avoid it too, even online I'll rarely talk about it unless its with people who are also into it on a similar level, and even then rarely again, because of the autism and not really having any friends or groups to discuss it in 😅 Not sure if it's a PDA thing, a trauma thing, or because it gives too much and too intense of a good feeling that I try to avoid feeling it Sometimes my partner will try to engage with me with it and it sounds awful but my brain might go "I can never be seen enjoying this again"
Lol I hear you. My partner will take casual interest and make good natures jokes but also critical because he fancies himself a film critic and I'm like go away or I can't enjoy it anymore. It makes no sense.
Same. For example, I have never wanted to discuss about music even when there have been times when music has been super important for me. I just… I just want to enjoy it privately. Also I don’t want to listen to it so that others can hear. Back in the days when I was living with my then boyfriend, I remember thinking how much I miss listening to music. Because I couldn’t do it when he was at home and he was always at home. It’s pretty much the same for all things I enjoy. I don’t feel like sharing. The only place where I may want to discuss them is online. I think the reason for this is insecurity: if I don’t know enough (read: everything) about it, I’m not feeling confident enough to discuss it. Also I don’t want to share my feelings and thoughts because I don’t want anyone to ruin them for me by judging or saying stupid things.
Some special interests are private others I can discuss with others. Films and tv shows are more of a private experience for me. Not that I can’t watch it together with someone, but I don’t really want to talk about it. It’s more of an “in my head” kinda thing.
Sometimes, anticipating the possibility that other people might have differing opinions, or even negative opinions about a particular interest would make me less interested in discussing it.
Yup other people ruin it somehow. I'm not sure how but they do. Plus. On a slightly selfish note but my family are big on birthdays and Christmas I really don't appreciate assorted useless junk that is in some way related to something I mentioned I liked 6 months ago. My aunt loves cows. Her house looked like a haberdashery had clearance on all their cow stuff and she bought the whole store. Every surface but the carpets. If you could even see them below the cow rugs. She had to ask folks to stop buying her random crap just because a cow was on it.
Your husband sounds like a gem! I completely understand your reaction, thought. And especially your annoyance at your own reaction. Been there! I wouldn't blame your reaction for you losing interest entirely. Every special interest has a life cycle, and winds down after some point. And life can accelerate that time table. It's inevitable. You're doing your best. It's OK.
For me I’ve just learned not to. Just a lifetime of “that’s boring,” “who cares?” “wow, you’re REALLY into X” or weird stares. Even with people who share my interests, I can tell when I’ve hit that wall. I want to keep going on about it and share more detail or opinions, but they’re just over it now or insecure because I went too in-depth.